Journey of Resilience: Chris Johnson’s Road from Trauma to Transformation

[00:00:02] What you want when you want it, where you want it. This is the MESH. Shining The Light, podcast. I'm Sarah Blanton, director of the development for Safe Harbors. And today I'm excited to welcome our guest Chris Johnson.

[00:00:47] Chris joined us on our last episode as we talked about a mental health and homelessness in so Chris, thank you for coming back because I feel like we only got to touch a little bit on your story and there's so many things

[00:01:05] about your story that I feel will resonate well with a lot of our viewers that will provide hope that will kind of shift perceptions, all the things that we want to do with this podcast.

[00:01:21] You know, this podcast aims to really shine light on substance use mental health, homelessness and Chris,

[00:01:32] Chris, I'm just going to let you start, you know, where you want to and just talk a little bit about, you know, what's your passion, all these things that you've been able to achieve through your career and in this community, there's a story behind that.

[00:01:50] What is it that you say? You see the glory but you don't know the story. Yeah, so I'm gonna let you share your story today. Okay, you know, first I want to thank Safe Harbor and you Sarah for inviting me to share my story.

[00:02:06] So I want to go ahead and start back to like when I was 11, 12 years old living in Detroit grew up in Detroit, Michigan, and it talks about 11 and 12. And Detroit is pretty rough, the environment, the unemployment rate is very high at that time, so it's 1968, 1967.

[00:02:28] Right, so we're going home. It was just a lot of turmoil and I wanted to get out of Detroit. My grandmother lived in Kings Mountain. So I remember coming to Kings Mountain for the summer to live with her,

[00:02:40] walking down the street, people are speaking to me and everybody was just so kind and I was like, wow, I can't have a like this. And I wanted to stay. So I ended up asking my grandmother to cut out a stay and she said yes.

[00:02:54] So I started going to North Elementary School in Kings Mountain and six grade. So from that point on, I started going, you know, I was a baseball player.

[00:03:11] And it was kind of ironic because I got a football scholarship at Garden of Web, but in Kings Mountain, no African American kids played baseball.

[00:03:21] So it was, it was very strange for me to want to play baseball. But I was on the African American kid on the team.

[00:03:28] And, but I loved the game so much. I didn't really see color. I was just, you know, playing the game and all my friends were basketball and football players.

[00:03:38] And so I remember playing a little league, baseball when in MVP on the baseball team in Little League and then moving up to middle school

[00:03:50] we wanted championship in Middle School. So athletics played a very important part, you know, in my life because, you know, growing up without a father didn't have a father.

[00:04:00] But it was 11 of us living in a two-bedroom house in Kings Mountain. So we were a blended family but we were very close. And you couldn't tell us that we were poor because far as we knew we had everything we needed, life was good.

[00:04:16] But then when I got a little older, became, you know, a teenager in high school, I started seeing all my other friends with their dad.

[00:04:27] And that had an impact on me because I wanted that. I was very invious of all the guys that had dads and their lives. And so I kind of gravitated to the coaches, to be my father figures. And that's how I got really interested in athletics.

[00:04:46] So I went on to Kings Mountain High School and I graduated, I played three sports football basketball in baseball. And I was the first person to history of the school to win most of Iowa players two years in a row in football.

[00:04:59] So I realized football was my strength. And then I got that football scholarship to go to Garden of Web, University in 1976. So I went on the Garden of Web and I'm playing football.

[00:05:12] But I'm an all-American hometown boy who did no drugs. I didn't do no drugs, I'll call the high school. I was just, you know, really, my body was a temple. I was athlete. And then around about my late sophomore, early junior year, I remember football practice.

[00:05:33] These guys were smoking weed in the locker room. And it kind of smelled good. And I mean, being curious, I went over there and they said, Johnson hit this.

[00:05:41] It'll make you run faster and jump higher. And I'm like, okay. So I hit it, the marijuana then I went to practice. Now, remind you, I'm one of the fastest guys on the team. But on this particular day, I was the slowest.

[00:05:56] I was very uncoordinated and the coach noticed it. And he came down out of the bleachers and he got in my face and he grabbed me by my face mask. He said, Johnson, are you on drugs?

[00:06:07] And I'm shaking and I'm thinking, oh, God, I'm getting lose my scholarship. But he did not. He didn't take my scholarship but he pushed me away. I think he kind of knew something was wrong with me. So I never got high practice again.

[00:06:23] But I did continue, you know, getting high with my friends and, you know, recreationally smoking every night in and drinking on the weekend. And that's how I kind of got started. Do you know how I called that started for me?

[00:06:35] It hits me a mind of the prevention, the progression that you're not talking about in the trial. And then she gets rid of the trial and then that R is the recreational issue.

[00:06:47] I was there, you know, I was writing that, you know, no stages. And so in my junior year also, my girlfriend got pregnant. And so we had a son, you know, here I am, a junior in college with a baby.

[00:07:04] And I thought I was going to get half the leave college and go to work but I had, you know, a conversation with my girlfriend's mother.

[00:07:13] And we decided the best thing for me and the child for me to finish college. So they helped me to continue my career. And so I got, you know, this, this son as I moved on through college and I graduated in 1980.

