Episode 215: A Taco Bell Wedding, Ice Fishing, & Japan Offers Hangover Leave

[00:00:08] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan, welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on.

[00:00:26] Welcome, welcome to termites in, I think it was Davenport. They're in the little video, just regarding it. Welcome. Minneapolis, it was Minneapolis, I couldn't remember which one. Oh my god, termites episode 215, welcome, welcome, welcome.

[00:00:44] There's a lot going on. There is a lot going on. First of all, what am I drinking? Minnow Bite Pilsner, made me laugh. It's actually good too. Yeah, it's from St. Paul, Minnesota, it's got a beautiful picture of a lake, a canoe. I'm a sucker for the label. I'm the lady you're going for. I'm the one in the meeting. You go, what lady will buy this? What person will buy that? That's right.

[00:01:10] My brother's kind of a sucker for the labels too, it's not just a chick thing. Yeah, Patrick will buy weird shit based on the label. Yeah, it's fun. I like it. Yeah. What are we eating before we get into anything? Steuben Tiger's here. Baby Cat, say something. She was so chatty just five minutes ago, yelling and hollering.

[00:01:34] We're going to try some beef jerky, Story City. It's from Iowa, termites Sydney and Charlotte. They came all the way up to Mystic Lake from Iowa. Iowa City, I believe. I think that's what she said. I think I met them in the casino. There was a youngster who came up to me in the casino in Minnesota. I went down early and got coffee and was going to play $500 worth of video poker come hell or have water.

[00:01:59] Yeah, I don't do very good, but she came up and she goes, I just have one question for you. Do you or do you not support the onesie? It was pretty funny. I'm like, mom, this is actually really good. What is it? Cured beef strips from Story City Locker, Story City, Iowa. Nice. I like it a lot. Cool. It's like if a hot dog was jerky. Had a baby with jerky. It's better than jerky. Really?

[00:02:28] Yeah. Whoa. It's not cheap either. But what are the schnows? It's $32 a pound. What? Mm-hmm. Wow. This isn't a pound, but thank you for why I said Sydney and Charlotte. Wow. Really good. A plus. That's going in my golf bag. Oh. That's right. That's right. That's right. If you make it into the golf bag, you have a wonderful treat. Earl's Minnesota Cheese Puff from Gilbert, Minnesota. Turn my peg or the cheese puff.

[00:02:56] Now, I usually only eat traditional cheese puffs. The ones that whoever makes those. Look, there's still popcorn here from last week. Um, hold on. I gotta get this taste out of my mouth. Well, it's wonderful. I know. I may have a hot dog later. I'm going golfing with Dorf. Oh, nice. Mm-hmm. It's going to be 75 degrees. Shut up. In Nashville. Is it? Mm-hmm. Wow. But then it goes back down to 40s and 50s next week. Huh. It's weird. Yeah.

[00:03:26] These are great. Earl's? Earl's. Earl's Cheese Puffs? Mm-hmm. Cool. Yeah. A lot of carbs. But so what? They're great. They're worth it. They're worth it. And then Earl makes a popcorn. Who brought you that? Sorry, my peg. Oh. Wow. Really good. It's delicious. It's a triple treat. There's cheese and caramel popcorn in here. Nice. Wow. I got a little bit stuck in my tooth, but that's just fine.

[00:03:56] And Danny. Let me move this over here. Stupid Tiger. One more thing to try. Calm down. Stupid Tiger is now on her Day of the Dead Mexican blanket. And she can't be too far away from me. Or there's panic. Panic that she should be outside. Yeah. You know, the other ones, Love Outside. Oh, yeah. It's already open.

[00:04:18] This one, I mean, if it's perfect, Fairweather, if it's 65 or above, but not over 90, she'll stay up for like three hours and be a cat. But really, she could give a shit. Yeah. Where are my greenies? Turn on SportsCenter. I'm on the couch. Come on, lady. I thought we were watching White Lotus. Oh, wow. This is called Crybaby Craig's Habanero and Garlic Hot Sauce.

[00:04:47] Balling since 2012. Nice. Handcrafted in Minnesota. They're Minnesota transplants. I wonder where from. Tammy and Andrew and Sarah and Chana. Chana. As Trumpy would say it. Chana. Chana. Trumpy is selling citizenships for $5 million. And I mean, there's just no end to it.

[00:05:14] I'm like, that is absolutely fascinating. Are you going to buy one for me? You want one? I don't have $5 million. We could do a GoFundMe. Oh! Yeah. Yeah. Pedals, you're not going to need it because you're going to become the 51st state. You know that. Oh! Oh, no. All right. So thanks for all that. Here's the upcoming shows. March 7th, Morgantown. 8th, D.C. March 14th, Megan, Georgia. 15th, Charleston.

[00:05:44] 5 o'clock show. We added an early show. Yeah. Come on out. Yeah, come on out. The other one's sold out, but there's tickets to the 5 o'clock. And it'll be fun. I don't really do 5 o'clock shows. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. Catch me. That's a bewitching hour for me. It's good. That's literally day drinking. It is literally day drinking. The 21st, Fort Collins. March 22nd, Colorado Springs. Woo-hoo. Virginia Beach on the 28th, 29th, Charlotte, North Carolina. I feel like I was just in North Carolina.

[00:06:13] April 4th and 5th, New Orleans and Pensacola. That's fun. Yeah. New Orleans. I should have done two shows there because I think the one's sold out. And it's a wonderful theater. It's called. Your little friend Trey is coming. My little friend Trey from Mary Mahoney's is coming. And Michael Somerville will be there. I had Michael Palasek this weekend. So this weekend was Davenport. By the way, shout out. Just Googled and wanted a good cheeseburger.

[00:06:42] Barrel House right downtown. Great beers and one of the best cheeseburgers I've had in probably six months. I don't eat a shit ton of them. But when I do, it's got to be worth it. And I went to my favorite store, Raygun. Yep. And I met a birthday termite. And her friend, they were just youngsters out in the lobby. Oh! Yeah. They brought them back to say happy birthday. But they don't know they're going to meet me.

[00:07:10] They just think they're going back there to get something signed by somebody, someone, or whatever. Yeah. That's what's great, though, about the youngsters. Well, it's also a little dangerous on their part. They don't question. If you go, you just stay here. I'm going to be back in five minutes. They fucking do. Yeah. And then you go, come with me. They don't know where I'm taking you. I didn't do it. Oh. Yeah. The microphone's kind of weird. There you go. They were adorable. I need younger fans. Yeah. So let's go, youngsters. I need people to go watch this on YouTube.

[00:07:40] I need more YouTube followers. Even if you listen to this some other way, just go follow me on YouTube. I got to build that up. Yeah. Because that's the only thing I can make money on, really. The rest of this is just for fun. And look, I have my Paul Bunyan. Davenport was a blast. Minnesota, so fun. I finally got what they love because I found this lake bar by the casino, Charlie's, on Prior Lake.

[00:08:09] There were people snowmobiling up to the bar. It looked fun. I had a walleye sandwich. It was the best ever, lightly battered. You could go blackened, but I think traditionally it should be battered. Oh. All the fishing shacks were out there. People were going apeshit because it got up to 30. So for them, yeah. I could see if you grow up in that and then you move somewhere where it didn't exist, you'd really miss it. It's so pretty. Yeah. I could see them just looking at moving to Nashville and moving to one of these lakes going, okay, so when does that freeze? Never.

[00:08:40] Never. Never, never, never, never, never. They would be so sad. Uh-huh. Um, and the shows were great. The crowds were great. Davenport, that's a beautiful old theater. They've reopened up. Um, I think it's that sat still for quite some time. Yeah. And the drives were great. This is what I love about driving around the Midwest or the South. Not, not big cities. Not Atlanta. It was actually like when you go, let's take a drive. You can't do that anymore because construction, traffic, all this bullshit. No. You want to take a drive? Fly to Iowa and rent a car. Go anywhere you want outside of the airport.

[00:09:09] Take any turn you want and keep driving and you will have a nice, I saw a bald eagle on the side of the highway in Minnesota. Yes, it was eating something. And I look back and I'm like, shit, that's a, and then I wanted to go back, but Minnesota doesn't let you off that highway once you're headed towards that casino. There are, they, they plan that out. I think the casino people said, don't give many exits. Make them come right here. Beautiful casino too. Mystic Lake. They have a very cool emblem.

[00:09:36] It still feels, I don't know how old it is, but it feels brand new, clean. And it's very happy, very uplifting vibe. So they have pull tabs. A lot of people don't know what those are if you're not from the Midwest. They're these little things that you pull a tab and you got to get, yeah, cardboard things that you got to get things to match. I have not had a lot of success. No, I have not. Yeah. I mean, it's still, it's gambling. It's gambling and it's right there. All right. So we're moving on.

[00:10:06] This is a little piece of information. I did not know. That's very interesting. I often drink a Bloody Mary on here. And then I have commented that in the upper Midwest, they just give you a baby beer. Yeah. Because I'm always like, what's that cost? Not that I would, it's just, I couldn't get over that it was free. Yeah. Well, here's why. Who did this? This is an update from Carrie, an unpaid Minnesota research termite assistant. Listen, we don't want you to sound foolish at local bars.

