Episode 287: Celebrating Queen Dolly, A Year of Yes & the Mystery of Tiny Jesus

[00:00:08] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan, welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, and let's talk about what's been going on.

[00:00:26] Termites, welcome. Welcome to Episode 287. We'll be having Stevie news, Queen news. We're gonna have a lot of Dolly stuff. So I'm gonna do my business first here. What are we eating, what are we drinking? And then if you don't, if you're overwhelmed with the Dolly, you've heard too much, you're sick of it, or too sad, or whatever, fast forward.

[00:00:45] Like, you know, after I finish this, just a 10 minute block. Put in the schnotes. Maybe 15. Yeah, there's so much stuff. um, what are we drinking? And she's the queen. She's a queen. A queen went down. We haven't had a queen go down in all these years. No. And some are on the brink of aging out. Does that mean fading? Fading into a new realm. The Supreme is fading.

[00:01:12] If you watch Gov and Ryan Murphy's thing, when Jessica Lange is the Supreme, and when she starts to get sick, the Supreme is fading, and a new Supreme is rising. I've been crying for a week. I know. I know. It's horrible. Thank God. Especially in Nashville. So last week's podcast, literally got done with it, went down on the porch to sort it all out, because I got to edit it and send it to the boys and stuff. And my friend, Laureen, sent over a video. I really thought of the nephew with the announcement. I thought it was AI. Yep.

[00:01:41] Because she's like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Like, she just did a video four days ago. Right. I mean, something, I guess. But then I was like, this is too long for an AI video. And why would anyone do that? Right. What would be the point? Horrible. But yet, it wasn't, you were still here, and it wasn't coming up on your iWatch. That's where breaking news usually. On an Apple device.

[00:02:06] Right, right. Samsung will tell you about a week later, and you know, you won't be as sad. You won't be as sad because it's late news. You know what else Samsung's don't do? They don't show me memories that I don't want to fucking see. True that. I hate that. All your guys' iPhones. Remember, that's from 13 years ago. You may not even speak to that person anymore. I don't think they should do that. I think it's. They do kind of decide what you're going to have. Well, it could wreck your day, too. Yeah.

[00:02:32] You go, what if it's your parent and they died, and you're super sad, and you're not thinking about it right there. Mom, you're doing something, you know, a little more uplifting. And then, there you go, iPhones, iPeople. Not today. Not today. We're drinking Churchlot Local Lager from Harding House Brewery Company right here in Nashville, Tennessee. Delicious. Since I was here all last week, I'm not on the road. Very exciting. Delicious little beer. And then I forgot because they didn't do my Atlantic City stuff last week because whatever, I got busy.

[00:03:02] I bought little stubbies of Miller Lite. Brought those home. Because they don't sell them here. If they do, I don't know where. And I love a little stubbies so far. Stubbies are great. Already drank that. Sorry that was loud. Here's some things we're going to try. Some of this stuff this week is just... I brought you a chaser. This is limited edition Lucky Charms, magical unicorn marshmallows from South Beach Termites, Germites, Jared and Michael. Nice.

[00:03:32] It's unicorn marshmallows. It's really fun. Jumbo unicorns. Mm-hmm. 2026 edition. My bedroom looked like that when I was about seven. They're very sweet. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, toothache. You'd have to... Immediately. You can't eat a bowl of this. I think you're just supposed to snack on them. Yeah, have some marshmallows. Well, I'm glad you guys spent the money. Because I do love Lucky Charms. But these are a lot. Mm-hmm. I'll find it. I'll find a kid.

[00:04:02] You'll find a kid? Well, like, there's a guy out fixing the driveway right now named Romell. Mm-hmm. And he keeps showing me videos of his girl, little girl. She's like two. Oh, that's right up her alley. Yep. That'll make her vibrate all day. Yeah. Hear Romell. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Romell. Romell's one of a kind. He shows up when he wants. You know, whatever. It'll get done eventually. Every time I come. It is too hot, too. I told him go home twice. I'm like, it's too hot. Go home. This is ridiculous.

[00:04:32] Nobody should be working in 100 degrees. And no one should be performing outside when it's 100 degrees. And that's a special note to Lionel Richie, who fell over in St. Louis. Well, I don't know if he physically fell over, but he's in ICU. He requested a chair immediately. Old people. What are we doing? There's a wonderful place in St. Louis called the Muni and Forest Park. And it's a classic place where we've all gone since we were kids. Everybody goes. But in the summertime, it's just, it gets a little too crazy hot. And I think they should, instead of that, book October.

[00:05:02] It's a hundred right now. Oh, my God. And Lionel Richie, Google how old he is. I don't know. Probably, he looks younger, I'm sure, than he is. These are, oh, French onion Cheez-Its. From, and then it doesn't say where. Oh, hang on. I'll look. I like French onion dope. I like Cheez-Its. Huntsville, Alabama. Termite. Marion.

[00:05:32] Marion. Throwback name. I love Huntsville. Nice. These are pretty good. I'd give them a seven out of ten. What? 25. There's something different, in case you're tired of the regular Cheez-Its. They work so hard on all these other flavors. I think they get bored with their selling numbers. They know what regular Cheez-Its sell, and then they're like, let's do something different. And points for, you know, trying. Good effort. Not necessary. I don't know all this stuff from my desk.

[00:06:02] Last one. Oreo Chicken and Waffle Oreos. Oh, my God. From Decatur Termite, Georgia. I can smell them when I open the package. I can smell them from here. Oh, my God. Oof. Oreo just won't stop with the new flavors. Whoa. They do smell like waffles. Lionel Richie, 77. 77. Mm-hmm. 1949. All the people born in the 40s. Lionel Brockman Richie, Jr.

[00:06:32] Oh, these are really good. Really? I would not have thought. I thought they'd be too sweet. They're good? 10 out of 10. I like a chicken and waffle. Tastes like waffles. Tastes like syrup. It's great. As advertised. Yeah. Well done, Oreo. Okay. With a breakfast beer. I take back my statement. Boom. Get back in the lab and start thinking more shit. Good idea. As the CEO, I take all of that back. Upcoming shows. This coming weekend.

[00:07:02] No, the next weekend. Big week for you last week. Yeah. Oof. Yeah. September 11th, San Antonio, the 12th. And I got a little special invite to the zoo. And I made it do it. Where? San Antonio. Fun. Yeah, because I think the Alamo's going to be too hot. It's going to be hot, hot, hot. You're not going to the Alamo. It's your thing. I know, but I only have one day there. I have to leave. I have to go to, where am I going? Austin. Mm-hmm. The next day. Well, I could sneak. I don't know. I forget who's opening. Is it someone? Oh, it's Aaron. Aaron. He's fun. Yeah, he's fun.

[00:07:34] We'll see. September 11th, 12th. San Antonio, Austin. Tarrytown. I do want to thank the San Antonio zoo for the invite, though. You're going to go pet an armadillo? Well, that's a thing. They won't because their tour was called Flying Cats and Marching Armadillos. And we had to change that because no one can spell armadillos. It caused a shit show. It's a dummy of America. Across every fucking theater. I don't know. We didn't spell it right on our poster. Now, how do you spell that? Arma? Arma. Arma. Arma. Armadillo. Armadillo?

[00:08:05] Armadillos? So we just took that off. But I have an article, bizarrely enough, that they can, well, you don't want to eat one. They carry a... Who is eating armadillos? The guy, Dale, who did my shingles. Dale eats all roadkill and he told me for days. This went on for days about how to find it, whether it's good, how to cook it. And I listen because I'm fascinated that Dale's going to go home and eat a dead armadillo he found.

[00:08:34] And he's making very good money here. Yeah. Like doing his shingle thing and he's very good at it. And he looks normal. He's, I mean, he's... Smoking hot, actually. He's cute, but he's a little, you know, he's a little redneck-y. I get it. He's a little crittery. He's from the woods somewhere. He looks like the band Alabama. Yeah. Yeah. They all kind of do. The younger version. The white guys do. A little long hair. Yeah. A little facial hair. So I don't want him to eat one because there's a thing with the diseases, but maybe they're very sweet to me.

[00:09:04] Would it be wrong if I asked the San Antonio Zoo, awesome with armadillo, but do you have a red panda? We should Google it. Well, I'll get in touch with that lady if everything works and I get there on time and ship. No, September 25th, Madison, Wisconsin, where I will be going maybe in Milwaukee first to this bar called Wolskies. And it's in a neighborhood. And if you close it, you get a sticker that says, I closed Wolskies.

[00:09:34] Talking about it. My friend Dax was like, I just saw one of those stickers. He's somewhere out West too. Like it's Spokane. Yeah. In the fantasy draft. And he's like, I just saw one in a car. And I'm like, he's been there. No way. It's in like a neighborhood. It's like a old, old, old timey saloon, saloon, saloon, which I love, love, love. So I don't know. Maybe it went in Madison. September 26th. But Prior Lake, Minnesota. The 10th. Nashville. The Ryman. And I'm watching the show and they show the Ryman a lot.

[00:10:04] And then I'm thinking that is so weird. I'm watching the show Nashville because I wanted to see that girl who died. Hayden Benadier. She's a great little actor. Now I feel, I didn't know who she was at all. I didn't know she was a child star. I didn't know anything of her. I just never, I don't know. It just eluded me. Her whole existence. And I love Connie Britton. And so I thought, well, I want, I never did watch this show. What was it about? It's very good. It's great. It's a little soap opera-y, but they spend a shit ton of money.

[00:10:32] I mean, and they film at the Ryman sometimes. And I'm like, oh, they show the Ryman. And I'm like, that is so weird. I will be working there. Strange. Yeah, it's very strange. They're all very weird. October 16th, Hampton Beach. 17th, Connecticut. That's Foxwoods. October 22nd, Marietta, Kansas. Myetta, Kansas. Sorry. And then the 2020 dates went on sale. I cannot thank you guys enough. Everybody is, all the tickets are selling. Very fast. We're going to add shows.

[00:11:02] See, this is me being bullied. After I said I wouldn't be bullied. Mean Heidi. Well. Mean Heidi. No, they seem fun. I don't agree if it's somewhere I don't like or if I have, I'm not doing, you know, three o'clock shows. Well, they were announced this morning. Yeah, it's going to be. Where are you adding shows? We're adding another one in Fort Lauderdale. Another one in St. Pete, Florida. Fun. Another one in Huntington, New York. And another one in Napa. And that's as of now. Because the rest of them.

[00:11:31] I feel some golf coming on. Well, my agency has a meeting. They have Tuesday morning meetings and they talk about all the clients and all ticket sales. I'm totally aware of this. And I said you, I want you to go in there and you tell them that me and Leanne Morgan, that 60-year-old ladies are selling all the tickets. It's, well, what the fuck are you doing? We're good. Because everybody else is, apparently there's some struggles with ticket sales going on and go, well, Kathleen and Leanne can do it. What do they call it?

[00:12:01] Blue Dot. Blue Dot Fever. Yeah. Thankfully, there's enough termites out there. I do not have Blue Dot Fever. Right. All the tickets are good. Thank you to the termites. Thank you to all the termites that bought a ticket or even thought about it or went on. And no, if you see a ticket that's 200 and some odd billion dollars, I didn't do that. It's got to go to your website. Yes, please. Just go to my website. Click on that link. Which goes to Ticketmaster or Access. You know, seatbananas.com.

[00:12:30] If anything happens with those tickets, I can't help. I can't give you a refund. I can't do shit. It has to be from the link. There's some people, I think older people who I love on the facial book struggling with, you type in my name, I think, Kathleen Madigan tickets and then. Everything comes up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So before we get to the Queen news, this week has been hotter than shit in Nashville.

[00:12:58] I think I heat-stroked myself out golfing with Pinky Tito on Friday. Did you? I think. And then he kind of- I like the video. It's fun. He kind of has a cold, so he was a little bit dazed and he hits it so far away. Sometimes I don't know where he went and I'm just on the fairway by myself baking in the sun. It's a microwave. It's just a fucking microwave. And I'm like, where? And his wife, Nicole, played too. And I'm like, where did he go? Like, is he down?

[00:13:28] Like, he's down by the river, which there's a million bugs down there. It is hotter than shit. You could easily fall in. The river's got a current. You should check on him. And I'm like, oh my God. Pinky. We won't count that as a stroke. I don't care. Right. It's $3 down there and there's snakes down there. How much are you going to spend? How many days in the hospital? How much is that going to cost? Just give up the ball. Right. Men more than women, I think, this is just a stereotype that I'm throwing out there.

[00:13:57] They become more obsessed and possessed with that ball. Yeah, it's weird. Like, it's got a, I know it was right here. Well, it's not. Right. Let's just throw a ball down. I'm not going to count. We're not even playing for money. Right. We're playing for nothing except fun. It was so hot. And this week's worse. This week is worse. Heat index is 119 or something. Who would think September's hotter than August? Yeah. I guess it's a, I don't know. You have wonderful air conditioning in here. Thank you. Yeah. The AC's good.

[00:14:26] I get up very early to turn it on. Baby Cat loves it up here when I do. But she'll sit up here when it's hot. She doesn't care. I did want to comment too. I got so many funny emails in the team email about the Iowa basics. You guys are traumatized. I really, everyone is traumatized. And it's from all, like all over the country. Minnesota, Milwaukee, right? I didn't hear any West Coast people. I noticed it was like Connecticut, Wisconsin, Illinois. We all got traumatized by Iowa. Yeah. Iowa threatened all of us.

[00:14:55] And I thought, you know, all these people were like, I was so nervous. I think because I thought, uh-oh, this test, it's going to expose me. Like a lot of classes, I probably should be getting a solid C, but the teacher likes me. So she gives me a B minus or he gives me a B minus. But that test, it's not about likability. You can't throw any bullshit in there. You can't. No, there's no essays. I was good at that. No, none of that shit.

[00:15:25] But I was shocked. I thought it was just the Midwest, if more than Missouri. Never heard it from anybody else. We've all been traumatized. And I looked it up. They're still doing it. Really? It's not an old person thing. Wow. Yeah, because I'm like, well, maybe it was just. Have they updated it? Like, do they update it? I don't know. I mean. I don't know. There's got to be a teacher out there that will know. Where's a termite teacher? Midwest termite teacher. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Preferably an Iowa one.

[00:15:55] I kind of want to take it. See if I can pass it. Well, why don't. Let's print it out. Oh, okay. And we'll try. See, there's got to. Well, I don't know. Would they put a copy online? Iowa Bay State test. Because then you could cheat. Oh, for homeschoolers. Let's see. Oh, let's order two. Let's do it. Oh, yeah. Here you go. I'm going to have to ask. Form E. I need to ask Andrew Stanley. He's a comedian who's very funny.

