Episode 278: Bass Pro’s Golf Mecca, Backup Godparents & World Cup’s Ranch Dressing Frenzy

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_02] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan, welcome to Madigan’s Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on.

[00:00:24] [SPEAKER_03] Termites! Welcome! Welcome Spring Stevie. No, Summer Stevie. Episode 278. Oh my gosh. It's been a hot minute because I went and escaped to Missouri to golf and that's why I'm drinking Bluegill Light. This beer, I could drink as my real beer. Really? Yes, it's 4x4 Brewing Company in Springfield, Missouri and there's a little tiny picture of a Bluegill and it's just the perfect summer weight.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_03] Not thick, like I love a 420 from Atlanta but that beer is a little thick. That's more like a two and then a nap. This is, keep going. You can keep going all day. Love it, love it, love it, love it. We'll put that right there. It pairs well on the golf course. It does pair well. It pairs well with shooting in 87.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_04] Oh!

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_03] What are we eating? Let's get that out of the way, ladies. How about world-themed Ritz crackers from Atlanta Termite Justin? World Cup. World Cup. What did I say? World-themed. Oh, World Cup team. I'm reading too fast. Oh, look! They've got the Jersey Cracker. Oh! Hilarious. Adorable. The, that's a Jersey. What's on this? That's supposed to be the ball. It's fine. It's fine if you have people over.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_04] Yep.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_03] Don't be a hater. Oh, somebody pre-ate Messi's Jersey. That's number 10. Wow, somebody already took a bite.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_04] Maybe that was the United States Postal Service.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, I think it might have been. They're all number 10. They're all Messi.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_04] Are you kidding?

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_03] No!

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_04] No, it's, what's his name?

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, is this, oh, Pulisic.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_04] Pulisic.

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_03] He's 10 also? I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_04] Still grieving the end of hockey season.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_03] Canada will be playing at 2 o'clock today.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_04] No!

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. You don't really follow it enough. I love it. I've watched every game. I know, I'm proud of you. What number is, what's his name? P-U-L-I-S-I-C.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_04] Christian Pulisic. Oh, he plays for AC Milan also. Oh. He's number 11 there. Number 11? Yeah, he's number 10. See? He's number 10 on the US team.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_03] He shouldn't take number 10. He's the greatest player that ever lived.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_03] Well, maybe Pele. I don't know about that.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_04] Pele's fun to say.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_03] Pele's fun to say. Pele. Pele seemed exotic. Pele. Diego Maradona, when he scored a goal for Columbia, he scored a penalty kick. The whole team came out, plus the equipment manager person, and they had what appeared to be a bag of cocaine, and he snorted a line off the guy's hand. What? On TV. Talk about living up to your reputation. That's fantastic. But I would have snorted that before I kicked it.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_03] Those are really good. Time out. Time out. These are really fun, especially we have a lot more World Cup to go. For those of you haters, buckle in. It lasts for like a month. Forever. So these are still in play. If you're having people come over. Go get them. Go get your Ritz crackers. And you can win an epic vacation with a superstar. Oh. Doesn't say who. I assume. I don't know what it means.

[00:03:40] Epic vacation with a superstar.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_03] You can also.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, it's a Pulisic.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_03] No.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_04] No, you don't get to get him. This is a vacation.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_03] If you want to be with Pulisic, you're going to have a kick around. You're going to go kick a ball with this guy.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_04] Huh.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, no thanks. I'm good. Aren't you glad we're not in charge of rules?

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_04] Fuck. We don't even know.

[00:03:57] I know.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_03] Limited edition beer cheese Pringles from Grand Forks, Minnesota Termite. Linea and Ulf. Delicious. Ulf. That's some Swedish names going on right there. Ulf.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_04] Ulf. It never left up there.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_03] No. And it has a Miller Lite can on the front of the Pringles can.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_04] I believe it's also made up there. No, that's Wisconsin.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_03] Wisconsin. Oh, God. Milwaukee. I know.

[00:04:24] I know. I know.

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_03] It's the Miller Lite mothership.

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_04] True that.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_03] These are great.

[00:04:29] Good.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_03] I don't think you can fuck up a Pringle.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_04] No?

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_03] Well, I mean you could, but you'd have to work harder than not. And here's the thing. And Costco's going crazy because they have got a hold of these Tim Tams. Oh. And people are, I'm going to read the article later. They're hoarding them. They're buying all of them. My sister-in-law showed me these years ago because they lived in Australia for a hot minute. Seven years of a hot minute.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_04] They're like their Oreo.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_03] It's like a grand, like a chocolate covered graham cracker cookie deal. I used to love those things. I can't remember. Like a chocolate covered Oreo. No, not Oreo.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_04] Look at the color of it.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, but Oreo's got white inside.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_04] I know, but that's not graham.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_03] No. It's something in between, but it's delicious.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_04] It's chocolate graham. It's chocolate graham with chocolate. What does the package say?

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_03] It says, well, why don't we read?

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_04] Let's stay dumb.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_03] Stay dumb, America. It says there is no substitute. Australia's favorite biscuits are not 190 calories per cookie. Jesus.

[00:05:42] Whew.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, that's a beer. Fuck that. That's two beers. Here's. It's irresistible chocolatey. Happiness. That's what it says. Chocolatey. Happiness in a biscuit. Created in 1964. It's its most loved iconic chocolatey biscuit. It's not even. Here's what it's got. Smooth chocolatey coating, crunch cookie, and a luscious velvety center. What more could you wish for?

[00:06:13] I don't know.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_03] That's right. It's a little early for me to down that whole thing, but later on I will. And I'm not even a chocolate monster, really. Okay. It's very good, though. But I'm going to read you the article at Costco. Everybody at Costco is going crazy. Shows. That's fun. Here's what's coming up. Knoxville this weekend.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_04] Fun.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_03] Very excited. That's Friday and Saturday.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_04] You have released your remaining tickets.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_03] Are the remaining tickets released? Yeah. Great. Okay. July 18th, Selbyville. Do not say Shelbyville.

[00:06:46] No. It is Selbyville.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_03] Delaware. July 25th, Niagara Falls. Yep. Already have my tickets for Maiden of the Mist. August 8th, Portland, Maine. I'll be seeing my friend Peter and Sandy when I go up there. August 21th, my brother's birthday. Oh, it's my godson's birthday. Oh, wow. I got to make a note. Okay. Pats. Little Pats. B-Day. He's 18 today.

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_05] Wow.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_03] I know. Congratulations. Yep. Cool. This is when I'm released as a godmother. Don't expect shit after age 18. Now, I've extended my godmotherly duties through college.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_04] Oh.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, because you still need money in college.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_04] So as long as you stay in school.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_03] If you stay in school, you will continue to receive wonderful things from this godparent.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_04] Okay.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Cool. But.

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_04] I've adopted a godchild.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_03] Well, some people get screwed in divorces and stuff like that. Yeah. Or you got a dud. I mean, you know, I'm not going to mention names, but if I was little Patrick, I'd be very grateful he got me and a super fun brother.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_04] Fun.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_04] I got a good godfather, and there was an incident with the godmother, so.

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_03] See, I think there should be a reserve. Yes. Like Miss America. Who was the runner-up? And then they need to take over responsibilities.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_04] Totally. Yeah. Reserve godparents.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_03] I remember once my brother said to me, as the godparent, like if something happens to me in LA, you'll take the kids, right? I go, sure. And then my sister goes, what are you going to do with three kids? I go, I'm going to take them to your house and go, look, you have the infrastructure. I don't even know where a fucking grade school is. This is you. You have children their age. See, they'll all get along. It'll be like the Brady Bunch. And then I'm going to peel out of that driveway a hundred miles and out. Here's what we're doing. Anyway, August 21st, 22nd, Atlantic City.

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_03] Wah, wah, wah. Nice. September 11th. Now my friend Dory's there and they have a boat and brigantine and they go out in the bay and I do get in the water. But what they don't know is I'm secretly terrified the entire time that a great white shark is coming because I follow them on Twitter. They're tagged. I know where they live. Brendan, he's the biggest one. Catherine. Brendan? Yeah, they name him. Catherine, she's enormous. She's 11 foot long. Brendan's like 13, like almost the size.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_03] The one in Jaws was 20 foot.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_04] Okay.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_03] But 13 is not joking around.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_04] So Brendan's his little brother.

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_03] And Brendan can motor from like Nova Scotia down to Fort Lauderdale in a matter of days. So. Cool. I will get in, but I'm never really relaxed. September 11th, San Antonio. September 12th, Austin. Tarrytown. September 18th. Hershey. I've been there in a hot minute. September 19th. September 25th, Madison. And then Prior Lake, Minnesota. That's such a fun casino. And then October 10th, Nashville. The Ryman. Boom.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_03] Let's get on it. Come on. I love the old guys at the golf course. They know I'm a comedian, but they don't really understand how these things work, I guess. And there's two, I'll call them super turtles. Outside of the internet. I believe they're over 80. And they always look at me. It doesn't matter. I could see them four days in a row or not for three months in a row. And they'll go, Ryman. Yep. We're going to do that again. In the fall. All right. I'm on it. I'm going to get my tickets. Okay. Thank you.

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_03] Ryman. It used to be, at least I've been upgraded from Zany's The Club, which is a fine club. But at least I've been upgraded to where I actually work. Ryman. So that's all the business. We're making a new t-shirt. It's going to take a minute. Before. Well, I'm just going to do this male first.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_04] Do we want a long-sleeved or short-sleeved? We talked about this.

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_03] I want both. Both. I love a long-sleeved t-shirt when I'm sunburned in the summer. But yes, we need short-sleeves too because it's summer. It's already here. It's going to be 96. It's hot here. Next week. 98. I know. And yesterday it was 78. It's so crazy.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_04] We got to go to NARTH.

[00:10:57] Yeah.

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_03] NARTH. These are very helpful because now I don't have to Google. I've been Googling awesome black inventors. I have a great one for today. But these are cool too. And I'm very proud to say the first one I pulled, first three I pulled out, I already knew who they were. Oh, great. So I was taught something. Somebody, probably my dad though. I was taught about Frederick Douglass and now but like, oh, never heard of Major Taylor. He was the fastest bicycle rider in the world.

[00:11:43] [SPEAKER_03] Nice. He was a super athlete. Super. Yeah. Well, we're not, I'm not going to do his whole thing. He's from the 1800s. Cool. But these are great. So, and then she's a grammar fan. She likes, we're not staying dumb. Good. And I have some for the end of the show, but this is, these are just helpful, helpful hamster things to live by. Incorrect. People do confuse this a lot. My friends and myself went to the show. Correct. My friends and I went to the show.

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_04] Incorrect.

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_03] No, that's correct.

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah, that's what I thought.

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_03] I would never say myself. Oh my God. Well, people do, but it sounds British. My friends and myself went to the show.

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_04] What do people always say that you always, I myself.

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_03] I myself. Oh no, in my personal opinion. When people say that, I want to fucking strangle them. If you said it, if you said it's my opinion, it's personal. Right. That's what an opinion is. You're, oh my God. Oh my God. Well, in my personal opinion. Oh. Me and Nicole were talking about them too. And Mark, Pinky Tito. Well, I mean, he blessed me with further. There's further, farther, and further if you're super Southern.

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_03] And interesting. Inner. Inner. Interesting is, I want to strangle Mark and go, supposedly, it's not that interesting. It's interesting.

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_04] No. Oh my God.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_03] And there's a man on the local news here who says library.

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_04] Library. Oh, he says it all the time. Yep.

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_03] Because there's always something happening at library. And I'm like, no one's correcting him in a newsroom? No. No. And I'll tell you what channel. Five. NBC. In case anybody's listening. NBC. You got a guy. I'm not going to describe him. I will not say his name. You find him. And correct him. Yes. You can't. You're on the news. Right. She's got a couple other good ones. Myself and my friend got some, friends got some beers. Wrong.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_03] My friends and I got some beers. Also, correct. Went to the show by myself. Or I got myself a beer. Or I told myself not to drink too much. And then she wrote not likely. Right. I like it. Also, these are good little tips. Podcast tips. If you're a true crime person, me, Kelly McFarlane, my friend Nicole. Death Certain, the Martha Moxley murder. Loved it. I still don't know who killed her. But that's a matter of a personal opinion.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_03] Right. Right. The Idiot. I haven't heard that one. It's family drama, kidnapping, and a contract for murder. Blood is Thicker, season three. Ooh, Big Daddy's body on a burn pile. I like it. Whoa. And then she's got another one, The Unforgotten, season five. They're probably all good. This is so great. Because I have to drive to Knoxville. Right. And three hours will just go by like that. Deep cover, also season seven. Okay. Cool.

