In this insightful episode of Healthy AF, Amy tackles the complex world of expectations during the holiday season. Whether you're bracing for the worst or hoping for the best, the expectations we carry can significantly shape our experiences. Amy delves into how our anticipations can color our holiday season, for better or worse, and offers practical advice on managing these expectations. This episode is all about learning to temper our forecasts with a healthy dose of reality, opening ourselves up to a holiday season filled with genuine wonderment and awe. Join Amy as she guides us through resetting our outlook to embrace the holidays with fresh eyes and an open heart, ensuring a truly magical season.
Trying to get healthy and stay healthy is f-ing hard! Everybody struggles with some aspect of it, no matter what they look like or what they tell you. There is no magic formula - a healthy lifestyle is a choice we need to make daily. Join Amy as she supports, informs, and entertains you on your journey toward health.
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[00:00:01] Hey I'm Amy Chang, I'm a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach and this is Healthy AF.
[00:00:08] In this podcast I'll be bringing you all things health, from the newest health strategies to how to tackle those personal roadblocks that just will not let you move forward.
[00:00:18] So buckle in, we're going to be inspired and instructed and dadgum we're going to have a little fun on Healthy AF.
[00:00:25] Hey everybody and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. I think this is going to drop in our last December, wow it's the last episode of the year 2024, whoop whoop it's a wrap.
[00:00:42] And it's the perfect conversation actually to have as the last conversation of the year because it's all about expectations.
[00:00:54] We've lived the whole year, for some of us we've lived a lot of years.
[00:00:59] And this is all about expectations in the holiday.
[00:01:03] So for me and my family going through the holidays has been so vastly different in the last eight years than it had in the previous time.
[00:01:23] Um, you know, for me, uh, when the marriage to their dad ended instantly, you know, that changes your holiday scene, you know, with the three kids.
[00:01:38] And then a move across the state changes the holiday scene, um, having kids in college changes your holiday scene, having kids, uh, working, having kids dating other people, me dating people.
[00:01:55] Um, thank God mama's not dating anybody.
[00:01:58] I think that would really put a wrench.
[00:02:01] I don't even know what we would do.
[00:02:03] And I was talking to some friends, um, today actually about what our holidays look like and how they're different.
[00:02:13] And I'll say now I've got a tender spot.
[00:02:16] I don't know if we're going to have tears in this podcast or not, but I have a real tender spot on some of the loss of traditions that we've had through the years around the holidays.
[00:02:33] It's not just the loss of traditions that my immediate family, my brother, my mom and daddy, and, uh, my extended family, my going to grandma's house with cousins.
[00:02:44] We had the GFL, it was the grandma's football league and it was on like Donkey Kong.
[00:02:50] We loved it.
[00:02:51] We laughed.
[00:02:52] We played hard until my youngest cousin, Doug would have a temper tantrum and go inside and tell everybody that we wouldn't play with him.
[00:02:59] And then we all had to come in, but that was, you know, that's how, you know, the game was ending.
[00:03:03] You know, Doug was pissed and we were going inside.
[00:03:06] Gosh, so many good traditions, you know, Santa Claus.
[00:03:10] Fun fact, my kids thought that Santa Claus was real for a long time because they knew their daddy wouldn't put effort into buying and wrapping and doing all that stuff.
[00:03:25] And they knew I was too cheap to buy all those presents.
[00:03:29] So they were like completely, um, befuddled with like, who is doing all this?
[00:03:37] It was, it was just me and their dad, but you know, that worked for a long time.
[00:03:42] And now it looks something like I'm going to mama's on the eve.
[00:03:49] I'm pretty sure that my son is also coming to mama's and that my oldest will be there already.
[00:03:56] My oldest daughter will be there already.
[00:03:57] I think my youngest is going to be there and I'm pretty sure that we're going to do something Christmas Eve-ish, maybe with some presents.
[00:04:11] And then I have no idea what else is going to look like.
[00:04:15] I don't know if we're cooking, especially with me driving.
[00:04:21] I don't know what good of a mood I'm going to be in after driving or Max for that point.
[00:04:27] He's driving that day too.
[00:04:30] I don't know if anybody's going to feel rushed to get to their daddy's or maybe some of their step family or boyfriend, girlfriend kind of things.
[00:04:45] So there's a lot I don't know.
[00:04:49] And there's a lot of newness.
[00:04:53] It used to be very set.
[00:04:55] Christmas was at our house.
[00:04:57] Thanksgiving was at the Chang's house.
[00:05:01] It hasn't been that way in a long time.
[00:05:05] So how do you deal with changing traditions and not having traditions?
[00:05:14] You know, first year after that divorce?
[00:05:18] First year after you've had a family member pass away.
[00:05:28] That's a tough one.
[00:05:31] First year after a breakup.
[00:05:36] First year after you've graduated college and now you're working a job that's shift work.
[00:05:44] And you're working on Christmas.
[00:05:48] Yeah.
[00:05:48] There's just so many times in our lives where the traditions are just blown out of the water.
[00:05:57] And what do we do and how do we handle it?
[00:06:02] And I think that leads us right into the more important conversation of expectation.
[00:06:12] Expectations around holidays.
[00:06:15] We always say that expectations are premeditated resentments.
[00:06:21] I've also heard you can't be disappointed if you don't have an expectation.
[00:06:25] So let's just think about how you might think or expect your holiday to go.
[00:06:36] You might expect that when you get your family together again, somebody's going to start drinking.
[00:06:44] And by the time they drink a little bit too much, they're going to start yelling at people.
[00:06:49] You might expect that your family is going to sit down and play cards or be in grandma's football league.
[00:06:58] And somebody is eventually going to get pissed off.
