Episode 220: Fireball Whisky For Life, Paid Angels, & The World’s Oldest Cat Turns 30

[00:00:08] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, and let's talk about what's been going on. Termites, welcome. Welcome. Welcome. It's a witchy day out there. There's tornadoes coming, the wind is brewing. Welcome to Episode 220 in Tornado Alley.

[00:00:37] When I built this house, like nine years ago in Nashville, the guy who built it has lived here his whole life. And I said, well, what about a basement? There's a lot of rock in Tennessee, so you'd have to dynamite more. It's way more expensive. He goes, oh, I've lived here my whole life. There's no tornadoes here. You're fine. So I believed him. And no, there's like one every Thursday, sir, like one every Thursday. But so far so good. Tonight, it's supposed to be crazy. And I need to fly out of here tomorrow, so it better be all right.

[00:01:06] This made me laugh before we get for real started. Two things. This lady and her husband, they were in a gift shop in North Georgia, saw this coaster. This so reminds me of my sister and her friends. Hey, this candle smells like fireball. Us non-alcoholics like to call that cinnamon, Becky.

[00:01:33] I have fireball in my golf bag. The tiny shots. Anybody gets a birdie. Anybody. Everybody gets a shot. Yep. And I got to sneak out and play nine holes yesterday and almost almost did it. Almost birdied it. That fireball will remain in that golf bag another week. It gets to live another week. Now, some of you who are watching this on YouTube can see that I am wearing a medal. Yeah. I don't get paid for this podcast, but I do get wonderful presents from termites.

[00:02:02] But I've never I've gotten a medal. Now I've officially medaled in podcasting. It's a it's regional. It's not national. Not global. It's awesome. This is just cute. This lady wrote this letter that her son, he's nine and hard to listen to the podcast on a long commute to gymnastics training three times a week. And he likes the pot. He especially likes Holy Shit They Found It. And then she was coming to see me on the road and he said, well, I have to send her something. He chose his regional gymnastics medal. Awesome.

[00:02:30] This is his kid. Well, I'm like, shouldn't I send this back? And my sister's like, well, if it's like our kids, they get a lot of medals. And she goes, don't feel I go. I feel bad. And he was absolutely sure he wanted to give me the medal. Yeah. He says night night termite. It's Abby termite and Sullivan occur might a kid termite. Yeah. Yeah. Smart kid. Sullivan. Way to go. And then she's a future Olympian. What if he really does? When that be something I'll be like 100. And I'll be like, that's my medal. I got a medal from Sullivan. It's such an original name, too.

[00:03:00] I won't forget it. It's not like Steve, like, you know, Mike. Yeah. Yeah. No, Sullivan. So. Shout out. Shout out. Yeah. Let me figure out where to put it. I'll put this right here. And what are we drinking? We're drinking Captain Jack Pilser. That came from a termite in honor of my dad. Nice. And then they also brought this beer just because they love the can. I'm saving this for my sister because it's strawberry donut gluten free sour beer.

[00:03:27] And it has a donut with a knife through its head. But it's like the whole can is hilarious. It's very funny. I mean, I'm taking it right up to Missouri and putting it on my sister's doorstep on it. And with no explanation. I'm just going to drop it off. Yeah. What are we eating? Well, you know, the price of snacks. I noticed this in a gas station this weekend, wherever I was last weekend, drove back to wherever.

[00:03:54] Well, if I'm starving, jerky at a gas station is always Jack's links jerky. Two for 24, 12 bucks for a bag that I could devour in 2.2 seconds. This bag of Doritos is six. Now, I don't know. It just seems like junk foods going up. Yeah. These are. Huh? They say it is. All of the news is. Well, that's a lot.

[00:04:22] I mean, how are you supposed to get your kids fat like good Americans if this shit's too expensive? Huh? These are Doritos. Uh, what's the San Antonio? Spermite. That's a Spanish termite. They made that up. And one of the children, Maria. Oh, these are really good. Nice. Doritos late night zesty jalapeno poppers. Delicious. Wow. Well, I won't eat the whole bag right now. I'd be annoying. Yeah, on a microphone. But they're really good. It's a green bag if you're not watching.

[00:04:51] Gracias, Maria. Gracias, Maria. That's the extent of my Spanish. And oprima nueve. Nueve. Nueve. That means press nine. Oprima ocho means press eight. I learned that from being on hold at Walgreens. Nice. This is called Bear Mix. It's a very fancy can. It's hand cooked gourmet peanuts. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. This is from Carolina termites Paula and Patrick. They can't touch Charlotte show.

[00:05:21] Wow. Nice. I'm saving these for an event. That's fancy. Then I'll look fancy. What does that mean? I don't know. If the neighbors come over for cocktails. Hi. Sometimes Jebby, Jeff and Debbie do. Hey, you guys want some fancy peanuts? How about you, Pinky Tito? Mm-hmm. Pinky Tito could eat this whole thing in one sitting. I'm sure of it. He is a mirror. Yeah, he's a bear. He's a large person and a wonderful.

[00:05:50] It's almost pick up all time again, too. Ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. But I chose golf instead. It's too, if you golf and you like, well, outdoor stuff. It's too exciting when the weather gets nice. You can't decide. I know. Yeah. Yeah. I was out on the golf course, though. How? And the little golf course country club by my house. It's very, I don't even like to use the word country club. There's no rules.

[00:06:17] It's very, it's a wonderful little course. Yeah. But it's very lackadaisical with rules. And there's just my little friend, Jamie Johnson, the country singer was up there and I saw him in his cart. And then he said, there was another man in the cart. And he finally, I was like, hi, my name's Kathleen. Cause Jamie didn't introduce him. And he's like, oh, my name's right. It was that Riley green guy. That's so popular. He's very popular with the youngsters and he's very handsome. His eyes are mesmerizing. I did notice he was smoking cute.

[00:06:47] Yeah. And like, I don't at this age, I'm not, it's not the first thing I'm thinking about. Um, I was wondering if he was a good golfer. I'm more judging his golf clubs going, I don't know about that. But I didn't realize I was meeting somebody that famous. I mean, the kids all. Yeah. Um, oh, these are terrible. Oh God. Sorry. That's from California termite. Kayla sweet corn turtle chips. Oh, not for me.

[00:07:15] I don't like sweet corn like that. No, that probably should have been my first clue. All right. But thank you guys for all that. Um, upcoming shows before we get moving here. Uh, April 4th, God willing, New Orleans, because this tornado shoot supposed to go on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Mm hmm. One of my LA friends is moving here and they know nothing about tornadoes. And they were like, what's the difference between an F two and an F four? I go, the higher the number, the more likely you'll die.

[00:07:45] And if it gets to five and it can't go over that, there is no six. Right. You're going to fly somewhere before you die. Right. Most likely. Enjoy. Anyway, April, this weekend, New Orleans, Pensacola, and then Orlando. Yay. Gator land. Yay. Um, I know the opening act and he's a headliner in his own right. Aaron Weber. I'm like, weird question, throwing it out there. Special invite. If you want to Gator land. And he's like, you know, that sounds like exactly something you would do on the road.

[00:08:15] I go, I could spend all day there except I have a show. I have to go. I would spend all day and all night. Um, I love it. St. Pete, then St. Pete. I will miss my mom. She will be returning from Florida. She's coming back. She's not completely abandoning us. She's had a wonderful little, uh, breakdown there. April 26th, Milwaukee, two shows taping for an Amazon original special. Yay. And we'll have a top secret opening act.

[00:08:45] Um, yeah. June 7th, Wheatland, California, the hard rack, the June 27th, Charlottesville, then Bristol, then the Venetian in Vegas and the Cape Cod melody time. And oh, and Agua Caliente, Caliente, June 20th. Yeah. So I have spent a long time since I've been there and I'm very excited to go back. I love a little, uh, weekend in Palm Springs. Couldn't live there a little too hot.

[00:09:13] I'm not a desert rat, but I love to pop in and pop out. Oh, my research assistants, Bob and Clark will be, be there. That'll be very exciting for anybody who listens to the, the show. Um, okay. So a couple things from termites, uh, emails, the team email. I like all the, most of the emails I get are nice. So this is, we were discussing cause we're learning things here too. On it's not all, it's not all shits and giggles. We learn things.

[00:09:42] We're doing the work of the Lord. Cause I said, what are you supposed to say? Indian, Native American, like Canada, you guys say first nations. There's a lot of, well, you know what? You should go to the source. And I said, have the somebody that's termite. Tell me, do we have any native, uh, Nermites, Nermites, Native American, Narmites, Native American, Narmites. Narmites. Well, this lady wrote, this is from Christie black Wolf. I, well, I guess it doesn't matter if I said her last name.

[00:10:12] Uh, my husband coyote is a native Alaskan. He prefers Native American. Okay. If you use Indian, it's polite to say American Indian. Okay. See, I don't understand when people get so bent out of shape. Why do I have to say that? How about be nice? Ask the person what they would like to be called. I am not Kathy. I prefer Kathleen. Thank you. Is that that hard? Cat. Cat. Yeah. Or Maddie. But that's really just Ron. He's the only one who took Madigan and then just went Maddie.

[00:10:40] And then named his dog after me. I'm like, well, that ship sailed. Yep. Could have had me as your wife 30 years ago. Idiot. Um, he did one time he goes, would you ever consider and marry me? I was like, are you high? You are high. No, I would not. You're adorable and you're fun. But he's like, is it my lack of responsibility? Yes. Yes. It would make me terrified. I would be a nervous. Goddamn wreck. I am a Catholic school rule follower.

[00:11:09] My taxes are paid. My closet's clean. I mean, ugh. No. Uh, anyway. Natives were called Indians because dumbass Christopher Columbus thought he landed in India. That's true. Yeah. We sent some stuff when you got to Santa Rosa, blah, blah, blah. Um, uh, she said I did a great job reading his name. So now see, I don't read right because we moved a lot like in second grade, whenever you're supposed to learn reading. Phonetics. Phonetics. I didn't get it. No.