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_03] Thank you, Marilyn. Great mail. I haven't gone through the whole team email box. Oh, my God. It's Holly Bobby.

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_04] Breaking news.

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_03] Well, just in time. Yay. We'll take his call. And then we will move into the show show.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_04] Your ringtone is insane. Wow.

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_03] I love it. Sounds happy. Hi, Holly Bobby.

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_00] Hola, chicas. Cool stuff. Bien, bien.

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_03] Hi, Holly Bobby. It's very early for you. I battled. You fancy people in Palm Springs. I know it's very early.

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_01] Well, here's the thing. I set my alarm for 8 a.m. Pacific time because I thought, oh, they get started a little after 8 o'clock. And then Clark came in. He goes, you need to get out of bed because they're doing the podcast. I said, it's not 8 a.m. yet.

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_03] We started early just because we were ready.

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_04] I got up early.

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_03] I got over here.

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_01] I'm ready to go.

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_03] Okay. How hot is it out there right now?

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_01] It's not that bad because it's overcast. It's humid. It looks like it's going to rain. I think there's like a monsoon coming up from the Gulf of California. And Leanne, my sister, termites, she lives in Orange County on the beach in San Clemente. And she said it rained there yesterday because of the humidity.

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_03] Oh. Wow. Even California weather's turning on people. Do you know yesterday was the hottest day ever recorded in France?

[00:16:03] No.

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_03] Ever. Seriously? There's a heat dome hanging over the entire nation. And 40 people have drowned trying to get out of the heat. Now, I said five of those people probably just would have drowned on that given day anyway. But, I mean, you know, there's just people that can't swim good. Or they have a heart attack or whatever. But, yes. What about the grapes?

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_01] What about the grapes? Is that going to like ruin the wine crop this year?

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_03] The champagne crop. I don't know how heat affects it. I don't know how he. Here's what I do know. A lot of those hotels don't really have good AC.

[00:16:35] Yeah.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. The Euros aren't that like. Or no AC. Or no AC. More like that. Well, I'm not staying in a place anymore at this age that doesn't have it. But anyway. Okay. So, the weather's good. So, well, good for you.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_01] Who's pissed. You know who's pissed in Hollywood?

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_03] Who's that?

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_01] Madonna.

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_03] Oh.

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah. She's pissed because her movie got canceled.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_03] Well, can you. Did it? Do we. Do. Can you please explain. Why? Can I just say this is the one with Julia Garner, who I love. Yes. Who was Ruthie on Ozark. That little actor lady that's so fucking good. And I was so excited to see her play Madonna. Yeah.

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_01] She's won so many Emmys for Ruthie and Ozarks. And, you know, Inventing Anna. Oh, right. Right.

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_03] Right.

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_01] For that. Because she played Elizabeth Holmes. You know. So.

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Hi. I'm Elizabeth Holmes. Hi. So. Yeah. So.

[00:17:34] Oh, go ahead.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_03] I just read a little bit about it. And I. I want your opinion. But I'm throwing this all on Madonna is crazy.

[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_01] Madonna's lived a big life. Kathleen. Come on. She's been around since 82. Right. We're in 2026.

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, wow. Come on.

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_01] They're trying to cram. Universal is trying to cram two hours of Madonna's big life into a two hour biopic. Right. And she wants a bigger budget. She wants more time. She wrote the script. You should call it that. She wants to direct it.

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_04] It's Donna's big life. Pop up book.

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_00] Somebody called Madonna's big life.

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_04] That's hilarious. A pop up book for children.

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_03] And it's just Madonna in different lingerie.

[00:18:31] Yeah.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_00] Madonna in different lingerie. Yeah. For the children.

[00:18:35] Yeah.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_00] And here's where I wore cones for my titties. Exactly. Oh, God.

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_03] I just think all of these things. I love that she, I read, she presented to Universal, well, why don't we shoot this in Serbia? It's a lot cheaper. What? Are you a fucking location scout? What's the matter with you, ma'am? You, you be quiet. We have location scouts that are going to tell. I just think all of this stuff would have been decided before we went ahead and announced that Julie is playing her. Like, it's like she changed the game midstream.

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_03] I, that's what I feel like. And I don't understand where our agents, managers, and lawyers, all of this should have been decided beforehand.

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_01] Well, if Jack Madigan was representing her, you know, it would have been all done.

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_03] Well, he would have made her fall on the set so that they could sue for workman's comp.

[00:19:31] Shit.

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_01] Well, you're right. Like, we're the reps. But the other thing, too, is it's like, you know, I don't know why they're all complaining because Netflix came to the rescue and they're going to do the movie in eight episodes. I'd rather see her big life in eight episodes and be able to stream it rather than go sit through a crammed two-hour movie of trying to put everything, you know.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, because all biopics that try to jam it in never really succeed if the person did have a big career. A big life, as you would say.

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_00] A big life. Yeah, like Michael Jackson, her friend Michael Jackson.

[00:20:09] [SPEAKER_03] No, but does that, well, right. But does that mean Julia's going to stick with the project or if her agents went, listen, they're all crazy, do not, let's just cut our losses and move on?

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_01] That I don't know that answer to, but I think they've become so friendly because, you know, they've been traveling together. Oh. And Julia's in that 13-minute short film that I told you to go watch.

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, yeah, I haven't seen it yet. Yeah, I've been busy.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_01] She's been golfing. Yeah, she's in it, kind of looking like Madonna in the Vogue era in it. So I think there's nods to Julia still being a part of it. And, you know, I mean, she's really the only person I think that can play Madonna, other than Madonna.

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Yeah. Well. That'll be the next step. I don't know. If I'm Julia's agent or manager or whatever rep she has, I just can't, when I read that Madonna said, well, I wrote the movie and now Universal won't give me my script back. That is insane to say.

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_06] Yes.

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_03] Unless you had zero representation. Because if you wrote it, you can't. I just, these are things that sound like somebody from the Midwest sent something in the mail to quote Hollywood. Like, what are we talking, what are you talking about? Like, I, of course. You know where those go. Right. Those are right in the face basket. Completely. Well, when is Netflix going to announce that they've picked it up?

[00:21:39] [SPEAKER_01] As soon as they do, I will come back to you. I will, I will call you. I will send you a link. As soon as deadline announces that it's official, that it's going to Netflix. But the other thing too, is like with Universal, it probably paid her to write the script and they do own the script. So she's just going to have to write an eight episode series script with Netflix.

[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_03] Well, also, could we just do full stop? Madonna shouldn't be writing a script. What are you doing? It's like saying I'm going to write a book on frog poison. What the fuck are you doing? No, Madonna can write her, um, her autobiography and then let a script writer make that a script.

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_01] Okay. She can give them bullet points, right?

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_03] Would you, you'd make a, write your dumb diary. Just give them right. Go back in time and write, you know, how long 21 and I finally got a gig at, you know, the funny bone, write your thing and then hand it to the people. There are professional script writers. This is what's offensive to these people who do this for a living.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_01] Like, okay, let's switch off Madonna. Let's switch off Madonna. Who's going to write the Kathy Madigan in eight episode Netflix?

[00:22:47] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, who's going to write it? No, no. I would have my brother write it. My brother who can bullshit through his way through anything. And then he can make it seem like it was a way bigger life than it was. Like, he's not going to just let me.

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_04] Yours is a wonderful big life.

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, I know. But he's not going to just show scenes of me when I'm off fishing. That's very boring.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_01] Okay.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_00] Who's going to play a young Kathy Madigan?

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_01] Who's going to play a 60s Kathy Madigan?

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00] Emma Stone. Emma Stone. Emma Stone, Bobby. Huh?

[00:23:18] Oh.

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Right. I love that. As long as she keeps her hair red. Yeah.

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_01] Well, you know, she's blonde in real life. She ties her hair red.

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_03] Oh. She kind of looks like your family, too.

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah.

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. What do I look like, don't we? Wait, she's blonde? She's blonde in real life.

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_04] I didn't know that. I could play you at 60.

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_03] You could. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, we'll have your sister Kelly play me.

[00:23:43] You two resemble each other.

[00:23:45] [SPEAKER_03] Since your mom thinks I'm her anyway.

[00:23:48] I don't know.

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_01] She looks at that picture and she goes, oh, look at this picture. It's Leanne, Bobby, me, and Kathy. And I go, no, that's your daughter Kelly. Yeah. Oh, God.

[00:24:06] [SPEAKER_03] All right. So did you have time to watch? You go ahead.

[00:24:09] [SPEAKER_01] No, but your little instincts. Yes. You have to follow up on that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is, like, so intense. You told me to watch it and I was just like, wait, she killed these people?

[00:24:21] [SPEAKER_03] Well, right. Like, I thought Scamanda was bad, but at the end of the day, she didn't physically hurt anybody. I mean, she shouldn't have done what she did. She's crazy. Right. But I had to watch it twice, Maternal Instinct, because I couldn't. Well, I kept saying to you, how do you make a fake baby bump, those moon baby bumps, how do you make it kick?

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_01] This is what I think she did. Okay. This is what she did. They're made out of silicone, right? So that's kind of jiggly and jelly-like, right? Right. So all she did was say, oh, Wes, put your hand on the baby bump. And, you know, Wes, you know, he's on there.

[00:25:00] [SPEAKER_03] Wade.

[00:25:01] [SPEAKER_01] Wade. Wade. Wade. Wade. Wade. He's out there like a pig and shit. He puts his hand on her belly. All she did was have to just, like, take her other hand and, you know, tap it, and then it jiggles. And he's like, oh, the baby's blowing me.

[00:25:16] [SPEAKER_03] Well, no, Wade is not the fastest rabbit in the hutch. I will agree to that. But he never had a girlfriend, really. And his mama was real sweet. There's a lot of sweet people involved. A lot of sweetness. But I did like there was a dude and a blonde-haired lady that kept trying to tell Wade. And they seemed pretty bright and on top of it. Right. But nobody would believe them.

[00:25:42] No.

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_03] I mean, it's.

[00:25:44] [SPEAKER_01] Wade was chilling in love. He was too in love. He probably was a virgin before he met her. What do you think?

[00:25:51] [SPEAKER_03] Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:25:54] [SPEAKER_01] And he fell in love with the first girl that, like, paid him attention.

[00:25:57] [SPEAKER_03] Or he likes the feral hogs.

[00:26:01] Oh!

[00:26:03] [SPEAKER_03] Do not email the t-mail. Come on. We're kidding. Do not email the t-mail. She is in prison now. She is in prison in Texas. And I read that she is running out of appeals. But they haven't set a death date yet. And it reminds me, because the judge goes, take her to death row. And I always. I loved that.

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_06] I was like, yeah!

[00:26:26] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Paddles is very excited about death penalty. Well, Ron White used to have a joke. And he goes, I'm from Texas. And here's the law in Texas. If you kill someone, we will kill you back.

[00:26:41] That's great.

[00:26:43] [SPEAKER_03] Love it. Here's a funny.

[00:26:44] Oh, go ahead.

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_03] Well, and I was going to tell you, McKenzie, the one from the crash, that girl, get a load of this. So this is an update breaking news since we talked about the crash that show before. You have, at least in the state of Ohio, you have 365 days to file an appeal from when your judgment was rendered. Well, her lawyers turned it in on day 366. Uh-oh. Yeah, you're done.

[00:27:12] [SPEAKER_05] Wow.

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_03] With state appeals. She could try for a federal appeal, but it's much harder to get heard by a federal court than it would be your state court. She's, her first parole hearing is not until 2037. So they're both, they're both sitting there as 20 something. I think that, how old's that, the Texas one?

[00:27:34] [SPEAKER_01] Taylor, Taylor. I think she's early 20s. Like she might've been 22 when she did it.

