Healthy AF Friendsgiving! Growth, Giggles, and Mogul Moves with Chakema Clinton-Quintana

[00:00:02] What you want, when you want it, where you want it. This is The MESH.

[00:00:09] Hey, I'm Amy Chang. I'm a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach, and this is Healthy AF.

[00:00:16] In this podcast, I'll be bringing you all things health, from the newest health strategies to how to tackle those personal roadblocks that just will not let you move forward.

[00:00:27] So buckle in. We're going to be inspired and instructed, and dadgum, we're going to have a little fun on Healthy AF.

[00:00:36] Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. It's another episode of Friendsgiving.

[00:00:43] I'm so excited for these episodes because I've just gotten to gather up all my friends, all my powerful people, all the people in my life who continually have the kinds of conversations with me that move us both forward and set us in a place of empowerment.

[00:01:00] And I'm delighted to share those with y'all this season of Friendsgiving.

[00:01:05] So please welcome Chakema Clinton-Quintana. Did I say that right? Quintana?

[00:01:10] Chakema Clinton-Quintana.

[00:01:12] Quintana.

[00:01:13] Like Laquita Inn.

[00:01:16] Laquita Inn, I love that.

[00:01:18] Nice little example, right? The hotel of all things.

[00:01:21] I know, I need something to hook on to though, because you know, language, most of the time I have to write it down.

[00:01:28] Yeah.

[00:01:29] Well, you know, my mother-in-law made sure that I understood that my last name was not pronounced Quintana.

[00:01:36] At my wedding, it was Quintana.

[00:01:41] Quintana.

[00:01:42] Quintana.

[00:01:42] Quintana.

[00:01:42] I love that.

[00:01:43] Thank you.

[00:01:44] And by the way, this is pretty indicative of conversations that Chakema and I have.

[00:01:50] I'm like, now what am I doing?

[00:01:51] And how do I do that?

[00:01:52] And she's like, girl, come here.

[00:01:53] Let me help you.

[00:01:55] We love our conversations.

[00:01:57] Yes, for sure.

[00:01:58] Chakema, tell our listeners a little bit about you, who you are, what you do.

[00:02:05] Who you are for me.

[00:02:08] Yeah, just introduce us to you.

[00:02:11] Well, this is me.

[00:02:14] I'm Chakema Clinton Quintana.

[00:02:16] I am the director for a channel powered by Live O Bank.

[00:02:22] And what that means is that I lead an initiative that we started about three years ago, creating a state of the art co-working space,

[00:02:33] designed to help small business owners start and grow their businesses and scale through ideation, job creation, resources that we have to offer.

[00:02:47] And we're just a host of things which you can find out more about that at www.liveoakchannel.com.

[00:02:57] Not Chanel, but channel.

[00:02:59] So www.liveoakchannel.com.

[00:03:04] And you can see all of the resources and available things for our small business owners and entrepreneurs here in the Wilmington area.

[00:03:14] And those items are available for free.

[00:03:17] Those are resources available to you for free if you become a member of channel, which is also free.

[00:03:24] Yeah, I love that.

[00:03:25] You know, when I first moved here to Wilmington, not only was my business in sort of a restarting phase, but I was in a restarting phase.

[00:03:36] And it was hard.

[00:03:38] And I was looking for my people.

[00:03:41] And somebody said, well, you can go to channel.

[00:03:45] They've got a co-working space.

[00:03:47] And I was like, what?

[00:03:49] And they said, you know, minority business owners.

[00:03:51] And I was like, do I fit into that?

[00:03:54] And they were like, yes.

[00:03:55] So, yeah.

[00:03:57] So, yeah.

[00:03:58] And I was so delighted to come.

[00:04:00] And it's just such a Lynn.

[00:04:04] And we'll put links in the show notes.

[00:04:07] But Lynn has done such a beautiful job arranging channels so that there's private spaces.

[00:04:15] There's open spaces.

[00:04:16] There's couch spaces.

[00:04:18] The podcast room is there.

[00:04:20] And just for it to all be for free.

[00:04:23] And then you add on having you and Atiba there.

[00:04:29] The hospitality and the graciousness factor is through the roof.

[00:04:34] And also the accountability and guidance factor is through the roof.

[00:04:38] Yeah.

[00:04:39] You know, it was such a cornerstone in my move to Wilmington.

[00:04:47] I'm so glad I walked up in there and said like, hey.

[00:04:52] And you had this great big hug from me.

[00:04:54] I did.

[00:04:57] Yeah.

[00:04:57] So we opened our doors November 15th of 2021.

[00:05:04] In fact, in a few days, we'll celebrate, you know, three full years and going into our fourth year.

[00:05:10] So when I opened our doors, it was very, it was just an open space.

[00:05:19] There was so much dust and brick wall and it had no character or, you know, anything, just nothing.

[00:05:28] And so I worked with the, you know, construction folks to just like create our walls, our offices.

[00:05:38] We didn't want it to look like a bank.

[00:05:40] And that was the whole idea was to design it with the architects to make sure that it was comfortable, you know, and it did offer some, you know, great space, but also space to host some of our educational content.

[00:05:55] And how did you get, how did you get that job?

[00:05:59] Well, I worked hard for it.

[00:06:05] So let's talk about that.

[00:06:07] Let me, let me back that question up.

[00:06:12] What, what, what in you made it a purpose?

[00:06:19] Cause it's clearly a purpose for you.

[00:06:22] What in you made it a purpose to fulfill?

[00:06:27] Cause I know it's almost like not why Live Oak Bank chose you.

[00:06:32] Why did you choose this?

[00:06:37] Well, honestly, I'm gonna take it back just a few steps because Live Oak did choose me, but then I had to choose them also.

[00:06:46] Right.

[00:06:46] We, we all have the opportunity for choices.

[00:06:50] And I think sometimes we forget that, you know, it's like they sought after me.

[00:06:58] So recruited me from LinkedIn from another bank.

[00:07:01] And I had to, to choose to have a conversation with them.

[00:07:07] Right.

[00:07:07] So they chose me and then I chose them.

[00:07:11] And then we went back and forth about like, you know, during the interview process, I had four interviews before Live Oak offered me the role of compliance officer.

[00:07:23] Cause I was a compliance officer at my other bank and a great role.

[00:07:29] I actually thought that compliance was my first love, which I knew it wasn't because I kept telling my husband for years, we're not supposed to be here.

[00:07:39] We're supposed to be somewhere else.

[00:07:42] And he said, we're somewhere else.

[00:07:44] And Amy, I kept saying, eating off the living near the water, eating off the land and helping people.

[00:07:51] And he was like, but you know, in your soul and your mind and your spirit and your heart, when you know that you're supposed to be somewhere else, you know that.

[00:08:01] And so, um, after COVID and the murder of George Floyd, you know, I was walking around, um, the bank.

[00:08:10] I had moved to Wilmington, was enjoying the beach line.

[00:08:14] I wasn't concerned about anything else was going to work, coming home and going to the beach on the weekends and getting my family down so we can sit at the water.

[00:08:24] I'm not a swimmer, by the way.

[00:08:26] And that's crazy.

[00:08:27] I know I live at the beach.

[00:08:28] I should be able to swim, but I'm not.

[00:08:31] It's on the bucket list though.

[00:08:33] And, but all I wanted to do was just, you know, have peace and happiness, but something still wasn't sitting right with me.

[00:08:39] I still had this urge to volunteer and do things.

[00:08:42] So I did, I started volunteering and Live Oak is really good about encouraging all of their employees to volunteer.

