Episode 286: Dolly’s Imagination Library, Greedy Doritos, & Pumpkin Spice Returns

[00:00:08] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan, welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, and let's talk about what's been going on. Termites, welcome! Welcome to Episode 286. Stevie, who was on Jimmy Kimmel, I've recorded it but I didn't have time to watch it. I had to go to La Dentista this morning.

[00:00:38] Oh, how was that? Fine. Nice. Yeah, I'm caught up. I've got 9 million implants, 9 million root canals. I'm good. You're good? Yeah. And my dentist is very sweet. What we're going to talk about Stevie though, we have so much breaking news today. So much. Everybody's back to school. Everyone's back! I love it, there's activity and I mean I don't mind the weeks when there's nothing going on.

[00:01:01] It's kind of nice to be in a lull, but that'll lean into my lazy side. But it's also nice to be able to sit back because I'm still kind of off a little bit and watch everything go crazy. Yeah. The heart goals. Oh, there's so much. A lot of info. What are we drinking? Asbury Park Brewery Blonde Ale. Why? Why? New Jersey.

[00:01:22] Right. Where were you this weekend? I've been to the, that's where I was and I've been to the Stone Pony where Bruce Springsteen is famous for performing there. Nice. And it's a wonderful little seaside town. Cool. I think everybody, a lot of people, I shouldn't say everybody, a lot of people mainly in the Midwest or the West think that New Jersey is all like that show. Which show? The Jersey Shore thing. Oh God. I didn't watch it. I mean it was always on if I went to the gym, but I didn't really watch per se.

[00:01:52] I was on the day this weekend at the Borgata you texted me. He's one of them. Yeah. Yeah. I mean if it gets the kids out, that's fine. I mean who cares? But there's some really, really nice parts. And Asbury Park, I was just, it was just a wonderful gig in town. But I was in Atlantic City this weekend, so not the same. But that's the beer. It's a blonde lager. Delicious. Nice. What are we trying? Well, let's see what we're going to taste. And I have a story about people revolting about the price of these bags of chips.

[00:02:22] And I appreciate every term that sends one or brings them as a gift. It's expensive. Because then it's very expensive. And then I don't have to spend them $7. Frank's Red Hot Spicy Gummy Bears. I don't know. I don't know. First of all, they're not my Haribo's. No. But, oh, they have the texture of a, there's an old candy that tastes like this. Looks like a Swedish fish. Oh my God.

[00:02:52] There's too much. No. No. There's too much going on. I do appreciate it. From why all missing Pennsylvania termites Brian and Judith brought these. Thank you for doing, oh my God. There's a second round of fire. Oh, it just keeps going. Oh my God. Fire! Oh my God. If you like hot stuff, this is what you want. If you want hot, smoking hot gummy bears. This is your jam.

[00:03:22] I try to think, does this pair with a screwdriver on a plane? Ooh. Well, you know, a little tahini and a screwdriver. It could. Nice. It does not pair well with beer. Morning screwdriver, though. And then these as your little takeoff treat. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Takeoff treats. Takeoff treats. I have takeoff treats. I have mid-fly treats. I have all kinds of things. That's great. Buffalo blue cheese flavored cheese curls from Cape May, New Jersey fans, Ken and Pat. Oh, Ken and Pat.

[00:03:50] And their cats, pumpkin and cinnamon. They sent me a picture of their cats. They're very cute. All right. Buffalo cheese flavored curds. Curls? Curls. Curls. Curls. Let's see how much. See, they don't put the price on the bag. What? So you don't know. It's so cheating. No, it's up in the, see the hers part? Yeah. It's up in the top. It's in white. No, this says best used by blah, blah. Number 85. No, it's not that. No price? No.

[00:04:20] I think they do this so you pick them up. Let's see here. Smart. Because you'll be, it's trickery. You already want the, you know, you want them. You stood in line. I love a cheese curl. They're $3.79 at Tractor Supply. These? Yep. Worth it. These are so good. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, we have a Tractor Supply here. We can go. Wow. I've never had a cheese curl that tasted anything except like the orange shit.

[00:04:50] Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's in honor of football season. They want to know who you drafted. No one yet. Fantasy-wise. I need to go. This weekend was crazy busy, and then I got home, and it's been crazy busy. As of when I'm done with this podcast, I can concentrate on fantasy football. You got to call your little buddy Adam. I know. I'm going to call Adam Rank. I should just tell him what are my top five choices, please. Yeah. And in return, I will send you an inflatable football field for advertisers.

[00:05:21] That sounds like something Amy won't approve of. No, Amy will tell me it's a cheesy piece of shit, and I should never have that. Mm-hmm. Joe's Retro Sour Cream and Toasted Onion Chips from Jersey Shore Termites. Jen and Susanna and Jen. There's a Jen with two Ns and a Jen with one in. Joe Chips. Oh, I love sour cream. I know. This could be dangerous. Mm-hmm. They're definitely crispy.

[00:05:53] Yeah, it's loud. Sorry. Mm-hmm. But yeah, there's no price on this bag either. No? God. Yeah, there is. Or is that the best buy under the E? Well, it's best if used by June 2027. Let's see. Joe Chips. I'm just saying they used to put the price on the bag. And I'm going to tell you the story about PepsiCo that does Doritos and how people are starting to balk at this. It's ridiculous. Like this cheese curl bag. Okay, I ate two. If you're watching this on YouTube, look in that bag.

[00:06:23] Six bucks. It's half empty. Look. Yeah. $5.99. That's bullshit. For the Joe Chips. $5.99. Well, thank you again, Jen Susanna and Jen from Bynum. I love them. I mean, I do like them. I really love these cheese curls. Anyway, moving on. Because they taste like lot wings. Which I had yesterday at my lake bar. Fun. Shows. Where are we going? Big week. This is a big week because all of January through May goes on sale right now. Uh-huh.

[00:06:53] Pre-sale is right now. Yep. And then is it Friday? Friday. All the tickets go on sale. 10 a.m. Uh-huh. Yep. I'm getting yelled at by the children. For the Flying Cats tour. Yeah, Flying Cats tour. Here's the shows that are already happening. Because nobody can spell armadillo. I know. I know. It's crazy. I love it when the children send me stern emails. Kathleen. Nobody can spell your tour. I just like right back. Fuck if I know. Cheers.

[00:07:23] Holla. Going fishing. September 11th. I'm going to be in San Antonio. 12th. Austin. And then September 18th. Terrytown. 19th. Hershey, Pennsylvania. I can't wait to go back to Hershey. Such a wonderful, wonderful town. It's going to be a fun show. Anywhere in Wisconsin. Send me anywhere. I'm going to September 25th. Madison, Wisconsin. Then Pryor Lake, Minnesota. The casino. Then the 10th. The Ryman. Nashville. Let's go, Nashvillians. Yep. Let's pick up those tickets.

[00:07:52] Don't you be waiting because there's so much entertainment in town. If I have to hear that shit one more time, I'm like. It's a Saturday of a holiday weekend. Yeah. My cousins are coming from St. Louis. If they can be bothered to drive four and a half hours down through Kentucky roads, you can too. Come on down Broadway. Mm-hmm. Yeah. October 16th. Hampton Beach. New Hampshire. That's always super fun. 17th. Foxwoods Casino. October 22nd. Myetta, Kansas. Kansas. My brother might come there.

[00:08:22] He thinks there's good golf. Oh. Yeah. I don't really think in October in Kansas. Maybe. Maybe. And now we know why you all hate Kansas. No. This is crazy. I don't hate them. I'm just telling you I was taught I was supposed to. Right. But you didn't know why. Well, I have to ask Kansas termites. Were they taught to hate Missouri? Good question. I don't know. Is this a one-way war? And then Iowa is just smarter than all of you. Iowa is. According to you. Because as a child in fifth grade, we had to take it.

[00:08:50] Take these things called the Iowa Basics test. And it scared the shit out of you. And I thought it was going to determine my entire future. And I thought, why does Iowa get to judge me? Why can't these be Missouri basic quote tests? And they weren't basic. And they were fucking hard. Yeah. And I never did well. There's a lot of science and math. Were you focused? You feel you were focused? No. Never focused. But it was also, I think Iowa's colder and they read more.

[00:09:19] They stay inside more. They're rears. Of course they're ahead of the game. Look at, they have three extra months to be inside with nothing to do. Before cable existed, they read books. And then they created these monster tests and sent them down to our state. It wasn't just Missouri, I don't think. Midwest termites. Did anybody else have to do that? Iowa basic. And then it was like, your parents could look at this shit and go, we got a dumb one. I mean, it was a guide to where your child's going to end up in life.

[00:09:49] I like that you. I'm scared of Iowa people because they're smart. It's like your name calling. Readers. Yeah. Yeah. I'm out fishing in March and you're still reading because it's too cold. Readers. Well, are you out on a farm at night? What are you going to do? You're tired. You come in, read a book. There you go. This is what's, I'm going to read this quickly. I will not do every date.

[00:10:17] I'm just telling you where I'm going in 2027. Yes. January. I know because they're already asking about 2028. I had to go get a whole new book for that. Yeah. It's on your website. I can't answer questions about two Decembers I haven't lived yet, but I have to. You do. Because these animal musicians are out on the road taking all of our gigs because they don't make any money on Spotify or albums anymore. So now they got to go on the road like we've been doing for 40 years. This is a segue. Let's go. All right.

[00:10:46] Here's where I'm going. Most of January is in Florida. It's great. Fort Lauderdale, Fort Myers, Orlando, St. Pete. And then at the end of January, Morristown, New Jersey, Huntington, New York. And then February. What a great time to go to the Northern Midwest. Readers. Readers. Well, I don't know about Rockford. That's Illinois. And Gary, Indiana. These are both hard rocks. It's so cool because I love any hard rocks. Great. And they treat me so nice.

[00:11:15] They're so it's just so great. But Gary, Indiana. I've only seen it honestly in the Jackson movie. And I've been all over Indiana. I've been to Bloomington. I've been to Indy. They have no power right now. I know. I know. It's a sad situation with the flooding up there. It's very sad. But hopefully by February 13th, that'll all be straightened out. February, then Wilmington, North Carolina. My favorite undiscovered city in America. Wilmington? Bar none. You're kidding. Nope. I mean, I love the ones I always talk about. Charleston, blah, blah, blah.

[00:11:45] Wilmington just, I probably shouldn't even say it. No douchebags are there yet. It's not expensive. Yet. I mean, it's expensive, but not like crazy. What do you love about it? Top two things. Because you've got a river on one side and an inlet and then the ocean, and everybody just seems laid back and cool and not douchey. And barbecue. It doesn't seem, the barbecue, North Carolina barbecue, that's a given any place I'm in North Carolina. Anyway. Charlotte, North Carolina. Fun. Max Speedway. I'll be there for barbecue.

[00:12:16] Then Scottsdale, Arizona. Two shows. Talking Stick. Richmond, Virginia. Washington, D.C. Oh, fancy. The one. The other. Ben Salem, Pennsylvania. Yep. That's parts casino. Rancho Mirage. But you have to say the casino like this. Agua Caliente. Can't just say normal. You got to add flair. Hot water. El Cajon. The Magnolia. That's El Cajon's best tamale I've ever had in my life. Riverside, California. Excellent Mexican. Napa. Yeah.

