If you find yourself constantly trying to solve your own problems like a Rubik's cube, or if you're paralyzed in areas of your life where you desperately want to see progress, you might just be in a WHY trap. Amy delves into the signs that indicate you're stuck in this cycle and offers insightful strategies to stop overanalyzing and start taking action. Beyond identifying the traps, Amy shares two essential tools necessary to either stay out of the trap or escape it effectively. Learn how to break free from the trap, stop the endless cycle of "figuring yourself out," and step into a life of movement and fulfillment. This episode is your guide to navigating your way out of the traps that hold you back, armed with the right tools to live more freely and fully.
Trying to get healthy and stay healthy is f-ing hard! Everybody struggles with some aspect of it, no matter what they look like or what they tell you. There is no magic formula - a healthy lifestyle is a choice we need to make daily. Join Amy as she supports, informs, and entertains you on your journey toward health.
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[00:00:02] What you want, when you want it, where you want it. This is The MESH. Hey, I'm Amy Chang. I'm a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach, and this is Healthy AF. In this podcast, I'll be bringing you all things health, from the newest health strategies to how to tackle those personal roadblocks that just will not let you move forward.
[00:00:27] So buckle in. We're going to be inspired and instructed, and dadgum, we're going to have a little fun on Healthy AF. Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. Today's episode is the WHY Trap. Now, if you love to figure stuff out, and you often find that you're thinking about stuff a lot, but maybe not making the headway you want to make,
[00:00:56] the WHY Trap might have you snagged up. So what the heck do I mean when I say the WHY Trap? Well, here we go. The WHY Trap is getting stuck in, why can't I just follow through on the plans that I made?
[00:01:19] Why can't I just start my exercise program and stick to it? Why can that lady over there do it so easily? Why does she act like that? So there's two different WHY traps that you heard in there.
[00:01:42] One is, why can't I, why don't I, which also could be translated as, what's wrong with me? Um, that's, that's, that's a, a favorite shame facet that, that my brain likes to go to from, why can't I just do this to, what's wrong with me? That's a comfy cozy place to be. Not really, it's a horrible place to be, okay. And then the other WHY Trap, which is about other people.
[00:02:13] And that WHY Trap is, why would they do that? Why can't she just stop yelling at me? Right? Why is she always trying to beat me down? Okay. So that's the other, the other person, WHY Trap. Why won't they just stop drinking? Why won't they just start eating better? Why won't they just put down the cigarettes?
[00:02:37] Why won't they, you know, like all that. And that body of, uh, context also involves the figuring out of another person. The figuring out. Well, um, I was wondering why they will not stop smoking, but I think it's because they grew up
[00:03:05] and their mama told them that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or in their family, such and such was really nasty to them. And then, you know, when they were a little boy, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay.
[00:03:19] The figuring out, the psychoanalyzing, the conversation you have with your girlfriends over hours, probably like, um, over a glass of wine or lots of, um, the girls night out ish things that I have been to.
[00:03:38] The conversation sort of tends to go there. Why do those other people in my life do this? Wait, I've figured it out. It's because of X, Y, and Z. Monumental waste of time. Like I can guarantee you zero amount of change in your life actually happens
[00:04:06] because you've spent 10 months trying to psychoanalyze someone who may or may not even be in your life anymore. But you have decided that you have figured out why they won't stop or start whatever it is that you have determined that they need to stop or start. It's a waste of time. And I'll, I'll put it one more. Gosh, this feels like a rant podcast.
[00:04:34] I'll go one more. It's disrespectful. I call it being the Rubik's Rubik's cube. And I say that when I notice that I'm trying to figure me out. Why can I not do this? Why is this so hard?
[00:04:55] What in me makes this, you know, so difficult to accomplish? Well, is it important? Do you need to know? I mean, remember my, my background is as a nurse practitioner. And so there are lots of whys. There are whys that are really good to chase down. Why does my knee always hurt when I run? Chase that one down.
[00:05:23] Why am I peeing in my pants? It is not normal aging. I'm saying that again. It's not normal aging. Chase that down. That's a great why to chase down. Why do I really want to lose this weight? Fantastic why. You know, those are good whys to, to chase. Those are not traps.
[00:05:45] But the figuring out what happened 25 years ago that had you be this way, it can get a little bit overdone. Now, of course, I'm coming in hot today because I'm thinking, I've been thinking about this all afternoon and how I wanted to address it
[00:06:13] and how your big why of what you do, why you do is important and motivating. And also the why trap of the, but what has me not do this can be a real snag that keeps us very close to the shame button of what's wrong with me and also keeps us inactive.
