Embracing Recovery: Finding Joy Beyond Addiction

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00]: What you want when you want it, where you want it. This is the MESH.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey everybody and welcome to this very special episode of Healthy AF. Actually, this is a topic that's near and dear to my heart.

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_02]: September is National Recovery Month. So if you're wondering like recovery, what are we talking about?

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_02]: We're talking about addictions and the family and friends who are affected by addictions.

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_02]: For me, this is a personal topic as I have some friends who have suffered from alcoholism.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_02]: I have some friends who are in recovery. I have some friends who are still drinking. I have some friends who have passed away.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_02]: So it's been a interesting two years for me entering into recovery.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_02]: And I thought that I would share that here with you because we might think that

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_02]: You don't know anybody who's an alcoholic. You might think that you're not an alcoholic.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_02]: But chances are you know somebody and you might just be an alcoholic yourself

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_02]: And that's okay, and there's help. So I wanted to make sure that I came on and just shared with y'all

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Where I've been and what I've been doing and how I'm celebrating my recovery because there's it's a really joyful place for me. It's emotional, but it's a really joyful place for me. So welcome to National Recovery Month

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's see first off. I should tell you if you've forgotten that I have a nursing background so four years my only

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Perspective about what an alcoholic was was an alcoholic who was in some in-stage liver failure or

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Really in the depths of struggling with what the ravages of the disease does to your body

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_02]: So for me if I came in contact with an alcoholic they were a really

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_02]: They were really deep into the physical effects of

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_02]: their disease. I was hanging up vitamin bags because absorption of

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Mineral's and vitamins in alcoholics are really like poopy stink stink

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_02]: So most of the time when they came in they were in withdrawals

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_02]: They might be swinging at you

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_02]: They might be

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Somnilant and like sort of kind of passed out we were hanging banana bags their liver's typically weren't working

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_02]: So they had yellow eyeballs and some yellow skin and that was what an alcoholic look like to me

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_02]: That's really not the only way in alcohol it can look okay

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_02]: But that's the only concept I have

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I've talked to other people and they've said things like oh yeah

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_02]: The guy who lives under the bridge

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_02]: He's the alcoholic

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_02]: And he might be but the reality is the mom

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Who's at home?

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_02]: She might be an alcoholic too

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_02]: And that's okay and there is help and I'm gonna say that about 50 times on this podcast

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_02]: So

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_02]: In my nursing career we used a cage assessment tool. It's a quick tool and um if you are listening

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_02]: And you are wondering if you might have a problem with alcohol or um if you

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_02]: No someone who might have a problem with alcohol. Here's a four question

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Assessment tool that

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Can point you into the right direction

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_02]: It's called cage c-a-g

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_02]: And I'll have a link in the show notes so that you can find all this information

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_02]: There's gonna be lots of links in the show notes system

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_02]: The seat is for cut down. Have you ever tried to cut down on your drinking and haven't been able to

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_02]: That might look like um

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_02]: You say that you're just gonna be dry a week but by the time Thursday hits and it's been that kind of week

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_02]: You decide to go ahead and drink it could be like something also happened and you're like well of course

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I have to celebrate or it could be like something crappy happened like well

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I just need to drink to you know wash it all away

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so it could be something like that but you've tried to cut down on your drinking and haven't been able to

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_02]: A is for oh shoot

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_02]: A noid

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you ever been annoyed that people are asking you about your drinking?

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_02]: So is there someone in your life who has been like hey are you sure you want to pour another or

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Why can't you just have one or two or um

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_02]: You know when you said that last night

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_02]: It really hurt my feelings and you can't remember what you said to them that night

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_02]: If you're annoyed about people asking you about your drinking if you the G is for

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Shoot I can't remember the G. Let me go back and look at the G oh

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you felt guilty that's it? Have you ever felt guilty about your drinking?

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Done something for gotten something

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Something that and and I I like shame, but

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_02]: The guilt of I tried to control it but I just couldn't I don't know why I couldn't why am I failing at this over and over again guilt

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_02]: So the juice for guilty and the E is for eye opener

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you ever needed an eye opener to get awake in the morning so have you needed that first of the morning drink to sort of like

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Get going so that's the cage assessment tool

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna say it again since I forgot what the G was it's cut down

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you ever tried to cut down and couldn't do that?