[00:12:45] I don't really do the wine tasting thing. No. But everybody should go downtown. There's really cute little stores. Downtown's fun. I think if you go out on those wine deals, you might miss that. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. I don't like the idea of getting in a van and then somebody handing me tiny wines. Just give me the bottle. Tiny wines. Tiny wines. Oh, and here, I don't like all the talk about it. I have a shot of Cabernet. It's not for me. Yeah, exactly. Tell me. I don't care what grape this is. I could give a shit. I don't want to learn. Period.

[00:13:14] Troy, New York. Wilkes Bar, Pennsylvania. I haven't been there in a while. Bristol, Virginia. Charlottesville, Virginia. Nice. That's all the way to May 1st. There's a hard rock in Bristol. Yes. I'm very excited. You're doing a tour of hard rocks. Yeah, I got a lot of hard rocks. I don't know why all of a sudden they became Kathleen fans, but. Did you ever collect those pins? Hard rock cafe pins? I did not. I did get a shirt a long time ago from one in Biloxi. Oh, fun. Yeah. I still have it. Sweatshirt. Huh. They came back.

[00:13:44] They were popular, and then they became geeky, and now they're popular again. And I have the original. Hi, baby cat. All right. So I usually don't go off on that many shows, but that's what's happening. Atlantic City, shout out to everyone there. It's just such a wonderful weekend. It did, however, take me 20 hours to go two hours. I saw your video. On Thursday. Yeah. But it is why I always leave a day early.

[00:14:14] What happened? Storms everywhere. Oh. I woke up at four in the morning in Nashville, and the cats are going crazy. The lightning is crazy. And I thought, fuck. And then Atlanta. So if you're going to connect or you want to go direct, you can't get out of here. And then storms in Philly. So there's storms on the receiving end. Fun. How did you end up getting there? I saw you were in coach. On your video. I don't care. I really don't care about coach if it's a two-seater thing. Yeah. Two and two, or two and one.

[00:14:44] It's the three and three. A lot of the termites in the team, you know, were just like. Because I. Why did they put her in coach? I have to pee a lot. And I don't like getting up, but I prefer the window because I like to sleep. I'm the pain in the ass in the row. Or I'll take the middle because I'm small. But whatever. The shows were great. Thank you to everyone who came out. My friend Dory and her brother Davey and their friend Al, they have a boat. There's an island.

[00:15:10] You would not believe you can leave the Atlantic City Boardwalk 10 minutes over a bridge and it feels like you just jetted to the Bahamas. Awesome. It's so nice. We took a big boat ride. My cousin Jimmy. Yeah, Brigantine's the marina. Please go buy gas there. That's Davey's gas stock. D-Boltz Boort Yard. That's right. Shout out. My notes say here. That's right. D-Boltz Boort Yard. My cousin Jimmy and his girlfriend came down. It was just everything. I gambled. It's been your summer of cousins. I know. A lot of cousins.

[00:15:40] A lot of cousins. Good catch up. The wedding in June. It keeps going. No company this weekend. Not that I haven't had a blast. I went to the White House. That's the sub shop. They're so aggressive. I called. I told Dory, well, I'll call and put in the order. And I was like, can I have? And I was too slow. She goes, call back when you know what you want. No. Yep. Hung up on me.

[00:16:07] I'm like, there's a nice Philly attitude for you right there. Jersey, Philly, whatever. But then in the airport on the way home, I went to Chiggy and Peace. And I just wanted to get one beer. I know it's early. Don't judge. I didn't get any sleep. So I just went right there. And then the lady was like, are you leaving? I said, yeah, I got to go. My flight's like, it was early, like 7.15. She goes, oh, I ordered you some free. I forget what the fries are called. Crab fries. They're so good. They have Old Bay all over them.

[00:16:37] And then there's like a crab sauce. Crinkle fries. And I thought, oh my God, somebody in the Philly airport is offering me something free. I think that's in the Bible as one of the three signs of the end of the world. I kept looking around going, me? Me? Why are you giving them to me? I mean, I tipped her well, but nothing like crazy. But she's so kind. I just, and then my sister-in-law who's from there goes, well, she must not be from there. I'm like, right.

[00:17:06] They flew someone nice in from Wisconsin. That's great. But I got the free fries. Ate them at the gate. Boom. One beer down. Nice. Night-night. Night-night. Night-night. Yep. Home to the cats. So shout out. And the staff at Atlantic City Union crew, just the best. I don't have to do anything. They know everything. It's just Dwayne and everybody that works there. Kelly, it was just wonderful. So enough of that. Moving on. We have a lot. A lot. And it's just wonderful.

[00:17:36] So many juicy things. Let's start with some queen news. Shall we? Okay. Let me make sure I do that. Martha Stewart. I love it. I love it. Now, I used to do jokes about her old show, a TV show in my act, that I'm mesmerized by her. I don't cook. I don't care about decorating. But I never could stop watching that show. Same way I feel about Trisha Yearwood's cooking show, because I cannot believe these southern creations I've never heard of. Awesome.

[00:18:05] Why wouldn't I put a hamburger in chicken pot pie? Right. Trisha said to do it. It looks great. She's smiling while she eats it. Yeah. Netflix is doubling down on Martha Stewart. Following the success of R.J. Cutler's Emmy-nominated 2024 documentary, Martha, the streamer has snagged the Lifestyle Gurus on podcasts. Yep. And her Martha Cook series, which debuted this week. Entertainment Weekly can exclusively announce. It's... Yeah.

[00:18:34] Gotta talk to HollyBobby. I know. We're gonna get Holly Bobby on. It's part of her iHeart and Netflix video podcast partnership. The series will also continue as an audio podcast. I don't know about audio with Martha. She's good. Yeah. No, she's fine, but... She's flowery. I need to see the stuff. She can describe it. She can take that pot pie. I'd rather listen to true crime. Surely somebody's been murdered. The first episode, she's making jam.

[00:19:04] No! Oh! Oh! Oh! That's a mic drop on you, Megan. Did you feel that mic hit you in the head? Bonk, bonk, bonk. Twice. That's just... They're gonna be talking about art, food, and more about their career, personal stories. That's on the podcast. The podcast launches on Netflix with an episode featuring Reddit co-founders Alexis Ohanian, Stuart... Doesn't matter. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, Queen Martha... That's awesome.

[00:19:32] ...84 years old, still kicking it out. Do you think it'll boost Megan's? Netflix show? No. I'm kind of surprised it's still actually available there. I'd have to even go look, because maybe it's not. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know either. There's lots of news about them we're gonna be getting to. I did have... Shoot. Before I got into Queen... Sorry, I'm a little discombobulated today. It's been an early morning. Get the dentist. This guy... Just a few emails that made me laugh.

[00:20:02] Longtime termite here from the Seattle area or a seamite. I like it. Seamite. I don't termite. They're seamites. Seamite. I love it. Listen to the podcast forever. Your feel-good story is always one of my favorite parts. That's good to know. I like what segments people like or don't care about or tell me the truth. I don't care. I'll change them. Whatever. He's telling me all about... Jimothy is a very unusually shaped raccoon who lives here in Seattle, appears to have a rare condition called short spine syndrome.

[00:20:28] A local woman named him Jimothy because apparently he just, quote, looks like a Jimothy. And Seattle promptly lost its collective mind. And I mean in the best way possible. And then he tells me all these articles. And they've extended the trash can drink for Jimothy at the Mariners game. Oh, great. That's great. This is a... Oh, I got to save that one. Yeah, okay. We're good on that. Hold on. This needs to go in news. Who's ever in charge of Target should be fired?

[00:20:58] I'm just saying. Like immediately fired. Another thing happened? Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. Another thing with Callaway and good, good golf. And I know a lot about golf. I've never even heard of it. Heard of it now. Queen news. More queen news. Dolly. There was a local thing here. And they gave her an award and she didn't show up for that. Nope. So that's weird. She said she's still healing. But this is what she's got in the works while she's sick. Okay.

[00:21:27] The Songteller Hotel, they're going to welcome their first guest in September. Oh, okay. So next month. The 11th. No. It doesn't. The 15th you can start booking. Whatever that Monday is. I don't know. It looks like it's ready to open. Then Dolly's Cup of Ambition, created in partnership with Community Coffee, is expected to be available online for nationwide shipping starting in September.

[00:21:51] Dolly teased that she's in the early stages of developing a traveling avatar performance in order to give fans a musical experience. She's also working with Purina for a line of dog treats. Oh. It just never ends. No. Go for you, as Rocky would say. Does she have a dog? I've never seen her mention. Yeah. No. I think she has like a French bulldog or something. Maybe. Dolly. Have a dog. Oh.

[00:22:21] Nope. She got the canine apparel line. She doesn't have her own dog? Mm-hmm. I thought I saw her in a picture. Maybe. Oh, yeah, yeah. Billy the Kid. He's a French bulldog owned by her manager. Oh. Mm-hmm. Well, Carl was sick. Maybe there's a lot to do. It's dolly adjacent. All right. Yeah. Good enough. She borrows a dog if she wants one. That's how rich you can be. Call Miranda Lambert, her Mutt Nation. She'll give you any dog you want for the day. Here we go. That's great. Queen News, Taylor Swift, the Eras Tour, the documentary. Uh-huh.

[00:22:51] It was nominated for five Emmy Awards, including Outstanding Variety Special. Nice. Uh-huh. I wonder if she'll go to the Emmys. I don't know. Maybe, because that's not really in her wheelhouse usually. It would be something different. I think it's boring. Well. I've been. Okay. No thanks. Academy Awards are way more boring if you want to get on the boring level. We don't need to rate boring aspects.

[00:23:19] I would like to go to the Grammys. Okay. Because that seems exciting because they perform. They do. So at the Emmys, how about if you're in this TV show, act out a scene from that for me. We'll do that. Speeches and shit. Okay. I'm trying to decide if I called. Okay. Should I do? No. I'll call the Holly Bobby first. And then we're going to get. Oh, I do have another update. Do your update. All right. Barry Manilow. Update.

[00:23:47] Barry Manilow cancels more concerts at last minutes as fans pray for him after his lung cancer battle. He pulled him. He's back in Vegas. Oh, okay. And all I keep thinking is of my friend, John Heffron, the comedian, who's going to be. Because I said to John, hey, do you want to work with me at these two casinos in Indiana in February? And he said, well, I'm supposed to have more Barry Manilow dates.

[00:24:14] But I said, right, but it only goes through January. And he goes, and he's 84. So I'll just go with you at Indiana. There we go. It's a much better choice, John. I mean, it's a little more solid of a choice. I shouldn't say better, but it's a solid. No, he's 83, I guess. Or I don't know. He's canceled some of the ones out in Vegas. So he's back home. Got it. Technical and vocal problems. Buddy. Buddy. The over 80 crowd. Somebody else.

[00:24:44] Oh, Brett Michaels canceled. But he's not over 80. No. No. He's not. And I think that could be low ticket sales. I don't really know. I don't really care. Let's not put that rumor out there. Okay. Yeah, we don't know. Edit it out. We don't know. Well, I only, no, I really want to talk. Here's an update. Okay. And then we'll call Holly Bobby. Okay. And then we're going to get into it. This is great news. Thank God for the animals.

