Episode 53: Thai Monkey Gangs, Museum of The Bible, & The Other Burning Man

[00:00:09] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on. Termites! It's episode 53, isn't that exciting? Look at all this shit on my desk. So many things, termites, so many things. You may notice that I'm wearing some ranch earrings as a present from Wendy. A termite named Wendy. There's other stuff from Wendy. I have to say this other stuff first, but I put these on.

[00:00:46] Just for this. Yeah, there are. I may let my nieces borrow them from time to time. Maybe for a golf tournament. Yeah, only for golf tournaments. They were in a big one recently. And you're supposed to have a parent go with you because they're only 12 or 11 or whatever. And my one niece was like, I want to ride with grandma because she doesn't give me lessons. She just

[00:01:16] tells me to get my shit together. That's exactly how grandma's going to tell you that. And it's not going to come out in the right tone either, is it, grandma? Nope. It's always dismissive. Get your shit together. Like, you weren't trying at all. And I'm sure the kids are trying. But anyway. Termites. So many things. This was made. This was made. And this is a good thing to let everyone know.

[00:01:44] This lady, Vicki, who spells it like my mom. Vicki with an I. Well, actually, my mom's a CKI. This is KKI. Her and her sister-in-law love the podcast. This is socks for the airplane. And my own little pillow. Because here's what everybody needs to know. Okay. I don't think a lot of people are thinking about this. If you're going to go flying somewhere, I'm going to put those over there gently.

[00:02:14] Well, it's cloth. There's no more pillows. And there's no more blankets on airplanes. And let me tell you what. Lately, it can go either way. The planes can be absolutely horrifyingly freezing. Because I see the dipshits that show up in their flip-flops and their shorts and their tank top. And I'm like, you have no idea they're putting you in a refrigerator. Or they're either the smartest people on the planet. Because I've been on a couple Delta flights where they had to turn their engines off.

[00:02:44] And we sat on their runway in Atlanta. And it had to have been, I don't know, 580 degrees. So then I was like, see, that's what I get for bad mouth. And don't I wish I had a tank top, flip-flops, and shorts? My point is, termites, thank you, Vicki, for that. Because you should go prepared. And if you want to see a man that was overly prepared, please call my Instagram and look at the man who has the neck pillow that goes all the way down to his feet. Somebody said it's a, somebody on Instagram, a termite, told me that's a pregnancy pillow.

[00:03:14] A maternity pillow. Yeah, probably, maybe. I don't know what the fuck it is. But the fact that he dragged that thing from wherever he came from and was going, walking right through the mirage, like it was just totally normal. So prepare yourselves. I'm here to do the Lord's work, and I'm here to help you with travel tips. Bring your own, bring a jacket in your bag, bring a pillow if you want one, and maybe some sort of blanket if it's a long flight and you want to be cozy

[00:03:44] because they don't even have that stuff in first class anymore. It's just gone, gone. And you watch, they'll never bring it back. They love it when they have one, one tiny opening to take something away or charge you more. Remember, we charged you more for luggage because gas is so expensive. Well, gas went down again, and that never went down. They're just, I don't know. I will never speak bad of Delta, but I will speak poorly of other airlines. American. Not the employees. Not the employees.

[00:04:13] It's the up-top people because they don't treat the people right, and then they get really cranky. And a lot of those flight attendants on American, because my dad used to be a union lawyer representative for TWA. That's how old my dad is. Flight Attendance Union. But a lot of those women are like my age. And here's the thing. When you've been doing something for 30 years, and the conditions keep getting worse, they are taking away benefits, there's not enough people, you're overworked.

[00:04:44] And we've been doing it so long, you're not excited about going places. That's in your 20s. You're like, oh, I get to go to Columbus, Ohio, for free. Fuck me, this is great. But you get the 55-year-old ones, and they are over it, and they are cranky, and they hate everyone. And I don't blame them, and I get it. If I was still waiting tables at this age, after doing that forever, I would be the crankiest server ever to walk earth.

[00:05:13] So this is super cool. I think because I was talking about the Noodlers and stuff, and the Tulsa Drillers, which these are the minor league teams, this got sent to me from them. How great is this? The Yardgoats. Oh, cool. The minor league teams have such great names. Hartford. Hartford, yeah. Hartford, yeah. Just to show you how little I know about college sports,

[00:05:41] I was walking through the airport once a long, long time ago. We had a rescue dog that was like mostly shepherd, just a kind of wolf-looking thing. It was great. But I walked through the airport in Hartford, and I'm like, oh, they have my dog, my old dog on that sweatshirt. I didn't know that. What are they? The Yukon what? The Huskies. The Huskies, right. I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah. So this is the yard. See how great?

[00:06:08] The Yardgoats, the Drillers, the Montgomery Biscuits. I bought every T-shirt they had. Their names are fun, and their logos are fun. And this yard goat, I think, is eating a bat, a baseball bat. I don't know, but I can't wait to wear that. And then, oh, it's all the minor leagues, the Biloxi Shuckers. Get it? Shucking oysters down in Biloxi. Nice. Yeah. One of my favorite places to eat oysters in the world because they grill them, and then they put all that Parmesan

[00:06:37] and then all this stuff on top, and then hot sauce. That's great. And two little koozies from the Shuckers. So shout out to all minor leagues. Support your minor league. Nashville Sounds, been there a million times. The Drillers. The Drillers. They're in Tulsa. That's coming up. Yeah. And I have to thank the termite that got me the T-shirt. And then they heard and sent me one as well. So now I have two. Nice. Now I have a backup. Yeah. What are we drinking? How great is this can? And I didn't even know what this beer was.

[00:07:07] I just was drawn to the can. And it actually says, Irish, I was on a beach. Irish. Irish, I was on a beach. It's St. Patrick's beer. And it's from Denver, Colorado. And I don't remember. I think someone sent this to me. I don't think I... No, I remember liking the can in the store. But I must have brought it home like two years ago. Two years ago. Probably. Well, if you're... Why? Yeah. Tastes fine. Beer holds.

[00:07:37] Tastes fine. No, it doesn't. I think so. It tastes fine. Okay. What are we trying? What are we going to taste test for you kids? By the way, did you notice my White Castle? Glass. Glass. Pints. Pint. Pint glass. Pint glass. The White Castle in Vegas. I may or may not have gone over there at about midnight. It's on your Instagram. It's on my Instagram. It's across the street from the Mirage.

[00:08:04] And I was starving and all the Mirage stuff, you know, decent food closes at 10. And then they don't really have a lot of fast food at the Mirage. You got to go across the street. And that White Castle has draft beer. And I'm like, I didn't think White Castle could get any better. And they just took it to a level of heavenly. Yeah. It was just... It was amazing.

[00:08:28] And then, you know, I will not engage in the White Castle versus Crystal fight anymore with my Southern friends. No. Crystal, the buns aren't even hot. And they're not... There's no onions. There's no onions. Fail. Hashtag fail. I go down with the castle. I will defend the castle like it's my own personal castle. I will defend the castle. Even the frozen ones, just for the record. If you see them in the grocery store, get them.

[00:08:58] 59 seconds in the microwave. The two-pack. Oh, tastes just like you're at White Castle. Now, I also may or may not have gone to Chewy's. You guys ever gone to Chewy's? It's a chain. Yeah, Mexican chain. Yeah. Their fajitas are good. You know, it's not great and it's not weird. People are like, there's so much better Mexicans. Sometimes they just want shitty Mexican. Right. Right? But they have a ranch. Their ranch hot dip.

[00:09:29] My God. That's the reason they're going to Chewy's. Because it's like a spicy... I don't even know what it is, but ask for the white sauce. Spicy jalapeno ranch. Is that what it is? Wow, it's great. So, if you're at Chewy's... Then I saw these. This is sacrilegious. Me and my dad are Lay's potato chips people. My father claims a cure... This is his... I think I've said this.

[00:09:57] His cure for any stomach ailment is drinking full Coke, real Coke, and eating a bag of Lay's potato chips. And you know what? He's 80. So, sorry it's loud. I should have opened it before. I'm not going to like it. Chili mango. I'm doing the work of the Lord. I'm trying these things for other people. I'm just here to tell you if it tastes like what it says it's supposed to taste. It's a giant.

[00:10:27] Oh, no. I hate it, but I knew I'd hate it going in. It's not really a fair... God. That's gross. But, if you like chili mango, it tastes like chili mango. Okay. Yeah. Now, I mean, they kept true to their words. Sometimes they say, oh, it's buffalo, you know, wing sauce, hot, and it's just not. But this was. So, there you go. So, moving into, what are we doing here today?

