In this enlightening episode of Healthy AF, Amy unveils a transformative tool known as "Sometimes I Do This," designed to guide us through moments of judgment towards others. It's a common trap to fall into—judging others' actions and not realizing that we often struggle with similar behaviors ourselves. This episode is a deep dive into recognizing when we're casting judgment and how to shift toward compassion for both ourselves and those around us. Amy will walk you through the steps to acknowledge these moments, offering insights on how to foster self-compassion and understanding, propelling you towards becoming the best version of yourself. Join us for a journey of growth, empathy, and living a life well-lived, as we learn to embrace our imperfections and extend grace to ourselves and others.
Trying to get healthy and stay healthy is f-ing hard! Everybody struggles with some aspect of it, no matter what they look like or what they tell you. There is no magic formula - a healthy lifestyle is a choice we need to make daily. Join Amy as she supports, informs, and entertains you on your journey toward health.
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[00:00:02] What you want, when you want it, where you want it.
[00:00:06] This is The MESH.
[00:00:09] Hey, I'm Amy Chang.
[00:00:11] I'm a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach, and this is Healthy AF.
[00:00:16] In this podcast, I'll be bringing you all things health,
[00:00:19] from the newest health strategies to how to tackle those personal roadblocks
[00:00:23] that just will not let you move forward.
[00:00:27] So buckle in.
[00:00:28] We're going to be inspired and instructed,
[00:00:30] and dadgum, we're going to have a little fun on Healthy AF.
[00:00:35] Hey, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF.
[00:00:39] I'm coming to you with a big, huge grin on my face today.
[00:00:43] Just because it's the holiday season, everything's kind of energized,
[00:00:50] like the holidays are.
[00:00:51] They could be frantic, but they could just be energized.
[00:00:54] It feels so good.
[00:00:56] And I wanted to share with you today something I was thinking about
[00:01:01] in my yoga class this morning and on the drive home.
[00:01:06] You know, over the last decade since I've become a coach,
[00:01:13] I became a coach because I was coached,
[00:01:16] and it made such a difference in my life.
[00:01:19] And I wanted to do that for other people.
[00:01:24] And also, I discovered actually I'm pretty good at it.
[00:01:27] It feels good for me in all the right ways, right?
[00:01:31] Not the ego way, but the, wow, this is something I can do well,
[00:01:36] and I don't need to be stingy with it.
[00:01:39] So let's roll that kind of way.
[00:01:42] So I became a coach by being coached by other people,
[00:01:45] and I was so appreciative of that and really could see my personal growth
[00:01:50] in taking responsibility for creating my life.
[00:01:55] So fast forward to now, I've done boatloads of personal work on me,
[00:02:02] and I am a coach.
[00:02:04] And I put out a lot of content about taking power in your life,
[00:02:08] taking responsibility for your life.
[00:02:11] You know, pull your head out of your butt.
[00:02:13] Stop being a victim.
[00:02:15] Martyr doesn't look good on anybody, right?
[00:02:19] Do a lot of content about that.
[00:02:22] Here's the ticket that I want to be straightforward about.
[00:02:26] Wow.
[00:02:27] I'm still in process.
[00:02:31] I'm still in process.
[00:02:33] I've learned big chunks.
[00:02:36] I've changed so many patterns,
[00:02:41] and there's still work to be done.
[00:02:45] I say that because I wanted to preface this story.
[00:02:51] I wanted to tell one on myself and see if you could relate.
[00:02:57] So I am driving home this morning from yoga,
[00:03:00] and I had gotten like all nice and zinned out.
[00:03:03] It was 94 degrees in there.
[00:03:05] It's my favorite yoga studio.
[00:03:07] It's Port City Power Yoga,
[00:03:09] where if I need to like lay down while everybody else is down-dogging,
[00:03:14] I just lay down, right?
[00:03:15] If there are some tears that need to come,
[00:03:17] if I need to breathe really loud or stay in a pose longer than everybody else,
[00:03:21] I can just, you know, it's Amy's mat and Amy's class
[00:03:25] when I'm in that big class at Port City.
[00:03:29] And I love that.
[00:03:30] So I'm driving home from that, feeling good.
[00:03:34] And I happened to, right before I pulled out,
[00:03:39] looked at some social media.