[00:25:13] Nashville successfully stops the AI data center from building near the zoo with a 27 to 5 vote. The Nashville Metro Council voted 27 to 5 to approve Mayor Freddie O'Connell's proposal to use eminent domain to acquire a South National property targeted for a DC blocks data center, whatever that is. Okay. The project faced immense public pushback, including a zoo-backed petition exceeding 500,000 signatures, and mine was one of them. Boom. Yes.

[00:25:43] Over concerns regarding noise, power strain, and environmental crap. So it would have driven the animals completely crazy. That humming and stuff? The humming and it's light out and, you know, no. Leave the zoo alone. Like, go. Well, I don't know where they should go. One more update briefly. This is very exciting for me. Nice. I like it. And my opening act this week, the other comedian, Stephen Rogers, I made him promise I would watch

[00:26:12] the Jersey Shore because I've never actually watched it. Watch it. It was on in the gym, but I didn't listen. Okay. But I made him to promise he has to watch the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. No. And they got renewed. They got renewed. Dude, 2027. Yeah. We got a whole new crop. Boom. I said to Stephen, even, I don't care about cheerleading. I don't care about dance at all. But you become invested. I'm like, did the girl from Missouri make it? Yes. It becomes. Did she make it? Yeah. And then you actually see them. It's not like a bullshit reality show.

[00:26:40] When the Cowboys play, you'll see them all come out. Absolutely. And there they are. And the one girl's going to Broadway. Brie. Brie's ready to go. Yeah. All right. Let's call Holly Bobby and then I'll get into the rest of it. Holly Bobby. I see him. Let's see. Yeah. I think we're going to talk about Madonna. I don't really remember. Okay. Hola, chicas. Bonjour, Bobby.

[00:27:10] Hi, Bobby. Guten taggen. Hi, everybody. Hi, Termite. Good morning. Yay. Guten taggen. How's things going in California? Well, you saw my picture. Did you see we were at the Abbey and we ran into Bronson? Yes, I did. Yes, I did. That's so fun. I'm glad you're still going to the Abbey and representing the biggest gay bar in the world, probably. The best one. But it's really not that gay. No.

[00:27:39] It's very mixed. It's a happy place and it's a great place for everybody from around the world to meet and to have a strong cocktail. Well, I think a lot of people ended up there because of the reality show and that Lisa Vanderbilt thing. Vanderpump.

[00:28:05] But it started and then they all kind of just dribbled into the Abbey too, which is great. Totally. Totally. Totally. And they took down the pump signs, if you've seen the show, and I think that they're bringing them to her hotel in Las Vegas because you know she opened a hotel in Vegas. Where? The old Barbary Coast is the Vanderpump Hotel. You're kidding. No. Is it open open? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[00:28:33] Well, then I'm going to have to go down there when I'm working there in December. Wow. Next time you're at the Venetian, you're going to have to go to Vanderpump Hotel. Yeah. I just need to check it out. Yeah. Okay. Aren't I a wealth of information this morning? I love it. You've got a lot. A lot. I know. I know. I heard that you're watching Nashville on Netflix. I am watching Nashville because that girl died and I'm like, I want to see what was this thing? What was this show?

[00:29:02] And it's very campy and cheesy, like a soap opera kind of, except I love it because Connie Britton is the lead. I love it. I've already binged like, I don't know, probably 10 episodes. Wow. Oh, wow. Well, you better hurry because I read that Netflix is, that's one of the shows that is leaving the service. Oh, no. September 15th. Oh, shit. You better binge, binge, binge. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, I didn't know that. No. I love Connie Britton. She's good.

[00:29:32] I do, too. And I was pretty dead on when I spoke to you earlier and said, I think she was in White Lotus. And I never get that shit right. I know. You proved me wrong. For once. You proved me and Paddles wrong. Right, Paddles? Yes. Can we talk about your favorite Madonna versus Tay Tay at the MTV Awards? I know what's going to happen. It's like a big showdown. And Madonna got more nominations than Tay Tay. She did? Oh, my God. Yes.

[00:29:59] Is this album really good or are you just saying it? It's really good. It's just, it's like each song flows into the other song. It's not like you're listening to an old vinyl record, which, you know, is popular again. It's trendy to listen to vinyl. So it's like one giant long dance album? Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, I'm not part of the emo crowd or the crowd that does Molly and Waves glow sticks,

[00:30:29] but they would probably like it. They would like it. But also, too, I just think, I mean, it's such a big hit for her. I think everyone's liking it because it's not, it's not that jump up and down kind of music where you're jumping in a big crowd at a rave with a DJ playing. And it's actually like telling a story of the beginning of her life and dancing at the clubs and working at the clubs. All right. I'm going to listen to it this afternoon on the porch. And okay. Do you know that actress Debbie Mazar who was in Entourage? Yes.

[00:30:59] I didn't watch Entourage. Okay. Well, she's one of Madonna's closest friends from the early days and they're still friends. And she kind of, you know, you know, gives Debbie Mazar a shout out throughout the album and stuff because, you know, she was there. Yeah. Debbie was like, I think the coat check girl at the club where Madonna used to try to get her music played. So she was a big, she was a big influence and helped Madonna early in her career and they've stayed friends. So I think that's sweet.

[00:31:25] So do you predict that Madonna will win more than Tay Tay? Oh, I don't know about that. Well, I can't believe MTV is a still having awards and it's still called the Moon Moon Men. Yeah. That's like from when we were kids. Debbie Mazar was also in Goodfellas. You'd know her from that. Oh, I loved Goodfellas. I watch it anytime I can on a plane. Yeah. Okay. But like, okay, what do you want? The Moon Man.

[00:31:52] They've been calling the Oscars the Oscars for a hundred years now. Yeah, but MTV, the Moon Man, come on. Nobody even knows that logo anymore. You can rename something. Tell the termites what the Moon Man is then. The Moon Man was the trophy you win for doing something good on MTV or winning a content, whatever, popularity deal. And so you get, it was an astronaut and he has a flag and he's called the Moon Man. Yeah, put it in the snow.

[00:32:19] Now, I mean, I like it, but it's also quite, quite passe. I mean, can't we, can we update this? If we're, I didn't even know MTV is still on. What do you have in your mind? I didn't either. No. No. And they're giving out awards. I know, but they always have the best performances. But you know, you know, you know who's doing, has really good performances are the Grammys. The Grammys. I just love the Grammys because it's just like a concert, a four hour concert.

[00:32:46] Compared to sitting at the Academy Awards, which I had to do one year, which was so boring. I locked myself out of the actual showroom into the bar with the bartender. Publicist is beating her head right now. Poor Katie. I got to call Katie about work. Don't tell Katie about this. My publicist is happy with me because I'm non-participatory. Hey, do you want to go down a red carpet? Not for a million goddamn dollars. Nope.

[00:33:16] No, I'm not flying to LA to be on a game show. No, I'm not. No. Copy that. No, no, no, no. Yeah, how's that going to sell tickets to all these new shows I got, Bob? It's not. Is there any other breaking news out of Hollywood? Well, I'm not going to talk about it. You guys hang up and talk about it. But Meghan Markle's acting career might be in trouble. Oh, yeah. So I read. No, no, no, not with me on the phone. Okay, not with you on the phone.

[00:33:45] Tell Bobby about the Martha thing. Well, it's very, here's some very exciting news. It's absolutely what we can talk about. Martha Stewart is now her Netflix show and her podcast are going to drop very soon. I'm very excited. I'm excited, too. I saw a commercial with Martha Stewart last night. I was trying to decompress and watch television. And she's promoting some new product. I couldn't remember what it was. And it made me think of you. Facial lotion? Oh, God. Is that what it is? Her first. Well, I have her facial stuff.

[00:34:15] It's quite powerful. I almost burnt my face off one night. Yeah, I know. I woke up. My whole face is peeling. I'm like, oh, Jesus. I think I used to watch. Well, I said to Clark, I said to Clark, I go, look at her. I go, she's still working. Like, I don't, I guess I'm going to have to work until my 80s, you know, if Martha Stewart's doing it. Right? No. I know. I just said that she's doing a podcast and this and that. But she's always been a workaholic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why she's successful.

[00:34:46] I hope I look as good as Martha Stewart when I'm 84. Well, here's why you won't. Because she started out as a model. True that. You didn't. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Gosh, I hope I look like Cher. Well, you won't, Kathleen. You're five foot tall. It's not happening. No, I was at Warner Brothers yesterday. I had to do one of those early morning meetings. So I had to drive to Burbank on Sunday, spend the night, get up, do meetings all day, and then drive back to Palm Springs.

[00:35:14] I didn't get home until like nine o'clock last night. Oh, wow. And then, you know, they're redoing that. You know, they knocked down that bridge behind my house. And they started working at 5 a.m. this morning. And I'm like, oh, my God. That should be. Well, in the desert. In the desert, though. See, I was going to say, that's not a normal ordinance. But it's so hot out there, they probably let them start at five. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not going to complain. I just want this bridge done so I can sleep. Go, you know, get a good night's sleep again. Yeah.

[00:35:44] All right, Holly Bobby. Well, you take care of everything in Hollywood, and I'll take care of the middle and the rest. Okay, what should I do? I have like a couple weeks coming up in October that I'm going to be off. Should I come to Nashville for an item, too? Yes, yes. Yeah. Do you want to go see Dollywood? I'll take you. Oh, my God. Maybe we should do that. Yeah. Bring Clark. We'll go to Gatlinburg. We'll rent this little place at Airbnb called the Hay Bear Cabin. Okay. And it's wonderful. It has a jacuzzi.

[00:36:12] And there's a chance you could go out in the morning and a bear will be in your jacuzzi, which I always hoped for and has not yet happened. Okay. All right. Well, do they have good Bloody Marys? Wonderful. Yeah. And they have moonshine. And they have all kinds of things. Okay. Clark will drink the moonshine. It's a wonderful place. Yeah. Wonderful. I know you shouldn't shop there because she has a past that was littered with racism. But the Paula Deen store there. Littered with racism. I'm not going to go to Paula Deen and Target is questionable.

[00:36:42] Oh, my God. Did you see what they did? So crazy. Who was in charge? This is what I do not understand about Corbin America. You put on a blackface costume? What? What the fuck is a matter? I mean, can't you just Google that? Even if, let's say, you're so dumb, you don't know that that's offensive. That is so offensive. I was like going, what is wrong with these people? I don't know. But this is where corporate America will just not respond.

[00:37:11] Like, whoever is a CEO should be fired today. Yeah. There should be no. Like when everybody wakes up. When everybody wakes up and sees this, because they're already having a problem with any customers of color. Well, me too, but I'm not of color. I'm of pink and skin cancer. You're a pink color. I'm a skin cancer color. But they won't. They put out a statement, which was even more offensive because they said, we know this is offensive basically to black people. But what about the rest of us? Right.

