Episode 207: 2024’s Drunkest City In America, The Prophet of Doom, & A Marlboro Canoe For The Convent

[00:00:08] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on.

[00:00:24] Termites, welcome. Welcome to episode 207.

[00:00:30] Yeah, Stevie's gonna sit down for a minute here.

[00:00:34] I know the stand broken. I have another one, but I don't want to open it, but then she lays here like a mutant. Oh well.

[00:00:43] So yes, there's a Pubcast today, because there'll probably be other weeks I can't.

[00:00:48] So, Happy New Year's Day.

[00:00:49] Happy New Year's Day and so many things. Well, first of all, what am I drinking?

[00:00:54] This is a pickle beer from some Germites in Green Bay.

[00:00:58] Yay.

[00:00:58] Donna's Pickle Beer. I love any alcohol with pickle in it.

[00:01:02] Well, I shouldn't say any.

[00:01:04] You don't like Bloody Mary.

[00:01:05] Well, no. This Bloody Mary mix, this is from the Ozarks. I picked this up.

[00:01:10] Boom. Giant bottle of Bloody Mary mix.

[00:01:13] Nice.

[00:01:14] Handcrafted at the Lake of the Ozarks.

[00:01:16] Right there.

[00:01:17] Because this is the distillery that makes the moonshine too, and I took the kids there so that they could learn about moonshine.

[00:01:22] Oh, wonderful.

[00:01:23] Right. They were like 12.

[00:01:26] The 1684 Highway KK. If you know where KK is, it's by the Redhead Yacht Club.

[00:01:30] You can go get yourself some moonshine or some Bloody Mary mix.

[00:01:34] I can't remember if they had anything for the kids.

[00:01:37] I just wanted to run in and I pretended it was educational.

[00:01:39] Nice.

[00:01:40] Like, you're from the Ozarks. You should know what moonshine is.

[00:01:43] Ant cats Ted Talks.

[00:01:44] These are ant cats.

[00:01:46] Let's be adults before we should be talks.

[00:01:48] I like that.

[00:01:49] And then, don't tell your parents.

[00:01:51] They claim that, this is what the thing about Donald's pickle beer.

[00:01:55] This is the story of it.

[00:01:57] It's very short.

[00:01:58] Donna was backstage at the garden eating pickles from a jar.

[00:02:00] In a flash of light, she was pushed on stage and kissed full on by the mouth by a beer drinking Mick Jagger.

[00:02:05] It was electric.

[00:02:06] No, not the kid.

[00:02:07] I know.

[00:02:08] The taste in her mouth was beer and pickles.

[00:02:11] That night, her beer was born.

[00:02:13] Maybe.

[00:02:13] You never know.

[00:02:15] But we're going to get to the drunkest states.

[00:02:17] And speaking of Green Bay, I'm just going to say, is everything okay in Wisconsin?

[00:02:22] Holy shit.

[00:02:23] There's a well, but I'm going to do a few things that are good for year end wrap ups, which I usually don't love.

[00:02:29] I usually don't like it.

[00:02:30] I get tired of the year end wrap ups because it's all the same shit.

[00:02:33] And really, to me, the year's over.

[00:02:34] I don't care to review it.

[00:02:36] I move on.

[00:02:38] I don't make resolutions either.

[00:02:40] Well, I have made a resolution.

[00:02:42] Yes.

[00:02:43] And I think Bob and Clark, my research assistants believe that I can do it.

[00:02:48] Well, because I'm going to tell you guys that just before I get into it.

[00:02:51] Well, I'll wait till I get into it.

[00:02:54] What are we speaking of Mick Jagger?

[00:02:57] Speaking of Mick Jagger.

[00:02:58] Well, I guess I should.

[00:02:59] Yeah, I was going to do it at the end though.

[00:03:01] So speaking of football, Mick Jagger, because Greg Gumbel was my friend and he loved I don't

[00:03:06] want to cry.

[00:03:07] So yeah.

[00:03:09] We love Bubba Gray.

[00:03:12] Well, he was the best at football broadcast.

[00:03:16] I mean, he was my friend more than that.

[00:03:17] But I couldn't believe that he wanted to meet me.

[00:03:21] I was like, wait.

[00:03:23] And my publicist was so sports ignoramus.

[00:03:27] My old publicist who I still love, Pam was like, hey, got this email.

[00:03:32] I don't know.

[00:03:33] Are you into this?

[00:03:34] I'm like, it's Greg fucking Gumbel.

[00:03:36] Yes.

[00:03:36] He can come back and say hi.

[00:03:38] Yes.

[00:03:39] I watched.

[00:03:39] I sat on shag carpeting in the Midwest and watched him broadcast every game of my life.

[00:03:43] And he was my favorite because he, unlike the ones now, knew when to shut up.

[00:03:48] Right.

[00:03:48] There is a talent to that.

[00:03:50] Yep.

[00:03:51] Let the play play.

[00:03:52] Let's hear the crowd.

[00:03:53] You don't need to be talking every five minutes.

[00:03:55] And then his March Madness.

[00:03:57] So good.

[00:03:57] He was so good at that.

[00:03:59] Yeah.

[00:03:59] And he was a big Rolling Stones fan.

[00:04:01] A big Rolling Stones fan.

[00:04:02] He liked comedy and he liked music.

[00:04:04] He loved Bob Seger.

[00:04:05] His friend was one of the backup singers for Bob Seger's band.

[00:04:08] He just, um, and he really loved his granddaughter, Riley.

[00:04:12] It's very sad.

[00:04:13] Shout out to Riley.

[00:04:14] Shout out to Riley.

[00:04:15] What are we eating?

[00:04:17] We are eating pretzel, cheddar, pretzel, cheddar, cheddar pretzels.

[00:04:23] Oh, I don't know about this.

[00:04:25] She does pretzels.

[00:04:26] Are they?

[00:04:27] Oh yeah.

[00:04:27] Yeah.

[00:04:30] No.

[00:04:33] Well, it tastes like the orange dust rather than on a Cheeto.

[00:04:40] This is a pretzel.

[00:04:41] You can't do this.

[00:04:42] They just, they just took their orange dust, dumped it in this bag.

[00:04:45] And I feel like they shook it up and went, here you go.

[00:04:47] Yeah.

[00:04:47] A Cheeto itself is orange.

[00:04:49] It's born orange in the wild.

[00:04:51] It's a very strange color.

[00:04:52] Well, yeah.

[00:04:54] Cheetos.

[00:04:55] No, these are, these are a terrible idea.

[00:04:57] Okay.

[00:04:57] Yeah.

[00:04:58] And I love regular Cheetos.

[00:05:00] Not nice.

[00:05:02] Those are hard.

[00:05:03] No, don't even invest in those.

[00:05:05] I'm doing this for free for you guys.

[00:05:06] So you don't waste your money.

[00:05:07] Pringles Mingles.

[00:05:08] Light, airy, crisped, dill, pickle, and ranch.

[00:05:11] What could go wrong?

[00:05:12] Sorry.

[00:05:12] Should have pre-opened these.

[00:05:14] That's my bad.

[00:05:18] Great.

[00:05:19] Nice.

[00:05:20] Dill, pickle, and ranch go great.

[00:05:22] Love it.

[00:05:22] And it's on like, what is, looks like a cheat, uh, uh, a cheese puff.

[00:05:27] Yeah.

[00:05:28] Except they're yellow.

[00:05:29] Yeah.

[00:05:30] As some puffs are.

[00:05:32] I give that five stars.

[00:05:34] Nice.

[00:05:35] The other one got zero.

[00:05:36] Oh wow.

[00:05:36] Zero stars.

[00:05:37] Zero stars.

[00:05:38] All right.

[00:05:39] What shows are coming up?

[00:05:40] Omaha.

[00:05:41] I can't wait to be there on January 17th.

[00:05:43] I have all my long underwear packed.

[00:05:46] I wear it on stage.

[00:05:47] In case you're wondering what's underneath my jeans and my t-shirt and my jacket.

[00:05:51] It's Eddie Bauer long underwear from an outlet mall probably 20 years ago.

[00:05:56] So January 17th, the Omaha 18th, Cedar Falls 23rd, uh, Spokane, Washington, the casino gig.

[00:06:03] I love it there.

[00:06:04] Twenty, uh, fifth Scottsdale, Arizona.

[00:06:06] It's a whole weekend of nothing but gambling.

[00:06:08] Wonderful.

[00:06:09] 31st, January Huntington.

[00:06:11] We added a second show.

[00:06:12] I don't know what times I forget.

[00:06:14] February 1st, Red Bank, New Jersey.

[00:06:17] Seventh and eighth Durham, two shows.

[00:06:19] We have two shows there.

[00:06:20] Two, two nights.

[00:06:22] Huntington's one night, two shows.

[00:06:23] February 14th, Fort Lauderdale.

[00:06:25] Oh, that's where I was going to see Greg too.

[00:06:27] Yeah.

[00:06:28] Yeah.

[00:06:29] Uh, February 15th, Fort Myers.

[00:06:31] February 20th, Davenport, Iowa.

[00:06:33] February 21st, 22nd, Prior Lake, Minnesota.

[00:06:36] That's Mystic Lake, the casino.

[00:06:37] What, what, what?

[00:06:38] Yeah.

[00:06:39] That's the last time, um, after my friend Louie Anderson died, his sister came.

[00:06:43] And then I had one of the, um, people backstage.

[00:06:48] I said, can you please go find, um, Louie Anderson's sister?

[00:06:51] And they were like, well, how will we know what she looks like?

[00:06:53] I go picture Louie, except Louie.

[00:06:56] In drag.

[00:06:56] In drag.

[00:06:57] And see, I mean, they even had the same diastomal where it did your teeth.

[00:07:01] And I'm like, you, you'll see, you do not need any further instruction than that.

[00:07:06] I'm not sure where she, where the tickets were, but you gotta go find her.

[00:07:10] And then, I mean, even I had never met her in person.

[00:07:13] Lisa.

[00:07:14] Lisa.

[00:07:14] Yeah.

[00:07:15] And I have never seen two siblings that were not identical twins look that much alike.

[00:07:20] Um, they were all close in age.

[00:07:25] There was like 11 of them.

[00:07:27] Yeah.

[00:07:27] And they were all just like a year or two apart.

[00:07:29] Yeah.

[00:07:30] February 7th, Morgantown, West Virginia, February, uh, March 8th.

[00:07:34] I'm sorry.

[00:07:34] That was March 7th.

[00:07:36] Morgantown.

[00:07:37] That one's great.

[00:07:38] I haven't been there in forever.

[00:07:41] Morgantown.

[00:07:41] It's a fun college town.

[00:07:43] It's a lot of fun.

[00:07:44] DC, the Warner.

[00:07:45] So fancy, fancy.

[00:07:47] That's March 8th.

[00:07:48] Then added an early show in Charleston on March 15th.

[00:07:52] Getting a little close to, you know, St. Patrick's Day.

[00:07:56] 20.

[00:07:57] Oh, and then the rest of 2025.

[00:07:58] I don't need to go through them all.

[00:07:59] You guys can go on the website.

[00:08:00] It goes on and on and on and on.

[00:08:02] And then we're going to book some summer things.

[00:08:04] It's all going to be great.

[00:08:05] So what did you, did you guys have fun on Christmas?

[00:08:07] First of all, went to some holiday bars here in Nashville.

[00:08:10] The Mariah Carey Holiday Bar.

[00:08:13] Eh.

[00:08:14] Really?

[00:08:15] Well, it's where it was situated.

[00:08:17] There's a pretty new Virgin Hotel here in Nashville.

[00:08:20] It was kind of in the lobby.

[00:08:21] Oh, that's weird.

[00:08:22] Of the real bar.

[00:08:24] I mean, they did everything they were supposed to.

[00:08:26] It's a lobby bar.

[00:08:27] They, they tried.

[00:08:29] Yeah.

[00:08:29] But I felt like we were like, I was watching people check in and they clearly they allow

[00:08:33] dogs, big dogs.

[00:08:34] I saw a bunch of dogs.

[00:08:35] I'm like, Oh, look at that dog.

[00:08:37] Um, I don't know.

[00:08:39] I just, it didn't feel now.

[00:08:42] Granted I'm old and I was with people my own age.

[00:08:45] So we were there early.

[00:08:48] Peaky Tito and his wife.

[00:08:50] Yeah.

[00:08:50] Nicole.

[00:08:51] It was early.

[00:08:52] It was only like six o'clock, but even if it had been midnight and crowded, you still

[00:08:56] feel like I'm, I feel like I was, I was with somebody who said, I'll go check in.

[00:09:01] You go get us two beers.

[00:09:02] And I just stood there.

[00:09:03] That's what I felt like.

[00:09:04] I was like, Oh, okay.

[00:09:05] I'll just wait right here while you finish checking in and I'm going to go pet that Rottweiler.

[00:09:10] Does anybody mind?

[00:09:11] Okay.

[00:09:11] Um, yeah, I don't know.

[00:09:13] Then there was a hit, there's a hidden bar.

[00:09:16] It's always here in Nashville within the hotel at the Noel.

[00:09:20] And I don't know what's down there normally because I think I'm too old for trickery.

[00:09:24] Like it's a hidden bar.

[00:09:26] I'm like, Oh bullshit.

[00:09:27] I'm just going to be at the real bar.

[00:09:28] Like you kids go down there and tell me, but it was Christmas.

[00:09:31] So we went, it was all like Whoville.

[00:09:33] I mean, I've only seen parts of that movie, so I can't be, you know, segments.

[00:09:40] Yeah.

[00:09:41] I didn't like that whole thing either.

[00:09:42] This, this animal's going to come steal all the presents in Whoville and they're sad.

[00:09:47] The Grinch.

[00:09:48] I know what the, what is he?

[00:09:49] A frog, a person.

[00:09:51] I thought it was a frog.

[00:09:53] I don't know.

[00:09:54] Um, I don't know.

[00:09:57] Yeah.

[00:09:57] Harry frog, but he was an asshole.

[00:10:00] I know that.

[00:10:00] And then all the people in Whoville are crying.

[00:10:03] I turned it off as a kid.

[00:10:04] I'm like, well, why do people keep showing me this shit?

[00:10:07] I'm like, what's wrong?

[00:10:08] Let's turn Bewitched back on and laugh a little bit.

[00:10:10] This is horrible.

[00:10:12] Horrible things for children.

[00:10:14] Um, then after I did my little holiday things, anyway, the Whoville, I would give it a five

[00:10:21] out of five, but it was everybody in there was 21.

[00:10:23] So, you know, and even when I asked for something from the bartender a drink and he's like,

[00:10:30] um, Oh, I wanted a shot of fireball just to jazz things up.

[00:10:33] Right.

[00:10:34] And he was like, lady.

[00:10:36] Um, no, he just, he was like a mean elf.

[00:10:38] He was dressed like an elf too.

[00:10:40] And I'm like, Oh, mean elf.

[00:10:41] We don't have fireball down here.

[00:10:43] I'm like, okay.

[00:10:44] All right.

[00:10:44] I should've brought my own.

[00:10:45] Once again, you're encouraging me to bring alcohol, bring your own.

[00:10:49] Um, then let's talk about flying to Kansas city and going to the chiefs game.

[00:10:54] Just briefly.

[00:10:56] The tailgating is supposed to be, um, it, it, it always is super duper fun.

[00:11:01] And then if you're from Missouri, you're going to know a million people.

[00:11:03] It's the only one I've seen that to me rivals it is green bays.

[00:11:08] Um, there's, and they just give you things, even if they don't know you, like if you walk

[00:11:13] by and go, wow, your bratwurst smell good.

[00:11:15] Here you go.

[00:11:16] They don't even know you.

[00:11:18] Um, yeah, but my brother-in-law, Matt, who is my favorite.

[00:11:23] Um, brother-in-law.

[00:11:25] I would say, yeah, I mean, if he, they get divorced, I'm going with Matt.

[00:11:28] I've already told my sister you're out.

[00:11:29] I'm going with Matt.

[00:11:30] He's married to Kate and they have the twins and, and another kid, Jack, another kid.

[00:11:35] I say another kid, like he's not important, but you know, um, he is awesome.

[00:11:39] But Matt sometimes is a little stingy with school cooler space.

[00:11:46] Yeah.

[00:11:46] He's a cooler.

[00:11:47] He's, he's a cooler.

[00:11:49] And he had eight beers.

[00:11:51] I'm like, Matt, it, it, we are going to be out here for three hours.

[00:11:55] He goes, well, I didn't know if you had your beer, Kathleen.

[00:11:57] I go, I flew here, Matt.

[00:11:59] Do you think I'm one of those people that dragged a Yeti on an airplane and tried to

[00:12:02] shove it?

[00:12:03] No, I don't have a cooler.

[00:12:05] And then my sister bust out the spread.

[00:12:07] This is where Pisces versus Libra, like Libra is a more practical and centered and grounded.

[00:12:13] She's in.

[00:12:14] So all this crazy food, I've never seen my sister do anything like this.

[00:12:18] It was really awesome.

[00:12:20] And, but she won't have like a practical item.

[00:12:22] I'm like, would you happen to have a knife?

[00:12:26] And then no, but Matt has a pocket knife.

[00:12:28] Okay.

[00:12:28] I was looking for something to cut.

[00:12:30] All right.

[00:12:30] That's probably cut deer and frogs.

[00:12:32] I don't know what that knife has done, but I was looking for like a plastic one.

[00:12:36] No.

[00:12:36] But then she whipped out this whole thing of strawberries.

[00:12:39] She cut up and I go, what's up with the strawberry?

[00:12:42] She goes, oh, well, those are to go in your mimosa.

[00:12:45] So then it looks like Christmas.

[00:12:46] Oh my God.

[00:12:47] And she acted like that was a normal statement to me.

[00:12:51] And I was like, sure.

[00:12:53] Why would, but it was an early game.

[00:12:54] It was noon, but we, she told, I have to come get you at eight 15 or we're going to be in traffic.

[00:13:01] Blah, blah, blah.

[00:13:01] I'm like, no eight.

[00:13:03] I go, can we just do eight 30?

[00:13:05] No, but at least I'm getting a ride.

[00:13:07] And when I meet my friend Jim, um, out at the deal, he's coming from blah, blah, blah.