[00:08:48] Well, after that, um, the whole debacle with, you know, COVID and everything, Live Oak wanted to give more back to the community.

[00:08:59] And this idea came about of creating a resource center for minority small business owners.

[00:09:05] And so with that, everyone had to apply who wanted to be a part of that initiative.

[00:09:12] And so I applied, uh, with several other people and I managed to get the job.

[00:09:20] And I think one of the things that probably stood out most, I later learned was that there was no fear in doing something that did not have a blueprint.

[00:09:30] Mm.

[00:09:31] Yeah.

[00:09:32] So it was an idea, you know, not many people thought about like what this would look like in the future.

[00:09:39] Like some of us had that vision.

[00:09:41] Right.

[00:09:41] And I talked about it.

[00:09:43] I wanted to go all over, you know, but that's, you think big or you go home, you know, I'm always thinking big.

[00:09:51] Yeah.

[00:09:51] I get to do this all over the U S we can do great things.

[00:09:55] And so therefore we open channel.

[00:09:56] I got the job.

[00:09:57] I worked hard.

[00:09:58] Um, the first year was just getting everyone to really learn who channel was, who live Oak was and what we were doing and really understanding that it was for free.

[00:10:08] Because let's be honest, you try to give people something for free.

[00:10:11] There's they're like, what's the catch?

[00:10:14] Yeah.

[00:10:14] Um, there is no such thing as anything for free.

[00:10:17] There's something you're going to, you're going to take this away from me or you're going to make me pay eventually.

[00:10:23] And that wasn't the case.

[00:10:24] And so, again, three years running, we have been free, a free resource for the Wilmington small business community, uh, along with the coalition.

[00:10:34] And, you know, the reality of it is, is we are the number one ecosystem here, uh, in the U S for cities, uh, 300,000 or smaller.

[00:10:46] So really, yeah, that's awesome.

[00:10:50] Yeah, that is pretty awesome.

[00:10:52] That's fantastic.

[00:10:53] Tell me about the, I'm okay.

[00:10:55] I'm having a hot flash full disclosure.

[00:10:57] I'm just going to turn that fan on girl.

[00:10:58] We can't be hot.

[00:11:00] That's why I'm in short sleeves.

[00:11:01] I'm having such a flash.

[00:11:03] Um, I want to know more about the coalition.

[00:11:06] How did that come about?

[00:11:08] What does that do?

[00:11:08] How does that, oh, that's so much better.

[00:11:10] How does that function?

[00:11:12] What's going on with that?

[00:11:13] Well, it's just a group of us and I'm going to dumb it down a little bit.

[00:11:17] Um, it's a group of us that are, um, similar in some of the works that we do.

[00:11:23] We all have something that we do.

[00:11:24] So you're a Cape Fear Community College or by WCA Genesis block channel, the CIE, which is the, um, Center for Innovation and Entrepreneurship.

[00:11:34] Uh, the SBD TC, all of those are with the UNCW, um, Small Business Development Technical Center.

[00:11:41] Uh, who else am I missing?

[00:11:43] Score.

[00:11:44] Um, and I'm probably missing someone, so don't hold it against me.

[00:11:48] But we all work together because the goal is to help the small business owner find the resources that they need to stand up, to stand their business up and grow and scale their business.

[00:11:59] And so, um, you know, whereas Genesis block does focus, um, on block eat and a few of the jumpstart, like a jumpstart program and so forth, you know, um, channel is more centered around.

[00:12:13] We don't turn anyone away.

[00:12:14] Everyone is welcome.

[00:12:16] We want you to find those resources.

[00:12:18] We want you to become bankable.

[00:12:19] And by bankable, I mean, you're opening a business checking account, a business savings account.

[00:12:25] You get to a point where your credit score is well enough to where you can get a loan for your business, whether that's through Live Oak Bank or a CDFI community development financial institution.

[00:12:38] But that's what the coalition does.

[00:12:41] We each have something that we really specialize in to help those small business owners.

[00:12:46] And that was again, really dumbing it down so that no, I'm super glad you dumped it down because even, even the dumbed down version.

[00:12:55] Yeah.

[00:12:56] Um, for me gets a little overwhelming cause I'm like, Oh, cause in my mind that whole thing.

[00:13:03] Okay.

[00:13:03] So it is friends giving.

[00:13:05] So I do have some questions about like, you know, who are you and why do you, why aren't you so awesome?

[00:13:11] And why am I so awesome?

[00:13:13] And why are the conversations we have all, this is one of my challenges that I have a big idea.

[00:13:20] Mm hmm.

[00:13:21] What I have not had in the past that I'm growing is the patience to cultivate, nourish, not live in the grind, um, and be with that big idea as it, um, you know, you know, it's like that bamboo tree thing, you know, how long they stay underground or something.

[00:13:45] And then as soon as it shoots, it's like is gone.

[00:13:48] Right.

[00:13:49] Um, yeah, that, that has been really hard for me is having the patience that it just kind of takes when you're a committed business owner and you might not know business, you know, and you might not know what to do.

[00:14:06] So, well, I like to tell people, you know, one of the things that we've, um, been very encouraging about to small business owners is that I'd like for you to think about like what you went to school for.

[00:14:20] Or if you went to school for hair, if you went to school to be an RN, if you went to school to be a mechanic, you know, you went to school to learn that specific thing.

[00:14:32] Right.

[00:14:34] But they don't teach you how to run the business.

[00:14:37] And that's where a lot of business owners have had some trouble because it's like, well, I went to school to do this, but I didn't know I had to do A, B, C and D.

[00:14:46] Well, that's where a channel comes in and the coalition, because now we can teach you all about the things that you need for business.

[00:14:53] For example, you need an accountant or a bookkeeper and they are different.

[00:14:58] There's a difference.

[00:14:59] You needed someone to market your business because you don't know how to do that aside from a few short reels.

[00:15:06] And unless you have a teenager in your household, you don't know anything about social media or a grandchild who is of age that could tell you all about those things.

[00:15:18] And I think Ativa said it best that Mogul Khan, he was like, man, my son can get it done in a few minutes, whereas it takes me, you know, maybe two or three days to do something.

[00:15:27] And it's not even the time that it takes me that bothers me.

[00:15:31] It's the emotional energy I have to use to keep my shizzle together while I'm frustrated that I can't find the clicky dot that, you know.

[00:15:45] They're like, three dots at the top.

[00:15:48] And you're like, what three dots?

[00:15:50] I don't even see three dots.

[00:15:51] And those three dots are so daggone tiny that you're like, oh, those little tiny three dots at the top?

[00:15:57] I didn't see those.

[00:15:58] It's like, I need my readers and a magnifying glass to see that, daggum.

[00:16:02] I'm working with one contact lens in and one out.

[00:16:05] So, hey, it works for me.

[00:16:07] But when I'm looking for those three dots, you really got to look for them.

[00:16:10] Yes.

[00:16:11] Yeah, it does.

[00:16:13] It's a totally, I'm glad that this is not my first business, actually.

[00:16:17] Yeah.

[00:16:17] And I'm glad, you know, my mom had a marketing business.

[00:16:21] Oh, nice.

[00:16:22] Yeah.

[00:16:22] She had McLeese marketing in Winston-Salem.

[00:16:26] For those of you who don't know, she grew up in the same town.

[00:16:31] What, what?

[00:16:32] That's my hometown.

[00:16:34] You know that.

[00:16:35] Yes.

[00:16:35] It is your hometown?

[00:16:37] It is.

[00:16:38] I was born and raised out of Winston-Salem.