[00:11:35] But coyote to me, but it's sort of like Gaelic, kill Kenny when it's spelled in Gaelic. I can say it right. Right. But I think it's because it's the, how they chose to write. It's not. It's phonetically. Well, whatever. Yeah. I got this one right. Nice. I appreciate the compliment. So there you go, people. Why don't you say native American, or if you're going to say Indian, say American Indian,

[00:12:01] meaning I'm not from Christopher Columbus is bad geography map. Um, uh, so there we go. That was just a nice little drop into the inbox. Um, uh, where was I? Oh, I was in a Virginia beach. Phon. Uh, it's a military kind of town. So, cause people always go, Oh, I've never been there. Well, it's not what you would think of like the beach for spring. I don't know. Maybe the kids do.

[00:12:30] Um, and Charlotte, the aircraft carriers are very cool. I always like to go on them. You can tour them for like 20 bucks or something. It's super fun. And Charlotte, Charlotte's an up and coming city. It is just, it's something else. Boy, I, I wouldn't see a reason to go there per se, but like a friend of mine, his kid, and his new wife, they're moving there for a young couple. It's just exploding. It's pretty. The weather's good. Everybody has a dog. Everyone's out exercising.

[00:12:59] They're very happy town. Very, very vibrant. The downtown is a vibrant. It's just a wonderful place. And there's a barbecue place. They're called max speed shop. It's indoor outdoor. The windows are always, it's just great. So a fun, fun little weekend. Um, out on the road. And I really can't wait for this weekend because it's New Orleans, my favorite city in all of America bar none. And yeah, in order, I would say New Orleans, Savannah, Charleston. Savannah, I love Charleston. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:13:29] Nah, nah, nah. Well, the food's better in, well, I don't know. I like the food in all three. I like Cajun. I like seafood. I like all that. And I must've had a past life in a swamp. I'm very attracted to the swamp. You're a swamp creature. I'm a swamp creature. I like gators. I don't like the snakes, but I do like to look at the gator. Yeah. The snakes are. Yeah. But I really haven't like even in Kiowa, I've never seen that many more alligators. My mom hates them. She's like, we are, we had to take your brother years ago to a golf tournament in Kio.

[00:13:59] There were alligators everywhere. It was ridiculous everywhere you went. So now when I check into a hotel, I call her and go, you're not going to believe this, mom, that I'm in the lobby and there are fucking alligators and no one's doing anything about it. They're just letting them roam around the lobby. There was one in my room and I was like, I'm, I'm, I need a room change. This is in, or somebody come get this thing or at least tie it up to the television. Mom, you're right. It's, I don't even know how people live here. How have they not all been eaten? I mean, it's crazy, mom.

[00:14:26] Well, I, I know you're making fun of me, but they weren't, they were everywhere. There, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, um, I'm trying to think. Well, I had some really good beers in Charlotte too. Um, so there we go. It does. It has. It has. Yeah. The barbecue's great. The North Carolina Eastern. I was taught the difference. Um, all right, let's, let's get going here. Let's start with, he's not a king.

[00:14:56] We're moving to the court. Yeah. Um, well, there's two things. Okay. She is the queen of Canada. Ann Murray was inducted into the Juno, which is their version of the Grammys. Um, it was the funniest and seems Nova Scotia peculiar. Odd. Um, if you don't know who Ann Murray is, if you're a, uh, a kid termite occur might go, uh, Google, go in the schnotes or just go to YouTube and type in snowbird.

[00:15:25] That's probably her most famous song. Beanie the snow. Um, and, uh, she's had more Junos than any, she's the queen, reigning queen of Canada. And then Sarah McLachlan introduced her. Uh, and I looked it up. It's also Nova Scotia. All my mom's friends in Florida are Nova Scotians, but my mom is odd. So I think they all, they're peculiar. They're just a little off. It's hard to explain, but I like them. Just a little quirky would be a good, and Ann's usually kind of formal and she doesn't

[00:15:54] seem like she really lets loose. Just very Island fact, just a factual person. Yeah. Well, she came out in a Canadian hockey Jersey. So cool. I fell off the couch laughing and it, but it was so awesome too. The maple leaf was silver glitter and she had like Keds or old people Reeboks or some sort of big white tennis shoe that could have also, the Jersey said Murray and Sarah McLachlan brought her out and for, she's going to be 80 in June. I'm like looking great and looking dynamite.

[00:16:23] And she gave a little speech and then, and Jan did the narration of her whole lifetime. And then she goes off with, well, I got on a bus and went to tack on my shoe. And then I went over to squack squack a Mac. It's all these towns up there. You're as an American, you're like, where did you go to audition for what? Um, yeah, but then she kind of did a yay Canada thing at the end. It was very patriotic and very cool. So, uh, that was something you can go look at on YouTube.

[00:16:52] Listen to the speech. She's very factual. Um, she kind of dissed the kids for auto tune, which was fun. She threw that one, a little, little tiny, little tiny bomb. She threw over to the children about their bullshit auto tune. And I did it all without auto tune, but just even her cadence is kind of, and Sarah McLaughlin. Anyway, it was super fun. Moving on to our American problems. You're the problem. It's you.

[00:17:20] Now I, as you guys know, I love Morgan Wallen's music. I do not necessarily approve or endorse his offstage behavior, but on this one, I'm going to defend him. So he was on Saturday Night Live. He didn't want to participate in the sketches. I totally agree. I'm not an improv person. I'm not good at it. It doesn't make me comfortable. If I was the musical guest, I mean, Stevie doesn't have to do it. No. Right. Not every musical guest does the sketches. Some want to. Lady Gaga wants to. Great. You want to. You want to. He didn't want to. Fine.

[00:17:51] And I like Morgan Wallen because he is kind of feral and like his clothes that he had on, like, I liked it. Those look like he just got off a four wheeler, walked into 30 rock, played a song and is leaving. Those are his real genes. They're not fitted. They're not made for him. They look like they're from tractor supply. Like he went and got 32 bucks or whatever your thing. He's true to very authentic. So you can.

[00:18:18] I'd rather authentic and then I can decide if I like it or not than not authentic. And I don't even know what I'm looking at. Well, he sang his songs. And then at the end of the show, you're supposed to stand there and bullshit with other people. And while the credits roll. Right. Well, he said, thank you. I had a very nice time to the host lady. And then he went out through the middle, but he didn't stay through the crowd. But my first.

[00:18:43] First of all, no one's no one has said, did anybody tell Morgan like every show I've been on whether I don't care from Kelly Clarkson at tonight show to they come out and tell you what's good. Here's what's going to happen. And then at the end, they always they're very specific at the end. You stand here and wait for Letterman at the end. There will be no Letterman, whatever you just walk off that way or sit here with Kelly till we yell cut like so did they tell him that because when I'm doing these shows, it's just me and the host.

[00:19:12] There's 30 people on that stage. And the times that I have been told to stay. It's just bullshit. I mean, I don't know these people. They don't know me. I mean, will I do it? Of course. You will. You whatever you want. I'm on your show. You tell me what to do. I will do it. But like I remember doing the tonight show once there's a super tall person. Dean somebody who played Superman. I came. Oh, OK. That man. Dean Cain. Dean Cain. Oh yeah.

[00:19:42] What whatevs. You know, I don't watch any of the Superman's and I'm like, I feel like I feel like a mom where I'm like, congratulations. I hope this is successful for you. Like, I don't what the fuck am I going to say to this guy? First of all, he's six foot zillion tall. So we all had to stay the tonight shows ending and you have to stay there and bullshit talk with strangers. It's bullshit. That's why the credits roll. But meanwhile, you could you could just leave and let the credits roll. And Dean's like he's he's leaning down so far to talk to me.

[00:20:12] It's like me talking to baby cat like he's like, you were funny. I'm like, you're probably a great Superman. What? What are we talking about? This is idiotic. So I don't blame him for wanting to get out of there. And then he posted a picture of a private jet said, take me back to God's country. He just means Tennessee. And then everybody's like, he was going to go see the the March Madness, the Tennessee game, which ended up sucking. But everybody acts so shocked. I'm like, he is a country. It's like taking a possum into a bar.

[00:20:41] It's not going to act right. You took him into New York City and put him on a late night show. That's not his ballywick. You invited him. You brought the possum in the bar. And then you're like, look at the possum. It's going crazy. Well, yeah, it's not its environment. It's freaked out. It just wants to get out. It wants to get out. The possum wants to get out of the bar. He wants to get out of the thing. I mean, I think if they ask you to do something, not the sketch part, I don't think you should have to do that. But if they ask, could you remain here?

[00:21:11] And then he just didn't. That's not nice. That's not very mannerly. You did accept the gig. But also, if I was his manager, he's my possum. I'm not taking my possum into that bar. Well, I'm just going to let him say, dude, you don't need to do Saturday Night Live. You're going to sell every ticket from here to eternity, every country music fan. And I'm not even a country music fan per se. Like, I like him. I like Luke Combs. Some. But a lot of it, I just think it all sounds the same.

[00:21:41] Or it doesn't even sound country. We love George Jones. Well, George Jones, that's different. That's the greatest country song ever made. And he had the greatest country voice ever to appear on earth. Better than Dolly. It is better than Dolly. Now, Dolly is more talented, but his voice, it's the way. Hey, stop. Well, it's that. Turn to die. It's why you like Morgan Wallen. It's why I like Morgan Wallen, too. Just stop this shit now. Now, now, now.

[00:22:11] It's a, yeah. Anyway, I just, I would have told him if I was his manager, dude, you don't need to do it. If you want to do it, they're asking. And then if I was Morgan, I would have said no. Why put yourself in that situation if you don't like it? Yeah. I've said no to a ton of shit. Because I don't want to. No. Just, if you have enough money to pay your rent and your mortgage, fuck it. Mm-hmm. And golf. Mm-hmm.

