Episode 219: Airline Baggage Wars, Selling the Celtics, & Arkansas' Crater of Diamonds

[00:00:08] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, and let's talk about what's been going on. Termites, welcome. Welcome, says Queen Stevie.

[00:00:27] Oh, um, it's, there's 25 mile an hour winds outside, and you know, I'm supposed to play pickleball at five o'clock. I think we need to get on that, I need to get on the text change with those guys and say, are we really up for this? I mean, we don't even play well to begin with, and we're gonna battle 25 mile an hour winds, and we're not, Martina, never to

[00:00:51] Llova for Christ's sake. I know, although I did always root for her over Chrissy Everett. I felt like Chrissy was a spoiled, um, uh, country club person. And I'm like, look at this lady on the other side. She had a run out of a country that's dividing. I think it was Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia, I don't know what it was, but anyway, it is the first game of the season. And I know everybody's excited, but the wind, I could see it right now. It's a little nuts. Um, I don't know. I'm going to get on the text change and see what everybody wants. Maybe you just go

[00:01:22] eat and have some beers. Yeah. Well, act like we played. I mean, I was excited too. What am I drinking? Lagerado. Get it? Colorado. Lagerado. Um, it's from the Odell Brewing Company. It's delicious. Yo. Um, I had so many good beers in Colorado. Um, this is, um, from a termite Mike, the Lagerado, really great beer. Cause then I went to the new Belgium brewing company, which I always call the fat tire. Um,

[00:01:47] um, I always call it my fat tire. But yeah, the fat tire was so great. Um, and, uh, I had a beer there called blue paddle. They only serve it there. Uh, met some termites there, took a, took a couple of quick picks. Yep. It wasn't that crowded though. Cause it was too fucking windy and cold. It was like 52. I know. And I usually, if it's a nicer day, everybody has their dogs and it's just more crowded. And, um, you know, it's just, it was more crowded inside, which is fine. It's got a nice inside.

[00:02:15] Yeah. Uh, I bought, um, a little green fleece. Yeah. It's adorable. They sell like a weird things there. And the guy even knew, I was asking if they had my thin hoodie that I got years and years and years ago. And he goes, you and my wife are never going to shut up about that thing. I said, why can't you bring it back? She misses it too. It was the perfect summer weight, but now it's got like holes in it. And I mean, I can fix the holes, but you know, it needs, I need a new one. Maybe I'll go on a

[00:02:44] line and look far, far, far and wide. Maybe somebody's got one out there. They don't want what are we eating? That's what we're drinking. Um, let's start with Boulder Canyon, malt vinegar and sea salt ruffle, ruffle kettle chips from Manuel and Erica. Let me see. I hard, I've never been

[00:03:07] known to turn down. Oh, avocado oil. Oh, fancy, fancy. They're healthy chips. But no, they're from good. Oh, distributed by you. No, no, no. Well, they're really good. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Boulder Canyon

[00:03:33] established 1994. Um, speaking of established, Oh shit. I turned my phone off. I don't need my phone. I saw on Instagram, a picture of a bottle of a one sauce, which is my me and, uh, Nicki Minaj's favorite steak sauce. I know what are the odds we'd have something in common? And it says established in night in 1862. Some guys circled that date and he goes, you know, in the middle of the civil

[00:03:59] war, you know what some person thought of? What we need now is a delicious steak sauce. Like who was inventing shit while the whole must've been out West or something where they weren't really involved. Like they heard somebody on a pony express came and said, yeah, it's getting weird back East. Um, that made me laugh. I'm funny. Um, second one, Hattie B's chicken skin chicken from Denver. Richard. I didn't know Hattie B's, which is the Nashville. Um,

[00:04:29] deal hot season, hot Nashville season chicken strips. What? Hot, hot. Oh wow. A plus. They're more substantial than a pork rind. Yeah. They feel more like a, like a Frito firm. Wow. Those are really good. Why did he have these in Colorado? I wonder.

[00:04:56] I don't know. Maybe he travels. Huh? Good for him. Thank you, Germite. Last thing that we're going to, uh, this is the Pixies that pale ale chipotle hot sauce. Now let's see. I really, there's hardly a hot sauce I don't like. Yeah. Oh wow. It's really tangy. This would be great

[00:05:23] on eggs. Pixie. They're so expensive. Oh my, yeah, this is great. Um, thank you. Germites. Upcoming shows. Let's move through that. I'm going to have another bite of that. So I haven't had breakfast or lunch. Um, I'm tired, but I'm excited to do this. Um, it just was a long week. Long week. Uh, fun week though. But here's where we're going. March 28th, Virginia

[00:05:51] beach. That's this coming weekend, March 29th, Charlotte, North Carolina, uh, April 4th and 5th. Can't wait. New Orleans, Pensacola, April 11th, Orlando, then St. Pete, then two nights in Napa, April 18 and 19th. And then Milwaukee, boom, to tape the special two shows. I think there's some tickets left because they have, once they turn in the camera plans, then they can say, okay, you can have these. And I fight for, I don't like all that TV shit.

[00:06:16] Oh, this weekend. Okay. Um, June 7th, Wheatland. That's the hard rock out there, which I love. Yep. Um, 27th and 28th, uh, Charlottesville, Bristol, August 2nd, the Venetian, what, what, Las Vegas. And then the 16th Cape Cod Melanie tent. And now I find out my sister-in-law and brother aren't even going to be there. I know they said I could stay at the house. It's fine. Cause God knows hotel rooms are like $8 million and that's not even great. You don't even know.

[00:06:44] Wow. Um, maybe the kids will be there. The kids who are like 28. They're good bettors. They're fun to gamble with. Yep. Um, so what this, this weekend was Denver and I stayed in Denver and then, um, uh, wheeled on up to Fort Collins. That's where the brewery is that I like so much. And downtown Fort Collins is adorable. I'm just saying it's there for the take. And if you ever go to Denver, take an hour up the road and see Fort Collins.

[00:07:11] Um, the other was a great Irish pub. I can't think of the name of it. Um, I was looking for a good Reuben sandwich and they nailed it cause it was not thick. It was shaved like it's supposed to be on a sandwich. Um, uh, was that it? Lucky Joe's. Uh, John Novosad was the opener. Oh, AKA from a long time ago, hippie man. You may know him by that name. Very, very funny. And he's so fun to hang out with. Um, he's just a great comic. And I remember one time he went on

[00:07:40] the road with me and we were, had a very tight connection in, um, Salt Lake and he's somewhat older than me and he does, he tell you, he smokes a shit ton of weed. He's a weed guy. And, um, I didn't know how to say it, but I needed to ask him if he could run. I'm like, like physically, will you be, will you be able to run? Because we're going to need, otherwise I could maybe get the Delta people to bring a cart up or something. I mean, he's not handicapped or nothing. I just,

[00:08:07] he, he's a weed guy. He's got crazy hair. Like he doesn't look like he's ever been in a gym ever, ever, ever. He's, he's pretty thin. Um, he's just, you know, like, yeah, man, like, yeah, I love him. And he's like, Oh yeah, I can totally run. Like I've been doing like 25 minutes in the gym on the treadmill and stuff. And so I go, okay, well we got to run as fast as you can or we're going to miss this flight. And there was only like one other one at 10 o'clock at night or some shit.

[00:08:34] He smoked me. Really? Yeah. Well, I had a little more luggage, but, uh, yeah, like the wind. I mean, I'm sure everyone who saw that was like, what the fuck? Look at this old hippie guy. Like his crazy gray hair. Yeah. No, he made it. He, uh, he, he absolutely did. So if you were wondering who that was or you didn't catch his name, John Nova side, you can go see him. He's got, he has a dry bar special. Yeah. That's very, very funny. Um, and then Denver, I got to go to Sam's my favorite place.

