In this episode, Amy and her friend Taylor talk about their personal growth through the last few years of life. You'll hear about hardship, failure, resilience, persistence, faith, and joy!! Listen to a conversation all about taking responsibility for your own created life.
Connect with Taylor at TK Training & Wellness here!
Trying to get healthy and stay healthy is f-ing hard! Everybody struggles with some aspect of it, no matter what they look like or what they tell you. There is no magic formula - a healthy lifestyle is a choice we need to make daily. Join Amy as she supports, informs, and entertains you on your journey toward health.
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[00:00:02] What you want, when you want it, where you want it.
[00:00:06] This is The MESH.
[00:00:09] Hey, I'm Amy Chang.
[00:00:11] I'm a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach, and this is Healthy AF.
[00:00:16] In this podcast, I'll be bringing you all things health,
[00:00:19] from the newest health strategies to how to tackle those personal roadblocks
[00:00:23] that just will not let you move forward.
[00:00:27] So buckle in.
[00:00:28] We're going to be inspired and instructed,
[00:00:30] and dadgum, we're going to have a little fun on Healthy AF.
[00:00:37] Hey, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF.
[00:00:40] I am so delighted to be here in November almost.
[00:00:46] Actually, we're recording in October, but this will drop in November.
[00:00:49] And I wanted to do a special series in November called Friendsgiving.
[00:00:56] That may sound odd, but I have a lot of friends in my life who are really important,
[00:01:02] and I love them very much.
[00:01:04] And I have a lot of friends in my life who are less important on the daily grind
[00:01:12] and more important on the long journey.
[00:01:19] There are people who are on their own path, doing their own work, and we keep up,
[00:01:26] and we sort of watch from afar, and we support when we can.
[00:01:32] And I'm just so delighted to bring in my friend Taylor to share with y'all a conversation about
[00:01:39] what personal growth really looks like and what do conversations look like between two people who are growing.
[00:01:50] You may not have a person in your life who is on a long growth path.
[00:01:57] And if you don't, it can be frustrating and lonely to not have anyone around you to have these types of conversations.
[00:02:07] I meet people all the time who say,
[00:02:10] I never have like a real conversation.
[00:02:12] I want to have like a real conversation.
[00:02:14] Well, this is a real conversation, and we're going to share it here with you.
[00:02:20] And I'm so grateful and delighted to introduce Taylor.
[00:02:24] Hey, guys.
[00:02:25] My name is Taylor Keyes.
[00:02:27] I'm the owner of TK Training and Wellness located in downtown Hickory.
[00:02:32] There's a lot of things that I do.
[00:02:34] I wear many hats, but most of you will probably know me as a personal trainer.
[00:02:39] TK Training offers a variety of services.
[00:02:43] Your one-on-one personal training, your group, nutrition coaching, infrared sauna, cold plunge.
[00:02:50] You name it, we do it.
[00:02:53] But I guess a little bit about how I got here, how I started my studio and how I ended up, I guess, in downtown Hickory.
[00:03:03] TK Training actually started in 2019, the summer before the pandemic.
[00:03:10] And I just was approached by some clients of mine at a wellness center in Lenore to come to their home and do personal training.
[00:03:21] And so I just, again, just from feedback from those clients and people taking my classes, I just kind of picked up in-home personal training.
[00:03:33] And the more people found out, the more it grew.
[00:03:35] And then obviously the pandemic just skyrocketed that because everything was shutting down.
[00:03:42] Fast forward year of 2022, in the summer of 22, my whole world turned upside down.
[00:03:54] I was in the middle of a traumatic divorce.
[00:04:00] Wasn't just losing, you know, who I thought I would spend my life with, but, you know, everything from my livelihood, financially, my home, my church.
[00:04:14] Everything literally flipped on its head.
[00:04:15] So I just kind of felt like I was in a tornado trying to find land.
[00:04:20] And I just kept getting hit by shrapnel.
[00:04:25] But I honestly think that TK Training, the studio itself, opened just out of flight or fight mode.
[00:04:32] I had to survive and it was sink or swim.
[00:04:35] And despite how much I wanted to sink and throw in the towel, God had other plans and he wanted me to swim.
[00:04:42] And so I opened up my first studio inside of CrossFit Hickory.
[00:04:47] And within a year, year and a half, I grew and I was able to expand.
[00:04:54] Almost doubled, basically doubled my space.
[00:04:59] And now I have my own location right next to the hum in downtown Hickory.
[00:05:05] So I'm incredibly grateful to be here.
[00:05:09] It never passes my mind how grateful I am to do what I love and to have a place to come to.
[00:05:19] That's my home.
[00:05:20] And all the people that led to this.
[00:05:24] And so that is not something that slips my mind.
[00:05:28] It is a pleasure that I get to do what I love every day.
[00:05:32] So I'm just happy to be here and I'm happy to share whatever it is that needs to be said.
[00:05:39] So thank you, Amy.
[00:05:40] I appreciate you.
[00:05:41] Yeah, I appreciate you.
[00:05:43] I love that.
[00:05:43] You're like most of the people I know in my life who have gone through that.
[00:05:51] What just happened to my whole world?
[00:05:55] What just happened to my home?
[00:05:57] My area?
[00:05:58] My home?
[00:05:59] My job?
[00:06:00] My income?
[00:06:00] You know, like all of it.
[00:06:02] My dogs?
[00:06:03] Where are my dogs?
[00:06:04] You know, like all of that.
[00:06:06] I think like most people that I meet who have that post-traumatic growth, we all sort of feel like that.
[00:06:16] I'm so glad to be upright.
[00:06:18] I'm so glad to be breathing today.
[00:06:20] I'm so glad to be, you know, right where I am.
[00:06:24] And, you know, I was saying to my mom on the last trip to Hickory, you know, I always say how grateful I am for those moments of shrapnel and life blowing up.
[00:06:39] And, but I finally had a moment.
[00:06:42] I think I was in her shower.
[00:06:43] I'm always having moments in the shower.
[00:06:46] That's your place.
[00:06:47] Yeah.
[00:06:48] And I thought, but wait, hey, Amy, you didn't have to grow in all of that.
[00:06:54] You didn't have to grow.
[00:06:55] You could have survived.
[00:06:57] You could have become bitter.
[00:06:59] You could have shriveled up, you know.
[00:07:02] Isolated and shut down.
[00:07:04] Yeah.
[00:07:04] And there were times I did isolate and shut down.
[00:07:06] It didn't, you know, it wasn't my whole thing, but that was definitely points on the trajectory up.
[00:07:15] So I want to start with an easy question because when I think that when you go through, first of all, I should tell all of you that Taylor one time described me after, you know, working together as a client coach.
[00:07:34] And Taylor one time described me to a friend as, yeah, Amy's great.
[00:07:39] She's been through some shit.
[00:07:41] Like as if that was on my resume.
[00:07:44] Like, oh, she's a registered nurse.
[00:07:45] She's a trained nurse practitioner.
[00:07:46] She's a, oh, she's been through some shit.
[00:07:48] Yeah.
[00:07:49] And now like, welcome, welcome to the other side of that.
[00:07:54] Yeah.
[00:07:54] Yeah.
[00:07:55] That's why you're healthy AF, right?
[00:07:58] There's a reason for that.
[00:07:59] Yeah, there is.
[00:08:00] So how did, what is it that you think it is that you see in yourself and others that, and I'll answer these questions too, right?
[00:08:14] What is it that you see in yourself and others that takes us from that face down moment where everything is imploding to the, okay, I'm going to grow from this?
[00:08:33] That can be a loaded question.