[00:07:28] And I started substituting at Kingsbound High School. So I'm substituting at the school where I went to high school that and I just thought that was great. And so I eventually go off to get my first teaching job in Wilkes County. I Wilkes Central High School.

[00:07:46] I was a football coach, baseball coach and basketball coach. I was assisted in all those but that's why I started. And so I stayed there, you know, about three years and it's some point.

[00:08:00] I left there after three years and I go to Gastonia couldn't get a job in teaching but I'm still using drugs and alcohol at the time.

[00:08:13] And so I ended up getting a job at Southwest Middle School, no junior high at the time. So it's just middle school now. But I got a job there and I'm teaching, you know, coaching football, basketball and girls track.

[00:08:28] And so as time moved on, I could feel my use of drugs becoming more progressive. I was here at an ask you if you was there on awareness or was there a point where you were like, this is, you know, I've taken it to another level.

[00:08:51] Yeah and I remember the first time when I realized I had a problem. Well, I got married fresh out of college. You know, it didn't last long but I got married in me and my wife were living in Wilkesboro.

[00:09:06] She was a nurse and she went in my drawer and found some weed that I had in my drawer and fusted down the toilet. Well, I went ballistic. I mean, you know, I was still getting, you know, like this was money to me and you know what?

[00:09:20] I was addicted to it. So we had this big argument and I was like, you know, you are working over that with her. You know, it must have been a big deal for you at that time.

[00:09:31] So that was one of the first things. Then I started getting high by myself. I didn't need my friends on the weekend no more. So I'm going out and get my own stuff, bring it back home and I'm smoking it.

[00:09:42] You know, and then I'm drinking. So I started doing things on my own instead of, so I'm not a recreational user anymore because I'm not doing it with friends.

[00:09:51] So, and then that was one of the stages. And then at some point what my son got to be around about 14 years old,

[00:10:03] he was a tragic event in my life. He was 14 years old. One day he was standing outside waiting on the bus to come and one of his friends who I despised came and showed him a new gun

[00:10:20] that he had just purchased. And so when he did that, my son had about maybe 10 to 15 seconds to make a decision on whether he was going, hang out with his buddy or go to school. Never skipped school in his life.

[00:10:32] Was the A.B. student very good athlete, you know, just phenomenal young man. But on this particular day he was curious and he played hooky from school. He skipped school.

[00:10:45] And so we know when at some point they went back to the house and everybody's gone to work, everybody's gone to school. And there they start playing with the gun and in the ambulance out, we found a couple of bullets in the carpet in the front room.

[00:11:00] And at some point he asked my son to go to down the street with him to the big time drug dealers house. All these guys, most of them had dropped out of school. They were 18, my son, you know, just 14 year old kid.

[00:11:12] The guy who got him out of the bus line was 18 years old. So there was an age difference. But still he went with this young man and when they went into this kitchen where all these guys were sitting around smoking weed and drinking beer,

[00:11:25] one kid grabs the gun and pulls all the bullets out on the table and grabs one bullet and puts it in his mouth and puts it in the barrel and spins the barrel

[00:11:35] and puts it up to the person beside him and pulls the trigger and it then goes off. Everybody starts laughing. And then the other kid grabs the gun, he spins the barrel and he clicks it and it didn't go off.

[00:11:47] And so he looks over in the corner and asks my son, it says, hey, you go hand with the big dogs man, you got to get over here at the table. And my son was like, nah, I don't want to do that because I'm just here with him.

[00:11:59] And they say, well, are you? And they call them the B word. It rhymes with which. I don't use for a fan of anybody. You can figure what it was.

[00:12:08] But there's something about that word that calls my son to rise up out of that chair and walk over to this table. I'm not that, I'm not that, you know, anything sat down and he's trying to convince these guys. He's not that.

[00:12:23] The guy that got him out of the line grabs the gun and pulls it and spins the barrel and puts it up to a side and pulls the trigger and bam the gun goes off.

[00:12:33] And it scares everybody in the kitchen they all go running out into the yard. One kid regains this composure goes back into the kitchen and finds my son composing on the floor.

[00:12:45] And so he dies 911 and an ambulance comes and picks him up and takes him to the hospital in Kings Mountain. I'm teaching school at Southwest Junior High at the time, we're loading up the bus getting ready to go to our first football game.

[00:13:01] And the secretary from the school comes running out and stops the bus before we leave. She says Mr. Johnson, you got a call from the emergency room. So I go in and I can remember just as plain as day this was 1992.

[00:13:16] I remember the lady on the phone said Mr. Johnson, your son's been shot. You need to come to the emergency room right now.

[00:13:23] So I said, man, is he okay? Where has he been shot at? She wouldn't tell me and I was a little frustrated because she wouldn't give an information.

[00:13:31] And now I'm looking back and I realize they don't give you information like that over the phone because they don't want you to be destroyed going down the highway. So you can kill someone else.

[00:13:41] So I ended up leaving the hospital driving the Kings Mountain leaving the junior high driving to the hospital to check on my son. And when I get there, I notice there are three helicopters flying around and then the parking lot is full of people.

[00:13:57] I mean, because Kings Mountain high school was very close to the hospital. It was ended today. All the kids and teachers at Rush down to the emergency room check on him because he's a very popular kid as well.