[00:03:42] That's always a bad thing, right?
[00:03:44] So I look at some social media,
[00:03:46] and I saw a post from another person that was sort of cheerleader-y
[00:03:54] and very coachy sounding and, you know,
[00:03:57] like take responsibility for your life and, you know,
[00:04:00] overcome your fears.
[00:04:01] And I had this overwhelming moment of judgment.
[00:04:09] Straight up judgment.
[00:04:12] And I thought to myself, she doesn't do that.
[00:04:17] Woo!
[00:04:18] So I wanted to give you this tool that I had to use rather quickly this morning
[00:04:23] to get me out of my judgy pants, which really don't feel good.
[00:04:27] Judgy pants for me do not feel good.
[00:04:30] And the tool that I used this morning was Sometimes I Do.
[00:04:37] So I first learned that tool back,
[00:04:41] we were taking a course on how to take care of people, actually.
[00:04:46] It was with an office that I was working with.
[00:04:51] And the presenter was saying,
[00:04:56] when you get irritated with clients,
[00:04:58] when you get frustrated or someone's done something
[00:05:03] that you think is horrible or you feel disrespected,
[00:05:07] just remember, sometimes I do that.
[00:05:11] And that phrase has been a really powerful phrase for me
[00:05:18] to take responsibility in the moment
[00:05:22] that I am not living up to my best self
[00:05:26] to redirect my focus from over there judging someone else
[00:05:31] to back over here
[00:05:33] where I can actually grow, learn, and control what's going on.
[00:05:40] I can't control anything that's over there being done.
[00:05:44] And really, it's none of my business.
[00:05:47] But I can use that moment of judgment to grow me.
[00:05:55] So how do I stay in growth, right?
[00:06:00] I know better than to think that
[00:06:04] if I have this moment of judgment
[00:06:07] and recognize it,
[00:06:09] that I'm going to be able to talk myself off the ledge.
[00:06:15] Oh, I am on judgment corner.
[00:06:19] How do I get off of there, right?
[00:06:22] How do I let it go?
[00:06:23] How do I make judgment corner happen less?
[00:06:28] How do I move myself forward
[00:06:30] into more compassion for myself and others?
[00:06:36] I have to do the work.
[00:06:41] And I guess that's what got me thinking today in the car is,
[00:06:46] I mean, I've done a lot of work.
[00:06:49] I've had a lot in the last,
[00:06:52] I mean, really,
[00:06:52] the last almost eight years now
[00:06:56] has been a lot of change
[00:06:58] and a lot of growth
[00:07:00] and a lot of pain
[00:07:01] and a lot of behavioral patterns
[00:07:05] shifting and changing.
[00:07:09] And I'll say reintroducing myself to myself
[00:07:12] and reinventing myself
[00:07:14] the way I want to be.
[00:07:17] And so it's easy sometimes to think,
[00:07:20] well, my God,
[00:07:21] I don't need to do any more.
[00:07:26] But I do.
[00:07:27] And there are some things that I do
[00:07:29] to keep myself honest
[00:07:31] and they don't happen in isolation between my ears.
[00:07:35] That is a bad spot.
[00:07:38] But if you're looking at your own behavioral shifts
[00:07:42] and you're doing it
[00:07:43] in the isolation of your frontal lobe,
[00:07:48] it's so easy to lie to yourself in there.
[00:07:52] I know it's easy for me to lie to myself in there.
[00:07:57] So here's what I do.
[00:07:58] I don't know what's going to work for you,
[00:08:01] but maybe this will give you something to think about.
[00:08:04] I make sure that my spiritual development is on point.
[00:08:09] Um, I do that in lots of different ways.
[00:08:13] I did not say religious development.
[00:08:15] I said spiritual development.
[00:08:17] I happen to use my church
[00:08:20] as a place where I get spiritually enriched.
[00:08:25] And that works for me.
[00:08:26] You don't have to do it at a church.
[00:08:28] I use nature.
[00:08:30] I use nature to keep me connected
[00:08:32] to my spiritual side of my very highest self.
[00:08:36] I use 12-step programs.