[00:10:35] So you need to know that that quote, cute little beer you get with your Bloody Mary is called a snit. A snit? In the upper Midwest region, chiefly Minnesota, Wisconsin, we're accustomed to getting a smaller beer with our Bloody Mary called a snit. Here's the story. In the 1950s, vodka was scarce in the U.S., mostly due to some shenanigans in Russia. Because of this, a relatively new drink, the Bloody Mary was missing a main ingredient. Minnesotans, long known for their hardiness, gumption, and fondness for plaid, did not take

[00:11:01] well to the idea of not enjoying a Bloody Mary before going out to cut massive ice cubes out of the lake. Creatively, they began making Bloody Marys with beer, something that was not experiencing a supply problem at the time. Likely, they used hams. God, I remember hams. Oh. Or grain belt or other local available beers. Here's the thing. The cans were typically 10 or 12 ounces of beer. To ensure the deliciousness of your Bloody Mary, you don't want the entire beer in your drink. Minnesotans are also, let's say, thrifty.

[00:11:29] They wouldn't want the extra beer just tossed out. So the bartender would empty the rest of the beer in a can, or a beer can into a low ball or large shot glass and serve it to you with your Bloody Mary. And then she wrote, cue angelic singing. Oh. And that's the snit. So now you'll always know. Nice. Yeah. I think the first time I did the club in Milwaukee, I went out and got a Bloody Mary and I'm like, oh wow, you get free beers up here. This is great. So fun. A little funness before we get into the Queen news.

[00:11:59] And then, oh my God, there's so many updates. It's just, it's out of control. It's three ounces. A snit's three ounces? They had a baby tiny Coors bottle. I've never, never seen like a pony Coors bottle. The lady next to me at the bar. Yeah. What did you call? Huh? Charlie's. Charlie's on Lake Pryor. Yeah. Yeah. So when I went through the nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I said I didn't know who Manna was. Yeah.

[00:12:29] So Termite Monica sent me a note to the team email. Yeah. We're here to learn things, people. We're not just doing the work of the Lord. We're learning. Manna or Mana, I'm not sure how to say it, is a Mexican band that's been around for like 30 years and they're phenomenal. Knowing your taste, you would love them. This might sound loco, but would you give them a try? I did. Yeah. I loved them. I went through all their YouTube videos. They're look cool. Yeah. Now I get it. And they look too young to be around for 30 years.

[00:12:59] I mean, I don't know how old the videos are that I watched, but they look young for that. So they're cute. And I liked all the songs. I'm just going to have to learn Spanish to understand them. Here's some sad news from a termite. But loyal termite Melanie here on the front lines doing research here in central Pennsylvania, specifically State College and Altoone, are both losing their Joanne fabrics and big lots. Oh, no.

[00:13:28] And along with Altoona, losing Macy's. Yeah. I don't know that that's bad. That's all for now. Huh? I don't know that that's bad. Macy's. Macy's. The one by me looks like it's been looted. I don't even understand what's going on. And then it's weird because you might find like a fun T-shirt on the floor and you're like, should I buy this off the floor? Why not? I guess, you know, I'm not eating it. But these brick and mortar stores. Oh, yeah.

[00:13:57] Here's to you guys losing that. Because Joanne fabrics now you're going to either have to go to Walmart. That's how we feel about Walmart. Walmart. Or. Just in general. Or. The evil one. The one I don't like, but I like the wrapping paper. Oh. I can't think of them. The Christian store. Hobby Lobby. Hobby Lobby, yeah.

[00:14:27] Hobby Lobby? God, yeah. The whole left side of the store. And there's always two women that are about 9,000 years old cutting fabric for somebody wanting. Wow. Yeah, they have a ton. I've never been there. Yeah, it's weird. And then Joanne Fabrics, I don't sew or any of that shit. I never knew. Is there anything in there I would want? And then my friend who's this stylist person said, they have great buttons. Oh. And I thought, oh, I never thought. So if you want buttons, go get them before you're Joanne.

[00:14:54] But you could also just put in to Amazon, hey, buttons. So this is not a queen. We're moving on to Queen and King news. But should have been, but was too old for this particular podcast. But Roberta Flack died. I know. Uh, very sad. Um, if you're a young termite, she, she's 88 years old. So she was popular like in the 70s and 80s, but had a ton of hits. But that Fuji song, um, Killing Me Softly, she did it. You like her?

[00:15:24] You like the Fugees better? Yes. I do. They're very different. I know. They're very different. I like it. First time ever. First time ever I saw your face, Killing Me Softly with his song, feel like, I feel like making love to you. No, you're thinking of, I feel like making love. That is not Roberta Flack. No. She has a different version where she feels like making love. And it's much sexier and much more Sunday morning coffee. Okay? It's not, dah, dah.

[00:15:55] It's not Friday night at the jam. No, it is not. Roberta was born in 1937 in Black Mountain, North Carolina. Grew up in a large musical family. Lomax African Methodist Episcopalian Zion Church. That is a long ass name. Yeah. Pick two. She played, I wanted to say though, I was pretty, at age 15, she got, she excelled at the classical piano and got a full scholarship to Howard University.

[00:16:24] 15. 15? Yeah. Wow. I mean, I just knew her as a lady from The Tonight Show. I never thought, oh, that's a genius sitting right there. Like, wow. She became a student teacher at a school near Chevy Chase, Maryland. She graduated at 19. Holy shit. Yeah. And then went on to have her music career and all that. Played in the clubs in D.C. and this and that. We won't go on and on and on. But I just thought it was crazy that she was like that. I mean, 15 and 19. Holy shit.

[00:16:53] And I didn't know she was a classical pianist also. Like, I know she could play the instrument. She was 88. She got ALS at the end though. And I used to do a lot of benefits for this guy in Chicago that had ALS. It's a terrible, awful disease. So, I think she said she was diagnosed in 2022. So, it's 2025. And she's 88. So, maybe it wasn't as horrible as, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, my friend Bob Smith, the comedian, got it when he was like in his 50s. It was terrible. Okay. Moving on. Queen news. Boom.

[00:17:21] Let's start with Stevie. Who has a new stand. Stevie has a new stand thanks to the termite. I forgot which termite, but I will thank you when I will find it. There's just been a lot going on. You know, I say living in the South, the people are very, very nice. But there is a running speed and they are talkers sometimes. Sometimes this guy was going to do some bullshit to the heaters on the house. And it's like an annual thing. And I thought he'd be here like an hour.

[00:17:51] Oh, three hours. What? I saw pictures of his skunk. He told me that his mama, his grandma used to work for Tim McGraw. I mean, I know everything about this guy. And then finally I just go, do you want a beer? Because I feel like we're already doing that. You're getting into my happy hour. Yeah, dude. I've got to play golf tomorrow. I've got to get my shit done. And you're sitting here trying to read articles. This is very, very, very nice. For those of you that are Stevie Nicks fans,

[00:18:20] she was the first act that we sound checked for the Fire Aid concert in L.A. That's the one that's on Amazon if you want to go watch it, where the stage starts moving. And Stevie's like, I don't know what's happening, but I think I'm leaving. Yes, the entire stage is leaving and you're on it. It was in the evening. She was the only sound check we had to do setting up after setting up all day. So everything was pretty mellow in the arena, as opposed to the multiple bands and crews all milling about. After we got her band together, she showed up. And instead of just jumping on stage into sound check,

[00:18:48] she spent time introducing herself to the crew and everyone working on stage. She even went as far as to go to the front of house mix position and say hi to those guys. One of my buddies. I know that's very unusual. Like I scream hi from stage, but I don't go walk out there. I mean, sometimes, but it's kind of far. I mean, I'm not against the idea of it. It just those guys don't really seem to care. But I'm also not Stevie Nicks. I'm just the lady that's here telling jokes. Right. Same height.

[00:19:17] One of my buddies told me, I just wasn't expecting to get a hug from Stevie Nicks today. There's no denying she's had an epic career and the fact that she's still getting up on stage for four more millions and still treating everyone with dignity and respect when the cameras are not rolling. Tells you everything you need to know. That's wonderful. Because I'm sure she's sick of that shit. The road can get tiring like that, you know? Hello. Hello, I'm Stevie. Oh, we all know. Would you like a hug?

[00:19:47] Yeah, I'm not a hugger, but I would hug Stevie. No, I'd run away. Truthfully, I would just run away. Yeah. Okay. Queen Dolly. She's been a very busy little bee this week. Yeah. She dropped a new pancake mix, but it's this syrup bottle you need to see to believe. It's a guitar-shaped syrup bottle. Shut up. I'm going to go get one. She's done it again. Yep.

[00:20:12] Her buttermilk pancake and this one, the guitar-shaped bottle adds a fun musical twist to breakfast, making every stack feel like a rock star worthy treat. Wow. So she did that, and then she got in a very subtle fight. Oh, shit. Yeah, I like it. Indiana, where are my Hoosiers? Huh? Well, one of your people there. Oh, no. Not being so nice to Dolly. What? Yeah. Oh.