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_03] I don't know why the lawyers didn't argue. She's crazy because what do you think is going to happen? You say you're going to buy a $4 million ranch. Eventually, you know, you don't have any money. Eventually, you know, everybody's going to find out. That's crazy. That's the definition of crazy. You're going to fake a pregnancy and you don't have a baby. I mean, you could have said miscarriage, I guess, but how long?

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_01] It was too late for a miscarriage. Yeah, it's too. It kept it going. But I also read, Kathy, Kathy, I read that she, this is like her third or fourth time faking pregnancy. I didn't know that. Yeah, I think she just did it for attention to like, to like, you know, hook men. Like, oh, I got pregnant. Now you got to stay with me. And then like, oh, and then she's never had a baby. And then this Wade guy, I think the mom, his mama was just like, you know, really on her. And that's why it pushed her to like go to.

[00:28:32] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. But here's the thing with somebody like Taylor.

[00:28:35] [SPEAKER_04] Her name's Mackenzie.

[00:28:37] [SPEAKER_03] No, I'm talking about the one in Texas. That's Taylor.

[00:28:39] [SPEAKER_04] Mackenzie's a crash.

[00:28:40] [SPEAKER_03] Mackenzie's a crash girl. Taylor in Texas. Let's get the right. When she lost a bunch of weight and all that stuff, she kind of did look like your hot influencer, blonde lady. Yeah. Wade lives in basically a lean to.

[00:28:54] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah.

[00:28:54] [SPEAKER_03] Why is Wade the fuck? Like, can't you go? I mean, if you're going to be crazy and you're going to do crazy shit, I would set my sights a little higher than Wade. I mean, if you're, if you're, if you just care about money and attention and you're not a good person, why not aim a little higher? Wade, Wade just, I mean, he's walking around constantly with a bucket of feed and a bunch of hogs chasing, following him. Cows, whatever.

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_03] I would like a little ranch like that, but what he, what the thing he's living in looks like, it's not even a trailer. No. It's something half that size.

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_01] It's one of those cargo things.

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, a cargo container, a shipping container. Yes.

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_01] Really? I think so.

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_03] That would take a lot of decorating from home goods.

[00:29:48] [SPEAKER_04] Easy for her to sit on fire though.

[00:29:50] [SPEAKER_01] We wrap up on maternal instincts in the crash. So Clark and I went to drag bingo in Palm Springs last night. Fun.

[00:29:57] [SPEAKER_03] I think that's why I slept in. Fun. I figured that's why you were still sleeping. I'm like, all right. Was it fun? Was it fun?

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_01] It was fun. But the thing is, like, and I made a note to myself to tell you this, to tell both of you this. They got in the same debate last night, the drag queens, about the crash.

[00:30:19] [SPEAKER_03] What the, do they think, does someone think she should not be in jail? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah, true. And they're just like, it became a huge debate. And drag bingo last night. That's so weird. I'm just thinking, oh my God. From podcast to magazine.

[00:30:36] [SPEAKER_05] I love it. Well, drag. In Palm Springs, America is talking.

[00:30:40] [SPEAKER_03] I would say to the drag queens, we've lost the narrative if we're doing true crime now. Because that's what regular dumbass Americans, they're supposed to keep the bar higher.

[00:30:51] [SPEAKER_01] Yes. And they also said that Beyonce and Stevie Nicks have done a collaboration for Beyonce's third album.

[00:30:59] [SPEAKER_06] Oh.

[00:31:00] [SPEAKER_01] That's supposed to be a rock album. But that's from the drag queens in Palm Springs. So I don't know if that's true.

[00:31:05] [SPEAKER_03] Well, you know what? I like, I like a segment on this podcast where we start a rumor. Why not?

[00:31:11] [SPEAKER_04] Start a rumor. Good segment.

[00:31:12] [SPEAKER_03] Well, we'll start a drag queen rumor. Drag queen rumor is Stevie and Beyonce have collabed on a song. Yay.

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_06] There we go. We're going to the street from Steve's hotel in Palm Springs.

[00:31:26] [SPEAKER_03] All right, Bobby.

[00:31:27] [SPEAKER_00] Okay, I booked my ticket. I'm going to see you guys in a couple weeks. Yay! Okay. Bobby!

[00:31:32] [SPEAKER_03] Do you want to be on the podcast? We'll ask the termites. Would they like to see Holly Bobby?

[00:31:36] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah, ask them because if they don't want me, they don't want me. All right.

[00:31:40] [SPEAKER_03] No, that's okay. Sometimes they're very... The termites. Sometimes the termites are very territorial about guest appearances, but you'd only be once a year maximum. Okay, once a year. Well, we'll see. I'll check the team email. We'll let you know. Let me know. All right.

[00:31:54] [SPEAKER_01] I'll bring my best Kathleen Netigan t-shirt to wear on the podcast.

[00:31:58] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. You'll only be seen from your waist up. Don't worry about wardrobe. We're good. I have a steamer. I have a steamer. If you have wrinkles. There you go. I'll do your makeup.

[00:32:06] [SPEAKER_04] If you want makeup, I'll do it. No. That drag bingo sounded fun.

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_03] I know. I wonder... I gotta ask him if young people go... It seems like people my age go to... Because we're just used to it. We think it's funny and fun and...

[00:32:25] [SPEAKER_04] What, the drag queens or the bingo? Or both?

[00:32:27] [SPEAKER_03] Drag queen bingo specifically. Or drag queen, you know, brunch shows or whatever. I don't know if the young people care about that anymore.

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_04] Have you started Mahjong with drag queens?

[00:32:38] [SPEAKER_03] No, I haven't started Mahjong. I got a set in the mail and opened the instructions and I almost vomited. And I'm like, okay, because everybody's playing it. Sure, I'll get on board with whatever we're doing.

[00:32:48] [SPEAKER_04] It seems to be a movement.

[00:32:49] [SPEAKER_03] Even though every Jewish comedian throughout all the years always... Not always, but a ton would have a reference saying, I don't know, you'd have to ask my grandma, but she's busy playing Mahjong in Florida. It always seemed like an older Jewish grandma game. I've never heard of it. I don't know how it got so popular, but I got... Then I went on YouTube to find a youngster that could explain it, and I found a two-and-a-half-minute video, and I didn't even understand that.

[00:33:16] [SPEAKER_03] So I think it's going to have to be an in-person thing for me because I just don't learn... I just don't learn that good like that. I'm bad at that kind of learning.

[00:33:26] [SPEAKER_04] Well, who's going to teach you how to play it in person?

[00:33:30] [SPEAKER_03] Well, I don't know. I mean, the golf course ladies play, but they're intense. They probably don't want a newbie. They're fucking serious, and they're there for hours.

[00:33:41] [SPEAKER_06] Really?

[00:33:41] [SPEAKER_03] I also don't really have that kind of time normally. Right. I have off time this summer, but whatever. I just want to show you this before we continue on that makes me just go, I've got to get my life together a little bit better. This is my new Southwest. Look, Southwest has A-list. It's a bag tag. They've never issued bag tags that I'm aware of ever. They're trying to grow up and be a real airline. Are they cool and metal? No, they are not metal.

[00:34:11] [SPEAKER_03] Not like my Delta Diamond one. No, my Delta Diamond one is a Chinese throwing star. I could fucking kill people with that. No, this is plastic. I'm going to have to discuss it with Aaron Weber. He's very mad. This is a fat people thing. And he said, those are his words, not mine. And Aaron's lost a bunch of weight. But as a fat man, I never thought, he looks like a football player to me. I don't think of him as fat ever, but he does. He's mad that on the new Southwest flights,

[00:34:41] [SPEAKER_03] on the aisle seat, the armrest did not go up. He said, because as soon as we would take off, as a fat person, he would release the arm release, and then half of his body would be in the aisle. And I said, I didn't even know they went up. He goes, because you're not, these are fat people secrets, Kathleen. You're not in the fat person club. Well, he's very mad.

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_04] I didn't know they went up. Huh.

[00:35:06] [SPEAKER_03] I don't ever sit in the aisle if I don't have to.

[00:35:09] [SPEAKER_04] But then you've got like carts. I'm a window sleeper. They don't use carts. They use those little tray things.

[00:35:13] [SPEAKER_03] They don't have carts. So you can have a fat man in your aisle. Gotcha. See?

[00:35:17] [SPEAKER_04] Spilleth over. Yeah, fatty spilleth over.

[00:35:20] [SPEAKER_03] But Aaron is a very good moral Catholic person and doesn't want his fat to spill on another person. He's conscientious. Nice. He wants it to spill in the aisle. Conscientious Catholic. That's right.

[00:35:31] [SPEAKER_02] I like it. Yeah.

[00:35:32] [SPEAKER_03] Good man. So I didn't do the podcast last weekend because I went to Springfield, Missouri. That's where you fly into or drive if you're in Missouri. To Big Cedar Lodge. That's kind of the whole property. To the Johnny Morris Payne Stewart Golf Course. It's the only Payne Stewart's from Missouri. A golfer. If you don't know, it doesn't matter. Tiger Woods.

[00:35:58] [SPEAKER_03] It's the only Tiger Woods design course in America so far. Really? I'm sure there'll be a lot more. But for now.

[00:36:05] [SPEAKER_04] The pictures looked really cool.

[00:36:06] [SPEAKER_03] It is like a ninth wonder of the world. It's Disneyland. I don't like to use Disneyland. But I mean, it's golf.

[00:36:14] [SPEAKER_05] Golf Disney.

[00:36:15] [SPEAKER_03] A golfer's dream vacation. Because some guy wrote, well, it is expensive. But you're not going every day. It's not like the golf course I go to here. Right. Yes. But it's not expensive compared to Pebble Beach and Pinehurst and Whistling Straits. I can name all the ones that are destination places. It's $400 to Payne's Valley. Okay. Now, would you spend that at Disneyland for a day? Fuck yeah, you will. You'd spend that on merch. Would you spend that? Right.

[00:36:43] [SPEAKER_03] I mean, it's not an every month occurrence. I'd probably go once a year if I'm lucky. I haven't been in at least two years. And my brother gets to go because he's pretty close by. And if there's fallouts, you can call in the morning. Say people's flights don't get in or whatever. Oh, okay. Eight guys from Philly aren't here. That's two foursomes. Boom. Take them if you want them. So he would play more. But they also get a local discount. Cool. There's four courses. There's Buffalo Ridge, Payne's Valley. That's the famous, famous one.

[00:37:13] [SPEAKER_03] Cliffhangers, which is a par three that is a substantial par three.

[00:37:17] [SPEAKER_04] Which is the one with the waterfall video.

[00:37:18] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. And then.

[00:37:20] [SPEAKER_04] Is that it?

[00:37:21] [SPEAKER_03] Cliffhangers? Yeah. You hit through a waterfall. That's fun. Yeah. And everybody's yelling at me. My brother's like, what was that club you used to hit it? It's 130 yards. I said, it was my seven hybrid. He goes, don't ever say that out loud again. What do you mean? I go, I have all hybrids, Pat. He goes, you're giving in. You're giving in to old age. I said, I've had them for 12 years. I never buy new clubs. I love my clubs. They're like my baseball club. I said, I don't give a shit what I'm giving into. I hit what gets the ball there. Right. I said, look at the result, Pat.

[00:37:51] [SPEAKER_03] It's six feet from the pin. That's fantastic. Yeah. Oh, you want to use the right club? What does the right club mean? Okay. I'm getting way too into golf. You got to hit it through a waterfall. A lot of people don't. That's crazy. And then there was a termite there because he wrote on social media, I thought you were out there. And Dawn, this lady who's from Missouri, is the starter on the part three course. Fun. And I didn't know that Dawn knew who I was. I just thought she was a very friendly person and I was very friendly back.

[00:38:20] [SPEAKER_03] And so I got a good report from a termite that said, I asked Dawn, was she nice? And Dawn said you were good. Yeah. She said, well, I was very friendly.

[00:38:28] [SPEAKER_04] Nice.

[00:38:29] [SPEAKER_03] I was saying to Dawn, if it's not too hot, you're lucky because in two weeks, this place is going to be a fucking thousand degrees.

