Episode 221: Masters Week, An Irish Goat King, & The Wizard of Oz Flies Into Vegas

[00:00:09] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on. Hermites, welcome. Welcome to Episode 221. Hello from Stevie. Um, oh my gosh, I don't even know where to start. It's just been so much breaking news. It's been a bombastic week.

[00:00:38] My brother is snapping. Yeah, there's all kinds of people snapping. I'm not snapping. No, but I love it when other people are. Yeah. You can just dip it. Dip into the snap. I think you may have yelled at my mom. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Patience, Grasshopper. She's 83. I get it though, I get it. She's returning from Florida and she just doesn't know about her stuff. And then it gets into a thing about the stuff.

[00:01:06] And I'm like, I'll go back down after you just leave all your stuff. I'll go get it. And then, but those answers usually, they don't cut, they don't cut it with her. Cause I know I'm like, do you not believe me? Do you not believe that I will do that? Or well, it's just, you know, sometimes older people, they focus on things and then they hyper focus. And my mom can have a tendency to, um, she's just worried. Yeah. She's done her part. She's done very nice things. She took a bunch of stuff to goodwill. Good for you, mom.

[00:01:32] What are we drinking? For all the people that are snapping, here's a little day drinking for you. I've got a beignet Olay Imperial Blonde Ale from Fahlberg Brewing Company in New Orleans from Alabama Termite Amy. I think it's this one. Is this a, yep. Yeah. It's a really good can. It has pictures of beignets on top, which if you've never had a beignet, think funnel cake, a little thicker. Super great though.

[00:01:56] So yes, I had one at Cafe Beignet in New Orleans. Um, and then this is a, uh, Mr. Sippy, which made me laugh. Mr. Sippy Pilsner. Um, and it's got, it's a great can. Um, and that was from, um, it's from Key City Brewing in Vicksburg, Mississippi. And it's from Mississippi Termites Heather and Jerry. Mississippi, another state that's undersold as is Alabama. Um, Biloxi, one of my favorite places. It's not New Orleans. No, it's not, but it's great.

[00:02:25] Would you ever like to do a show there? I may be. Maybe, maybe Beau Ravage has finally accepted me. No, I needed people to die. I need people to get off the fucking road and get off the stage. If you're over 80, you're done now. You go home. You go, go back to your night night and go home. Um, yeah. Well, and Lou's retiring. So maybe I got his gig.

[00:02:45] Maybe. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ron's unretired, though. I did. I know. Then Ron unretires. I mean, Ron's not old enough yet, though. I'll excuse him for another five years, maybe 10. Yeah. Ron's fans are diehards. They're never going away. Every single week, they'll pay another $60 to hear the tater salad joke. They're never going to stop. They're never going to stop. I said to Lou, that's the thing. You didn't have a calling card joke. Right? No. Ron did. He should call him. He did. Tuna salad.

[00:03:18] Um, uh, he should do something more Jewish. Gefelte fish. Um, I probably said that wrong, by the way. What are we tasting? Well, look, I'm wearing, I'm wearing, wearing crawfish because I found the great crawfish in New Orleans. And if you don't know what you do with these, you just snap them and then you eat the meat in the tail. And then if you're brave and I am, uh, you suck the juice out of the head. Oh, it's so spicy. You can't leave it sitting there. You can't leave it on the table. No, it's delicious.

[00:03:46] Now you could squeeze it out too, if you want. And then you don't have to suck the head, but it won't really come out that much. You got to suck the head of the thing. And it's sort of like one time I saw a bear in Yosemite and he was, there was a dead tree and he was spending all of his energy and this giant bear to pull off bark, to get a roly poly. That's how I feel when I eat crawfish. I'm like, I am a very, compared to this crawfish, I'm a large thing.

[00:04:10] Anyway, these are Cheewees, barbecue cheese curls from New Orleans, Elmer's. Let me see who, who gave me these? It's a cheese truck, people. It's a cheese, okay. Brandon, Mississippi termites, David, from Brandon, Mississippi termites, David and Diane. They look like Cheetos and I love a Cheeto. Mmm. Nice. They're really good, they're barbecue. Oh. Mm-hmm. Wow, winner.

[00:04:40] A plus Elmer's. Cool. I love them. Nice. These are broiled crawfish chips. No, popcorn. Cajun pop. Hold on. I need my pen. I won't know what I'm reading. Hold on. We keep up with pen. These are, no, these aren't the gator chips. These are Cajun pop. Oh, popcorn. Ruby and Remy. Remy? Remy. Remy. I said that wrong.

[00:05:08] I think they gave you the... Hmm. That's good. Yeah. I wouldn't think I'd like it. I mean, I love crawfish, but I think it'd be weird on popcorn. Good. Yeah. Louisiana style. Cool. Bayou Bourne. Nice. Colonel's with a kick. They're right. It's popcorn with a kick. Cool. Yeah. Delicious. A plus. Nice. Two more things. We're moving on.

[00:05:34] A Reese's peanut butter and jelly big cup from New York termite. Michael, here's the thing. I thought about this after the last episode. My whole life, peanut butter and jelly, because we only had Welch's grape jelly. And I have a thing a chef sent me about jam versus jelly. I learned, we're going to learn something here today, termites. It's not just all fun and games and talking about dire wolves howling. That is so cool. Peanut butter and jelly, like did people make peanut butter and strawberry? They did, yeah. Really? Yeah. Unheard of in my household.

[00:06:04] But she never bought anything but Welch's grape. I just assumed all, I assumed all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were grape. Wow. When is that? It never changed until now. I mean, now. I just found out other people put like strawberry with peanut butter. Yeah, they mass produce it. Weird. You gotta be, this is a reason. They're called Uncrustables. Uncrustables? Yeah. Oh.

[00:06:35] Surprising. It's really good. Really? Usually. Because there's grape with it. Yeah. Wow. Usually I don't like it when they mess with the original. There's so many. A plus. So many things to learn about. Thank you, Michael. A plus. Last thing. Zaps potato chips. These are Cajun dill gator tots. So good. These are from Christine and Laurie. Already open, so I won't be bothering you with all the horrible noises. You're welcome. Wow.

[00:07:05] Nice. Three A plus. Really? Mm-hmm. Triple A. I'm telling you, if I was on death row, my last meal's Cajun, for sure. Yeah. I don't really know exactly what yet. Well, I'd ask for a crawfish boil. Yeah. That would take forever. I would find something that would give me more time. First of all, you gotta go find crawfish. Good luck. Because we'd be either in Missouri or Tennessee. And then you gotta boil them. Could take a long, long time, so I'll extend my life even longer because of my order. How smart is that?

[00:07:37] Some comedian a long time ago, I do not remember who, so apologies if they would be listening. I had a great joke that if they were going to the electric chair for their last meal, they would ask if they could take it to the chair and they'd want microwave popcorn. So when the electricity hit, he wanted Jiffy Pop because it comes out of the silver thing and it... Anyway. All right. Upcoming shows. Oh, my God. Orlando. Yes, I'm going to Gatorland. I'm so excited.

[00:08:07] Yes. St. Pete on April 12th, April 18th and 19th. Two nights in Napa. What, what? What? April 26th. Milwaukee. Two tapings of the show. Milwaukee, we got like a hundred... Well, we're going to drop like a hundred tickets because they did the camera placement. And I promise you it will not be cumbersome. And I promise you if you have a shitty view, somehow that will be fixed. But you probably will not. I'm just saying if you're worried about that, don't worry about it. You should be there for the opener. And you should definitely be on time for the opener. Just saying.

[00:08:36] June 7th, Wheatland, the Hard Rock. June 20th, Rancho Mirage just announced. Agua Caliente. I will visit my research assistants, Bob and Clark. Yep. Bob sent some breaking news at the very end as a good research assistant. I'll be going through that later. June 27th, Charlottesville, Virginia. June 28th, Bristol, Virginia. My good friend Karen Mills will be going along on those gigs. I'm very excited. Yeah. They're not so easy to get to. But she's very funny. She opens for Leanne Morgan a lot. Nice.

[00:09:05] But she's a headliner in her own right too. She's great. Yes. I'm trying to steal really good people. August 2nd, the Venetian. What, what? Vegas, Vegas, Vegas, Vegas. And then August 16th, the Cape Cod Melody Tent. What am I going to do with all my sister-in-law and brother? She didn't say of the kids. Oh, the kids are going with them too. Yeah. Kids. I say it. They're like fucking 58. All back. Darling, what about the boys? The boys are fucking 30.

[00:09:35] They're fucking 30. They're fucking 30. I'm sure they're just fine on their own. Yeah. All right. Before I get to it. So New Orleans, I've said it before. It's my favorite city in America. Never disappoints. Just top to bottom. I found a new place to get gumbo and stuff. I usually, the oysters still, I go to Oceana. But I like to stay in the French Quarter. I know it sounds touristy. But at the end of the day, I like touristy things.

[00:10:03] And then my brother's like, I can't believe you should go down to the San Francisco Morph and watch the sea lions. It's so touristy. I'm like, oh yeah, Pat. And then I go get a chowder bowl too. I sample them all. Because you know why tourists go to a certain place? Because there's something to fucking look at. That, oh, I went out in the middle of a field. I didn't see anything because that was not a tourist spot. There's a reason. The French, it's just, I'm about one o'clock is my out on the French Quarter. It gets a little nutty with the kids. A.M. 1 a.m. Yeah. Yeah. Not in the afternoon.

