Confidence, Consistency, and the New Year’s Resolution Dance

[00:00:02] what you want, when you want it, where you want it. This is The MESH. Hey, I'm Amy Chang. I'm a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach, and this is Healthy AF. In this podcast, I'll be bringing you all things health, from the newest health strategies to how to tackle those personal roadblocks that just will not let you move forward. So buckle in.

[00:00:28] We're going to be inspired and instructed, and dadgum, we're going to have a little fun on Healthy AF. Hey, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Healthy AF. It's January, and it's mid-January, which means some of us who have made promises to ourselves,

[00:00:49] or we can call them resolutions, are two weeks in to these new behaviors that we have promised ourselves we will do. How's it going? This is a great time to let yourself down, feel defeated, like you are never going to be able to accomplish that thing that you said you were going to accomplish

[00:01:15] two weeks ago, and see yourself in a really negative light. So I thought I would do some sprinkling of tools in this episode of Healthy AF. And when I got to really thinking about it, you know, I don't usually do podcasts that are like tips and tricks, because although they can make a real

[00:01:37] difference, and they're handy, and I love them. My work and my best success has been inside mindset shifting, mindset work. So today, I wanted to sort of do a combination of the tool that is, I think,

[00:02:04] the biggest builder of consistency, especially when you're two weeks into January, and, you know, January 1st ain't all that different than December 31, right? So we might not be feeling the whoop, whoop. It's still winter. It's still a little bit darker. It's still cold outside, you know, and we woke

[00:02:27] up probably the same weight, the same curly hair that goes everywhere, and, you know, still dealing with all the same problems we had in December. It's just January now. So the biggest helper I see when it comes to creating consistency is confidence. It's confidence. Now, a lot of people I work with,

[00:02:57] their confidence is really hurting. They've got an experience of themselves. Now, I'm going to say that again, because I think it's weird wording to use, but it's not. It's a very concise wording, and I use this a lot with myself and my clients, and my coach uses it a lot with me. What is your

[00:03:19] experience of yourself? So when you think of getting that workout done, when you think of making those dietary changes, when you think of being a complete badass in the world, is your experience of yourself that you're a badass? Is your experience of yourself that you're going to give it a college try, but usually you fail? Is your experience of yourself, I can't do that, so I'm not even going to start?

[00:03:50] Okay. Well, let's talk about that, right? There's two ways I like to attack our experience of ourselves, i.e. our confidence level, and they seem like they're opposites, but they are not opposites. They're sort of like on the same continuum. I need you to not get heavy and try to figure this out. There's nothing to figure out.

[00:04:17] There's just two things that exist at the same time that are opposite each other. Okay? It's just like two tools. All right? They're opposite each other, and yet they exist at the same time. The first thing is you got to get your mind right. All the actions you can take

[00:04:39] that come from a place of a mindset that's scarcity or a mindset that's fear or, for me, mindset that's stubbornness. I've been very effective in my life when someone has told me I cannot achieve something. Please, please think that I'm the underdog so that I can come back and

[00:05:06] whoop you big, right? I've been very effective in that. When we come from places like that, though, typically those actions are not going to be sustainable. That level of passion, that level of drive, that level of obsessiveness is either not going to be sustainable or it's going to have a

[00:05:32] very high cost. You know, for a long time, I was president of the board at my kid's school when it was a very tiny school. And it was hard days, hard days. A lot of people were not even looking at our school. You couldn't get them to drive up and tour. I remember one time I was set for a open

[00:05:57] house and I had like 20 people say that they were coming. And I had called to confirm with 11 of them and, oh yeah, we're going to be there. And I had the balloons up. I really did the dog and pony show, right? I did the balloons. I planted all the flowers. I had all the handouts like in folders ready for everybody to come. Not one person came. Not one. A, that was the last time I did a dog and

[00:06:24] pony show. And B, I kept going, right? I just busted right through that barrier. The disappointment, the heartache, the, oh my gosh, I can't believe this. The feeling betrayed, like feeling like, well, people said they were coming. They didn't come. Like I busted through all those barriers. And I kept at it and kept at it and kept at it. And that little tiny school has

[00:06:52] grown. And now they've got a couple of big buildings and a student body that's great, you know, and they're solid. And I got to be a part of that when things were really dark and hard. And people would say to me, how do you work so hard? We've never seen somebody work so hard like you

[00:07:11] have. Well, long story short, there was a high cost. There was a high cost. I put in a lot of work and passion and obsessive thinking around achieving that thing that people in the community were telling me that I was never going to achieve. Boy, that is such a motivating force for me. I love being an underdog.