[00:09:04] And I had my Greek omelet at the back bar with a bloody Mary and a beer chaser. It was a perfect time too. Cause it was like two o'clock. So it wasn't, but wait a second on the flight out there. Oh my God. So I took Delta, uh, Nashville to Atlanta, Atlanta to Denver. And I, my team, SIU trash can Cougars E S I U E, um, was going to play. And I'm like, they're going to live. I mean, they had a 29 point spread and didn't, they, they were playing the number one. I give credit for

[00:09:32] making it all that, but all that for the side, there's a guy and East coast people do not say Missouri. Like we say Missouri. They, they say Missouri. Like they put Z's Missouri, like Viore, Missouri. And it's like, no, it's Missouri, not misery. Ha ha. That joke's overplayed. Right. But this guy was like, well, I'm sure a lot of you are wondering where S I U E is. Well,

[00:09:56] it's in Southern Illinois and it's across the river from Missouri. And then they put up notable alumni and my name was on there. I was like, what? And I wanted to grab a picture to show my brother or something, but I didn't. But a couple of people saw it and took pictures that were fans, that yeah. And my brother's like, who are these two other people? I'm like, I had to Google them too. One is a sportscaster. I don't know him. And then the other one was a ref. And then me,

[00:10:26] and I got excited and told my publicist, Katie is a joke. I'm like, I don't know if you saw what I've been booking myself, but I got myself, got a little shout out March Madness. She's Katie's like, I could do those things. I go, Katie don't want people to do it. It's just fun. If it's a surprise, how do they know I went there? I don't have any goddamn idea. My brother was like, shut up. He goes, what about Vise Sikahema? I go, who's Vise Sikahema? He's like, the punt returner from the

[00:10:52] Rams when they were in St. Louis. I said, I don't know that he went there, Pat. I never heard that. Yeah. He's probably from over there. That's what the Jimmy Connors thing was. Yeah. That was bold. He did not attend there. He lived over there. He was born in Alton, Illinois, whatever. Then, so I was leaving the hotel. I watched a shit ton of March Madness. Yeah. Which was great.

[00:11:16] It's super fun. I've already won two $25 square hits at the Catholic school that I had to buy from my nieces. Those squares have paid off. I Lewis said, congratulations on your stunning bracket pick. I don't even know what he's talking about. Like, and he goes so much for my hours of research because he didn't, I don't know who, oh, I picked Arkansas to beat St. John's. Yeah. Only because I've only seen, I don't even, I've never seen St. John's play in my life. I just know that Arkansas,

[00:11:43] they really do look like tough little feral hogs. They are, they are violent. They're, they're little, well, there's a Razorback. It's a feral little hog and they represent their mascot. Well, um, yeah, but anyway, there was this lady in the lobby in a full like Native American or Indian. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I'm going to go with Indian. She said Indian. Right. Right. But then I don't know as white people, are we supposed to say Native American? I don't know. I'm going

[00:12:09] with Indian. Yeah. Or do we have any, yeah, I think I do have native, they were on Twitter. Somebody's thanked me for calling because I said, your outfit's fantastic. She's like, oh, well, are you going to the powwow? I'm like, what powwow? And I didn't even know. Are we, can we still say that? Like, I thought that was like off the list too, but, um, yeah, I don't know. She's like, oh, it's at the Denver Coliseum. There's 65 tribes from, um, from the whole country. It's the

[00:12:34] largest powwow, um, in the thing. And I'm like, oh, okay. Well, when is that? And she said, well, it's Saturday and it starts at, uh, uh, or I Googled it and I'm like 11 o'clock. And then a friend of mine was like, well, they say 11, but it's Indian time. It probably won't be till like 1130. And I'm like, am I going to be the white lady that doesn't know it's culturally okay to run late? Like that has happened to me before at concerts where I'm like, this was supposed to start at seven.

[00:13:04] Where is everybody? And they're like, well, Chaka Khan's not even in the state yet. You just sit down young lady. Um, well we went over there. It was the most awesome thing I'd ever seen in my life. A lot of Indians were there watching too. And like participating and they had drum circles and the, Oh, like going crazy. And there was one giant chief guy. He was amazing. But I wished for like

[00:13:29] inside baseball, the Indians may know what tribes those are, but why do you know? I don't know who's representing who and where are they from? I would like to have known that. Yeah. Like, you know, entering is the tribe, but they had an older Indian, the MC, and I'm sure he's somebody's paw paw and paw paw needs to give that mic up and he ain't giving it up. He was just up. It was like, he was talking to himself. Like he's just sitting in a chair going, you know, I remember when I saw this lady 15,

[00:13:55] just, Oh, Oh, focus, focus, focus. There's a giant crowd here. There are thousands of people, $7 to get in. It was so, and then they had all these little booths and stuff. They're selling stuff. So it's all cultural. And I bought these two little bracelets from the cutest kid. Um, yeah, he had his little shirt. It was buttoned all the way up glasses. He was like maybe 12 or 13. And I said, Oh, I like this blue one. And he goes, Oh ma'am, I'm a, I'm a Navajo

[00:14:23] member. And these are Navajos. And he explained every single thing. And I was like, Oh wow. Like you should have a little, uh, YouTube channel and yeah, get the, get to get the word out. I would, I've never seen these before in my life. They're little brown beads. And then he tells you what they're about. I do have two. Well, I couldn't make up my mind. I couldn't decide if I wanted the bear or the one that wards off bad spirits. Oh, right. You can have the bear. That's more Canadian.

[00:14:53] It was so much fun. If there's ever a powwow, I'm just saying go the go on my Instagram and look at the videos, the costumes, the whole thing, the drum circles. I would have stayed all day, but I had to go after like, I say for like an hour and a half, maybe two hours total. Um, yeah, it was just great. It went on for three days. 11 o'clock was the grand entrance to it. What you could get in there before that. And it was already so packed. There was hardly anywhere to sit. You just pick your own seat. It's general admission. Um, there was a shit ton of people there.

[00:15:25] Well, they start and then they, they do a giant circle and the circle gets more crowded and more crowded and more crowded until every single tribe is in there. And then Papa's still talking. Oh my gosh. I'm like, but you know, there's a bunch of kids going, Oh man, but he can't take the mic from grandpa. I remember in 1948 when I, Oh my God, we're, we got to make it through the day. Come on. Yeah. Um, I think it would have been more dramatic too. I'm not saying they need an artistic director,

[00:15:55] but if they would have turned the lights off and just had the spotlights in the stage because all the lights in the place were on. So it's not quite as dramatic. That's just a little lighting preference thing on my part. Um, yeah. And then Colorado Springs always fun. And then if you ever have a chance, stay at the Westin at the airport, it is just the Westin at the Denver airport. It's semi, it's not that new, maybe five years old, but it, I don't think people think about it.

[00:16:22] It's like Star Trek. I mean, the room is the window. It's a corner. I had a corner room. They just gave it to me. I don't know why. And the windows were all glass and it's like, I'm controlling the airport. I mean, it's fucking awesome. I'm like, dang, I only get to sleep for four hours. I got an early flight of this. I should just stay up and drink and watch all these planes land. But I did not because I had a big day in the Ozarks time to go check in on the Ozark house. Saw the, saw the kids. Yep. And, uh, all that. And it was kind of cold down there too, though.

[00:16:51] I'm sick of the cold. I'm over it. I'm sick of it. Um, I got to see my builder, Mike, who's not a great builder, but he's super just fun. He's lost every game to me this season in gambling. And I said, Mike, cause he's like, now how much beer do I really owe you? I go, we're going to chalk this year up as to you just didn't know what you were doing. And we're going to have a meeting next year on, you can't just bet that the chiefs are awesome every week. It's not going to happen. This is why I kicked your ass point spreads. We need to learn that. We need to teach him that

[00:17:20] money lines, a lot of gambling things, um, that he needed to get on board with. But anyway, it was good. Good to see him. Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe I'll find a beginner gambling podcast, but I'm not going to, well, I'll do a special gambling episode. Maybe like in May when I have time off. Yeah. And matter of fact, my brother, by the way, took his kids this weekend. It's

[00:17:47] spring break. They decided they wanted to go somewhere. I spring break. I can't, I know it lasts now. It lasts from like February 15th to fucking there are no kids go to school anymore. And I can prove this every week at the airport. They're all just walking around with pajamas and like, I didn't fly anywhere until I was 19. And I did it myself. Oh no, they're, they're like bitching if their TV doesn't work right. Oh my God. My God. There are kids everywhere.

[00:18:16] And I'm like, nobody goes to school. Is that it? Well, uh, Patrick's kids were at spring break. So he's like, you're not going to leave where we're going. I go, where are you going now? They like to go where they can drive. But in the Midwest, it's slim pickings sometimes once you've kind of run the gamut. And he goes, Oak Lawn Casino racetrack in Arkansas. I go, I just got an offer from there. So I do know where you're going. It's in hot springs. It's an hour from little rock, but that's

[00:18:43] where the Arkansas state diamond park is. I've talked about it on this pub podcast. It's a state park. There's diamonds in the ground and it's called the crater of diamonds and you can go hunt for them. So he took the three boys and his wife. And he said, first, he taught them how to gamble at the racetrack. Cause there's a good Madigan. You need to know how to gamble on all things, not just sports. I mean, meaning football and hockey. So he, they, he taught them how to

[00:19:09] read a racing form. Something I was taught at seven. No, I don't want to hear any emails. It existed. I went with my dad, blah, blah, blah. The Kentucky Derby is still popular. I mean, whatever. I'm not in charge of all that. I'm just in charge of gambling and other forms of addiction. And, um, he took them to the diamond park. And I was like, are people like they do, people do find real diamonds there and it's 10 bucks to get in. Patrick said it was packed.