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_04] Steam bath. I'm going to live in the water.

[00:38:38] [SPEAKER_03] Well, I'm just going to tell you how great. This is Johnny. The founder, everybody knows what Bass Pro Shop is, even if you've never been in, I assume everybody, or Cabela's.

[00:38:47] [SPEAKER_04] Okay.

[00:38:48] [SPEAKER_03] Um, he's 78 years old. Why did they say 78? It's not 77 or 78. They don't even know. He went to college in Missouri. Um, he's a billionaire. He's worth eight and a half billion. That's what they estimate.

[00:39:02] [SPEAKER_04] Wow.

[00:39:02] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah.

[00:39:02] [SPEAKER_04] That's cool.

[00:39:03] [SPEAKER_03] Um, the Bass Pro Shop is a hunting, hunting and fishing retail chain. He also owns White River Marine Group, Top of the Rock, Big Cedar Lodge in Cabela's. He's from Springfield, Missouri. He still lives in Springfield, Missouri. He is a wonderful charitable man. Um, he has four kids, I think. Yeah, four kids. Mm-hmm. Uh, his dad had like little local businesses and then he did a bait shop. This is all built from the ground up. Okay. He started with, you know, his dad has a dry cleaning business and a liquor store, but not like money, money. Right.

[00:39:33] [SPEAKER_03] Like just, we're trying to get money.

[00:39:36] [SPEAKER_06] Mm-hmm.

[00:39:36] [SPEAKER_03] Um, just a wonderful guy. They donated, um, 55,000 fishing reels and rods to the youth, uh, focused nonprofit organizations across the United States and Canada. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. He does wonderful things and he's a big conservationist. And I know some people are going to go, he's a Trump guy. He has given two, he gave $200,000 to Trump. Yes, he did in 2020. That's fine. You do you. Yep.

[00:40:04] [SPEAKER_03] But the money he is using for conservation to keep the entire state of Missouri like undeveloped, that's what I care about. Yeah. I don't care who you want to donate here or there, whatever you do you, but his conservation things are great. I mean, he's all of this land in Southern Missouri that's beautiful that could just go away in a minute. He's making sure it doesn't.

[00:40:29] [SPEAKER_04] Um, it looked beautiful.

[00:40:30] [SPEAKER_03] He said in, in college, uh, he often jokes that he majored in fishing. He's also very cute. Is he? I've never seen a picture of him. He's very cute. And in his, uh, headshot, he has on a Bass Pro Shop, uh, shirt and a Bass Pro Shop hat. Of course he is. Good for him. That's what he wore for dress up day. It's a button down. So, you know, that was like, all right, I'll wear the collared shirt. Um, yeah, I, one day I'd love to meet him. The place is just fantastic.

[00:40:58] [SPEAKER_03] Everything, the restaurant at the top of the, I put all the videos in Instagram that's called top of the rock and it's over a table rock lake. And at sunset they play bagpipes and then they shoot a cannon off. I mean, you've a real one, like a Confederate civil war.

[00:41:13] [SPEAKER_04] Crazy.

[00:41:14] [SPEAKER_03] You feel like you're on vacation, not just golf. Right. And the whole thing, a plus a plus across the board. Um, and then they also have a cave. Well, it's called, uh, I think it's called the outdoor ride. I can't believe they, they just give, um, give you a golf cart. Yeah. They don't even ask, do you know how to drive one? You just get in it. Right. And then you go through the, the woods and the forest and there's waterfalls.

[00:41:41] [SPEAKER_03] Then you go in a cave, a real natural cave. This is not a man-made. Everything out there is real. Like it's a real thing versus Disney world or whatever. And in the cave, they made a bar. It's called the bat bar. Now they're, they don't have like running water or not. It's cans of liquor, but who cares? It's, you just, and then they named it because there's a million bats in this cave. I was going to say, yep. And they don't do anything bad. The bats are fine. Cool. So you get bats blood.

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER_03] That's a, and it's, they have non-alcoholic drinks, I guess, for the children.

[00:42:13] [SPEAKER_04] That was the menu I saw in your video.

[00:42:15] [SPEAKER_03] Yes.

[00:42:15] [SPEAKER_04] So you pick what you want.

[00:42:17] [SPEAKER_03] It's just the waterfalls. The whole thing's astonishing. You can't, and he's preserving all of it. That's awesome. Yeah.

[00:42:22] [SPEAKER_04] That's really cool.

[00:42:23] [SPEAKER_03] All right. Moving on. That's just my shout out to, um, and no, I didn't, I didn't get paid to go. I didn't get paid to, I didn't get free golf. I, this is just as a human being. Right. Go if you're a golfer. Yeah. Go if you're not. If you're in the Midwest, just go anyway. Like if you're like in Oklahoma or Arkansas, it's worth the drive. Yeah. You're a golfer, but if you're a golfer flying to Springfield, Missouri, boom, it's 45 minutes. Cool.

[00:42:50] [SPEAKER_03] You'll start going up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up the hill. Oh, from Memphis. I don't know. Google it. Springfield to Memphis, probably four, probably five, because there's no easy way to get there.

[00:43:10] [SPEAKER_04] 445.

[00:43:11] [SPEAKER_03] See? Listen, if there was a game show in the United States from town to town, because I've done just about every drive, I'm usually, I'm usually within 15 minutes of right.

[00:43:23] [SPEAKER_04] I like it.

[00:43:24] [SPEAKER_03] Queen News. Dolly Parton. This is happy but sad. June 24th, that's today. Oh, shit. Yeah. My God, it's on his birthday. The gas station, the first cup of Dolly's Cup of Ambition coffee will be served. It's the grand opening of Dolly's Tennessee Travel. Great. Yep. Boom. She's not going to be there, though.

[00:43:51] [SPEAKER_04] I know.

[00:43:51] [SPEAKER_03] And that, I would think normally she would. Yeah. She will not be in attendance, but here's what's going to happen. It's not just opening a travel stop. Oh, no, no, no. The festivities are crazy.

[00:44:03] [SPEAKER_00] It's a week-long event, y'all.

[00:44:07] It's good coffee.

[00:44:08] [SPEAKER_03] It's a one-year event. Every day we're going to be giving away waffle fries and snow cones. From 2.30 day, you can celebrate with this. Raffle prizes, food trucks, ice cream, fireworks display at the gas station. That ought to be something. Yeah. Yeah. The fireworks start when the sun goes down. Dolly will not be in attendance. It's in Cornersville, Tennessee. One hour south of Nashville and one hour northwest of Huntsville.

[00:44:38] [SPEAKER_03] Live music. And if you play music, they're looking for submissions if you want the gig. Put it in the schnotes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cool. The grand opening, cup of ambition. I would like to taste the coffee. Like, I want our live music. You'll probably have to go there. Bounce game. Corn hole. Oh.

[00:44:55] [SPEAKER_02] A bounce house.

[00:44:56] [SPEAKER_03] Yep. Boom. Yep. It's on. It's on. Good for Dolly. Queen news. Very breaking news. Last night here in Nashville, Taylor Swift was at the Tight End University concert. Sang a little song with Laini Wilson.

[00:45:12] [SPEAKER_04] A little song. She sang Love Story.

[00:45:15] [SPEAKER_03] I know. I know it when I heard it. I didn't know that's what it's called.

[00:45:18] [SPEAKER_04] You can't help but smile and bounce around.

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_03] You can't help it. I like it. I'm not anti.

[00:45:24] Yeah.

[00:45:24] [SPEAKER_04] You don't seem as excited as I was when I called you.

[00:45:28] [SPEAKER_03] Probably not. Probably not. No. No. It's like, I feel like Rocky. Go for you.

[00:45:33] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah.

[00:45:34] [SPEAKER_03] Go for you. Tay Tay.

[00:45:38] [SPEAKER_04] George Kittle requested it.

[00:45:39] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. A very special Tight End requested it. George Kittle. And he went completely crazy. And it seemed like a very fun event. So good for Taylor. Her wedding, they were rumored that her bachelorette party is either happening or happened.

[00:45:58] [SPEAKER_04] I heard it was this past weekend.

[00:46:00] [SPEAKER_03] Oh. Boom. She also went to the Songwriters Hall of Fame where she was honored. And she took her mom and Travis's mom. And Travis showed up.

[00:46:07] [SPEAKER_04] Nice. Yeah. Nice. King news. I'm sure Donna was thrilled.

[00:46:10] [SPEAKER_03] I think we're going to. We do have the power here to remove people from the king and queen court. Or to add people. Correct. I think for a minute, Jelly Roll, my acquaintance, I think he needs to sit down for a minute and think about his stuff. He's getting divorced from Bunny after 10 years.

[00:46:28] [SPEAKER_04] That's not why you're removing him, though.

[00:46:30] [SPEAKER_03] No, no, no. But there's just been a lot going on. I feel like he needs a break and his managers and everybody. Like he's appearing and everything. And too much. There's too much. Too much. Too much. Too much. He's everywhere. Yep. He's at a football game. It's crazy. I wish he'd go to his farm and just ride around on a tractor for a while. Yep. Just stay out of the limelight. Yeah. Because I do think he's very talented.

[00:46:54] [SPEAKER_04] Give yourself a hug.

[00:46:55] [SPEAKER_03] I do think he's very talented. And him and Bunny are going to stay friends. All good there. And I think they're having a baby together.

[00:47:02] [SPEAKER_04] They're having a baby together, I read. I know. What's going on with that? We're getting divorced?

[00:47:05] [SPEAKER_03] I think they had to go through all that IVF stuff.

[00:47:11] [SPEAKER_04] Maybe. We totally made that up. I don't know.

[00:47:14] [SPEAKER_03] I read it. She said we're still having this little nugget together, meaning a baby.

[00:47:19] [SPEAKER_04] Is she pregnant?

[00:47:20] [SPEAKER_03] I think so.

[00:47:22] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah. Yeah. I heard she was dating somebody else, too.

[00:47:25] [SPEAKER_03] Oh.

[00:47:26] [SPEAKER_04] A Canadian band by the name of Nickelback.

[00:47:30] [SPEAKER_03] Brian Adams.

[00:47:33] [SPEAKER_04] Summer of 69, maybe.

[00:47:35] [SPEAKER_03] I know. Who's the other one that's so funny on Twitter? Oh, come on. Richard Marks. Richard Marks. Yep.

[00:47:40] [SPEAKER_04] Not Canadian, but still funny.

[00:47:42] [SPEAKER_03] I think Richard's Canadian.

[00:47:44] [SPEAKER_04] He's not Canadian. Is he not? No. God, no. Google it. We would totally have him on a stamp or something.

[00:47:50] [SPEAKER_03] You would have been notified? Richard Marks.

[00:47:54] [SPEAKER_04] I thought he was. Home town. Chicago. Oh, sorry, Richard. Richard Noel Marks.

[00:48:02] [SPEAKER_03] I threw you up north.

[00:48:03] [SPEAKER_04] September 16th. I believe he's a Libra.

[00:48:07] [SPEAKER_03] No. No? Libra doesn't start until like the 23rd. What's before you? The very, very anal Virgos. Three of my siblings. Wow. So uptight.

[00:48:20] [SPEAKER_05] He currently lives in Los Angeles.

[00:48:22] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, well, he's very funny on Twitter.

[00:48:24] [SPEAKER_05] Update! This is dumb.

[00:48:27] [SPEAKER_03] As you guys know, I'm obsessed with all animals. Dogs and cats. I mean, anything else too, I'll take. But I am obsessed with Larry, the cat. Yep. He lives at 10 Downing Street, which is the home of whoever is the prime minister at the time. Uh-huh. I, I'm not against it, but I would be terrified to allow a baby cat outside in London.

[00:48:50] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

[00:48:51] [SPEAKER_03] Here, there's just woods and a lake and nobody's, they're not going to get hit by a car. They don't even go up to the road. These cats here. These don't. But I would be like, oh, if she went out. I would. But anyway, Larry has made his way for many, many years. And the prime minister of England has resigned. This is who Larry, he's the Downing Street chief mouser. He looks a lot like my cats. Like, a lot. Really? Yep. American short hair, gray and white, green eyes, blah, blah.