[00:08:39] And in that is included
[00:08:42] calling other people
[00:08:44] who are on a spiritual path as well,
[00:08:46] spending time in conversation with those people
[00:08:51] and being vulnerable enough
[00:08:53] to share like,
[00:08:55] hey, wow,
[00:08:56] I really was struggling to be my best self today.
[00:08:59] Or flat out,
[00:09:00] I was not my best self today.
[00:09:02] I had a conversation yesterday with a friend.
[00:09:05] And, uh,
[00:09:06] she was like,
[00:09:06] yeah,
[00:09:07] I did not do a good job.
[00:09:09] Okay, great.
[00:09:10] You know,
[00:09:11] having those kinds of vulnerable conversations
[00:09:15] keeps me honest.
[00:09:17] And, um,
[00:09:19] and having them with people
[00:09:20] who are willing to love you enough
[00:09:23] to say,
[00:09:24] hmm,
[00:09:25] you know,
[00:09:25] you said that that was okay,
[00:09:27] but I'm sensing that actually it's not.
[00:09:29] So where's your,
[00:09:30] uh,
[00:09:31] bullshit meter on that?
[00:09:34] Yeah,
[00:09:35] that's my spiritual work that I do.
[00:09:39] Um,
[00:09:40] I keep myself growing
[00:09:42] and learning
[00:09:43] by having a slower lifestyle.
[00:09:46] And that is so hard.
[00:09:50] A slower lifestyle means
[00:09:52] taking a day or two a week
[00:09:54] to sit and journal.
[00:09:57] Sometimes I do that outside.
[00:09:59] Now I've never been a journaler.
[00:10:01] You know,
[00:10:02] when we were 10
[00:10:03] and you'd get diaries
[00:10:05] with like the little locks
[00:10:06] and everybody wanted to have one.
[00:10:08] I had them.
[00:10:09] They're all empty.
[00:10:11] I never wrote them
[00:10:13] ever
[00:10:14] until about two years ago
[00:10:16] when life got really hard
[00:10:18] and, uh,
[00:10:19] I had to do something.
[00:10:21] So I just kept writing
[00:10:22] and now I've got,
[00:10:22] I'm like five journals in,
[00:10:25] but it takes that time
[00:10:27] to sit.
[00:10:28] I mean,
[00:10:28] first of all,
[00:10:29] you have to have time to sit.
[00:10:30] How many of us take the time,
[00:10:32] particularly through the holidays
[00:10:34] to sit?
[00:10:36] And then once you sit,
[00:10:39] it takes a minute.
[00:10:41] It takes a minute to settle
[00:10:44] and get still,
[00:10:46] which means when I sit on my couch,
[00:10:48] the dogs and the cats
[00:10:50] also need to be settled.
[00:10:52] My coffee cup needs to be nice and hot
[00:10:55] because I can't do coffee quick.
[00:10:57] It helps me slow down.
[00:11:00] That warm beverage in my hand
[00:11:02] helps me slow down.
[00:11:04] And then the other thing I have to do
[00:11:06] is leave my phone on.
[00:11:07] Do not disturb.
[00:11:08] And I catch myself picking it up
[00:11:10] and going for the scroll.
[00:11:13] No,
[00:11:14] put that down.
[00:11:15] That's not this time.
[00:11:17] This time is still.
[00:11:19] So you got a calendar time
[00:11:21] to slow down and sit.
[00:11:24] Then you have to get your mind
[00:11:27] and your hand habit
[00:11:29] to also be still.
[00:11:32] And I'm committed to that way of living.
[00:11:34] And that's a challenge for me.
[00:11:37] That's not how I'm wired.
[00:11:38] And that's not what my familial culture
[00:11:42] tells me that I need to be doing
[00:11:44] is like making time to be still.
[00:11:47] But that keeps me honest
[00:11:50] and self-reflective
[00:11:52] so that I can be my best self
[00:11:54] so that I can realize I'm in judgment.
[00:11:57] So what other things do I do
[00:12:00] to keep myself growing?
[00:12:04] Well, for one thing,
[00:12:07] I do employ a coach.
[00:12:09] Now, I know I've talked about that before
[00:12:12] on this podcast.
[00:12:14] But yeah, I value coaching services.
[00:12:19] So I keep a coach almost year round.
[00:12:22] Right now, I talk to my coach weekly
[00:12:23] and it makes a big difference.