[00:14:08] And then when I get there, I walk through the crowd and the crowd's parting and I see his grandmother come out of the hospital door, emergency room door, and she's walking through the crowd.

[00:14:21] And she's looking at me and I'm looking at her and we're looking at each other and she's got this look on her face.

[00:14:27] I'm like, no, I know it was detrimental but I didn't know to what extent. Then we get about this close and we're face to face. She looks at me and I says, Corey's gone. And I said, what? She says, your son is dead.

[00:14:42] And that was this kind of really devastating for me because it hit me like a ton of bricks. Everybody, we always say, well I know that's your son. You look like you spit him out.

[00:14:54] He looked just like me and I was looking for him to come to high school and break all my records and everything.

[00:15:00] But then the doctor comes out and he says, where do parents at? And I raise my hand and say, do you want to see your child one more time?

[00:15:09] He guys me through the hospital and I go to this room and he pulls a curtain back and there is my boy laying on a steel slab.

[00:15:21] He looked like he was sleeping and I just grabbed him and I just held him and I held on to him and I'm hugging him. And I'm asking them a question I said, what did you do? What did you do?

[00:15:31] Not realizing he couldn't respond to me at the time. So that was just a really devastating time for me. I originally originally thought he had drugs in the system to allow somebody to do that to him.

[00:15:46] But coming to find out when the toxicology report came back, he was clean. And in my mind I was like what happened to make you get up out of your seat and come over to a table. Let's see if I put a gun up to your pull trigger.

[00:16:01] And that's when I found out that peer pressure is more powerful than any drug you can put in your body for young folks.

[00:16:07] It'll make you do things that you never thought that you would do just so you can be down or belong to a certain group of folks.

[00:16:15] And that's what he did. He wanted to be down with these older guys and he allowed himself to be vulnerable because he knew he wasn't taught like that. But that's what our young folks do when they get to be a certain time in their lives.

[00:16:30] I know that's just, I think it's an important message for, you know, families to just hear and remind that again, I think from birth we all have this longing for acceptance and belonging. And it's such a strong, strong force that gets ahead of our youth.

[00:16:52] And in that I am sure that altered the course of your life in many ways. How did it alter the course of your life? Yeah, it altered a big time. Remember I was this recreational user of marijuana now, Kahall.

[00:17:11] And when that happened I went into a state of depression and I started drinking more, smoking more weed, just trying to medicate myself. I didn't really want to feel that grief.

[00:17:25] And I remember being over a guy's house and wanted a guy's where they were in the room doing cocaine and wanted a guy's comes in the room and he says,

[00:17:35] Man, you're hit this and make you feel better. You're son just died. I know you hurt man. Hit this and he had a crackpot.

[00:17:42] I was cocaine and so I hit it. You know what else? You know, it could happen to me. I don't lost my son and I became instantly addicted that quick.

[00:17:52] And now I not only am grieving from my son's death but also got this craving that I have for cocaine now and I'll call it and weed.

[00:18:04] So, and it began to consume my life and I began to do more and more. And the next thing I know I found myself not coming home at night.

[00:18:13] I'm out in the street trying to find a struggle and I long just trying to have something else to medicate me and keep me feeling what I really needed to deal with.

[00:18:24] And so I stopped showing up for work and I'm a school teacher. I stopped showing up for work. I didn't have a substitute.

[00:18:32] I mean, people were looking for me, confine me. My life was spirited out of control and it did. And eventually I lost everything. You know, my family, my job and I just packed everything up and put in my truck.

[00:18:53] And just started living in my car on the street. And then I originally found another teaching job in Charlotte at the alternative school.

[00:19:02] So I'm living in my car. Nobody knew I was living in my car going to work every day because the custodian would open the door in the morning.

[00:19:10] I would go in and wash up in the sink and just put on this facade like nobody knew. But I was drinking like a 40 hours before I went to school.

[00:19:19] And I remember a teacher walked up to me trying to give me a peppermint because she could smell alcohol on me. And you know, that's the way addicts are where the last one to notice other people already know that you addicted. You think nobody knows.

[00:19:33] But people around you know those were close to you. They know. And so eventually I started hanging with some very shady folk because one thing I learned about drugs now alcohol, it'll take you places you never thought you would go.

[00:19:47] You'll spend a little bit more money than you intended on spending and you may not make it back. Some of us have and some of us have not.

[00:19:56] So I began to live this life of living on the streets and hanging out with drug dealers and doing drugs and things like that. And so I ended up one day getting jumped on by a bunch of guys and they beat me so bad.

[00:20:14] One of the broke the socket in my eye and I couldn't see how this eye and you know had cuts all over my face and try to go to school.

[00:20:23] The next day in the principal pulls me off and says, you can't come here looking like that. I'm always really a mess.

[00:20:29] So I had to go to doctor and get my surgery on my eye and all this stuff and the whole time I'm thinking, I'm okay. I'm still in control.

[00:20:39] But I'm living in my car and all of a sudden the motor in my car blows up. It just stops working and I'm homeless now because I don't have any way to live.

[00:20:50] So I'm walking around the streets and sleeping in abandoned houses and all these things. I don't have a job anymore now because I've lost another job.

