Handling the holidays can be challenging, especially when you've experienced personal growth but your loved ones haven't caught up. Change is tough, and reintroducing the evolved you to family and friends can be daunting. Staying compassionate while trying to enjoy the festivities often feels like an uphill battle. This episode unveils a golden tip for navigating family holidays post-transformation, a strategy generously shared by a friend who successfully shifted away from old familial patterns. Prepare to embrace the holiday season with grace, compassion, and a touch of fun. Tune in all December for support in transforming stress into special memories.
Trying to get healthy and stay healthy is f-ing hard! Everybody struggles with some aspect of it, no matter what they look like or what they tell you. There is no magic formula - a healthy lifestyle is a choice we need to make daily. Join Amy as she supports, informs, and entertains you on your journey toward health.
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[00:00:02] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It. This is The MESH.
[00:00:09] Hey, I'm Amy Chang. I'm a nationally board certified health and wellness coach and this is Healthy AF.
[00:00:16] In this podcast, I'll be bringing you all things health.
[00:00:19] From the newest health strategies to how to tackle those personal roadblocks that just will not let you move forward.
[00:00:26] So buckle in. We're going to be inspired and instructed and dadgum we're going to have a little fun on Healthy AF.
[00:00:36] Hey everybody and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. I'm so glad you're here on this journey of life with me.
[00:00:43] I wanted to add in some really helpful hints for this holiday season where we are most likely with our closest loved ones
[00:00:57] and most likely are feeling the stress of being with our closest loved ones.
[00:01:06] If you listen to this podcast regularly or you enjoy this podcast, probably, I'm guessing, that you've done some work.
[00:01:16] You have begun taking a look at your life.
[00:01:21] You've begun checking in with yourself, calling yourself out, really getting honest and straight on the thought patterns, behavioral patterns, poopy stink stink stories
[00:01:39] that you most likely built while you have been with your family and friends and your dearest loved ones.
[00:01:50] So what happens when we take an honest look at our behavioral patterns and then we take our new behavioral patterns right back to where the old poopy stink stink behavioral patterns began?
[00:02:10] Yeah, I'm thinking the same thing.
[00:02:12] It can be a complete poop show and it can be hard.
[00:02:16] So I wanted to spend some time on the podcast dedicated to how do we reintegrate into relationships that may not have adjusted yet to our new patterns?
[00:02:36] How do we reintegrate into relationships?
[00:02:40] How do we reintegrate into relationships?
[00:02:40] How do we give ourselves grace?
[00:02:42] How do we stay out of judgment?
[00:02:46] Give other people's people grace?
[00:02:49] How do we open up compassionately?
[00:02:51] How do we have fun and relax and have some sense of authenticity in spaces that might not fit anymore?
[00:03:02] How do we have fun and have a good fit anymore?
[00:03:03] You know, you could always think of it like it's that pair of shoes that you're just a little bit too big for, but you can still wear and it's not always comfortable, but man, they look so good with that one outfit.
[00:03:21] You're willing to put up with some discomfort.
[00:03:24] It's kind of like that.
[00:03:27] So I was just talking to a friend this morning about when we grow and then we go back to places that don't fit our growth and how uncomfortable that can be.
[00:03:43] Just the awareness that you have changed your dance steps with everyone around you.
[00:03:53] And guess who else you've changed your dance steps with?
[00:03:56] You, ding dong.
[00:03:59] You've changed your own dance steps.
[00:04:03] And so the old you that's used to doing all that yucky behavioral pattern that you don't want, all that yucky stinking thinking that's there so ready, it's so automatic.
[00:04:17] The old you also feels a little bit, hmm, how to say it?
[00:04:26] It's that uncomfortable, unsure, unsure feeling that you're not quite confident on what's the next right thing to do or say or commit to.
[00:04:42] Or you're not quite sure how to do.
[00:04:46] Or you're not quite sure how to have fun in this new arrangement, this new agreement between the old you.
[00:04:53] That really, for a lot of us, my old me grew a pretty nice life.
[00:04:59] I mean, my old me is smart and funny and strong.
[00:05:06] My old me is a good comforter for people.
[00:05:13] She is always in false, peaceful situations because she is people-pleasing everyone.
[00:05:23] But at least we're not in conflict.
[00:05:26] So what happens when the new me shows up and she is not interested in people-pleasing anyone anymore because she knows in the long term that's going to make her miserable.
[00:05:38] But in the short term, when she says no, I can tell you.
[00:05:45] When this new Amy says no, the old Amy inside is like, ooh, I want to hide.
[00:05:54] This doesn't feel good.
[00:05:56] And the people around me receiving the no, I can tell you.
[00:06:02] From the children to really not my mom, actually.
[00:06:08] She's just the sweetest person ever.
[00:06:10] She takes me however I am.
[00:06:11] It's a beautiful kind of love.
[00:06:13] But when I shifted gears and started saying no to the children, started saying no to my friends, started saying no to people that otherwise I would want them to like me and normally would be a yes, it was uncomfortable for them too.
[00:06:31] So when we shift and we have these new ways of being, please, please set your expectations on, I don't know what's going to happen and how this is going to feel, but it might feel bad.
[00:06:48] Just set them there.
[00:06:50] As we go into the holiday season and we take our old selves that are still tucked away in there and we bring our brand new selves to the holiday gathering.
[00:07:03] Please give yourself some grace and be firm in this new way of being.
[00:07:10] That's the concept of this whole month of podcasts.
[00:07:16] When you've done your work and you reintegrate into your family and your friends and your loved ones and the old traditions and the old actions and the old conversations, it's okay.