[00:16:40] And then I left in 1998.

[00:16:42] I took my first cousin and family.

[00:16:44] Well, he took us to Raleigh, North Carolina.

[00:16:48] And I lived in Raleigh until I was recruited to move here in Wilmington in 2019.

[00:16:53] So now, you know, I didn't really realize that we were both so new.

[00:16:59] You're pretty new to Wilmington-esque.

[00:17:02] I've been here, March will make six years.

[00:17:05] Six years, pushing six.

[00:17:07] And the channel was so new.

[00:17:10] Because when the channel opened up, not, what, six months before I moved here.

[00:17:15] Yeah.

[00:17:15] So that's kind of cool.

[00:17:18] Mm-hmm.

[00:17:18] Yeah.

[00:17:19] Now I feel like I'm an old head here because I know so many people.

[00:17:24] I mean, let's.

[00:17:25] You know everybody.

[00:17:27] You know everybody.

[00:17:28] Almost everybody.

[00:17:29] You know, I thought Wilmington was huge, but it's really not.

[00:17:32] It's like, it's smaller than you think, but it's a lovely, charming city with, you know,

[00:17:39] a little history.

[00:17:40] It's got some history.

[00:17:42] It's got some history.

[00:17:43] Yeah.

[00:17:44] It's history that I just, you know, at some point I hope that we can all, you know, get

[00:17:49] along and live together and get past the history.

[00:17:52] Like learn the history, but like let's move forward.

[00:17:54] So what do you think is, okay, so one thing that I love about you, love about channel,

[00:18:01] love about that mission is that we're growing people, right?

[00:18:04] That's kind of your job is to grow people who just happen to be business owners.

[00:18:11] And part of that, having that growth mindset.

[00:18:15] Yeah.

[00:18:16] Well, I mean, I like how you said grow people, but I don't like to look at it as growing people

[00:18:22] because they're going to be responsible for their own growth, right?

[00:18:26] But I look at it as trying, you know, and I hate to use the word trying.

[00:18:31] So I will always say working on mindset because mindset is what needs to happen, right?

[00:18:38] The mindset, once you change your mindset, you can see the growth.

[00:18:42] And I, you know, I speak about this book on every podcast, but it was the one that changed

[00:18:51] me.

[00:18:51] There are a lot of self-help books out there, but it was The Secret by Rhonda Byrne that

[00:18:59] changed my mindset.

[00:19:01] It was that book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne that changed my mindset that taught me how we

[00:19:09] bring things to ourselves and the universe.

[00:19:11] You know, or the energy that we give out, you know, and how we don't pull the things

[00:19:17] in or ask the universe correctly for what we want.

[00:19:20] Because, you know, every time you do a vision board, you can put some stuff on that vision

[00:19:24] board.

[00:19:24] And man, if you don't put the right dates and the times and the things that you want, like

[00:19:29] you really want, because we can get those things, you can mess up.

[00:19:33] But it's almost like saying, hey God, I want a husband.

[00:19:38] Yeah.

[00:19:40] That could be detrimental.

[00:19:42] That could be a bad thing.

[00:19:44] You didn't, you didn't, you didn't tell God exactly what type or the universe, however you

[00:19:48] want to use it.

[00:19:49] It's up to you, but you didn't tell him what type of husband you want.

[00:19:51] You said you wanted a husband.

[00:19:52] So he sent you exactly what you asked for.

[00:19:55] Yeah.

[00:19:55] Just a husband.

[00:19:56] He didn't give you a loving husband.

[00:19:58] He didn't give you a father for the children.

[00:20:00] He didn't give you a husband that will clean up, you know, that'll do laundry.

[00:20:05] That'll be a true partner for you.

[00:20:06] Like you have to be careful about those things.

[00:20:08] So no different than you have to be careful about anything else that you ask for.

[00:20:12] Don't you think that's having clarity, knowing yourself well enough and having some clarity?

[00:20:18] Absolutely.

[00:20:19] Like what your truth is.

[00:20:20] I mean, so many people who have not sat with themselves in so long, they literally have

[00:20:29] no idea what their truth is.

[00:20:33] And I think it changes too.

[00:20:34] Like my truth at 25.

[00:20:37] Honey, my truth at 25 is totally different than what it is at, excuse me, 52.

[00:20:43] And I know I'm dating myself and I'm giving you guys my age, but I'm proud of it.

[00:20:48] Proud of it, girl.

[00:20:50] Look, I couldn't even wait to turn 40.

[00:20:51] And my girlfriend was like, honey, I'm 45.

[00:20:54] You just wait.

[00:20:55] You have a little bit of time.

[00:20:56] And I was like, no, I'm going to be 40 now.

[00:20:58] I know what I'm talking about.

[00:20:59] She was like, you don't know what you're talking about.

[00:21:01] No.

[00:21:01] I said to my best friend one time, I said, gosh, you know, at 50, I feel like I thought

[00:21:08] I knew shit at 40.

[00:21:10] Yeah.

[00:21:10] And now I'm like, God, I knew nothing.

[00:21:12] And I wonder if I'm going to turn around at 70 and be like, wow, I really did not know

[00:21:17] anything at 50.

[00:21:18] And she said to me, I hope we do.

[00:21:21] And that really said it to me like, okay, that's so right.

[00:21:26] I want to keep growing.

[00:21:28] I want to keep learning.

[00:21:29] I want to turn around at 70 and say like, wow, I've learned a lot over the two decades.

[00:21:34] I don't want it.

[00:21:35] This can't be as smart as I'll ever be.

[00:21:37] Right.

[00:21:38] Right.

[00:21:39] That part.

[00:21:40] Yeah.

[00:21:40] And that's what everyone else needs to understand.

[00:21:42] Like if you're, if you have a growth mindset, you're going to learn something every day.

[00:21:47] I pride myself on learning something new every day.

[00:21:50] It makes sense.

[00:21:51] Why would you not want to learn something?

[00:21:54] Because when you learn something, sometimes what that means is you have to admit that you

[00:22:00] didn't know something or that you were wrong about something.

[00:22:03] And I love to be right.

[00:22:06] When I have to admit that I was wrong about something.

[00:22:11] Sometimes it does not feel real good.

[00:22:14] I don't necessarily like to be right unless, you know, I'm like, hey, hubby, I was right.

[00:22:21] It happens.

[00:22:23] Um, no, I, I'm, I'm not that vain.

[00:22:27] I guess I'm not calling you vain, but like, oh, it's okay, girl.

[00:22:30] Lay it out.

[00:22:31] Not like something that I did wrong.

[00:22:34] I want to know I did it wrong.

[00:22:36] So that it, that I don't do it again.

[00:22:39] I don't want to cross that path of being wrong again, for whatever reason it could be, you

[00:22:47] know, the, if you click this button, it's going to make the worst mistake ever on this

[00:22:51] spreadsheet.

[00:22:52] So you never want to click that button again.

[00:22:54] Okay.

[00:22:55] If I make that mistake one time, I don't want to make it a second time.

[00:22:58] Right.

[00:22:58] I want to, I want to know what I'm doing.

[00:23:00] So, um, but I don't want to come across as like, yes, such and such taught me to press

[00:23:04] that button because it was going to make everything right.

[00:23:07] You know, um, but also just because again, it's a learning moment and true leaders like

[00:23:16] to understand where they've made a mistake.

[00:23:19] Great.

[00:23:20] And they can say, Hey, I made a mistake.

[00:23:23] Yep.

[00:23:24] And they can be with it.