[00:37:40] I find it offensive. It's just like, it's like, I mean, I saw that ad and I went, oh my God, they're in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. And no one will get fired. It's like the Cracker Barrel thing. She just left and got $4.6 million on her way out the door. Bullshit. If we failed, if we failed at our job, nobody's given us extra money and we're not being kept another day. No. We're gone. I'd be lucky if they pay my unemployment. And my Cobra. Totally. Your Cobra.

[00:38:11] Your bridge insurance. It's your bridge insurance. All right. I guess I better go back to work. Yeah. You go back to work. All right. You make Hollywood run in the right direction. All right. In the right direction. I'll do that. Bye. Bye. Thank you for having me. Bye. Is it Wednesday? This man's in charge of Hollywood. He should. He knows. Yeah, he is. Yeah. I'm hanging up. Bye. Bye. Wow. Is it Wednesday? Yes. The pub is open.

[00:38:41] We're going to do. I don't know that some of the younger termites will know what blackface is, so you just have to ask your parents. Yeah. I'm not getting into all that. I don't want to start shit, but it's offensive. Yeah. We've already been through this with a million famous people that have done it. I will not mention names because it was a long time ago, but it's Googleable. Yes. Which stars have appeared in black? You know, it's very 1920s, old school, racist.

[00:39:10] And Target has a whole, I mean, no. No. Somebody's got to be fired, and it has to be in public. Yes. Agreed. Whatever. I don't know what's wrong with people. We're going to do the last update, and then we're going to call Amy for something fabulous, and then we'll get to the news. So the biggest update is going to take at least five to ten minutes. Harry and Meghan. Yeah. The Hargles. Okay. Now they're, quote, moving back to England. So they say.

[00:39:41] But they're going to keep Montecito. They're open right now. Let me tell you how much Montecito costs if they're going to keep this house. Their mansion in Montecito is very expensive, even before you factor in security. Here's the bills on a $14 million house. Security. Property tax, $152,000 a year. Insurance, $50,000 to $150,000 a year. Landscape slash grounds, $75,000 to $150,000. Some guy wrote in the comments, yeah, but if they have ponds, they've got to have a fish guy, too.

[00:40:11] Did you include him? Fish guy. How about your koi pond? Yeah. Your koi pond has so much algae. What's happening? Housekeeping property staff, $75,000 to $200,000. Repairs and maintenance, $100,000 to $250,000. Utilities, $40,000 to $80,000. Estimated mortgage, up to $516,000 a year. That puts the potential cost of maintaining Montecito estate at roughly $1,000,000 to $1.5,000

[00:40:38] plus a year, including estimated mortgage, and that doesn't include security costs. Property taxes alone work out to $12,670 a month. A month? Yep. They are broke. That's crazy. There's no way they can keep this house. I think- That's crazy. I think they're on the run. Please get into this, because this was very interesting. It's from something. I don't know if it's from tax problems.

[00:41:05] I don't know if it's from Harry's lying on his paper. But you read that somewhere. You read about the FBI's- The FBI apparently on August 23rd or 28th or 30th is going to drop some thing against them. Why would you suddenly, you're going to enroll these kids in school, and this is why they're exhausting these two, Harry and Meghan, because they gaslight their own gaslighting. Children. And they gaslight everyone around them, and then they'll go, I didn't say that. Right. And you show them a fucking video.

[00:41:35] This is you saying that those people are racist. It must be AI. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. Did my wife say that? Yes, your wife said it too. Here. She did. Well, something has happened. I don't know if they're broke and they're running home to daddy. They're going to the Cotswolds. That's where Ellen and Portia went, where all the rich people go. It's like a Montecito of London two hours away in this tiny village. And you get a giant property, and you play like you're a farmer or whatever make-believe bullshit you want to do, and you do that.

[00:42:04] Maybe they could rent Ellen and Portia's because theirs apparently floods every other Friday, and they don't like it. So maybe you could rent that. This is not what we're being told. Oprah's also backpedaling like crazy. I know. I think Oprah was trying to get out in front of all this. They got her and Gail on the street in a little exchange, and then Oprah says, oh, this has been in the works forever. Really? I don't think so. It doesn't seem like it.

[00:42:30] Because why in God's name are your kids not already enrolled if you knew, oh, we're going to be living there starting September 1st. We've got to get the kids in school. Why are we doing all this now? Right. It doesn't make any sense. And if I was William and Kate, I would just ignore them. It's hard. It's hard. Just hold, hold. It's a Viking hold. Do not mention them. Do not. They're so aggressive. Yeah. You left. You called us all a bunch of racist assholes.

[00:42:59] Okay. And fine. Then go. But now you're coming back and saying you never said any of that. Well, holy Jesus Christ. New phone. Who dis? What? Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Then she said, People Magazine, just know that I believe. For some amount of money, any celebrity can pay them to write whatever you want. They'll just do it. They don't care. So now it's that Megan Head was going to be in season three of The Gentleman.

[00:43:29] That was the first. So that's why they're moving back. Okay. So, oh, hey, I got a part in a show on Netflix. Let's, by all means, move the entire family across the globe. What about the dog? What about your chickens? What about all that shit? Then they go, no, season three of The Gentleman hadn't even been announced as picked up yet.

[00:44:18] Oh. I don't know what it is. That's crazy. I just, I, if I was William and Kate, you two wear me out. Yes. What do you want? Right. You don't even know what you want. No. Do you want to be royal again? No, not really. Right. You kind of, you want to be half royal. Well, that, but that job's not available. Right. So yes or no? Yep. Now they're back. What does he do for a living? Nothing. His African charity just kicked him out.

[00:44:46] It'll just be a matter of time till the other one does. I think that was the deal. Like embezzling in charity funds. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, that's charity. That's the FBI one where they're looking for the charity money. Like where'd all that go? Yep. Mm-hmm. Crazy. The problem, nothing they've done here has worked. Because neither one of them have a discernible talent. I'm not going to count acting on suits, which is basically a sexy soap opera for the 20-somethings. Totally. That's not, that wasn't a career.

[00:45:16] No. That was a job. Whether the children like the show or not, I have no idea. Right. Seemed semi-popular. Mm-hmm. Cool for you, as Rocky would say. Harry, what do you do? What do you do? Right. You're just a prince. Not anymore. Which you quit. You quit. You quit. Yeah. No. Charles, if he's dying, this is sad grandpa time. He's going to get emotional. Mm-hmm. He's going to do shit that wouldn't be within his normal ballywick of tricks.

[00:45:46] And I hope he doesn't get tricked. I don't think Camilla's going to let that happen. She's got Charles' ear. She seems pretty... And she's over all this shit, I think. What do you do? Does they have Christmas at this castle that's up by the Cotswolds? You just not invite them? Yes. Read your boundary book. My boundary book is still in the office because I've had so many people at this house

[00:46:14] that I haven't had time to read my boundary book. So you know who's probably read it? Iowa. The Raiders. The Raiders. Iowa. Just keep your smarts up there. You don't need to come down and shame Missouri. We know. We know. That's great. So we shall see. I don't think Megan's ever going to be there. I think there's nannies raising these kids. I think this is all bullshit. Absolutely.

[00:46:44] I don't think you can afford that. And oh, they have a house in Portugal. Portugal. Why? Well, because Prince Andrew's daughters and their husbands have houses there. His cousins. Oh. So he likes one of them. Do they like him back? I mean, who wants to be associated with who? You're a quitter and my dad's a super perv and everybody knows it. You're all creepy. You're all creepy. Nobody's really nailing it here except William and Kate.

[00:47:14] That's it. William and Kate. I do think that that other brother of Charles is Edward. He seems on the straight and narrow. Like he doesn't do crazy shit. As far as we know. He's tired. He's tired of all the shit. All right. We're going to call Amy. I did forget though. Oh, yeah. I already told you. I want to go see Stevie on Jimmy Kimmel. Okay. After this is over. Let's call Amy and find something fabulous for Labor Day. Okay. Great.

[00:47:42] There's so much news. Amy. Amy. Amy. How do we call Amy on a Samsung Galaxy? Don't make fun of my phone. Oh, I see it. Okay. Okay. Amy. This is the right Amy. Go. We'll find out.

[00:48:12] Hey, you cat. What's up, Amy? What are we doing in beautiful Cape Cod? It's absolutely stunning today. It's 77 degrees with no humidity. And the sun is like beautiful. It's just gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Fabulous. Awesome. Fabulous. Fabulous. Yeah. So today I just finished making some pesto because I have just an entire basket full. So I thought I'd take some back with me when I head back to the lake in a couple days. Nice. Yeah.

[00:48:42] So tell us some appetizers that are easy for Labor Day weekend if I'm going to have a lot of people. Okay. All right. So a lot of people like eight to 10 or. Yeah. It could go over 10. Ish. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. So eight to 10 folks, you probably need maybe three appetizers and they don't necessarily have to be hard.

[00:49:09] Um, the first one, of course, is going to be a charcuterie board. Okay. Nice. Because this doesn't have it again. This isn't hard and it doesn't have to be fancy, but it's a huge hit with everybody. And it does look really nice on your table and you can have it all done before everyone gets there. Okay. Easy. Um, sadly, I could talk about this for about two days. Real, real short. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:49:37] Um, but you know, the first thing that you want to do and look, the great thing about a charcuterie board is really, you can kind of just use everything that's in your fridge. Um, you know, you're looking for staples like, um, cheese and preserved meats, uh, jams, fruits, nuts, that kind of thing. What's the jam for? I never understand that when I go to an event and somebody's got jam on that board. What's that? What am I supposed to do with that? So the jam pairs nicely with the cheese.

[00:50:06] Oh, right. And usually it's a fig jam or a plum jam or a very jam. And jam is actually very different than jelly. Jelly is kind of runny and doesn't actually use the entire fruit. Whereas the jam uses the whole fruit and they process it. So it's a little more pulpy. So it's a little more hardy and it sticks on top of the cheese. Yeah. Well, how come Megan, how come Megan Markle's jam is runny? Was it not made right?

[00:50:34] I guess it's, maybe it's really jelly and she doesn't know the difference. I don't know. You know? I would bet on that. I would bet she didn't know the difference. Okay. I'm going to guess she didn't know that. I would. She decided to name it jam. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I would think that the jam would offset my piece of cheese. Like if I want that sharp cheddar, for instance, I just made that up, but whatever, maybe brie or something.

[00:51:03] But yeah. I mean, you know, look, you can use it. It's like, you know, everyone has different tastes, but it's, it's supposed to enhance the flavor. Okay. You're not like taking a spoonful and schlepping it on your brie. You know, you just, it's kind of a dainty little scoop with the, you know, and then. With a tiny spoon. A small slather on your cheese. Delicious. Yeah. You might, you're used to, you grew up on Velveeta.

[00:51:35] It's not cheese? Yeah. So jam probably wouldn't help Velveeta. Maybe it would though. Yeah. Okay. You know what? Try to melt it. Yeah, exactly. So, I mean, and, and, and literally, honestly, you really just need to kind of peek in and see what you've got in your refrigerator before you run out to the shops.

[00:51:56] But, you know, if you've got any kind of veggie, carrots, radishes, tomatoes, you know, celery, anything like that, chop it up, make it into bite-sized pieces. Okay. You just want to have like a variety. All right. You know, a variety. That's going to feed a bunch of people. What else we got? Yeah. So, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to keep talking about charcuterie boards all day long.

