Episode 227: Remembering Gravitron Rides, Irish Taco Bell, & The Urban Legend of the Bubbleheads

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_01] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, and let's talk about what's been going on.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_03] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Episode 227. Welcome, we'll be talking about Queen Stevie in a bit. Oh my god. So many things, so many things, so many things. It's been a...

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_02] Happy summer. It's been a hard May. It's been hard. It's been very hard. You haven't had to do any shows. Well, I haven't had to do any shows, I've had to do anything else. Yeah. Yes. How's the special coming? The special's coming along great. We're in editing round two.

[00:00:53] Great.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, the guy who's doing it, I don't know who this person is, I don't know this man. I know it's a dude. Flawless. Really? Yeah, you can't even tell. And then Term House, it'll be up to you. There's two jokes I switched from show one and put in show two, and let's see if you can find them. It'll be like a little Easter egg hunt, see if anything changes. He did it so well, because I fucked up and said 1823. Oh, I just gave one away. Well, whatever.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_02] So that one, I said 1823. I meant to say 1883, and we need to swap. Yeah, he's done a great job. So, and then there's a lot of dealing with old people in Florida, trying to sell my parents' condo that I'm in charge of.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_01] You're in charge of it.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_02] I'm in charge of it. And, shoo buddy, I, there, there's an HOA, and they decided to open a portal. This is way too much. Nobody cares. Even Lewis didn't want to listen to this.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00] I'm like, and then I signed up for the portal, and then they were like, you're not approved. And then they told me to call the bank. I'm not calling the fucking bank.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_02] Man. Just tell me how much I fucking owe. Trying to give you money. I am actively trying to give you money, and you will not tell me an amount. No. Make something up. I'll pay it. That's the crazy part. Just send me a fake bill, because I won't know.

[00:02:10] Do you have a realtor?

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_02] I have a wonderful realtor. If you've ever been to Sarasota, Florida, there's a comedy club there called McCurdy's, and my friends Les and Pam McCurdy own that club, and I worked there for years, and they became friends, and it's their friend, Meryl, and she is on it, on it. But that my mom's calling, there's people at the gate that won't be let in. All I keep saying, this community, because it's for older people, is so secure.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_02] I'm like, I'm so glad nobody over 80 is getting raped this week. I mean, thank God Fort Knox is locked down. I'm like, what is with all this? What do you think is going to happen in here? But my mom would be the first one. I love it. I love all the security. I love it. If I can't get in, no one can get in. Right, well, you live there. And then she said, my car's too low for the fob, so I had to go to the visitor.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_02] What do you, your car's not lower than anyone else's? You're not driving like an Indy car in there that you see. What are you talking, no. She, I think she had the old, whatever. A lot of shit like that. What are we drinking, more importantly? Exactly. We're drinking Dead Parrot Sea Salt Light Lager from Florida, because I was in Florida. Nice. And we'll talk about that. It's a wonderful beer. There's parts of Florida that are wonderful, parts that are horrible. At least 50 times a day.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_02] Well, five. When I'm in Florida, it will just come out of my mouth. I fucking hate Florida. And then five other times a day, I'll be like, I love Florida. I love it. It's love or hate. The traffic, the old people. There was an old man at Starbucks, and he just drove up under their grass and parked. I'm like, dude, not a parking spot. They don't know. They don't care. The traffic is weird. The patterns are weird.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_02] Because you got young people in their super fast car, motorcycle people, and then the old people, they're terrified. And then they're driving too slowly. And I'm not even down there in season. This is May. Yeah. Anyway.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_01] The lights are so long.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_02] The lights are forever. And you can always see what you want to get to. It's right over there. But I can't fucking get to it. It's going to take me 18 laps down this stupid road, and every road looks the same. But then I go to CSD Key Oyster Bar, and I'm like, I love Florida. And then I go to the beach there, and I'm like, I love it because it's flat, but it's white. It's beautiful sand, but you can still walk. There's a little more light for everybody involved. How about that? I like it. But Florida just, oh, yeah, I did that.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_02] CSD Key Oyster Bar, though, if you're ever bored in CSD Key, which is by Sarasota, same kind of deal, is just the best. They always have live music. The dollars me and my nieces and nephews put up are still on the wall. Happy to see that. It's just a lot of these complexes down there. They're very complex. Let's put it that way. Yeah, the complex is complex. Yes, yes, yes. What are we eating?

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_02] Well, I see you've already gotten into these battles. You apparently like them a lot. Doritos, white cheddar. I love white cheddar popcorn. We took a lot of time this morning. White. Well, I have calls to make. What year was my parents' building's elevator installed? Nobody can answer that. Just Joe. Only Joe can answer that, and he's not here. He may or may not call you back.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_02] And I'm like, well, it had to be kind of recently because I remember my dad bitching, going, I don't know why we have to pay for the elevator when we live on the first floor. Really, dad? Just fuck the second and third floor? You're just going to say screw them? Exactly. They should have picked better. He didn't think he should have to pay his portion. Oh. Yeah. White cheddar nacho Doritos. Simply Doritos. Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_02] They're good. I like the real ones better. They're not orange. I like the real. I know. That's a problem because they have free ones at the golf course at the turn. Mm-hmm. You can have, but if you have white shorts on or, I don't know, any kind of clothes on, by the end of the round, all my clothes have orange shit on them. And I'm like, that was really stupid, Kathleen. There were pretzels there. Why don't you take the pretzels? Right. I don't know. Sometimes you just get a hankering for a Dorito. Well, you can take these with you. I don't like them as much. Oh. You do. You eat them. They're great. They're okay.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_02] They're odd. I'm taking them. Odd. I vote odd. Look at this. Oreos. My dad would die. Chocolate-covered pretzel Oreos. The Doritos were from Santa Barbara Termite Maria. Paddles loves them. They're great. I like them. I just like the orange ones better. But you're right. If it's, say I'm going to a wedding or something where my clothes matter. You need Doritos. Can't eat the orange ones. That's right. That would be my second choice.

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_02] Chocolate-covered pretzel Oreos from Alabama Termite Jason. All right. Let's see.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_03] He lives down by the Bluegill.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_02] Oh, he lives by the Bluegill restaurant? Lucky him. I'd be there every day. Mm-hmm. They're good. They're good. They're very sugary. And then there's some salt.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_01] As an Oreo would be.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_02] Well, and the pretzel's chocolate-covered.

[00:07:27] Oh, okay. Well.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_02] No, they're good.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_01] He cancels each other out.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_02] I'd say more for kids. They're very sugary. There's a lot of sugar. That's a sugar bomb. If you put two of those in your kid's lunchbox, that kid will be wound up in math class.

[00:07:41] That's hilarious.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_02] This guy sent these. It made me laugh. He's a gay guy from Bloomington, Indiana. And he also went to Purdue. And they're called the Boilermakers. So he's named himself a Boiled Germite. His name's Tim. And he's pumping up Bloomington to me because I know I said Indiana's mostly flat. And he's got good spots for all of us to go in Bloomington, if we ever recall. And he got me gummy bears. Ooh. You can smell them out of the gate.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_04] God, you smell from here.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. These are from Tim. Let's see. Wait. I have to beer wash that down. That was a lot of sugar. There's salt in your beer. Well, I have water, but why would we drink that when there's an open beer? Exactly. Right. Oh, they're pink ones. It's not Haribo. They're second best, though, I've had.

[00:08:39] Okay.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_02] I'll give them second place. Albany's. World's best. True to fruit. They are more fruity.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_04] Okay.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_02] I'll give them that. Gummy candy. Listen to this. Gummies not shown as actual size. They actually kind of are. That's the irony. Look at that, YouTubers. See? There's the pink bear. Oh, no more pink bear. Oh. Big news. My friend Lewis is getting a dog today.

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_00] Lewis is getting a dog?

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_02] I know. What kind of dog? Well, I called this morning. I said, did you wake up panicked? He goes, yes, I woke up going, fuck, what have I done? I'm like, I don't know, man. New York City?

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_04] Good luck.

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_02] Yep.

[00:09:25] Wow. Wow. Wow.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. I look at these cats going, you are no problem at all. Nope. Nope.

[00:09:32] Does he have a helper?

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_02] Does he have a helper? I don't know. I think he will real soon. Probably by soon as it rains and he's going to take it out. I, yep. I, it's, it's adorable. I've seen the photos. Um, it's on its way. So good luck to all included there. What kind of a dog is it? I'm not allowed to say what kind of dog it is. He's embarrassed.

[00:10:02] Okay.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_02] Is it a Shih Tzu? I tell, no, it's not a Shih Tzu. It's not a, it's a medium guy. I said, just tell everybody it's a rescue. Or tell everybody the opposite. Cause it doesn't look like it. Just say it's a beagle. People will be like, what? And you're like, yep. It's a beagle. It's a weird one. It was a rescue from a lab. They did weird things to it. And now it looks like that. Upcoming shows. Where are we going before we get started? June 7th. Wheatland, the hard rock. Love that game. Rancho Mirage. Can't wait to go to Palm Springs and see my research assistants, Bob and Clark.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_02] Charlottesville, the 27th, June 28th. Bristol with my good friend, Karen. August 2nd and 16th. Cape Venetian. Very excited. Some of the old guys from Old Hickory, the golf club are flying out. Nice. I know. Yeah. They always say they will and they never do, but that's fine. They come to the Ryman here. But it'll be fun to see them in Vegas. August 16th. Can you keep up with them? No, I can't keep up with their drinking and they drink hard liquor. I don't know how anyone up there has a liver. I really don't.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_02] And they're like, have you seen the new menu and it's reasonably priced? I'm like, that's not your problem. Your problem is the drink prices. This is a beer and seltzer occasionally wine lady. Mine's still the same bullshit price. That hard liquor is like, fuck, $50. Some bullshit crazy. And they, yeah, they have doubles. They've moved on to doubles in their 60s and 70s. September 12th, Terre Haute. September 13th, Elizabeth, Indiana. September 25th, Eugene, Oregon. September 26th, Portland, Oregon.

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_02] That's my little Oregon and Seattle run the 27th. We got t-shirts on the website. Wrong ocean from the joke from them.

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_01] It's the last of them.

[00:11:44] Go get them.

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_02] It is the last of them. Yeah. And then we'll have to think of something for the fall and something for the special. I don't know. I haven't.

[00:11:50] We got something fun.