[00:12:25] Sometimes I don't know what to say.
[00:12:27] Sometimes I think I'm fine.
[00:12:29] And when I show up and she says,
[00:12:31] what do you want to talk about today?
[00:12:32] Where do you want to focus?
[00:12:34] I'm like, you know, I'm all good.
[00:12:37] Except there's this one, you know,
[00:12:39] and then it's like an explosion.
[00:12:42] Sometimes it's more of a tether.
[00:12:43] Sometimes I came in this week
[00:12:45] and I'm like,
[00:12:45] I know exactly what I want to talk about.
[00:12:47] I did this, this and this.
[00:12:48] And I realized that actually
[00:12:50] I wasn't being authentic when I did that
[00:12:52] and it didn't feel good.
[00:12:54] And I want to talk about that
[00:12:55] and clean that up with myself.
[00:12:57] And so we had that kind of session.
[00:13:00] But putting my time, energy resources
[00:13:05] on growing myself
[00:13:07] keeps me walking the walk
[00:13:11] of personal development
[00:13:13] and living my best life
[00:13:15] not talking the talk.
[00:13:17] Because what triggered me
[00:13:19] when I saw that social media post
[00:13:22] and I knew that that person
[00:13:25] was doing some behaviors
[00:13:27] that didn't match that post
[00:13:29] was this big imposter syndrome trigger.
[00:13:34] This big not enough trigger
[00:13:37] in me.
[00:13:38] Because I get so judgy
[00:13:44] when I don't always
[00:13:47] follow
[00:13:48] how I
[00:13:50] create the content.
[00:13:54] Well, of course,
[00:13:55] I'm not going to follow all that.
[00:13:57] All the time.
[00:13:59] Every day.
[00:14:01] I'm not perfect.
[00:14:05] But it's times like those
[00:14:07] that I see a little
[00:14:08] judgment for other people
[00:14:10] seeming to not,
[00:14:12] you know,
[00:14:13] walk the walk
[00:14:15] that I can check in
[00:14:17] with, you know what,
[00:14:18] sometimes I don't walk the walk
[00:14:21] and reevaluate.
[00:14:24] Am I walking the walk right now?
[00:14:26] Who do I need to talk to
[00:14:29] about,
[00:14:29] wow, I got really triggered
[00:14:31] and
[00:14:32] I need to just make sure
[00:14:35] that I'm doing
[00:14:37] what I say
[00:14:38] is important to me.
[00:14:40] And not for anybody
[00:14:42] who might see a social media post
[00:14:43] and call bull crap
[00:14:45] on Amy Chang
[00:14:46] said these lovely things
[00:14:48] on Facebook
[00:14:48] but actually
[00:14:49] I saw her throw a temper tantrum
[00:14:51] in the grocery store.
[00:14:52] Not for them
[00:14:53] but for me
[00:14:56] because I really am committed
[00:14:58] to being my best self.
[00:15:01] And that's what I've got
[00:15:02] for you guys today.
[00:15:05] When have you
[00:15:07] found yourself
[00:15:08] in judgment
[00:15:09] of another person?
[00:15:11] Do you notice it?
[00:15:15] Did you grow up
[00:15:17] with so much judgment
[00:15:18] in your environment
[00:15:20] that you don't notice
[00:15:21] your own?
[00:15:23] Is it standard for you?
[00:15:26] When you're in judgment
[00:15:28] are you realizing
[00:15:31] that that look
[00:15:33] over there
[00:15:34] at that other person
[00:15:35] actually serves you
[00:15:40] much more
[00:15:41] when you make that U-turn
[00:15:43] and take it back
[00:15:45] over here
[00:15:45] and focus on you?
[00:15:49] If you're there
[00:15:51] and you're really
[00:15:53] working on focusing
[00:15:54] on you
[00:15:56] is it super painful
[00:15:59] to look
[00:16:01] at your own failings?
[00:16:07] Yeah.