[00:49:23] [SPEAKER_03] They brought him years and years ago into 10 Downing Street to kill mice.

[00:49:29] [SPEAKER_04] Okay.

[00:49:29] [SPEAKER_03] That was his job. That's why he's the chief mouser. Well, he's there again. Well, he never leaves. I mean, he goes outside and runs the streets of London and comes home. I don't even know how that works out. But these are the prime ministers that he's lived through. David Cameron, Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Rishi Sunak, and Keir Starmer have all come and go. Gone.

[00:49:55] [SPEAKER_04] That's the gamut of everybody.

[00:49:58] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Wow. He's outlasted his sixth prime minister. Six? Yeah. Wow. I say just give it to Larry. Why do you even need a new one? And you know what I guarantee? When Larry's the prime minister, nothing will happen. And maybe that's better than what you're actually doing. Why don't we try nothing? Just for a year.

[00:50:17] [SPEAKER_06] Okay.

[00:50:18] [SPEAKER_03] And just say, I don't know. I asked Larry today and again, he just went, meow, meow. If you can even find Larry. He's carousing the streets of London. Update! Oh, the Nancy Guthrie case.

[00:50:31] [SPEAKER_04] Oh God. I read about this.

[00:50:33] [SPEAKER_03] They're saying the second ransom note that they think is connected to the first one said that she accidentally died when they captured her. Okay. I don't understand then. Why did this thing keep going on and on and on? If you believe she was dead, is it to find her body? Savannah's crying again on the Today Show. I don't understand why that sheriff hasn't been fired for all of the fuck-ups. I know. He shouldn't have been hired looking at his resume. Right. More or less. Oh my God.

[00:51:00] [SPEAKER_04] It's crazy.

[00:51:05] [SPEAKER_03] Also, they made a terrible error. I don't know if it was them, the cops, or the FBI. So they said they wanted $4 million in Bitcoin put in a wallet. Okay. Okay? Right, I forgot about the Bitcoin. What these yahoos did was they put $152 in the Bitcoin wallet thinking, oh, that person will extract $152 and then like I have Coinbase on my phone, the app for Bitcoin.

[00:51:34] [SPEAKER_03] We can follow, if Kathleen removes that $152, we can follow who took it out and where did it go? Because you could subpoena that if it's a criminal thing. Okay. But you dumb shits. They're going to know that's a trap. Yes. And it's not enough money to gamble on if it's a trap.

[00:51:56] [SPEAKER_04] No.

[00:51:57] [SPEAKER_03] They should have put $2 million in. Or all of it. Right. Right. I don't care. Savannah, you can't drum up $4 million? I'm sure she went on whatever they were telling her to do. Yeah. But.

[00:52:09] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah.

[00:52:11] I don't know.

[00:52:12] [SPEAKER_03] Here's what I do know because we've looked for Nancy. We found like, you know, a bazillion other dead people in Tucson in the desert. No one seems to be concerned about that. No. Oh, we found another body. It's not her. Okay. All right. All right. This is where the video came out where she said they wrote a note saying she accidentally died. We didn't mean to kill her. Why would they do that, though, if they're still looking for money? I know. But this is why in that one video when she's speaking in code, she said, we receive your

[00:52:42] [SPEAKER_03] message and we understand. Meaning we understand she's dead, but we still want her body back. We want to know where she is. Right.

[00:52:48] [SPEAKER_04] Right. Gotcha.

[00:52:50] [SPEAKER_03] What it. Exactly. I don't even know. Yeah. What you do. I don't know. I would make it my mission, though, to get him fired with no pension. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:53:04] [SPEAKER_04] He really screwed this up. Well, he's really like the attention. And he's going to probably try to write a book. That was thrown out there.

[00:53:12] [SPEAKER_03] Well, someone else, I think, would have to write it. The unauthorized. Update. World Cup updates. Nice. Oh, my brother Patrick went.

[00:53:22] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, he did?

[00:53:23] [SPEAKER_03] Yes. To Austria versus Argentina.

[00:53:28] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, fun.

[00:53:29] [SPEAKER_03] Where Messi, Messi, he got to see Messi. He took his youngest son. He's more of a soccer fan than the other two. And the other one's a football guy. Anyway, had the time of their life. He said the Austrian fans were very young and very exuberant. And they sounded very Germanic. The Argentinian fans, little older.

[00:53:53] [SPEAKER_06] Yep.

[00:53:53] [SPEAKER_03] But what I loved, what was so funny is the Austrians, I mean, the Argentinians, they captured an Austrian little person.

[00:54:05] [SPEAKER_06] What?

[00:54:06] [SPEAKER_03] And I'm going to say dwarf because my friend Brad Williams, who's a hilarious comedian, he's also a little person. He says it's okay. Okay. Let's just use dwarf because it's easier. It's been sanctioned. It's been sanctioned by the little person. Yeah. And other little people, I know.

[00:54:20] [SPEAKER_04] Okay.

[00:54:21] [SPEAKER_03] There's a lot of comedians that are little people.

[00:54:22] [SPEAKER_04] So like a real?

[00:54:24] [SPEAKER_03] A real man.

[00:54:25] [SPEAKER_04] Yes. Yes. That is a little person.

[00:54:26] [SPEAKER_03] He's a dwarf. He looks to be, you know, I don't know, 25, 30 years old. Okay. They captured him like in chess when you capture the king. And they put him on their shoulders and they marched him through all of this mass fan fest. He voluntarily took off his jersey, his red jersey, and put on Messi's jersey. No! Yes. And then they gave him beers and he had beers and he was on top of this guy's shoulders just going, ah!

[00:54:55] [SPEAKER_03] And then they changed his floppy hat. He had on like a fishing floppy hat that was all Austrian. That dude, for free beer, switched his loyalties like that. And he became the king of all of Argentina's parade. It was so funny. The Scottish fans have donated nearly $30,000 to charities in Providence as a thank you for welcoming them. Go for you.

[00:55:23] [SPEAKER_03] Messi broke the record, the world record. It's been so great. It was in Dallas.

[00:55:28] [SPEAKER_04] Yes. The little person prayed. Oh, okay. Yeah. Then they got him a cowboy hat with a whistle. Oh! He said he would like to move to Texas.

[00:55:43] [SPEAKER_03] Patrick said the whole atmosphere was so fun and so out of control. And he said some of the Argentinos. How are you not? The Argentinians, or is it Argentines?

[00:55:55] [SPEAKER_04] Argentinians.

[00:55:55] [SPEAKER_03] Argentinians. After Messi did that and he missed the first penalty kick. And I'm like, this is when you go, oh!

[00:56:04] [SPEAKER_06] How did you miss that?

[00:56:06] [SPEAKER_03] How did you miss that? But then he broke the record and he said, Kathleen, I have seen a zillion drunk people in my life. Patrick went to school in Mobile, Alabama. He knows when you, a good drunk party in New Orleans. He said that the Argentinian guys were like two guys my age trying to drunkenly hold up a third guy. And he said the whole thing was just, I said, did you feel weird? Because Kevin's only 13. He goes, no, it's a good lesson for Kev. True that.

[00:56:35] [SPEAKER_03] I'm like, this is what happened when you go crazy. The Europeans are loving ranch dressing so much, they're trying to fly like enormous bottles home. So Kraft is releasing a TSA compliant ranch dressing kit. They have a kit and it's packets that add up to a full bottle. Oh! So it's TSA compliant. That's funny. I know. There have been so many funny things. Canada today plays at two o'clock.

[00:57:02] [SPEAKER_04] You've told me that.

[00:57:03] [SPEAKER_03] Well, I don't think you're being a good enough fan. They're in first place and I know their division is easy. I get it.

[00:57:09] [SPEAKER_04] I'm not sure we've played a real team yet.

[00:57:12] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, you have.

[00:57:12] [SPEAKER_04] I have a jersey. It's gifted to me, but you know. Yeah, you don't even care. I do. The black jersey's cool.

[00:57:21] [SPEAKER_03] It is.

[00:57:23] [SPEAKER_04] My brother Joe was texting me. It's cool.

[00:57:26] [SPEAKER_03] Randomly about that game. By the way, remember I told you FIFA because there's the evil FIFA. There's apparently a documentary about how evil they are. I can't wait to watch it. But I got sucked in to this show, I Will Not Run. My sister-in-law told me about it. I think it's only four episodes. I was up way too late last night binging it. I'm also binging outrage.

[00:57:50] [SPEAKER_04] I will not run?

[00:57:51] [SPEAKER_03] I think it's called I Will Not. I will find you. I will find you.

[00:57:54] [SPEAKER_04] I will find you.

[00:57:55] [SPEAKER_03] I will find you. Okay. It's about a man who's perhaps falsely accused of killing his own son.

[00:58:05] [SPEAKER_04] Oh.

[00:58:06] [SPEAKER_03] It's crazy.

[00:58:07] [SPEAKER_04] Okay, I'm going to put that in the show notes.

[00:58:08] [SPEAKER_03] Another thing. If you like history, if you do not like history, ignore this. It's called Outrageous. And I think it's on Amazon. Okay. And it's about a rich family in England in the 30s.

[00:58:20] [SPEAKER_04] It is Amazon. It's on BritBox. It's a plug-in.

[00:58:23] [SPEAKER_03] It's a plug-in, BritBox. And I hope they do another season because it's so good. It's a man, you know, like a British lord sort of deal. They own a big home in the country with all this land, and they start going broke. And he's got five daughters or six. I don't know. But it's in the 30s. They're in their 20s, the girls. And two decide to go with the Hitler side. Oh. Oh. Before we know he's Batman.

[00:58:51] [SPEAKER_03] We just know he's a rising politician, and the girls like it, and they believe in it. One of the daughters wants to be a communist. I mean, it is—none of it's hard if you know history. If you don't like history, you won't. It's like the Gilded Age, but with war coming. Cool. It's great. I like it. Outrageous, that one's called. It's in this notes. Remember when I told you FIFA covered up the mural in Dallas of the whales that we've all

[00:59:19] [SPEAKER_03] seen for years and years, and especially Texas people. Yep. You're used to it. Well, the artist, the muralist, is suing FIFA for $25 million after his whale painting in downtown was painted over ahead of the World Cup. The, quote, ocean life. I mean, it's like saying, I don't even know what other cities have anything that iconic, but you can't. That's a thing.

[00:59:42] [SPEAKER_04] It's not like the stadium branding.

[00:59:44] [SPEAKER_03] Right. It's just whales.

[00:59:45] [SPEAKER_04] It's super weird to see all that.

[00:59:46] [SPEAKER_03] Like, fuck off, find a different building to put your World Cup ad or whatever it is. It's just terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Crazy. It was a piece commemorating the nine World Cup matches coming to Arlington, whatever. He's suing them because he had his own contract. The building's owners are accused of allowing ocean life to be intentionally painted over and permanently destroyed without seeking his consent.

[01:00:12] [SPEAKER_03] And he had a contract saying, if I paint this, you have to consult me on it. Yeah.

[01:00:20] [SPEAKER_04] Wow.

[01:00:20] [SPEAKER_03] Yep. He sent him a cease and desist, blah, blah, blah. I hope he wins. I hope he wins all the money. That's great. Because then he'll probably, look, I paint. Then if somebody destroyed something I painted that I really liked, I still want to repaint. I want it back. Right. It's not just the money.

[01:00:36] [SPEAKER_04] No.

[01:00:36] [SPEAKER_03] So I hope he repaints it. I hope he liked it enough to go, I want him to get the money.

[01:00:41] [SPEAKER_04] Yes.

[01:00:42] [SPEAKER_03] And then take, if he gets 25 million, it'll probably cost him a million to redo it. It was enormous.

[01:00:49] [SPEAKER_04] Besides the building. Yeah.

[01:00:50] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. It's crazy. And the equipment. Update. You want to feel bad about how in shape or not in shape you are? Well, here you go. As you know, I'm obsessed with Mount Everest climbing season. We're coming to an end. We're wrapping that up. Already? Oh, yeah. It only lasts like a month in May and then a month in October. Huh. Okay. It's a tight window. Got it. A Russian man with no legs makes history by climbing Everest using only his arms.

[01:01:19] [SPEAKER_04] What did you just say?

