Fixing To: The Plan You've Had for Sixteen Years Is Good Enough

[00:00:02] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It. This is The MESH. Hey everybody, I'm Amy Chang, a nurse, a mom and a health coach, and this is Healthy AF, where honesty and humor and heart meet real talk about feeling good again, inside and out. We're cutting through the noise, dropping the guilt, and reminding you, getting healthy isn't about perfection.

[00:00:30] It's about choosing yourself, one loving decision at a time. Let's get into it. Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. My name is Amy Chang, and I'm a health coach here with Healthy Life Health and Wellness Coaching. And I'm glad you're here. This is our last podcast in May, all about new beginnings. Now, we've worked through thinking about thinking about what new beginning we want to make.

[00:01:02] And today, we're going to work through fixing to. Okay? Now, if you go back, if you haven't listened to the other ones, I'll just tell you now, you can just look up stages of change and you're going to find five, six different models, or five, six different step models that list out pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. I just like thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking about it and fixing to.

[00:01:30] Because most of the time, people don't come to me and say, hey, Amy, I was in pre-contemplation for about, oh, I don't know, two to ten years while I was in denial. And then now, all of a sudden, like, I've been thinking about it a lot. And after six months of researching health coaches, now I'm in the preparation stage and I'm ready to start making a plan. Yeah, people don't say that. People say, like, I didn't even know that there was a problem until I knew.

[00:01:58] And then I spent two years not knowing what to do. And then it got so bad that I was like, crap, I need to do something. Yeah, that's when you're fixing to do something. So welcome to your fixing to day. It's your fixing to day in May. All right. So when you get in that fixing to stage, it's a preparation stage. This is where you have a plan. You've come out of contemplation with like, you know, you come out of the, let's just work it all the way through.

[00:02:27] You come out of the denial and the foggy headed glasses that can't even see a problem of the pre-contemplation. I'm thinking about thinking about at stage. And then into like, oh, wow, this could be a problem. I'm not sure how big it is and I'm not sure what to do about it, but I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about what to do about it. Then you start getting like a little bit more excited and like, well, you know, if I did clear up this problem and I could fit back into those jeans, I would feel really confident that'd be awesome sauce.

[00:02:58] Then you go into planning. So the plan's going to be, I'm going to join the CrossFit next month. The plan is going to be, I'm going to start adding in whole foods to my diet. The plan is I'm finally going to call Amy Chang and have a consultation with her. It's okay if y'all stay in like thinking about it for five years. It is okay. When you're ready, you're ready. And when you're ready, you know it.

[00:03:27] But when we get here, even when we get in this fix and two stage where we have a plan, we still may feel a little bit ambivalent about it. Usually if we're going to get stuck here, it's because we actually don't trust ourselves to do it. We've tried and we failed and we've tried and we failed. We might not know how to do it. We might be tired of doing it the same way.

[00:03:57] We might just have such little confidence that we don't really believe that it's going to happen. And so we're like, I've got a plan. And we're sitting with that plan. Or this is one of my favorite ways to get stuck in fixing two. I have a plan, but it's not perfect yet. I'm still tweaking. This happens to me in my business all the time, y'all. All the time.

[00:04:24] I want to take such good care of really of all of you. I really do want to take such good care and provide such great services, even in a podcast, even in a Facebook post. I want you to get something for your life that just makes your day, that inspires you, that has you feel loved, empowered, and empowered, and go do great things, right? And I can get so wrapped up in the most perfect way to do that,

[00:04:54] that I stay in this little preparation phase. Anyways, I'm fixing to launch a book club, but I don't know which one I want to do yet. I mean, it's going to be summer, and I want it to be light, but I also want it to make a difference for people. But, you know, right? Like all of that can keep you stuck right there. So, it could be a kind of a confidence issue or a perfectionism issue,

[00:05:22] or it could be, like we said in last week's, you know, really there is something in the way. You're actually not quite ready to make that change yet. Maybe it's that you don't feel safe. Maybe it's that you want to make a job change, but you're not financially safe quite yet. Yeah.

[00:05:47] So, there are some things that keep us stuck in this preparatory phase. If we can get through that, if we can really look at what those limiting beliefs are that are keeping us in this stage when we're here too long, is it that I'm afraid to fail? Is it that I'm afraid to be embarrassed in front of the world wide web

[00:06:17] by putting up something that, like, then maybe I have to come back and say, like, wow, I was wrong on that. Yeah. Is it something of the, I've already tried this 40, 11 times and I'm tired? Or I've tried 16 different ways and I keep failing? And I'm defeated? I just don't think I can do this. Right? When we start scraping those things away and we do that by looking at them, honestly looking at them,

[00:06:49] then we can jump into the next phase of new beginnings, which is action. Now, I'm going to give you one little tidbit. If you are in this fix-and-to stage and you've got this plan and you worked it six ways from Sunday, it's good enough, girl. It is good enough. Okay?