[00:23:26] Yeah.

[00:23:26] And that, I think that's one thing that I have, um, had plenty of learning opportunities

[00:23:31] in the last decade, at least, I think more than that.

[00:23:36] But, um, but I never like to lose sight of how blinded I can become when I am, um, too

[00:23:46] interested in being right, especially with someone that maybe I feel intimidated by, or, um, I

[00:23:56] feel like they've wronged me.

[00:23:57] I really want them to be wrong.

[00:23:59] Do you feel intimidated by people?

[00:24:01] Oh gosh.

[00:24:02] Yes.

[00:24:03] Really?

[00:24:04] Oh yeah.

[00:24:04] Yeah.

[00:24:07] Oh, you know, I think at the end of the day, deep down and people ask me this all the time

[00:24:13] because, uh, they see Amy Chang is like confident and like out there.

[00:24:20] And I think at the end of the day, uh, I have the same, not good enough.

[00:24:28] Don't mess up or you will be left behind buttons that a lot of us do.

[00:24:34] And, um, I've had, um, I'm grateful to have had a lot of opportunities and a lot of, um,

[00:24:44] resources to work on those.

[00:24:48] Yeah.

[00:24:48] And so they're not as loud.

[00:24:49] And I don't, I have a friend who's like, yeah, when you get that stinky thinking, like

[00:24:54] you don't have to cuddle it, you know, I'm glad I can see it and go like, oh, that's me

[00:25:01] being not good enough.

[00:25:02] Yeah.

[00:25:03] That's me comparing.

[00:25:04] And actually that's not the way.

[00:25:08] And for me, I actually thank those thoughts because I know that's my little tiny, you know,

[00:25:15] four year old survival.

[00:25:18] Don't get, um, don't let the pack leave you behind.

[00:25:22] That's her trying to love me up and protect me.

[00:25:26] And I just say, Hey, little Amy, thank you.

[00:25:28] And also big Amy don't need that.

[00:25:31] So, but yeah, totally.

[00:25:33] I get intimidated all the time.

[00:25:35] What, I mean, you, is that not something you, uh, no.

[00:25:39] Yeah.

[00:25:41] I, uh, maybe in my younger years, but in this time, in this space,

[00:25:51] and where I am today in my life, um, I'm not intimidated by other folks because

[00:25:59] one, what they've learned is what they've learned.

[00:26:02] And so me, I'm going to mooch off of them if I can.

[00:26:06] No, not mooch, but you know what I'm saying?

[00:26:08] I'm going to learn what I can from them if they're willing to share.

[00:26:11] And, uh, we talked about that again at MogulCon about gatekeeping.

[00:26:16] And that's one thing that I'm not, I'm not a gatekeeper.

[00:26:19] And what I mean by a gatekeeper is the gatekeeper of information.

[00:26:23] Yeah.

[00:26:23] I believe that we should always share that.

[00:26:26] Um, I don't believe in shrinking myself when I walk into a room.

[00:26:30] I will not.

[00:26:31] And I don't believe that anyone, um, should shrink themselves because of there's someone

[00:26:38] else that's, you know, more knowledgeable, more powerful or whatever.

[00:26:42] Guess what?

[00:26:44] They put on their pants or a dress and shoes just like you put yours on.

[00:26:50] And so, um, there's no secret to throwing on a pair of shoes and a pair of pants or blouse

[00:26:56] or blazer or whatever the case may be.

[00:26:58] You know?

[00:26:59] Um, so I'm, I'm not shrinking myself.

[00:27:01] If, if for some reason I didn't feel confident because I didn't wear a certain outfit this time,

[00:27:07] guess what?

[00:27:08] Next time I'll be greater.

[00:27:10] Yeah.

[00:27:10] Next time I will wear this.

[00:27:13] And I'm not ashamed to say something, you know, like I, what I do, I stood on stage Saturday

[00:27:18] and said, Hey guys, I stepped outside of my comfort zone.

[00:27:21] I wore something a little sparkly today instead of wearing your typical business casual or

[00:27:28] business dress, you know, I want to show off a little bit.

[00:27:32] Oh, I loved what you wore and I thought it was, I thought it was really appropriate and

[00:27:36] very fun.

[00:27:37] So let's just talk about MogulCon for a minute because that was so much fun for me.

[00:27:43] And, uh, I was so grateful to be invited to be on the panel.

[00:27:49] And I was so grateful to be surrounded by so many growth mindset business owners slash

[00:27:55] I'm thinking about a business and slash I'm mentoring people.

[00:28:00] Like tell, uh, our listeners, please, cause you can do this better than I can.

[00:28:05] What the Hey, Hey is MogulCon and what happened on Saturday?

[00:28:10] Well, first of all, let me just thank you for being a panelist because you were in your

[00:28:13] element and you did a phenomenal job.

[00:28:16] So I just want to put that out there.

[00:28:18] Um, and you gave really great points and some great advice.

[00:28:23] And I think our, um, we got great feedback on that panel as well.

[00:28:28] So thank you for being the wonderful person that you are and sharing your information with

[00:28:35] us.

[00:28:35] Um, so MogulCon, so let's talk about MogulCon.

[00:28:39] So Dr.

[00:28:40] Felicia Phillips is the owner founder of MogulCon.

[00:28:44] She has a nonprofit organization called 1 million dreams foundation, and she is the owner of a

[00:28:52] construction company.

[00:28:53] And so she's got her hands in a lot of things, but she is one amazing woman that is dedicated

[00:29:02] to helping, um, businesses across the U S.

[00:29:06] And so every year she puts on a huge event, which is called MogulCon.

[00:29:12] It is dedicated to black owned women owned businesses.

[00:29:17] So Atiba and myself were there.

[00:29:19] So I went to the first one, which was in Tennessee.

[00:29:21] She opted not to do it in Atlanta because there were so many people in Tennessee saying,

[00:29:26] come to Tennessee and do it.

[00:29:28] So that was my first time going to a MogulCon event.

[00:29:32] When was that?

[00:29:34] Uh, a year ago.

[00:29:36] So yeah, a year ago.

[00:29:39] So last year in 2023.

[00:29:43] Um, so that was the big MogulCon event.

[00:29:46] She, it was like a three day event.

[00:29:49] Um, there was an award ceremony.

[00:29:52] There was a dinner, there's classes, all the things.

[00:29:57] So we, we didn't have to attend the first day.

[00:29:59] We attended the award ceremony and the dinner.

[00:30:02] And then the third day was like this fashion show and some other stuff.

[00:30:07] What we missed out on at this Mogul Summit event was the hot seat coaching, which I really

[00:30:12] wanted her to be able to do.

[00:30:14] She is amazing.

[00:30:16] I bet.

[00:30:16] Um, so MogulCon was in Tennessee.

[00:30:20] I went to that and I was just like starstruck.

[00:30:22] Dr. Phillips was in this beautiful gown and so was everyone else.

[00:30:26] They're all dressed up.

[00:30:28] There's a violinist who was playing hip hop music on the violin, which was so cool.

[00:30:33] This was a female, um, violinist.

[00:30:37] I'll have to look her up and send her to you.

[00:30:39] I would love that.

[00:30:40] Yeah.

[00:30:40] But she was just so amazing.

[00:30:42] And I think between that and just looking at so many women who had businesses and they

[00:30:48] not, listen, I'm not talking about just like a little teeny tiny business.

[00:30:53] I'm talking about thriving businesses.

[00:30:57] And that's what like filled my cup was talking to them about how Live Oak could help them from

[00:31:04] a standpoint of lending because we are all over the U S and, um, just talking about their

[00:31:10] businesses.