[00:10:33] Not that old yet. Jesus. Oh my God. It's 10 after 2. I got to go to bed. There's a hotel down there I love. So I went into the St. Louis Cathedral. So like if you ever go, it's not just all drinking. There's so much history there. And there's so much creepy Catholic stuff. I love it. I love it. I love it. But the St. Louis Cathedral, I'm like, yeah. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. John Paul II visited. They're super stoked.

[00:11:03] Lots of plaques about that. But I put a video on Instagram if you want to see the church. The Stations of the Cross. And I was thinking, you know, in a Catholic school, if you're not Catholic, just follow me here. Well, does everybody know the Stations of the Cross? Everybody got to know the Stations of the Cross, right? No. Really? You have to be Catholic. You have to? No. Oh my God. No, it's in every church. I thought. Maybe not. We don't. They don't learn that. They don't learn stuff? Okay. Well, so. I still don't know.

[00:11:33] So, they line them up. It's usually with plaques or stained glass windows. And then it's the death march of Jesus. Right. I mean, and then I think about these kids that, well, they need a safe space. And they can't hear these kinds of things. And if this was shown to them, I'm like, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I had to walk Jesus' death march again. And I'm like, okay, here's where they put the crown of thorns in. This is going to fucking hurt. Blood everywhere. I mean, talk about a horror story.

[00:12:03] Oh, Veronica's trying to wipe the blood off of them. And then she's going to get kicked out by some mean person. Oh, we haven't even nailed him yet. Haven't even nailed him to the cross. That's on the other side of the church. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But seeing them again, I just thought, wow, nobody. I was like, you know, eight. What'd you learn today? Well, the nails they used for Jesus and his feet. I mean, it was very violent when you think about it. But it made you happy. None of that stuff was happening in your house. So there you go. There's the upside.

[00:12:33] And I had Michael Somerville with me all weekend. It was just great. I went to Lafayette's. That's the oldest bar in New Orleans. Lafayette's. Sorry, I always say Lafayette's. Lafayette's. And I had a beer and a shot there. So fun. Ran into some termites. Took a couple pictures. Fun, fun, fun. And, you know. Did you have any jello shots? I did have a jello shot in a syringe. And then it comes in a giant medical syringe. I know. I'm too old for this shit.

[00:13:02] And then I thought I wanted another one. And I'm like, nah, that's too much sugar. It would be a horrible hangover. So I gave it to Michael. And then he got the hangover. Because he, yeah, he did his own. And I'm like, that's on you, Michael. Decisions are made by full-grown adults. Do you want it? If not, I'm just going to give it to a homeless guy. And go, here you go. Enjoy the night. There's, you know, there's enough laying around. They'll have a good time. And then drove from New Orleans over to Pensacola. Great drive on 10. And then Mobile, Alabama. I'm like, hey, that's where we're stopping for lunch.

[00:13:31] Because there's this place called the Bluegill. It's on a canal. It's kind of the bayou. And you can jump in an airboat and go on a gator hunt if you want. And it's so great. And then the wind, it was windy and not so hot. And gumbo. And just, they had a beer there. I can't remember what kind. River something. I don't know. It was wonderful. Pensacola. And Pensacola, the theater. I'd never been there. Shockingly. Well, not shocking. I just didn't think it would be. I thought it'd be fine.

[00:14:01] Just gorgeous. And their downtown was hopping. And then we were starving. What's the beer? It's the Braided River. The Braided River. Oh, my God. And it is. It was so good. Is this your new favorite beer? It's one of my new favorites. Is it? Yeah. It's cold. I'm going online and finding it. Yeah. The Braided River. Put it in the snow. Yeah. Braided River. Braided River. It's a Pilsner. Yeah. Pilsners are my favorites. So cold.

[00:14:32] Anyway, great weekend. Both shows sold out. Crowds are so great. Michael was great. Just no complaints. Even the flights were good. And I was dodging tornadoes. And there were tornadoes here. Oh, my God. Yeah. How's your house? Well, the house was struck by lightning, but it's fine. And I spent a bunch of money a long time ago on a generator because, once again, I was lied to by my builder. And he was like, no, you don't need a generator. Power hardly ever goes out. Power goes out here every goddamn five seconds. Now, I will say NES, National Electric Service, they're on it.

[00:15:02] They send you alerts. They're on it. It's just the grid isn't great. But the workers are on it. It's always fixed quickly. But if I'm gone, I want a generator. And in case you ever wanted a generator, here's some breaking news I didn't know about. I thought they'd be like 50 grand. You don't even have to have one for your whole house. You can just go. Like, I just got one. So I don't care about the upstairs. This is where the kids come. This is where they stay. This is. I don't even care. Except my, this is here. Baby cat likes.

[00:15:31] She's, baby cat's here for the podcast. She's chicken loafing under the coffee table. You can get a generator for just, even just one room if you want. So mine wasn't that crazy expensive. And it's come in handy. But thankfully, Aubrey, who is a wonderful person and is, yeah. Found Aubrey on Rover.com. In case anybody ever doubts that app, it's wonderful. She's a youngster who watches the cats. She has children. She's one of the children. Yeah. In a good way. Very successful.

[00:16:01] I built her profile for her because we need to find her a date. Her dating profile. Yeah, her dating profile. Yeah. Nice. I'm like, you know what you're missing here? You're half Comic Con nerd, but you're half super fun in a bar. And that is hard to find. It's very hard. That's usually full Comic Con or full fun in a bar. Too much fun in a bar. I'm like, you're the perfect balance. Come on, Aubrey. Let's spice this thing up. You're well-traveled. You own your own little home. It's a bad. Let's put her profile in the snow. Anyway, she helped with the cats a lot because they were terrified.

[00:16:31] And they clearly have been there. They all got in, though. Everybody's safe. Even Cedric. You can't catch Cedric. But he's out on the porch this morning looking for his wet food. This is when you know you're crazy, when you start leaving instructions about your animals. And then you realize, oh, I'm like, now Cedric has a choking issue. And he will not eat dry food. So what I do is I give him two of these meow mixes that an old lady at Kroger told me were super great. But I think they're a ripoff. But the old lady, I'm sure, likes them because they're easy to open. Boom.

[00:17:04] Cedric will not like it if Kato eats the sauce first, which she does. She does. And then Kato's a pig child and eats all the sauce and leaves the meat for him. And he can't. He's choking anyway. Kathleen, this is getting weird. It's getting super weird. I know. It's too late now. Train left the station. There's no brakes putting on it. I don't know. That's our new t-shirt. Not feral. Not feral. Yeah. Not feral. They are not. Even Chapo now. I think the tornadoes did it. He's in my lap. He won't leave. Yeah.

[00:17:35] This made me laugh. So there's a termite, Addie. Yep. Which is a very cute name, by the way. I always liked that name. She went to the Taco Bell wedding. No way? Yeah. She was invited to one. Here's a small review. She said, consider me a field reporter because I actually attended one recently. She said, finding this is an honest review. Finding the chapel was very difficult. There were, there's construction. It's not very well marked.

[00:18:02] However, when you enter, you are met with a night club complete with a DJ. Wow. Yeah. You go upstairs and you'll find the chapel. Also a full bar. The chapel is to open to the club and open to the street below. This is a great, this is great if you don't want to pay for a violinist, but bad if you don't find T-Pain and street racers romantic. The chapel is small. It fits about 20 people comfortably.

[00:18:31] Um, I did the highlights. The ceremony is five to 10 minutes. Um, and assigned officiant had lots of Taco Bell themed jokes that make you laugh, but also cringe a little bit. That's fun. Yeah. Um, dinner was a fine selection of soft and hard tacos. They're I'll take either. Yeah. I'll take either. Most people got the spike Baja blast slutches. You got to choose your liquor, which I liked. Um, prices were reasonable. You're going to drink rum.

[00:18:58] I paid $40 plus tip for a huge Baja and four shots of tequila. All right. That's yeah. Um, she loved the cinnamon cake. That's your dessert. Do they really do that at Taco Bell or they just add that? I don't know. I've never, um, they should be churros. It's Taco Bell. Right. Maybe it is. Um, overall as a guest, it was a lot of fun and a cool experience. If you're ever invited and before the trip, you should go. However, for the bride and groom, you don't get much for your 770. And $7.

[00:19:27] Unless you're all about the Taco Bell, it's probably isn't worth the money. That's all for now. This has been termite Addy on the scene to give you the latest. Good job. Good job. Yeah. I don't know if I'll get invited. I might be too old for people to do. Maybe one of my nieces or nephews will do it. Xavier would do it. He'd love it. I'm going to tell Xavier to do it. Um, and then, uh, I'll put this in the thing. Anyway, let's move on. A couple of team emails that made me laugh. Listening to last week's five. She met last, uh, uh, Tracy.

[00:19:57] Uh, I guess that's it. He, she, girl. I think it's a girl. Um, when you were joking about, about, I was joking about alligators. My mom thinks they're everywhere in Kiowa being in a hotel room. Well, it happened in Northern Michigan. What? Yeah. He was real friendly. Detroit man leaves alligator behind in Sheboygan, uh, motel. Wow. People leave all kinds of things in motel rooms. Dirty t-shirts, toothbrushes, sometimes a wall or set of keys. But at the Pine River Motel in Sheboygan, a man, an animal handler actually left his three

[00:20:26] foot long dwarf alligator Wally. Oh God. How do you forget your alligator? Oh my God. I'm sure he does. The manager does. He had no idea the alligator was spending night, Thursday night in his hotel. We went in to clean the room and my nephew looked under the bed there. Wally was there. He was a real friendly gator. So I didn't feel real scared. He let the police officers hold him and all that. I mean, it was a really friendly alligator.