[00:22:40] Post Malone has bought a horse and named it Ashtray. I love it. So great. He smokes a shit ton. It's a, but, but I saw a picture of the horse and it does look like an ashtray. It does. It's gray and white. He's wonderful. I like it. He's fun. Yeah. And Jelly Roll, oh, Jelly Roll has thrown away his phone? Yes. And the only way you can contact him is through email, which, or, well, no, she has to email him too. She can't call him. The wife doesn't, and the kid, nobody can. He says he doesn't know how to behave on social media.

[00:23:08] So he took the phone away from himself. And I'm like, that's probably not a bad idea if you're, you know, whatever you're, he does have a tendency to mouth off sometimes where you're like, okay, yeah, maybe somebody take that phone. Uh, Chapel, very quiet. Um, but the Jelly thing where they said you have to email him if you want to get all of them. Yeah. Side funny old timey story. My friend, uh, used to work with the Bob Hope organization and they had B the golden girls on a lot.

[00:23:35] The only way to, the only way back in the day to contact B Arthur was to print out a fax, drive it over to her house and shove it under the door. What? I like it when old people stick to their guns. Nope. I'm not getting a fax machine. You can bring that fax over here. You print it out, make a copy on an old timey copy machine. You drive that son of a bitch over here and put it under the door. I'll let you know my answer when I get to it.

[00:24:06] Oh my God. Um, so yeah, that's all shares quiet. Stevie's quiet. Tay Tay quiet. Oh, well, I'm going to get to that. Um, well actually that should be in King news. Snoop. Yeah. We're going to move that up. I had it in news. Snoop and Dr. Dre are going to launch a hip hop theme lounge on Nashville's lower Broadway. Yeah. So if you're down on Broadway and you go on second street, there used to be the George Jones museum, which I loved.

[00:24:35] They had the lawnmower, the riding lawnmower that he got drunk and rode into town and gotten a fight on. It was, it's the most rednecky awesome. But during COVID the whole, and there's a rooftop bar there. That's super great overlooks the Titan stadium and the river. It's where my nieces and nephews, it's their first rooftop bar ever. We have pictures of that. Um, and I got in front of my sister on that one. She's like, I wanted to take them to their first rooftop bar. I'm like, well, too late. I shouldn't have left them with me with nothing to do kids. We're going downtown day drinking.

[00:25:05] Um, anyway, the old George Jones built the, where the building where that was is where this is going to be. And they're taking the basement. It's a lounge. It's a basement level lounge on the four level 50,000 square foot Nashville live venue. I still love the rooftop bar there. It's great. And it's very casual. Like it's beers in plastic cups. Yeah. Like it's be, you know, I mean, there's drinks up there too, but it's just casual.

[00:25:34] Everything's casual here. But anyway, it's going to be called the still gin, gin lounge. It will be an elevated nightlife experience. West coast swagger meets Southern soul. It will blend the smooth sophistication of top tier cocktail lounge with the energy and cultural influence of the legendary duo. Yeah. I can't wait. I can't wait. It doesn't say when it's going to open though. Next weekend. No, that no can't open that soon. They just announced it.

[00:26:06] Oh, April 4th. Well, damn, I got to get home. That's going to be something. Oh, this weekend. Wow. Um, well, they, of course they could have, but usually they say when the people put their name on the thing with the people, then they announce it then. And then they say, it should have been a buildup campaign. That's how you get people interested.

[00:26:35] Maybe, maybe, maybe Snoop and the doctor don't market the way traditional marketing, traditional marketing says, let's have an ad campaign and we're going to announce here. And then we're going to do another push and another push and then bam, a soft opening. And then bam, a grand opening. This is, this is where the old white lady needs to calm down and just go, okay, there's no plan. I'm fine with that. Okay, sure. I can do that. I thought I had stuff to do, but all right.

[00:27:05] Um, what are we, what are we watching? Well, we're watching March Madness for you non-sporting fans. That's a basketball, um, the college tournament. I'm still in it to win it. It's me, my friend drew and Lewis could win it if, and I think Duke's going to win sadly. And I didn't take them. I just, I took Auburn for Vic. Yeah. So I probably might get second.

[00:27:30] Um, but it's been a fun tournament, um, to watch and, um, good luck to Lewis. I'll say it even though, yeah, very competitive with him. Um, white Lotus still good. Although it's gotta, we either the dad who wears the Duke shirt, he either needs to tell everybody his work went to shit or just kill himself. He's thought about killing himself. Well, I'm not suggesting that out of nowhere. He's thought of that a lot. He has a gun.

[00:27:57] He has these fancy one of the two, but it's too crazy. Parker Posey. I could watch for days in this character for, for weeks and weeks on end. And just, I just need another little recipe to get through this. I can't, I don't think at my age, I should be uncomfortable. It's so country club Southern and the outfits they've put her in. Cause I always see some of these people at the fancy country clubs, not the one I'm at, um, flowing around in these. And I'm like, where did you get that? Like, I don't even own anything.

[00:28:26] Like, is that like Laura Ashley? Like, I don't know where these clothes go. It's just, everything's flowy and there's giant flowers always has a cocktail giant eyeglasses or sunglasses. And well, God, I don't know how this going to go down. It's worth. It's really a weird season, but worth watching. And 1923 update has gone so goddamn crazy. I'm surprised Helen Mirren as an actor hasn't taken the gun she shot the wolf with and shot her own face off.

[00:28:56] I mean, it's so unbelievable. The, I won't cause if you haven't seen it, this won't make sense. But if you have when the British couple that's going to drive the lady, these people are never going to get to, they're never going to get to Montana. If they do, all their limbs are going to be broken. They're going to be worthless, just pieces of almost dead people. Like she gets in the car with these British rich people to drive to Montana. And there's this old lady with a hat on and a quick shot, a gas, old timey gas station that says, don't do it. There's a buckies.

[00:29:26] Yeah. It's like a baby, a beginner buckies back in the 1800s. And she says, don't go 1900. Don't, don't go over the past. You'll never make it. There's no more gas stations. And they're just like, okay. And they went and then they ran out of gas and they, they both froze to death. And the lady's still alive in the back of the car. It's just, why would anyone do that? Well, there's, there's two, my friend Kay.

[00:29:53] And then there's two theories of what, what some people think that Spencer's going to ride by on the train and see the car and then get out and go save her. And yeah, I mean, she's frozen to death, right. And she's pregnant and all this horseshit. And also why, if you're on a train and you saw a car, why would you jump off the train and go to that car? You don't even know if there's anyone in that car and you sure as shit don't know who's in that car. You wouldn't know my future wife or current wife, whatever she is.

[00:30:21] And then I forgot the other theory. Um, okay. Kay thinks he's going to marry the lady that's still there and then be the father to that baby. Yeah. Cause she's pregnant. Yeah. Which, which would be weird to just switch brothers. Yeah. That'd be weird. But it's his uncle. Oh, it's his uncle. Spencer's the uncle. A lot of people got killed. I don't know. It's, I love it, but it's ridiculous. Yeah. It's complete. I'm like, okay, how many sharks am I supposed to jump here? And you know what?

[00:30:51] Um, what if you, what if you never made it to Montana? Yeah. How sad is that? And what was the point? You left a fine life. The East coast had electricity, then cars, all that shit. There's no reason to go there. It's a sense of occasion. It's a sense of occasion. Won't this be an adventure? We'll go through a blizzard and we will run out of gas. Then what? Well, we won't have any heat. Oh, what's the temperature, darling? It's 19 below.

[00:31:20] Oh, it's going to be fascinating when we can't feel our toes and our feet, and then we can't feel our hands. Just a sense of occasion. I'm also watching. I got this one cooked up. Happy face. Dennis Quaite. It's pretty good. Sometimes there's moments of the acting. It's about a lady whose dad is based on true story. Her dad was a serial killer. It's called happy face. It's called happy face.

[00:31:49] Dennis Quaite plays her father. He's very good in the role, I think. I forget about Dennis Quaite. Lewis says the lead lady actress is famous on Broadway and stuff. I don't know any of that. Lou knows all that, but I'll take his word for it. Sometimes the acting, sometimes the whole production seems kind of lifetime-y. Yeah. It's something to have on. It's not... No, the best. Yeah. It's okay. It's a B-minus, I'd say.

[00:32:19] All right. So that's what we're watching. The Stanley Cup playoffs are coming up. The Stanley Cup playoffs are... And my blues have snuck in as a wild card. If you're a hockey fan, I'm very excited about that. The Masters is coming up if you're into golf. It's my favorite week of the whole year, even over the Super Bowl. Tiger did an April Fool thing saying he was going to play... I mean, he's such a dork. He's just a dork. And he's a self-proclaimed dork. That's not just me throwing that on there. And then hours later, P.S. April Fool's. Like, oh, that's hilarious.

[00:32:48] Tickets on StubHub just went up and down by about $700 because of that announcement. But whatevs. Moving on. Updates! Chimp Crazy. We're rewinding the clock. Boom! Tarmites were rewinding to Chimp Crazy. Tanya, who lives what will be an approximate five miles from my Ozark house. Shut up. Yep. Really? She still has a petting zoo. What?

[00:33:15] Yeah, I went over to my brother's house, Joe and Amy's house, and I saw the signs. And I'm like, I didn't have time. I had shit to do, but yeah. Well, Tanya Haddix. Tanya Haddix, the lady who kept the chimp. That was the HBO series Chimp Crazy. If you've never seen it, you should definitely go watch it. She's pleaded guilty to three felony charges. Three? Mm-hmm. Wow. Yep, she's 55. She was emotional.