[00:21:00] So I'm homeless now I'm in an out of the shelter and gas stonium. And that's when I really learn the things that were, were etched in my life that helps me make it through.

[00:21:15] So I started learning how to run spirituality was a big part of my homelessness and keeping me afloat when everyone else at turn it back on me. My family, they didn't want me coming around and that's what you call tough love.

[00:21:33] I live it on the street and add exam certain stereotypes. A stereotypical thing that people think about you remember going over my hot house one time.

[00:21:44] And we're having a good time as things given and her watch got missing. Well she says, Chris, give me my watch. I said, I don't have your watch. This one thing I would never do was deal for my family.

[00:21:54] But she actually made a leave because she thought I had stolen her watch and that hurt me so bad. Because she was at last one who really believed in me. And when she did that, it hurt.

[00:22:08] I was like, see no two weeks later, she told me she found a watch in the dirty clothes hamper in the bathroom. And I was like, it's like, well, someone shoots you say, oh, shoot man means shoots you.

[00:22:20] They can apologize but the pain was still there and that pain is, you know, if I can recall, you know, it still hurts a time when I want to think about it now. But that was how my family looked at me when I'm an addict on the street.

[00:22:33] And but one thing I do remember is a lot of people would tell me, you don't belong out here. Why are you out here on these streets? You're not like everybody else.

[00:22:42] And in my mind, I can think and I'm an addict like everybody else. But I guess I didn't carry myself like other people did. But that I was still homeless on these streets. Was there?

[00:22:52] Because you had a, there was a foundation there with your grandmother and your family in reference to your spirituality. Did you have experience an internal conflict because that double life, you know, you get some exhausts to.

[00:23:11] And I, I'll tell you that foundation that my grandmother instilled in me because she made us go to church, constantly every Sunday in church. And so when I got so down and out, I would find a way to go to a church.

[00:23:28] I was dirty and was sitting in the back and and I would always watch how people greeted you and I'm homeless.

[00:23:35] How do you greet a homeless person when they come in your church? Because one or two things, you're either going to be, you know, get out of this stinky, get out of here.

[00:23:42] Or you're going to greet them and make them feel home. And then they'll come on in and you can do more things with them. That's how I know how to to be respectful to home to homeless people because they, they crave that more than anything else.

[00:23:57] They can't help the situation at the time, but I just want to be treated normal to like everybody else. But we don't do that as humans because we judge people, especially the way you look.

[00:24:07] And so I would go on these churches and, you know, and get clothing, get food, you know, whatever I knew the church was my safe haven. And so one time, eventually I got to the point where I was tired of living like this.

[00:24:24] And so I contemplated suicide. And then my mind, I was like, wow, the fucking just take my life. All the pain will be gone. My family won't be embarrassed anymore.

[00:24:37] All these people that disappointed in me will have to worry about that no more. I won't be hurting or in pain. So I devised a plan to jump off of a bridge, let the transfer truck hit me.

[00:24:49] I had walked the route, looked at the bridge, looked at the trucks, coming underneath the bridge. I mean, I had everything planned and on this particular night. I decided to carry my plan out. So I'm walking to the bridge just four o'clock in the morning.

[00:25:07] I think it was February 27th, 2003. So I'm walking and something just tells me, well, what if that truck hits you and you don't die?

[00:25:21] Somebody has to know where your body is. So I stopped at a pay phone and called 911 and said, hey, I'm good ready to do this.

[00:25:30] My body's going to be over here. You know, if you don't know where I'm at, you know, in the latest like, sir, you don't want to do that. And I kept talking to her and telling, hey, yes, I do already got a plan.

[00:25:40] And so she had dispatched the police officer to come to that telephone booth. I didn't know it. I'm smiling because this is tragic. That means you're my friend. It's hard for me to hear you talk about this but you have this plan. It's like, no.

[00:26:01] And it's crazy because when it all played out, it was like, God and Satan were playing a game of chess. And Satan looked at God and said, check me. I got him. He belongs to me.

[00:26:15] And then all of a sudden the police officer pulls up, the ambulance pulls up. And it's got two other people in it. And I got three people that just phone booth talking me out of committing suicide and the lady on the phone.

[00:26:28] And it was so many people talking to me at the time and I'm like, I surrender. That was when I surrendered and I said, hey, just take me wherever you're going to take me. And I think, and I know God looked at, that Satan said, check me.

[00:26:47] I got him. He belongs to me and God took over my life at that particular time. I went to broaden. Well, first I went to Gaston Memorial Hospital and they put me on the seventh floor.

[00:27:00] And I'm on the seventh floor and I'm on suicide watch so you have to have a nurse in the room with you constantly at all the time. And this lady had to make an accent. So I never forget she talked to me all night long.

[00:27:11] And just looking back on hindsight, I went back to the hospital after I was about a year clean, I asked about that lady and they told me that they never had a nurse with it to make an accent.

[00:27:23] So I was like, you got to be kidding me. I know this lady. She sat with me all night long. And so that was my first experience realizing that God was with me the whole time.

[00:27:33] And I didn't even know it. I'm thinking I'm going through this all my own. So I ended up going to broaden after that in a middle of the night, the sheriff comes and gets me. He puts me in handcuffs and takes me and puts me in the car.