[00:19:38] He said, and it was a nice day. He said a little windy. Um, they did not find any diamonds. And he said, nobody near them did either. There was one kid that kept like every five minutes going, found a diamond. Pat's like, no, no, you didn't. No, you didn't. And so far you found 11 in an hour. Um, he said it was really fun. So I don't know if you ever up for an Arkansas trip, go to the crater of diamonds. Yeah, I do. I'm going to tell you, well, I didn't know if it'd be too boring, but I don't understand why there's all those diamonds there, but I did print something

[00:20:06] up. Um, all right. Let me see where I put it. Then I'll move on to queen news. Yeah. Um, well, it's Arkansas. I wouldn't go as far as to say it's magic. Arkansas is beautiful. Like if you go South of Missouri and go through their Ozark mountains, they have their own, we have our own. I mean, it's all the same, but theirs are even more dramatic and more stunning people.

[00:20:32] Arkansas. It's just, they never had any industry. So they never, they never have a huge population, but it's really underestimated as far as if you're an outdoorsy person. Um, there's a shit ton to do. Um, I don't know. I thought I, I'll, I'll find it. We're moving on right now. It's a queen news. I signed it. I signed the petition. We're going to try to rename the Nashville international airport

[00:20:59] to Dolly Parton international airport. Yay. Right now it's called BNA and I never even Googled that. I don't know what that stands for. Um, these people started the thing on their own. So I signed it. Uh, so far they're at 10,000 signatures, Berryfield, Nashville. Berryfield, Nashville. What's that even mean? Colonel Harry S. Berry. Colonel Harry S. Berry. The first

[00:21:26] administrator of the airport. How boring. Oh yeah. Let's go with Dolly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go with Dolly. Now this, what? DPI. D P I. Oh, Dolly Parton international. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we'll call it Jolene. Um, yeah, but it's gotta be Dolly's name. Dolly Parton's Jolene's airport. Dolly Parton. No, that's too hard. Um, this is not a current queen, but in

[00:21:55] honor of you paddles, temporary queen, the queen of Canada, and Murray's going to receive the lifetime achievement award at the Junos in 2025. Other artists include Jazzy B B B B N O dollar sign. I don't know. Maestro Fresh Wes. I don't think Ann's going to be super comfortable backstage.

[00:22:20] Um, she's probably going to be like, it's very interesting to meet you B B N O dollar sign. She's the most awarded artist in Juno history. Uh, she'll be honored in life on March 30th. Um, she'll be the first three artists to receive the honor, which is being given out for the first time since the Juno awards P namesake, Pierre Junot received it in 1989. I, Oh, I knew that people

[00:22:50] don't know that the Juno awards are the Canadian Grammys. My friend, um, Jan Arden's won a bunch. Um, Terry Clark, Terry Clark. Yes. Cause I've been to Terry Clark's house and I saw them and I'm like, Oh, whoa. They don't give out comedy trophies. This is bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. I have won the Phyllis Diller award. Some comedy festival in Vegas did. And they spoke Kathleen

[00:23:14] caffeine. They're right. They like children say it. I want to just put caffeine C A F F. Anyway, congratulations to Ann. Yeah. Caffeine. Uh, chapel's been quiet. She's got her singles doing great. Uh, jelly rolls rolling around doing his thing. Same with post. Nobody else. Stevie's been very quiet because that Jack straw Billy Joel fell while he's trying to be cool and throw a stage mic around.

[00:23:39] Then he trips over his own feet. And I'm like, old people sit down. God almighty. I won't say which band, but we have so many old bands out on the road. I was doing a casino in Reno and I go, what's up with that pop-up toilet next to the stage. They go, it's a camping toilet. The band last week, I won't say who, but they're very, very old. And the bathroom was too far away for the drummer

[00:24:04] to walk because he has a prostate issue. So they, that was in their, um, writer instructions that they had to have a camping toilet. And I'm like, Oh, well, if they left it, can I use it? I mean, I don't want to walk all the way back. I can, but the bathroom was kind of far away, but I'm like, okay, when you're, when we're got bands out there so old that you need pop-up toilets like on stage, it's time to stay home now and enjoy your dogs or cats or your, yeah, whatever. I have something written here too

[00:24:32] and I can't read it. I know. Can't even read my own handwriting. It was about a king or queen. I don't know. Dolly's been quiet since post Malone added dates out on the road. Good for him. Good for you. I know he's going with jelly on some though. Not all right. Jelly's opening for him. Oh, jelly's opening for him. Huh? I think that'd be more of a co-headlining thing.

[00:24:55] Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I think so. Update. Okay. I know some of you may wonder why I'm obsessed with Meghan Markle and Harry, the Harkles. I will say it again because we've already watched this movie with his great uncle George. I do not see how these two do not see that they are living the exact same movie. Only difference is there's more social media now and the, whatever.

[00:25:24] Well, if you've been keeping up, she, she tried to get permission to use the first name. She, none of the applications were filled out right. They're American Riviera, Riviera Orchard. You couldn't use the name. She got kicked back. So then she traded it. She changed it to as ever. Or, well, she didn't sign, they sent all the shit in and nobody signed the paper. I mean, what kind of hoo-ha, yee-ha, two-bit lawyers are you using? Or, or did the lawyers just go,

[00:25:52] here's the stuff, your job to sign it. She didn't do it. I don't know. She had to amend the application. I mean, you know, this stuff's supposed to be for sale right now and you don't have a trademark. I do not know. I mean, seriously, I'm the last person to fire people. I should have fired people years ago before I ever did in work. I just always felt too loyal. But if you fuck up the trademark

[00:26:17] thing twice, you're fired. You're fired because you don't know how to be a lawyer. I mean, that's the only reason I hired you is to tell me what to do unless she's too lazy and not. I mean, sometimes a lawyer will send me stuff and it's got those little red markers on it and it says sign here. But I always do it. Right. Well, you should. I'm sure these things are complicated.

[00:26:42] And now she's launched a shop my account to earn commission. This is where we went from being a $7 million wedding and you were a royal to now you've got a shop my Insta account. Oh my God, this is great. And a podcast is launching about how to be a founder. It's just, it's a shit show. Yeah. And then Gwyneth Paltrow is trolling her from the next house

[00:27:07] over in Montecito. And I thought if my neighbors started trolling me online, I mean, that's really, that's not good. I don't know what she's done or hasn't done. And speaking of trolling update, update. I love this one. So Southwest is going to charge everybody for their bags. I flew them home by the way, from, um, I flew from Denver to Kansas city, which I never do.

[00:27:36] Uh, it was perfect and it wasn't full. Well, it was five 45 in the morning, but usually every plane I'm on is packed. Um, there was no, it was great. And I, and then Kansas city, um, back to Nashville at 80 empty seats. I don't know why it's probably the times I'm going and the rich children don't want to go cause it's too early. It's too early, but the Denver security, you need to go early.

[00:28:01] And I have all of it clear TSA. Um, but I found a secret one. There's a North and a South, um, TSA thing, a secret checkpoint. Yeah. And it's the old school machines, not the new ones. It takes a long for your luggage to come out. You want to throw yourself into moving traffic. Well, here's the thing Southwest, cause you're taking away your free bags. Frontier airlines is offering free

[00:28:26] checked bag until the end of August. They're trolling Southwest. Problem is South frontier only is like out West. Like they don't go enough far enough. Um, it is, I know, but if you, if you were going, if you want free bags checked, if you got a bunch of shit with you, uh, take frontier if you're,

[00:28:48] if it's available. Um, yeah. If you book, um, through March 24th and the travel goes to August 18th. Wow. Um, it's for nonstop trips booked on frontier's website or app. I just think, I think it's funny that an airline had a meeting and went, what can we do to troll those bastards? And that's what they came up with. They're like, let's do free bags since they're not doing it.

