Episode 52: California Bacon, Where To Spend The Apocalypse, & The Return of Tasmanian Devils

[00:00:09] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on.

[00:00:18] It's our one year anniversary. How exciting is that? We've been doing this one whole year. I have to keep the phone on in case the HVAC guy calls. The air conditioning is on the fritz. And it's hotter than shit. I didn't do anything special for the one year. I don't know, I just forgot, I guess. Plus, I've been busy out on the road.

[00:00:46] I'm flying around like a crazy person. So many things have happened to her. First of all, I was at the Mirage in Las Vegas. If you follow him on social media, he was in there. And then someone brought me a full blown quilt that I have the name. It's Margie. That's who did this. I can't really open it up big enough to show you guys, but this is a lot of goddamn work and much appreciated.

[00:01:16] I'll take a full picture of it spread out so you guys can get the gist of it. But that made it backstage, I think. Right? Is that how that got there? Yeah. So it's really, really a lot of work. Seriously, you guys have gone above and beyond and much appreciated.

[00:01:34] And I met two termites. I went down to the Starbucks that is located in the Mirage. I went down to get coffee and Starbucks and eat all the masks are back in Vegas, by the way. And that means in the show, which I thought would be weird. And it was not weird at all. I could hear everybody. And I thought, is this going to be weird? Because comedy, you know, a timing thing is involved with the laughs. It's not like I'm a singer person where it doesn't matter what you guys do. It matters.

[00:02:03] Can you turn me up just a little bit, Paddles? Just a tiny bit. And I thought, well, I'm already here. What am I going to do? I got to do the show, right? And everybody's all excited. And it was sold out. And it was great. I couldn't even tell the difference. And I was shocked because I thought, well, even if it's half ass, you know, if I can't hear, so what? You know, they'll still have fun.

[00:02:24] Anyway, I went down and I had a mask on and there were two termites that were like, mama termite, is that you? And I'm like, oh my God, how'd you guess? You can't even see nothing but my eyes. Probably my jacket. I don't know. I wear that thing all the time. My Target Mismo. It's just a little blue and white stripe number. Back when Target sold Mismo before he went bad and him and his wife cheated on that college stuff.

[00:02:51] But I also received this one. I'm going to taste this. Okay, we have a new kind of ranch. It's Terrapin Ridge Farms Hatch Chili Ranch Dressing. And the person wrote on it for Kathleen Madigan with love from your new Mexican termite fan. Kathleen, I won't say her last name, but yay. I need more Mexican fans. I know I don't understand why. Why am I not? Come on, aren't my Catholic jokes resonating? Come on.

[00:03:18] So you and Kathleen, you need to tell other Mexicans, but this is what she gets. Go watch me. I mean, I think I'm as funny as Gabriel. I'm not as Mexican, but I'm a little too white probably. Wow. I know, but whatever. More of that. So here's what I'm going to take. The Terrapin Ranch. Something chili.

[00:03:46] Oh, wow. It's got a lot of spunk to it. Nice. I like it. I don't know. It's thin too. So if you're in the move for thin. And I've tasted other Terrapin Ridge and I like it. That one's spicy though. I like it. Sold on that. Oh, the two termites I met in Starbucks, they left this for me at the front desk. And she wrote me a note and she said, oh, I'm sorry.

[00:04:14] I know somebody already gave you a ranch ornament. So now you have two. But look, they're different. It's not the same. I know this one's got. So if you guys are listening, the two I met from the Bay Area, your ornament is not the same. So it's a winner. Boom. It will go on a Christmas tree. Absolutely. It will. Okay. I found these on the way home.

[00:04:40] I haven't had time to freeze them, but I'm going to freeze them and then I'm going to report back. Bud, light, seltzer, frozen icicles. How great is this for an adult? Finally, can we shove some alcohol on popsicles? How long have I waited for this? Must be 21 to consume. There's four cherry, four cherry limeade, four blue raspberry and four summer ice.

[00:05:05] Just to be outside in the summer and have somebody throw one of these at you while you're on the lawnmower? Yes. On the lawnmower? Yes. Or maybe in the pool if you have a pool. Or in the lake if you're by a lake. Or just in the hose. Outside. Frozen icicles. Bud, light, seltzer. I have not had time to freeze these, but I'm going to do it and I'm going to report back. Last little cleanup item from Termite Town. This termite, Nikki and Patrick.

[00:05:35] Patrick, also known as the Diesel. Yeah, I don't know. They're from the Pacific. I don't know. They're from the Pacific Northwest. They can't wait to see me in Seattle or Portland. And it's a local Northwest thing called Johnny's. And they went out of business. Aw, sad times. During COVID. But you can still get their stuff online. And she said it's the best seasoning salt on the planet. And I tasted it on chicken. And it is really good. Nice. Now, mind you, I am not being paid by any of these people.

[00:06:04] So you just have to take my word for it. If you're looking for, there's a chicken and pork. I liked it. Loved it, actually. And she said it's better than McCormick's. And I got to say, it's a tie. Well, just something different. You know, I don't want to throw McCormick's under the bus. I feel like they're the seasoning of my childhood. Right? The Vicki Madigan only bought McCormick's. You know, I can't sell my mom down the river. It's even great on eggs. So shout out Pacific Northwest.

[00:06:34] That's a very, seasonings are a fun gift. Hot sauce, fun gift. Ranch, fun gift. People underestimate small things. Really, they do. What are we drinking? Termites. Salt and sea. How cool is this beer can? Flying fish. It's a New Jersey brewing company. I got this when I was up in Maryland. It was just, I like the can. I'm a sucker for the can. I'm like the idiot with wine lady, too, with the label. Look at the label. It has the kangaroo doing a handstand.

[00:07:04] Well, yes, I want to try that. Also, I'm going to try, this is really going to be an act of love. Why? Because we're here doing God's work. Termites. And I'm now ending my act on stage by saying night-night termites. And I'm sure to probably half the audience, they have no idea what the fuck I'm talking. But I don't care. I run away after that. So that's on you. Yeah, that's the end. I didn't do it at the beginning and make them uncomfortable. This is ranch water.

[00:07:33] Red grapefruit, hard seltzer, made with 100% agave, natural lime, and Rio red grapefruit juice. So wait, there's 80... Ron left it. Ron left this? Yeah, it was a prize for you. It's from Louisiana. Is there alcohol in it? Yes. Oh. It's seltzer. It's seltzer. Oh, okay. Well, all right. Well, ranch water. Oh, it's got the Texas longhorn on it. Oh, I get it. He thought he'd love it.

[00:08:00] Well, Ron, Mr. White was here last week for a while with me, and then he stayed, and he said his... I said, don't worry about making the bed. You know, I'll get my cleaning person to come, and I think he thought that that meant that person would come before I got home, and what a little pigster. It looked like he had been raped. His hat was on the counter, his good hat, like his going out hat.

[00:08:29] But it looks like a kind of a weird... I don't know what you... Like the Anthony Hopkins hat, and yeah. Like, I love his hat. He left his hat. The robe that I let him wear was thrown over the couch next to slippers that were abandoned. There's like a hundred coffee cups. Now, I'm not... He'll never hear this. He doesn't listen to this, I'm sure. But yeah, this is what happens. I haven't used a cleaning person, my awesome person Sherry, in two years, because I've been home.

[00:08:58] So I turn into Bridget on Monday. Bridget, which used to... Well, that used to be a slur back in the day when all the cleaning ladies were Irish. Back in the early 1900s, they would say, the rich people would go, oh, you have to get yourself a Bridget. Meaning we were all fucking named Bridget. What about a Kathleen? Well, anyway, I turned myself into Bridget on Mondays, and I cleaned the whole house top to bottom. Now that I'm going to be gone every week, and then there's little pigsters staying here, other comedians, when I'm not here, we're going to have to get Sherry back over here.