[00:10:56] There's no news from any of the queens. I got nothing. What? They've been quiet. Stevie, I think, was booked for Jazz Fest in New Orleans. She was. Which is weird, because I don't think they keep it just jazz people anymore. She loves New Orleans. Whatever. She does love New Orleans. I love New Orleans. But, in sad times, Jazz Fest got canceled. Wow. Well, the COVID is so bad in Louisiana, because, do you know how bad it's been?

[00:11:22] How bad it has to be for them to cancel Jazz Fest, because it's one of their biggest moneymakers. I mean, it's a shit ton of money. I feel terrible. I also just read, for all you festival people, Summer Fest in Milwaukee, which I have worked at, they used to have, I don't know if they still do, there was a comedy stage. But it was so great, because if you were working at the comedy stage, you got the badge, and you could go anywhere. And go backstage.

[00:11:52] Like, so we, Lewis and I went everywhere, watching people side stage, even bands we didn't care about. I was like, come on, I just want to go there, I want to see what's going on, even if we didn't stay. But, anyway, Summer Fest is requiring vaccine, proof of vax, or proof of a negative test within 72 hours. And some guy put on my Twitter feed, or no, it was, I was reading Summer Fest stuff.

[00:12:16] He said they can't stop teenagers from hiding flask in their socks, so I'm not really sure they're going to pull this off. And I thought, well, he does have a point, but good for Milwaukee, for trying to, because that is a shit ton of money for Milwaukee. The Summer Fest thing, they can't, yeah, you really don't want to lose it, so. Great town. Yeah. And somebody said, why don't I do New Orleans?

[00:12:43] Comedy doesn't do so good in New Orleans, because there's too much free entertainment, and people want to come and get drunk. They don't want to be quiet. That's the tourist part, I know. And then the locals, though, I don't know. Even comedy clubs have never worked in New Orleans, which sucks, because I love going there. I have to go there on my own as a person. I can't do it as a work trip. Okay, termites. Oh, my God, I forgot. Oh, shit, it kind of melted. Well, who cares? So I froze them.

[00:13:12] I froze my Bud Light seltzers, and they're just like an old-timey popsicle. And they're, mm-hmm. It melted, because I've had it up here for a half an hour, but it's delicious. Really? Yeah. This is a summer ice flavor. Wow. As an adult, how fun is that? I love it at the bottom. Contains alcohol! Yay! Yeah, that's what Bud Light would imply. Whoa. Must be 21 to consume. I don't know.

[00:13:40] I think that, I don't know if it's going to last very long, because they look too much like popsicles, and you know. Truly does them, too. Truly does them, too? I'm not even a seltzer person. I don't love them, but Paddles does. I don't. Love it! Yeah, it's great. I'd stick with the beer. But that's really good. Really refreshing. And right now, in the Midwest, it's about 180 degrees, so there's a little treat for yourselves. I highly recommend them.

[00:14:06] If you see them, even if you don't really like seltzer, it tastes like a popsicle, and it has a wonderful amount of, like a shot of alcohol in it, I think. Nice! Great. I like it. Get this stuff out of the way. Update! Woo-hoo! Oh, God. I can't believe I'm so wrapped up in this. Britney Spears rebuffed in efforts to speed up tossing her father off conservatorship. Singer could try again. And this is from Deadline.

[00:14:36] Britney Spears won't get an earlier chance to chuck her father off her restrictive conservatorship. And a tactical victory for Jamie Spears over his daughter's Express Wissues Los Angeles Superior Court. Oh, they spelled Angeles wrong. Wow. Angles. They wrote Los Angles. Angles. Yeah. Where to go, Deadline? Wow. No. Judge Brenda Penny today denied the request by the one-time Princess of Pop and her new-ish lawyer, Matthew Rosengard.

[00:15:04] The application is denied without prejudice. Now, before all the free Britney supporters start gnashing their teeth in anger, all I do now is look through my phone and decide who should have a conservator. So far, I have three comedians that are definites. There's a lot of people on the fence. Now, before you all start getting mad, Penny's decision might have much more to do with her busy calendar than the merits of expediting the efforts against Jamie Spears.

[00:15:32] Interestingly enough, the term without prejudice in there, the decision by the LA Superior Court official does permit Britney Spears' attorney to file again in a new attempt to shift the pivotal hearing.

[00:16:05] I mean, come on. Why doesn't Britney... Maybe they wouldn't let her. I mean, this is crazy. Do they have child settings on it? I don't know if she took the post down. Who knows? And there's another post. If you'd like to see somebody cut an avocado perfectly, it's not her. First, I thought it was her. And I'm like, well, shit, she should have been a chef.

[00:16:34] I've never seen anybody cut an avocado so perfectly. If you go on her Instagram, it's not her, though. She said, and it's a video that she saw. She said, in a system where I felt so completely hopeless for so long, at least I do have a platform to share. As Selena Gomez says it best, the world can be a nasty place. I know. I know it. You know it. Kill them with kindness. Unfortunately, the news has been pretty nasty saying horrible, mean lies about me.

[00:17:03] So I'm going to post a little less from now on. Good. Wait until this is done. Then you can post anything you want. These are fine. A little cooking video. How to make avocado toast. It was very educational. I don't even like to cook, but I was like, well, that was pretty impressive. It's the coolest thing she's ever seen in her life, this video. And it inspired me to take on a new passion in the cooking field. Don't cut yourself. Then she, that's all I think when I say that. Then she posted a fan picture of some guy.

[00:17:32] He's got a whole free Britney flag. Yeah. And he has it on the side of his house and like in one of those poll deals flying from the side of his house. Jeez, look at that flag. I was like my flag up over the American flag. Yes. I'm tooting my own horn. Is that bad? He doesn't have an American flag. She meant in place. So I, at least he can't see one of the picture. I know in my previous posts, I said, you guys know my situation, but let me clarify. You only know half of it.

[00:18:01] And for a lot of you who say I should be cautious with what I post, I mean, if you really think about it with what I've been through, I believe I've been way too cautious. No, no, no. One day I will live on the edge. One day. I'm in the free Britney club. Now I just look at people on the news too and think that person should have a conservator

[00:18:31] and Britney shouldn't. There's so many people more crazy than her. I mean, I don't even know what she does in her private life, but if she's talking about J. Crew, it's fine. I don't see this. I see signs of a little loony, but I think if this continues, something bad's going to happen to her and I'm going to blame all those people. You can't be 39 years old and somebody telling you you can't do anything. Update.

[00:19:02] Update. Better. This is so fun. You can go online and follow these guys. So this is an update. Remember the drunk Chinese elephants I told you about? Well, they might be heading home. What? On their own. Yeah. They left on their own. They left their nature preserve. They sobered up. They might have sobered up. They're probably like, shit, we gotta go. An elephant herd that fascinated locals and people around the world by making a year-long

[00:19:29] journey into urbanized southwest China, raiding farms, and even a retirement home for food. I did not know they busted into a retirement home. I bet there were some old Chinese people just going, what the fuck? Don't go out there. There's an elephant in the kitchen. I'm serious. They appear to be finally headed, appears to be finally headed home. Local authorities have deployed trucks, workers, and drones to monitor the elements, evacuated roads for them to pass safely and use food to steer them away from populated areas.

[00:19:57] Despite their entrance into the villages and a close approach to a Yunnan province capital, Kung Ming, no animals or humans have been injured. The 14 Asian elephants of various sizes and ages were guided across the Yujin River in Yunnan on Sunday night, and a path is being opened for them to return to the nature reserve where they lived in the... Okay, I'm going to try to say this place. This...

[00:20:27] Hoang... Bana. Well done. Yeah, I don't know. Do it. It's the park where they live. The elephants left the reserve more than a year ago and for unknown reasons and roamed more than 300 miles north after reaching the outskirts of Kun Ming, a center for business and tourism. They turned south, but they're still far from the reserve. One male that separated from the herd was subsequently tranquilized and returned to the reserve. Asian elephants are among the most highly protected animals in China, and their population

[00:20:52] has grown to around 300, even while their habitat has shrunk because of expanding farming and urban growth. After Sunday night, the herd was still in the Yujin County, approximately 125 miles. They're halfway home. Well done. Yeah. However, the National Forestry said the animals were in a suitable habitat after crossing the river, so they might stay if they found another great spot. Yeah. Maybe they'll just stay there. A notice issued by the provincial government said the herd's progress was significant, and

[00:21:21] it would continue to work to get the elephants back to their natural habitat. You know, everybody needs a road trip every now and then. Everybody. Animals. Everybody. Send them to Buc-ee's. Sadly, I don't think China has Buc-ee's. That's the sad, sad part. Oh, look. There's my ranch rankings. You know, I was trying to look at my... It was funny because my friend Chuck goes, why did that bother you so much that they kept asking you for ranch? I go, I don't... It didn't bother me. I was more... The kids, I mean.