[00:16:22] His dad was, grandpa was Charles Stanley, the preacher on TV, who's still on TV, even though he died a year and a half ago. Old man, skinny old guy. Very. 300 questions. 300. Wow. He was homeschooled. And he has the best joke. He goes, so basically, I only know what my mom knew. Oh. Oh. I have to ask Andrew if he was given the Iowa Basics as a homeschooler. Yes. You do need to. I'll find him.

[00:16:51] Can it be taken online? Good question. Yes, it can. It was traumatizing, clearly everyone. So thank you for letting me know that. It's very interesting. There was like 250 emails about it. Google. Can you Google? Does the whole country have to take the Iowa Basics? What? What? What grade is it? They gave it to us in fifth grade. I don't know if that's universal.

[00:17:22] Kindergarten through eighth grade. Is it mandatory? Yes. Wow. Capitals. Shit. Who decided Iowa got to do that? Provided as a service to schools by the College of Education at the University of Iowa. Go Hawks. Oh. I have Hawkeye workout pants because I forgot my workout. And I had to go to their school. And here's what's crazy. George Pittle is your tight end. It has a little Iowa Hawkeye on the pant leg and I forget about it.

[00:17:50] And sometimes I've been walking in the craziest places. Somebody will go, go Hawks. And they're clearly speaking to me. And I'm like, right. Right. But I'd forget that thing's on my pants because it's not that big. And I'm not really, you know, an Iowa football fan, but I'll take it. I love Iowa football. Well, I mean, I'm supposed to root for Missouri and hate Kansas. Everyone knows what's going on. We don't even, we don't hate Iowa. We're scared of them. Most people. Terrified.

[00:18:19] It says most Midwest and some East Coast states. Okay. Yeah. I didn't get. Take it because they have, they have to do a state test. Oh, I don't remember having a Missouri one. No, a state test meaning you can use the Iowa basics test. Oh, or you got to come up with your own. Oh, I see. Yep. Yeah. Missouri didn't traumatize anybody. We're not about to start a test. No. They now call it the Iowa assessment exam. Well, also calling it Iowa basic, basic my ass.

[00:18:48] You should see some of those questions on there. Look, can we order two? Yeah. I'm ordering them right now. 300 questions. Yeah. I'll do it on a plane. I'll do it when I'm born. No, you're not. We're doing it. And you can't have alcohol until halfway through. Why not? Because. That's not a good enough answer. Because you wouldn't have had alcohol, depending on where you're from. You wouldn't have had alcohol when you were a kid. No, but I probably, maybe I could do better.

[00:19:17] The Iowa assessments are used by school districts to assess a student's college and career readiness. Career readiness. This begins in third grade. They're also becoming more prevalent as a component of determining whether a student will be admitted into a school's talented and gifted program. Right. Which we already know I'm not. So let's not, let's not act like that. I'm not getting into the gifted program. That's totally fine with me. Do you want to hear it for those who are on the West Coast? Yes. Sample question.

[00:19:47] Lucy was no ordinary girl. She's been born with a special gift, a gift other people consider to be unusual. When she was three years old, her parents noticed she had a special way with animals. She loved animals. And the animals that she came into contact with were especially attracted to Lucy. Here's your choices. Why do Lucy's parents think Lucy is different from other girls? A. She talks to animals. B. She likes to go to the zoo. C. She has a special gift. Or D. She does not have any friends.

[00:20:17] What? Wow. But they don't give the answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is crazy. I'm already lost. Yeah, I don't know. I can't wait to take you to the zoo. Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know if she wants to go to the zoo? They didn't talk about that. Yeah. We don't know if she has friends. We need more information. That's why we just keep writing more information. Yeah, yeah. Not enough info. I'll be Lucy's friend. Finish your question. Your question, too vague. Too vague. We're not gifted. Mm-mm.

[00:20:46] Here we are in your attic. Let's talk some more about Lucy, shall we? Huh? Maybe you're, are you implying she has no friends at all? Are you? 300 of those would take a while. Fuck. It took for like two days, I think. They broke it up. That's crazy. If I remember right. But it's fifth grade. I don't know that I remember right. But yeah. Okay. All right. We're taking it. Thank you for everybody. There's way too many to read, but they were all so funny. I printed them off. We're going to. Next week, I'll get into some of them.

[00:21:16] Because who knew from, well, let's say Kansas City to the Atlantic Ocean. We were all traumatized by one state. You're all freaked out. That most states don't even think about. Nope. I think about Iowa because we're right below them. They're our neighbor. But if you're sitting there. In Connecticut. Yeah. Or Pennsylvania. You're not thinking about Iowa. No. Ever. Except maybe college football. Maybe. Yeah. Otherwise, there's no professional sports. There's no. They don't come up in the conversation a lot. They're smart.

[00:21:46] And they're readers. We discussed that last week. They're readers. Readers. I don't want to go up against readers. My people are noodling. We're out there catching catfish with our hands. Very good. Bare hands. St. Louis and Kansas City are super, super busy barbecuing. We don't have time for this shit. No. No. Columbia, if you want to be smart, you go there for the University of Missouri. Exactly. That's all I got. Yeah. All right. We're going to do a couple Queen newses before we get to the Dolly stuff.

[00:22:16] Because I think the Dolly stuff I found is maybe stuff you haven't heard. A little bit different. A little bit not the norm of the what, you know, today's show and all that stuff. But Stevie, Queen Stevie, who we need to put in a golden cage and share too. So they don't die. We need to. You can only come out when it's time to perform. And just like a little, a little golden finch, we unlock the cage and allow them out. Like a cuckoo clock. Yeah. A cuckoo clock. We need to hear landslide. Beep boop.

[00:22:45] We need to hear Do You Believe in Love? Boop boop. And they're allowed out with escorts. Yes. And so nothing. And they need to see a doctor every day. Daily? Yep. Every day we're doing blood work. Just to make sure. Every day. Shut up. Queen Martha is fucking 85 years old. I Googled it. 85. Talk about her show. Her show is so fascinating. Because she 1,000% cares about all this stuff. I can't stop watching. I will never cook these things.

[00:23:14] I take little pointers, though, that can be adjusted to my world. Like she put a lot of butter in scrambled eggs. I've never thought of that. No. I always use milk and eggs. Just frothing it up. But then she made like this French thing of eggs. I don't know what it's called. I don't know. There's like eggs. But it's in a specific jar. Tiny jar. Like a jelly jar. That you have to put in boiling water. Coddled eggs. There you go. Yeah.

[00:23:43] I mean, that one. They're fancy. Then she had a whole Argentinian barbecue thing. I saw that. Every episode is only 25 minutes. That's why it's great. You're like, yeah, I can sneak one of these in right now. And I will not do other things while she's. And she's always wearing white. Because you have to watch, which I like. I'm never bored. It just. And she's just very kind of fun, flippant. I can't believe she's 85. She's awesome. They had a whole thing on oysters. Learned so much. I did not know about oysters. Snoop Dogg got her an oyster.

[00:24:12] Snoop Dogg got her an oyster shucking glove, which you'll see all over the South if you go. But hers has bling and it says M-A-R-T-H-A. Martha. He put her initials on it. It's just amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing. 85 years old. I love it when people go, well, I hope I look that good when I'm 85. You didn't start out as a model. True that. Martha has always. She's a model, yeah. Yeah, she's very pretty. She cooks in white clothing. And I know. That's ballsy.

[00:24:42] I've been looking for a square ladle for you. She insists on a square ladle. Well, it works. Because you think, why have we all been using round the whole time? When you take the soup out, something always falls. It's the square one. Boom. We'll get you a square ladle for Cat's Kitchen, but they're sold out everywhere. Because of her show. I'm sure. Congratulations. Queen Stevie, this weekend, she went and did this thing, Daisy Chain. It was a show with Olivia, what's her name? Rodrigo. Rodrigo.

[00:25:12] And it was Stevie, Sarah McLachlan. Holly Bobby will help you with this. I'm forgetting somebody else. They raised $10 million to nonprofit organizations focused on women and girls in the event. And then Mackenzie, the one who divorced. Bezos' ex. Yeah. She matched it. Oh, my God. That's awesome. I know.

[00:25:39] It was a $20 million total for women and girls. It's the inaugural Daisy Chain Fields Festival in Irvine, California. Rodrigo revealed that the event had raised $10 million. Oh, Melinda. Not Mackenzie. I'm thinking of the other one. Melinda French Gates. Bill Gates' ex. Then joined them on stage and committed to matching that amount, bringing in a total of $20 million. That's awesome. She's the cute girl. I don't know what she does. Is she the children like her? Yes. We'll leave this for Holly Bobby. I think he wants to talk about it. Okay.

[00:26:10] The funds will be split equally among 10 nonprofits that directly support women and girls, and that feels especially fitting for a festival that, oh, it was, oh, right, Chapel Rhone. How could I forget? Yeah. And Dochi. Dochi? Dochi? Who's that? No idea. I don't either. She was there, too. So there you go. Good. Stevie got out, did her little songs. Nice. Perfect. Now let's get back on the road, Stevie, before you hit age 80,000 as well.

[00:26:41] I've got famous 80 and 90-year-olds. You're not going to believe the people that I don't even think about that are still alive. So Dolly, here's the thing. We're going to go crazy story by crazy story. I have a Dolly Parton license plate. I do, too. Yep. Yep. And it's like 85. Maybe it's less than $100. And that you pay extra. I thought it was like 50. And then that money goes to the Imagination Library. So I bought one years ago.

[00:27:09] But even people, like I went up to the golf course and this older lady's like, I love your license plate. And she got out of a car with the Tennessee regular. I go, you can get it. She's like, well, I already have my plate. I go, they'll switch it out. Go in and give them whatever they want. $85 if it's worth it to you. 100% goes to the Imagination Library. Yes. And always has. Yes. Which is great. You can get them in Ohio. I don't know if there's, so we're two states right now. But Alabama, pay attention, Alabama termites. My Huntsville crowd.

[00:27:40] My ya-ya ladies. You guys are getting together a petition that has to be signed by X amount of people by May. And if enough people sign it, you will get the Dolly Parton option, too. You will also have the option. I think there's a lot of states that will start doing it. Cool. I hope so. They have to get, all they need is a thousand signatures. Do you think they'll do it in Missouri? No. No. You gotta go run up there. No.

[00:28:08] We're the ones who took the money away from the Imagination Library. I'm kidding. Well, I have a list of every asshole who voted to do that and I'm publishing it. Oh, okay. Yep. I got them all. I don't want to read them on the podcast. It's too boring. It's my personal anger. It's, yeah. I don't know who's a Democrat, Republican. I have no idea. But I know who voted to defund it. Right. Only two states did. We'll get to that in a moment. Okay.

[00:28:36] The Ohio people, if you want one, the state-offered specialty license plate for proceeds, blah, blah. It became available in January 2025. You can get the plate online through Oplate, O-P, Oplates, like Ohio. Oplates.com or in person. Listen, it's a $25 contribution. Cool. Yeah. I think that's all it was here. Maybe I just gave him 50. I don't know.

[00:29:03] That $25 helps cost the cost of mailing one child, 12 books, a full year's worth of monthly deliveries. Now, annual fee, $61.50 in Nashville and Tennessee. $61? $61.50 and $35 of that is allocated to the Dollywood Foundation. All right. Great. So there you go. Alabama, Ohio. Let's get on it.

[00:29:31] We are thinking about renaming the airport. Right now, it's called BNA. I've never understood it. Never. I did Google it a long time ago, and then I forgot. The B is for some guy with, can you Google his last name? It's so boring. It's like from way back, and he's like a transportation administrator. Berryfield, Nashville. Nashville, Colonel Harry S. Berry. Berry.

[00:30:01] First administrator. First administrator of the airport. Like, did nobody, God love his family. Nobody cares. We should rename it Dolly Parton. The pilots are already calling it that. So says my friends who flew last week. Oh. Yeah. DPI. Nice. Dolly Parton International. I like it. Yeah. So great. And it is international. We have British Airways. We have Aer Lingus. We have all kinds of the people. Air Canada. Air Canada. West Jet. People think we're podunk sometimes. No.

[00:30:30] We have international flights coming and going. I see the British Airways go every Tuesday and Thursday. So you're not supposed to be able to rename an airport, at least in Tennessee, until the person's been dead for two years. That's like a law, whatever. But Bill Lee, Governor Lee, he hopefully is going to ignore all that. And there's a vote on September 17th. They claim it will cost $10 million to change the name. Here's why. There's a giant sign outside. Okay.

[00:30:59] We'll get a GoFundMe for that. That is not worth. That's worth maybe $1 million. And that's me being really hyper generous to say, tear that shit down. It's a sign. Yeah. I mean, it is stone. It's got a nice frame around him. So whatever. Wreck it. Stone. If you can't find guys to do it, I can. I'll send Rommel and his pals. If he finishes your driveway. If he finishes this, he gets a six pack, a tip, and his pay. All in cash because we're acting like this didn't happen. Okay. Fine. Got it. Okay, Rommel.

[00:31:29] Yes, I want to see another video of your cute two-year-old. So they have to change that. I get it. Then they said the decals on the transportation vans. Okay, we're still not at $10 million. That is a bullshit. Yep. Oh, online changes. I can find 10 of the children that will help you do that for $500 today. In a Tuesday. Oh, my God. I did not believe that one bit. It's all I'm glad. I was like, that was. Because there's government contracts involved, but we don't have to talk about that.

[00:31:59] And speaking of airports, you never know. You could have been flown around by Dolly's niece, Danielle Partnan. Yep. She graduated from Belmont in 1998 with a degree in business administration. After college, she began her airline career, not in the cockpit, but in the cabin, working as a flight attendant for American Airlines and Southwest. It did not take long for her to start looking towards the other end of the airplane. She later told AOPA that she had never known a pilot, certainly not a female pilot.

[00:32:27] Civilian flight training was more than she could afford. So she went into the military. Go National Guard. She kept the plan from her aunt saying, I didn't want to tell Dolly what I was doing until after I did it. She's on TikTok, too. I found her on TikTok. Yeah. She's really fun. She's very fun. She also, she started flying in 2023 in a Cessna 150s and 170s, then served in the Air National Guard with the 118th wing in Nashville and the 123rd airlift wing in Kentucky.

[00:32:55] Those people fly over this house all the time. All the time. 164th aircraft, blah, blah, blah, blah. She flew, I've been in a C-130 when I went to Iraq, I guess it. And then she became an aircraft commander. Wow. She was deployed several times. Her military record is extensive. I won't go through it all, but she's won a lot of medals and stuff. She also, but this is what's crazy. She also can fly the Airbus 320.