[00:20:40] Do you remember the part in Elf where the nun cries, but the children love the books, as Buddy's real father, Walter, delivers the ruthless news that the orphanage has missed its rental payments and much now return the children's books? It's so absurdly heartless to really hammer on that Walter is very much on the naughty list. Now, Indiana might be pulling the same stunt. Oh.

[00:21:05] The state's proposed budget has poised to cut funding for Dolly Parton's Imagination Library, a program that mails free books to children. Since 1995, the library sent over 200 million books, jointly funded by the state and local organizations, and then Dolly's people match it. So it's not like she's just saying, oh, I got an idea. You do it. Right. She's saying, if we do this together, I can do it everywhere. That's terrible. That's terrible.

[00:21:35] They were mailing books to more than 15,000 children in Indiana's St. Joseph, Elkhart, LaGrange, and all these counties we don't need to know. South Bend tribute credits the program for capitulating Indiana's national child literacy ranking from 19th to 6th. 6th? Yep. Wow. The proposals to cut its funding emerged after Republican Governor Mike Braun took office. Anyone unfamiliar with his greatest hits? Here's a taste.

[00:22:03] He questioned the constitutional right to interracial marriage in 2022. Really? Welcome, Mike. You're not welcome. Wow. Wow. He's received a massive amount of money from the IRA. He was one of 38 Republicans. He voted against the Right to Contraception Act in 2024. During his campaign. Yeah, I don't know. His man is angry. Yeah, he's an angry little termite. He's angry.

[00:22:35] These are his family first values. That's what it says. I'm not trying to get political. I'm just trying to get to why. Mm-hmm. Now, he did not offer a solid explanation to gut the program, but he suddenly announced that his wife will work with Parton's team to keep the Imagination Library alive. While the gesture might sound well-meaning, critics are calling it exactly what it looks like, a photo op dressed up as a solution. After all, the program didn't need saving until Braun's administration pulled the figurative rug out from under it.

[00:23:04] Democratic State Maureen Bauer's take on the thing was disservice in vowing that the House Democrats would push to... Yeah, hold on. She said... She made it public. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, and she doesn't ever speak out like this. I get it. She said, sadly... Indiana governor has a proposal that this will be cut from state funding.

[00:23:32] I will be sad if this passes and the children lose their books. It's an amazing program. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. So, yeah. Yeah. Watch who you start picking with. If you come for... What do I always say? If you come for the queen, you better aim right. Oh, I like it. Yeah. Wow. You only get one shot and you fucked it up. Yeah, I like it. Oh, I already did this one. More. I got nothing on Tay Tay, nothing on Cher. There.

[00:24:04] Jelly Belly's bar officially open. So, I'm going to go back down and give it another run around. Because I think I was in there. I mean, other normal people were in there. It was... You got an invitation. It was... Well, I got an invitation to the thing, but I was gone on the road. But then I went down as a normal human being. Mm-hmm. And there were other normal people in there. It was open. Yeah. So, I don't know. It's open. But it's like... It had its real opening. Mm-hmm. I don't know. Yep. I'll go back down. Burt Kreischer went. Burt Kreischer. I know Burt. Yeah. A little Burt went.

[00:24:34] No Tay Tay news. No... Chapel's went. Who's... Chapel. Oh, Chapel's putting up billboards previewing her... Like, teasing a new album. Oh! And it's something about a plumber and it says, I'll fix your crack. I don't... I swear. And she's dressed up like she has a plumber's getup on. I don't... I don't really know. I don't know. Oh, Missouri. My little... My little favorite... Morgan Wallen has a new song out.

[00:25:04] It's so good. Everything that guy does, I know he misbehaves. I know he's poorly behaved. Don't judge me. I just... I'm judging his work. Yeah. Until he crosses a line. Mm-hmm. Then maybe we go, okay, no. But so far... My boyfriend closed. Yeah. Now, this lady would have been a queen. Okay. But too old for this show. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Guess who's getting their... Another musical. Not just Dolly. And I think this one would be better. Because everybody knows every single thing about Dolly's life. Loretta Lynn.

[00:25:34] Oh! Coal Miner's daughter. She's not only old. She's deceased. She's deceased. Yes. She had... She had strokey strokes. Mm-hmm. And it's heading to Broadway with two-time Tony Award winner Sutton Foster to play the role. Because she was super controversial. Like, she wrote songs about the pill before you were even supposed to say you took the birth control pill. She was defiant. She was like, I'm on... All her songs, she wrote them. Sam... I mean, so does Dolly.

[00:26:03] But I don't think people know as much about her. No. It's in a developmental stage. That's great. It will be directed by Sam Gold. Blah, blah. We don't care. Well, Sam's mom cares. Well, Sam's mom is... I'm sure Sam's mom is already very proud of Sam. Sam's a Broadway director. Well, if you can't be a doctor, Sam, if you insist on not being a brain surgeon. Loretta Lynn, before she died, gave her stamp of approval.

[00:26:31] Her kids are going to be consulting on it. So... Oh, gosh. This lady who's got a player has been in everything. That shows you how much I don't know about musicals. Yep. Never heard of this person. That's okay. They've won, like, all the awards you could win. Update! You're going to love this one, Pals. It's about Elizabeth Holmes. No! Yes, but you're going to like it because it's bad news for Liz. Boo.

[00:26:59] Elizabeth Holmes fails to overturn her Theranos fraud conviction. She will remain in prison after losing a bid on Monday to overturn her fraud conviction with a federal appeals court saying she hadn't proved there were legal missteps during her trial for defrauding investors with claims. No, this is good. She's got to stay in prison. I mean, there was a chance if she could have proved that there were legal missteps, they could have said, all right, let's do it all again. Anything could have happened. Oh, shit, I forgot to do what we're... I'll do it. Watch it. I'm going to have to update.

[00:27:27] The three-judge panel in San Francisco also upheld the fraud conviction of Holmes' former business partner and lover, Sonny Balwani, as well as the lower court's order for the two to pay $452 million in restitution. Now, where do you think they're going to get that? She could. Well, she could have in the past, but now nobody's going to give her any money. She could call her parents' rich fucking friends and say, hey. She began serving her 11-year sentence in May of 2023.

[00:27:55] Her listed date of release is currently 2032. That is a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Balwani got 13 years. He's going to be released in 2033. That's ridiculous. So she lost. I mean, you know. That's right. You're going to stay right there in prison. That's right. You're not getting out. I don't want to. Oh, update! This is crazy. Crazy.

[00:28:25] And I do not understand this country. I do not understand the media sometimes. Our country? The United States of America is media. And I'm not one of the people that go, oh, media is evil. I don't believe that. But I do believe they don't think about what the fuck they are putting on television. I just watched Savannah Guthrie cry because her children love God. I don't even, what is this? What is this show? I mean, that's wonderful your kids love God. That's a good thing.

[00:28:53] But I can't, what is this? Let's go back to where we had a serious person like Ann Curry and then a goof ass like Willard Scott or what's his face is the same ilk. The Today Show. Well, everybody. CNN. Lester Holt, who I love, who's stepping down sadly. But I get it. If you're Lester, plus the NBC Nightly News, everything they come on and say. I'm like, yeah, I knew that at 830 this morning, Lester.

[00:29:22] It's not Lester's fault. But, you know, there was a plane mishap in Chicago at Midway. Yep. Saw the video at noon while I was eating lunch. I saw it. This is not. Yeah. The concept of the nightly news is just, I know people that work all day don't have time to keep up, but you'll hear it somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, this is where I just went. You people are so, so gross. Fire Festival 2.

[00:29:48] That's where our little Irishman, Billy McFarlane, my mother's mom's name. He's going to do Fire Festival 2. And they all put him on. There is no date. There are no acts. There is nothing. And you're giving this criminal. I think he spent five years in prison for stealing all the money. Then he just goes, mistakes were made. But this time we've worked through it.

[00:30:17] And he won't stop smiling when he's talking. He's creepy as fuck. You can't let this guy out of prison. He's going to do it again. This is what he is. It's not a bad mistake one time in your life where you got mad and did something crazy. No, no, no. Yeah, it's terrible. They put him on to plug it. I know. It's, I mean. And at night, too. Yes. Yeah. He's going to not handle the details. It's not about the past. It's about me. It's about taking the vision, which is strong. They have no, nobody's booked.

[00:30:45] And this is supposed to be soon-ish. Like if you're going to have real acts. Yeah. Everybody's booked eight months out. I mean, we're going to have artists across electronic, hip hop, pop, and rock. However, it's not just music. We might have a professional skateboarder do a demonstration. May 30th. May 30th through June 2nd. Two months later. On what's the aisle? Some uninhabited. Isla Madres. Isla Madres. M-U-J-E-R-S.

[00:31:15] M-U-J-E. Madres. M-U-J-E-R-I-S. We'll go with that. Where? I don't know. Does anybody live on it? Is it inhabitable? I don't know. Is there electric? I don't even trust him to not drop you off in a fucking jungle. No. No. With warm beer. NBC News put it. Yeah, warm beer. If you're lucky to get beer. Yep. Um. It's, uh. Yeah. It's been bumped back already.