[00:29:16] Yeah. I don't know when the, the assigned seating, I don't think starts till, uh, 2026 and 90% of the time I'm on Delta. Um, but the last two Southwest trips, I, they've been good. No complaints, no weirdos. Um, very few weirdos, which is also rare for

[00:29:34] Southwest. Well, update. Well, I've been, here's a lifelong mystery solved. I told you they were onto it, but they have actually confirmed that Jack the Ripper was identified as Aaron Kuzminski, a Polish barber through a hundred percent DNA match from a shawl founded Catherine

[00:29:59] Edo's 1888 murder scene. And then they went through and got, um, the great, great grandniece of Aaron Kuzminski gave the DNA. So now we know mystery solved. Yeah. Why don't we get a dateline on this? Let's do this. Let's learn a little bit more about Aaron. What was Aaron Kuzminski doing when he wasn't, well, we know what he wasn't, what he was doing when he wasn't cutting hair, but let's get into it. Thank you.

[00:30:28] Oh, I didn't do what we were watching. Anyway, um, update. These two people took my dream job. One of my favorite places in the whole world. Well, I love the Aaron islands in Ireland and I love the great blast blast Island and the great blast Island. You go out there, you got to go to dangle and then you get in this very questionable boat. And if you have anybody who has special physical needs, I would not recommend this trip because I don't have any. And I almost died getting down

[00:30:57] the cliff. And then the boat, I thought we were sure going to sink. And then when you get over there and they just let you loose, it's a whole Island. And there's like five houses that remain from the fifties, but they're stone cabins. And you can look inside of them from the glass. You can't go in them. And it's like life stopped when they went and got the last, whatever, 50 residents and said, you can no longer live here. And they took them off the like that day. So it's like life stopped. There's like a height chair with like a toy on it, like the cleaning products. Anyway,

[00:31:26] the Island though, you're just allowed to, um, there's like a tiny coffee shop. You can wander. And I wandered over to this cliff and then slid down a hill and landed on a beach that must have had no exaggeration, 300 seals. Wow. And they were playful. And they, they were like, they followed. I was the only person on the beach. There was no humans. It was like landing on earth before people

[00:31:52] got, it was so literally magical. And then I started at one and they were following me, bobbing up and down, popping their heads out of the water, the whole batch. Um, anyway, this couple, and I can't believe they picked an American couple, young couple was swapped for their jets, jet set lifestyles for this new lives on the Irish remote Island where they would be without electricity or running water for six months. I could do without electricity. I don't know about

[00:32:18] the running water. Although you have the ocean jump in, you need a shower, jump in. I mean, you could catch rainwater. What? I'm serious. Well, these two got the job, this couple. Um, it's the largest Island of the most westerly, um, part of Europe and has no permanent residence. You couldn't make it in a winter out there. I don't know how those people used to, um,

[00:32:46] newlyweds, uh, Camille Rosenfeld from Minnesota and, uh, James Hayes from Tralee will assume. Yeah, that's County Kerry in Ireland. They will live simple lives as caretakers on the rugged Island from April 1st to September 31st. There is no September 31st. Hello? My birthday, my birthday is the 30th. That's why I know September 30th. Um, um,

[00:33:14] they're married and they put in their application. They married in Boston, moved back to Ireland. They've spent much of their relationship traveling back and forth. They're young. Cause you got to think of health too. Like I'm too old to be doing this shit. Um, but they're not good luck. I mean, what a great time to go though. Yeah. That's awesome. I can imagine at nighttime though. Dark, dark.

[00:33:40] What if you're thirsty? The ocean. Oh, well, well they can, a fairy fairy comes over every day. I'm sure they have water to drink beer. Um, it's, uh, I'm very jealous. Yeah. They had over 80 applications. That's awesome. Yeah. Anyway, update. That's good for them. Go for you as Rocky the Poet was saying. Um, this is crazy. Well,

[00:34:08] first I forgot to say, what are we watching? I always forget that part. Um, uh, still on a, well, white Lotus is getting better. It's still not my favorite season. It's too, but Parker Posey. There's a lot of debate about her accent, but I do love it. And then somebody posted a picture of their mom from Mississippi just speaking. And it does sound like that version.

[00:34:34] It's just sometimes I'm like, Ooh, that one sounded weird, but she's so funny. And the daughter tells her she wants to live in Thailand and become a, um, a Buddhist for a year and live in this. And the girl's like, what does that have to do with it? She goes, you want to live in Taiwan? They're in Thailand. It's the perfect Southern mother though. Like that she says to the husband,

[00:35:04] what are we going to tell everybody? It's tough. She lost her mind. This is how cults start. It was the greatest scene. It was so, so, so funny. Um, and the kid plays the perfect 20 something. They're like, shut up. Shut up. Mom, that's not what it is. This is how sex trafficking starts. I thought you were going to go to Duke and stay in North Carolina. What am I going to tell people?

[00:35:31] That's all they care about. What are you going to tell people at the country club? Where's your daughter? I don't know. We left her in Taiwan after we came back from Thailand. Anyway, white Lotus is getting better. The Karen Reed thing finished that up. Um, my sister gave me a good podcast. Cause sometimes I relay those. If you guys want one, if you're into crime, it's called killer

[00:35:54] psyche and it's about killer people, but how their childhoods were that were kind of twisted or fucked up like John DuPont, you know, the crazy DuPont guy that that movie Fox catchers with stuff like that. Um, halfway through the first one and it's awesome. Um, so there you go. Holy shit. They found him. This is crazy. A Peruvian fisherman who spent 95 days lost at sea in the Pacific ocean

[00:36:24] was told how he told how he ate roaches, birds and sea turtles to survive. This man is 62 years old. Oh my God. Maximo. Maximo Napa Castro. He's been missing since before Christmas. Wow. He's been sailing. How old is he? 62. Yeah. He went out fishing. He had enough food for a week. Um, but in 10 days, stormy weather threw his boat off course and he ended adrift in the Pacific.

[00:36:52] His family did not give up. Now I got to give a shout out to his family. Mine would have given up about January 15th. They'd have given it a month and then Christmas would have been kind of sad, but it'd be more like, where's Kathleen? And then they would have been like, guys, she can't be alive. Like, no, they kept going. Um, yeah. And he's, he's got darker skin. So maybe he didn't need as much sunblock as I would have needed. Um, he managed to survive on rainwater.

[00:37:19] He collected in the boat, but soon ran out of food. He spent the last 15 days without eating. Wow. And then I wonder like, do you start hallucinating? Probably. Probably. Right. Yeah, probably. And then, um, these people, um, the, the family had a search, um, but the Peru's maritime patrols were unable to locate him and Ecuadorian fishing patrol discovered him some 660, 80 miles off the coast, uh, heavily dehydrated and in critical condition. Wow. 95 days.

[00:37:49] Hey, has anybody seen Maximo? Nah, dude. It was like before Christmas. I think I said, I said he was going fishing and then I don't know. Um, yeah, he said he thought about his granddaughter. Um, he told the Lord, whether he's dead or alive, just bring him back to me. Even if it's to see him, that's what the wife wanted. But my daughters never lost faith. They kept saying, he'll come back. He'll come back. It's a miracle. It's just, it's truly a

[00:38:12] miracle. Um, so yeah, we found him. Um, hold on. This is kind of awesome too. Um, just in case anybody was worried, don't worry anymore. Scientists, uh, stunned as rare species reappears after nearly 200 years. It's the present of the presence of the Asian small clod, clod otter

[00:38:38] been confirmed in Nepal for the first time in 185 years. It's not small either. I mean, it's not something you would not see if it would climb on a rock next to you. It looks like a real regular otter. I mean, maybe a little tiny, but not, but that the size of a cat for sure. Um, they've been celebrating the sightings. It's the world's smallest otter hadn't been seen since 1839. This is what's so great about trail cams and all the shit we can put out there. It's just

[00:39:07] wonderful news. And maybe, maybe they just hide really good. Um, but we found it. So yay. Good deal on that. Moving on to news. Let's move on to some news. Let me see. I didn't organize this as well as usual. Oh, oh, here's my crater of diamonds. We'll just backtrack for one second. Um, so I asked Patrick, are you given a, cause it's a state park. Are you given an area to diamond hunt? Like do they rope you off? He's like, yeah, it has a 37 acre plowed field.