[00:33:43] She pled guilty to three felony charges. Two counts of perjury. Well, she lied on camera to a judge on a Zoom. That's a felony. And I'm like, you're not going to get away with that. Right. And one count of obstruction of justice. She looks forward to putting this behind her. That's nice. Yeah. She lied so she could secretly keep the chimp, and then she drugged it and took it into a Fairfield Inn or some shit. I mean, the whole thing is so crazy.

[00:34:12] And she will be sentenced on July 16th. I don't know what they'll do. I think they'll leave her out. You think so? Yeah, I don't think she'll go to jail. She pleaded guilty. I think they'll probably just, well, I don't know. I mean, if you put an ankle burp at home right now, I think they'll just community service her. I don't think she's going to jail. She's a wonderful addition to the community.

[00:34:42] She's a wonderful addition. I can't wait to see her at Menards. Apparently, that's where she goes and gets pet food. Really? For whatever animals are left that are, quote, legal. She'll be at Tire Riders. She'll be at, there's so many bars where I'm like, I know where I can find somebody. Where's somebody like Tanya run around? I could bet five bars on the dam somewhere on the strip that I could pick out. Mm-hmm. Update! This is, I can't wait to see the outcome of this. Oh, boy.

[00:35:12] Fire Fest 2 founder, Billy McFarlane, our con artist, or what's, liar, criminal, everything else? Fraudster. Fraudster. He has switched the venue with just weeks to go. Who in Christ's name is falling for this? The man behind the disastrous 2017 Fire Festival is back with another attempt at hosting a music event, but the plan was already looking a little shady. Oh, really? Yeah.

[00:35:38] Last month he claimed the festival would be held on Mexico's Isla Mejeres. I'm probably saying that wrong. Only for officials to say, as far as they knew, the event didn't exist. We did that on this podcast. I said the people, the people on this island are like, there's no festival going on here. No. No permits. No hotels are in on it. He now says it's going to be held in Playa del Carmen, which I do know where that's at. It's going to be two months from now with room for 1,800 guests. Really?

[00:36:07] You don't think they're booked? Right. Jesus Christ. I can't get a Marriott Courtyard in Omaha. Everything's booked months out because they're like, well, there's the quilting convention, Kathleen. I guess you didn't know about that. And every hotel room is sold out. Okay. There's no way they can choose between several five-star resorts. Really? Can they? Says who? Which ones? He claims there's 40 musical performances, although so far only one is confirmed. And that person, that performer,

[00:36:35] is controversial retired NFL player Antonio Brown. A football player. What does Antonio do? I don't know. He ran around naked. It says, yeah, he's the one who ran naked. It says he's not, it's not clear what he'll be performing. Tickets are on sale. They range from 1,400 up to 1.1 million. Wow. Yep. He's still on probation. What if this is all a lie again? Does he not see that coming? You're going back to jail, sir. He's a narcissist.

[00:37:03] Well, he's a con man, narcissist. Right. Yeah. Anna Delvey, apparently. It was on CNN. I didn't see it. What's his face? Jake. Jake Taper interviewed Anna Delvey. Why are you still interviewing this woman? Right. American media? Stop. Just stop. Update. Update. Every time I see Anna too, she's dyed her hair a different color. Oh, so good. Now it's strawberry blonde. Yeah. It was dark and then it went red and then it's strawberry blonde and I guess next would

[00:37:33] be blonde blonde. Maybe platinum blonde. I don't know. I like that like, that's silvery color. Is it? Yeah. Sure. That ashen gray. Yep. Yeah. My sister did that once. It was, it's that ash blonde, not ash gray. Yeah. And my sister's like, I don't think I liked it. And then her kid, he, he, Jack was like 70. He goes, well, it makes you look older mom. Cause you painted your hair gray. You painted it. You painted it. There you go. You should go.

[00:38:02] She's a blonde by nature. Go back to that. Uh, update. The, the, the, just stop oil people UK. They've announced that it will end disruptive acts of protest. Yep. It's included throwing soup. All the things we know, uh, smashing glass and spraying orange powder paint on Stonehenge at three years after bursting on the scene in a blaze of orange at the end of April. We'll hang up, uh, the high vis. I don't know what that means. High visuals. I don't know.

[00:38:33] Um, they're planning one final action in London's parliament square on April 26. Who, who, who announces when you're going to go wreck stuff? No, they're going to do something bad. And they're telling everyone the day that's a terrible terrorist. You don't give people a month's warning. Hey, we're going to come screw up something in parliament square. Um, their goal, their demand was to end new oil and gas. That's never going to happen like that.

[00:39:02] It's just idiotic. I mean, I'm not saying there are causes. I don't even know enough about it, but this is not the way to get. Like I said, use humor. Don't use this. Right. People are just going to get mad. Um, he, they think it's a success, a very successful civil resistance campaign. Really? Yeah. Well, gas here is still 269. I don't know what's going on globally, but I don't think we've stopped new oil and new gas at all. No.

[00:39:29] They claim that is kept more than 4.4 billion barrels of oil in the ground. Well, it's coming out later then. I mean, it's just cause we don't need it right now. Right. I guess. It's going to have a different approach. Um, but they're not saying what it is. Well, I'm telling you, why don't you go to humor? Everybody likes a funny something. Right. It is. Update on the Harkles. Let's talk about Harry and Megan.

[00:39:58] They're in big trouble. Harry's in trouble. His, uh, one of his charities, he bullied the lady in charge. So they say, they say they have emails where he's being mean and wants her to step down and all this bullshit. It's a big hoop to ha in the, I don't understand foundations and charities. And then they're getting money from USA. I don't understand anything about that world, like how that all operates. There's clearly a model for it.

[00:40:27] Um, and then the money goes here and there and wherever. And this was on one he founded, um, years ago. He, so he has quit because the head lady stepped down and said, she's not doing it anymore. Harry and Megan are bullies. And there, so there was an awkward thing on at a polo match on stage. And they wanted, Megan wanted that lady to put out a statement saying, oh, there was nothing weird. It was a great time had by all.

[00:40:55] And the lady goes, no, we're not the PR machine of the Sussexes. Right. Which isn't even correct. You can't, is it saying I'm Megan Sussex? It's like saying I'm Kathleen Nashville or Kathleen Ozarks, Missouri. Like you can't, whatever. Um, this, he co-founded this whole thing. So now she is releasing her products and her as ever official, they spelled official wrong. I don't, how do you not fire everyone?

[00:41:22] They forgot the other I it official. Like, I mean, you know, let's get it. They can't get it together. That's terrible. And then the box, the jelly comes in or jam. I'm supposed to say jam in the Midwest is jelly, but jam, jelly. Jelly has a different consistency. Then jam. Yeah, jam is. Maybe, I don't think we could afford jam. Really? Just as a Midwest culture? Nobody? Yeah.

[00:41:50] Every single day of my life, wait, Welch's grape, jelly, giant thing. It was in the refrigerator, giant, enormous. And it just got plopped on the table on Saturdays. That's your preference. Yeah. There's no toaster of the week. Cereal only. Um, no, I think jam is what we would thought fancy people would have. Oh. If you were rich, you had jam. Yeah. Cause it's more expensive. That Welch's jelly thing is going to last you forever. It was only like four bucks. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:42:18] Well, anyway, she is releasing all this stuff, product line in the, it comes in this box. It looks like a pencil box. And then, then you're supposed to use the box for love notes. What? What does that mean? That's what she suggested. Love notes. Yeah. I haven't received any. Well, I'll put this one from this, from Sullivan. That's my love note. He gave me a medal and I'm going to put Sullivan. I'm going to buy a thing as ever. I'm going to fold this up and put it in the thing. Sullivan loves me.

[00:42:47] So yeah, I got a nine year old who thinks I'm awesome. That's all I need to know. Um, uh, I, I just, I get the spelling. They're, they're completely crazy. The Montecito mansion is worth 14 million. What are the taxes on that? When does the King's money run out? When does Diana's money run out? Did she, he was all mad cause he got cut off from the money, but, uh, mama still Diana still gave him 14 million, something along those lines.

[00:43:17] Um, but he, he wrote something, uh, terrible in an email and they have the email. Now what kind of moron rights mean things in an email? The tax rate is 7.75%. The tax rate is 7.75. So let's call it 8%. What's 8% of 14 million. I could never do that math. I would be stuck in a classroom for hours staring into space. Um, they, the lady that is stepping down said they're a toxic brand.

[00:43:47] It's, it's all bad. Um, so I don't know how the Harkles get back on track, but once again, I'd refer to the movie of your great uncle. Yep. Yep. My parents already saw this movie. We've seen it happen in real life. Him and Wallace Simpson. Right. Yep. Um, update. Almost done with my updates. I like your updates. Um, it's $12,000 a year. $12,000 a year?

[00:44:16] No, it's gotta be more than that. It has to be $120,000 a year. $120,000 a year. Oh, this is the math widget. The math widget? Uh, so their taxes are 120. Well, that's not as bad as I thought. Are you, well, yeah. 8% is 11. Okay. I'll accept that math. Cause it's too hard. It hurts my head. It's too early. It's how much?

[00:44:45] $11,200. Yeah. No. On 14 million. What's 10% of 14? Well, maybe that I can't. Yeah. No, this is why I didn't take the SAT. That's why I took the ACT. Yeah. I heard there was a lot of math on the SAT. I'm like, well, count me out. I'll just go over to this other one that apparently people were accepting. You're real fun. Yeah, that's right.

[00:45:13] I'm fun and I have a love note and I'm going to get some jam. I don't know that I've, I don't know that I've eaten jam ever in my life. Like what is the difference between jam and jelly? It's got more syrup. Well, I love high fructose corn syrup. So that's probably why I like jelly better. More gelatin than jelly? More gelatin. I like gelatin. Yeah.