[00:21:50] I was more just perplexed. I don't know what the word was. And it made me laugh, and they weren't trying to make me laugh. But I said to Chuck, my mom wouldn't have given us a bottle of ranch because it's salad dressing. You get it when you have salad. We weren't allowed to just go eat the ranch. She'd have fucking slapped it out of my hand and said, that's for salad. It's not for... Well, I mean, it's for everything now. I get it.

[00:22:19] But I think I was just amazed that these children are eating salad dressing like it's, I don't know, like you'd eat salami or something. Yeah. I was seeing if Ken's at one made it on here. No. Okay. Don't get distracted here. Okay. Okay. Oh, that's a news. I don't want that just yet. Okay. Okay. This... Update. Update. You're not going to like this, Battles. You hate this story.

[00:22:48] I love it. Don't. Don't do it. It's not Elizabeth Holmes. Okay. Okay. I don't have anything on Elizabeth Holmes. No more. All we know is she's had a baby. And... Jeez, I have so many updates. It's crazy. I got to hold on. I'm putting this one back. Oh, this is a good one, too. So excited about this one. Um, here's the update I was going to do right now. And I'm going to do it right now. Um, so Keith Raniere, the cult. The cult. Yes. Yes, Paddles.

[00:23:18] You don't get to just tell people a story and not tell them the goddamn end. He's in jail. He is in jail. The end. But it's not the end. You saw how evil those women were that worked for him. Yeah. Okay. Well, Lauren Salzman. Because, I mean, they tricked these women. They coddled them. Then they brought... Blackmailed them. It's terrible. They're terrible people. Great. Move on. Lauren Salzman, a former... Well, no, we have to find out if they... Do they get in trouble or not? They get in trouble. I like to see consequences. Okay? I'll remember that.

[00:23:48] Yeah. Lauren Salzman, a former high-ranking member of Nixvium, who pleaded guilty to racketeering and racketeering conspiracy charges and testified against founder Keith Raniere at his 2019... She will avoid prison time after being sentenced by a federal judge to five years of probation, three hours of community service, a spokesman for the U.S. Attorney's Office. She has spent the past several years in home confinement. Yeah, but those shouldn't count because we all did. Right.

[00:24:18] Right. She don't get to count the COVID year. No. We all had to stay home. I agree. That doesn't count. She faced to about 79 years in prison for the charge she pleaded guilty. However, prosecutors told U.S. District Judge Nicholas so-and-so that her cooperation was extraordinary and a big part of securing a conviction against Raniere. So, you know. Yeah. Just keep her home so she can't start any more cults. Somebody should just keep an eye on her.

[00:24:44] If she did cooperate and that helped put him away, he's the super dangerous one because he'd start another one. He's probably starting one in prison right now. Probably. Yeah. In contrast, two other co-conspirators who pleaded guilty in the case have been sentenced. Seagram's heiress, oh, right, member of Claire Bronfen. She's the, she, all the Seagram's liquor money this chick has and then she gave shitloads to Keith for the cult.

[00:25:08] She pleaded guilty to conspiracy to conceal and harbor people who were not in the U.S. legally for financial gain and to fraudulent use of an advocate. She was sentenced to more than seven years in a federal prison. I don't think I knew that. I didn't either. They don't have any Seagram's in prison. No. No. She's in trouble. Smallville actress, Smallville, I never saw it. Actress Allison Mack, she was sentenced to three years in prison, which means she'll get out in a year and a half. And I don't know what to do with cult people.

[00:25:39] I'd have to sit around with some other judges and go, well, if you're not the leader of the cult, do we want to take up prison space? Or do you just really whack them with these kind of things? Yeah, if they help. Right, if they help. Death penalty. Yeah. Death penalty. Paddles wants to give everybody the death penalty. Paddles is a super pro death penalty.

[00:26:09] I'm on the fence about it. She's a bad people. She's a bad people. No, you're easy to go. I'd kill them. Update. This is great. Possible Banksy street art appears in English coastal towns. Boom. I think he did it again. It certainly looks like it. It'll be in the show notes and you guys can judge. But if it's not him, there is a really good hack out there. And really good.

[00:26:35] Street art that may be the work of anonymous artist Banksy has appeared in coastal towns in the east of England. Stencil graffiti artworks in the style of other pieces by Banksy have been spotted in Lowsoft, in Suffolk, in Gorlston, and Great Yarmouth in Norfolk. That's a lot of them. The one in Lowstof graffiti shows three children standing in his scrap metal boat that has since been removed with one looking back, one searching over the horizon over the boat, and the other one holding a bucket.

[00:27:05] We're all in the same boat is written in the background. He always has little messages too. I like it. Another possible one adorns a wall outside of a former electric shop in Lofstown, a town of about 70,000 people, which appears to show a child building a sandcastle next to a bit of dug up road. I can't see that one. That's not in the thing. So they said they don't know. We know the rest about Banksy. You don't need to read.

[00:27:32] We've all been, we've all learned everything about Banksy. Love the guy. I think the one in India, was it? That guy's a total ripoff. I just don't know how people aren't bothered by hack shit. I think it's my biggest thing in comedy, is just hack. Hack if you know it. There's some comedians that I just think are too not smart. Is that a nice way to say it?

[00:27:59] Most comedians are pretty smart, but there are, you know, a fourth, I'd say, are just basic bar people. And they, but they're, and some of them are hack and they don't, I'm sure they don't know that. But others, I think they absolutely know it. And they don't give a shit. And then I think, why even bother with stand up? If you're just going to hack shit out, you know, go do something. Anyway. Update!

[00:28:22] An electric jet startup just signed a one billion deal with a commercial airliner. Electric jets. We've talked about this. Lilium. Remember that company? Yeah. It plans to sell 220 of its vehicles for up to $1 billion to Brazilian airliner Azul. Yeah. The two firms said on Monday that they plan to build an e-volt electric vertical takeoff and landing. So we're going up.

[00:28:56] They're going to have an aircraft network across Brazil between now and 2025. It's pretty cool. Yeah. An aviation industry is under intensifying pressure at new ways to look at powering their carriers as policymakers publicly acknowledge the necessity for transitioning to a low carbon society. Yeah. I mean, we better get on it. Fucking everything's on fire. California's on fire. Turkey. Turkey is on fire.

[00:29:20] The video, if you haven't seen it, of the people in Greece fleeing on a ferry from an island. I don't know what island. It's apocalyptic. It's crazy. What? Lilium, the Germans, of course. Lilium, a German startup making electric jets that can take off and land vertically as announced. We said the aircraft was planning to launch. We'll do 175 miles an hour, the aircraft. That's good. And the range will be 155 miles. That's great.

[00:29:49] So like if I wanted to go from St. Louis to my one brother's house in Columbia, that's two hours in a car. It's 140 miles. Yeah. So basically, this thing could do it and I could go 175 miles an hour so I could be there in less than an hour. Right. Yeah. Better than others. Well, and I just cannot believe I can't. I never can get over the fact. Okay. St. Louis to Lake of the Ozarks.

[00:30:17] That's a lake in Missouri that the one they made the show about. That's where we all hang out. It's been two hours and 45 minutes since I was a kid. Now, it's probably 310 because of traffic. But the road is the same. Highway 70 is just a piece of shit. It's dangerous with the truckers. It's terrible. But I'm 55. I've been on that road since I was five or less, but I don't have a memory.

[00:30:44] But for 50 years, we've improved nothing. Not a fucking thing. This would be great. If you trust it. I don't know. I'd be kind of scared. I'd let a lot of people go first. It needs to go for like a year. I'll just sit in my car and complain as they fly over me. Well, that one's going to go down. Well, I don't trust that. Well. As I putz along in my Mercury. God damn it. I can't believe it takes me three hours to get to St. Louis. The aircraft we're planning.

