Letting Go: Embracing Freedom from Limiting Beliefs

[00:00:02] What you want when you want it, where you want it. This is the MESH. Hey everybody and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. This is the third in a part, in a three part series on Jua's Theme Freedom from Limiting Beliefs.

[00:00:52] If you haven't listened to the first and second, I would highly recommend you go back because this is the process and you don't just get to the core of the onion by like slicing through the middle. I mean you do, but that's typically not how life works

[00:01:08] and it doesn't work in the onion metaphor, it doesn't work with Shrek, it doesn't work with anything. So you really need to peel the layers and there are some layers in the first episode

[00:01:17] and the second episode on Limiting Beliefs that you might want to have before you hit the core here in episode three. So what we've been talking about are Limiting Beliefs and how do you know you

[00:01:31] have them? Hey you have them. Okay just like you've got them, I don't know where they are, I don't know what they're in charge of in your life but I promise you you have them and they are

[00:01:41] in charge. So when to go looking for a Limiting Belief, when you are not doing what you say you're going to do, when you are not taking any actions that would support something that you are deeply

[00:01:57] committed to. Is it getting that new job and you're not sending out a resume? Is it losing that weight but your stuff at the McDonald's every day? Like what is it? Is it getting in shape

[00:02:09] but then you're not going to the gym? Like their spots everywhere, if they can be big, big spots. I keep saying that I'm going to get off caffeine. I'm not off caffeine.

[00:02:22] Like what's the old up Chang? So when you have one of those moments that you're like I'm not doing anything to get to this specific gold desire want. Probably a Limiting Belief hanging around in there.

[00:02:44] So we established in our first session, what are they? Can you relate where are they and then we gave you a whole week to stew on that? Just to look around in your life for where are these limiting

[00:02:57] beliefs? Is it holding me up? Could I identify any from the past and then we dropped episode two. And that was all about how do you identify that you have one? You've looked at your actions

[00:03:13] and after you look at what you're actually doing or not doing, you look at your thoughts and your emotions. And that's going to lead you to finding that limiting belief. So it's likely after you come out of looking at your thoughts, emotions and actions, what you are doing

[00:03:31] and are not doing, that you're going to have a hazy sense of what might be running your show. Okay? We also determined that if a limiting belief or a hidden commitment in calling the one

[00:03:52] is actually in charge, if that is the case, then you're going to need to give yourself some grace. Because you've likely been doing some weird stuff. Okay? Like saying you won't a healthy marriage

[00:04:13] but actually not talking to your partner. Done making sense, doesn't it? If you look at it, like wow that does not make any sense at all. Why goodness name would you think that you could

[00:04:27] have a healthy marriage when you won't even talk to your partner when you're walking through the hall or you won't sit down and address the issue? Well there's a limiting belief there.

[00:04:39] A lot of times it's for your, and to dig down and really get the idea of what that is that's running your show once you identify that. Not talking to your partner makes sense because you're

[00:04:54] so afraid that you're going to say something that's going to set them off again. Right? Then it would make sense to shut up and just take the marriage you've got, at least you have it. You see how that

[00:05:08] all of a sudden puts a new light on how your behaviors actually do line up with your hidden commitments. They do it's crazy stuff. All right so now we're in podcast three. We've given

[00:05:22] ourselves grace. We have looked at like our crazy town behaviors that actually make a lot of sense when we match them up with our hidden commitments. We have given ourselves grace identifying

[00:05:33] what we are not doing for that commitment. We keep talking about that it's super important to ourselves and we're not doing it we're so disappointed maybe a little defeated but no we're going to

[00:05:42] throw the grace on top of that. So when we last met I was talking about how much I do not want to call some people who live in Raleigh. I've got a speaking engagement coming up in Raleigh. I know

[00:05:54] the best way to share with people that I'm actually coming and this is what we're going to be talking about is to call them and I do not want to do that and I keep saying I'm going to do it and

[00:06:06] I keep telling people I keep doing it like making the easy calls, making the easy invitation people I talk to on the daily who live in Raleigh but I won't make the harder calls.

[00:06:18] And we identified by looking at my actions my thoughts and emotions that are really kind of a afraid. I'm kind of afraid that I'm going to call somebody that I grew up with

[00:06:31] that I love an ador but I haven't told to in a couple years and invite them to come and they're going to think gosh that was brazen of her. Don't be up in my invite me to come to something

[00:06:44] you haven't even seen me in three years. I'm afraid they'll think I'm rude. I'm afraid they'll come and be like I don't know why I gave. She what does she know about self care? And that's where we

[00:07:03] lift it. So what do I do when I start getting a flavor of, I've got some things here that I may be afraid of and I've got some things here that may or may not be true. What then? Well we test them.

[00:07:27] We test them. We put it to the acid test. We ask, is it true? Is it true? And I don't mean like could be possibly is I mean a hundred percent of the time true.

[00:07:47] Is it true Amy Chang? I'm looking at you that when you call these people they are going to be offended and think that you're a rude selfish person. No, no I don't know what they'll think. I really have no idea I can't see into the future.

[00:08:19] I can make stuff up but I really don't know if that's true or not. Okay. What about this whole, why would you be going to have a whole workshop day on self care? Who do you think you are? What do you have to add about self care?

