Episode 225: Fatal Selfies, The REAL ID Debacle, & 40 Years of Dollywood

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_00] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, and let's talk about what's been going on. Termites! Welcome to Episode 225. What's happening? She's on the stand. Oh shit, I might have just broken it.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_00] Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There, there she goes. There's Stevie. Termites, what is happening? Oh, so many things. Where to start? I just hung up with Louis. Louis is fine. We were talking about Mobland. We'll get to that. What are we drinking though? First of all, a little spotted cow, muled by my friend Esmeralda, which I think was one of the names on Bewitched. Will you Google that?

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, she's one of the children in Milwaukee that helped with the special. Very cool. She did everything backstage. It was phenomenal. And I think it was, I think it was the crazy aunt. Esmeralda. Esmeralda. No, it was the lady next door. Oh, it, nuh-uh. The lady next door was Esmeralda? Alice Ghostly played her. Oh, okay. I thought it was the witch that kept messing up all her spells.

[00:01:31] Yeah, it was.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00] And Esmeralda. Esmeralda, yeah. It was one of my favorite. Well, I loved everything about Bewitched, but that was one of them. That's a lot prettier than that. With none of them. Well, the only one that was smoking hot was Elizabeth Montgomery. For the children, you should talk about it. Well, it's a show. You can go on there. What is that? Free TV or whatever? TV Land. TV Land. I don't know. It was about witches and warlocks.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00] It was, when I was like seven, I'm like, oh, this is fantastic. How are they doing? How are they teleporting? Oh my God. It was very well written, though, and very funny. And it's also very throwback chauvinistic and sexist. So if you really want to get a dose of what that was all about. But Darren was quite the man because he had to put up with a whole family of witches and warlocks. Darren was a pussy. No, Darren just knew that he had a hot smoking witch wife and he needed a keeper.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_00] And you just be nice to that family no matter how fucked up they are. Especially the mom. So we're drinking Spotted Cow from Wisconsin. It's illegal to take it out of the state. So I don't know who's coming for me, but I did it. It's a delicious beer. Not a session beer. You don't want to have ten of those in a boat. Trust me. We're going to try some Cheetos Flamin' Hot Dill Pickle Crunchy Straws from Banger, Maine Termite Nathan. Huh.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00] Banger, Maine. I've never been. I've been to Portland, Maine. It's where all the planes have to land. It's where the planes land? Oh, if there's trouble. Oh, wow. Hmm. Well, they're Flamin' Hot. And when they put the Flamin' Hot on, it kind of covers up all the other tastes. They're also fluorescent red. Well, I love a Cheeto. I think RFK Jr.'s banning these. I may have to hoard these.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00] If it has red coloring or something. I haven't read the article about what he's taken away, but... Don't you take the red out of my Haribo bears! Cut out the green ones if you want to pick a color. I hate the green ones. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Nathan. Those are too hot for me. But if you're into hot, Cheetos Flamin' Hot, anything. I like the dill part. Popeye's Blackened... Oh, this is Popeye's Blackened Ranch Dipping Sauce. Do you guys like Popeye's?

[00:03:54] Love it.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00] I love Popeye's. It's not my favorite, though. My favorite is Arby's, then Taco Bell. Popeye's for chicken. Yes. Whoa! Damn! That just...

[00:04:03] Shit!

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00] That really came out of there fast. It's a Dippin' Sauce. I don't know that I've ever... Popeye's, I don't think I've ever asked for the Dippin' Sauce. The Blackened...

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_01] Wow. Nice?

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_00] Just wonderful.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_01] I love Blackened.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00] Popeye's... Popeye's is going to be here when the world ends. And it's still... It's still going to be standing. And there's still going to be people in the drive-thru screaming at people. Yeah, it's got that kind of vibe. A lot of yelling. Skinny Pop Harry Potter beer butter popcorn from Austin Nerdite Carlita. One of the Hispanic children.

[00:04:40] Yes!

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_00] Yay! Yeah! I need more Black people and I need more Hispanics to come to my shows.

[00:04:45] And nerds.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00] I'll take nerds. Yeah.

[00:04:48] Yeah. She's both.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. Well, Aubrey, who takes care of the cats?

[00:04:52] Nerd.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00] Half nerd. Half cool. Comic Con. Half bar cool. That's a hard combo. We should just set people up on this. Well, I got... Yeah. Aubrey's there for the taking, guys. I mean, what if... She'd be a great wife. Yeah. She's got her own little house. She's killing it. She's picking up cash. Cat's sitting here and there. She's got a real job, too. Mm-hmm. She's on it. Mm-hmm. I don't understand why they went with the Harry Potter thing. I guess people just want Skinny Pop with Harry Potter.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00] Try some new weird movie. It's pretty good. One new weird movie. I don't know any of them. I took my nephews when they were 10. They're married. I used to do a joke about it because they were like, we like the books a whole lot better. I'm like, well, that's what you get for reading, Jack Straw. See, Aunt Cat, I thought the movie was just fine because I haven't read the books. You have to be a good American. We stopped reading 20 years ago. There's so many. That's pretty good.

[00:05:48] What's a buttery?

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00] It tastes like very buttery, skinny pop popcorn.

[00:05:51] Okay. Good.

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know why the Harry Potter thing. I think it's just to trick people. Harry Potter fans want to buy it.

[00:05:57] The nerds.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. Well, not all Harry Potter people are nerds. Sometimes partial nerdy. Aaron, comedian, when we went to Orlando, he's like, would you want to go to Harry Potter land tomorrow? I said, no. No, Aaron. I'm going to be at Gator land. It's a different land than Harry Potter land. And there's live alligators and things like that. I don't know. I don't even remember the movie. I knew there was a flying ball or the kids liked it. I mean.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_00] See, you don't even know what it's called. A flying ball. No, it's not a switch. It's a slitch. Slitch? No, it's not a slitch.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01] Snitch.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know what the hell it was called. What is the fly? I don't know. We're so old. Oh, I know. I know. That was like 100 years ago. Golden snitch. Golden snitch. Yeah. All right. Well, there you go. It's not a slitch. Shows coming up. Coming shows. June 7th. Wheatland. The Hard Rock. June 20th. Rancho Maraj, California, which is kind of Palm Springs-y. I will be at Agua Caliente.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00] She asked if it was a Hispanic casino. I'm like, well, Mom, those don't really exist that I know of. No, it's a Native American tribe. I've actually golfed with them. They're wonderful people. Yeah. But I'll pass that on to the Hispanic community that my mom thinks you guys have your own casino somewhere in the desert. Right.

[00:07:26] Nice. Go, Mickey.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00] She, yeah. I sent her a picture of me with a fish I caught. And she calls and she goes, you got the dates wrong. I'm like, she didn't say hello or anything. I go, it's 10 o'clock at night. For her, that's late. I go, what are you talking about? Well, you just sent me the dates of what we had planned and it's wrong. I go, no. I just sent you a picture of me and a fish. Oh, okay. Well, I see that. I go, the shit you're reading is from three weeks ago, Mom.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, oh, okay. Sorry about that. Where are you? In my bed? Watching a hockey game? Are you coming up here? Yeah. I'll be there on Mother's Day. You just sit tight. What do you want to do on Mother's Day? Nothing. Okay. That's fun. That's fun. I want you to take the dog for a walk. No problem. Yeah. It just lays on the sidewalk now. It's depressed. Okay.

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00] Well, maybe I'll find some greenies or some sort of crack cocaine for, I mean, I've got cocaine for the cats. I don't have dog cocaine. Coca. They have a cocaine cigar now. It's so funny. Yeah. Cause it's got a lot of cat in it. All right. Anyway, June 27th, 28th. Charlottesville, Bristol. My friend Karen is coming to open those shows. August 2nd, the Venetian Las Vegas on the 16th, Cape Cod Melody Tent, the 12th, Terre Haute, 13th, Elizabeth, Indiana, September 25th.

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_00] It's a little West Coast run. Eugene, Oregon, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington. Boom. And then Denver, November 7th and 8th. I keep forgetting. I mean, there's a million more, but I'm very excited. Denver's on my mind because my friend Mike runs the whole deal out there and he's an Avalanche fan.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_01] I know.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00] And it was sad. They're out. But, you know, I keep texting my friend, Michael Somerville's a Rangers fan. Mike's an Avs fan. I'm a blues fan. And Preds are my second team. All of our teams are out. And I'm like, look, but look at the cost savings initiative. Because if the blues had made it another round, my ass would be sitting there spending all my money on earth to get a decent ticket. And then I'd have to go drinking with all my cousins. That, in and of itself, would cost $500. No, it was crazy. I didn't have that.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00] That wasn't in my mind. I didn't think the blues would even get as far as I got. We have limited edition mermaid teas and wrong ocean teas available online if you would like them. This is the only one of wrong ocean? Yep. Oh, we should do another wrong ocean. People like it. Gotta go get it. All right. We're moving into the podcast. I did. I'm going to make, I keep saying I'm going to make my Nashville video. I will. Because I found a great Cajun place and they have crawfish on Saturdays. It's every Saturday and Sunday.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00] It's down in the gulch called the Gumbo Brothers. So good. Great beer. Just a wonderful little sneaky find. I didn't know anything about it.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_01] Do you feel like you're in New Orleans?

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_00] You do feel like you're in New Orleans because there are two guys from LSU that opened the place and they've got LSU shit everywhere and it feels like Mardi Gras. It's a little bright. I'm into lighting. I'd have just turned on the lights a little bit. How'd you go? I went in the day.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01] It's hard to turn down the lights when it's...

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00] No, they haven't. No, the front of their thing is black, kind of dark in windows. But that's why I also thought it was never open. I'm just saying the actual lights above my head. We could just dim those a little bit.

[00:10:51] Okay.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah.

[00:10:52] Cool.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00] But the food was wonderful.

[00:10:54] Great.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00] Mm-hmm.

[00:10:56] I love it.

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_00] And people move in and out of their fast. So if it seems crowded, just hang out. You'll be fine. Moving on. Let's move into the podcast. A couple team emails. This made me so happy. This is from a woman named Kathy. I won't give out all the information. But she's Michael McDonald's sister.

[00:11:16] The singer?

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, yeah. Cool. Oh, well, she's writing on behalf of her sister, Maureen, and our brother, Michael. Yeah. Michael McDonald of the Doobie Brothers, because they told a story about going to that Russian tailor and she only had one famous person headshot. But this was in Ferguson, and then she asked for mine. I'm like, oh, no, you can't put me next to Michael McDonald, for God's sakes. He's a Doobie brother. I have him on in my 76 Camaro. I'm listening to the Doobie brothers taking it to the street.

[00:11:43] [SPEAKER_00] I never think that people that I loved and stuff would ever watch. I know I have shows on Amazon and Netflix, but I just think regular normal people. I don't think of them. You said that. But she said he likes my comedy. Hey, it's so flattering that somebody, I sat there in my 76 Camaro jamming out to the Doobie brothers. Do any of his sisters live here? Well, well, I don't really want to give out their information, but it's a 615 phone number. So, yeah, they live here.

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_00] So, if they're listening by any chance, you should, you, tickets are on me the next time I do the Ryman. I don't know when I'll be doing that. Or maybe I'll secretly text you if I'm going down to Zanies. I'm not allowed to say when I'm doing that or the Ryman gets mad.

[00:12:23] Or just meet him at Gumball Brothers.