[00:31:11] Um, there was a trade show we got to go to.

[00:31:13] And so that was still setting up our tables, but you walk to each of these businesses throughout

[00:31:18] this entire, um, hotel space.

[00:31:21] That was like the convention center, um, rooms that they have and they set up all these tables

[00:31:28] and things.

[00:31:29] So you could talk to everyone.

[00:31:31] Um, so that was Tennessee.

[00:31:33] That was mobile con.

[00:31:35] She was supposed to do a mobile con this year, but she opted not to.

[00:31:39] She took it on the road and called it the mobile summit tour.

[00:31:44] And so she did quite a few cities, one Atlanta, Chicago, um, a few others.

[00:31:50] And then she called me up.

[00:31:53] Well, when we were at in Atlanta, she said, I want to bring this to Wilmington.

[00:31:57] Ativa and I both sat on the panel.

[00:32:00] And so I looked at her and I thought Wilmington.

[00:32:05] Yeah, let's do it.

[00:32:06] So of course, um, it's not that I didn't think she would, but I didn't think she would.

[00:32:12] And she called me.

[00:32:13] She was like, I'm ready to come to Wilmington.

[00:32:15] And I'm like, Oh, let's start planning.

[00:32:17] Let's go.

[00:32:17] So, um, we, we started our planning, but I told her, I said, Wilmington's a little bit

[00:32:24] different.

[00:32:25] Um, our small business owners are not going to pay.

[00:32:29] We can't do $147 ticket for a mobile summit.

[00:32:33] You know, that's in Atlanta.

[00:32:34] They believe investing in themselves.

[00:32:37] Yes.

[00:32:38] Right.

[00:32:39] Um, Chicago they'll invest in themselves, but for some reason we don't have the right

[00:32:45] mindset, not all of us has the right mindset in Wilmington.

[00:32:50] And I know, you know, this cause you just recently did a summit prior to, and I think

[00:32:54] your tickets were $25.

[00:32:56] Am I correct?

[00:32:57] Yeah, you're right.

[00:32:58] If I had the most interesting conversation with somebody yesterday who is looking at a

[00:33:03] career change and she's thinking about going into coaching.

[00:33:07] And, um, so she just wanted to call me like, Hey, what's it like?

[00:33:10] What, you know, so of course I'm talking to her about like, well, just remember, you know,

[00:33:14] depending on how you want to go, you're also a business owner and that is something to,

[00:33:19] you know, really explore.

[00:33:20] Do you want to do that?

[00:33:22] Do you just want to be an employee?

[00:33:23] If you want to be an employee, what does that mean?

[00:33:24] Blah, blah, blah.

[00:33:25] You know, we're having that whole conversation.

[00:33:26] And then I say to her, yeah.

[00:33:28] And I think actually this year I am making a profit.

[00:33:34] If you don't count my coach that I pay $9,000 a year for.

[00:33:40] And you could hear like, you could hear her out of the seat.

[00:33:45] Right.

[00:33:45] And I said, listen, um, you know, I believe in coaching.

[00:33:51] I pour into me.

[00:33:53] I can tell you I've sat in sessions with me when I am being coached and then coaching people.

[00:34:00] I've sat in sessions with me when I'm not being coached and then I'm coaching people.

[00:34:04] I'm a better coach when I'm being coached.

[00:34:09] I'm a happier coach.

[00:34:10] I'm a more balanced coach.

[00:34:12] I'm a more like all the things I stand for.

[00:34:15] And it doesn't make much sense to me to tell you that it's an urgent need for you to get a coach.

[00:34:24] If I'm not getting my own coach.

[00:34:27] That's right.

[00:34:27] That's the poopy stink stink right there.

[00:34:29] Yeah.

[00:34:29] So we, we, we, we as business owners have to invest in ourselves.

[00:34:35] I mean, um, Ativa and I have been coached with, uh, Dr. Phillips.

[00:34:40] You can probably tell that in the way that we work with everyone.

[00:34:45] Um, I think my personality also works well with the things that I've learned working with her

[00:34:52] that we're also able to share with you all.

[00:34:55] And so we do that.

[00:34:57] Um, but I, I believe that our $75 ticket price was still not a price that people were willing to pay.

[00:35:07] I'm sorry about that noise.

[00:35:09] That was Ativa who dropped something, but that people were not willing to pay.

[00:35:13] Um, and so some of those people really missed out on such a phenomenal event.

[00:35:19] And I, I just cannot stress that any more than I've stressed it here.

[00:35:25] Um, when you invest in yourselves, you get a little something different than what's just

[00:35:31] available for free, right?

[00:35:33] People offer you something that extra step.

[00:35:37] Um, but I'm going to work on bringing her back, um, in 2025, um, in person for some, there'll

[00:35:46] probably be only 25 seats at the most.

[00:35:51] And we're going to do a few days of a, um, business strategy sessions, you know, and those,

[00:36:00] this is, this is stuff that people pay an arm and a leg for.

[00:36:04] So there will still be a small investment that the business owner will have to invest, but,

[00:36:11] um, I'll do my best to cover as much as that as possible, but only 25 seats.

[00:36:18] And it's going to be only the 25 that are truly working their business and need that.

[00:36:23] And it's, and deserve that coaching.

[00:36:26] You know, I mean, we touched on this Saturday when, um, I mean, you had some, you had really

[00:36:33] good questions for our like health and wellness business panel.

[00:36:37] And, um, what kept just coming up and coming up and coming up is that idea of when you do

[00:36:44] not invest in you, you don't perform well.

[00:36:48] That's right.

[00:36:49] And, and we, I see it everywhere, myself included that, you know, when I am driving my car and

[00:36:58] I'm not changing the oil and I'm not putting in the gas and I'm not rotating the tires,

[00:37:02] then I can't be surprised why it's so damn hard to get from point A to point B.

[00:37:07] That's right.

[00:37:08] Because I broke down three times and I had to, you know, like, dude, take care of your

[00:37:13] stuff, keep your stuff in working order and your most important stuff right here.

[00:37:19] It's you.

[00:37:21] That's right.

[00:37:22] You know, I love that panel so much because it is a reminder to us all.

[00:37:27] Um, did you get, did you change the oil?

[00:37:30] Did you rotate the tires?

[00:37:32] You know, um, did you get some sleep?

[00:37:34] Yeah, we are so busy that it's easy for us to say, no, I'll burn the midnight oil.

[00:37:40] And I'm going to speak for myself.

[00:37:42] Let me just speak for myself.

[00:37:43] Cause I don't want to speak for everyone.

[00:37:45] It is so easy for me to say, I'm going to burn the midnight oil and I'll stay up till two,

[00:37:51] maybe three, and I'll get an energy drink tomorrow morning and it'll wake me back up and I'll

[00:37:57] keep going.

[00:37:59] Right.

[00:37:59] But eventually that fuel runs out of the car.

[00:38:03] Yeah.

[00:38:04] It runs out because I did not refuel.

[00:38:07] I put some basic, you know, 87 gas.

[00:38:13] Let it in.

[00:38:15] I'm free and that Beamer and I chose to put 87 in there.

[00:38:20] So guess what?

[00:38:21] That's why it's acting the way it's acting.

[00:38:23] That's why I won't remember everything.

[00:38:26] That's why I'm skipping, you know, events.

[00:38:28] That's why I can't focus.

[00:38:29] That's why I wake up at 3 a.m.

[00:38:31] And I'm like, why is all these things downloading from my brain now?