[00:07:02] And in the game and everybody else is going to be on eggshells.
[00:07:07] You might expect that it's going to be great.
[00:07:12] That everybody's going to come in and they're all going to be happy.
[00:07:15] And it's just going to be fabulous.
[00:07:17] And nothing's going to go wrong.
[00:07:18] And the bread's going to come out of the oven right on time.
[00:07:21] And it's not going to be burnt at all.
[00:07:22] And the turkey or the ham is going to be just juicy.
[00:07:29] What would it be like if you had no expectation?
[00:07:39] Is there freedom there?
[00:07:42] There is for me.
[00:07:44] Because when I stay inside an expectation of a poor result, a result I don't want to have, typically I make that happen.
[00:07:56] I'm not a magician.
[00:07:57] I swear I don't have many superpowers.
[00:08:01] That's not one of them.
[00:08:04] I don't have the superpower to just magically make things happen.
[00:08:09] But when I start looking for the undesirable things that have happened in the past that I'm fearful of and I expect them, usually I can find them.
[00:08:26] Or I walk into them.
[00:08:28] Or I'm weird.
[00:08:30] I've heard that one a lot.
[00:08:32] And it's true.
[00:08:33] Okay, I'm not denying it.
[00:08:34] I'm being weird.
[00:08:36] Mom, you're being weird.
[00:08:37] Yeah, mom's being weird because she's terrified that one of us is going to, you know, lose our shizzle.
[00:08:44] And so she's just over here like, you know, trying to placate.
[00:08:48] That's what happens when I walk into expectations of a really hard holiday.
[00:08:58] I don't want to live into that.
[00:09:00] So wipe that out.
[00:09:02] What happens when we live in an expectation of like, oh yeah, every other holiday has been really hard and challenging and five people come in late and two people forget what they're bringing for, you know, to cook, to contribute.
[00:09:15] And, you know, Uncle Lester is in the recliner asleep and never talks to anybody.
[00:09:21] Well, when you do that, you set yourself up to be just disappointed.
[00:09:30] When you go like, it's all going to be sunshine and roses and everything's going to be great even though it's never been great before.
[00:09:37] No, this is a year.
[00:09:39] This is the year it's going to be awesome.
[00:09:42] Well, dude, you're just blowing smoke.
[00:09:48] The disappointment on the other side of that and the anger.
[00:09:53] Is likely to bite you in the hooch.
[00:09:58] So what would it be like if you went into this holiday season with absolutely no expectations?
[00:10:08] You know, I hadn't even really thought about that.
[00:10:11] Let me put it in another way.
[00:10:16] What if this was your very first holiday season?
[00:10:26] Can you imagine?
[00:10:29] Can you presence?
[00:10:31] The curiosity?
[00:10:34] The wonder?
[00:10:40] The connection?
[00:10:41] The fun?
[00:10:44] The surprise?
[00:10:49] Gosh, I can.
[00:10:55] And I don't know.
[00:10:57] Like, I'm not sure.
[00:10:59] I don't know what to expect.
[00:11:02] We might sit down and have supper.
[00:11:06] It might be eggs and bacon.
[00:11:09] Not sure yet.
[00:11:11] Think of something that you've done recently that was a brand new experience.
[00:11:19] Had absolutely no preparation.
[00:11:23] Didn't know what to expect.
[00:11:25] Maybe it was a movie that you saw without watching the trailer.
[00:11:31] Maybe it was an exercise class that you showed up for, but you weren't really sure what it was.
[00:11:42] Maybe it was going to a new church, new job, met a new person.
[00:11:53] Something that was brand new and you really had no idea what to expect.
[00:11:59] There's something really, gosh, let me find the perfect word.
[00:12:07] It's not special.
[00:12:10] I'm going to say wild.
[00:12:13] Something really wild about that.
[00:12:17] All the noticing of all the things.
[00:12:25] That could be a good holiday tradition for me to begin.
[00:12:30] So I'm inviting you to come along with me.
[00:12:35] The invitation is to lay down your expectations.
[00:12:40] That it's going to be great.
[00:12:42] Or it's going to suck.
[00:12:44] Or the meal's going to be horrible.
[00:12:47] Or the fruitcake's going to be awesome.
[00:12:51] Just to lay all that down.
[00:12:54] And walk in.
[00:12:56] I don't know what this day's going to be like.
[00:13:01] And I'm here for it.
[00:13:08] Oh, yeah.
[00:13:10] That sounds like a good way to live.
[00:13:12] Okay, well that's how I'm rolling this holiday season.
[00:13:15] I will see you in 2025.
[00:13:22] If you want to know how to jump on the no expectation train,
[00:13:27] just grab a consult.
[00:13:29] The link's in the show notes.
[00:13:31] Give yourself some grace when you find that you're actually disappointed
[00:13:34] or that you got stuck in like wanting it to be one way
[00:13:38] and then it didn't turn out that way.
[00:13:40] Let that shit go.
[00:13:43] Give yourself some grace.
[00:13:44] Love on yourself.
[00:13:45] And I will see you next time on Healthy AF.
[00:13:51] Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Healthy AF Podcast.
[00:13:55] I hope that it has helped you create a new possibility for your health
[00:13:59] and sets you into action to go get it.
[00:14:03] If you want more information or if you want to connect with me,
[00:14:06] visit my website at myhealthylife.coach.
[00:14:10] And don't forget to hit the subscribe button
[00:14:13] so that each new Healthy AF episode will be sent directly to you.
[00:14:18] Let's take you from where you are to where you want to go.
[00:14:22] Thanks for saying you.
[00:14:22] Bye.
[00:14:23] We'll see you next time.