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, meet you at Gumball Brothers. Some fellow North County. Baby, North County, St. Louis. That's right. Norco. We got it. This made me laugh. Team email. That's just so cool, though. I would never think, I don't think of those people. I don't think of musicians as watching comedy. They're people. I don't know why I don't think that. And they all like comedy. Well, Jelly Roll loves it. Yeah.

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00] But there's people that love it, love it, and want to hang out and be part of it. And then there's people that just watch it. Jelly Roll just keeps getting thinner and thinner and thinner. He wants to get down to 250 pounds. That's his goal.

[00:13:03] Go for him.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00] Because he says he wants to be able to do what skinny people could do and he could never do. Yeah. I don't know what he has planned. Are you going to like fucking zip lines? Don't do that. Don't. No, no, no, no, no. This person, Susan, said, I wanted to brag about the scuttlebutt around town, Chula Vista, California, that Total Wine and More is coming to replace an old Rite Aid. Maybe I'm trying to manifest the wrong stuff. Yeah.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_00] Because I have a closed Rite Aid. There's nothing in it. And then I had to go look because there were little kittens back there. And I'm like, oh, they're gone. So somebody may have saved them. But I was going to wrangle them up as soon as they closed up. But in Chula Vista, which I do know where that is, they're getting a total wine. They've manifested. Did you do that, Susan?

[00:13:53] That's amazing.

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, might be proved to bad for my health, but it will sure be fun.

[00:13:58] Dang.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe I'm trying to manifest the wrong building. How do the children know these things? How am I supposed to know which one to manifest? Team email, Carolyn. A friend of mine from New York, they're doing a Milton Hershey biography. And if you live in Pennsylvania and you want to be an extra, go online and see. Yes, I know. You can go be in the Milton. He's a wonderful, wonderful human being, an outstanding human being.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_00] Everyone should follow his patterns. Huh? He's very philanthropic. Very, very philanthropic. The whole town. And it's still going on. The school buses say Milton Hershey schools, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway. So this lady, Katrina, mind-manifesting Bed, Bath & Beyond into pickleball places worked. This is one south of Portland.

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_01] Oh, wonderful.

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_00] Please excuse the terrible picture. I had to take it as we flew by on the freeway. Funny thing, we were listening to the podcast. That's what Katrina. So that's good. Bed, Bath & Beyond became pickleball. But we also need a bar in the middle. We need a liquor license. Beer and wine. It doesn't have to be a full liquor. Seltzers. Just seltzers. I don't know if those count as beer and wine. Probably. Same category. Just no hard liquor.

[00:15:15] No.

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_00] This is... Now, see, I don't know if Linwood is the same as what this lady's talking about. There's another one. A massive new indoor pickleball facility is going to open up.

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_01] I think that one's...

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_00] Where's Linwood? I don't know. Jesus. It's all good news, though. I just am not manifesting correctly. I never thought of Rite Aid as being big enough for a total wine.

[00:15:42] It's Linwood, Missouri.

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_00] Linwood, Missouri. Oh, okay. We're getting one. How about that? Yeah. That's great.

[00:15:47] Near Nordstrom.

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_00] It's time to start... Oh, and another one in Linwood, Washington. In Washington. See, I wondered if this is the one Portland she's talking about.

[00:15:56] No.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_00] No? It's got its own. It's got its own. All right.

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_01] Have you started pickleball yet?

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_00] I haven't started pickleball because it's been raining, and then it's been snap weird cold. Like 58. I'm not... You don't play inside? I never play inside. No. I won't play inside. I don't like it inside. Oh. I don't like it at all.

[00:16:17] Oh.

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know. I feel like I'm in a Woody Allen movie or something. I just... I don't like the vibe. It's a vibe. I don't want to be inside playing any sport. I want to be outside.

[00:16:25] Okay.

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_00] I'm going golfing today with Pinky Tito.

[00:16:28] Nice.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. You got to plan it. After this. Yes. Yes. This is what I love about people our age. Nobody really has to work. And not really, really. I mean, you have to work, but we're the... He's his own boss. So if I say Pinky Tito, you get up there and you tell Nicole, you get up there at two o'clock, three o'clock. I never hear... I'm at work, asshole. Like, that's what my brother would text back. So the Pope, we still got it going on. The conclave begins soon. Today.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00] Today. Today. I'm totally rooting for the Filipino guy. I don't know how to pronounce his name. T-A-G-L-E. I know, but the other one's not so hot in the running. You're talking about Mr. Tick Tock. Yeah, Mr. Tick Tock himself. I texted my friend, Lorene. He speaks eight languages. The guy that I want, the Filipino guy. And she said, in a Filipino family, I'm sure the parents were like, not nine? Where did we go wrong? And I said, in my family, if somebody said they spoke eight languages, be like, what

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_00] are you, a wizard or some shit? What do you mean? You probably, those aren't real. Say it. We don't know the language. I don't even know if he's bullshitting me. But he's very smart on top of being. Adorable and highly entertaining. But the Pope's final gift, the Pope that's gone, he took the Popemobile, which is quite famous. And it's going to be a health clinic for the children of Gaza.

[00:17:52] What?

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, he gave it away.

[00:17:54] How big is it?

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_00] Well, it's pretty big. It's probably an eight-seater. But you know what had the big glass top and everything? That's amazing. Yeah, you just put one doctor in there and a nurse and then let the kids come in. Right. And they travel around. I know. It was his final wish. Yeah. That's fantastic. That's wonderful. Yeah. I hope all the conservative cardinals are listening to the things Francis has done, which is supposed

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_00] to be the example of Christ just saying he did it. So maybe we keep that going.

[00:18:27] Yeah.

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00] Right. That's my... He's my only king news. Everybody else is very quiet.

[00:18:33] Been a quiet week.

[00:18:34] [SPEAKER_00] Very quiet. I don't know why. Post is quiet. Tay Tay quiet. Post is heading out on board. Guess who's not quiet? Dolly. Dolly. That's right. It was your 40th anniversary of Dollywood. And she went. She showed up in the cutest little outfit. I saw it on Instagram. And I've been. And let me tell you, people, you should go. Yes. Now, here's the thing. I don't care about crafts or, you know, old-timey. I don't need to see somebody churn butter. That shit's all there.

[00:19:04] [SPEAKER_00] But that's for people who like all that. Leather tanning. Leather belt. Make a leather belt. I'll just go to TJ Maxx. I don't need somebody to make a belt. It's interesting. And there's some plays that are kind of religious-y, I guess. I don't know. Whatever. But, yeah, e. Religious-y. But they're not Catholic-y. No. Yeah. No. No. No. Don't serve alcohol. No. And they don't serve alcohol. Be prepared.

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00] Now, all of my weed friends would be like, who cares? Just take a bag of edibles in. They won't know what that is. You tell them it's your Haribo bears. But the rides are fantastic if you're into that. And you can see Dolly's old tour bus. There's really cool stuff in there. If you're into rides, she did not skimp. I mean, that place is better than Six Flags. Oh, yeah. And the food's good. And then-

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_01] And there's the train.

[00:19:54] It goes around the park.

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_00] There's a whole train that goes around the park. Just saying, worth a visit. So, good for her 40-year anniversary. And they're going to spend like another billion dollars. They're expanding. Yeah. Everything else- All the way to Nashville. Everything else. Well, we're cutting this. We're cutting that. She's like, I think it'd be great if we spent like a billion dollars and just built the shit out of this mountain. Let's do it. And then she goes back to Nashville or wherever she goes. And then she'll be there at the grand opening probably a year from now. Because it's just wonderful.

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00] It's absolutely wonderful.

[00:20:26] You can see it from space.

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. Nash-er called and they said they can see it. They can see my head.

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_01] And my butterfly.

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00] My neon butterfly that lights up the sky. We have a lot of- What are we watching before I go into updates? Godfather of Harlem is back on. And if you haven't seen it, you got to like this kind of genre. But it's about Harlem in the, I'd say, 50s, 60s. And it's the black people in Harlem versus the Italians in Harlem. And can they work together as two mobs?

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_00] And Forrest Whitaker plays the head of the black mob. And then there's Malcolm X is involved. It's so historically good. And Vincent D'Onofre, who sometimes I can find to be a tiny bit annoying. He is wonderful as Vinny the Chin. It's just a wonderful show. It got all messed up during COVID. So here's the great news. If you haven't seen it, you could start fresh. And there's three seasons. And they just dropped four episodes of season four. So I don't know when more are coming. I thought they said on Sundays.

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00] And then I'm like, no, I'm caught up. But I highly recommend. Acting, everything. Everything. I love, I know, everything. Because it doesn't read the same in the family room as it does in the bedroom. And I'm like, oh, I have a new one. I'm like, oh, no, this TV doesn't know that I watched it in the other room. I am obsessed with the Karen Reed trial. I Googled how long was her last trial. This is the drunkie, the clowns in Boston.

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_00] It was nine weeks. I can't commit to nine weeks as an alternate juror. I can't. No. Thankfully, I have my friends Nicole and Kelly. And they're on top of it, too. The amount of lying that is going on, I don't particularly like Karen Reed. If you watch the documentary, I think Karen likes the camera too much. And this and that. However, whether I like her or not, they're not even close to proving this lady did this. Not yet. I mean, maybe they got something up their sleeve.

[00:22:31] [SPEAKER_00] But one witness is dumber than the next. This one cop is so dumb, I don't know if he's doing it on purpose. I'm like, can you be that dumb? Yeah, you know, I can't get into it. But if you're into it, you're into it. I put the evidence in some beer solo cups. What?

[00:22:50] What?

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_00] Did you find any pieces of talent? No? No. Oh, okay. Well, then why'd y'all say she hit him with the car? That appeared six hours later? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[00:23:01] Yeah.

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_00] If it's a mistrial, there's no way they're going to try her again.

[00:23:05] No.

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_00] She should not be put in jail. This is crazy. It's crazy. And everybody calls her Aunt Bev, the judge. I do kind of like her because she's so over everything. And when you get to be around her age, my age, I can see where that can come from. And I totally get it. I mean, I feel that way. Talking about taxes.

[00:23:26] Taxes.

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_00] Well, just to get paid by Amazon for the last special, they're wonderful, but they're like, you have to go in these portals and fill this shit out. And I'm like, I don't. Really? I'm number 14 in India and I have to give my tax information to India? This is way beyond my pay grade. I told my accountant. My accountant's booking a trip to Barbados to watch monkeys. I'm like, no, no, no. You can't leave, Sherry. I need help.

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_00] I don't understand all this. What the fuck?

[00:24:00] [SPEAKER_01] That is not a corporate statement.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_00] No, no. No, Sherry's awesome. So, little Ozark person. Yeah. I got my people set up correctly. Everybody's a tad bit questionable. I can see Aunt Bev. She's been a judge for I don't know how long, but she's clearly over it where she's just like so tired. She's just sitting there going, I'll allow it. But a lot of people think she's pro-prosecution.

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_00] And I get that vibe occasionally. But for the most part, I think. But she loves a break. They start late. I'm like, chop, chop, Boston. Yeah. Where the fuck is everybody? I'm up.

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_01] 2009.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_00] She's been a judge since 2009. Yeah, she's over it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'll allow it. You know what? Why don't we take a break? Yeah. I have Bev. We just started four seconds ago. Let's have a sidebar. Sidebar. Sidebar. And then they just show a fan. The camera just is on a white fan that looks like it's from Lowe's. It's a bad fan. It's a cheap piece of shit fan. They don't get a new fan. It's horrible. It's, yeah. It's horrible.