[00:08:36] But honestly, and I'm going to speak for myself in this way.
[00:08:41] Um, for me, when I was face down and I did not want to face what I was going through, um, you know, I go back to my faith, like truly without a shadow of a doubt.
[00:08:56] I feel like God plucked me up and he carried me, you know, I used to, um, read like the footprints, you know, prayers in like your grandma's, you know,
[00:09:10] uh, bathroom or their hallway.
[00:09:13] And I'm like, Oh God, here's another one of those, you know, and it was just kind of like mundane, kind of like what I thought about the surrender to prayer.
[00:09:19] Like it's an everybody's thing, you know, and I just kind of like shook it off.
[00:09:23] And it wasn't until I was in the midst of that.
[00:09:28] And people were asking me after the fact, you know, after I finalized my divorce, after I started my business and they started finding out what was happening because I was very, very quiet.
[00:09:39] Um, I was humiliated.
[00:09:42] I was ashamed.
[00:09:44] Um, I didn't know my head from my rear end, you know?
[00:09:49] Um, so I was very quiet.
[00:09:51] And so I really tried my hardest to keep my professional and my personal, uh, very separate.
[00:09:59] Um, so it wasn't until I started my healing journey, um, going to a mental health therapist, um, going to yoga, um, quitting CrossFit and starting to move my body in ways that I needed it.
[00:10:14] And not necessarily out of self-sabotage.
[00:10:16] I wasn't trying to exercise to beat myself up or to starve or whatever to, um, punish myself.
[00:10:25] But it was when I started working on my mental health, Amy, um, granted my, my therapist is also, you know, she's a Christian therapist and her specialty is in relationship and family trauma.
[00:10:39] Um, it, that was the, that was the thing that manifested all the other things.
[00:10:48] Um, you know, I started doing things that I enjoyed doing again, journaling, drawing, um, yoga was hard for me because it, it meant I had to be still.
[00:11:01] And I remember the first time my therapist said this to me and I wanted to throat punch her.
[00:11:08] I've had those moments with my, with my therapist when she says, Amy, you don't have to get married to this idea, but would you?
[00:11:14] And I'm thinking like, girl, don't have made up my mind.
[00:11:17] You put that idea in your mind.
[00:11:19] So go ahead.
[00:11:20] So she said to me, feeling is healing.
[00:11:24] And I was like, well, that's a bunch of bull, you know?
[00:11:27] Um, my whole life I have packed stuff down and to me, the busier I was, I felt like the quicker I got through it.
[00:11:34] I didn't have to, I didn't have to see it.
[00:11:36] I would just suppress it and then move on.
[00:11:39] And then one day I'd wake up and I'd be through it.
[00:11:41] Yep.
[00:11:42] But I didn't realize the decisions that I had made that led me up to that point.
[00:11:47] That the, the reason why I had made those decisions were from and, and derived from my, my trauma.
[00:11:59] Um, and I, I used to be naive about what trauma was.
[00:12:04] Like I used to think that trauma was like, you know, uh, you know, um, something just what we, what we put up as like the most, I don't know.
[00:12:18] Like you've been locked in a closet for 12 years and fed up underneath the crack.
[00:12:23] Yeah.
[00:12:23] Like I'm Harry Potter underneath the stairs or somebody's raped me or left me for dead or murder.
[00:12:29] But I realized there was all kinds of trauma.
[00:12:31] It wasn't just physical trauma.
[00:12:33] Um, you know, there's all kinds of emotional trauma and even for kids, uh, and, and people that had what they needed.
[00:12:40] You know, we had a home, we had parents that were together.
[00:12:44] We had, uh, you know, we had our basic needs met.
[00:12:50] Um, but there was still dysfunction in our home.
[00:12:56] Um, and anyway, all of that just kind of, um, spiraled in my mental life.
[00:13:02] What was it like for you to have that moment?
[00:13:06] Like when, when I had the, I'll tell you when, when I had my first moment of, uh, realization that my upbringing was both like great and fun and run around in the woods and going to church and having great neighbors.
[00:13:25] And completely like, um, no trauma, like nothing happening, like no bad things happening.
[00:13:34] Right.
[00:13:34] And, uh, there was a day I wrote down my, my childhood story that, uh, a sponsor had asked me to write down.
[00:13:41] And I slid it across the table to her for her to read it.
[00:13:45] And she reads it and she turns it around and she pushes it real slow to me.
[00:13:50] And she says, that's a lot of trauma.
[00:13:53] And I busted out crying because I didn't even really realize it.
[00:13:59] So what it was for me was like, um, validating that little girl.
[00:14:08] And also like I had that moment of, but that's not, that doesn't happen to me.
[00:14:18] I agree.
[00:14:19] I mean, I was shocked.
[00:14:20] I was like, but that doesn't make sense.
[00:14:22] You know, I was fed and I was clothed and like, I didn't go without, you know, my, my parents weren't bad parents.
[00:14:28] Like I didn't have, they did the best they could with what they had.
[00:14:32] They were young.
[00:14:33] You know, my dad was disabled.
[00:14:35] There was just a lot of things.
[00:14:36] And it wasn't until I got older that I realized that my mom was, you know, my mom was 19.
[00:14:41] She became a mother and a wife and a provider all at once.
[00:14:46] And I try to think about who I was at 19.
[00:14:49] I'm like, thank God.
[00:14:51] I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have survived.
[00:14:53] You know, I don't know how I would do at 32.
[00:14:57] Um, so I think, I think to myself now, when I look back, I'm like, man, my mom was so strong.
[00:15:04] You know, she endured so much and I was so hard on her.
[00:15:10] And I've never given her a lot of grace.
[00:15:13] Never.
[00:15:14] I was, I've been very like matter of fact, like very intolerant of my family to some extent.
[00:15:19] But, um, I think it wasn't until some of these things tried to surface and I started to put some things together that I was like, oh my gosh.
[00:15:29] Like, you know, if I think about who my mom was to me and then who her mom was to her and who her mom, like, I was seeing this thing.
[00:15:36] I was like, man, we really come a long way.
[00:15:39] You know, like my mom was coming leaps and bounds from, from what she grew up with and vice versa.
[00:15:47] My grandmother leaps and bounds from what she grew up with.
[00:15:50] Do you think that's part of, you know, when we talk about post-traumatic growth, do you think that's part, part of my healing journey has been seeing my parents as human beings?
[00:16:04] They are not perfect.
[00:16:06] They are not, uh, solely on the earth to be a mother or a father.
[00:16:11] They do not have tools.
[00:16:13] They have some tools.
[00:16:15] They, you know, have been given generational stuff and given me.
[00:16:19] I told my children when I started this, I'm like, y'all, I passed on some bad stuff and now it's yours.
[00:16:27] Like I can't heal it for you.
[00:16:29] So if you ever want to talk about it, I'll be happy to talk.
[00:16:32] But at the end of the day, that luggage is now monogrammed with your initials, not mine.
[00:16:38] You know, and I gave it to you.
[00:16:39] My bad.
[00:16:41] But, but even when you say in that, like that means so much, like being a mother that is aware of what you contributed good and bad, you know, and being like, Hey, I didn't always get it right.
[00:16:56] And I'm sorry.
[00:16:57] I didn't realize how much I hurt you, but I'm sorry.
[00:17:00] It really has helped.
[00:17:01] I think when I first started that healing journey, there was so much guilt and shame around motherhood because I had not done it right.
[00:17:10] And I had given my children whatever I had given my children.
[00:17:14] Right.
[00:17:15] And that's why I think that it's, it was important for me to see my parents as human beings doing the best that they could and love them for all the parts.