[00:33:23] She flies, today she flies international routes for American. Yeah. So look in the cockpit if you see a blonde who looks a lot like Dolly. She does, yeah. She retired from the National Guard. Good for her. That's great. She also owns a moonshine company in, I believe it's in Gatlinburg. Gatlinburg, it's really good. I forgot what it's called. Will you Google what it's called? Yeah, it's called. Yeah, I've been there. Shine Girl, I think. Shine Girl, something like that. Yeah.

[00:33:54] Oh. She's so cool. Shine Girl. Okay. Yeah, in Sevierville. In Sevierville. Yep. Perfect. If you want to go get some moonshine down there in Sevierville on your way up to Gatlinburg, stop at Shine Girl. Garden and Gun did a giant thing on it. I love Garden and Gun, and I love Southern Living. It's great. They're giving Dolly the cover. They should. Yeah, absolutely. They absolutely should. Everybody should. Now, here's what's weird. If you've been listening to this podcast a long time, you know that I've been to Dolly's

[00:34:24] new hotels in Sevierville, and they're awesome. You can also rent her old tour bus and spend the night in there. It's parked outside of the hotel. Yep. A really funny video of two gay guys, and I'm like, of course the gays are going to beat you to the punch. These gay guys are so excited. I'm like, I know me too. Awesome. But it's just count on the gay guys to find the cool shit and then give you a little tour. When Holly Bobby comes.

[00:34:53] Yeah, we should take Holly Bobby. Let's go up there. He'd love to go. Yes. So in her hotel, Dream More Resorts, I saw this downstairs too. There's a chest, and there's a song in there that cannot be, you can't open the chest until she would have been 100. Wow. And there's a song in there. 20 years. 20 years from now. Wow. Yep. She wrote in 2020 that she would not be around when it opened. This song is called My Place in History.

[00:35:20] She wrote and recorded it in 2015, the year Dollywood's Dream More Resort opened in Pigeon Forge. Those are all in the same area. In case any of you people are like, wait, you just said to be real. That's where she's from. But Pigeon Forge is right. They're all next to one another. Same street going in. It's not to be open until January 19th, 2046, which would have been our 100th birthday. The box holds the song on a CD and a cassette with written instructions. Behind them, they handwritten lyrics.

[00:35:50] Hopefully there's a player in there too. The chestnut box is a tribute to her uncle, Bill Owens, her first mentor who spent years working to save the American chestnut tree from blight. Oh, just a lot going on in that family. It's awesome. What are you doing? I'm flying to Europe. No, I mean I'm driving. No, I'm not a passenger. What are you doing? I'm saving all the chestnut trees in Tennessee. Wow. Okay. That's awesome. That's a great Monday morning family meeting.

[00:36:19] What are you doing, Kathleen? Oh, well, I just saw a video on TikTok that if I take a toothbrush and pet the top of my cat's head, it replicates what their mothers did to them. And so I happen to be going to the dentist today and I'm going to ask Phillip for some free toothbrushes. Can I get some warm toothbrushes? That's what I'm doing. On Kelly Clarkson in 2022, she was less philosophical. She said it bothered her that she locked it up. She wanted to go dig it up. It was a really good song. That's great. Yeah. Fun. Very fun.

[00:36:49] In honor of her birthday, trying to keep it positive or I'll just start crying. Nashville and London, Dolly did not want a public ceremony of her death. I think it's nice. Well, my cousin Mike goes, you saw that they like, Kathleen, they like lay her out at Bridgestone or something. Mike? Lay her out. Like she's tanning. Where's the wake? Right.

[00:37:14] It's the, and then I go, well, no, but I think she could have filled it. Oh yeah. She didn't want all that. No. But she was gonna, apparently last January for her birthday, have Dolly Fest. Fun. They're going to have Dolly Fest in Nashville and London. So it's international. And they're not really saying all what is included, but it will be the weekend of her birthday. Dolly Fest.

[00:37:44] A lineup of performers. I don't know. I'm sure everybody that loved Dolly will show up. And so it's a, it's going to morph into a global double day, double weekend, double cabinet party of a lifetime. Awesome. Yeah. That's really cool. So that's fun. Yay, Nashville. Yay, London. And happy. Yeah. Somebody to look forward to. I think there's enough people in London that cared. Oh yeah.

[00:38:11] The video, I mean, she's held the news cycle for a week. Over a week. Yeah. This, just so everybody remembers, there's over 300 million books given away from Dolly. It's crazy. You don't need to go into the details. Mississippi, the state of, what's weird is, oh, I forgot to say this. So I room, I was 14 at the Lake of the Ozarks and I got a job that I lied about my age.

[00:38:37] I was 14 and I got a job at the Holiday Inn and I did room service from the restaurant. Except. Why do you have to lie? Because you're supposed to be 16. Okay. But if you live there year round, and I did, they'd give you the job because they didn't want to lose you in the fall and the spring. Gotcha. Great. So all I had to do was just, they didn't really care. They're just, do you want to work? Right. But then I was like, shit, I can't drive. How am I going to get here? Yeah. I didn't really think it out. Okay. But then I thought, I just need to get one of my older siblings or a friend to get a job here. And then I got a ride.

[00:39:06] Anyway, I gave room service to Dolly Parton. What? I had, the buildings were outside at the time. If you live at the Lake, I think the house. Yeah. I went in her room. What? But I was 14. Oh my God. And I had to carry this tray that was bigger than me. Uh-huh. And it was just her. It was a cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate shake. Well done. I'll never forget it. Nice. And I was so afraid I was going to, I didn't know who was in the room. I just thought I'm going to drop this shake. Right. I have to walk way up this, it's an Ozark hilly place.

[00:39:32] And there are individual buildings that are, there's no one, the restaurant's at the bottom, the buildings are up here. I, blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. So I marched right up. She answered. And so I'm 14 and I'm like, I know who this is. I know this is Dolly Parton. Right. She must have been down there for some like Ozark country shindig, or maybe she did a private gig. I don't know. But yeah, she was very nice. That's crazy. Tipped me as much as the bill. Awesome. Yeah. And I was like. I can't believe you got to meet her.

[00:40:02] That's awesome. Well. As a 14 year old. Meet is like, you know, here's your food. None matter. Q sign here. It's a one-on-one. All right. Yeah, I'm good in that. You know, she's very nice. Like, but the same thing, you know, nothing more, nothing less. And then I got to see her, this relates back to Mississippi. In Atlanta, with every gay guy in the seven state area. And it was so fun. People also forget, I think they just focus on, you know, the top 10 things about Dolly.

[00:40:31] She played every instrument that night. Yes. All of them. Instruments, I don't even know what they are. Taxophone. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a mandolin? I don't know. Ten different guitars. Right. What is the difference between the banjo and the this and the that? I don't know. She, it was one of the greatest concerts I've ever seen. Ever. Top three. Cher might still be number one. Well, she's got a Swarovski. It's between Cher and Dolly. And then Stevie, always.

[00:40:58] But Dolly's was just, the whole atmosphere. Cool. It's gay guys losing their mind. Everyone else losing their mind. It's you losing your mind. Yeah. Me losing my mind. Everyone's losing their mind. Well, so I saw, that was just a really good concert. And that was, she kind of got off the road. Then she did, she was doing this show in Philadelphia, Mississippi. I knew I knew why, I knew I'd heard that city, but I didn't know why. Well, then I Googled it. You don't really want to know why.

[00:41:28] It's bad, civil, they killed civil rights workers. Okay. And it's famous for that. But, you know, no shade on them now. It was a long time ago. But Marty Stewart, that country guy, nobody loves Marty more than Marty, is having a benefit. The Marty party. For his theater, this tiny theater, 500 theater. So I called my cousin to see if their kids had finally all left the house. And my cousin Mary kept going, it's our year of yes.

[00:41:58] Me and Pat, her husband, we've decided we're saying yes to everything. We're free now. Cool. If you're doing anything fun, where are you going on the road? Mary's scouring my website going, okay, I'm coming to D.C. I'm coming to this. We're going to go to the African-American Museum. She has tickets like at 7 in the morning. I'm like, Mary, I don't roll like this on the road. Pick one of those. Not 11. But I have so much fun. I tell Mary, hey, Dolly's doing a fundraiser.

[00:42:26] Now, it may not be a whole concert like one would think. Fundraisers can be weird, questionable. But do we want to drive to Philadelphia, Mississippi? And her and Pat had further to go than I did. And we all decided, yeah, we're in. Cool. Then I went in to get tickets, and you couldn't buy them if you're not in Mississippi. They zip-coded the whole thing out. Then I start calling people that could help. Nobody can help. And I'm like, damn it.

[00:42:53] And finally, I don't know why, they took the zip code deal off. Philadelphia had bought their tickets. Philadelphia had bought their tickets, and they got pricey because people are willing to pay a lot. But it's a fundraiser. They should be paying a lot. But you don't want to—this is what's great about Dolly. You don't want to fuck the poor people out of it, you know, just because—or even regular people. I mean, it got pricey. But I just kept justifying it. It's a benefit. It all goes to the— Yeah.

[00:43:22] Marty Stewart, even though Marty— Well, some, I think, went to her. The History of Country Music by Ken Burns or whoever did that. I'm like, was Marty the only person available to interview? Holy God. They'd go back to another quote. Now, Johnny Cash, let's hear what Marty Stewart thinks about. Come on. Come on. Who booked this shit? Let's work a little harder. He's very talented. He's one of the best bluegrass players on earth. He's just— Marty— He's available. He's truly very available.

[00:43:51] Anyway, Dolly made them put up screens in the town square so that everybody could watch. Nice. Yes. Yes. Then she came out. It was like—the town already looks like a hallmark town. Yeah. Like Main Street and all the throwback things you can think of. There's a town square. We are—literally, we went to like a hot dog brat stand. It's hotter than—crazy hot. 100. Mississippi, 100.

[00:44:21] So, you know, and Mary and Pat are like, Kathleen, where have you brought us to? I said, you have Google. You said it's your year of yes. It's Mississippi. Get in the car and drive to Mississippi. You've probably never experienced a drive to Mississippi. Now you have. Wow. Go to Jackson, turn left. Once you get to Jackson, you're good. Well, we're just sitting there eating a hot dog. There's tents out and beer. You know, they have beers and stuff. Yay. And all the TV screens are, you know, playing Marty Stewart shit.

[00:44:50] And then a van pulls up and there's a stage set up. So we're kind of can see the stage, but we weren't thinking—I don't know. I thought it would be the mayor or whatever. No, it was Dolly. She came out— On a flat deck stage? Wow. Fully, fully dressed, full makeup, giant heels. Awesome. And just welcome, y'all. I think people went down there that couldn't afford to go and thought they might see her, and she was damned and determined.

[00:45:20] That's awesome. To make it happen. Well, Mississippi, as much fun as I had in your town. And there's a wonderful Westin in Jackson, Mississippi, if you ever feel the need to go. I don't know that I've been to Mississippi. Well, most people haven't. Biloxi. Oh, yeah. Great seafood. Been there. Yeah. Been there. Never mind if you've heard of that. That counts. That's Mississippi. Yeah, I always round into Louisiana. Tunica. I've been there. What's what? Never been there. There's a casino. Well, yeah, it's kind of—

[00:45:49] Been to the boat. Doesn't matter. This is now. Now. A Mississippi mayor is facing backlash after defying President Trump's order to lower American flags. I believe lowering the American flag to half-staff should mean something very significant, said Mayor Ken Adams of Olive Branch. Okay, why, why, why would any politician— This is the easy— It's like when Mitt Romney voted to cancel Sesame Street. Yeah. Why the— What is the actual matter with you? Are you having a stroke?

[00:46:17] This is an unforced air of mega proportions. You don't need to say anything. Ken, lower the flag. What's his last name? Adams. He's of Olive Branch, a suburb of Memphis, Tennessee. Oh, it's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. In my opinion, it should be reserved for our military heroes, for all the first responders, presidents, and other national leaders, or events that have tremendous impact on our country. Her death did, Ken. Uh-huh. Oh, his phone number's here. We're going to put it in the schnotes.

[00:46:49] Hey, Ken. Your last category. You did, Ken. Your last category. Tremendous impact on our country. That's the part you didn't read, Ken. You ready? Because some people don't know the schnotes. 662-892-9201. Let's call Ken. Well, it's too late. It's too late. Well, just tell Ken he made a terrible mistake. Dick. If we lower the flag every time a well-known or beloved person passes away, I believe we would eventually lessen the meaning of the dresser. I thought, okay, let's think about that.

[00:47:18] Who else can you name that was as charitable and everyone likes? Right. Tay-Tay. She never got political. No. Tay-Tay gives a lot of money away. But some people are annoyed by Tay-Tay. I'm not. But, I mean, some people find it all annoying. And then she went. She did have a big thing against anti-Marsha Blackburn. So, good for Taylor. Speak your mind if you want. But she became a little. I can't say she's beloved by everyone. Is there anyone?

[00:47:49] Anyone else? No. Right. So, guess what? Ken. Do you want to see what Ken said on Facebook two days ago? Oh, no. He's digging in. Oh, he's doubling down? He doesn't believe the residents of Olive Branch elected him to be a salute and execute mayor, but to lead with conviction. Call him. Wow. He's previously a DeSoto County judge and was a longtime FedEx executive. Well, you should know if you were in corporate America then.

[00:48:18] You don't do unforced errors. No. Just lower the goddamn flag, Ken. Yeah. Or we'll lower it for you. I'll climb up there myself. I flunked rope climbing in high school, but so help me God. I'll figure out a way. I'll have one of my nephews just keep pushing my ass up. Come on, Xavier. Oh, Xavier could throw me up there. He could. I'm light enough and he's fireman large. Just throw me at the pole, Dave. Or he could put me on a slingshot and then I just catch the pole.

[00:48:47] He says Mississippi's different. Exactly. Ken, come on. This is so stupid. It's just a dumb thing to take a stance on. Yeah, stop it. She should be candid. Well, and that was her last live full concert that I saw. And I'm so grateful. I sent it to my cousin, Mary. I said, your year of yes paid off. Yes. We saw her last full live concert. She did tiny things here and there, but not.

[00:49:14] And compared to Atlanta, it wasn't her full show, but it was a good, I'd say 50 minute set. Uh-huh. But then Marty comes out. I'm like, oh, Marty, we already saw you. Don't take up Tali's time. No. But whatever it was for him. He said, I have nothing. He's been mouthing off on Facebook the whole time. He was bombarded with comments after it was shared. With some pointing to flags in Olive Branch previously being lowered for the death of Charlie Kirk.

[00:49:44] I am. And comedian Bob Hope. Wow. If you lowered him from Bob Hope. Forget about Charlie. He's political. We're not getting into that argument. But you did it for Bob Hope. I'd lower it if, if for Dolly before anyone politician somebody wrote. He's never served in the military. And that's what he's running this about.