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_00] So, anyway, it's fascinating. It's on YouTube TV if you want to. And here's the other one. You guys got to go watch Mobland with Helen Mirren and Pierce Bronson playing two Irish gangsters in London. Helen Mirren is. Now, there's a couple episodes where it got complicated and hard. And the one British guy, all of my friends agree, is very difficult to understand. Like, I almost went to closed captioning.

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_00] And my friends were like, yeah, maybe that's the better way. Because I'm like, you're going to lose me if you have this guy too much. And I don't know what the fuck he's saying. He's an offer. Instead of author, he says offer. So, it's all very thick accent on top of the British accent. But me and my friend Kay is obsessed, too. She's like, don't give up on Mobland. And I'm like, I'm not giving up. I just wasn't home. And I'm behind. And then there was hockey on. And then I had to watch my Blues lose in spectacular.

[00:26:10] [SPEAKER_00] Congratulations, Winnipeg. I am happy for the city of Winnipeg. Because they don't get a lot of shout outs. But the Blues, yeah, that was hard to swallow when you're winning 3-1 in the last 90 seconds. Oh, my God. My friend Michael Somerville, he's like, I went to bed. And there were three minutes left. And I thought, oh, good. Kathleen's team. Yeah, didn't happen. But Mobland, Alan Mirren, and she's usually drinking. She's usually some form of drunk. Always a martini.

[00:26:40] [SPEAKER_00] Always a martini. And her Irish accent is so great. And Pierce Bronson is actually Irish, so his is obviously great. The acting is great. But when she, there's an episode, the last episode, or the second to last episode, where she goes, she insulted me to my face. And I thought, uh-oh, uh-oh, grandma is hammered and pissed. And then you just see her pick up a phone and go, hello, Paul. And I'm like, uh-oh, Paul's going to do something horrific. And he sure as shit does. Oh, my God.

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_00] And when I was talking to Louis today, I was like, I knew what was going to happen. But when it happens, I still jumped off the couch and was freaked out. Because you don't know the exact second. And it's still shocking. So that's what we're watching. Update!

[00:27:23] No. No.

[00:27:25] [SPEAKER_00] Let's have a little Harkle update, shall we? Yeah. Prince Harry lost his lawsuit. Somebody goes, somebody on Twitter is like, you're just being petty. No, I'm not. Here's the thing, Harry. You quit the gig. When you quit a job, you don't get to keep your parking spot. You can't just rock up to wherever you used to work and park there every day for free. You lose the perks. He wants security to be paid for.

[00:27:54] [SPEAKER_00] Around the world, by the way. Right.

[00:27:58] Nobody cares about your children.

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_00] Nobody's going to steal any of you. You're paying any asses. Go home. God. I would pay for you to not come over. More or less go kidnap you. He is so whiny. And it's turning. It's turning. The tide is turning on them. Well, him. Because everybody used to feel sorry for him, including me. And I have no interest in defending the royal family. They were not very nice to my people throughout the ages. They were quite frankly horrific. So do I think, no.

[00:28:28] [SPEAKER_00] But you, him, you know, he wants all the perks still, but he doesn't want to do shit. He wants to live in Montecito and walk around fake gardens and raise chickens. And go fine. Go do it. And just be quiet. Just be quiet. Just for an hour. They can't do it. Nobody cares what you think. Oh, my God. Stop talking. And then he said he's forgiven his family. Oh, I'm sorry. You went on Oprah and called us a bunch of racists. Now, I'm not saying we're not. But God damn it.

[00:28:58] [SPEAKER_00] You have 20 drinks and do that at Christmas like the rest of us do. You don't tell Oprah. You don't go on national TV and you don't do that. That is not acceptable, at least in the Midwest. Unacceptable. You have enough drinks and you say your piece at Thanksgiving or Christmas and ruin one of those holidays. Or at least make it memorable. Yeah. Yeah, they're just, oh, my God. So the high court said, no, you don't get to still.

[00:29:27] [SPEAKER_00] And then he goes on BBC and bitches and moans for 30 minutes, which they allowed. And that is a taxpayer-funded network. They should not have. Now they've had to issue apologies. We're sorry. He said it was all a fix because of his dad. I mean, yeah. And then he says, oh, I've forgiven him. I'd love a meeting with him. Well, I wouldn't meet with him because I'd think the whole time he's got a mic on. No. People film everything. You film everything you fucking do. No.

[00:29:51] He keeps that.

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_00] He says, my father won't speak to me.

[00:29:55] What? No.

[00:29:56] [SPEAKER_00] You? I've forgiven him. What?

[00:29:58] [SPEAKER_01] You took a grenade to dinner.

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. They, yeah. They're racist, Oprah. And then she's shocked. And that's my joke. What? What? Yeah. God dang. Just, I would just assume they're going to say horrible things when I go in there. Right. And that, that's as a white person. Right. Because they'd be like Madigan. Mm. That's, that's a little Irish-y. Little, I'm a savage. To them, savage. Savage. I'm a savage. Anyway. He, that's the latest.

[00:30:29] [SPEAKER_00] He lost that. So that's it. And then he says, I can't imagine a way that I'd ever bring my family. How about you pay for it? How about that, Harry? Oh my God. Like every celebrity on earth, because that's what you are now. Mm-hmm. You're not a royal person anymore. You quit that. Right. You're not doing royal duties. You're not showing up at the boring ribbon companies, cuttings the hospital, all the boring shit they have to do. No. And again, I'm not even on their side. But on paper.

[00:30:55] [SPEAKER_01] His father said he should have kept a dignified silence.

[00:30:58] [SPEAKER_00] His father said he should have kept a dignified silence. Uh-huh. Well, there is nothing dignified about these two yahoos. No. No. Everything's on film. Um, I would, I'd say, Harry, um, maybe you could take Megan's jam money and pay for some security. Like every, Taylor Swift pays for her own security. Every, every celebrity out there that has security. I do not. I have Baby Cat and Cedric. That's my security. Nobody even notices me, which is great.

[00:31:28] [SPEAKER_00] That's what happens when you're short and keep shrinking. I just go anywhere. Nobody knows anything. Well, I like to meet termites when I'm out and about, especially at a bar. Um, but I'm saying your mother gave you $13 million. Diana's, she, he got $13 million when he turned 40 or whatever from her. Spend your own goddamn money. Why, why are taxpayers paying for this? Generational wealth. I'm like, that word, those two words have never been said in our family.

[00:31:58] [SPEAKER_00] Generational wealth. You know what I'm going to get stuck with? A broken wave runner. That's, that's going to be my inheritance. And then it's going to be like, how do we get it out of the water? We don't have a trailer and which dump are we taking it to? And how much do they charge at the dump? That's how that scene's going to go. Update. I don't usually do celebrity gossip. I do talk about the Harkles, but that's more like history going down. Cause it's going to be the same thing as Wallace Simpson. I'm telling you children go watch the movie.

[00:32:26] [SPEAKER_00] Was that King George or King Edward? Google who was Wallace Simpson with. I think it was Edward who quit. And then they ran around the globe being bon vivant. Wallace. King Edward. Yes. He looks very much like Charles. They're all Germans at the end of the day. She was born in Pennsylvania. Yeah. She was a whatever. 1896. Holy bejesus. Jesus.

[00:32:56] [SPEAKER_00] And see, they didn't have social media then. So those two couldn't get the word out. Hey, we're available. There's one black and white movie of those two buddying up to Hitler before World War II. Good idea, Edward. Yeah. Let's pick that team. Let's go over there and shake hands and tell him he did a wonderful job with the Volkswagen. Love that car.

[00:33:15] God almighty. God almighty.

[00:33:16] [SPEAKER_00] But this Bill Belichick thing.

[00:33:19] Oh, boy.

[00:33:20] [SPEAKER_00] This lady. I mean, it is so unlike Bill's personality. Yeah. Like, everything about it. That I'm not joking. I do wonder, does he like have a brain tumor? Or is he sick? Or like, is he not thinking right? And where? I mean, well, the kids can't do nothing if dad says I'm doing it. Unless you can prove that he's somehow not cognitively okay.

[00:33:50] [SPEAKER_00] He's never behaved. He's never even smiled. No. And now he's in a mermaid outfit. I mean, well, she is. And he's catching her. I mean, it's all insane. She was in a Super Bowl commercial. She forced her way in it. I didn't even know that either. No. And then I went back and it's all online. I'm like, oh, shit. She's right there.

[00:34:08] Right.

[00:34:09] [SPEAKER_00] She got her. This one has an agenda. It was with Ben Affleck. We'll put it in this note. You can go watch the commercial. There she is.

[00:34:20] What was it for?

[00:34:21] [SPEAKER_00] It was a Dunkin' Donuts Super Bowl commercial. She forced her way into the ad. So there's that. Is Belichick in it? Huh?

[00:34:28] Is Belichick in it?

[00:34:29] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. Belichick's in the ad too.

[00:34:32] Okay. We're going to put this in the notes.

[00:34:33] [SPEAKER_00] Wow. She also, she was so demanding. So if you've never watched it, there's a show called Hard Knocks, which is awesome. They do different football teams and then they do them like their training camp and it's all preseason stuff. And it's really interesting. It's HBO. It's HBO. Well, they were going to do one, Hard Knocks, about Bill being the new coach of UNC. And she was so, she had such outrageous demands.

[00:35:01] [SPEAKER_00] HBO walked away two days before they started filming. Now, for you termites who don't know or care about this stuff, if HBO went all of that way, that means you hired crews. People took the gig. Like, you know, my friends that do those things are freelance. So they'll take a gig and say, fine, I'll give you three months and then they go to another gig and it's a constant moving around. So all of those people committed. It was that bad that they went, no. And it would have been great.

[00:35:30] [SPEAKER_00] I would have loved to have seen Bill Belichick try to coach college kids after coaching pros this whole time. I would have watched. I watch them all anyway. Anyway, she demanded to be the executive producer. I mean, yeah. All of her demands. Oh, she was. Oh, she was sending emails saying, do your job.

[00:35:53] [SPEAKER_01] Oh, God.

[00:35:54] How old is she?

[00:35:55] [SPEAKER_00] 24. You have no opinion. She's 24 years old.

[00:35:58] [SPEAKER_01] You're not old enough to have an opinion.

[00:35:59] [SPEAKER_00] She's old enough to have an opinion on certain stuff, but you're not. No life experience. You're not old enough to be sharing it with a bunch of people that are hired for a specific thing that are smarter than you in that specific area. Yeah, they were going to do the whole thing. Called it off. I mean, Jesus. This lady. I don't. What is wrong? Even Charles Barkley, who's my favorite. I wish he would run for president. Him and Stephen A. Smith. I'd vote for either one of them.

[00:36:25] [SPEAKER_00] Charles said, I don't usually talk publicly about my friends' relationships and stuff, but I'm going to have to give Bill a call. Yeah. Like, even Charles is like, what the hell? She has amassed an $8 million real estate portfolio since getting with Bill.

[00:36:39] Wow.

[00:36:40] [SPEAKER_00] $8 million. It's a New England real estate worth $8 million. All within months of meeting the fisherman's daughter, meeting the—she's the daughter of a fisherman, and her mother owns a sex toy shop.

[00:36:53] Oh.

[00:36:54] [SPEAKER_00] Yep.

[00:36:54] Okay.

