Bitchin’ About Trust and Random Acts of Kindness

[00:00:02] What you want, when you want it, where you want it. This is the MESH.

[00:00:07] Hi everyone. Welcome to the My Mom is a Bitch podcast. I am your host Jill Marigos and we did not have a podcast last week

[00:00:21] and I am sorry I got a last minute gig in Columbus Ohio and then I came home for a dated laundry

[00:00:28] and then turned around and left for Tulsa, Oklahoma. But I'm home for a couple weeks anyway

[00:00:33] and I am excited to be back with you guys. I hope you're doing well.

[00:00:38] I have been thinking a little bit about some things, real specific. We're starting real specific you guys.

[00:00:49] This is something that I see a lot on groups, on Facebook or people in general talking about it.

[00:00:59] How will you ever learn to trust anyone ever again? That is a valid fucking question isn't it?

[00:01:07] How would you? How would you learn to trust anyone ever again? If you're anything like me, you just had a string of shit ass people

[00:01:15] coming in and out of your life and coming in is real easy and getting them out is a fucking nightmare.

[00:01:21] I have had a slew of Bobby Blueballs in any form, boyfriend, boyfriend, fucking stalkers

[00:01:32] and Tammy Bichchitz too, friends who just came in and was like oh don't they seem real fun

[00:01:37] until they're a fucking nightmare and you gotta get rid of these people. How do you learn to trust yourself again?

[00:01:42] How do you let friends in? How do you let a romantic partner in when you can't trust them?

[00:01:48] Here's the bigger issue and this just occurred to me today and I'm going to try to find articles

[00:01:56] so my shit sounds validated I guess but what it comes down to is you have to trust yourself

[00:02:06] and that's the question how will I ever learn to trust myself again? Because here's the thing

[00:02:12] having a conversation with a lovely comic out in Tulsa, it was out in Tulsa

[00:02:18] and we're talking about one of my nightmare people who he also happens to know

[00:02:23] and I was telling him like oh I want to hear and then he's sending me text about how I'm a prick in an asshole

[00:02:29] when he's black out drunk and this person just simply said oh I don't tolerate that

[00:02:35] if somebody's mean to me that's just the end of it.

[00:02:39] Like it's a given I was like yeah sure and what I realized in real life is how do I trust myself

[00:02:50] how do I not get elbow deep, knees deep into a situation that suddenly becomes a nightmare to get out of

[00:03:00] and that comes with trusting myself and I'm only starting to get to this point now because like I said

[00:03:06] I've had a slew of these people and it's this weird cycle of shit okay because my mom clearly a narcissist

[00:03:15] hence the My Mom is a bitch podcast and then I'd find boyfriends who are narcissists

[00:03:23] and then I'd find another boyfriend who is still kind of a narcissist you know all about himself

[00:03:29] but I tolerated quite a bit because I didn't have proof he was cheating on me

[00:03:32] we fought and broke up all the time but I kept going back

[00:03:36] finally found a great husband but meanwhile I have comedy partners who make my life a living hell

[00:03:42] and friends who make my life a living hell and my filter fucking sucked

[00:03:49] that's the problem my filter sucked but what's worse your filter is gonna be fucked up for a while

[00:03:56] if you're anything like me if you've gone through any shit like this your filter is gonna be like me

[00:04:01] you're going to keep finding these people because it's what you're used to

[00:04:06] we've talked about that in other episodes here's the problem

[00:04:11] our boundaries suck balls

[00:04:15] if your boundaries are healthy and you're like my friend over in Tulsa who's just like oh no I don't tolerate that

[00:04:23] you'll be fine how fucked up is that right and I think that's the bigger issue

[00:04:30] I've been skirting it I've been teasing the boundary stuff for a long time

[00:04:34] but the truth is for a person who's not been a victim of narcissistic abuse

[00:04:40] it's because they grew up going oh no I don't allow this in my life

[00:04:45] I really like you you seemed great at first but this isn't good for me and this isn't healthy

[00:04:49] and then that person no longer exists in their life and then they go skipping off into the sunset