[00:50:14] It should be reserved for military members. Well, you don't have to serve in the military to admire the military and give them their cap. I totally get that. But he's saying that it should be reserved for military, fallen military service members or first responders. Well, but we haven't. It's just a weird thing to hang your hat on for that when you're not a serviceman. I mean. Yeah. You know. I want to talk about.

[00:50:42] Well, everybody else did tributes. The Times Square. I mean, the Empire State Building. Niagara Falls turned all the falls pink. I know. It's so great. It's so great. The New York Times gave her the cover that is only usually reserved for presidents, Ken. How about that, Ken? Yep. So if the New York Times, which, by the way, I knew somebody once who knew somebody who died and wanted to put an obit in. It's like $2,000 a word. Yes. Or $200 a word. I don't know.

[00:51:13] But like an obit will cost you like 10 grand. Hers. Nobody paid for that. They just did it. Speaking of news, too. How about CNN? And who's in charge? That was so ridiculous. They put up a picture of, quote, Dolly Parton, and it's a drag queen. Yep. Impersonating. Yes. It's an impersonator. The guy who is that guy. Yep. Said, I couldn't believe it. I started getting all these phone calls. They're like, why did you go on? Your picture was on CNN as the real Dolly.

[00:51:42] He's like, I didn't. Right. Submit that. That is, I'm sorry, but I'll bet you it's either a super nerd who's never heard of Dolly Parton or one of the children that went, Google me a Dolly Parton picture. Okay. And then boom, they sent it over. I'm like, wow. Especially last week, there were thousands of Dolly pictures available. But you know what? Good for her drag queen self. That's awesome. Well, congratulations. She gets a good little call. Congratulations to the drag queen for making it that far.

[00:52:11] And I got to say, look pretty good. Yeah. Looked a good impersonator. The two states that axed Dolly Parton's, I'm shaming, I'm doing public shaming, Indiana and Missouri. Now, Tay Tay gave back the money before Dolly died, before there was any press on it, quietly gave back the money to re-infuse what the Missouri Republicans took out. Right.

[00:52:40] Indiana, I don't know. Missouri cut $4 million. Indiana cut $6 million from the program. I hope. I'm going to publish a name. I'm going to do the names on, I'll do it on the facial book. That'll cause shit, though. People, but I don't care. And they should all be publicly shamed. I don't think we need to do that. I know. Here's a link. I don't need to. On his website, you can donate to Ken, his campaign via PayPal. But he'd like you to put friends and family to avoid fees.

[00:53:13] Ken. We're all going to find the Republican running against you. If there was a way I could take money. We're going to give it to that person. If there was money, I could take money away from you, I would. If there was a way I could steal from you, I would. You know, we just got to find out who's running against Ken in the primary. Right. And that little Republican is going to blip blip. Yeah. Yep. We'll support that person. Yeah, there you go. You only take PayPal. God. Can I Venmo you? You can Venmo me at Ken's a moron. 1958.

[00:53:43] Wow. By the way, no commercial airport in the United States has ever been named after a woman. What? Now what's weird, if you've ever flown into Burbank, which is called Bob Hope Airport, there's a lot of pictures of Amelia Earhart. And every comedian that goes to open mic night eventually stumbles upon that and eventually says, should we really have a picture of a lady who got lost and never came back? It's the standard khaki joke. But it is true. That's right.

[00:54:11] You do think, oh, you know, I don't have a fear of flying at all, but I don't know if I did. And then I'm like, well, this lady never even came back. Right. Still missing. Yeah. Found her son. The U.S. has major airports named for presidents, senators, boxers, a jazz trumpeteer, and an actor. Some, the women of aviation received smaller honors.

[00:54:34] Amelia Airport, she got a small airport in her Kansas hometown and a baggage area in Boston Logan. The closest anyone came was Little Rock has been named Bill and Hillary Clinton Airport since 2012. I knew when I went to go do that Oak Lawn Casino, I flew into Little Rock. I was like, uh-oh. Kind of surprised that passed in Arkansas. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a national airport. It's not international. So you can't count that.

[00:55:04] Here we go. Austin named a terminal for Congresswoman Barbara Jordan, a baggage area. A baggage area? No. A terminal and a baggage area and a couple of small airfields. Never the airport itself. And a bar. For Barbara. You know. It should be called Barbara's Bar. Alabama should get on K-Ivy. Yeah. Can you imagine that ceremony? The K-Ivy epic because she's still alive. See how old she is now. The governor. I believe she's still the governor. Governor.

[00:55:34] I could listen to her accent for days. And I disagree with probably at least 70% of what she thinks it feels. But I really want to go drinking with her. 1944. The 40s. 40s are coming. Yeah. Wow. Oh. Went to Auburn. Don't worry. What? Termines were almost going to be done by this. I'm really irritated with that man. Ken? Ken. Mayor Ken? It's just such a.

[00:56:04] It's kind of a. The last qualification is what she qualifies as. Yeah. Name someone else. Mm-hmm. Maybe not even in the globe. Like if you said the Pope, there's all the people that say no, you know. K's term ends next year. Oh, no. K-Ivy. Yeah. She's been in the position for. How old is K now? Nine years. That's crazy. I said to my friend, Vic Henley's brother, Terry Henley, went to grade school with K. Oh. And high school. Scorpio. Scorpio. Oh. Mm. I'll lash out.

[00:56:35] Wait. I said, Terry knows her. And my old, Vic's older brother. And he went to Auburn and stuff. And I said, hey, I want to go drinking with her. Nope. She's a Libra. Whew. Oh. That's why I like her. By three days. That's why I'm enthralled. Because she'll say things that I'm like, I know that's wrong, but I want to vote for her. Because I keep, I want to keep listening to her talk. Yep. It's an accent that is going to leave the earth within 50 years. And it's, I love it. It's wonderful lilt. Y'all, Merry Christmas. It's me, your governor.

[00:57:05] You're my hugger. This is a time where we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Yep. And it's just so. And you just hear, load the shotgun. They don't see. The rocks and the glass. Her political ads. She was always shooting at something. And I'm like, look at Meemaw going after her. And one ad I saw, someone, you don't see who until the end is shooting everything. Cans, bottles. This is an ad in Huntsville I saw. And then it said, if you want a straight shooter.

[00:57:33] And then the camera flips and there's Kay with her rifle. Yeah, go on. Vote for me for governor. I get. Wow. Via PayPal. Shut up. Yeah, we disagree. So dumb. But she just isn't. She's like a time traveler. Like an old, old southern person. She's Annie Oakley. Nobody has that accent anymore. And people do, but not. It's getting phased out. How old is she? She's like a golden girl.

[00:58:04] What? How old is Kay Ivey? Kay Ivey? I think I said 44, right? 1944? How many times has she been married? The number one. Oh! Divorced twice. No kids. Right. Mm-hmm. Let's see. Governor. Okay. So many things I'm going to go. She's 82. Yep.

[00:58:34] Okay. We're moving on. I'll wrap this up. I know I've done a lot. Martha could be president, though. I mean, there's a lot. We could get. They should be like a tribunal. Like a coven. Of the old ladies? Yeah. Well, of old anybody's. Okay. Maybe not a coven. That's women. So make it a tribunal. And then we have, you know, they all can help. And instead of being the figurehead who's 80-something running things, you just, you know. They're consultants. You phone a friend.

[00:59:04] They're the, I call me and my one brother the senior counsel. Exactly. Yes. Exactly. We're in charge. You're in charge of the family. In case you were wondering, Dolly's last public appearance, public, was at the truck stop that I still haven't gotten to yet. It's her, Dolly's truck stop travel. And I thought she looked fine. That wasn't that long ago. Have you been yet? I haven't been. No, I haven't been. I haven't had time. And all of her charitable stuff, everybody knows.

[00:59:32] The hospital in East Tennessee. The money from I Will Always Love You, she took all the royalties and gave it to the poor black area of Nashville. Yep. All of it. Yep. She also secretly paid for all black marching bands' uniforms and never, ever copped to that. Like, never made it a thing. I thought that was cool. Yeah. She's just a wonderful human. Yes. Love it. I will not go through it. They go through that on the news. You don't need to hear all that.

[01:00:01] It's another strange little fact. Two of them. Her chauffeur was a trans man. Really? Yeah. Cool. Jason Pirro. For like 30 years. Yeah. She didn't care. No. Like, what? If you like Dolly, follow the lead. Yep. Follow the lead. She didn't care. The KKK, I didn't know they were still active. I guess so.

[01:00:30] They tried to block gay people from entering Dollywood, and she had one answer. Am I going to say they're not coming in here? Of course not. And she was the first one to say gay like during AIDS. Well, probably Eliza Vanelli. Yeah. But yeah. And Cher. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of other people. Years later, transgender musician Our Lady J needed surgery to cut her insurance wouldn't cover. And Dolly organized a benefit to raise the money herself.

[01:01:00] When she was asked to write a song about Transamerica, a movie about a transgender woman, she watched the movie. She watched an unfinished version of the film. She woke up the next morning and wrote Traveling Through. It earned her an Oscar nomination. Wow. Yep. She also secretly entered a Dolly Parton lookalike contest at a gay bar filled with drag queens. And she lost. No. Yep. Made her hair bigger. And she put on, she did her beauty mark darker. And nobody thought she was a fake. That's hilarious.

[01:01:30] She said, I love, I know, and I love them all. I do not judge. They cannot help any more than I can help being Dolly Parton. Good for you. She also had a Boston, a Boston Terrier. She did have a cat once too. I read that. So she's both. Because she was more of a dog person. Which I would love a dog. Yeah. All those Ridgely and Beagles, I would take any single one of them. But I'm just not home enough. I'm obsessed with those videos. She goes, um, all right, we're going to move on. Holly Bobby's at work.

[01:02:01] Should we call Holly Bobby? Uh-huh. All right. Let's do it. Kathy. I'm at my desk. Call. HollyBobby. Buenos dias. Buenos dias. Hello, Bob. We're going to do our British accent. Hi, Bobby. Hello. Yeah.

[01:02:29] What are you doing in British accent? Are you talking about the Hercals again? I'm going to be talking about the Hercals. You bet your ass. It's very soon. They took a private jet back there, Bob. That's a lot of money. They did? Who paid for it? The eco-warriors. I don't know who's paying all their bills. I know who's helping them. It's some, I don't know, guy. I'll tell you. You'll have to listen after we hang up to the podcast because I'm going to tell you. Okay. Who's giving them the house? Who's helping them pay for the house? And who's giving Sarah Ferguson money? She's moving back too. You got two redheads now moving back.

[01:03:00] Harry and Sarah. Jesus. What is going on? What is going on? She was on the run. She's hiding from the Andrew thing. I know. We just did a lot of- I was going to say something about Sarah Ferguson. Okay. Please do. Please do. Well, first of all, first of all, I'm kind of whispering because I'm in a meeting at Warner Brothers and I thought you were going to call me at 730. I was. I'm sorry. You're way late, Cass. I'm late. Oh, God. Okay. I know. I just kept texting him. She's talking about Dolly.

[01:03:29] Do you want to just talk later? Are you in trouble? No. No, no, no. Let's talk because I found a private place and snuck away because I knew you were going to call. Why are- So I'm like hiding in an office at Warner Brothers. Do you have a hall pass? Why are you at Warner Brothers? Meetings with the film company here, the publicist, to see what they have coming up. So, you know, it's just, it sounds glamorous, but it's really not. It's just like any other job in America.

[01:03:56] We were sitting around a conference table and going, conference room table going, yeah, that's a good idea. That's a great idea. Okay. Let's dial down on that. You get a call. Ping me tomorrow. Bumping this to the top of your inbox. Ew. Yes. I hate that. I hate that. Wait, wait, wait. So Sarah Ferguson, though, she was so nice when I was at the Kelly Clarkson show.

[01:04:21] She shook everyone's hand on the stage and the crew and talked to the audience off camera and she was lovely. And I was just like, oh my God, she's so classy. But then when you read about, you know, the secrets and you're just like, oh, geez. Yeah. She's emailing Jeffrey Epstein that he's a wonderful person. I met her backstage. I did the Martin Short. No one's going to remember this. It had a daytime show. And it was.

[01:04:49] You know who was a writer on that show? No. Kara from the Kelly Clarkson show. Your producer. Oh. Yes. I love Martin Short. He's so funny. A Canadian, by the way. And I went on that and he played Jiminy Glick, that character that would interview you and blah, blah, blah. And Sarah did not understand any of it. But these people, I thought they were Ralph Lauren jackets because my mom used to wear those like badges things. Yeah. We did a TJ Maxx. Well, it turns out those were her like security people.

[01:05:19] And this man hands me a piece of paper and said, these are the rules if you were to encounter Duchess Ferguson. I'm like, she might be a duchess to you, Jack Straw. But I thought his badge said RL, like Ralph Lauren. It said HRH. Her Royal Highness. And then she came in the tiny green room and it was just me and her and there's M&Ms. There's all kinds of food. But she's doing Weight Watchers. That's what she was plugging at the time. We know she wanted those M&Ms.

[01:05:48] Well, they said, she's like, hello. I said, hi. And she said, no, no one's very talkative. I said, because your people just handed me a list of shit. And here's what it says, Sarah. Maybe you've never read your paper. I'm not supposed to talk to you unless I'm spoken to. I go, all of these rules, I'm not supposed to feed you. I'm not supposed to. These are the same rules that apply to a bear in Yosemite. Do you understand?

[01:06:18] And she's like, let me see that. And I'm like, oh, I've caused a royal fight. This is so exciting. But she was friendly. I agree. I liked her. I mean, she kept talking. Well, but here's the thing. We're wasting our time talking about these people. We need to talk about Dolly Parton, please. I did. We just did a lot on Dolly. But I want to hear when you booked her. Was she nice? I've booked her and worked with her at Leno and at the Kelly Clarkson show.

[01:06:46] I mean, she's just a person that just affects you for the rest of your life in a positive way. Because you talk to her on the floor of the studio where you're taping. And you just walk away and go, yeah, I shouldn't flip off the driver that cut me off. I just got to look the other way and be a nicer person. Peace be with you. Right? I mean, that – Have a bliss day.

[01:07:14] But she walks into a room and she just lights it up. Yeah. And it's a gift. It's a gift that we're all not born with. And she definitely had it. Yeah. That's awesome. Patience. Patience. I don't have to. Yeah, but here's the other thing too. I've been – I don't know how you've been feeling. But like all of a sudden, Clark and I will be watching something on Netflix like The Shards. All of a sudden, he'll start crying. And I'm like, Clark, what's wrong?