[00:07:33] It's going to be okay.
[00:07:34] It's okay.
[00:07:35] Likely you can expect some not comfortable situations.
[00:07:42] Now, I don't know what's going to happen on the other side of that.
[00:07:46] Right?
[00:07:47] You might come in with your new vulnerable self.
[00:07:52] And the result might be that you finally have that conversation with your brother or sister or mama or daddy that you've really wanted to have for years.
[00:08:04] That could happen.
[00:08:06] It could also happen that they don't know what to say to you.
[00:08:12] So maybe they make a crack a joke and go the other way or yell.
[00:08:18] They might have a temper tantrum.
[00:08:20] Like, I don't know what's going to happen on the other side of that.
[00:08:23] But what I do know is that when you stay true to yourself and you keep working on those behaviors, you're going to feel more peace and serenity about it.
[00:08:34] And then you can deal with whatever is over there that's a new possibility that's a welcome possibility.
[00:08:40] Like, wow, I never knew I could be vulnerable and honest with my mom.
[00:08:45] Or a possibility that's really an unwelcome possibility.
[00:08:48] Like, oh, he's yelling at me and I don't like that.
[00:08:51] You can deal with that better when you're grounded in who you are and what you value and this new way of being that you're living into.
[00:09:02] So that's the concept for December.
[00:09:04] Hope I haven't been too long-winded about that.
[00:09:06] But if I have, you know what?
[00:09:07] It's okay.
[00:09:07] It's my podcast.
[00:09:09] I wanted to leave you with one tip.
[00:09:13] This is the first tip.
[00:09:14] Now that we got the concept out of the way, this is the first tip.
[00:09:17] And this is not my tip.
[00:09:19] It is from a dear friend of mine.
[00:09:21] And I've heard him share this tip with many people many times.
[00:09:25] And I think it's a great one.
[00:09:28] A lot of times when we are in the midst of our self-reflection and change, we go into our old relationships.
[00:09:39] You know, we go to my mama's house.
[00:09:41] You go to your sister's house.
[00:09:42] You go to grandma's, wherever you go.
[00:09:44] And all of a sudden, we see all the things that we've learned about ourselves playing out in those other people.
[00:09:53] I know where I got my behavioral patterns.
[00:09:55] Some of them came from mama.
[00:09:57] Some of them came from daddy.
[00:09:58] Some of them were grandma, grandpa, brother.
[00:10:00] Some of them were straight up uniquely Amy.
[00:10:03] When I start seeing the behavioral patterns that I'm working on letting go of play out in my mom,
[00:10:12] I can tell you that I kind of want to preach to her, suggest to her, change her in some way.
[00:10:22] Because I found this new great way of living, right?
[00:10:26] And that leads me right into judgment and being closed off and really being disconnected.
[00:10:32] So here's the tip that my friend always gives, and I love it.
[00:10:37] He says, when you've made these big transformative changes in your life and you're really working on yourself,
[00:10:44] go back to the places that you were as a guest.
[00:10:50] Do what a guest would do.
[00:10:52] And he describes his experience in doing this.
[00:10:57] And it's showing up at the front door.
[00:10:59] Oh, where would you like me to put my bags?
[00:11:03] Can I help you out with making dinner?
[00:11:06] Is there anything I can do?
[00:11:08] Can I take the trash out?
[00:11:09] Oh, thank you for preparing breakfast for me.
[00:11:13] Really take on the beginner's mind, the openness.
[00:11:22] And if it helps you, you can always think of it this way.
[00:11:28] If you've been doing your work, the old you is the one who's always been at the family events.
[00:11:40] They don't know this new you.
[00:11:44] You don't even know this new you very well.
[00:11:49] And so really, it is kind of like going there for the very first time and just being a guest at that party.
[00:11:59] Just try that on.
[00:12:00] You can even imagine that your family home that you've grown up in and are going back to
[00:12:12] is the home of your in-laws that you've never met before.
[00:12:20] Or the home of your best friend.
[00:12:23] Maybe that first time visiting home from college that you went home with your friend.
[00:12:30] And make something up and allow yourself to experience newly who you are with the same old people.
[00:12:43] And see if you can give them the space to be new with you.
[00:12:48] Because I guarantee you, when you change your dance steps,
[00:12:54] the people around you are required to change theirs.
[00:13:02] I'm so proud of the way I have stood in the uncomfortable nature of changing dance steps.
[00:13:11] I'm so happy for you.
[00:13:13] If you're in the midst of that, it can be lonely.
[00:13:18] I want you to know you're not alone.
[00:13:21] And it's going to be okay.
[00:13:23] And you're going to make mistakes.
[00:13:25] And you can forgive yourself.
[00:13:28] So just remember how loved you are.
[00:13:30] Give yourself some grace.
[00:13:32] And listen in.
[00:13:34] Share this probably with your entire family.
[00:13:38] Because all month long, we're going to talk about how to make the holidays
[00:13:42] really a created holiday experience.
[00:13:47] Thanks again.
[00:13:48] And I'll see you next time on Healthy AF.
[00:13:55] Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Healthy AF Podcast.
[00:13:59] I hope that it has helped you create a new possibility for your health
[00:14:03] and sets you into action to go get it.
[00:14:06] If you want more information or if you want to connect with me,
[00:14:10] visit my website at myhealthylife.coach.
[00:14:14] And don't forget to hit the subscribe button
[00:14:17] so that each new Healthy AF episode will be sent directly to you.
[00:14:22] Let's take you from where you are to where you want to go.
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