[00:04:55] whistling and probably eating chocolate I'm guessing

[00:04:58] I've not lived that life yet but I'm getting there

[00:05:03] you know I I feel like the bigger issue if you're asking myself

[00:05:09] if you're asking me how do I do it I don't know

[00:05:12] if you if you're asking yourself how do I ever trust again

[00:05:16] what you need to be asking yourself for real is how do I learn to trust myself

[00:05:22] because my gauge is fucking off that's the problem

[00:05:26] my gauge sucks well you know what people are going to come in and out of your life all the time

[00:05:30] and what you need is the ability to go oh wait I see what's going on here early on

[00:05:36] you know somebody hurts your feelings and be able to say um no thanks this is I'm done with this

[00:05:43] and that's fucking hard it's really hard I don't know if I want to go into boundaries today

[00:05:49] because I don't even feel qualified to talk about it

[00:05:51] but the truth is learning to trust other people will come from learning to trust yourself

[00:05:58] which means not just okay I can spot this person with radar

[00:06:04] boop boop boop boop boop Tami b**** chicks

[00:06:06] boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop Bobby blue balls right off the bat

[00:06:09] you're not gonna know everybody's gonna show you the best sides of themselves right off the bat

[00:06:13] you're never gonna know it doesn't matter though

[00:06:17] what matters is when that fucking alien from the movie Alien

[00:06:23] or Alien 2 or Alien vs. whatever movies that thing's been in,

[00:06:28] comes fucking coming out of that person's sternum

[00:06:32] at you going, wha-wha-wha, or whatever noise it may,

[00:06:35] I don't really watch scary movies that much, but you know what I mean?

[00:06:38] When that person shows their shit ass side of themselves,

[00:06:41] we have to have the ability to be like nah, no thanks.

[00:06:47] This is too much for me, I'm gonna pass.

[00:06:51] And to be okay with it.

[00:06:53] Huge problem for people like me is I was taught that makes you a bitch.

[00:06:57] They're gonna think I'm a bitch, they're gonna think I'm a terrible person.

[00:07:01] Or I'm gonna think I'm a terrible person.

[00:07:04] I have had therapy sessions where I'm like, I literally legitimately,

[00:07:09] oh my god this is how excited I am, I hit the mic still,

[00:07:12] I legitimately was confused because I got an email from someone saying

[00:07:19] can you meet me? Never met this person ever.

[00:07:22] They added me on Facebook sent a message before we were even friends

[00:07:25] saying they wanted to discuss the business of comedy

[00:07:29] and you know I heard that you're funny, they knew nothing about me,

[00:07:33] they've never watched any of my comedy, we could be completely different types of comics.

[00:07:37] They were willing to email me and ask me for my time to meet with them

[00:07:41] and I had no idea what to say.

[00:07:45] None. I didn't want to go, my gut said no, I don't know you.

[00:07:50] Like if we met at a club and you know you ask me questions

[00:07:54] and fucking of course I'll help you, you know I'll talk to you as a person.

[00:07:58] I've never met you, you heard from someone so that I'm funny

[00:08:01] and now you want me to meet you and yet in my gut

[00:08:05] even though I was like I don't want to, my body was also screaming

[00:08:10] if you don't you're a bitch, what if I run into her at some point?

[00:08:13] What if I have the time to meet with her?

[00:08:16] That was a legitimate thing, I said to the therapist

[00:08:18] but if I have the time and I'm not busy

[00:08:23] don't I have to go?

[00:08:25] I don't have other things going on

[00:08:28] and the concept of being like you don't have to do anything.

[00:08:34] It's your time and she said good people set boundaries

[00:08:39] because I said if I was a good person I would go

[00:08:42] and my therapist said good people set boundaries

[00:08:45] and that's still, I just wriggle in my skin when I hear that

[00:08:49] because to me it seems nasty or mean or selfish

[00:08:54] who do you think you are doing what you want with your own time?

[00:08:58] Like it's still uncomfortable for me

[00:09:00] and I think maybe that's why I'm like first of all

[00:09:02] I don't set boundaries real well, okay?

[00:09:05] I'm bad at it, I'm practicing, I'm trying

[00:09:07] but I also don't have a very clear way to tell it to you all.