[00:09:28] And even I... I'm like, wow. So that's what you do when you think someone's coming? Like he had a cigar wrapper just in the kitchen floor. What? Come on. And the dog. I'm afraid to check in a couple rooms. I'm sure that dog's shit in the house. All right, here's the ranch water. Here we go. No. What? Oh, Christ. This tastes like...

[00:09:56] This tastes like Alka-Seltzer, but bad, like before a colonoscopy. It tastes like... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's really horrible. Sorry, guys, whoever made it. I don't want to throw you under a ranch table, but I'm throwing you under the ranch table. One more cleaning item.

[00:10:26] A woman named Catherine sent me... What? The Diary of an American Exit System? So excited. I have to fly to Atlantic City while I fly to Philadelphia. And I don't know about American Airlines. I may have to switch back over to Delta and connect. Did you see everybody on Spirit Airlines? It got stuck because why? Here's what people don't know. It's easy to make fun of the people on Spirit Air. It's very easy if you fly a lot.

[00:10:53] But I feel bad for a lot of those people because what they don't know, Spirit Airlines canceled like 43% of its flights in... All these airports were going crazy. Puerto Rico and Orlando and Fort Lauderdale. I saw it in Vegas. Whenever you guys... This is just a helpful hint, especially for younger termites. For Z-mites. Zermites. Zermites. Generations Z. Termites. Termites are Zermites. Zermites, I like it.

[00:11:20] And they might be too young to have experienced or investigated all this. But if you buy a ticket on American, let's say, an airline that is substantial, they have to put you on another flight if they can. They have reciprocal agreements with all these other airlines. When you go like on Spirit or Bud's Fun Airplane, they don't have that. So if they cancel the flight, that's on you. And I don't know about giving you a hotel room. I don't know.

[00:11:50] Maybe they have to by law. But I know you're not getting on another flight unless you pay for it. I don't think Southwest is reciprocal either. I'd have to look that up. I don't think they are. Yeah. So you might get a cheaper ticket, although I don't think Southwest is cheaper anymore than anybody else at this point. I don't know when they got so pricey and fancy, unless you buy the want to get away one, which applies to younger people who don't have a plan, like or a job. And you could just go, yeah, let's go to Vegas at midnight.

[00:12:20] Yeah. Who cares when we come back? Whenever they say we can, that's when we'll come back. Okay? Okay. All right. I'm just making sure that wasn't the HVAC guy. Okay. Oh, my God. Let's get started here now that we've gone through that. Oh, also in Vegas, it was 115 degrees, right? So I had to walk across the street to see us from the Mirage. Just that walk across the street, fuck.

[00:12:48] And some guy handed me a flyer. I don't get the stripper ones. I guess they know I'm not going to strip club. You think that short middle-aged lady would be in? No. I don't think she's going. She's a waste of our paper and flyer. But this guy did think that I potentially looked like I might want to go into the Grand Canyon on an ATV thing with a helmet on in 115 degree. And I go, no. No.

[00:13:17] Thank you. And then they want you to take it. And I'm like, everybody just throws it on the ground. Then it's just trash. Now you're just littering. Do not hand that to me. Literally 10 minutes later on my phone, there's an app called, I don't even know how it came on my phone. Newsmax. Yeah, Newsmax, I think. But I like it because when you travel, it'll throw up the stories in your area. I got an alert from Newsmax. Do not go to the Grand Canyon. It is officially a cauldron.

[00:13:47] Because 115 on the strip, boom, there, because it's even further out, it was 127. What? Yeah. So I wanted to go back to that guy on the strip and go, dude, where you're telling people to go, my phone just said people will die. So don't send people to their own death. Give it a break. It got down to 102 the day after I left.

[00:14:16] Then I went out to the pool. And I'm like, I just want to see if there's people out here. Fucking packed. I'm like, I get that you're in the water and you think you're cooling down. But you with your giant beer people, and I've been that person 100 times over. I just can't do anymore because I know I now won't wake up for like a day and a half if I do things like that. Because this translucent white skin does not battle the heat well. It's just a recipe for more skin cancer. But it was packed.

[00:14:45] And I also, just FYI, there was quite a few mask fights. It's getting weird out there again. That's all my messages to everybody. Louis Black, who is extremely nervous about COVID. I told Lou, now that I'm venturing out into the wild, in high-risk states. I've been in a lot of high-risk states. I don't think you're going to be able to go in the general public, Louis, for like four years. Four years? He'll kill people.

[00:15:16] He will kill people. Like, I went to go get on the elevator, and there were like 11, 20-somethings drunk from the pool. No mask. And then I think they're young. They're probably not vaccinated. And I know I won't end up dead or in a hospital because I've been vaccinated. But I also don't want to fucking get COVID. I don't want to get anything. Like, I don't want the flu. I want to keep working. I don't want to be sick. But anyway, just a heads up. Although everybody on my plane was well-behaved, and no one was duct-taped to their seat, which I was a little sorry to hear about.

[00:15:45] I would kind of like to see that go down in real life. Maybe you will. I'm bringing my own duct tape. Did you know you can get Justin Bieber duct tape at Target? No, they have Britney. They have Britney? Speaking, well, we're not going to Britney yet. Let's get started. A lot of people, a lot of termites sent this article to me, and I'd seen it. How great is this? Dolly, our queen. Boom. Right there. She used royalties from Whitney Houston's song to support a black neighborhood, the house that Whitney built.

[00:16:12] Country legend Dolly Parton was on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen Thursday. Oh, I didn't know that. I'll have to go back in time and see that. When she revealed the big purchase she made with the royalties she made from I Will Always Love You. Just shout out, always better to write the song. Money. Yeah. The 1973 song of hers was covered by Whitney in 1992 and became a massive hit for the soundtrack of The Bodyguard. Here's what Dolly did.

[00:16:40] I bought my big office complex down in Nashville, so I thought, well, this is a wonderful place to be. The Parton said after Cohen asked what was the best thing she bought or invested in with her royalties, she reportedly made $10 million from the song in the 90s and continues to make money from it to this day. So, yeah, I bet she, but that's just a crazy one. So while buying it in an office complex is no biggie, it's where and why she bought it that makes it special to her.

[00:17:06] I bought a property down in what was the black area town, and it was just mostly black families and people that lived around there, and it was off the beaten path from 16th Avenue. And I thought, well, I'm going to buy this place, the whole street mall, and thought, this is a perfect place for me to be, considering it was Whitney. She's always been, Parton has always spoken very highly of Houston and her vision of the song, saying that she pulled, had to pull off the road to avoid crashing because she was so moved the first time she heard it.

[00:17:37] Oh, you mean on the radio. I'm sure she heard it before it released, right? That'd be weird. Maybe not. I mean, if you buy it to sing it, I guess you can do whatever you want. She bought it. So that love for Houston paired with Parton's notorious business savvy and a driving desire to help people made her new office space the perfect fit. So I just thought this was great. I'm going to be down here with her people who are my people as well. That's right. And so I just love the fact that I spent money on a complex, and I think, this is the

[00:18:07] house that Whitney built. Isn't that sweet? Why? Because Dolly should be the president, and Dolly thinks forward. Dolly's worth, I read, a thing, probably $350 million. Now, Dolly could be worth, I'd say, a billion. But Dolly pays a lot of it forward, which is something I support. And yeah, that's why, you know what? I can't afford to be buying buildings or strip malls, but I tip really good.

[00:18:34] And sometimes I do what's called angel bombs. And when I just feel like somebody's having a super shitty day or the thing is, and then I just, I can't angel bomb like Dolly could. But if the bill's 50 bucks, I can leave 50 bucks. Boom! It's just fun to be able to do it. That's why I always don't understand people that are tight with money. Don't you see the joy in doing that? Like, it's kind of selfish on my part. I leave. It's not like I need a thank you. But it's nice to know you did it. It's a good feeling. So it's kind of selfish.