[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_02] Something fun coming? Okay. Great. Crazy braves on it. Here's a little thing, too. This is to start out with. I don't know why I thought this was funny. There's a thing on Twitter, Supersports70. I love the account. It's funny shit. But they do stuff from the 70s. It doesn't have to be sports. But they do do a lot of sports, which I also like. But they put up a picture of this ride that used to be at six. I didn't understand. You didn't understand?

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_02] Anyway, I said it to you, and I'm like, do you recognize this? And you're like, what the fuck is this? And it's pictures of kids in the 70s. They're pinned to a wall. And it's a circular ride. And I always hated science, but I was interested in this because they said, with the centrifugal force, the floor will drop out of this ride. And it's a picture. And you can tell it's the 70s because kids have tube socks on. The one kid looked like me. And I'm like, did they get me at Six Flags? But we called it at Six Flags. It was called Tom's Twister.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_02] Well, I put it out there. And then all these other people were like, oh, my God. So other names for it, this ride. So it starts spinning. Tom's Twister was yours? Ours was called Tom's Twister. And it started spinning. This is Six Flags outside of St. Louis. And then when you're all standing, there's a floor. And you're spinning and you're spinning. And then when you spin fast enough, the floor drops out. And you stick to the wall. And then people would start throwing up.

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_02] And then the vomit would go in a circle. Yeah. Yeah. The vomit would fly in a circle. Oh, I couldn't wait to get on it because you were so excited to see if you could handle it. It was like an excitement that, of course, at this age, I would never even attempt it. But other people said in Six Flags, New England, it was called the rotor. In New Hampshire, it was called the Turkish twist. I don't know why we brought the Turks into this matter.

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_02] A shtetone of people said it was called the Gravitron or the Vomitron. Six Flags, Georgia. You turn when it's out there. Spindletop. Remember it? I don't know if they still have it. The Six Flags, Illinois said it was a cliffhanger. Cliff handler or cliffhanger. It made me laugh, though, because so many people. One person said they went on it 18 times in one day.

[00:14:09] Oh, yeah. The Gravitron ride.

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_02] The Gravitron. Wow, it's everywhere. But if you put in Tom's Twister, does that come up?

[00:14:14] I don't know. Let's see.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_02] Did we get a rogue name in Missouri? They didn't name it right?

[00:14:22] Tom's Twister Six Flags accident.

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_02] Tom's Twister Six Flags accident. Yeah, a kid probably. Because I thought if they don't bring the floor up at the exact same time we slow down, we're going to fall, right? I mean, isn't that science? Yeah. Tom's Twister was the Six Flags branded one. Oh, it was the Six Flags branded one. Okay, that's why then. A lady was killed. A lady was killed? Yeah. July 7th, 1984. 1984. Put in the schnose. That's right when I would have been going. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm glad it wasn't me. Jesus.

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah, they disbanded immediately.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_02] Oh, my God.

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_04] After Birch has died.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_02] Oh, yeah. I guess after somebody dies. Oh, and I golfed with Ron in the tournament. What was that? We were terrible. We had fun, though. You're a good golfer. Well, I know, but we just couldn't get it together. My neighbor Jeff, he played really good, but he's like a tweener. Like, they're going to use my drives because it's a scramble because I get a big jump start on the ladies' tee box. And then, I don't know, we just didn't have the – and then, like, the first hole was a par three. We started on his track on – sorry, we started on seven.

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_02] And we had, like, a two-foot putt for par, and no one made it. There's five of us.

[00:15:30] Come on.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, Donnie, a fiddle player. He played a fivesome? Yeah, he played fivesomes in scrambles all the time. And it was the usual crowd. I will say, though, Cody Cagle, was that right? Chris Cagle, country singer guy. He was a lot of fun. I don't know the country people so well. I have to Google him. Your friend Vince was there. Yeah, my friend Vince Gill was there. He's a sweetheart. And then what's crazy is they do this porch shot at the end. It's really fun. It's not an alcoholic shot.

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_02] It's a golf shot. And you have to hit off a mat from the porch of the main, like, restaurant, bar, clubhouse. And you have to hit to 165 yards. Yeah. Yeah. John Daly – I mean, he'd already had, I don't know, a thousand drinks. All the drinks. All the drinks of his good boy vodka. He's got a cig in his mouth. Meanwhile, I believe still has bladder cancer. Not sure about that. I don't check in on that a lot.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_02] And he hit a shot. It was the most beautiful, perfect shot, and it landed two feet from the pin. I'm like, amazeballs. And then Vince Gill did the same thing. Vince Gill's really a good golfer. People have no idea. And he's very unassuming, and he's very sweet. The usual cast was up there, Kid Rock, and I had gone to Iraq and Afghanistan with him. And he was very excited to see me.

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_04] Yes, very excited.

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_02] And he's like, eh, it's the Irish girl from Iraq. And I'm like, I have a name. He goes, Catherine. I'm like, my sister's name. Kathleen. I need to fuck with him. But there were a boy. And it was Tracy Lawrence's, the country singer guy thing. And it all goes to homeless people in Nashville. Yeah, they raised a lot of money. He's always real proud of his check at the end. And Ron was not good either.

[00:17:20] What?

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_02] God. And then we let ourselves take mulligans. We didn't count them. But we let ourselves just, if you want to get your swing right. The road hole, he hit three off the tee. I mean, they went over the road. They're supposed to stay straight. They went left over the road onto roofs. One bounced off a roof. And then he goes, I'm going to hit another one. It don't count. I just got it. I go, that's fine. So he gets up. And it was way worse. And I said, this is probably you shouldn't hit any more. I don't think we're going in the right direction. And then he did it a third time.

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_02] And he's like, well, I'm, and it was horrible. And he goes, well, I'm glad I've taught myself something in the last four minutes. I said that. Get in the cart. And he's not even drinking. I'm like, dude, you don't even have a good excuse for this. A little bit of weed shouldn't have done that. No. You should be more loosey-goosey. Doesn't he hit those neon balls? Yes, he hits those old man green balls. They're neon green, and they feel like the texture of them is weird. Yeah. Anyway, that's enough of the golf.

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_02] But congratulations to Tracy for raising all that money for homeless people in Nashville. Nice. And moving on. Happy birthday to Queen Cher. Where is she? Is she out? Oh, she's not out. She's being fixed. She's being fixed. She's being repaired. Baby cat didn't like her. Knocked her down twice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's 79.

[00:18:42] That's great.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_02] Yep.

[00:18:43] She's smoking hot.

[00:18:44] [SPEAKER_02] Yep. Yep. She's seen her Instagram posts were funny. Blah, blah. Good for her. Dolly Parton has come up with frozen foods. And the meals sound great. What? I know. It's amazing. It is just, y'all, now I got some frozen dinners. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[00:18:59] What are they?

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_02] They sound great. All right. Dolly Parton's Beef Pot Roast. You get carrots, celery, onion, roasted potatoes, and rich, savory, southern-style gravy.

[00:19:11] Southern gravy.

[00:19:12] [SPEAKER_02] This sounds better than anything I'm going to find at Trader Joe's. I hate that place. I hate that place. I hate it. Everything I ever bought in there was expired. That's just my experience. Don't sue me. But it's the truth. Dolly Parton's Chicken and Dumplings? Yes. White chicken with thick-cut carrots, celery, paired with fluffy dumplings, and a cream, pepper, and thyme sauce. Do you think frozen dumplings would be good? Yeah. I think anything Dolly's putting out there is going to be good. It's just going to be a hunk of fat. It's going to be great. Dolly Parton's Country Fried Steak? Yeah.

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_02] Now, here's the thing about fried. I don't know. Microwaving fried stuff is weird.

[00:19:47] Yeah.

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_02] It gets too wet. Yeah. Maybe you put it in the oven in, like, the old days, like, in the 70s. You actually cook it in the oven. She's got thick-cut carrots. She loves a carrot. She does. Yeah. It's got country gravy, chunky mashed potatoes. Seasoned green beans with smoky bacon. Dolly Parton's shrimp and grits. Whoa. Nice. Creamy white cheddar grits and a succulent shrimp, cherry tomatoes, and a southern, bold, southern, sassy, spicy sauce.

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_00] Sassy mother. Sassy.

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_03] Sassy. Good for Dolly.

[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_02] Look at Dolly.

[00:20:19] Yeah.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_02] In King News, Jelly Roll is spending $20 million to open a giant facility for dogs that don't have a place to go. Yes. Good one. And he went to a bunch of jails in Michigan or Minnesota when he was on his tour to visit the children.

[00:20:36] Yeah.

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. He was on with the- Yeah. And he gives them guitars and all that stuff. Did you see that? That's great. What? He brought Eminem out. He brought Eminem at his concert in Detroit. Yeah. That was awesome. Queen Martha and Snoop won an Emmy for their Olympic coverage. Yay. Look at those two. They should have a tiny party for themselves. That's the only thing watchable on. Just the two of them. Now, this is going to be very politically incorrect, but I'm doing it.

[00:21:03] Oh, no.

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_00] Why are you starting?

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_02] Because it just makes me laugh. It shouldn't, but it does. Anyway, it was also Stevie's birthday. Uh-oh. Queen Stevie's 77. Okay. Now, yes. But here's the thing. Okay. Queen Stevie's going to get the shaft a little bit. Understandably, Billy Joel and her were doing shows together. If you listen to this podcast, you know those are the ones I will not be attending. No offense to Billy Joel. I liked it back in the day, but I don't want to hear. I don't care. I would just want to see Stevie. It's not about you, Billy. No offense.

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_02] It's just more love for Stevie. No hate on Billy. It's just not my thing. Well, he has a condition called normal pressure hydracephalic or cephalus or whatever. So remember my mom was a nurse, okay? So when we were kids in North St. Louis, North County in St. Louis, we had heard, well, I heard about this in the Ozarks and I heard about it.

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_02] It became an urban legend that there was always like a haunted creepy house down the end of a gravel dirt road. And inside said house lived what we called the bubble heads.

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_04] What?

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_02] Our water heads. This is offensive. So just if your feelings are going to get hurt, I'm just telling you what happened in the 70s. Right. Okay? And for fun, we would get beers and drive around dirt roads and try to scare ourselves. This is what happens when you don't have an iPad or cable TV. That was our idea of a super fun Friday. We're going to go try to find the bubble heads in the woods. That's what we did.

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_02] We assumed they were terribly frightening and they would scare the shit out of us and we were just looking to get scared. And there were no horror movies back then. No, there's, well, the horror movies weren't like that. Like they were, I don't know what they were. Psycho. Yeah. They were like, you know, the omen. Yeah. Psycho or what was it? Oh, oh, the exorcist. I mean, they were more super natural. Like they weren't like, Hey, if you go out in the woods at night, you're going to see this person with an enormous head. So my mom asked one time, what are you guys doing?