[01:07:40] I'm thinking like maybe he's worried about his cancer because he gets his CT scans today. Oh. Or he's upset about his dad passing away at Christmas. And he goes, Dolly Parton's dad. Yes. Me too. Me too. I've been crying for a week. Tuesday when we got done with the podcast last week, I think it was Tuesday. Tuesday. We didn't know about it. And then we sat down outside to do the editing. And then I just had a thousand beers and cried. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[01:08:10] That's all you can do. I can't get any of her music out of my head. I keep thinking, Jolene, Jolene. Yeah, I know. I always loved you and everything. And nobody else has dominated a news cycle in my lifetime with the current way with social media and stuff this long. No. It's over a week. And the Nashville News is still opening with it. I mean, well, it's Nashville. I get it. We're a little more over the top. Yeah. Because the hotel opens in two weeks. Yeah.

[01:08:40] It's so sad she didn't make it to see. She probably saw it, though. Well, can we go to the hotel when I'm there in October? Yes. We'll go have drinks. And we can also go to her hotel, Dreamland. I forget I've been there. Dreamland. Dreamland. Dreammore Hotel. It's like two and a half hours away. It's no big deal. Okay. Or the truck stop. I want to do that. We can go to the truck stop, too. The truck stop. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be a tour of Dolly. Yeah. Which is in two different. But the hotel looks phenomenal.

[01:09:08] I mean, the outside, it's the happiest building downtown in Nashville by a million. Like, they're all happy, honky-tonks. But this looks like there's a giant guitar, a giant butterfly. I did a video on my Instagram. You should go watch it. I think I saw it. Yeah, it was great. I saw it. I did see it. I saw it. It was great. It looks good. You know, talk about another philanthropist. Look who is turning into like a young giver, a philanthropist. Olivia Rodrigo. Yes. With her TV chain festival.

[01:09:36] $20 million for women's reproductive and health rights. I think, I mean, god dang. I wish I was that thoughtful when I was in my 20s. You know? Motivated, too. Well, you were motivated. I was motivated to get a good job. I was more selfish. I didn't do anything. I didn't give back like these kids are doing. You didn't have any money. Well, yeah, but you got to have money to give money. You got to make. That's true. Yeah.

[01:10:02] And when we're, I'm 25, I'm making $250 a week as an opening act at a Funny Bone. Yeah. If that's if I'm lucky. No travel. That's true. I could get gas money out of them. I ain't got any money to give till I get some money. Then I can. I forget. It was Stevie, Sarah McLaughlin. Who's this Doshi girl? Doshi? Yeah. She does. Oh, she's really good. She like, she's a rapper. And I, I talked, we talked about her when I was at the GLAAD Awards.

[01:10:31] She won Best Singer. And her table was right next to mine. I was like, oh God, we might be winning. Kelly Clarkson's show might win because we're sitting next to the winner of the music. And then our category lost. You think you're going to win by your table proxy? Yes. I thought so. Oh, because you're, well, because you're positioned. People don't know that. Like the general public, like if you see the Emmys and the Grammys, blah, blah, blah, blah. The winners are all seated up front. Yes. Like easy access to the stage.

[01:10:59] So when you see the opening of the show, pay attention to who's up front. Yeah. Yeah. I get what you mean. Like, well, that table by table, we should be a winner table. Yeah. Yeah. I thought we were winner, winner, chicken dinner table. Loser, loser. After they announced my category, I got back on the freeway and drove to Orange County. I'm like, I'm not staying till the end. But anyway, but yeah, I mean, she's a rapper. Okay. Yeah, she's good.

[01:11:25] And how did Olivia Rodriguez, Rodriguez, what's her name? Rodrigo. Rodrigo. Okay. Like, I'm sure my nieces know who she is. Is she just a singer girl that got famous? Yeah. She writes her own lyrics and writes her own songs. She's super popular. And she's from Temecula originally. And, you know, she's early 20s. My sister, Leanne, you guys know Leanne. Yes. And my niece, Jordan, they went together. And they went on the merry-go-round.

[01:11:55] They went in the bounce house. They went in everything. Oh, there was all kinds of shit there? Yeah. This festival? Yeah. It's on the old El Toro Marine Base. They're converting it to the Great Park in Irvine. And it's just, it's beautiful out there. And it's by my mom's house. And they went. And they had a great time all day. And then the music was great, they said. And then there was no traffic. In and out. It was so organized. Oh, I thought it was just a concert. I didn't realize it was a whole shindig. It's a festival. It was a festival.

[01:12:25] Okay. Well, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah. And they're going to do it again next year. So. Uh-oh. Well, maybe she'll get Cher. That's cool. Maybe she'll get another older queen. That would be cool. Cher could just get in the car service and drive down from Malibu. Right. Martha Stewart could come out and emcee it with Snoop Dogg. Oh, my God. That would be totally fun. Right. They're making a movie about Snoop Dogg's life. Did you know that? No, that's great. But I did see that they're trying to find that. They've. I think somebody got convicted for Tupac's murder finally. Yesterday. Oh, yeah.

[01:12:55] Yeah. Yesterday. Not that. But they all were running around at the same time. Snoop and all them. Yeah. But I think we all knew that guy did it. But at least he got nailed with it. Yeah. Hey, is Amy going to be on today? She is. After you. Oh, good. Okay. Because I got to listen to last week's podcast. I've got to make those three items for my cocktail party for my birthday on Sunday. I'm making the artichoke dip and I'm going to tape that because I'm excited about that. Because here's the thing. We're going.

[01:13:22] I have to go up there for this engagement party thing. And unfortunately, it's going to be like a hundred in the Ozarks. So that takes away like golf. That takes away. That means get in the lake. Yeah. And we need dip all day because I'm not. Yeah. I have to break my brother's heart and tell him I'm not golfing if it's 95 at 9 a.m. Can't do it. I can't do it. No, you can't do it. I can't do it. You know what? Before I go, because I have to go, they're texting me where are my.

[01:13:51] Those dings. Did you hear those dings? I just looked at them on my laptop. They're like, where are you? But pay attention to the weather here in Southern California this weekend. We're supposed to get hit by like a hurricane. Yeah. And California never gets hit by hurricanes. We did two years ago in Palm Springs and it was a disaster in Cathedral City. It wiped out all those homes. So buckle down. See, I don't. I always think they call it El Nino. No, it's Hurricane Hillary. Oh, okay.

[01:14:21] Well, I'm a really good. I'm really good friends with Jim Cantore, the main star of the weather. So if there's any inside information, I will text you and Clark so you don't die. So we'll take cover. Oh, no. Now they're calling me. Okay. You have to go. Bye, Bobby. Happy Labor Day. Bye. All right. They're texting me. He's in a closet. I love that Bob will still take my call no matter what. Hi, Kathy. Hi.

[01:14:51] He's the only person that's allowed to call me Kathy. And he's saying it in a joking way because I don't like it. No. No. I'm good with Kathleen or Kat, but or Maddie for Madigan. But that's Ron's. That's Ron's. Yeah. Got to ask about that. Or sometimes when he was really drunk, he'd go, Catalina Madigan is. Wow. Where are we going for tacos? Anywhere you want. I'm like, Ronaldo Blanco. You will decide.

[01:15:21] So just before we call it, we got to call Amy. And I get, I just wanted to go over like Lionel Richie fell over in St. Louis. Sadly, he's in ICU. Nobody should be performing outside. Nobody should. Over the age of 70. Well, it doesn't matter how old you are. Well, it does matter. Xavier could handle it. I can't. But the crowd is also that age. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Here's some famous people that are alive in their 80s. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

[01:15:49] It's just interesting because a lot of these people I have forgotten. Some, the first three I have not forgotten. Donald Trump is 80. Bill Clinton is 80. Paul McCartney is 84. And he's still out. Yeah. Ringo Starr is 86. Being a Beatle. Joe Biden's 83. Who's Valentina Dreschkova? She's 89. I don't know. She's dressed like a Russian soldier. She's dressed like Joseph Stalin. So I don't know who that is. George Bush Jr. is 80. What? Yeah. Wow. Linda Ronstadt's 80.

[01:16:22] Annie Friedlingstad. I think she's an ABBA person. She's 80. Chubby Checker is still alive. He's 84. Wow. Oh my God. Valentina's a cosmonaut. Well, she's dressed like she's going to invade Poland. Yeah. She's a Pisces. Good for her. Eric Clapton's 81. Cher's 80. Liza Manella, 80. Barbara Streisand's 84.

[01:16:51] I'm going to the 90s next. You don't even know what's happening here. Joni Mitchell, 82. Barry Manilow, as we know. But I can't see it. I've already done how. George Taki, the guy from Star Trek, the Asian guy. 89. Wow. Diana Ross, 82. Keith Richards. Dionne Warwick's 85. Wow. And she is so funny on Twitter. She's hilarious. I refuse to call it X. Very funny. Yep. Nancy Pelosi's 86. Night-night.

[01:17:21] Smokey Robinson, 86. Charles Schwab, where we care about your future. He's 89. Of course he is. Neil Diamond's 85. I mean, I'm not even reading them all. I'm just doing the hits here. Mario Andrade, 86. Jack Nicklaus, 86. Jack's moving slow. Yeah. Guess who isn't? Gary Player. Gary Player. Nobody likes Gary Player more than Gary Player. Hello. Watch me do 90 sit-ups. Stop. Stop. Stop it.

[01:17:50] Morgan Freeman's 89. Is he really? Yep. Wow. I'm just reminding people. Carole King, 84. Rod Stewart, 81. Jack Nicholson, 89. Wow. Is this boring, people? I couldn't believe it. Bernie Sanders, we know. Hello. I'm still alive. I'm 187. I'm actually from the Bible. So listen to what I say. I love Bernie. Tom Jones, 86. Out on tour. Yep. He was following me in Atlantic City.

[01:18:21] I did my show. Yep. I did my shows. And it was all about Tom Jones the following weekend. And then I'm like, who is still going? And Dory was like, oh, my mom. I had to buy tickets immediately. I'm like, okay. Dustin Hoffman's 89. Sirhan Sirhan, the guy who shot Kennedy. Robert, 82. Let's move on to some people in their 90s before we call Amy. Oh, my God. Is this fun, right? Yeah, it's fun. I can't even believe all this.

[01:18:50] Termites always tell me if something's boring or too long, I won't do it again. I do accept constructive criticism. I do not accept mean statements. You will be blocked and punished forever in my mind. And don't send emails. You're only blocked if it means something. 99.9% is nice. Or constructive criticism. I love it. Somebody sent me a book to help me with grammar stuff. It's so great. And they sent me a Pope trading card. I mean, you guys are the best. It's awesome.

[01:19:16] Because the one time Ron was here, and I had all this stuff from the weekend and stuff from UPS, and he's like, why do these people send this stuff? I said, it's from the podcast. It's not from stand-up comedy. He goes, I don't get presents. I go, because you do stand-up. You don't get presents for that. You get a paycheck for that. I get no paycheck for the podcast, so people try to send nice things. He goes, right, but it's like shit you know and shit you like. Like, there's cat stuff here and Bigfoot shit here. I go, because unlike you, they listen to the podcast. All right.

[01:19:46] People over 90. Julie Andrews is 90. We can't lose Julie Andrews. You can't. No. No. No. I'll cry on that one, too. Oh, no. Yeah, I know. Dolly, I cried a lot longer than I would have thought. When Stevie dies, just don't even call me for a week. Nope. Just don't. There's going to be albums no one's even heard of. I'll play Street Angel, the one I threw out of my car. You have shit in this house that I'm like, what is this? Well, it's from Trides. All right.

[01:20:14] Buzz Aldrin, the astronaut. 96. Dick Van Dyke, a hundo. Wow. Rita Moreno, who looks awesome. 94. Yoko Ono is still bebopping around at 93. Never even thought of her. Nope. I don't. I don't. Like, Tenzin Gaia. Gaia. So. Spell it. I think he's the Dalai Lama. 91. T-E-N-Z-I-N-G-Y-A-T-S-O. He's the Dalai Lama.

[01:20:44] The current one. Yep. All right. He's 91. Willie Nelson's 93. He's the 14th Dalai Lama. Joanne Woodward. 96, the actress. Who's this person? Victus Finbogadotter. V-I-G-D-I-S. Last name F-I-N-N-B-O-G-A-D-O-T-T-I-R. Were you an ABBA? Hmm. Who is she?

[01:21:15] Victus what? F-I-N-N-D-O-P? No. B-I-N-N. Fin. Mm-hmm. B-O-G-A-D-O-T-T-I-R. It does not come up. Okay. Well, forget it. It says, do you mean Bucati? No. No. No. We'll find out. Rupert Murdoch, 95. Mel Brooks is a hundo. George Soros. Oh, so look.

[01:21:44] Murdoch and Soros opposing views. Other ends of the spectrum. He's 96. Sophia Loren, 91. Clint Eastwood, 96. Judi Dench, 91. She's wicked. I know. She says she can't see anymore, so she's not taking gigs. Louis Farrakhan, 93. Oh, boy. Ooh. Shirley Jones, 92. Sally Jesse Raphael is 91 and still posting very funny things. She's funny. I love her glasses. Those red glasses are wicked. She used to tape that show in St. Louis.

[01:22:13] And when I had my job at the restaurant, we had to take turns getting tickets. What? We would go to the tapings of the Sally Jesse Raphael show. Let's go get in line. That's right. Wow. It was easy to get tickets. William Shatner, 95. Ellen Bernstein. Oh, love her. 93. Alan Ald is 90. Imelda Marcos is still alive. 97. Unbelievable. Whoa. Robert Wagner. You still need to explain what happened in Hollywood. Mm-hmm. 96. Jessica Lange, 77. Oh, okay.

[01:22:43] Ooh. Creeping up. Noam Chomsky, 97. Nobody knows who that is. I do. I love Noam. Who is Noam? A writer, a philosopher. Chomsky? Christ. Jesus. Just because he's from America doesn't mean you shouldn't have learned about Noam and Canada. Well, I'm not saying it's Canadian. I'm saying it's me. C-H-O-M-S-K-Y. Chomsky. Oh, Noam. Noam.

[01:23:13] They say Noam like Garden Noam. He looks... He's 97. He went to University of Pennsylvania. Gloria Steinem's 92. Shirley MacLaine's 92. He loves the Eagles. I'm almost done. He loves the Eagles. Noam Chomsky loves the Eagles. The Philadelphia Eagles. I understand that. Yeah. I just posted a thing of dealing with an Eagles fan trying to help them with fantasy football. Mm-hmm. He went to the University of Pennsylvania. That's probably where that came from. Uh-oh. Mm-hmm. Warren Buffett's 95.

