It's normal for fear to show up at various stages of your writing process and journey. One of the places I see it show up the most is at the beginning and ending, especially right before we hit publish.
Tune in to find the 3 key questions to ask to coach yourself through the self-sabotage moments that can show up.
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[00:00:00] What you want, when you want it, where you want it, this is the MESH.
[00:00:10] When you're getting ready to be seen in the powerful ways that publishing a book offers,
[00:00:16] I'm curious what shows up for you.
[00:00:19] In today's episode of The Written Compass, I'm going to dive deep into some things that
[00:00:24] I notice around self-sabotage as our beautiful authors, myself included, get close to hitting
[00:00:32] publish.
[00:00:33] I'm so excited to hear you're here.
[00:00:35] Let's jump right in.
[00:00:39] It's really funny, really interesting and almost predictable what happens when we get really
[00:00:45] close to hitting publish.
[00:00:47] Welcome, welcome Dr. Shayna Hartman here.
[00:00:50] I am excited to have you on another episode of The Written Compass.
[00:00:54] In today's episode, we're going to talk about something that I've talked about before, but
[00:00:58] I want to dive a little bit deeper into the story of self-sabotage.
[00:01:03] Yes, we can often send ourselves into a little bit of sabotage when we are getting ready
[00:01:11] to get close to publication.
[00:01:15] Here are some of the things.
[00:01:16] I just want to put them on your radar because sometimes we can self-sabotage early.
[00:01:22] I usually find it happening early on when we're deciding whether we want to get started or
[00:01:28] not with writing or writing a book or heading towards something that we might put out in
[00:01:33] the world and publish, or it may happen right at the end.
[00:01:40] Self-sabotage is not anything new.
[00:01:44] We all understand where we basically have a goal, something we are working towards and
[00:01:50] we suddenly find all the reasons why this can't happen.
[00:01:54] We might start to doubt ourselves.
[00:01:56] We might start to doubt our abilities.
[00:01:58] We might start to realize that writing just feels like something that we're not really
[00:02:04] that invested in or interested in.
[00:02:06] If I'm not feeling it, if it's not exciting me, then maybe I'm not supposed to
[00:02:11] do it.
[00:02:13] What happens towards the end is that we start to get sick of our book.
[00:02:19] Yes.
[00:02:20] Can you imagine?
[00:02:21] I'm sure you can.
[00:02:23] That you've worked on it, you've read it, you've written, you've rewritten, you've revised,
[00:02:27] you've edited, you've gotten feedback and you've addressed the feedback.
[00:02:31] You've gone back and forth on cover design.
[00:02:34] You've gone back and forth on interior.
[00:02:36] Oh, by the way, you're living your life.
[00:02:38] You're running your business.
[00:02:40] You're doing your professional things.
[00:02:43] This book is starting to feel like a pain in the you know what.
[00:02:49] It is really easy to lose that steam and momentum, or at least we tell ourselves that.
[00:02:58] We start to self-sabotage, meaning we start to delay the process of actually getting
[00:03:04] the book out in the world.
[00:03:06] There comes this moment in almost every writer's process where you're like, listen,
[00:03:11] you need to get your hands out of it.
[00:03:13] You need to stop asking for changes, for tweaks, et cetera, et cetera.
[00:03:18] Here's how it often shows up is maybe you look at the font for your title and you suddenly
[00:03:25] start to go, is that going to be readable?
[00:03:27] Are people going to understand what it says?
[00:03:30] Is that the right font?
[00:03:31] Maybe we should try some different ones.
[00:03:33] Maybe I should do my name a little bit differently.
[00:03:37] I'm not sure about this image.
[00:03:38] Maybe it should be a different color.
[00:03:39] Maybe it should be darker.
[00:03:40] Maybe it should be brighter.
[00:03:41] Maybe we see these words on the cover.
[00:03:44] And then with the interior, I was rereading this one part and I think I want to tweak this
[00:03:48] paragraph.
[00:03:49] Right?
[00:03:50] I'm intentionally speaking quickly because this is what happens quite often as we start
[00:03:58] to head towards publication.
[00:04:00] It can happen when we're picking categories and keywords and it's all very normal because
[00:04:05] ultimately we want our book to be out there.
[00:04:08] We want it to be successful.
[00:04:10] We want our words to matter, to be important.
[00:04:13] But there's this interesting little thing when fear starts to show up, when the thing we
[00:04:18] desire is actually right there in front of us where we will self sabotage and it can
[00:04:23] be sneaky.
[00:04:25] And that is why it is so important to have this external person, a coach, support someone
[00:04:32] who's gone through the process before who can sit there and honor and ask you questions
[00:04:37] to really check in.
[00:04:39] So I want to offer what we often do and some questions that we ask our clients as we are
[00:04:45] maybe recognizing there's a little bit of potential self sabotage or we want to check
[00:04:50] in is this self sabotage or is this something that's really aligned that you want to lean
[00:04:55] into.
[00:04:56] So the first thing that I like to ask question one, if we're kind of numbering them is
[00:05:03] knowing there is no right or wrong.
[00:05:05] Right?
[00:05:07] What would you like to do here?