[01:01:20] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. A double amputee. His name is Rustam Nabeev. He's made history. On May 21st, he became the first person to summit Everest without prosthetic legs. He's relying entirely on his upper body strength to reach the top.

[01:01:37] [SPEAKER_06] Wow.

[01:01:38] [SPEAKER_03] He previously survived a tragic accident in 2015, has since completed several major climbs, and his efforts to achievement is now being celebrated. That's crazy. This dude has no legs and did it. Yeah. I'm not doing it with legs ever. I don't like to be that cold. I know. Here's a little something. This is the tour. My fall tour is called Marching Armadillos and Flying Cats.

[01:02:06] [SPEAKER_04] Flying Cats and Marching Armadillos.

[01:02:08] [SPEAKER_03] Or that. But this is very disturbing. When we're talking about animals, like Iceland has their first mosquitoes ever. There are warning bells going off. I don't know what we're supposed to do about it. I don't know what caused it. I'm not getting into those arguments. But it is happening. Right. Here's a little something for you. Nine king cobras, a monocled cobra, and nest near Everest leave scientists sounding the alarm. What's a monocled cobra?

[01:02:38] [SPEAKER_03] You know, the one with the thing on his back, like the eyeball on his back, on his hood.

[01:02:42] [SPEAKER_04] No. Oh! Yeah. Yeah.

[01:02:46] [SPEAKER_03] Ugh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Venomous snakes are turning up in unexpected places. A development that has added to concerns about warming temperatures are altering where wildlife can live.

[01:02:58] [SPEAKER_04] That's insane.

[01:02:59] [SPEAKER_03] Nine king cobras and one monocled, along with nest and eggs. Eggs. They're having babies. Uh-huh.

[01:03:07] [SPEAKER_04] No.

[01:03:08] [SPEAKER_03] No thank you.

[01:03:10] Oh.

[01:03:11] [SPEAKER_03] As if, yeah. I'm just saying, who's ever in charge of this shit, get on it. That's crazy. What's too, is it too late? Update! Speaking of royalty. And now, on to sport. I love that lady. I love that lady. And she doesn't say library. Library. Um, Megan Markle.

[01:03:39] [SPEAKER_03] Well, first of all, let's just, first of all, that nitwit showed up to the San Antonio Spurs playoff game in the NBA playoffs alone. Yes. And they put him in the eighth row.

[01:03:51] [SPEAKER_04] Him being, him being the nitwit.

[01:03:52] [SPEAKER_03] Him being the nitwit. Harry. Why are you, nobody thinks of you as a basketball fan.

[01:03:57] [SPEAKER_04] What happened to him and Spike Lee?

[01:03:59] [SPEAKER_03] Oh.

[01:04:00] [SPEAKER_04] I mean, what happened there? Oh, this was epic.

[01:04:02] [SPEAKER_03] And then I saw Spike Lee explaining it.

[01:04:05] [SPEAKER_04] Um, like what's going on?

[01:04:06] [SPEAKER_03] Harry went down. Who knows if he even knows who Spike is? Like, you know, film director, blah, blah, blah. But he goes over to shake his hand and Spike took his hand back. Like no. And he started pointing at him. Like he had something to say. Like, Hey, I need to know. Well, nitwit. Harry. Harry used Spike Lee as his Facebook ID for years. What? And somebody goes, well, Spike, how did you know about it? He goes, because people were telling me.

[01:04:34] [SPEAKER_03] He said, I'm not sitting around on Facebook trolling Prince Harry. No. And so Spike said, I want to know why you used me as your profile pic and identified as me. What was that about?

[01:04:49] [SPEAKER_02] Freak.

[01:04:49] [SPEAKER_03] And Harry just went, rot, rot, and left. Oh. No. He's a nitwit. I just, I can't do these two anymore.

[01:04:57] [SPEAKER_04] No.

[01:04:57] [SPEAKER_03] And.

[01:04:58] [SPEAKER_04] But we're still talking about him.

[01:04:59] [SPEAKER_03] You're at game six or seven. Oh, we're always going to be talking about him. It's never going to end. No, no. Because they're getting over there. Wallace Simpson never ended. They never ended until they died. They bebopped around. You got to put up with them. It's part of the fun. No. Well, he looked like a complete nitwit. Nitwit. Because A, nobody's ever known you as a basketball fan. You shouldn't have that seat. You should give it to somebody who can. And you come alone. Exactly.

[01:05:28] [SPEAKER_03] And he looked like he just walked in out of some shitty bar. He didn't look right. With a free hat.

[01:05:35] Yeah.

[01:05:36] [SPEAKER_03] I like the New York Knicks. Megal Markle's business is in serious trouble because it's a $5 million investment and all that food's going bad and nobody's buying it. The jelly. Or jam is what rich people call it. But I call it jelly.

[01:05:48] [SPEAKER_04] Why didn't she take it on her African tour?

[01:05:50] [SPEAKER_03] I don't know. But the As Ever brand is going bad in the fridge. And I don't know what we're supposed to do with that. You could do what people do with their books and donate them and then as a tax write-off. Swag bags. A lot of swag bags. Do you want my jelly? No, I do not.

[01:06:10] No.

[01:06:11] [SPEAKER_03] And I'm sorry. I know you call it jam. I've never used that word in my life. Jelly. This is the biggest update, though. Oh. It's a super update. It's a super update. But I also don't know if I believe it. Harry and Meghan leak a lot of shit. Their team is very active. They claim they're going to the UK. All four of them. The kids who we've never seen in a photograph. The photographs we do see, the kids look different from behind.

[01:06:40] [SPEAKER_03] You only get to see them from the back. It looks like four different people.

[01:06:43] [SPEAKER_04] It's for their protection because everybody wants to steal them.

[01:06:45] [SPEAKER_03] One, the kid boy's got really curly hair. Next time, he's got hair straight in his mind. It just doesn't even. It's so dumb.

[01:06:51] [SPEAKER_05] Whatever.

[01:06:52] [SPEAKER_03] I don't know what games they're playing. Here's what I was going to say. Have you ever seen the, oh, my God, it's on, what was on everything? It's a little black kid in a high chair. They're telling him a word problem. They're like, Jaden had this much money, and then Jaden had this. And the kid goes, Jaden broke. I've seen that on TikTok. The kid is so cute. If you just put in Jaden broke. Well, guess what? Harry broke. Harry broke. Harry's running home because he's out of fucking money. Exactly.

[01:07:22] [SPEAKER_03] And King Charles is just old enough. All those old guys start crying, and he's dying, and he wants to see the kids. And I think he's going to fold. My dad might have folded at 78. He wouldn't have folded at 68. But 78, they get sentimental. Yeah. And if he thinks he's dying. Now, who knows if they're all going? I don't. This is for the Invictus games, which, by the way, Harry did not invent. Prince William invented. Right.

[01:07:48] [SPEAKER_03] And gave it to Harry as a project because, you know, nitwit boy can't think of shit to do all day. Right. I don't know if I believe it, but it's going to happen in the next three weeks. She may just be doing it for headlines, and then at the last minute go, yeah, we're tired. We're not going. So we're on Harkle watch. I, if I was King Charles, let's say I want to meet those kids. Okay.

[01:08:18] [SPEAKER_03] Somebody's got to bring them. If it's Harry or her, full pat down for mics. I know they have mics on. The wedding, they had mics. That's why Meghan kept touching her collar, and then Harry kept looking down. Because you have a mic. Right. I've been mic'd up 100,000 times. You do feel like they're falling off half the time. Right. So they're constantly, no mics, no pictures. I don't trust them. No. No, they're grifting you somehow, some way, and I'm never smart enough to know quickly.

[01:08:47] [SPEAKER_03] I never know in time. I always know like two years later, I'm like, oh, yeah, that was bullshit. I see what they were doing. But I don't see it from the game.

[01:08:55] [SPEAKER_04] That's all right.

[01:08:56] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah.

[01:08:58] [SPEAKER_04] They get a lot of attention for two people that nobody cares about.

[01:09:02] [SPEAKER_03] They do nothing.

[01:09:03] Yep.

[01:09:05] [SPEAKER_03] Update.

[01:09:06] [SPEAKER_04] Update. Oh, that's a sad update.

[01:09:08] [SPEAKER_03] Sad update. $16 billion data center for OpenAI and Oracle is being built in Saline Township, Michigan, despite locals' opposition. The town's board voted against it, but a lawsuit led to a settlement allowing construction to proceed. See what I mean? Yeah. Residents worry about, yeah, they should be worried about everything. Despite the board's four-to-one vote, the developer's legal action forced the town to settle. Residents continue. Yeah. You're fucked.

[01:09:37] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah.

[01:09:37] [SPEAKER_03] Terrible. So they're still going everywhere. Elon found a spot for his tunnel to pop out here, and that just, you know, is fine, I guess. Nobody's voting. He bought land. I know. Yep. I know. Holy shit, they found it. Oh. This is great. A tiny fox. Tiniest of all foxes. Found nowhere else on earth, was feared to be extinct for more than two decades. Then a single photograph changed everything.

[01:10:07] [SPEAKER_03] Wait till you see a picture of this thing. Put it in the show notes. It's adorable. It's the Cozumel dwarf fox, native to Mexico's Cozumel Island, had virtually disappeared from the scientific record, believing many to believe it had been lost forever. But researchers recently captured rare images confirming that the species still survives. That's cool. It's rediscovery is a reminder that some of nature's rare species can persist against the odds.

[01:10:37] [SPEAKER_03] Nice. So they're going to help conserve it now. Cool. Because now they're still there. It's a wonderful story. Yeah, they would be wonderful little house pets. Anyway, tour-ons. There is so much going on this summer. Happy summer. And they're not even, like some of these are not funny at all, but let's take them as a learning incident. The lady in Brazil, who they just threw off the bridge because they, quote, forgot to put an apparatus on her with a rope.

[01:11:06] [SPEAKER_03] I just remember my dad all those years when we would go do something adventurous and there'd be like, you know, my brothers would want a zip line over a canyon or something. And my dad would go, absolutely not. No, no, no. So my dad was kind of a buzzkill and he was a fun guy. Okay. But those waivers you sign, people, they don't mean shit.

[01:11:31] [SPEAKER_04] Well, and you're usually internationally visiting.

[01:11:35] [SPEAKER_03] You're international. Are you going to get a lawyer down there? I mean, come on. Come on. These guys ran away into the forest. They thought they would just live in the forest, I guess, after realizing what they'd done. They were all caught.

[01:11:46] [SPEAKER_04] Wait, they, really?

[01:11:47] [SPEAKER_03] They physically ran away. Yes. They're terrified.

[01:11:51] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah, it would be too.

[01:11:52] [SPEAKER_03] Right. You just threw someone. Off a bridge. But how? Let's, I'm not going to get into, we're not going to victim blame. No. Isn't that a saying these days? But just please know if you're going to do something dangerous in a country you're not familiar with, that waiver you signed doesn't mean shit. And you don't know if these people are qualified to be doing that. Right. There's other ways to have fun.

[01:12:17] [SPEAKER_04] Here's the other problem.

[01:12:18] [SPEAKER_03] How about the people in.

[01:12:19] [SPEAKER_04] Hey, can I check my harness? Sure. I mean, do you know what you're checking for? No.

[01:12:23] [SPEAKER_03] No. No. No. Can I check my harness and I go, not realizing it's not attached to anything over there. I'm free flying. Then there's the hot air balloon. Google where that was. Oh, that was horrifying. That was today or yesterday. Well, Ryan Hamilton, a very funny comedian. Ryan has a great joke about hot air balloons. Hang on. Brazil? I think it's Brazil. I think it was. Yep. An entire family. Oh! The whole basket caught on fire. God.

[01:12:51] [SPEAKER_04] Killed eight of the 21 people on board.

[01:12:53] [SPEAKER_03] There were 21? No. How did anyone survive?

[01:12:56] [SPEAKER_04] I don't know.

[01:12:59] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Eight of the 21 people.

[01:13:00] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, hang on. That's 2025. No. Wow, there's another one.