[00:31:44] Because they didn't sell any tickets. No. Because you don't have a product. One's a million dollars. One, they go from anywhere. Um. The first one. I don't care about the first one. Fire Festival 2. Um. Here's a. There's 2,000 tickets that are going to go on sale. Oh, so the on sale. So that's why they put them on. Like, do you not? It's like when Oprah would have those fraud people on. Did nobody vet this person? No. Did nobody do any research to go, Huh. Maybe we shouldn't. It's the same with apple cider vinegar.

[00:32:14] Oh. And the, um. The Australian chick that sold the app to Apple. Apple, did you not Google and go, Wait a minute. Mm-hmm. Who are we? I, I don't, I don't know. She's a fraud. The tickets range from $1,400 to $1.1 million. Can you imagine giving this? At this point, you deserve to lose all your money if you have not done any research and give Billy McFarlane anything more than $5 to go get a donut. I mean, that is crazy.

[00:32:45] Um. No, there's going to be luxury yachts that we park. I mean, I can't kind of wait. There's going to be a wonderful update when we find out what really happened. Um. Uh, here's a tiny update. Tiny update. This is for my Virginia termites. Okay. Your first Buc-ee's is going to be open earlier than planned. Oh! Yes! It'll be open on June 30th. Nice.

[00:33:12] Buc-ee was there for the groundbreaking ceremony in 2024. It's in Mount Crawford along Interstate 81. So if you want to experience the joy of Buc-ee's, there you go. Virginia, Virginia termites. Nice. Um, this is, these are updates. Oh my God. I cannot wait to see. So there, as you know, I have a poll up my ass about Starbucks giving this Brian Nichols all this money to be the CEO.

[00:33:41] And he won't even, um, fly commercially from John Wayne Airport in Orange County or LAX up to Seattle. He can't be bothered for a three-hour flight. It might be $2.45. But you make us have paper straws. But, Trump's going to take away that bullshit. He's bringing plastic straws back. I, I'm okay with that. That's a plan. Sometimes in the car, I'm okay with it too. When that, when the paper, paper one just goes, yeah. Or,

[00:34:11] my friend Amy, who's into that, saving the, her stuff would say, Carrie, and she bought me one year for Christmas. It's like an aluminum straw. It tastes weird. I mean, I'm willing to do it. I'll drag my own shit around, but, I gotta like it. Anyway. He has announced, he has announced, um, Starbucks. I know. Please don't send hate mail. I'm too tired. I'm too tired. It's a little bit different with it.

[00:34:43] Tiny plastic straws. Can I have a tiny one? What about a permanent one? I do have two permanent ones that I stole out of a margarita somewhere. I just forget to take them out of the, I'm serious. One is orange and one is lime green. They're hard. They're hard, but they're not aluminum. They're, they're hard plastic. Well, I drank, I bought them technically. I don't know if I was supposed to give it back. Oh. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't. You don't even remember where you were. Nope. I was somewhere in new Orleans and I thought it's fine to steal. Yeah.

[00:35:13] Cause I paid for it. It's not really stealing. No. Nobody said anything. You're saving the environment. Yeah. I'm doing the work of the Lord. Yeah. Of saving. Do you know how many dolphins won't eat my straws? It's turtles. Turtles. Oh, dolphins eat golf balls. You're not allowed to hit golf balls off cruise ships anymore. And I love dolphins. So I agree with that. Okay. Mm-hmm. You're just anti-turtle. I'm not anti-turtle. I don't love them as much as I love a dolphin. Okay. Yeah. I do base a lot of things upon cute and it's bullshit.

[00:35:42] Like if there was a snake out there, I would absolutely try and kill it. Yeah. If it was a rabbit, I'd try and catch it and keep it as a pet. It's all based on, it's not fair. I am a horrible queen of the land. Very unpredictable. I've never killed a snake. And I know there's good snakes. Please don't email about that either. No. You're a little girl house out at the farm that scares the shit out of everybody on a regular basis because you forget he's there and then he's hanging from the rafter.

[00:36:09] Oh, and he's like long, like seven foot long. Starbucks has announced a huge cuts to its corporate workforce as part of its turnaround plans. CEO Brian Nickel announced that 1,100 employees will be laid off and hundreds of open positions would not be filled. Okay, Brian, here's the thing. I got to say on behalf of the children, every Starbucks I go in for the most part, nine out of 10, those kids are working their asses off.

[00:36:39] And you know what? Maybe don't make them write personal notes on shit, Brian. Nobody cares. I saw your text. In Iowa, I got a star. Like I'm a child in grade school. That's somebody who's like, fuck it. Whatever. Here's a star. Yeah. Yeah, I'd get my own stamp. Then you don't have to do it. XO, XO, cat. Enjoy your day. Have a blessed day. No. XO, cat. So he's going to lay off. What my point is, they are busy. They are working.

[00:37:10] So you're going to lay off people. And let's say there was four of them working. Now you're going to have three or two. It's going to be slower for us and harder for them. I don't see this going in the right. He says it's necessary to remove duplicate jobs and increase focus. What duplicate jobs? Every kid in there is doing something different and working their ass off, as far as I'm concerned. They have around 1,600 corporate employees. They will not be affected. So, right. I'm not saying they should be fired either. I don't know what they do.

[00:37:37] But I know that if they were fired, that wouldn't affect me as much as it would if now there's only two kids working in there. And they're trying to do the mobile orders. And they're trying to do the people in front of them. So, the brutal cuts are among the largest in the chain's history, having cut 5% of its workforce back in 2018. That's crazy. Yep. Well, they're also going to – that's my next one. They're cutting 13 drinks off the menu.

[00:38:05] When I hear my sisters, when she happens to be in the car, if I'm talking to her, her – she did it yesterday. She rocks up to Starbucks. She goes, hold on, hold on. I got to order. And then she spits out this order. And when she's done with it, I go, I would reach out of that window and punch you in the goddamn face. What did you just order? It's like 18 words long. And then at the end, she'll go, not too hot. Fuck. God. Damn, lady. And she's like, I know, I know. It's a pain in the ass.

[00:38:35] But she can't have gluten and all this shit. Speaking of her for a side minute, it was her birthday this week. It was my dad's birthday on Sunday and my sister Kate's birthday on Monday, so I posted this picture. I'll play the schnitz. I posted a video of a picture I have in my house that I stole off my parents' TV when your TVs were pieces of furniture. I was out on the road because I'm 10 years older than her.

[00:39:01] And I had already gone on the road, so I was like 24, which put her at 14, 15. And I still had shit at my mom and dad's house, like a lot of clothes because I was just living on the road. But I would go back there. And I went back and I go, hey, have you seen my orange shirt and my gold earrings? Oh, I don't think so. But also, her room was always piles of shit. Like Patrick, other siblings hung their clothes. No, she's a pig. It is a pigsty.

[00:39:31] She does not see it. She doesn't care. And I said, so help me God if I go in there into one of your mounds of bullshit and find my stuff. She goes, go ahead. I don't think it's in there. I go, okay. So I leave, come back on the road, go out on the road, come back like a month later. There's an 8x10 of her in a frame on the television in my shirt with my earrings in. I'm like, what kind of dumbass steals and then go gets photographed in it? Stupid criminals.

[00:39:59] God, dumbass criminal. Americano. And then people were writing because I posted it. One guy wrote, I'm a twin and I successfully wore my brother's clothes an entire day at school and evaded him for eight hours. Like that's pressure. When you're thinking, shit, he's going to walk down the hallway at any moment. But anyway, my sister's Starbucks order is beyond. One coffee. Well, I like it as an Americano. Yeah. But I think they should just have a line for that. Americano?

[00:40:27] Yeah, well, we don't have to deal with Pete's, I think. Pete's coffee, you could just pour your own. Just here's five bucks. Yeah. Like, I don't know. We're moving 13 menu items. Oh, among the menu items disappearing are nine of the chains frappuccino drinks. Yeah, I'm seeing if the list is there. He's laying people out. Here's what's, you want to hear what's leaving? Yeah. Okay. Starbucks, kids, children. I don't know how the children afford it. I really don't. They're parents buying it.

[00:40:56] I guess they're parents, yeah. Venmo. I can't believe on Venmo the amount of people that don't hide their shit. Like, I'll go to Venmo, my brother, something, and I see that like my neighbor Venmo'd his kid or people that are, I know probably because of the football pool that are in my phone. And I'm like, do you don't care that I know you're giving your kid, quote, $50 for pizza every fucking day? Like, that's not, that's not Pete. Just say what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, here's what's leaving.

[00:41:25] Iced matcha lemonade, espresso frappuccino, cafe vanilla frappuccino, white chocolate mocha frappuccino, Java chip frappuccino. Oh, he really hates Jeff Frappuccino. He's deep frappuccino. Chai creme frappuccino, caramel ribbon crunch creme frappuccino. What the fuck is that? I don't know. How many calories is in that? Google that. Caramel ribbon crunch creme frappuccino. Calories. Calories. What is it?