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_02] And I go, well, we were going to go look for the bubble heads. She's like, what are you talking about? And I explained what I had heard. I'm a kid as an urban legend. And she's like, those are hydrosophilics. Those are people with water on their brains. They do exist. But you're, you know, back then they didn't live very long till like five. It's all very sad, but just showing you how bored we were in the seventies.

[00:23:36] [SPEAKER_02] Well, not maybe two years ago, a lady crashed in to the entrance of this little cul-de-sac and my neighbor called me and said, he'd had some drinks. Had I, he goes, have you been drinking today? I'm like, strange question, but no, not yet. I do plan on it. Not yet. He goes, can you help me drive this lady home? And so, because she crashed in with her scooter. She crashed. She was on one of those roto scooters and she crashed. So I went up to help them and drive. I go, what's your name?

[00:24:06] [SPEAKER_02] She goes, Miss Dizzy. And I said, well, oh, you get dizzy a lot. She goes, that's why I crashed. I'm a hydrocephalic. And I looked at Jeff. I go, a real bubble head? Nuh-uh. And her head was kind of large, but it wasn't like crazy big. Right. And I said, oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I've heard it. My mom's explained that condition to me. And I assume you have to get your brain drained. She goes, oh yeah, at least once a month or it is a shit show. I'm so dizzy. They put it right here. And she had like a mark on her head.

[00:24:35] [SPEAKER_02] And I said, all right, Miss Dizzy, where do you live? Because drinky, the clown neighbor can't drive you. Well, she only lives like four houses up. And I'm like, do you want me to help you? Or ride your scooter. He rode the scooter. Because you probably won't get a DUI on that. Well, he wasn't even that. He just had a drink or two. He wasn't drunk. He drove the scooter. I drove the car. We drove Miss Dizzy home. But I said to Jeff, oh, she's a bubble head. He looked at me like, what the fuck are you talking about? I go, you didn't have bubble heads in Michigan? No. I was serious.

[00:25:05] [SPEAKER_02] And he's like, what? I go, people with giant heads that you would go look for. Or, well, I thought, am I the only one? I've repeated this story. And people just look at me like, I said it at the bar. I got nothing. Why are we talking about bubble heads? Because Billy Joel has this condition now. What? He's a hydrocephalic. What? That's why he's dizzy and fell on stage. I did not. When everybody was making fun of him, he has water on his brain. Oh, no. It's a very bad condition.

[00:25:34] [SPEAKER_02] I did not know you could get it later in life. I thought you were born with it. All the pictures online, it's people that are very little. Right. Well, anyway. So Stevie has to cancel those shows with Billy. Turns out Danny Bonitucci, the redhead from the Partridge family, who's a friend of mine, he also had an episode where he turned into a bubble head. But he got his surgery, and it's fine, and he's wishing Billy Joel good luck.

[00:25:59] You know.

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_02] It's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. But here's the thing. So I Googled it, and I put in bubble heads in North St. Louis. The bubble head family in Florissant, a St. Louis urban legend. It's sad, yet somehow true how his story lurks down a secluded North County road near the Missouri River. The bubble head family called the house at the end of, I won't say the road, but according to urban legend, they were alleged victims of government chemical testing and had giant

[00:26:30] [SPEAKER_02] heads. Now, I did not hear that. We didn't know why they had giant heads. Right. Until my mom told me to stop it and knock it off. They have a medical condition. We're just kids. The whole family had them? Well, that's what we thought.

[00:26:42] Oh, God.

[00:26:43] [SPEAKER_02] I don't know if the whole family. Probably not. I mean, there's probably one, and then people think they saw a bunch. And it's a legend. It's urban legend. Well, I don't know. I believed it. Despite this, other sources believe the family had a son who had hydrocephalus, which is the buildup of fluid on the brain leading to an enlarged or deformed head. The family allegedly kept their son at home at all times and eventually moved out of the home. Still, this urban legend lingers as visitors as the road seen several no trespassing signs

[00:27:11] [SPEAKER_02] and have been allegedly chased by strange figures lurking in the surrounding wooded areas.

[00:27:17] Huh.

[00:27:18] [SPEAKER_02] So it wasn't just me.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_01] No.

[00:27:21] No. The whole family.

[00:27:23] [SPEAKER_02] But we wish.

[00:27:24] [SPEAKER_01] But we've never seen the kid who eventually moved out.

[00:27:27] [SPEAKER_02] I never saw anything. No. I didn't even see, like, a deer in the woods. Nothing. That's a good story.

[00:27:34] Thanks.

[00:27:36] [SPEAKER_02] Was that boring, termites? Did anybody else have bubble heads? That's ridiculous. Well, I know Jeff was like, yeah, no, we didn't have any of that in Detroit. And I'm like, you sure? Ask your dad. Yeah, go ask your dad. How old are you? Go ask your younger brother. He's older than me. Ask your younger brother.

[00:27:54] Wow.

[00:27:55] [SPEAKER_02] Go on Facebook. Ask. Ask. Go on Facebook. I bet you'll get a lot of responses. What are we watching? Oh, my God. I taped the AMAs. But then I read that they were horrible. But the good thing about recording it is you can fast forward to all the, what a train wreck. I don't know what has happened to the AMAs. Every single person was terribly off key, which makes me believe it's the sound, which

[00:28:22] [SPEAKER_02] again, when we are doing a music award show, why Rod Stewart, I'm Gloria Estefan, not on key. This is not. I know she can still sing. I know he can still sing. The fiddles and the drum lady got Rod. Well, Rod turns it all into a, it turns into a giant Scottish pub thing with giant, beautiful women with giant drums that have four leaf clovers and Celtic. They're all naked. And he just cheered them on. He's 80 years old.

[00:28:48] [SPEAKER_02] I mean, these, and then he's like, I'll be performing down at the, I'm like, of course I've gone. I have a shirt on for Christ's sake. Yeah. Rod Stewart. Rod Stewart. I love Rod Stewart, but he wasn't on key. Gloria Estefan, not on key. It was Janet Jackson. It was like a throwback show. Yeah. I'm like, what? Are there any? And they'd give a new person award. They'd give a new person award, but it's like so new. Not nobody ever really heard of that person yet. But it was the strangest.

[00:29:17] [SPEAKER_02] It's worth a watch because I'm like, huh? So if I was a producer, I'm like, okay, so if we have Janet Jackson on, she wants to do a solid 20 minute set. Jesus Christ. She did. And then Gwen Stefani. I mean, again, I know she does those shows or whatever. I like her, but it was just very.

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_00] But she did all of her old shows.

[00:29:38] [SPEAKER_02] She did. Right. It was the strangest. It's like everybody got mad at them and nobody would go. Where's the young people? You can watch it on Paramount+. There you go. Here's what I would highly recommend. Well, I'm saying no, go watch it as a throwback. As long as you can fast forward. You don't want to get stuck in it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can't get that time of your life back. You can't. And there's way, way, way too many commercials. Way too many.

[00:30:10] [SPEAKER_02] Here's what I would highly recommend.

[00:30:12] Okay. Earnhardt.

[00:30:14] [SPEAKER_02] Oh, is it good? It's on Amazon. I don't know anything about NASCAR. Okay. Well, I know a little bit because I did a corporate gig for him once. It was the strangest thing. They could be the nicest people I've ever met, the drivers. One guy, Carl Edwards, he's a race car driver, NASCAR guy. Yeah. I think he's retired. But he was like, Kathleen, you know, if you're going to your sister's in Jefferson City, Missouri, I can give you a ride back on my private jet. Nothing weird will happen. Now, I know Carl meant that in a very sincere way. Yeah.

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_02] But the way, but I'm like, Carl, here's the thing. My sister's not going to get up at three in the morning to come pick me up at some private airfield as much as I appreciate the invitation. But they were the nicest guys. But the gig, they gave me like 10 pages of shit I was not allowed to joke about. And when I got done reading it, I'm like, well, the only thing I didn't see on this entire list is food. You should hire John Panette. He was still alive at the time and very funny. I'm like, hire John. Because everything in here, I do joke about. Religion.

[00:31:13] [SPEAKER_02] They said no moonshine jokes. Well, that's okay because I'm not a comedian from the 1800s. But they wanted to, I met with the guys, the fancy people. And they're like, yeah, we got a lot of restrictions on jokes because we want to move NASCAR from what seems like a redneck-y thing to like the golf crowd where we're getting mercy. I'm like, oh my God. You guys, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Read the room. Read the room.

[00:31:41] [SPEAKER_02] The people, it started in North Carolina in the Smoky Mountains. Like, those are your fans. Embrace them. Work with them. Put a Mercedes ad on NASCAR. Fuck Mercedes. He actually used that example. I was like, okay, yeah, Rolex. You know, I mean, I'm not saying you can't get there eventually, but how about just go slowly? Let's move from Timex to something in between Timex and Rolex. We just don't know. Well, a role. Roley. What? I mean, the fans.

[00:32:09] [SPEAKER_02] But the Earnhardt thing, it's all about Dale Earnhardt, senior, which, by the way, one of the funniest jokes ever written. It's so cute. One of the funniest jokes ever written. My friend Vic Henley, he's not here anymore. Vic had a joke. He goes, the best and the worst sports talk radio, live sports on the radio by far is NASCAR because they take callers, and callers just call in and go, hey, and hang up.

[00:32:39] [SPEAKER_02] That was Dale's number. And one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard was Jeff Foxworthy's where he goes, you know you're a redneck if you have a child named Dale Jr. And there's no Dale Sr. It's so smart. Yeah. But anyway, I don't even care about NASCAR. And this is such a great show. And Dale Sr., not the best daddy. And Dale Earnhardt Jr. is such a sweetheart.

[00:33:07] [SPEAKER_02] I'm like, he doesn't even seem angry about it all. It's just a great show. You learn about NASCAR and all that. I knew, like, I know the names. I know Richard Petty. I know, what's his name? I always want to say Danny Willett. That's the golfer. The other one. I know some of the cast of characters involved in the 80s or 90s. And I know when it got to Jeff Gordon. I know the Bush brothers because one's bad and one's good. They're characters, whatever. It's just a great show. Go watch Earnhardt.

[00:33:36] [SPEAKER_02] Even if you don't like NASCAR, it does not matter. It's more about their lives. How is Mobland going? Mobland's going great. Helen Mirren's great. My friend Kay watches it, and then we live text each other during it as we drink. We try to drink as much as Helen Mirren, and you can't. You can't. I know. And I'm like, you know, we both know those are fake drinks she's drinking. But we pretend they're not.