[00:17:29] And that's what sort of gave me the grace that then I could begin developing for me.
[00:17:37] Yeah, absolutely.
[00:17:38] I think, you know, as a kid, to me, mom was mom.
[00:17:44] You know, mom, I didn't think about mom being a wife.
[00:17:47] I didn't think about a sister and a daughter.
[00:17:50] Like, yeah, I didn't think about mom being her name.
[00:17:53] I was just like, my mom is my mom and that's all she is to me.
[00:17:57] Yeah.
[00:17:57] And, you know, you said something really important that stuck out that, you know, that we didn't think about all the other things that they were, you know, or all the things that they wanted to be besides a mom.
[00:18:10] You know, and as kids, we don't, we don't think about that.
[00:18:14] Like, we're children and we look to our parents and we look to them for, you know, to provide and comfort and direction and just those types of things.
[00:18:27] And we don't think about their other roles because in our world, who they are to us is all they are.
[00:18:36] Yes.
[00:18:36] And I would, I would even say that that carries out through the lifespan.
[00:18:40] Like, Taylor, who you are to me is who you are.
[00:18:44] And it's a, it's a mistake to think that you actually are that.
[00:18:51] You are that to me.
[00:18:53] But that is not who you are, maybe to yourself, to your family members, to your, you know.
[00:18:58] And so when we paint our family members as who they are, as who they are to us, it can be a very concrete, limiting, hard, hard place to be.
[00:19:12] Yeah.
[00:19:13] You know?
[00:19:14] Yeah.
[00:19:14] Absolutely.
[00:19:17] You know, you saying that, like, you know, to you, I might be, you know, a friend or a cohort or, but I also have all these other roles.
[00:19:28] You know, people forget sometimes when they're working with me, even as clients, that they think that I'm just a trainer or they're just paying for my hour.
[00:19:37] And I'm like, you have no idea.
[00:19:40] They have no idea that what goes, what goes on behind the scenes of that to prepare for that hour, to be a nutrition coach.
[00:19:48] Sometimes even hybrid clients that, you know, they have more than one service that they, that they are, that they are wanting.
[00:19:56] So people forget all the other roles that, that I play.
[00:20:03] But I think now as an adult who, and a girl, the little girl inside of me still wants my mom.
[00:20:11] Yeah.
[00:20:11] But the little girl inside of me is still very much hurt.
[00:20:15] And now as a woman trying to navigate that and to heal and also try not to repeat the behaviors that I grew up with so that I'm not doing that, you know, I haven't had the privilege of having kids yet.
[00:20:32] But if, if it, if God sees fit to give me them, I want to make sure I do a darn good job, you know?
[00:20:38] So, and, and I understand that there's a lot of grace in that too, because I won't know everything.
[00:20:45] But I think now too, like when me and mom have conversations is also trying to encourage her that she doesn't have to be my mom anymore, even though she is, but she can be who she wants to be now.
[00:21:01] You know, she doesn't want to work that job.
[00:21:04] She can say no.
[00:21:05] If she, you know, wants to take a class, she can.
[00:21:08] Like that she now has the, as if she didn't before, I guess, but just taking back her, her power, I guess.
[00:21:22] Her power over her whole life to make the decisions that she needs to make for herself and daddy too.
[00:21:29] You know, I know for daddy, like that's so limited for him.
[00:21:32] And I hate that.
[00:21:33] I really hate that he has that deck of cards, but you know, it's,
[00:21:38] it's also cheering them on, you know?
[00:21:42] So much.
[00:21:42] I feel like a being a parent is cheering your child on, hoping that they do better.
[00:21:46] They make better decisions to keep them safe.
[00:21:49] You know?
[00:21:49] And I feel like if mom looks back, like, I feel like mom said a good job.
[00:21:55] Like I'm not trying to blow fluff up myself, but yeah.
[00:21:58] Yeah.
[00:21:59] Between God and my family, there's a lot of places that I could have been.
[00:22:05] Yeah.
[00:22:05] And I'm very thankful that it worked out differently.
[00:22:08] I know.
[00:22:09] There are some times when I think about some of the choices I made and I really am so grateful that I'm sitting here.
[00:22:15] It's really very functional.
[00:22:17] Yeah.
[00:22:18] Yeah.
[00:22:18] I'm like, man, Taylor, that was really, that was really naive of you.
[00:22:23] Yeah.
[00:22:24] Gosh.
[00:22:24] But, you know, now I look at those things and I'm like, you know, I'm going to be okay.
[00:22:29] Like I am confident in the foundation that I have, my morals and my values.
[00:22:37] Those are very deep and rooted.
[00:22:42] And so, let's talk about that.
[00:22:45] I keep leaning away from my microphone.
[00:22:47] I'm going to get in so trouble.
[00:22:49] It's just like, really, we're just shooting the poop.
[00:22:54] So, what I want to know is, I think I might have forgotten.
[00:22:59] What were you saying?
[00:23:01] Oh, you were saying morals and values.
[00:23:03] Yeah.
[00:23:04] Being rooted in that.
[00:23:05] What I bump up against with my clients and what I definitely was living in is, I had lost me.
[00:23:14] I could not have told you my morals and my, and it's the same way with my faith.
[00:23:20] I will say this.
[00:23:21] Now, you said you had your faith to lean into.
[00:23:24] I've had my faith to lean into for the last couple of years.
[00:23:28] Now, I have always been very spiritual and I have always had certain beliefs.
[00:23:32] But as for actually, like you said, the serenity prayer having meaning,
[00:23:42] the seeing the miracles that are happening in my life on the daily, you know, and being aware of those.
[00:23:52] Like, I did not have that kind of faith.
[00:23:54] I had a, I had a baseline.
[00:23:57] I'm going to be okay.
[00:23:58] Like, even when my marriage ended on that day, I knew I was going to be okay.
[00:24:04] I could barely breathe and I didn't know how, but I, you know, I, I knew it was okay.
[00:24:10] But now I have that sort of more working, working faith, you know, a faith that works, I guess.
[00:24:19] So I totally, totally get it.
[00:24:23] Now, I will say this, like, you know, while, while I had, you know, a strong foundation in my faith, when I went through all of that, you know, I make, I make it very transparent how I struggled.
[00:24:38] Like, I was very mad at God.
[00:24:40] I struggled, I struggled in my faith.
[00:24:42] Like, um, the things I thought I wanted, I didn't, I didn't no longer want.
[00:24:47] Um, so, and even now, like, you know, it's been almost two years and, you know, um, when people ask me, like, do you want to get married?
[00:24:58] And I, I know that I do.
[00:25:00] I just don't know when.
[00:25:01] I don't know what that looks like.
[00:25:03] You know, do you want to have a family?
[00:25:04] I know that I do.
[00:25:05] I just don't know when, you know, I'm just very, like, protective.
[00:25:10] Um, I'm very shielded of what I have created for myself.
[00:25:14] I like having my own space.
[00:25:16] I like coming home and there's no ruckus and chaos.
[00:25:20] I like coming home and being with my Hank.
[00:25:23] And my Hank is my dog.
[00:25:26] Just for people that don't know.
[00:25:28] Hank is a dog.
[00:25:30] Yes, he's my dog.
[00:25:31] He's my baby.
[00:25:32] Um, but there's, it's peaceful.
[00:25:34] Yes, it is.
[00:25:36] So, I am more, I'm more focused on creating a peaceful, quality life than I am about trying to find a companion or trying to find somebody else to fill in the gaps.
[00:25:52] I mean, I had to find me.
[00:25:54] Yeah.
[00:25:55] I might.