[00:19:05] These are our Queen updates. Oh, this is such a good one. Let's move on over to Queen Stevie. So Lindsay Buckingham. I think I've expanded all my feelings. He's just too serious. He's always reverent. I've never seen the dude smile. Do I think he's one of the top five guitar players in the world? I do. I don't really know a lot of other ones. But I mean, I know how to play the guitar. I like the way he plays the guitar. I think he's awesome.

[00:19:33] But he just seems like a little whiny bitch. Yeah, like he's always, there's always a, well, I didn't know. And he talks like that. And I mean, if you take it, it's entirety. It's all very like, I don't know. Not that I don't think Stevie's a laugh a minute. But Mick Fleawood seems fun, fun. But Lindsay was on Marc Maron's podcast.

[00:20:00] And he's opening, he's opened up about his firing from Fleetwood Mac while boldly admitting that, quote, pretty much everyone would love to see me come back. Oh, here's the problem with that, Lindsay Lilo. So pretty much everybody isn't everybody. So who's missing out of everybody? I'll tell you who's missing. Queen Stevie.

[00:20:29] She's the one who, because he made fun of her. It's not because he says it's because he wanted to go out and do his solo album for three months. Maybe partially. But the bigger thing was he made fun of her at the Music Cares event. And his is always based in anger. I've seen clips online. There's one thing I make fun of, Ronald Lilo. They make fun of me. We already know we really, we love each other. It's fine. This is, but we're not in love. Like these people were in love and then it got weird. And then he's just pissy.

[00:20:59] And the Music Cares event, I've read all kinds of stuff. That's when Stevie said, my way or the highway. And guess how Fleetwood Mac survives? With Stevie. Guess how Fleetwood Mac doesn't matter anymore? Without Stevie. Yeah. I mean, sure, people will go. But will they sell out a ring? I ain't going if Stevie ain't in it. No. And Christine McVie's fine, but I think she's like 79 or 80. Like these people are also. This is what kills me. Everyone's getting to my parents' age and they're still having band fights.

[00:21:28] What are you, 25? Go home. Go home is right. But he's getting a sense, he said, that pretty much everyone would love to see me back. Ain't nobody that matters but this lady right here. If Stevie says you can come back, you can come back. If Stevie says no, because if you're the rest of them and you want to still make money or go do shows, you know who the draw is here. And they went and got Mike Campbell from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. He's a wonderful guitar player. And they got Neil Flynn from Crowded House, which I don't really know much about that guy.

[00:21:58] I remember a couple of those songs. Buckingham's ex-partner and bandmate Stevie Nicks explained that the musician was kicked out because he wanted too much time to concentrate on his solo career. Really? What about that incident? It's on film. You can look it up. He revealed that he was still in contact with soulmate Mick Fleetwood. So he's trying to go that route. The drummer.

[00:22:25] We love each other and reinforce each other's sensibilities about the band. It's my sense that pretty much everyone would love to see me come back. I don't think so. However, he also admitted he's unsure whether the group is actually doable. In the same interview, Buckingham also claimed his firing had harmed the legacy of the band. You know what the legacy of Fleetwood Mac is? Fighting! That's all they've ever done. I have a friend, Kevin Fitzgerald, in Denver. He's a comedian, but he's also a veterinarian, and he's the most wonderful hippie person ever and smart. Probably the smart one, maybe the smartest person I know.

[00:22:56] He's written books on reptile poisons. I'm like, you're a comedian? I meet him in a green room in Denver, and he's funny, and he's silly. And I was like, oh, you're also a veterinarian? And he's like, yeah, baby, I am. And he was on that TV show, Emergency Vets. They had a Denver clinic. Yeah. And then he goes off and studies polar bears, but he's into reptiles, and he's written poison books. I'm like, comedians are so fucking weird.

[00:23:25] We're crazy people. I mean, I'm not... Anyway, Kevin, back in the day, to make his way through college and vet school, he was a bouncer, and he said, and I go, please tell me Stevie's not a jerk. He goes, baby, it's not her. It's that whole group. All they did was fight. He goes, the Rolling Stones, no fighting, total fun, just a blast. He goes, nobody wanted to go out with Fleetwood Mac. Nobody wanted to bounce for them. Like, he goes, you know, they're divorced, they're not divorced.

[00:23:55] Now she's sleeping with him, he's sleeping with her. It was just drama. So that was back in the day, but that's the legacy of your thing, Lindsay, fighting. Buckingham went on to say he's not been in contact with Nick since his departure, apart from where she sent him a letter following his heart attack in 2019. Now here's a little something I'll say in favor of Lindsay. He is back out on the road, and I don't know.

[00:24:22] I'd rather watch it online, because I don't want to go and have... If it's a serious evening, no, I don't want to do it. But I do think he's worth... I think he's going to be like at city wineries. Like, that might be more fun. I don't know. So there's... That's what's going on there. I'm glad he's better after his heart attack. I'm not even saying he's a mean person. He just seems very... Like, I don't know. Not too serious for this lady.

[00:24:50] This lady who's drinking ranch water and ready to vomit from that. But my salt and sea flying fish is delicious. Update! Oh, you're going to hate it. Paddles. It's an Elizabeth Holmes update. No! Quiet. Quiet on the set. Oh, God. Listen, these are important updates. No. Yeah, they are. She had a baby. She had a baby. She had a baby. Oh, great. She had the baby. God.

[00:25:20] Well, this is why she got her thing postponed. It's a boy. Mm-hmm. They named it William Holmes Evans in July 10th. On July 10th, it was born in Redwood City, California. Hmm. Redwood City. Interesting. By the way, in Vegas, too, and Reno, the smoke from the California fires is permeating everything. It looked post-apocalyptic. It was creepy as shit. Yeah, it was weird.

[00:25:49] I hope everybody's all right out there. I know. Well, that Dixie fire's out of hand. There are a lot of people that are not all right, and that just sucks. So that's just a little update. She had the baby, but here's a more important update about Elizabeth Holmes. A judge has denied a motion by Holmes to suppress evidence of his customer complaints and their test results in the criminal wire fraud trial. Yes. This is great. Because you know what? Bullshit. She destroyed... Okay. Here we go. I'll just read it.

[00:26:18] When Elizabeth Holmes goes on trial this fall, the patients who received erroneous test results from her company Theranos will be allowed to testify. Great. Because you should. Say what the crime is. Here's the victims. Let them tell what happened. A potentially critical piece of the case, prosecutors will present to prove that her promises of using just a drop of blood to make a medical diagnosis were actually fraud. This is whoever this judge is.

[00:26:41] Wednesday, U.S. District Judge Edward J. Davalia denied a motion by Holmes to suppress evidence of customer complaints and their test results in her criminal. She wanted to suppress it all. The ruling permits prosecutors to put patients on the witness stand as they attempt to prove that the 37-year-old former Silicon Valley CEO knew her company's technology was likely to produce inaccurate results but promoted it anyway. I firmly believe she knew. Yes. Which is people's health.

[00:27:10] There's two things that can really jack a person. Yes. Messing with their health or messing with their money. Right. The Bernie Madoffs of the world, fuck you, and the Elizabeth Holmes. This is almost even worse, though, because you can't buy health. No. You know, money, depending on how much he took, whatever, it can be devastating, but it won't necessarily kill you. Right. I mean, maybe. It's stressing, I guess.

[00:27:35] But anyway, attorneys for Holmes had argued that allowing prosecutors to use patient testimony, which they say is anecdotal, as evidence would violate her rights to due process. They said a company database that housed millions of test results and quality control that could have shown the technology produced accurate results, but it was lost as Theranos dissolved in the wake of a Holmes indictment. Okay, hold up. It wasn't. She got rid of the evidence.