[00:39:37] Wow. Mm-hmm. And it tells you don't go past here. Don't go past there. He goes, but I did see some people going. Yeah. Yeah. Diamonds have been discovered since 1906, including the graded perfect strong Wagner diamond found in 1990. And they have a museum. Some of these diamonds, one lady donated hers back. It's in the museum to which Patrick and I were like, how has some redneck not broke? Yeah. I mean, how about instead of selling Graceland, you just bust into the diamond museum,

[00:40:07] which I'm sure Gladys closes at nine o'clock at night and goes, whoo, it was a busy day. Crazy. Woo. It's crazy. Where are them keys? I got to lock up. Fucking million dollars worth of shit in there. Um, there was, uh, and the uncle Sam diamond was found in 1924, which at over 40 carats is the largest diamond ever found in the United States. It became a state park in 1972. Cool. Yeah. So, you know, I haven't been yet and I've been everywhere and I used to work in

[00:40:36] Little Rock all the time at a club. I should have gone. I should have, um, Boston, you sold your Celtics. Crazy. Six billion. Billion? B. Billion. Now they are, you know, as they would say, an iconic brand. Um, and then some lady on SportsCenter went through all the teams that have been sold, whether it be football or whatever, hockey.

[00:41:00] Nobody's losing money. So whatever you spend so far, the trend has just gone crazy up. Now, I don't know. I'm thinking though, are we really the Jacksonville Jaguars? Carolina Panthers? I mean, I don't know. They said so though. Um, yeah, it was, uh, it's an investor group led by Bill Chisholm, a billionaire who amassed his wife from private equity. That's who's buying it. It also

[00:41:30] includes some guy named Rob and a guy named Bruce. It's true. It's Bob, Bruce, and Bill. There's your new owners. BB. Starbucks news. Are you scared, Starbucks? You should be. The children wrote all over my cups this weekend. Have a great day. I feel so bad they're making them do that shit. I'm like, I don't need this. Now it's just a contest. I just want to see what they got. I like it when

[00:42:00] there's just a heart. They're over it. They're already over it. Some people are still like, okay, thank you for coming. Have a good day. Okay. Um, well, Starbucks is facing a new threat. There's a $2 coffee, a $2 a cup coffee chain that's dominant overseas and it's expanding to the United States. Are you ready America for luck in coffee? Luckin L U C K I N. It's overtaken Starbucks as China's China's largest coffee chain and it's brewing up plans to bring its signature

[00:42:26] low cost drinks to a New York shop, a new shop in New York city. They're going to sell coffee for two to $3 while Starbucks charges six to seven. Problem is I feel like when you get addicted to Starbucks, which I kind of am, it's hard. Well, I'll always go gas station coffee, but that's because they let me make all my own shit. Well, and yeah, I mean you

[00:42:49] could live inside, um, like a good loves their coffee stations. Amazing. Um, the timing could not be worse for Starbucks in January. It reported sales fell again between October and December, the fourth straight quarterly drop. And meanwhile, Jackass, who we talk about every week on this. Yeah. I mean, his ideas are, they combat one another. He says, you know, you can't stay too

[00:43:16] long, but I'm going to put some furniture in here. Well, you took the furniture out. You know, I wanted to have a cafe feel like we used to have. Well, then you got to let people stay. Be more productive, but write on cups. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to fire a bunch of you because you're lazy. Could you please write personal messages to every idiot that comes in here? Thanks. Um, it could also lure coffee triggers away from Dunkin Donuts, Dunkin and Tim Hortons and Dutch Brothers. I see Dutch Brothers growing. They are popping up. There's one right over here by

[00:43:45] the house now. And my brother in Columbia, Missouri, there's a shit ton. He likes it. I've never had it. I've never been a Dunkin Donut person. I know East Coasters, you're going to nail me to the wall for that. Like was I, when I was a kid, we did have some Dunkin Donuts in St. Louis, but it, we went for the donuts, not the coffee. I mean, we got coffee, but it wasn't the driving force. And really local donut shops to me have always been 50 times better than any chain donut store. Dunkin Donuts look right.

[00:44:13] But then when you eat them, I'm like, nah, no, it doesn't do nothing for me. But the East Coast people will stand in lines. They'll kill people to get to Donuts. As my friend Mike would say, I'm going to go to Donuts. You want something? Um, they have 22,000 locations in China. Wow. Luckin. Rapid expansion from 10,000 stores just two years ago has been fueled by ultra low prices. Um, I don't know because I'm looking at all these kids in hotels, expensive hotels. Sometimes I'm in a

[00:44:42] courtyard. Sometimes I'm in a J dot marriage W they they're 12 and they're walking around like an $8 cup of coffee. Where'd that come from? Mom, just a shout out to all my friends to speaking of moms, moms and dads giving their kids money. And I was talking about what this was my friend, Laura. She was like, I know, right? Privatize your Venmo. You don't want me to judge you like I am

[00:45:08] where I'm like, Oh, look, bebop gave, um, took two of the kids a hundred dollars for fun Friday pizza. I'm like, why would your kid is 30? The fuck are you doing giving them pizza money? Still, I, I, I can't believe people don't privatize that. I, it, or they don't know that we can all see what they're doing. And, and they're writing the real reasons. $30 socks. What? Your kid,

[00:45:35] your 32 year old kid needs socks. Jesus Christ. Anyway, I think there's a lot of kids that have the money for Starbucks. So I don't know that you're going to lure them away. I would try it. And if it's less, sure. Why not? Um, yeah. Brian nickel. He's the new CEO.

[00:45:54] Luckin. Oh yeah. Um, the CEO of luckin is Jenny. I like the look of it. It's got a deer as its logo. Yeah. Um, watch out Starbucks. You can't get your messages straight right now. Um, you're making children do too much work that they don't need to be doing. Nobody gives a shit. If there's a note on

[00:46:23] my cup, no, unless you're a, if you're a hostage and you want to write a note to me saying, save me, then you should do that. But other than a hostage situation, I don't need anybody writing on shit or wishing me good luck or yeah. Sex trafficking and a picture, a little drawing of your own self. I'll help. I'll make calls somebody or whatever you're supposed to do.

[00:46:49] Here's another one. Big trouble, big trouble, big trouble for who? Nike. Sales are tumbling. Well, and there was one article saying, well, the tariffs aren't okay. Yeah. But you guys were falling way before that. Last time I bought a pair of Nikes, can't even remember. Nikes, you want to see what's fun? Go on Converse's website. I designed my own shoes and it's fantastic. And everybody comments on my, my little, uh, Converse ones. They have hippie little flowers

[00:47:14] all over them. And here's the thing. They put up patterns and then they take them away. So you got to buy them immediately. And then the marketing I'm sure that was aimed at teenage girls is working on this lady because I'm like, Oh, I gotta buy. And then I check back to see the new pattern. Nice. There's a little something you could do. Nike, why don't you rip off that idea? Nike's in a major slump. The global sales retails dropped 9% last quarter, including 17% in China.

[00:47:40] Wow. I know. Um, uh, the company stock has dropped around 30% over the last year. They need another Michael Jordan. And I think they, they're going to be Caitlin Clark, but I'm not sure that's enough to get you over this hump. Um, the company is cutting back supply on its classic sneakers lines, Air Force One and Pegasus to try to juice demand and sell these sneakers at full price. They want

[00:48:05] to push shoppers to buy higher, uh, new higher price air max shoes and newer Pegasus products. Yeah. I don't see. Here's the other thing too. Their clothing, like if you go into a Nike flagship store, I think there's one in Seattle, New York, Portland one closed, where they're from. That's terrible. Um, uh, the clothing, it's just boring. And the clothing was a big part of their thing

[00:48:33] initially, but now it's Lululemon. It's everybody else. Um, yep. It's boring and it's old school. Like there's nothing or go full on old school, be the old school people instead of the new school. Right. Um, I don't know. I don't think it's a, I don't see how you save it without major changes. And the things they're proposing to me are not, um, no, here's a crazy person.

[00:49:03] The world's most expensive dog. They claim it's half canine, half wolf. It's snapped up for 4.4 million by a celebrity breeder in India. Euros, but that's 4 million American, something like that. Um, yeah, you know what? I can find you some shit in the Ozarks that is comparable and it's free. I'm going to, there's half wolf things all over the place. I'm like, that's a wolf. And my mom,

[00:49:33] you know, with, there's this, there's this park and there, there are wild dogs back there. Cause my mom mom won't. Well, she also thinks there's pornographic things happening in the park. We can't take your brother's dog over there. I know. I'm like, I'm like, Luke, he can go anywhere. There are, there's just, you know, wild dogs. Like, but so yeah, I think I could find you a half canine,

[00:49:57] half wolf for like 10 bucks if we can catch it. Yeah. Well, this guy, celebrity Indian dog breeder, S. Sethis, 51 years old, spurge on the pooch called Katabom Okami, which is a cross between a wolf and a Caucasian shepherd. It is a big dog. I saw the picture of it. Looks like a German shepherd more than a wolf or shepherd of some sort, but it's kind of got longer hair than a German shepherd would have.