[00:31:16] So. Each Lilium jet will cost Azul roughly 4.5 million. That's not that much. That's not that much. How many people. It doesn't say how many people it can hold though. I don't get. I don't understand that. Hmm. Well, I'll look it up. I'll dig into it. I've done research for you termites. About a few things I promised I would. I did.

[00:31:45] Sometimes I don't do it. Update. Oh my God. This is a throw. Back. Because I don't even think we ever discussed this. Because I don't think I was doing the podcast. When this was on. But I think everybody. Because it was COVID was starting. I think. Making a murderer. Whenever that came on Netflix. I watched all of it. It's a great bar conversation. It was at the time when it was fresh on everybody's minds. Because everybody's got a different opinion.

[00:32:16] And did he do it or did he not? I don't know. I don't know. He didn't do it. I don't know. He might have. But. No. They say that those were her remains in the pit. But who's to say somebody else didn't do it? I know it's her. But it was so far away. I don't know. They're so undereducated. The boy. There's something wrong with the boy. The teenage boy. Like he just kept saying. Can I go home and play Brandon? Yeah.

[00:32:45] Can I go home and play video games? He had no grasp on what was going on. WrestleMania. That's what he wanted. Well, who doesn't? Who doesn't love WrestleMania? God damn it. You know, just because you're charging me with murder doesn't take away my thrill of WrestleMania. Okay? Just because you have some hard questions and I may go to prison forever. God damn it. It's Friday. St. Louis we used to have on Friday nights wrestling at the chase. That was a hotel. Like downtown. And it was live. Wrestling at the chase. My grandma loved it.

[00:33:14] She'd sit there to smoke cigs. And drink her drinks and watch wrestling at the chase. That's great. But she also loved Livarachi's talk show. She had a wide range. An appeals court Wednesday. And let's not forget the lawyer, Kathleen Zeller. Because I'm always rooting for other people named Kathleen. Because there's not many of us left. It got changed over to Caitlin. And usually the ones I meet were all over 50. But I've been meeting some young ones lately. But anyway, that lady was the lawyer.

[00:33:44] And she really said that she was going to, you know, turn up some new evidence and this whole thing would turn around. Well, not really. An appeals court Wednesday shut down Stephen Avery's latest bid for a new trial. Dealing another blow to the subject of the popular Netflix documentary, Making a Murder. This is bad for him. In a unanimous decision, the Wisconsin Court of Appeals denied his request to hold a hearing to consider new evidence. Okay. Just to even have the hearing.

[00:34:13] They said no. We're not. Right. To consider new evidence for potential new trial in a high profile case, which drew national attention after the controversial show raised questions about Avery's guilt. And that of his name. Brendan. I said Brandon. Oh, I thought I said Brandon. Brendan Dassey. Both are serving life sentences for the 2005 killing of photographer Teresa Halbach. Calling Avery's motion unintelligible. Whoa, Kathleen. What did you do?

[00:34:43] The panel ruled a lower court was correct in denying his bid for a new trial in 2017 without holding a hearing on the supposed new evidence. We expressed no opinion about who committed this crime. The jury has decided this question. And our review is confined to whether the claims before us entitle Avery to an evidentiary hearing. The 49-page ruling states, we conclude the circuit court did not erroneously exercise its discretion.

[00:35:09] Avery's attorney, Kathleen Zellner, had asked the panel to review a series of alleged problems with the 2007 trial, including insufficient scientific evidence. Well, that can get so complicated. I mean, I don't know. Ineffective trial counsel? Probably. And prosecutorial misconduct? Maybe. The appeals court swiftly rejected each claim. There's no possibility that the presentation of this evidence would have yielded in a different trial result, the court said.

[00:35:39] At the very least, Avery's new evidence, if in fact it is new, is consistent with the state's theory of the crime. Wow. They were dead. Kathleen, fucked up. I mean, not only are they saying no, they're being pissy about it. And they're saying, even if your new evidence is true, all it does is reinforce that he did it. Why are you bringing this? They don't like it. They don't. My dad would tell you that. They do not like it when you, quote, waste their time.

[00:36:11] And then it just says, Brendan was 16 at the time. I mean, that kid. Shoo, buddy. Yeah. Can I watch Russell May now? Plus, when you do it with the Wisconsin super rural accent, I don't know. I don't know. Did you kill her? No. Are you sure? No. Oh, my God. No. No. Oh, here's an update. You're going to hate it. No. Yep. No. Yep.

[00:36:41] Don't do it. I'm doing it. Nope. Elizabeth Holmes. No. Yes. No. You're really going to hate this. Oh, God. The Dropout. You tricked me. Why? I forgot it was in here. Honestly, I did. The Dropout, which was the podcast and is going to be the movie about Elizabeth Holmes. ABC News, The Dropout, which is ABC News podcast, returns as Elizabeth goes on trial. The podcast is coming back. It tells the story of Elizabeth Holmes and the blood testing.

[00:37:10] Is returning as the alleged fraudster. I don't really know that these people should be called fraudsters. How about alleged criminal fraudster? Right. That sounds like the Nigerian emails I get. You know, hey, I'm stalking Nigeria. I'm a victim of a fraudster. Is returning as the alleged fraudster goes on trial. The audio series, which is hosted by ABC News, Chief Business Technology and Economics correspondent Rebecca Jarvis, launched in 2019 after the U.S. secured. I never even.

[00:37:40] I don't think I heard all of these episodes. It's also being adapted as a limited TV series starring Amanda Seyfried. Seyfried. I can never say. I've met her. She's a very nice person. Yeah. Yeah. On The Tonight Show. She's better than this. No. I like her in everything she does. I'm glad she's doing it. Liz Merriweather is a creator and showrunner for the series, which is set to premiere in 2022. What? What? I can't wait. I'll have to cancel all my shows.

[00:38:10] New episodes will launch on Tuesdays throughout the trial. Yes. With bonus episodes as the news warrants. You guys don't even have to listen. I got this. I'll sum them up for you if you want. The podcast will take listeners inside the courtroom and guess and track the it's like court TV. It's a little podcast. It's so great. And then it's going to they're going to go in the courtroom and all that stuff. So anyway, there's a little update people. So as soon as that, check your whatever you hear podcast, whatever, check your thing. I don't know.

[00:38:39] It doesn't really say exactly when it's going to start. Maybe because they don't know exactly when the trial is going to start. Update. I know I have a lot. I have a lot of updates. No, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jay, Fallwell. Oh, let me just pull my pants down with a jug of wine and put it on Instagram.

[00:39:09] How drunk are you? Because I've been drunk and I don't post. That's the one thing you should know, you know. And then there's a lot of hat comedians that say you should have the thing, a drunk posting. You have to if you, you know, do a breathalyzer before you post. But anyway, a Lynchburg judge has upheld most of the of a lawsuit that Liberty University has filed against its former leader after an acrimonious parting last year.

[00:39:35] The lawsuit served its first round of legal challenges Friday as Fallwell's attorney argued motion seeking the dismissal. Nope. Nope. Yet. You will not dismiss Liberty University. Fallwell's departure from the evangelical school in Virginia was founded by his father. We know all this.

[00:39:58] A year-long sexual relationship with Fallwell's wife from that other guy, Becky Fallwell, and that Jerry Fallwell participated in the liaisons as a voyeur. As a voyeur. Fallwell denied the report. Fallwell has alleged that Granada extorted the family. Yeah, I'm sure. Well, you know, don't take the pool boy with you on your private jet all around the globe. How about that? Right. Strange. The lawsuit is demanding at least $10 million.

[00:40:24] It alleged that Fallwell breached fiduciary duties to the school and entered into a business conspiracy against it. Fiduciary duties don't include disclosure of personal issues. True. Even embarrassing ones, a lawyer argued Friday. Yeah, that's true. Fallwell couldn't be engaged in a business conspiracy with Granada against the university when the men were at it. Fair at odds. No, I don't agree. Anyway, that's your little update, Jerry. Jerry tried to get the lawsuit dismissed. Nay, nay. Not happening. As John Panette would say, nay, nay. Nope.

[00:40:53] It's going forward. Here's another one. I'm sure you guys have all seen it. Another passenger duct taped to a flight. This one is Frontier. Now, I do have a soft spot for Frontier because I like that they have animals on the tail wing. The tail, what's it called? The tail. The tail. The tail. The tail. I'm always excited to see what animal I get. And then I'm excited. Denver has a lot of Frontier. And when you rock into Denver, I just like seeing the giant rabbits.