[00:28:01] And now the prosecutors are saying, well, if we had the evidence, I mean, you'd see that a lot of the tests were accurate. Well, you destroyed it. And how do we know there wasn't bad shit in there? We want to say a copy was provided to prosecutors, but get a load of this. But investigators were never able to use it because they weren't provided the encryption key needed to access the content. So basically she handed a computer with no password. Theranos dismantled the original database shortly after sending the copy to prosecutors.

[00:28:31] I mean, good for that judge. Good for that judge. Update! Right! My flying helicopter did its... The Volocopter made a run. Yay! It completed its first ever public crew test flight of its air taxi in the U.S. Volocopter has completed the first ever fully electrical vertical takeoff and landing air taxi in the U.S. Held at an Experimental Aircraft Association Air Venture in Wisconsin.

[00:29:01] A successful flight marks a milestone in the Volocopter's plan to raise awareness of air taxis. The crew volocoptered two times, took off at 2.45 for a four-minute flight. Oh, okay. We're going to have to go a little forward. Four minutes! Four minutes? No! 164 feet, top speed of 18 miles an hour. Guys. Not ideal. I could get a horse to go faster. I think I could. It won't fly though. Yeah. Well, it's a start. Yeah.

[00:29:30] I don't think I'd get in it. Not yet. But it looks like, I don't know, I always think of John Denver. You're in a questionable aircraft. Yeah. Like, I think he made his, like, on an Ikea thing in his family room. Right. Yeah, and he ran out of gas. So sad. American tragedy. Update! Woo-hoo! Britney, Britney, okay. I have to go, I have to do, I know I'm on a live podcast, but I have to look at her Instagram.

[00:29:59] She's posting, I forgot, but I knew to do this. Let me see. Well, she locked herself in a bathroom accidentally at two in the morning. I know. And then went live? Oh. No, she talks about it. Somebody needs to help Britney. Britney, I want to free Britney as much as the next American. This is so crazy that we're talking about this. And I'm still talking about it. I don't even care.

[00:30:29] I wouldn't go to her concert. But she seems like a fine young lady that, you know what? I know way crazier people. Way crazier. This is a good cause. Right. Yeah. But I would have to sit down with Britney. She got a pot-bellied pig. Okay. Nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. I love it. That's great. Yeah, she's really excited. But then she does a big thing about... Oh, she's dancing in her swimming suit. All right.

[00:30:59] She was naked on top of them. Yeah, I know. She's showing her boobs and something about locking herself. I don't know. You just got to... Until we can get someone to say, you don't need a crazy keeper, let's not post all this. That would be my only piece of advice as somebody older and potentially wiser. I'm not even sure I am. Well, I'm a little probably more informed about the law

[00:31:28] and a little more informed about crazy people and no one needs to know why. I know all about 5150 holds in psychiatric. I know a lot about that stuff. She just got her first iPad. She just got her first iPad? Yeah. What? Oh, my God. Who's not giving her an iPad? Her dad. Oh, what an asshole. Yeah. Britney Spears' father said in a court filing Friday, there are no grounds whatsoever for removing him from the conservatorship that controls her money and affairs. Yeah. There's lots of grounds.

[00:31:58] Prove to me this girl is harmful to herself. Her Instagram, I've seen way more fucked up Instagram pages than Britney's. Britney's looks like more of a 25-year-old and I think she's 39. She's 39. Go on TikTok. I wonder if she's on TikTok. I haven't looked. There's really crazy shit on there. Jamie Spears is dutifully... This is what they're saying. His filing said he's dutifully and faithfully served as conservator of his daughter's estate without any blemishes on his record.

[00:32:28] Also says that the court-appointed professional Jody Montgomery, who oversees Britney Spears' life decisions while her father handles the money. So there's a lady... I think I'd read her name before, but I didn't really realize her position. Jody Montgomery... You know... All right. She's in charge of the decisions. It is in charge of the money. She called him distraught last month and sought his help with his daughter's mental health struggles. But Montgomery and her lawyer said in response

[00:32:56] that Jamie Spears misrepresented and manipulated the call to use it to his own advantage. Of course he did. Right. Quit calling him. Yeah. They discussed the possibility of hospitalizing Britney Spears on an emergency psychiatric hold. Spears has argued that her father should be charged with conservatorship abuse. Yeah. I've only... You know what's weird is I've only heard that in super old people. Yeah. Like when a rich person gets their fifth wife or whatever and then the real kids are like that lady or that man is manipulating

[00:33:25] and that's the only time I've ever heard of that. Montgomery acknowledged in a statement through her attorney so-and-so having concerns with Britney Spears' behavior and mental health, but James Spears stepping down would only help that. James Spears filing came in response to court papers filed on Thursday by her new attorney, Matthew Rosengart, which requested an emergency hearing as soon as possible to suspend him. Jamie said Rosengart, her lawyer, does not and cannot specify what the wrongdoing is.

[00:33:55] I don't necessarily know we need one. It goes on and on. But it's just something every week. And I don't know. I just wish somebody could... Is there somebody that could tell her ease up on the posting? Yeah. Or how about quotes? Or how about go listen to Burr Burnham's song, White Lady's Instagram, and just post what he makes fun of. Lattes and...

[00:34:25] Puppies. Puppies and, you know. Go Bull. Yeah. Update! Okay. Sometimes I think if I ran for president, what would be my platforms, right? Beer. Well, because my platforms wouldn't be anything people would be used to hearing because they're really not that important, but they make me laugh or I'm passionate about it. Here's what I'm really passionate about. I'm sick and tired of jackasses

[00:34:54] having deadly cobras and them getting out. Yeah. I'm sick of it. Yeah. I don't want any lice. You want to goddamn see a cobra? Go to the zoo. That's my friend Kevin. He used to work at the zoo too. The veterinarian. Well, he helped out at the Denver Zoo. Yeah. Kevin can have a cobra. He can have tons of cobras because he's a goddamn veterinarian and he's also licensed to do shit at the zoo. This is... It's still loose. What?

[00:35:23] Yeah, we found the one in North Carolina. Right. And this is another West African banded cobra. And when you see it, I got... It is pretty fantastic looking. I mean, in a horrifying way. You should have known it. A West African banded cobra. I get so mad that people can just take these in their house and they have neighbors. Maybe if you lived on a hundred acre whatever, so if that snake got out, it probably ain't leaving your area.

[00:35:51] But this is a normal residential fucking neighborhood. Grand Prairie Residential Neighborhood. Prompting questions from residents about exotic snake permits and snake bite treatments. Yeah. I wouldn't leave my house. It's a suburb. outside of Dallas, between Dallas and Fort Worth. The cobra escaped from its owner's home on Tuesday, Grand Prairie officials said, and various agencies search for the creature. Creature. Creature. Creature. How about killer? How about the killer?