[00:36:55] [SPEAKER_00] Yep. She bought three multifamily homes across the Boston area, inking millions of dollars in mortgage payments within days. His name's not on it. He gives her the money. Yeah, but the banks check that shit now. Ever since 2008, they check—I mean, shit, for any—for this house, I had to show them where I got like—they're like, where's that $20? I'm like, that was my first communion, and I saved it.

[00:37:24] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, they want to know where your income is coming these days, so I don't know how she got away with that. Wow.

[00:37:30] Wow.

[00:37:31] [SPEAKER_00] She also dropped $610,000 on a cottage in scenic Cape Cod town of Harwich, which she listed as her home address on the mortgage papers. I mean, what is going on? This is bizarre.

[00:37:46] [SPEAKER_01] Well, and it'd be fine if he wants to give her money.

[00:37:48] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, my God. But she's controlling everything. She's controlling everything. If you want to give her money, anybody, any adult, you're free to do that. And you're free to let her control everything. But, I mean, it's going to ruin things if you care. I mean, maybe he doesn't care.

[00:38:03] She's going to be a distraction.

[00:38:05] [SPEAKER_00] But she's not already. Jesus. It goes on about townhomes, and I won't even read it. It's too much, but I don't know how she got past the loan departments. All of a sudden, there's $500,000 in your bank account? Where'd that come from? She's probably paying cash for everything. Paying cash? Yeah. Well, true. I guess you could just.

[00:38:27] [SPEAKER_01] He's going to write a check. She buys the thing.

[00:38:35] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. Sherry, I want to do some sneaky shit down here. What do I do? Update. Starbucks is hiring in-store human workers after replacing people with machines didn't work. This guy, this guy is a psycho. CEO Brian Nickel, he's adding 3,000 new baristas.

[00:38:57] 3,000?

[00:38:58] [SPEAKER_00] Which, I have a hard time saying that, seriously. They do make crazy drinks, and I can't make any of them, so I respect the job. And I wouldn't do it. I would last one day. And they're mad because he told them they all have to wear black shirts, and a lot of them, I'm going to read a little bit about it. And I agree. Who cares if they want to wear pink or what the fuck ever, just make the coffee? What I do? And the kids like the flair. The children like it. Why being such a downer? Let the people be happy. And what does that, that is, he's missing the point.

[00:39:28] [SPEAKER_00] And the message is way too confusing. The message is get out, and then the message is stay. Have coffee and a free mug somebody else drank out of. I mean, we kind of washed it. Or bring your own mug. Bring your own shit. Stay for a while. But by the way, we only, free refills. We only have four seats. So if those are taken, I don't know where you're supposed to sit. I guess on the floor. Holy God. It's so confusing. This guy changes his mind every other jet ride up to, then you're going to, I'm supposed

[00:39:57] [SPEAKER_00] to drink out of the straw that's going to melt in my coffee in two seconds. But you're taking a private jet from Orange County up. The children said the new dress code is bullshit. That's their quote. Bullshit. The clip was captioned. Starbucks workers across the country are facing understaffing, inaccessible benefits, discrimination, and low wages.

[00:40:23] [SPEAKER_00] Instead of fixing these issues, Starbucks decided to introduce an unpopular, more conservative dress code. We talked about the dress code.

[00:40:31] [SPEAKER_01] Black and red. Come on.

[00:40:33] [SPEAKER_00] There's a man, I think this is so funny. He's got dyed blonde hair, but he's protesting. He's a little, he's a tiny bit chubby, but he's chosen to wear a birthday hat. Like from a child's birthday party. He's very mad. He wants to express himself. Yes, he should. The children love to express themselves. Let them. Who cares? Dump pins all over. I think it's hilarious. Yes.

[00:41:00] [SPEAKER_00] It still reminds me of that movie where the Friday's flair guy, the boss of the restaurant was like, you need more flair. You need more flair. I don't even remember what movie. It was a funny movie. But another worker said, we're just expected to lie down and accept it. No. I don't understand how the dress code is in good faith of letting us express ourselves. I agree. It's such a thing to not focus on. Here's the dude. Dude, we need to sit down and have a meeting. Do you want people sitting here?

[00:41:29] [SPEAKER_00] Then you got to buy some goddamn furniture. Do you want people out and mobile orders only? Take the rest of the furniture. Which is it? There, I went this morning to my Starbucks. I'm advocating for the children. Yeah. Yes. God damn it. Be glad they're there. Did you talk to them about it? Well, they can team email me. But when I meet them. Did you talk to the children? Oh, yes, I did. I talked to Scott this morning. He said he always wore a black shirt anyway, but he gave it an eye roll.

[00:41:58] [SPEAKER_00] He's like, you know, a lot of people. He was young, but there was a guy with a red shirt. He looked like Christmas. He had a green apron and a red shirt and red hair. And red hair. He just flippin' ain't doing it. I will not say his name so he doesn't get in trouble by the one by my house.

[00:42:15] [SPEAKER_01] It's a wonderful paint drape.

[00:42:17] [SPEAKER_00] Update! This is definitely for the children. And I must say, I've been suckered a few times myself. I've been suckered by a lot of Instagram posts and TikTok posts where I buy something. I bought this thing to clean your fans, your ceiling fans. Oh, God. Yeah, it don't work.

[00:42:34] [SPEAKER_01] They all come wrapped in garbage.

[00:42:36] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, it's all in garbage bags and it arrives and you can't send it back. But I told you what was going to happen with Sheen and Timu. And Timu has halted shipping direct from China as the tariffs loopholes cut off. That's very bad for the children. Yeah. The ones that like Timu. It's over for now. Now, yeah, there you go. Holy shit, they found it.

[00:43:06] [SPEAKER_00] This is from Juliet. Juliet. A Louisiana menomite. I don't know what that means. Menomite? What is that? M-E-O-M-I-T-E. Menomite. Menomite? Menomite. Menomite. I don't know.

[00:43:26] She can clarify.

[00:43:26] [SPEAKER_00] Hiker discovers nearly 600 gold coins dating back to 1808. Yeah, I've been on a million hikes. You know what I find? Snakes. That's it. Snakes in ditches. Yeah. Beer cans. That's what you're looking for. Well, I am looking for the snakes, yeah. This is in the Czech Republic in the mountains. You're also not hiking there. No, I'm not. No, but I mean there should be some gold coins here from the Civil War or something.

[00:43:54] How about a narrow head?

[00:43:55] [SPEAKER_00] Mm. Mm. That's what my mom said. I found three arrowheads you have to send to your friend Ray Romano. I said, or Jeff Foxworthy. Where'd you pull that one out of your ass, Mom? Ray Romano? No. It's Jeff. Jeff's the arrowhead guy. Right. I forgot. I'm surprised you remember Ray Romano's name. I'm like, that was good. That's not really. He's a comedian. Yeah, he's a comedian. Right. We're all in the same group. He's a male. They're about the same age. Good job.

[00:44:26] [SPEAKER_00] His coins are estimated. These are worth $340,000. How great is this for these two people? Yeah. I love it. The iron box. Oh. It also had 16 snuff boxes, 10 bracelets, a wire bag, a comb, a chain, a powder, all gold.

[00:44:43] Wow.

[00:44:44] [SPEAKER_00] How long was 600 gold coins? Awesome. Which, by the way, I don't know. I got to find this article. My brother got boned.

[00:44:55] For what?

[00:44:56] [SPEAKER_00] Because he went to that Arkansas Diamond Park. Oh, yeah. Well, some dude just found a 3.8. Yeah. Oh. Patrick was a month early.

[00:45:07] Mm-hmm.

[00:45:07] [SPEAKER_00] Uh-huh. Too bad, Pat. All right. Let's talk about this. We're moving on to news. I'll find the article about the guy. But 3.8 carat, a brown diamond, I think it said. I don't even know what that means. I don't understand.

[00:45:19] [SPEAKER_01] A dirty diamond.

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_00] Probably dirty. We'll clean it up. It'll be fine. Right? Okay. This, oh, here it is. Minnesota man finds 3.81 carat brown diamond at Arkansas's Crater of Diamond Spark. You're, Pat, you're a month late. Here's David DeCook. Yep. He's been there before. Yeah.

[00:45:42] [SPEAKER_01] Oh.

[00:45:42] [SPEAKER_00] He found it on April 21st. It's a champagne diamond. It's a champagne diamond. Eh-hoo.

[00:45:48] Yes.

[00:45:48] [SPEAKER_00] This is the largest one he's ever found. He's been there before. But they never say, like, what is that worth? I don't understand.

[00:45:57] How much is it?

[00:45:58] [SPEAKER_00] 3.81, but it's a brown diamond. So I don't know what that means. Champagne. Oh, champagne. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. So my brother was a month late. One carat starts at $2,500. One starts at $2,500? I would think it'd be a lot more than that.

[00:46:19] It's a shitty diamond.

[00:46:20] [SPEAKER_00] Is it a shitty diamond? Oh.

[00:46:22] Too much nitrogen.

[00:46:22] [SPEAKER_00] Well, it's still $7,500. Wait.

[00:46:24] Too much nitrogen.

[00:46:24] [SPEAKER_00] Three carats. It's almost four. So $2,500, $2,500. $10,000.

[00:46:29] That is terrible.

[00:46:30] [SPEAKER_00] No, it's not. $25,000 and $25,000.

[00:46:33] Okay.

[00:46:33] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. Yeah. Can we? Let's talk about this. There's too much nitrogen. Too much nitrogen. Of course I knew that when I flunked out of every science class ever. What's in a diamond, Kathleen? Magic. I don't know.

[00:46:49] [SPEAKER_01] Magic and fairy dust.

[00:46:51] [SPEAKER_00] The tears of the Virgin Mary that were clear and white. Oh. I don't know. Can we talk about real IDs in TSA? Oh, my God. They go to bed today. Okay, so if you live in Tennessee, if you're in Nashville, like if I, because I grew up in Missouri, we only got Missouri news, but Tennessee and Kentucky, the border is just two hours north, and so it's close.

[00:47:20] [SPEAKER_00] We get a lot of their news. They feel the need to just put it on. And Kentucky, they made a giant announcement about real IDs. We are not ready. We're not ready. We need to be moved. Again, it's been moved 15 times. We can't move it again. They kept saying May 7th. It is a shit show.

[00:47:44] Nobody.

[00:47:48] [SPEAKER_00] Who are at the local airport asking questions? There are people are driving to the Nashville airport. This is so, this is so, this is Missouri or Tennessee. Missouri would do it too. And they actually, even though driving to the airport to ask questions seems very throwback. Yeah. Like, well, fuck, I'm just going to go on up there and I'm going to ask somebody at that Southwest counter. Pick a ticket counter. It doesn't matter. Right. You don't have a ticket to anywhere. You just want a question answered. That might actually be faster than the phone these days.

[00:48:16] [SPEAKER_00] And it's probably, they won't email you back. I tried during COVID to get a global entry thing. It was just, and then finally one guy answered and he was a fan. He's like, he was like, wait, your voice. He's like, your voice sounds familiar. I'm like, that's weird. Cause I don't know you. And he was like, no, no, I know it. He goes, serious radio. Are you that lady? And I go, I am that lady. Cause I thought maybe he'll help me. And he tried to help me. It just kind of hit a roadblock, but he was very sweet. Um, but here's the thing.

[00:48:45] [SPEAKER_00] You only need this real ID if you plan to fly. Okay. If you don't plan to fly, don't worry about it. On your next time you update your thing, you can do that. There are people that just flying ain't their thing or they don't have any reason to. Well, if you do plan to fly though, you need the real ID. Now this was, this was all set up like in 2006. So this, you can't blame anybody new or recent. This was after nine 11 to try to make things more, um, secure.