[00:13:12] Well, we've we're there in 12 minutes.

[00:13:15] I'm like, okay, Kate, it's eight 12.

[00:13:17] What are we going to do now?

[00:13:19] Oh, well, it's okay.

[00:13:21] Um, all kinds of things.

[00:13:22] I brought a football and there's corn hole.

[00:13:24] You can go share it with those people.

[00:13:25] Um, I'm like, oh my, and it was cold.

[00:13:29] Most of the time I spent taking my shoot boots off and putting heat warmers in.

[00:13:33] And then Matt said I did it backwards and then I had to redo that and hand warmers.

[00:13:38] It was like 25.

[00:13:41] Yeah.

[00:13:42] And I didn't think I would drink beer that early, but as it turns out, I sure fucking did.

[00:13:47] And well, well, I, he, he gave me three cause I promised him that I had a guy coming with more beer.

[00:13:53] I made Jim stop on the way from St.

[00:13:55] Louis.

[00:13:55] I'm like, can you swing off them?

[00:13:58] Mm hmm.

[00:13:59] It's not even enough beers for Matt for four hours.

[00:14:02] What eight, nine, 10.

[00:14:04] Yeah.

[00:14:04] Four hours.

[00:14:07] Well,

[00:14:09] Wow.

[00:14:10] Um, but this is a crazy thing.

[00:14:13] This is applies.

[00:14:14] This is for everyone.

[00:14:15] Like those are just my dumb stories.

[00:14:17] Um, so last year I just bought tickets on stuff.

[00:14:21] Um, I don't, I just wanted to be in at the, if you can in the middle and that's what we bought.

[00:14:29] And my cousin, Mike and his wife, Connie came and all this stuff.

[00:14:32] And we were below the Taylor Swift.

[00:14:36] Well, Travis's box, like sweet box.

[00:14:40] Arrowhead stadium is quite old.

[00:14:42] So I'm not thinking they're super fancy.

[00:14:44] They're probably your basic old timey.

[00:14:47] Sweet.

[00:14:48] Um, but Taylor was over like our right shoulder.

[00:14:52] You can't, I never saw anything cause the guy behind me was six foot tall.

[00:14:54] I just, I didn't even care.

[00:14:56] So nothing weird happened.

[00:14:59] I mean, it was fine.

[00:15:01] There's Taylor up there, whatever.

[00:15:03] I mean, I honestly don't, I care more about football.

[00:15:06] Even if Stevie was up there, I'd be like, hi.

[00:15:08] And I'd wave once and be like, oh good.

[00:15:10] That's Stevie.

[00:15:10] Who cares this year?

[00:15:13] This is what I think has happened.

[00:15:15] I've never been to a football game.

[00:15:18] Taylor's box is now immediately.

[00:15:20] I mean, it was shocking.

[00:15:22] I turned because we're four rows down and I turned around and Taylor Swift was right there.

[00:15:27] I mean, I don't even care per se, but she's most famous person in the globe.

[00:15:31] Right now.

[00:15:32] Maybe Putin.

[00:15:33] I think who's more famous.

[00:15:35] Elon maybe, but not in a good way.

[00:15:39] Right.

[00:15:39] Either one of them.

[00:15:40] They're just the little tiny troublemakers.

[00:15:43] Oh my God.

[00:15:44] But here's the thing.

[00:15:46] So picture any football stadium.

[00:15:47] If you have the 300 seats way up top, the 200 seats.

[00:15:51] And then sometimes there's a club level and then the 100 seats.

[00:15:54] Well, if you bought a ticket in the 100 bowl, I was in section 119 with Jim and everybody.

[00:16:03] You only have to show a ticket to go down to your seat.

[00:16:07] Once you're in there, let's say you're in section 107.

[00:16:10] Well, you can just walk right on over to 119.

[00:16:13] The constant flow of people.

[00:16:15] And I'm short trying to watch the game and all I see and security never stopped it.

[00:16:20] I'm like, come on, Kansas City.

[00:16:22] Come on, stadium cup.

[00:16:24] You just tell everybody, show me your phone.

[00:16:25] If you are sitting in the section, you're more than welcome to come up this way.

[00:16:28] If you're not, you got to go back to where you came from and go up your way.

[00:16:34] It's got to be weird for her.

[00:16:36] It's the only time I felt sorry for a billionaire in front of my face where I'm like, oh God, because every time she'd come to the, the doors are, the windows are open.

[00:16:45] It's open aired.

[00:16:45] So she's coming up there to watch and it just becomes this crazy.

[00:16:50] I saw Mama Kelsey, Donna and Tay Tay's mom was there.

[00:16:55] I mean, I could tell you everyone in the box, but the suite or whatever, but they need to figure that out if she's going to keep coming to these games.

[00:17:03] I mean, you can't.

[00:17:04] And if you, so those stuff, I have tickets I bought were somebody season tickets.

[00:17:08] Yeah.

[00:17:09] I don't know who's, but I would be pissed if I give a shit about football.

[00:17:13] There was a lady behind me.

[00:17:14] She goes, oh, I don't even know anything about football.

[00:17:16] I just bought these.

[00:17:17] They all know the section and now everybody's onto it.

[00:17:21] Like last year, I don't think a lot of people knew, oh, Taylor's here, but where is she?

[00:17:26] Well, anyway, now they know.

[00:17:29] Um, and it was, it was a great game.

[00:17:33] Um, Tankdale got really hurt.

[00:17:35] If you're not a football person, he plays for Houston and it was just a, it was a gruesome.

[00:17:41] Oh, like his kneecap wasn't where it was supposed to be when the play was over.

[00:17:45] Yeah.

[00:17:46] Yeah.

[00:17:47] Hot chocolate with fireball.

[00:17:50] My new favorite drink.

[00:17:52] It was too cold in the stadium because we're on the shady side.

[00:17:56] And I'm like, you know what?

[00:17:58] I passed the booth.

[00:17:59] It said hot chocolate with fireball.

[00:18:01] You know what?

[00:18:02] Great.

[00:18:02] And it's just enough fireball that you taste it, but you're never going to get hammered

[00:18:08] because there's a 12 ounces of hot chocolate.

[00:18:11] Warm shot.

[00:18:12] And then I'll shut up and we'll move on to the real show.

[00:18:15] It's the real show.

[00:18:16] Well, right.

[00:18:17] But I mean, people might get bored with my shenanigans, but.

[00:18:20] Well, we're not sharing the same.

[00:18:24] Let me cross those off.

[00:18:25] So I know I talked about those things.

[00:18:26] I'm getting old now.

[00:18:28] The chiefs and Tay Tay.

[00:18:29] Yeah, that was crazy.

[00:18:31] Um, so me and my sister took the kids to Warm Springs Ranch, which is by Columbia, Missouri,

[00:18:38] in case you're wondering.

[00:18:39] And that's the home of the Clydesdale.

[00:18:40] Now there are Clydesdales in St. Louis at the brewery, but this is where they have the babies

[00:18:44] and then they train them and you can get in for 25 bucks or you can get a VIP ticket for a hundred bucks,

[00:18:50] which gives you better parking and the VIP tent.

[00:18:53] The only reason I sprung for that is because it was a heated tent and I'm tired.

[00:18:57] I've just with my, I can't be that cold.

[00:19:00] No.

[00:19:01] And I didn't know what the situation was.

[00:19:02] Right.

[00:19:03] I have never been anywhere so fantastic.

[00:19:05] It looked cool.

[00:19:07] All the Clydesdales are there.

[00:19:08] Unfortunately, no babies, but they are coming in January.

[00:19:11] A bunch are being born in January.

[00:19:12] So if anybody, but each horse, you just won't get to walk through the barns.

[00:19:16] The whole place is lit up.

[00:19:17] There's fire pits, some more stuff.

[00:19:19] There's food trucks.

[00:19:20] The kids went over and got giant cupcakes.

[00:19:23] Um, the VIP tent was great.

[00:19:25] I mean, nothing fancy, just beer and wine.

[00:19:27] FYI, super alcohol people.

[00:19:29] I'm not a liquor person per se.

[00:19:31] I'm a beer and wine lady, but if you are, they don't have that out there.

[00:19:34] I don't think they have that liquor.

[00:19:35] They do have beer and wine, but they even, they brought the Clydesdale into the VIP tent.

[00:19:41] I'm like, this is the most fantastic in the bar.

[00:19:44] The, the horses in the bar, in the tent.

[00:19:47] And then they tell us, they tell you everything.

[00:19:49] You get to pet them.

[00:19:50] You get to do whatever.

[00:19:52] They're so tall.

[00:19:53] I mean, I know I'm short.

[00:19:54] Ha ha.

[00:19:55] Everybody gets it, but they're like a billion feet tall and just massive things.

[00:19:59] Except there was one shorty.

[00:20:01] And I said, a shorty.

[00:20:03] And I said, he doesn't look as tall as the rest.

[00:20:05] And they're like, he's not.

[00:20:06] And he's not tall enough to be on the hitch for the, for like the hitch, the hitch travels

[00:20:11] for parades.

[00:20:12] He's not tall enough.

[00:20:13] Cause he looks awkward.

[00:20:14] Cause he's so short.

[00:20:15] But guess what?

[00:20:16] He is the star of every commercial.

[00:20:19] Yes.

[00:20:20] They made him a movie star.

[00:20:22] He gets to be in, he gets to be in the commercials where the hitch isn't involved.

[00:20:25] Like when they played football in that one.

[00:20:28] And he, um, he had just gotten back.

[00:20:32] He'd been filming for three months in Wyoming.

[00:20:35] Like he's a little tired.

[00:20:37] He had a long trip back.

[00:20:39] And I mean, it's just family friendly, nothing, but what a great, um, setup they have out

[00:20:46] there.

[00:20:47] And, um, there you have it.

[00:20:50] So yeah, moving on.

[00:20:52] Keep this stuff.

[00:20:54] Sure.

[00:20:54] I'm not blocking myself update.

[00:20:58] Well, I forgot to tell everybody.

[00:21:01] Mattress Mac had to have an open heart surgery.

[00:21:03] Yeah.

[00:21:04] And then I was, I follow him on Instagram, but I forgot to mention that.

[00:21:07] And I was wishing him well.

[00:21:08] And he was doing videos from the hospital that were so funny and he's not intending to

[00:21:14] be funny.

[00:21:15] None of this is on purpose.

[00:21:16] There's a spectrum thing going on in a good way with Mattress Mac.

[00:21:19] I think where he's like, well, folks, I'm, uh, I'm out of open heart surgery.

[00:21:23] And he's in a, what's clearly a hospital chair.

[00:21:25] He goes, I'm going to replace this with a chair from my gallery.

[00:21:29] It's going to be here tomorrow.

[00:21:31] And then he did a video.

[00:21:32] You know what would make me heal faster is if you will go buy some furniture.

[00:21:36] And, uh, by the way, look at my new chair.

[00:21:38] And this is straight from my gallery and gallery furniture off highway, blah, blah, blah.

[00:21:42] And he has a new one.

[00:21:44] Like I bought for my dad, like this crazy, it can do anything.

[00:21:46] The chair can throw you out of it.

[00:21:48] Like toast.

[00:21:49] It could just bang.

[00:21:50] He, and he, but he's, um, back at the store.

[00:21:53] Yeah.

[00:21:54] Good for him.

[00:21:55] That's right.

[00:21:56] Let's hope he keeps living for a long time.

[00:21:58] He does very nice things for the people of Houston and Texas in all of Texas, blah, blah,

[00:22:02] blah.

[00:22:03] And I know, don't even give me shit about where, who he donates to.

[00:22:06] I know he's a wonderful philanthropist.

[00:22:08] How, whatever he does with the rest of his money.

[00:22:11] That's on you, Mac.

[00:22:12] That's on you.

[00:22:13] He's a good person.

[00:22:14] Update.

[00:22:17] What about our monkeys in South Carolina?

[00:22:20] Still going?

[00:22:22] There's four left.

[00:22:23] What?

[00:22:26] The rest have been captured.

[00:22:29] More than a month after 43 monkeys escape from a medical lab in South Carolina.

[00:22:33] The last four to evade capture are sticking close together.

[00:22:36] That's ridiculous.

[00:22:37] They're now a mini gang.

[00:22:39] The dozens of young female rhesus bred for research monkeys broke out of the Alpha Genesis

[00:22:45] primary research center in Yesimi last month after an employee failed to latch the doors to their enclosure.

[00:22:51] How funny would that be if you got home and went, fuck, I forgot to shut the door?

[00:22:58] Do you, do you admit it?

[00:22:59] Do you call someone?

[00:23:01] I would, I couldn't sleep.

[00:23:03] I can't sleep with that kind of guilt.

[00:23:04] Yeah.

[00:23:05] But I mean, you have one job really.

[00:23:07] Right.

[00:23:07] Lock the door when you leave.

[00:23:09] Okay.

[00:23:09] Lock up.

[00:23:10] Anyway.

[00:23:11] For the monkey.

[00:23:13] Since then, nearly all of them have trapped and returned to the research and breeding center.

[00:23:17] But as of Sunday, four remained on the loose.

[00:23:20] They said in a statement, those at the center had been seeing the monkey quartet together in a tree on a near daily basis.

[00:23:28] The four escapees look good and have been seen engaged in grooming.

[00:23:33] And the monkey seemed to be doing well outside.

[00:23:35] The staff is simply waiting for them to go into the traps rather than taking a more aggressive approach like having them darted.

[00:23:42] Darted?

[00:23:43] Oh.

[00:23:44] They just, they just sleep dart.

[00:23:46] But.

[00:23:46] Right.

[00:23:47] Probably hurt.

[00:23:48] Um, that's it.

[00:23:52] So there's still, I hope they stay free.

[00:23:54] Four monkeys.

[00:23:55] Four out of 43.

[00:23:56] Are they all with?

[00:23:58] They're all girls.

[00:24:00] They can't reproduce.

[00:24:02] Maybe there's a guy hiding somewhere.

[00:24:04] I don't know.

[00:24:05] It's a random guy monkey.

[00:24:08] Update!

[00:24:10] This is so, sorry, fucking ridiculous.

[00:24:14] Uh huh.

[00:24:14] Another person made it through TSA and got on a Delta plane.

[00:24:18] Unbelievable.

[00:24:19] Now.

[00:24:20] I do.

[00:24:22] And everybody knows I'm a Delta person.

[00:24:25] Delta's my favorite airline.

[00:24:26] Uh huh.

[00:24:26] But this is twice now, Delta.

[00:24:29] But more, I put more of the blame on TSA.

[00:24:34] I have given you my eye prints, uh, promissory notes of, uh, eye scan, my retinal scan.

[00:24:41] I've given you fingerprints.

[00:24:43] I've given, I had interviews with people that I had to physically go to at LAX, which

[00:24:47] is an enormous pain in the ass.

[00:24:49] Um, I give you everything.

[00:24:54] And there are people that have given you nothing that are making it through.

[00:24:57] This was in Seattle.

[00:24:59] And then I was trying to picture, I mean, I've flown in and out of Seattle a million times.

[00:25:04] Their security.

[00:25:06] I don't think it's one main deal.

[00:25:09] There's different points of security.

[00:25:11] Uh huh.

[00:25:11] So maybe this person, I don't know that they were taxiing and realize this person didn't

[00:25:17] have a ticket.

[00:25:18] So he made it.

[00:25:20] He it's a, he, well, it says unidentified person.

[00:25:23] I could be a check.

[00:25:24] I mean, the last one was a lady.

[00:25:27] I think here's what, Oh, I don't think they're in the bathroom.

[00:25:34] I think they go online.

[00:25:36] Like you can go online and look at a seat map.

[00:25:38] It's easier to do this on Delta.

[00:25:40] Well, I don't know.

[00:25:40] It could be easy on Southwest too, because there's no assigned seating and nobody ever

[00:25:43] asked you to prove that your seat.

[00:25:46] So I'm just giving them more ideas now.

[00:25:49] Um, Hey, but Delta, I think if you go on your phone and look at the seat map, if these

[00:25:56] people are doing this, you would see, Oh, look at this.

[00:25:59] The back three middle seats are empty.

[00:26:02] I'll just sit in one that other people aren't going to ask you.

[00:26:07] Right.

[00:26:08] Uh, stowaway on a, he was going, he, she was going to Hawaii on Delta was booted off the

[00:26:13] plane, uh, before takeoff when crew, Oh, it's a heat realize he didn't have a ticket.

[00:26:18] The unidentified person was apprehended after they were escorted off the flight at Seattle

[00:26:22] tech international Delta said that, um, the airbus, uh, which was taxiing towards the runway

[00:26:27] when the freeloader was discovered was delayed for more than two hours.

[00:26:32] Oh, this is where I would go.

[00:26:33] Ape shit.

[00:26:35] Um, the individual bypass, the identity verification, the boarding status stations and boarded an

[00:26:41] aircraft, um, at SeaTac without a boarding pass.

[00:26:45] TSA takes any incidents that occur at any of our checkpoints nationwide.

[00:26:49] Seriously.

[00:26:50] TSA will independently resume the circumstances of the episode was written reminiscent of

[00:26:55] a similar incident last month where an unhinged Russian woman snuck onto JFK to Paris flight

[00:27:00] without a ticket.

[00:27:01] She made it though.

[00:27:02] She's better at it.

[00:27:03] She made it all the way to France.

[00:27:07] Um, I mean, TSA, what do we, what is, and then you made it just like her.

[00:27:14] He made it through there.

[00:27:15] Sweet.

[00:27:16] And then made it on the plane without a boarding pass.

[00:27:20] Right.

[00:27:21] I think maybe do you wait for group four, which is usually the last group.

[00:27:25] And then, and then everybody at the gate's like, whatever it's group four and blah, blah, blah.

[00:27:29] Versus group one, they're kind of scanning.

[00:27:32] And are you Delta diamond?

[00:27:33] I don't know.

[00:27:35] But TSA hashtag fail.

[00:27:38] Happy new year.

[00:27:39] Try to get your shit together.

[00:27:41] Although I don't need them to be any more strict.

[00:27:43] It's ridiculous.

[00:27:44] It's, it's overkill.

[00:27:47] Whenever I make them see the old people getting out of wheelchairs and stuff, I'm like,

[00:27:50] Oh, come on.