[00:34:02] It's getting a little weird.

[00:34:03] [SPEAKER_02] It's really crazy, but you just got to give in to that and go, okay, I'm good with that. I also watch a lot. We'll get through this. I watch Favre about Brett Favre. Was it good?

[00:34:16] I didn't see it.

[00:34:17] [SPEAKER_02] There wasn't anything that new if you read about sports. He was a quarterback for Green Bay. If you don't follow sports forever and ever, he was a god. Then he went to the Jets, and he started texting this lady who didn't respond to him, and he wouldn't stop sexting. Yeah. And he took money from Mississippi. It's pretty obvious he took, but he's in no trouble for it. It wasn't anything that new. I don't. It was kind of boring if you don't care about Brett Favre. Okay. Yeah. But if you. Skip it.

[00:34:47] [SPEAKER_02] If you want. Yeah. Stream it or skip it. I'd say skip it. Oh, hey.

[00:34:54] For a segment.

[00:34:55] [SPEAKER_02] My segment? Stream it or skip it. Stream it. Well, they already have that in the week, that magazine, Lewis Sends. I'd be stealing their, that old person magazine. Stream it or skip it? Stream it or skip it.

[00:35:05] Oh, okay.

[00:35:06] [SPEAKER_02] I got a stream. Great. They said I was comfort food.

[00:35:10] What?

[00:35:11] [SPEAKER_02] That's what they said about my act. I'm fine with that. That's exactly what I am.

[00:35:17] [SPEAKER_01] That's your updated bio.

[00:35:18] [SPEAKER_02] No, they said it. You know, they were very complimentary and said, or also, no, it's the decider that has it. This, the week is streaming tips. And I got a, I got a shout out in that. That's the magazine, Lulex. And then it's the decider is stream it or skip it. Cool. So I can't steal their idea, but.

[00:35:36] [SPEAKER_04] What are we watching if it is then?

[00:35:38] [SPEAKER_02] Here's what I would watch. Also, one last thing before we get to updates. I would watch Sirens.

[00:35:45] [SPEAKER_01] Oh.

[00:35:45] [SPEAKER_02] You watched it, but you hated the end.

[00:35:48] [SPEAKER_01] I hated the end.

[00:35:48] [SPEAKER_02] I loved it. I love Julianne Moore. I love Kevin Bacon. It was great. I really liked the lady that played the sister that lived in Buffalo with the dad. Yeah, she's on a lot of things. It's all about, man, Nantucket, I love rich people things, like to see what they do and how they live and all that. And it made me really glad I turned down an offer once to go to some rich person's. I don't even know what the fuck, backyard party and do comedy. No, I'm like, this sounds, I'll be captured. I'll be in a cult.

[00:36:19] [SPEAKER_02] I'm not, I don't want, I don't want to do that. So I did not do that. But it's also nice to be old enough, have enough money to say no, because when I was young, I would have had to have done it. But Sirens, so it's about this rich lady in Nantucket who's married to Kevin Bacon. Julianne Moore's married to Kevin Bacon and their parties and this and that. And he's great. The whole thing's great. There's a guy, Jose, I don't know what that actor's real name is. He's the head of security. He's the head of everything.

[00:36:46] [SPEAKER_02] And then you'll see, it's, I think it was four episodes, not a huge commitment. Earnhardt is four, two are out, two will be coming tomorrow in real time. So there you go. Lots to watch. The fall of Favre. Yeah, it just didn't really, he didn't really fall. That's the other thing. He's not going to jail for any of the money stealing in Mississippi from the poor people to build a volleyball gym.

[00:37:14] [SPEAKER_02] And he didn't get in any trouble for the sexting and kind of crushing that lady's career at the Jets. Update! Speaking of sports people.

[00:37:27] Uh-oh.

[00:37:27] [SPEAKER_02] Bill Belichick's girlfriend, Jordan Hudson, kicked out of Nantucket bash, attended by his ex-wife, Linda Holliday. Now, you know this Jordan girl has got some balls and chutzpah to say, you know she's going to be there. Absolutely. I would say I'm not going. I don't want to get in a fight. Libra is Libra. Not fighting. I don't want to get in a situation. Not for me. You go. Bill, you go. I'm not going. Right. Wherever your ex is. Did Bill go with her?

[00:37:57] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. This was a Christmas event, but the story is just coming out. This is super weird. She was kicked out.

[00:38:05] Wow.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_02] I mean, what is this lady? We're told Hudson. Oh, no, she arrived solo. She came without him. And weirdly stalked. She's so super bad. She's crazy. And weirdly stalked around the party. Wow. It was bizarre. It was like a dog trying to pee on its territory. The event had tickets available to the public, but we hear the Hess twins usually headline, and it's known as their night. What are the Hess twins? They're the hosts. They call the hosts headliners. Oh, my God. We hear the luckless Miss Maine contestants present.

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_02] Presidents made people uncomfortable, and she was asked several times to leave by those close to the holiday in her family, but she refused. Can you imagine being asked to leave a party and just going, no, that's not, I don't get that vibe. I'm staying. I don't get it. A couple of Lisa's, a couple of friends of Lisa's and the girl said it would be best if you left, and she kept being like, it's a party. I can be here. She was eventually given the boot.

[00:39:05] [SPEAKER_02] She was there long enough that multiple people went up and asked her to leave. Finally, they went and got security. The Hess sisters and the University of North Carolina did not return comment. I don't know. Rich people? They're rich people. Like crazy. It was DJed by her daughters, Ashley and Katie Hess. Yeah. I don't know who these rich people are. Nobody knows.

[00:39:33] [SPEAKER_02] That's why Sirens is so good, because you don't know who the hell these people are. But they have- They're creators and curators. They're creators and curators. Okay. Okay. It has to be. They're twins. They're twins. Yes.

[00:39:47] Huh.

[00:39:48] [SPEAKER_02] Twinsies. Update!

[00:39:50] Wow.

[00:39:51] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. I don't know what's going to happen with all that.

[00:39:53] [SPEAKER_01] Oh my God.

[00:39:55] [SPEAKER_02] What? What?

[00:39:56] [SPEAKER_01] They are the daughters of the lady who dated Bill forever.

[00:40:02] [SPEAKER_02] They're the daughters of the lady who dated- Linda Holliday. Oh.

[00:40:07] Wow.

[00:40:07] [SPEAKER_02] Wow. Look at her aggressively, aggressively crashing parties in Nantucket. Right. Where it's the richest of the rich. Yep. And then being asked to leave and going, nope. Fuck you. I am not leaving.

[00:40:20] I'm putting this article in the snow.

[00:40:21] [SPEAKER_02] Wow. Unbelievable.

[00:40:23] Wow.

[00:40:24] [SPEAKER_02] Update! Arizona, you're getting your first Buc-ee's. Oh, yeah. First ever- Yes. It's under construction. It'll open in the summer of 2026. Congratulations. Great. Buc-ee's has set its first day for an Ohio store. 2026. Look at Buc-ee's. Doesn't matter what is going on with the economy.

[00:40:42] Wow.

[00:40:43] [SPEAKER_02] They're moving full force.

[00:40:46] [SPEAKER_03] Holy shit, they found it. The Hess twins are older than Jordan.

[00:40:49] [SPEAKER_02] The Hess twins are older than Jordan? Yeah, I'm going to be on this part. Who isn't older than Jordan? I mean, she's 24. My nieces.

[00:40:57] Okay.

[00:40:57] [SPEAKER_02] That's it.

[00:40:58] [SPEAKER_04] Sorry, I'll get off it.

[00:40:59] I'll read this later.

[00:41:01] [SPEAKER_02] Well, I wonder, like, was it one of those big giant- I've only been to Nantucket twice. I took a ferry and you get put in this town and they want you to stay there. I, however, got in an Uber to go see where Jaws was filmed because you can go, That's Martha's Vineyard. Oh, sorry. That's Martha's Vineyard. Nantucket. You've done a comedy festival. Oh, I did. I did a comedy benefit charity deal. And I stayed at the White Elephant. Yeah. And only- It's very exclusive. Yeah. They did fun? Because Lou was like, why are we in these weird cabins?

[00:41:30] [SPEAKER_02] I go, they're not, quote, weird cabins, dipshit. These are, like, the most expensive places you could sit. I go, do you know where the other comics are staying? My friend Kelly McFarland, they put- Because there's no hotels or nothing because it's rich people. She stayed in someone's guest house and the lady asked her to water the plants and feed her cats.

[00:41:47] I know.

[00:41:49] [SPEAKER_02] Kelly goes- Welcome. Kelly goes, where you're staying, do you have chores? And I said, no. I go, we're staying in what Lou calls weird cabins. I go, they're very nice, though. And there's a happy hour that's super weird down in the thing where we all float around in dresses that I don't own. So I go get the flowy pants and then I act like I'm one of them. But I never look right. I always look just that far off. Like, my sister could pull it off. But I can't.

[00:42:19] [SPEAKER_02] Louis never looks right. I'm like, Louis, what is this outfit you have concocted to go meet these rich people? He goes, we are here for free. It doesn't matter what I look like. I'm like, well, I'm a little embarrassed on your behalf. So go get a better shirt. Anyway, that made me laugh so hard that the other comics had chores where they got put up.

[00:42:43] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, I can't imagine going to a party in Nantucket, A, which will probably never, ever happen in my lifetime, which is fine. And then B, refusing to leave and making security eventually escort you out. That is, we've gone beyond a young gold digger. We've gone into psycho land.

[00:43:02] [SPEAKER_01] Sociopath.

[00:43:03] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I interrupted you. That's all right. Yeah. Holy shit, they found it. This is, holy shit, they found it. I'm so happy. So, archaeology breakthrough as mystery of America's lost colony finally solved with 400-year-old secret revealed.

[00:43:20] Oh, shit.

[00:43:21] [SPEAKER_02] So the colony of, yeah, it was the first American, America's first English settlement known as the Lost Colony of Roanoke. So all these people lived there, and then they were just gone. And their bodies weren't there. There's no skeletons. There's no nothing. They just, quote, disappeared. But somebody wrote croton on a tree, carved croton.

[00:43:41] [SPEAKER_02] And croton was the name of an Indian tribe, Native American tribe, sorry, that lived at the Hatteras Islands and all that. And they thought, well, maybe they melded in with them. But they never had any proof. Well, now they do. Tiny flakes of rusted metal called hammer scales have provided crucial evidence about what happened to the 118 colonists who disappeared in the late 1500s. The mystery began. If you've never seen that show either, shit, now I'm not going to be able to think what it was.