[00:52:20] You know, you want to, you want to make sure you've got your cheese and then with that, those lovely veggies, you want to make sure you have like a hummus or a tzatziki or even in your case, maybe a bowl of ranch dressing. But make sure you put it in like a little small serving bowl. Your case. Okay. And then that way it looks a little more, you know, fabulous on your, on your tray. Okay. But you want to use like a platter or I always use a cutting board and your cutting board can be really plain, simple.

[00:52:47] Um, you can find them at TJ Maxx or William Sonoma or Crate and Barrel. Um, and it doesn't have to be fancy. I mean, you can get the fancy ones and they're beautiful. Um, but other than you and, you know, my great aunt Margaret from the Gilded Age, no one's going to really know a fancy cutting board from a non-fancy cutting board. Okay. You know what I mean? Um, and then just your cheeses and then all your preserved meats. So salami or chorizo, prosciutto.

[00:53:15] Um, and then you just want to like loosely kind of stack those together so it's easy for people to grab. And then of course add your crackers whenever you've got in your pantry. Have you ever had anybody eat all of it when you're done at a party? Like when you're done? Yeah. Really? Oh, like when, like when the party's done or like? Yeah. When the party's done, do you ever look at that board? Cause I always feel like we put it, I've put it out and then only maybe half gets eaten. Yeah. I mean. Maybe it's the Velveeta. The Velveeta and the ranch.

[00:53:45] Yeah. It could be the ranch dressing and the Velveeta cheese and the American cheese slices that are still in the plastic wrapper that you might've put on. Yeah. You gotta take them out of that. Well, they look, they look sweaty if you take them out. Gotta leave. Man, these everybody knows they're fresh. Yeah. So funny. Yeah. So, um, yeah. No, but you just want it to make, make it look lovely. And you don't need to overstuff it.

[00:54:08] It doesn't need to go crazy, but yeah, I mean, there's going to be a few leftovers, but if you make it so that it's a finger food, everyone can pick at it. Um, you know, you don't need plates or nappings or anything. Everybody should just be able to get in there and pick up what they want and keep talking and drinking. You know, that's kind of the idea. Yeah. Okay.

[00:54:35] So, um, you know, it's so nice to actually make this yourself and it's not hard. I mean, this is something I think you could probably add to cat's kitchen. Oh, so easy. So easy. So it's basically two jars of artichokes and it, you know, marinating the oil. You can find it at any local grocery store.

[00:55:03] Um, you want to chop those up quarter pieces, add a half a cup of mayo, a half a cup of sour cream, maybe a half a cup of cream cheese. And then you want to mix all that together, add a cup of Parmesan, mix it up, make sure it's all mixed nicely, put it into an oven proof serving dish and then put it in the oven at 350 degrees for 15 minutes till it's hot. So it's something you could have prepared. Uh, and then just pop it in the oven. Chalk it in the oven.

[00:55:33] And then when everyone's sitting around, you're like, Oh, oops, let me go get my homemade artichokes out of the oven for you guys. Excuse me. And then bring it out and everyone thinks you're fabulous. Delicious. Break open a bag of pita chips and voila. Oh, nice. Okay. That's, that's, that's five stars. Five stars. Yeah. And this, you could totally do this in cat's kitchen. It'll be a lot of fun. Cool. Just don't forget to set a timer because sometimes you can get stuck in conversation and then all of a sudden you have artichoke dip all over your oven. Bad, bad, bad.

[00:56:04] Um, and then the next one, and this is a favorite for everybody is that, um, Pico de Gallo. So Pico de Gallo. That looks like work. Well, it's a little bit of chopping, but the recipe that I use, cause I, I like to just have everything prepped and I just whip it together and stick it in the fridge and then wait for, you know, the guests to arrive. But did you know that Pico de Gallo actually translates in Spanish as rooster's beak? Gross. A rooster's beak. No. Right? I know.

[00:56:34] So thankfully it's called Pico de Gallo. Yeah. Americans don't know it's really called rooster's beak. That's crazy. Um, and the theory behind it. Why is that? Did they actually use like rooster's beak back in the day? Well, that's kind of what I thought until I investigated it and I found out that they, people used to actually pick it up with their index fingers. Oh. And so when you pick something up and you push it onto your thumb, it looks kind of like a rooster's beak. Oh. That's one theory. And then the other theory is that the colors in the dish resemble a rooster. So. Wow.

[00:57:04] That's a stretch. That's a stretch, I think. But this one's really easy. So it's literally seven ingredients and you probably have it in your refrigerator. Five whole Roma tomatoes. You dice those up really small, but you don't want to, um, the nice thing about a Roma tomato is it's, it's quite hard. So all the juices and stuff that you usually get in a big, you know, um, you know, tomato that you would use for hamburgers is very different. So it's not going to be very messy.

[00:57:31] You take about maybe half of a yellow onion or a red onion, if that's what you have on hand, a little bit of cilantro, maybe about a fourth of a cup. And I know a lot of folks don't like cilantro. I don't. Do you? I'm anti-cilantro. I love cilantro. That's why I don't go to, what's that? Um, Chipotle. They have cilantro in fucking everything. Yeah. And then if you ask them, can you not do it? It's too late. They already made that stuff in the morning. I get it. They made their, you know, all their stuff.

[00:57:59] Like I can't ask them to extract it. Yeah. And then they'll fill me in. That'd be rude. That'd be rude. Hey, so does it taste like soap when you, when you eat cilantro or you just don't like it? Ah, I've never thought, what does this taste like? I just know I don't like it. I don't know. I'll think about that next time. I'll eat some on purpose. I'm going for Mexico tonight. I'll do it on purpose.

[00:58:21] So four to 14% of the population thinks cilantro tastes like soap and it's actually a genetic trait. So they're not allergic to it. It's just a gene variation. Wow. And your, your scientific niece told me that it's a gene variation called OR6A2.

[00:58:42] And it's because there's a natural compound called aldehyde, which is in the cilantro and chemical companies make soaps, lotions, and detergents out of aldehydes. So people that have this mutation or variation. Well, yeah, I would guess how would I know what soap tastes like? Unless your mother washed her mouth out with soap for cussing. Well, I had the luxury of a grandmother who used that as a woman whenever I would say shit.

[00:59:09] So I got it done to me quite often. And I can tell you, it's terrible. I'm going to go lick a bar of soap tonight and then go eat Mexican food with my friend Mark. And then see what you think. So yeah, so take your tomatoes, dice them up, take your onion, dice about half of it up, put all of it in a bowl, add your cilantro or not. If you, if you don't like the taste, if you have the gene variation, you can use basil, you can use parsley.

[00:59:39] And then you take your half of a jalapeno and you, and you mince it. So if you want it spicy, you keep the seeds in. If you don't want it that spicy, you take the seeds out. But if I were you, I would just take, you know, a rubber glove. If, you know, just in case you decide to rub your eye afterwards. Cause then that would be terrible. Before your guests arrive, can't see them as they walk in the door. And then you want to squeeze some fresh lime juice in there. And I use maybe, probably, maybe almost a whole lime.

[01:00:09] Add a bit of garlic, salt, and then mix it all up. Chuck it in the refrigerator. Let it sit for a little bit. How long does it have to sit before the people get there? I mean, you really could serve it right away. You honestly could serve it right away. But if you want it chilled, stick it in there. How long will it stay good? Like how many hours can it sit out on a table? Oh. Oh, I mean, you can sit out there for quite some time. I mean, you know, everyone talking, you'll be fine. It'll be fine. Nice. Okay. Wrap it up and put it in the fridge and you can eat it tomorrow.

[01:00:36] Will you be making any of these things for my arrival? Uh, absolutely not. Because I will be running like a chicken with my head cut off from the airport home. And trying to, you know, cause I've been gone for a while. So I think it's going to be pizza night for all of us. Oh, nice. All right. All right. Casablanca. Which is great. Pizzas are great. No, yeah. Casablanca. Here we come. Yeah. But yeah.

[01:01:03] So those are three fabulous, easy appetizer recipes that Kathleen, you can make easily. I got them written down. Charcuterie board, artichoke dip, pico de gallo. All right. Got it. All right. You're the best. All right. We'll talk to you soon. Okay. All right. All right. Safe travels. Bye. Thank you. Bye. We're so making that spinach dip. It sounds easy. Artichoke dip. Artichoke dip. It sounds easy. Yeah. I have to listen again what she said. We'll get the recipe.

[01:01:32] I do love artichoke dip. Or spinach dip. Well, yeah. We'll make it this afternoon. No, you're going for dinner. Never mind. No, I'm going for Mexican. First, I'm going to lick some soap. And then I'm like, shut up. I'm going to order soap. Your knee sounds very smart. Just to see. It's funny. I think I need one more beer. Okay. Will you grab one? I'm going to go on with the holy shit they found while you do that. You all right? Great. Yeah, I kind of swallowed my tongue or a bug or something.

[01:02:02] There's no bugs up here. Baby cat, the number one bug killer is right here. Yeah. She loves a podcast. All right. Thank you. Bye. Holy shit, they found it. Moving on. The river otter makes its first appearance in 100 years along the Bronx River. This is so great. It's been a century since the North American river otter slid down the Bronx River's muddy banks. But now at least one is back in the borough.

[01:02:30] Local scientist R.J. Hawkins caught the long muscular otter on a motion-activated camera fixed on the river. On June 23rd. I don't know why they're just telling us now. But it's the first documented appearance since the early 1900s. Then the river got filthy. They all left. And then they cleaned it up. And now they're back. How great is that? They were a common sight a long, long time ago. But pollution, habitat loss, and unregulated trapping decimated their local populations.

[01:02:57] Community groups, public agencies, businesses, and the National Guard have been working to restore the Bronx River for decades. The otter's return is a gift, not just to the Bronx, but to the communities that fought for 50 years to bring this river back to life. That is just so great. Every once in a while we do shit right. You know, we get it right. Like, let's clean up the river. And let the little creatures come back. Millilite or what's that one? Millilite. Yeah. Okay. That'll explode.

[01:03:27] So yay for the river otter. Yay for the Bronx River people getting their shit together and cleaning it up. Good job. Good job. Okay. We're moving on to news. And here's the thing. So speaking of these delicious treats that you guys bring me to shows and mail me and stuff. PepsiCo. PepsiCo is in charge of a lot of snacks. Doritos being one. Uh-huh.

[01:03:52] They tried to turn Doritos into a $7 snack. Seven bucks? That's how much for a bag. Like those family bags? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Shoppers finally blinked. The company reportedly lost more than $50 billion in the market value and missed revenue goals by over $1 billion in back-to-back years. That is not just a snack aisle story. This is a pricing lesson with a neon sign over it.

[01:04:19] And the wild part is not just that the customers push back. It's that PepsiCo had warning signs everywhere. Walmart had been telling them for more than a year that prices were getting too high. PepsiCo's, that's why they fucking took the price off the front. You know, I never thought of that. Yeah, they don't. It used to be right there. All these bags don't have it now. Anyway. Yep.