[00:27:51] Yeah.

[00:27:51] Yeah.

[00:27:52] The children.

[00:27:53] Fine.

[00:27:53] Fuck them.

[00:27:54] Get out of the car seat.

[00:27:55] Come on, Randy.

[00:27:59] No, it's more like a dealer.

[00:28:01] Hunter or.

[00:28:04] Harrison.

[00:28:05] Harrison.

[00:28:06] Hunter.

[00:28:07] That's a big name.

[00:28:08] You've been flying with a lot of hair.

[00:28:12] Yeah.

[00:28:13] Yeah.

[00:28:13] The amount of kids in first class is overwhelming.

[00:28:17] I didn't make it to first class till I was 40.

[00:28:19] Right.

[00:28:19] And they're like four.

[00:28:20] Yeah.

[00:28:21] And they know it.

[00:28:22] They're like, Oh, this one doesn't have a television.

[00:28:25] Oh my God.

[00:28:26] Oh my God.

[00:28:27] Guess what?

[00:28:28] You're not getting a cheese platter either.

[00:28:29] You little bastard.

[00:28:31] You did.

[00:28:33] Merry Christmas.

[00:28:35] God.

[00:28:36] Happy new year.

[00:28:37] Your life won't get any better than this unless you fly privately.

[00:28:40] This is the best way to travel unless you get your private jet.

[00:28:44] The parents are failing you.

[00:28:46] Yeah.

[00:28:46] And then the parents sit away from them and you dump this kid on, you know, some of the

[00:28:50] kids are fun, but some are not.

[00:28:52] No, there's a few Johnnies out there that I'm like, no wonder the parents book seats away

[00:28:56] from them.

[00:28:57] I would too.

[00:28:57] Even if it was my kid, I'd be like, Johnny, you're going to be in one B next to a nice lady

[00:29:02] who's a comedian.

[00:29:02] Try to make a friend.

[00:29:04] We're going to be in five C and D. If you need us, tattle on back.

[00:29:11] I'm so glad I don't have to go to an airport for two more weeks.

[00:29:15] Although by the time you go back in January, nobody's there because nobody's traveling.

[00:29:20] It doesn't start again until spring break.

[00:29:22] Oh my God.

[00:29:23] In March, everybody has to fly somewhere for spring break.

[00:29:26] And then all the children with their pillows and their, and their crop tops and their high

[00:29:32] waisted leggings show up.

[00:29:35] Up.

[00:29:37] Update.

[00:29:40] Tick tock.

[00:29:41] Tick tock.

[00:29:43] Going to the Supreme Court, January 10th.

[00:29:46] Will the Supreme Court rule in favor that we can keep it?

[00:29:51] I think so.

[00:29:52] Trumpasaurus wants to keep it.

[00:29:53] I agree with Trump.

[00:29:55] I want to keep tick tock.

[00:29:57] I don't want it to go away.

[00:29:59] So they're going to hear arguments on January 10th, whether the law impermissibly restricts

[00:30:04] speech in violation of the first amendment.

[00:30:08] I don't know.

[00:30:09] We'll see.

[00:30:10] But just, that's just an update to what's where we're at.

[00:30:14] Chinese company owns it.

[00:30:16] Doesn't the Chinese do it?

[00:30:17] How much shit to the Chinese?

[00:30:19] Do they, they, well, I know they own farms in Missouri.

[00:30:22] Come on.

[00:30:23] Like they don't have any.

[00:30:29] Well, they might have my socials.

[00:30:30] I'm Kathleen and here's my, I'm Kathleen and here's the email address.

[00:30:34] Right.

[00:30:35] Well, I did.

[00:30:37] When you signed up, I didn't put in a credit card or anything.

[00:30:39] No.

[00:30:39] What are you saying?

[00:30:40] What are you saying?

[00:30:41] I don't know.

[00:30:42] Thank you.

[00:30:43] I don't, I don't understand the tech stuff.

[00:30:45] I've had a new phone sitting down there for three weeks and I refuse to switch it over.

[00:30:49] Cause I'm terrified.

[00:30:49] Everything's going to get lost.

[00:30:51] And I don't want to do new passwords.

[00:30:54] I hate change.

[00:30:56] You know, every time the computer says, would you like to do an update?

[00:31:00] Remind me later.

[00:31:01] When are you guys going to figure out on the ring?

[00:31:02] I don't do it till it breaks.

[00:31:04] And then I go, fuck, I don't want updates update.

[00:31:09] Here's an update.

[00:31:10] I like my updates, not their updates.

[00:31:14] Party city.

[00:31:15] It's gone.

[00:31:16] I know we've talked about it before, but it's gone for sure.

[00:31:19] Um, I sent a video to Bob and Clark of the one by my house and it's all of them are closing

[00:31:26] and they're doing 10 to 50% off.

[00:31:28] I'm like, oh no, you need to go a lot higher.

[00:31:30] If you want quote, everything must go.

[00:31:32] Then how about 80% off?

[00:31:34] How about this shit's free.

[00:31:35] Get out out of here.

[00:31:36] We don't want to have to go burn it in a dump.

[00:31:39] Um, they're all closing 700 stores.

[00:31:43] They're finally chapter 11.

[00:31:45] The move comes after 40 years.

[00:31:47] We've talked about it.

[00:31:47] I can't believe it's 40 years old.

[00:31:49] 40 years ago.

[00:31:50] It made sense.

[00:31:50] Doesn't make sense anymore.

[00:31:52] All that stuff's on Amazon for a dollar.

[00:31:54] Now this involves my, this update involves my new year's resolution.

[00:31:59] Oh, so there were two updates this week.

[00:32:02] This is how much I'm doing the work of the Lord for you guys.

[00:32:04] Cause I, I, I followed it closely.

[00:32:07] First, they said all big lot stores were going to close.

[00:32:11] And I was so happy because I want mine to be a total wine.

[00:32:15] I want, I want big lots is a waste of goddamn time and space.

[00:32:21] No one goes in there.

[00:32:23] Not rich people, not poor people.

[00:32:25] Nobody.

[00:32:26] It's next to a Kohl's and people are in Kohl's and there's a Sephora in there.

[00:32:30] I've been in there.

[00:32:31] The big lots.

[00:32:32] Nope.

[00:32:33] No takers.

[00:32:33] So you can't say, Oh, well, you know, that's for people that don't make as much.

[00:32:37] No, they don't want to go either.

[00:32:39] It's a waste of fucking space.

[00:32:41] So the article was big lots to close all stores and go out of business.

[00:32:45] Excellent.

[00:32:46] Oh no.

[00:32:48] Update.

[00:32:49] Big lots strikes deal to keep hundreds of stores open.

[00:32:52] Oh no, no, no, no, no.

[00:32:55] That's my dad.

[00:32:55] What is that?

[00:32:56] No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:32:59] It agreed with an investment firm allowing hundreds of stores to stay open by transferring

[00:33:03] its property to other retailers and companies.

[00:33:06] The Columbus, Ohio based company recently announced it was preparing to close the remaining 936

[00:33:10] locations by after an acquisition firm by a private acquisition by a private equity firm,

[00:33:15] Nexus Capital Management fell through.

[00:33:17] They have a new deal with Gordon Brothers retail partners, which will facilitate the transfer.

[00:33:21] I wish you could bet against Gordon Brothers real estate.

[00:33:25] Like you can bet on Vegas at a craft stable.

[00:33:27] Don't pass.

[00:33:27] I don't, I'm mad.

[00:33:28] These people did this.

[00:33:29] Why are you saving this piece of shit?

[00:33:31] Yeah.

[00:33:32] Oh, so it looks like a bunch are going to stay open.

[00:33:37] You'll have to go neighborhood by neighborhood and tell me termites.

[00:33:40] Are yours open or closed?

[00:33:42] So my new year's resolution.

[00:33:46] So if nobody manifests like Mindy, if many can manifest, right?

[00:33:51] I'm going to manifest that my big lots turns into a total wine.

[00:33:57] Specifically.

[00:33:58] Specifically.

[00:33:58] I like that.

[00:33:59] That's my new year's resolution.

[00:34:00] I'm going to concentrate.

[00:34:01] Yes.

[00:34:02] Every day.

[00:34:02] I'm going to picture the aisles in total wine.

[00:34:05] I'm going to picture the crazy beers they get.

[00:34:08] Cause they get crazy beers like that.

[00:34:10] Um, I love a total wine and it's the perfect amount of space might be a little large, but

[00:34:17] I have an idea for total wine.

[00:34:19] You could get a liquor license and then have the other half a tasting.

[00:34:24] Oh, yeah.

[00:34:26] And allow dogs, allow pets.

[00:34:28] Right.

[00:34:29] It'll be indoor outdoor.

[00:34:30] I have a whole vision of a whole vision.

[00:34:32] It much like the fat tire brewery.

[00:34:34] It's going to be indoor outdoor.

[00:34:36] I don't know how hard it is to get the liquor license, but maybe for tastings, it's not

[00:34:40] as difficult or make that your cheese area.

[00:34:46] And then your cheese tastes your cheese.

[00:34:47] Oh my God.

[00:34:48] Now you're in Wisconsin.

[00:34:48] Right now I'm total.

[00:34:50] Now I've just gone right off into new Glarus territory in Wisconsin.

[00:34:54] But if the space is too big, I don't know, use the other half for my idea or storage

[00:35:00] or something.

[00:35:01] True.

[00:35:01] Yep.

[00:35:02] Big.

[00:35:06] There's never a person in there.

[00:35:08] I'm going in, I'm going to go in this week and I'm going to make a video.

[00:35:12] Cause I don't remember what's in there.

[00:35:13] I used to go with my mom and her nun friend.

[00:35:15] You have to go on like a-

[00:35:17] My mom had a friend who was a nun, Liz, who was awesome.

[00:35:21] Liz, you, she didn't wear all the garb and stuff.

[00:35:23] She was just basically an old fun lady.

[00:35:26] Me and I saved all my Marlboro miles.

[00:35:29] You used to get miles on your cigarettes and Lewis saved his Camelite bucks and we gave

[00:35:33] them to the convent.

[00:35:34] They bought a, they bought a canoe and they got everything out of that catalog.

[00:35:41] Um, cause you got five miles a pack.

[00:35:44] And my mom said, Oh, are you saving your miles?

[00:35:46] I go, no, I don't really keep track.

[00:35:48] And she's like, save them for Liz, save them for Liz and the, and, and the gals at the convent.

[00:35:52] Liz came in in this brilliantly red, like hunting jacket.

[00:35:58] It looked like an Irish wax jacket, except it was red with a brown collar.

[00:36:02] It was gorgeous.

[00:36:03] It said Marlboro right here, but so what?

[00:36:06] And they got everything.

[00:36:07] Then they took the camel bucks and they bought all this stuff.

[00:36:10] But anyway, her and Liz would go to big lots and occasionally I'd go with them.

[00:36:14] And I just couldn't get a handle on what the fuck's going on in this place.

[00:36:18] That's when I bought a Rams coat for my nephew.

[00:36:21] And then didn't get home and realize it said LA Rams.

[00:36:23] They'd been in St.

[00:36:23] Louis for four years.

[00:36:24] That's how old that coat was.

[00:36:25] It's already come back.

[00:36:27] It's already come back.

[00:36:27] They probably shipped it all out to a big lots of California again and not knowing that coat, I guess it doesn't matter.

[00:36:33] And then I thought my nephew at the time, well, he was my god kid cousin.

[00:36:37] He's probably only a, he won't know the history.

[00:36:40] It is.

[00:36:41] My cousin, Mary's mom won't know the dad'll know, but we just don't tell Pat.

[00:36:45] We'll scratch that out.

[00:36:46] We'll put St.

[00:36:47] Louis Rams over it.

[00:36:48] I don't know what they sell.

[00:36:49] I don't understand it.

[00:36:50] I'm going to go this week.

[00:36:54] They went on kayak trips in the Marlboro canoe.

[00:36:57] Yes.

[00:36:57] Liz would take pictures and send them to me and say, we're so grateful.

[00:37:00] Please don't stop saving.

[00:37:01] Keep smoking and don't and save your miles.

[00:37:04] I'm like, no problem.

[00:37:05] I'll keep smoking.

[00:37:06] And then when I worked at the comedy clubs, I would ask everybody when I got there for the week, how many people here smoke?

[00:37:12] It was usually everyone.

[00:37:13] Can I have your miles if you don't want them?

[00:37:15] If you're not saving them up.

[00:37:16] And then I would sit when I got done with my show and cut Marlboro mile things off cigarette packs because drunks would leave them.

[00:37:23] I would go scour the showroom.

[00:37:25] I'm like a bet that you could still smoke in a comedy club.

[00:37:27] That is the work of the Lord.

[00:37:28] That is the work of the Lord because I'm doing it for these nuns that aren't getting a paycheck.

[00:37:32] They're treated like shit by the Catholic Church.

[00:37:34] They do have a bitch in residence.

[00:37:37] And the one nun did have a private jet.

[00:37:39] Just like, well, she was the head of all mercy hospitals because the.

[00:37:45] Yeah, she sister rock.

[00:37:46] She flew around on us.

[00:37:48] Sister rock.

[00:37:48] Like R-O-C-H-E.

[00:37:50] It's a saint name.

[00:37:52] Sister rock.

[00:37:53] And she was cool.

[00:37:54] Liz was cool.

[00:37:55] She smoked.

[00:37:55] She drank.

[00:37:56] That could be a rap name.

[00:37:59] And she was from New York.

[00:38:00] So she had like a tough accent.

[00:38:02] Liz was great.

[00:38:03] I want one of those pictures.

[00:38:05] Yeah, they were actual pictures.

[00:38:07] So I probably lost them.

[00:38:09] They weren't like in a phone.

[00:38:10] I can ask my mom.

[00:38:12] She's got plenty of time.

[00:38:13] Go through and find a picture of Liz Shay and the other nuns.

[00:38:16] Launching into the Merrimack River in their Marlboro.

[00:38:19] That fucking canoe took me so long to save up for it.

[00:38:22] Like two years.

[00:38:23] Because I said, because Liz kept saying, you haven't sent any miles in a while.

[00:38:26] I go, I'm saving them.

[00:38:27] I don't want you blowing them on t-shirts and bullshit.

[00:38:30] But we are going to get the canoe.

[00:38:32] And we did.

[00:38:33] And the camel buck stuff wasn't as good.

[00:38:36] Because Lou kept going, I brought these for your mom's nun friend.

[00:38:39] And he would hand me a plastic baggie full of all of his camel bucks.

[00:38:42] And I'm like, thank you, Lewis.

[00:38:44] You're doing the work of Catholicism.

[00:38:46] Even though you're Jewish, that's very sweet.

[00:38:48] And that will be noted at the gates of heaven.

[00:38:51] As St. Peter, which I believe will have your file and go, hmm, nice Jewish man.

[00:38:56] Oh, help the Catholics.

[00:38:58] Questionable.

[00:38:58] Move over to the line, the blue line.

[00:39:01] You're now in the blue line.

[00:39:02] That's a little shout out to Hanukkah and you and your friends.

[00:39:05] Update!

[00:39:05] All right.

[00:39:09] Honda and Nissan agree to a merger.

[00:39:12] So we're not going to lose the infinity.

[00:39:14] I love renting an infinity.

[00:39:16] I know you do.

[00:39:17] I know they're going to merge in 2026.

[00:39:19] I don't, they're too big to drive on a daily basis.

[00:39:22] I need a smaller car.

[00:39:25] No, I'm too short for all that.

[00:39:27] But that's why when Kate says the infinity is like the rich mom pickup car.

[00:39:32] I'm like, but all they're all my sisters, my size, maybe an inch taller than me.

[00:39:37] I don't know how anyone's seeing anything.

[00:39:39] I don't think they are.

[00:39:40] I bet you they hit shit all the time and they don't tell anybody.

[00:39:44] The infinity.

[00:39:45] And then what's the other one at the other Nissan?

[00:39:47] The one below the Armada is below the infinity, right?

[00:39:50] Same body, but infinities fancier.

[00:39:54] Yeah. I don't know any, I've never rented a Honda.

[00:39:56] They don't seem very many rental Hondas available.

[00:40:00] I don't know.

[00:40:01] So, um, they said Honda Nissan merger, like two week swimmers helping each other.

[00:40:07] Analysts see risk.

[00:40:09] Oh, that's a slam.

[00:40:10] Wonderful.

[00:40:12] And nobody yet.

[00:40:13] Nobody mentions Mitsubishi.

[00:40:15] How the fuck are they in business?

[00:40:17] I know I can't even.

[00:40:18] They said they want to join.

[00:40:19] Of course they want to join.

[00:40:21] They've got $8 left.

[00:40:23] We're in.

[00:40:23] We, yes, we'd love to.

[00:40:25] I can't even name a Mitsubishi car type.

[00:40:32] They always, it's there for kids.

[00:40:34] I feel like they're for like 20 somethings.

[00:40:35] Like they look like pinball machines.

[00:40:37] There's lots of lights in them.

[00:40:40] Honda and Nissan's merger will make them the third largest auto group after Toyota and Volkswagen.

[00:40:47] The Lancer.

[00:40:49] The Lancer.

[00:40:49] That used to be a Dodge, a Dodge Lancer.

[00:40:55] Well, I know it.

[00:40:57] Cause when I worked at cattle company, the restaurant, one of the, uh, waitresses, Terry got one.

[00:41:05] Oh, the eclipse.

[00:41:06] Okay.

[00:41:06] I've heard of that.

[00:41:11] Oh, it says.

[00:41:12] It's $14,000.

[00:41:13] $14,000.

[00:41:15] For a brand new car.

[00:41:16] The smaller Mitsubishi.

[00:41:18] They said they're considering joining and would have a decision made by the end of January.

[00:41:23] Oh, you know what you're deciding.

[00:41:25] Stop it.

[00:41:26] The Outlander is $23,000.

[00:41:28] $23,000 for the Outlander.

[00:41:30] They're made of plastic.

[00:41:30] They are.

[00:41:31] They don't seem very stable.

[00:41:33] I've been in a couple in my lifetime.

[00:41:35] You can't smoke it a milk.

[00:41:35] Yeah.

[00:41:36] The heat of your cigarette will, um, or your, your vape pen will explode the whole thing.