[00:38:36] Because I wasn't taking care of me.

[00:38:39] Yeah, for sure.

[00:38:40] And you both know that I'm, you know, not struggling, but there's a lot on these shoulders right now.

[00:38:47] You know, we lost my father-in-law last Sunday, but I still smelled through it as we went through mobile con.

[00:38:55] My mom is sick with pancreatic cancer.

[00:38:58] And, you know, I'm still dealing with that.

[00:39:00] You know, doctors gave her until September.

[00:39:03] And guess what?

[00:39:04] It's November.

[00:39:05] And I'm like, sit down, doctors.

[00:39:07] Have several seats.

[00:39:08] She's still here.

[00:39:10] So let me ask you that.

[00:39:11] Like, how are you dealing with uncontrollable, unchangeable life and not ignoring it or pushing it down or stuffing it?

[00:39:28] Right.

[00:39:28] I know you're not pushing down because we've talked about it.

[00:39:31] That's right.

[00:39:32] How are you?

[00:39:33] What advice would you give to someone else whose life is currently being very lifey?

[00:39:39] Yeah.

[00:39:40] How what would you tell them about how to manage all that?

[00:39:44] So first of all, acknowledge it.

[00:39:47] Just call it to the forefront.

[00:39:49] Call the thing the thing that it is.

[00:39:51] It's that life is lifing.

[00:39:54] If you have to cry, cry.

[00:39:59] Because you can't stop the tears when they come.

[00:40:02] Just go ahead and let them come.

[00:40:03] And then, you know, dry your eyes and then take the next step forward.

[00:40:07] Every day is a step forward.

[00:40:12] I will also say that it takes time.

[00:40:16] So, you know, I lost my grandmother two years ago.

[00:40:20] Shortly after that, I lost my little cousin, which was my grandmother's sixth grandchild.

[00:40:26] It's my uncle's son.

[00:40:29] Unexpectedly, I had a friend that was shot to death and left in a park to die.

[00:40:33] And he did die.

[00:40:37] He's actually a distant cousin.

[00:40:39] But we were we had such a great friendship.

[00:40:43] Then, you know, I learned this about my mom last December.

[00:40:48] But here's the thing.

[00:40:49] There are some things that are going to happen.

[00:40:52] For example, the friend that was left for death in the park that was shot.

[00:40:58] Right.

[00:40:59] That's a out of my control.

[00:41:01] But it happened.

[00:41:03] Shock.

[00:41:03] Shocker, no doubt.

[00:41:05] Cousin that committed suicide or not intentionally.

[00:41:09] He overdosed on drugs.

[00:41:11] Those things were not scheduled to happen.

[00:41:15] Not in my book.

[00:41:17] So those are shockers.

[00:41:19] Yes, they knock you down.

[00:41:21] But you have to get back up.

[00:41:23] Right.

[00:41:23] But my grandmother passing away.

[00:41:26] My mom being sick.

[00:41:28] Losing my father-in-law last week.

[00:41:31] Those are things that are part of what I like to call life's transitions.

[00:41:38] Full of life.

[00:41:40] We all have a date.

[00:41:42] We're all going to die at some point.

[00:41:47] So, you know, for me, it is understanding the circle of life and how that goes.

[00:41:55] And just understanding that it's OK.

[00:41:58] It's really OK.

[00:42:00] Now, y'all, I'm not going to sit here and say, you know, two days from now, I might be in tears.

[00:42:06] I might.

[00:42:07] I might not.

[00:42:09] Yeah.

[00:42:09] I still smile through it.

[00:42:11] There was a time two months ago.

[00:42:14] You couldn't have asked me how my mom was doing without me tearing up.

[00:42:17] And now I'm sitting on camera just like she's fine.

[00:42:21] Let me tell y'all.

[00:42:22] She's spicy as ever.

[00:42:23] I hope she hears this podcast.

[00:42:24] She is spicy.

[00:42:29] You wouldn't know it.

[00:42:30] If you didn't know, but she's spicy.

[00:42:34] No, it sounds like you've got a lot of acceptance.

[00:42:37] Yeah.

[00:42:37] I think that that's the key.

[00:42:38] Yeah.

[00:42:39] And the understanding.

[00:42:40] And my final thing is that I just believe in one breathing.

[00:42:47] You know, it's a tattoo on my forearm that says inhale, heart, exhale, but just breathing.

[00:42:54] But also I give myself one day to be down.

[00:43:00] My we have a history of depression in our family and I don't want to be there.

[00:43:05] And so I'll give myself a day to just, you know, if I'm down and life has beat me down,

[00:43:11] take the day, take the day, cry through it, have a glass of wine, whatever is your thing

[00:43:17] to get over it.

[00:43:18] But the next day I got to be up and running.

[00:43:21] I got to be right back and in the thick of it.

[00:43:24] And that's what I do for me.

[00:43:25] I do that too.

[00:43:27] I give myself a time, a time line.

[00:43:29] And, and I'm telling you during the end of my marriage, um, during the death of my dad,

[00:43:34] you know, I just say to my, you know, when you, when, when it got too big, you know,

[00:43:41] like you're handling it, you're handling it.

[00:43:43] You're like, I know I'm okay.

[00:43:44] And I don't like this and I'm moving forward.

[00:43:47] And then that one day it's just like, you know, I would just, yes, I would just say to myself,

[00:43:55] like, okay, what do you think you need?

[00:43:57] Do you need 36 hours?

[00:43:59] Do you need 48?

[00:44:00] Do you need 24?

[00:44:01] What is it?

[00:44:02] Do you need a week's vacation?

[00:44:03] Like ask yourself those things.

[00:44:06] Yeah.

[00:44:06] And most of the time, if I would just let my, give myself the permission.

[00:44:11] And for me, uh, you, you and I have talked about how defiant I get right.

[00:44:18] When I feel like I have choice, Amy, you can choose to just wallow in it.

[00:44:25] Yeah.

[00:44:26] As soon as I give myself that permission to choose, I'll do whatever wallowing I need to

[00:44:32] do.

[00:44:32] And then I'm like, Hmm, this shoe don't fit anymore.

[00:44:36] And I'll take that down.

[00:44:37] Usually I'm done before my like allotted time has run out.

[00:44:42] Yeah.

[00:44:43] I have, I don't think I've ever given myself a wallow in it time and needed more, needed

[00:44:51] more time.

[00:44:51] So yeah, it usually I'm, I'm done with that then.

[00:44:56] I think I did do two days within the last six months, which was weird to me.

[00:45:02] Cause I was like, Oh wow.

[00:45:04] Um, you, you did longer than a day that that thing is still bothering you.

[00:45:09] Um, but I would say to that, don't be afraid when it goes over what you normally would a lot

[00:45:16] that time for, I think you have to be careful when it goes like really over.

[00:45:22] Yeah.

[00:45:23] If I was still waddling in something, you know, a week or two weeks later, then I need to really

[00:45:29] question myself.

[00:45:30] Like what's really going on.

[00:45:31] Well, and for me, I need to not question myself.

[00:45:34] I need to call a friend because I'm the problem.

[00:45:37] And if I'm looking for me to give me answers about me, it is like bad neighborhood out of there.

[00:45:43] Get out.

[00:45:43] Do you think you're, so I think I'm really good at self-checking like for myself, like

[00:45:49] if I get upset or if I'm annoyed about something, whatever the case may be, I can ask myself that

[00:45:54] question, like what's going on, what's wrong.

[00:45:56] And so I can answer that.

[00:45:58] But when I can't, you're right.