[00:41:52] Caramel ribbon crunch creme frappuccino. How many? 570 calories. 570. 24 grams of fat. 24 grams of fat. 84 grams of carbs. 84 grams of carbs. Oh my God. Wow. And this probably doesn't, that probably doesn't even touch the chocolate cookie crumble creme frappuccino,

[00:42:18] the white chocolate creme frappuccino, the white hot chocolate, Royal English breakfast latte, and the honey almond milk flat white. That sounds ridiculous. I didn't even know these existed. No. So you go ahead and cut them, Brian. It's not going to affect me because I didn't notice. Jesus. 84 grams of carbs. Well, that's the other thing. These kids bebop around with these $15 drinks and they act like that's not lunch. No. Holy shit. Shit. They're lucky they're young. They have good metabolism.

[00:42:49] That's, yeah, I get my own. Sometimes I get an ice latte before a show. So it's coffee, but it depends on where, if it's somewhere freezing, no. But you get a skinny one. I get a skinny one. Yeah. Skinny vanilla. Skinny vanilla. I think my order's a pain in the ass. And mine is about seven words short of my sister's order. And then, and no, and then I'll always hear, oh, and then she'll go, oh, and a pup cup. Because Buster knows he's too smart. Buster knows. Baby cat might like a pup cup.

[00:43:18] Well, they don't have any cat cups. When are we going to do that? Write to Brian. Okay. I don't think cats are supposed to have dairy. I got to look that up. I don't think she likes cheese though. Cheese? She likes cheese. I don't do it often. But she doesn't really eat a lot. Like Chapo's enormous now. He's still fat. He has to go on a springtime diet. Cedric's too skinny and I can't catch him to take him to the vet, but I'm trying. It's, it's coming along. Takes a lot of time to build trust. Let's get a bottle of wine and try it.

[00:43:48] Yeah. Maybe I'll do some fireball and try to catch Cedric. That'll be what I'm going to do for the day. What are we watching? This is a good, this is a good one for everybody. Cause there's a lot to talk about. So Scamanda, you know, the premise, you, everything, the end, um, you know, she went to prison. So some do go five years. Um, and apparently while she's been in prison, she has called, been taken to the emergency room like 24 times. She's crazy. Yeah.

[00:44:17] I mean, not yet. Okay. Okay. But I did enjoy, I loved watching the USA, um, Canadian hockey final. Congratulations. Paddles your country. Um, uh, for you non-sports people, this won't be long at all, but how Connor McDavid is probably the greatest player in the NHL right now. And how us Americans left him wide open, standing right in front of the goal. I think people were tired. It was over time.

[00:44:47] Nobody's paying full attention. I'm like, Oh, I could see him. I'm like, Oh yeah. Boom. I was happy for Canada. Cause it's what you guys do. Cause, uh, Dorf goes Canada or USA. I go watching Canada lose hockey would be like watching a heart patient have an unsuccessful surgery on the table and die. We have a lot of other things. We like our NFL, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

[00:45:19] Well, yeah. Yeah. As the 51st state you, um, kicked our ass. So, well, it was a really, um, but my friend Dorf, he doesn't, so this was called four nations. It's a totally made up tournament, but I'm, I'm in it's, it's the four nations with the most hockey players. So it's Finland, Sweden, United States, Canada. They're not letting Russia play, you know, cause Russia would be one. And, uh, it was very, very intense and very patriotic.

[00:45:47] And everybody was, they played their asses off versus like a all-star game. Nobody's playing for real. Right. But now Dorf thinks so many people got hurt. They won't do it again. I said, then let's have four bad nations. Let's get four nations that hockey is kind of a thing, but not really. I would totally watch that. Let's watch Ireland play, um, Brazil in hockey. That'd be fun if we're not going to do that. Um, if you'd like a little follow-up to, by the way, to apple cider vinegar,

[00:46:16] there's a show on, uh, Netflix called search for Instagram's worst con artist. And that's about the Australian girl. And it kind of shows you how they got the detail of figuring out what her deal was. It's only two episodes, uh, totes worth it. Also watched Gabby Petito. Is that how you say it? The girl, um, it was horribly sad, but this is where I think these shows fall short. Maybe this is because I did major in journalism and I went to journalism in college.

[00:46:46] And studied, like, my natural thing is to ask questions. Like, maybe they didn't want to. Maybe they felt, oh, we shouldn't do that. Like, we don't want to hurt people's feelings. But if they're going to participate in this documentary, this is what I do not understand. The girl is 22. He's about the same age. I forget. Brian. He's the one who killed, was his name? Yeah. He kills her. Brian Landry or Laundry, whatever. He kills her.

[00:47:14] First of all, there's a traffic stop because somebody reports that he sees a guy in a van hitting a woman and then the cops pull up. The exchange there that goes on, they get him a hotel room and let her drive off in a van and separate him to calm down. I'm like, is this the law? Like, is this, what are we doing here? I thought if it's the law, you either arrest someone, write them a ticket or off you go. But to say, we're going to give you a hotel room.

[00:47:44] Also, these kids, I do not understand. And I blame Instagram and TikTok for this. This is where I sound like an old person. These kids, many of them, not comparatively to amount that are 20 somethings that are out there, but the amount that do it is a lot where they think they can get in a van and make videos and make a living. Right. Well, first of all, you're not an interesting person. I mean, I don't want to be a dick about it, but I mean, what? You have no life experience.

[00:48:12] Well, you're going to Zion National Park. There's a million bazillion videos of that, like already. Like it's already been found. They don't care about their parents. But nobody asked, where is the money coming from? Right. Where's the money? Right. You're just going to quit life. Somebody's parents. I mean, I can't do that. No. I have bills. I have a life to manage. Yeah. I guess if you're in your 20s and you live in an apartment and the lease is up, you go on

[00:48:42] free to roam about, but who's paying for that? I don't know that I would let my kid, but I don't blame the parents. The kid, she's 22. How do you stop her? I mean, I'll tell you, like Kate said, our dad would have been, he would have said either I'm going with you. Right. I love an adventure. And then we'd be like, oh, well, that kind of reason. Or he would have a pillowcase and throw it over our head and throw us in the back of a trunk of a car and drive us back and say, you're not going with that person. I don't know where you're going.

[00:49:12] You won't tell us where you're going. You don't have any fucking money. I'm not blaming the parents. I'm just saying, why didn't the producers of this show ask those questions? Right. It's weird. I don't understand. There are about four kids in their 20s who are the kids of friends of mine that I know are living way beyond their means. And they post videos all the time and they have bullshit jobs. They're not job jobs. They're bullshit jobs.

[00:49:42] It's because they'll actually use the phrase my money. I haven't said that since I was like four. No, that's my money. That's like my first communion money or whatever. You don't get any of that. You need to pay for this school shit. I ain't paying for that. Well, I think from the Venmos I see, my friends are just supplementing these kids' lives. And that's where you could have told her you're not going if you felt it wasn't a good idea. And I do not understand why the parents of that young man are not in jail. I agree.

[00:50:11] I don't understand. And he came home or somehow he told you he did it. We all, it's very obvious. An hour long phone call. Why would you what? Why would you what? Lawyer up. Right. Why did you all of a sudden have a lawyer if you think your kids are missing? Your 20 something quote kids. None of those questions are answered in this show. No. Did anybody think about prosecuting them? How about aiding and abetting with a corpse? Right. Right.

[00:50:41] A murder. Yeah. Um, I don't know. I mean, it's something to watch. It's more information than I knew. But there leaves a lot to be desired. I would give them like the show itself. It's a B because I didn't know all that. But their their participation in it. Um, C minus. Yeah. Way too much shit not answered. Yep. And not clear. Maybe we'll get in part two. Mm. And I'm behind. And I'm behind.

[00:51:09] But I'm really enjoying Jennifer Coolidge in the season of White Lotus weather in Italy. She, she, she makes me laugh so hard. Um, yeah. Yeah. So that's what, there's a lot to watch. There's a lot to be watched. Um, Lewis is whining because there's nothing on. I'm like, yes, there is. If you would just, he wants, I go, go watch your basketball. That's what you're into. It's almost March Madness. It's almost March Madness will be good. Um, um, and as long. Yeah.

[00:51:38] Miss Greg Gumbel, my friend, because he was the voice of March Madness. And he was so good, so good at it. Um, moving on to news. This, I swear to God, I'm not trying to be political. I just, this made me laugh so hard. Elon Musk had federal employees. They had to explain what they did all week. They had to do a five bullet point. And first of all, I don't even get why I have to answer to him.

[00:52:07] If I'm a federal employee, what is he? What? The office of the president. Well, doge, whatever. But I said to my sister, I said, oh, this is not something you could hand. Like an Irish person or a comedian or something. Okay, Elon, you want to know? I figured he's going to fire me anyway. This is all leading to insanity. So I'm going to go find some other gig. But I would have filled out his five things.

[00:52:35] And then you have to think of like, what are five? Number one, Elon, what I did today is I spent a lot of time looking at the kicker for the Baltimore Ravens because I usually pick Tucker in a very, but now there's been like 16 women that have accused him of being a terribly dirty bird and he's going to be in all kinds of trouble. And then I would type all that out. And then. What do you think? So I don't know. You're South African.