[00:20:57] It's because you know what? This guy takes Wally to elementary schools and shows him to kids. Um, he drove back from Detroit and pick Wally up Friday night. He thought he had escaped in the wild. He thought it got out. He looked for him, but he couldn't find him. There's no way you could miss this three foot long alligator in a motel room. You really, well, if he's under the bed, but I mean, wouldn't that be somewhere you'd look anyway? See, that would be the hotel room. My mom would get and go, I told you, God damn it, Kathleen. There's alligators everywhere.

[00:21:26] Um, um, okay. This is important. Well, for me, maybe everybody else already knew this shit. I don't know. I think you had to grow up. You had to grow up with like a grandma that liked to make jam or you had to have money. If you didn't have one of those, you got jelly. Yeah. Grape. Grape. Welch's giant tub of it. $4.99. That's going to be the year you're going to eat that shit for a year. I would have died if she would have introduced another flavor.

[00:21:56] I wouldn't even know what, I mean, I would have tried it, but I would have been shocked. Don't you like strawberry jam? I do like, I like strawberry jelly. Jam. I don't like the consistency. It hunks up. This, and she's going to tell me why. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Termite chef Michelle. Whoa, chef. She's a chef. Nice. Jam is a thick gelatinous mixture that is created by boiling mashed or chopped fruit,

[00:22:25] pectin thickening agent, and sugar. It is boiled until the fruit is soft and has a semi-smooth consistency. Jam can be used in pies and pastries because of its consistency. Jam can also be used for toast, biscuits, et cetera. Jam may also contain chunks of fruit. That's the part I can't level out on the toast. That's what I don't like. You don't want like a half a strawberry? No, I don't. Jelly is made by boiling fruit juice, sometimes teas, liqueur. There we go. Liqueur.

[00:22:54] That's why I like it. Pectin and sugar. Yes. Jelly is best as a spread for toast and biscuits. Yes. Thank you. That's right. I've been validated. Did you ever say like marmalade? I don't even know what marmalade is right now. So what is that? I thought it was British. It's not British? No, they have it at Kroger. They have it at Kroger? I don't know. Marmalade to me was a dog, wasn't it? A great thing named Marmalade.

[00:23:24] What is it? We're going shopping after this. Well, this is another thing. I'm sorry, but I don't think many Midwest people could define that. Marmalade? No, not if that was on the SAT. What is marmalade? I hope it's a multi-answer, pick the right answer one. No. What is it? We're going shopping. You just... Yeah. Rinds in it? It's got rinds in it? Yeah. Gross. I don't want to eat rinds.

[00:23:56] All right. Well, I'll try it. Well, Chef Michelle, what the fuck is marmalade? Never heard of that either. You know what? Nobody's offering you this at the Waffle House. No. You want some marmalade? You never heard that at the Waffle House. No. They're like, jelly's on the table. Right. Thank you. That's why I come here. Yeah, and it's Smucker's. It's not Welch's, but that's fine. Oh, God. Queen news. Queen news. Jesus. Dolly. A bit busy. She's always busy. Does this lady ever sleep? No.

[00:24:25] She has blue jeans called Jolene's. Get it? It's a collab with Good American. It'll make any butt look good. Oh. Yeah. The legendary singer has teamed up with Khloe Kardashian and Emma Greedy's denim brand to launch a limited edition lineup, Dolly Jolene's. The collection? A play on one of them. We know. So, she modeled them. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Great.

[00:24:55] But she's so thin. She's tiny. Yeah. We needed another model. Okay. Like of normal people. They're from $64 to $229. Wow. Size is range. Whoa. Wait. What? From 0-0 to 30 and extra small to 5-2. I call them five times. It's 5X. I always, when I first saw that, I'm like, two times? Does that mean two times? There's something for everyone. She did it. Great. All the way up to 5X.

[00:25:24] Her butt looks good, she said. They're not padded. There's no lifts in them. But the way they're stitched in the pockets and the fabric, they make any butt look good. There you go. Don't say we're not. No. Work of the Lord. Work of the Lord here. Yeah. Go 64 to 220. Tell me something. That's okay. Yeah. I don't know. I don't really understand where these are being sold. Online. Online. Oh, just online? They're sold out. They're sold out? Basically, yeah. Wow. Well, the thing is, when Dolly says sold out, I believe it. When the Harkles say it, I don't believe it.

[00:25:54] I think it's another bullshit. We're going to talk about that in a second. I completely made up. Well, I didn't make it up. I saw it on Instagram that Cher was going to be in a movie that Martin Scorsese directed it, and she looked like a haunted person. I guess it was an April Fool's or something, but she is going to be in a movie. Cher and her son, Chaz Bono, executive, produced the horror film Little Bites. Now, they premiered in 2024, but now it's streaming. Yeah. It just came out on streaming. Yeah. It made $8,000 opening weekend.

[00:26:24] $8,000? That's too bad. That's all it made. Chaz is in the movie, too. The theme, the film explores themes of parenthood and the lengths people will go to protect their children, which is a recurring theme in horror. Cher supported her son, Chaz Bono, at the premiere. Cool. Yeah. So there you go. If you want to go see it, it's called, oh, it's directed by Spider-One, written by Spider-One, produced by Spider-One. Oh, my gosh.

[00:26:55] I'm not sure she's actually in it, though. I think she produced it. She executive produced. Yeah. Chaz is in it, though. There you go. Great. I have no other king or queen news. Jelly's rolling around doing his thing. Snoop's bar open. Tay-Tay's quiet. Snoop's bar open. Snoop's bar open, but I haven't been there yet. Maybe next week I'll have time. It's closed on Monday and Tuesday. It's closed on Monday and Tuesday? I think so. Oh, my God. Is that what Laura said? No, no. Laura Delta was at a different bar. Yeah. No, it's not going to be closed.

[00:27:24] Nothing in Nashville is closed on Monday and Tuesday. Well, that's like... Uh-uh. Yeah, just what's new bar? Still Gin Lounge. Still Gin Lounge. Yeah. It's in the basement of the George Jones, old George Jones deal. Uh-huh. All right. Update! Well, yeah. That's all my king or queen news. Everybody else has been quiet. Yeah.

[00:27:52] Green Bay, you're getting a Buc-ee's in 2026. No way! Yep. Green Bay is coming. Buc-ee's is coming to get ready. We repeat, the beaver is breaching the tundra. Wow! How exciting is that? Update! The Harkles. Oh, my God. I don't even know what is the matter with these two, and I don't know what's the matter with the people they hire. Let's say I didn't care about these people, which I don't. Right.

[00:28:23] Clearly. I'm obsessed with it. Everybody knows why I feel this is a podcast, because this movie's already been made. We've already seen it. It's a tad different, but not really. Never quit the royal family is the message here. It's your only calling card. Mm-hmm. So she launched her as ever. The jam has not gotten good reviews. It's actually very soupy. It looks gross. What did you say about packaging?

[00:28:53] Oh, yeah, that we were supposed to put Sullivan. I'm putting Sullivan's love note to me once I get one. She sold a bunch, and then they didn't have it, and she had to send out a giant apology that the orders were happening so quickly. I mean, really, tell us how many you made. Right. When you say sold out, because you had three? Right. It's bullshit. It's the oldest marketing trick in the book. So it was the honey. People were complaining.

[00:29:21] They ordered it, and she apologized directly to disappointed customers. Or maybe this is part of their marketing ploy. I mean, I'm sitting here talking about it, so maybe it's working. I don't know. It's just because you hate them. I don't hate them. I just know. Well, they're both kind of narcissistic, and he's a little bitch. I used to feel sorry for him, and this and that, and then I just see the way he behaves, and I'm like, no, you're just a spoiled, rotten little prince. He's in the UK today fighting against him.

[00:29:50] He's in the UK fighting against him because he didn't get enough bodyguards or whatever. You don't even live here anymore. No. You quit. Quit. That's the other thing. I think this is the Jack Madigan in me talking. You quit, because my dad would never let us quit anything. No matter how much. If we agreed to do it, you had to finish it. That was always the thing. I'm like, I don't really think I'm cut out for track. I probably made a mistake there. My dad's like, you get out there and jump a hurdle. Okay, but I'm going to have impetigo once all those cinders go in my knee, which I did. What? Yeah.

[00:30:20] Impetigo. Impetigo. It's an infection, and then it spreads. You don't know what marmalade is? What impetigo is? Well, that's why I heard Hoda one day on the Today Show. After she already went and bought these children somewhere, she's like, I've never heard of impetigo. I'm like, what? How old are you? What do you think? Impetigo. Yes. Marmalade. Impetigo. Well, I don't know fancy jams, but I know what an infection in your knee looks like. Holy Christ. That's so stupid. Mm-hmm.

[00:30:50] Anyway, I don't, I don't, I don't think that's going to work. We'll see. But I mean, they have enough money to pretend like it works for like a year or so. A year? I'd say. Yeah. Update! Update! There's a new Banksy. Oh. It appeared overnight in London. Yep. And it looks like a girl, I can't tell what it is though. It looks like a girl holding what would be balloons. You only see the back of the girl, but they look like horseshoes.

