Thinking About It: The Stage Where Everything Stays the Same

[00:00:02] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It. This is The MESH. Hey everybody, I'm Amy Chang, a nurse, a mom and a health coach. And this is Healthy AF, where honesty and humor and heart meet real talk about feeling good again, inside and out. We're cutting through the noise, dropping the guilt, and reminding you, getting healthy isn't about perfection.

[00:00:30] It's about choosing yourself, one loving decision at a time. Let's get into it. Hey everybody and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. My name is Amy Chang and I'm a health coach here with Healthy Life Health and Wellness Coaching and I am delighted that you are here. We are halfway through May and if you're a parent of any sort, just an acknowledgement that it's May.

[00:00:56] Okay, I recognize that these podcasts may be something that you're listening to in another month, not May or December, right? Those are our months as parents that get really crazy with end of the year stuff. So if you're listening in May, I hope this is fortifying you for whatever new beginning is coming to you in June. The theme of May is new beginnings and I love this conversation because new beginnings can be tough.

[00:01:25] They are filled with a little bit of everything and actually we're going to be talking about that today. We started the first episode in May just about, you know, like where are you at? Have you ever had a new beginning? Has it ever been terrifying? Have you ever felt like you were messing it up? Have you ever wondered why it took you so long to get to that new beginning? And then we started talking about stages of new behaviors and new beginnings.

[00:01:56] That first stage is when really the problem is completely lost on us. We don't see a problem. We don't know that there's any reason to change. But really, we're kind of thinking about thinking about it. It's way, way, way back here in a blind spot. And it may show up because people who love us or know us well are constantly giving us the same feedback. Usually we're ignoring it. We're not ready to hear it. We're not ready to see it.

[00:02:26] We might be blaming other people for whatever is going on or blaming an outside source like, yeah, well, I can't eat healthy because I just don't have enough time. Right. That is clearly like it's maybe knocking around back there, but we are not seeing that we have any power and we are not seeing that there is a problem. That's what I call thinking about thinking about it. You can also look it up. It's called pre-contemplation if you'd like to use fancy words.

[00:02:54] The second stage, which we'll be diving into today, is the contemplation phase. I like calling this now you're thinking about it. You've gone from there's this thing way back there that we're not looking about and we're not talking about. We might be in denial into, huh, I really don't eat very well. So now you're beginning to see that problem.

[00:03:23] The lenses that were fogged up before are a little bit clearer now. But you're in this spot where you feel stuck and you don't have any path out yet. You just are beginning to realize this is a problem for me and I don't like it. Okay, let's talk about that.

[00:03:50] You might be in this stage in any area of your life right now. Now, I know I constantly have this stage in many areas of my life. I think we all do. You know, when we talk about like health coaching, people ask me this all the time. They ask me like, oh, do you do nutrition? I'm like, well, I mean, yeah, but not really. Oh, do you do like exercise programs? Well, yeah, but not really.

[00:04:17] What I really do is your whole life because that affects your whole health. And so we're typically in the thinking about thinking about it and the thinking about it and the fixing to and the doing it in different areas in our life all the time. We usually don't have new beginnings in all the areas at one time. In fact, if you've ever done that, you know how discombobulating that is.

[00:04:45] I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said, yeah, I'm getting a new job. I'm moving into a new house and I've just started a new relationship. And I was like, wow, that is a lot of newness happening. So I think you can probably relate to being in an area of your life in the I'm thinking about it stage. And let me get real specific about what this sounds like.

[00:05:10] I wrote some examples down because they were just too easy, right? It sounds like you know something's not quite right and you think to yourself, you know, someday I'll deal with that. Someday I'll take that vacation. Someday I'll get fit. Someday I'll get that big thing that I really want to have. Someday I'll be happy. It might also sound like this.

[00:05:40] Well, when the kids are grown, I'll blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. When I have more money, I'll... When we buy that house, then we'll think about having a baby. When we finally graduate, then I can work on my health. And this is my all-time favorite. If you're not relating to any of those, this is one I've heard a billion times being in the CrossFit space.

[00:06:10] Well, when I get a little bit fitter and lose a little weight, then I'll come to CrossFit. And I'm always like, dude, cart behind the horse on that one. But that's how we're thinking when we're in that contemplation. I'm thinking about it. It doesn't feel right, but I don't see a solution yet. And I might be a little stuck.

[00:06:35] In fact, personally, I felt like this right before the new beginning of me being unmarried. Right before I became unmarried, I felt this, you know, when the kids are in boarding school, we've only got another couple years to kind of have this problem called we're not getting

[00:07:00] along real well or maybe doesn't feel real empowering inside this marriage. But when the kids all go to boarding school, then, you know, then I'll start really digging in and tackling this. And we can see how that ended up since I'm single. These things, they're big things and they're little tiny things.

[00:07:24] When this happens, then I'll do this way, feel this way, or someday. When you hear those thoughts, you are clearly in a, I'm thinking about something. Not much is happening still. And at the end of the day, one thing that keeps us stuck in the thinking about it stage is that we feel a little embarrassed. We feel a little defeated.

[00:07:54] And we might feel a little confused. Confused. When that marriage did end, I was really confused. Because I just sort of thought that it would be okay and that we'd tackle it later at an appropriate time. Well, the appropriate time had passed. Now the marriage was ended. And you see this with other people. Think about that CrossFit example. Yeah, when I lose weight and get fit, then I'll go to CrossFit.