[00:45:38] I like everything that is, that is made up by American scientists that I've eaten my entire life. And you know what? Everybody eating all the healthy stuff. I don't see anybody living to 120. No. No. It's just how you die. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You want to die less violently than I, you know. There's your TED talk. Yeah. Right. You know, everybody, well, if you do this, well, you know, I've seen it. So what my dad ate, made it to 83.

[00:46:07] I mean, $120,000 in property taxes. $120,000 in property taxes. How many jars of jam is that? Where'd you even get that map? But see, I can't wait. Go on the as ever word. Go on the as ever website. And I want to see how much the jam cost. To get me this jam that fits in his box. It looks like an art pencil box. It's a round box. I've never seen jam.

[00:46:34] Oh, it says they're sold out. Well, how many did she release? Eight. It doesn't tell you. That's such a marketing scam. I'm not giving her my email. I don't need anything in my inbox that says Duchess of Sussex. Okay. $14. $14? No. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's not as crazy as I thought it would be.

[00:47:03] Honestly, I thought she'd go 24. Really? I did. This is for, this is, she's got to sell 800 and how many? 850, 858 to pay her taxes. Well, you better get to some street fairs. That's right. There's a good one in Hermosa Beach. Yeah. Get yourself a booth. I don't know what the booth costs, but you're going to have to sell more jars because you've got to pay for the booth. Yeah. That booth ain't free. Nope. Nope.

[00:47:32] Wow. Jesus. Those boxes. What are those costs? I know. Yeah. It's a whole different kind of merch. Update. Right. Our millennial saint is on display because the Catholics, we have such a flair for drama. We preserve people. We keep their bones. We keep their fingers. Yeah. He's in a glass case. Wasn't he in a foot last year? His foot? Yeah. The foot was on tour. There was a foot on tour going to a bunch of parishes in Chicago. I know.

[00:48:03] Lou sends me all these. He always sends me the Catholic crazy ones and wins. You are crazy. Jews don't do this. I'm like, well, maybe you should. And then you'd have more people interested in becoming Jewish. Put some old guy, put Moses on tour, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well, we got this guy in a glass case. He's in jeans and a sweatshirt because he was the young, he's a young kid. He died young. Well, pilgrims have been pouring.

[00:48:31] He's in the town of Assisi, which is St. Francis of Assisi. I didn't realize all that. Yeah. They're pouring in. Really? Yep. There's two saints that are from Assisi. Francis, who I love because he's in charge of animals, and Claire, which is my niece's name, which I love. See what St. Claire did. I don't know what she was in charge of. But it's newest saint. Well, he's going to be. It's already done. He's canonized.

[00:48:57] He'll be canonized on April 27th by the Pope who's had a miraculous comeback. St. Claire of Assisi was inspired by St. Francis. She was inspired by it. So she took over the animals. Yeah, she was founded. She founded the order of poor. The order of poor ladies. All nuns are poor. They get no money. They're not. Simplicity, humility, and service to God. Yeah. That's all nuns. They're not. Huh. All right.

[00:49:27] Well, he's going to be canonized on April 27th. Uh, Carlo, uh, everybody's, all the kids want to see him. And he's in jeans and a t-shirt or sweatshirt or hoodie or, he should be in a hoodie. Cause he died a while ago. So technically he was, he'd be a millennial. Um, not what, I don't even know what they call people under 20. I know Gen Z is like the people in their twenties.

[00:49:53] But anyway, um, hundreds of people, they can't wait to see him. I don't know how long, I guess forever. Well, he'll probably go on tour. I mean, seriously, well, he'll go on tour. People under 20 are called youth. Right. But we got to name them. We're running out of letters. Are we going to go back to a Gen a, um, he was a normal person, but if it's illuminated by the life of Christ, a life becomes extraordinary.

[00:50:23] His mom said, we always pray to the saints. And in the end, what did the saints do? They opened their doors of their lives to Christ. Um, Oh, here was one of her son's favorite phrases. Everyone is born an original, but many die photocopies. Oh, I like it. Deep, deep, deep. The saint is one who didn't like a photocopy. He realized that the project of holiness that God established in eternity for each of us as we all should. Blah, blah.

[00:50:52] Um, so if you want to see a millennial saint, he's in a glass. I don't know how they preserve that. Are there any science termites? Because if you embalm somebody, they still, they still dissolve. How do you preserve someone forever? I don't know. I don't either. Yeah. And there's the climate controlled. Okay. Good answer. Thanks. Um, this is for, this one's for no Sullivan. This one's for Sullivan.

[00:51:22] Sullivan. You're going to go look at this link because it's the cutest thing ever. Scientists are delighted by, um, as rare creature approaches trail camera and he's so handsome. It looks like an unusually large house cat or an unusually small links, but it's actually called a colo. Wait. Colo. Colo. Or a pompous cat. It's so cute. Yeah. They're super tiny though. And an extreme exceedingly rare and special moment. It recently approached trail camera, delighting scientists.

[00:51:51] The footage itself was captured by the, uh, the cat project, a conservation group dedicated to the indigenous Chilean. He lives in Chile or Chile. However you want to say it, the Chilean cat. They posted the footage on Instagram. And the thing is adorable. Yes. I would take it in a hot minute. Um, so handsome. Great shot. They're not endangered of the wild. Their status, um, is current. It's, it's near threatened. That's their status.

[00:52:18] So near, but cats usually have a bunch of cats. So if we could get a mating, maybe we could get it going there. It's not like a, you know, they just have one. Usually they have four or five kittens. Um, they're running out of areas to live. That's why as always. Um, um, but you gotta go look at it. It's just the cute, cutest little guy ever. I love them. I want one. That's what I want for Christmas. Somebody get me a pompous cat.

[00:52:47] Um, yeah, this is crazy too. Holy shit. They found trail cameras capture return of rare species after more than 80 years. It's been amazing to watch. These little critters were caught on camera and it's good news for England. According to the independent, a trail cam at, uh, something park in Hampshire, England, like a mother otter and her pup. They're seeing grooming. I know it's the first otter in the park for over 80 years, but see, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's cause we have trail cams now and we didn't before.

[00:53:17] So now we just, they're elusive, but now we can. Yeah. I don't think some of them, I think they think they went extinct, but did they really? Or could we just not, we just didn't see them. Anyway, post the link. It's very cute. Uh, otters can be tough for conservationists to track because they're nocturnal trail cameras. It was just been one of the tools researchers use to monitor populations behavior. And sometimes they catch these incredible sightings too.

[00:53:44] A trail in Northern India recorded a wandering palace cat, the elusive wild cat. Yeah. Oh, there. So it's over there too. Anyway. Um, go look at that link. It's adorbs. My elusive cat. I don't know. She usually comes up for the podcast. Um, at the weather it's freaking them out. They know it. They don't like it. Yeah. They hide. It's very windy. It's yeah, they don't, they don't love it. Um, moving on to news, moving on. Well, sad news.

[00:54:15] At least these are the days I can go. Well, my dad would have been sad to hear this. Johnny Mathis is retiring. Uh, me and Johnny Mathis have the same birthday. What? Yep. And me, him, Truman Capote. He's born on September 30th. Um, somebody else that was kind of cool. Um, doesn't come to me right now. Truman Capote is my favorite. You have flavor, flavor. Of course you do. And Bob Lee. And Bob Lee. Yeah. Sportscast. SportsCenter.

[00:54:44] Bob Lee. Yeah. Um, it's time to get a little misty. Oh, for the children. That was one of his big songs. Johnny Mathis is singers and entertain audiences. This is 50s. He's 90. He's approaching his 90th birthday. Well, hey, now our birthday is not that coming up. Geez. Let's settle down on that. Um, he's going to be 90 and due to age and memory issues, which have accelerated, we are announcing his retirement from touring and live concerts. Um, this was so funny.

[00:55:11] One time I was working in Atlantic city and my friend Dory was saying, uh, that her mother loved Johnny Mathis and she wanted to get her. She had heard Johnny Mathis was coming to Atlantic city and she wanted to get him tickets. And in the room I had, it had this great view of, uh, I was at the Borgata and it had a view of the golden nugget and other buildings. And she said, but I'm not sure when he's coming. And right when she said that the entire side of the golden nugget building lit up and it said Johnny Mathis coming.

[00:55:40] It was on his birthday, our birthday. I'm like, oh, he's doing a show on his birthday. I go, here you go, Dory. He's going to come, um, Friday, September 30th. It says it right there in giant, it's the size of a building. But anyway, my dad, my dad's was, this was my dad and mom's favorite Christmas album forever and ever and ever. Um, if Johnny Mathis wasn't singing the Christmas album, we just didn't have it on in the house. Yeah. He loved, loved it. And that was always my dad's judgment of a band. Like I remember my brother, cause he's younger than me.

[00:56:10] He was like, Nirvana is the best band that ever lived. My dad would go, well, do they have a Christmas album? That was his mark of success. Like if you had a Christmas album, anyway, he's retiring. Utah, bad news for you. Well, depends on how you view it, I suppose. No, they're not. I don't think they're fixing their drinking laws. It's kind of Mormon based. I will say though, South Carolina changed its slicker law in the airport and made it a lot earlier.

[00:56:38] Um, so yay for that. Um, cause sometimes when I'm flying out, I've had a long weekend. I would like to have a Bloody Mary at the airport. Is that weird? I mean, no, it's not weird. No, yeah. I got to go, I want to go to sleep on the plane and then wake up and be home. And anyway, the Sundance film festivals leaving Park City, Utah. It's crazy. Here's what's crazy. I'd never been to Park City, Utah in my life. And then I went and did that gig. Um, uh, I did Salt Lake and then I was like, you know what? I'm going to go up there early. I'm going to go a day early and I'm going to go up there. I want to see it.