[00:53:05] You probably don't care about American football, but here's some other people I was thinking of. Now, I. Yeah, there's Butler on Kansas City, but I don't like his women should stay at home thing. I didn't like that speech, but he's a good kicker. Got to take the emotion out of it. I mean, just to make full grown adults. Why don't you bullet point out what you did this week? Oh, fuck you. Like you're not even an elected anything. You're an appointed person. President. Yeah. But.

[00:53:34] Also, some of these people are FBI and CIA. You want them to write bullet point in an email? Spied on Russia. Number two, caught China stealing cat pictures from Kathleen's phone. Three. I mean, stop it. Stop it. Investigating your involvement in everything. Tulsi Gabbard, who's now the director of national intelligence. She told everybody they could ignore. The intelligence officers could ignore it, but not everybody else. Oh. Yeah. Thank you, Tulsi. Oh, yeah.

[00:54:03] Thanks, Tulsi. Your esteemed highness. I just think that is. It's so degrading. Yeah. It's really like mean and degrading. Who's going to read it, Elon? Nobody. This is just you being a pissant. 200,000 people. Huh? 20,000? Yeah, it's 20,000. 20,000 people. So times five. That's 100,000 answers. Yep. Yep.

[00:54:30] Took a lunch break, then went in women's bathroom and stared at a mark on my hand that I think might be skin cancer. I don't know. It's up in the air. Then went back to work, Googled skin cancers. Raised or changed in colors? He's such an asshole. The line for Canadian citizenship. Yeah. Oh, I'm still on news. So the Pope is very sick. I know. The Pope might die. I think he's going to die.

[00:55:00] He has double pneumonia. I don't know how you survive that at 88. It could be a miracle. It could be a miracle. And if anybody's going to get one, it's him. Popasaurus. Pope Frank. Mm-hmm. Popasaurus has done a- Wonderful. Get out. Well, as best as he can do to try to move the Catholic Church forward rather than backwards. But I just thought this was interesting because a lot of people don't know, and it will be national news even if you're not Catholic. Like, how do we pick a Pope? Well, there's a movie out right now called Conclave. I haven't seen it yet.

[00:55:28] Lewis is yelling at me nonstop that I need to go watch it, and I just haven't had the time. I was busy watching True Crimes Commander. Ice fishing. This is crazy. Technically, any Roman male can be- Any Roman Catholic man can be elected Pope. I used to do a joke about, God forbid, they chose my brother out of nowhere. Like, if he isn't already my mother's favorite. Oh, now he's infallible? Oh, Christ. Could you imagine? No.

[00:55:55] Since 1379, every Pope has been selected from the College of Cardinals, though. So it's not real. They're not going to go pick Michael Palasek. No. My Canadian friend. Or Somerville. Definitely not Somerville. No. The beer monster. No. The beer monster. No. He'd have to open a brewery in Vatican City. Yeah. Yeah. But see, they picked the Pope from the College of Cardinals, but the College of Cardinals, they're the ones voting. It's like Dick Cheney appointing himself to be voted. Right.

[00:56:23] Many of the cardinals are bishops and archbishop appointed by the Pope to assist in religious issues. When it's time to vote for a new Pope, every cardinal under the age of 80 travels to Rome to participate. See? Even, if you've seen my act, you know how I'm mad about politicians over the age of 80. Yeah. Even Rome, the Catholic Church, which is usually light years behind and shit, says, look, don't bring the over 80 crowd. Okay? They don't need to travel this far. They may not.

[00:56:52] In attendance, this is for the last Pope to get Pope Francis. This 115 cardinals, 67 who were appointed by Benedict. That's the one who stepped down. The conclave, they meet in St. Peter's, and then they do the voting, secret voting. Its secrecy is closely guarded. The chapel is checked for hidden microphones and cameras. The cardinals are not allowed to talk about the proceedings with anyone outside the group. If they do, you will be excommunicated. Oh, I thought you said executed. Executed.

[00:57:21] Maybe, maybe. If you were in charge, that's what would happen. Yep. No. Did you gossip that we're going to pick Pope Mike? Did you do it? You can bet on it in the draft case. And then they have their little powwow, and then it can go on for months, weeks, an hour, whatever, and then you get white smoke that comes out, and that means we have a new Pope. So great. Traditionally, about 30 to 60 minutes after white smoke, the new Pope will appear on the

[00:57:49] balcony overlooking St. Peter's Square. Cardinal Jean-Louis Tarran, if he's not elected Pope himself, will announce the words Hebe, Hebe's Pampa, Latin for we have a Pope. So now you know, Tarranites, if it's going to happen, this is what's going down. What do you got? Huh? You can bet on draft games. Can you bet? You can bet. Well, I thought. You can bet the country. Oh, you can bet the country? Uh-huh. The Pope's coming up. Oh.

[00:58:19] I say they're going to go back traditional and pick somebody from Italy. Really? Yeah. My friend, Lorene, who's Filipino, there's a Filipino in the running. She said this would be more exciting than Bruno Mars or something. Or I wrote that. She wrote something else about famous Filipinos. But they always throw an Asian guy in there and an African guy, and then they never pick them. It's just like clickbait. They just want to go, oh, look, there's a Filipino guy in the mix.

[00:58:47] And then there's usually an African from some African nation. But I haven't. I've only seen the Filipino guy in the list of who might get to be the next Pope. But no. No. I did not see any Canadians. No. And there's only one American, and it is not someone I like. He was in St. Louis for like five years, and he's completely against everything. Birth control. Everything. Anything you can be against, he's against it. He's mean.

[00:59:17] I don't like one thing. His name is Raymond Burke. And I hope Raymond, initially from Wisconsin, makes me sad. I know. Irish family. He has qualities that started out good. You're Irish and you're from Wisconsin. And it just went bad. He went bad. He went uptight, conservative, jackass. Okay. This is horrible news for my friend Ron White. Hooters is preparing to file for bankruptcy.

[00:59:49] Nobody on earth loves those wings more than Ron. And I'm like, they're not even buffalo wings. They're not even hot chicken wings. They're like tiny fried chickens. Which I don't mind. Very breaded. Very breaded. Overly breaded. But I don't mind. Their hamburgers were fine. But there's one not too far from my house, maybe two miles. There's never a car there. And like when Ron, he's like, how come nobody's there? I'm like, because you're the only one left that eats there, Ron. And he had a lifetime card.

[01:00:17] They gave it to him off Instagram where he got free food. No, it didn't count alcohol. Yeah, it was like a black, and it came in this beautiful case. I didn't know the poor people need this. He doesn't need that. He has plenty of money. He can buy his own goddamn wings. But he's going to be so sad. And yeah, I liked, there was lots of sports on it. And the girls are dressed, whatever.

[01:00:42] You know, I've seen the Gen Zers wear a lot less to the airport. I mean, now their uniforms seem conservative compared to shit I see running around. But yeah, they're filing for bankruptcy. Yeah, they're blaming the cost of rent and food and customers eating out less. Are we eating out less? I know.

[01:01:09] I was like, you slid that in there, and I'm not so sure that's true. Yeah, I don't know about all that. They shuttered around 40 underperforming restaurants in June, including locations in Florida, Kentucky, Rhode Island, Texas, and Virginia in a bid to cut costs. They're going to close the other 300 with the bankruptcy thing. Let's see what's going on. Hooters and Augusta will stay open. Indefinitely. Indefinitely. It'll reopen just for the Masters.

[01:01:39] Oh, yeah. That'll be open for the Masters. Of course they will. Delta, you know I love you. I love Delta Airlines. But this plane crash in Toronto where the thing flipped upside down, and the one description was of somebody who opened the door, they were hanging like bats. Oh, God. Mm-hmm. They say they're offering $30,000 to people who are aboard that flight from Minneapolis to crash and flip that time. Mm-hmm.

[01:02:09] $30,000. Delta, first of all, you should have never done that. No. Second of all, if you were going to do it, you do it on the down low. You do not announce that. I do not know one person, not even a broke college kid, that if you said, hey, I'm going to put you on that plane. Mm-hmm. And then when you land in Toronto, there's going to be a fire in the back, and you're going to be on 11 inches of ice, and then it's going to flip. Yeah. And then we'll see if you live or die. Yeah. I'll give you $30,000. Even a kid would go, no.

[01:02:39] No. No. That should be half a million or a million. Right. But you've got to pay, I think there were 76 passengers, four crew, so 80 people. This is not the cost-cutting time. Well, one person's already suing them. Good. Yep. It's going to start. Don't take the $30,000. Wow. Free legal advice from daughter of a lawyer. Definitely. Not that, but some people, that might be a lot of money to them, and they think, well, I'm fine. Fuck, why not take it? Mm-hmm. Because you won't get in on the rest of it.