[00:41:41] It'll feel the heat from the coil and the vape and just, whenever they pass me, this

[00:41:48] is all I hear in my head.

[00:41:50] Me, me, me, me.

[00:41:52] But if I was 18 and 21, that's all I could afford.

[00:41:56] I'd be, I was excited by a Mercury Tracer for Christ's sake, which was actually a Mazda

[00:41:59] 323 disguised as an American car.

[00:42:01] As I found out after I bought it, nobody cares.

[00:42:07] Especially the children that we like, what is she talking about?

[00:42:09] Update.

[00:42:11] All cars.

[00:42:12] This is horrible.

[00:42:13] Uh huh.

[00:42:14] If you're one of these two people, those two, uh, astronauts are still stuck.

[00:42:20] Horrible.

[00:42:21] Yep.

[00:42:22] Horrible.

[00:42:22] Yep.

[00:42:22] Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams.

[00:42:24] They're 61 and 58, so they're no spring chickens.

[00:42:27] His name's Butch?

[00:42:28] His name's Butch.

[00:42:29] He's an astronaut.

[00:42:30] You would not think a guy named Butch would make it that far in life.

[00:42:33] No.

[00:42:33] Goddammit, he did.

[00:42:34] Not good in science.

[00:42:35] And Suni, uh, the whole mission, they were supposed to be gone eight days.

[00:42:40] Now, as a 59 year old, I'd be like, all right, I'm good with that.

[00:42:46] Well, uh, they're not expected back till next spring.

[00:42:52] What if you didn't like Butch?

[00:42:54] I mean, there's so many things that could go, you have to like them.

[00:42:58] Yeah.

[00:42:59] You gotta figure out how do I get along with this person.

[00:43:01] Sure there's a lot of cameras.

[00:43:03] They, right, I can't kill them.

[00:43:05] Yeah.

[00:43:05] I'm on, right, I'm on a feed 24-7 except when I go to the bathroom.

[00:43:09] So then I have to figure out how to lure him in the bathroom, kill him in the bathroom

[00:43:12] because we're off camera.

[00:43:13] I know this.

[00:43:13] This is because I would know this from enough true crime.

[00:43:16] You gotta be off camera.

[00:43:17] No.

[00:43:18] I also knew it from, it's from your reality.

[00:43:20] I also know it from last comic standing because they had cameras everywhere except

[00:43:23] the bathroom.

[00:43:23] So if I wanted anything important, I'd invite the person in the bathroom.

[00:43:27] If I needed to say something off camera.

[00:43:29] The other thing to get around that is if you sing everything, they don't want to pay

[00:43:33] for the rights.

[00:43:33] So I would.

[00:43:34] What?

[00:43:35] So yeah, the networks, they, so let's say I wanted to tell another comedian something.

[00:43:41] I would sing it in the, in with the tune of landslide.

[00:43:46] Well, I don't think I'm voting against Todd this time around.

[00:43:54] And then they can't air that because they don't want to pay for landslide.

[00:43:58] Anyway, I'll never be in a reality show again as long as I live.

[00:44:03] That was the worst fucking two months of my life.

[00:44:06] Um, oh, well, it went on a lot longer than that.

[00:44:09] Update.

[00:44:10] Update.

[00:44:11] Well, this is the NASA thing.

[00:44:12] So they were supposed to come back.

[00:44:13] We had a new plan to get them back in early September.

[00:44:16] They need this thing called Starliner to, um, help go get them a SpaceX.

[00:44:21] So they're considering, um, at the 60 day mark.

[00:44:25] SpaceX.

[00:44:27] I thought it was.

[00:44:29] No blue sky.

[00:44:30] Elon.

[00:44:31] I don't know who's responsible for all the drones.

[00:44:36] I'm still going to talk about the drones.

[00:44:37] So we're not talking about the drones.

[00:44:40] I think space is Elon.

[00:44:43] Is it not?

[00:44:45] They were meant to spend a week.

[00:44:47] It's Elon.

[00:44:48] Yeah.

[00:44:49] They need him to help go get them.

[00:44:52] Oh, I would not want to be at his mercy.

[00:44:54] Oh, if he waits till.

[00:45:01] Trump.

[00:45:03] Yeah, they'll go.

[00:45:05] But see, Elon don't care about rescuing them.

[00:45:07] I don't think he'd give a shit.

[00:45:08] There was, um, somebody said stuck in space for 60 days with no known solutions,

[00:45:12] is inhumane and torture.

[00:45:14] And then, um, why don't we get these people back?

[00:45:17] I hope they come back alive.

[00:45:18] This only happens in movies.

[00:45:21] Yeah.

[00:45:23] Well, like when there are Tom Hanks movie, I didn't watch it about the astronauts

[00:45:27] that got stuck and we didn't know if we could get them back.

[00:45:29] It was a good movie.

[00:45:33] Castaway was a volleyball in the ocean paddles that has nothing to do with space.

[00:45:38] We're talking about space.

[00:45:40] No, but at some point you're in a capsule with somebody.

[00:45:46] Oh, fuck.

[00:45:48] What if, what if you and Butch don't really get along?

[00:45:50] I mean, it's just.

[00:45:53] You gotta start talking.

[00:45:54] Yeah, that's when you start talking to shit and then it gets out of hand.

[00:45:56] Well, well, there's not my fear.

[00:45:58] You gotta bring your steamy bar.

[00:45:59] This is why I would have no desire to ever go into space.

[00:46:01] Period.

[00:46:02] End of story.

[00:46:02] I don't care if it's free.

[00:46:04] I can't wait.

[00:46:04] I don't care if you pay me.

[00:46:08] Because, like what's happening now, there's a chance you shoot me up there and shit goes

[00:46:13] wrong and I can't come back.

[00:46:15] Right.

[00:46:16] It's horrible.

[00:46:17] It's happening.

[00:46:18] Right in front of our faces.

[00:46:19] Yeah.

[00:46:19] I mean, no, I'm not.

[00:46:21] Not good with that.

[00:46:23] I'll be right here on Earth.

[00:46:25] Right.

[00:46:25] Same reason I don't want to survive Armageddon or aliens.

[00:46:30] Oh, it's me.

[00:46:31] The drones.

[00:46:32] I mean, can we just say, finally admit the aliens are here?

[00:46:36] Can we just say that?

[00:46:38] And so all those movies about, oh, when they get here.

[00:46:42] Well, they're here and guess what we're doing?

[00:46:43] Nothing.

[00:46:44] Nothing.

[00:46:44] Filming it on TikTok.

[00:46:46] That's what we're doing.

[00:46:47] Right.

[00:46:47] Every day on TikTok.

[00:46:48] There can't be this many people making fake movies.

[00:46:50] Bullshit.

[00:46:51] They're not using the same movies.

[00:46:53] These things are really there.

[00:46:54] And now they're everywhere.

[00:46:55] They're in Nashville.

[00:46:56] They're in Missouri.

[00:46:57] Yep.

[00:46:57] There's, and the orb.

[00:46:59] Nashville gets a lot of the orbs where there's a big round orb and it shoots out baby orbs.

[00:47:03] Nobody knows what they are.

[00:47:05] No one.

[00:47:05] Biden's 150 years old wandering around looking for his tie.

[00:47:08] I mean, we don't have anybody speaking on it.

[00:47:11] No.

[00:47:12] Kamala's still the vice president.

[00:47:14] Why?

[00:47:14] How come no one's talking about this?

[00:47:17] We're just going to let us all go crazy on TikTok.

[00:47:19] Yep.

[00:47:20] That's the plan.

[00:47:21] Yep.

[00:47:22] Okay.

[00:47:23] Well, just know.

[00:47:25] What are your thoughts?

[00:47:25] What do you think?

[00:47:27] I think it's aliens.

[00:47:29] I do too.

[00:47:29] If it's China or Iran or something like that, where's your warship that you're launching these off of?

[00:47:34] And they would have.

[00:47:36] And every, if you're trying to terrorize somebody, you take credit.

[00:47:39] Yeah.

[00:47:39] Everybody, you know, terrorist organizations, the IRA would send notes beforehand and afterwards saying, we're going to bomb this bar.

[00:47:46] Please vacate it.

[00:47:47] Just letting you know, we're going to do that.

[00:47:49] Yep.

[00:47:49] And we're taking credit for it and blah, blah, blah.

[00:47:52] Yeah.

[00:47:53] Every.

[00:47:54] So no.

[00:47:55] Do I think it's an enemy on earth?

[00:47:57] No, I think it's all coming from.

[00:47:59] I don't know why.

[00:48:00] And I don't, but if one does come above this house, well, they said you can't shoot it.

[00:48:06] It's a felony, but they didn't talk about other things.

[00:48:08] Oh, what are your plans?

[00:48:10] I'm fighting back.

[00:48:12] What?

[00:48:13] Fireworks.

[00:48:14] Fireworks.

[00:48:14] Fireworks.

[00:48:15] That's the answer.

[00:48:17] What?

[00:48:17] Fuck them up.

[00:48:18] And I just want them to know I'm fighting.

[00:48:20] Dude, you're good.

[00:48:21] So move over to the next house.

[00:48:23] Me and Mike will take care of this on New Year's Eve.

[00:48:25] Go over to the next house.

[00:48:27] I mean, Chris, if this is in Alabama, people be throwing beer bottles at it.

[00:48:31] Like, no, I just want them to know this house is not a safe space for you.

[00:48:37] I know I'm going to lose, but I want you to go.

[00:48:39] And if you would like this to happen without some bullshit, go next door.

[00:48:44] Yeah.

[00:48:45] Go over to my neighbor Dale's.

[00:48:46] He's got nothing going on.

[00:48:50] Yeah.

[00:48:51] Bottle rockets go pretty high.

[00:48:53] Me and Mike have bought stuff in Missouri that goes so high.

[00:48:56] Are you doing fireworks?

[00:48:58] Yes, we are doing fireworks.

[00:49:00] It's legal here.

[00:49:01] I can't wait to see those.

[00:49:03] That's the minute I got to California and they said fireworks are illegal.

[00:49:06] I'm like, oh, well, I just crossed into communism.

[00:49:08] What kind of bullshit is this?

[00:49:10] No, I understand why in California.

[00:49:12] But those things don't really apply to like Missouri or Tennessee or because it's just it's all it's wet this time of year.

[00:49:18] Not this is going to catch on fire except maybe boats.

[00:49:21] We need to keep them away from boats.

[00:49:23] We don't need boats exploding, which almost happened at my parents.

[00:49:27] That was three years ago.

[00:49:28] Yep.

[00:49:29] Holy shit.

[00:49:30] They found it.

[00:49:31] I've got to.

[00:49:33] Jack the Ripper identity.

[00:49:35] Yes.

[00:49:36] We're still looking for Jack the Ripper.

[00:49:39] His identity seemingly revealed in a 14 line letter unexpectedly found in an old hidden book.

[00:49:44] This is the work of the Lord.

[00:49:51] He killed five women that they know of.

[00:49:54] This is an 1888.

[00:49:55] A letter discovered in an old Australian book could hold vital information and evidence linking one of the Jack the Ripper's prime suspects to the notorious murders.

[00:50:06] They've got like last I checked for guys that they have a strong possibility of being that guy.

[00:50:13] I, I narrow, I voted to I ruled two out, but the other two, I was like either one of those.

[00:50:19] Well, this 14 line document, which was purchased on eBay for just 240 euros is now be estimated to be worth up to 120 25 euros.

[00:50:28] The 1889 letter was found in a book to believe been auctioned off by the University of Melbourne's theology department written by Reverend William Patrick dot from East London.

[00:50:39] The correspondent, a P correspondents appears to describe how Aaron Kaminsky, a key Ripper suspect attacked a woman with scissors less than a year after the infamous Whitechapel killings.

[00:50:50] I don't know.

[00:50:52] Yeah, hold on.

[00:50:53] We'll put it.

[00:50:53] We'll put it in his notes.

[00:50:56] Bradford carpet fitter, Tim Atkinson, 58 years old, made the remarkable purchase on the online auction site.

[00:51:03] The letter also contained a reference to Tilly, which is believed to be Kaminsky's sister, Matilda.

[00:51:08] The document appears to draw a connection between Kaminsky and the notorious murders that had occurred in the area just months before.

[00:51:15] The Reverend's account described Kaminsky running at the woman with scissors.

[00:51:19] Scientists at the University of Liverpool have authenticated the historic document using advanced technology.

[00:51:26] The video spectral comparator examination confirmed the paper has not been altered since it was written.

[00:51:33] Oh.

[00:51:34] It's real.

[00:51:35] Crazy.

[00:51:36] It shows no signs of artificial aging.

[00:51:40] So it sounds like Aaron Kaminsky.

[00:51:42] He was one of my last two.

[00:51:45] Why did he name it?

[00:51:47] I don't know why he named him.

[00:51:48] He was a Polish immigrant who lived in Whitechapel's Green Feet with two brothers and a sister.

[00:51:53] I don't know why they called him Jack the Ripper.

[00:51:56] Maybe he left Jack.

[00:51:57] I should watch a movie about that.

[00:51:58] There must be a documentary.

[00:52:00] Ask the termites.

[00:52:01] Say no.

[00:52:02] Termites.

[00:52:03] Do you know what they're talking about?

[00:52:07] Moving on to news.

[00:52:10] There's some good ones this week.

[00:52:18] Oh, I didn't do my King Queen court updates?

[00:52:20] No.

[00:52:20] Oh, shit.

[00:52:21] See what happens when you don't do it for a week?

[00:52:23] Out of practice.

[00:52:24] Well, Tay-Tay, you're updated.

[00:52:25] Jelly Roll will be performing downtown at the Nashville Extravaganza on New Year's Eve.

[00:52:32] Little Dorf's going.

[00:52:34] Are you going to go?

[00:52:35] I'm not going.

[00:52:36] I'm not going anywhere where there's 250,000 people.

[00:52:39] No.

[00:52:39] It's not happening.

[00:52:40] And I love Jelly Roll, but he'll get over it if I don't go.

[00:52:46] Dolly's been quiet.

[00:52:47] She did that cookbook with her sister.

[00:52:48] And they were...

[00:52:49] Tom?

[00:52:51] I'm going to say it's his last season.

[00:52:53] Tom.

[00:52:54] Tommy.

[00:52:55] I think so.

[00:52:56] He's just not good at it.

[00:52:58] Oh, I think...

[00:52:58] I hate to say it.

[00:53:00] I don't want to promise.

[00:53:01] Promise.

[00:53:02] He needs a cup of tea.

[00:53:03] He needs edibles.

[00:53:04] He's a cup of tea.

[00:53:05] Mm-hmm.

[00:53:07] Doesn't Tay-Tay have a song about that?

[00:53:09] Yeah.

[00:53:10] Stevie's just counting the royalties from her song.

[00:53:12] Maybe this Christmas.

[00:53:15] Anyway.

[00:53:17] Speaking of music.

[00:53:19] Legendary rock band.

[00:53:22] Yeah, I already talked about Tay-Tay and her experience.

[00:53:26] She was seen in...

[00:53:27] She's going to make home Nashville because it's closer to Kansas City.

[00:53:31] And this is where her mom is.

[00:53:33] And they were in New York.

[00:53:35] Andrea.

[00:53:36] And they were seen in New York on a date after Christmas.

[00:53:42] I think she likes her New York place.

[00:53:47] New York City, I like for a day or two.

[00:53:50] I don't know how Lewis lives there.

[00:53:51] I would kill myself.

[00:53:53] I need trees and water and animals and...

[00:53:59] Central Park.

[00:54:01] No.

[00:54:02] No.

[00:54:03] I saw a rat there one time the size of a badger.

[00:54:07] Yeah.

[00:54:08] I'm like, I don't want to sit on a blanket here and that thing could come out of that bush.

[00:54:12] Yeah.

[00:54:12] And I'm not really even afraid of it per se.

[00:54:15] No.

[00:54:16] I just don't really care.

[00:54:18] Yeah.

[00:54:18] Anyway.

[00:54:20] All right.

[00:54:20] There's a legendary U.S. rock band.

[00:54:23] They're calling it quits.

[00:54:24] This makes me laugh so hard.

[00:54:25] Yeah.

[00:54:25] After 57 years blaming...

[00:54:28] Irrinsec...

[00:54:29] Irrinsec...

[00:54:29] Irrinsec...

[00:54:30] Irrinsec...

[00:54:31] And psychobile...

[00:54:32] Yeah.

[00:54:32] Differences.

[00:54:33] That sounds...

[00:54:34] I'm not saying it again.

[00:54:36] Say it again.

[00:54:37] What did you say?

[00:54:38] Irreconcilable differences.

[00:54:41] Irreconcilable.

[00:54:41] Irreconcilable.

[00:54:43] Irreconcilable.

[00:54:45] How do you not know before the 57 year mark we don't get along?

[00:54:51] I would know a year into it and gone, I can't work with these bastards.

[00:54:55] You know we can.

[00:54:57] Fuck.

[00:54:58] 24 hours.

[00:54:59] I'd be like, I'm in with Rick.

[00:55:00] I don't like Mike.

[00:55:01] I'm good with Bob.

[00:55:03] Like...

[00:55:04] 57 years.

[00:55:06] And it's going to be real sad for people my age.

[00:55:09] One of the rock bands, most legendary bands took to the stage for the last time ever.

[00:55:14] Saturday night in Las Vegas.

[00:55:15] What is it?

[00:55:17] REO Speedwagon.

[00:55:18] Go!

[00:55:19] Go!

[00:55:20] We need a goat.

[00:55:21] Go right here.

[00:55:24] What do you mean?

[00:55:26] How am I supposed to hear...

[00:55:29] Take it on the run.

[00:55:30] Yeah.

[00:55:31] Take it on the...

[00:55:31] Okay.

[00:55:32] Now here's the thing.

[00:55:34] I've done a lot of benefits, randomly, with REO Speedwagon.

[00:55:39] Really?

[00:55:39] Yes!

[00:55:40] We don't know this.

[00:55:41] I've done a lot of weird shit.

[00:55:44] Okay.

[00:55:44] Just along the way.

[00:55:46] But they just kept popping up.

[00:55:48] Them and Huey Lewis in the news.

[00:55:50] Don't ask me why.