[00:07:40] My first CrossFit shoes actually say underdog on them. And I've kept them. I mean, kept all my CrossFit shoes, but I've kept those. I love those shoes. But when I get there, and maybe you can relate, what is it that you've done? Has it been something professionally? Has it been your diet, your exercise? Like, no, I will be running hell or high water, blah, blah, you know. What is it

[00:08:06] that you pour that into? And then around you, there's some costs. Like, my kids never knew if I was picking them up from school or if they were going to go to after school because mommy was still kind of working on stuff. There was a cost in every time the school had anything going on.

[00:08:33] We were there two hours early to set it up, and we were there three hours late to clean it up. A lot of times we were the first ones there and the last ones to leave. That took a toll on my marriage. It took a toll on my kids, my relationship with my kids. I think it probably took a toll on me socially because I had a lot of social contacts inside that school. But because that was my only thing that I did, there wasn't much

[00:09:00] room for anything else, right? So when we look at coming and just doing and doing and doing and plowing through and head down and grind and there's a barrier, no, jump over it, go through it, burn it up, let's go. When we look at that kind of hustle actions and the mindset isn't clear, it's muddy,

[00:09:29] maybe we're coming from that place of, you said I couldn't do it. Well, I'll show you. That is not sustainable and there's a high cost. You know, maybe we're coming from that mindset of, God, I can't believe like when I was 25, I was wearing a size eight and now I'm 50 and I'm wearing a size 12. And I just feel like, you know, there's something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with you.

[00:09:57] You know, when you're coming from that mindset of, I have to, I have to slash my budget or make all this money because I don't have enough. When you're in your house with food on the table, it's not sustainable, man. It's not empowering. There's nothing powerful about if I don't work my fanny bottom off, the people who said the school was going to close were right. God, God help us all

[00:10:25] if I'm not right. And, or the school's on a close. When we go there, it's just not going to be a long-term powerful place. It's a place that can achieve and can get stuff done, but you're not going to get your confidence and your capability out of that. Your experience of yourself is going to be probably

[00:10:50] that, you know, first hundred students was never good enough. We needed 120 or well, now we've got the students, but we don't have the building. If you look at it like that, well, like if you get into that size eight, is it good enough? Or do you, now you need to be in a six or now you have to have your boobs lifted up? Like when is it enough? When we drive and go into action without our mindsets clear

[00:11:16] and in an empowered space, there's not going to be a build of confidence and capability. Period. And so when you look at giving up your two-week resolutions and promises, if today is that day that you're wavering, maybe today is the day you need to really check

[00:11:45] your why. Why are you doing this? Why does it make a difference? What in your life is really going to change when you get to a size eight or get your boobies put in? What in your life is going to change when you eat all those vegetables? Why are you doing it? Why is it worth it to you? Get clear.

[00:12:09] And then you can choose. And in the choosing, having a mindset of I get to choose to put vegetables into my diet because actually I love my body and I know that I need vitamins and minerals. I know that I need a good, healthy, balanced diet and I want to take care of her in that way. That's a powerful place

[00:12:33] and I can choose from there. So I think that's my first tool. Get your mindset right. Not from fear, not from scarcity, not from, certainly not from, I'll show you, you told me I couldn't do it. That's such classic Amy Chang. Yeah. So not from those places, but like, no, what, what do you

[00:12:59] really want in your life and why is it important to you? Okay, well, let's go from there. All your actions have to come from that mindset. So if you want to build your confidence, you want to build your experience of yourself and you want to build your consistency in what you're doing, work on that mindset because if your mindset is not driving your actions, then your actions are going to suck. You're going to have a high cost and you're not going to keep them up.

