The Legend of the 9-Tailed Fox, Drunk Hamsters, & The Hidden Valley Ranch Diamond
Kathleen opens the show introducing Ron White’s French Bulldog Mustard to the Pubcast, drinking a Full Nelson Virginia Pale Ale made by Blue Mountain Brewery that she bought on her recent tour of Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello home outside of Charlottesville, VA (which she loved.) She’s also thrilled that her favorite Fantasy Football quarterback Tom Brady has come out of retirement, and she’s already planning her 2022 Draft.
“GOOD BAD FOOD”: In her quest for new and delicious not-so-nutritious junk food AND in continuing her search for the best Ranch, Kathleen samples Utz Heluva Good Buttermilk Ranch Wavy Potato chips, which she absolutely loves and threatens to eat the entire bag. She moves on to taste the newly released Hidden Valley Spicy Ranch Seasoning, which she deems a firm “NO” because it’s too spicy but loves the original flavor. She finishes her tasting with Brianna’s Chipotle Ranch Dressing, which she really likes because of the smoke and spice.
QUEEN’S COURT: Kathleen reports that Queen Dolly has requested to remove herself from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ballot because she doesn’t think she’s “earned that right.” Tanya Tucker is out on the road touring, and Cher has announced on Twitter that she’s been having “personal issues” but hasn’t gone into specific detail.
“HOLY SHIT THEY FOUND IT”: Kathleen is amazed to read about the discovery of the USS Atlanta shipwreck in Lake Superior after 130 years, and archaeologists have unearthed the lost “Golden City” of Aten in Egypt.
THE HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH DIAMOND: As a true lover of Ranch dressing, Kathleen is thrilled to read a press release announcing that Hidden Valley has created a 2 carat round brilliant cut diamond and auctioned it off for more than $12K on eBay. The “HVR Diamond” was expertly created by a professional diamond maker in a lab by heating Hidden Valley Ranch Seasoning to 2,500 degrees, and then crushing the output beneath 400 tons of pressure, taking five months total to create.
CAMEL KILLS MEN AT TENNESSEE PETTING ZOO: Kathleen reads an article announcing that 2 men were killed in early March by a ranging camel that had escaped from the Shirley Farms Petting Zoo outside of Memphis.
THE HEAVIEST DRINKERS IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM: Kathleen laughs out loud at the findings from a new study, awarding the title of the heaviest drinkers in the animal kingdom to the tiny hamsters. Psychologists at the University of Alaska Anchorage have studied alcohol consumption in hamsters, noting that they regularly down 18 grams per kilogram of body weight a day, the alcoholic equivalent of a human drinking a liter and a half of 190-proof Everclear.
RARE WOLVERINE SIGHTING: Kathleen is excited to read about a recent sighting of a wolverine in Yellowstone National Park. There have been 8 confirmed sightings in the park over the past 43 years, and the “elusive” animal has since been fitted with a GPS collar.
GIANT SPIDERS FORECASTED TO DROP FROM SKY: Kathleen is horrified to read an announcement forecasting that millions of Joro spiders are expected to begin “ballooning” up and down the US East Coast as early as May. Researchers have determined that the spiders can tolerate cold weather but are harmless to humans as their fangs are too small to break human skin.
LEGEND OF THE 9-TAILED FOX: Kathleen reads that an ancient Japanese “killing stone” has cracked open, and is said to contain an evil demon known as the “9-Tailed Fox.” According to local folklore, the volcanic rock held the evil spirit of a 9-tailed fox who took the form of a beautiful woman. She became involved in a plot to overthrow Emperor Toba, who ruled from 1107 to 1123.