[00:27:50] I was so ashamed of how to put a towel over my arms when I walked through the house hospital because I had handcuffs on. And so he takes me to broaden and I'm in broaden.

[00:27:59] And I'm in this hospital where we as kids used always pick at these people being in broaden because we thought they were crazy. But here I am. Had a mental problem and they put me in this hospital.

[00:28:14] So I realized that then people what they were no more different than I was, they were just going through something. And so now I'm in this hospital with these other people. And they were lying us up every morning to take these pills.

[00:28:28] And in these pills, I don't know what they were, but they were pretty strong because I felt like I was walking around like a zombie all day long. But I was, I wanted my life back.

[00:28:39] So instead of taking the pills, I put them underneath my tongue, spit them out. After about two or three days because I wanted to talk to the nurse because I couldn't talk to her and when I took those pills.

[00:28:52] And she came back and I said, man, I want to get out of here. And I want to change my life. She says really. And so they backed the pills that I was taking, they stopped giving them to me. And so I became back to myself.

[00:29:10] And I could walk around, I could talk to people and I started feeling, you know, more positive about life. And I became one of the model patients. I was helping out with all the other residents. And then they said, well, we got a bed space at Black Mountain,

[00:29:25] Julie and F. Keith alcohol and drug treatment center. And so I said, I'd been there for three weeks and I said, okay, now we're going to see you here. See, God was in control. I had no words to go. I'm homeless.

[00:29:38] So I just followed his lead and then I ended up going to Black Mountain for 23 days. So the 28 day program I stayed there 23 days. I had to go back to court and gas station for probation violation. But I became a model student in Black Mountain.

[00:29:58] There was a very awesome place for me. So now I got about almost two, three months. Clean time on it. I need my belt. And I wanted to live. I wanted to live now. I wanted to live a tribute to just that desire to live.

[00:30:15] You know, when you're, you know, you talk about being in the situation and an institution like Broughton and then like Mountain and you know, you've got people to your right and your left. You know, you're there for similar reasons, but everybody has their own story about for you.

[00:30:28] What was that motivating, that intrinsic motivation for you? So it was two things. One was my children. I wanted to be a father again so bad, but I couldn't be a father if I was an addict.

[00:30:45] If I was addicted to something on the street and I couldn't control myself because the, your mom's wouldn't, they wouldn't want me coming around the children. If I was not in my right mind. And then another thing was my spirituality.

[00:31:05] I mean, it was just a new that God was in control when I surrendered and I gave everything to God. He took over and he started taking me and putting people in my life and placing me here and placing me there.

[00:31:22] And I remember being there, it was about time for me to leave and these people from Exodus homes came and spoke to the congregation. You know, the people that had Black Mountain and I said, I want to go there.

[00:31:35] And so I feel an application out and I was talking to one of the ladies and she went back and told Rev Long crowd about me.

[00:31:44] And so they accepted my application and so when I got out, it's crazy because when I got out instead of going to Exodus, I went to Gastonia. That was my old stomping ground. I got three months clean that went to the old neighborhood.

[00:32:00] I'm bragging about how clean I am and stuff like that. And somebody said here, and he offered me drugs and I'm like, what?

[00:32:09] And I thought about it and I hit it. But when I hit it that one time, I got scared and I put it down and I ran as fast as I could back to the salvation army and Gastonia because that was my safe haven and Gastonia.

[00:32:23] And I thought I was going to get trapped again on the street. And so the next day I go to this church, the church where I had been going off and on and I said, hey, I need help.

[00:32:34] Can you help me get the hickory? And they gave me a one way ticket to hit tree on the bus. And that's how I got the hickory. Now when I got to Exodus, they give you a drug test.

[00:32:46] And I'm thinking, I hit that thing one time. I was going to be at the passage of drug tests when I got there because everybody was waiting to get this phenomenal guy.

[00:32:54] They hurt so much about all the good things I had done at Black Mountain and in morgerton and bragging. So I took the drug test and I failed it. Here I am back on the street again because I had to go to the salvation army in hickory.

[00:33:14] Didn't know nobody. I woke up that next morning and I walked back to Exodus and I sat on the steps. And everybody was like, what you doing up here? You don't belong up here? You dirty. You came past a drug test.

[00:33:28] And I said, well, I ain't going to them streets. I'm going to sit right here and talk past that drug test. I want to get in this program and they didn't believe me. And then I walked back to salvation army next morning. I walked right back to Exodus.

[00:33:42] I did that for 11 days on the 11 day. Rhythm law and choir walked out there. He said, you ready? I said yes sir. And he said, well, come on in take this drug test. I took the test and I passed it.

[00:33:56] And it rest is history because when I got in that program, I was so hungry. I wanted my life back so bad. And I guess God had to send me through that little time back to the shelter for reality check.

[00:34:10] Because I could have just, you know, I could have been on the streets here at hickory. You know, doing my thing without anyone what I wanted. Well, I'm glad that you brought that up. I ever caught finance.

[00:34:19] No, yeah. You know, in the recovery field that is something that we spend a lot of time creating a plan around. Because it's so empowering to enter in a lot of recovery. But there's another reality check that has to happen that your life has to change completely.