[00:50:26] Like a German shepherd kind of, um, I don't know. Caucasian shepherds are large livestock guard, dogs native to the Caucasus region where they were first bred in the Soviet Union. Okami, considered to be the rarest dog in the world, was born in the U.S. and sold last month. Uh, and this Indian guy owns over 150 breeds. He said he's an extremely rare breed of dog and looks exactly like a wolf. Nah, kinda. Really? Yeah. He's, there's too much hair. Um.

[00:50:54] Wolves have a lot of hair. Fluffy like that though? Nah, it's pretty fluffy. Sorting to look like Buster, my sister's Australian shepherd whose hair is out of control right now. Out of hand. I'm like cuss him for the summer. Fuck him. Shut up. He's so big. Um, he's been parading that dog around high-profile events in India. Eager audience. Can my wolf come?

[00:51:19] Um, yeah. Well, no. But the people are paying large sums of money to see it. I'd pay 25 bucks. But like a lot. What do you mean by a large sum? Oh, you paid seven for a powwow. Yeah, I paid seven for a powwow and that took a lot more effort. Um, this, um, guy gets nine grand just by showing up at events with his unique dogs. Why didn't we think of that? I don't know. Um, yeah. 4.4 million.

[00:51:50] He began breeding dogs in 1990 and started his own company which breeds and imports dog, also hosts dog shows. His company claims it's bred more than 100 champions. Champion dogs. 4.4 million. The whole company. It sounds like he's the son of a rich kid. Exactly. That's what I said. Okay, this, this is hilarious to me. He's born. Yes. Yes. Reason number, I don't know, 9,852. I do not want to go on a cruise.

[00:52:19] Queen Anne cruise ship issues warning to passengers due to heightened risk of pirates. Pirates. I'm sorry. Don't, we're a cruise ship. Don't we have a cannon or some shit? Are these people on jet skis or some old timey boat with sails on it? Oh, the pirates are here. Yeah, give me, I don't know, a good pellet gun. I'll go shoot at them. What's a modern day pirate? The announcement came over the vessel's PA system while traveling through the Philippines.

[00:52:47] A cruise ship company issued a warning to passengers aboard one of its vessels to be aware of pirates. Okay, now just that warning. What do you, how should I be aware? Right. And then if I'm aware and I see them in a message that sounds out of a movie, canard line passengers. That's a legitimate cruise ship. It's expensive. It's very expensive. Yep. I'm told passengers on aboard the Queen Anne to take precautionary measures such as turning off their cabin lights. You're supposed to hide. What?

[00:53:18] Hide. Closing their curtains. Well, if I can't see him, he can't see me. Watch out. Watch this. Watch this. That's what Fred Mark would say. Watch this, Kathleen. Watch this. Yeah, and they had to do that while closing their curtain. You had to close your curtains due to the heightened risk of pirates while passing through the Philippines. A passenger on the ship posted a video of the warning on TikTok, which now has 9 million views. The area is known for piracy threats. Is this told to me before I buy this ticket?

[00:53:45] Because the point of the cruise ship is to be outside looking at the water. You've told me to hide in the dark with my curtains closed. Now I'm in my fucking closet. Did I pay? Did I, was I told? Is it a long cruise, though? Well, I'll tell you. I don't know. I don't think it's that long. You're supposed to turn off your state lights, close the curtains, shut your balcony. Some people were nervous. Why would you do world cruises? When you do world cruises, you should come across places like this. It's part of the adventure. No. Stop it. No. No.

[00:54:14] I don't want to get caught by Somalian pirates. No. God, I barely want to go on Southwest Airlines. And you want me to go with pirates? Right. No. There's probably pirates. You're right. Right. They're on a hundred day cruise around the world. Oh, my God. Some people took binoculars to look for the pirates. Oh, my God. Well, I would have. That's the other thing. Like, you cannot tell an Irish person, here's what you need to go do. I'm going to do the exact opposite. The exact opposite. I'm going to go look for them.

[00:54:41] I'm going to think, shit, I should have brought my pellet gun that I keep in case there's snakes. Pellet guns. Yeah, pellet guns are hard. Because you've got to put that CO2 can in there. And then it goes, pew, when it goes in the thing and scares the shit out. Oh, I just scared baby cats. You just scared baby cats. Wow. Friendly pirates. They have water cannons. That's not enough. I want real cannons. Like Civil War shit. Let's act like we're Treasure Island in Las Vegas.

[00:55:10] Let's fight some pirates. Come on, bitches. As a part of standard maritime procedures, our captains may make precautionary announcements when sailing through certain regions. There was no specific threat to the shipwright's guests. Our onboard experience remained uninterrupted. While it may be scary for passengers to board a ship, particularly if they're not aware of geography or where they are, to hear an announcement like that, it's fairly common. Really. Common. Common.

[00:55:36] I know all kinds of people, many, who've been on cruises and I never heard, well, then halfway through there was a pirate attack. What? What? According to Cruise Critic, 46.9% of modern pirate attacks occur in East Asia and the Pacific and 21% occur in Sub-Saharan Africa. Mm-hmm. Pirates are not generally looking to harm people. They're looking for financial gain. Right. The way you do that is you hurt me and take my things.

[00:56:07] You want the things I have. The money, the whatever. I just can't. I can't. Especially like if I, the ones I went on with Lewis and stuff, like if we were off, we were at the bar having a great time. And I had enough problems just going to my muster station for all that instruction bullshit. I can't imagine having like three glasses of wine and be told there's pirates, you got to go hide in your room. What? First of all, you're never getting me out of the bar now. I don't give a shit.

[00:56:35] And then I've already had a bunch of wine. I'll be like, you tell those pirates to come on up here. I'll sell you some shit. You know. Yeah. That's, yeah. I just, there's so many things about cruising. I just go, I don't know how. No, it's terrible. No, it's not really my thing. Hold on. Passive pirates. Passive pirates? I don't, they call them passive ones? Passive. Yeah. How, okay. Because they just want your money. Oh. So we just pay them to leave? Yeah.

[00:57:04] Well then, canard, the cruise line should have a pirate booty dish where they pay the pirate. You pay them. Right. Why am, are we going to pass the hat? Room 1132 has donated $22. Setting the record, we're trying to pay the pirates off. They would like $2,000 and 17 beers. Does anybody? That's ridiculous. You pay them. They should have a fund for that. They should. If we're going to go through these dangerous ass places. What's a water can?

[00:57:35] Oh, I've seen them. A water can. It just literally drowns them with water. It's stupid. Yeah. I mean, if you don't care about getting wet, whoopty shit. But it's a high powered, you know, it's enough to knock you off your feet. It's a giant, giant, giant hose on full throttle. Yeah. I mean, 100 day cruise. Oh my God. You know who was almost gone that long? The Peruvian fisherman.

[00:58:05] But he's, I bet he would have welcomed a cruise ship with potential pirates in his little tiny fishing boat trying to eat sea turtles. Oh my God. That's hilarious. Oh. Little sports information. Aaron Rodgers still has no team. Nope. Nope. And the Tennessee Titans that I am subjected to watch many weekends, but I don't care because there's a moonshine shot on the way over there. I have that and a Bud Light or a Miller Light or whatever light and then head right on over.

[00:58:36] The Titans spent $82 million on a left tackle. I know. And his name is Dan Moore. And I keep, I keep, I had to Google up and I run him by all my super sports friends like my brother or my friend Bill Crawford and go, ever heard of Dan Moore? Yeah. No. You sure? What if I told you he's a left tackle? No. Well, we just spent $82 million on him. Way to go, Tennessee. I'm out of the draft. Wait.

[00:59:04] And Jerry Jones, for the record, because we'll talk about it as it comes up, has done nothing. Nope. Every, nope, his team's perfect. Yeah. What are you, what are you, high? Why are you, why are you criticizing? Just because we don't get past the first round of the playoffs ever doesn't mean we're not great. You just shut your mouth. Remember, remember Crystal Light, the drink? They're getting boozy with no low, low, lower calorie vodka refreshers. I don't know.

[00:59:34] I didn't really like Crystal Light to begin with. It's going to launch a ready to drink cocktail in a can that will be available in some stores this month. Cool. Yeah. The parent company, Kraft Heinz, who's that? Teresa Heinz. Who's that? John Carysway. Said in a press release, the drinks will be lower in alcohol content coming in at 3.8%. Mmm. 20% of Crystal Light fans already use the product as an alcohol mixer. Really? I have never heard of that. And all of my friends drink like this in the summer.