[00:55:51] And Huey Lewis in the news, those guys couldn't be nicer.

[00:55:53] And REO's very nice.

[00:55:54] Everybody.

[00:55:55] Individually.

[00:55:56] Individually, apparently, I'm seeing a lot of good things here.

[00:56:00] And they're just fighting like little crazy goats in the back.

[00:56:04] I don't know what's going on.

[00:56:07] But the lead singer, Kevin, the little guy for REO Speedwagon, he sounds phenomenal.

[00:56:14] If you like REO and you went to their show, you'd be like, was he lip singing?

[00:56:19] It's that good.

[00:56:20] And he's not lip singing.

[00:56:21] So it's a shame they were at the Venetian.

[00:56:24] Yeah, Kevin Cronin.

[00:56:26] Oh, your new home in Vegas.

[00:56:27] My new home in Vegas.

[00:56:28] Oh!

[00:56:28] Yes.

[00:56:30] The lead vocalist, Kevin Cronin.

[00:56:32] Very nice man, too.

[00:56:33] And I've met him a lot.

[00:56:35] Maybe probably 10 times.

[00:56:36] What?

[00:56:37] Yeah.

[00:56:39] He's 73.

[00:56:41] They just can't get along.

[00:56:43] He's 73?

[00:56:43] Here's the other thing.

[00:56:45] Go home!

[00:56:45] Okay.

[00:56:46] 73!

[00:56:46] I will not, whoops, I will not say the band.

[00:56:50] But it might have something to do with a nation.

[00:56:53] Meaning, is it Canada or America?

[00:56:56] Oh!

[00:56:57] Oh!

[00:56:57] Now the children won't do that.

[00:57:00] There's a person I know, promoter people, and they're usually young, the ones on the road,

[00:57:06] that's in charge of these old bands.

[00:57:09] And she said, I said, is it fun?

[00:57:12] Like, do they sell tickets?

[00:57:13] They're all over 75.

[00:57:15] And she goes, well, I don't know.

[00:57:18] I mean, do I have more fun with you?

[00:57:20] Of course.

[00:57:21] And, like, I tell her, bring her mom.

[00:57:23] Her mom's like my age.

[00:57:24] I'm like, bring her mom.

[00:57:25] We'll have something to talk about.

[00:57:27] I never tell her to her.

[00:57:28] I mean, I'll talk to the children.

[00:57:29] But, yeah.

[00:57:31] She said, mostly, I just go to the airport and pick up old guys that are smoking on the second,

[00:57:38] you know, how you can go on the outside of the airport.

[00:57:40] I just look for an old white guy with long gray hair that's smoking.

[00:57:44] And then she picks them up individually because they don't want to fly.

[00:57:47] They all live in different places now.

[00:57:49] It's not like back then.

[00:57:51] And then it's difficult.

[00:57:52] Like, you're lugging.

[00:57:54] Yeah.

[00:57:55] Well, I just, it's too sad.

[00:58:00] They got in a fight in 1973.

[00:58:02] Oh, my God.

[00:58:03] While recording their third ride in the storm out, waiting for the fallout.

[00:58:08] Oh, it's a great song.

[00:58:10] That's a song.

[00:58:10] They had a fight in 1973, but he returned in 76.

[00:58:14] Guys, it's 2024.

[00:58:16] Five.

[00:58:17] I mean, just get along or don't.

[00:58:19] Do you want the money?

[00:58:19] Do you want to have fun still?

[00:58:21] Oh, my God.

[00:58:22] God damn.

[00:58:25] These old, these old critters just, I just, it makes me laugh.

[00:58:35] Okay.

[00:58:44] People have had enough of us doing.

[00:58:46] Sure.

[00:58:47] It is New Year's Day.

[00:58:49] Downfall of America's most beloved retailer hits new low.

[00:58:52] His beloved brand is left clinging on in only four states.

[00:58:56] Four.

[00:58:57] Do we know what store this is?

[00:59:00] My friend, Jim, who I went to the Chiefs game with, who I worked with when I was 16,

[00:59:04] and we went to the same high school, but more importantly, we worked 40 hours a week at cattle companies.

[00:59:07] J.C. Penney.

[00:59:08] Not J.C. Penney's.

[00:59:09] He was the head mechanic for...

[00:59:11] Tillard.

[00:59:12] Sears.

[00:59:13] Sears.

[00:59:14] Sears had a great auto department back in the day.

[00:59:16] They did, yeah.

[00:59:17] I liked that we could go in Sears and buy a Catholic grade school uniform.

[00:59:20] They carried our shit or a chainsaw.

[00:59:22] You could buy whatever the fuck you wanted in Sears and your day was perfect.

[00:59:27] You're good.

[00:59:27] And you didn't have to...

[00:59:29] Sears has closed its final store in Washington.

[00:59:32] Leave it only operating in four states.

[00:59:35] Wait.

[00:59:38] Sears and Roebuck was Sears.

[00:59:40] They just cut it to Sears.

[00:59:43] Simpson Sears?

[00:59:45] That might have been a Canadian thing.

[00:59:47] This is when you act like something's normal, and the rest of us are like, do what?

[00:59:53] Ask all Canadians.

[00:59:53] Call Jan Arden.

[00:59:56] I'll call Jan Arden.

[00:59:58] Terry Clark.

[01:00:01] Harlan Williams.

[01:00:02] This is my Canadian roster.

[01:00:04] Jeremy Hatz.

[01:00:06] The ones that I know, not comedian.

[01:00:08] I don't know.

[01:00:09] What's his face?

[01:00:10] Jim Carrey.

[01:00:11] It was Canadian?

[01:00:13] They threw in Simpson?

[01:00:15] Was Simpson an original investor like Roebuck and Sears were?

[01:00:20] Oh, so they had to get a Canadian to sponsor?

[01:00:23] So they got a rich guy.

[01:00:24] Yes, it's a Canadian department store.

[01:00:28] 1858.

[01:00:29] Simpsons?

[01:00:30] Do you remember Simpsons?

[01:00:35] Well, how long did they last?

[01:00:36] Yes, you said that's when they were founded.

[01:00:38] I didn't ask if you were alive in 1888.

[01:00:41] 1858.

[01:00:42] 58?

[01:00:42] Oh my God.

[01:00:43] Yes.

[01:00:46] Simpsons merged with Sears.

[01:00:47] Simpsons merged with Sears.

[01:00:48] They didn't merge.

[01:00:49] They used them.

[01:00:51] Sears and Roebuck.

[01:00:51] No, I'm saying we used them.

[01:00:53] Yes.

[01:00:54] Because you got to get all these building permits and all this shit to go muddle on in Canada,

[01:00:58] so they had to get a Canadian to be their BFF.

[01:01:01] That's why somebody tried to talk you into doing a Canadian pot wine deal.

[01:01:06] Like, they needed a Canadian.

[01:01:08] I didn't do it.

[01:01:09] Good move.

[01:01:10] Yeah.

[01:01:10] Simpsons.

[01:01:11] Simpsons.

[01:01:12] Wow.

[01:01:12] We'll talk about this.

[01:01:14] There's only four.

[01:01:15] There's only eight Sears left in the country.

[01:01:18] Would you like to guess where they're at?

[01:01:20] Come on.

[01:01:25] The Hudson's Bay.

[01:01:26] The Hudson Bay still remains.

[01:01:28] And that was probably founded in 1604 as a fur trading post.

[01:01:32] It was.

[01:01:33] Yeah.

[01:01:34] The French.

[01:01:35] I'm sure it's a Frenchy thing.

[01:01:37] Canadian tires.

[01:01:38] Canadian tire.

[01:01:39] I do love a Canadian tire.

[01:01:40] They're fun.

[01:01:42] Yeah.

[01:01:44] Yeah.

[01:01:44] If you go into Canadian A&W, which I love A&W hamburgers, they have poutine at A&W.

[01:01:50] Me and Lewis trudged across the parking lot and freezing cold and snow to get the poutine.

[01:01:55] And it was worth every goddamn step of freezing my ass off.

[01:01:58] What?

[01:01:58] That's a big company.

[01:02:01] 1670.

[01:02:02] I was joking about 1604.

[01:02:03] And look how close I was.

[01:02:06] They made it to Montreal in 1779.

[01:02:10] 1779.

[01:02:10] They made it to Montreal?

[01:02:12] Yeah.

[01:02:12] Where'd they start?

[01:02:13] Nova Scotia?

[01:02:14] No.

[01:02:15] The UK.

[01:02:16] Okay.

[01:02:16] Oh.

[01:02:17] We won't talk about that.

[01:02:19] No.

[01:02:20] Sears has eight stores remaining in these four states.

[01:02:24] Ready?

[01:02:25] Yeah.

[01:02:25] California.

[01:02:26] Wyoming.

[01:02:28] Not Wyoming.

[01:02:29] They probably never had one.

[01:02:30] Maybe.

[01:02:31] No, not maybe.

[01:02:33] Florida.

[01:02:36] Massachusetts.

[01:02:38] Illinois.

[01:02:40] Think big.

[01:02:41] A very big state.

[01:02:44] Texas.

[01:02:45] Ah!

[01:02:45] Yep.

[01:02:47] Yeah.

[01:02:48] I saw a Sears in Oklahoma that still had cursive writing.

[01:02:52] And I went, oh my God, how old is that?

[01:02:54] It was at one of their malls.

[01:02:56] Yeah.

[01:02:58] That's crazy.

[01:03:03] We're going to move on because it's my year-end wrap-up.

[01:03:06] And I've got predictions from Baba Vanga, Nostradamus, and the new guy they call the new baby, Nostradamus.

[01:03:14] Baby Vanga.

[01:03:15] Um...

[01:03:15] Baby Vanga.

[01:03:17] No, he's a guy.

[01:03:19] Oh, Baby Vanga.

[01:03:20] He can't be Baby Vanga.

[01:03:21] She was a chick.

[01:03:22] He has to be Baby Nostra.

[01:03:25] Nostra.

[01:03:25] No, he doesn't have to.

[01:03:26] He's...

[01:03:27] He could be a they.

[01:03:28] We're down...

[01:03:28] Oh, shit.

[01:03:29] Wait, I may not have his.

[01:03:30] Oh, yeah.

[01:03:31] He's the living...

[01:03:32] They call him the living Nostradamus.

[01:03:33] He's the Brazilian hottie.

[01:03:35] He looks like a model.

[01:03:37] Now, I'm just telling you, if you're a positive person, you may not want to listen to the rest of this.

[01:03:41] Because as we know, as we know, Baba Vanga, Nostradamus, and his Brazilian kid, they're not what we would call a good time Charlie.

[01:03:51] We'll call him Baby Vanga.

[01:03:52] It's not a time.

[01:03:53] No problem.

[01:03:53] Yeah.

[01:03:54] Baby Vanga.

[01:03:54] Baby Vanga.

[01:03:55] Baby Vanga's coming to the party with a little fentanyl.

[01:03:59] What?

[01:04:00] He seems like a guy who...

[01:04:02] That's who you would get your fentanyl from.

[01:04:03] Baby Vanga.

[01:04:04] And then you'd tell the cops that when your friends ate too much fentanyl, and you'd be like, I don't know, I bought it from a guy named Baby Vanga.

[01:04:10] And they're like, where'd you meet him?

[01:04:12] In the alley behind Richard's saloon.

[01:04:14] I met him at the Hudson.

[01:04:16] Yeah.

[01:04:17] He was a French fur trader.

[01:04:20] He's Canadian, actually.

[01:04:21] Let's blame it on Canada.

[01:04:22] Why not?

[01:04:23] Everybody else does.

[01:04:23] I love that Canada's threatening that if Trump does all of his tariffs and all the bullshit he wants to do, they're just going to turn the electricity off.

[01:04:33] And that includes like Michigan, New York.

[01:04:37] Yep.

[01:04:37] All those states up there are feeding off the grids from...

[01:04:40] And it's a great threat.

[01:04:41] Yeah.

[01:04:42] If you don't like what he's doing.

[01:04:43] Montana.

[01:04:44] Yeah.

[01:04:45] The Yellowstone Ranch is fucked.

[01:04:47] Yellowstone Ranch.

[01:04:48] By the way, we have a new candle.

[01:04:49] I don't know if you saw Beth from...

[01:04:50] Beth Dutton.

[01:04:51] Beth from Dutton from Yellowstone.

[01:04:54] Yep.

[01:04:55] Merry Christmas.

[01:04:56] Yeah, Merry Christmas.

[01:05:00] So anyway, these people are not...

[01:05:02] They don't ever tell you positive things that are going to happen.

[01:05:05] Nope.

[01:05:06] Like I can tell you positive things that happened in 2020.

[01:05:08] I think 2024 was kind of a shit show for a lot of people, myself included.

[01:05:13] A lot of weird things.

[01:05:15] But there were some positives.

[01:05:17] But, you know, Baby Vanga and Nostradamus and the real Baba Vanga, they were...

[01:05:29] Here's what they're saying.

[01:05:31] Yeah.

[01:05:34] Well, the over-under is it's all horrible.

[01:05:36] That's why I'm telling positive people if this is going to drag you down, this is a free broadcast.

[01:05:41] That's worth six minutes.

[01:05:41] Turn it off.

[01:05:42] Now, here's the thing.

[01:05:44] With Nostradamus and Baba Vanga and Baby Vanga, they get a lot right, but they get a lot wrong.

[01:05:51] They usually bat...

[01:05:54] Nah.

[01:05:55] No.

[01:05:56] I would say 70-30.

[01:05:58] 70 right, 30 just wrong.

[01:06:01] Flat out wrong.

[01:06:01] Yeah, they get the big things right.

[01:06:03] Yeah.

[01:06:04] Yeah.

[01:06:04] Okay.

[01:06:05] Well, let's start with Baby Vanga, the resilient kid, the hottie.

[01:06:11] We'll put it in the show.

[01:06:13] He is a man known as the Living Nostradamus predicted the Microsoft...

[01:06:18] He predicted the Microsoft outage in April.

[01:06:21] He has now warned that World War III is imminent.

[01:06:25] I'm ready, man.

[01:06:26] I got fireworks.

[01:06:27] I have a pellet gun.

[01:06:29] I have liquor.

[01:06:30] Yeah.

[01:06:31] Because every time there's a tornado, Lou's like, are you safe?

[01:06:33] I'm like, I am in the hall.

[01:06:34] I'll repeat, Louis.

[01:06:35] I'm in the hall with a pillow and a bottle of Jameson.

[01:06:38] Life couldn't be better.

[01:06:40] Maybe cat's here.

[01:06:40] He's only 37.

[01:06:41] His real name is Athos Sloome.

[01:06:45] Sloome.

[01:06:46] Sloome.

[01:06:46] There's an accent.

[01:06:47] A grabber.

[01:06:48] There's an accent.

[01:06:49] A goo above it.

[01:06:50] But he's Brazilian, so that's not the same.

[01:06:52] Anyway.

[01:06:52] He's often referred to as a psychic due to the accuracy.

[01:06:55] Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

[01:06:57] Speaking exclusively to this publication,

[01:06:59] if the biggest threats are global security,

[01:07:01] I don't care.

[01:07:03] Whatever.

[01:07:04] Serious threat.

[01:07:06] There's going to be issues around the world

[01:07:07] using technology and cyber war

[01:07:09] as the major forms of combat in the 21st century.

[01:07:11] This is not a war of men, but of machines.

[01:07:14] And in this aspect, what comes next?

[01:07:17] Oh.

[01:07:18] So I guess I should care.

[01:07:21] Like if they just turn off the grids

[01:07:22] and you can't fly anywhere.

[01:07:24] You know.

[01:07:26] We've experienced tiny bits of that.

[01:07:28] Yeah.

[01:07:28] All this shit that's flying all over the place

[01:07:30] and none of us can identify it.

[01:07:32] We're not allowed to shoot it.

[01:07:33] No.

[01:07:33] I mean, and the government won't shoot it for us.

[01:07:36] No.

[01:07:38] So.

[01:07:40] He's talking about between what's...

[01:07:42] Oh, he's really...

[01:07:42] Oh, he's got a little Brazilian soccer jersey on too.

[01:07:45] Isn't he fashionable?

[01:07:47] I'm trying to find any other specifics.

[01:07:49] He's talking about Russia and Ukraine.

[01:07:51] It's going to get out of control

[01:07:52] and Russia's going to win.

[01:07:53] Oh.

[01:07:54] According to Baby Vanga.

[01:07:56] Um.

[01:07:57] It's all about cyber attacks, really.

[01:07:59] I feel bad for...

[01:08:01] Um.

[01:08:03] Uh.

[01:08:03] The South China Sea is going to become a scene

[01:08:05] of a critical event involving...

[01:08:07] It's all cyber attacks.

[01:08:08] Currently, there is some group

[01:08:10] that can perform a synchronized operation

[01:08:12] against space and sea communication systems

[01:08:14] to disintegrate the military systems

[01:08:16] of the superpowers

[01:08:17] and put the superpowers in disarray.

[01:08:20] Oh.

[01:08:22] Anti-satellite weapons

[01:08:23] are going to be a good thing.

[01:08:25] Here's what I would say to this child.

[01:08:27] That's fine.

[01:08:28] If this is what you think is going to happen.

[01:08:30] But what about the rest?

[01:08:32] The old people...

[01:08:34] Baba Vanga.

[01:08:35] Mm-hmm.

[01:08:36] The lady, the blind mystic.

[01:08:37] Your mother.

[01:08:37] The blind mystic.

[01:08:39] Mm-hmm.

[01:08:39] Um.

[01:08:40] Her stuff is a little more varied.

[01:08:44] Here's what she says is going to happen.

[01:08:45] Because she didn't have eyes.

[01:08:46] She had no eyes.

[01:08:47] She was picked up by a storm

[01:08:48] and thrown for miles and miles

[01:08:49] and went blind.

[01:08:50] Yes.

[01:08:51] And then she got a different talent,

[01:08:52] which I totally believe happened.

[01:08:54] Um.

[01:08:55] She's predicting the collapse of Europe.

[01:08:59] Mm-hmm.

[01:09:01] There's going to be an internal conflict

[01:09:02] within Europe.

[01:09:03] Whoops.

[01:09:04] That could result in widespread destruction

[01:09:06] and sharp population decline.