[00:34:41] No. You can't go back and thrive in that environment that took you down. And so God clearly has had his hand in all of that. You know, and I can't realize that he was cleaning me up and preparing me for something.

[00:35:01] But I couldn't see it at the time. So I'm in this program and I'm a teacher and I didn't tell nobody has a P teacher because I don't want nobody to know I was embarrassed.

[00:35:11] But then one day they had a field day at the church and had all these toys for the kids. And I actually remember I'm long cracker. I do the field day for the kids.

[00:35:24] He says, sure. So here I am a B teacher and I got all this stuff. And I had that parking lot laid out. I had bad mid and volleyball, softball, basketball, everything laid out. Jump ropes and this lady walks up to me says,

[00:35:42] How did you know how to set all this stuff up like this? I said, man, I'm a P teacher. Since it's really why you ain't telling nobody. I said I was ashamed. We got to get you back in the school system so you can start doing your thing.

[00:35:55] And see that's what Exodus does. They find out what your specialty is. And when you clean yourself up enough where you can step into the real world and continue their reputation of doing good things.

[00:36:07] They push you out there. So I started going back into the school, doing substance abuse prevention. And so I'm going to connect. Yeah, yeah, to connect and so I'm doing that. And I'm going to mention you know and so another life I was wearing.

[00:36:27] Another life I was doing. I just need to get put these people in my life. But then he also had me to realize that these kids was walking around and the middle of the day in this neighborhood,

[00:36:42] we're nothing to do. Pan-sag and stuff. And I'm looking at what they're not anything for these kids to do. And so I started going back to my room and night and I would pray.

[00:36:53] And I got with the speak to me and he was just started giving me this curriculum. And I just started writing stuff down on paper. And that's like I know I had a whole curriculum in about a month's time.

[00:37:05] He had given me a whole curriculum. It was a young men of integrity. And I took it. I never forget. I took it to someone. And they told me I went ready for this. And so they discarded it. Oh my God.

[00:37:21] I know I know God gave me this, you know, to give somebody. And so I kept giving my testimony and church and there was a blind man who was in the church at the time. His name was Larry Pope.

[00:37:32] He told somebody to come and see him after church. So I called him and he tells me take your program down there to hit the public housing. See a line to Jackson. And she'll she'll work with you.

[00:37:45] I took it down there and I showed Mr. Landa and she said, Well, how much are you going to charge me for this program? I said, well, I ain't got no budget. You know, she says, well, how you going to do a program? You ain't got no budget.

[00:37:58] I said why didn't I need it to budget? So this lady helped me write a budget for this program and allowed me to do the program in the history of the public housing and the rest of the history. It took off like wildfire started out with six.

[00:38:15] The next week, I had 10. The next week, I had 15. And then after about a month, I'm going to take a picture of all the kids in the neighborhood so I could put on the front of a brochure and I had 29 kids show up. And I was like, wow.

[00:38:30] And that's when I got nervous, come back. Oh, this is getting too big. And I hadn't even had any have a nonprofit at the time. But the need was so great for mentor and the community, especially at that time.

[00:38:42] I remember doing activity with the kids and I asked my said, how many of you guys have fathers in your lives? Two kids of about 20 raised their hands.

[00:38:54] And I had to step away and I walked out of the room and I'm like, my God, what if I got myself into? You know, because now I know what my purpose is. It's to be a father figure and a mentor.

[00:39:06] To these kids out here who don't have the kind of guidance that they need, you know, to be a healthier adult. So I, you know, I'm going through this program. And I also said I run into these gentlemen in the community,

[00:39:24] Errol Fincher and Eddie, Eddie Brissard, those two guys. And they said, we don't help you get your own nonprofit. I'm like, what? So yeah, just let us help you. You know, Susan Smith from Exodus home, she was involved in it.

[00:39:38] So these people helped me get my own nonprofit. And once I got that nonprofit, I was able to get funding to help me do my program. And then I got a call from Glenn Barger who's a superintendent from the top of county schools.

[00:39:53] And he said, you Chris Johnson, I said, yes, you, you, you that street walker. I said, what? They had already had a nickname for me. He said, you don't want to be walking the streets helping all these kids. I said, well, I guess I am still walking.

[00:40:06] He says, why, we need you to come work for the top of county schools. Because we get reached out all turn into program. And I said, we're, I feel an application out about two or three months ago. And he called me.

[00:40:18] He could be public schools with an hire me. Newton, Con over. No one would hire me because, you know, my past. But here, God gives me this program. Young men have integrity who caught the attention of the area school system.

[00:40:33] And he brought me back in as a, as a, I'll turn to school coordinator. And so I was there for two years and they say, what an order to keep you job. I get a message degree. So I start applying for masses of program.

[00:40:49] And I got turned down at Applegis State. I got turned down at Gardner Web. And I was sitting on side of the big crime. I'm like, it's the same. Go happen. You know, I can't do it. I can't get back in there. I mean, I graduated college in 1980.

[00:41:05] So I wrote a letter to Applegis State because I had failed entry tests. And I said, listen, if you allow me to get in on probation, I will represent you. And I would do the best job I can to represent Applegis State.