[00:49:13] [SPEAKER_00] Um, it get a load of this though. Five States, five States. I'm going to tell you guys this cause it's important and you need to know it. A little bit might be boring. Starting May 7th. If you're in the United States and plan to fly domestically or enter federal buildings, Oh, Oh to enter a federal building. I not that I, I've followed my dad into a couple, but I was a kid. Well, a lot of them are close. You're going to need real ID.

[00:49:42] [SPEAKER_00] Um, this, this change will affect the vast majority of residents in the country. It's one more adjustment, but it's necessary to maintain national security. Except for the fact we don't have air controllers controlling anything in Newark and they're just out of touch for five minutes at a time. So don't worry. Your plan will be fine. I'm like, Oh my God. Yeah. Real ID. It's a form of identification that meets stricter federal requirements. You can recognize it by a gold star in the upper right corner. I have mine and my picture.

[00:50:11] [SPEAKER_00] I'm going to put my picture online. I look like a middle-aged lady who's killed three husbands in his tour and I'm totally fine with it. I don't even know why the fuck you're asking me a question about those three jackasses. Like, yeah, I look a little, and I didn't mean to look like that. And then I was like, Oh, but the lines were so long. I didn't think I could ask the guy, can I take another one? No. If I give you $8? I have no hair on the top of my head. I saw yours. It's terrible. You look like Bozo the Clown. I do. It looks like somebody who shaved my head. The middle of your head. He cut your head.

[00:50:41] [SPEAKER_00] Your head's too large for the frame. It is. It's the problem. That's a big head. Now, here's the thing. Five states are not participating in this.

[00:50:50] How do you do that?

[00:50:51] [SPEAKER_00] It's like daylight savings time. If you live in one... I know. Either it's a goddamn federal program or it's not. But we can't do a hybrid. If you live in Washington, Michigan, Minnesota, New York, or Vermont, you can opt out for a quote, EDL, an enhanced driver's license. Now, here's the thing. You're going to come to Nashville. Let's say you fly out. And then you're going to come to Nashville and present that. And they're not going to know.

[00:51:17] [SPEAKER_00] I presented my global entry card in a casino because I didn't have my real ID yet. And they told me no. Never seen anything like that. I'm like, it's a global entry card. It is a federal program. I had to answer a thousand more questions for that piece of shit than I did a goddamn driver's license. Oh, my God. I'm like, I just want to collect my jackpot. What do I got to do to get this $1,500 out of you people? Well, anyway, these licenses, your enhanced driver's license, meet federal requirement

[00:51:45] [SPEAKER_00] and allow you to cross land borders with Canada and Mexico in addition to serving as valid ID for domestic flights. The rest of the 45 states, this is going to cause, and there's already people tweeting, and I never thought about this. From line. From in line because this is going to drive me batshit too because I have to do it two, three, four, five times a week, fly, and I'm already the middle-aged lady that is losing patience quickly. And summer's coming. Summer's coming.

[00:52:15] [SPEAKER_00] And you're going to have some advice. I'm going to start my thing, advice from Aunt Kat on TikTok. And by the way, I need YouTube followers. Can you guys please go follow my YouTube channel? Thank you. That was something I've been meaning to ask. You can't wear flip-flops. Stop it. I'm going to go do a thing about that. If you're traveling this summer, as soon as summer comes, everybody's just got gross feet and all I see is stinky flip-flops. But for your own safety and protection, you need to wear tennis shoes. Well, even if you have to run for your next flight.

[00:52:44] [SPEAKER_00] You have to run for your next flight. You have to run from fire. You know, all of a sudden, Americans going, get out on the left wing. Fuck, it's hot. God, it's steel. Yeah. Anyway, so there's people in line now, and the people without the real IDs are holding up the line by a lot. Because they don't know. And then I feel bad. Like, there's people you can tell from the hills of Tennessee or backwards of Kentucky. They never even heard about all this. No. They don't even know what's going on.

[00:53:14] [SPEAKER_00] This is a real ID. Now, are they going to? Are they going to? I don't know. Here's what you got to bring with you. Generally. Generally. How about it's for real? Proof of identity, birth certificate or passport. Social security number. Two proofs of state residency. Proof of legal status in the United States. Well, what is proof of legal status in the United States? What is that? Isn't my birth certificate proof of that? Yes.

[00:53:44] [SPEAKER_00] I would think so. Some people don't have a birth certificate. My sister's twins were, the twins were taking their driver's license stuff. And Emily asked Claire, or no, they were applying for jobs. And one of them, my sister could overhear them having their powwow while they're filling out applications. Are we legal? And Kate's like, yes. What would make you think you're illegal? It says, well, are you legal to work in this country? I don't know. Like, do we have to have papers for that?

[00:54:12] [SPEAKER_00] She's like, they mean, are you a legal citizen? But these kids take things so literally. Oh my God. They're so funny without even knowing it. They were taking their driver's license test and it said eye color. And Emily goes, what should we put? And my sister like flipped out. She goes, your eye color. Emily, they're blue. Well, I don't know. Sometimes when we put on like gray sweatshirts, they turn really gray. And then other times they're almost green. Like grandma said they were green one day. And I was like, you're right. So what should we put?

[00:54:41] They're so silly.

[00:54:44] [SPEAKER_00] I would just love to live in their world for a day. It's too late. I can't take the time machine and go back. Not sure that I ever cared that little. I don't think so. I don't think I'm built that way where they're just like la-di-da. They got jobs though. They are volleyball refs. And they make like $21 an hour. What? Yeah. Shut up. Yeah. And they're not allowed to ref adult games because those people are psycho mean. It has to be kids. Anyway, here's what happens if you don't have it. Your real ID.

[00:55:13] [SPEAKER_00] Sorry, I diverted there. You could face delays and even be denied access when trying to board a domestic flight. This is the thing. You're going to get pulled aside. And then what? What are you going to ask me?

[00:55:23] [SPEAKER_01] Right.

[00:55:23] [SPEAKER_00] I have my driver's license. I don't have anything else with me.

[00:55:25] Right.

[00:55:26] [SPEAKER_00] Are you going to let me go or not? Do you get one warning? Do you get?

[00:55:30] Mine hasn't worked sometimes. They say go to the ticket counter.

[00:55:32] [SPEAKER_00] I know it doesn't work sometimes when I scan it in clear and it just goes bonk and a big red X. And then they're like, well, take your, if I have my eyeglasses on, they're like, can you take your glasses off? I'm like, yeah. How about you move the camera down? Cause you're only getting the top of my head and my eyebrows. Where's the one for children? I need to stand at that. And I mean, actual children, little people. I put something up on that on Twitter and Brad Williams, my comedian friend who is a little person. He's like, welcome to my life every day, Kathleen. I'm like, all right, I get it. I'll shut up.

[00:56:02] [SPEAKER_00] I'll complain. This was passed by Congress in 2005. Its main goal is to strengthen. Yeah. Passed national security after 9-11. So it never happens again. Um, it's, it's, I have to fly this weekend and I kind of can't wait to see, um, what's going on and where will I be flying out of Nashville? And there's some national breaking news.

[00:56:29] [SPEAKER_00] Oracle paid $60 million for land on the side of the river downtown. Oracle is coming in hot to Nashville. Congratulations. If you're an Oracle would get hired by Oracle or if you're moving here, here's, this is weird. Be careful when you're drinking down on Broadway. Canadian man goes missing from Nashville bar, wakes up in a field 30 minutes away with no phone or wallet. He was in a field very close to my house. I know exactly where this McDonald's is.

[00:56:56] [SPEAKER_00] And yeah, 30 year old Taylor, so-and-so visiting from Vancouver for a hockey tournament disappeared early Saturday morning after partying with teammates at Jason Aldean's kitchen and rooftop bar on Broadway. Not sure I've ever been in there.

[00:57:09] I haven't.

[00:57:10] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not the biggest Jason Aldean person, but I'll give your bar a chance. I just haven't had the, I would rather go to Morgan's. I would rather go to bootleggers. I would rather go to nudies. Even Tootsies. The music in Tootsies is so good. Each floor. Anyway, a teammate. So a teammate, he was going to a hockey tournament. Last recorded him dancing with an unknown woman, but he vanished shortly thereafter.

[00:57:39] [SPEAKER_00] And his phone was later found abandoned near Bridgestone Arena, which is right downtown there. Over 36 hours later, he was discovered at a McDonald's and Hermitage, almost 30, with no memory of what happened. He woke up in a field, missing his Apple watch, his wallet emptied, except for IDs and his phone gone. Hospital tests showed no drugs. However, roofie drugs go out of your system like that. They're gone. And like somebody that's smart can Google that, but I'd say three hours, four hours.

[00:58:09] [SPEAKER_00] He did suffer scattered bumps and bruises. The incident fuels growing concerns about safety on Broadway, which were several visitors recently reported being drugged and robbed. Drink spiking. Here's the thing. If you're going to order, this would be my recommendation. Well, my first recommendation is beer in a bottle because then nothing weird is happening and watch them open it. Yeah.

[00:58:36] [SPEAKER_00] But if you're going to get a hard drink, watch it being poured and handed directly to you and don't leave it with your friends or don't leave it. It's advice for my cat. It's advice for my cat. Yeah. If you like beer, stick with beer in a bottle. Wow. It's weird because I don't understand like, okay, he's seen with this unknown woman. Did she do it? And then a guy came and helped. She can't lift him.

[00:59:04] [SPEAKER_00] They said that there's rings happening. Oh, there's little rings. Cry rings. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh-huh. Because we're the best. It would be so easy to roofie some of those girls. They are so not paying attention. Not that I wish that to happen, but yeah. I mean, they're so hammered. They're like, they think they're peddling taverns. No, you're not. You're not.

[00:59:26] [SPEAKER_01] There's a motor.

[00:59:27] [SPEAKER_00] There's a motor. I don't think they know that though. They're like, come on, Sunday, faster. We got to get up the hill. I'm like, oh, girls, he's not, that man's doing that. You're not doing this. This is just so you think you're doing something. I don't know.

[00:59:44] [SPEAKER_01] Sing another song.

[00:59:49] [SPEAKER_00] Compared to what they would tell you if you Googled it. All downtown things. I'm not going outside and out. I mean, just me. Most people say downtown. This is cool. So the St. Louis Arch, which my dad helped build because he was a pipe fitter and they put pipes in there. This month, this goes till June something. If you're driving down the highway and you notice, you say, hey, there's the arch, you won't see it at nighttime. It will be dark. The lights will be off.

[01:00:18] [SPEAKER_00] May marks the peak of bird migration where they travel north for the summer. The gateway arch is located directly in the path of those birds. So the lights are turned off to help protect them as they travel.

[01:00:29] Wow.

[01:00:30] [SPEAKER_00] That's cool. Look at us being environmentally conscious and nice to animals. Well, whatever. Birds. 320 different species utilize the Mississippi Flyway where the arch is located during the migration period. They began turning off the lights in 2002, but only for two weeks during its peak migration. It wasn't until May 2023. We go dark for the entire month to let them all because there's going to be, you know, fatties in the back that can't keep up.

[01:00:59] [SPEAKER_00] They're going to be slower. Yeah. You got to wait up. Yeah. Um, yeah, I think it's awesome. But you won't see the arch at night. It's dark.

[01:01:08] Yeah.

[01:01:09] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know about airplanes, though.