[00:13:25] So that concept of, um, your mindset has to come first before your actions lives right across from, dude, you got to create actions. You got to create actions to have any confidence. It doesn't matter what your mindset is that day. It doesn't matter what your feelings are that day. It doesn't matter, um, what the weather is that day or how much time you think you don't have that

[00:13:55] day. If you don't do the actions, you will not have the confidence because life happens out here in the real world. So I know those two seem opposite, but let's talk a minute about, um, if you're struggling with your confidence and feeling capable, do something, do it. It doesn't matter what, do something.

[00:14:21] Done is better than perfect. Okay. Get that in your head. I just talked to a friend the other day and she said, well, I think that that workout plan is already down the drain for the new year. And I was like, what's going on? Well, it's so cold. And my plan was, you know, to walk outside and get my, you know, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, listen, can I just give you a little free

[00:14:47] coaching? She said, yeah. Okay, great. Do something. I'm like, keeping your streak is so important. You know, in, in Atomic Habits, uh, by James Clear, one of the first things that really got sticky in my brain is never skip it two days in a row. Never skip two days in a row.

[00:15:11] So to maintain that consistency, uh, my tip to her was just do something. You can hold a one minute plank. Okay. And call it done. Call it done. Is it what you wanted to do? No. Does that matter? Not really. Just do something out here in the world. You know, I've been really sick since Christmas and

[00:15:39] I've had a really hard time breathing, which is odd for me. Very frustrating. That's another whole podcast. But I got into the gym, excuse me, week after Christmas, I got into the gym and I knew I wouldn't be doing much. I sat down on the rower for 10 minutes and I rode at like a stroll and I talked to another coach and actually I was huffing and puffing because I was talking and trying to row

[00:16:06] at a stroll. Right. But I needed the habit of showing up and I needed to, I needed the confidence boost that I hadn't given up. Nothing was forgotten. You know, my physical fitness hadn't just like left me never to return. No, I'm, I'm still a person who values health. And what that means is

[00:16:33] I take my body to the gym. Now, God only knows what my body may do or not do when I get there. But that's what that meant for me today, that day. And I did actually talk to my friend and she said, you know, you saved me on that day because I just stayed inside and I did like 20 minutes inside.

[00:16:53] Okay, great. So the other thing we use for confidence is go into action. Just do something. It might be a really shitty something. That's okay. Do something. Maintain your streak. Now there's all kinds of places we can get into here, right? We can get into, well, which one's more

[00:17:21] important. Is it to stop and reassess my mindset or is it to do action or is it, you know, just stop. Just stop. Two different tools, use them at sometimes two different times. Sometimes you use them in conjunction with each other. Sometimes if your action that you said you were going to do

[00:17:43] religiously is, you know, run for 30 minutes and you get sick and you can't breathe, you might go and, uh, I don't know, walk around your house even for five minutes and think about, huh, what is it I want to do with this running anyway? What's the goal there? A lot of times your big why

[00:18:13] will lead you into the action that you need to take when you can't take the action you said you were going to take. You know, I've said this before. When people come to me and say like, oh, I want to lose 25 pounds. I say, great. So we could cut off one of your legs and you probably lose about 25 pounds. Pretty easy. Would that work for you? And the answer is almost always, well, no.

[00:18:43] Okay, great. Well, let's really dig around like, why 25 pounds? It's going to happen in your life. Who are you going to get to be that you can't be with this 25 pounds on? A lot of times there's some good answers for that. We're just not aware. And having those answers gives us the clarity clarity then to do the actions. And sometimes we have the clarity and the alarm clock goes off and

[00:19:09] we're flipping tired or we don't feel good or it's cold outside or our cat pooped on the floor and our dog ate it. Real life story. That again is another podcast, right? That's just how that goes. Those are the times where you just go into action. Just do something. You know, if you have to,

[00:19:36] if you have promised that you're going to do vegetables every day this week and you just don't have anything, eat some ketchup, call it a day. Is it perfect? No. Just make sure you do something. Or go to the store and pick it up. Even if you don't eat it, you did something to get

[00:20:03] towards that goal. Now there's another slippery slope on this and that is falling into complacency. I tend to be pretty hard on myself. And a lot of my clients are equally as hard on themselves. They're high achievers. They are professional people who have their shizzle together in a lot of areas.