[00:41:23] And I mean, it's probably one of our best. Philadelphia to Miami. Yep. He had to be duct taped after he allegedly groped two flight attendants' breast and took a swing at a third. The video is all over online. Maxwell Berry. That was the kid's name. He's 22. He's shouting profanities. Of course, he didn't have a mask on. He punched a male flight attendant, keeping watch over him at one point. He was taped down by a member.

[00:41:53] You should see there's a black flight attendant dude who's hilarious on Instagram. Just Google or just put in. Show notes. Show notes. We'll do another show notes. His description of it is Academy Award worthy. It's so great. We're moving on to news. That's all my updates. People are going crazy on airplanes. Probably because they don't have a pillow. Give them a blanket. Maybe this shit will calm down. It's all ganky. It's pretty cool. Yeah. Give them a ganky.

[00:42:23] That wouldn't have stopped this guy. Okay. This is crazy. And I sent this to Lewis. Oh, boy. Yeah. Lake Tahoe chipmunks have the plague. Oh, no. Yeah. Lewis thinks all squirrels and chipmunks are rabid. All of them. Like to the point of like, I've seen him on a golf course get going. Get away from me. Get away from me. And the squirrel keeps coming towards him and him trying to run backwards.

[00:42:49] And he's well, the one time he left an open bag of potato chips in our golf cart. We come out from the halfway house. And there are two squirrels very quietly eating the bag of potato chips, taking their little paws in. And he's like, get away from them. God damn it. God damn it, Kathleen. You're crazy. I'm like, they're not rabid, Lou. They're golf course squirrels. And people feed them. And they're friendly. And they're not going to bite. Maybe if I tried to take that bag of chips away, we're not going to take that bag of chips away, Lewis. We're going to let them have it. That's how we're not going to get rabies. He's such.

[00:43:19] So I sent him this right away. This reinforces everything Lou thinks is possible. They had to close parts of South Lake Tahoe Beach because of this. The plague. It's in Colorado, too. A dead chipmunk had tested positive for the plague, a rare yet highly infectious bacterial disease responsible for killing millions of people in Europe during the Middle Ages. Lake Tahoe, which is best known as an outdoor playground for celebrities. Yeah, but you know what? The smoke and the fire up there right now because I was just in Reno.

[00:43:48] I mean, it's terrible. It's just terrible. Mm-hmm. The California fires. Plus, there's fires in all over North Arena. Outdoor playground for celebrities. I don't know about that. Yeah. There's some ultra-rich people up there. Yeah, but there's a lot of normal people up there. You know, just middle-class normal people. Lake Tahoe has seen a share of calamities lately, such as wildfires, earthquakes, but the

[00:44:17] plague scare was taken in stride. We need to be cautious around all animals that can carry it. There's also bears that have lost their mind that have some disease where they're not afraid of anything, and they're on the Tahoe beaches, and there's people standing like six feet away. I'm like, you deserve to get eaten. When this bear decides to eat you, what have we learned? All bears will eat you. Yes. Except koala bears and panda bears. Well, panda bears can be mean. They can be mean, but they've never eaten people. Probably not. I don't think so.

[00:44:46] No, they can do. I'll Google it. These days, the pathion associated with the Black Death is treatable with antibiotics, and it is not that unusual to be found in rodents of California, including in the higher elevation mountainous areas of El Dorado County. The best advice, keep yourself and your pets away from chipmunks, squirrels, and other wild rodents that carry fleas infected with the disease. And wait for authorities to spray insecticide to kill the fleas.

[00:45:16] I mean, that's just crazy. That's nuts. Yeah. Now, Lou, now I've confirmed Louis' darkest fears. That's how he probably thinks he's going to die. Especially to like in North Carolina, they have the black face squirrels, and they have all black squirrels, which are beautiful. They're shiny. They look like a shiny cat's coat. But when the masked ones turn and look at you, it's like they're a bandit. Like, they're so, so cute.

[00:45:46] This is something that Paddle's actually found, and I'm not going to do a lot of justice on here, but you have got to go watch this video. Traffic, I've never seen anything like it. Traffic was brought to a halt in Lopburi, Thailand this week after rival monkey gangs started fighting over food. The monkeys usually rely on tourists for snacks. Snacks. Do you have any Cheetos?

[00:46:16] But COVID-19 lockdowns have often left them hungry. With the tourists gone, they've been more aggressive. Fighting humans for food to survive, a local vet said. They're invading buildings and forcing locals to flee from their homes. Drivers had to wait in their cars several minutes as wild monkeys squabbled in the streets. Onlookers could hear the monkeys squealing until one of the groups chased the other one away. I think they should start giving them jerseys.

[00:46:42] Like, they're saying they're gangs and they're rival. Rival. Rival gangs. Bloods and Crips. We make them blue and red. Give them tiny little shirts. Maybe soccer jerseys. Those are the prettiest. Give them a little soccer jersey. Oh, my gosh. Here's some... This is a... Okay, I promised I'd look this up for you guys. And I'm shocked only because... Not because I know a lot about everything at all, but I am kind of a museum freak.

[00:47:11] And I've been to D.C. a million times. And when we were talking about last time that Museum of the Bible, I was like, is that the Kentucky deal? No, it's not. Get a load of this. How have I never seen this? Because I look at all the museums in D.C. I always know when a new one's open, whenever I go, and then I go to that. The last one, it was the African American Museum. It's kind of brand new, maybe a couple years old right now. But the Museum of the Bible is a museum in D.C., which documents the narrative history

[00:47:41] and impact of the Bible. It opened in 2017. Nope. It has 1,150 items in its permanent collection. And 2,000 items on loan from institutions and collections. I wonder how many of the 1,100 Hobby Lobby, man, did you grift? Right. You know? Here's a bunch of stolen shit. That's not very... The irony that you're stealing shit for the Bible.

[00:48:07] Well, acquiring it with loose ties, let's put it that way. He's paying, but... The museum claims it's a non-sectarian. It is not political. It will not proselytize. However, members of the board of directors are required to sign a faith statement regarding the truth of the Bible. What do you mean, the truth? Right. Is it literal? Is it...

[00:48:36] You know, Catholics were kind of taught, like, these are just some stories that we want to throw out there and probably make a good example. Like, not literal. In the year before its launch, the museum fielded questions about the acquisition of its collection. Mm-hmm. Including a federal case over smuggled Iraqi antiquities and thousands of clay artifacts. The museum's dedication ceremony received an official pontifical blessing from Pope Frank.

[00:49:03] And people in attendance included Cardinal Donald Wuerl, musician CeCe Winans. She can really sing. Yeah, she's awesome. Yeah. Senate Chaplain Barry Black, Washington, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser, and Israeli Ambassador Don...or Ron Dermer. It...this museum includes a restaurant called Mana, Mana, that serves kosher food. It was established as a non-profit in 2010.

[00:49:33] Yeah. I don't know about that. Calling it a non-profit, but you're charging 20 bucks to get in. Right. That's a profit. That's a profit. Mm-hmm. Right. Maybe they say if you break even, it's not a profit. Well, you know. Show me your books. Show me your books. Is that... The museum's building and location was announced in 2000... When the Green family, that's the Hobby Lobby people, purchased a 1923 building, a terminal refrigerating and warehouse building two blocks from the National Mall, the primary donors

[00:50:03] to the museum at launch were Hobby Lobby and the National Christian Foundation. Former museum president Kerry said that the goal was to reacquaint the world with the book that helped make it and let visitors come to their own conclusions. Come on. Well, I mean, I think some of the stuff in the Bible probably actually did happen. Yeah. Maybe not exactly the way they said, but it's a story. It's embellished. It's added. It's subtracted. There's probably truth that the, you know, like if they found stuff, that'd go, okay, yeah. You know, but...

[00:50:33] Right. I don't know. There are a lot of authors, too. The estimated... If I ever got to heaven and they told me to review the Bible, I would throw it on St. Peter's desk and go, two words, too vague. It's caused so many problems because you guys weren't specific enough. And there's too many contradictions in here. It needs an editor. I would send it back. And... Tighten it up. Nope. Tighten this shit up.

[00:50:58] And then, does it need a preface saying, look, these are stories loosely based on reality or like a show? Then they have all the exhibits. The fifth level contains a performing arts theater with a 500-person amphitheater. The museum plans to sponsor scholarly lectures as well as multimedia performances related to the Bible. The fifth floor also contains separate exhibit spaces for... The sixth floor consists of a rooftop viewing area overlooking the National Mall. I'm going.