[01:01:11] [SPEAKER_01] No, they'll have to do that a little.

[01:01:14] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, they got to do that. They have to, yeah. Oh, I would think so.

[01:01:18] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah.

[01:01:21] [SPEAKER_00] Well, yeah, we're running out of air. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll do that as my second career. How hard is that? Sounds hard. No, it sounds very hard. Um, this is funny. This amuses me. Although I know people go, oh my God, it's dangerous. I know, but everybody's fine. So the end of the story is fine. A seven-year-old boy drove his little sister nine miles in his mom's SUV to get her McDonald's because she wanted a happy meal. Yeah.

[01:01:52] [SPEAKER_00] Um, a hungry seven-year-old boy somehow drove his sister nine miles to get, oh no, we'd get a McDonald's breakfast with their shocked mom saying he's probably grounded for the rest of his life. Police in Ogden, Utah were first alerted to a reckless driver at 8 a.m. on April 27th holding off a chase when the caller said the driver appeared to be a young child. They were going to chase him. Imagine if he's in a car chase. Here's what I don't get. How tall is this seven-year-old? I can barely reach pedals. And I'm five foot one-ish. Small car, baby.

[01:02:22] [SPEAKER_00] It was an SUV. Shut up. A white SUV. It finally came to a stop when it hit a parking strip and the responders found the seven-year-old driver and his five-year-old sister completely unscathed. They realized at that point that the Pintside Dua had made it nine miles from their home in Clearfield with cash. They had cash. Cash in hand to buy Happy Meals at McDonald's. Their mom only found out that the kids were missing when the cops called on her and told

[01:02:50] [SPEAKER_00] her that the Wild Way had found two out of four of her kids. I absolutely had my heart in my stomach. I had no idea what was going on. I don't think anybody wakes up in the morning or goes through their day thinking their seven-year-old is going to play Grand Theft Auto with their vehicle. I'm not proud of him by any means. She's going to take the youngster to perform community service-style jobs for neighbors to, quote, serve his time. He's in a world of trouble. He's probably grounded for life. That's awesome. It's really funny.

[01:03:19] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, since nobody got hurt. She said he has some behavioral issues, and he may have been inspired by his desire to become a truck driver. There you go. There he goes. Yeah. He clearly watched. Yeah. You got to know. And if it's a newer, you know, he's got to know to press the brake, to push the button. Yep. A smart kid. He's very smart. Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk about some people that aren't so smart for a minute. What are we going to do with people in the selfies?

[01:03:49] [SPEAKER_00] The selfies. Two people fell down a canyon in Utah. I read this one last week. I didn't print it out. They had climbed on the opposing side of a rail where you're not supposed to go with their cat. They're both dead. The cat is alive. The cat survived. A cat? A cat. It's the 387-foot drop. The cat survived. They did not. Why are you going beyond the border? You know it's for a selfie. Well, this American tourist impaled himself at the Colosseum in Rome.

[01:04:17] [SPEAKER_00] The things these people do for selfies, like people my age, that would have been a dare for money. You'd have had to pay me a lot. Like, yo, you dare me? How much will you give me? You give me a hundred bucks to go over that rail and then take a selfie and come back? But at least that there would have been an incentive. These people are just doing this for shits and grins. American man impaled himself on a metal fence at Rome's Colosseum while attempting to snap a selfie on Friday afternoon. Listen to the details of this. This is horrifying.

[01:04:46] [SPEAKER_00] He's 47, so he's not one of the children. This is somebody who should know better. He was dangling. The 47-year-old was dangling from the fence and screaming until he fell unconscious after becoming badly wounded at the iconic Roman landmark. He was identified, he was an unidentified man, a U.S. citizen currently residing in Taiwan, was seen climbing the perimeter railings that surround the Colosseum's towering arches,

[01:05:11] [SPEAKER_00] perhaps to gain a better view, or as local press speculated, to capture a dramatic photo. Yeah.

[01:05:17] Yeah.

[01:05:17] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. For what? For what? Your followers to see? I mean, his quest for the perfect shot ended in a horrifying accident. According to El Mesajaro, the man lost his footing while scaling the fence and was impaled through the spine by a sharpened metal spike. Eyewitnesses rushed to call emergency services, and although paramedics arrived on the scene quickly, it took them more than 20 minutes to remove him from the spike. Thank God he fell unconscious.

[01:05:47] [SPEAKER_00] It was a complex operation. He was losing a lot of blood, and we had to work with extreme caution, a first responder told the paper. The tourist was transmitted in code red, a designation used for life-threatening emergencies, where the doctors performed emergency surgery. Hold on. He required more than 80 stitches, but by Friday night, the doctors declared him out of immediate danger and in serious but stable condition.

[01:06:14] [SPEAKER_00] The man who'd been in Rome with his family and friends for several days before was later questioned by the police. His travel companions were also interviewed but were unable to explain what had motivated his dangerous climb. No official statement has been released by Italian law, blah, blah, blah. Well, in 2021, two Americans were fined $900 for illegally sneaking into the Coliseum at night reportedly to drink beer inside the ruins. I'm a rule follower.

[01:06:41] [SPEAKER_00] I'd never, I would never, but I understand that more. Like, hey, let's go in there and have a secret beer. I would go in because there's like, there used to be, I'm not sure if there's still are, there's like. Lions. No, there's like a million cats.

[01:06:52] Oh.

[01:06:53] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah.

[01:06:53] Cool.

[01:06:54] [SPEAKER_00] A million, tiny lions. They're not lions. Tiny lions. Not lions. Somebody put on Instagram at Baby Laugh. Just think that we can have cats as pets. Like if they weren't pets, let's say they were at the zoo, you'd be like, you're not going to believe this, but the zoo has micro panthers and they're in every color and it's a style. I would go look at them if they, but I always look at Baby Cat and think you're really just a lion. A stupid tiger. She's a stupid tiger. Yeah. Where is my, my stupid tiger is hiding under the bed.

[01:07:21] Mm-hmm.

[01:07:21] [SPEAKER_00] Stupid tiger. She doesn't want to go outside. You're supposed to, it's 72 and sunny. She's like, if it was just 75. I've, she's such a pansy. Can I have a greenie? Yeah. Meh, meh. No, it's delectables or lovesome. She knows where they're at. She just, meh, meh, meh, meh.

[01:07:39] But you do it.

[01:07:40] [SPEAKER_00] I do do it.

[01:07:41] Yeah.

[01:07:42] [SPEAKER_00] She usually has one and then she takes a nap. She's just looking for a treat. Well, I get up and look for a treat. Maybe I get Skinny Pop. Maybe I get a Haribo Bear.

[01:07:50] Mm-hmm.

[01:07:50] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. She wants a treat. Maybe it's a treat. She doesn't have any hands. I have to do it.

[01:07:56] Whatever.

[01:07:56] [SPEAKER_00] Um, so this is just crazy behavior, people. Don't, for the selfies. Don't, don't, don't ruin your life. And I mean, this is like the guy at the Pittsburgh game that got overexcited. I cannot believe that guy's alive. I can't either. He fell 21 feet.

[01:08:11] Yep.

[01:08:11] [SPEAKER_00] It's only because he landed on his legs. He landed, his legs landed, not his head. I mean, and I feel bad. He looks like a normal 20-year-old. I think he just got way too drunk. And, but to, I don't know how you'd have the energy to, like, he propelled himself over.

[01:08:25] Yep.

[01:08:26] [SPEAKER_00] I'm, I'm sure it was an accident. I feel terrible. He thought the ball was coming to him. Oh, he thought the ball was coming to him? Well, he'd already got drunk the inning before and taken off his shirt and poured beard on himself. And here's the thing. The Pirates are not that good. Like, don't get overexcited. No offense. Pittsburgh people, Bill Crawford, my friend. I mean, that wasn't a selfie incident, but these incidents.

[01:08:49] Crazy.

[01:08:50] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. The selfie thing. Two people are dead and their cat's alive because you, yeah. Here's some good news. No, this isn't feel good. No, I'm not done yet.

[01:09:02] Good.

[01:09:03] [SPEAKER_00] American Airlines. Not my favorite. Yep. Because they're going to plan a $6 billion terminal in Dallas. Yay! Yeah!

[01:09:14] Yeah!

[01:09:16] [SPEAKER_00] Carrot Top was tweeting at some point. He got stuck at the Dallas airport for like 12 hours. And I'm like, dude, you just got to leave. He couldn't, though. It was the carrot. They just keep moving the flight, moving the flight. I mean, it is a Good Fridays. But, I mean, what are we saying when I say that? I'm excited to go eat at a Good Fridays? Right. I mean, not Good Fridays. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Religious.

[01:09:43] [SPEAKER_00] Well, I always like that they still have the old school potato skins. They do. They do. But the rest of the Dallas airport, it's just not cohesive. It's not, there's no, it's not good. And then you got to get on that, I call it the mine train at Six Flags, was the old roller coaster that was built on wood. And I mean, I can't even let my parents just dropped us off for the day and went, good luck. Great. I'm going to go ride the mine train 87 times. I'll see you here at five o'clock, mom. Um, they're getting a huge investment.

[01:10:11] [SPEAKER_00] Um, they were going to build 15 new gates. They've raised it to 31. I know this probably only matters to people who travel a lot, but for people who do, it's going to be, I'm going to be excited to go to Dallas. It'll make me want to go on American because I can go direct from Nashville to Dallas on American, but on Delta, Schmelta, I love my favorite, as we all know. Um, I got to go through Atlanta. Yeah. Let's just say you have to go to Dallas. This will make it a lot better.

[01:10:39] Yeah.

[01:10:40] [SPEAKER_00] Um, it's a long time coming. The whole airport's outdated. Now, on the other hand, I like the outdated part because each area has its own security. So the lines are never long and baggage claim is great in Dallas right now. Yeah. That could all get fucked up. I don't know. Kansas City didn't mess it up. Their new terminal is, I know the old one was like a bus station with a tornado. Every single thing was like tornado shelter, tornado shelter.

[01:11:07] [SPEAKER_00] Like they, St. Louis airport got hit by a tornado and we didn't have as many shelters as Kansas City. Kansas City, that's in the old one. Yes. Um, so that's great news for the Dallas airport, the Dallas people, jobs, lots of construction jobs. I'm opening this second. Spotted cow. I know I have to be able to beat Pinky Tito at golf. I can't have too many spotted cows. I need to focus. Focus. Um, how's Nicole's game?

[01:11:37] [SPEAKER_00] Nicole's game is coming along. She's learning. Um, she's very athletic though. She'll get it. That's why I'm like, don't go take lessons. Those people just fuck you up. Here's how you hold the coal.

[01:11:47] [SPEAKER_01] Let's go drink.

[01:11:48] [SPEAKER_00] No, lessons are for people that are, yeah, I don't know. I just don't believe in them if you're already, um, athletic. Uh, this is a shout out to all my, everybody knows I like minor league baseball. Savannah banana sold 81,000 tickets for their game, uh, in Clemson's football stadium. It's the largest, it's the team's largest audience ever. And the second football stadium they've sold out this year. That's crazy. Congratulations to them. Yeah. They're, they're flipping good. Here's what I don't understand though. Minor league people.

[01:12:17] [SPEAKER_00] Well, my friend Billy could tell me he's the equipment manager for the, um, the blue Jays, like if I'm a minor league player, the Savannah bananas are a little Harlem Globetrotty. You know what I mean? Like there, it's a very silly and a lot of dancing, but is that a team I would go to if I'm serious or not? No, not to go watch them to be a team member. Like, is that going to get me into the major leagues if I'm on the team? That's kind of goofy. I don't know. Well, they're highly entertaining though.