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_02] Jamestown. It was one of the best shows I've ever seen. And it's all about this, the first colonies in America. And trust me, you did not want to be part of those first pioneer people at all, which I talk about in my act. I can't even imagine signing up for it. And most of them didn't live. But anyway, the mystery began in 1587 when Governor John White led the colonists to establish England's first outpost in North America on Roanoke Island in present-day North Carolina. Big good place to land.

[00:44:41] [SPEAKER_04] You can watch Jamestown on Prime.

[00:44:43] [SPEAKER_02] You can watch Jamestown on Prime. It's so good. It's so addictive. This suggested the colonists had relocated to join friendly croton natives because they carved croton in the tree 50 miles south. For more than a decade, these two archaeologists have been excavating around Buxton on Hatteras Island. And they found this metal stuff. This metalworking technology was familiar to English settlers but unknown to natives. So there's no way the Native Americans could have come up with this stuff.

[00:45:12] [SPEAKER_02] The English brought it with them, and that's where they went. But then how come we never hear of somebody, if they melded into the colony and became part of them, there should be like half white, half Native American. Maybe there were.

[00:45:28] [SPEAKER_01] Where's their offspring?

[00:45:29] [SPEAKER_02] Well, maybe their offspring, they just all considered their own and didn't separate, you know. They joined, and they absorbed into their community. So now we know. People thought maybe it was like a plague or, you know, something. But then you'd have skeletons.

[00:45:46] Good for the children.

[00:45:47] [SPEAKER_02] Good for the children. Working that hard. Everybody says the kids don't work. Look at them. Here's a little breaking news. We're on to news. Okay. In case anybody's interested, NFL players will now officially be permitted to play flag football at the 2028 Summer Olympics in L.A. Cool. Who? Nobody's watching flag football. And who wants to do that? Come on.

[00:46:09] [SPEAKER_01] Unless you want to try to win an Olympic medal.

[00:46:10] [SPEAKER_02] Well, I would want to win an Olympic medal. But I'm old. They still matter to people my age. I don't know. If I was an NFL player, I'd want to do it. Maybe Aaron Rodgers will come back for that. But I don't want to watch it, and I love football. But I don't care about flag football.

[00:46:29] Me neither.

[00:46:30] [SPEAKER_02] Bob, my friend, your favorite segment's coming up in a minute. But first, Bud Tourist doing dumb shit. There's a father-son, credible Bigfoot sighting in Monroe County. Now, do you know where Monroe County is? Of course you don't.

[00:46:48] No.

[00:46:48] [SPEAKER_01] Louisiana.

[00:46:50] [SPEAKER_02] No. Bigfoot.

[00:46:52] [SPEAKER_01] Monroe.

[00:46:53] [SPEAKER_02] Louisiana. Oh, I see.

[00:46:55] [SPEAKER_01] I don't know.

[00:46:58] [SPEAKER_02] It's not a state I would expect.

[00:47:00] Huh.

[00:47:00] [SPEAKER_02] Michigan.

[00:47:01] Shut up.

[00:47:02] [SPEAKER_02] He was right in downtown Detroit. No, I'm kidding. He did swim from Canada. They saw a Bigfoot in a marshy area of Monroe County, and their story is credible. Okay. I've written a lot of stories over 12 years in the local newsroom, but this is a new one. That's right. First time I've written Bigfoot. Yes, I went back and checked the archive.

[00:47:27] [SPEAKER_02] Apparently, there's a group called the Bigfoot Field Research Organization, BFRO for short. The organization claims to be the only scientific research organization exploring the Bigfoot Sasquatch mystery. I think there's others.

[00:47:40] There might be.

[00:47:42] [SPEAKER_02] Maybe they're not official. Look, according to the story, there's a 47-year-old man and his 12-year-old son were bow fishing around 1130 a.m. on Sunday, May 18th, in the area of I-75 on a road I can't pronounce in Monroe. They were in the wooded area behind the Monroe County inmate dormitory facility and near a quarry. It's illegal to hunt, but fishing is allowed there.

[00:48:09] [SPEAKER_02] 100 yards into the marsh, the dog scared up something that was bedded there. Trees were shaking. We thought it was a group of deer. We continued on more than 200 yards to the creek basin in the marsh. Around that time, the man and his son heard sirens, so he stopped to pull out his earbuds and listen to the police scanner app on his phone. All of a sudden, I hear a rustling to the tree and a huge thud hitting the ground from the tree. A big, heavy animal hit the ground and crouched and started moving towards me through the brush. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck.

[00:48:40] [SPEAKER_02] My dog fired off from the right of me toward the creature. The dog almost got to it, but the creature shot off extremely fast through the trees and bushes. The dog chased the creature up the slope and over the train tracks. I then called for my dogs to come back. The 12-year-old creature said it was the size of a bear but looked like a gorilla.

[00:48:59] It's a Bigfoot.

[00:49:00] [SPEAKER_02] It's a Bigfoot. But he asked enough questions. They investigated, and they discerned it was not a bear. It was a dark, large, furred primate that ran up a slope on two legs looking like a gorilla from behind. Maybe it's an escaped gorilla. Is anyone missing a gorilla?

[00:49:21] No.

[00:49:21] [SPEAKER_02] Well, the first people I would ask is the state of Florida. Usually, they're the ones that are missing animals. Or my state, Missouri. Are you missing? Like, what if that lady took one of her chimps? They're huge. It jumped from 10 feet up in the tree.

[00:49:39] Holy shit.

[00:49:40] [SPEAKER_02] It ran up the slope on two legs and was about six feet tall while hunched over.

[00:49:45] [SPEAKER_04] Oh, God.

[00:49:46] Holy shit. That's crazy.

[00:49:49] [SPEAKER_02] Their encounter lasted more than 10 seconds, and then the dogs started chasing it with no chance to get a picture.

[00:49:55] That's huge.

[00:49:56] [SPEAKER_02] Well, now all the Bigfooters are going to go up there. You know it. Try to find it. It's good for tourism. Do you want to find it? Exactly. Let's talk about tourism. Bob likes my segment about dumb shit tourists do. Well, it's summer. Since Memorial Day is over, we're officially into summer. Here's one. It always happens. Yellowstone. Florida, man. Florida becomes the first person in 2025 to be gored by a bison. Okay. You should get a trophy.

[00:50:26] [SPEAKER_02] And it should just be of an ass. A dumb ass. Wow. Here's a reality check if you're thinking about it. If you're going to Yellowstone, male bison can weigh up to 2,000 pounds. Females can run up to 1,000 pounds. They can run 35 miles an hour. Oh, my God. That's three times faster, but humans, they do not bluff. They charge. This is the first reported incident of 2025, following two in 2024 and one. It's a busy season is just beginning.

[00:50:53] [SPEAKER_02] And here we go with the dumbasses. Despite warnings, you're supposed to say 225 feet away.

[00:51:02] That's insane.

[00:51:03] [SPEAKER_02] Yep. He did not die.

[00:51:05] No.

[00:51:06] [SPEAKER_02] This lady did die.

[00:51:07] Oh, God.

[00:51:08] [SPEAKER_02] Here's something you're never going to want to do. Olga Perminov, she's seen here posing in a pink dress moments before her death. Why? Because she's hanging out of a train. Now, what? This is not one of the children. This is somebody near my age. 53 years old.

[00:51:33] [SPEAKER_02] How do you not know at 53, if I stick something out of this train window, it might hit a tree? How do you not know that?

[00:51:40] [SPEAKER_04] Like myself.

[00:51:41] [SPEAKER_02] Like my head.

[00:51:42] Right.

[00:51:43] [SPEAKER_02] She tried to take a photo of herself while hanging out. She's a Russian tourist. This is in Sri Lanka. She was hanging out of the train on the famous Pody Minky railway line in Sri Lanka. Perminova, who was a grandmother and frequent social media user, was traveling in Sri Lanka as part of a Russian tour group. Wow. She attempted to take a selfie between the Bataloo and Holly Air Railway stations when she fell out of the train and died.

[00:52:12] [SPEAKER_02] Stay in the train.

[00:52:14] Stay in the train.

[00:52:14] [SPEAKER_02] Stay in the train.

[00:52:15] [SPEAKER_01] Arms in the train.

[00:52:16] That's all.

[00:52:17] [SPEAKER_02] Oh, God. Listen to this. In photos taken moments before her death, she's seen a pink dress dangling out of a carriage window on the moving train. While seemingly posing for a selfie, she hit a rock, smashed her head, and fell off the train. So her head smashed into a rock. Oh, my God. She's sustained severe head injuries. It was taken to such and such hospital. She was given emergency treatment but died from her wounds. She fell after she was knocked out unconscious and then fell off the train.

[00:52:43] Come on.

[00:52:44] [SPEAKER_02] People, it's summer. I know it's exciting. I know we're all overstimulated to be outdoors. It's warm. And you put yourself in a train that might be a little hot in Sri Lanka. I don't know how the trains run in Sri Lanka. Pop-Tarts, six new flavors, and they have ice cream sandwich Pop-Tarts now. Shut up. That sounds ridiculous to me, but it's for the children. It's for Xavier. He'll eat them all.

[00:53:13] [SPEAKER_02] They have a new frozen treat that incorporates its classic toaster pastries in a creative way. The product comes in multiple varieties, inspired by popular Pop-Tarts. They're adding new creative favorites, like frosted sugar cookie.

[00:53:25] Gross. No.

[00:53:27] [SPEAKER_02] Girl Scout cookie-inspired frosted caramel coconut.

[00:53:31] Oh, those are those tag-alongs.

[00:53:33] [SPEAKER_02] And frozen mint. Oh, I see. They're separate. I thought they were together. Frosted caramel coconut. Frosted thin mint. I don't know.

[00:53:45] Okay.

[00:53:46] [SPEAKER_02] Yep.

[00:53:47] Hater.

[00:53:47] [SPEAKER_02] I'm a hater. Don't be a hater. Frosted brown sugar cinnamon. Nah. Frosted strawberry ice cream, maybe. Frosted s'mores. Mm. A lot of frosting. A lot of new Pop-Tart. If you're a Pop-Tart person, get in your grocery store. Yes. Get in your grocery store. I know everybody's real sad about this. We're going to stop making pennies.

[00:54:13] I mean, come on.

[00:54:15] [SPEAKER_03] It's ridiculous.