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_02]: annoyed if you've been annoyed about people asking you about your drinking

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_02]: guilty if you have felt guilty about drinking and you can't stop and

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Is eye opener have you ever needed an eye opener so just for your reference

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_02]: If you have one of those

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_02]: You probably need to take a look at your drinking if you have to

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_02]: It's likely that you have a problem with your drinking and may need to get some help to

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_02]: To get you through that

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_02]: One thing that really sits on me

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_02]: As a non alcohol at drinker in fact I'm sober now I've been sober for a year

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_02]: But I didn't have a problem with alcohol. It was an easy cut to make for me

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_02]: With a healthcare background

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_02]: I thought that I knew

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_02]: What alcoholism looks like

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_02]: so

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Did the cage assessment

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_02]: On a friend of mine and the score was there

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_02]: And I still couldn't believe that assessment tool because I thought but

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_02]: They're really functional

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_02]: and

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_02]: They're really a go-getter and

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_02]: They're put together and they've got plenty of money and they

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_02]: seem healthy and they're really nice

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_02]: well

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_02]: That too can be an alcoholic

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_02]: So a few years ago my counselor actually said to me

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey Amy are you ready to address your codependence?

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_02]: codependency is

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_02]: way of thinking and behaving that is rampant in

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_02]: addiction

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Whether it's to

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_02]: food or gambling or

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_02]: alcohol or drugs

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_02]: Or people or obsessive thinking right like all of that

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_02]: falls into that category codependency

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_02]: and I was having a hard time with it my life was

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Was in a very painful spot

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I think I've alluded to some of this before on this podcast and there's no need for me to

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Share the whole story

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_02]: But it was a tough time as probably

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_02]: The hardest couple of years in my 51 years is when I chose to like get serious about this codependency

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_02]: and look at how

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_02]: addiction fit into that for me

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_02]: So my counselor and all her wisdom sent me to

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_02]: an alcohol autonomous meeting

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_02]: She told me to get a big book

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_02]: This is called the big books of alcohol at synonymous

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_02]: and she also recommended that I get a 12 and 12

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Which is a book about the 12 steps and 12 traditions

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Which is a framework for behavioral change

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_02]: It's fascinating really when you think about from a health coaching perspective

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_02]: the transformative behavior change we do in

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_02]: health coaching and how that lines up with

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Transformative behavior change of the 12 steps 12 traditions

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_02]: fascinating they they mirror out pretty well

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_02]: And go to an amine

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_02]: and I did

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_02]: And what I found there were people who were just like me

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Who

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Whose bodies did not process alcohol in the ways that my body processed alcohol

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_02]: I've continued going to 12 step meetings through alcohol was anonymous and through

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Alan on which is a group for family and friends of alcoholics

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a support group there where I address my behavioral patterns and must we call it a stinky thinking

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_02]: with

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_02]: things that lead me into depression

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Thoughts that lead me into

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_02]: numbing out

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't like this thing that's happening in my life

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm just going to Netflix it up for the next two days

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't like the things that are happening in my life

[00:11:43] [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm gonna see if I can go on a date and just be with somebody anybody

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_02]: I

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Don't like the things that are going on in my life so I'm gonna have that cupcake

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Those thought patterns it's uncomfortable in here with me

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_02]: So I need to go out here to something else

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_02]: To help this uncomfortable go away

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Now

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_02]: You'd be hard pressed to convince me that all of us

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Don't struggle with that

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I know we all struggle with that in some capacity

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_02]: And I think that that thing we reach for

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_02]: is different at different times in our lives and

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Different for different people

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_02]: I can tell you I totally numbed out on the Netflix the other day

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_02]: So having a really hard weekend

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_02]: The thoughts in my head where that I didn't belong

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't belong anywhere and that was painful for me

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_02]: So me and the British

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_02]: The British ministry some PBS we had a date

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Like all day on Saturday and Sunday

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And that's how I sort of like numbed out from that

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Well what if it's alcohol?

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_02]: What if it's people what if it's drugs?

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_02]: So welcome to national recovery month

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_02]: This is a place where you get to look at all your numbing out

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_02]: This is a place where you get to look at different frameworks

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_02]: where you get to be honest with yourself and really look

[00:13:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Really look and be honest with yourself

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_02]: What are you using to get out of that uncomfortable spot?