[00:36:20] It's a potential killer. Near the 800... Here you go. If you're a termite living around here, 800 block of Cherry Street. Check your block if you're on Cherry Street. On Wednesday. Authorities warn people not to approach or try to catch the snake, which is venomous and considered dangerous. Considered? It is. It is. The language. It's so... It's so dancing around the real truth of this. My kids wouldn't be going outside. Hey, can we go play? No? There's a cobra out there somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:36:51] Yeah. Tell me if you see a snake. Grand Prairie police initially said the person had a permit. Initially, they said the person had a permit for the snake. But the Texas Park and Wildlife Department said Wednesday that the municipality where the owner lives prohibits people from owning this type of snake. Well, maybe they moved. What? Maybe the person had the snake in an area where you could have the snake. Oh, yeah. And then they moved to Cherry Street. The 800 block tree to Cherry Street is located in Dallas County. According to Dallas County rules,

[00:37:19] venomous snakes are considered prohibited animals. Way to go. Dallas County rules. Good for you. Statewide, Texans can own non-venomous snakes. Fine. Unless their county dictates otherwise. But snakes that are not native to Texas are considered exotic... Wait, no. That are not native to Texas or are considered exotic and venomous require a Texas Park and Wildlife Department issue permit in order to be owned. So, like, I don't think you can have a coral snake, which are mostly in Florida,

[00:37:49] in Texas unless you get this permit. But, you know, who's doing that? Right. Who's issuing the... African rock pythons, Asiatic rock pythons, green anacondas, reticulated pythons, and South African pythons are considered dangerous and exotic. Yeah, thanks. Right. Thanks, whoever wrote that. Unlike many rules for other exotic animals, Texas law does not specify... Here's the problem. I'm... President Kathleen,

[00:38:18] I know everybody wants state riots. I goddamn want state riots. Well, sometimes we gotta federalize bullshit because there's too many different rules and no one has their shit together. My answer is, President, I'm banning all poisonous snakes. Thank you. Do you have a plan for the economy? No. No. Do you have a plan for the infrastructure? No. But I'm just really upset about this. Oh, so here's what they say. Texas law does not specify

[00:38:47] what form of an enclosure a snake should be kept inside. Oh, so how about a shoebox? Right. Right? Texas law has specifications for enclosure types for specified dangerous wild animals, but snakes are not listed among those creatures. However, a TPWD spokeswoman said that a person could face a Class A misdemeanor penalty for recklessly, intentionally, or negligently allowing the snake to escape. That's it? A misdemeanor?

[00:39:16] And there is now a snake out in Grand Prairie that it could still kill somebody. Nobody's found it. It's all on the loose. Could be out there for years. I mean, I live... I don't know. I will... Well, I will say that a lot of my pothead friends in high school, they liked low-maintenance pets because they weren't really that... Get a sloth. A sloth? I don't... I think those are hard to come by.

[00:39:45] I don't know how easily you could... So are snakes. No, snakes. And then my friend Kevin, the vet, like he had a lady come in. This is true. In the Denver, the Alameda thing. And she... The girl... One of the girls at the front desk freaked out and was like, Dr. Fitzgerald, Dr. Fitzgerald, there's a lady. She couldn't even talk. And Kevin's like, what's the matter, baby? What's the matter? What's the matter? She's like, in the hamper. In the hamper. So Kevin goes out and this lady opens a hamper and it's filled with cobras and she wanted Kevin to deworm them. What? Yeah. I mean... What?

[00:40:15] She makes money. God knows what they call... Let's Google how much to buy a cobra. What kind? Yeah, what kind? Well, I only know one exotic kind, the West African banded cobra. Price. Price for West African banded cobra. I'm going to guess five grand. Oh my God, cobra insurance comes up first. Cobra insurance. No, but that means cobra. Oh, they don't even know. The company... Cobra is what they offer you after a union deal.

[00:40:45] Yeah, you could stay on cobra for a year. Oh, how unfortunate for them. Oh, three grand. Three grand. I guess five. Yep. A Yorkie is more than a cobra? Yeah, but this is in Arkansas. Oh, it's in Arkansas. It's a cobra mutt. I mean, it's kind of a cobra. It's kind of a cobra. Like, I had some water moccasins that Billy got down at the river, and I put them in the same cage, and they made it.

[00:41:14] Now, they're all black, which is great, so it's not weird. But his hood doesn't go out right when he's mad. It kind of comes out. So it's only three grand. Now, if you want a true, true, non-mut, where's three... Wow. You gotta go to Texas. That's in Arkansas. So a real one, I'm sure, is... I mean, if anything, if anything, they should make the price of the snake... No, because then rich people will do it. No snakes.

[00:41:44] Yeah, I just gotta say no snakes. But I'm trying to think what would dissuade people from the poisonous ones. I don't care if they have regular snakes. Whatever. It ain't my thing, but I don't want to... You can have it, but you have to let them bite you first. Well, I think the penalty should be, like, substantial. Like, if that thing gets out... Jail. Jail, yeah. Because money, to some people, means nothing. To other people, they don't have it, so they wouldn't pay it anyway. You know, okay, you're gonna find the weirdo in his apartment with a cobra's of 100 grand, and he don't have it. Right.

[00:42:16] Moving on to news. This one... I don't usually report stuff like this. I don't talk about it because I look at it and just go, oh, Florida. And then I just move on because there's so many from Florida. Hold my beer, Florida. Florida's got everything. This one just... It's the end of this story that... Like, I think of all my friends that I've drank with, and like, sometimes if Lou and I drink too much, we can get really argumentative about politics.

[00:42:46] Or just dumb shit. Or dumb shit. One time it was the baseball strike. I didn't talk to him for two weeks because I agreed. I think I agreed with the players union, and he... I don't remember. He didn't. Yeah, and I'm like, you... And neither one of us had a nickel, and I'm arguing for these millionaires to become bigger millionaires, and he's saying it's all out of control, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, when you're with friends, good friends, or someone you've gone out with for a long time, sometimes when Drinky the Clowns come in, there's some arguing,

[00:43:16] and then the next morning you go, hey man, I didn't mean to get that worked up about that. Sorry about that. Or you just act like it didn't happen. Whatever happens. Listen to this couple. Police responding to a 1 a.m. domestic disturbance found a Florida couple, quote, covered in spaghetti. What? Yep. Following a physical confrontation that resulted in the pair's arrest on domestic battery charges, record shows. According to the police, Stephanie Lannis, 45, and her boyfriend, Adolfo Rivera, 35,

[00:43:45] were eating dinner early Friday morning in their Clearwater home. Clearwater, Florida. I have two shows there. I'll be coming there. Hello. See how I plugged myself right into this article. When a verbal argument turned violent. During the physical confrontation, police allege, Lannis and Rivera each shoved a plate of spaghetti in the other's face. When a Clearwater Police Department cop arrived at the residence, here's my question, who called?

[00:44:15] I shoved your face in spaghetti, you put me in spaghetti, who's the one that says, who, who's drunk enough at this point to go, I'm cutting the cops, and you have spaghetti all over your face, and you don't clean up before the cops get there. The neighbors did. Maybe. The mutual combat, for which alcohol was a factor, led to Lannis and Rivera each being arrested for domestic battery. You idiots. If you're, come on. Don't. Don't. Yeah. Just don't. Well, maybe they didn't. Yeah, right. Maybe you're right. Maybe a neighbor called.

[00:44:45] They were booked into the county jail. Look at all the money they're going to have to spend now because they got drunk and had a spaghetti fight. Both Lannis and Rivera, pictured above, have pleaded not guilty to the misdemeanor count. Dude. Too late. You guys have spaghetti all over your face. I mean, that's truly, what is it, getting caught with pie? What's the old expression, getting caught with something in your face? Pie in your face. Yeah. A judge has allowed them to have contact while the case proceeds. Oh, okay. Wait, but get a load of this. Lannis,

[00:45:14] this is the lady part, she was arrested in October 2020 for allegedly stabbing Rivera in the arm with a knife during a drunken confrontation. So their last fight in October of last year, they got drunk and she stabbed him in the arm. But they're together because true love stays with true love. Foot stabbing. They declined to pursue a felony aggravated battery

[00:45:43] against Lannis whose rap sheet includes multiple convictions for narcotics possession. How good. You know what this proves? There's somebody for everybody. Right? Just when you think there's nobody for you. Love and errors. Yeah, there is. Love and errors. Yeah, there is. Oh, news item here. Shakira. Shakira. Shakira. Da da da da da da da da da. Hips don't lie. Maybe Shakira's hips don't lie, but her tax returns

[00:46:13] might have lied. Oh, thank you. I'll be here all week. Who liked that headline? Somebody, come on. When I worked at newspapers, I was really good at the headlines. Not so good at spelling right, but... I love Shakira. I like a lot of her songs. I like the one with Whitecliffe a lot too. She just did the Super Bowl. She did do the Super Bowl, right. Colombian musician Shakira. Shakira. She was recommended on Thursday that the case go to trial after concluding there is enough evidence that the pop star

[00:46:43] could have avoided her fiscal obligations to the state. Judge Markle Iberius wrote that his three-year probe found that there existed sufficient evidence of criminality for the case to go to trial to a trial judge. The decision could be appealed. The prosecutors charged that the Singer on December 19th she charged without paying 1.4 million euros

[00:47:12] which is really 16 million dollars in taxes in Spain between 2012 and 2014 she was very popular then too when she lived mostly in the country despite having an official residence in Panama. Shakira's 44 holy shit I thought she was like 22 denied any wrongdoing when she testified in June of 2019 her public relations firm said that she had immediately paid what she owed once she was informed of the debt.