[01:03:06] But a lot of people don't want to, this is why this offer is terrible on Delta's part. Maybe if you'd offered $100,000. Mm-hmm. Now, if you're going to sue them and all that, it's going to take years to get it. Yep. But if you take the $100,000 and run? Right. Maybe. Mm-hmm. $30,000? No. No. I just couldn't believe. The day after. They stepped on their own press about the flight attendant saving everyone. Oh, God. This guy, when he had fastened his seatbelt as instructed prior to landing, when he unlatched

[01:03:35] the belt to evacuate the plane, he crashed down onto the ceiling, which had become the floor. So they're like bats. Yeah. But that's what I wondered. Well, what happens when I... I'm just falling. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In better news, here's a company. Here's a company that I want to work for. And there's four Japanese kids. They have... Looks like it'd be pints of Guinness, and they're laughing their ass off. The company's called Truster, TR. Nursing a hangover and struggling to get out of bed for work.

[01:04:05] Employees at a small IT firm in Japan have the option of catching a few extra winks and reporting to the office at noon. What? That's called hangover time. Seriously. Instead of nine, as part of a unique perk dubbed hangover lead. Trust Ring. That's the new one. It's based in Western... In the Western Japanese prefecture of Osaka. That's where they had the Olympics, didn't they? Yeah. Osaka? Yeah. Right.

[01:04:34] Well, that's the one where Bob was his face got pink. Or was that Soshi? I don't know. Anyway. They have adopted this new system in a bid to attract talent amid the country's label shortage. Speaking to the... Here. They have 60 employees. New hires are paid a salary of $2,000 a month, including 20 hours of overtime pay. They can get there three hours late.

[01:05:04] They can also drink at work. So maybe that's causing some of your hangover leave. Just... I don't know if anybody's looped all that together. They can drink during broadcast. Wow. She does live streaming sometimes from work. You can drink. Hangover leave has allowed her to turn up to work feeling more refreshed. I agree. Don't make me drag by us. I'm not going to do anything if I'm hungover. No. I mean, I'll be around. See you later. Yeah. Just let me sleep two more hours.

[01:05:35] They have... They said they have a healthy daily attendance work and no resignations in three years. These kids love it. Wow. Another incentive that has gained popularity among the staff is the drinks bar, which serves draft beer and a selection of spirits during work hours. Oh. Yeah. Nice. They have zero turnover rate. I'm just saying everybody pay attention. Yeah. When I worked at Stuart Anderson's Black Angus Cattle Company, Stuart Anderson went to Japan to figure out how to get no turnover rate.

[01:06:05] And I was treated wonderfully. And then I met him. It was like meeting Bucky. Yeah. Here's a little something. Shout out. Shout out to the United States Postal System. You all know my joke about it. I love the post office. I do think it needs to be modernized. Yep. But I don't think we should get rid of it. I think we should fix it. Yeah. But in the middle... My male person, Mark, so smart. Great. Love seeing him.

[01:06:35] Does a great job. They know so much and they know... I don't know. Anyway. Shut up, Mark. There's a lot of... There's protests in New York about the post because Elon wants to get rid of that too. It's going to be privatized. Everything is going to be privatized. Just prepare for that. It's been a long five weeks. But in the meantime, the post office is moving on and they've given a new forever stamp to Betty White. Yay! They're going to... It will be sold in panes of 20.

[01:07:02] Forever stamps never expire or an equal in value of a one ounce first class mail, which is currently valued at 73 cents. Great. I like it. I like Betty White. I would go buy a bunch of Betty Whites. She's so good. Just a good guy. Yeah. Yeah. Chick-fil-A has lost its crown as the number one food chain. No way. Yep. Which shocks me. Shocks. Wow. I was shocked at this list.

[01:07:30] This is from Yahoo News, so I don't... USA Today is in on it too. Number one. Del Taco. I don't know about all that. I don't know. Well, they're not in all the states. They're mostly out west, I think. I mean, that's where I found them, California. Number two, KFC. I do not go to KFC hardly ever unless I need... Like, I'm going over to somebody's house for a football game and get a... And you're, quote, cooking.

[01:07:58] And I'm cooking, so I'm going right to get two buckets of giant spicy fried chicken. Yeah. Number three, Chick-fil-A dropped to three. Four, In-N-Out Burger. Drop to three. Wow. Five, Hardee's. Oh. Hardee's are hard to even find anymore. Yeah. Six, Captain D's. No. You can't. No. Gross. Seven, Taco Bell. Taco Bell should be way up there. Yes. Eight, Popeye's. I do love Popeye's. You've got to be in the mood. They can't see the chicken menu. It's Zaxby's, which you introduced me to. Yeah.

[01:08:25] Greatest chicken wings, chicken tenders that have ever been put out a window into my car. You're kidding. No. No. I'm not kidding. They're like... Just explain that to people who don't live in the South. Well, if you don't live in the South, I never... Zaxby's looked to me like I had to go in or something. I didn't understand the quickness of their drive-thru, but it's all chicken all the time. Everything chicken. But they're chicken strips. And they're real. You don't feel like you're eating something McDonald's made up in a lab and then told me it was a nugget.

[01:08:56] And 10 Arby's. I'd move Arby's way up too. Love Arby's. I would move it up. Yeah. I do have the palate of a child. Speaking of fast food, do you love Taco Bell as much as me? Yes. Do you want to get married? For $777, get it, 777, because it's in Vegas. It's a Taco Bell wedding. You can have it. Yep. Here's the rules. You do not need to... We do not provide marriage licenses. You'll need to get one before the ceremony.

[01:09:26] You must bring your Nevada marriage license with you. You must provide at least one guest as a witness. In some states, they let a dog be one now. I saw that. And he puts his paw print on the thing. I love it. That's great. You can have 25 guests. Any food outside of the Taco 12 pack and Cinnamon Delights and any alcohol would need to be purchased separately. You have 30 minutes to access it. You get a 30-minute wedding. And they give you this giant thing of Taco Bell. And you can bring 25 friends.

[01:09:57] That's awesome. They have a Taco Bell sauce packet bouquet. You can walk down the aisle with it in case you forgot flowers. It's in like a memosia shape. Yeah. If you're ready to tie them up. I like it. It's your drink. And you get a t-shirt. A t-shirt? Wow. Yeah. Stop it. I'm serious. It's the wedding package. The wedding package. Okay. 770 bucks. 777 could you're in Vegas.

[01:10:27] Yeah. Wow. Well, it would be fun to attend one. Speaking of Vegas. Speaking of Vegas, I'll be at Venetian again. How great is that? Because they're just on sale. August 2nd, I think. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Yeah. And I moved to the big room. The other room was big anyway. Ow. My glasses are killing me. It's my headphones, I think.

[01:10:57] Happy Wednesday. Yeah. I'm not getting it together so much. That's okay. This made me laugh. This is one of the cutest pictures I've ever seen. Um, of dogs. Although I saw the cutest puppy at Check-In and at Delta. A lady was holding. A very normal lady. Very normal man. She was holding this thing. And I'm like, what is that? And she's like, it's an Irish wolfhound puppy. I'm like, oh. Wow. But I've only seen him in gray. Yeah.

[01:11:25] He was tan and white paws. Mm-hmm. I go, how old is said that puppy? She goes, eight weeks. I know, right? Yeah. He already looked one. Oh my God. So cute. But I'm looking at a picture of dogs. A crew of Canadian service dogs, um, they have to watch a live musical as part of their training. Shut up. They have to sit through a live musical, which is more than I could do. I would fail dog training. Yeah.

[01:11:53] They, I'd be like, uh, well, maybe the sound of music. No, I can't. I know. When the cast of the Canadian production of Billy Elliot, the musical took their final bow after reason show, the audience didn't make a single sound, not even a wolf. A polite crowd of a dozen future service dogs attended a performance at Ontario Stratford Festival as part of their training. While a silent curtain call may disappoint the actors, the dog spell bonded stillness is a great sign for their future, future handlers.

[01:12:23] If they can stay calm and quiet throughout the, um, performance. But a few, most of them did, but a few, uh, peeked their furry heads over the seats to catch more of the show. Um, they're so cute. They're just sitting in their seats. Um, they, uh, but imagine the cast you're doing your whole, I guess you just pretend it's a rehearsal, but I'd be distracted and I'd want to go pet the dogs. Um, all right, we're going to get to, uh, I feel good stories.

[01:12:51] Um, this though made me laugh because, um, this was given to me in Iowa and it says, Phil, Phil ever, I was water Buffalo that escaped with our hearts. This is when I say like Minnesota and Iowa can be quirky. Yeah. This is what I mean. Um, Oh, a water Buffalo. It's adorable. I know. And it's, it's Ray gun. Oh, they made Ray gun. So funny.

[01:13:21] Um, a water Buffalo went rogue and became an overnight celebrity in Des Moines. And this was in, uh, well, this was published. Oh, in August of 2020 last year. Um, after it escaped its owner moments after it was destined for slaughter, but they, yeah, but they caught him. They caught him alive. The water Buffalo who had been nicknamed Phil, Phil by residents was sent to Iowa State University, large animal hospital in Ames, where he would be transferred to the care of an Iowa farm sanctuary.

[01:13:51] Good for him that he made it. He ran for his life and he actually made it. That's fantastic. The incident began in rural park, Iowa, a rural Polk County, Iowa, just north of Pleasant Hill city. When the water Buffalo jumped onto its owner just before it was about to get shot and it slaughtered and made its escape. He was injured by the police when they caught him because they said that he was aggressive. Yeah.