[00:25:55] I didn't, you know, it wasn't that I was totally off base on my values and morals and, you know, it wasn't like I was going out, you know, shoplifting or anything.
[00:26:04] But, um, I wasn't killing anybody.
[00:26:08] I mean, on Thursdays.
[00:26:10] I thought about it.
[00:26:10] Yeah.
[00:26:13] You know, but, but to really sit with me, just sit with me and really look without compromising what is okay with me, what is not okay with me.
[00:26:30] And then knowing that that could shift and change.
[00:26:33] You know, it's okay with me right now, but it may not be okay with me later.
[00:26:38] Yeah.
[00:26:38] You know, I kind of feel like I, I would love to get married again.
[00:26:41] And also can we have a house with, um, two master suites on either ends.
[00:26:47] Yeah.
[00:26:47] So if I can stand you to the other direction.
[00:26:50] Yeah.
[00:26:50] Because I want that time.
[00:26:52] I want my solitude.
[00:26:53] And I guess maybe I've never thought about this before.
[00:26:57] So thank you.
[00:26:59] Um, I guess what is so precious to me about that time is the work that I do loving myself and finding myself and putting my feet in the fire.
[00:27:11] When I have that time and what life is like when I give that time up.
[00:27:16] Yeah.
[00:27:18] And I know, I mean, that's so important.
[00:27:21] I, I, I'm in a place, I mean, where I think that's what scares me is I never want to put myself in a position where I give that up again.
[00:27:31] I have, I lost myself.
[00:27:33] Yes.
[00:27:34] I compromised and compromised and compromised.
[00:27:38] And some of those were the sake of my values.
[00:27:40] Yeah.
[00:27:41] Like there's no telling what I would have went through.
[00:27:46] What would have happened if, you know, some of those decisions wasn't left in the other hands.
[00:27:53] Yeah.
[00:27:54] I would have tolerated a lot of stuff.
[00:27:56] Um, but I'm also, now I look back and I see it as a grace.
[00:28:01] I see it as a, it's a mercy to me that God, um, that allowed things to happen the way that it did.
[00:28:09] Um, and like I said, as far as my faith, like I really struggle with my faith.
[00:28:14] Like, I don't know.
[00:28:15] And I've said this to many people.
[00:28:17] I don't know had I not already had an established faith.
[00:28:19] If I would have gotten through what I've gotten through and came on the other side of believing.
[00:28:25] Um, and that's really hard for me to say.
[00:28:28] Um, but it challenged me so much.
[00:28:33] It made me ask questions.
[00:28:35] Why?
[00:28:35] How?
[00:28:36] What?
[00:28:36] And not just why was this happening to me, but why am I the way that I am?
[00:28:41] What did I contribute to this?
[00:28:43] How, how am I going to get through this?
[00:28:46] What am I going to do about it?
[00:28:47] You know, not just putting the blame on everybody else, but like, okay.
[00:28:54] What did Taylor do?
[00:28:55] Oh yeah.
[00:28:56] And how can Taylor get better?
[00:28:59] And some of those questions I didn't know.
[00:29:01] Like if somebody asked me who I was, I might tell you what I did, but I couldn't tell you who I was.
[00:29:06] Yes.
[00:29:07] I am not a personal trainer.
[00:29:09] I, I personal train people, but that's not who Taylor Keith is.
[00:29:13] You know, I, I'm not those things that I do.
[00:29:16] There's so much to me that is outside of the role that I serve in.
[00:29:22] And I had to figure that out.
[00:29:24] Still figuring it out.
[00:29:26] Um, and I, like you say, like, I think it changes.
[00:29:30] I think it changes, uh, depending on the season of life and things that I learn about myself.
[00:29:36] I think how it, for me, it's how it expresses changes.
[00:29:41] Like I, um, I do have a very spiritual faith.
[00:29:46] I, I'm in, I'm never in love with the details of religion.
[00:29:50] Okay.
[00:29:51] That is, that is never me.
[00:29:53] One thing I said to my mama this week, we went to a rural hall to see, that's where I grew up,
[00:29:59] to see some people and, uh, see some of her buddies, you know,
[00:30:03] and these were the people who literally raised me in the church.
[00:30:07] So I said to many of them, thank you for raising me.
[00:30:12] I said that to one of the dudes and he's like, um, raise you.
[00:30:17] Just lucky I survived.
[00:30:19] Yeah.
[00:30:20] Which was true.
[00:30:21] I, you know, I would, I put everybody through the ringer,
[00:30:25] but I never for a moment thought that I was being punished or that God did not love me.
[00:30:35] And that is such a, and I said to mama, I said, thank you so much, uh, for whatever was done and
[00:30:42] was not done.
[00:30:43] I never for one moment believed that I was not a child of God and not loved.
[00:30:48] And when, when my first sponsor said to me, you know, are you mad at God?
[00:30:53] I'm like, no.
[00:30:55] And I meant it.
[00:30:56] And I, and that, that was just my path, you know, but that probably was one of the only things that
[00:31:02] saved me.
[00:31:03] I wasn't going to a church at a time at that time, had not been to a church in a long time.
[00:31:08] I had become very dissatisfied with, with the details of religion.
[00:31:12] And I understand.
[00:31:13] I mean, I think me and you are very similar in that.
[00:31:16] I don't think that we've always discussed the same way.
[00:31:19] Um, but you know, I tell people all the time, I, I'm not a religious person.
[00:31:25] Um, I don't, I'm not going to mark off your, your boxes, you know, I, and me being angry
[00:31:32] with God and me wrestling with those things.
[00:31:34] Like I was invited.
[00:31:37] I wreck, I realized that I needed to get real honest with God, that I needed to have some
[00:31:42] of those conversations.
[00:31:44] And it wasn't that God was punishing me.
[00:31:46] It wasn't that God was, uh, you know, trying to take me out or whatever is that he was
[00:31:53] drawing me into deeper relationship with him.
[00:31:56] And he wanted me to ask the questions, you know, he wanted me to face what I was facing
[00:32:03] and stop running away from it.
[00:32:04] Stop suppressing and get real and honest about who I was, what I wanted, who he was to me
[00:32:10] and, um, ask those hard questions.
[00:32:14] And so I think having gone through that, it drew me into a deeper relationship.
[00:32:22] Um, you know, like I said, I'm not, I'm not religious.
[00:32:24] Like I'm not going to check all your boxes and me and you can, in the same sentence, I'll
[00:32:29] praise the Lord.
[00:32:30] And, you know, and say F this, you know.
[00:32:33] I once did drop the F bomb while we were praying.
[00:32:36] A friend of mine had a birthday up here and we had like a whole handful of girls.
[00:32:40] I'm like, let's bless her.
[00:32:41] Cause she has had a really bad year.
[00:32:44] Let's bless this year.
[00:32:46] So we're going around the circle.
[00:32:47] We're praying when it's time for me to pray.
[00:32:49] I'm like, man, this has been so effed up.
[00:32:55] But you know, I think that, I think what that does, Amy, cause I feel like I was raised
[00:33:00] in like, what was, what's prim and proper.
[00:33:03] Like you don't, you don't cuss, you, you don't talk about hard stuff.
[00:33:08] You don't talk about sex and drugs and money and rock and roll.
[00:33:10] You don't talk about that stuff.
[00:33:12] That's like your hush, hush things.
[00:33:14] But it wasn't until I got older that I'm like, why are we not talking about this stuff?
[00:33:20] Like this is, if this is a God that loves me and accepts me in my entirety and knows every
[00:33:27] hair on my head, then he wants me to talk about this stuff.