[01:00:04] All of them. Yeah. I've never heard anybody go, y'all got Crystal Light? It's awesome. No. You're not even Chinese. So funny. Parker. Not to be a downer of businesses closing, but these are the stories that interest me that keep coming up. Red Robin. I have not been in a Red Robin.

[01:00:28] I went with my sister and her BFF from high school, Holly, and their kids were little at the time. It's like a hamburger place. I like it. I mean, and they had a liquor license, so you could get a beer and a burger. That's what counts. When you got all these little kids, I mean, there was like six of them under five. Yeah, we need hard liquor for that. Yeah, I needed really, I needed a Crystal Light mixer to get through. But at one point, I'll never forget being this Red Robin because I never go in them.

[01:00:57] They're just in weird places, I guess. They call them gourmet hamburgers, whatever. But anyway, Holly's boy, one of her kids, was eating with a different family. Like he had crawled underneath the booth and left, and we didn't even notice. And he was with this old couple just enjoying a hamburger. With strangers, because Holly's like, where is he? And I'm like, I'm not sure exactly what all your kids look like, but is it that one with those old people? We laughed so hard. And Holly was just very laissez-faire.

[01:01:27] She's like, let him stay. They seem to like him. Yeah, they're going to close 78 locations as the gourmet burger chain attempts to repay debt. That's crazy. It's all COVID. COVID had payments, though. You could get... Yeah, I don't... So the most underperforming locations are expected to close over the next five years as their leases expire. In 2021, they expect to close...

[01:01:53] 2025, they're going to close 15 more after the ones... Yeah. So if you love a Red Robin burger... And Denny's is going down in flames. Denny's? Yeah. They're closing... Oh, man. They're going to close up to 90 in 2025. And the chain closed 88 locations a year ago. I blame myself. I haven't been in it in a long time. And I love a Grand Slam breakfast. I would say...

[01:02:22] Last time I ate one, probably be after... Like, when I used to work in the clubs, we would go sometimes because they were open late and you could still get beer. They had beer? Yeah. At least the ones I went in. I don't know. I don't know. But I haven't been in it forever. But I also think they don't really advertise. You forget about them. Yeah. And then you got Cracker Barrel. I mean, I don't... By airports a lot. By airports. Yeah, they're never... Sometimes they're not in the best... A lot of airports. 150 are going to close total. Not 15, 150.

[01:02:52] That's right. Yeah. The one in Syracuse is closing. If you live up there. Wow. I'll have to tell my friends Mary and Tommy. Get on over. Go over and get a Grand Slam breakfast before it closes. Yeah. I think there's too many... The other problem is people have moved on to avocado toast breakfast and fancier, healthier breakfasts, and then these guys never modernized. Well, maybe they have. I don't know.

[01:03:19] I haven't been in one to know, but I doubt they're doing avocado toast. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Ask them. I got an error. You got an error? Nobody cares. I'm looking for my feel-good stories before we... Oh, okay. Here's my feel-good story. This is a good one. Hold on. Here's... Well, one more thing about travel because I'm kind of obsessed with...

[01:03:48] Oh, I have two feel-good... Well, you can judge if it's a feel-good story, but... So, I've seen this happen in airports, and it is extremely frustrating. And it will cause a fight like that. So, occasionally when you go to check in at any airline, they say, this is the size of a carry-on, and there's a little silver thing, and your shit's supposed to fit in there, right?

[01:04:11] Well, I've seen it where people actually enforce that, and probably 50% of the shit going in the overhead does not fit in that square. But I also think the square's a little tiny because they... I know the regulations because I do this every week, and that, to me, seems smaller. They skimped on like two inches both ways, length and width. However, they do have the power to do it, and don't start backtalking. You'll get thrown out so fast, you're on your ass, you won't even... I've seen it happen. And I've seen people...

[01:04:41] I saw like a Karen lady, right? And she was just shoving her thing and goes, it's gonna fit! And the guy's like, lady, it doesn't fit. Yes, it does! Yes! Then she even went and got shit out of the bag and started putting it on, putting her clothes on herself. And I'm like, right, ma'am, but that's not gonna make the suitcase smaller. It's gonna make it lighter. I don't think you understand the math, and I don't ever understand math, but this isn't... And then I think the guy was just so overwhelmed with this lady's behavior.

[01:05:11] She was such a Karen in his face, but I'm like, well... So American Airlines... This is what's crazy. They don't want us to check bags. They're charging us. They don't want us to bring bags on. They just don't want bags. Bags. Like, well, but... Right, but we're flying somewhere. The only two people in an airport that can walk around in pajamas and a pillow are super rich or college kids. Right! Because you don't even care. Super rich people. Did you talk about the girl with a teddy bear or something? A teddy bear? She was carrying a teddy bear?

[01:05:40] Oh, yeah, but she was like 28. And she just had a giant... I mean, she didn't... I don't know, maybe just special needs or something, but that's all... She had a teddy bear. That's all she had. Wow. Yeah. And then like... Wow. In 2025, the airline, American, has been rumored to making plans to implement a revised baggage policy that could redefine what you're allowed to bring on board. Frequent flyers, obviously, is raised a question, what does this mean for you? The move, if it happens, follow a wave of regulatory changes in European airports,

[01:06:08] which have created confusion among U.S.-bound passengers. The new EU carry-ons have... They've tightened what counts as an acceptable bag. Oh, boy. And now they're going to... American's going to do that. The carry-on dimensions. I don't need to go into all this. You can look it up if you want. But the actual... The limit is 22 by 14 by 9, including the wheels and handle. So when you shop, always go to Macy's.com for your luggage. Trust me. It's crazy.

[01:06:38] A Hartman bag... Are you sponsored by that? No, three weeks ago, my Hartman bag, which I've had forever, and you can always take it to the shop, and they fix it. It was in the shop, and I thought, well, I've got to buy something for the next couple weeks. The Hartman bag, it's at $875. It's just a carry-on, but they last for life. And then while I was shopping, it changed to $350. Wow. So I bought it. That's a step. And then it arrived from Macy's two days later, and then the price online was back up to... I mean, it's work. You've got to stay on top of it.

[01:07:08] But if you want good luggage for cheap money, I'm here as your helper doing the work of the Lord telling you, go on Macy's. Because sometimes my sister will come home with shit where I'm like, oh, where'd you get that? Don't go to TJ Maxx or Marshalls for luggage. Trust me on this. If it's any bigger, your bag's headed to the cargo hold, often at no extra charge. That's all going to change. I've also thought that's bullshit.

[01:07:35] If you rock up with a bag that's way too big, and then they check it for free, but other people had to pay... Yeah. That's not right. No. No. No. It means you've got the dumb TSA guy. Some airports, including Miami, that's where I've seen it happen, have gained a reputation for rigid enforcement, turning away bags that barely exceed the limit. That's right. That's Karen's bag. It will fight. God.

[01:08:02] Travelers report that gate side confrontations over luggage have become almost as common as TSA long lines. Yes. That's great. Yeah. Go check and see if your bag's going to make the cut. Wow. I know. I know mine will because it's a Hartman. That's right. I'm good. Yeah. I saw Ron White once, my BFF of a lifetime, in the Atlanta airport, and I see him walking towards me with his dog, a French bulldog. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then he has what he calls his man purse, which isn't that big.

[01:08:32] It's usually got weed in it. I don't know if he had vaping, whatever, whatever he's currently smoking. Right. And I go, you know what? I go, Ron, you've made too much money. Mm-hmm. I go, because you don't have any luggage. That's a sign of too much money. Where's your shit? Right. Because you know that when you fly to Texas, there's going to be a house there with shit in it. Right. And you're just fine. Or your house has it. That's his house. Right. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't even think about that.

[01:09:01] That's funny. These are the 25, these are the world's happiest countries in 2025. Okay. Never going to guess the first one. Ooh. Norway. You're close. It's not Norway. It's only some Norwegians or Scandinavian countries. Finland. Yeah. They're the happiest. Cool. Number two, Denmark. Three, Iceland. Oh. Number four, Sweden. Yeah.

[01:09:31] Yeah. It's all the cold places. Yeah. It can't be the happiest country for me. No. I can't be that cold. You'd be in a club. I would never leave a bar. Ever. I'd live, work, and die in the bar. Hey, how have you, you know, how was everything outside? I don't know. I haven't been out there in 47 years. I'm good. I'm too cold. Netherlands. Costa Rica. Ron loves Costa Rica. I've never been. It's fun. But he goes, did you know there's such thing as actual holler monkeys?