[00:51:27] Next time. I had no idea. I want to see what the hell's in here. Well, I don't know. Do I want to give Steve... Do I want to give the Hobby Lobby guy 20 bucks? Whatever. That won't change his life. Or alter his life in any way. I don't know. But then I think, am I looking at, you know, grifted shit? Probably. The food service. Equinox owners and the Jewish table author, Todd and Ellen Gray,

[00:51:55] operate a 165-seat Mediterranean-inspired fine dining restaurant inside the museum. It also provides catering for events at the museum. The museum contains a more casual lunch and coffee shop, where some of the food offerings are certified as kosher. I'm surprised, though. What's his face would go along with that? Yeah. Well, those other people, they went. Yeah. 1999, an adult for an adult.

[00:52:25] Then they had the whole... Then there's this whole thing about the smuggling scandal. They're smuggling shit. I mean... It's all that. You know what? This stuff should be in a museum for sure. But it should be in a museum where, you know, where the stuff came from. Iran, Iraq, Egypt, wherever. Over there. Okay. This... No, this is crazy.

[00:52:54] Okay, you guys may not remember this, but... Because I don't think I talked about it because it happened before. I am a big fan of the Wu-Tang Clan. I love them. I love the Wu-Tang Clan. I also love... Who's the other Haitian? I can't think of it. But anyway... Oh, Wyclef Jean. Wyclef Jean. I love him. He is not part of the Wu-Tang Clan. He is not part of the Wu-Tang Clan. I said other Haitians. These guys aren't Haitians. And there's a great show, Wu-Tang Clan.

[00:53:24] I can't wait for the next season on Hulu about how they came to be rappers through drug dealing and all this stuff. It's a great, great, great show. They're so good you forget they're actors. They just seem like gang guys. And then I have to remind myself every now and then when one of them gets super mean, I'm like, he's just an actor. Can't wait. Settle down. I'm like, somebody should go find this bastard. So one of the Wu-Tang Clan a while back made an album,

[00:53:53] and they sold it to one person. And none of us got to hear it. Right? Which was sad, if you're the rest of us. And you know who bought it? The pharma bro, Martin Shrickery. I can't say it. Shrick- Really? Shrick- Really? Um, this is crazy. He's the, he jacked up the prices, and then he sat there and smirked in court. Like, you just wanted to slap him silly. Like, he had to smirk. He went to prison.

[00:54:22] He's in prison, but he's getting out soon. But he bought it. So here's the story. He should marry Elizabeth Holmes. He should marry Elizabeth Holmes. Yeah. In prison. Well, they're indifferent. No, she's not in prison yet. She's gone. And he may not want a baby. She has a baby now. And she's married. Um, a one-of-a-kind album by the hip-hop group Wu-Tang Clan was once owned by farmer bro, Martin Shrickley. I'm just going to say that because I don't know how to pronounce it.

[00:54:50] Finally sold, was sold Tuesday by the U.S. government more than three years after he forfeited the album as part of his conviction for securities fraud. So somebody news got it. Oh. You know what they should do? If you're the owner. You sell it. No. And you do it. You could. See, that's a really good idea. Yeah. But I don't think you should sell it. I think you go on Sound Exchange, and that's the company that keeps track of everybody's royalties.

[00:55:19] So, like, if you guys hear me on Sirius Radio, cha-ching, that's about 55 cents every time you hear it. But there's a company, Sound Exchange, and you register with them. You say, I'm Kathleen Madigan. I'm the writer of the joke. I'm the performer of the joke. There's two ways to get paid. You either wrote, same with songs. Either you're writing it or performing it, or both. Anyway, if the owner put it on Sound Exchange as the rights owner, you could make more than the money would keep coming forever. Yeah.

[00:55:49] And then give it to the HIV people. Wonderful. It's a great idea. Let's get it done. The buyer and the sale price of Once Upon a Time and Shaolin, Shaolin? That's the name of it. I don't know. How would we know? We never heard it. We're not revealed. But the Brooklyn, New York U.S. Attorney's Office said the proceeds of the album sale were enough to satisfy what remained of the nearly 7.4 million forfeiture judgment against Martin. No.

[00:56:18] Yeah. Yeah. An April finding by prosecutors in a civil lawsuit in Manhattan court. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I don't know what they sold it for. He's serving a seven-year prison sentence for his August 2017 criminal conviction in a Brooklyn federal court. has been ordered to surrender the unique album and the rest of his assets to satisfy the forfeiture.

[00:56:40] Those assets included the little Wayne album, the Carter V, an engraving on paper by Pablo Picasso, and a $5 million held in an E-Trade brokerage account. Oh, yeah.

[00:57:24] Yeah.

[00:57:37] He's serving a lot of patients and newborns by more than 5,000%. There's not even a debate with paddles about the death penalty.

[00:58:04] It's just how often I'd have to fucking rein you in. He's a bad person. Yeah, but you don't kill him. Yeah. Well, maybe. He might have killed people. Yeah. If you think about it like that, you might be right. Here's one. God, this is great. You know, we all kind of laugh and you get the emails that you can tell are phishing fraud, blah, blah, blah.

[00:58:32] But my brother's a financial advisor and there are old people that fall for this shit. I would never say names or anything like that, but there's an older couple that, very old, like 90. Are they your parents? It's not my parents. This time, it is not my parents. And they have been led to believe they've won a lottery. And it's on the phone. They're calling on landlines because who has landlines? Old people. Who answers a house phone? Old people.

[00:59:01] And then they have to give money to these people in order to collect their winnings. And they firmly believe this. And they're smart people. They're just old. And so, this is crazy. How many of you guys know Hush Puppy? Huh? I do. I love to eat Hush Puppies too. No. This is where sometimes I'm not, I'm just not hip enough.

[00:59:30] There's an Instagram influencer named Hush Puppy, which I do like. I like the name. But Hush Puppy is a very bad person. Yeah. He pleads guilty to a million dollar fraud in the United States. A Nigerian Instagram celebrity, Ramona Boss, known as Hush Puppy. That's almost as good as Baby Shoe Madigan. It's better, actually. I have been wearing my Baby Shoe Madigan bracelet too on stage.

[01:00:00] The silver one? Yeah, with the baby shoe. Charm? Yeah. Looks great. It makes me laugh. And it's silver, and I only wear silver. A Nigerian Ramona Boss, known as Hush Puppy, has admitted his involvement in a conspiracy to defraud a Qatari businessman for more than $1 million. Wow. He's 37 years old. He also admitted to laundering money through bank accounts around the world, including several other cyber and business emails, compromise schemes that cumulatively caused more than

[01:00:30] $24 million in losses. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Wow. How smart? I mean, this is what's crazy. How smart are you to be able to do this, but you use your powers for evil? Like, if you're this smart, I wouldn't know how to do this. I don't even think I could do a GoFundMe. That's, yeah, I wouldn't. But I mean, I know, I understand how. But to trick people and con people, he pleaded guilty to the charges on April 20th, according to court documents, which were only unsealed.

[01:00:58] He was arrested in the United Arab Emirates in June, nearly 40. See, he posted all this shit. Yeah. Google his Instagram account. See if Hush Puppy is still on Instagram. If it's still an active account. He flaunted his lavish lifestyle, but was actually conspiring to launder hundreds of millions of dollars. Yeah. Is it a... Hush Puppy with an eye. With an eye. Yeah. Is it active? Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to go look at it. Two and a half million followers. Two and a half million followers? Mm-hmm. What?

[01:01:27] Oh, he's cool looking. He lives... Yeah. Yeah. But how do... You know. But here's more facts about it. Nearly $41 million in cash. cash! Hello? Cash. What kind of freak has 41... Cash in their house? 13 luxury cars valued at around $6.8 million. A phone and computer evidence containing more than 10... 100,000 fraud files. And the addresses of nearly 2 million possible victims. 2 million! Wow. Were found during the raid.

[01:01:56] He was arrested alongside another Nigerian man. Ola Olican. Jacob. Somebody. A.K.A. Woodbury. That's not as good as Hush Puppy. He has a lot of tennis shoes. He has a lot of tennis shoes? He has a lot. Oh. Wow. He was handed over to FBI agents and was transferred to L.A. to face charges of money laundering through cyber crime schemes. Oh, this is... Okay, so this is what they would do. According to court documents, this is how they do this shit.