[00:33:31] And he also wants to provide me with a safe space to do it.
[00:33:35] And so instead of it being like, oh, hush, don't say that in church, you know.
[00:33:40] I can say these things because sometimes crap don't cut it.
[00:33:44] Sometimes when you hit your foot on the end of the bed, I don't say nice things.
[00:33:50] You know, sometimes when my world is falling apart, the last thing on my mind is joy.
[00:33:59] I'm hurting.
[00:34:01] I'm aching.
[00:34:02] And in that moment, I think God is inviting me to be vulnerable with him and say, God,
[00:34:07] this hurts.
[00:34:08] Yeah, I don't like this.
[00:34:10] I accept it, but I do not like it.
[00:34:12] I mean, I can't do anything about it, but I'm here.
[00:34:15] Like you obviously have me here for a reason.
[00:34:17] And there's nothing about this that's in my control.
[00:34:20] And I think coming vulnerably to my creator and expressing how I feel and what's going on,
[00:34:29] I think that is what deepens my relationship with him.
[00:34:32] I think getting real and honest about what's happening in my life with others, with my friends,
[00:34:41] with my therapist, with my coach, with my clients, and with my God.
[00:34:47] That is where that's honestly, I believe what sets Taylor Keys apart from everybody else
[00:34:53] is that I don't think that me presenting myself to know everything and have it all figured out
[00:35:05] is what attracts people to me.
[00:35:08] No, and I hear that all the time.
[00:35:11] It's the biggest compliment I've ever gotten.
[00:35:13] Amy's been through some shit.
[00:35:15] Yeah.
[00:35:16] And we're on the other side.
[00:35:18] Yeah.
[00:35:18] I am more likely to come to you and hire you as a coach.
[00:35:24] Not because, yes, you have all these wonderful qualifications and these years of experience,
[00:35:30] but that's just a fraction of who you are.
[00:35:35] Your life experiences, your vulnerability, what you've been through, you understand me.
[00:35:43] And I think because you have your own story and because you have fallen flat on your face,
[00:35:48] and you've rose again and again and again and again,
[00:35:53] that you have the gifts and skills to help people.
[00:35:59] I don't want you to give me a package all primmed and propped and be like,
[00:36:03] here you go and send me on my way.
[00:36:05] I don't want to cliche scripture and be like,
[00:36:08] you know, God will work all things out for the good of those who love him.
[00:36:11] You know?
[00:36:12] Yes.
[00:36:13] Do I believe that?
[00:36:14] Absolutely.
[00:36:15] But I also believe that sometimes it's okay to say, man, this sucks.
[00:36:21] Oh, yeah.
[00:36:22] This really hurts.
[00:36:23] And yes, God still loves you, but God is going to sit in there with you.
[00:36:27] Yes.
[00:36:28] He's not going to just suppress it with a good old, you know, well, good luck with that.
[00:36:32] I know, right?
[00:36:33] He's going to put in there with you on your way.
[00:36:35] Yeah.
[00:36:36] Yeah.
[00:36:36] He's going to hold you and he's going to cradle you.
[00:36:40] And when you can't stand, he's going to be your feet.
[00:36:43] When you can't speak, he's going to be, you know, your mouth.
[00:36:48] Like he is going to be all the things that you can't be.
[00:36:52] And I truly believe that.
[00:36:53] Like, I don't believe that God would want us to stand out here and preach that we're holier than thou.
[00:36:59] Are we going to all figured out?
[00:37:00] Oh, no.
[00:37:00] I think because that's not what Jesus does.
[00:37:03] Jesus gets in there.
[00:37:05] Jesus gets at the table.
[00:37:06] Nobody likes Jesus.
[00:37:08] No.
[00:37:09] He's messing up like in all the people that, you know.
[00:37:11] No, he's flipping tables, you know.
[00:37:13] And that's honestly, at the end of my days, Amy, I want to be able to say that I was flipping tables.
[00:37:17] I want people to say like, you know, yeah, Taylor messed up.
[00:37:22] She went through some shit.
[00:37:25] But man, her faith was solid and she was always flipping tables.
[00:37:29] And when I stand before God, I believe like he's like, Taylor, what'd you do with your life?
[00:37:33] I'm like, man, I gave it everything I got.
[00:37:36] I got nothing left.
[00:37:37] Yeah.
[00:37:37] And so I did that all to for his glory and for the good of his people.
[00:37:43] It has nothing just for me to keep it in.
[00:37:46] You know, like I can't carry all this, nor do I want to.
[00:37:51] And it is I think it's contagious.
[00:37:53] Just when I start talking about the things that I'm passionate about that are important to me, I think that for some reason it flows and it sets.
[00:38:08] I don't know if it sets wildfires.
[00:38:11] And you know what?
[00:38:11] A good friend of mine told me very early on my days in recovery.
[00:38:17] She said, Amy, you can't pour from it's not pouring from an empty cup.
[00:38:23] It's not pouring from your cup at all.
[00:38:26] It's filling your cup so full that it flows out.
[00:38:31] And I did that one time.
[00:38:33] I really wanted to video that.
[00:38:35] And so Maggie was in here and we had this little cup and we put one chia seed in it and then poured it out.
[00:38:43] And then one chia seed in it and then poured it out.
[00:38:45] And, you know, you're just standing there.
[00:38:47] One chia seed poured out.
[00:38:48] And then we set it on the table and we poured chia seeds in it.
[00:38:53] And when it got to that place where it was so full, I mean, it went everywhere.
[00:38:57] And I think that's what that is when we take the time to check our values, take the time to see how our values are expressing themselves.
[00:39:11] Does it feel good?
[00:39:12] Is it authentic?
[00:39:14] You know, I can really comfort someone as a mama.
[00:39:17] And I've been a mama for a long time.
[00:39:21] I mean, I was not just in the traditional sense.
[00:39:24] I was always that friend in high school that was holding everybody else's hair back, you know.
[00:39:29] Yep.
[00:39:31] And so I've been mothering a long time.
[00:39:34] I'm a nurse by trade, you know.
[00:39:37] But back then it was I'm going to hold your hand.
[00:39:40] I'm going to clean up your sick.
[00:39:41] I'm going to take care of you and comfort you.
[00:39:43] Now it's I'm going to see you as big enough so that I can say to you, hey, what do you want me to do here?
[00:39:53] Do you want me to be your mirror and reflect back?
[00:39:56] Or do you want me to just listen?
[00:39:58] Where are we going here?
[00:40:00] Because there may be something that you want to hear, you know, function in that different way.
[00:40:06] And so I do think that as we live, we might have the same values.
[00:40:13] But if you do not like that, we had when we were younger.
[00:40:16] But if you don't take the time to double check, is this the way it's the best expression of this value?
[00:40:25] Then for me, I've gotten off track and not even known it.
[00:40:31] Yeah.
[00:40:32] Right in my life.
[00:40:33] OK, so I want to know because we are so conceptual and I know we both are.
[00:40:42] And if you look at post-traumatic growth, by the way, spirituality in something, connection, nature, religion, something, connection, belonging is key for post-traumatic growth.
[00:40:56] I think we've shown that.
[00:40:59] I want to know what your morning routine is or weekly routine.
[00:41:05] How do you nourish you so that you grow in all those ways and support the growth that you've already had?
[00:41:15] Of course, I'll go then.
[00:41:18] OK.
[00:41:20] I wouldn't say that this is necessarily a morning routine, but this is a daily thing for me.
[00:41:26] And I've had to create it for myself because it's definitely something I compromised on.
[00:41:32] But for me, whether that's going for a walk with my dog, like getting outside, letting the sun hit my face, letting the wind hit my face.