[00:47:43] Shakira faces possibly a fine and even possible Jared time. She should just do shows in jail. How great would that be? Hey what's going on tonight? Well after we eat at 4 o'clock our dinner Shakira's gonna do us that. Oh she had another song I really liked no I'm gonna tell it to you I'm gonna sing it to you I know I can't afford to pay for that here we go no

[00:48:12] it was a slower one Shakira hits Waka Waka hips don't lie can't remember to forget you Waka Waka? I don't know shit Waka Waka now oh no I don't know any of these Perofeel sing that one Antoligo oh I see you see how good my um Spanish is Waka Waka

[00:48:41] now I'll have to find it it's a slower one anyway um she passes jail time however a judge can waive prison time for first time offenders if they're sentenced to less than two years buying bars I think Shakira's probably still making a shitload of money somewhere um so I think but boy that's a lot of money 14 million 16 million dollars Shakira I don't know how that works though let's say I was living in Canada for two years do I have to pay Canadian tax if I'm out running around the world performing

[00:49:10] I don't understand that even if my that's not my official residence you don't know you're just making shit up now alright have you ever thought about what would happen termites if there was a complete global societal collapse I have because my mom keeps in as I talk about my act that we're going to meet at the cabin my dad built for deer hunting and I'm not

[00:49:40] because there's mice in there and I don't mind I don't mind sitting in there I don't care that there's mice in there but I'm not sleeping there because they'll crawl over me I know it when I'm sleeping and I'll freak out where are you going to go I don't know where I'm going to go well I already picked where I'm going to go based on this report I don't know who will come with me Louis would come he would do it Ron I don't think I think Ron's too American he does have a jet Ron has a jet so he can take me drop us I think Ron would still want to be in Texas

[00:50:10] no matter what Texas people love Texas way more than say Missouri or Illinois Ohio people are pretty jacked on Ohio but there's a lot of us in states where our state pride isn't quite as strong on the pride meter here's what they've decided safest place number one safest place let's and we we have seen what happened recently with COVID and it's

[00:50:40] still happening when society starts breaking down travel you know supply lines are fucked up like weird shit like on Delta I said can I get a vodka cranberry we don't have any cranberry juice I go okay can I have a screwdriver I think I told this story already but I'm just saying weird things are out anyway the number one place to survive a global societal collapse New Zealand yeah followed by Iceland the UK the UK no

[00:51:11] well there no I don't believe that there's too many goddamn people there you need to go to a place where there's less people Tasmania and Ireland that's where I'm having Papa White drop me off he dropped me right off in Kinsale I know which city I want to live in I'd like to live in Killarney that's fun and then I'll try to get a house in the Gap of Dunlow live the rest of my life with sheep find some alcohol maybe some smokes if it's over it's over who cares right start smoking again

[00:51:42] these are the best places suited to survive a global the and the environmental damage that this has caused yeah a collapse could arise from shocks such as severe financial crisis the impacts of climate crisis yeah have you seen the fires in Greece and Turkey holy shit balls it's crazy or an even worse pandemic than

[00:52:11] COVID-19 or a combination of these to decide which nations would be most countries were ranked according to their ability to grow food for their population protect their borders and from unwanted mass migration that's why New Zealand because it's so far away who's going I mean it's so far and maintain an electrical grid and some manufacturing ability I don't know about their manufacturing islands and temperate regions and mostly with low population densities came out on top right the UK the UK is way too crowded

[00:52:42] and if you're in Ireland you know they're all going to take a boat over as soon as they're out of shit we could survive in Ireland we could survive just on fishing the researchers said their study highlighted the factors that the nations must improve to increase resilience they said that a globalized society that prized economic efficiency damaged resilience and that spare capacity needed to exist in food and other vital sectors I agree billionaires have been reportedly buying land for bunkers in New Zealand okay if we get into

[00:53:12] that kind of life I'm good I'm not getting in a bunker with my mom and then she's just going to be nervous and have anxiety and she'll recite like 11 paragraphs with no segues do you like chili do you think we're going to survive this where's your father I don't know if I'd get another Yorkie again my mom's dropped segues she's done with them at 80 she's done we weren't surprised New Zealand was on our list you can

[00:53:41] New Zealand was found to have the greatest potential to survive relatively unscathed due to its geothermal and hydroelectric energy abundant agriculture land and low human population density Jones said major global food losses of financial crisis and pandemic had all happened in recent years we've been lucky that the things all haven't happened at the same time and there's no real reason why they all can't happen at the same time as you start to see these events happening I get more worried but I'm also hoping we can learn quickly more quickly than we have in the past that resilience is important when everyone

[00:54:11] talking about building back better for the pandemic if we don't lose that momentum I might be more optimistic than I have been in the past I don't think we are we're not building back better we're not even close to building back which is why flights are being canceled blah blah blah we don't have enough pilots back yet there's not enough half of the restaurants in Vegas are closed on Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday just heads up on that they don't have enough staff some of my favorite ones they weren't open they don't open until the weekend because all the

[00:54:41] people aren't back yet like the conventions aren't really back but there's enough of us could have taken my money that's basically I don't need to read anymore you get the idea wherever you're at if it's crowded it's not going to be great need to go where there's very few people start building your bunker I'm not living in a bunker I'd rather just try the cabin in the Ozarks with my mom but I don't think I could sleep this is a horrifying

[00:55:10] story California I left California five years ago because I couldn't take it anymore I don't even I didn't even really live I mean I had a place there but I was on the road so much I don't even know if you could call it living there it's where my stuff was sometimes and then my stuff in the Ozarks I was in the Ozarks more but California you know for work I kind of needed to do TV like show comedy shows and stuff but TV stuff but now that that was all I don't really care

[00:55:40] anymore the traffic was crazy the taxes are crazy all these people escaping to Austin now I'm like I could have told you do that 10 years ago like hello but here's the thing that would let's say I had a state kept something in California here's the thing that puts you over the edge bacon maybe may disappear in California as pig rules take effect what this is for real this is not a joke

[00:56:10] pay attention what about my friend Drew he loves bacon what about my breakfast burrito at Barney's with bacon egg and cheese here's the problem those are interviewing the top one of the some lady owns a diner thing one of our number one sellers is bacon eggs attached brown said Kim who is 15 years once run Sam's American eatery on the city's busiest market on busy market street in San Francisco it could be devastating for us at the beginning of the

[00:56:40] year next year here's what's going to happen California will begin enforcing an animal welfare proposition approved overwhelmingly by voters I'm sure they didn't think this shit through in 2018 that requires more space for breeding pigs egg-laying chickens and veal calves national veal and egg producers are quite optimistic they can meet the new standards but only 4% of hog operations now comply with the new rules because where are the hogs they are not in California

[00:57:09] hold for the rest of it unless the courts intervene or the state temporarily allows non-compliant meat to be stolen in the state that's what they're going to have to do California will lose all almost all of its pork supply much of which comes from Iowa here's what's weird I've driven through Iowa probably if you put all the days in my life probably a half a year I've driven well just going to different gigs the whole time starting out because it's by Missouri and I'd go up and do gigs you drive drive drive