[00:31:20] Let me see what it is. New artwork was spotted yesterday morning in Clerkenwell Green in Farringdon. The graffiti expected to be a Banksy due to its style can be found on a boarded up public toilet. Efforts are underway to protect the art with a notice apparently telling passersby not to tamper with it. IT worker Ian Branch, 40, was told about the art when he entered his office today. I was rushing into work at 9 a.m. and my colleague told me, we cannot believe our eyes.

[00:31:48] There was quite a few people turning up taking pictures. Ian revealed a surprising reason why he's convinced the artwork is actually from Banksy. There is the gold paint at the top, which looks like balloons, that was already there beforehand. What Banksy seems to do in their toilet seats. Oh, I get it. Oh, because it's a public. Okay, I thought they look like horseshoes. Oh, I get it. Isn't he clever? He's so clever.

[00:32:18] I love it. So there you go. If you live in that town I just tried to pronounce, you can go check it out. Are you getting a horseshoe? They're around, but it's got an edge on it. It looks like a horseshoe. Maybe that's my gambling problem side talking. I don't know. Wow. Update. So many. Update. Sad update for me and the families of the people that are missing from Malaysian Flight 370. I think we're the only people that care left.

[00:32:48] The search for missing Malaysian air flight has been suspended until the end of the year. That's terrible. This has to be resolved before I'm dead. Why that time? I'm going to tell you. It's the weather. Due to poor weather conditions and will only resume at the end of the year. Now, here's the deal, guys. It's only April. How do you know the weather's going to suck until December? That's a little bold. Even Jim Cantore wouldn't go that far.

[00:33:19] They did not say why such a prolonged delayed was required. In the southern hemisphere, it is now autumn and poor wintry conditions are expected to predominate for several months. Well, I don't think we should do that, though. I think right now is not the season. I think they, Ocean Infinity, have stopped the operation for some time and will be beginning to resume the search at the end of the year. Transportation Minister Loke was quoted by burn blah, blah, blah. Doesn't matter. So that's it.

[00:33:48] The no fine, no fee, $7 million thing is suspended. Sad times. Well, at least we keep people safe, I suppose. Update! This one makes me laugh. The Fyre Festival is not happening in Mexico. Organizers claim the government screwed them. What? I want to know who bought tickets and I want to know how much he's made so far because none of this is going to be a reality. No. Fyre Festival 0-2 will not go down

[00:34:17] in Playa de Carmen, Mexico next month, the organizers say, because they got royally screwed by the Mexican government. You changed your venue from Isla Mayoria and then you went to Playa de Carmen. They didn't even have time to screw you. No. It's been two weeks. He's such a psycho liar. I do not understand why anyone would give him, I wouldn't give him a dollar for a soda. Like, he's just, ugh. Ugh. TMZ is, uh, TMZ, has obtained messages sent by a, uh, fire festival event producer saying that they've been backstabbed

[00:34:47] by Mexican officials. Not mincing words. Just because you tell Mexico something's happening doesn't mean it's going to and it's not up to them to make sure. They say they, they quote, fucked us. Sorry if the children are listening. According to the event producer, the government is acting like they had no idea the festival was going down in May. Well, because you just told them two weeks ago. Right. And hey, guess what? We have vacation people that already have reservations. Yeah. Um, uh, the government, they, the government, this is them saying that, posted on Instagram

[00:35:17] giving their blessing and support. No, they didn't. No, they didn't. The event producer isn't holding out hope. The government is totally lying and at this point we're not doing any event there anyway and we plan on making it very public and showing all the evidence. Do you think anybody like me that would have a reservation at a nice hotel in Playa de Carmen, do you think I'm going to be mad that the Mexican government quote, screwed Billy McFarlane? No. No. Don't. Just don't. Don't do this. Shut up, Billy. Updite?

[00:35:49] Um, my friend, research assistant and friend Bob is very upset but I believe we've talked about this on this podcast. I have never seen The Wizard of Oz and I will never see The Wizard of Oz. It got turned on as when I was a kid, I was probably seven and I was like, terrifying. Turn it off. Turn on the Brady Bunch. This is fucked up. I'm not watching it. Or Hogan's Heroes. I don't care. Or Bewitched. I loved any of those. I have a wide variety of interests. I don't like the tornado thing. I mean, that could have happened in St. Louis in a half a second.

[00:36:19] It's very real to people. It happened here over the weekend. Yeah, it happened here over the weekend. There actually was one that touched down kind of close to the house and it wrecked the doll store. I don't even... Even doll store? It's not open. It's like creepy old dolls that are in the window and it's like trapped in time. Maybe the dolls summon the tornado. Maybe the dolls summon the tornado or maybe the dolls come alive at night. Oh! And then they sit in the window in the day

[00:36:48] and look like dolls. I don't know. I'm sad for those... I don't know. There's two guys that own it. Whatever. The Spear's next big bet is The Wizard of Oz. It's going to debut a fully immersive version of the 1939 film in August and it will debut a film... I'm not going. Why? Because I don't like it. Aw! It's terrifying. So there used to be at the MGM there used to be

[00:37:18] The Wizard of Oz bar and once an hour you'd hear ha ha ha like a witch's voice and then the whole ceiling would turn into flying monkeys. Oh cool. It was something to see but I don't want to see the... I don't like the beginning I don't like being lost I don't like tornado damage It's just... No. Not into it. They're going to... Here. It's coming this summer. Wow. Sphere Entertainment the company behind the fear says it will launch a fully immersive...

[00:37:48] It says it worked with Warner Brothers Discovery and Google Magnapis to develop a version that will maintain the integrity of the original while pushing the boundaries of the Spears experimental medium. Wow. Right. That's cool. Now the flying monkeys will be fucking real. That'd be awesome. Well maybe I would if it's going to go this far. Yeah. Maybe. I mean this is a way to see it. It's better than the movie they're showing.

[00:38:17] The house movie they show is so sad and then it just makes you feel like a piece of shit and the whole world is going to be bad because we have too much trash and plastic and then when you walk out I wanted to get a souvenir and they're selling a plastic cup I'm like have you not seen the movie they're showing in there? It's terrifying. It's not blinking. Yeah and my cup is blinking and it's got a giant plastic straw. I bought it to show on here. Anyway. Just so here's an update. Here's who's at the Sphere that's coming up if you care.

[00:38:46] Just keep the termites informed if you're going to Vegas. The Sphere is definitely something to see. I would not want to see a concert there per se unless it was one where you do edibles like Fish or The Grateful Dead and then you experience all the graphics. I don't want to see Stevie there. No, no, no because Stevie looks like an ant no matter where you sit. I want to go to see Stevie come out. I prefer Stevie outside in the wind. Yeah. Well there's certain people that are just better outside. Stevie, Florence and Machine there's just people that are better

[00:39:15] and then there's indoor people. Like yeah. Anyway. Here's who's going to be there. Indoor people. Indoor cats as I call them. Stevie's more of an outdoor cat. The Eagles they're there all the time if you're into that. Dead and Company that's for Dorf. He can eat his little edibles and I don't know. Yeah. Kenny Chesney I can't tell. That'd be fun. I don't know anything he sings. Backstreet Boys Hard No. Hard No. Hard No. Unity

[00:39:44] I don't even know what that is. The Elite I don't even know. Who's Unity? No idea. Okay. Well they're going to be there August 29th blah blah September 19th blah blah a lot. Google it. Infinity? No Unity. Unity. Who's that? What's that? It's closed on Monday and Tuesday? God damn it. Nothing in Nashville is closed on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing!

[00:40:13] It doesn't open until 5 every night. 5? Every night. Every night. Alright well I'll get down there. Unity. Unity. Unity. It's a band. Is it for the children? Welcome to. Welcome to Island Time. Oh a reggae band. Well I like reggae. I love reggae. But I have never

[00:40:43] well it's broken. That's what happens when you snoke too much of the the dirty weed. Yep. It's probably been broken for like a year. Nobody gives a shit. This is from Research Assistant Heather in Arizona. Galapagos. I can never say this right. Galapagos. Galapagos.

[00:41:12] Tortoises at Philadelphia Zoo become the first time parents at nearly 100 years old. What? Yep. I remember one time when my mom had some sort of tumor in her stomach but they didn't know what it was yet and I go maybe she was like 65 or older I go maybe it's a baby. wouldn't that be great? We could all have a late baby and take care of it. She's like if it's a baby I'm killing myself tell your father I didn't mean it but I'm doing it. She was done having kids.