[01:02:23] Abbas, along with other defendants, faked the financing of a school by posing as bank officials and creating a fake website to convince a Qatari businessman to part with his money. They also bribed a foreign official to keep elaborate... Keep the elaborate pretense going after the victim was tipped off. So they had to keep it going because the guy was like, wait, I heard this is bullshit. They succeeded in defrauding the businessman of $1.1 million.

[01:02:53] And part of the stolen money was used to purchase a Richard Milley watch? Millet? I don't know. I never heard of it. There's a lot of watches. Which was hand-delivered to Abbas in Dubai and subsequently appeared in Hush Puppy's social media posts. Okay, here's the thing, fraudsters, kind men. Stop posting! Right. Oh. There's so many people. Yeah, it always comes back to bite him in the ass.

[01:03:21] There's a picture of him in a robe and his robe says Hush Puppy on the back. He's standing in front of two Bentleys and then there's another picture of him in a private jet reading Forbes. He don't need Forbes. He doesn't need legitimate ways to make money. Nope. Wow. They also used part of the proceeds to allegedly acquire St. Christopher and Nevis citizenship as well as a passport for a boss contained by creating a false marriage certificate and then bribing a government official in St. Kitts. Wow.

[01:03:50] He was a lavish spender who claimed to be a real estate developer. And how has that not been on American Greed yet? That's like, that's one of my favorite background shows if you've got, if you're doing shit and it's just great. People are just crazy. They're crazy. That's when I'm not watching Snapped, which is really crazy. He was a lavish spender. He was famous for tossing wads of cash and flaunting his Rolls Royces, luxury watches, and designer clothing on Instagram where he's amassed more than two million followers.

[01:04:18] He said he funded his luxurious life by laundering illicit proceeds generated by con orders who increasingly use sophisticated means. He faces up to 20 years in prison. He'll be out in 10 if he even gets convicted, which he probably will. But, you know, he'll be out doing it again. Yeah. He posted. I do like Hush Puppy. That's great. I love it. What's your name? Hush Puppy? No.

[01:04:46] Well, I will never be attending any Burning Man's. No. Me too. Especially when you see some of the pictures, like when it rains and then it's just a mud. I don't do well in the desert, but to begin with, I actually hate the desert. And people are like, isn't it beautiful? I'm like, maybe when they finish it. Mud, like I'm better at Bonnaroo. I'm better in humidity and mud than I am in the desert heat. And then if it rains, and then we're right back to 125 dry heat. Fuck you.

[01:05:14] But all I think about Bonnaroo is where's the bathroom. That's all I think about in giant gatherings. And that's not because I'm old. I've always thought I don't like giant things. I think it's too because I'm small and I'm afraid I'll be trampled. Well, you will. I might be. Yeah. For the second summer in a row, Jonathan, a tech worker who lives in the California Bay Area, will be headed to the Nevada desert for an event that isn't happening. He's not alone. I think definitely a lot of people will come this year. Jonathan, that doesn't matter.

[01:05:46] He's one of the thousands people expected to flock to Nevada's Black Rock Desert this year during the nine days leading up to and including Labor Day. That's when Burning Man would traditionally happen, drawing close to 80,000 attendees for the mammoth event's signature blend of art, music, celebrity self-expression, highly alkaline playa dust, and fashionable Google-based looks. None of that appeals to me. None. I don't. I think it's because I don't do drugs, though.

[01:06:16] And I'm not bragging. I'm just a beer person. I'm a cheap, easy, simple date. Beer, wine. Jameson, if I'm fancy. But I mean, I think maybe if you did Molly or stuff like this, that this stuff would make more sense. I don't know. Also, Burning Man has now gotten so out of hand with rich people flying their private jets in and they have pretense made for them. I mean, why don't you just go to the Four Seasons? Because that's what you've created.

[01:06:44] You've created the Four Seasons in what was supposed to be this nomadic, weird experience, and now it's tricked out and it's fucked up. It's not what it's supposed to be. I didn't want to go when it was supposed to be what it was supposed to be. And I really don't want to go when now the event I didn't want to attend has been hijacked by Paris Hilton and that crowd. Burning Man is canceled this year. Though the Burning Man Project, the organization that governs the event,

[01:07:14] they're planning a virtual one. Now see, I do, no, I'm going to do that. I'll do that because I can sit in the couch in my pajamas and drink beer and watch these people. Thousands of people, however, are expected to come to Black Rock Dozer anyway for what is now being loosely referred to as a renegade burn. See, like even if I was high, pot high, none of this would make sense. I think you've got to get into the hallucinogens and stuff. Peyote and all that.

[01:07:44] Or maybe it does make sense to some people without all that. I don't get it. I'm also, I don't want to ride a bicycle. There's all these adults just riding bikes because you can't get there. You can't bring your car, I don't think. You can't bring your golf cart? I don't know about a golf cart. I would do that, but I still wouldn't go. I'd go to a golf course and play golf like a normal fucking person. And then I'd go, then I would go to La Quinta, the hotel, not the chain La Quinta. There's a really good one in Palm Springs.

[01:08:13] That's where I would view I've got to go to the desert. This event is called a renegade burn, an unstructured event that carries the potential to be either a creative revival of Burning Man's earlier days or a more do-it-yourself days and more do-it-yourself days or for inexperienced campers, this lady, a potential disaster. Exactly. At least this person acknowledges that my potential reality is possible.

[01:08:41] I just see it as being horrible. There's snakes, tarantulas. They don't really hurt you, I don't think. Scorpions. All the things that they tell you on golf courses in the desert, be careful of. Gila Monsters. Since its first year in 1986, Burning Man evolved into, from a subcultural party on San Francisco Beach to a mega event. Okay, we don't need to hear the whole history of Burning Man. You guys either know it or you don't. But so they're going to do, yeah, and here's the picture.

[01:09:11] A woman laughs after a desert thundershower in 1995. All of them, they're all naked and covered in mud. I'm good. Same reason I didn't want to go to Woodstock. I mean, I would have wanted to see all those people, but I ain't getting involved in that. How do you get out? What if something goes wrong? I mean, no. You're in trouble. You're in a lot of trouble. I'm going to say, next week we're going to talk about, there's a mafia lady, a woman,

[01:09:43] Maria Lissigardi. Why can't we talk about it now? You want this to be the last story? I love that. All right. Mafia. Then I'm going to save this one for next week. Okay. That's about somebody finding the world's biggest sapphire, and I'm really excited for that person. I'm really excited for Mafia. Okay. I have never heard of this lady, so I went. Because why? I'm doing the work of the Lord. Thank you. I don't know why the movie hasn't been made about this woman, and she's 70 years old.

[01:10:08] So, Maria Lissigardi was arrested at Rome's airport while trying to fly to Spain. She was previously among Italy's top 31 fugitives and was nicknamed a piccarella, meaning the little one. She's only five foot tall for her petite build. So are you. This lady, yeah, I'm a piccarella. Piccarella. Sorry. Piccarella. All short.

[01:10:38] Look at all the short ladies killing it here. Dolly's probably five foot one. Stevie's five foot one. You? I'm five foot one, maybe. I used to be five one and a half, and I think the half's gone for sure. Yeah. Yeah. This is what's crazy, though. She's the head of the Lissigardi Camara Crime Syndicate clan. Oh. Yeah.

[01:11:05] She's previously been described as a true madrina or godmother of the group. Now, here's the thing. Why are you flying in a normal airport? Right. You want to get from Rome to Spain? Drive. You're in charge of the answer. What? You're in charge of the whole underground world of everything. I do not understand. They said she didn't bat an eyelash as they carried out the arrest orders of Naples prosecutors.

[01:11:32] In a dispatch issue through the Italian news agency, they confirmed she was arrested at the airport. She's accused of mafia-type association extortion and receiving stolen money. Interior Minister Luciana Lamoguschi appraised the arrest saying blah, blah, blah. She was first arrested in 2001. After she was stopped as she drove a car near Naples. Back then, she was placed on Italy's top 31 fugitives. She was convicted of mafia connection crimes.

[01:12:01] It was released in 2009. So, she's been out, but she's been... She's still doing it. I know. I like it. Prosecutors say she was one of the victors in a long-running blood feud between alliances of clans that left Naples, littered nearly daily with bodies earlier this century. They claim her brother, Gennaro Lisi Cardi, was the boss of the syndicate, and she made the decisions for the crime family along with the other crime bosses.

