Kathleen opens the show drinking a Woodscraft IPA from Great Escape Beerworks in Springfield, MO. She then gives the Termites a summary of her birthday activity at her sister’s house in Jefferson City, where her nieces and nephew made her a cake covered in animal faces to represent her yard. Kathleen then headed to Johnny Morris’s Big Cedar Lodge in Branson, MO for a few days of fun golf with her siblings and friends, thrilled to be able to play Tiger Woods’ Payne’s Valley course while she was there.

Kathleen was given a few birthday presents last week: Ron White gave her a new driver for her golf bag, her cousins gave her a pair of limited edition Hidden Valley Ranch Crocs (which she’s excited to wear), and her friend Heidi gave her a cool Ranch cookbook and gallons of ranch dressing, which she’ll put to good use the next time her nieces and nephews visit her house.

TERMITE SHOUTOUTS: Kathleen gives thanks to the Termites who leave notes at shows and send mail to her PO Box. She begins by thanking Termite Denise for the “May I Please Have a Vodka Cranberry?” mask to wear on airplanes. Termites Kendra (who is a Liquor Inspector) and Sarah sent some fun “Bridgeport Badger” tees to celebrate their basement bar, and Termites Ashley and Joseph invited Kathleen to their wedding and sent a Ranch themed insulated cup that Kathleen can’t wait to use on her boat.

“GOOD BAD FOOD”: In her quest for new and delicious not-so-nutritious junk food AND in continuing her search for the best Ranch, Kathleen samples Scorchin’ BBQ Pringles, which she finds to be WAY too hot. She moves on to taste Sir Kensington’s Ranch, which is dairy-free and has a hint of dill in it. Kathleen gives it a thumbs-up, but she feels that the texture and tang makes it more of a dip than a dressing. She finishes her tasting with Charlie Gitto’s Sweet Italian Vinaigrette from St. Louis, which she loves on a salad as part of a massive Italian dinner but will always prefer anything from Imo’s (also a St. Louis original.)

UPDATE ON KATHLEEN’S QUEEN’S COURT: Kathleen provides an update on the Queens, reporting that Queen Dolly has released a line of Christmas holiday cooking line with Williams Sonoma which is available to order now. Queen Tanya celebrated her birthday October 10th and posted a video of her cake, and Cher announced on Twitter that “she’s back,” whatever that means to Queen Cher this week ☺

WALLY THE WALRUS WEBCAM: As a follow-up to Episode 56, Kathleen announces that Wally the Walrus has swum from Ireland to Iceland, where the Icelandic people have renamed him, Valli. A webcam has been set up so that people can watch a live stream of his activity.

NRA REELECTS THEIR KING: Kathleen reads an update announcing that the NRA recently reelected their CEO, Wayne LaPierre. The NY Attorney General’s office is suing to dissolve the NRA for allegedly misusing charitable funds, but the NRA feels as though the AG’s office has a “misinformed view” of their unparalleled dedication to the Second Amendment.

OOPS BRITNEY DID IT AGAIN: Waist-deep in the aftermath of the #FreeBritney movement, Kathleen shakes her head when reading an update that Britney Spears, temporarily free from her Conservatorship, has once again taken to Instagram to post a risqué video of her frolicking topless in the ocean.

SHAKIRA ATTACKED BY WILD BOARS: Kathleen reads an article from Spain advising that in addition to Shakira’s tax woes, the pop singer has also revealed that she and her son were recently attacked by a pair of wild boars in a park near Barcelona. The hogs attacked Shakira and stole her purse, which was documented in a series of Instagram Stories on the singer’s account. Kathleen muses that the cause of the purse snatching must have been caused by “secret snacks” in Shakira’s handbag, admitting that she also has secret treats in her travel purse with her favorites being Lance Crackers and Tootsie Pops (specifically the “red” kind.)

MURDAUGH MURDER INVESTIGATION CONTINUES: Kathleen is fascinated with the ongoing news being released in South Carolina regarding the murders of Paul and Maggie Murdaugh and is thrilled to have been connected with journalist Mandy Matney via Twitter. Matney, along with her fiancé David, are the team investigating this corrupt family and all the cover-ups that have been made on their behalf for decades as they maintained power in a finite area of South Carolina, reporting their findings on their “Murdaugh Murders” podcast. Kathleen reads the latest development after the arrest of patriarch Alex Murdaugh, who is accused of being the mastermind behind the diversion of more than $3.5 million in death settlement money meant for the sons of his family’s deceased housekeeper to an account said to be fraudulent.