[00:54:16] [SPEAKER_02] Well, why are we still talking about coins at all? I don't know. I found a bunch of coins, like, in my mom's, you know, the junk drawer, the silverware drawer. There's just random change. My dad would just throw it wherever. And I pick it all up, and I'm like, what am I doing with 11 pennies? I threw them out. Right. And then I think, then I'm like, I shouldn't have done that. If I saved it all up, there's probably like three bucks here. It's almost personal. It's just, we have Venmo.

[00:54:46] [SPEAKER_02] I feel like the government is so, so, so far behind when it comes to shit like this. Like, we don't need any coins.

[00:54:56] Right.

[00:54:57] [SPEAKER_02] Let them run out.

[00:54:59] Mm-hmm.

[00:55:00] [SPEAKER_02] In 2026, we're going to still make them for the rest of 2025. Nice. We're going to stop making pennies. The place, the government's Treasury Department, people in charge there must be 100 years old. Right. Change. I mean, even in the poorest places I've been, nobody's getting out change.

[00:55:20] No.

[00:55:20] [SPEAKER_02] No. Treasury Department has placed its final order for penny blanks, citing that it costs nearly four cents to produce a coin worth just one cent.

[00:55:30] Right.

[00:55:30] [SPEAKER_02] The inefficiency led to tens of millions in annual losses. While pennies will be accepted as legal tender, their circulation will slowly decline, and many cash transactions will begin to round to the nearest five cents. We're still 100 years behind. We don't need a nickel either. We don't need a nickel. No. What am I going to do with a dime? I mean, no. This is just stupid. Nobody can. Maybe keep quarters for now. They should have always done what Europe did. Right. And like in Ireland and England, like, well, before it was the euro, the pound, it's a

[00:55:59] [SPEAKER_02] heavy coin. You know it's $2. Right. Yeah. But why make coins? Paper's cheaper. How about none of it?

[00:56:06] How about no coins?

[00:56:07] [SPEAKER_02] How about no, I know we're heading towards a cashless society.

[00:56:11] Right.

[00:56:11] [SPEAKER_01] How about your roundup?

[00:56:13] [SPEAKER_02] I don't. Change on our weights. Your card accumulates, because now I have to have two cards. You want me to let the extra accumulate?

[00:56:22] It's a cash card.

[00:56:23] [SPEAKER_02] A cash card?

[00:56:24] Yep.

[00:56:25] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, I guess that could be fun. It's just an extra piece of shit. My wallet, though.

[00:56:28] Old people don't like it.

[00:56:29] [SPEAKER_02] Old people, although don't like it. There's no cash anymore. No, I'm so mad. I know. This creates a new problem, though. The penny costs more. We know this. Hold on. The next problem is that of the nickel. Right. It'll increase the amount of nickels. No, it won't. Right. Who's in charge here? Right. Let's have a meeting. I probably threw away five bucks, and I still feel a tad guilty about it. Well, I wonder how.

[00:56:59] [SPEAKER_02] I feel bad throwing away money, but I'm not going to take 11 pennies to the bank.

[00:57:04] No.

[00:57:05] [SPEAKER_02] Even Mendes and nephews would be like, yeah, we're good.

[00:57:08] Right.

[00:57:08] [SPEAKER_02] Right. Mm-hmm.

[00:57:09] No. You should have given it to the old guys.

[00:57:11] [SPEAKER_02] I like the coin machine at Kroger, where if you have all your—I love it. Where if you can save up all your coins and you just go— Coinstar. It's fun.

[00:57:19] Yeah.

[00:57:20] [SPEAKER_02] But I wasn't going to drag them back from Florida. And they give you cash. You just take your receipt and walk over to the service thing where they keep the SIGs still and go, can I have my—thank you. That's where the—

[00:57:33] Great.

[00:57:34] [SPEAKER_02] Coinstar. Yeah.

[00:57:34] Good.

[00:57:36] [SPEAKER_02] Hold on. This is crazy.

[00:57:37] It's crazy.

[00:57:41] [SPEAKER_02] British soldiers. So it's Everest season climbing time. Oh, shit. It's May. And I'm obsessed with it, admittedly. I'm obsessed with everything about it. This is crazy. Four British former Special Forces soldiers have set a record by climbing Mount Everest in under five days without acclimatizing on the mountain as part of a high-speed expedition aided—and it's controversial—by Zenon Gas.

[00:58:11] Zenon.

[00:58:11] [SPEAKER_02] Zenon.

[00:58:12] Yeah.

[00:58:12] [SPEAKER_02] The team, which included a U.K. government minister, that's a good idea. Right. You're a leader, and you're going to tell people to take basically an anesthesia gas to go run up a mountain. It was used to help them pre-acclimatize at low oxygen at high altitudes. Climbers usually spend six to eight weeks on Everest before summiting. But that's got to be part of the fun if you're into this. I'm not into it.

[00:58:40] No.

[00:58:40] [SPEAKER_02] Well, to race up and down is what Sherpas do, but that's what they do, and they live. Their body is different. They already get it. It's like cheating.

[00:58:52] It's totally cheating.

[00:58:53] [SPEAKER_02] We used gas. The science around using the gas remains disputed, and many in mountaineering industry have criticized it. Although the expedition is a record, Everest ascent without acclimatizing in the Himalayas, it's not the fastest time ever. Ha-ha. The record still belongs to Hakpa Gelo Sherpa, who climbed from base camp to summit in 10 hours and 56 minutes. He got up and told his wife, I'll be back after dark. That's crazy.

[00:59:22] [SPEAKER_02] Save dinner, and he did it. He fucking did it. That's crazy. Keep dinner on the stove, honey. I'll be home. It took him 11 hours. That's it. So he beat them, and they're using crazy gas. The former four soldiers, we don't need to know who they are, they flew to Everest base camp from Kathmandu and started climbing straight up, straight away, straight away. Straight away.

[00:59:50] [SPEAKER_02] They used supplemental oxygen like other climbers during the expedition. I'm sure the other climbers were like, who are those dudes? I didn't see them at camp one, two, three, or four. No. Why? Who are these guys speeding by us? Totally. Totally. Totally. The team made a three-month program in a simulated altitude before coming to Nepal.

[01:00:14] Wow.

[01:00:15] [SPEAKER_01] That's crazy.

[01:00:16] [SPEAKER_02] I think it's a dangerous thing. It's terrible. They inhaled this gas at a clinic in Germany two weeks before the expedition. It helps protect the body from altitude sickness.

[01:00:25] Oh, okay. It's cheating.

[01:00:27] [SPEAKER_02] Well, you're also, isn't part of it the experience of it? I mean, I don't want to do any of it. But if I did want to do it, I think it would be exciting. Okay, we're at camp one. We made it.

[01:00:39] Right.

[01:00:39] [SPEAKER_02] And then boom, boom, boom. Hey, we're at camp two. Look at us. We did it. Like, I would think that would be part of it.

[01:00:44] Yeah.

[01:00:44] [SPEAKER_02] Not to just hurry. And hey, let's, I mean, for that guy, he needed to get home for dinner, but he lives there. He's a local. Anyway, moving on.

[01:00:56] He's a local.

[01:00:59] [SPEAKER_02] This is great. I got to sign up for this.

[01:01:02] Okay.

[01:01:04] [SPEAKER_02] You need, can you please Google University of Navarra, N-A-V-A-R-R-A. I want to know where this is. A-R-R-A. It's in Spain.

[01:01:20] Yeah.

[01:01:21] [SPEAKER_02] Excellent. Yeah. Very pretty. Even better news.

[01:01:24] Yep.

[01:01:26] [SPEAKER_02] They, researchers there at that school, are investigating how moderate alcohol intake impacts health and whether it carries risk to complete abstinence in relation to heart disease, cancer, and dementia. They're currently recruiting men age 50 to 70. Come on. Where are my senior termites? Yeah. My sermites. Yeah.

[01:01:47] Sermites.

[01:01:48] [SPEAKER_02] And women age 55 to 75, me, who consume at least three alcoholic drinks per week. Yes.

[01:01:56] I like it. Yeah.

[01:01:57] [SPEAKER_02] 4,000 people have signed up. We should. The goal is to reach 10,000.

[01:02:02] Let's go.

[01:02:03] [SPEAKER_02] What do I get? What are they going to give me?

[01:02:05] Wow.

[01:02:06] [SPEAKER_02] Just the free alcohol loan and to be in Spain.

[01:02:08] Completely.

[01:02:09] [SPEAKER_02] That's enough. I'm good. Exactly.

[01:02:11] Take a little time.

[01:02:13] [SPEAKER_02] They're not saying if there's a maximum, though. What if I want to have four drinks in one day? Then you're going to be like a chip in a cage. Did I blow the study? Yeah. Then I'm just going to be like a baby in a high chair. Ah!

[01:02:25] Mm-hmm.

[01:02:26] [SPEAKER_03] Terrible.

[01:02:30] [SPEAKER_02] Why don't we take a minute, Paddles, and explain just a tiny bit of politics. It's not American politics. Just a tiny bit that where you're from, which is basically the Texas of Canada, you'd like to separate? My sister's very upset. Become your own nation? Well, I don't. Well, Alberta does. No. Your province. Some do. Some do. I know my friend Jan Arden doesn't. No. She posts some very, very, very serious things about it. 48% do.

[01:02:58] [SPEAKER_02] Just because you have all the oil like Texas does.

[01:03:00] I know.

[01:03:01] [SPEAKER_02] You're not. This won't go well.

[01:03:02] No.

[01:03:03] [SPEAKER_02] No.

[01:03:04] No.

[01:03:04] [SPEAKER_02] I don't think. Carney will fix this. If there's any, Carney will fix it? I don't know. But then some guy, I was like, who is this lady? The premier. The premier of Alberta. And this guy goes, she actually looks a lot like you. And he sent me her picture. I'm like, oh, I'll be damned. She sure does.

[01:03:23] She does. Yeah.

[01:03:26] [SPEAKER_02] Five million residents feel they are different enough from the rest of the country to branch off.

[01:03:31] They're mad at Toronto.

[01:03:32] [SPEAKER_02] They're mad at Toronto. And Ottawa. And Ottawa. Well. They're mad at the East. Well, all their hockey teams lost. The only one left is Edmonton. I still think. For the record, Florida Panthers. I think they're going to win the Stanley Cup. Me too. Yeah. There's a lot of people. I don't like the way liberals treat Western Canada. I think it's unfair, said Bob Gablehouse. I don't know.