[01:12:31] Traditional sources of illicit revenue for the syndicate include extortion of local business owners, drug trafficking, and the infiltration of the public works contracts. Oh, God. God. Here's the thing. The Godfather, the movie. They were all... I liked them all. Godfather 1, 2, and 3. 3 was weird, but... Every mafia movie I've ever seen, it's a man in charge. That's why somebody should do this movie.

[01:12:59] The Mexican ones, they have women in charge in some of them, but not the actual mafia. Yeah. She is pocket-sized. I'm going to tell you what else she's done. So, she arrested in 2001, which saw her go to jail for eight years. She'd been on the run since 1999, and at the time was on the top 30 list, we know that.

[01:13:28] It is after her release in December that she's accused of taking over the leadership of her family's clan. So, the minute she got out... I mean, what is he going to do, though? They don't know anything else. Of course they're going to go back. The police in Naples launched a crackdown on the mafia in 2019, arresting more than 120 clan members and confiscating cash and assets worth 130 million euros. The wives of several other Camorra clans were also taken into custody, but they already managed to escape arrest during the operation.

[01:13:58] I'm going to tell you a few other things that they say she's done. And you know what's crazy? Her photo, her headshot, her arrest things, she's adorable. She's just this little pixie-looking thing, little tiny haircut. I mean, for 70, if these are... I don't know what she looks like now, but she's got great Italian skin. She's just adorable. You'd never think this lady was doing these things. Nice. This is where my... I'm so naive, though. It's like if somebody seems nice...

[01:14:27] Like, I would have never believed Jeffrey Dahmer. After seeing interviews with him and the accent on top of it, with the Wisconsin accent, I would have been, Jeffrey didn't do that. No. And this lady, really? This five-foot tall? She's cute. She looked totally... You would not think this lady's capable of these things. I like it. And I know that's shallow saying that, but she just doesn't look like what you picture. That's why she'd be even better for a movie.

[01:14:57] Hello, people who make movies? Here you go. I'm the free idea. I have an idea. Maybe there is one about her. I'll have to look. One well-insided connector described her as radiating steely charisma. She's practical, charming, exceptionally intelligent, but just as ruthless as her male counterparts. She carried a cold and calculating approach in her criminal endeavors, reportedly taking her inspiration

[01:15:23] from Rosetta Cotolo, sister of Raffaele Cotolo, the boss of the Nouveau Camara Organizada. They had a lot of goodwill among the local population. They had the old habit of giving out handouts to the neighborhood's poor. See? So did El Chapo. You've got to get the town behind you if you need to hide. You've got to be able to go in their houses. In one city with no Social Security benefits provided to the people, and an unemployment rate,

[01:15:52] the Klan provided the neighborhood with the principal source of employment. Nice. Right. But, you know, the downfall. Well, she ran it very smoothly for many years until a disagreement arose over a consignment of pure, unrefined heroin. Oh, Lord. It arrived from Istanbul, Turkey. Leoccardi decreed it should not be sold as it was too pure and strong for the average user

[01:16:18] and thus would kill those who purchased it, harming the alliance's large customer base of drug users. Yeah. She's right. Wow. You can't kill them. You can't kill your customers. But the Lo Russo clan disagreed and packaged a shipment for sale on the street. Wow. It killed all kinds of drug addicts across Naples.

[01:16:46] This caused great public outrage and resulted in a massive crackdown. See? She was right. She's just crazy. Yeah. Anyway, that's it. Maria. Maria. Lecicardi. That's how we're ending? Yeah. That's it. Oh, you have something uplifting? Something uplifting? Yeah. This is cool. Okay. Workman digging in a man's backyard discovered a hundred million dollar windfall.

[01:17:15] 2.5 million carat sapphire cluster. See? Yeah. I think that's my birthstone. September. It is. How are you born? I don't know. I didn't even know what day I was born until I was in a gas station in Hawaii. And it was my birthday. It was my actual birthday. And the guy goes, happy birthday. I go, yeah, I think it was a Tuesday. I go, yeah, I think I was actually born on Tuesday. He goes, no, that was a Thursday. I go, how do you know?

[01:17:44] How do you know that September 30th in 1965 was a Thursday? And he was flipping right. I went home and Googled it. I said to my parents, how do you not remember? What day? This is what I'm talking about. Gender reveal parties. They don't even know what day of the week I was born. I don't know. It might have been. I think it was a Tuesday. Thursday's child. I'm singing that song. Tuesday. Tuesday. Thursday. Thursday. Thursday. This is cool, though.

[01:18:12] Workers digging a well in the backyard of a Sri Lankan gem trader stumbled upon a 2.5 million carat sapphire cluster. The lucky find was made in the southern city of Ratnapara, known as Sri Lanka's city of gems. The cluster named Serendipity Sapphires is a staggering 39 inches long and 28 inches wide. How awesome is that? That's cool.

[01:18:36] Gamage, a third generation gemstone trader and owner of the stone, told the BBC it had taken over a year to wash off the 1,124 pound cluster. Analyze the stone and certify it. Took a year to clean it. Wow. The person who was digging the well alerted us about some rare stones. They didn't give his real name out. That's good. Later, we stumbled upon this huge specimen. Well, I hope they gave that guy a fair share.

[01:19:02] What tipped off the find could be worth an astronomical sum that was that high-quality sapphires kept chipping off while he was cleaning the impurities of the rock. Experts have valued that sapphire clustered at up to 100 million. I've never seen such a large specimen before. A gemologist so-and-so told the BBC this was probably formed around 400 million years ago. Wow. I want to see it. No, I just want to see a picture of it.

[01:19:31] They don't even have a picture of it on this thing I printed out. How about this guy's name? Tillak. Tillak. The chairman of Sri Lanka's National Gem and Jewelry Authority told the BBC that this sapphire would likely be of interest to private collectors and museums, considering its size and value. Yeah, I don't think you could put it on a necklace. Sounds a little large. Why would you just chip off a part of it? Make me a nice little present. It's known for gem fines Sri Lanka. I didn't know that.

[01:20:01] Large sapphires in the country of the pound include the Blue Bell of Asia, a 392-carat sapphire, that sold at auction for 17 million. I think you'd get more. Yeah. It was in 2014. Another was the Star of India, a 563-carat star sapphire on display at the American... Well, I'm going here then. American Museum of Natural History has that. Oh, wow. Oh, it's the one in New York.

[01:20:27] In 1964, an amateur jewel thief broke in, used a glass cutter and duct tape to open the stones, and they made off with it. What? Somebody stole it. You've got to go with Louis. Maybe Lou knows the end of that. Oh, the 12-carat sapphire in Kate Middleton's ring likely came from the mines in Sri Lanka. Speaking of royalty, don't forget to watch The Spanish Princess.

[01:20:55] I watch the Olympics so much, I don't really have a lot to tell you guys what to watch, and then I stumbled upon that on the airplane, and I love it. Season two. It's about Henry VIII's first wife, and Philippa Gregory wrote all those books, and I read them all when I was in high school. I thought they were just awesome. I'm not even an Anglophile at all, but I love to see anybody in a castle goes crazy. Just remember that. Everybody in a castle loses their goddamn minds. I always think, what job in the castle? You know what I would have wanted? To be the cook.

[01:21:25] Something where you get to leave at night. Like, I don't want to be a nanny or one of the court ladies, because you get involved in all that shit. I want to be on the outskirts. I want to be not involved, but I want the job, and I want the money. That's what I decided. All right, termites. We will see you guys out on the road. Boston. Baston? Baston. Two shows. I think the one is sold out. The other one may not be. Foxwoods Casino.

[01:21:54] Love it. The Ryman. It's getting close to sold out in Nashville. I have a lot of friends coming to that one. That'll be fun. And Aaron Weber will be opening that show. He's funny. You can go look him up. A-A-R-O-N. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. So that's it, termites. I'll be out there, out and about, scooting around, flying around. T-shirts are coming. T-shirts are coming. They should actually be here.

[01:22:24] At the store. At whatever the place keeps all that. Labor Day. Labor Day? Labor Day again, yeah. Oh, okay. Good to know. Because I have to put aside, like, five for my nieces and my mom. Although my mom really only wears Louis Black merch. And she does it on purpose to pick fights in Florida. Yeah. Because his stuff always says, fuck you.

[01:22:52] My mom's like, I saw Louis has some new merchandise. Is there a way I could get some of those t-shirts? I'm like, where'd you see that, mom? Well, I go on his website sometimes to see where he's at. I go, yes, you can have whatever you want. Louis makes a call and they will arrive at your doorstep. All right, termites. Okay, termites, that's all I got. Ready?