[00:41:43] Anywhere in nature is where I feel connected with the spirit.
[00:41:49] And so that also settles me.
[00:41:51] It calms me.
[00:41:53] I get to be still in those in those places.
[00:41:56] When I go to yoga, I have to be still.
[00:42:00] Some things are hard.
[00:42:01] It's not just like a meditation or stretch.
[00:42:03] Like sometimes it's hot yoga and it's power yoga and I'm done and it's 115 degrees.
[00:42:07] And I'm like, what the hell is happening?
[00:42:09] But because I'm in a class and I'm being taught, it makes me be more aware of my breath, my positions.
[00:42:21] And sometimes see it in very uncomfortable positions.
[00:42:27] Positions that if I was in any other time outside of the class, I would not hold for any length of time if I didn't have to.
[00:42:36] So, you know, having gone through or going through my continual healing is getting in places where I'm uncomfortable.
[00:42:49] And getting in places where I'm also seen.
[00:42:53] And I have to regulate.
[00:42:55] And some of those things, like I said, are nature.
[00:42:58] Some of those things are yoga.
[00:42:59] Some of those things are cold plunge.
[00:43:01] Some of those things are sauna because those are those are things that are uncomfortable.
[00:43:07] I don't want to sit in a hot box for 45 minutes.
[00:43:10] I sure as hell don't want to sit in an ice cold 50 degree tub, you know, for any length of time.
[00:43:17] I think even now, like it's hard.
[00:43:19] It's hard enough to get to five minutes.
[00:43:22] But it's putting myself in a position to lean in to the uncomfortable, to focus on my breath, to center with myself.
[00:43:34] And so my non-negotiables there, as far as my routine, is being doing a part of some of that, doing whatever centers me.
[00:43:43] And that center is being still for whatever that moment is, whatever that activity is, whether that's walking my dog, using these amenities, being in yoga.
[00:44:03] It keeps me balanced.
[00:44:05] It makes me remember the things that are really important.
[00:44:12] Like you, I tend to hustle and grind and go, go, go, go, go.
[00:44:15] And so I have to really make it a point to make those things a part of my day and get still.
[00:44:24] And so that is that is one big thing that is like non-negotiable, like among the other things like eating and drinking water and going for a walk and all of those things.
[00:44:35] But at least one time a day, whether that's 10 minutes, 30 minutes or an hour, that I put myself in a position to get quiet.
[00:44:49] And I don't say anything.
[00:44:51] I don't listen to anything.
[00:44:54] I'm just being still.
[00:44:56] At most, I listen to the sound of water, the sound of nature or people huffing and grunting in yoga.
[00:45:06] Myself included.
[00:45:09] So that's a non-negotiable for me because it just, again, it helps keep me centered.
[00:45:14] Yeah.
[00:45:15] Yeah.
[00:45:16] I totally can concur on the nature.
[00:45:20] I love getting outside.
[00:45:23] In fact, today I've just been stressed.
[00:45:25] I got stuff coming up and it's like my mind is saying like, no, I don't need to be nervous about that.
[00:45:33] But my body is like all wound tight.
[00:45:35] So I just went outside and I took like three big monster deep breaths right beside a tree, looked at how gorgeous and strong and sturdy that beautiful tree was.
[00:45:45] So those are my, it's getting too heavy to pick up and I need to do some like self-care right now.
[00:45:56] For me, I've, I've dabbled like it, it looks different at different times.
[00:46:02] And now with the seasons changing, it may look even, you know, it's going to shift again.
[00:46:07] I know it will because the light is changing, you know, with the clock and, and the day, the daylight is changing and the temperature.
[00:46:14] And so, you know, I will not probably be doing the same thing, but I, but I figured out there are some big things that if I have them in my week, I'm relatively sane and, and I'm nourished.
[00:46:26] I'm creative.
[00:46:27] I feel good.
[00:46:29] I feel emotionally available for stuff.
[00:46:32] And those are like a day of a CrossFit workout day to two of like, ah, okay.
[00:46:41] Yes.
[00:46:42] Yeah.
[00:46:42] Yeah.
[00:46:43] A day of yoga, um, a day of breakfast with a friend.
[00:46:49] I love that.
[00:46:50] Cause, and you know what?
[00:46:51] I will cut that thing out in a heartbeat when I get busy.
[00:46:54] I'm like, I don't have time for that.
[00:46:56] Um, and about three or four days of like recovery meetings, which is my spiritual development, you know?
[00:47:06] So, uh, oh, and a day of like, I stay in my pajamas with my coffee and my dogs and my meditations and I journal.
[00:47:17] Yeah.
[00:47:18] And if, if any, I just, I get so wrapped up Taylor.
[00:47:23] Like the first time I went to breakfast with a friend, it was, it was a little bit spontaneous.
[00:47:28] And, um, it was so nice that I decided that I needed to do that every day.
[00:47:35] It always happens like that.
[00:47:37] I'll have like a great workout and I'm like, oh my God, I need to do this every day.
[00:47:40] You know, or I'll love that meditation and I'll feel so good after I take the time to be in solitude and do the journaling and stuff.
[00:47:50] And then all of a sudden my whole new routine needs to be every, you know?
[00:47:53] And so I was like, Amy, you know, call back the crazy man.
[00:47:57] You don't have to do each of the, cause it was, it was hard to balance.
[00:48:01] Okay.
[00:48:01] So that, that leads me right up to that other question that we were talking about pre show.
[00:48:07] You're a business owner.
[00:48:09] You're a dog mom.
[00:48:11] You know, you're a bill payer.
[00:48:14] You're a dog, you know, you're all the stuff.
[00:48:16] Thanks.
[00:48:17] Yeah.
[00:48:17] You're a human being.
[00:48:19] Um, I think uniquely since both of us are in the health and wellness field, we have some promises that we've made to ourselves, to our bodies, to our, you know, people who might look to us like children and friends and cousins and clients.
[00:48:35] Yeah.
[00:48:35] To live a certain way.
[00:48:38] And we're business owners trying to build businesses.
[00:48:41] And survive.
[00:48:42] Yeah.
[00:48:44] Yeah.
[00:48:45] Yeah.
[00:48:46] So what, what do you, what sort of your, I'll say it this way.
[00:48:52] Do you always manage a great balance?
[00:48:55] Yes.
[00:48:56] No.
[00:48:57] No.
[00:48:58] Me neither.
[00:48:59] Um, when you are out of balance, what are your indicator lights that you are out of balance?
[00:49:08] Hmm.
[00:49:09] I know.
[00:49:10] Um, first thing, inflammation.
[00:49:13] Okay.
[00:49:13] Um, I have rheumatoid arthritis and so my body just gets really stiff, real tight.
[00:49:21] everything from like my jaw, my hands, things just, it becomes harder to kind of like maneuver,
[00:49:28] I guess. I'm not as mobile. So inflammation, absolutely. I tend to slur. So like, I'll be
[00:49:37] like, like, I guess brain fog, fatigue that even though I'm going to sleep at the same times,
[00:49:44] you know, my aura will be like, oh, you slept nine hours. I'm like, that's bullshit. Like,
[00:49:49] I did not have a restful sleep in nine hours, you know? Yeah. I'm really like, I'm really
[00:49:54] structured about my sleep time and my meals and all the things on paper, but there are some, it's,
[00:50:01] it's when I'm not regulating how I need to systemically, it comes out. So I might be
[00:50:07] having a dialogue with a client and I'm tripping over my words, my lefts and my rights are mixed up
[00:50:11] and I can't, I just can't remember. And I, I sound like I have a slur and I get so pissed off in my
[00:50:19] head because I sound like I'm an idiot. I'm just like, God, Taylor, like, just speak plain English,
[00:50:26] you know? Um, you know, I know you're educated, you know, you can speak these words, like these
[00:50:33] people are trusting you to deliver here. So get yourself together. Like sometimes you need to have
[00:50:38] a pep talk, but my body's just like, I'm shutting down. Like you're not managing your stress levels
[00:50:45] well. And like I said, I can do this on paper. This is discussions I've had with my therapist.