[01:04:01] [SPEAKER_02] This is up to you. I don't know. I don't know. Enough about it. I know my friend Lars is an Edmonton Oilers fan. That's really all I got. He's very happy right now. Yes, he's very happy. Very happy. They disliked Trudeau's climate-focused agenda because it limited the province's ability to make money through the export of its minerals and fossil fuels. Uh-huh.

[01:04:22] There's also that.

[01:04:25] [SPEAKER_02] Well, whenever. Right. Yeah. Uh, the. Oh, I almost found that lady's name. Uh, whatever. Well, I don't think it's going to happen.

[01:04:35] No.

[01:04:35] [SPEAKER_02] Texas does this about once every 20 years. It's. Oh, right. That was the greatest part. So they issued this whole deal, this whole statement and proclamation about the people that want to get separated. And then, uh-oh, there's a knock at the door. Uh-oh, it's the fucking landlord. Right. And it's, it's the, it's the First Nations, AKA Native Americans going, oh, I'm sorry, you can't do shit with this land. I think you forgot we own it. Uh-huh. Here's the treaty. Here's the paperwork. Shut the fuck up. Right.

[01:05:05] [SPEAKER_02] And then what are you going to do if you're that lady?

[01:05:07] Right.

[01:05:08] [SPEAKER_02] You need to just shut up.

[01:05:10] Her name's Danielle.

[01:05:10] [SPEAKER_02] Danielle? Danielle Smith. Well, I was flattered that at least the picture he sent me of this person, she looks normal. Right. Yeah.

[01:05:17] [SPEAKER_04] Also.

[01:05:17] [SPEAKER_02] I'm like, all right, she's normal looking.

[01:05:19] Well, then I'll.

[01:05:24] [SPEAKER_02] The Irish Canadians are pissed at the King's speech. Okay, that's, I guess, gotta move on. You guys didn't properly kick them out. And now he bebops over there and acts like he's got, you got her on the money. You've got a lot of problems. You need to get her off the money and put in Wayne Gretzky or. Yes. Yes. Wayne Gretzky, Jan Arden, and Gordon Lightfoot. Yes. You get that queen off that money until she's off that money. She has power and she has control. And now her son's over there. Hello. You know, what the fuck?

[01:05:54] [SPEAKER_02] No, no, no, no. You didn't. You were too nice. You're like, get out. Okay, you can have one seat in parliament. It's a typical Canadian response. No, we're serious. Go. I mean, you can stay for 10 more minutes, but then you got it. Oh, my God.

[01:06:08] [SPEAKER_04] I'm sorry.

[01:06:09] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. Well, I would be, too. I'd be like, why are we listening to this dipshit?

[01:06:13] [SPEAKER_04] Yeah.

[01:06:14] [SPEAKER_02] Well. Oh, in fact, where did I miss my Harkle update? I had one. Well, the Harkle update is that they've renewed Megan's season. She gets a season three for that idiotic show. She has like betwixt or betwitched or bewitched Ted, the guy from Netflix that makes the decisions. Like, the ratings were terrible.

[01:06:44] [SPEAKER_02] Everybody made fun of it. There's not enough hate watching to validate it because there are people who just like to watch it to hate it. Right. Or see what it's about. But that was a Harkle update. Anyway, speaking of Ireland, Taco Bell is arriving.

[01:06:56] What? Shut up. Nope. In Ireland?

[01:06:59] [SPEAKER_02] Apple Green Partnership. We'll see Mexican-style outlets set up latest shop in Ireland. And here's the craziest thing. So, in Ireland, in the smaller towns, this doesn't count for Dublin, but like if you're down in the southwest, especially like at night after you've had a thousand drinks, there's really no fast food. It's not their thing. They do usually have what I call the french fry window.

[01:07:26] [SPEAKER_02] I don't know what they call it, but you can walk up to a window and there's a man and you say, can I have some french fries? And he gives you a brown paper bag where he's dumped vinegar all in it, which is totally fine with me. And then he takes a gallon of salt and dumps it over it and then that's your drunky little treat. And it's wonderful. Nothing wrong with it. But every once in a while, it'd be nice to switch that up. If you're in Kilkenny or Killarney and go, hey, there's a Taco Bell still open after you've had.

[01:07:53] [SPEAKER_02] Because I remember one time Patrick was with me, my brother, and I was at the Irish Comedy Festival in Kilkenny. And we were off. I was off that day. I didn't have a show. And we went to every pub in Kilkenny, on the river, up the hill, everywhere. Yeah. And we had Guinness the whole way. And you never really get drunk on Guinness. But when we got back to the Baden-Bretts, it was technically a hotel. The law is very specific.

[01:08:17] [SPEAKER_02] But if you're a guest of a hotel, this was because they didn't want drunk drivers, they have to have a sandwich available to you.

[01:08:25] [SPEAKER_03] All the time?

[01:08:26] Yes. All the time.

[01:08:28] [SPEAKER_02] Fantastic. So we were so hungry. And we called down to the front desk. And Elizabeth, there's somebody. I said, hi, we're kind of drunk and we're super hungry. And I heard there's like a rule. Absolutely.

[01:08:41] [SPEAKER_00] Would you like ham?

[01:08:42] [SPEAKER_02] Or I don't know. I think roast beef. That's usually the only two choices. I said, ham. That'd be great. There's two of us. No problem. She comes on up the stairs 20 minutes later, knocks on the door. She's like Little Red Riding Hood. She has a picnic basket. And we're like, oh, thanks, right? We give her money. Thank you for doing it. No problem. This is all to prevent drunk drivers. So the Irish didn't say the drinking's the problem. They're like, well, they haven't eaten. That's the problem.

[01:09:11] [SPEAKER_02] These drunks need a sandwich. Before they get on the road, you got to give them a sandwich. We opened the picnic basket. Patrick was like, dear God. And I go, what? What's in it? He goes, the greatest meal ever on earth. It was ham sandwiches made with the best Irish bread ever, then thick cut ham, and then they put butter and mayonnaise all over all the bread. It was the greatest. I'll never forget that sandwich as long as I live. Yeah. Well, they're getting a Taco Bell. That's going to be fantastic. I know.

[01:09:42] [SPEAKER_02] At least some of the Irish people who appeared eternally enthralled, not entirely by the health food, they don't, some of them aren't very excited. They're not. The exact location has yet to be confirmed. It's going to be in Dublin. I mean, I would think. I would say Dublin. But congratulations to Ireland. You're going to love it. It's just nice to have a choice. But then again, I don't know if it's going to be like our Taco Bell

[01:10:12] [SPEAKER_02] because their meat is different. Their meat is like grass-fed cows versus ours have all the chemicals that I like so much in them.

[01:10:23] [SPEAKER_03] What's your go-to Taco Bell order?

[01:10:25] [SPEAKER_02] Go-to Taco Bell order? Yeah. It's always the same. Yeah. Two beef hard-shelled tacos. Hard to eat in the car, though. Hard shell? Hard shell. Old school. Yep. Cool. And I need two hot sauces to eat each taco. For each taco? Oh, wow. I love it. But some of the kids, when they're so pissed off, when you go, can I have some extra hot sauce? They put like 50 in there. I'm like, okay. I get the point. You're sick of it. You hate your job. And then I just save them in the car. Wow. Yeah. That's great.

[01:10:58] [SPEAKER_02] I forgot my Harkle update. That's crazy. Those are my feel-good stories. Hold on. We're going to save this one. Okay. This is crazy. My research, Bob, sent me this. Seventeen members of El Chapo's cartel were escorted into California from Mexico, but why?

[01:11:28] [SPEAKER_02] Key pillars of the Trump administration. That's crazy. I know. Seventeen of them. Yeah. I mean, what kind of trades are we making?

[01:11:33] Right.

[01:11:35] [SPEAKER_02] Key pillars of the Trump administration's policy towards Mexico involve large-scale deportations and a crackdown on cartels, but reports in the Mexican media suggest that U.S. authorities recently orchestrated the secret cross-border move of at least 17 relatives of Mexico's most notorious drug kingpin, El Chapo Guzman de California. Yeah. Various media sites have circulated images purporting to show El Chapo's kin lugging rolling suitcases as they waited to enter the United States last week at the San Ysidro border crossing into Tijuana and Sarasota.

[01:12:05] [SPEAKER_02] That's crazy. I know. So we're deporting some, but we're bringing his family in? I know the kid ratted him out. Yeah. The son. But then his deal was, I'll tell you everything, but I need 16 of my cousins, too? I mean, good for him if that's what you negotiated. On the new Tuesday, Omar Garcia Harfuch, Mexico's security chief, confirmed that the move took place.

[01:12:28] Wow.

[01:12:28] [SPEAKER_02] It was a transfer of his relatives as part of a negotiation between the Justice Department and El Chapo's sons, the one who ratted him out, Ovidio, Ovidio Guzman Lopez. Oh, I like it. I know. It's a lot of flair. Who faces drug smuggling. So he thinks, wow, he's going to get off easier if he spills the beans, but this is his negotiation.

[01:12:54] Right.

[01:12:55] [SPEAKER_02] But do these people want to come and live here? Well, I mean, I guess, you know, at the family picnic, who wants to go to the United States? Who wants to stay home?

[01:13:06] Yeah, that's crazy.

[01:13:07] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. Are they not dangerous?

[01:13:13] I would think so.

[01:13:14] [SPEAKER_02] I don't know.

[01:13:15] No, no.

[01:13:16] [SPEAKER_02] It just seems very weird that we would negotiate 17 people. Maybe. Okay, I'll give you a couple.

[01:13:25] Right.

[01:13:25] [SPEAKER_02] But 17.

[01:13:26] [SPEAKER_03] And they're not going to do anything with drugs.

[01:13:30] Right.

[01:13:31] [SPEAKER_02] In the middle of your life. What are you going to do for a living here? Right. Right. Don't other people have to prove that? I mean, I've seen shows where they have to. All right. Yeah. Time for my feel-good story.

[01:13:41] Okay.

[01:13:41] [SPEAKER_02] Then we're going to do a thank you. I don't have many because I haven't been on the road, which would seem to be fun, right? But it's just been a lot of bullshit. When I speak to Florida about said condo, I've never been called honey this many times in my life. Ever. Now, honey, did you sign up for the portal? I, yes, I did. Sure did. Okay. Is your password right? Yep.

[01:14:10] Yep.

[01:14:11] [SPEAKER_02] It's just saying I can't see anything. I have been approved. You're not about to tell me. Are you an owner? Yeah, I am. Yep. Okay. So this is fun. I did not know this. And now you'll know that these are just interesting facts. They're not really feel-good stories, but they're interesting. I like this site. It's called I'm Just Culture on Instagram. Cool. Teddy bears, I did not know this, are named after President Teddy Roosevelt after he refused to shoot a tied-up bear on a hunting trip in 1902. No way.