[00:09:12] I think next time instead of just discussing

[00:09:15] all this bullshit that they do

[00:09:17] we are just gonna have a total,

[00:09:19] we're gonna just have a 30 minute chat session

[00:09:24] about boundaries and setting boundaries.

[00:09:26] I know no one's gonna listen

[00:09:28] because we don't wanna do it, it hurts, it sucks

[00:09:31] it's super uncomfortable, I feel like a big raging jerk

[00:09:35] for being like sorry, no, I don't wanna do that

[00:09:39] but you know what, at the same time, A, you can either,

[00:09:46] you have two choices, you can either take a short,

[00:09:51] acute amount of pain and be like no, I don't want to

[00:09:55] or ignore it, mm, that hurt, yeah, that's another place.

[00:09:58] Am I a dick if I don't respond to the email at least

[00:10:02] and make up an excuse?

[00:10:03] Maybe I should say I just had my foot amputated

[00:10:05] because I heard a real lie, maybe I should lie

[00:10:07] instead of being like no, I don't wanna do that

[00:10:10] or just ignoring the email message

[00:10:12] because this person doesn't even fucking know me

[00:10:15] or two, I know I got off on the track a little bit,

[00:10:19] but two, or the second thing is

[00:10:22] you can also choose the long drawn out pain.

[00:10:26] Say I go, you know what, Tammy Bitch just,

[00:10:29] yeah let's totally meet up, where do you wanna meet up?

[00:10:31] Oh, you live an hour away from me?

[00:10:34] Sure, yeah I guess I can come out there

[00:10:36] and try to find you in a restaurant

[00:10:39] even though we've never met

[00:10:40] and we're gonna have an uncomfortable meeting

[00:10:42] and then I'm gonna have to pay for a lunch with you

[00:10:45] at least for my part of the check

[00:10:47] and then I have to sit with you for an hour

[00:10:49] when you've done comedy for a year

[00:10:51] and probably are just looking to get connections

[00:10:56] because people seem to think that's what

[00:10:58] the entertainment industry is, just knowing people.

[00:11:01] It's not really that, do your job

[00:11:03] and people will fucking hire you, that's the thing.

[00:11:06] So yeah, those are your two options.

[00:11:09] Acute pain early on and being like no,

[00:11:12] which honestly as I do it a little bit more and more

[00:11:16] it gets easier, no thank you

[00:11:18] and if they're mad at you, what kind of a fucked up person

[00:11:21] are they if they get mad at you?

[00:11:23] How many emails or phone calls have you ever sent

[00:11:26] being like hi, can I ask for help?

[00:11:29] And if somebody's like I just, I can't or don't want to

[00:11:32] are you mad at them?

[00:11:33] Are you mad at them?

[00:11:34] So you're just like I know this is good.

[00:11:36] I have this in emails all the time.

[00:11:38] Hi, famous comic.

[00:11:41] I know you probably have an opener

[00:11:43] but we get along great if you could ever use anybody

[00:11:46] please let me know, I'm just looking for work

[00:11:48] everybody's bringing their own middle right now

[00:11:50] and if they say no do I hate them forever?

[00:11:54] No because they have somebody or they're busy

[00:11:57] or they can't respond.

[00:11:58] I don't hate them forever.

[00:12:00] I don't think they're a bitch or an asshole.

[00:12:02] So you got to flip it around.

[00:12:03] You got to put yourself in their place.

[00:12:07] Yeah, that's right.

[00:12:10] And be like wait if somebody gets mad at me

[00:12:14] is that a problem?

[00:12:16] I ask nicely if they say no I'm okay with it.

[00:12:19] If somebody who I don't know gets mad at me

[00:12:22] because they sent me a random email

[00:12:24] and I'm not willing to jump in the car for an hour

[00:12:26] and pay for lunch so that I can hopefully get them

[00:12:29] connected in the industry and they're mad at me for it

[00:12:32] go fuck yourself.

[00:12:33] Tammy bitch tits, right?

[00:12:36] We have to get around to that.

[00:12:38] Next week, I know this was,

[00:12:40] it was one big long rant.

[00:12:42] One big long rant.

[00:12:43] But next week we're going to talk about

[00:12:45] boundaries fucking finally.