[00:41:42] So a pair of critically endangered the 100 years old tortoises at the zoo of Philly Zoo become first time parents in an announcement on Friday the zoo said it's overjoyed at the arrival of four hatchlings a first in more than 150 year history. Wow. The babies are offsprings of female mommy and male female mommy they called her mom that's her name and male Abrazo the zoo's two oldest residents. Cool. Yeah. There was a kid who worked at Gatorland

[00:42:12] and there was a giant tortoise You get to go see the turtle Yeah, you get to go see the turtle and everything and there's gators and the bobcats but I said she was very young but probably 21 if that and I go that tortoise looks really old how old is that thing? She goes I don't know I've spent here since I've worked here Yeah, I know that I meant like is it a hundred? That's why that's why I love the children I don't know Whatever It's been here since I worked here Hope for the future Yeah

[00:42:45] They weigh the amount of a chicken egg the first egg hatched on February 27th Cool So there's gonna be four That's cool Oh my god They call her mommy that's her name Mommy arrived at the zoo in 1932 Meaning anyone who's visited the zoo for the last 92 years have seen her Oh my god She's one of the most genetically valuable tortoises in the Association of Zoos and Aquarium Species Survival Plan She's also

[00:43:15] the oldest first time mom of the western Santa Cruz Galapagos species So people had no tortoise food The tortoise had food Yep Oh unity's just an experience not a band It's for insomniacs? It's very futuristic Futuristic? Yep Nothing you're saying is appealing to me No You would hate this Alright We're gonna

[00:43:45] We're gonna Well A snake was found for the first time in Ireland ever recently You know March This is the holy shit they found it Oh I gotta do my watching thing I forgot After What are we watching? Squirrel Come on So that's the whole thing There's no snakes in Ireland And then the myth is St. Patrick drove them all out of Ireland Now as a Catholic I might believe that I don't expect others to believe that

[00:44:17] But it probably came in a shipping thing And then a guy saw it But here Okay Wait a second Is it a cobra? No The usually tight-knit population on Smiling Island and west of Ireland is being split by an issue no one saw coming only a few weeks ago when the community came to as usual to celebrate St. Pat's Day within the annual snake hunt festival And the cause of the conflict on Clare Island in Clue Bay County Mayo couldn't be more pertinent

[00:44:47] It revolves around the mysterious recent arrival of a real snake on the island A whistling one no less known scientifically as Snackus Avril Fullis and the question of what to do about it Less well-known big celebrations This is my favorite celebration I've ever heard of It's called the Puck Fair It's in Killorgland County County Cary This is when they capture a wild goat They crown it as king and they put it

[00:45:16] on a tall pillar to reign over the town for three days and then they let him go That's fantastic I'm so glad to hear that It is so great How do you not want to go drink beer and go see your king the goat So they have a traditional snake chase which is obviously also idiotic because there's no snakes That's the great thing about in Ireland you can jump in any river or whatever eels though they do have eels and they're pretty nasty Yeah Anyway the guy

[00:45:46] found a snake and then people were like well it's no big deal it's just one snake so you kill it and then he was like yeah well this guy was like the last thing I thought I'd have to be worried about this ring was checking my fleckin wellies for snakes The guy was like yeah well what about the wallabies because apparently on another small island there was a wallaby and then I don't know two must have come and now there's like

[00:46:15] zillions of them so I say kill that snake or return that snake if you're we're not killing things on this podcast unless they're people and they were super bad well according to paddles they don't have to be super bad according to me they have to be super bad and we need to discuss it at length we don't just go no I think you're a little hair trigger on that

[00:46:45] let's talk about because I forgot what are we watching 1923 now admittedly I enjoyed every minute but Taylor Sheridan the writer producer blah blah blah he I don't think he put himself in this one compared to others where he inserts himself a lot he's writing very old school there's a hero there's a villain there's a happy ending there's a sad ending it's not new school

[00:47:15] and I kind of like that like everybody wanted to kill the mean man in Montana that was buying all the land for the rich people we all wanted to kill him and then at the end boom he's a sadist too that's all weird the whole storyline it took him forever to get Montana she's gonna lose I don't even know where to start I will say I enjoyed it it's very entertaining me and Kay were right I said he's gonna see her from the train somehow and then

[00:47:44] jump off everything I said because you're like if you're gonna have the most fantastical story what would it be but it's also ridiculously not plausible it's crazy I know but once you get wrapped up into it I will say the same for White Lotus I come on come on a whole resort in Thailand everyone's gonna get shot no completely ludicrous but I love Parker Posey

[00:48:14] so I'll whatever they do there's only two guns right there's two guns and yet we got 37 dead people in a flower pond or carp pond the Delta ad is so funny there's a Delta ad on Instagram and it's a first class cabin and they're advertising their first class and you see the beautiful seat on Delta and it just says I just don't think at my age I deserve to be uncomfortable it's very funny

[00:48:45] everybody has taken that quote or want to be uncomfortable or whatever it says they're both ridiculous but they were highly entertaining and I will say White Lotus picked up because it got a little slow there a little slow going in the middle season three I was talking to my cousin Mary she agreed it was a little slow going in the middle I'm like something needs to happen the dad needs to snap whatever the ending I'm fine with I just think it's ludicrous it's crazy the one that's not crazy happy

[00:49:14] face about the serial killer dad it's I don't like her acting it's too flat she doesn't react right like you don't I don't know she's a famous person I know she'd be apparently very talented on Broadway but it's different I don't know but the story's good and Dennis Quaid is good it's something to have on I don't whatever it could be I feel like sometimes I'm watching a lifetime thing and I've been known to watch many lifetime things because they're cheesy and they're terrible

[00:49:44] and they're good all at the same time but they don't ever feel like they had a high budget no you know it's not fancy Lewis told me to watch adolescence it's about a kid jam jam jam I'm like that is a weird name with that accent jam anyway it's a British show about a child who kills a girl and we're pretty sure he did it sounds like he did it

[00:50:14] I think there's only three episodes it's slow going sometimes Lou likes headier things than me and I'm like you know why did this kid do it or not can we get to the I mean Jesus and if he did it why did he do it and blah blah blah but you know now we're in the scene the kid though I will say is probably one of the greatest actor people I've ever seen all I think about is like they would give me a sitcom audition and I'd see how many lines you had to memorize and I send it back and I go not available because I

[00:50:44] know I can't do it based on the amount because they sent him like the day before can you come in and do this tomorrow no it's going to ruin my whole Thursday no I can't I'm not doing that Lou's really good at memorizing I'm terrible unless I wrote it how narcissistic is that unless I wrote it I can't remember it but that kid I mean there's a scene with the psychiatrist where it just goes on and on and on and on and I'm like this kid remembered all that and he's like 12 yeah March Madness

[00:51:14] was a lot of fun I would like to say oh I was in the Greg Gumbel tribute a couple people sent that to me yeah it was very it was a really wonderful tribute to Greg yeah it was I can't talk too much or I'll start crying but it was really really wonderful and Charles Barkley is always funny and the masters the family bracket some friends are included in the family one and it was Louis against my nephew Kevin

[00:51:44] last night if Florida won Kevin won if Houston won Louis won and Louis won he he's 12 won

[00:52:14] go go ahead tell him I don't care he'll just laugh at you he does not care you do not understand the level of don't care he's 12 Lou lost though that was a crazy game crazy game I feel sorry for the guy who traveled like he yeah yeah and I like the Houston coach more than I like the Florida coach but I did bet on Florida but I also bet the oh I teased it over down to 131 and they didn't even get that so I lost my bet

[00:52:44] I know whatever and the Masters is starting this week and it's my favorite thing over the Super Bowl can't wait well I haven't done my bets yet but Scotty Shuffler for sure I'm going to put Hideki I call him Shuffle I'm going to put Shuffley Morikawa and I always go for Shane Lowry because I'm in love with Shane big old Irishman with a

[00:53:14] red beard and he's been playing great he always has a good chance so I'll do that moving on to news it's news let's talk about the dire wolf they're the cutest puppies I've ever seen now the dire wolf was what was in game of thrones if you're wondering a dire wolf is

[00:54:03] no do you have alcohol tea anyway Romulus and Remus the howling in the videos but it's a giant ethical question should you be doing this should we now there's a lot of scientists that go look it's not a dire wolf they just took DNA if you take DNA that's super old I read all about it it flakes off and flakes off so you're not really getting a clone of a dire wolf you're getting maybe a trait or two but it's mostly a

[00:54:33] wolf a regular gray wolf but they are all white and that's what dire wolves were and really want to they

[00:55:07] and they can with the T-Rex in his backyard the cats will freak out I don't think I don't know I think They're from the Americas. Canada to South America.

[00:55:39] I don't know, because I also think it's not fair to animals. And this isn't me being a psychoanimal person, a little bit. But not a lot. I just think these genetic mutations aren't going to be right. They're probably going to die. It's not normal. They went away for whatever reasons to do this scientifically and genetic engineering. I don't know. You know what I would do? This is where if I was going to decide, is this legal or not?

[00:56:09] Because I don't know shit, really. I would call my friend, Dr. Kevin Fitzgerald, who's a veterinarian in Denver, and Kevin would tell us. Maybe I'll text Kevin and go, should we be doing this? I guarantee you he's going to say no. Because there's too many genetic defaults. But then you see the video of Romulus and Remus, and I'm like, cute as the devil. I want one. But see, then the rich people are going to be like, I have a dire wolf. How do you insure your house for that?

[00:56:35] Do you know what your homeowner's insurance is going to cost if you have a dire wolf? Not as much as a T-Rex. Not as much as a T-Rex, but more than a pit bull. Just saying. True. Right. Yeah. Yeah. This company is out of Texas. They've also made a woolly mouse, which I think is adorable. But that's on our way to a woolly mammoth. Do we need a woolly mammoth walking around Nashville? Yeah. Put it on Broadway for the bachelorette parties.

[00:57:08] You got to go look at the video. Somebody said, so there's a professor of psychiatry and director of bioethics master program at Columbia. There's a risk of death. There's a risk of side effects that are severe. There's a lot of suffering involved. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I would ask my friend Kevin. I can't make a vote. I won't vote on that. But I will say, the puppies, or the pups, whatever they're called, are adorable.