BARRY MANILOW SET TO BREAK ELVIS’S VEGAS RECORD: Kathleen is a massive fan of both Elvis and Barry Manilow, and is excited to read an article advising that although Elvis Presley holds the record for most performances in Vegas, Barry Manilow will pass him after signing a major deal that runs through 2023.

Elvis Presley played a staggering 837 shows in Sin City, according to Showbiz 411, but Manilow’s new contract with the Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino will push him past that mark.

SCIENCE IS HARD: Kathleen reads an article announcing the winner of the Nobel Prize in chemistry and laughs out loud because she doesn’t understand ANY of the details explaining why the award was given. Benjamin List and David MacMillan received the Nobel Prize in Chemistry 2021 for their development of a precise new tool for molecular construction: organocatalysis. The technology has had a great impact on pharmaceutical research and has made chemistry greener. Kathleen reads the released a few times and states her ongoing position that “science is hard.”

A CRYPTO TRADING HAMSTER: That’s right, Termites. Kathleen reads an article about Mr. Goxx, a German hamster who is crushing the cryptocurrency market with his trading and outtrading human investors. Mr. Goxx initiates a trade by entering The Goxx Box, occasionally running on the “Intention Wheel” and then choosing either the “Buy” or “Sell” tunnel that will cause the transaction to take place. All trading activity is available to stream on Twitch(where he is listed as the CEO of Goxx Capital), or you can watch Mr. Goxx’s YouTube channel for past activity ☺

MISSOURI CANNIBALS AND VICKI’S GUN: Kathleen is horrified to read an article from her home state of Missouri, where the FBI office in Kansas City received an anonymous tip on September 16th advising that a woman had been kidnapped and photos of her in a cage were being circulated on the Dark Web. Local law enforcement in Dallas County obtained a search warrant for James Phelps, who has since been arrested. Further investigation found that Phelps is a cannibal, and human remains have been located on his property. As this county isn’t far from Kathleen’s family “farm,” she shares that her mom is usually armed when walking the property, and everyone makes fun of her because she carries a gun to prevent animal attacks and “rape.” While the rape of an 80-year-old most likely isn’t a concern in acres of Missouri backwoods, nobody in the Madigan clan ever thought a cannibal would be roaming the area. Stay tuned, Termites…

THE OLDEST MAN IN THE WORLD DIES AT 127: Kathleen reads an article from the Guinness World Records team, announcing that at the age of 127 the oldest man who ever lived has died.

OCEAN DRONE FILMS INTERIOR OF CAT 4 HURRICANE: Kathleen LOVES following extreme weather patterns, and is excited when she reads that a new ocean drone has captured footage from the inside of a major hurricane. The technology behind the Saildrone Explorer SD1045 battles 50-foot waves and 120mph winds, gathering scientific data that will help NOAA scientists improve their forecast models that predict rapid intensification of hurricanes.

NAZI CAMP SECRETARY ATTEMPTS TO FLEE TRIAL: Kathleen reads an article about a 96-year-old woman who was scheduled to go on trial for war crimes as a Nazi secretary and fled into hiding. Irmgard Furchner left her home near Hamburg in a taxi a few hours before proceedings were due to start at the state courthouse. Despite her advanced age, the German woman was to be tried in juvenile court because she was under 21 at the time of the alleged crimes. Police detained her hours after her attempted escape, and the court is reviewing whether the flight attempt should be considered in her sentencing.

APPLAUDING THE FACEBOOK WHISTLEBLOWER: Kathleen has a renowned hatred for Mark Zuckerberg’s lack of accountability in monitoring false narratives and polarizing content on Facebook and applauds the recent actions of whistleblower Frances Haugen, a former data scientist at Facebook, whose Senatorial testimony has led to what may be the most threatening scandal in the company’s history. Haugen provided a clear and detailed glimpse inside the notoriously secretive tech giant, stating that Facebook harms children, sows division, and undermines democracy in pursuit of breakneck growth and “astronomical profits.” There is currently a decades-old law known as Section 230, which immunizes social media companies from being sued over what their users post, but lawmakers are examining possible carve-outs.

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEK: Kathleen recommends watching the “Untold” series on Netflix, especially the episode called “Crimes and Penalties.”