[01:23:42] Carol Burnett's 93. Kathleen, he talked about the Vietnamese War. I know. I know. He talked about philosophical rights and wrongs and morality. And back... Well, I was raised by, you know, Jack Madigan was in charge of his TV. This is what we're watching. Kathleen, what are your thoughts on the Vietnam War? He would go up against the super right-wing people. Mm-hmm. He did a lot of talking about, like, philosophical moralities, right and wrong,

[01:24:10] and how you should, you know, solve problems. Okay. Yeah. Warren Buffett's 95. Carol Burnett's 93. I'm almost done. Okay. Don Cherry. Didn't he die? Yeah. Oh. They still had him as a life, the Canadian hockey guy. Don Cherry. He's 92. 92. He might not have. No, he retired. It was bad. Oh, he retired. Yeah, because he was saying crazy things. Mm-hmm. He was saying bad things. Yeah. Oh, my God. I dream... Yeah, he's still alive, 92. He's alive. Okay, good. Then my thing is current.

[01:24:41] Yep. He's 92. Yep. Barbara Eden, I Dream of Jeannie. She's 95. His daughter passed away. That's right. Oh. Um... Gary Player's 90. I believe he'll be the first one, if I can tell you. Carl Icahn. Ruin TWA. Fuck you. Oh. He's 90. Michael Dukakis is... Ran for president. You guys, younger children. I know who he is. Well, okay. Mm-hmm. 92. Dan Rather's 94. Boom. Boom.

[01:25:10] Just keep these people on your mind. If you like any of them, say an extra prayer, because they're getting to that age where anything could go wrong. Anything. Wrap them in bubble wrap. All right. Let's call Amy, and then I'll get to my updates. Okay. What are you guys talking about? I forget. A fall sweater. A fall sweater. Well, I don't really forget. It's 100 degrees outside. I know, but it's supposed to be Labor Day. We're supposed to be turning the corner. Can't wait to talk about sweaters.

[01:25:41] Dip you haven't made yet. I already told her I didn't do it. Okay. It was all about work. Are we adding showers? Hi, Kathleen. Hi, Paddles. Hi, Katie. Hi. Hi, fabulous Amy. How are you enjoying the 97 degree heat in Missouri right now? I'm hotter than a biscuit. It's so hot outside. Are you on the dock at least? You know what? We were on the dock pretty much half of the day yesterday, and we went on a paddleboard,

[01:26:10] or I did, which wasn't very bright. It was like 101 degrees, and I thought, you know what? I'll go out for a little bit of a paddle. I got about 30 minutes out and had to call your brother for a towback on his Sea-Doo. Oh, no, shit. He threw me a rope, and then I ended up doing a new sport. It's called stand-up paddling behind a Sea-Doo. And we ended up having so much fun that we ended up doing it for another hour and a half,

[01:26:39] and then finally we got home. So it was quite funny. I love it. So you don't care if your phone gets wet? Well, you know what? It's in this, like, OtterBox thing, so you can run it over with a car, and I think it can go below, like, 10 feet or something. Oh, okay. It's an iPhone thing, Kathleen. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't know about that. The galaxies don't know about that. No, the galaxies encourage us to stay on land. Yeah, no, I put my phone right on my paddleboard, and so it's kind of, you know, in case I decide I need to make sure.

[01:27:08] Well, that's a good idea, or in case, which you didn't understand, that bears can swim, that a bear might swim up to your paddleboard, and then what? Right? I don't know what I would do. I really honestly don't know what I would do. I would be walking on water. That's what I would be doing. Yeah. It'd be a miracle. Me and Jesus. Yeah. And a bear. And a Missouri brown bear. And the bear, right. Right, right. So what are we talking about to be fabulous this week? All right.

[01:27:35] We have so much fabulousness to talk about today. Okay. So Labor Day is this weekend, as you well know, and it does mark the end of summer. And it's, you know, it's a bummer for everybody except for parents that have kids that are headed back to school. They're all very excited. And Labor Day started as a federal holiday, and it was established by President Grover Cleveland in 1894. That's a name you don't hear anymore, Grover.

[01:28:06] Grover. No. No. You don't hear it. No, he's a wonderful mum. You don't hear it. Exactly. I would not think you could win with that name. Well, he did. He sure did. In 1894, he listened to the activists that were fighting to end unsafe workplaces and child labor and the 12-hour workdays. So he established this along with Congress. And now the first Monday of every September, we get a holiday. That's nice.

[01:28:34] And that, you know, today for us, folks don't really know why we do it, but we're off and we have barbecues and we go back to school and there's parades and picnics, et cetera. But most importantly, to stay fabulous, it's your signal to start changing your wardrobe around for fall and all those rules that go along with this transition. So I want to ask you, do you wear white after Labor Day?

[01:29:05] Pants. Like, yeah. Like, let's say I go to eat breakfast at the golf course. They have a little brunch deal. Mm-hmm. Right. Well, no. I probably trade it. Are you after Labor Day? I probably switch them. Well, you killed here because it's still, you know, 100. Yeah. Right. So I don't, I mean, who thought September was going to be hotter than August in the middle, whole middle of the country, but it is. So would I wear them up there for brunch?

[01:29:33] All the way probably through the end of September, yes. But then I would switch it all out because I know I'm supposed to, or somebody said that in Southern Living. See, exactly. Exactly. So this, you cannot wear white or open-toed shoe rule. Let's talk about that for a minute because in some circles still in the U.S., that's a thing. And back in the late 1900s when this all started, it was a huge faux pas.

[01:29:57] So, you know, wearing white only between Memorial Day and Labor Day, it derived back in the late 19th century, I guess, the Gilded Age-ish. And it was meant more for practicality and socioeconomic gatekeeping. So it's super interesting. So it's super interesting. But the wealthy elite would escape to the seaside resorts, right? Right. Because it was too hot. Because they didn't have air conditioning. Right. Exactly. So they'd wear the lightweight, white, breathable clothing, et cetera, to kind of keep them cool.

[01:30:27] And then when they returned in September back to the cities, you know, where it was dirty and soot-filled, et cetera, they'd pack away their summer wardrobes and then they'd change back into their darker autumn clothing that wouldn't show the dirt. So this became kind of this unwritten etiquette rule as a gatekeeping mechanism used by the old money, quote unquote, to distinguish themselves from the newly rich who didn't know the rules. Yeah.

[01:30:56] Very classic, right? I feel like that could still kind of exist on some level. Oh, yeah. Like, I feel like if I got invited to a very fancy St. Nashville backyard cocktail party adjacent to the polo field, I would not know what to wear. Like, I wouldn't go. I would just be like, I can't. I don't even know how to do that. Well, and that's probably appropriate because, you know. They don't want me there.

[01:31:23] And it's funny because I don't, I mean, you know, they say nowadays, like the fashion bloggers and a lot of the big luxury brands, there are no official rules against wearing whiter sandals. But, you know, if you, in many, in many parts of America, like the South and parts of the East Coast, it's very much alive. You know, in the South, the no white shoes after Labor Day and before Easter is absolutely in existence today.

[01:31:53] And it's considered a minor breach of social etiquette. And it's strongly policed, I think. Like, you know, my dad's from the South and I grew up with this rule. And it's really kind of part of who I am because I cringe when I see someone walking down the street with white shoes after Labor Day. So it's a thing. It's definitely a thing. Well, I cringe when I see any open-toed shoe on airplanes. It's just gross. Stop with the flip-flops.

[01:32:19] If this plane crashes, your little flip-flops, that plastic's going to melt to your feet forever if you're lucky and alive. Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're lucky, we're alive, right? Right. Exactly. So it was funny because I was thinking about this. And so I actually texted the twins and Sienna because I'm thinking, there's no way that Gen Z knows about this, right? Or do they? So I texted the girls and said, hey, have you guys ever heard of this rule about not wearing white on Labor Day?

[01:32:50] And what? And I got, I never heard of it. I wear whatever I want. Wear whatever I want. And the other one is, I've heard of it, but I don't listen to anybody. Oh, no. And then the other one says, there's a rule about wearing white. And you can kind of guess who those guys are. Yeah. But yeah. So yeah, the Country Club Elite in New England, they do not wear white or open-toed shoes after Labor Day. No matter what. Swap it out. Yeah. But New England's cooler.

[01:33:20] The temperature's way better. What are we supposed to do here in the middle of the muck when it's 100? I'm not supposed to. Well, listen. This rule totally is dissolved on the West Coast. The West Coast folks don't follow it at all. And California never did. So it's really just pockets in the U.S. I mean, right now, you know, bottom line, there is no rule, quote unquote, and no one really cares. You know, some people might have it ingrained in them like me, not to wear white.

[01:33:48] But, you know, you're not a faux pas anymore if you're wearing, you know, sandals or white pants October 1st. So you're good. Good to know. Do you have a sweater for us? I do. I went very long with Holly Bobby, so. No, no, no. Oh, totally. Yeah. So, you know, what I also is we're talking about Labor Day and what you need to start thinking about transitioning your wardrobe. What you really, really need is something you can layer.

[01:34:14] Because the weather goes from 90 degrees back down to 60 degrees, back up to 70, then down to 50. I mean, it's all over the place. So you really want something for the fall that you can layer, that you can put on in love. So my thing that I ultimately have to have is a cashmere sweater or a cashmere zip up with a hoodie or without a hoodie, but something that you can layer. Okay. It just goes for both men and women, and it should become a staple. Okay. Where do I get this? All right.

[01:34:42] So cashmere is a lot more expensive than wool. Yes. And you can get it, and it goes all across the gamut, right? You can get it from the luxury brands like Brunella Cuccinelli or Hermes or Laura Piana, and that's going to really, really set you back. Like that's the couple thousand dollar mark. Okay, yeah. I would not do that because I'm liable to spill shit on it or maybe even set it on fire. Exactly. Exactly. And I will talk a little bit about that too.

[01:35:12] But, you know, there's other brands out there like Veronica Beer or Ravella or G4. Have you? One of my favorites, which is Monticelli, which is a great brand. Those are going to cost between $300 and $500. But, you know, there's a diminishing return on these too. So, like, if you start to kind of look at these brands, I mean, you know, J.Crew offers a great cashmere sweater. Okay. And that's about $150. Yes. I bought one. It's green. I don't usually go for green.

[01:35:42] I don't know why. It just appealed to me online. And it arrived. And it is what they said. It's great. It's great. Yeah. It's great. And I thought this will, if you take care of this, this should last for a very long time. It's light. It's a lightweight grade B fiber from J.Crew. It's going to be, you know, a little bit lighter than the luxury brands. Yes. But overall, it's going to be a great sweater and it's going to last you for a couple seasons. But if you do want to bump up. It's thin. It's thin too, by the way. It is thin.

[01:36:12] In a good way. It is thin. In a good way. Like when you're saying layering, if I want to have a t-shirt on underneath that, I don't need a bulky sweater. No. And they all, I thought J.Crew went downhill for a while, but now I feel like they're kind of making sort of a comeback. No, they're back. They're back. I think the daughter took it over. Didn't she? I read an article about her maybe a year and a half to two years ago. I think she took over J.Crew and I think it's back. Well, that's when I feel like it started. It's not an exhaustion. Yeah. Because a lot of it was turning into gap stuff.

[01:36:41] And the gap went to shit. And I'm like, okay, you can't push this off. I remember being in LA at an outdoor mall. They had a J.Crew and there was a sweater. I was like, you cannot ask. I liked it because I don't know. It had a cat or something on it. And I'm like, 300 bucks? No. No, no, no, no, no. Because I know it's not good. But somehow it must be what you said. The daughter bought it. It did a turnaround, I feel like. Now I feel like this sweater that I ordered arrived and I thought I'll end up sending that back because it'll be junky.

[01:37:11] It's great. It's nice. They actually do a good cashmere. So that's a good choice as well. But, you know, funny enough, these price swings, they go all over the gamut. But usually after that $500, $600 mark, you're really paying for the brand prestige. Oh, okay. Good to know. Good to know. Anything over that, you're paying to wear the Hermes sweater or the pop sweater. And will other rich people, like if I go to the polo match, will they know that that would is that which I'm never going to.

[01:37:39] But if I were, would they know the difference? I'll tell you how you can spot a fake cashmere. You want to know? Yeah. All right. This is really interesting. And I don't recommend it for you because you'll end up burning your house down or your best friend that's wearing a sweater. So if you have the cash, you know, if you have a sweater and you think it may or may not be cashmere, you can easily tell. So you find a spare single loose thread.

[01:38:06] So flip open the sweater and look on the inseam and grab a thread and take a lighter and burn it. Oh my God. I know, right? This is why I'm not recommending Kathleen do this, but somebody else who is a little more talented and gifted. I do love fire though. So when you burn it, if it smells like hair and it catches fire very slowly, like smolders, that is probably a cashmere sweater.

[01:38:35] If it burns rapidly and it smells like plastic, then more than likely it's acrylic or polyester. So that's how you can tell. The other thing is you could go around and read the label. Because every cashmere sweater has to say 100% cashmere. Okay. But so my J.Crew one, now I'm going to have to go look if it says 100% cashmere. What is it? I don't know. It should be. It should be. J.Crew does do 100% cashmere.

[01:39:02] It's just a grade B or grade C fiber, which means that it's a shorter fiber. And those luxury brands that I'm telling you, like those Monticelli, Veronica Beard, they use the longer fibers. So there's no pilling. So those will last you like five or six years. I mean, I honestly, I have one that I've had for 12 years. So if I'm at a polo match, this is this fantasy scene.

[01:39:26] If I have on a fancy one, the over $500 label one, will another rich person be able to tell her or do they have to come up and burn my sweater? You know, interestingly enough, if it is a cashmere sweater, whether it's a grade B, C, D, whatever, no one's going to know. No one's going to know. I mean, it might be a little bit lighter. Like, you know, I could probably walk up to you and go, oh, hi, Kathleen, and pet you on the side and notice that it might be very light. And I might know that it would be a grade C sweater.

[01:39:56] But no, no, no. Okay, well, I'm going to go look at my J.Crew one. And then, yes. Yeah, it should say 100% cashmere. If it doesn't, if it says cashmere blend or cashmere heel or passionina-like, that means that they've tricked you. So, they've tricked you. You paid the $150, $200 and you've been tricked. So, yeah. Okay. Well, this is a wonderful fall update. We went long with Holly Bobby. And with Dolly. And with Dolly. I went long with Dolly. So, I got to keep it to here today.

[01:40:25] But now I know. I'm going to go pull out a fiber of that green sweater and set it on fire. Yeah. And I'm going to fill it. Get your cashmere hoodie, zipper, sweater. And I do like the idea of a cashmere zipper thing in case you get hot. It would be weird if I stripped off a layer at a polo match. Again, I'm never going. But if I did, I saw a scene in a movie. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I hope I... All right. Listen, get your cashmere sweat. I will see you soon. Maybe you'll be invited to one. There you go. Yes.