[00:41:21] And I've been thinking, I know it's about it. And about a month later, I get a letter back. Mr. Johnson, congratulations. You're in to our masses program. And I'm like, God, you know, and God, he was doing all this stuff. Just so I could help these, these people.

[00:41:40] I've heard of you times throughout your story about how you've used your voice. You know, you've advocated and you've, you haven't given up. And you've also been, you haven't. There was nothing that you hid. Yeah. About your past just being completely transparent.

[00:41:57] And I just think that that's a very powerful message that people that are in recovery need here. Mm-hmm. And I just think that's so amazing. Yeah. And you know, and I'm glad you said that because there were times when I was ashamed to tell people

[00:42:16] that I wasn't at it. Because all I could see was this man that came to school every day in a suit and a tie. And so I'm like, wow, I just had it. You know, there's just some, I'm not adding anymore.

[00:42:30] And when I would go to my meetings on Monday night, my recovery meetings, you had to dress yourself. I'm Chris, I'm an addict. And you can't go in and say, you know, you somebody, you're not. Because once an addict always an addict.

[00:42:48] And it's so true because I have this saying when I would do my programs was if a cucumber became a pickle, could it go back to being a cucumber? And the kids will look at me like, what?

[00:43:02] Yeah, if a cucumber became a pickle, could it go back to being a cucumber? And if you're an addict, you can't go back to living a normal life. You just can't, you know, because you're an addict. And you always will be one.

[00:43:16] You might be recovering addict but you're still an addict. So you have to live life accordingly that will be that will preserve your recovery and not allow you to go back until the entire lifestyle. Because the people change the game don't never change.

[00:43:34] Yeah, I think there's the misconception around that. Why do people still associate themselves like you know, your recovery? You know, God has brought healing into your life. Why do you keep labeling yourself in that way? But I have found just in my conversations with people the humility.

[00:43:55] It keeps the humility and it's not. It's just that place we talked about the overconfidence that can come. You want to remember like you're saying, my life is different. And every day I have to renew my commitment to this new life that I have.

[00:44:15] And so for people listening that may be like, well, I don't, I don't feel that way. And I don't introduce myself. I feel like we just have, there needs to be a respect for people to,

[00:44:29] you know, we don't need a label other people but they can introduce themselves in a meeting. And whatever way that they need to introduce themselves as whatever their journey has led them to.

[00:44:40] And if that piece of it keeps them at a place of humility, I say, just let them, you know, let them do that. I like that because I think that recovering addicts will like a fraternity of sorority.

[00:44:55] You might see somebody who looks, you know, real normal, they're successful in their professional career and everything. But they direct every recovery. You don't know nothing about it until they expose it to you.

[00:45:10] And when they do, you always get somebody come up to me and pull me out of teachers. When I hear I am a principal telling them, tell them, fuck, you know, I'm recovering addict.

[00:45:20] And some of my teachers would come in my office, wanted a time individually, we'll close that door and said, Mr. Johnson, I'm struggling to. And I'm so thankful that you're out in the open letting them let them folk know, you know, that you can make it.

[00:45:38] I'm caring that message, squashes that shame. And I just believe you know, it's safe harbor. You know, when we work with the women, I mean, we, God, he does not want people to remain in that shame.

[00:45:55] And for people coming forward and sharing their story of hope and sharing what God has done in their life, it just opens the door for people that have just been held.

[00:46:06] And and our suffering and silence because of that shame. And so thank you for your willingness to share and that's just again, just come from that was confirming for you. I'm sure as this teacher's like I'm struggling like. This is this is your purpose, Chris.

[00:46:27] You know, just launch out and you have. Well, I have it in this cave me a long way. And you know, and I've had parents coming to me with kids and I'm going to tell you one of the things about being an addict and being an administrator.

[00:46:43] It was a blessing and a curse. I could walk down the hallway and I could look at this kids eyes and I could tell what they were hiding.

[00:46:50] And it was to say something or do I not? Like I walk right here like the drug police and you know, pulling everybody.

[00:46:58] But the one thing I decided to do was if I saw someone going over the deep end and they started to change, I would pull them and I said hey, what's going on with you.

[00:47:07] You know, you okay? You know, if you need to talk to somebody, you know, you know my story just, you know, come talk to me.

[00:47:15] And I had several kids that I was mentoring, you know, individually, you know, at school, you know, because they were struggling with some things.

[00:47:25] And so, and even in the community, I would see some of them here today. Thank you to me because they couldn't beat it at the time, but later on in life, they had somebody who could hold them accountable.

[00:47:38] And at least push them and motivate them and inspire them and try to, you know, live the life that they need to live.

[00:47:44] But I've always heard that only like 3% of folks who really go into recovery really come out, you know, in it's hard, but you can do it.

[00:47:55] You know, but you can't do it by yourself. And that's one of the things I want to say is, you gotta have somebody walking at work with you.

[00:48:06] And I know that they'll give you NA and AA, and all these other kind of books, but there was one book that helped me more than anything in hell's the Bible.

[00:48:17] I clung to it. And my spirituality, along with NA and AA really helped me, you know, to pull my life together.

[00:48:27] But I always had to keep God first, you know, and he'll just keep sending folks to you in your life and putting you in places where you need to be. So you can continue to do the right thing, you know.