[01:04:41] When Walmart tells you, look, we're stuck with all this inventory because it's too expensive for a bag of Doritos, you have to listen. Customers were trading down, buying smaller bags, and looking at store brands like they suddenly had a personality. So we don't necessarily need Doritos. We could get Felitos, the fake one. Or Weedos. The prices kept hiking. They kept coming. Here's the timeline.

[01:05:08] Dorito prices at Walmart climbed close to 50% between 2021 and 2025, with some bags moving past the $7 mark. Oh, my God. For a while, people tolerate it because it's what customers often do. They complain, they adjust, but they still buy, but they come back. But not here. PepsiCo eventually saw revenue turn negative after decades of steady growth. The lesson is bigger than Doritos. You can raise prices for a while, call it inflation, premium positioning, or market protection.

[01:05:36] But customers will eventually catch on. And they did. And sometimes the line is practical. Sometimes it's emotional. Sometimes it's just the moment a customer looks at the shop and thinks, nope, I'm not doing it. Yeah. It's crazy. True. So there you go. All these half full bags. I mean, if you have like four kids. So my cousin Mary had four boys growing up. And I mean, this would be gone in, if this was Xavier? Oh, wow. Five seconds.

[01:06:06] Amy's son. Yeah, Amy's son. But I mean, any of the McEw boys. Yeah. Immediately gone. Gonzo. Yeah. Too expensive for what you're getting. Good. I'm glad people said no. I'm glad people finally. Here's another. Just in case anyone cares. Uh-huh. It's not. Maybe I should try them. I don't know. But I just go into Starbucks. If I go, it's to get coffee.

[01:06:33] Well, Starbucks just announced when the pumpkin spice latte will return. People are freaked out. I know. It's crazy. People are losing their shit. They said it's that is the number one. And then the Christmas cups, the holiday cups. Pumpkin spice latte gets the most press. And everybody cares about the Christmas cups. This is the 2026 menu. It includes a mix of returning favorites and brand new additions. The returning drinks are.

[01:07:03] In the category of renewed, we have pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin cream cold brew. I'm not just. Who likes pumpkin this much? Pumpkin spice frappuccino. Iced pumpkin cream chai. Pecan cortado. Pecan crunch latte. I don't know. Maybe I like pecans. Iced pecan lunch. Here's the new ones. Here's some. Buckle in, Starbucks fans.

[01:07:31] Iced pumpkin cream shaken espresso. I wouldn't even remember my own order. Iced pumpkin cream what? Iced pumpkin cream what? Shaken. Shaken. Espresso. There's our grandma lesson too. The amount of people, including in my own family, that say expresso. Expresso. It's not an X. It's an S. Sabrina Carpenter has a song called espresso. Does she spell it right? Yes. Good for her. Here's some other new ones.

[01:08:01] Pumpkin spice chai. I don't even know what's chai. I don't even know what that is. It's like a cinnamony kind of, I mean, cinnamony. Is it tea? It's chai flavoring. Well, yeah, it is. But hang on. It's tea? Tea brewed with milk, sugar, and spices like cardamom and ginger and cinnamon. They should have a tasting bar. Who? Starbucks. Oh, can you imagine how long that would take? No.

[01:08:30] They want you to spend $7. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not going to take that long. We're going to have little tiny Dixie cups. God. And we're going to have these little lines of these drinks. Yeah. We're going to get a new little counter that's over there. You don't have to pay for anything. And you just taste them all. Okay. They don't have to. It's not like in the ice cream shop when you go, can I taste vanilla? Exactly. And then suddenly. Tom Papa has a new special on Netflix. He's got the funniest thing he wanted. Daughter's in the ice cream store with the tiny spoons. Just go.

[01:09:02] No, no, no. They don't like it. Uh-uh. There was an ice cream store in Siesta Key when my mom and dad were down there for the winter. And the girls, well, and all the little kids, they would be like, can I taste this? Can I taste this? And then Patrick just to be a jackass. And I don't think the girl knew what to do because he's this 40-year-old man. He's like, can I taste vanilla? Said it like a crazy person. He goes, I've never had vanilla. And the girl's like, sure. Sorry. Okay.

[01:09:32] I'm like, Pat, stop. Ice pumpkin cream matcha? I don't know what matcha means. Matcha's green. I don't know. Chider? What's chider? Hang on. I'm in matcha. There's a whole Reddit thread. Can someone please explain matcha to me? Oh, well, good. I'm not the only one. I'll put it in the notes. It's a Japanese green tea leaf. Somebody gave me a shot of Starbucks once on the way to the Denver airport.

[01:10:01] And it was a weed thing. No, not alcohol. It was like a healthy snack, weed-based shot you're supposed to do to feel better. Okay. As soon as I saw the Denver airport sign, I started projectile vomiting out of the car. Not even kidding. It was too late to pull over. It just hit me all at once. And then I vomited. And it was fine after I vomited. But it's just, ugh. Okay. Ice banana bread latte. That sounds fine. Yeah. Ice banana. This is usually the over like crumble stuff in it. Bread chai.

[01:10:30] You know, crumbling bread into it and crumbling cookies. Well, I mean, these things are like 2,000 calories. Not to mention $1,000. You and I tasted the unicorn thing. No, I didn't. Yes, we did. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, we were in. What's the unicorn? They had, last year, they had some unicorn drink. And I said you had to try it. Gross. It had sparkles and look like Lucky Charms. It was horrible. You're just walking around with 7,000 calories. It was horrible.

[01:11:00] But I mean, you know, the children were so good. Go for you. Yeah. Good with a little vodka. I have two retro stories. This is great. Good luck, Starbucks people. I really think they should let you taste things because I'm never going to buy these things because I don't know what they are, but I might if you gave me a free tiny taste. Okay. Just throwing that. They don't need more homeless people in Starbucks, though, and they already have a problem with that in certain cities. So if you did put free tasting stuff out, it probably would attract a crowd you probably

[01:11:29] weren't so happy with. Okay. Yeah. This is kind of cool. A retro Pizza Hut in Florida draws customers from hours away as 1980s nostalgia fuels come back. Florida's only Pizza Hut classic featuring the nostalgic red plastic cuffs, vinyl booze, Tiffany-style lamps, and checkerboard tablecloths reminiscent of the 1980s has become so popular that employees from other locations have been brought in to help accommodate the influx of

[01:11:56] guests at the Homosaso Springs Restaurant somewhere in Florida. We have a big responsibility. Ted Sparks, president of the Wichita-based company, which operates 82 dine-in Pizza Huts. We always want to provide great service. Pizza Hut started the classic initiative around 2017. It's great. Awesome. And it looks exactly like the way they did when I was a kid. Cool. I like the booths. I don't want a table table. I want to be at a booth, if possible. And yeah, people, I don't know.

[01:12:26] Everything's just gotten so fast and so get in, get out, get in, get out, that I think they like this. Yeah. I thought growing up, if we went to Pizza Hut, like if we went out to eat, that's where it would have been. Yeah. And I thought it was just awesome. Oh, we went to Shakey's too, because they had the band with the guy with the banjos and stuff. We didn't have that. But when we went to Pizza Hut, oh. Canada didn't have Shakey's? We didn't in Alberta. I don't know. I don't think so. But we- You guys got ripped off. We had Boston Pizza.

[01:12:57] Why would you have Boston Pizza all the way in the west of Canada? No, I haven't. It doesn't even make any sense. No, it makes no sense. You know what? I don't know. We'll talk about that next week. Boston Pizza's a chain all over Canada, or at least it was. I don't know if it's still there. Oh. Well- But it was a deal. You go over there and- So they're- Delicious. Tons of people are traveling from all over. There's only 1,700 people in that town, but they will double the national average of Pizza Hut this year in sales. Why don't we learn and do this to all the Pizza Huts?

[01:13:27] Those big red cups and stuff? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. So great. I think I like Shakey's better because it was thinner and they had a band. I was into the band. See, only Chuck E. Cheese had a band and it was like rodents. Those are animatronic. They weren't- Yeah. I know, I know. I did know that. I didn't. I thought they were real- But I was really excited to see them. I didn't think it was a real chipmunk. I thought it was a real man. It's like, wow. But then they just played the same three songs over and over. It's kind of dumb.

[01:13:55] Yeah, but if you're a kid who only gets to go out once a month- Yeah. Yeah. And you're in and out because your parents can't afford all those coupon things. No. No. It was our big going out night. Gotta play Whack-A-Mole. Loved it. Speaking of music, Bahana Roo, a wonderful musical festival in Tennessee, which is our version of Coachella, if you will. I saw Florence and the Machine there. I've performed there. They used to have a comedy tent. They do not anymore.

[01:14:24] I don't think. I don't think so. But anyway, they're taking the 2027 off. They're not having it. What? They have to give the land breathing room because it floods a lot. Look at them being responsible. Wow. I know. I like it. Let the land heal. There was a giant flood the year before last, and then this year it got kind of out of hand too. Yeah. And the land is not having the time to recover. Right. So let's give it a year off. That's a big deal for them. Yes. Proud of them.

[01:14:54] Again, someone doing the right thing for once. Absolutely. Let the land do what it's going to do, and then we can all go back and camp and be safe and not get caught in a flash flood. Nice. Wouldn't that be nice? Love it. Speaking of music too, how is this still open? Columbia House Records is finally shutting down. Did you have that in Canada? Yes. You did? Yeah. Oh, that surprises me. Why? It just seemed- But you don't have Shakey's Pizza? Come on. Well, it just seems very American. I don't know.

[01:15:23] Columbia House Records, blah, blah. Well, here's why you should have, because you could have got Celine Dion. She's one of the ones that include the color of my love. So you got eight CDs or 12 cassettes for a penny. One said, and I signed up two accounts. Yeah, one under your parents' name. One under my- Yeah, one under yours. I wrote their credit card in. Yeah. I got in a lot of trouble for that. I'm sure you did. I'm like, look, I'm trying to upgrade the musical experience of this household, and I

[01:15:52] think we could- music is a gift from God, and you're declining a gift from God, and look what I've done for this household. And I've been super fair. I did some Donna Summer. I did a little Johnny Cash. I went all over the map. Little Linda Ronstadt. You should have been rewarded. It was the 70s. I know. I picked good shit. Yes. Come on. Yeah. Everybody- So funny. My dad really wasn't mad. My mom was. How do you mail a penny? I can't even remember that.

[01:16:22] They put it on your credit card. Oh, right. That's why you got to at least put one cent, because that credit card is what they're going to charge you every month as a renewal fee. Forgot about that. Yeah. You didn't just get eight. I know. I remember that part. It is news to everyone. It was still operational in 2026. What are people buying in 2026? Actual CDs? I don't know. We got to research that. Do you guys have CD players? I have a shit ton of my own CDs in this house, and I have some of Ron's and Lou's.

[01:16:51] I don't even know why they're here. You have albums, too. Some of your stack albums. I thought the album thing was a stupid idea, and it was. Well, we're going to have to- But it's a collector's item. There you go. After 71 years, the longstanding Mail Order Media Club is shutting down this month. As the YouTube channel, Channel 33 RPM, remember that, Tiny Records, and the website Cord Cutters News point out, it's not accepting new orders. Hurry up.