[00:57:38] drive drive I never saw one pig they must all be inside I never see them in Ireland either and I know they have pigs because they have really good bacon and ham anyway California is going to which comes from Iowa and pork producers will face a higher cost to regain a key margin animal welfare organizations for years have been pushing for more humane treatments of farm animals but the California rules could be a rare case of consumers clearly paying a price for their beliefs they're going to pay a price too with little time left to build new

[00:58:07] facilities it's hard to see how the pork industry can adequately supply California and guess what if I'm I in Iowa I mean I care because they're buying a lot but I'm you're not going to be my priority California first I make sure everybody in Iowa had a BLT today um 50 15% of the poor all pork produced in the country Iowa we're very concerned about the potential supply impacts and therefore could

[00:58:37] increase costs California restaurants and groceries use about 20 255 million pounds of pork a month a month huh but it produces only 46 45 million pounds that's a problem mm-hmm I'm gonna tell you how much if half the pork supply was suddenly lost in California bacon prices would jump 60% meaning a six dollar package of bacon would rise to about 960 you can still get it you just and it's still yeah you just have to eat

[00:59:06] it as like a lobster you'd have to go okay we can only have bacon and no just pissing it around and then give them what's left to the dog that's that's a warning California termites don't say this show isn't informative read your ballot read your ballot better did you know what you were voting how big of a space is I don't know what they're kept in and I don't want any emails from animal people about this but I mean does it need like a I don't know what the rules are are

[00:59:36] they in tiny little shitty places maybe um Texas Texas a little something for you to know if you're out in your national parks it's yeah acid shooting whip scorpions are roaming around a national park in Texas yeah hold on they don't they're not super dangerous but let's just say I'm sitting there having a picnic and this thing rolls up I'm looking at a picnic's

[01:00:06] over I can't and then I know people are gonna go it's such a different thing why are you so scared of me no some freaky looking creatures that are out looking for mates this summer and no we're not talking about the contestants on sexy beast who wrote that who thought that was a funny lead Rachel did Rachel from CNN big net big bed national park in southwest Texas is alerting visitors that summer rains are bringing um arachnids called vinegar runes

[01:00:35] vinegar runes I love vinegar out of their burrows in search of love and food these three inch creatures known as whip scorpions can pinch with their heavy mouth parts oh well man no thanks they also have long whip like tails which can shoot a spray of 85% acidic acid a main component of vinegar the critters sound frightening and it inspired sensational headlines about acid shooting land lobsters it

[01:01:05] does kind of look like a lobster I didn't think about that but it does but the vinegar runes which are not which are nocturnal I can't see very well are relatively benign unless you annoy them well what what what would I be doing that would horribly annoy they're primarily found in west Texas uh they're more commonly found in the desert but they've also been reported in grassland scrub pine forest and mountains while they may be unsettling to

[01:01:35] look at don't panic if you they are not poisonous in fact big ben seems to encourage people to look closer at the strange insect-like creature oh it and if you spot a female she may be carrying hatchlings on her back no it's like a cross between a I don't know a spider and a no thanks but Texas there you win the prize for animal this week hobby lobby news hobby lobby is in trouble again

[01:02:05] what oh they're always in trouble they they were I don't I can't handle hobby lobby especially during the pandemic they made all those people go to work and there was no vaccine then and they kept staying open and then I don't know the cops or whoever would shut him down and he would fucking open again the guy how much money do you need okay could you just stay closed for a couple months that was the Lord I know it's all for the Lord he's like this guy listen to this shit

[01:02:32] a rare and ancient tablet showing part of the epic of Gil Gomesh something from the Bible don't ask a Catholic which had been acquired by the by Christian arts and crafts retailer uh Christian arts arts arts and crafts retailer hobby lobby for display in its museum of biblical are they have a museum of the Bible I don't know I'm gonna research it for the next podcast is it the thing with the ark in Kentucky

[01:03:02] I'll google it I would my friend Ronan who's Jewish he had the greatest joke ever he's he because he's from Kentucky too and he went to that giant ark thing the Bible deal the ladies the ladies say he's he's kind of got a lift he's a funny comedian Ronan Hirshberg or Ron it's R-A-A-N-A-N Hirshberg is his name and he said uh uh so like how much does it cost for admission

[01:03:29] the ladies like whatever the price is $37 to go through the whole fake art and Ronan goes yeah but is is it any less if you're going through ironically and I'm sure that lady probably didn't even know what he meant but it was funny to me funny to me um okay so they they have a museum of the Bible and they had this thing that has now been seized by the U.S. government the Department of Justice alleges that the 36 hundred year old

[01:03:59] gillamesh dream tablet it's a tablet a rock tablet I can see it yeah no it's big no think 10 commandments yeah um they allege the Department of Justice it originally the gillamesh dream tablet which originated in a region that is now part of Iraq was acquired in 2003 by an American antiquities dealer and encrusted

[01:04:27] with dirt and unreadable from the family member of a London coin dealer once it arrived in the U.S. and made clean expert realized it showed a portion of the gill gillamesh epic one of the world's oldest works of literature in the acadian language acadian it's two k's I don't know I know how to spell GMC

[01:04:54] acadia this is not spelled like that this is ak not ak the DOJ letter alleges that the dealer then sold the tablet with a false province letter saying providence letter and we learned that from what our art stuff saying that it had been inside a box of ancient bronze fragments purchased at a 1981 auction it was then sold several times before Hobby Lobby bought it from a London auction house in 2014 and put it on display in the

[01:05:23] museum of the Bible the museum was conceived by evangelical Christian Steve Green the billionaire president of Hobby Lobby I'm gonna I'm gonna get into that guy you know a long time ago I used to go in there because they really do have good Christmas wrapping paper but then I realized they're just like all the things the articles I just don't want to support them but um especially the behavior during the pandemic was terrible the tablet was seized from the museum by law enforcement agents in 2019 in New York's Eastern District

[01:05:51] Court ordered its forfeiture on Tuesday the DOJ said Hobby Lobby had consented to the forfeiture based on the tablets illegal importations in the United States in 2003 and 2014 the forfeiture represents an important milestone on the path to returning the rare and ancient masterpiece of war of world literature to its country of origin said the acting US attorney Jacqueline somebody the offices committee committed to battling the black market sale of cultural property and the smugging of looted artifacts that's the thing if

[01:06:21] buying in the shit at auctions you know somehow some way it was stolen or it would be where it's supposed to be I mean all right the forfeiture in part uh the forfeiture is part of efforts to return thousands of smuggled artifacts that were purchased by Hobby Lobby god in 2017 they agreed to pay a three million dollar fine and yet they still keep going in a statement at the

[01:06:50] time Green said the company cooperated with the government should have exercised more oversight and carefully questioned how the acquisitions were handled you don't care you just want it nobody cares about the history of something if you want it you just do it in March 2020 Green the Christian guy said in a statement that the museum had identified further 5,000 papaya fragments and 6,500 clay objects with insufficient provenance really so

[01:07:18] you have 10,000 pieces of stuff you bought and you know it's all jacked up from somewhere and while it was working to deliver them to officials in Egypt and Iraq respectively my goal was always to protect preserve and study and share the cultural property with the world the goal is not changed but after some early missteps 10,000 of them wow talk about a minimizing I would only acquire these

[01:07:44] reliable items with reliable documented provenance furthermore I if I learn other items in the collection for which has been which another person or entity has a better claim I will continue to do the right thing I don't think so I don't think you will I think we got to keep an eye on you Hobby Lobby I think I got to keep an eye on you like I keep an eye this is

[01:08:08] great news and I have a funny story to end off on Tasmanian Devils born on Australia mainland for the first time in 3,000 years so see we can fix stuff Tasmanian Devils have been born in the wild in in mainland Australia more than three more than 3,000 years after they died out in the country seven baby Tasmanian Devils known as Joey's were born at the 988 acre Barrington

