Dairy Queen Ranch, Airplane Wine, & Gender Reveal Parties
Kathleen opens the show pouring a mimosa mixed with “Delta Airlines orange juice” (otherwise known as Minute Maid”) and Sophia Coppola’s canned Blanc de Blanc mini champagne, which Kathleen loves because it tastes delicious, comes in a pink can, and has a “bendy” straw. She describes to listeners a baby walking shoe that her friend and fellow comic Kelly MacFarland sent to her, and describes how if she were the burglar “Baby Show Madigan” she would sign baby shoes, insert cash in them, and leave them in poor neighborhoods.
A QUEST FOR RANCH: “Do you have any Ranch?!” As her Termites know, Kathleen LOVES Ranch dressing, and in her hunt to find the most delicious Ranch available she takes her Termites to Dairy Queen to sample their house-made Hidden Valley Ranch dressing. She loves the tang and creaminess of the inhouse concoction, telling Termites to pair it with DQ’s chicken strips.
“BAD GOOD FOOD”: In her quest for new and delicious not-so-nutritious junk food, Kathleen samples Cotton Candy Hostess Twinkies.
UPDATE ON KATHLEEN’S QUEEN’S COURT: Kathleen follows up on Episode 27 by sampling Queen Dolly Parton’s new perfume “Scent From Above,” which she purchased after watching Dolly’s Super Bowl ad. She then tells Termites to vote for new queens to add to the Court.
GOP KICKS MISSOURI LAWMAKER: Kathleen takes listeners back to her home state of Missouri, where a federal grand jury has indicted Tricia Derges on fraud charges last for falsely promoting a treatment she was selling at medical clinics as containing stem cells that could treat various diseases, including COVID-19. The Missouri GOP Party immediately voted and stripped Derges of all political power, removing her from all committee assignments.
BITCOIN PAYS FOR MURDER-FOR-HIRE: Kathleen is awed at the stupidity surrounding an article investigating a murder-for-hire website in Wisconsin. The story led to the arrest of a woman who allegedly used bitcoin cryptocurrency in a failed plot to hire a hit man through the dark web. Kathleen raises her mimosa and announces “hold my beer, Wisconsin.”
BITCOIN MINER WON’T REVEAL BITCOIN PASSWORD TO AUTHORITIES: Kathleen laughs at an article involving the arrest of a German man who was arrested for installing Bitcoin mining software on people’s computers. The cryptocurrency enthusiast obtained the passwords and stole Bitcoin, but after his arrest he refused to disclose the NEW password for the stolen Bitcoin so that it could be claimed by authorities and returned to the original owners.
DOGECOIN (aka “Doggy Coin”): As listeners know, Kathleen is fascinated by all details surrounding the cryptocurrency market, and participates whole-heartedly through the purchase of Bitcoin and Ethereum. She’s thrilled at the recent rebirth of new crypto coin Dogecoin, and reads an article reviewing Elon Musk’s tweets and his support of Dogecoin, which causes the value of that specific Crypto to skyrocket 24% within a day. Referred to as “the people’s crypto” and supported by rocker Gene Simmons and rapper Snoop Dogg — sent trigger-happy Reddit traders stampeding into the canine-themed coin. As a result, Dogecoin eclipsed Bitcoin’s rise, causing the Reddit children to fully support the new currency.
ANIMALS MOST LIKELY TO KILL YOU BY STATE: Kathleen continues with the segment Animals Most Likely to Kill You (By State), as reported by the Center for Disease Control. If you live in Montana beware of grizzly bears, as noted in Night of the Grizzlies, in Nebraska beware of “rogue” cattle, and in Nevada deer mice cause a high rate of fatalities.
GENDER REVEAL PARTIES GONE WRONG: We’re all sick of Gender Reveal parties and the theatrics surrounding unborn baby genders, and Kathleen laughs while reading news about a 26-year-old Michigan man who was killed when a small cannon exploded in the back yard of a home near Flint. Evan Silva died after he was struck by shrapnel from the cannon, which was fired to “celebrate the baby’s pending arrival.” When the cannon was fired by the father-to-be, the cannon blew up, spraying metal shrapnel across the yard that struck Silva, three vehicles and the garage. Kathleen provides her opinion on Millennials need to celebrate the sex of their pending births, and then discusses other notable Gender Reveal themes.
FLYING CHINESE VOLKSWAGENS: As a follow up to Episode 23, Kathleen shares with listeners that Volkswagen will possibly manufacture flying vehicles in China, becoming the latest automaker to probe the possibilities of personal air travel. Volkswagen states that “vertical mobility” could be the next step after self-driving technology. Kathleen moves on to defend her support for flying cars, since she bought into the concept watching the Jetsons as a child and hates traffic on Missouri’s I-70.
RECYCLED AIRPLANE WINE: Kathleen is a loyal Delta Airlines frequent flier, converted from American Airlines. She loves the energy of Delta’s employees. AND their onboard screwdrivers, and further maintains her decision to switch when reading an article about American Airlines forming a wine club to sell off the more expensive wine that was originally purchased to serve in their International and transcontinental US premium cabins. The subscription club, called American Airlines Flagship Cellars will give customers a chance to buy wine by the bottle or in custom “curated” cases, ranging in price from about $13 to $40. Kathleen laughs that purchases also contain American miles, which although seem like a bonus are the most difficult miles to redeem in her experience.
IKEA PURCHASES GEORGIA FOREST: Kathleen reads an article that Swedish company Ikea has recently purchased 11,000 acres of forest in Georgia to protect it from mass development.
NEW DINOSAUR FOOTPRINT FOUND IN WALES: Kathleen reads about the discovery of a well-preserved dinosaur footprint in Wales. The footprint is believed to be 220 million years old and had been preserved in mud.
ALIENS AT HARVARD: Kathleen shares with listeners a recent article from a Harvard astronomer who argues that aliens have visited Earth, but the evidence was dismissed by scientists. Avi Loeb lays out the argument for the alien origins of an object sighted and tracked around our Sun. The vessel sped up and deviated from its expected trajectory, propelled by a mysterious force. All scientists related to the case had to come up with novel theories to dismiss extraterrestrial activity, such as that it was made of hydrogen ice and would therefore not have visible trails, or that the object disintegrated into a dust cloud.
WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEK: Kathleen tells listeners to watch Trust on Hulu (supported by a crush she has on Donald Sutherland), about the Getty family and the abduction of J. Paul Getty III. She also recommends watching “Free Britney” about the adult emancipation of Britney Spears from her father. Kathleen admits that she never would have watched this documentary without extreme quarantine boredom and the endorsement of Ron White, but also recommends that everyone give it a watch (just don’t buy the matching mask ☺)
MYSTERY OF THE WEEK: Kathleen reviews the mystery of notorious airline skyjacker DB Cooper, the unidentified man who hijacked a commercial flight between Portland and Seattle on November. 24, 1971. He extorted $200,000 in ransom and parachuted to an uncertain fate. Despite an extensive manhunt and protracted FBI investigation, the perpetrator has never been located or identified. It remains the only unsolved case of air piracy in commercial aviation history. Kathleen goes on to reveal new details that the prime suspect in the case, Sheridan Peterson, has passed away at the age of 94.