[01:14:17] Um, uh, it became aggressive. They shot it, but it didn't kill it. It was done. Uh, uh, tranquilize and, um, given antibiotics when captured, but then he later died of a sudden illness. He, he, let's see. Well, so he made it till February. Yeah. He made it till February. Look at it. I mean, he sprang, he ran for his life and he made it. Um, good for him. Yep. Uh, I'm going to save these.

[01:14:46] I have a lot of thank yous. I'm going to save my feel good stories. Uh, let me see. Well, we'll do this feel good one. Couple breaks the record for longest living marriage. They're adorable. It's a Brazilian couple. They've been married for 84 years and 85 days. It's a Guinness world record. Um, the super centenarians broke the world record as a living couple.

[01:15:13] Uh, man, LL he's 105 and Maria is 101. They met while collecting sweets in Brazil in 1936. They remained acquaintances until they met again in 1940. He fell in love at first sight. He declared his sentiment sentiments to Maria who felt the same. They've now been married 84 years and 85 days. Um, Maria's mom wasn't sure about it, but she let her do it. Um, he won the favor of the mother-in-law by building himself a house. Whoops.

[01:15:44] Sorry. Um, and they're sitting in a chair holding each other's hands, laughing their asses off. Uh, they love the house that they built and the life that they built. Um, he spends most of his time resting. He's a skinny little thing. He's like a squirrel. Yeah. Uh, they listened to, uh, a rosary prayer on the radio followed by mass on TV. There you go. That's what they're doing at that age. All right. We have a ton of thank yous.

[01:16:11] So if you don't want to, um, hang out for those, I will, um, I'll do those last. We'll do, let's do this. This saint made me laugh. Yeah. Yeah. I liked it. Here we go. Just because to show how we have saints for everything. It's crazy. This lady is the saint of florists, gardeners, and embroiderers. Embroiderers. Embroiderers. It's hard to say. Yep. She is Saint Rose of Lima.

[01:16:40] She lived from 1586 to 1617. Wow. A lot of, a lot of really, um, according to Catholic legend, a lot of, uh, a lot of saintly people from around the year 1300 to 1700. And then we got bad, I guess. We fade out. Yeah. Rose at birth was named Isabel. Her face looked like a rose. It was so beautiful. Everyone began calling her Rose. As she grew older, she wanted nothing to do with the suitors who pursued her for her beauty.

[01:17:08] So she cut off her hair and rubbed hot peppers on her skin to make it blister. You know, a lot of these saints, you just go, you know, I know we didn't have psychiatric help at the time. Right. Well, I mean, there's a lot of them that I think had serious disorders or needed help and they just didn't exist. And then we were like, Oh yeah. Rose is something else. Isn't she? Yeah, she sure is. She wanted to become a nun, but her parents forbid it.

[01:17:33] She eventually became a, oh, see like my mom will know what this means. T-E-R-T-I-A-R-Y. Of the third order of St. Dominic. Google T-E-R-T-I-A. Third in the order. Third in the order. No, T-E-R-T-I-A-R-Y. Third in the order. Oh, well, it said she became a territory of the third order of St. Dominic. Whatever.

[01:18:03] Rose grew flowers and sold them at the market to contribute to her family's income. She embroidered to make money for the poor, often bringing the sick and needy home to take care of them. The rest of her time was spent in prayer, contemplation, probably thinking, why did I shove peppers on my face? I think that deserves a little thought. You need to sit with yourself, especially if you're already pretty. What do you, I mean, the rest of her time was, life was spent in prayer, contemplation in a shed in her family's garden. Nothing weird about that. Where's Rose?

[01:18:33] The shed. Blistered. Our blisters are weird. She's out in the shed. She lived there until her death at age 31. I mean, come on. If you're a florist or an embroiderer, there's your lady, St. Rosa Lima. My lord. Hey, did you see Rose? She just shoved some hot peppers all over her face and burnt the shit out of it because

[01:19:03] she's tired of people winking at her. Oh my god. I mean, some of them who, you know, they had visions and all that. I mean, these days we might go, okay. Those are also called hallucinations. Not all of them. I believe some. Right. Here's a quote from Cher. It's funny. I'm insecure about everything because I'm never going to look in the mirror and see this blonde, blue-eyed girl. That is my idea of what I'd like to look like. But she's pretty smoking hot.

[01:19:32] Cher's smoking hot. Yeah. Almost 80. Yeah. What was presented on TV? Blonde, blue-eyed. Those were the people that were the hottie patotties. I'm still in the blister, baby. Rose had some issues. Wow, Rose. Okay. This is Snoop Dogg. Okay. I got three kids, two boys and a girl.

[01:20:00] You got to instill the same values in your kids that were putting you, but not be so disciplinary. I feel like my conversation means more to them than just whacking them. All right. It's Wednesday. A lot of thank yous. It's going to be Night Night Termite because I got to go put on some golf clothes. They have them board. Cat Toys Snoopy Tea from Termite Chris. Ray Gun Tea. I loved it.

[01:20:29] The Book Club, Marge, Beth, Jeff, and George. The local bagels. We got into those backstage. They were very good. And I was starving because we didn't have time. And from Minnesota. Oh, my gosh. So many things came back. Oh, my God. Lay's, Chips, Haribo. I know you're not saying. You're supposed to say. Many things from Thomas and Carrie. Hand-knitted mittens from Karen. Nice. Stuff Snoopy Toys, Snoopy Cat, Wine Glass. Oh, Charles Ford.

[01:20:58] People don't remember that. Schultz was from Minneapolis, but they act like he's from Santa Rosa. They totally stole him. I'm not sure. I'm thinking he was Minnesota. Minnesota. He was being born. He was born. He wrote Snoopy as being born in Duluth. Yep. That's from Cheryl, Michelle, Gretchen, Teresa, and Jason. Honey beer. That was from Kristen. Red. Ohio termites. Did they drive? I guess. To Minnesota? Mm-hmm. Fly. Maybe they flew. Mm-hmm.

[01:21:28] Walter Mercado sticker. I loved it. That's from Termite Kirsten. Kirsten. That's so Minnesota. Kirsten. Kirsten. Yeah, it's a good Swedish dude. My Minnesota beer sampler. That was from Michael and Ricky Ann. Farm Girl IPA. I haven't drank that yet, but I want to. Termite's Diane and Glenn. They said I was supposed to visit the National Eagle Center in Wabash, Minnesota. I did not have time. Because you saw one on the road. I saw one. But when I did the other casino, I did Mystic Lake this time.

[01:21:57] But in the past, I've done a different casino. I saw two out my window. Just sitting there. There's a lot of eagles up there. Wow. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Good for them. Spotted Cow was muled over. I love that beer from Lynn, Vicki, Carol, and Mary. That's delicious. Super cool. My Stevie Nicks t-shirt. That's from Sue. North Dakota candy sampler. Yeah. Black cherry. Canned cocktails. I haven't gotten into those yet, but I will. Mm-hmm. Those are from Fargo. Termites. I don't. It's so cold there.

[01:22:27] That's Chris and Mom Linda. Nice. And we're almost done here. Chippers. Of James and Laura. Those are chocolate covered potato chips. Always delicious. Greenies. And a new baby sloth for Baby Cat. She looks happy. That's her first original toy, though. Maybe I'll frame it. Getting weird. Yeah. Getting weird. Well, I'll give Cedric. Maybe Cedric wants a baby. Is Cedric a boy or a girl? Do we know? I thought it was a boy, but now I'm starting to think it might be a girl. I can't pick him up. I don't know. It's going to take time. Is there another way to find out?

[01:22:57] That's from Termite Anita. No. Not really. All right. This is the T-shirt is from Termite Cindy and Charlotte. The Iowa Buffalo thing. That's great. Yeah. What a great story. He made it. That's fun. I guess water buffaloes can be kind of scary. Aggressive. Yeah. But he's cute on the T-shirt. I like it. Mermaid Notebook. Cat stickers from Jenny and Tracy. Snoop Beer from Kenny and Sarah. Sorted Chips.

[01:23:27] Hot sauce. Sarah and Chana. Chana. Chana. Chana. Oh, there's the ones who brought this stuff. Nessie Beer. Ranch Bloody Mary mix. I'm very excited to taste that. And a lot more from Termite Lori. Bigfoot Terrarium. It's from Diane. And last, look, it's Jesus book from Termite Dana. Dana? Dana. I don't know. I don't know. All right, Termites. I will not be on the road this week. I need a week away from the general public. Not the fan. I'm talking about traveling. It's the airport.

[01:23:56] And I just read they fired a bunch of TSA people. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. It's going to be even longer, guys. Huh? I'm supposed to go to a wedding. Yeah. So I'll be getting on that on Saturday. On Saturday. Saturday. The weather's wacky. It's up. It's down. It's up. It's down. But maybe a little golf. A little golf today for sure with Dorfus. And, um, I want to go get that syrup in the bottle.

[01:24:25] Occasionally I have, I've got Target has it. That is on there. Um.