[00:07:19] When you are having trouble just pulling the trigger and going from, I've got this perfect plan that I've had for 16 years now, into I'm doing something, I'm taking an action, I like to think, Amy, you only have to have a tiny bit more courage than you do fear

[00:07:45] to take one little action. Just a tiny bit. That helps me push the post button on the social media posts. That helps me send out the press kit to let everyone know that I'm going on the public speaking circuit. That helps me actually try a new recipe that I've been,

[00:08:14] you know, been sitting in my recipe book or my saved folder for, you know, two years, but I didn't think I could do it or, you know, it was too much trouble. Okay? That has me engage. And the second thing that really helps me move from this fix into, into no, I've done it or I'm doing it, is the idea, and I said this in the last episode,

[00:08:42] no action that I don't take makes any difference. But any action, literally any action, it might be the worst action to take, but any action I take teaches me something and points me in a direction. All I have to do is something. Literally, just something. Now let's talk real quick about action and maintenance

[00:09:11] because I couldn't leave you hanging in May talking about new beginnings only in those early stages. And, and really I wanted to spend the month on the early stages because that's where we are in suffering, man. It is painful to not know we have a problem and yet be bombarded by the natural consequences of that problem all the time. It is painful to come to a conclusion that,

[00:09:39] oh, wait, that problem I thought was all y'all. That's a me problem. And I don't know what to do. And I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I've had this me problem all this time. I thought it was y'all. It's a painful spot to be in. And then to have a plan, but not have the confidence or the grace or the growth mindset to put it in action. These are really tough places to be.

[00:10:07] And if you're there, this is exactly the people I work with. So this is sort of my, my ball of wax. Finally, we take an action. So let's talk about action. When you take an action, there's a chance that it's not going to go well. Okay. Something will happen, but there's a chance it will not go well.

[00:10:30] Some of us get stuck here because we don't have the grace and honesty to really look at what happened. I'm going to tell you the, the power is not only in your actions. The power is in your reflections, your learning, your practice, your failures, and your successes that happen with those actions.

[00:11:01] If we don't reflect and learn and practice it again and practice it again and practice it again, those actions will bring us minimal results. So how do you get your mind open and available to practice it? To practice it 40, 11 times, to fail, to succeed, and still go, still push forward even after a success.

[00:11:28] Still, you know, have the energy after that failure. You pour mountain fulls of grace on that. Now, grace is not something that makes you complacent. Grace is the love you give to yourself as a growing, learning human being. And with that grace, but only with that grace, do you get the clarity that comes to you.

[00:11:57] See, if you can't be solid in, oh, I'm trying this experiment called, if I eat whole foods, my cholesterol will come down. Or if I go to the gym more, then I will be happier when I'm out running or when I'm doing my housework. Or if I start getting honest with my husband, my marriage will be better. Right?

[00:12:25] If you can't really douse yourself in that grace, then when something unexpected happens, even if it's a wild success, you're likely not to be honest about it. You're likely not to take your own accomplishments. You're likely, and it sounds something like this. You lose 10 pounds.

[00:12:53] You see a girlfriend in the grocery store. She's like, dang, girl, you look so slim. And instead of saying like, yeah, actually, I have worked for 12 weeks and I've been doing this and this and I've lost 10 pounds. And I'm fitting into my clothes better. That's clear. Clear. And full of self-love.

[00:13:19] Instead of giving that response, you give the, I think it must be the pants. Must be the pants, girl. Because, I mean, I've lost a little, but it's not a big deal. No grace there. And also no clarity. You see how like, yeah, I've done this, this, and this. And I've gotten this, this, and this. Very clear. It's a direction pointer. But you stay in the like, no, it wasn't a big deal. No direction there.

[00:13:46] Or you blame it on outside sources. Maybe you haven't lost that 10 pounds. And someone comes up and says something to you. And you're like, yeah, no. I don't know what's been, I've been doing everything perfectly. And I just, it's not for me. I'm not going to, no clarity there. No clarity. No empowerment. I can't do this. I know y'all can do it. I can't do this. No grace there.

[00:14:14] So really, when we go into that action phase and then into that maintenance phase, our skills to detach a little bit, to reflect, learn, practice, fail, succeed, come back, keep going, come back, keep going, get real clear, throw some grace on it, get clear again, get a little slight trajectory shift. That's how we use actions and then the maintenance from those actions to continue our results.

[00:14:44] And to be honest, if you've really worked, if you've really been thorough with the work that has to be done, moving from I'm thinking about thinking it to, oh no, I'm thinking about it to I'm fixing to, and then you cultivate that courage to jump into action.

[00:15:07] If you've done that work well, you've got the honesty, the grace, and the clarity to keep those actions moving and keep your results coming. So that's it. New beginnings. They're terrifying. They're awesome sauce. And I'm all here for it. And I've had a lot. So less scary. The more you do it, the less scary it is. Okay, y'all. I've enjoyed being with y'all in May.

[00:15:36] June is going to be something super awesome. I want to just give you a teaser right now. I went on a spiritual pilgrimage in April and May, and all of June is going to be dedicated to breaking that down with my fearless leader, Carla Wogan. We are going to just hash that out and let you have all the life lessons that pop up when you hang out with a spiritual director.

[00:16:06] So I'm really looking forward to that. I hope you are too. Have a great May. By now, you're through it, man. And we will see you next month in June on Healthy AF. Thanks for hanging out with me today on Healthy AF. I hope something you heard helps you take one small, kind step toward your healthiest self. If you love this episode, hit subscribe so you never miss a conversation.

[00:16:34] And if you want more support, head over to myhealthylife.coach to connect with me. Remember, you don't have to do it perfectly. You just have to start choosing you. See you next time. You've been listening to The Mesh, an online media network of shows and programs ranging

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