[00:50:50] I've had my functional medicine doctor, my nutrition coach, my training coach. Um, I talk about it like,
[00:50:57] and they look at me and they'll look at my panels and they'll be like, Taylor, you're not managing
[00:51:01] your stress well. I'm like, well, no shit. You know? I know.
[00:51:06] But I'm trying over here, you know, like I'll get in my sauna and I'm like, you know, or the,
[00:51:14] one of the things that I can't stand, my therapist will do this. I don't even recognize that I'm doing
[00:51:17] it. I'll show up, sit in her chair and I'm all like crossed. You know? And to me, I'm comfortable,
[00:51:25] but she'll pause about halfway through the session. She says, Taylor, I want you to lay back in the chair.
[00:51:29] I want you to open up your feet and your legs and your arms and just take a deep breath. And it is
[00:51:35] so uncomfortable. It's like, you take a deep breath and it like, it like shakes. You're like,
[00:51:41] like, you know, you're just trying not to let her hear you breathe. Granted, she's the expert. She
[00:51:48] could see all these things, but I don't even recognize it. And so there's things in my stature
[00:51:54] that I don't even recognize. And then I realized like, oh, I was, I was clenching.
[00:52:02] That's how my neck hurts. You know? Oh, I was gripping something. Like I don't realize it. And
[00:52:09] the further along that I get into this, I start to make better correlations.
[00:52:13] Yes.
[00:52:14] And what it is that I need to do.
[00:52:15] You know your indicator lights.
[00:52:17] Yeah.
[00:52:18] Yep.
[00:52:18] Yeah. And sometimes, like I said, sometimes it's inflammation. Sometimes it's restlessness.
[00:52:22] Sometimes it's slurring. Um, just, I don't know. Sometimes it's like stomach, you know,
[00:52:30] stomach issues. You know, I've had constipation on the other end of that.
[00:52:35] I know. Right. When I'm just like, what the hell?
[00:52:37] When I want to eat everything, I am stressed when I, when I can't eat anything, it's usually grief.
[00:52:44] But yeah, when I want to eat everything, when I get, um, really short tempered, kind of annoyed.
[00:52:54] Yeah. That's usually an indicator light for me when I isolate and I do girl, I'll be like,
[00:53:02] I don't have time for this and I don't have time and I don't have the energy for that. And I just
[00:53:05] like the shutdown is real. Yeah. That, that, that is one of my big indicators. And, and usually, um,
[00:53:14] I love it that you mentioned your support. You mentioned a nutrition coach and a functional med
[00:53:19] guy and a training coach and your therapist. Yep. And you have to have all the tethers.
[00:53:26] Yeah. Oh girl. Those are the, you know, when you have so many clients, like they're my clients,
[00:53:33] I say this all the time. Like, you know, you guys pay me for accountability and support. And like,
[00:53:39] you know, I have, I give everything I got. And the last person I want to think about sometimes
[00:53:44] the other day is myself. Like, I don't want to think about what I got to do. So I need somebody else
[00:53:48] to be my brain because I've given my brain, my heart, my body to you guys.
[00:53:54] And so I have to also be held accountable to somebody, somebody that also understands me,
[00:53:59] you know, uh, psychologically, physiologically, um, those types of things. And I tell my clients,
[00:54:06] you know, my clients hold me accountable too. Um, cause the very things I say to them,
[00:54:11] I go, it goes right back into me. I'm like, well, Taylor, you know, you probably should do this.
[00:54:15] Like, are you doing that? So like, I have to check myself sometimes. Oh yeah. I have to check
[00:54:19] myself too. If it, if it wasn't for the people that I'm, you know, attached to my tethers,
[00:54:28] um, there's no way in hell that I would keep a, a stable mind. Um, you know, and I can tell,
[00:54:37] like when I start to lose it, I have them on, like I'm texting. I'm like, Hey, can we set up an
[00:54:41] appointment next available, please? You know? Um, and I'm thankful for those that are very,
[00:54:49] they're very vulnerable. Like, I feel like I pick people that I can connect with and that's
[00:54:54] going to shoot it to me straight. Like they can tell me when I need to pull my head out of my tail,
[00:54:58] you know? Um, or if I'm not following something like Taylor, you need to stop being emotional,
[00:55:05] quit eating like that. You're eating like a child. Yeah. You're right. Oh my God. If somebody told
[00:55:09] me that I would be throat punching, you know, I mean, if something, if I get body fat and I'm like,
[00:55:17] well, no shit, probably all those Reese's cups you've been eating. You make a great point. Like,
[00:55:23] um, my business. So I just gave up a long time ago. I used to have a lot of shame around like,
[00:55:29] well, Amy, why do you need a coach? Other people don't need coaches. Look at that dude over there.
[00:55:33] He's not having a coach. Well, look at that girl. You know, you know, what's wrong with you?
[00:55:36] That's always the underlying story. When I start hearing myself thinking what's wrong with you,
[00:55:41] I'm like, girl, uh, that is an old tape and, and that, you know, we gotta, we need to take care of
[00:55:47] you. Yeah. And I just came to realize that I don't know why I need a coach, but I do know this. When I
[00:55:56] have a coach, I work better, feel better, contribute more, and, uh, it's worth it to me. So, you know,
[00:56:05] right now I have a life coach. A year ago, I had a business coach. He's the only reason why my
[00:56:10] business is up. Two years ago, I was, uh, with my, both, my life coach and my business coach.
[00:56:18] And my business coach, uh, after he looked at, after he looked at my personality profile,
[00:56:25] uh, he knew that like there was done with Amy Jay, because I do go into hyperdrive so fast and I'm
[00:56:35] open to shame so fast that really, if he just sits across the screen from me and puts the,
[00:56:43] um, the guardrails up on the lane to keep me, you know, I'm rolling forward, but it helps me have.
[00:56:51] It escapes me from going in the gutter. Yes. It helps me from having a coach to go
[00:56:55] like forward across those three lanes and knock out those two people and back, you know, like,
[00:57:01] yeah, it just got moving forward faster, better. Yeah. And if they tell me what to do,
[00:57:06] this girl will throw a fit. You know what? Okay. So that's another, okay. So I wanted to ask you,
[00:57:15] what area have you grown in that you never thought you would grow in? Like you knew you needed to grow
[00:57:22] in that. I'll give you an example. Mine is patience among others. I have no patience. My mother has no
[00:57:28] patience. None of us have any patience and we've just written it off. Like it's a concrete block.
[00:57:33] I am not patient. And yet I never expected to grow in that area. I have grown so much in my patience.
[00:57:44] So what's that area for you that you knew you had a growth spot. You never thought you'd do it.
[00:57:50] And here you are. That's, I don't know. That's kind of a hard question. Um,
[00:57:59] I think probably one of the, I don't know, there's two things that come to my head. Um,
[00:58:08] the first thing I think is empathy. It wasn't until I went through what I went through. I didn't realize
[00:58:15] how naive I was about things. Um, I was very quick to think I knew a lot that I didn't know about.