[01:17:19] If you still want to do it, you have until September 15th, 2026. Stop it. Nope. You can still purchase books. Wow. What kind of books are we buying? Books. Books? I never saw books. We're not readers. We're in Missouri. Yeah. We're music people. Yep. Send me Mariah Carey's new CD, goddammit. Send me Mariah Carey. I won't do it. I worked so hard on my eight choices. I had country.

[01:17:48] I had folk. I had disco. And 70s rock. I thought I was going to turn the whole household around. How'd it go? Just you and Joseph jumping on the bed. Yeah. I had my hairbrushes, my microphone. I was ready to go. It started in 1955. Wow. New members were promised. This is for the children. New members were promised a free record for joining, and customers could bypass a trip to the record store by ordering albums to be shipped to them at home. Mine was albums. When I was a kid, it was albums.

[01:18:17] Head CDs. It was a giant. Oh, I think I got cassettes. It was a giant delivery in the mail. That's why my parents noticed. No, I got cassettes. Because I had the Madonna Like a Virgin cassette. A little talking to about that, what that meant. In 1991, Columbia's parent company, Sony, sold half of Columbia House to Time Warner, which merged the service with its own Time Life home video. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring. We don't care. It's over.

[01:18:46] You have until September 15th. Get on it, folks, if that's what you want to do. Crazy. Can we talk about, let's just talk about for a moment. Let's talk about the WNBA. Okay. I don't watch it, but I don't watch the NBA. No. So it's not because they're women that I don't watch it. I just don't watch basketball per se. I follow Sophie Cunningham on TikTok. I like her because she's from Missouri.

[01:19:16] Not a reader? No. She also kicked a field goals for a boys' high school team. What? Yeah. She's really athletic. Yeah. Cool. And I liked her pointing thing that she did. So I watch SportsCenter. I keep up, but I don't watch the games. I don't go to the games, but I don't go to NBA games. Right. Because we never had a team growing up in St. Louis, so I'm just not really fully committed. And I'm fully committed with so many other sports that I can't, I just can't, I can't make room for the- Overlaps with fantasy. Yeah. Right.

[01:19:48] Well, Caelan Clark, it's getting out of hand. You should put a little context around that. Well, there's a lot of fighting. There's a lot of fouling that is really, truly ridiculous. Egregious. Yeah. But it's also going on all over to the black girls too. Uh-huh. Blah. But my point is, it's all completely out of hand. The one thing the NBA from every morning- It's a mess. Of watching, no, NBA. No, no, no. Adam Silver- I'm talking about WNBA as a mess. I know, but this is what I was going to say.

[01:20:16] So I would do watch SportsCenter every day. Adam Silver is a great commissioner of the NBA. He is. When shit happens, he is the first one out there to go, that was bullshit. He will be reprimanded. He will be reprimanded. And it will not happen again. And boom, it does not. Yep. If there's any racist stuff or anything, Adam comes out and addresses it. And Adam clearly has to handle it.

[01:20:40] The lady who is in charge of the WNBA, I feel like she's absent, missing, gone, and leaving these girls out on these courts to just fend for themselves. And the interviews are crazy. Everything's completely crazy. I think the drama is actually good for viewership because now people know who Sophie is. People know who Caitlyn is. People know who Angel Reese is, and so on and so forth. But also, this is what she said. Caitlyn.

[01:21:10] This is about some lady, Paige Buecher's Falls. I don't know who that is. Paige Buecher played for the University of Connecticut. And I only know that because she was part of my parlay when UConn won. That is the most degenerate thing you've ever said. I don't know how to spell her name, but she was very good. That is a degenerate statement. Oh, my God.

[01:21:37] She speaks out, and she threatens to leave the WNBA if players continue targeting her. Enough is enough. Everyone's targeting me like I'm some kind of monster. I'm one of you. It's a shame that the WNBA still hasn't made any comments about all these falls. Correct. Correct. I think her name's Kathy or something. Where's Kathy? Kathy, get your ass out there and set this ship straight because you're doing good. You're making money finally. Kathy Engelbert. Like Engelbert Humperdinck. Yeah. All right.

[01:22:06] It's the number one Google thing. Who actually runs the WNBA? She should be fired. I don't even want to talk about officiating anymore. She said, it's all bullshit. Even if a player blindsides me, apparently there still isn't enough evidence to call a foul. The league is getting more ridiculous day by day. If the players continue to target me and follow me like this, I'll seriously consider leaving the WNBA. I might too. Go to Italy. I think it's going to take somebody getting very, very hurt. Hurt. Very hurt.

[01:22:34] Or how about we just switch out Kathy and get somebody like an Adam Silver. I mean, it could be a woman. I don't care, male or female. Don Staley. Let's get some Don Staley. Yeah. Let's have Don Staley. Don Staley should do it. She'd be great. She was also part of my parlayer. God, she didn't switch to Don Staley. South Carolina had to get 75 points. I just thought this, by the way, was interesting since we're on sports for a hot minute. Let's talk one minute. I'm going to talk about it more next week because it's a breaking news story.

[01:23:03] The owner of the 49ers was caught in Indiana trying to pay a prostitute $140 for whatever you get for $140 in a trailer park. And he's a multi, multi-millionaire. He's a billionaire. Yeah, I'm just trying to be, you know. Bill. Billionaire. Right. I'm going to save that one. Yeah.

[01:23:28] That just was like, what are you doing in a trailer park? I mean, come on. It's gross. Gross. Maybe he likes the whole vibe of all that. I know. But. It's weird. You know, let's uplift America. This is crazy. This is crazy. Baseball usually, it's fine, but I don't sit down and watch it until the end. But this, I want to see this guy. Okay. It's the first thing I've seen in baseball in years that I went, well, Shohei.

[01:23:56] Shohei, I would like to see Shohei always play because he's just crazy. But this guy's name is Tugboat. He throws an Invisiball. I like it.

[01:24:29] Tugboat. Not very fast compared to others. 90 miles an hour. Right. Others are throwing 100, you know, 100 plus. Yep. He has an unremarkable slider and not much. Unremarkable. And not much else to speak of. On paper, the one thing he has going for him is a nickname so retro that it's practically covered in pine tar and has transformed an otherwise ordinary prospect into a cult hero. The crazy part is he thrived in the minors even though his own coaches can't explain it.

[01:24:57] He's posted a 3.01 ERA and struck out 11 batters in nine innings since being drafted in the 10th round. Wow. Wait till you hear what he does though. Where's he from? I don't know. It doesn't say. The thing is, he's so large and he gets so low. When he pitches, they don't see it anymore. They see the ball coming. That's fantastic. And then it disappears. When you realize that- He's Canadian! He's from Vancouver!

[01:25:28] That explains a lot. But you send it down a little chubby monster that has an Invisiball for you. Wow! We don't have any Canadian baseball players. Tugboat. There's nothing. He throws from an unusually low angle that opponents aren't accustomed to seeing with mechanics that allow him to effectively hide the ball. His pitching coach said, the pitch looks like it comes out of his jersey. Wow. Now I want to see him.

[01:25:57] The result is a fastball that somebody describes as a short little bazooka at 90 miles an hour. He turns the Invisiball about 60- He uses it about 60% of the time. Wow. They all say they don't know what happened to the ball. That's crazy. I know! Wow. It's the most exciting thing in baseball I've heard in years. Except for Shohei. Well, the new little guy on the Cardinals. So, now I want to go watch a Giants game. Congratulations, San Francisco.

[01:26:27] Here's somebody- We're going to find this. Here's somebody that needs to stop. Mark Fuckerberg and Priscilla Chan just bought a castle in Waterford, Ireland. Oh, God. Right. Do either of these two seem like pub material? No. Are you going to come down and- Hey, Mark. Hey, Priscilla. You want to have the roast of the day with me?

[01:26:53] Because I'm going down to have pot roast with mashed potatoes and a shit ton of fake vegetables. And then I'm going to drink 18 Guinness. You in? And then I'm going to sing sad Irish songs with the local band. That's what the night entails. It's going to be great. This is- You are robots, and you're weird, and you have to have no social skills. You're not even going to understand anything happening in that pub. Well, it's a 16,000-foot Gothic Revival estate from 1830 sitting on 440 acres overlooking the River Blackwater. This is in Waterford Island. Okay.

[01:27:22] Woodland, secret gardens, historic, fully restored over the last 20 years. The private deal, but the price was estimated at $35 million. Silicon Valley to Fairytale Island is crazy. No. No. No. Mad at whoever did it. Okay. The only person in Ireland that gets their own private castle, in my opinion, and she has one, is Enya. Yes.

[01:27:52] Enya and her 12 cats deserve a castle. 12 cats. Not you, Bono. You don't get a castle. Enya. Because she created music that no one's ever heard on Earth before. Right. Fucking top that, Bono. True. Look, you're a rock man. Good for you. Live in Dublin. Enya wants to be weird in her castle and private. And I love that she has 12 cats. Enya gets a castle. Not him. And you know what?

[01:28:16] If you were nice because you're a billionaire, buy that castle, give it back to the town, and charge tourists to go through, host tours, and make money for the city. Give them a gift. Right. Yeah. Here, I bought the castle. Mm-hmm. I want to come here three nights a year. Just make sure I get three nights a year. Yes. They would bend over backwards for a deal like that. Even once a month. Yes. How often are you going to be there? Never. Never. So it's just closed. Right. So no one can ever see it. No one can experience it. Ugh.

[01:28:49] Just when we save an otter in the Bronx, we let that happen. Just saying, sometimes we do really good things. Here's a little something that's kind of interesting. A TV writer is claiming Taylor Sheridan built his entire Yellowstone empire on her idea. This is crazy. Yeah. Lauren J. Lauren J.

[01:29:14] Salkin filed suit on August 21st against Sheridan, Paramount, and NBC Universal, alleging that her 2016 pitch titled Sovereign Nation is the foundation of one of the TV's biggest franchises. The filing doesn't just point to broad similarities because you're never going to get anywhere. This happens a lot with daytime variety shows. Okay.

[01:29:38] If you want to be a writer for whatever, fill in the blank, you have to send a package of, especially if it's a comedy one, you need to send a standup monologue, sketches, improv ideas, and man on the street. And then you send it and they say, no, you're not getting hired. And then you end up seeing those exact same sketches on television. Wow. Happens a lot. But you can't do broad similarities because everyone will say we all had the same idea, so what?

[01:30:08] It's common ground, blah, blah, blah. Well, this lady says she breaks it down into specifics. Listen to this shit. She details. Details say here's what she shared and copied. These are her ideas. This is what she submitted. A tribal casino is the center of a political power. A confrontation scene in the chairman's casino office. All of this happened on Yellowstone. Trust land and a 99-year lease as the expansion mechanism.

[01:30:38] She even claimed senior HBO executives rejected Sheraton's Yellowstone pitch because of its resemblance to her work. Wow. Sheraton said he conceived it back in 2013, but the timeline here is hard to ignore. More, Salkin submitted her a pitch to his production company in 2016, reportedly got a personal thank you note from Sheraton, and then watched Paramount announce Yellowstone just months later. Wow.