[00:12:46] I hate it you hate it but let's do it.

[00:12:48] Let's talk about it together

[00:12:50] It's kind of necessary you guys.

[00:12:52] It's kind of necessary.

[00:12:54] You can't trust anyone else

[00:12:57] and your trust for your safety

[00:12:59] and your protection and your well-being

[00:13:01] and your happiness should not lie

[00:13:04] in the hands of other people.

[00:13:06] Your trust and happiness

[00:13:08] and joy and security should lie

[00:13:10] in your own hands.

[00:13:12] And if you're unsure that you can trust yourself

[00:13:15] you have to figure out ways

[00:13:17] to learn to trust yourself.

[00:13:19] And that comes from setting boundaries

[00:13:21] and it sucks a big, huge dick.

[00:13:25] There it is.

[00:13:27] Okay?

[00:13:28] Really think about that.

[00:13:29] If you've asked yourself

[00:13:30] how am I ever going to learn

[00:13:31] to be in a romantic relationship again

[00:13:33] tell me how that doesn't make sense

[00:13:35] because here's what we see in our heads.

[00:13:37] I know this is a big long rant.

[00:13:38] I'm sorry.

[00:13:39] This is what we see in our heads.

[00:13:40] I'm going to meet for me.

[00:13:42] Okay, I'll take me.

[00:13:43] I'm going to meet a guy

[00:13:45] and he's going to be real charismatic

[00:13:47] and six months in

[00:13:49] she's going to start to go wrong

[00:13:51] but by then I will already fall in love with him

[00:13:53] and then he'll be even a little bit worse

[00:13:56] and he's going to say

[00:13:57] oh what, now you're mad at me?

[00:13:59] And I'll be like no, I guess not

[00:14:01] because God forbid he thinks I'm mad at him.

[00:14:04] It all comes from putting all of your eggs

[00:14:06] in their fucking narcissistic basket.

[00:14:09] They're your eggs.

[00:14:11] They're your Legos

[00:14:12] to put back together

[00:14:14] and they're your eggs to protect.

[00:14:16] You get 24 hours a fucking day.