[00:45:59] I would need to call someone else or give someone else that situation to say, Hey, what's

[00:46:05] going on?

[00:46:06] Do you think I'm right here?

[00:46:07] I'm wrong.

[00:46:08] Or why do you think I feel this way?

[00:46:10] Cause someone else on the outside looking in can help, right?

[00:46:13] At times.

[00:46:14] And for me too, I'm really actually, A, I'm an external processor.

[00:46:20] So I talk things through anyway.

[00:46:22] So when I have something sitting on me, expressing it verbally is a really good, even if I'm just

[00:46:28] by myself in the kitchen.

[00:46:29] Right.

[00:46:31] But what I've noticed is even though I'm pretty good at coaching myself, I do tend to isolate.

[00:46:40] Hmm.

[00:46:41] I tend to isolate and you know, Shakima, I mean, I'm a single lady who lives basic.

[00:46:47] I mean, I, I live with my oldest daughter and also that's sort of by yourself, you know,

[00:46:54] not a hundred percent by yourself, but I am partner less.

[00:46:57] Yeah.

[00:46:57] You know, I'm roommate peer less, you know, and I own a business where I work for myself

[00:47:05] by myself.

[00:47:06] So it's very easy for me to just hold up.

[00:47:11] Do you think you're an introvert or an extrovert?

[00:47:14] You know, I think I'm a blend.

[00:47:17] Yeah.

[00:47:17] I love people.

[00:47:18] And, and I was even thinking about MogulCon by the way, because I was, I'm going to say

[00:47:23] this on the line and I hope it's not offensive and it might be.

[00:47:28] I was so pleased and so honored to be with a group that was primarily African-American people

[00:47:40] and, um, be chosen to be in that group.

[00:47:44] Yeah.

[00:47:45] It was just a real, a really, it was a moment for me that was like, I have made it.

[00:47:53] I have made it.

[00:47:55] You know, and I would, I chose you one because of your background, but two from day one, since

[00:48:02] I met you, you have been, you know, an advocate for African-American people.

[00:48:09] And that speaks volumes to me.

[00:48:12] Um, and you and I, we don't know each other's political background and I've never asked you

[00:48:18] and I don't want to know, but even if you were whatever you chose to be, it wouldn't

[00:48:25] matter to me because I know that you are a true advocate.

[00:48:28] You're a genuine person and that we would feel safe around you.

[00:48:34] Gosh.

[00:48:36] Yeah.

[00:48:36] I mean, you might come out of your mouth kind of crazy sometimes, but that's like our conversation

[00:48:42] and, you know, we can talk like that.

[00:48:46] Um, and I, I tell anyone, like, I don't get offended easily.

[00:48:50] I don't get offended easily.

[00:48:52] And I think that's what makes it so easy for people to be able to talk with me.

[00:48:59] Um, and I'm okay with that.

[00:49:02] Like, so, you know, any question that people have, like, you know, you've come to me.

[00:49:07] Oh, I've, I've asked my children who are not a hundred percent white, right?

[00:49:13] My children are like, I can't believe you.

[00:49:15] And I'm like, I needed to know.

[00:49:17] I was having a moment of ignorance.

[00:49:20] I need to have somewhere I can go and say like, Hey, I'm not sure about this.

[00:49:24] And this might even be just offensive me saying it.

[00:49:27] And I don't understand this.

[00:49:29] Please help me.

[00:49:30] But you, you, you put the disclaimer out there, if you will, we'll call it a disclaimer because,

[00:49:36] you know, um, I have friends that say that too.

[00:49:39] And they, you know, I have a guy friend who said, Hey, I'm a, at the time, I think he was

[00:49:46] 50 something years old.

[00:49:48] He's I'm a 50 something year old white guy.

[00:49:50] And I got a question and I was like, Hey, well, I'm a 47 year old black girl, black girl

[00:49:55] magic.

[00:49:56] So let's go for it.

[00:49:57] You know, and, you know, but that was my way of teasing him with putting the disclaimer

[00:50:02] out there to say, well, let's just answer the question.

[00:50:05] You know, I'm not going to get offended.

[00:50:07] I don't wear my feelings on my sleeve.

[00:50:08] And, and I think when we, you know, allow people to ask the questions, um, so that we can learn,

[00:50:15] you know, we can, we can become a more inclusive, you know, environment, um, or community for

[00:50:24] people to live in.

[00:50:25] Right.

[00:50:25] Um, not looking at who's, what political race they're in or, you know, going for or

[00:50:36] whatever, you know, do I, my thing is, do I feel safe around this person?

[00:50:40] Yeah.

[00:50:41] You know, um, do we have some similar views?

[00:50:45] We may not agree on everything.

[00:50:46] I know a lot of people are deleting people off of Facebook now because they've looked

[00:50:51] up people and said, oh, they, they voted for this person or they voted for that person.

[00:50:57] Um, and that's, that's their choice.

[00:51:02] I'm not deleting anyone.

[00:51:03] Um, I welcome the conversations actually to know like, or to, you know, to have the conversation

[00:51:10] of, so why did you choose whoever or whatever?

[00:51:13] If we happen to get in that conversation, that's the favorite thing.

[00:51:16] I was going to say like that.

[00:51:17] I heard the other day in a, in a meeting, the, um, acronym weight and it stands for why

[00:51:24] am I talking?

[00:51:26] And I just think that that's priceless because, um, the conversations that I welcome are the

[00:51:33] ones where someone has asked me a question and they really want to learn what it is.

[00:51:39] I think, or believe, right.

[00:51:42] Or I have asked them a question and I really do want to learn.

[00:51:45] Like, why does your hair work like that?

[00:51:48] Help me, you know?

[00:51:50] You mean when you ask me about my hair?

[00:51:52] I need to know how this works.

[00:51:54] Okay.

[00:51:55] Yes.

[00:51:56] Yes.

[00:51:57] But like when I, when it's really a sharing, what I'm not interested in, and I don't even

[00:52:03] call it a conversation.

[00:52:05] One person is screaming their opinion for the sake of screaming it and or convincing

[00:52:12] me, selling me on something and I'm screaming back no time.

[00:52:17] I don't have, I don't have any time or that's not a conversation that I want to be in.

[00:52:21] And I've never found that, uh, inside the conversations we've had.

[00:52:26] Yeah.

[00:52:27] Yeah.

[00:52:27] So that I agree that creates this safety net.

[00:52:32] Yeah.

[00:52:32] Um, where we can have some conversations that might be, uh, tender or triggering.

[00:52:38] You know, you could, you could trigger me easily.

[00:52:40] You bring up the right subject and this girl gets triggered, but I'll stay in it with you

[00:52:45] because I trust you.

[00:52:46] And I think that's what I was going to say about Mogulcon.

[00:52:50] Um, I felt so honored and I felt so comfortable in that environment.

[00:52:56] And yet, um, I noticed that like, a, I needed to stand up.

[00:53:03] I think that was probably a little bit of like the ADD, but also a little bit of like, I just

[00:53:08] need to be having my own space and quiet.

[00:53:11] And I went outside a lot during the breaks.

[00:53:14] And so I do love people and I love and feel energized by people.

[00:53:22] And also there are times when I'm like, Ooh, I need a bubble.

[00:53:26] And I, and I just need a little bit of my own.

[00:53:29] Like, I'm just going to go stand over here in the corner because I need some space to breathe.

[00:53:34] So yeah, I think I'm both introverted and extroverted all at the same mishmash time.

[00:53:41] Well, uh, you didn't seem introverted at Mogulcon.