[00:16:09] It took me
[00:16:10] a few years
[00:16:12] handful of years
[00:16:13] to get to a spot
[00:16:16] where for the most part
[00:16:18] I could look
[00:16:18] at my failings
[00:16:19] and still love me
[00:16:21] enough to not make it
[00:16:22] you know
[00:16:22] significant
[00:16:23] and you know
[00:16:25] I'm just a horrible
[00:16:26] whatever
[00:16:27] insert role here
[00:16:28] health coach
[00:16:30] business person
[00:16:30] mother
[00:16:31] spouse
[00:16:32] friend
[00:16:32] gym goer
[00:16:33] you know
[00:16:34] like nutrition
[00:16:35] eating person
[00:16:36] you know
[00:16:36] whatever
[00:16:37] you know
[00:16:38] it took me
[00:16:38] a few years
[00:16:39] to start
[00:16:40] being able
[00:16:41] to focus
[00:16:42] on me
[00:16:43] and not
[00:16:44] just rip
[00:16:45] myself
[00:16:45] to shreds
[00:16:46] and be like
[00:16:47] oh wow
[00:16:48] I was just
[00:16:49] judging
[00:16:50] that's not
[00:16:51] what I'm
[00:16:51] committed to
[00:16:52] right
[00:16:54] it can be
[00:16:55] painful
[00:16:55] and that's
[00:16:56] another reason
[00:16:57] why doing
[00:16:58] this in
[00:16:58] community
[00:16:59] is super
[00:17:00] helpful
[00:17:01] because
[00:17:02] other people
[00:17:03] around you
[00:17:03] will tell
[00:17:04] you
[00:17:05] no man
[00:17:06] you're just
[00:17:07] learning
[00:17:09] they have
[00:17:10] compassion
[00:17:10] for you
[00:17:11] if they're
[00:17:12] walking that
[00:17:13] walk
[00:17:13] there's probably
[00:17:14] plenty of people
[00:17:15] in your life
[00:17:15] who
[00:17:17] might not
[00:17:18] have that
[00:17:18] kind of
[00:17:18] compassion
[00:17:20] you know
[00:17:21] sometimes
[00:17:23] and we may
[00:17:24] experience this
[00:17:24] during the
[00:17:25] holidays
[00:17:26] when we
[00:17:27] grow up
[00:17:27] with
[00:17:28] everybody
[00:17:29] wearing
[00:17:30] their
[00:17:30] judgy
[00:17:30] pants
[00:17:32] and it
[00:17:33] happens
[00:17:34] right
[00:17:34] when our
[00:17:35] families
[00:17:36] have
[00:17:36] generational
[00:17:37] pain
[00:17:39] nobody
[00:17:39] wants to
[00:17:40] feel that
[00:17:40] it's so much
[00:17:42] easier to
[00:17:42] judge
[00:17:43] everybody
[00:17:43] around us
[00:17:45] and when
[00:17:46] we
[00:17:46] grow
[00:17:47] in that
[00:17:48] where it's
[00:17:49] not safe
[00:17:49] to not be
[00:17:50] perfect
[00:17:50] where it's
[00:17:51] not safe
[00:17:52] to rest
[00:17:53] slow down
[00:17:55] then
[00:17:56] judgy
[00:17:56] pants
[00:17:56] feel
[00:17:57] normal
[00:17:58] and when
[00:17:59] we start
[00:17:59] trying to
[00:18:00] take
[00:18:00] one leg
[00:18:01] out
[00:18:01] of the
[00:18:02] judgy
[00:18:02] pants
[00:18:03] and
[00:18:04] everyone
[00:18:04] else
[00:18:05] around
[00:18:05] us
[00:18:05] is
[00:18:06] still
[00:18:06] in
[00:18:06] that
[00:18:06] pattern
[00:18:08] it's
[00:18:08] can
[00:18:09] sometimes
[00:18:10] not be
[00:18:10] a safe
[00:18:10] spot
[00:18:12] so when
[00:18:13] we do
[00:18:13] it in
[00:18:14] a community
[00:18:14] of people
[00:18:15] who are
[00:18:16] also
[00:18:16] shedding
[00:18:17] off
[00:18:18] the stuff
[00:18:19] that
[00:18:20] blocks
[00:18:20] us
[00:18:21] from our
[00:18:21] best
[00:18:21] selves
[00:18:23] those