[00:14:19] So does the narcissist, so do I

[00:14:22] so does a fucking dame-judy dutch

[00:14:26] everybody on this fucking planet

[00:14:28] gets 24 fucking hours a day

[00:14:30] and those 24 hours are your 24 fucking hours

[00:14:34] if you choose to go to work

[00:14:35] if you choose to come home

[00:14:37] and staple pictures to your wall

[00:14:39] or you choose to come home

[00:14:41] and play drums

[00:14:42] or you choose to come home

[00:14:44] and fucking sit on the couch and eat candy

[00:14:46] that's your time

[00:14:48] it's your time to do with what you want

[00:14:51] that does not belong to anybody but you

[00:14:54] and you have to figure out how to protect that time

[00:14:56] and protect that person sitting in that chair eating chocolate

[00:14:59] because you're the only person who can do it

[00:15:01] so next week we're going to talk about boundaries

[00:15:06] holy shit

[00:15:08] I don't know if you feel better

[00:15:10] I feel a little bit better

[00:15:13] I got one email this week that said

[00:15:15] that they do like the journal readings

[00:15:17] and they relate to them

[00:15:19] so I'm not outing anybody, that's my thing

[00:15:21] unless they say you can use my name

[00:15:23] but I did get approval about it

[00:15:25] so with that

[00:15:28] I'm going to just extrapolate to the other eight people

[00:15:30] who listen

[00:15:32] and assume they like it

[00:15:33] I haven't gotten a lot of complaints

[00:15:34] or people being like yeah it just doesn't do anything for me

[00:15:36] so yeah let's do a dramatic journal reading

[00:15:39] fuck it

[00:15:41] okay this one's really

[00:15:43] this is very ironic

[00:15:46] because this is my journal entry

[00:15:48] from let's see

[00:15:50] April 9th, 2018

[00:15:54] and this is exactly the story

[00:15:57] I was just telling you guys

[00:15:59] it's the woman who messaged me

[00:16:01] and didn't know and this is what I journaled about

[00:16:03] it's so funny and it's so weird

[00:16:05] anyway here we go

[00:16:07] but this week's dramatic

[00:16:10] journal reading

[00:16:14] my rules will be how

[00:16:17] I would give advice to any

[00:16:19] and everyone else

[00:16:21] if someone messaged Ron

[00:16:24] out of the blue

[00:16:25] and asked him for coffee

[00:16:28] to talk about quote unquote

[00:16:30] the biz

[00:16:32] parentheses barf

[00:16:34] closed parentheses

[00:16:36] do I think he's bad

[00:16:38] if he ignores it

[00:16:40] no

[00:16:42] the

[00:16:44] this fucking sucks

[00:16:46] I do not need to interact with anyone

[00:16:49] ever

[00:16:51] if I don't want to

[00:16:53] we aren't all meant to have

[00:16:55] instant access to everyone else

[00:16:57] it's not normal

[00:16:59] I hope

[00:17:00] Facebook

[00:17:01] shuts down completely

[00:17:03] I will have to set some real boundaries

[00:17:06] I will start to delete people

[00:17:09] I don't know

[00:17:13] that's this week's dramatic

[00:17:15] journal reading

[00:17:16] Ron by the way is a nice fellow

[00:17:18] who books the San Francisco punchline

[00:17:20] shows on Sunday so

[00:17:22] that is a little

[00:17:24] full circle journal reading

[00:17:26] and now

[00:17:28] you guys

[00:17:29] it is time for

[00:17:31] the tip of the week

[00:17:33] I guess

[00:17:34] something that makes us learn to trust ourselves

[00:17:37] something that

[00:17:39] brings us some joy

[00:17:40] or at least some fucking relief

[00:17:41] and before I get into all this

[00:17:43] I just want to I found an actual article

[00:17:45] about

[00:17:47] the process of

[00:17:49] narcissistic abuse recovery

[00:17:52] is this from psychology today

[00:17:54] legit

[00:17:55] Julie L. Hall

[00:17:57] the narcissist in your life

[00:18:01] is the

[00:18:02] why she put that in there

[00:18:04] she's not the narcissist in your life

[00:18:06] this is probably what you call it

[00:18:07] but narcissism

[00:18:08] six core insights

[00:18:09] from a narcissistic abuse recovery coach

[00:18:12] what you need to know to heal

[00:18:14] from narcissistic abuse and its aftermath

[00:18:16] and I thought that was interesting

[00:18:18] because I see

[00:18:20] people not being real patient with themselves

[00:18:22] I did it

[00:18:23] and I get it

[00:18:24] so

[00:18:25] but I just want to throw these out there

[00:18:27] one a larger pattern is at work

[00:18:29] you have the history of narcissistic relationships