[01:14:40] [SPEAKER_02] The toy maker, a toy maker created the teddy bear in his honor. And let me tell you what, the first teddy bear made, pretty frightening. It doesn't look real sweet. As a child, I'd be like, yeah, that's interesting. Dad, why don't you keep that? Why don't you put that in your room? Because the bear's like, ah. Yeah, it's real. It's all. Yeah, they couldn't sew right back then. He was in Mississippi. Oh, wow. Yep. He refused to shoot it. And then it was made public through a cartoon.

[01:15:10] [SPEAKER_02] And then inspired Morris Mitchum to create the stuffed toy bear, which he named Teddy's Bear. It displayed in the window of the shop and became a very popular toy and a huge success.

[01:15:20] Wow.

[01:15:21] [SPEAKER_02] So there you go. That's awesome. This made me laugh my ass off, and I don't know why. Because if you think about it, you can just keep thinking about it. These are the things I'll call my brother at work with, and I just like to go, I don't care if he's busy or not. If he's in a meeting, I won't do it. But I'm like, hey, I just had something I wanted to let you know.

[01:15:41] Yeah.

[01:15:42] [SPEAKER_02] Okay, what? And then he thinks it's like something to do with my mom or something serious. I go, check this out, Pat. And this is all true. I Googled it. But Australia has roughly 48 million kangaroos. Uruguay's population is 3.5 million people. If kangaroos invaded Uruguay, each Uruguayan would have to fight 14 kangaroos.

[01:16:14] [SPEAKER_02] I know, but that's what I like to do while he's working. And I go, think about that, Pat. 14. They can weigh like 250 and they can box like maniacs. If you've seen them, they've killed people. It's not a joke. And you're not tall, Pat. You're not tall. And these kangaroos can get tall. It's a giant rat that's got a good punch. He's got a good left hand. But some, somebody on the comments, the most famous Uruguayan person I'm aware of is the soccer player, Suarez. And he's the guy who bites people and he bites flesh.

[01:16:44] [SPEAKER_02] And somebody said Suarez would eat all of them. But I mean, somebody had that thought. It's like a Mitch Hedberg kind of thought.

[01:16:54] That's ridiculous.

[01:16:55] [SPEAKER_02] That means every Uruguayan. Me too. Yeah. Short people, small people. Small people. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot going on. Yeah. Oregon's Fog Bank Company, Surf Company. Oh, yes. That was a present from Termite, Jeanette, from his company.

[01:17:17] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sorry, thank you.

[01:17:17] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, it's a thank you. I only had one because I haven't been on the road.

[01:17:22] [SPEAKER_01] I haven't been in the P.O. Box.

[01:17:24] [SPEAKER_02] I haven't been in the P.O. Box. I haven't done a lot of things. We're going to do a quote from Cher and Stevie since it was their birthdays. Nice. Cher. This is interesting. The first concert I attended was an Elvis concert when I was 11.

[01:17:42] Oh.

[01:17:43] [SPEAKER_02] Wow. Even at that age, he made me realize the tremendous effect a performer could have on an audience. I find it hard to picture Cher at Elvis.

[01:17:51] Yeah, that's weird.

[01:17:52] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah, weird.

[01:17:54] [SPEAKER_03] Stevie. Oh, boy. Stevie turned 77. Here's her advice. Your graciousness is what carries you.

[01:18:01] [SPEAKER_02] It isn't how old you are, how young you are, how beautiful you are, or how short your skirt is. What it is is what comes out of your heart. If you are gracious, you have won the game.

[01:18:10] There you go.

[01:18:11] [SPEAKER_02] There you go. It's a feel-good witch. It's a feel-good witch story. Yeah. Yeah. A saint? Yes, I got some saint playing cards, too, coming from Amazon. Very excited about them. Yeah. Me and Baby Cat are going to go over them. Saint Dymphna.

[01:18:29] [SPEAKER_04] Mm-hmm.

[01:18:30] [SPEAKER_02] She lived in the 7th century. They don't have an exact date. Usually, they do. Her feast day is May 15th. She was born in Ireland to a pagan chieftain and a Christian mother. After the death of her mother, when she was 14, her father grew mentally unstable. This story is starting out good. I can tell this could be a good story. He began to insist that Dymphna marry him.

[01:18:55] Okay. Okay.

[01:18:56] [SPEAKER_02] Nothing weird about that. Not just a little incest, some ideas I'm throwing up. She ran away with her priest, two servants, and the king's fool. I guess the jester. They landed in Belgium, where they took refuge in Giel. Her father eventually found her. Killing the priest, he tried to force her to come home. She refused. In his fury, he drew his sword and chopped off her head. Oh, my God.

[01:19:18] Yep.

[01:19:19] [SPEAKER_02] She was buried in Giel. She's in charge of people with mental disorders and mental health care workers, by the way. Those are her assignments. I guess because her father was crazy and chopped off her head. Because she has no head. Yep. People with mental disorders started to be healed at the site of her death. They came from all over Europe. They went to this place called Giel. In 1349, a church was built on that spot with housing for mentally ill detached. When the church housing overflowed, the townspeople took them in. This practice still goes on today.

[01:19:49] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. This is another story I'd hear right before school was let out. Oh, okay. So he went crazy and so just chopped off her head. There you go. It's a little something fun for you. All right, termites. I will see you out on the road. It's almost time to get back on the road again. First, I have to go to Atlanta to film Meredith Vieira's game show, 25 Questions or Less. I think it's called, right?

[01:20:19] [SPEAKER_02] 25 Questions or Less. Yep.

[01:20:21] Are you ready for it?

[01:20:22] [SPEAKER_02] No. No. No, I have to go watch a bunch of them. I'm not ready. A producer lady called me and it was super. It was fun. We played on the phone. Right. But I get it. I mean, I get the concept. But then she said, you know, a lot of people work really hard on this. I'm like, oh, I thought it was just for fun. I didn't know I was.

[01:20:48] [SPEAKER_01] She's kind of shitting on your effort.

[01:20:50] [SPEAKER_02] Well, then Katie, my publicist, sent me a thing and said, you have to have seven outfits. I'm like, well, then you're going to need to send me five. I mean, I have two. I have two shirts I like. I don't. What? What? Seven? Because we're going to tape a bunch.

[01:21:02] Wow.

[01:21:03] [SPEAKER_02] But I love Meredith. Otherwise, I don't do game shows. I won't do any of that stuff on NBC or that. I don't. I don't. It's not my thing. So I got to do that and then fly to Wheatland, Sacramento.

[01:21:17] Yeah.

[01:21:18] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. Which would be fun. I love the hard rock. They release more seats at the hard rock. So go get them then. What's not fun about a hard rock on a Saturday night? Right? Super fun. And my friend John Novosad will be the opening act. He's very funny. Very cool. Very funny. It's next week. Enjoy the beginning of summer. Summer blast off. Weather, just for the record, has been horrible.

[01:21:48] [SPEAKER_02] And I'm so sick of the weather overreacting and people canceling plans. I was sitting at the bar and the one guy was like, yeah, I was going to launch my boat. But they said, you know, wash out, rain outs. I said, I know. And it barely even rained. And I know the bitching about the weather is an old school subject. But I'm just not listening to it anymore. And I don't understand. In Missouri, I didn't have to hear about Illinois' weather. But in Tennessee, half of the shit I'm hearing about is in Kentucky. Well, that's got nothing to do with us. Nothing. I don't want to hear about that weather. Tell them to get their own goddamn weather, man. We, I don't want to hear that.

[01:22:18] [SPEAKER_02] Because it says thunderstorms and this and that and tornadoes. They mean in Kentucky. That is two hours north of here. Right. Which is always weird to me. Kentucky should be further south. I don't, it's always weird that it's wedged right in there. Kind of in the north. And, but like St. Louis, we didn't hear about East St. Louis. That's Illinois. We didn't hear about your weather. That's on you. You do you. This seems like a you problem. No, it's not a me problem. Because that guy got psyched out too. And the storms were really in Kentucky.

[01:22:44] [SPEAKER_02] They weren't, they have to, what they should do for natural weather is have a segment up top that says Nashville. Okay. And then the rest of it. And that means Eastern Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama. They're getting into Alabama down in Huntsville. No, I don't. Get your own weatherman. Maybe you're golfing down there. My friend Aubrey's dad does all that. Go follow Aubrey's dad as a Huntsville weather tracker man person. Yeah.

[01:23:14] [SPEAKER_02] It's just been really wrong. And the same was happening in Missouri. Like my brother said the weekend was supposed to be dog shit, blah, blah, blah. And it wasn't, it was like an Irish rain. You could still go golf. You could still go out on the boat. It wasn't like. Your succulents look great. Like the succulents from Lowe's look dynamite. Yeah, the cats don't like it because they like to sleep in those big pots. And then they jump in and they're, uh-oh, there's a cactus. Get out of my pot. Get out. Get out for the summer. Baby cat.

[01:23:45] [SPEAKER_02] She's always mad. It's not like Chapo. He's always happy. Yeah. She's just got an attitude. In the middle of the night. And then if I won't respond, she'll bite me.

[01:24:01] What?

[01:24:02] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. I read a thing, though, that said cats see you as their main hunter. If you sleep for too long, they think you're dead. So they want to wake you up to make sure you're not dead.

[01:24:12] [SPEAKER_03] A cat person made that up.

[01:24:13] [SPEAKER_02] A cat person probably absolutely made that up on Instagram. Yeah, it's ridiculous. But it makes sense. No, it doesn't. Yeah, that's why they cat nap. They don't sleep for extended amounts of time. They cat nap.

[01:24:22] [SPEAKER_03] This is so you all feel better about the fact you're not in control of your.

[01:24:27] [SPEAKER_02] No, there's no control.

[01:24:29] No.

[01:24:29] [SPEAKER_02] Over a cat? No. No. My sister's, the orange one, which is super off. The orange cats. The orange cats definitely are weirder. They're more fun sometimes. But she found a golf ball and they have hardwood floors. And Kate said, all I heard was this. And she went out and Coco was playing a full on game of golf. Yeah. Well, that's on you, Kate. Put the golf balls away.

[01:24:59] [SPEAKER_02] You could also walk out of your room and step on that and break your back. Did you ever think about that?

[01:25:02] [SPEAKER_03] God bless dogs.

[01:25:03] [SPEAKER_02] Yeah. God bless dogs. All right. That's it. Ready.