[00:57:38] Awesome. And the hauling is hilarious. It's funny. And it doesn't stop. To a point, if it was your own pet, you'd be like, I'm going to shoot a BB gun in that thing's goddamn throat if it doesn't stop. The one. Oh. Oh, baby cat. Oh, you don't want a wolf? She's voting no on dire wolves. You know who really doesn't want dire wolves? Regular wolves. Like, what the fuck is that? Nope. Wait, those died 10,000 years ago.

[00:58:07] What do you mean they're back? Damn it. Wait, I want to read you this one. They're all white. They're all white. Oh, by the way, the one thing I forgot in sports, Ovechkin beat, Lewis loves Ovechkin because he's at Washington Capitol. I go, really? Well, you Putin-loving commie? That's how about that for an old school insult. He's like, what are you talking about? I go, he's BFFs with Putin, Lou. He goes,

[00:58:37] even my stars that are stars end up being douchebags. I go, his social media profile is a picture of him and Putin. The NHL asked him to take it down and he said, no, fuck you. No. I get if you're Russian, you're Russian. I get it. And he's going to move back to Moscow when he's done. But his love for Putin kind of goes over the mark. And maybe he has to say that. Maybe. I don't think so. But there's other Russian players that aren't. You've enjoyed a fine life in America. Mm-hmm.

[00:59:06] He's had a wonderful life in America for many, many years. Well, here's the funny thing. So he beat Gretzky's record. Wayne Gretzky showed up. So sad. I know. Maybe somebody else can beat Ovechkin's. I mean, is it something to see someone? Sidney Crosby. Let's see who's next. Okay. Let's see who's next. Sidney Crosby, maybe. Maybe one of these young kids can step it up. 895, though, I think that was the number. That's a lot.

[00:59:36] Austin Matthews. Austin Matthews? He plays for Toronto. He plays for Toronto. How many does he have? 400. 400? Oh, shit. He's got half a lifetime to go and he can't get hurt. 397, yeah. He's leading? Yeah. Oh, my God. I'll be dead by then. But here's the funny thing Budweiser did. Trying to make up for the thing sending that. No, it's Ovechkin. Oh, okay. It deals with Ovechkin. Because they're still trying to make up for the transgender, the beer.

[01:00:05] Well, they sent special beers to goalies that never got scored on by Ovechkin. This was via Budweiser Canada. That's fantastic. You get a beer to celebrate with the NHL. So that movie, I'm like, good. Well done. That's great. And speaking of beer, here's the reason I should move to Germany. Although the problem is I'm not German and I'm not linear

[01:00:34] and I don't follow instructions. Oh, you'd be a mess over there. Well, here's why they shouldn't do this to an Irish person. Germany introduces beergartenlieb. If you're not feeling productive at work, grab a beer, relax in a beergarten, and come back to ready to work hard. This concept aligns with Germany's rich beergarten tradition where people gather to enjoy food, drink, and music in a communal outdoor setting. Here's the problem. I'm not coming back.

[01:01:04] You can't send me to a beer garden and you expect me to have one beer and then I'm supposed to be jacked up to work hard. No. One beer says I'm having 10. I'm not coming back. But this is, Germans would. Because they're much better at being rule followers. You can't trust the Irish with that kind of bullshit. No. No. This was sent to me. That's so funny. Hold on, I got to find it. Here's a beer for not getting scored on. I love it.

[01:01:34] Bob, again, research assistant Bob, sent this as breaking news this morning. It had to be included. Okay. I do think it's hilarious. Is this the world's oldest man? A four foot two or three. So he's four foot two or three. A tiny man. He's a tiny man. And he does not appear to be a dwarf. He's just a tiny man. A little person. He's a retired brickie. I guess that's a bricklayer. Yeah. You can't read.

[01:02:02] He claims to have been born during the reign of Queen Victoria. He says he's 125. I believe him. Here's why. Because he's four foot three. Because he's four foot three. He's shrinking. He's like my mom. My mom used to be five two. Four eleven at best. I used to be five, one and a half. Five. It's just going to get crazy. Marcelino. Sisho. Abad. Tolentino.

[01:02:30] Everybody becomes Japanese. I know. Everyone. It's like my dad. He's only four foot two. He lives in central Peru. Oh. He's in a care home. Cool. But he had a party for his 125th birthday. Wow. That's great. Right? Yeah. Here's the thing, though. He cannot read. He told, he has toiled in the Peruvian countryside his entire life, splitting time between bricklaying and farming. He lived a simple existence, never married, never had any children.

[01:02:57] He says he was born on April 5th, 1900. Though this has not been verified by the Guinness World Record Records. However, hang, wait for it. The record board currently recognizes 116-year-old sister, Ina Lucas from Brazil, as the oldest living human. It would be, he doesn't have a birth certificate. But hold on. The government issued him a national ID featuring 1900 as his birth date.

[01:03:26] Last year, the government attributed his longevity to, he lived among the tranquility of the flora and fauna of Hanako. I, you gotta see this guy. Although he does look good for 125. He looks about 90. He was born out, basically out in the woods. He was orphaned at seven years old. His parents died tragically while trying to cross a river. He never attended school because the journey was too far.

[01:03:53] He started working in the fields, bringing animals, and selling produce. He says one of the secrets to his staggering age is eating plenty of fruit and lamb. Hmm. Chewing coca leaves. Hello, coca! Has also been a lifelong habit. Something popular amongst the locals to give them energy boost while laboring. His diet included... Energy boost? Yeah, it's nicotine. It's straight... Yeah, right. They gave him an energy... His diet included herbs and medicinal plants he gathered in the wilderness. He's adorable.

[01:04:23] Cool. He looks like a Peruvian leprechaun. Oh, nice. If they had leprechauns in Peru, this guy came out of the forest. Cool. He's got a dog. It's a very cute little dog. Nice. Thank you, Bob. Well done. Thank you very much. Breaking news. Breaking news included. Okay, this is going to be super sad for the children. Why? The young people. People. People probably under 25.

[01:04:55] This is not to bring politics in it. It's just... This is just an alarm bell. Okay. Uh-oh. My nieces are 16. Since they've been 13, here's the great news. Everything they want, like for their birthdays or whatever, is usually on a website called Sheen. Oh, God. Now, here's the thing. You told me about that. I know. I wish I hadn't gotten involved in Sheen, but I did for the children. It's very cheap clothing that's, like, good for the summer, like a pair of shorts or a swimming suit.

[01:05:25] But, like, I can give them a gift certificate for $50, $100, and they can get, like, 100 things. It's crazy. It's crazy. But the Trump administration, as part of the thing they signed on Liberation Day plans that charges... They're going to have a 30% tax on... Why did he not call it Liberation Day? Well, he called it Liberation Day. I'm only reading the news. I can't... I'm not getting political on this. I think it's stupid. All right. Well, Canada, you can vote. You think it's stupid? Yeah.

[01:05:53] Well, it's not going to be very liberating for the children. No. No. Not the Sheen children. 30% tax on orders under $800 from foreign retailers, a move that could change the face of online shopping forever. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So here's the thing. I'm seeing companies like Sheen and Timu, which I see all the time. Timu's always on TikTok. Timu's on TikTok constantly. Yeah. And I think I bought a cat thing off there. I always feel like I'm ordering...

[01:06:21] When I'm ordering from China, I know I'm never going to send it back. And I don't... I'd say half the time it turns out to be right, and half the time it's total junk. It's a gamble. So it would be a $25 per item fee. And they're just... They say it's just going to take them out of business. Because the kids aren't going to pay that. The reason they're going to Sheen is because everything is cheap. You're right. And they can get everything they want. So I don't know.

[01:06:49] That's bad breaking news for the children. Hang on. See what I got left here. Oh. This is insulting to me and my friend Kelly McFarlane. Me and Kelly love Dateline. We love any true crime. It's great. Yeah. Psychologist Dr. Thema Bryant has cautioned against the use of true crime shows as a means of relaxation. Well, here's the thing, Thema.

[01:07:19] I find it relaxing because I'm glad it's not happening to me. Nicole loves it, too. Nicole. My friend Nicole. She loves that and Court TV. That's amazing. Dr. Bryant. She suggested it could be a red flag of unresolved emotional issues. Really? Is that what you think? Dr. Bryant explained that finding comfort in depictions of trauma might indicate familiarity with such experiences, potentially signaling a need for counseling. I'd like her to.

[01:07:48] She urged viewers to reflect on their habits. If your idea is, you know, happy of watching true. Here's why, Thema, Dr. Thema. Well, it's because I feel safe. I'm like, good, none of that's happening to me. Nope. This house is secure. I would like that document. To tell us, we're going to tell you why you should watch it before you go to bed.

[01:08:14] You'll thank all your little people you need to thank for having a nice life. That's why. That's awesome. Yep. Venezuela. Do we have any termites in Venezuela? Guess what? You're getting your first female saint. Oh, cool. Great. Chalk it up. Pope Francis, he's out and about again. I would have bet a million dollars he would not have made it out of double pneumonia. Probably a miracle. Yeah. He's approved the canonization of Venezuela's first female saint.

[01:08:44] Blessed Maria Carmen Rendilis. I like it. Yep. Good job. Catholic leaders in Venezuela requested her canonization in 1995. She was beatified in 2018. We don't have an announcement for her date. She struggled with the loss of an arm. Yep. She dedicated her life from a very young age. Following her father's death, she assisted her mother in supporting the family while working in a little parish.