[00:20:32] Maybe not in self-love and maybe not in health, right? So I often think to myself, when is done better than perfect falling into complacency? Done better for better than perfect is falling into complacency when you use that one tool for all the jobs you have. That tool done better than perfect, just do something, don't think about it,

[00:21:01] is appropriate sometimes and not others. If you find yourself always going to that tool, just get it done, just get it done, just get it done. There's a real indicator light for you to stop, back it up, look at the logistics of your life. Like, are you giving yourself the time that this thing is requiring? Or are you always shorting your time and then doing a halfway job?

[00:21:30] And it's time to look at your big why. If the action you have started to take starts to feel consistently, like just a checklist, just to get it done, just knock it off, and there's no joy in it, there's no confidence building in it, then you probably need to check your motivation. Check that big why and see if it still fits. It might not

[00:21:55] fit. You may need a new commitment and that's okay too. So I think that we've addressed the complacency issue. There was one more issue that I wanted to address. I think perfection always gets in the way for me. I have to give myself a lot of grace around that. Done better than perfect is a good

[00:22:19] tool for me to use and it requires effort because I have to chill my jets out and not be so self-critical when I use done better than perfect. The last tool I wanted to talk about is when you are using confidence to push you through all the barriers that you are for sure going to face while you're using,

[00:22:46] while you're creating new patterns in your life, whether it is nutrition-based or exercise-based or maybe not to be such a high driver in one area that the other areas of your life get a little muddy. One area I consistently see us lack is acknowledging. See, the whole juice

[00:23:14] that raises our confidence when we go into action and get stuff done or when we address our mindset and become clear and then like make actions that feel good is acknowledging our success in those actions. I had to acknowledge how proud I was of myself for going to the gym to do a 10-minute row,

[00:23:41] to get some socialization, to reconnect with my 7 a.m. class members and instructor. Because if I don't acknowledge that that was an achievement, there's no juice. There's no experience of myself. Worse, worse if I acknowledge all you did was go in and row. I don't even know why you

[00:24:07] went over there. I mean, it took you 20 minutes to drive over there. Just sit down and do a 10-minute row so you can drive 20 minutes home. That's just a waste of time. Can anybody relate to that thought pattern? I certainly can. She sucks. I hate that thought pattern. She is not empowering for me at all and I do not like her. So you got to flip that. You've got to become practiced at acknowledging

[00:24:36] your actions because only then can they bring you the confidence and the capability and the experience of yourself that amps up that personal power so that you can be consistent on the days that it's cold or the cat's pooping or the kid's throwing up or you feel bad. You can do it. Like, it's,

[00:25:01] it's, uh, I was going to say it's not hard. It's, it's terribly hard and also it's not hard. Like, get out of your head and do something and then get back in your head and get clear about why you're doing that. Give yourself power. Give yourself choice. There's so much power and beauty in you. Yeah, I think that's it for today. I think that's where we're ending. I hope you give yourself

[00:25:28] some grace when you do done not perfect. I hope you, I hope you pull yourself out of complacency when you get too much done not perfect. I hope you're very clear on how powerful you are and what a ripple you make in this world. And I hope you learn to acknowledge who you are for yourself, for your community, for your world, because you are really something special. And if you can't remember all

[00:25:56] that, please schedule some time to talk with me and let's get you there. Y'all have a great day here in January and I'll see you next time on Healthy AF. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Healthy AF Podcast. I hope that it has helped you create a new possibility for your health and sets you into action to go get it. If you want more information or if you want to connect with me,

[00:26:23] visit my website at myhealthylife.coach. And don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that each new Healthy AF episode will be sent directly to you. Let's take you from where you are to where you want to go. You've been listening to The Mesh, an online media network of shows and programs ranging from

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