[01:09:08] While details remain unclear,

[01:09:10] the possibility of internal strife

[01:09:12] raises a question about long-term consequences

[01:09:14] for the region.

[01:09:14] She predicted 9-11.

[01:09:15] She has predicted a lot of things

[01:09:16] that were very right.

[01:09:17] Now, there are some she's gotten very wrong.

[01:09:20] So take what you want from it.

[01:09:22] And encounters with extraterrestrial beings.

[01:09:25] Well, we're already having it.

[01:09:27] Right now.

[01:09:27] Um.

[01:09:29] Or phenomenon linked to alien encounters.

[01:09:31] Right.

[01:09:31] Happening.

[01:09:32] Emergence of, uh, uh, telepathy.

[01:09:35] She thinks that we're going to be able to,

[01:09:37] we're going to have telepathic abilities,

[01:09:38] fundamentally alternating

[01:09:40] interpersonal communication.

[01:09:41] Oh, Christ.

[01:09:42] I don't want to be able to read people's minds.

[01:09:45] And then.

[01:09:45] I think you'd be good.

[01:09:46] I don't want to do that.

[01:09:48] Why?

[01:09:48] Because it's too common.

[01:09:49] It's too hard.

[01:09:50] That's like when people say,

[01:09:51] don't you want your dog or cat to talk?

[01:09:53] No.

[01:09:54] I don't want to know if it's sad

[01:09:56] because I left for four days.

[01:09:57] I can't deal with that shit.

[01:09:59] No, she's sad.

[01:09:59] I know she's sad.

[01:10:00] She doesn't need to talk.

[01:10:02] Um.

[01:10:04] Onset of a global crisis or apocalypse.

[01:10:07] Well, Baba, those are a little different.

[01:10:08] Those are a little different.

[01:10:10] It's the beginning of the apocalypse.

[01:10:12] That's hedging your bet.

[01:10:13] Um.

[01:10:13] We're not going to face complete extinction,

[01:10:16] but it could mark the change

[01:10:17] that ultimately leads to transformative global changes.

[01:10:21] Okay.

[01:10:21] Yeah, but she doesn't think the world's ending

[01:10:23] until like 3,000.

[01:10:26] Here, I'll find it.

[01:10:27] Um.

[01:10:28] She thinks we're going to hang on to like 3,000.

[01:10:31] Oh, oh no.

[01:10:32] 5,079.

[01:10:33] We're good.

[01:10:34] Yeah.

[01:10:35] I mean, it's going to get weird.

[01:10:36] We're good.

[01:10:37] Well.

[01:10:38] Yeah.

[01:10:38] You know.

[01:10:40] Uh.

[01:10:41] 50-79.

[01:10:42] That's when it's our final journey.

[01:10:44] Yeah.

[01:10:45] Yeah.

[01:10:45] So.

[01:10:47] Those are hers.

[01:10:48] And then Nostradamus.

[01:10:50] Okay.

[01:10:50] Our little Frenchman.

[01:10:52] Um.

[01:10:53] He predicted Hitler.

[01:10:55] And he predicted September 11th.

[01:10:57] And COVID.

[01:10:59] Okay, well, he's better.

[01:11:00] He's got a good tracker.

[01:11:01] Yeah.

[01:11:03] He lived in the 1500s.

[01:11:05] He was born as Michel de Nostradamus.

[01:11:07] He had predicted several prophecies for the coming year in 2025.

[01:11:11] Uh.

[01:11:12] He's known as a prophet of doom.

[01:11:14] So, you know, when you're at a bar, guess who you don't want to walk in?

[01:11:17] Oh, here comes a prophet of doom.

[01:11:19] Um.

[01:11:20] What's up, Nostra?

[01:11:22] Nostra?

[01:11:22] Nostra?

[01:11:23] Can you say something positive this week?

[01:11:25] Huh?

[01:11:25] Can we try to stay a little on track?

[01:11:28] I'm not even an overly, I hate overly positive people.

[01:11:31] They freak me out.

[01:11:32] But you have gone to the other end.

[01:11:34] And it is not helping anything.

[01:11:36] No.

[01:11:36] Plague and war.

[01:11:38] What years don't we have a plague and war?

[01:11:40] Right.

[01:11:40] Really?

[01:11:41] Somewhere on the Earth?

[01:11:43] Pfft.

[01:11:43] Pfft.

[01:11:45] He predicted that the coming year will be worse than enemies for the United Kingdom and

[01:11:48] it will face an ancient plague.

[01:11:51] Oh.

[01:11:51] He didn't say United States.

[01:11:53] He said United Kingdom.

[01:11:55] Asteroid collision with Earth.

[01:11:58] Mm-hmm.

[01:12:00] He doesn't say where.

[01:12:01] Wait, that's happening in 2025?

[01:12:02] Mm-hmm.

[01:12:03] But he doesn't say where.

[01:12:05] Ongoing Russia-Ukraine war may end in 2020 after both nations run out of their resources

[01:12:10] and finances.

[01:12:12] Four.

[01:12:13] Natural disasters in Brazil.

[01:12:15] Well, did he, does, what's his face?

[01:12:17] Baby Vanga know about this?

[01:12:18] Is this going to happen in his home?

[01:12:20] Baby Vanga could be.

[01:12:22] Mm.

[01:12:23] Baby Vanga looks like he'd be out.

[01:12:27] Yeah, partying.

[01:12:28] Yeah.

[01:12:28] He's young.

[01:12:29] Yeah.

[01:12:31] Listen to the waters, the words he used.

[01:12:34] The French astrologer's prediction also stated that Brazil might witness floods and volcanic

[01:12:38] eruptions due to climate change.

[01:12:40] He also wrote, Garden of the World near the new city.

[01:12:43] In the path of the hollow mountains, it will be seized and plunged into the tub, forced

[01:12:49] to drink waters poisoned by sulfur.

[01:12:53] Well, sulfur's from a volcano.

[01:12:57] It's very giliphy.

[01:12:58] It's all very giliphy.

[01:13:23] Or where you're going.

[01:13:24] Or where you're going.

[01:13:25] I could tell you.

[01:13:26] It's not like, it's not random.

[01:13:31] It's very pinpointed.

[01:13:33] It's specific.

[01:13:35] Number two, Mobile, Alabama, where my brother went to college on a golf scholarship.

[01:13:40] Mobile has wonderful crab claws.

[01:13:43] Three, Birmingham, Alabama.

[01:13:44] Well, there's a brand new Westin and I stayed down there and thought it was fucking awesome.

[01:13:48] Yeah.

[01:13:50] I like Birmingham.

[01:13:51] I think Birmingham's on.

[01:13:52] I don't know.

[01:13:53] Is it?

[01:13:53] Maybe I'm one of those naive people that show up and went, oh, there's a new Westin or a

[01:13:59] new Marriott.

[01:13:59] And I get all excited and then I walk around town having a great time.

[01:14:02] I don't know.

[01:14:03] It's dangerous.

[01:14:03] No.

[01:14:04] Maybe.

[01:14:05] Maybe.

[01:14:06] Four, Louis Black, Baltimore, Maryland.

[01:14:08] Oh.

[01:14:09] Mm-hmm.

[01:14:11] Four, Louis Black, Baltimore, downtown has a vibe that I am on alert.

[01:14:16] Not high alert, but I'm on alert.

[01:14:19] Medium alert.

[01:14:20] It's not East St. Louis alert where I know, okay, this is probably going to end in death.

[01:14:26] Five, Memphis, Tennessee.

[01:14:29] I.

[01:14:30] Parts of Memphis.

[01:14:31] Not Beale Street.

[01:14:32] I always feel safe on Beale Street.

[01:14:34] Yeah.

[01:14:35] Not Graceland.

[01:14:37] Well, Graceland, I'm safe at, but if you keep going past Graceland on that road, it gets

[01:14:42] like to the next gas station.

[01:14:45] That's where somebody offered me stardust.

[01:14:47] This crazy black guy, this crazy, he's like, hey, Red, you looking for a little stardust?

[01:14:53] Now, I know whatever that means to him, I don't want it.

[01:14:56] And I just said, you know what?

[01:14:59] I got a whole lot of stardust at home.

[01:15:02] But thanks, man.

[01:15:03] You want a cig?

[01:15:04] And I just, I always have cigarettes when I know the neighborhood's dangerous.

[01:15:07] And I offer somebody, and it quells all arguments.

[01:15:09] I don't even smoke cigarettes anymore, but I always have a cigarette if they need one.

[01:15:14] He was very happy.

[01:15:15] Gave him a cigarette, and he walked on over to the next customer.

[01:15:18] He just, and then you Googled it, and it's in the urban dictionary.

[01:15:22] What is it?

[01:15:22] It's cocaine.

[01:15:24] Stardust, yeah.

[01:15:25] So Ziggy Stardust.

[01:15:27] I guess, does Ziggy Stardust mean that?

[01:15:29] I think he was too before that.

[01:15:31] No.

[01:15:32] I don't know.

[01:15:32] I think he had been.

[01:15:33] Number six, Detroit, Michigan.

[01:15:35] Yeah, at times.

[01:15:37] Cleveland, yeah, I get it.

[01:15:39] New Orleans, yep.

[01:15:40] Treveport, yep.

[01:15:41] Baton Rouge, Louisiana, you are just going crazy down there.

[01:15:45] Little Rock, Arkansas, I never think of that as dangerous.

[01:15:47] Oakland, California, yeah.

[01:15:49] Milwaukee, I've never felt one bit of danger in Milwaukee.

[01:15:52] But maybe, I mean, I'm just downtown by the Brat Factory and the bars.

[01:15:59] I don't know.

[01:16:00] I walk home.

[01:16:03] 14, Kansas City.

[01:16:07] I feel safe at the Power and Light District.

[01:16:09] I feel safe, and I feel safe.

[01:16:11] Now, I do know some areas in Kansas City where I'd be like, okay, we're not going to go there if it's dark.

[01:16:19] 15, Philly.

[01:16:22] Philly can be whatever it wants to be on any given night.

[01:16:25] They can be angels or they can be devils.

[01:16:27] And it just depends on what's going on.

[01:16:29] Should be their name.

[01:16:31] Oh, this is devils.

[01:16:33] No, this is my angels and devils, yeah.

[01:16:36] One of my Irish aunts would always say, everyone's an angel.

[01:16:41] Some just haven't been issued their wings.

[01:16:46] I love the old people.

[01:16:48] And I'm like, and she's like, and those are the ones you'd be paying attention to.

[01:16:55] This is my favorite fucking article of the year.

[01:17:02] Wait, I have to get it in order.

[01:17:07] Oh, shit.

[01:17:10] I'm missing.

[01:17:11] Hold on.

[01:17:12] Stay with me, Tormod.

[01:17:13] Stay with me.

[01:17:14] Oh, my God.

[01:17:18] Oh, I forgot to say what I'm watching.

[01:17:23] Bad Sisters on Apple TV.

[01:17:26] It's five Irish sisters that are forced to maybe or maybe not kill one of their brother-in-laws.

[01:17:32] It's fantastic.

[01:17:33] I told Lou to watch it.

[01:17:36] It's really, really, really good.

[01:17:39] And the one who plays the baby sister, the youngest one, is Bono's kid.

[01:17:42] And she's a wonderful little actor.

[01:17:44] Oh, you're kidding me.

[01:17:45] Very pretty girl.

[01:17:45] That's amazing.

[01:17:46] Yeah.

[01:17:48] They're all so good.

[01:17:50] And the lead looks exactly like Connie Britton.

[01:17:54] She's like the pretty girl.

[01:17:55] Right.

[01:17:56] She wrote it all.

[01:17:57] Okay, well, I'm missing a few.

[01:18:00] Here's the Drunk of Cities.

[01:18:02] And I just want to say, Wisconsin, do you need a welfare check?

[01:18:07] Ever.

[01:18:07] Do you want us to come up?

[01:18:09] No.

[01:18:10] You all right?

[01:18:11] You're good?

[01:18:11] Yeah.

[01:18:12] Drunkest city in America.

[01:18:14] I'm going to start from the bottom.

[01:18:17] Coming in at number 20, Milwaukee.

[01:18:20] 20?

[01:18:21] 20.

[01:18:22] They should usually do better than that.

[01:18:23] I thought they'd be top five.

[01:18:25] 19.

[01:18:27] Ames, Iowa.

[01:18:29] There's a college there.

[01:18:31] 18.

[01:18:32] Fairbanks, Alaska.

[01:18:33] I drank my ass off in Fairbanks.

[01:18:35] You have to.

[01:18:36] It's very dark.

[01:18:37] You have to.

[01:18:37] It's dark.

[01:18:38] People are weird.

[01:18:42] Everyone's running from some shit.

[01:18:44] And they all got a story.

[01:18:45] There could be some guy.

[01:18:47] There was a guy at a bar in Anchorage.

[01:18:49] There was a club there a hundred years ago.

[01:18:51] And he, I said, you have quite the southern accent.

[01:18:54] And he was like, well, you know, I just wasn't going to pay no more fucking child support.

[01:18:59] Or it's the end of the earth where they can go and they think they can get lost up there.

[01:19:03] Fucker.

[01:19:04] Yeah.

[01:19:05] 17.

[01:19:06] Lincoln, Nebraska.

[01:19:07] I don't know if I count the college towns.

[01:19:09] You have to.

[01:19:10] It's going to be full time.

[01:19:12] That's mainly their main thing, though, the college.

[01:19:15] Lincoln, Nebraska.

[01:19:16] I don't think you can count that.

[01:19:17] It's Arizona State.

[01:19:19] Here's a weird one.

[01:19:20] 16.

[01:19:21] Watertown, Fort Drum, New York.

[01:19:24] I've been everywhere.

[01:19:25] I've never even heard of it.

[01:19:26] We've got to go.

[01:19:27] 15.

[01:19:27] Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

[01:19:29] That's right, Wisconsin.

[01:19:30] Iowa.

[01:19:30] Also, we need to do a welfare check on.

[01:19:33] 14.

[01:19:34] Dubuque, Iowa.

[01:19:34] 13.

[01:19:35] Iowa City.

[01:19:37] Then I'm missing a couple.

[01:19:39] Sorry.

[01:19:39] How about Durban?

[01:19:41] Nope.

[01:19:42] We're jumping then to number eight.

[01:19:43] Grand Forks, North Dakota.

[01:19:46] Yeah.

[01:19:48] Seven.

[01:19:49] Missoula, Montana.

[01:19:51] Six.

[01:19:52] Oshkosh.

[01:19:53] Oshkosh.

[01:19:54] B'Nosh.

[01:19:55] Oshkosh.

[01:19:55] Wisconsin.

[01:19:56] Again.

[01:19:57] Oh, my God.

[01:19:57] Five.

[01:19:58] Hey, hey, hey.

[01:19:59] I don't know about that.

[01:20:01] My Christmas bar is in Appleton.

[01:20:03] Cleo's.

[01:20:04] Yeah, I love it.

[01:20:06] Five.

[01:20:06] Five.

[01:20:07] Fargo.

[01:20:08] Four.

[01:20:09] Madison, Wisconsin.

[01:20:11] Yeah.

[01:20:12] That's a college town,

[01:20:13] two, though.

[01:20:13] So do we count that?

[01:20:15] But it's also Wisconsin.

[01:20:16] It's still Wisconsin.

[01:20:17] Yes.

[01:20:17] And then coming in at number two,

[01:20:19] Eau Claire, Wisconsin,

[01:20:20] where my cousin Mike lives.

[01:20:22] And number one,

[01:20:24] Green Bay, Wisconsin.

[01:20:26] Congratulations.

[01:20:27] You will remain the drunkest

[01:20:29] for another year running.

[01:20:31] Wisconsin is a heavily shrinking state

[01:20:33] with seven cities

[01:20:34] ranking in the top ten.

[01:20:36] Seven.

[01:20:39] North Dakota features twice.

[01:20:42] Green Bay is the drunkest.

[01:20:44] Oh.

[01:20:46] He may suck their happy drunk.

[01:20:48] Everybody's fun in Wisconsin.

[01:20:50] I have never.

[01:20:50] Well, Jeffrey Dahmer wasn't fun.

[01:20:52] But most people,

[01:20:53] he wasn't,

[01:20:54] he wasn't a big drinker.

[01:20:56] That's the problem.

[01:20:57] The problem.

[01:21:02] They give you me enough meat and cheese.

[01:21:04] It's like the Irish.

[01:21:05] They give you a sandwich

[01:21:05] and then it just quells the cray-cray.

[01:21:08] He needs some carbs.

[01:21:09] Yeah.

[01:21:10] Once again,

[01:21:11] the wealthiest family in the world

[01:21:13] in 2024

[01:21:14] are the Waltons.

[01:21:15] They have beat out,

[01:21:16] I'm a little proud,

[01:21:17] a little nationalistic here.

[01:21:18] I'm going to get a little

[01:21:19] USA, USA.

[01:21:21] They have beat out

[01:21:23] Gulf royalty,

[01:21:24] meaning the Saudis,

[01:21:26] and fashion dynasties,

[01:21:28] meaning the L'Oreal's.

[01:21:30] They are worth

[01:21:32] $432 billion.

[01:21:34] We sell you.

[01:21:34] Jim,

[01:21:35] Jim,

[01:21:36] Rob,

[01:21:36] Alice,

[01:21:36] and the other Waltons

[01:21:37] are richer

[01:21:38] than the families

[01:21:38] of Dubai

[01:21:39] and Qatar.

[01:21:40] We sell you

[01:21:41] bad products

[01:21:42] and shitty lighting.

[01:21:43] Good for you,

[01:21:44] Walmart.

[01:21:45] We've got two

[01:21:46] feel-good stories

[01:21:47] and then I'm off

[01:21:49] to go,

[01:21:50] uh,

[01:21:51] watch all the bowl games.

[01:21:52] I gotta watch the bowl games.

[01:21:53] I gotta get some bets in.

[01:21:55] Uh,

[01:21:56] this is a sweet thing.

[01:21:57] My mom loves this man's books.

[01:21:59] James Patterson,

[01:22:00] the author.

[01:22:01] Oh!

[01:22:02] Yes.

[01:22:04] No,

[01:22:05] Lewis likes Kurt Vonnegut.