[01:09:13] Years later, in 1961, with the back end of the locating of the Catholic hierarchy, she established the Autonomous Congregation of Handmaids of Jesus. She passed away at her birthplace in 1977. Well, let's hear about the miracles. You've got to do miracles while you're alive and after you're dead. The Catholic Church is not fucking around with that. No. I don't care if you're dead. You need to do shit to fill out your application. You didn't finish your application. Do it. I love that we make people do shit when they're dead.

[01:09:43] Prove it. How cool are you? According to the Vatican, she miraculously cured a young woman diagnosed with a type of hydrocephalus. Hello, water. Water, baby. As a kid, yeah. A condition in which final fluid builds up within the brain. Her condition worsened until a mass was celebrated before Vendellis' grave. Loved ones prayed for her recovery. After the sick woman touched the portrait of Vendellis, her health improved.

[01:10:10] The young woman's recovery was complete, stable, and long-lasting, and the event was deemed scientifically inexplicable. The Holy See said in the statement. There you go. Wonderful. Congratulations, Venezuela. You can say beatification. Beatification. Yeah. Well, that's because I was taught that. That's another big word. Right after we went through the stations of the cross and did Jesus. Why do I have to do Jesus' death march every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday? How about just Friday? Yeah. Kick off the weekend with a death march.

[01:10:40] How about Monday because the whole week's going to suck anyway. Let's do death marches on Monday. Hmm? Hmm? Shall we? Get to school. Or it was Tuesday, Thursday, whatever your class was designated. Okay, I want to do that. It's a feel-good. Hold on. Oh, this is a feel-good story too. I want to do that one because I didn't know any of that. Is that all we're doing? No. I'm going to keep going.

[01:11:11] This is interesting. Where's the first page? I think Stevie Barber's eyes are crossed. A groundbreaking study by Dr. Marcia Alves Marquez Capella and her team at Rio de Janeiro's Federal University found that Beethoven's Symphony No. 5 destroyed up to 20% of cancer cells in lab tests, leaving healthy cells untouched. What? Right. Whoa.

[01:11:35] Even Ligeti's atmosphere showed, whatever that is, showed similar effects, suggesting certain musical vibrations carry healing potential. Now researchers are expanding their playlist to include samba and funk. Funk. Funk. I like it. Hmm? James Brown. Yeah, James Brown. I think I'm going to get funky. Nobody tells James Brown. Somebody asked him in one of the shows. It was true, like a documentary. Mr. Brown, how long will you be doing tonight? The crew needs to know how long you plan on being on stage.

[01:12:05] And he turned around and he goes, nobody tells James Brown how long James Brown is going to be funky. Yeah. So sometimes I do that. If anybody from the crew goes, Kathleen, how long are you doing? And I'm like, nobody tells Kathleen how long Kathleen going to be funny. Going to be funny. Going to be funny. The children go, okay. Yeah. They just look at me like, wow, this lady's old and fucking nuts. I'm like, come on.

[01:12:34] It's a thing from a James Brown movie. You know. Education. They're going to keep checking that out, though. That's crazy. Here's a weird thing. Well, here's a super weird thing. No. This applies to you, Canada. It's been upgraded. Super weird. This article was 100 page long. And doing the work of the Lord, I read it on behalf of everyone to just get to the core root of this.

[01:12:57] How snowboarder Ryan Wedding went from Olympian, he's a Canadian, to alleged drug kingpin and murderer on the FBI's most wanted list. Shut up. Listen to what this little freak did. I didn't know that. Yep. I knew it was a snowboarder. Well, he's the only person who looks like a Viking person on the most wanted list. He's got a red beard and all that. He looks like Shane Lowry, the golfer. Two decades after his career as a snowboarder, he went on a different type of downhill. Get it?

[01:13:26] How long has that person been waiting? How long has Dana Kennedy been waiting to write that? That's who wrote it. Skidding straight into the FBI's 10 most wanted list. 43-year-old Canadian who completed the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake has gone into a different type of powder. Get it? Wow, she had a lot of these loaded up. Allegedly becoming a cold-blooded transnational drug kingpin. He operated a billion-dollar criminal enterprise moving cocaine from Colombia, Mexico, in the

[01:13:54] U.S., and Canada between 2011 and 2024 and is responsible for at least three murders. Whoa. Right. Crazy. They have a photo of him that was released. He's 6'3 and weighs 240. Big dude. That's not easy to hide. No. He looks like a normal. This one, he's just got a mustache. Big Chris. His alleged number two, Andrew Clark, 34, also Canadian, was arrested in October of 2024

[01:14:21] in Mexico and has been extradited to the United States to face charges. Well, Andrew will spill his guts. Yeah. But Andrew may not know where he's at. Right. His nicknames, Wedding, include El Jefe, which means the boss. Jefe. Jefe. El Jefe, which means the boss. El Jefe. I would say the Jefe. That's a Midwest thing. And public enemy. The State Department's offering $10 million reward to capture him. That's got to be good. Come on, Canada. They believe he's somewhere being protected by the cartel.

[01:14:51] Even though it's 6'3 with piercing blue eyes and reddish hair, he is not inconspicuous. They allegedly ran their operation out of Mexico using the Encrypted Messaging Act, THREMA. Never heard of it. According to the feds, with the help of the cartel, they are accused of moving 54 tons of Colombian cocaine up to stash houses in L.A. and then transporting across the U.S. and Canada. He chose to become a major drug trafficker. That's before NIL money. Yeah. He needed NIL money.

[01:15:20] Ryan James Wedding. Hold on. There's not many white men from Canada involved on this level. That's for sure. No. He came from a well-off family of ski racers in Thunder Bay, Ontario, who apparently doted on him in supporting his snowboarding career, which he began at age 12. He did well as a snowboarder part because of his innate genetic talent, but also because probably is the family support. And then he went into, he had no fear.

[01:15:50] A lot of kids say they want to go fast, but they don't really want to go fast. They hold something back. But there's a little bit of fear of falling. Ryan had none of that. Well, clearly. He finished 24th in his category at the Olympics. Wow. He was not a big enough star for snowboarding for some of the sports veteran insiders to even remember him. He's an outlier for sure. He appeared to start Breaking Bad not long after the Olympics when he enrolled in Simon Frazier University in Vancouver.

[01:16:19] He went to work as a bouncer and fell in love with the city's pot dealers. Simon Frazier's a big school? Yeah. Well, he dropped out and he became a major marijuana dealer before hooking up with some Iranian and Russian cocaine traffickers. Look at him expanding Vancouver's outlying program. He was arrested in California in 2008 and found guilty of conspiracy to traffic cocaine. He did some time in U.S. prisons with convicted drug traffickers, which could have served as a kind of graduate school for him.

[01:16:49] Now he just met bigger and better people. His family stood by him in the early years. Yeah, not anymore. So if you see him, the family is. Yep. That's home to the world's largest curling rock, I think. Thunder Bay is home to the world's largest curling rock. Guess how many Americans just reacted to that statement? None. I think it's the biggest. How exciting. God almighty.

[01:17:18] Now here's the thing. This is very disappointing. And I hope this isn't happening to my big lots because mine is closed and I'm trying to manifest a total whine to appear in there. It's not working. It's not working at all. Well, nothing's appearing. A lot of the big lot stores are going to open under new owners. Oh, no. Oh, big lots is making its return to the retail arena after the closeout realtor declared bankruptcy. Oh, please don't reopen.

[01:17:48] Oh, especially because of tariffs. Right. What about the tariffs? This all comes from somewhere else. China, probably. China. China. China. The first wave of openings in its newly acquired big lots location starting on April 10th with nine stores across six states. Ugh. That's terrible. They're going to be reopening the remaining acquired big lots. This is Variety, which operates more than 400 discounts scored in eight. They bought it. No.

[01:18:18] Some company called Variety. Terrible. They're going to open the remaining ones in subsequent phases with approximately 55 stores in the second wave opening on May 1st. It's just, come on. It's garbage. Total Wine would be so much better. Yes. I'm with my friend Kay. I just need to retire in a mall. I want the mall to be for people my age. No, they need to reopen defunct malls and let us retire there. And then we'll have a movie theater. We'll have a food court.

[01:18:47] It'll be like we never left our teenage years. That's pretty good idea. Right. Apartments everywhere. Yeah. And then music in the main thing. Like in real malls, I used to have like Tiffany would perform or whoever. She's still out there. Bring her back. We'd love it. And then we have friends. And you're not lonely. And then you have a bunch of urgent cares like at each end of the mall. Yeah. Yeah. And then hearing aid places. I mean, I could think of so many fabulous things. And people my age within a 10-year range, people would be like, I'm in.

[01:19:17] Lids, New York fries. We need lids. For sure. We're all going to need a hat because we don't want to get skin cancer. Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Yeah. And guess what? That's going to lead us to our feel-good story. What about TGI Fridays? TGI Fridays, only if they bring back the old potato skins. Otherwise, I'm not attending. And they need their ice-cold ranch dressing. Ice cold. Ice cold. It has to be ice cold. Yeah. I don't want warm ranch. It's gross. Well, sometimes it's just not ice cold. It's just eh.