[00:18:32] either with romantic partners or friends

[00:18:34] or both

[00:18:35] like me

[00:18:36] it may be that you have come

[00:18:38] from a dysfunctional family system

[00:18:40] what

[00:18:41] dominated by narcissistic parents

[00:18:43] or parents with other forms of mental illnesses

[00:18:46] or addiction

[00:18:47] we all encounter

[00:18:48] narcissists in our lives

[00:18:49] but those of us who stick around for abuse

[00:18:52] have typically been conditioned

[00:18:54] to such relationships in childhood

[00:18:57] two

[00:18:58] denial is your frenemy

[00:19:00] denial is the child's first and only defense

[00:19:02] so when we are helpless

[00:19:04] and dependent

[00:19:05] it's safer to deny

[00:19:07] deficiencies in our parents

[00:19:09] or caregivers

[00:19:10] than to admit them to ourselves

[00:19:12] it's also safer to blame ourselves

[00:19:14] for a problem

[00:19:16] than to question the status of the people

[00:19:18] we depend on for our survival

[00:19:20] there's more to this article

[00:19:22] but I'm hitting the highlights

[00:19:23] number three

[00:19:25] here's the bottom line about narcissism

[00:19:27] and I'm gonna just

[00:19:30] succinctly wrap this up

[00:19:32] they fucking lack empathy

[00:19:33] that's it

[00:19:34] we talk about it all the time

[00:19:36] you have empathy

[00:19:38] and you can't necessarily comprehend

[00:19:40] that this asshole doesn't have empathy

[00:19:43] you think they can learn it

[00:19:44] or you think it's very deep under

[00:19:46] hurt or garbage

[00:19:48] they don't

[00:19:49] they're without the imps

[00:19:51] number four

[00:19:53] there's no way around grief

[00:19:55] there's no fucking timeline either

[00:19:56] you can't get around it

[00:19:57] go through it

[00:19:59] live your grief

[00:20:00] I remember fucking crying

[00:20:01] death cries in the bathroom

[00:20:03] at our old rental place in Van Nys

[00:20:05] just fucking lost my mind

[00:20:07] and it's gonna come and go as well

[00:20:09] people will often go

[00:20:10] well I was fine yesterday

[00:20:11] why am I not fine today

[00:20:13] cause your brain can't take it all at once

[00:20:15] your brain's gonna like

[00:20:16] slowly let it leak through

[00:20:18] and process

[00:20:19] just don't

[00:20:20] just trust what you're going through

[00:20:21] and fucking be sad

[00:20:23] we don't all need to be happy all the time

[00:20:25] if you're suicidal

[00:20:27] or you can't get out of bed

[00:20:28] go for some help

[00:20:29] get an antidepressant

[00:20:30] get some help

[00:20:31] I'm on antidepressant

[00:20:33] cause I needed it

[00:20:35] and I'm not ashamed of saying it

[00:20:37] I throw fewer phones across the house now

[00:20:40] number five

[00:20:42] you have been through a complex trauma

[00:20:44] you fucking have PTSD

[00:20:46] I know you think well

[00:20:47] it's not like I was addicted to heroin

[00:20:49] it's not like I've been to Vietnam

[00:20:51] or Iraq

[00:20:53] well you fucking

[00:20:54] it's fucking

[00:20:55] worse cause it's covert

[00:20:57] and it fucks with your brain

[00:20:59] and you have to just be kind to yourself

[00:21:01] get a counselor

[00:21:02] there ain't nothing wrong with that

[00:21:04] it's a good thing

[00:21:06] cause sometimes you just need that outside perspective

[00:21:08] I think you really do

[00:21:10] number six

[00:21:11] you can heal

[00:21:12] alright

[00:21:13] you can heal

[00:21:14] she says along with our capacity for suffering

[00:21:16] is a commensurate capacity

[00:21:18] to heal

[00:21:19] healing happens when we

[00:21:21] recognize the larger patterns at work in our lives

[00:21:24] overcome denial

[00:21:25] understand the reality of narcissism

[00:21:27] and move through our grief

[00:21:29] and trauma on the road toward a healthier

[00:21:31] and happier state of being

[00:21:33] I'm gonna add on to this and go you know what

[00:21:35] okay it's sometimes alright just to fucking be alone

[00:21:38] why do we all have to be in a relationship all the time

[00:21:40] we don't

[00:21:41] we don't always have to be in a relationship

[00:21:43] enjoy your own company

[00:21:45] watch a movie

[00:21:46] fucking go for a walk

[00:21:48] get a dog

[00:21:49] all that stuff

[00:21:50] alright

[00:21:51] I think that being said

[00:21:53] my tip for the week

[00:21:55] uh