[00:05:09] Knowing there is no right or wrong.
[00:05:11] Knowing that no matter what you choose, this font, that font, that color, this saturation,
[00:05:17] this interior layout, this wording in this paragraph, right?
[00:05:23] This author bio picture or that one, if there were no right or wrong or I like
[00:05:28] to say knowing because there is no right or wrong.
[00:05:31] Knowing there is no right or wrong.
[00:05:33] What would you like to do here?
[00:05:34] What would feel aligned here?
[00:05:36] Right?
[00:05:38] That's one question.
[00:05:39] The other is I like to lean in and ask, is this yours?
[00:05:43] This questioning that's happening, this kind of wondering if I should change something.
[00:05:50] Is that yours?
[00:05:51] Is that coming from within or does that feel like an external?
[00:05:56] We have to be careful of who we are sharing our story with, who we are
[00:06:00] sharing what we're doing with because sometimes people will give their opinion
[00:06:05] and they've never done what you're doing.
[00:06:06] They've never written a book.
[00:06:07] They've never put their words out there.
[00:06:09] They've never written period.
[00:06:11] So why are we listening to those people?
[00:06:14] We want to make sure that we have the right support,
[00:06:17] people who are kind of going to be there and have our back and hold space for us
[00:06:22] versus telling us what to do when they don't really have the experience to do so.
[00:06:26] So that's why it's a good opportunity for you to check in and say,
[00:06:31] is this mine or is this coming from somewhere else?
[00:06:34] Am I taking on someone else's influence?
[00:06:37] And it's OK if it's a both and right sometimes having some
[00:06:42] an external person to go, hey, you know, I notice this about your book
[00:06:46] or I noticed this about the title.
[00:06:48] I noticed this about the cover.
[00:06:50] OK.
[00:06:51] And we want to make sure that we are keeping very clear
[00:06:56] that ultimately this is your book, this is your baby.
[00:06:59] You get to make the decision.
[00:07:00] So one is knowing there's no right or wrong.
[00:07:04] What feels the line to checking in?
[00:07:06] Is this mine or am I taking influence?
[00:07:08] You know, and does that line up?
[00:07:11] If it is not yours, it doesn't feel like yours.
[00:07:13] Then lovingly we get to return to sender and just go.
[00:07:16] Thank you.
[00:07:17] I appreciate the feedback and I am moving on.
[00:07:21] All right.
[00:07:21] If it does feel like ours, right?
[00:07:24] Then we get to lean in and say, what would be the kind of final
[00:07:28] question? What would feel most supportive right now?
[00:07:32] What am I? Is there a question under the question sometimes happens?
[00:07:35] So I'm asking about font choices with my cover.
[00:07:38] Is that really my question or is my question?
[00:07:42] Is anybody going to buy this book?
[00:07:44] Is anybody going to read this book?
[00:07:45] Are people going to like this book?
[00:07:47] Right. Those are very different questions.
[00:07:48] It may be showing up self sabotage way as questioning
[00:07:53] the font, right?
[00:07:55] But really the sub question, the true question is,
[00:08:00] am I going to be accepted?
[00:08:01] Am I going to be affirmed?
[00:08:03] Is this all been worthwhile?
[00:08:05] And that's great because once we've dissected what that real
[00:08:09] question is, then we get to do some loving coaching around that.
[00:08:13] Or at least that's what happens with my clients.
[00:08:15] So I'm curious and this is this self sabotage kind of stuff
[00:08:20] happens in all aspects of our life.
[00:08:23] But really when we're going to be seen in these very interesting
[00:08:25] ways is when I find that it pops up the most.
[00:08:29] So I am not immune to this.
[00:08:31] This is kind of part of the process.
[00:08:32] We almost look for it as coaches when we're working
[00:08:36] with our clients and supporting them in their writing
[00:08:38] and the publishing.
[00:08:40] So I'm curious what of these have you experienced before?
[00:08:43] How have you addressed it?
[00:08:45] And what if of any of these kind of questions, coaching,
[00:08:48] self coaching questions, do you find most helpful?
[00:08:52] Of course, I want to hear from you and we want to support you
[00:08:55] if you're stuck in this.
[00:08:56] So don't hesitate to reach out.
[00:08:58] As always, thank you so much for joining me.
[00:09:01] And I look forward to tuning in next time.
[00:09:05] Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Written Compass.
[00:09:09] If you are enjoying this content, do me a favor and go
[00:09:13] and review the podcast.
[00:09:14] This allows me to share and get these messages out
[00:09:18] to the people who really need them, who we want to read their books
[00:09:21] in the future.
[00:09:22] You can also go and share your thoughts and tag me
[00:09:25] at Shayna Hartman underscore on Instagram.
[00:09:29] Again, this is just a way for us to get connected
[00:09:31] and share the writing love.
[00:09:33] And if you know that you are ready to write your book,
[00:09:37] that message that's been burning inside of you for a long time,
[00:09:41] then I want to talk to you, my team, and I want to talk to you.
[00:09:44] Head on over to ShaynaHartman.com and click work with us.
[00:09:48] From there, you'll see an application to explore
[00:09:52] and see if writing your book is your next best step.
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