[01:13:04] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, Jesus. Like, nobody survived this one. The whole thing burst into flames. Eight people. They jumped out. You saw bodies flying. Oh, God. These summertime things. But if you ever want to hear a funny hot air balloon story.

[01:13:16] [SPEAKER_04] Hot air balloon accident, 2026. Death. I mean, there's a hundred of them. Oh. I'll keep going.

[01:13:21] [SPEAKER_03] Hang on. Keep, you go ahead. Okay. Well, here's another tour on one. A man known as Spider-Man in Yemen, and there's videos of this, has died after falling while climbing the inside, inside the crater of an existing volcano. What? You should, he's like our climber guy, that one I got roped into watching on Netflix. I don't know his name. Yep. But, it was Brazil. It was, that's where, oh. Still. Oh, terrible.

[01:13:51] [SPEAKER_03] That's another one, yeah. That, there's a lot of summer. It's unnecessary. There's also, hold on, I gotta find this, since we're on this, if I can, I know I printed it out. Because I'm like, what?

[01:14:09] [SPEAKER_04] That's crazy. All this stuff's crazy.

[01:14:11] [SPEAKER_03] Oh, that girl was 21 years old, the one in Brazil that died. Yeah. Yeah. The operators from the company, Entree Cordes, lifted her into the Superman position and launched her into the void, completely forgetting to attach her safety ropes to the harness. I also don't trust those ropes.

[01:14:29] [SPEAKER_04] No.

[01:14:29] [SPEAKER_03] No, they look like ropes I would have on my boat.

[01:14:32] [SPEAKER_04] Yes.

[01:14:32] [SPEAKER_03] Is that gonna save my life?

[01:14:34] No.

[01:14:34] [SPEAKER_03] Also, a little something to learn for the children. I don't think people my age would be signing up for this anyway.

[01:14:40] [SPEAKER_06] Okay.

[01:14:40] [SPEAKER_03] A friend of mine, a long time ago in comedy, she bungee jumped. And my dad kept saying to me, because I'd say, well, all these people are doing it looks really fun. He goes, when you snap on that, when you snap back, so you fall, fall, fall, fall. And then boom, you bounce back up. Yeah. That is the force of a car accident at 90 miles an hour. Oh, God. That's how much your body jerks.

[01:15:07] [SPEAKER_03] Well, my friend, detached retina, it will never be reattached. What? She bungee jumped. And when that, because she's little, like she's like a hundred pounds and then, and that's not fixable. No, no.

[01:15:22] [SPEAKER_04] So full stop on this podcast, no bungee jump.

[01:15:24] [SPEAKER_03] Don't, no, don't do it. Well, come on. I'll help you find something more fun to do. Something that won't be crazy. I mean, there's just no, there's no reason to suffer lifelong injuries or death. No. Over 10 minutes of fun. Right. Even parasailing, I've done it. You're still going to probably land in water. Yeah. And you're not that, that, that high. And maybe there's a shark. You just tell them, I don't want to go that high.

[01:15:50] [SPEAKER_04] But if it was a shark. A shark.

[01:15:51] [SPEAKER_03] A shark. I've thought about that. Yep. I have, I had another one. Dang it. Tis the season. Well, it's just a lot of terrible acts. Oh, here we go. This is a tour on. This is, what?

[01:16:07] What? What?

[01:16:09] [SPEAKER_03] Somebody on Twitter, a guy told me he just went in the Louvre. Here, listen to this. Because we're talking about what's going on over there. This is why I love it when fans are like following along and actually smart. This lady says the world's going to end it. There's aliens coming at the Scotland game today. So, I don't know. This guy. This is our last communication. His name's Richard.

[01:16:34] [SPEAKER_03] At the Louvre right now, security didn't even look at my bag and people have soda and sandwiches in the painting hall. Fortunately, no soup yet. Go security.

[01:16:46] [SPEAKER_04] I'm tweeting him live from the Louvre.

[01:16:48] [SPEAKER_03] Come on, French people. Wow. Have you learned nothing? That's crazy. Crazy. Robberies, people destroying paint. Here, here we go. This is in Israel. Okay. It's a museum in Jerusalem. Fame Magritte. He's a wonderful artist. It's not my taste, but he's great. A Fame Magritte painting was damaged by a child with a pine cone. A pine cone?

[01:17:16] [SPEAKER_04] Why are you in a museum with a pine cone? I don't know.

[01:17:19] [SPEAKER_03] And where did you get a pine cone? What the fuck? And who let this kid? I don't know.

[01:17:24] [SPEAKER_04] I have a lot of questions.

[01:17:25] [SPEAKER_03] But we have to do a better job searching. It's a five-year-old boy. He's wielding. It says, quote, wielding a pine cone. So he's like, got it. And it's not like it's a baby in a stroller and it's tucked into some blankets.

[01:17:41] [SPEAKER_04] He's looking for art.

[01:17:43] [SPEAKER_03] He did. It wasn't intentional. Of course it's not. He's five. That's crazy. Of course it's not intentional.

[01:17:50] [SPEAKER_04] Wow.

[01:17:52] [SPEAKER_03] So the Costco cookies, by the way, were done with the two neurons. There's so many great sites on Instagram that the people in Yellowstone's got to get a handle on shit. Uh-huh. There's too many idiots and not enough keepers. Screw up all your bison. We're not wrangling the idiots good enough. No. Never. So these Tim Tams are available at Costco. Are we moving on to news? Yeah, we're moving on to news. Okay. It's $13.99 a box.

[01:18:22] [SPEAKER_03] You get six sleeves, 68 cookies. There's not 68 cookies in here. Oh, no, that's... Oh, that's not a box. That's just a sleeve. Okay. Customers are loading up their carts with multiple boxes, creating a frenzy that is taking over the aisles. It's not about the taste. It's about the ritual. American customers are quickly learning the art of the Tim Tam Slam. It's my Australian friend said you had to drink your coffee through them like a straw.

[01:18:47] [SPEAKER_06] What?

[01:18:48] What?

[01:18:49] [SPEAKER_04] Never heard of that in my life.

[01:18:50] [SPEAKER_03] I don't know. A slam is when you bite off diagonal corners, submerge one end in your hot beverage, and suck the liquid through the cookie like a straw. Once the hot... Oh, I see. You're using your cookie as a straw.

[01:19:02] [SPEAKER_04] Do adults do this?

[01:19:03] [SPEAKER_03] Once the hot coffee or tea melts the inner cream, you then eat the cookie before it dissolves. Of course you do. It's all the rage. Go try one. The Tim Tam Slam. If you have a Costco membership. I do, and I never can get over there.

[01:19:18] [SPEAKER_04] You can have a big boy breakfast or one Tim Tam.

[01:19:21] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. That's your...

[01:19:23] Wow.

[01:19:24] [SPEAKER_03] We're moving on to news. I love Costco. Costco's great. Speaking of art, David Hockney, if you don't know who that is, go Google that man. He's a great little artist. He died, but he was 88. He's British. I think I knew he was still alive, but his paintings are perfect. They're not obscure. They're not... What do you call it?

[01:19:53] [SPEAKER_03] They are dead accurate of what he sees. Oh, okay. There's no... Yeah. He's one of the most important figures in contemporary art, both in the 20th and 21st centuries. Lovely. Very sad. He died, and then some other old person died that I thought... Oh, Alan Greenspan. Who's the former federal... Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Married to who? Andrea Mitchell.

[01:20:19] [SPEAKER_04] Wonderful.

[01:20:19] [SPEAKER_03] I know. Andrea's probably very sad, but he was like 1,000. I didn't know Andy... Yeah, I thought he was already. I didn't know Alan was still alive.

[01:20:26] [SPEAKER_04] I thought he had already departed. So, yeah.

[01:20:29] [SPEAKER_03] Since we're doing art, a Monet painting that hadn't been shown in a century just sold for $12 million.

[01:20:35] [SPEAKER_06] Whoa! Yeah, I'm a little late with this story.

[01:20:38] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Yeah. The last time this Claude Monet artwork was seen publicly, Mickey Mouse was making his film debut. Come on. It was tucked away until it recently... See, this is how vague the art world is. Yeah. It was tucked away. What the fuck? Who had it? Who stole it? It was still... Who's hiding it? Yes. It reemerged as part of Sotheby's sale, latest sale in Paris. The intrigue, which was long... Of the painting, behind the painting, which was long held in a private collection.

[01:21:06] [SPEAKER_03] And of course, the man behind it helped the price soar. And it ended up hammered down for $12 million. 12. Making it the most expensive Monet ever sold at auction in France. Now, when we're talking about money in history...

[01:21:19] Mm-hmm.

[01:21:20] [SPEAKER_03] Ugh. If I had Johnny Morris' money, $8.5 billion, I think $12 million for a Monet is cheap.

[01:21:31] [SPEAKER_04] I know, but you always say, then it should be in a museum so everybody can enjoy it.

[01:21:35] [SPEAKER_03] Well, Johnny can give it back. Johnny has a museum down at Big Cedar Lodge of all Native American stuff. Like, he has Geronimo's shit. He's not kidding around. He's got everything down there. And Civil War stuff, it's crazy. I get it. But I'm saying, yeah, I would buy it.

[01:21:52] Mm-hmm.

[01:21:52] [SPEAKER_03] And that... Because $12 million in 10 years, this is going to be $25 million. True. Yep. Buy it now and give it to... I'm not giving it to the Louvre. No. Because they don't seem to understand security. And how to not have robberies. And not have people throwing shit out of a lunchbox at your paintings. No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[01:22:12] [SPEAKER_04] Take care of your stuff.

[01:22:13] [SPEAKER_03] Musée d'Orsay. I would give it to the Musée d'Orsay. Or maybe somewhere in America. Chicago Art Museum doesn't seem to have any problems going on. Okay. The Frist in Nashville is lovely. Yes. Or the St. Louis Art Museum, which is wonderful. Give it to them. So many options. So many options. So many options. So many options. Texas, it's good news for you. You guys... Now, see, this is a bit of an overstatement, though. And a couple people did say this. Okay.

[01:22:42] [SPEAKER_03] This is how they phrase it. U.S. music venues are more... Few U.S. music venues are more iconic than Red Rocks Amphitheater in Colorado. I saw Stevie Nicks there once. And I went there with a bunch of other comedians for a comedy show. So I've been backstage there, too. Whole thing's just wonderful. Awesome. The legendary Colorado venue has emerged as a major destination for music lovers. I want to go to the Gorge once, too. It seems like the Northwest is... Oh, yeah. It's wonderful. Is it as good as Red Rock?

[01:23:12] [SPEAKER_04] I feel, in my opinion, Red Rocks is better.

[01:23:17] [SPEAKER_03] In your personal opinion?

[01:23:18] [SPEAKER_04] My personal opinion.

[01:23:19] [SPEAKER_03] Or your private opinion? Or your public opinion?

[01:23:22] [SPEAKER_04] My secret opinion.

[01:23:26] [SPEAKER_03] Austin has a response to... It's called White Rocks.

[01:23:30] [SPEAKER_04] Austin's doing it? Yeah. Oh, fun. Cool.

[01:23:32] [SPEAKER_03] It's a 71-acre development in Texas Hill Country. Nice. Featuring as its centerpiece a 10,000-seat open-aired amphitheater designed to be integrated into the area's natural topography. And Austin does have some hills and stuff. Yep. I'm going to run on down to Ron White's house and make him take me there. Take me to your Red Rocks. Take me. Take me right now. I need to go see. I want to do it. All right. We're not staying dumb here. We got a couple more grammar rules. Great. First, a little black history.

[01:24:02] [SPEAKER_03] Cool. This is great. Mm-hmm. Since it's being taken out of some schools, we're just going to throw it in here. Yep. Well, fine. Okay. You don't talk about it. We will because we're not staying dumb.

[01:24:11] [SPEAKER_02] Right. This guy is a baseballs.

[01:24:16] [SPEAKER_03] His name is Lonnie Johnson. He's an inventor. He was born in 1949 from Mobile, Alabama. He went to, he's an inventor engineer. Do you want to guess what he might have invented? Think summer fun.

[01:24:34] [SPEAKER_04] The slip and slide. Oh, no. That's a good guess, though. Thank you.

[01:24:39] [SPEAKER_03] No.