[00:21:57] it might sound counterintuitive

[00:21:59] to all this stuff I've been talking about

[00:22:01] like your time is your own

[00:22:03] and you know fuck everybody else

[00:22:05] which it sounds like

[00:22:06] but my tip for the week

[00:22:08] is

[00:22:09] do something nice for someone

[00:22:11] smile at somebody at a grocery store

[00:22:15] it doesn't need to cost any money

[00:22:18] what doing something nice for somebody else does

[00:22:21] is it takes you out of your own head

[00:22:24] it gets you

[00:22:25] it stops you from thinking about you

[00:22:27] it doesn't have to cost you money

[00:22:29] I do this stupid thing where

[00:22:31] during the pandemic

[00:22:33] I did a lot of shows over zoom

[00:22:35] as a stand up and they're torturous and horrible

[00:22:38] it was all we had people tuned in

[00:22:40] you'd see them just sitting on their couch

[00:22:42] with their foot at the screen and it's like

[00:22:44] okay we're in this together

[00:22:46] but they were

[00:22:47] I tried my best to make people laugh

[00:22:49] but it's a weird form of doing stand up comedy

[00:22:51] and I just didn't enjoy these shows

[00:22:53] but I would do them

[00:22:55] I have headliners that I work with

[00:22:56] and they ask me to do it

[00:22:57] I would help them

[00:22:58] and

[00:22:59] uh there are clubs that I really loved

[00:23:01] I would do these shows

[00:23:02] but any money that I got

[00:23:04] I put into a Venmo account

[00:23:06] and from there

[00:23:07] I just decided that money

[00:23:09] is just to do nice things for other people

[00:23:11] I have a friend who

[00:23:13] had cancer

[00:23:15] as far as we know

[00:23:16] fingers crossed, knock on wood, sending a doodoo

[00:23:18] he is through it

[00:23:20] through stage 4 cancer

[00:23:21] just send him 100 bucks

[00:23:22] do what the fuck you want with it

[00:23:23] enjoy it

[00:23:24] buy something fun

[00:23:25] right

[00:23:26] just it feels great

[00:23:28] it fills me with like little tingly feelings

[00:23:30] just to be like

[00:23:31] this person's happy

[00:23:33] you know I have a friend

[00:23:34] whose little girl bulls

[00:23:36] and she's collecting money for bowling

[00:23:38] fucking yeah take $50

[00:23:39] why not

[00:23:40] because it came from like

[00:23:41] such misery this money

[00:23:43] I just wanted to go out

[00:23:44] and do nice things for people

[00:23:45] but again

[00:23:46] it does not need to cost you any money

[00:23:48] I will once in a while

[00:23:50] just somebody I know

[00:23:52] who I admire

[00:23:54] or I see that they've done something great

[00:23:56] I'll just send a message going

[00:23:57] you know I just want to say good on you

[00:23:59] this is super fucking cool what you're doing

[00:24:01] it's great

[00:24:02] I think you're wonderful

[00:24:03] I think you're funny

[00:24:04] you inspire me

[00:24:05] fucking rock on with your bad self

[00:24:08] and they get it

[00:24:09] and they will be like

[00:24:11] this was so nice thank you

[00:24:12] but you know what

[00:24:13] it came from a place of just being like

[00:24:15] I wanted to share how great you are

[00:24:17] that's all

[00:24:18] like I said hold the door for somebody

[00:24:20] smile at someone

[00:24:21] if somebody drops something fucking pick it up

[00:24:24] I don't know about you

[00:24:25] but I always feel a little bit better

[00:24:27] I get a little bit of a

[00:24:29] I don't know

[00:24:30] my heart gets a little bigger

[00:24:32] when I do that

[00:24:33] and again it also takes you out of your own shit

[00:24:37] you know it's not about you

[00:24:39] it's not about you being a narcissist

[00:24:41] and look how good I think I am

[00:24:43] for everybody else

[00:24:44] it's just something to do

[00:24:46] if you're interested in stuff like this

[00:24:49] I think it's technically

[00:24:51] technically called random acts of kindness

[00:24:54] there's a website

[00:24:55] there's a group of people

[00:24:57] who do these things regularly

[00:24:59] and you can just be a person

[00:25:01] who does random acts of kindness

[00:25:03] you can pay for the next person's toll

[00:25:05] we've all heard that story

[00:25:07] you can buy someone a coffee

[00:25:10] you know hey can I get your coffee

[00:25:12] oh you're a nurse

[00:25:13] life sucks right now

[00:25:15] here's fucking a ten dollar gift card for Starbucks