[00:48:38] So I would just tell you, you know, in recovery, get that spiritual awakening, try to find someone who thinks like mine and like you, and continue hanging around good folk, you know, folk is doing the right thing. You can make, you know.

[00:48:55] It's around to yourself with people that cause you to want to level up, you know, that are going to recognize the signs and lovingly hold you accountable. Right.

[00:49:07] You know, for programs like Exodus, say, Harbor, you know, the benefit of that long term residential programming and just having that community of support. You turn around the corner just somebody there. Right. You right.

[00:49:22] That is in your corner, and it's just so needed again. We long, we crave that connection and that community. And being a part of a movement recovery should be celebrated. Oh yeah. It hurts.

[00:49:39] And my heart first, I'm many people to suffer in silence and want to pull the door closed. Right. You know, I have a story of addiction. You know, let's celebrate the story of recovery. Right. What is recovery given you Chris?

[00:49:57] Oh, it's giving me my life back and gave me that my self-esteem. And it also allowed me to meet and experience some really great people who had that same struggle that I was having.

[00:50:12] And motivating this part of the folk because they say in order to wait on the way to keep it is to give it away. You got to give the knowledge and wisdom that you learned through recovery back to other folks. Pull somebody else up after you make it.

[00:50:27] You know, that's the key part of recovery. Continue helping other folks to get on their feet and get their life back together. You know, so I just, I love doing what I'm doing. You know, just interacting with folk.

[00:50:44] I work for the city of Hickory now in the parks and recreation. I'm still around young people helping God and director until becoming healthy. Successful productive citizens in society. It was always my philosophy. Everybody ain't going to college, but everybody is going to be a citizen in society.

[00:51:07] And you got to have a skill set in order to do that. And you need help. You know, and so there are people like me along the way who help, you know, young folk to develop those specific skills that they need. It's a present day. You're remarried? Yes.

[00:51:23] You're retired since assistant principal. You're retired founder of now young people of integrity. So you move from just having boys to including boys and young ladies and gentlemen, and your mentoring group. And you also have a day folks.

[00:51:43] Did you know there is the Chris Johnson Day on June the Tomb. And you have a key to the city for knowledge. The incredible impact that you've made in this community.

[00:51:56] So many kids, so many parents if you think about, you know, the parents that have also been impacted. Through their children, there's kids and colleges that have careers that may never have gotten to that place without your guidance. So it's a well deserved day. That's great.

[00:52:16] How shall we celebrate Chris Johnson Day? Well, the only thing I know is just go out and just give back to those who are less fortunate than us. But only that have fun. I mean, I retired.

[00:52:32] And you know, my father and large stories, I would say, what are you doing? Pop, you know, this is your, you retire. Whatever I want to do, whatever you want to do, when you retire, do what you want to do. And do something that you love to do.

[00:52:47] Work with young folks, that's what I do. I love to say for our, love Exodus. Love my family. Not got a little one. A little eight year old. Free Mary, free Mary, my wife, you know, I, you know, we have my nephew Jeremiah and Lacey.

[00:53:09] And you know, I'm a stepdaughter of the table. You know, and so I'm still, I still have an opportunity to help young folks grow into this, you know, a big successful adults. And like, be in a dad, you know, I just, I love being a dad.

[00:53:26] And that's always one of the things that I always wanted when I was getting not coming out of recovery, just be a father. You know, you know, have a son who's a, who's a electrical engineer graduate me, he's Tennessee.

[00:53:40] My daughter, Cherica, you know, works for the gas company, lives in gas, don't you? And my daughter is a social worker and then lives in Minnesota. So, and I got two, I got two brand new grand babies.

[00:53:58] You know, Olivia and Zuri, and then I have another granddaughter who is going to be in the junior, I think. Okay, if I get it wrong. Anyway, she's at a high-end tech in gas, don't you? That's a wonderful, you know, the grandson and in Texas.

[00:54:19] So, God's been good to me. You know, that's just when I thought I lost everything. So, kind of like Job and he kind of gives everything back to you. He's in the age business. And he has that.

[00:54:30] He's surrender your life and you think you think that you're giving up so much. But we don't know that what he has to give to us and exchange surpasses our expectations. And every way. Yeah, it does. And I just think I was on the break of suicide.

[00:54:49] And I had, I was thinking selfish at the time. We weren't thinking about my kids. We weren't thinking about none other than nothing else. I was thinking about me. And so when I got out of that mold, I could see all these things that I had.

[00:55:03] I was a commemodivated to live for. And that's what I live for now. I live for them. You know, and so I'll be speaking at Mount Zion Church on Father's Day, and giving the Father's Day message.

[00:55:17] So you know, God's been really grateful and provide an opportunity for me to just to give back to folk the things that I've learned over the years. You know, so I'm thankful. Yeah, well happy Christian today. On June the 10th. Thank you. Thank you. The week after.

[00:55:35] Thank you. And thanks for being the best kind friend. Okay. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening and tuning into this podcast. Join me in praying for Chris and this new season of here from high.

[00:55:50] And be sure to follow Safe Harbor on social media. Safe Harbor in C.D. Word. You can get more information on our prior episodes. And please be sure to write and comment on our podcast and share them with others, and we appreciate you.

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