[01:40:55] We'll do some videos when I get up there. I'll see you this weekend. All right, darling. All right. Bye-bye. Bye. Cheers. Bye, beauty. Thanks, Amers. Who knows those things? That's why I'm always fascinated. I know. Never thought about that. Amy's like her own Martha Stewart, but like our version. I bet Martha Stewart doesn't know that you set a thread on fire and be able to tell. Well, let's write to her. Update!

[01:41:25] I'm sorry this is so off track today. It just had to be done. You can't... It's been a lot. Well, the Dolly. You can't... I mean, it's been a lot. It's a queen of a lifetime. Yep. I think I'm sadder about Dolly that I will be when Stevie dies because Dolly was just... There's so few good people left. We don't need to lose them. Not that Stevie's not good, but Dolly was just more philanthropic. Stevie's a rock star. You'd be a rock star. That's great.

[01:41:54] Dolly was like an angel. There's a big difference. Not that Stevie isn't her own angel. She's the white witch. Update! Amid the backlash, if you've been paying attention, again, I would never attend the Met Gala. I don't really even care. I don't understand the history of it. I don't even really... I know Anna Wintour because I'm a reader. You're a reader. Sometimes. Just not from Iowa. I'm not from Iowa.

[01:42:21] She's the editor of Vogue and all that. So she decided this whole thing was going to be about this John Galliano who has said crazy, horrible things about Jewish people and admits it. Like, he's not even saying I didn't say that. And Asian people. That came out this morning, too. Oh, really? Huge apology. Oh, he doesn't like Asian people? He's a hateful little dude. Well, also, he looks exactly like Vincent Price.

[01:42:48] Does anybody want to fucking comment on your weird-ass mustache? And you know what? Vincent Price came up with all that, and he owns it. Yeah. You doing it now, you just look like you're impersonating Vincent Price. Exactly. If you're one of the children, he's an old horror movie guy who's from where? St. Louis. I didn't know that. Yep. We got some weird ones. Tennessee Williams, the playwright. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Ike Turner. Wow. Yeah. We got a lot of weirdos in a good way. Good weirdos. Good weird.

[01:43:18] There's a difference between bad weird. Well, they have canceled. This guy. Okay. They were going to do the whole thing. Mm-hmm. He's the British designer. He doesn't look English. John Galliano. I don't know what his deal is. So that's my update. They have not announced what will take place. He was going to be the theme. He was going to be the exhibition. And people are like, hey, Grandma. Please Google how old is Anna Wintour. She's got to be. Am I even saying that right? Wintour?

[01:43:48] Wintour? I think it's Wintour. I bet she's 80. Just say Wintour. Wintour. Anna Wintour. Anna Wintour. She's 76. 76. Oh. She is a Scorpio. Oh. Meow. He said, I love Hitler. He told patrons who were Jewish that their mothers and forefathers would have been gassed. I mean, what the fuck? How do you? Oh. So he's canceled. And you know what? People go, cancel culture, cancel culture.

[01:44:17] First of all, it's consequence culture. I don't believe in cancel culture. If you did something and you are being employed by people and you will make money, they have the right to say, we are no longer employing you. You can say all you fucking want in your basement. You just shout it out all day long. And there will be no cancel culture. There's no consequences. Nothing. Because you're not employed by someone. Right. And this woman is trying to make, to uplift this guy. And everybody's like, well, then we're not coming. Right.

[01:44:46] That's our consequence to your action. So then your response to my action is another consequence. Yes. It's just so, so it's so rudimentary. I can't believe it. When people bitch about it, I'm like, I could go on and on about people that claim they've been canceled. And I love when the people aren't even famous and they say they've been canceled. Like, you got to be famous to get canceled. Or at least be prominent or a successful person.

[01:45:15] I'm not saying like celebrity fame, but you know, a Bill Gates or something like that. Right. Right. Update. Oh, the harkles. Oh boy. They have, this whole thing makes no sense. Unless they're on the run. Visa applications. Harry lied. He did. Idiot. Idiot. The idiot says he's never done drugs. Then he writes a book, spare, where he says all the drugs he's done. Yep. Dude. I just think he doesn't, he, they're so, both of them are so impulsive.

[01:45:45] Mm-hmm. And not well thought out. Nobody can reign them in. Nobody can tell them what they don't know because they're so smart in their own minds. Well, they're back in the UK. Oh boy. They're being secretly helped by a hedge fund billionaire. Oh. Yes. You were looking into that. It's a British guy named Ian Wace. Wace? Wace. W-A-C-E. Wace. Wace. Who shared an emotional bond with the Duke, and so he likes Harry. He's financing their move back.

[01:46:14] Wow. He said he is worth 1.2 billion. Whoa. Whoever this dude is. Like, how do they keep finding people that will just give them millions of dollars? I don't know. I know one person, Ron White, that if I needed a million dollars, he would give it to me. Yes. I know other comedians that have it. Not sure they'd give it. Right. That's 1 million, which I don't need and wouldn't ask for. But this is millions. Mm-hmm.

[01:46:44] He's their guardian angel. Oh my God. He was one of the largest hedge funds firms in the world, established in 1997. He's 63. So he's not like Warren Buffett old. Right. And he's got the money. I mean. It's crazy. That's who's financing this. We'll see how this goes. They want armed security, and they want it paid for by the British taxpayers. No. No.

[01:47:13] The answer's hard no. Pass. Not doing it, Harry. You move to it. You quit. Mm-hmm. You will never forget. You quit. Right. You quit the gig. And you made a big deal out of it. And you, oh, your freedom flight, all your horse shit. You go on Oprah, call the whole family racist. Nobody gets to respond. Mm-hmm. You write a book calling everybody a piece of shit. He's still waiting on an apology. How delusional are you, Harry? Did I write a book about our family? No. No. Did I go on Oprah, a global interview, and talk shit about the family? No.

[01:47:43] No. No. Did I say that we have to escape and that my father and my brother are trapped in an institution that's horrid? No, I did not. You did. Ugh. Right. And the eco-warriors took a private jet. You cannot go lecture us on, no, because they had to take the dog. Well, you know what? It's weird. Other people seem to move to other continents with their pets. Right. And they don't take a private jet. Nope. Nope. Nope.

[01:48:12] Or put the dog on a private jet that's not as big as this jet. But it was $120,000 one way to fly their dumb asses from California to England. Well, yeah. Did the billionaire pay for that? Took 10 hours. They don't say who paid for that. I don't know. Whoever paid for it probably doesn't know that they paid for it. Right. Right. Yeah. One of their charities.

[01:48:42] Swat-wong. One of their charities probably paid. They plan to stay in the UK for an extended stay with their children Archie, seven, and Lilibet, five, who expect to start school there in days. None of it makes sense. Not to mention these kids are like, oh, now we're British. If I'm, right. Yeah. The seven-year-old. Can we go to the beach? Nope. Nope. Whoa. Well, we can, but there's some cows on it. Do you care? Like in Ireland, there's kids. It's raining. What? There's some cows on the beach and stuff. I'm like, laying down. No. I'm chilling down on the beach.

[01:49:12] I love it, but I know most people would be. The Irish are surfing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dogs are free. The Irish beaches are great. But I prefer, I don't want the sun. I don't want 80 degrees. I like 68 hoodie little misty cows on the beach. I'm in. They're bringing their dogs, Mia and Pula, with them, but they're keeping their chickens in Montecito. Oh, thank God.

[01:49:42] Martha would like their chickens, probably. Who's taking care of the chickens? I could do that. I would like that. How long will they stay? I don't know, but it'll be for an extended period. Whether it's six months. And then what are you doing to these kids? You know, we take you away from everything you've ever known. Whether the kids are good or bad, whatever. It's not their fault. Here's your cousins. Here's your cousins. And if I'm William, I'm like, wait, that little bastard just moved into the backyard? They're just so pushy and aggressive.

[01:50:11] And Sarah Ferguson's returning to D.K. after seven months of on the run. Yep, she's coming. You can't stop her. She's been keeping a low profile and staying out of the country amid the fallout from her times to Jeffrey Epstein. She's returning to England in a matter of days, and shortly after Prince Harry and Meghan Markle arrive back, putting the two headline-making UK return just days apart. She'll be renting a six-bedroom property for around eight grand a month.

[01:50:40] Who's paying for that? Where's the house where I'm from? I don't know. The house is located in the home county surrounding London. Trying to read this like the BBC reads it. Now, on to sport. Now, on to sport. Holy shit, they found it. That's how you say it. I know. Holy shit, they found it. Nice. Scientists have confirmed, I love it, that the Vikings were living in North America nearly

[01:51:07] 500 years before Christopher Columbus crossed the Atlantic. And they can even pinpoint the year. Oh! The years AD 1021. 1021. The evidence comes from Lantz, Omeadows in Newfoundland, Canada, where archaeologists have already discovered the remains of a Norse settlement. But for years, nobody knew exactly when the Vikings had been there. Then the researchers studied pieces of the woodcut with metal tools inside the tree rings.

[01:51:40] They determined that the trees had been cut in 1021. That means Norse explorers were definitely here in North America 471 years before Columbus reached the Caribbean in 1492. The discovery does not mean Vikings were the first people here. Indigenous people had already lived across the continent for thousands of years. But it does confirm something extraordinary. Europeans crossed the Atlantic and reached North America centuries earlier than the version of history. Yeah. We all celebrated Columbus Day. He did not find America. No! No. Nope.

[01:52:09] And then somebody, I love the comments. Actually, Leif Erikson from Iceland made a round trip to Vinland, an island in Canada in the 10th century. In the 11th century, a man named Thorfinn Kalsafen Nini from Iceland made the same track. Rock on. There's always somebody that's got, no, no, no. Checkmate. Readers. So much news. And we're running so late. I'm sorry about that. People are going to, everybody's traveling this weekend.

[01:52:39] All right. If you guys can hang with me, I'll keep going. Otherwise, I can just save these until next week. Save the topical ones or do the topical ones. You got to talk about the good, good thing. Well, this, okay, that's true. I'll do the topical ones. But this one makes me happy because I have found two on my own. Now, I am kind of a bar rat. Like, I'm so excited to go to that Wolski's. You haven't talked about it on this. We talked about that before. Oh, no, I said Madison.

[01:53:08] Didn't I say that earlier? I can't even remember. Whatever. It's a bar in Wisconsin. But anyway, I have found mine at bars. I don't know where else they might be located. There's tiny Jesus figurines. They're little plastic Jesuses. Are quietly appearing in parks, stores, sidewalks, and other public places. Okay, I don't know why they didn't put bars in here because that's where I found mine. I have found two. And I feel like it's a message from Jesus. If I find him. And they're good luck.

[01:53:38] As a growing trend spreads around the world. Supporters say the small figurines are meant to brighten someone's day. They absolutely do. They're fun. I could buy all the plastic Jesuses I want. It's not the same as finding one randomly. Right. I sat down at my biker bar and right there on the windowsill, there was a tiny Jesus. And I said to the bartender, is that supposed to be there? She goes, oh, no. I don't even know why that. It was a while ago because they hadn't come out yet. Yeah, she goes. Because you sent me a picture. Take it, I guess.

[01:54:08] Like none of us knew what to do. I don't want to take it if it belongs to the bar and somebody thinks that's funny. And I'm not going to steal your stuff. But supporters say the small figurines are meant to brighten someone's day. Encourage hope and spark meaningful conversations about faith through a simple act of kindness. Others see them as a harmless surprise. While some believe religious messages should stay out of public spaces. Do you think leaving tiny Jesus figurines in the public is a positive way to spread faith? Yes. Yes.

[01:54:37] And if you don't like Jesus, don't take him. Don't take him. Let the next person who wants to find him. Yes. Why can't people just walk away? It's like social media. Why do you have to say something? Just leave. It's all free. Right. Just quit. Or don't read it. Or don't buy it. Or don't whatever. Some judge just ruled against some crazy law in Texas. I think it was about drag queens. And he quoted Dolly Parton when he said these people are not in trouble.

[01:55:07] This can, if you don't want to go to the drag show or if it offends you, don't go. Don't go. Don't go. It's not for children. No. It's in a bar, 21 and over. You're good. You're good. We're going to talk about this meta thing next week because it's really crazy. These are what I'm going to do a couple. We're going to talk about this one though because it is topical. So, for you, this doesn't even matter if you're a golfer. But it matters more if you're a golfer. This is our sports news. Yeah.

[01:55:37] Well, the U.S. Open is happening in tennis. My friend, Laureen, all my tennis friends are very excited. I'm like a hack tennis person. I watch when I know the people. I'm not really all in, but I'm half in. Callaway Golf. So, there's this up-and-coming brand called Good Good, which I think is the dumbest name I've ever heard of. It's not for us. For the children. I know it's not for me. It's for the children. For the children. But even like my nephew, you know, a 16-year-old,

[01:56:03] and they're the target because Good came up through YouTube, this brand. They don't get it. What they mean is when you have a putt, if it's close, I'm like, that's good, good, meaning you can pick it up. That's what it's supposed to do. But that is so inside baseball. Like, no. They made an ad. Callaway signed off on it. It was supposed to be for social media. It's not for TV. It's social media. Co-promoting their driver. The Callaway driver.

[01:56:30] And in the ad, this guy comes over and knocks. The girl had touched his driver, or she's pulling her out of the bag, and he throws her over on her back, like pushes her, shoves her, and then not in a funny way, in a serious way goes, don't ever touch my driver. And then he walks away. Right. And then the ad goes up. And people are like, oh, it's just a joke.

[01:56:54] I'm very, very, very, very tired of people, when something is not funny, or just shitty, calling it a joke. Right. I work really hard on jokes. There was nothing funny about that. No. I didn't even get it when it explained it. I didn't get it. Am I super offended? No. I just cannot believe at the level of stupidity that you would allow this to go out.

[01:57:20] I was more, I'm sorry, I was more offended that they referred to domestic violence as DV. I know. Their CEOs are all like 22 years old. Hi. Yeah. So, dude, I'm the CEO, and like, you know, I'm against DV. Okay. Say domestic violence, you asshole. Say it. Yep. No. You went DV. I just cannot believe that Calloway, good, good, is a bunch of YouTube bro guys. Mm-hmm. Okay. And then a few girls. A bunch of them thought that.

[01:57:50] And a few girls that are on that team. There are girls, and the girl playing in the part in the thing where she gets shoved over by some men. She's employed by them. She's part of the deal. Yep. So the children thought, apparently it's, he gave this long explanation, saying, oh, it's from this movie Obsession. No one's ever, well, most people haven't heard of it. I've asked everyone, nobody I know has heard of it. And then they tried to draw off. It's a horror movie for the children. Oh, it's for the children. All of this is for the children. Okay. Well, that's fine. The children do what the children do.