[01:10:01] I said, yes, Ron, I'm aware that there's actual holler monkeys. He goes, no, but I mean, they're loud. Like, even the other monkeys are like, shut the fuck up. We are trying to sleep. I don't know. He likes those weird resorts. Anyway, number seven, Norway. Eight, Israel. Nine, Luxembourg. Ten, Mexico. Eleven, Australia. Yeah. My brother and sister-in-law lived over there for a long time on an expat. They liked it.

[01:10:30] It's very expensive, though, because it's an island. Oh. Yeah. Like, Amy would come back and go to the outlet mall in the Ozarks and buy clothes for all the kids for like four more seasons. Right. Because it's so expensive. Clothing, cotton, all that. Anyway, New Zealand. I've never been. I want to go. Thirteen. Switzerland. Well, too cold, and I think it's boring. It's beautiful. It's pretty linear. Very linear. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of watch shops. How many watches can I buy in a goddamn lifetime? Yeah.

[01:10:59] And then my sister, I had a watch on the other day. She goes, nobody wears watches anymore. They're just gone, according to my sister. You're a real dork if you have a watch on. You're gone. Twelve, Belgium. Fifteen, Ireland. Yay! Seventeen, Austria. Sound of music. Eighteen, Canada. Oh, good. Nineteen, Slovenia. Nice. Twenty, Czech Republic. Cool. At the bottom of the list, here's where you're going to be sad. Afghanistan.

[01:11:29] Yeah. You've got some good reasons. I've been. It was sad. Sierra Leone. Lebanon. Malawi. All these countries are. Zimbabwe. They have war. Right. Of course they're upset. They're the, um. Wait. Yeah, they're at the bottom of the list. That's so sad. Yeah. Sad times. What are you going to do? Um.

[01:11:57] Next week, we're going to go into a little story about 23andMe. I'm not going to go into it this week because I need to do more research on it. But when all that started, Ancestry and 23andMe, my lawyer dad lost his mind. And he was so, he's like, I can't believe people are sending in their goddamn DNA to the federal government. I go, dad, it's Ancestry.com and I think we know that. We just saw the ad with the old people. It's the government. You never get, you know, my dad would always say, don't ever give away your fingerprints, your DNA.

[01:12:26] Don't, especially you're paying for them to send your results that you don't know. My friend did it for their dogs. I'm like, okay, well, they sent that back. That's nice. But the dog has no say so in that. Yeah. When you look at your dog and go, well, it says here you're 70% beagle. That's bullshit. I'm not a beagle. I mean, the dog can't. It's crazy town. I could write anything. Send me a picture of your dog. I'll guess. I'll bet my guesses are pretty close. It looks kind of Dachshiny, you know. And part raccoon. Part raccoon. Baby cat's part raccoon.

[01:12:56] Her tail's got some powerful rings on it. This is a feel-good story. A Brazilian priest is being lauded for his commitment to bringing stray dogs to his, he brings them to mass, and then he has adoptions from the altar. Oh, no. Yeah. That's awesome. Paulo Arugio Gomez has served in the diastases of Cararua since February 2013. He takes abandoned dogs off the street, feeds them, baes them,

[01:13:24] and then presents them, presents a dog at each mass to be adopted. I would totally go to mass every Sunday. That would give me a better reason than the reasons I don't have right now. That's great. Yeah. I like it. They've been adopted. Dozens of stray dogs have been adopted due to the priest, according to a post in the Made Me Smile forum, which exceeded over 108,000 upvotes. I guess that means likes. Yeah. Brazil has a lot of wild dogs, I guess.

[01:13:53] About 52.1 million. 30 million stray dogs and cats. 30 million. Wow. Wow. They don't spay and neuter them. Yeah. Not like here. Yeah, and then there's pictures. You guys have got to go look at these pictures. The dogs are so cute. They all look like some form of just mutt, hound thing. But he has them up on the altar, and he tells you all about them. That's so great.

[01:14:21] Oh, some people said this would provide an incentive to go to Mass every Sunday. Exactly. Yes. I'd want to see the dog of the week. That's the only reason I watch this dumb local news sometimes, because they do a pet of the day, and I want to see what it is. And then I want all of them. I want all of them. All good stray dogs go to this guy's church. What a lovely man. The benefits of the dogs. This benefits the dogs in the community. A loyal four-legged friend can help beat the loneliness. Da-da-da-da-da.

[01:14:48] Bless you, Paulo Arugio, known for giving these animals a chance. It's the work of the Lord. He's doing the work of the Lord. Very cool. All right, termites. That's a feel-good story. Go look at the pictures. It's adorable. And I got to do my thank yous and then my quotes. Where are you going this weekend? This weekend, I'm going to Virginia Beach and Charlotte. What? Besides the barbecue, I don't know. I don't know.

[01:15:18] I haven't really thought about it. Yeah, this week's been going by fast. Fort Collins, my thank you for the Henry Winkler biography. Henry Winkler, my little friend. And I got to say, I hadn't bought that yet. The Sam's glass I'm drinking out of. I forgot to buy one, so I got one. That's Tammy and her cat, Fonzie. Oh, she must make a Henry, too. Greenies and a little hat and some more treats. Denver Termites, Eric and Manuel. Bigfoot mug, Julie. Thank you. Hunting orange Yeti tumbler.

[01:15:47] Oh, I love that tumbler. I got it. Brought it home. Fort Collins, termite Pam. Bigfoot stickers, termite Kelly. And then Colorado Springs. Some boxed wine. Delicio show. And some goldfish from Denver, termite Richard. Oh, the cross-stitch somebody did of baby cat. That was cool. Yeah. That's from Parker, Colorado. I mean, that's from Colorado termite Jackie. And a pub cast inspired artwork, which was really cool, from Colorado Springs termite Scott and Wendy.

[01:16:14] And in UPS, somebody sent me an automatic pet feeder, but I don't know who sent it. So thank you to whatever termite sent it. Oh, wait. Terry? Terry. Does that sound right? Yeah. That's not downstairs. That works great inside for baby cat. I learned my lesson of putting one outside. Fuck. I came home and pulled in the driveway, and I get out of the car, and I hear, No, it's a grinding of a motor.

[01:16:41] The raccoons took the feeder off the porch, out the door, into the woods, and completely destroyed it. But it still had battery power, so it was just grinding by itself in the woods. And I'm like, okay, dumbass. These raccoons taught me real quick, like, I'm going to do a saint and two quotes. Just notice how many of these saints get beheaded or killed when they're little. And these are the stories I'm being told, like, in second grade. There's a lot. We're going to do St. Vitus.

[01:17:10] He's the patron saint of dancers. He was born in Sicily. He died a boy of 13 during the persecution of Christians in the rule of Emperor Diocletan. We only know him through legend. His father tortured him to make him denounce his faith. He fled with his tutor and nurse. In Rome, he drove a demon from the emperor's son. He was seized for such sorcery, tortured, and killed. He is one of the 14 holy helpers. I don't even know what that is, and I'm Catholic.

[01:17:40] I don't know. I'm going to have to look it up. In the Middle Ages, in Germany, his feast day was celebrated by dancing before him. I like it. There you go. Yeah. Any dancers? Four Vetus. Only made it. Four Vetus. These are the stories, like, you're in, like, third grade, and then they're like, and then they took her outside and beheaded her. What? What? What? Why? Just because she prayed to a bird or some shit? I mean, Snoop. I agree with this.

[01:18:11] This is, uh, Snoop said, too much talent on one team can be bad. There's just so much dopeness you can put on record, and when everyone becomes a superstar, they don't listen anymore. Motherfucker, I sold three million records. You can't be telling me what to do. Oh! Boom! I feel that way about sports. Yeah. You can't have five superstars. Nope. You know who tries to do it every year? The Yankees. Yeah. And then it rarely works. Right. Yep. It's terrible. Yep. I wish the Cardinals would at least try.

[01:18:41] Share. Share. Um. Aw. She had to sign her name in cement outside Grauman's Chinese Theater in 2010. She said, I was so nervous, I couldn't remember where the E was in my name. It's kind of weird, because there's only one vol. It's got to go somewhere. It can't be in the beginning. Probably. Yep. Um. All right, termites. You guys have a wonderful weekend.

[01:19:12] I'm ready for it to get warm. I'm tired of dragging winter coats on planes, and then it's hot, it's cold. It's hot, it's cold. I'm over it. Ready? Fire. And...