[00:25:18] it doesn't have to be anything

[00:25:20] somebody dropped a check

[00:25:22] on the street

[00:25:23] two weeks ago

[00:25:24] right and like

[00:25:26] it was sitting there

[00:25:27] I think what happened with some fucker

[00:25:29] took it out of their mailbox

[00:25:30] opened it up

[00:25:31] and just decided forty four dollars

[00:25:33] wasn't worth their time

[00:25:35] or the potential of going to jail

[00:25:37] for fraud

[00:25:38] or whatever

[00:25:39] they took it out of this person's mailbox

[00:25:41] opened it

[00:25:42] threw it on the fucking street

[00:25:43] and out of the corner of my eye

[00:25:44] I saw like part of a check

[00:25:46] and we're walking the dogs

[00:25:47] and I picked it up

[00:25:48] and I was like

[00:25:49] this is a check for forty four dollars

[00:25:51] and I could have just as easily just thrown it back

[00:25:53] in fact I did

[00:25:54] I put it back on the street

[00:25:55] and I'm like I'm not gonna bother with this

[00:25:57] I was like this isn't right

[00:25:58] I turned around and I got it

[00:26:00] I put it back in the envelope

[00:26:01] I left them a little sticky note

[00:26:02] I didn't give them my name

[00:26:03] they don't need any praise for this

[00:26:05] it's the decent fucking thing to do

[00:26:07] that's all it is

[00:26:08] you do the decent thing

[00:26:09] you can sleep better at night

[00:26:11] or you do something nice for someone

[00:26:13] and then they are like

[00:26:14] wow that was nice

[00:26:15] I'm gonna do something nice for someone

[00:26:17] it spreads around

[00:26:18] it spreads joy

[00:26:19] that's a good thing

[00:26:20] I don't know why I keep going on about it

[00:26:22] you know what I mean

[00:26:23] you know what it's like

[00:26:24] to do something nice

[00:26:25] fucking bake cookies for some

[00:26:26] bake cookies and take them into work

[00:26:28] and people are like

[00:26:29] aw man this is awesome

[00:26:30] I haven't cooked these in a while

[00:26:31] they probably hit cookies

[00:26:32] not as good as your cookies

[00:26:33] see you make good cookies

[00:26:36] or whatever

[00:26:37] I think it's just

[00:26:38] the reason

[00:26:39] ah I'm such a

[00:26:41] I'm like a rant weird tear today

[00:26:43] but when I first started dating my husband

[00:26:46] there was a woman

[00:26:47] at the Raleigh Durham International Airport

[00:26:51] we were flying somewhere

[00:26:52] and it was a woman

[00:26:54] collecting money for her church

[00:26:55] and my husband just pulled out 20 bucks

[00:26:58] and gave it to her

[00:26:59] and I was like oh my god

[00:27:00] you just gave her 20 dollars

[00:27:02] and at first I was just like

[00:27:03] that was stupid

[00:27:04] like in my head it was stupid

[00:27:06] and then

[00:27:07] you know we've been married 19 years

[00:27:09] and this was before we were even married

[00:27:11] and that's

[00:27:12] like I look back at that

[00:27:13] and I'm like

[00:27:14] that's why I'm married to that guy

[00:27:15] cause he's a fucking good guy

[00:27:17] cause he did that

[00:27:18] even at the time

[00:27:19] even though

[00:27:20] at the time

[00:27:21] I was like

[00:27:22] that was stupid

[00:27:23] you just gave that woman

[00:27:24] she could be panhandling

[00:27:25] in the name of churches

[00:27:26] you don't know

[00:27:27] but he fucking felt good about it

[00:27:29] I kind of feel bad looking back

[00:27:31] that I wasn't more supportive of it

[00:27:33] cause it was a nice thing to do

[00:27:34] he's a nice person

[00:27:36] it's what makes a marriage

[00:27:37] and uh

[00:27:38] I guess that's

[00:27:40] you guys I ran it a lot today

[00:27:42] and I'm sorry

[00:27:43] if this is your first time

[00:27:45] I promise there are other episodes

[00:27:47] that are

[00:27:48] more pointed

[00:27:50] and have direction

[00:27:51] anyway

[00:27:53] if you like the podcast

[00:27:54] you can

[00:27:55] hit subscribe and like

[00:27:57] that really helps me out

[00:27:58] if you have any questions

[00:27:59] or topics you want to cover

[00:28:00] even though next week

[00:28:01] we're going to go through boundaries

[00:28:02] GERGE YOUR LOINS

[00:28:05] send me an email

[00:28:06] evilmompod

[00:28:07] at gmail.com

[00:28:09] I hope you have a great fucking week

[00:28:11] you got this

[00:28:12] talk to you soon

[00:28:14] bye

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