[01:24:39] [SPEAKER_04] Who invented that?

[01:24:40] [SPEAKER_03] I don't know. But Lonnie, African-American, he, oh my God, he's an aerospace engineer, entrepreneur, best known for inventing the super soaker. And the Nerf blaster. Oh, wow. Both. I love a super soaker. We all had so much fun with that. Nice. He was formerly employed at the U.S. Air Force and NASA where he worked. Oh, at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

[01:25:06] [SPEAKER_03] I'm glad, I'm glad he's, I don't know if he's still alive, but I'm glad he's not working because he could be one of those people that are being killed. Right. Right. We don't need to lose Lonnie. Secret scientist. Lonnie's thinking of fun shit. Exactly. He's smart as all get out, but he's like, I wonder if I can make a water gun that I could spray somebody 50 miles away from me. I hate my neighbor. With a full force of jet propulsion. Wow.

[01:25:35] [SPEAKER_06] That's great.

[01:25:37] [SPEAKER_03] His father explained the basic principles of electricity to him at an early age, which inspired his love of inventing things, stating he always liked to tinker with things. He earned the nickname, the professor from the kids in the neighborhood who would assist him with his creations. Cool. He once tore up his sister's baby doll just to see what made the eyes close. Oh, wow. Now we're getting a little domery. Lonnie, let's bring it back to fun. Let's not destroy the baby doll.

[01:26:07] [SPEAKER_03] On another occasion, Johnson and the neighborhood children made a go-kart with a motor Johnson built by himself out of metal from a local junkyard. Wow. He also tried to cook up rocket fuel in a saucepan, but he almost burned his house down. Oh.

[01:26:22] [SPEAKER_05] That's tough.

[01:26:23] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. You can't fault the kid, though. No. Super soaker. Way to go, Lonnie. Hey, dude. There's a little black case sheet. No shit. We're not staying dumb, either. We're learning Spanish. Let's go over what we've learned. Perfect. This is how we learn a comedy act. You just keep repeating the same shit until you understand it. Do you have alcohol? Do you have alcohol?

[01:26:43] [SPEAKER_04] It's a good one.

[01:26:44] [SPEAKER_03] I know. I'm butchering some of this, but it's good enough. I mean, you know, to initially learn it. Then you go perfect it somewhere else. Where is the bar? These are things I would say on vacation. Where is the bar? Does the bar have food? That's really important if you've been drinking. Where is the bar? Where is the kitchen? What time does the kitchen close? What time is the kitchen close?

[01:27:10] [SPEAKER_04] The kitchen closes.

[01:27:12] [SPEAKER_03] Maybe. What time is check-in? You don't want a late check-in. You want an early check-in.

[01:27:16] [SPEAKER_04] Early check-in.

[01:27:16] [SPEAKER_03] What time is the check-in? How late is breakfast, sir? This one's hard for me. Hasta que hora si serve el deceno. I butchered that. That's okay. Forgive me. I love this hotel. Me encanta este hotel. Which you would stand on a barstool and raise your ass. Say, I love this. Yeah. Yes. Where is the beach? Donde esta la playa? I should have known that. How far is it to the airport?

[01:27:43] [SPEAKER_03] A que distiance este el aeropuerto?

[01:27:47] [SPEAKER_04] I like it. Not stand up. Yeah, come on. All right.

[01:27:52] [SPEAKER_03] A grammar one. Oh, well. Okay. I don't. Could've versus could've. I mean, that's like, you're like, come on now. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good. Who versus whom? Okay. Who is a subject? Whom is the object? So, who is calling is the subject.

[01:28:22] [SPEAKER_03] Okay. To whom are you speaking? Instead of, you wouldn't say to who are you speaking.

[01:28:28] [SPEAKER_04] Right, right, right.

[01:28:28] [SPEAKER_03] To whom.

[01:28:29] [SPEAKER_04] Whom.

[01:28:29] [SPEAKER_03] But whom is not really used that often. No, it seems very formal.

[01:28:34] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah. Even though appropriate.

[01:28:40] [SPEAKER_03] Hold on. Doubled negative. No, that one got cut off. Who's, well, if you don't know this, you need to go back to high school.

[01:28:52] [SPEAKER_04] You just put them in grade school.

[01:28:53] [SPEAKER_03] Who's versus who's with the apostrophe. Who's with the apostrophe is who has. Duh. Right. Duh. Who's means possession. Okay. I'm going to have to get into those. I'm going to have to find a better list now because we've gone through a lot. Okay. We're pretty good.

[01:29:11] [SPEAKER_04] They're coming in the team email.

[01:29:12] [SPEAKER_03] Okay, good. This is my feel good story. And then we're going to do a saint and some quotes. This is, and I've thought of this a million times after my dad stroked out and was like an ICU or the hospital or whatever. Okay. Wouldn't it be good to just get them outside just for sunlight? Right. The heat, you know, even if it was winter, we'll bundle them up, you know, just to be. So we'll guess what?

[01:29:41] [SPEAKER_03] The Brits have come through on this one.

[01:29:42] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, cool.

[01:29:44] [SPEAKER_03] Imagine spending days, weeks, or even months inside an intensive care unit surrounded by machines, alarms, and hospital walls. Now imagine being able to feel the warmth of the sun in your face, breathe fresh outdoor air and reconnect with nature, even while receiving critical medical care. A hospital in the United Kingdom has taken a remarkable step by opening its first ever rooftop ICU garden designed specifically for patients on life support and those receiving intensive treatment. The innovative space allows critically ill patients to safely experience sunshine, fresh

[01:30:12] [SPEAKER_03] air, and greenery in a peaceful environment without interrupting their medical care.

[01:30:16] [SPEAKER_04] That's so cool.

[01:30:17] [SPEAKER_03] Well, and I thought, I'm now to the age where I don't care about a rooftop bar, but I do care about rooftop ICU. I may be in it. I may know people in it. I'd probably get to that rooftop and know half the people up there if they were in my dad's place at the time. But we did take him outside after one of his strokes, a bad one, probably the third stroke. I'm like, let's just get him outside.

[01:30:39] [SPEAKER_00] You feel better.

[01:30:40] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah. Well, A, we're doing something. Let's throw him in the wheelchair. And then we're going to wheel around outside. It was warm-ish. Like 75 was perfect, actually, because I remember he didn't need a coat or anything. But it was a nice break from eventually those hospitals that, no matter how.

[01:30:58] [SPEAKER_04] They all kind of smell like.

[01:30:59] [SPEAKER_03] They just smell like that, whatever that is. And they're all, you know, I don't know. Everybody's working very hard. The nurses were 1,000% the nicest people ever. But it's just still a place where people are very sick. Yeah, and sad. And outside you can see birds and, you know. Yeah. They should get a cat for up there. They should get cats for up there. I don't think you can do that. Why?

[01:31:22] [SPEAKER_04] Because they are having problems.

[01:31:24] [SPEAKER_03] Rooftop cats? Why don't they just lay on them and people would like it? You would like it.

[01:31:29] [SPEAKER_04] Difference. They want their dog from home to come.

[01:31:32] [SPEAKER_03] We're going to do a quote from Tay-Tay since she was in town.

[01:31:35] [SPEAKER_04] What about our saint?

[01:31:37] [SPEAKER_03] We're going to do the saint last because this one's a really good one.

[01:31:40] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, good. We've got a five-star saint.

[01:31:43] [SPEAKER_03] Yeah, this one.

[01:31:44] [SPEAKER_04] Wow.

[01:31:45] [SPEAKER_03] Nobody's going to beat the guy who picked up his own head after they cut it off. I know.

[01:31:49] [SPEAKER_04] It's my favorite.

[01:31:50] [SPEAKER_03] Here's a little piece of advice from Tay-Tay. Okay. This is from 2019 Elle magazine. Banish the drama. You only have so much room in your life and so much energy to give to those in it. Be discerning. If someone in your life is hurting you, draining you, or causing you pain in any way that feels unresolvable, blocking their number isn't cruel. It's just a simple setting on your phone that will eliminate the drama if you choose to use it. I like it.

[01:32:19] [SPEAKER_03] Just know the answer is nay-nay. Here's a little something from Miley. Miley's book isn't... She's something else. This is funny. Okay. It's nice when the children finally realize this. She said this... She's talking about sobriety. This is in Rolling Stone magazine. Okay.

[01:32:47] [SPEAKER_03] I want to get fucked up and live life to the fullest. But is it really living to the fullest if you can't remember anything? Live fast, die young isn't really the goal. That's right. Good youngster. Words to live in. Right. Everybody in the 27-year-old death club, trust me, they'd rather be here. Janice Joplin wishes she hadn't bought that last bag of heroin somewhere on sunset. Okay. This guy.

[01:33:13] Oh, man.

[01:33:13] [SPEAKER_03] We're still not going to beat the guy who picks up his own head, but we're getting close. This is the Feast of St. Macarius the Younger. I can tell you I've never heard of that, and I'm about as Catholic as you can get. Ex-confectioner, desert hermit. Oh. Born in the year 408. He's... 408? He's the patron saint of pastry cooks.

[01:33:40] [SPEAKER_03] His emblem is a monk with a hyena and its young hyena pup beside it. What the hell does that have to do with it? Well, listen. Okay. A cake maker and sugar plum merchant in Alexandria, Macarius suffered a midlife crisis in the year 335 and fled to the desert. And he fled there to spend the next 60 years in penitential basket weaving.

[01:34:08] Okay.

[01:34:09] [SPEAKER_03] He put himself in a timeout and he went to the desert. Just woke baskets. 60 years. His diet consisted of only uncooked beans except during the fast days of Lent when it was reduced to a few cabbage leaves. Racked with guilt over killing a fly, he permitted insects to bite him unmolested. Macarius considered nursing and hospitals to be grandstanding in the guise of charity,

[01:34:35] [SPEAKER_03] but once went to the trouble of curing a blind hyena.

[01:34:40] Okay.

[01:34:42] [SPEAKER_03] I...

[01:34:43] [SPEAKER_04] Just as... You know what I'm doing today? That hyena. It's not running.

[01:34:50] [SPEAKER_03] How did he cure a blind hyena? They don't even say how. No! That's the rest of the story! But this is why if you go to Catholic school, you have all kinds of questions in your head, but you're not allowed to ask them because they just go, you just accept that. And I'm like, how did he do it though? They don't want to talk about that. They don't want to talk about details. And you learn that real fast. Keep your goddamn mouth shut. Go find those answers on your own.

[01:35:12] [SPEAKER_04] I got it right here. We're going to put it in the schnotes. How did he do it? It's the Station of the Cross Catholic Media Network. It's a little more. I'll put it in the schnotes.

[01:35:20] [SPEAKER_03] Okay. Yeah. The Station of the Cross. Ugh. We had to do those every Friday. Every Friday we had to walk through Christ's death again and again and again. I'm like, you know what? After the first hundred times, I pretty much understand the story. I don't know why I have to do this every Friday to re-experience it, but I did. All right, termites. I'm off to Knoxville. Boom. Boom, boom, boom.

[01:35:43] [SPEAKER_04] What are you going to do in Knoxville?

[01:35:44] [SPEAKER_03] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Go off. Go eat somewhere fun. Who's opening? Karen. My friend Karen. Karen Mills? Yep. Karen Mills. Sometimes opens for Leanne, and she's her own comedian in her own right. Very funny. Can do. She could do. That's what's great about Karen. Karen, I know she could do an hour.

[01:36:07] [SPEAKER_06] Yep.

[01:36:07] [SPEAKER_03] If I said, look, it's never happened, but I can't go out there right now. I think I'm going to vomit. Can you do more time?

[01:36:15] [SPEAKER_04] Yes. No problem. Yeah.

[01:36:17] [SPEAKER_03] Can you stretch? I can't get this Tim Tam thing. This is not good, Australia. This wrapper is bullshit. It is. It's bullshit. They didn't give you enough. They're very stingy to go back over the package. Maybe I'm supposed to take them all out.

[01:36:31] I don't know.

[01:36:32] [SPEAKER_04] I don't know.

[01:36:33] [SPEAKER_03] All right, termites, we will see you on the road, down the road. Are you ready? Oh, please. Later.