[01:22:09] Oh,

[01:22:09] Lewis lived near

[01:22:10] John Grisham.

[01:22:11] John Grisham.

[01:22:12] He had a little condo

[01:22:13] in North Carolina

[01:22:14] by the university

[01:22:14] and Lewis basically

[01:22:16] took the basement.

[01:22:17] I'm like,

[01:22:18] dude,

[01:22:19] are we underground?

[01:22:20] He's like,

[01:22:21] he's like,

[01:22:22] uh,

[01:22:22] John Grisham's

[01:22:22] on the top floor.

[01:22:23] I go,

[01:22:24] cause John's smart.

[01:22:26] Smells like dirt.

[01:22:28] You could afford

[01:22:29] to go one level up,

[01:22:30] Lou.

[01:22:31] Lewis just doesn't think

[01:22:32] like that.

[01:22:33] He's an old hit.

[01:22:33] Anyway,

[01:22:34] bestselling author

[01:22:35] James Patterson awarded

[01:22:36] $500 holiday bonuses

[01:22:38] to 600 independent

[01:22:39] bookstore staffers

[01:22:40] after across

[01:22:42] the United States,

[01:22:43] including employees

[01:22:43] from thank you books

[01:22:44] in Alabama

[01:22:45] and city lights

[01:22:45] in San Francisco.

[01:22:47] That's awesome.

[01:22:47] Yeah.

[01:22:48] Isn't that nice?

[01:22:49] $500 to 600 people

[01:22:51] that work in independent

[01:22:52] bookstores.

[01:22:53] That's fabulous.

[01:22:54] He's very cute too.

[01:22:55] There's a picture of him.

[01:22:56] Older guy.

[01:22:57] Cute.

[01:22:58] Feel good story.

[01:23:00] Then we got some thank yous.

[01:23:02] A woman celebrates

[01:23:03] her 106th birthday

[01:23:05] by downing a shot

[01:23:06] of fireball.

[01:23:07] Yep.

[01:23:08] She is the cutest thing

[01:23:09] going.

[01:23:13] She's called

[01:23:15] Florence Fireball

[01:23:16] Flo Hackman.

[01:23:19] She's from Ohio.

[01:23:20] She marked her birthday

[01:23:21] by downing a shot

[01:23:22] of fireball,

[01:23:22] something she's

[01:23:23] become a tradition.

[01:23:23] She lives at a senior

[01:23:24] living facility

[01:23:25] in Leblon, Ohio.

[01:23:26] Flo brightens our days

[01:23:27] and reminds us

[01:23:27] all the fun

[01:23:28] we can have

[01:23:29] in later life.

[01:23:30] Kristen Kelly,

[01:23:30] executive of the place

[01:23:32] said.

[01:23:34] She took a shot

[01:23:35] of liquor

[01:23:36] before blowing out

[01:23:37] her cake

[01:23:37] on her chocolate cake

[01:23:38] and last year

[01:23:40] she did the same.

[01:23:41] On another year

[01:23:42] she's a Bengals

[01:23:44] super fan.

[01:23:44] Well I bet she loved

[01:23:45] the game the other night

[01:23:47] and she has

[01:23:49] an optimistic

[01:23:49] look on life.

[01:23:51] If you get that

[01:23:51] one day in

[01:23:54] then you can go

[01:23:55] to the next one.

[01:23:56] And so that's

[01:23:56] what you've got to do.

[01:23:57] One day at a time

[01:23:58] think what I've got

[01:23:59] to do today

[01:24:00] you can keep moving

[01:24:01] as long

[01:24:02] you've got to keep

[01:24:03] moving as long

[01:24:03] as you can.

[01:24:05] She always has fun

[01:24:06] that's why she's still

[01:24:07] alive according to her

[01:24:08] maybe that's why

[01:24:09] I'm here so long.

[01:24:10] She wants the Bengals

[01:24:11] to make it to the Super Bowl

[01:24:12] that's what she wants.

[01:24:17] I like Joe Burrow.

[01:24:18] I love Joe Burrow.

[01:24:20] I love Jamar Chase.

[01:24:22] If the Bengals

[01:24:23] could get

[01:24:24] some different

[01:24:26] offensive linemen

[01:24:27] nobody's protecting

[01:24:29] Joe Burrow.

[01:24:29] That game

[01:24:30] I counted it

[01:24:31] one two

[01:24:32] he only had two seconds

[01:24:33] you have to have a minimum

[01:24:34] of three seconds

[01:24:34] to be able to

[01:24:35] throw the ball.

[01:24:40] So that's our little

[01:24:41] feel good story there.

[01:24:42] Feel good

[01:24:43] feel good.

[01:24:44] Now

[01:24:44] let me

[01:24:45] finish these things

[01:24:46] then we're going to

[01:24:46] do a quote.

[01:24:47] Oh well here's my

[01:24:48] little year wrap up too.

[01:24:50] So I did over 200

[01:24:51] shows on the road

[01:24:51] I was gone like

[01:24:52] whatever

[01:24:52] 5,000 days

[01:24:54] That's a big deal.

[01:24:55] I know.

[01:24:56] It was a lot.