[00:57:08] I loved it. And I don't ski. I don't, but I love the snow. I love to watch it snow. I love to go out in it for a while. Um, I'll, I'll go tubing. You can push me down a hill on an air tube. Totes fine. That's fun. But I don't ski. I'm not like a winter sport, winter sport person. Um, but I loved Park City cause there's expensive stores and then there's normal stores. There's an REI, you know, normal things like in normal bars, fancy bar, normal bar. But it's not that big.

[00:57:38] It's very tiny. It's tiny. Well, it's moving to Boulder. It's going to cost Utah economy. I feel bad for the people that work because they probably count on this. It's going to cost $132 million hit. That's what they're losing. Yep. Um, over 40 years, it's been in Park City and it's going to Boulder as deadline been telling you for months. They were, um, Robert Redford founded this and he, they were thinking about either going to Cincinnati. What? Weird. That's left field. Yeah, I don't.

[00:58:08] Um, uh, and there was one other place. Uh, oh, Boulder. That's what they chose. Yeah. It seems more bouldery. It's a film festival. I don't know. Um, come Cincinnati. Yeah. Coming out of two consecutive years of Sundance being canceled for in-person screenings due to the pandemic and pandemic and overwhelm. Um, well that's been over. I'm so sick of hearing about COVID. It's been over for a long time. You guys, it's the ultimate slacker experience. Excuse.

[00:58:37] We know it was a COVID thing. Oh my God. Get your shit together. You can't keep saying that. And all these things were given money. They were given government loans. Like we can't. Stop it. Um, the festival is looking for a dramatic reset with a new location as deadline reported of a, blah, blah, Sundance was taking bids from contenders across the nation. Part of the decision decision making was opportunity for growth. Um, knowing that we can be in a town that has a hundred thousand people means that it has more venues, more spaces. I did think about that.

[00:59:07] Like that parks, the Sundance thing got so popular with the fancy people and there's only so many fancy restaurants. Yeah. And so, okay. Jennifer Aniston wants to come at eight o'clock. Well, we only got three tables. You know, they're gonna, they, I think it's a good idea to expand it. If people are still coming. Mm-hmm . Also the University of Colorado put $34 million in taxes then on the table over the decade. Ooh, there you go. Yep. Yep. Um, so there you go. Kind of a sad little day. Yeah. For Utah. But you know what?

[00:59:36] There's probably a lot of locals that are like, fine. Great. Go. Go be, you go be you. Take that spotlight off us. Yep. Um, and Boulder. Boulder's gonna need to be. Boulder. It's where my friend John, my comedian friend John. Also known sometimes as hippie man. He loves it. Loves it, man. Yeah, far out. Making the dream come true. Yeah. To it. Yeah. Mm-hmm .

[01:00:03] Popular restaurant and bar chain files for bankruptcy and sparks fears of more closures. Bar Louie has filed. Oh, God. Chapter 11. Bar Louie was a thing like in the early 2000s. I remember being on the road when I was still working in clubs and specifically Columbus, Ohio. We would go to Bar Louie after we were done with work. And, uh, they did have late night food and beers. It was fine. It just kind of went downhill. Quickly. There's one down in Nashville.

[01:00:29] And when I was building this house, I would, I stayed down there for a hot minute waiting on this and I would go over there and I'm like, I did enjoy their brunch. They had a one omelet thing that was good, but the rest of it, I don't know. I think it was for a time and a space. Some restaurants are just for a time and a period. And then it, you're like, yeah, it's really not that good. TGI Friday. TGI. Well, TGI Friday was for my life. Yeah. Yes. That was a lifestyle. The potato spread. Now it's been in the airport.

[01:00:58] They're going to break the leases of 14 underperforming restaurants in Tennessee, Ohio, Illinois, Missouri, Texas, Michigan, Colorado, New Jersey. They've already closed these locations in weeks, recent weeks and days. They're trimming its count to 48. They peaked in 2019 at 134. Wow. Yeah. I don't see it. I don't know. I like their brunch. I'll give them a shout out for that. Okay. It was always fun. Yeah. And they always had the sports on. Good Bloody Mary. Did a good Bloody Mary. They did make a good Bloody Mary and they knew how to do spicy right.

[01:01:28] A lot of people don't do it right. Okay. This, this, this, don't anybody freak out. This is not political. This is, this is even what should be more controversial religion. So the Trump administration has this lady, Paula White. She, she speaks in tongues. I mean, the videos you're like, okay. And I like to read the comments because like Christians and Southern Baptists are like, this is not what we do.

[01:01:56] It, I, you, we don't even need, the Catholics don't even need to get involved. They'll let them eat their own. You fight about it. That's an in-house. That is a family fight. I'm just a neighbor. I'm the guy. I'm not involved. Well, her, she, um, uh, a lot of pastors have spoken out calling her a false teacher. Um, she's Trump special advisor, the faith and opportunity initiative was, was part of the public, uh, office of public liaison in 2019.

[01:02:23] She did, did delivered the, um, it says the innovation. I think you mean invocation. Yeah. Hello. Um, she was the first female clergy to remember to do so. Bop, bop, bop, bop. Well, this is what she's selling. This is so funny. Yeah. I'm like, uh, if you give her a thousand dollars before Easter, Paula, you have Paula a thousand dollars or Easter. When is Easter? She, Easter? I don't know. What is Easter?

[01:02:52] Probably April. What is Easter? Oh, April 20th. Can I get a... April 20th. Oh, shit. Okay. I better get my checkbook. See if I can find a check. Now Venmo. I'll Venmo or a thousand bucks. Um, she promises if you do this, you're going to receive seven supernatural blessings. Seven. Specifically. God will assign an angel to you. Oh boy. Again, this is where the Catholics, we got to get our brochure out. You get a free angel with Catholicism. You get a guardian angel. And it's your job to figure out who it is and what they're up to.

[01:03:21] That's the, it's a mystery. You're told that in first grade, you are assigned a guardian angel. I was actually told to sit over at my desk to make room for mine to sit down. I have a whole joke about that in my eye. But anyway, um, we don't charge you for angels. Just saying, if you're thinking about being Catholic, free angels. Um, he'll give you prosperity. He'll take sickness away and he will give you a long life. She also, um, there's another part here that really made me laugh.

[01:03:51] Um, uh, she will make, God will make enemies of your enemies. Oh, he's a vengeful, vengeful person. Yeah. Well, God or whatever, whatever she thinks he is. Um, uh, he'll also bring an increase in inheritance and he'll bring a special year of blessing. Oh, yeah. But you can donate with Venmo.

[01:04:20] You can donate with Venmo. Of course. She's got that set up. Apple pay. Um, damn. I wanted to find the quote about, um, soup seven, specifically seven supernatural blessings. Wow. Yeah. Um, but all I will say like the reform Baptist church, they, they're all saying, remove her. She's a false teacher. It's not me. It's not a good look for the ones that are really truly like a Southern Baptist or a Pentecostal person or whatever. Um, where's the thing? God's going to make enemies.

[01:04:51] She's definitely no Charles Stanley. Um, he, so, but late, think about it. God's going to make enemies of your enemies if you pay her a thousand bucks. But what if you, what if we had the same enemy and we both gave a thousand bucks, then what? They can't, it gets canceled out and nothing happens. Or do I have to raise my thing to maybe 1200 and go look, just in case there's any ties, I'd like this to be a tiebreaker.

[01:05:21] I mean, seriously, like a lot of people, uh, in the Christian world, um, came out and said, this lady's wackadoodle. So good for them. Well, she's vetted by some people that I suppose, um, uh, a thousand bucks. How does she not feel bad about that? Ministry makes money.

[01:05:50] If you have the ability to stand with us, I want you to put your faith during this holy time. She's doing it, you know, before Easter. So Jesus rises and we, uh, my God, you get some special gifts. If you do all this, um, I just, wow. She'd probably do better if she said a hundred. Well, since it's all fake anyway, for a hundred, I'll give you an angel.

[01:06:19] Give me the same package for a hundred. You'd have a lot more people, old people, especially that are like, well, I can't give a thousand, but a hundo. Sure. Well, it's tax free. Now people are checking Venmo's now. Now the government's all up in that now. Well, she's part of it. Um, here's something I'd be more interested in Paula.

[01:06:49] This is awesome. Uh, Sazerac, the maker of fireball cinnamon whiskey is offering a lifetime to supply of its popular drink, but there's a catch. And sadly, I don't know anybody. Individuals, only individuals aged 90 or older. That means you had to be born before 1935 are eligible for this promotion, which the company describes as a tribute to those who've spent nearly a century making memories, surviving life's curve balls and keeping the party rolling.

[01:07:17] And then there's a picture of an old lady holding the bottle of fireball. That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. I don't know anybody over 90. I was thinking about that. I know a lot of people in their eighties. So if this promotion lasts, I just got to get my 80 year olds over the hump and boom, free fireball. Yeah. Yeah. Um, a lady stripped down and, uh, people are moving on. People are losing it in airports and I'm, I'm, I'm so excited to watch the meltdowns. Um, cause I see it every week. Why didn't see this one?

[01:07:47] A woman stripped naked and stormed through the Dallas Fort Worth airport terminal D in a draw to have dodge jaw dropping public meltdown that left passengers stunned and airport staff nowhere in sight. Way to go Dallas. Wow. Where's security? We have a bouncer in this goddamn place. She was clutching a plastic water ball. She could see it in a viral video. She's totally naked shouting erratically at no one in particular before proclaiming bizarre phrases like I speak all languages.

[01:08:14] Now this is sad cause this person is mentally ill, but on a selfish note, if you've ever been to the Dallas Fort Worth, um, airport, it's pretty boring and you know what somebody running naked screaming and crazy shit. I'm, I'm into it. Let's do it. It's something to do. It's you know what I'm there's actually a Fridays in that doubt. That'll show you the Dallas airport needs a facelift. We got to get some new shit going on. And every store is just cowboy hats and belt buckles. And usually I'm on American if I'm there and it never goes well.