[00:06:40] No decisions being made, no actions being taken, no objective measurements to be had. Okay. Let me see if, if I can make sure that I'm clear on this. When I dig around to look at why I do something and I stay inactive, that's a trap.
[00:07:10] When I dig around on why I do something and the answer that keeps popping up is because there's something wrong with me and I'm not good enough, that too is a trap. When I am manipulating in my head that maybe if I just did this, then I wouldn't suffer with that. Or maybe if I did that, then she would like me. Or maybe if, you know,
[00:07:39] when you are in the, if I turn the Rubik's Cube that way, maybe the white will come from the side onto this side. Well, what if I turn it that way and this way? You know, it can be a colossal waste of time. Now, I'm not opposed to digging in and doing the inquiry of what is it that has me feeling this way,
[00:08:09] acting this way, struggling with this certain thing. And, supported with a lot of love and a lot of worth, self-worth and self-compassion and acceptance, that's a big one. And, being in action. Now, if you want to use those little three triangle pieces, then I think that the inquiry into, like,
[00:08:38] how did I get here? You know, sometimes those things can really be helpful. In fact, I'll say almost always those things can be really helpful. It's the spin, the figuring out, the trap that you want to be really cautious of. So, I'm going to recap. This is going to be a very short podcast. Because, I don't want to dilute it down.
[00:09:06] I can't tell you how many times a day in normal conversations, I hear people with the why trap. Sometimes it sounds like the how trap. How could they think that that would work? You know, how, why would she, why would she even think about doing that? Why wouldn't they know to stop? How come I can't succeed? The why, the why, how.
[00:09:36] So, when you hear those things in your brain, it's a good time to push your pause button and take just that minute to think, wait, is this an inquiry that I can have love, support, compassion, acceptance for and apply action and see what happens? Or, is this me spinning around trying to Rubik's Cube
[00:10:06] my life, my experiences, my identity, my mind, meanwhile, not doing anything? or worse, someone else's mind, behavior, experiences, psyche, you know, and that surely is not going to change anything in your life. So, I hope that gives you a little snippet of when you're in the why trap,
[00:10:35] what it sounds like in your head, the why hows, okay, all those questions and also, I hope it gives you a snippet of when you get there and you have a why and you can just accept and be supported and have compassion, then you can go into action. I'm going to give you a real life example because I want to make sure
[00:11:02] that I'm being clear. There was a point in my life I had had some coaching and it was time for me to re-up my coaching and it was not cheap and I had this why trap snagging me. Well, why do other people not need to be coached
[00:11:32] and they can still get stuff done and, you know, pay their bills on time and manage their ADHD and seem to be happy but, I do better with a coach. Why do I need a coach? What's wrong with me? And I sat swimming in that why trap. Painful, painful place to be
[00:11:59] and then one day I thought, it doesn't matter. It literally makes no difference. If you need a coach, go get a coach. Live your life. If you know it helps you, then go do that. And I did. But it was only when I had learned to accept, Amy,
[00:12:28] I don't know why your brain works different than other people's but it does. And it was only when I could have compassion for like, Amy, I get it that you don't want your brain to work this way. That you would like it to look like work like other people's brains look like they work. But you still have a lot of worth with the brain that you have.
[00:12:59] And you can still do a lot of stuff when you allow yourself to be supported in the way that you need to be supported. I hope that gives you something for today. If you're Rubik's cubing your brain and your experiences and and your your why and you're you're trapped in the why trap with the why and how questions,
[00:13:28] get out of there. You can always schedule a time to talk with me. There's a little free clicky thing to schedule a consultation. It's free. Talk to a person who's a couple steps ahead of you on the journey. Call out to a friend who is growing. Reach out to maybe a Sunday school class, a 12-step group. Reach out to anyone who can serve you and help you escape the why trap.
[00:13:57] And you'll know who those people are because those people are the ones who support you. They are compassionate. They are accepting. And they'll put your feet in the fire because they love you enough to know how big you are. Get out of those traps, people. There's no answers. There's no growing in there. Y'all have a great week and I will see you next time on Healthy AF. As always,
[00:14:28] give yourself some grace and love each other. See you then. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Healthy AF Podcast. I hope that it has helped you create a new possibility for your health and sets you into action to go get it. If you want more information or if you want to connect with me, visit my website at myhealthylife.coach and don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that
[00:14:57] each new Healthy AF episode will be sent directly to you. Let's take you from where you are to where you want to go. You've been listening to The Mesh, an online media network of shows and programs ranging from business to arts, sports to entertainment, music to community. All programs are available on the website
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