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_02]: And the uncomfortable can be joy too

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_02]: You know joy can sometimes be a very uncomfortable

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Emotion to have

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Because the minute we recognize that we're in it and it feels good

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_02]: We might be scared about losing it and that is a real pain point

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_02]: So I told my producer me something like this podcast is going to be a ramble on and it and it kind of is

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_02]: So I told you a little bit about what my experience has been without alcoholics

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I have been so inspired

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I have learned so much

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I am in all of so many people who are alcoholics and are recovering

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_02]: This book alcoholics anonymous on the big book of alcoholics anonymous opened my heart

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_02]: And gave me so much compassion for people who are struggling with a different addiction than auto

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_02]: You know my addiction might be sugar and the Netflix

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_02]: It's really no different

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_02]: There's just has a different impact so when you read through this book the first 164 pages

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_02]: We'll give you a good idea of what types of alcoholics there are

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_02]: While they struggle and how it's different from other people and how it's very same same to other people

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_02]: And I'd encourage you to pick up a book and do a little reading if you can't afford this book

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_02]: You can find this book online for free

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_02]: There's a ton of AA resources

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_02]: And you know AA is not the only way to get sober and it's not the only way to understand alcoholism

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_02]: It was a good place for me to start and I personally love that program in the 12 steps

[00:15:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Alan on has been a fantastic way

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_02]: For me to heal

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_02]: for me to recognize

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_02]: What patterns that I have in my behaviors that are not healthy for me

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_02]: And recognize when someone else is suffering and what's the best way for me to have sanity around them

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_02]: You know if someone in your life is suffering it's hard

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_02]: It's hard to be around that all the time

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know even when as a mommy even when my kids were suffering you know from that moment of

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_02]: They had their first breakup

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Or they had their first bad grade or they're struggling with an eating disorder

[00:16:09] [SPEAKER_02]: Or depression and anxiety

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_02]: From the smallest things to the biggest things it's so hard

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_02]: To be beside them and supportive and compassionate and not lose your whole

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_02]: sense of self

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Trying to help them with their problem

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_02]: It's not your problem. It's their problem. I promise you you have enough problems of your own

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_02]: You don't have to pick up anybody else's

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_02]: The 12 steps help me do that

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_02]: So there's another assessment tool through AA that I wanted to read off you. There's no way I can

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Memorize all this

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Just listen to some of these questions

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Maybe you can relate or not

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so?

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_02]: But only lasted for a couple of days

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking stop telling you what to do?

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another and the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you ever had a drink upon awakening during the first during the past year?

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_02]: As your drinking cost trouble at home

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_02]: And I'd say if you're a young person has it cost trouble for you at school or in your grades

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking anytime you want to even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Do you have blackouts and have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

[00:18:06] [SPEAKER_02]: So that's the assessment tool that comes off of

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_02]: A-a.org their their webpage there are so many

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Ways you can assess yourself and at the end of the day only you can say if it's a problem for you or not

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_02]: But there are so many ways for you to get help

[00:18:27] [SPEAKER_02]: You're not by yourself

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Whether it's a friend or family member who is struggling and that struggle is impacting you

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Your attachment to that struggle

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Is causing you to lose time at school or work

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_02]: Causing you to behave in activities that don't feel good

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_02]: There is help and

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_02]: There's plenty of ways to get it friend to friend

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I would say pick up a big book and

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Read the first 164 pages and see if it speaks to you

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_02]: My counselor said get that book and every time you read the word drinking, I want you to think obsessive thinking

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_02]: She said that that was the biggest thing that I struggled with

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_02]: That self talk that

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Critical

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_02]: running narrative

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_02]: This has helped me with that

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_02]: So I would never say that this is a bad read for anyone

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I'd say it's a really good read for everybody

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_02]: And hopefully that can either open your eyes to something that you'd like to deal with and make a change in your life

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Or

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Give you some compassion for people who are struggling because we all need that

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_02]: So happy sobriety month. I could ramble literally four days and days and days about the shift that

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_02]: My involvement in 12 step programs with Alan on an AA have

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Given to me and the hope that I have that all people

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Have that kind of shift in their lives where they I can take responsibility for themselves and

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Find joy and be of service to other people

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Happy sobriety month if you liked this

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_02]: podcast

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Like it share it subscribe it if you

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_02]: heard this podcast and you think man I need a little help

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Reach out

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Reach out. I'll be happy to talk to you

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_02]: about where the best place for you to start might be

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_02]: What you need to know we can at least have a conversation to help you get some clarity on where you're at

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_02]: And you're so loved and you're so worth it

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_02]: If you're self-sum Grace, it's not your fault. We all wound up the way we wound up but we don't have to stay this way

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Share this uh episode and I will see you next time on Help the AF

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Healthier if podcast

[00:21:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I hope that it has helped you create a new possibility for your health and since you end the action to go get it

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_02]: If you want more information or if you want to connect with me visit my website at my

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Help the Life.co

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_02]: And don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that each new help the AF episode will be sent directly to the

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_02]: You let's take you from where you are to where you want to have

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