[01:08:38] Wildlife Sanctuary in New South Wales Australian NGO Ozzy Ark there's really somebody named Ozzy Ark said in an Instagram post all of his stuff would be his initials would be a a people would think he really was proud of quit drinking everything he owns would be initialed a a Ozzy Ark Tasmanian Devils died on in the mainland after the arrival of dingos a dingo ate my baby me and my

[01:09:05] sister said that for like a year because it was in that movie I think Meryl Streep was in it so the arrival of dingoes a species of wild dog were restricted to the island of Tasmania however their numbers suffered another blow from a contagious form of cancer known as devil face tumor disease oh which killed around 90% of the population since it was discovered in 1996 last September Ozzy Ark introduced 11 of the creatures back into the wild in mainland Australia following an earlier trial of

[01:09:34] the 15 marsupials bringing the total of Tasmanian Devils on the mainland to 26 and now just after the release the creatures have successfully reproduced and conservationists have identified the tiny marsupials which they say are the size of shelled peanuts inside the pouches of their mother how adorable female Tasmanians and they give birth between 20 and 20 and 40 at a time Wow yeah we've been working tirelessly

[01:10:01] seen that they're the large Tasmanian Devils is the world's largest carnivorous marsupials that are native apex predator this means their reintroduction could help control the population of feral cats and foxes that hunt other endangered species so it's a good thing they're back Devils are also scavengers which helps keep their environment free from disease until they get devil face cancer or devil facial tumor disease what in Tasmania itself there are only 25 25 thousand devils left okay

[01:10:34] but see we can bring stuff back even after we it gets messed up if we want to and I know there's people that say fuck it let it all go but I mean we were just gonna have no animals we got to do something right okay this is so great paddles we gotta make sure this one's in the show notes because people need to see this picture okay everybody a lot of people know about my noodling joke it's on

[01:11:00] special bothering Jesus um and people think I'm making it up that there can be catfish they can they don't think I'm making up noodling but sometimes a catfish especially when located by dams because the the the there's more fish there to eat food there's a food supply better food supply they can grow up to be anywhere from 100 to 250 pounds okay a catfish

[01:11:28] yeah fish of a lifetime noodler grabs 106 pound flathead catfish in east texas Levi Bennett thought the big one had gotten away hand fishing in a culvert that runs under the old road bed submerged submerged in seven feet of water at the bottom of an east texas lake the experienced

[01:11:51] tournament noodler from seminole oklahoma was halfway through the 35 foot long pipe he's in a when he encountered a catfish I felt it I got it on my hand and it was an absolute giant but plain and simple that fish whooped my ass just wore me out the catfish escaped out the same end of the culvert that Bennett entered he followed it out and surfaced his wife Cody Bennett three-time winner of the

[01:12:20] women's division of the oaky noodling tournament was blocking the opposite end of the pipe with fellow noodler Jimmy Millsap Cody and Jimmy were looking at me like I'm an idiot Levi recalled I said he's gone I was mad no he's right here Cody told her husband he just bumped my foot get back in there get on back turns out the three foot diameter culvert or tin horn in local parlance was sheltering two big catfish that July that July day and losing the

[01:12:49] first may have been the best thing that could have happened to Levi Bennett he dove again swam to the far end of the culvert where a second fish was trying to break through the blockade thrown up by his partner my one thought was don't screw it up this time Bennett headed and escaping fish smash his face and loosen some teeth Bennett okay so one time Levi had an as fish is escaping smash his face and loosen some teeth so now

[01:13:15] when he swims into tight squeezes under boat ramps or inside culverts he goes in backwards scuttling like a like a crawfish in order to take any shock of the collision with his feet not his face come on that's thinking out of habit I started in backwards but I realized if I was gonna catch this fish I better turn around I turned around in the middle of the pipe he's in a pipe so that's where I got to when I

[01:13:44] got to go where that fish was right by Cody and Jimmy's feet and I could get my hands on it grabbing the fish bottom lip with his left hand and gill with the right he emerged with the biggest catch ever a 58 inch long flat hop flathead that topped 100 pounds as soon as it broke the surface of the water I knew it was a fish of a lifetime I was in amazement I'd never seen a fish this big for some reason she did not want to turn around and fight me and she didn't try to blow out my end of the pipe she was bound and determined to get

[01:14:12] out Jimmy and Kimmy's in she thrashed a couple times but once I got my hands on her it was over lifting the five foot long this basically he caught me in a pipe five foot long 100 pounds 100 pound plus fish off the ground to get it properly made was not so easy the scale went to 94 95 then it just kept going up but then he knew he topped the family record he'd been told it was unbreakable at that point

[01:14:41] and Jimmy says to me you ain't even got her off the ground I looked down probably still a foot of her tail was on the ground with a second effort they would be able to weigh her at 106 pounds in the trio figures a flathead probably weighed in it more since Bennett was leaning back to lift the fish clear and likely supported some of the weight with its body I weigh a little bit more than that too I'm not kidding he caught me in a pipe it'd be like if I bit his arm and then he just yanked me out

[01:15:06] he'd have to grab my ears since I don't have a gill uh you don't see fish like this very often to me it's not worth killing a fish that big uh just to go out to me it's not worth killing fish that big and just that old just to have some record I think we get more of the thrill out of the experience than of the record I don't know if there's anybody else there who's caught fish like this big noodling just being there for the experience getting to see a fish like that is all that matters well there you go

[01:15:32] congratulations to Levi and thank him for proving that my premise and my joke is not wrong there are giant catfish it's your job to go find them if that's what you're into I wouldn't even do any of that but good for them that's it termites well it's a big it's been a fun one and uh thanks for everybody who's dropped off a little presents and funny stuff happy first anniversary happy first

[01:16:02] um um oh yeah the ranch t-shirts do you have any ranch t-shirts are coming I really hope they keep I hope this COVID doesn't go the wrong way I couldn't believe we're back in mask there's no reason to focus on it I suppose but let's just say I hope that all the shows I mean if you have to wear a mask I don't know maybe some fans could write in if you were in the audience did it suck that much it sounded great on stage and I could I can't really see people but I was watching um the other

[01:16:30] community in the opening act Mr. Chuck Martin or as I like to refer to him as Chuckles Martin Chuck Martin when he was on stage I was looking and I can you can see differently from side stage and I could see people with their mask on and I was like they sounded the same it sounded fine so you know I hope you guys still come out and thanks for everybody that did and it's still fun it's weird you know but yeah and I'm gonna keep going I don't wanna I don't want any lockdowns so

[01:17:00] I don't know and uh you know God spare the children save the children because now it's going around with the children and that's just not that's not good all right we're not gonna end on a down note though are we termites no we're gonna go what am I gonna do oh I'm gonna go watch season two of the spanish princess I forgot to tell you about that it's on stars which is through amazon prime I was on a plane and I thought yeah I'll do it it's the story of Catherine of Aragon who was Henry

[01:17:30] the eighth's first wife and if you saw the tutors or any of that and there's a girl from Downton Abbey at one of those women Downton Abbey they spent all this money on actors it's so well done um if you're into that kind of stuff if you're not into it you'll hate it but if you liked like the tutors and all that uh the spanish princess on stars it is so good I'm gonna go binge watch a bunch of that because I'm tired from all that flying like I flew the plane I was like it when I go I'm so tired from

[01:17:58] flying all I did was all I did was sit there and watch movies I'm so tired um I'm gonna go freeze myself some Bud Light seltzers that's what I'm gonna do so I got some frozen ossicles ossicles that's a hard one with the Carolina accent you got any ossicles ah ah I got right in my eye made ossicles all right I'm gonna go freeze these and I'll report back and you guys have a wonderful

[01:18:26] week and how are we ending it you