[00:08:46] Well, is it true that I don't know anything about self care? That is so false. Like I can't even, it's my mother you say like, I don't even want to dignify that with an answer and that's how I feel like I don't know. Like are you getting

[00:09:06] Amy Chang? Come on. You have been living it and learning it and growing it and coaching it. That's some poopy stink right there. And then I crisp that up and this is an important step.

[00:09:28] So I've looked to see like are these two main beliefs true that people are going to think that I'm rude and selfish and self-serving if I call and invite them to a talk. And that I really don't know enough about self care to be talking on it anyway.

[00:09:47] I've established that neither of those two things are 100% true. So now and I'm mentioned in podcast two that working this with a coach or a person who will take your feet from like the

[00:10:02] twinkle toes, maybe close to the fire and get in a little hot, to I mean like in the far up to the calf is important. If I really put my feet right up in that far, then I say to myself,

[00:10:21] hey it's okay. It's your committed that you don't know enough about self care to share and be a benefit of others, benefit to others. And you're committed to your fear that someone will

[00:10:48] maybe think you're rude and just sit with that. That's what's running my show. That's what I'm committed to. It's being afraid that somebody might think I'm rude and an untrue belief

[00:11:22] that I don't have enough knowledge and experience to share and make a, make an impact on other people's lots. Yeah that's a tough one. Lots of quiet on this podcast. So you get there. Can you accept it?

[00:11:56] Can you accept that that's what you're committed to? Can you accept that actually what you're committed to? A staying heavy so that you don't have to go out on the singles dating? Can you accept that what you're committed to is swallowing up any concerns you

[00:12:14] have just so that you can stay in a marriage that isn't fulfilling? Tough ones. Tough ones. I know that when I do this work with myself, there's a good chance I'm gonna like

[00:12:38] score a mile when it gets painful. Stuff starts to get uncomfortable and all of a sudden that laundry has to be folded like right now. If you're into this work, work it with somebody else. Somebody who has some training, somebody who loves you unconditionally, someone who doesn't have

[00:13:06] a dog in the fight. And like heap fools of grace took me a long time to get to a spot where I could look at my limiting beliefs and not be filled with shame, not be filled with,

[00:13:31] well I should have done this, I should have done that, what's wrong with me? I don't know why everybody else can do these things but I'm not pulling triggers. I'm just not gonna enough, like

[00:13:46] all of it so heavy when I first started looking at my commitments, my headache commitments and I wasn't this graceful with myself. It's been a long time for me to learn that

[00:14:07] new skill. I didn't have the skill of being graceful with me and allowing it to look exactly the way it looks. I certainly didn't have the skill of allowing it to look exactly the way it looks

[00:14:24] and podcasting about it for Pete's sake. So when you start, it's okay to need a little help and there are people who can help you work through this process. There's a great book called

[00:14:48] Immunity to Change. I'll put the link in the show notes and Brune Brown did a podcast on it so it's got to be true where she went through a process using a immunity change which this is similar

[00:15:02] to, not quite the same but similar to, to do this you gotta have some grace for yourself. I can't say that enough. There's no freedom from limiting beliefs if you don't have freedom from your armor

[00:15:23] that keeps you protected. It takes vulnerability to look with honesty, to really be willing, to honestly look. So you've gotten this aha of holy crap. I'm more committed to a fear that somebody's gonna think I'm rude or a belief that is clearly untrue that like maybe I don't

[00:15:49] know what I'm talking about when it comes to self care which is like really. So you just had that aha moment. How do you let it go? Sometimes it's enough for me just to see it. Most times,

[00:16:11] especially if it's tender, I need a little self care around it. Do I need a hug? I'm not kidding. I can either ask who are the kids or random people I have been known to like,

[00:16:27] hey, I need a hug. I can hug me. Sometimes I give myself a little armor, a little pair. Sometimes I say, hey, you know what limiting belief? I'm really grateful for you

[00:16:43] because at one point that limiting belief kept little Amy safe and I know that that's what it's trying to do now. So I can just say, hey, like thanks so much for offering the crazy town.

[00:17:00] I don't need that anymore. Look to see what supports you need to put in place. It might be a conversation with a friend, it might be a new schedule, it might, you know, it might be anything from

[00:17:14] the logistics that's the very wrote logistics to like a deep emotional love. How can you take care of your little self that's scared? For me, I'm going to remind my little self that actually

[00:17:31] I am so loved and I have such a blessed, charmed life. And some of that is the people that I can call and say, hey, it's Amy. And they are delighted to hear from me.

[00:17:50] And I have something that I can offer that might serve them in an area of their life that they are struggling in. Thank you so much for going through this with me. I appreciate it.

[00:18:05] It's cleared up a lot of merciness in my actions for myself. I hope you've gotten something for yourself. If you think there's value in this, you can always reach out to me. You know,

[00:18:19] you can find me it's in the show notes. Give yourself mountains and mountains and duct dump, truck, fools of grace today. Like subscribe share and I will see you on the next episode

[00:18:36] of Healthy Aia. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Help Yeah If Podcasts. I hope that it is helped you create a new possibility for your health and sets you into action

[00:18:49] to go get it. If you want more information or if you want to connect with me, visit my website at my Healthy Life.co and don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that each new

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