[01:58:20] Mm-hmm. And if they all thought that was funny, Callaway is a multi, multi-million dollar company that does have corporate CEOs and corporate people and adults and a human resource department and all of that shit. How did you sign off? I get why the kids did it. They don't, they don't even think of the ramifications. They're 20 year olds. They don't have a life experience yet. No, but Callaway.

[01:58:50] I know. Now, thankfully, I play with Titleist stuff and TaylorMade stuff. I don't, I don't go into the Callaway world. Which has nothing to do with this, but. Well, I love Titleist. I don't think Titleist would do anything this dumb. No. I hope not. And my driver is a TaylorMade. Nice. And I love that. Mm-hmm. Now, Callaway has ended its relationship with GoodGood. Mm-hmm. Then, this is how not adult GoodGood is.

[01:59:20] Their, quote, CEO is tweeting at 3.38 in the morning. I know. That, you know, it's crazy. They're walking away. How come they're not in any trouble? This is bullshit. Then he deletes them in the morning. I'm like, oh, God. Here we go with the drunky drunk shit. I shouldn't have said. No. You're the CEO, Captain. Captain Morgan, get off the couch. Put the rum down. Stop. That's horrible. I don't.

[01:59:48] But how do you not know? We do not. It wasn't. Sometimes I laugh at people falling and stuff. I'll admit that. Like a prep fall. Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, if you push. I don't. It's very juvenile. We just can't do. Right. It's very juvenile. He just happened to push a woman. But it was also. Everything about the ad was dark. Yeah. Like when they're like, oh, it's supposed to be a joke. Stop calling that a joke. Right. There's nothing funny about it.

[02:00:18] Am I hyper offended? No. Do I think it's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen a quote company do? It's more stupid than anything. Because what's the point? It's right up there with the Cracker Barrel lady changing all the logos. Yeah. What the. No. No. No. No. So. They get a mulligan. You said on your video. Yes. They get a mulligan. If they're. I don't even know. Do they make clubs? Or is it just apparel? Good. Good. Yeah. Hats. I know they make hats. Hats.

[02:00:47] Is it just apparel? They co-brand sunglasses. They co-brand. Yeah. There's a lot of co-branding right now. Okay. All right. I don't know what year it was. It started. But it's been huge on social media for like. The children like their hats? Love it. It says good on the front. Yeah. Okay. I don't. I don't get it. But now their stuff has been removed from Dick's Sporting Goods. It's been removed from. Founded in 2020. Good COVID thing.

[02:01:17] On a YouTube channel. On a YouTube channel. There you go. Word to YouTubers. This is happening with comedians. You know, the TikTok comedians, the YouTube comedians. Yeah. Yeah. If you didn't do the work. It was the hottest company, it says. This is the Wall Street Journal. Hottest company until the ad. And then it just changed the focus of everything. Which they'll come back. I mean. I think they'll come back. What do they sell?

[02:01:47] Go on their website. Clothes? Apparel. Yeah. It's all T-shirts and hats and. So no clubs. No balls. No. None of the golf stuff. Not unless they're co-branding. So Callaway had a ball. Callaway had this driver that says good, good. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's for the children. Which means that we'll come back. Because. The children are cool with that. Which is fine. We just don't understand that. Because we're owed.

[02:02:18] Like would I buy their hat? No. But I wouldn't have bought their hat to begin with. I'm not their target. I need to call my nephews. Yeah. And say what do you guys think? What do the termites think? I'm interested. I don't think most termites will know or care. But it became a big story outside of golf. Like it became a big story about. This is what happens when the YouTube call. It all reminds me of that Sam Bankman free jackass. The money guy. Yep. You know. The Bitcoin bros. I'm so sick of the bros. Oh my God. You can get sunflower seeds.

[02:02:48] Salt and vinegars. Oh. I do love a salt and vinegar. Sunflower seeds. For sure. I do. Okay. They co-brand with Yeti. They co-brand with. Yeah. Oh shit. Callaway. Yep. Backpacks and pouches. They co-brand things. They're. Here's another reason that they are not adults. Their apologies were as bad as the commercial. Yes. The ad. Whatever you want to call it. Like you need. The one guy tried to explain it.

[02:03:17] His explanation was okay. Wasn't bad. I think he. They all call themselves the CEOs too. There's like a hundred of them. And they all look the same. There's founders. There's CEOs. Yeah. Founders. Founding father. Patron. You need an adult in the room. And no one I've seen in these apology videos that are train wrecks. And then you're drunk tweeting. Train wreck. Train wreck. Train. That you need. I blame Callaway more. Yeah. You're supposed to. If you're co-branding.

[02:03:46] You need to go meet with these people and go. Oh shit. Shit. These are 20 year old bro guys. Anything could happen. Let's not do that. Right. You did that. Not if that's not your brand. Do I blame the kid? If your brand is bro guy. Then it's a marriage. Yeah. But your brand is not bro guy. Bro guys need. Or the girls. They need a grandpa bro to come in and tell them you're not doing that. Right. Or you are doing that. Or whatever the case may be. But. Yep.

[02:04:16] All right. We're going to save the rest for next week. I'm sorry. This all went. It went long about Dolly. But I thought. Worth it. Worth it. I think she deserves it. Absolutely. Our grammar lesson for the week. This is from Termite Laura. I appreciate it. They tried to come to Cleveland. But she. Her husband can come. But she went with her girlfriend. And her best friend. She. I won't say it. But. Oh.

[02:04:46] Anyway. Ow. She said. What is the difference between imply and infer? Oh. Good question. Yep. So I looked it up. Okay. Imply. Okay. It's a verb meaning to suggest. Indicate. Or state something without explicitly saying it. Mm-hmm. Infer. Is to use a variety of info and evidence to draw a conclusion. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Good one. Our Spanish lesson.

[02:05:17] Do you. How many siblings do you have? This is what I'm going to ask on a date. Okay. Quantos. Hermanos. Tienes. Because if you only have like no siblings or one. Okay. I'm probably going to pass on that. Okay. Because I have an enormous family. It's not going to work. And I want the other person to have an enormous family. So nobody gets mad. Why is it always in my inner family? Because there's a lot of us. Black history. By the way. Speaking of Gladys's.

[02:05:45] Gladys Knight is going to get off the road a little bit more. Which I think is good. Mm-hmm. Yeah. There was a video of her. It's not good. No. A couple videos. No. And she's supposed to be at the Ryman again here soon. Because I was thinking about going. But there's another Gladys in our black history education. Okay. Born in 1930. Died in 2026. Gladys West used complex algorithms to create extremely accurate models for the Earth's gravitational

[02:06:14] fields and surface known as the geode. Basically she created GPS. Oh wow. Geoid. Cool. Her work on radar altimetry projects like CSAT and Geosat helped track satellite positions with pinpoint precision. The U.S. Department of Defense developed the overall global positioning system but her precise models were required to calibrate and make the modern GPS. So every time your GPS works you thank Gladys. Thank you Gladys. Absolutely.

[02:06:43] And adorable with the cutest little hat ever. Did you ever have a Tom Tom? I did have a Tom Tom. Those were hilarious. My parents had one and it hadn't been plugged in forever. And I was riding in their car in Florida and it talked from the glove compartment. I was like what the fuck was that? You had a possessed Tom Tom. Yes. It was a British woman. And all of a sudden she'd be like you're on track. Whoa.

[02:07:12] And I'm like where is that? Where's that coming from? My mom goes oh it's in the glove box. It's the Tom Tom. I go what right but you guys don't even use it. Right. She's like oh no we haven't had it plugged in in months. I mean it should have been dead. That's crazy. Yeah. Turn right. Ten left. Ten left. What? Feel good story. And then we gotta get out. I gotta get out of here. I have to go to La Dentista. This is from my old friend Jay Leno.

[02:07:41] A lot of comics want to talk shit about Jay back in the day. I always liked him and I think he does nice things secretly. I know he does as a matter of fact. When I was doing the Tonight Show I was making $30 million a year which was ridiculous. Because Jay knows. Jay's like his parents were like depression era people. Like Jay and money have a very. He's very conscious that we. That third. You know whatever. $30 million is ridiculous. He said well. Okay.

[02:08:10] And then NBC said we're gonna have to cut half the crew. So. Yep. So. He goes you know. He was just on a podcast saying all this. And I know for a fact it's true because I know some of the people that were involved. He said so we had a big meeting and I said all right by a show of hands. How many people think I should take a 50% pay cut so we could keep everybody? Well I got outvoted. He goes I basically screwed myself on that. He goes but really I already have $15 million. I'm doing pretty good you know. I never thought I'd get this far. And you know something.

[02:08:40] They were the best crew for the rest of the days. And it was this. I did the Tonight Show for 20 years. It was the same people every stage. Stage managers. Same cameramen. Same everyone. They were the best crew for the rest of the days. You know everything was always terrific. It was a union crew. Everybody made a good living. You know guys would come up to me and show me the car they bought. Or the house they got around the corner or whatever it might be. It didn't cost me anything because really I had plenty of money and was making plenty of money. So good for him. Good for him. Good for Jay.

[02:09:10] Jay's fantastic. A couple thank yous. And then I'm going to do a couple Dolly quotes. I have a saint too. But I'm still running out of time. We're good. We're good. Nick City. So I got my Pope pin from Jersey. A Jersey Mike. Wendy. I love my little Pope pin. And I have a trading card. I have a Pope trading card that I will take gambling with me. This is him. Oh fun. Yeah. Sometimes I take mass cards and put them next to my machines.

[02:09:39] Trying to bring all the luck in the possible. My Stevie Nicks sun catcher. Oh the Leon Helm T. Studio T. That's very cool. I saw that. From Latham, New York. Termites Cindy and Joe. Oh she's worked at the studio for 14 years. That's crazy. That's awesome. Oh my raccoon IPA. Cat treats. The Irish pub stuff. That's the South Jersey Termites Cat Liam. And their cats Joe and Silver. I love it when people include their cats. Homemade Slante. Slante wouldn't sign for the lake bar.

[02:10:10] Kathy. Slantia. Slantia. I know I always say it wrong. It's because I look at the spelling and then I get confused. You didn't have fanatics in. Missouri. Yeah. That's why Iowa wins. They did. Jack made. That's right. That's Kathleen with a K. That's right. Boom. With a K. Flounder Pounder beer. Voodoo chips. Cape May termites. Pat and Ken. Oh the French toast whiskey. That was delicious. I can't believe you moved that. We opened it backstage. Well I opened it backstage and I'm still muleed at home. That's from Brian and Judith.

[02:10:40] Nice. A couple more and then we're going to do two dolly quotes. I'll save the same for next week. My Pope Leo baseball card. Tops made a trading card. That's awesome. It's in a laminated it. Thank you. That's from Sacramento termite. Oh she did. Maria. And then the dolly quilt. Look at this. It's the coat of many colors. I can't believe you guys don't ever have to work this hard. But I. It is amazeballs. You can see it on YouTube. Yeah. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. Encinitas termites Donna and Ellen.

[02:11:10] It's gorgeous. And it feels good. It's nice and cool. And my tugboat pitching t-shirt. Because of that. There's a story about that guy. Now I can't wait to watch a Giants game. Just to see does he really have an invisible pitch. Right. I want to see what's going on. I got it on YouTube. There's a lot of videos. That's from Rito Termites. Oh really? Yeah. I didn't even think. Yeah. I'll send them to you. Shot on Mark. And then. The unfluffle beat. So this is great. Every week. Not hard. But it's time consuming.

[02:11:40] And this is all grammar shit. Which is great. Now I can just use this. That is from Longmont Colorado Termite Sarah. And she wrote it. And I like it. Because she didn't say plug my book or anything. I will. Sarah. Runinsky. We'll put it. Razinsky. Razinsky. But it's about grammar. And so we are learning grammar every week. On this show. That's awesome. Yeah. Little by little. I believe we do have a saint this week. It's Dolly. Saint Dolly. Yeah. Yeah.

[02:12:08] I don't think you can be a saint without being Catholic in modern day times. I know. But. I think for this week. Maybe. Leo. Leo might consider it. Let's go out of the box. That would be cool. Let's go out of the box one time. After you're finished emailing Ken. Write to Leo. P.S. Your white socks suck. All right. I don't know why this one made me just like hot. I never got taught this thing.

[02:12:38] The feast of St. Gregory the Wonder Worker. What? He's a magician bishop. What? Yep. He's from the year 268. Oh boy. He's the patron saint you invoke in desperate situations. Example. Driving devils out of your life. Okay. Gregory preached in the neighborhood of Caesarea, modern day Turkey, working spectacular miracles

[02:13:02] that included changing the course of a river, turning himself into a tree, and once even moving a mountain. Oh. Gregory was enormously successful in converting Caesarea, although he naively thought that the recent converts would enjoy replacing the seasonal pagan festivals with the solemn feast day of the martyrs, and they killed him. Wow. There you go. Well, if you're really desperate, give a shout out to St. Greg.

[02:13:32] St. Greg, the Wonder Worker. Yep. A couple of Dolly quotes. This is, she's with Interview Magazine. That was Andy Warhol's deal back in the day. A lot of people say to me, there are so few worthwhile people in the world, and I say, that's the biggest crock of shit I ever heard.

[02:13:59] I don't ever meet a freak. The biggest freaks in the world are my favorite people. Like me. She's awesome. I know. She was also discussing her wealth in Interview Magazine. She said, I like to give it all away so I have a reason to work. That's right. Good for her. Keep yourself poor. She helped everybody. Both sides, everybody. I know. I didn't even go through all the charitable contributions.

[02:14:29] Everybody kind of knows, I think. But, you know. Good human. Yeah. You know, and a great Christian example. Yep. And her mama was Pentecostal. Assembly of God. Woo-hoo. I mean, we can talk. Speaking of any talks. Fire and brimstone. Daddy was a Southern Baptist. She said he didn't like to go to church. But it is very, very, very. That is a great example of a Christian. My other great example is Jeff Foxworthy. No one would ever know that, but he does secret, really great things all the time.

[02:14:58] And he doesn't, but he doesn't get in your face about it. Nope. Ever. She never told anybody. She just said, I love God. I love. Yeah. She coded God more than Jesus. Like a Catholic would probably say Jesus more. Yeah. Or a saint. But lead by example. Yep. And you don't need to yell at people and judge other people. Don't judge and do good things. That's the bottom line. Do good. Yep. Be better. All right, termites. I got to go to La Dentista. Happy Labor Day. Yeah. Happy Labor Day.

[02:15:27] There will not be a podcast. Oh, yeah, there will. Yeah. I'll be back. Five days next week. Okay. I was like, well, I don't know if I'll be back. Yeah, there will. And Amy's artichoke dip. Yep. I'm going to get it out. I'm going to rock it. All right, ready? I don't have my lighter right now, but night night. Night night, termites. Fire, fire, fire. Fire. Labor Day.