[01:24:57] And then I had to

[01:24:58] move them all

[01:24:58] because of my dad

[01:24:59] and then I did

[01:25:00] those makeup shows

[01:25:01] it was very

[01:25:03] Toast to Jackalope

[01:25:05] Boom

[01:25:06] 2024

[01:25:07] not so great

[01:25:08] definitely not

[01:25:09] for Jackalope

[01:25:10] No

[01:25:10] and for my mom

[01:25:11] Yeah

[01:25:12] Alright

[01:25:14] And for me

[01:25:16] yeah

[01:25:17] it was a lot of work

[01:25:18] it was a lot of

[01:25:19] makeup work

[01:25:20] but it was all fun

[01:25:22] Funnest

[01:25:22] vacation gig

[01:25:23] I know funnest

[01:25:24] isn't a word

[01:25:25] please don't send

[01:25:25] an email

[01:25:26] I like it

[01:25:29] By far

[01:25:31] Niagara Falls

[01:25:33] and you have to be

[01:25:34] on the Canadian side

[01:25:34] or you won't get

[01:25:35] the view

[01:25:38] Just go

[01:25:39] Right

[01:25:39] What if you

[01:25:40] God

[01:25:41] I don't want

[01:25:43] I don't want

[01:25:43] Trump to fuck up

[01:25:44] that

[01:25:45] You can't do that

[01:25:45] Don't do that

[01:25:46] Don't do that

[01:25:46] I don't know

[01:25:47] We have to think

[01:25:48] of a different way

[01:25:48] if you want to do

[01:25:49] something

[01:25:52] I get as excited

[01:25:53] as a kid at Christmas

[01:25:54] to get on that boat

[01:25:55] and go into those falls

[01:25:57] and then to sit

[01:25:58] at that bar

[01:25:58] afterwards

[01:25:59] and listen to some

[01:25:59] and then the casinos

[01:26:01] beautiful

[01:26:01] the people that work there

[01:26:03] could not

[01:26:03] I mean

[01:26:04] I feel like

[01:26:04] I'm treated like

[01:26:05] Donna Summer

[01:26:06] or Dionne Warwick

[01:26:07] like everything's already

[01:26:09] Well it's very throwback

[01:26:10] but I mean

[01:26:11] that's when people

[01:26:12] got treated like that

[01:26:12] like you don't even

[01:26:13] get that shit anymore

[01:26:15] You don't

[01:26:16] Yeah

[01:26:16] Much like

[01:26:17] a traveling

[01:26:18] vaudeville show

[01:26:18] No

[01:26:20] And

[01:26:21] what is the

[01:26:22] there's a restaurant

[01:26:23] up there with

[01:26:23] these shrimp

[01:26:24] and cheese

[01:26:27] Oh the keg

[01:26:29] I get so excited

[01:26:30] to go up there

[01:26:30] and then you can sit

[01:26:31] up there

[01:26:31] and see the falls

[01:26:32] from the keg

[01:26:33] It's just

[01:26:34] it's like

[01:26:35] anyway

[01:26:37] That was my

[01:26:39] most touristy

[01:26:39] get excited

[01:26:43] Falls View

[01:26:43] casino

[01:26:44] it's called

[01:26:44] it's on the

[01:26:44] Canadian

[01:26:45] In the United States

[01:26:46] my most fun

[01:26:47] I would say

[01:26:50] like sort of

[01:26:51] vacation

[01:26:51] because I got

[01:26:52] because the

[01:26:53] Mirage closed

[01:26:54] so I've moved

[01:26:54] to the Venetian

[01:26:55] love going

[01:26:57] somewhere new

[01:26:57] it's just

[01:26:58] wonderful

[01:26:58] people there

[01:26:59] are great

[01:26:59] everything

[01:27:00] casino great

[01:27:01] restaurants great

[01:27:03] everything's great

[01:27:04] the most iconic

[01:27:07] ones I got to do

[01:27:08] this year

[01:27:08] the Ryman

[01:27:09] and the Cape Cod

[01:27:10] Melody Tent

[01:27:11] I've wanted to

[01:27:11] work my whole life

[01:27:12] and I got to do it

[01:27:14] and my

[01:27:16] brother and

[01:27:17] sister-in-law

[01:27:17] have a little

[01:27:18] place there

[01:27:19] they got to come

[01:27:19] it was really fun

[01:27:20] craziest person

[01:27:21] craziest person

[01:27:22] I've met on the

[01:27:23] road

[01:27:23] in a great way

[01:27:24] random person

[01:27:26] that wanted to

[01:27:27] meet me

[01:27:27] that's already

[01:27:28] a famous person

[01:27:29] Meredith Vieira

[01:27:32] beyond

[01:27:33] bananas fun

[01:27:34] and so smart

[01:27:35] and so

[01:27:36] funny

[01:27:37] sarcastic

[01:27:38] like the opening

[01:27:39] act

[01:27:39] he was young

[01:27:41] I don't remember

[01:27:41] who I had that

[01:27:42] oh it was

[01:27:45] Andrew Stanley

[01:27:45] right

[01:27:46] and Meredith

[01:27:47] kept looking at him

[01:27:48] going

[01:27:48] Andrew

[01:27:49] I'm famous

[01:27:50] I'm a famous

[01:27:51] but she's doing it

[01:27:52] tongue-in-cheek

[01:27:52] she's not actually

[01:27:53] saying I'm famous

[01:27:54] and he was like

[01:27:55] oh yeah

[01:27:56] okay

[01:27:57] like Andrew

[01:27:57] doesn't know

[01:27:58] right

[01:27:59] right

[01:28:00] it was so

[01:28:01] she was just

[01:28:02] wonderful

[01:28:03] and I didn't

[01:28:04] yeah

[01:28:07] I'm like

[01:28:07] well Andrew's

[01:28:08] grandpa's really

[01:28:09] famous too

[01:28:09] Meredith

[01:28:11] Andrew

[01:28:13] Andrew would be

[01:28:14] fun and famous

[01:28:15] as a comedian

[01:28:15] the weirdest

[01:28:17] thing

[01:28:18] that happened

[01:28:19] on the road

[01:28:20] was in Florida

[01:28:21] of course

[01:28:22] Florida

[01:28:22] hold my beer

[01:28:23] for everything

[01:28:27] it was a giant

[01:28:28] performing arts center

[01:28:29] I do not remember

[01:28:30] I kind of remember

[01:28:31] what city

[01:28:32] but I'm not

[01:28:32] going to say

[01:28:33] just in case

[01:28:33] the security

[01:28:34] feels bad

[01:28:36] but in these

[01:28:37] giant performing

[01:28:38] arts centers

[01:28:39] there's

[01:28:40] you know

[01:28:41] people

[01:28:41] sometimes there's

[01:28:42] two shows

[01:28:43] in one venue

[01:28:43] and there's

[01:28:44] people

[01:28:44] sometimes I'm

[01:28:45] with the

[01:28:45] Chinese acrobat

[01:28:46] the Shen Yun

[01:28:46] and there's

[01:28:47] just Chinese

[01:28:48] kids running

[01:28:49] around

[01:28:49] and in my

[01:28:50] mind I'm

[01:28:50] like

[01:28:50] you can

[01:28:51] leave now

[01:28:51] you're in

[01:28:52] Indianapolis

[01:28:52] I can help

[01:28:53] you

[01:28:54] we gotta get

[01:28:55] you out

[01:28:55] the back

[01:28:56] door

[01:28:56] into the

[01:28:56] Hilton

[01:28:56] I know

[01:28:57] how to do

[01:28:57] it

[01:29:01] because there's

[01:29:02] too many

[01:29:02] of them

[01:29:03] and I have

[01:29:03] a show

[01:29:03] I have

[01:29:03] shit to do

[01:29:06] so I don't

[01:29:07] know

[01:29:07] there's a lot

[01:29:07] of people

[01:29:07] backstage

[01:29:08] that I do

[01:29:09] not know

[01:29:09] they may or

[01:29:09] may not

[01:29:10] have anything

[01:29:10] to do

[01:29:10] with me

[01:29:11] I also

[01:29:12] don't

[01:29:13] mind

[01:29:13] either way

[01:29:14] and I just

[01:29:14] saw a lady

[01:29:14] coming down

[01:29:15] the hall

[01:29:15] and I thought

[01:29:16] she worked

[01:29:16] there

[01:29:16] and she's

[01:29:17] like Kathleen

[01:29:17] she knew

[01:29:18] my name

[01:29:18] so I was

[01:29:18] like

[01:29:19] hey

[01:29:19] you know

[01:29:20] friendly

[01:29:21] normal

[01:29:22] that was

[01:29:22] the lady

[01:29:23] who brought

[01:29:23] the possum

[01:29:23] backstage

[01:29:24] she had

[01:29:25] Winston

[01:29:25] the possum

[01:29:27] in her

[01:29:28] oversized

[01:29:29] purse bag

[01:29:30] and

[01:29:31] I held

[01:29:32] him

[01:29:32] and petted

[01:29:33] him

[01:29:34] I will

[01:29:35] never get

[01:29:35] over

[01:29:36] because people

[01:29:36] won't know

[01:29:37] this in their

[01:29:37] lifetime

[01:29:37] most people

[01:29:38] will never

[01:29:39] know

[01:29:39] a possum's

[01:29:40] hair looks

[01:29:40] very wiry

[01:29:41] and coarse

[01:29:41] it looks

[01:29:42] like horse

[01:29:42] hair

[01:29:42] softest

[01:29:43] hair

[01:29:43] you're ever

[01:29:43] gonna

[01:29:44] pet

[01:29:44] and Winston

[01:29:45] was

[01:29:45] adorable

[01:29:46] he fell

[01:29:46] asleep

[01:29:47] in my

[01:29:47] arms

[01:29:47] I didn't

[01:29:47] want to

[01:29:47] give him

[01:29:48] back

[01:29:48] and he

[01:29:50] when he

[01:29:50] goes out

[01:29:51] he wears

[01:29:52] a cowboy

[01:29:52] hat

[01:29:54] nothing

[01:29:56] weird

[01:29:56] about that

[01:29:57] pre-show

[01:29:57] I'm texting

[01:29:58] everybody

[01:29:59] that has

[01:29:59] anything

[01:30:00] to do

[01:30:00] with our

[01:30:00] show

[01:30:01] hey

[01:30:01] FYI

[01:30:02] if you

[01:30:02] wanted

[01:30:03] me to

[01:30:03] possum

[01:30:03] I'm

[01:30:04] alone

[01:30:05] backstage

[01:30:06] and then

[01:30:06] the cop

[01:30:07] was like

[01:30:07] oh what

[01:30:08] have we

[01:30:08] got here

[01:30:08] you're

[01:30:09] the person

[01:30:09] that was

[01:30:10] supposed

[01:30:11] to

[01:30:11] but she

[01:30:12] was so

[01:30:12] fucking

[01:30:13] nice

[01:30:13] like

[01:30:14] I'm

[01:30:14] like

[01:30:15] yeah

[01:30:15] it was

[01:30:16] that was

[01:30:17] Andrew's

[01:30:17] first road

[01:30:18] gig

[01:30:18] yeah

[01:30:19] it was

[01:30:20] it was

[01:30:21] Andrew Staley's

[01:30:21] first road

[01:30:22] gig

[01:30:22] he's so

[01:30:24] kind

[01:30:24] and polite

[01:30:25] he was like

[01:30:25] so Kathleen

[01:30:27] does stuff

[01:30:28] like this

[01:30:28] happen

[01:30:29] a lot

[01:30:30] I go

[01:30:31] no

[01:30:31] Andrew

[01:30:32] the weird

[01:30:32] things happen

[01:30:33] every week

[01:30:34] but this

[01:30:34] is really

[01:30:36] something

[01:30:36] to behold

[01:30:37] I mean

[01:30:38] if I could

[01:30:39] I'd have

[01:30:39] everybody

[01:30:40] bring every

[01:30:40] pet

[01:30:41] backstage

[01:30:41] and it

[01:30:41] would

[01:30:42] no reptiles

[01:30:43] please

[01:30:43] thank you

[01:30:43] it's not

[01:30:43] my thing

[01:30:44] but any

[01:30:44] other kind

[01:30:45] of

[01:30:45] that

[01:30:46] and

[01:30:46] a possum

[01:30:46] I learned

[01:30:47] so much

[01:30:47] America's

[01:30:48] only

[01:30:48] marsupial

[01:30:49] what are

[01:30:50] you gonna

[01:30:50] do

[01:30:50] Winston

[01:30:51] wasn't

[01:30:51] gonna

[01:30:52] have a

[01:30:52] chance

[01:30:52] at life

[01:30:52] he would

[01:30:53] have

[01:30:53] been

[01:30:53] eaten

[01:30:53] and she

[01:30:54] he's

[01:30:54] very

[01:30:55] small

[01:30:55] he

[01:30:55] because

[01:30:56] he

[01:30:56] wasn't

[01:30:57] growing

[01:30:57] right

[01:30:57] and he's

[01:30:58] disabled

[01:30:58] he has

[01:30:59] problems

[01:30:59] and she

[01:31:01] fixed him

[01:31:01] and raised

[01:31:02] him and

[01:31:02] bought him

[01:31:03] some clothes

[01:31:03] bought him

[01:31:04] outfits

[01:31:04] he has many

[01:31:05] outfits

[01:31:05] he's got

[01:31:06] more than

[01:31:06] just a

[01:31:06] cowboy hat

[01:31:09] yeah

[01:31:10] probably

[01:31:10] Simpson

[01:31:11] Sears

[01:31:12] he was

[01:31:13] just

[01:31:13] adorable

[01:31:14] and she

[01:31:15] was a

[01:31:15] very nice

[01:31:15] lady

[01:31:15] and put

[01:31:16] the

[01:31:16] possum

[01:31:16] back in

[01:31:16] her purse

[01:31:17] and left

[01:31:17] went to

[01:31:18] your show

[01:31:19] well she

[01:31:19] did go to

[01:31:20] the show

[01:31:20] yeah

[01:31:20] somebody

[01:31:22] sat

[01:31:22] next to

[01:31:23] a possum

[01:31:23] well you know what

[01:31:24] there you go

[01:31:25] Florida

[01:31:25] that's what you

[01:31:26] get for moving

[01:31:27] to Florida

[01:31:27] there's a good

[01:31:28] chance when you

[01:31:29] go out at night

[01:31:30] somebody next to

[01:31:31] you might have

[01:31:31] a possum

[01:31:31] in their purse

[01:31:32] maybe a

[01:31:32] fucking alligator

[01:31:33] too

[01:31:33] don't even

[01:31:34] think the

[01:31:34] gator

[01:31:34] thing's

[01:31:35] off limits

[01:31:35] because I

[01:31:36] know tons

[01:31:36] of people

[01:31:37] in Florida

[01:31:37] that have

[01:31:37] gators

[01:31:38] that should

[01:31:38] not

[01:31:38] have

[01:31:39] them

[01:31:41] one of my

[01:31:41] favorite

[01:31:42] things to

[01:31:42] do every

[01:31:42] year

[01:31:43] at

[01:31:43] Gatorland

[01:31:44] in Orlando

[01:31:44] when I

[01:31:45] do the

[01:31:45] gig

[01:31:46] at the

[01:31:46] Hard Rock

[01:31:47] I become

[01:31:48] friends with

[01:31:48] the people

[01:31:49] there

[01:31:49] and they

[01:31:50] let me

[01:31:51] go see

[01:31:52] stuff

[01:31:53] in the

[01:31:53] morning

[01:31:53] but I

[01:31:54] mean I

[01:31:54] go all

[01:31:54] day

[01:31:55] I'm there

[01:31:55] when everybody

[01:31:56] else is there

[01:31:56] having my

[01:31:57] beers

[01:31:57] but they

[01:31:58] gave me

[01:31:58] a little

[01:31:59] special

[01:32:00] sneak

[01:32:01] preview

[01:32:01] and they're

[01:32:02] just wonderful

[01:32:02] people

[01:32:03] and they

[01:32:03] I would

[01:32:05] love to

[01:32:05] work there

[01:32:06] problem

[01:32:06] is when I

[01:32:07] retire I

[01:32:07] don't want

[01:32:08] to live

[01:32:08] in Florida

[01:32:10] maybe I

[01:32:10] could fly

[01:32:10] in for

[01:32:11] like February

[01:32:11] and there

[01:32:12] has to be

[01:32:12] like I'll

[01:32:13] pick up

[01:32:13] trash

[01:32:13] I don't

[01:32:14] care

[01:32:14] whatever

[01:32:15] you want

[01:32:15] me to

[01:32:16] do

[01:32:17] I'd be

[01:32:17] better if

[01:32:17] I bartended

[01:32:18] I mean

[01:32:18] you'd be

[01:32:19] more fun

[01:32:20] but I'm

[01:32:21] capable of

[01:32:21] manual labor

[01:32:22] too

[01:32:23] so I

[01:32:24] would clean

[01:32:24] out the

[01:32:25] bobcat cage

[01:32:28] I think

[01:32:28] they would

[01:32:29] help me

[01:32:29] I think

[01:32:29] the gator

[01:32:30] girls

[01:32:31] yeah

[01:32:32] I don't

[01:32:32] need to be

[01:32:33] back with

[01:32:33] the big

[01:32:33] guy in

[01:32:34] the back

[01:32:34] with the

[01:32:34] real gator

[01:32:35] no not

[01:32:35] with Brandon

[01:32:36] no those

[01:32:36] things

[01:32:37] I trust it

[01:32:38] to a point

[01:32:39] and then I'm

[01:32:40] like and

[01:32:40] Lewis is

[01:32:40] like you're

[01:32:41] crazy

[01:32:41] what are

[01:32:42] you doing

[01:32:42] why are you

[01:32:43] getting that

[01:32:43] close

[01:32:43] I'm like well

[01:32:44] Brandon was

[01:32:44] in charge

[01:32:45] he had to

[01:32:45] meet

[01:32:45] if they're

[01:32:46] gonna kill

[01:32:46] anybody

[01:32:47] they're gonna

[01:32:47] kill Brandon

[01:32:47] he's got the

[01:32:48] goddamn food

[01:32:49] I don't

[01:32:49] I'm just

[01:32:50] standing here

[01:32:50] in a weird

[01:32:51] hat

[01:32:51] going I love

[01:32:52] Gatorland

[01:32:55] thank yous

[01:32:56] and then we're

[01:32:57] gonna do

[01:32:57] quotes

[01:32:58] Bigfoot candy

[01:32:59] canes

[01:32:59] Michael

[01:33:00] from Pauling

[01:33:00] New York

[01:33:01] they were

[01:33:01] I don't

[01:33:01] think I

[01:33:02] brought them

[01:33:02] up

[01:33:02] I think

[01:33:02] they all

[01:33:03] got eaten

[01:33:03] they're

[01:33:04] green

[01:33:05] and they

[01:33:05] taste like

[01:33:07] pine

[01:33:07] it was

[01:33:08] very creative

[01:33:08] very cool

[01:33:09] Ohio

[01:33:10] Bummy Bears

[01:33:11] from Oh

[01:33:12] My

[01:33:12] Gummy

[01:33:12] probably

[01:33:13] typo

[01:33:14] from an

[01:33:15] Oh

[01:33:15] My

[01:33:15] mail carrier

[01:33:17] Sharon

[01:33:19] I get it

[01:33:20] Ohio

[01:33:20] termite

[01:33:21] Oh

[01:33:21] my

[01:33:21] I call

[01:33:22] Oh

[01:33:22] my

[01:33:23] Oh

[01:33:24] H

[01:33:24] I

[01:33:25] Oh

[01:33:25] I know

[01:33:27] um

[01:33:27] I got a

[01:33:28] shamrock

[01:33:29] and you got

[01:33:30] a maple

[01:33:30] leaf bracelet

[01:33:31] from an

[01:33:31] unknown

[01:33:32] termite

[01:33:33] it came

[01:33:33] from

[01:33:34] in

[01:33:34] Adrian

[01:33:36] a

[01:33:36] deer

[01:33:37] in

[01:33:39] Michigan

[01:33:40] so

[01:33:40] I don't

[01:33:41] know

[01:33:41] I got a

[01:33:42] little

[01:33:42] delta pin

[01:33:43] it's an

[01:33:44] old

[01:33:44] vintage

[01:33:44] one

[01:33:44] from

[01:33:45] termite

[01:33:45] Sue

[01:33:45] Argentinian

[01:33:46] cat

[01:33:47] calendar

[01:33:47] I loved

[01:33:47] it

[01:33:48] it's very

[01:33:49] funny

[01:33:49] because the

[01:33:50] cats all

[01:33:50] have kind

[01:33:51] of problems

[01:33:51] um

[01:33:52] some look

[01:33:53] fine

[01:33:53] yeah

[01:33:54] it's

[01:33:54] it's

[01:33:55] cat

[01:33:55] sanctuary

[01:33:55] it's

[01:33:56] termites

[01:33:56] uh

[01:33:57] done

[01:33:58] and

[01:33:59] Diane

[01:33:59] uh

[01:34:00] they gave

[01:34:01] me the

[01:34:01] uh

[01:34:01] Nessie

[01:34:02] shortbread

[01:34:02] and then

[01:34:03] uh

[01:34:05] this is my

[01:34:06] look

[01:34:06] Madigan's

[01:34:07] pubcast

[01:34:07] Stein

[01:34:08] and that's

[01:34:09] from South

[01:34:09] Carolina

[01:34:10] termite

[01:34:10] Christie

[01:34:10] so

[01:34:11] that stuff

[01:34:11] that came

[01:34:12] in the

[01:34:12] mail

[01:34:12] that I

[01:34:12] was

[01:34:12] getting

[01:34:13] yelled

[01:34:13] at

[01:34:13] by my

[01:34:13] postal

[01:34:14] ladies

[01:34:14] and did

[01:34:15] that

[01:34:15] means

[01:34:17] um

[01:34:18] so let's

[01:34:19] do a couple

[01:34:19] quotes

[01:34:20] and then

[01:34:20] let's go

[01:34:22] we'll

[01:34:22] watch your

[01:34:23] way

[01:34:23] termites

[01:34:24] I

[01:34:24] haven't

[01:34:25] we got

[01:34:25] 30 minutes

[01:34:25] I have

[01:34:26] a new

[01:34:27] one

[01:34:28] pocket

[01:34:29] wisdom

[01:34:29] from the

[01:34:30] queen

[01:34:30] I

[01:34:31] found

[01:34:32] this

[01:34:32] at

[01:34:33] white's

[01:34:34] mercantile

[01:34:34] in

[01:34:34] nashville

[01:34:35] yeah

[01:34:35] franklin

[01:34:36] well this

[01:34:42] one's too

[01:34:43] hard

[01:34:43] no

[01:34:43] um

[01:34:44] oh

[01:34:45] it's the

[01:34:49] secret

[01:34:49] of a

[01:34:50] happy

[01:34:50] marriage

[01:34:51] to have

[01:34:52] different

[01:34:53] interest

[01:34:53] oh

[01:34:55] oh

[01:34:56] it's very

[01:34:56] british

[01:34:57] does

[01:34:58] everyone have

[01:34:59] the same

[01:35:00] no

[01:35:01] here's one

[01:35:03] let us

[01:35:04] set out

[01:35:05] to build

[01:35:05] a truer

[01:35:06] knowledge

[01:35:07] of ourselves

[01:35:07] and our

[01:35:08] fellow

[01:35:08] men

[01:35:09] to work

[01:35:10] for

[01:35:10] intolerance

[01:35:11] and the

[01:35:11] understanding

[01:35:12] among the

[01:35:13] nations

[01:35:14] and use

[01:35:15] tremendous

[01:35:15] forces of

[01:35:16] science

[01:35:17] and learning

[01:35:18] for the

[01:35:18] betterment

[01:35:19] of man's

[01:35:20] thought

[01:35:20] upon this

[01:35:20] earth

[01:35:23] they're

[01:35:24] hard

[01:35:24] very hard

[01:35:25] grandma

[01:35:26] ain't

[01:35:27] fucking

[01:35:27] around

[01:35:27] grandma

[01:35:29] needs a

[01:35:29] mint

[01:35:30] julep

[01:35:30] let's go

[01:35:31] to stevie

[01:35:31] these are

[01:35:32] way easier

[01:35:36] you know

[01:35:40] the man of

[01:35:41] my dreams

[01:35:41] might walk

[01:35:42] around the

[01:35:42] corner tomorrow

[01:35:43] i'm older

[01:35:44] and wiser

[01:35:44] and i think

[01:35:45] i'd make

[01:35:45] a great

[01:35:45] girlfriend

[01:35:46] i live in

[01:35:47] the realm

[01:35:47] of romantic

[01:35:48] possibility

[01:35:50] she would

[01:35:50] make a

[01:35:51] great

[01:35:51] girlfriend

[01:35:52] hardly ever

[01:35:53] home

[01:35:54] you think

[01:35:55] she's in

[01:35:55] love with

[01:35:56] harry

[01:35:56] styles

[01:35:59] a mom

[01:36:00] thing

[01:36:01] i don't

[01:36:02] harry

[01:36:03] i don't

[01:36:04] what band

[01:36:05] was he

[01:36:05] with

[01:36:05] i don't

[01:36:05] really

[01:36:06] understand

[01:36:06] one

[01:36:06] direction

[01:36:07] one

[01:36:08] direction

[01:36:08] two

[01:36:09] directions

[01:36:10] three

[01:36:10] directions

[01:36:11] three

[01:36:12] directions

[01:36:13] four

[01:36:13] directions

[01:36:14] i don't

[01:36:15] really

[01:36:15] understand

[01:36:16] all it's

[01:36:16] kind of

[01:36:17] were they

[01:36:17] british

[01:36:18] i'll tell

[01:36:19] you about

[01:36:19] this

[01:36:19] all right

[01:36:25] i didn't

[01:36:26] like any

[01:36:26] boy band

[01:36:27] my younger

[01:36:28] sister did

[01:36:28] joey from

[01:36:30] something

[01:36:30] that's all

[01:36:31] i knew

[01:36:31] is we're

[01:36:31] all supposed

[01:36:32] to be in

[01:36:32] love with

[01:36:32] joey

[01:36:33] new kids

[01:36:34] on the

[01:36:34] block

[01:36:34] i'm like

[01:36:34] posters

[01:36:36] no i'm

[01:36:37] 10 years

[01:36:38] older than

[01:36:38] her

[01:36:39] yeah i'm

[01:36:40] sean cassidy

[01:36:40] and david

[01:36:41] cassidy

[01:36:41] come on

[01:36:42] both

[01:36:43] cassidy

[01:36:43] yes both

[01:36:45] well sean

[01:36:45] was my

[01:36:46] favorite

[01:36:47] but david

[01:36:48] technically

[01:36:48] was cuter

[01:36:51] well according

[01:36:51] to all the

[01:36:52] magazines i'm

[01:36:53] just not my

[01:36:53] vote my

[01:36:54] vote sean

[01:36:54] that's why i

[01:36:55] couldn't believe

[01:36:56] i got to meet

[01:36:56] him and do a

[01:36:56] show with him

[01:36:57] it was the

[01:36:57] craziest night

[01:36:58] of my life

[01:36:59] there's a lot

[01:36:59] of things in

[01:37:00] life that you

[01:37:00] think most

[01:37:01] people may not

[01:37:02] care about

[01:37:02] something like

[01:37:03] that i

[01:37:03] couldn't i

[01:37:03] i had a

[01:37:04] trash can

[01:37:05] with sean

[01:37:05] cassidy

[01:37:06] on it

[01:37:06] amazing

[01:37:07] what i did

[01:37:08] tell sean

[01:37:08] and i'm not

[01:37:09] sure he got

[01:37:10] it i also

[01:37:11] had one that

[01:37:11] said planet

[01:37:12] of the apes

[01:37:12] so i don't

[01:37:13] know where

[01:37:13] that puts

[01:37:13] you but

[01:37:14] just know

[01:37:15] that you

[01:37:15] tied planet

[01:37:16] of the

[01:37:16] apes

[01:37:17] and the

[01:37:18] other one

[01:37:18] was henry

[01:37:19] henry

[01:37:19] winkler i

[01:37:19] had fonzie

[01:37:20] posters all

[01:37:20] over my

[01:37:21] room and

[01:37:21] then i

[01:37:21] got to

[01:37:21] meet henry

[01:37:22] winkler

[01:37:22] and he's

[01:37:22] the nicest

[01:37:23] man ever

[01:37:23] and then

[01:37:24] he picked

[01:37:24] me for

[01:37:25] a show

[01:37:25] and then

[01:37:26] sometimes

[01:37:26] he retweets

[01:37:27] my things

[01:37:28] and just

[01:37:28] says he

[01:37:28] thinks i'm

[01:37:29] very funny

[01:37:29] it's it's

[01:37:30] a mind

[01:37:31] blowing

[01:37:31] from a

[01:37:31] 10 year

[01:37:32] old laying

[01:37:32] on shag

[01:37:32] carpeting

[01:37:33] in the

[01:37:33] midwest

[01:37:33] to go

[01:37:34] how the

[01:37:35] fuck does

[01:37:35] henry

[01:37:35] winkler know

[01:37:36] who i am

[01:37:37] he's a sweet

[01:37:38] man he's it

[01:37:39] will be a sad

[01:37:40] day when he

[01:37:40] ever leaves this

[01:37:41] planet because

[01:37:42] he's you need

[01:37:42] sweet souls

[01:37:44] he go visit

[01:37:45] him i

[01:37:46] can't go visit

[01:37:47] him we're not

[01:37:48] that good of

[01:37:48] friends i could

[01:37:49] go visit greg if

[01:37:50] he was here i

[01:37:51] can go visit

[01:37:51] greg gumbel but

[01:37:52] i can't go

[01:37:52] visit henry

[01:37:53] oh i could

[01:37:54] though if i

[01:37:54] called him and

[01:37:55] said can i

[01:37:55] come over

[01:37:56] absolutely he's

[01:37:57] got a voice that's

[01:37:58] like so

[01:37:59] hypnotic what

[01:38:00] kind of

[01:38:00] sandwiches do

[01:38:01] you like like

[01:38:02] he'd be any

[01:38:03] sandwich yeah

[01:38:06] yeah i had a

[01:38:07] wayne gretzky

[01:38:09] trash can of

[01:38:10] course you did

[01:38:10] it's canadian

[01:38:11] issued it was

[01:38:11] probably free from

[01:38:12] the government if

[01:38:13] you called like

[01:38:14] your canadian

[01:38:14] flag you get

[01:38:15] oh would you

[01:38:16] like a wayne

[01:38:17] gretzky trash

[01:38:17] can how about a

[01:38:18] team canada

[01:38:19] trash can we

[01:38:20] also are offering

[01:38:21] those and we

[01:38:22] have a low supply

[01:38:22] of the wayne

[01:38:23] gretzkys but we

[01:38:24] have a we have a

[01:38:25] good amount of

[01:38:26] the team canada

[01:38:27] for it's for the

[01:38:28] olympics come on

[01:38:29] do it yes

[01:38:30] all right termites

[01:38:31] you go about go

[01:38:33] about your holiday

[01:38:34] ways happy new

[01:38:35] year and that's it

[01:38:36] and night

[01:38:37] night

[01:38:38] termites