Internet Assassins, The Real Moby Dick, & Snowed In A Pub
Kathleen opens the show drinking a Basic Bitch Blonde Ale from Altamont Beer Works in Livermore, CA. She shows off her new Bud Light Christmas lights and ornament sent to her by her friends at Anheuser Busch, and her vintage ceramic Christmas tree that she’s placed on her desk to kick off the holiday season. She shares the fun that she had during recent shows in West Virginia and Northern California, and thanks Termites who brought gifts to her shows including various bottles of Ranch dressing and tons of delicious red wine.
“GOOD BAD FOOD”: In her quest for new and delicious not-so-nutritious junk food AND in continuing her search for the best Ranch, Kathleen celebrates that Hidden Valley has released a series of holiday-themed Ranch bottles, samples Gingerbread Cookie Kit Kat bars, which she likes but prefers the original candy. She them moves on to taste Zesty Ranch Blasted Dipping Sauce, which she likes and describes that it “makes the back of your eyeballs explode.” Kathleen then tastes Tangy Ranch Whisps cheese crisps, which she doesn’t think taste like Ranch at all, but DOES like the parmesan version.
KATHLEEN’S QUEEN’S COURT: Kathleen gives an update on the Court, advising that all of Queen Dolly’s holiday line with Williams Sonoma have sold out online, and Queen Cher has a new lotion in time for Christmas. Queen Stevie battles a new wave of criticism from former bandmate Lindsey Buckingham, simply ignoring his petulance which Kathleen applauds.
UPDATES: Kathleen gives updates on the NFL’s legal battle with the city of St. Louis, Elizabeth Holmes’ trial winds down, MH360 “found” again, and Kansas City is getting 30 new Whataburger restaurants.
SNOWED IN A PUB: Kathleen reads a story from England where dozens of customers were snowed into the Tan Hill Inn for 4 days when Britain’s highest altitude pub was cut off by a blizzard. The Inn is situated approximately 270 miles north of London.
JOEL OSTEEN’S MONEY WALL: Kathleen scoffs as she reads an article advising that a plumber who was contracted by Joel Olsteen found hundreds of envelopes of cash in a wall, which are believed to be connected to the 2014 theft of about $600,000 from the mega-church.
REAL-LIFE RARE MOBY DICK SPOTTED: Kathleen reads an article announcing that a rare white sperm whale, like the one depicted in the literary classic “Moby Dick,” has been spotted off the coast of Jamaica by sailors aboard a Dutch oil tanker.
FAKE ARM PRESENTED FOR COVID VACCINE: Kathleen laughs at the absurdity behind an article from Italy where an anti-vaxxer attempted to dodge getting the COVID-19 vaccine by wearing a fake arm and now faces fraud charges in Italian court.
SNAKE INFESTATION BURNS HOUSE: Kathleen is dismayed reading an article about a couple in Maryland who burned their house down while trying to smoke out a snake infestation. They tried to use smoke from coals, which were placed to too close to combustible materials that ignited the house.
FRIDA AUCTION SETS RECORD: Kathleen is a massive fan of art and Frida Kahlo and is thrilled to read that the Kahlo self-portrait “Diego and I” has sold at auction for $35M, the highest price ever paid for a painting by a Latin American artist. Kathleen applauds the sale, congratulating Frida for triumphing over her ex, Diego Rivera, albeit after her death.
GRAMMAR EXPERTS TARGET WEAKNESS: Kathleen provides her own colorful commentary when reading a studyfrom grammar experts regarding 11 words and phrases that make an individual appear “weak” when used in conversation.
RENT-A-HITMAN.COM GONE WRONG: Kathleen laughs out loud reading an article about a Michigan woman who tried to hire an assassin on a fake website and was caught by authorities.