[00:18:24] are the
[00:18:24] conversations
[00:18:25] and the
[00:18:26] people
[00:18:26] and the
[00:18:27] environments
[00:18:28] that pull
[00:18:29] us
[00:18:29] into our
[00:18:30] best
[00:18:32] so
[00:18:33] I've been
[00:18:34] very
[00:18:35] intentional
[00:18:36] and I've
[00:18:37] been very
[00:18:37] blessed
[00:18:38] to find
[00:18:40] those
[00:18:41] communities
[00:18:42] where I
[00:18:43] can be
[00:18:44] my best
[00:18:44] self
[00:18:45] and I
[00:18:45] can mess
[00:18:46] up
[00:18:49] sometimes
[00:18:50] fiercely
[00:18:54] and still
[00:18:54] come back
[00:18:55] to like
[00:18:55] oh okay
[00:18:56] I'm
[00:18:56] growing
[00:18:56] and learning
[00:18:57] and okay
[00:18:59] that's all
[00:19:00] I wanted
[00:19:00] to share
[00:19:00] this morning
[00:19:01] I think
[00:19:01] is
[00:19:03] you know
[00:19:04] make that
[00:19:05] U-turn
[00:19:06] ask the
[00:19:07] question
[00:19:07] or give
[00:19:09] yourself
[00:19:09] like
[00:19:09] sometimes
[00:19:10] I do
[00:19:12] so when
[00:19:12] is it
[00:19:13] that I'm
[00:19:13] doing
[00:19:13] whatever
[00:19:14] I'm
[00:19:14] judging
[00:19:15] that other
[00:19:15] person
[00:19:15] for doing
[00:19:17] and how
[00:19:17] do I
[00:19:18] need to
[00:19:18] correct
[00:19:18] that
[00:19:19] how do
[00:19:20] I need
[00:19:20] to apply
[00:19:22] compassion
[00:19:22] to me
[00:19:23] and to
[00:19:24] them
[00:19:25] how can
[00:19:26] I be
[00:19:26] vulnerable
[00:19:27] and grow
[00:19:28] and love
[00:19:29] myself
[00:19:30] and love
[00:19:30] other people
[00:19:32] and if I
[00:19:33] had any
[00:19:33] Christmas wish
[00:19:36] that would
[00:19:37] be the
[00:19:37] Christmas wish
[00:19:38] that we
[00:19:39] could be
[00:19:39] vulnerable
[00:19:40] with ourselves
[00:19:41] and other
[00:19:42] people
[00:19:42] and just
[00:19:43] spread love
[00:19:44] man
[00:19:44] so happy
[00:19:46] holidays
[00:19:47] I don't
[00:19:48] know when
[00:19:48] this one's
[00:19:48] going to
[00:19:49] drop but
[00:19:49] it must
[00:19:49] be close
[00:19:50] to
[00:19:50] Christmas
[00:19:51] I hope
[00:20:19] you stay
[00:20:22] thank you
[00:20:23] so much
[00:20:23] for listening
[00:20:24] to this
[00:20:24] episode of
[00:20:25] the Healthy
[00:20:25] AF podcast
[00:20:26] I hope
[00:20:27] that it
[00:20:27] has helped
[00:20:28] you create
[00:20:28] a new
[00:20:29] possibility
[00:20:29] for your
[00:20:30] health
[00:20:30] and sets
[00:20:31] you into
[00:20:31] action
[00:20:32] to go
[00:20:33] get it
[00:20:33] if you
[00:20:34] want more
[00:20:35] information
[00:20:35] or if you
[00:20:36] want to
[00:20:36] connect
[00:20:36] with me
[00:20:37] visit my
[00:20:37] website
[00:20:38] at
[00:20:39] my
[00:20:39] healthy
[00:20:40] life
[00:20:40] coach
[00:20:41] and
[00:20:42] don't
[00:20:42] forget
[00:20:42] to hit
[00:20:43] the subscribe
[00:20:44] button
[00:20:44] so that
[00:20:45] each new
[00:20:45] Healthy
[00:20:46] AF episode
[00:20:46] will be sent
[00:20:47] directly
[00:20:48] to you
[00:20:49] let's take
[00:20:50] you
[00:20:50] from where
[00:20:51] you are
[00:20:51] to where
[00:20:52] you want
[00:20:52] to go
[00:21:01] you've been
[00:21:02] listening to
[00:21:03] The Mesh
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