[01:19:48] Here's a little something that used to be at the mall that was one of my favorites. You know Auntie Annie's the pretzels? Yeah. Auntie Anne Beeler is best known as the founder of Auntie Annie's, the world's largest pretzel franchise. Before rising to success, she went through years of defeat, despair, and depression that kept her stuck in a place of darkness. Yeah. Hold on. It's terrible. No, it's a good story. It's a crazy story. Okay. You're going to think about this the next time you buy an Auntie Annie's pretzel. They're at a lot of airports.

[01:20:19] She was born and raised in the Amish Mennonite community. What? That's why they're so good. Shut up. It's a German pretzel. Dutch pretzel. Whatever. The people who make pretzels. That's where they originate. They're authentic. You know, Holland, Germany, they love pretzels. Yeah. Croatia? Maybe. Croatia? I don't know. I've never been there. Been to Germany, though. She was in the Mennonite community of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

[01:20:47] She grew up surrounded by faith and family. During those years, life lessons were permanently weaved into the fabric of her life. She attended traditional Amish school until eighth grade and eventually met and married her teenage crush, Jonas Beeler. The young parents went into a tailspin, though, after the death of their 19-month-old daughter, Angela Joy, who died in a farming accident. Oh, God. Mm-hmm. This is where she went into all those years of pain and depression, and there was probably

[01:21:16] no one to speak to in the Amish community. I don't think they're big on therapy. No. Or women. After she said she was in grief forever and ever and ever. That's terrible. Well, hold on, though. Through the repair of her own marriage, she found that she wanted to help others suffering with same despair and hopelessness. She had a vision of offering free counseling in their community, so good for the other Mennonites. You don't have a choice.

[01:21:48] You're not going anywhere. She could go somewhere. Mennonites have cars. They're not like Amish in the buggies. Oh, yeah. She's just leaving the whole farm? She could. That's not bad. There's a comedian who's Amish, and his mom did. Oh. Yeah. I won't say who, because he doesn't really talk about it on stage, but some of the women leave. Okay. Hold on. Okay. And then she decided to make pretzels. That's great. It's from there on out.

[01:22:15] In 2005, Anne sold Auntie Anne's to speak to audiences on leadership, purpose, and the power of confession. Wow. You're going to think about that every time you eat a pretzel. Huh. Every time you walk up there now. I've put that in your head forever. All right. Well, I'll save that one for next week. We got some thank yous and some quotes, and I have a good saint thing. It's a good one. Quite a bit of thank yous, because a lot of stuff came backstage. Super fun.

[01:22:45] Bear with me as I roll through it, because everybody deserves a shout out. There was so much fun stuff. Well, I met Termites Heather and Gail and their 87-year-old mom, and Colleen and Tracy, because they brought back ... It was just insane what they brought back. So I got pictures. But the mom being 87. That was the ... The 87-year-old mom. Yeah. She gets to come backstage. Yeah. Yeah. And she looked fabulous. She's your biggest fan. Yeah. The Chips. Stuffed Gator Toy. LSU Tiger.

[01:23:14] I love my little LSU Tiger. Termites Clay, Christine, Laurie, and Harold. Local beers. Mardi Gras Bees, which I'm wearing right now. This is actually a crawfish from the boil. Fireball shots. So many things. Ruby and Remy. I like that Ruby and Remy. That's a cute couple. I think they got given a coconut last year. Oh. Pelican Lager, local chips. And meat seasoning. I love meat seasoning. That's from Termites Nancy and Anne. And then Pensacola.

[01:23:44] Greenies. The cats get so happy. Skunk Ape Tea. I love the Skunk Ape of Florida. I believe in it. Totally. That's Kathy and Trudy. Beach Local Cat Blonde Ale. Florida, Floribama. That's if you're on the border. Pine Glass. Yeah. Yeah. The big famous one. Alabama Termite Nan. That was my aunt's name. Nan. Nan. Yeah. Cat Toys. Oh, the Haribo Bears. Haribo. I know it's Haribo, but I say boo. Whatever.

[01:24:14] And then the security guy was married to a German lady. And he said, what are all those Haribo bears? I said, it's just something I like. And the termites know it, so they keep me stocked up. And he's like, you know, my wife's from Germany. He met her at like a military. He was a military thing. And he said, those are the only ones she'll eat. Really? And she's German. And they have a giant factory there that you can go. The mothership. Yeah. Yeah. So let me see where I loved on. That was Kathy and Trudy. Oh, I already did that one. Squirrel. Nan. Yeah, a squirrel. But the bears. That was.

[01:24:45] And then something for Michael. That was from Heather and Jerry. The Fairhope beer. So much beer. Alabama Termite Denise. I love Fairhope. My Emo's Italian dressing. And then this lady brought this back. And it was the cutest thing. You either love it or hate it. I love it. It's the greatest pizza on earth, in my opinion. I would kill for one. And I do get them frozen if I'm in Nashville and have them sent. But they're good. But they're not as good as if you're there. But this is the cutest thing I've ever seen. I'm keeping it for something.

[01:25:14] I don't know what I'm going to put in this. It's a wonderful Christmas ornament. Oh, it is a good Christmas ornament. Look at you being crafty. Yeah, I'll put a thing right through there. It was from Termite Debbie. Oh, more bears. Catnip Crawfish toys. I've already tried it. They love it. Really? Baby cat was high for like five hours. Is that why this crash is happening? That's why this crash is definitely happening. Wow, she's out. Out, out, out. Yeah. Just be a dire wolf again. Well, yeah.

[01:25:43] Speaking of genetic things, that is a raccoon tale on that cat if I've ever seen one. I don't know what goes on out in those woods, but she's part raccoon. Yeah, a lot. That's a crazy tale. Yeah. Pensacola tea. Awesome snack. Texas sock. Texas termite Gina. We got all your stuff. And then UPS, Hershey's Assorted Chocolates. That's from New York. Michael, the thing I just ate. Great. And look, we have a new candle. It's Snoop Dogg to go with Martha Stewart. Oh, yeah. Since they're BFFs. That came from Denver Mites, Christy and Mick.

[01:26:14] So there was just so much stuff. And the staff gets so excited. Because if I can't take it all, I'll leave them some beers. I take at least one for myself to taste them. And then sometimes I'm like, they're like, really? They're like, does this happen every week? I go, yep. It happens every week. It's phenomenal. So you guys get to reap the rewards. Well, you taste them all too. I taste them all. Well, I always bring at least one or two home if it's a six-pack. And if it's cold, I'll let the staff have some. Let's do a couple quotes. No, a saint.

[01:26:44] These make me laugh. Did you do the UPS mail? I did. No. Yeah. Okay. This is St. Lorenzo. He's the patron saint of librarians, chefs, the poor, and good August crops. Again, this is too much on Lorenzo. That's St. Lorenzo.

[01:27:12] His English name would be St. Lawrence of Rome. He lived in the year 225 A.D., and he died in 258 A.D. He's one of the seven deacons of the early church whose job was to help the needy and the poor. The Emperor Valerian issued an edict that all bishops, priests, and deacons be executed and that the riches of the church be seized. The pope, who was close to Lorenzo, was beheaded.

[01:27:39] When the local prefect demanded that the church's riches, Lorenzo, who was responsible for the treasury, brought to the prefect all the poor and suffering people, saying, this is the wealth of the church. Mic drop. You're not going to live long after that. I know. The man had Lorenzo roasted on a gridiron where the saint was heard to say, turn me over. I'm done on this side. Stop it. I'm serious. Whoa. That's fantastic.

[01:28:07] Now, this is the kind of shit they'd tell me like in third grade, and I'd be like, wait. They put him on like a grill, like a Weber grill, and then he said, I'm done on this side, and then we had to say his prayer. We had to learn that. I mean... Here's his prayer. It's very short. Oh, holy San Lorenzo, may I follow your example and hold true to my faith, selflessly giving to all those in need. That's insane. Yeah. They cooked him. Yeah. Well done.

[01:28:34] Come on. Well, it's a lot of bullshit. Why does he also have to be in charge of farming? Yeah. I don't know. Because chefs need produce. We're going to do a quote from Cher. I like this one. Okay. Cher. Sometimes I don't tell the truth, which is telling the truth about not telling the truth. True.

[01:28:59] I think people don't need to tell the truth when they're afraid something bad is going to happen if they tell the truth. I say things all the time that I could really get in trouble for, but they kind of blow over. Amen. Good girl. Go for you. Yeah. Boom. Dolly. If I hadn't been for music, I'd have been a beautician. Even if I wasn't in show business, I would have wanted all the glamour.

[01:29:25] And that's about the only way a girl's small southern town is going to get it, being a beautician. Or maybe I'd have been a missionary. I'd have thought about that too. But then where would I get my hair done? Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. There you go. Just leave that there. All right, termites. I will see you out on the road. Orlando. Gatorland. Gatorland. Uh-huh. And I will see... St. Pete is fired up. St. Pete is excited. I'm excited.

[01:29:53] If my dad settled a big case, which seemed to be about once every three years, we would get to go to St. Pete Beach for five days. Oh, wow. That was our family vacation. We drove from St. Louis in a station wagon filled with both of them smoking cigarettes. And we were not allowed to roll the windows down because we'd let out the air conditioning. Wow. Boom. There you go. Eat some more plastic. What? And then we would get to Florida and no one had sunblock. And I would go to the pool, to the ocean, to the back and forth. And then I would have to stay inside for a whole day because I was burning.

[01:30:24] But I'm excited about both. And that's it. Okay, you ready? Okay.