[01:08:44] And then you have to take that. I call it the mine train from six flags, that stupid Metro link thing. They did. It's like from the sixties. I feel like it's sky link. I bet it is from the sixties. It feels like it's to get you to the next terminal. Um, but the, here's the problem. And I knew that I know this from working in comedy clubs when bouncers go to, it's harder to control a crazy woman than it is a crazy man just because of our body parts.

[01:09:13] So if she's totally naked and they try to restrain her, she can say, Oh, you grab my boobs. Isn't that a dude, you just grab his shoulders and you know, and he to his back and we're done. But even in comedy clubs, like back in the day when the bachelorette parties would be like, you know, and they'd be like, you ladies, please be quiet. You don't know. You can't touch them. It's weird. So this lady's running around. Um, Oh wow. Without any restraint in sight, she snatched another bottle from a near bake. She's just pulling waters off any little thing she sees in the airport, cracked it

[01:09:42] open, began dousing the floor in wild arcs of water before launching into a manic dance in the puddle she created. Oh God. Now I do feel bad. The lady's obviously mentally ill, but selfishly again, there's nothing going on in that airport. Are you, are you on Southwest? Are you on spirit? Spirit. This sounds like a spirit situation to me. This doesn't seem American airline-y. No.

[01:10:08] Um, in her rampage at one point, she lost, launched a cell phone at a series of overhead airport monitors in an attempt to break them. Oh wow. Yep. Yep. Wow. There's another, there's another band. People are snapping in airports. Yeah. I don't know what the, um, spring break does need to at least, it's too long. It goes from February, middle of February till now.

[01:10:36] What I'm also convinced nobody goes to school anymore. I mean, every week there's just kids in the airport and I'm like, don't you have school? Shouldn't you be in school? I mean, maybe they're homeschooled, but all of them seems like a lot. Everyone's homeschooled. Right. But it's not like it used to be like my sister can take the kids out and to do that in a Catholic school back in the day, you had to get a pre-plus and plan lesson deal. And you had to have all these reasons. And I don't know. Nobody gives a shit anymore, I guess.

[01:11:01] Um, some lady paid $12 for, um, a sketch that she saw, um, in an antique store. And it's probably, they're going to check it out for real, for real, a Renoir. What? Yeah. Oh wow. She paid 12 bucks. Um, it's a drawing of a naked lady, of course. It's not the lady in the Dallas airport. This lady's chubbier and sitting down. She probably got it, she probably got it down from 15. She said she didn't know what it was, but she just wanted it.

[01:11:31] She instructed her partner to bid on, well, she did other, it was an auction. Um, 12 bucks. 12 bucks. Yep. Um, when they got home, they saw a drawing's faint signature. The frame was the frame's meticulous condition and the type of paper that was used to, um, that's why she thought, she does know about art. Um, it was brought to the United States by a high end importer and sold to a prominent art collector.

[01:12:01] This is what I called a frame masterpiece. How great is that? Nice. Yeah. Good job. Good job, young person. Um, yeah. And my, my favorite, one of my favorite artists, Basquiat, he sold a painting. Well, he's dead. His foundation sold a painting for $14 million at, um, a week ago in Hong Kong. Paula White brought him back. Paula White brought who back? Basquiat. To sell a painting. I love that she's going to have God go after people you hate.

[01:12:31] Yeah. And how am I supposed to tell him which ones? Like throughout my career, I could think of like three booking agents. I'd like bad shit to happen to them. Which side of the country you want to start on? Oh, the upper Midwest? Yeah. I got a guy up there. Oh, how about the Southeast? Yeah. I got a guy down there too. Yeah. I don't like him either. There's a lady in Louisville. I'll never forget her either. Like her something. Just a little flash of lightning. Just buy them. Super close to him to scare the shit out of him. I don't really. Yeah.

[01:12:59] Like, you know, just, I don't want him to really get hurt. No. Um, that would be mean. Um, this is a hard subject. Um, but 23andMe, you guys, if you did it, you have got, the thing is they're telling you how to delete your stuff because it's being sold. All your DNA is for sale now. Millions of people. It's up there. They're urged to delete their data after genetic testing company collapse. First of all, this was always going to collapse. Yeah.

[01:13:28] There's a finite amount of people that want to know where they're from or what, who the relatives are. Then after that number, everybody who did it, did it. Right. Who wanted to do it, did it. And those who don't want to do it, we didn't do it. Didn't do it. Um, and I would not have known this except for my dad being a lawyer and constantly, you're never giving anything, your DNA, your fingerprints. No, no, no. Like, okay. And I, I, I was always the kid in the hallway, not participating when the police would show up.

[01:14:00] And then the other kids are like, did your dad think you're going to become a criminal? I'm like, maybe, but more importantly, these are our rights and you need to stand up for them. And you do not let the local police force come in here and take your identity and steal your fingerprints. You've been, you haven't committed a crime yet. What if you want to, you need a chance to get away. It's a pocket constitution. Yeah. I bought this pocket constitution at the DC airport. Maybe you'd like to read over our rights as citizens that we think we have. Um, privacy advocates have urged customers to delete their 23andMe data.

[01:14:31] But is it really deleted? I don't think so. That's the problem. I mean, you could go in and scrub a phone, but they can still find it if they want. Um, this, my dad always predicted this. He said, they're going to sell it or share it with the government or share it with the cops. And maybe that could be a good thing if we need to catch a serial killer or something. But, you know, um, speaking of the government, uh, Elon says that his company X AI has bought

[01:15:01] Twitter. Well, X, um, in a deal that values the social media site at 33 billion. Okay. Um, yeah, he's just doing shot stock exchanges here. I mean, in a post he said that a or X AI is the acquire. Um, he bought it for 44 billion in 2022. So he's lost $14 billion on, I think he wants to wreck it.

[01:15:30] I've said that on this podcast from the very beginning. I think his whole goal is to wreck it and just make it a mouthpiece for whatever he wants. I don't know. I mean, I've noticed it. I'm on it. Um, I used to love it. I still like it, but there's a lot of differences. Um, they're going to combine the data models, uh, distribution and talent. The merger would unlock immense potential by blending AI is advanced AI capability and expertise.

[01:15:58] But see, I don't like the AI because I'm old enough that I believe half of it because it's so good. They've got people. I don't know, pick an athlete, Shaquille O'Neal or something. And then he's like, yeah, you know, so, um, I'm going to come back out of retirement. I was, and I believe the whole goddamn speech. And then I'm like, wait, that can't be true. And it was all AI. There's a million of them now. And, and they're so believable. It's scary. Like once that takes over, I'm out, I'm out, out, out, out, out, out.

[01:16:27] I'll stay on Instagram maybe, but, um, the, on the Insta, as the kids say on the Insta, um, it's time for some feel good stories. Yeah. I've got three. Yeah, I know. Right. It's more than normal. Well, yeah. Um, this is sweet. Luke Combs, the country singer who always has a red solo cup. I like him too. Cause he's a little chubby, not so coiffed. I believe him. Great voice.

[01:16:57] His manager reveals a singer paid full salary for all 44 crew members when COVID hit. Yep. So your families will never have to worry about putting food on the table. Good man. I paid my people during COVID too. I know. Thank you. You're welcome. Um, yeah, but one of them I paid, I think it was rich anyway. And I'm like, what am I doing? Like, why am I paying? Well, whatever I did it. It's the Catholic thing. Um, this is great.

[01:17:25] Now I'm not advocating this behavior, but it makes me feel better because I have participated in many of these behaviors and I hope it won't catch me. The oldest person ever document documented Jean Calment. Uh, she's a French lady. Uh, she smoked for a hundred years. She drank two pounds. Uh, she drank a glass of wine every day and she ate two pounds of chocolate every week.

[01:17:51] She died at 122, outliving both her granddaughter and her grandson. And they have a picture of her smoking a cig and there is no filter on that cig. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. And she looks good. The Frenchies rolled their own. I know I had a French exchange student. She just carried on around a whole purse full of tobacco. Like we'd be in the weirdest places. We were like 16 and I'm like, Marie Paul, you probably people are going to think that's weed here. Like, it doesn't look right.

[01:18:20] She's rolling her own cigs. Anyway, so there's some hope for those of us who haven't behaved, let's say, in a stellar manner our entire lives. Yeah. Roll your own cigs. Yeah. She is. Jean's doing it. Fireball. Smoking in bed, too. She's laying in bed, smoking, and then she's got chocolate and wine on the nightstand, which, if I was still smoking, would be an exact photo of me every night. Tiny Hershey bar. It's my favorite and red wine.

[01:18:50] Nice. This is very exciting for all us animal people. World's oldest cat celebrates 30th birthday and is treated to a cake with her face on it. That's awesome. Yep. Leslie Green Howe, he's a dude in England. He's 70. He believes his tortoiseshell, Moggy, I don't know what that means, Millie is the cat's name, was born in 1995, is currently the oldest, world's oldest living cat. Um,

[01:19:20] she was originally owned by Leslie's late wife, Paula, who adopted her when she was just three months old. She's multi-multi-multi-colored. She does look old. Maybe Cedric's old. Maybe that's why his hair is doing that. Like, her fur's kind of rough around the edges. Um, she, Cedric is malnourished. I gotta catch him. Please don't email. I'll figure it out. Yeah. He's getting better. You're working with a vet. I'm working with my neighbor who's a vet. Mm-hmm. Um, and now he comes on the porch and he'll sit by me.

[01:19:50] Really? Can't touch him. Not yet. Yep. Takes time. You're the whisperer. It takes time. But I also think, I don't know, whatever. I'm gonna, I'll fix him. I saw him in your house. I mean. He's in the house now. Yeah. I know. But that's why I gotta catch him. He's probably got fleas and ticks and God knows what else. Anyway, um, here's why Millie's longevity, longevity can be attributed to lots of treats. Um, and, and Buxton water, whatever that is. I don't know what that is. What's Buxton water? Um.