[00:58:23] Um, I think, I don't know, maybe just ego or pride. I don't know, but I think it really pulled me on my
[00:58:29] ass and, um, I think it helped me meet people where they were, not just in their pain, but also
[00:58:45] physically. Um, same thing with my rheumatoid. Like there's things, there's days I have to adapt
[00:58:50] sometimes. Like I'll have a flare or my, I'm just like, my body is shutting down. And had I not had
[00:58:57] been through these things, I don't think that that would had, I don't think I would have, I don't think
[00:59:02] I would be a good, as good of a coach or as good of a trainer as I am now. Um, because I understand
[00:59:09] chronic pain, uh, understand loss. Um, you know, I, I know what it feels like to be in deep, deep,
[00:59:18] deep valleys. And I also know what it feels like to be a slave in your own body.
[00:59:24] And I think that because of that, while I'm chronologically young,
[00:59:30] I've experienced things that helped me reach a broad population. And I needed that. And I didn't
[00:59:37] know that I needed that until I went through it. Yeah. Um, I would say the second thing is this all
[00:59:43] or nothing mentality. I used to have an all or nothing. Yeah. And I have one very quickly that
[00:59:51] does not serve me. Um, and I think working through my own, um, pace, uh, knowing when to push,
[01:00:01] knowing when to pull back has also helped me be a better coach and a better trainer because
[01:00:08] I think what hasn't worked for a lot of people is that we're all or nothing. If it's not working
[01:00:13] the way we want to at the speed we want, we quit, we give up, we're like, shoot, you know? And
[01:00:20] honestly, that is the biggest lie that we believe like just because you're not making progress the
[01:00:28] way you want to make progress, just because I don't have this whole building yet, you know,
[01:00:32] just because I'm, you know, not in my, I don't know, just, I'm not taking a trip, you know, overseas
[01:00:40] or whatever. Like I haven't had a actual vacation in a long time. I found it with dating.
[01:00:47] This all or nothing mentality with dating. Yeah. You know, uh, all of my past relationships have been
[01:00:56] like, um, well, I'll say this. I see the power in people. And once I see that fabulous thing in you,
[01:01:07] like, I'm like, all right, let's go. What are we doing? Let's do it. Yeah. And, um, it's taught me
[01:01:14] to like, give it time. You know, I build relationship fast because I'll go deep and hard. Like what are we
[01:01:22] talking about? I get, I get, I get to the nitty gritty. Yeah. Get vulnerable right now. And when
[01:01:27] you do that, you do build relationship, I think a little bit faster, but also for me, the, the
[01:01:33] learning has been like, Hey dude, Amy, everybody's not comfortable with that, you know? And you need
[01:01:39] to give yourself some time too. So I've everything I've done. I'm like, I'm learning dating. So I'm,
[01:01:45] I'm talking to another coach and we're doing some programming together. And I was like, Oh my gosh,
[01:01:50] it would be so cool if we could do this and we could do this and then we could have a weekend
[01:01:53] event and we can have a seminar and we can, you know, and then I'm like, but, but I'm going to
[01:01:59] be dating that idea. Okay. I'm just going to date that idea. And they were like, Oh, that's okay.
[01:02:05] That makes sense. After they realized I was indeed not crazy, it made sense, but it's just more of that
[01:02:11] hundred zero. We could do this and it could be great and it could happen right now and let's go.
[01:02:17] And the whole world blurs by the side while you're speeding at 150 miles an hour toward this one thing
[01:02:25] that you've decided you want to do 25 minutes ago. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I agree. I mean,
[01:02:32] I, I've been that way. Like I'll be all or nothing and I'll go, you know, 10,000 miles an hour.
[01:02:37] And I want to know at the end of it, why I'm so exhausted. I'm like, wait a sec,
[01:02:42] my body's catching up with me. And just like you, like I will, I'm like a, you know,
[01:02:45] I'm like a ping pong ball. We can do this. We can do this. We can do this, which again, Amy,
[01:02:50] this is why I'm sitting in a space that's double what I was. And in the last year,
[01:02:55] I have got an in-body, a plunge, hired a trainer, hired an assistant. I can go on and I'm like,
[01:03:01] Taylor, like slow the fuck down. Yeah. And that's where I have to get to. I have to remember
[01:03:08] that it is a, the hundred zero thing. I can push to 125. It's a tool I can choose to use when I choose
[01:03:18] to use it. I didn't use to have that as a tool. I just had that as a way of living. Now I can have
[01:03:26] it as a tool. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to have to wrap because we, I mean, we could do this for
[01:03:31] hours. I know we could. So I wanted to ask you, um, I'll do, let's just do this the way we do
[01:03:39] sessions. Taylor, what are you taking away from this conversation today? Um, again, off the top
[01:03:53] of my head, um, just being able to share this conversation with you, just, I guess one of the
[01:04:00] biggest things is, um, not failing to be proud of myself, uh, how far I've come. Um, I'm a very
[01:04:08] critical person to others and to myself. And I think it's really easy to get caught up in that
[01:04:16] and beat myself up and, um, to be, just be very proud of my growth. Um, another thing is slowing
[01:04:28] down, having the conversations, being in the moment. Um, that's really where the living is.
[01:04:36] It's the in-betweens. It's not the monumental, you know, chapter checklist. It's the in-betweens
[01:04:45] and I tend to get ahead of myself and I'm always in fifth gear going, going, going, going, going.
[01:04:51] And it's not until I have to downshift, I'm like, oh, this is nice. Um, so I, like I said,
[01:05:01] you know, to slow down and to, to be proud of how far I've come, um, to just be able to share
[01:05:11] the same platform, you know, and space with you, um, to be able to share the things that we go
[01:05:18] through, to understand each other, to be infectious, um, around each other. I always enjoy our
[01:05:24] conversations. Um, and every time we have them, like it, it pours, it pours back into me as well.
[01:05:32] Um, just thankful to have other people that get it. They get it. They understand, uh, they're,
[01:05:41] and they're there. They're there again, not as always daily friends, but, um, people that are
[01:05:47] still behind you, cheering for you, rooting for you and people too, that have seen me sometimes in the
[01:05:55] depths of my, uh, despair and they stuck by me and they supported me. Um, and I'm just incredibly
[01:06:02] grateful for that. Uh, and just, just to have the conversation. I hope that all the things that
[01:06:08] we have said in my story, um, you know, no matter how just up and down, I guess it was that, uh,
[01:06:17] it penetrates somebody else, um, and makes them where they are and that ultimately God will use it.
[01:06:25] Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I feel the same way. I think I'm taking away, um, gratitude for your
[01:06:33] vulnerability and your willingness. Um, I'm taking away inspiration because whenever I sit down with,
[01:06:43] you know, friends at Friendsgiving and really say like, Hey, I see you, I see you over there growing,
[01:06:51] you know, I, I get inspired with you and with me and that's a good place to go. And you're right.
[01:07:01] It's very nourishing. Like now I'm not so stressed out about the to-do list that I have to do. Right.
[01:07:09] Yeah. So, and I hope this conversation is, uh, moving our listeners forward. And if you loved
[01:07:17] this conversation, please, for the love of all things, Holy like subscribe and share it. Cause
[01:07:23] we all have a friend that we're grateful for. And, um, I'll see you next time on healthy AF.
[01:07:30] Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the healthy AF podcast.
[01:07:37] I hope that it has helped you create a new possibility for your health and sets you into
[01:07:43] action to go get it. If you want more information, or if you want to connect with me, visit my website
[01:07:50] at myhealthylife.coach. And don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that each new healthy AF
[01:07:58] episode will be sent directly to you. Let's take you from where you are to where you want to go.
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