[01:12:46] [SPEAKER_00] And it's not a lot to go. So, um, oh, they have Broadway guys, but they can all play baseball. I know it's amazing. It is amazing. Um, here's one for you. Here's why every time I get an email from Southwest, it says I've made a list. I want to kind of vomit. I'm like, I know. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. My parents love Southwest. I can't believe this is so organized. I love the way you get in line on the, right?

[01:13:19] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. Yeah. And you have a dog and monkeys and whatever else is in this circus. But here's something on Southwest. This last week, Southwest passenger reportedly stripped naked and defecated on their seat during a flight to Chicago.

[01:13:33] [SPEAKER_01] Shit. Oh my God.

[01:13:36] [SPEAKER_00] The second worst airport. Well, they're going to Midway if they're on, they're going to Midway. So at least that's in the city. I mean, it's O'Hare so far away with the traffic. But you can imagine, I mean, first of all, I kind of wondered, you must have had an empty row.

[01:13:54] [SPEAKER_01] Yeah.

[01:13:54] [SPEAKER_00] You couldn't have had the middle seat. You wouldn't have made, unless you're really tiny. How do you get your pants down, jump up, go to the bathroom? I can't even, I can't even.

[01:14:03] [SPEAKER_01] I love that you're focused on the logistics. It's just. It's not that they shit their seat. Oh.

[01:14:08] [SPEAKER_00] It's so gross. The world's oldest person died at age 116. So now, that was Ina Canabaro Lucas, the Brazilian nun. And she was on Twitter and stuff. She died. But, so the oldest one now is a British lady. I thought I, wait, I thought I printed it out. It's a British lady. Dang, I had her secrets of old age. I must have lost it.

[01:14:38] [SPEAKER_00] I'll find it. I have a little more to expand on. Oh, here it is. Here's her seven secrets to living to 115 years old. Ethel Catherham. She's the new one, oldest. She earned the title on April 30th, following the death of a 116-year-old. We know this, the nun. Her secrets to living? No, I'm not making it to 115. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope.

[01:15:08] [SPEAKER_00] She has some secrets. Say yes to every opportunity, because you'll never know what it will lead to. Have a positive mental attitude and have everything in moderation. That is where I fall off a little bit. Depends on where I'm at. I mean, if I'm in Vegas, I'm not moderating anything. No. If I'm, I don't know. I just, I don't know. That's somebody who's like, let's have one beer today.

[01:15:33] No.

[01:15:36] [SPEAKER_00] She's very cute. She lives in a nursing home. She had a cake with 115. Let's see. What are other, oh. She, she got married in 1933. She, they got posted in, they had to go to Hong Kong. She established a nursery to teach English crafts and games for local children and British children.

[01:16:03] [SPEAKER_00] They had two kids before his death in 1976. She's outlived both of her daughters. See, I don't want to live that long.

[01:16:09] No.

[01:16:09] [SPEAKER_00] No. What do you mean it's fun? No, because the only fun in life is the people.

[01:16:14] Right.

[01:16:15] [SPEAKER_00] I always think about that. People and experiences. People and experiences. Like if you drop me off in Hong Kong by myself, I don't know one person. It's not going to be that much fun. I mean, until I go make friends.

[01:16:24] Right.

[01:16:24] [SPEAKER_00] You know? And then you don't speak the language of the bar. Yeah, I don't speak any. Super weird. Hong Kongese.

[01:16:31] Yes, I mean.

[01:16:32] [SPEAKER_00] I said that on purpose. That was a joke. Hong Kongese. Hong Kongese. I like Hong Kongese. They don't say the other, her secrets. I mean, it's moderation. She doesn't, you know, no smoky, no drinky. Or they have like one thing of sherry at night.

[01:16:54] Who?

[01:16:55] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, exactly. Hang on.

[01:16:57] Let's see if you can find them.

[01:16:58] [SPEAKER_00] I can't find them. No. It's clickbait.

[01:17:01] [SPEAKER_01] Oh, it's clickbait.

[01:17:02] Oh, yeah, it is.

[01:17:03] [SPEAKER_00] Let's go back, Bill Belichick. So, when I was talking last week about the medieval, Germany's medieval marital duels, I went down a rabbit hole and I found even better, this is so funny. In medieval Germany, if a husband and wife find themselves unable to resolve their differences

[01:17:31] [SPEAKER_00] peacefully, they had the option of engaging in a marital duel. Well, this was not a common practice, but it was legal and recognized as a legitimate means of settling serious disputes. But, okay, so we went over that last week. Here's the rules. Marital duels were not conducted haphazardly. They were governed by a strict set of rules to level the playing field between the man and the men's handicap. To counterbalance the presumed physical advantage of the husband, he was required to fight with one arm tied behind his back. What?

[01:18:01] [SPEAKER_00] Yep. Furthermore, he was placed in a hole that reached up to his waist, effectively limiting his mobility and making it difficult for him to overpower his wife. This constraint forced the man to rely on strategy and endurance rather than brute strength. The women's weapon. We were given a sack filled with rocks. I have a bag of fucking rocks. Oh, my God. And your head's popping out of a hole. It's now become whack-a-mole at the carnival.

[01:18:29] [SPEAKER_00] And every time you duck, I just wait for you to come back up and bash you in the head with a bag of rocks. Additionally, she wore weighted clothing, which served as a dual purpose. It slowed her movements, providing a counterweight to the husband's physical restrictions. So they got me in a big thing of armor. It also symbolized the burden of her societal position. The sack of rocks was a formidable weapon, capable of inflicting significant injury if white-wielded effectively. How big are the rocks? I don't...

[01:18:58] [SPEAKER_00] Well, the drawing... It's just a drawing. We don't have any pictures. They look pretty large. What if you can't lift them? Oh, my God. The duel itself was a brutal and desperate affair. Couples would engage in combat until one of them was incapacitated or surrendered. The stakes were high and the consequences of losing dire. This was not a sport, but a deadly, serious endeavor, with each participant fighting for their survival and honor. The outcome.

[01:19:27] [SPEAKER_00] If the husband lost, he faced execution by beheading. A swift and final end. If the wife lost, her face was arguably even more horrifying. She would be buried alive. Germany, settle down. Don't have so many beers when you decide these games. It got this guy out of hand at some beer hall. Yeah. And then... Yeah. It was all legal. Buried alive.

[01:19:56] [SPEAKER_00] I would have just said he can do whatever he wants. I don't care. Whatever. Leave. I don't care. Buried alive.

[01:20:01] Wow.

[01:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] What if he decided on that? I think a bunch of Germans got drunk in a beer hall and went, you know, they have... I got an idea. This will be fun. This little shout out. Comedian Ruth Buzzy died. She was 88, though. She was funny on Twitter up until a while ago. I guess she had to go in a nursing home. She had a stroke in 2022. But she was still funny. I liked it all. Unless somebody else was writing it. I don't know. But she was on Laughing.

[01:20:32] [SPEAKER_00] That was her big thing. She had a crazy career. Yeah. She had a great career. She was on The Monk. She was in the TV. I watched The Monkees.

[01:20:42] The Monkees?

[01:20:43] [SPEAKER_00] You never heard of that in Canada? The show The Monkees? Hey, hey, we're the monkeys.

[01:20:47] [SPEAKER_01] I know who the band is. I never saw the show.

[01:20:49] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, the show was fantastic.

[01:20:50] No.

[01:20:51] [SPEAKER_00] It wasn't as good as Bewitched.

[01:20:53] [SPEAKER_01] But it was... Didn't they all match and stuff?

[01:20:55] [SPEAKER_00] They did not match. No. And they were British. Oh, my God.

[01:20:59] [SPEAKER_01] Didn't they wear matching outfits and shit?

[01:21:03] [SPEAKER_00] Matching outfits? I don't remember The Monkees wearing matching outfits. I'm going to Google that. I met Davy Jones, the one guy, in a bar in Florida. And he told me... He knew I was a comedian, I guess, whatever. And he decided to tell me a dirty joke. It was the filthiest thing I'd ever remember. And he was like, my height. And I looked at him and I thought, aren't you a little dirty bird sitting here in Florida with your cocktail telling me dirty jokes?

[01:21:25] But...

[01:21:26] [SPEAKER_00] So that's sad. But great life. 88. Good for Ruth. She still lived in Texas. She would go to some diner all the time. Yeah, they have matching outfits in this picture. Oh, they do have matching outfits? I don't remember that. But I'll take your word for it.

[01:21:41] [SPEAKER_01] Okay, I'll show you later.

[01:21:45] [SPEAKER_00] Hold on. I have another... Because we're now going to do my weird facts thing. Because I like the idea of it. Because I like the weird shit. Although, like, I don't know. All the conspiracy crap that's out there. I'm just like, so what if it's true? Right. You know, I think... There was a podcast that had some CIA guy. Oh, we have a bunch of UFOs somewhere in a garage. Okay.

[01:22:15] [SPEAKER_00] Show them to me. Like, I'm so sick of the chatter about all this shit. And I used to be interested in all of it. But now there's so much of it. If it's true, show me. Let's do something about it. Like, what good is this chatter? If I don't get to see the dead alien or the UFO craft or... I prefer these kind of weird facts. Before there were alarm clocks,

[01:22:42] [SPEAKER_00] especially in Britain during the 19th and early 20th centuries, knocker uppers were hired to wake people up.

[01:22:50] [SPEAKER_01] Knocker uppers?

[01:22:51] Shit.

[01:22:52] [SPEAKER_00] There's a black and white photo of a man that looks like he's from, I don't know, the year 18-something, and he's holding a giant stick. They used long sticks or batons or even pea shooters and tap on windows at a pre-agreed time to ensure clients woke up for work, particularly in industrial cities. Some knocker uppers would serve dozens of homes each morning, but the job faded out as a...

[01:23:15] Alarm clock was invented?

[01:23:16] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, but some people still kept it because they liked it. I'd keep my knocker uppers. Yeah, I can fire him just because I got a clock. I would have the clock and not tell him and just let him do it and keep paying him. I'm like, I can't fire him. He's counting on me. I'm number four in his little... Yeah. You could get a rooster. The guy behind me has one, and yeah, there are days where I'd like to kill it, but I won't. But I, yeah, I'm like, is this within the county, city? Are we within the city limits?

[01:23:46] [SPEAKER_00] We are. I am. And I don't... So is he. But I'm not going to snitch on him. Poor rooster. All right, hold on. You're, by the way, your Canadian leader is meeting with Donald, and he said Canada is not for sale. Prime Minister Carney, very handsome little lad. I'm a fan of his. He was the head of the banks up there. Yep. I do know that.

[01:24:16] [SPEAKER_00] Well, yeah, he's all business, which is good. He's not passive. I like it. Which is good. I have two feel-good stories.

[01:24:23] Okay. Yep.

[01:24:25] [SPEAKER_00] One's a very old one. One's very new. After decades of service, Russell O'Grady is retiring from his beloved job at McDonald's in North Mead, Australia, closing a remarkable chapter that has inspired countless people. Russell, who has Down syndrome, first joined through a work experience program in the 80s, and he became a local legend known for his warm smile and dedication. His career helped break barriers and shift opinions of people with Down syndrome.

[01:24:53] That's awesome.

[01:24:54] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah.

[01:24:54] Yeah.