[00:08:22] But then what typically happens is we stay thinking about the problem, but we actually aren't in action. We're not actually not doing anything about it. And then something happens. Like we go ahead and have that heart attack. Or we go ahead and get diagnosed with, you really, really do have diabetes now. Or osteoporosis or osteopenia. These things happen while we're thinking about something, but feeling a little stuck.

[00:08:49] And if they do happen, like that marriage ends, that heart attack happens, that diagnosis comes, then there's confusion and shame. And, oh gosh, I've known about this. I've known I should have dealt with this, but I didn't know what to do. Or I knew I should deal with it, but I thought it would be okay for just a little while longer. Right?

[00:09:17] So this thinking about stage can linger for years. It can linger for a lifetime. It can be a whole mindset. Or we can practice and moving through this. Moving through. So how do you get through the thinking about it stage? Well, I'll tell you two big indicators that you are moving through.

[00:09:43] One is you start thinking about the future more than you think about the past. I could see this in myself when that marriage did end and I was very confused and like, what? And I wasn't really ready for a future of being single. I very much still wanted my future to be a married future.

[00:10:11] And I did all the like grasping and holding and reading the books and how can I stay here and what can I do? And then at some point, my focus shifted. And all of a sudden it was like, okay, what could the future look like as a now single person? What could I be doing? What might bring me happiness or joy? So you start seeing those glimpses.

[00:10:39] Your mind starts going there instead of like, well, in the past, this is how it was. And this is when it worked. And this is when it didn't work. And this is how I felt. You start getting some of those future spotty senses lingering. It might be like, oh, you know, in the future, I could lift up that box by myself. I could rearrange my den furniture without having to call anybody. Huh?

[00:11:08] Well, that could be possible. We start generating possibilities. You can't generate possibilities if you don't see a problem. You've got to be in this thinking about it stage to be aware that there's something different for you, some solution out there. You might not know what it is, but there is a solution out there.

[00:11:33] And the second thing that indicates to us that we're moving through this thinking about it stage, or I'm sorry, this thinking about it stage, is anxiety and excitement, anticipation, and a little bit of activity. Now, you could say that you're in action when you're doing any kind of activity, but the kind of activity I'm talking about is you might then finally have that conversation with a friend.

[00:12:02] Hey, I've been thinking about going to CrossFit. I've been thinking about changing my diet. I've been thinking about my marriage and what needs to happen in that relationship for it to be sustainable. That's an activity that you might do in this thinking about it stage. Okay? You're beginning to talk about it. You might even be writing about it in your journal. That's an activity. You might be looking at websites, right?

[00:12:32] Googling. Lord help you. You might be talking to the AI. Asking the AI, you know, what do people see? What are some options? You're beginning to look. I want to take a moment to go back to the anxiety and the excitement. For most of my work within my own life changes, and with my clients' life changes.

[00:12:58] I know we're in the right spot when we're excited and terrified. If we are excited and also terrified, probably we have put the aim in the right direction, and now we're just cultivating what it takes to go that route. There's a couple other things, too, I wanted to denote.

[00:13:28] When you start, like, researching and shopping and looking, there's a chance that you are just not ready. You literally are not ready. You need to take care of some things first. Things that demand all of your energy and all of your attention. And that is okay. It is okay to say, it's May.

[00:13:57] I've got three kids with the end-of-the-year party, and three kids with recitals, and three kids with, you know, whatever other end-of-the-year May things happen, integrate tests, and field trips, and, you know, all of my, and I've got a haircut, and a GYN appointment. You know, like, it's okay to say, I see this problem, and I've been thinking about it, and

[00:14:25] what needs to happen is May needs to finish. You're actually slipping into our next phase when you get there. It's also okay to use that, like, you're saving money. I'm saving money because when I get this amount of money, I'm going to make this purchase. Okay? It's okay. You're moving out of that, that contemplation stage, that thinking about it stage. If you recognize that you are stuck

[00:14:54] in the contemplation stage, A, it's a great time to call a coach. B, think to yourself, nothing happens while you're in thinking about it. It might feel like you're making progress because you're thinking about it a lot, but actually, everything that's happening

[00:15:22] is just right in these brain cells. No result will be seen in your life. People won't begin to notice that you look thinner in your jeans. People won't begin to notice that you're mentioning your husband more and seem happier. People won't begin to notice that you could, you know, pick up your grandkid without huffing and puffing. Okay? Nothing out here happens.

[00:15:49] So, what helps me to move out of thinking about it is the knowledge that no action that I don't take is going to move me forward. And any action I have the courage to take will tell me something. We're going to move next week right on into Fix Into,

[00:16:18] which is sliding in to making that plan and getting ready. So, please join me next week. We're going to talk about Fix Into, and I will see you next time on Healthy AF. Thanks for hanging out with me today on Healthy AF. I hope something you heard helps you take one small, kind step toward your healthiest self. If you love this episode, hit subscribe so you never miss a conversation. And if you want more support,

[00:16:47] head over to myhealthylife.coach to connect with me. Remember, you don't have to do it perfectly. You just have to start choosing you. See you next time. You've been listening to The Mesh, an online media network of shows and programs ranging from business to arts, sports to entertainment,

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