[01:20:19] Oh, it's, uh, bottled water. Oh, bottled water. Okay. That's a British. Oh, she liked her cake. Um, it was a fantastic day. Um, yeah. She likes the, um, she, uh, his life ambition is to get her into the Guinness World Book of Records, but he can't prove her age. The only person who can do that is my late, late wife who sadly died five years ago. Yeah. Good for Millie. Good for Millie. We'll put a picture and link in this note. You can go check her out.

[01:20:48] She's like black, orange, mini brown. Tortoise. Tortoise. Is that the right word? Tortoise. There's so many. I don't know. Um, all right. A couple thank yous from the, from the week. Then we're going to do our saint and our quote. We've had a lot of saint talk, a lot of Catholic talk today. A lot of fireball talk too. A lot of fireball talk. I know. I was so excited. I had like a four foot putt and I'm like, it's fireball time. Screw it up. Totally missed it. Terrible. Um, I got the reusable straws.

[01:21:17] That's an unknown termite. Came in the mail. Yeah. Um, I got a St. Patsy pint glass. That was great. Huntsville termite. I love Huntsville. Termites, Michael and Lisa. Mm-hmm. Uh, and some stickers and treats. Greenies. Yay for the cats. Dolly ornament. Um, that's from Ann Catherine in New Orleans. And then from Charlotte, did I? Oh, Virginia Beach. Beach. Oh, got beach vodka. That was great. Nice. And a vacation tea. Mermaid artwork. That's from Gail. Cool. And then last but not least, Charlotte. Um, Pilser. Local Pilser.

[01:21:47] Uh, Paula and Patrick. That's one of these. Mm-hmm. Um, super fun. The fancy phone charger. Wow. That, yeah. It lights up. It looks like a disco. Yeah. That's Rochelle and Mark and some greenies. Uh, the Asheville manifesting socks. Local beer. Michelle and Emmy. And, uh, oh, the Bucky's cooler. It's a tie-dye one. It's very cool. Cool. Um, with some, uh, virgin, Old Bay peanuts. That's from, uh, Steve and Christine. Old Bay is great on anything. And the, the respect the onesie. The respect the onesie. Old Bay is great on anything. Thanks. Yeah.

[01:22:17] Um. That's great. Okay. Here we go. Put that over here. We're gonna learn about all these saints. They, they, they were met with such horrible deaths. And I just can't believe they taught us all this. This one's for the children. Mm-hmm. Because that jackass at Starbucks put out another edict saying they had to fill all these orders in X amount of time.

[01:22:46] Like mobile orders. And I've never seen people work that hard. No. I would, I wouldn't last an hour. No. And it's not that I don't like to work hard. I just don't like that kind of pressure. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah. I mean, it's, they work their asses off. It's like a stock chain. Except when they don't. But also, they get a break. I mean, I've gone, if you go to a Starbucks, like at a weird time. Three in the afternoon. There's not that many people in there. But look what they did all fucking morning. And it went from, whatever, 6 a.m. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

[01:23:15] Well, this saint, Drago. He lived from 1105 to 1186. He's the saint of coffee baristas, aid for bodily ills, and for those who are repulsive. Welcome to Catholicism. Wow. You're like in fifth grade, and the nun would say this. And I'd be like, wait. What do you mean? Well, we were on coffee people on second adult. And now you're talking about repulsive people.

[01:23:44] And then anybody who's got bodily ills, this is a lot for St. Drago to take care of. Yeah. They should have made up more saints. We should have more saints. More saints. And then divide this. It should, Drago, you get coffee. Mm-hmm. Great. Yeah. You don't need to pile on. No. Born a Flemish nobleman, Drago was orphaned in his early teens. See what I mean? Yeah. I'm in fifth grade going, what? Where'd they go? Question. Yeah. At 18, he gave up everything he owned.

[01:24:12] Well, how much can you own by 18 if you're an orphan? I mean, I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying he wasn't a good person, but it just seems weird. He's the patron saint of college. And he became a pilgrim. He made nine pilgrimages to Rome. He became a shepherd for several years, and people said he could be in two places at one time. Boom! That's the Catholicism I'm looking for. Mm. Yeah. Transporting. Padre Pio could do it. Yeah. That's my mom's favorite.

[01:24:42] Really? Yeah. What's your favorite? Do you have a favorite saint? A favorite saint? Well, the one I communicate with the most is Anthony for lost items. Love that guy. And I have always found it. Really? Yeah. He's on top of it. But he wasn't given 18 assignments. He was given one. Help people find shit they lost. People are losing shit every day. Nope. People, car keys, stuff like that. It's terrible. We have, I've stopped and said, all right, like in a frenzy because you're late and you can't find the keys and went, stop. Yeah. And say a tiny prayer. Anyway.

[01:25:14] I like, they said Padre Pio could be in two places at one time too. Really? I think that's super fancy. But really my favorite Saint Francis because he took care of the animals. And back then no one did. No. No. They were just out there. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. He was seen, he was seen tending his sheep and at mass at the same time. Boom. During one pilgrimage, he contracted a disease that dramatically disfigured him. These people's lives.

[01:25:44] I mean, the guy's not even old enough to rent a car yet and all this shit's happened. Oh, yeah. He frightened the townspeople so that in his 20s he went to live in a cell attached to the church. He remained there in prayer for the rest of his life, never having contact with a human being except through the window where he received barley, water, and the Holy Eucharist. Hmm. Is that window supposed to be like Starbucks? I think so. Is that why he's in charge of coffee? I think so. But see, these are the kind of questions you weren't allowed to ask. You can't.

[01:26:13] And my dad would encourage me to do that. And then there would be meetings, parental meetings. Well, why is Kathleen? Well, Kathleen wants to understand why is he in charge of coffee if he was disfigured and living in a cell? I just felt like there was never enough information. Right. Yeah. But I enjoyed it. I loved when they'd go, we're going to learn about saints today. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. I read it. We're going to do Snoop because he's opening a bar. Yep.

[01:26:40] And then we're going to do the Queen in honor of the harkles falling apart. Harry. Yeah. Little bitch. Let's see. I already marked one. This is a good one. I bet she's the fuck happened. Rock and roll don't have no age on it. Don't nobody ever say the Rolling Stone is 80 years old. Them old motherfuckers need to sit down somewhere. They say the Rolling Stones is doing a stadium concert. It needs to be the same for hip hop and for rap. Boom. I agree.

[01:27:10] Every time the old rappers come out, I get excited because that's the only rap I know. It's very articulate. Yeah. Oh. This is on life from the Queen. There are long periods when life seems a small, dull, round, a petty business with no point.

[01:27:32] And then suddenly we are caught up in some great event which gives us a glimpse of the solid and durable foundations of our existence. You want to go to happy hour with that lady. Oh. Right. So fun. Sometimes life seems like a dull, round ball. What? All right, terabytes. I'm going to be hiding from a tornado. Yeah. Again, because I don't have a basement.

[01:28:02] No. Right over by the stairwell. You can come to my house. Hockey helmet, bike helmet, pillow, and a bottle of JMO because if I'm going flying, I'm shooting JMO. What are you doing in New Orleans? In New Orleans, I'm going to go get char-grilled oysters. Michael Somerville is the opener and I adore Michael. We have so much fun together. We're almost the same person. The beer monster. The beer monster. And I'm going to try to catch the March Madness games in between shows and all that.

[01:28:30] And I'm going to go to my favorite bars in the French Quarter. I have my favorites. And there's a store I like up on the main drag. I can't remember the name of it. I'm going to go to that. Your flight doesn't get out of time. I know. I'm going to be real sad if this flight doesn't go because, I mean, I like going everywhere I go. I love the road. But some cities I get more excited for. And this is one I'm excited to have a whole day off. Yeah.

[01:28:59] I've been to the main cemetery a couple times, so probably not. I wish I could find an offbeat one, but I think I tried one time. I just ended up pretty lost. I'm fascinated by cemeteries. Like, I'll go through any cemetery. Because I just like to see how long people lived. And, you know, it's just history, I guess. I don't know. There's a huge cathedral in the square in New Orleans. I always go in that. Yeah. So my roundabouts.

[01:29:27] There's a lot of artwork down in the square I like to look at. And this one lady made, and then I'll shut up, she made waxed. I think I like the cemeteries in New Orleans, too, because they're so flamboyant. Like, there's a giant angel, and it's just a statue looking down sad. Like, maybe it's Drago. I don't know. Maybe. But the statues and stuff are so artistic. And she does wax.

[01:29:56] She, like, draws it in black and white and then waxes it. And I bought two of them last time. And they're haunting. They're so cool. But those artists down there come and go. Like, they're there, and then they're not. They're there, and then they're not. So I hope that lady's there. Because hers, I would have bought a much bigger one, and I can't find the website. I can't find anything. Yeah, it's just the wax. So cool. Yeah, it's hard to explain. All right, Termas, that's enough of me babbling.

[01:30:24] I got to get on the phone with my sister-in-law and talk about screens for a porch. That sounds fun. It's exciting. It's fun. So exciting. I drift out, and then she gets me back in. I'm like, Amy, I don't really care. I mean, I care, but I don't. Right. Whatever. What are we doing? Oh, darling, pay attention. That's the story of my life, Amy. If pay attention worked, I would have a different job. Let's do some math. Yeah.

[01:30:50] So the screens, if they're 38 by 94 by 16, and then you have to remember, they're going to clip at the end. She's so good at it. And I'm like, she's so good at math. But she's a math person. But she's a fun person, too. Like, a lot of math people aren't. They're kind of nerdy and not fun. Amy's super. All right, that's it. Ready? Ready?