[01:24:55] [SPEAKER_00] Why can't he do the gig? Of course he can't. That's your feel-good number one. Feel-good number two, this is why you should have a cat.

[01:25:04] Oh, God.

[01:25:05] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah. The legend of Jenny, the Titanic cat, she predicted the ship's fate. It's a little story.

[01:25:12] Nice.

[01:25:13] [SPEAKER_00] Yep. Here we go. In addition to the 2,240 people that boarded the Titanic when it struck an iceberg on April 14, 1912, there were roughly a dozen pets. The ship's dogs, only of which three mated after the sinking of the ship, have become an interesting footnote in a tragic tale. Less known is about the cat that was aboard the vessel in the final weeks. Like so many aspects of the Titanic set, the story of Jenny the cat is shrouded in legend. Now remember, the odds are this is the Irish telling you this.

[01:25:41] Oh.

[01:25:43] [SPEAKER_01] Magical.

[01:25:44] [SPEAKER_00] I like it. My sister went to school over there. She goes, I'm in Irish history classes. I mean, they might as well just call it folklore that we believe. I'm like, oh. Oh. Okay. Well. Oh. Oops. Sorry. That's all right. So, Titanic's resident feline joined the ship while it was still in Belfast. That's where they made it.

[01:26:09] Okay.

[01:26:10] [SPEAKER_00] Didn't receive the same first class treatment as the canine passengers who boarded the ship Ocean Liner with their owners. Jenny was a ship cat, meaning she was allowed to roam the decks freely and help keep the rat population under control. With no one to smuggle her into a lifeboat, as was the case with two lucky Pomeranians and one Pekingese on board, Jenny's story didn't have a happy ending. The cat never turned up after the ship sank. She was presumed dead, which is sad, right? But rumors attached

[01:26:39] [SPEAKER_00] to Jenny put a brighter spin on her voyage. Stewardess Violet Jessup who made it off the Titanic in between surviving disasters on board the Olympic and the Britannica. I mean, at what point do you go, I'm not getting on boats anymore. No. Reportedly gave the cat, he reported that the cat, or she, reported that the cat gave birth to a litter of kittens in early April of 1912 before the Titanic departed for New York. Once aboard the ship,

[01:27:09] [SPEAKER_00] Jenny claimed a cozy corner of the galley where she and her newborns were cared for by an Irish stoker, I guess that's the guy who pokes the coal. The coal. Yeah. Named Joseph Mulholland. According to the story, Jenny didn't keep her offspring on the ocean liner for very long. When the Titanic left Belfast and docked at Southampton, a lot of people don't know that. It went to Southampton, England, and then a city that is now called Cobb, I say it wrong, before it went bye-bye-bye.

[01:27:40] [SPEAKER_00] It had a couple stops. So you could have just ridden the Titanic for a leg of it and gotten off, and then you would have experienced it, but you didn't get in the bad part. Anyway. The death part. Right, the death part. Mulholland reportedly saw the cat transfer her kittens to dry land one by one and abandon the ship. The crew member took this as a bad owing and let the boat leave without him.

[01:28:01] You're kidding! No.

[01:28:03] [SPEAKER_00] She took all of her kittens, which were all situated, he made a bed for her, I read this whole other thing about it, and she just one day was like, nope, we're out of here, and he saw it, and he believed it. A few days later, both Jenny and Mulholland's instincts were proven to be spot on. Based on this legend, the cat was able to anticipate what his builders and crew had deemed impossible. In addition to sparing her kittens and herself, Jenny may have saved the life of at least one crew member. This optimistic story

[01:28:32] [SPEAKER_00] has never been confirmed, but as long as Jenny's fate remains a mystery, da-da-da-da. I'm sure somebody saw the cat leaving with the kittens. It's weird when you see a cat marching around with its kittens, you're like, what the f*** is going on there? You need baby cat to do that when she comes out from under the bed? Baby cat. If it's 75, she'll save you. Right. Baby cat, it depends on the weather. Baby cat might save you, depends on the weather. No, she won't. It depends on if you have a delectable treat for her.

[01:29:01] [SPEAKER_00] Alright, we got some thank yous. Not too many this week. And then quotes. Thank you, UPS. Oh, Braided River. So this is the beer I liked. In Mobile. In Mobile. And they sent me a t-shirt and a koozie. So thank you because I shouted them out. I don't do that to get free shit. I'm just really saying what I really like, but I really love this shirt. So thank you guys. Secret Life of Cat's book, Life Magazine. Those aren't cheap, I know that.

[01:29:30] [SPEAKER_00] That's from Termite Cindy. A Manifesting Total Wine t-shirt. It is so funny. That one is from Senior Termite Claudia. Lexington Termites Kristen and Terry. They came to Charleston. So hand-knitted mittens and a winter hat. Cool. I'm all ready. Last one, Greenies and Bucker Catches Wisconsin Termite Pam. That's stuff that came in the mail. Thank you guys. Yeah, the post office is getting slower too.

[01:29:58] Post office gets weird.

[01:30:00] [SPEAKER_00] I know. Everything's getting weird. It's my girls up there said. We're going to do a quote. Let's do our saint first. We'll do our quote. This is in honor of my nephew, Sebastian. Sebastian, are you listening? Do you listen? I don't know if the boys listen. Saint Sebastian. This guy lived from the year 256 to the year 287. Wait till you hear what happened to him.

[01:30:27] [SPEAKER_00] He was in charge of athletes, soldiers, and archers. Archers. I mean, I know back then, archery, like they'd go, archers! And, you know, and that was the thing, that was one of the main ways of combat. But again, this man has too many gigs because they didn't have enough saints. And they're like, wait, I'm in charge of the athletes and I got this guy shooting a bow and arrow? I'm supposed to. Yep. Sebastian was schooled in Milan and made a captain in the Guard of Rome

[01:30:57] [SPEAKER_00] under the Emperor Diasaline or something who did not know he was a Christian. Sebastian converted numerous people to Christianity. The Emperor was furious at a betrayal during the time of Christian persecution. He ordered his men to take Sebastian to a field and shoot him full of arrows.

[01:31:14] Oh, God!

[01:31:15] [SPEAKER_00] Yep. When the soldiers thought he was dead, they left him to rot. A woman came to bury him and found him to still be alive. She nursed him back to health. Later, he publicly berated the Emperor for his persecution of the Christians. After the shock of seeing Sebastian alive, the Emperor had him clubbed to death. That's another fine little Catholic story. This is a good shit. I'm in fifth grade going, what did the guy do? Wait, he survived 17,000 arrow shots and then this Emperor was like,

[01:31:45] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't think he'd make it. Club him to death. No idea. Just get out a big old Flintstone club and beat the shit out of him. It's horrible. Let's do a Cher quote.

[01:31:55] [SPEAKER_01] Follow up by Cher.

[01:32:00] [SPEAKER_00] This is true. I saw this with my dad. All people my age, well, all people, especially as you, you know, Cher said, this isn't Vanity Fair. I've been screaming at the top of my lungs at my family. Work out! Work out! Old age is coming! Oh, what? Yes. Yes, I saw it with my dad. You want to have as many muscles as going into the bullshit as the storm of old age. It's going to get weird. This is a Dolly quote in honor of 40 years of Dollywood. If it hadn't been

[01:32:30] [SPEAKER_00] for my backwoods Barbie syndrome, meaning she looks the way she looks, I probably would have had no one paying that much attention to me as a songwriter. I would never have even gotten my chance to get my foot in the door if I hadn't been a freak to start with.

[01:32:45] [SPEAKER_01] She's freaky.

[01:32:46] [SPEAKER_00] Cue. I like it. Cue Chapel. Next freak. Freak number 847, please.

[01:32:54] She was prominent.

[01:32:56] [SPEAKER_00] She was at the Met Gala. I don't pay attention to that. I don't care about fashion. I saw it this morning. And I don't like, most of the people that attend, I'm like,

[01:33:03] it's kind of weird.

[01:33:04] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, I don't know. It's not, I don't really get it. But I'm not a fashionista by any means. This black hoodie is what I wear 90% of the time.

[01:33:16] Yep.

[01:33:16] [SPEAKER_00] Yep.

[01:33:17] [SPEAKER_01] I like your baseball shirt underneath it, though.

[01:33:18] [SPEAKER_00] I have a Tennessee Brew Works. I don't know where I, I think they sent this. I think it was free.

[01:33:25] You went there for the crawfish bowl.

[01:33:26] [SPEAKER_00] I did go there for the crawfish shot. and then the manager guy gave it to me, which was super sweet. And they made a women's small. Nobody does that anymore because it's too expensive because nobody buys them.

[01:33:36] Nope. What are you doing for Mother's Day?

[01:33:39] [SPEAKER_00] For Mother's Day, I don't know, whatever my mother says we aren't doing. What kind of fun are we not going to have today, Mom? No, we're going to make her go out. And then we're going to make her go on a boat ride.

[01:33:48] Oh, wow.

[01:33:49] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, because it's going to be nice. My sister's boat is ready to go and all souped up for summer. And... Is your boat ready to go? My boat is not ready to go. I'm waiting on Justin, my boat man. Okay. Yes, he's busy. But he's, maybe today. He might come today. You're going to go play golf

[01:34:06] with Pinky?

[01:34:06] [SPEAKER_00] I'm going to go play golf and pickleball needs to resume. It's just, we got to get into the weather that is not rainy. It's been so rain, it's going to rain the rest of this week too. It's next week, I think.

[01:34:15] Next week.

[01:34:16] [SPEAKER_00] Next week will be better, I think. I don't know. We can't be on slippery courts at this age. That is an absolute no.

[01:34:22] No.

[01:34:26] [SPEAKER_00] We have rules for old people. No jumping, no running backwards. You're fined. Your drink will be taken away if you do that. That's the fine. Seltzers. We don't even, I don't even know what the real score is. We just decide, let's play until 12 or we just make stuff up. I mean, we're not serious people. We're not, and I'm, I can't, although I will say occasionally like a ball coming, you think you can get it. I can see pulling an Achilles or something without thinking. You just naturally, yeah.

[01:34:55] [SPEAKER_00] I get a little too competitive, like not competitive, I just get motivated. Yeah, but there are a lot of old people getting hurt. Andre Agassi's gone pro. Can you imagine you go to, he's pro pickleball. Can you imagine though you show up to play funny and you're like, well fuck, it's Andre Agassi? I mean, this is stupid. Him and Steffi Graf, the two of them. Oh my God. Wow. No. Well, who are they going to play? It'd have to be like

[01:35:25] [SPEAKER_00] Martina and Chrissy. Like, or is there another couple where you were both tennis stars? I don't think so. You just have to make a pair and go, I can't think of another partnership where they were both, I mean, that almost seems like cheating. Ask Laura,

[01:35:41] she'll know.

[01:35:41] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, my friend Laura will know. She knows tennis.

[01:35:44] Yeah. Or Lorene.

[01:35:45] [SPEAKER_00] Well, Lorene knows everything about tennis. Lorene's the only person I know that subscribes to the tennis channel. I think you have to pay for that. There's a tennis channel? Yes, there is a tennis. She loves it. It's the best money she's ever spent. She watches everything. And I'm like, if you have all this information, why are you not telling your little Irish friend? Because I can go bet on, on, on draft games. Yeah. Yeah. I lost a lot of bets during hockey. I got to make it back up during golf.

[01:36:10] [SPEAKER_01] Okay.

[01:36:11] [SPEAKER_00] All right, termites, behave yourself. And...