[00:53:45] In fact, um, like I said, people spoke out and spoke very well about the panel and the

[00:53:50] information that you and the panel gave.

[00:53:52] Um, and in fact, I was talking about it with my twin sister this morning, um, about the

[00:53:58] great advice that you guys had given and I'm not recapping it because you had to be there.

[00:54:04] And if you weren't, you missed the great treats.

[00:54:06] I'm sorry.

[00:54:08] Um, yeah, get it, get on next time.

[00:54:12] Like get on the bus.

[00:54:14] We're headed there again.

[00:54:15] Look for that in 2025.

[00:54:17] It's their 10 year anniversary.

[00:54:19] If you're trying to go to Mogulcon, um, short little commercial break there.

[00:54:23] So yeah.

[00:54:24] Um, you were there and we loved having you, um, appreciate you for that.

[00:54:30] Um, and thank you for not being the introvert at that time, but being the extrovert.

[00:54:35] Um, and yeah.

[00:54:37] So Mogulcon definitely bringing it back.

[00:54:40] Again, it's their 10 year anniversary next year.

[00:54:43] Um, don't know if it'll be in Wilmington, but she is coming back for some pointed, um, courses

[00:54:48] and classes for channel.

[00:54:51] So you'll be a part of that.

[00:54:53] Get to work with Dr. Phillips.

[00:54:54] Oh, I can't wait.

[00:54:55] Cause you could tell what, just when she was moderating, like, um, she don't play.

[00:55:01] And I, I love that.

[00:55:04] It's that accountability.

[00:55:06] I had one of, um, after, I guess after my segment and the next segment, before we, before

[00:55:13] we ate, I went to the ladies room and somebody in the ladies room was like, I loved what you

[00:55:19] said.

[00:55:19] When you said to that lady, can I be honest?

[00:55:22] Really honest.

[00:55:24] Then you were going to get good.

[00:55:26] She was.

[00:55:27] And that, uh, you can smell that.

[00:55:30] Yeah.

[00:55:31] Dr. Phillips, man, she's not playing with you and she's going to lift you up, but we're

[00:55:36] not going to play.

[00:55:37] And I really appreciate.

[00:55:39] And I think that's what you bring.

[00:55:42] That to me is who you are.

[00:55:44] Is that you're going to be honest, you're going to be straightforward and you're going

[00:55:49] to be loving and compassionate.

[00:55:50] That's right.

[00:55:51] Every single time that is me.

[00:55:53] And thank you for wrapping that up in a cute little bow.

[00:55:56] Um, because I don't always like to brag on myself as far as that's concerned.

[00:56:02] Um, a Tiva calls me, oh, you're too nice.

[00:56:05] And I'm like, it's just a way that you do things.

[00:56:08] Right.

[00:56:09] Um, and I've been that person.

[00:56:14] I've been the person that gets knocked down by someone else and people aren't nice.

[00:56:19] Right.

[00:56:19] And so I just, you know, I guess it's like the old adage says, treat people the way you

[00:56:25] want to be treated.

[00:56:26] And that's me.

[00:56:27] Um, I don't, I don't need to be rude.

[00:56:30] I am petty though.

[00:56:36] I can be really petty.

[00:56:37] You can be really petty.

[00:56:38] Well, I can be really vain apparently.

[00:56:40] So we're not.

[00:56:42] It makes us a great friendship.

[00:56:44] Okay.

[00:56:45] I know, right?

[00:56:46] Vain and petty.

[00:56:47] I love it.

[00:56:48] Well, shoot, you got to have some fault.

[00:56:50] You know, I just, I actually said to my Sunday school class this Sunday, I'm like, you know,

[00:56:54] I have a friend who, when I started this really stinky behavioral pattern, um, which kind of,

[00:57:01] I get to work in too hard.

[00:57:03] And when I get to work in too hard, my relationships just fall by the wayside.

[00:57:06] They just, you know, they get no attention.

[00:57:08] That's what happens in entrepreneurship though.

[00:57:09] You do know that, right?

[00:57:10] I do.

[00:57:11] I do.

[00:57:12] And I'm suited for that because that's how I roll.

[00:57:15] And I'm, and I really work hard to balance that.

[00:57:17] And so I said to him one day, I'm like, yeah, I know I haven't been around.

[00:57:21] And he said, oh no, I know that this is your pattern.

[00:57:23] He said, um, and I've decided that you're worth it.

[00:57:29] And it was the first time in my literally 51 years on this planet that I actually got it

[00:57:38] that with my faults, I'm still worthy of keeping around.

[00:57:43] Yeah.

[00:57:43] And that people see my faults and they still love me.

[00:57:48] See, I thought that I had just been hiding them.

[00:57:50] And that if you actually saw it, you would ditch me.

[00:57:54] But that is not true.

[00:57:55] Everybody be seeing my faults.

[00:57:58] You know what?

[00:57:59] Those are the people that we love, right?

[00:58:01] Yeah.

[00:58:01] The people who we know what we're getting.

[00:58:04] Yeah.

[00:58:05] We know their faults.

[00:58:06] We know their, their good, the bad, we know the good, the bad, and the ugly.

[00:58:10] And so because we know the good, the bad, and the ugly, we're willing to keep them as friends

[00:58:14] because they have already shown us their true colors.

[00:58:18] They showed them in the beginning or they told us, this is who I am.

[00:58:23] You can take it or you can leave it.

[00:58:26] You know what I mean?

[00:58:27] And so when you get those people, I encourage you to keep them also because those are the

[00:58:32] ones that you want to, you want to keep.

[00:58:35] It's the new ones that hide the good, the bad, and the ugly.

[00:58:39] Those are the ones that you want to stay away from.

[00:58:41] Yeah, that's, that's for sure.

[00:58:43] I would, I would rather just like get naked in front of me, man.

[00:58:46] I just want to see it, you know?

[00:58:50] You know that's on my wall, right?

[00:58:52] I got that on a wall somewhere.

[00:58:54] I'm not going to tell you.

[00:58:55] No, I did not know that.

[00:58:56] Yeah, I'm telling you, it's on a wall somewhere.

[00:59:01] We really are sisters from, from the same hometown and another mall.

[00:59:06] Yeah, exactly.

[00:59:08] Well, anything else you want to say before we wrap, like any other, like 90 second, anything

[00:59:14] you would want someone to leave this podcast knowing?

[00:59:19] I think I would always say to anyone, always be yourself, be true to yourself.

[00:59:25] Don't shrink yourself or anyone.

[00:59:27] If someone is annoyed because you're the best at whatever that you do, continue to shine bright.

[00:59:33] And as I always say, shine so bright that you let them burn where they stand.

[00:59:37] Amen.

[00:59:39] Amen.

[00:59:39] Thank you so very much.

[00:59:42] I really appreciate you being here.

[00:59:44] Yeah, I appreciate you too, Amy.

[00:59:46] I love you.

[00:59:46] I love you back.

[00:59:48] If you have loved this podcast, please feel free to like it, subscribe to it, share it with

[00:59:55] a friend, share it with someone you don't like who maybe you want to put some love on.

[01:00:00] Give yourself some grace.

[01:00:01] Please keep growing up and we'll see you next time on Healthy AF.

[01:00:07] Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Healthy AF podcast.

[01:00:11] I hope that it has helped you create a new possibility for your health and sets you into

[01:00:16] action to go get it.

[01:00:18] If you want more information or if you want to connect with me, visit my website at myhealthylife.coach.

[01:00:25] And don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that each new Healthy AF episode will be

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