[01:31:08] Mm-mm. Did she have an agent? I don't know. I don't know. Okay. But if you've submitted something and it made it that far, you probably did. Right. If you're Joe Blow off the street and you're submitting shit, it's probably not going to end up in the pile you're hoping for. Anyway, an agent's going to help move that to the right pile so it gets seen. I don't know. Interesting. I do think it's kind of crazy that he has 100 shows all at one time, but I don't know.

[01:31:38] Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. And nobody heard of him. Well, I Googled his whole resume. He was more of an actor. Was he? It's very strange. Yeah. If you Google his Wikipedia page, I did do that. Hold on. We're moving on. We already did our grammar rules. Stop saying expresso. Okay? Exactly. We're not staying dome termites. Don't do it. There's no X.

[01:32:07] Supposedly, we're having expresso. Black History Month. They take it out. They take it out. I'm putting it in. I love these inventor stories. The improved ironing board. Every time you iron in a hotel or at your house, you can thank Sarah Boone in 1892. The ironing board is a product that was used possibly just as much as it's overlooked. In the late 19th century, Sarah Boone, an African-American woman enslaved, tweaked. She was enslaved. She tweaked the original ironing board to make it more user-friendly.

[01:32:37] Unfortunately, before her redesign, the ironing board was essentially a horizontal piece of wood, initially patented in 1858. With her additions in 1892, the board featured a narrower and curved design, making it easier to iron garments, particularly shirts. It morphed into the modern one we use today. Wow. Cool. Yeah, so before it's just a flat board. Sarah's like, why don't we make this the shape of clothing? Right.

[01:33:07] Perfect. Smart. Sarah Boone. There you go. Turn on. Feel good. And then a saint. Oh, we're not saying dumb. Wait. That's what I'm saying. Oh. Well, this is a feel good. We need some Spanish, too. I got Spanish. Great. Yeah. So here's some other things we've learned. Tienes seguro medico? Do you have health insurance? These are things I ask on a first date. Okay. How much money do you make? Cuanto dinero ganas? What religion are you? Que religion eres?

[01:33:38] Today's one, those are old ones. We're repeating so that we learn. When is your birthday? Cuando estu cumpleanos? Okay. It's the best I can do. I like it. I'll work on it. Yeah, it's good. When is your birthday? Because then we've got to get into the signs. Do you have alcohol? Tienes alcohol? Donde esta la barra? Does a bar have food? A barra siri comida? What? Yeah. So we're learning. How far is the airport?

[01:34:07] We've got so many things. When is your birthday? Then it goes down. Well, because I want to judge what sign you are. Exactly. If you're a psycho sign, I'm running away. Yeah. You have to be a nice sign. If you're Scorpio. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm not coming back. I got two feel good stories. And then we'll do the Saint in quotes and get out of here. This is great. Breaking news.

[01:34:32] UK government unveils $22 million investment to help replace animal experiments. In a potentially huge step forward for animals used in labs, UK government has announced $22 million of new investment into technologies designed to reduce and replace animal testing. That's great. Yep. A further $2 million project will support other projects, including beating human heart cells, growing in a laboratory, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they're trying. I can't even believe we're still...

[01:35:02] I don't know about science, but do we have to use the beagles? I think a lot of... I think... I know when they use them. ...forums. They use them because they're small, so you can fit them a lot of cages, and they're friendly. You can fuck with the beagle until the day is done, and it'll still be sweet to you. That's the wrong reason to use them. It's horrible. It's horrible. It's horrible. It makes me sick. But I think that whole Ridgeland Farms release and all the stuff on social media, people are paying more attention if they hadn't before. Good. Good, good, good. You made me cry with at least three videos this week.

[01:35:31] Yeah. Horrible. Well, they're so happy to be out, though, so the happiness is on the... Here's something. This lady's really something. Feel good. The world's oldest living person turned 117 last Friday. Wow. Her name is Ethel. Of course it is. So my cousin Mary's dad is Dave. His mom was Ethel. That's how far we're going back that I've only met one in my life, her, and it was my

[01:36:01] Uncle Dave's mom. My Uncle Dave is now 87, but Ethel lived to over 100. I had a... There was a teacher in grade school. Ethel. Oh, and then her sister's names were Maxine and Louise. Wow, that's throwback stuff. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know. They sound like diners. Well, this lady, Ethel Kitterham, recognized by the Guinness World Book of Records,

[01:36:26] is the world's oldest living person, shared a message with ABC News to Mark on birthday. Thank you all for the kind birthday wishes. Even at 117, I had many first-ish years, like stroking a llama to holding hands with the king. Fantastic. I've had a lovely day celebrating with my family and friends, and I look forward to seeing what next year brings. She met King Charles last September and shared her memories of watching him, of watching his investiture as Prince of Wales.

[01:36:54] She was born in the United Kingdom in 1909 when Charles' great-great-grandfather, Edward VII, was king. Wow. Wow. His name, blah, blah, blah. She, the Brazilian nun who we've talked about on here, she died last year at 116. Right. So she made it that far. Cool. And the king sent her a little message. She looks great. That's awesome. I mean, you would look at her and think 90s.

[01:37:24] Really? Yeah. You would not think 117. Cool. One of her secrets to longevity, she has a non-confrontational approach to others. Never arguing with anyone. I listen, and then I just do what I want. I like it. She's the seventh of eight siblings, including one who lived to 104. She outlived her husband, who died in 1976, as well as their two children, daughters, Jem and Ann.

[01:37:51] Today, she's the grandmother of three and a great-grandmother of five. Wow. In her younger years, she was a nanny and ran a nursery. She now lives in a care home in Surrey, England. Nice. Wow. Good for you. Wow. Good for you. That's cool. Wow. Wow.

[01:38:25] Maybe the Jewish religion could kind of compete, but who else is sending relics, bones of saints on tour? A lot going on. That's right. Yep. I want to call Brian, my little friend who runs Outback Productions, and say, I got some bones I want to put on tour. I don't want to go on tour. I just, I've got bones, and I want to put them on tour. How much for my bones?

[01:38:48] The sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes announced the relics of Saint Bernadette Subaru, Subaru, Subaru, it's French, will travel to the United States as part of a 2026-2027 tour intended to bring the beloved saint to Catholic communities around America. Wow. Boom. The relics will depart Lourdes, France, and travel to the United States in September. The opening celebration will be held at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in DC. Cool.

[01:39:17] Following the opening, the relics will continue a year-long tour housed in a 132-pound reliquary. I didn't say that. Right. The relics will visit about 140 locations and stop at cathedrals, basilicas, shrines, seminaries, Catholic universities, hospitals, and parishes. Saint Bernadette, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to tell you what she did. Oh, the original acts. Oh, my God.

[01:39:43] The original acts of Saint Bernadette, official Latin language records documenting the extraction of the authentication of her relics preserved in the archives of Nevers, that's in France, indicate that taken for the relics, this is what we're touring, two of her ribs, a rib cage, kneecaps, a sample of muscle, a sample of muscle. Oh, God! Stop.

[01:40:11] A sample of muscle from the external part of her right femur, hair, and various fragments that come from muscle and skin. Right in time for Halloween. Oh. Oh. So, here's the deal. So, my mom, her grade school was Saint Bernadette's, and I never really looked that up. I just, there's so many, you just get, you get lost in it all. You sure do. Wow. Hold on, I had a brief.

[01:40:41] So, she was from a poor family. She had asthma as a child. They don't really know what happened, but she was only four foot seven. Wow. So, these relics aren't really, yeah, she died young too. So, they're in a pin cushion. She died in Nevers, France at age 35. But she saw, so when you say Our Lady of Lords, people go there for pilgrimages to heal. Yep. Because she saw the Virgin Mary like 18 times.

[01:41:09] And on the 18th visit, Mary told her who she was and told her to build a shrine and told her to dig. And she started digging and a spring came up. Oh. Yeah. Wow. We got a lot of tricks. A lot going on. We got a lot going on. And that spring is apparently healing. Oh. And the pilgrimage to Lords is like still a very big, big, big deal. If you're Catholic and you're last call, you're sick, and you want to feel better, they claim

[01:41:39] it'll work. Mm-hmm. I've never been. It's time. Pope Pius XI beatified her in 1925, canonized her. Cool. She was born in 1844. She died in 1879. Awesome. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. She all, but, you know, I don't know. These are the questions I would have. At least my dad would entertain my questions. Uh-huh. I'm like, did anybody else see this? No.

[01:42:12] Just, I don't want to be a doubter, but are we going to listen to every story some crazy Catholic has back then? They're all crazy. That's fun, though. It's fun. Yeah, it is fun. Yeah. It's a lot of bling. Yeah. We're going to do a quote. A lot of bling. How about Elvis? My papa taught me one thing right from the very beginning, and that's that everyone's got a right to his own opinion. I believe that. I also believe you can't make everyone like you, no matter who you are. Elvis is not very deep. He is a simple country boy.

[01:42:41] We're going to do one for Taylor, and, um... Everybody got over Taylor's hair. Thank God. Yeah, her stupid haircut. Let her haircut go. Who gives a shit? Taylor. This is in 2012. Oh, she was speaking to the Irish Examiner. Oh, wonderful. She is. She is, then. I've found that men I've dated who are in the same business can be really competitive.

[01:43:08] I found a great group of girlfriends in the same business who aren't competitive. But a few times guys have started comparing careers, and it's been, well, let's say challenging. Don't ever compare... Listen, little man. His name is Maddie Healy. Is it? I don't know. I don't know. But here's the thing. Good for you. You went and found... Travi. You, yes, you found a football little monster. Yeah. By the way, he does look in shape. A lot of those videos, I think, were AI where he looks super fat. He did look...

[01:43:38] Which I don't even care if you're super fat. I don't care at all. But if you're a football player and you're a tight end that I might pick up my fantasy thing, you gotta be in a little better shape. I believe your cousin Connie is drafting him. Oh, does she think so? She loves him. Well, what if I get to him first? Then what kind? You can trade him for whomever you want, actually. All right. I'm gonna keep eating these cheese curls. So good. Fantasy football talk next week. You have to do a little bit. I will. There's 100 emails in the team email. All right.

[01:44:07] Well, I can tell you this. If available... Well, I don't know. I think I'm going for Lamar again as my quarterback. Really? You did great. Okay. Because he runs and he throws. I just don't know who the receivers are on the Ravens this year. I gotta look that up. Okay. Zay Flowers got his contract renewed. Okay, great. Yeah. Zay's great. Okay. And Lamar's kind of crazy. He'll just run it when he feels like it.

[01:44:35] Derrick Henry bench-pressed an F-150. No, he did not. Yeah, I think he did squats. They showed it. It could be AI, but I loved it. There's so many things where I went, oh, that was the end. I totally believe that. I'm so excited. And I enjoyed it. Yeah. With one leg? So cool. What do you mean beagles can't hop? We just saw a bunch of them and they hop like eight feet like kangaroos.

[01:45:05] I'm so happy. All right. Night, night, terabytes. Tickets on sale. Oh, all the tickets are on sale on Friday. Friday. So whenever you hear this, this Friday, this coming one, for all January through May, everywhere I'm going, they're going to add shows. I'll be bullied. I'm going to be bullied into adding shows, even though I say do not do that. They would do it. And it's always fun. I bitch, but then it's fun. So, all right. I guess it's all. Thanks, everybody. Bye. Thank you.