Episode 187: Southwest’s New Boarding Era, Cocaine Sharks, & Remember The Alamo

[00:00:00] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on. Welcome to the Welcome to Episode 187. It's Stevie. She's back on the road. She has a very long story

[00:00:34] about her crazy infection. It's very long. She tells it in Scotland. Yes. She's, I guess, fine. I don't know. Good for her. Some sort of weird lit and she said, while I was staying

[00:00:49] in a castle, well of course she ours. That's wonderful. Good for you for finding a castle. And she made up her shows. Yeah, which is great for the ticket holders that we're so excited.

[00:01:01] There were so many young people on TikTok, so excited to see Stevie. They're a 76-year-old little American witch. Okay, what are we drinking? Well, so many things to drink in Texas.

[00:01:16] So many things to drink. This, I love the name of this beer. It's called Mama Tried. I know if my mom was still drinking it, I'd have given it to her. It's a Texas beer and it's from,

[00:01:28] well they have breweries in Austin, Cod Station, and Houston. Delicious. Well done, Texas. What are we going to try? That was from Jamie and mom Susan who sent the beer. And then we're going to try some fickle pickles made in Green, Texas. These are from a

[00:01:48] Germite Jess and his mom, Robin, who I met because yeah, he broke up. His relationship broke up and he thought the other person got the tickets to come see me and he got them

[00:02:00] and he was so excited. I'm like, I want to meet this guy and he brought his mom. Wow. Yeah, they were great. So it was fun to meet him. Yeah, they were totally normal. Oh, fun. Yeah. Some people I bring backstage and I'm like, okay, probably maybe shouldn't

[00:02:17] have done that. Most of them are normal but some people are just too nervous and I'm like, how can you be that nervous? I'm four foot two. It's fine. Let's have a beer. These are, oh my God. Oh, wow.

[00:02:34] Sorry, Jess. I wanted to like them. Yeah, it's fickle pickles. It's too sweet. Yeah. If you like sweet, you're going to love them. That's what I would say if you're going to love them. Okay. Beer. Beer chaser. Yeah, beer. Wow.

[00:02:55] Wow. Well, I tried. I appreciate that they brought them. Let me mark that one off. That's not it. We've got salt, lit bar, spicy barbecue sauce. Is this from Texas too? I mean, I know it came from Texas. It came from shout out to Jeanette Julie, the two

[00:03:12] Childless Cat Ladies. Thank you. From this Childless Cat Lady. I can't stop watching the videos on TikTok of the Childless Cat Ladies. They're so funny. There's so many cats that just sit there normally and then he goes, we're effectively being run by

[00:03:26] the nations being run and the cat goes, like they all of a sudden they, yeah. That and the cats watching the Olympics trying to catch the gymnast is my second favorite thing on TikTok right now. The cat ones won't stop though. And I can't

[00:03:40] stop sending them to my friend Kathy. She's a dog, childless dog lady. And I'm like, I'll stop because I had sent like four one day. I'm like, okay, I'll stop, but I just look at this one. She goes, you don't have to stop. I love them.

[00:03:53] And now the Childless Dog Ladies have joined in to help our cause of being made fun of. Yeah. Yeah. For saying that. Unforced airman. Shut up about the cat. Don't pick on babies, puppies or cat ladies. It's real simple. Just stay away from those

[00:04:10] three topics. Or any particular football team does not know, oh, this is spicy barbecue sauce is very good. Salt Lake is it's famous? Salt Lake Driftwood, Texas. Cause it kind of tastes like North Carolina. Yeah. Yeah. It's the perfect combo of

[00:04:27] Texas and North Carolina. Yeah. Well done. Love it. I'm keeping that one. Last thing before we get to it went to Bucky's. No. I went going one way and it was way too crowded. I'm like, even for Bucky's. And I thought, you know what?

[00:04:46] I'm going to go after the show. I want to drive back and it was perfect because it was crowded. I mean, there's still a shit ton of people in there, but it wasn't like mayhem. Sometimes the Bucky's can get a little crazy.

[00:04:59] Yeah. These are, but these came from, a guy came from Montana. Oh my God. Yeah. Another girl, Mike Rob, Bucky's ranch and cracker. I never tried these ranch and crackers. I bought some Bucky key chains to give away.

[00:05:14] Nice. He's a little stuffed animal, Bucky. Cause sometimes people see it on my suitcase and they get super happy and I always think, damn, I wish I could give you one,

[00:05:21] but I don't have any. One that I do. So if you see me in an airport, I'm like Bucky claws. Yeah. Should we get one? And I got one from my mom. Oh, this is pretty good. Surprising. The ranch crackers, Bucky's.

[00:05:36] Yeah. Rich and robust flavor. Nice. Well done. It's a good snack for the car. Nice. I mean, I'm sure it's all preservative, but as you know, that's my favorite food. Yep. 770 milligrams of sodium. Yep. That's why I like it.

[00:05:55] Well done. Just a salt lick in a bag. Woo. All right. Out on the road. Welcome to Marietta, Ohio. By the way, for all the people that kept correcting me and I did get it wrong. I said Marietta, Georgia cause that's where the comic cafe used to be

[00:06:12] which comedy club where I first met James Gregory, blah, blah, blah, Brent Butler. Anyway, when you Google cause I went on the weather channel app to see what the weather is going to be. Yeah. Marietta, Georgia comes up first. Right. You know what? Alphabetic order.

[00:06:28] Oh, is it alphabet? I thought it was most Googled. No. No. All right. Well, anyway, I'm going to Marietta, Georgia, Cincinnati. That's this coming weekend. Marietta, Ohio. Marietta, Ohio. Right. Sorry. And then Cincinnati, Ohio. Coming for your skyline chili.

[00:06:47] Ron used to have a joke about Scott. So if you're not from Ohio, Cincinnati specifically is where I knew about it. They have a thing called skyline chili. And Ron goes, oh, you get people up here like you know chili, you're skyline.

[00:07:02] Ron, you got to get your skyline. So I went and tried it. And I'm just telling you give me a day and I'm going to go down to Mexico and get a guy in a goat and he's going to kick your ass of chili.

[00:07:12] A guy in a goat. I don't even know what that means when I left. It's good though. I look forward to it. August 10th, Niagara Falls, August 24th, Hampton Beach, New Hampshire. There was a beach in Rhode Island where people were attacked by dragonflies.

[00:07:28] I've never seen anything like it. It was swarms and swarms and swarms. Like freakish, like biblical shit. Yeah. I mean, they're fine. The dragonfly is not going to do anything to you, but... What?

[00:07:39] Yeah, it's weird. It's a little disturbing when you get your whole tent set up and shit. That's meh. How? How does it work? Labor Day weekend. The Venetian. I'm so excited to go somewhere new. September 6th, Territown, 7th, Wilmington, number 13th, Columbus, September 14th, Lexington, 19th, Oklahoma City.

[00:08:00] Sorry, 21st Dallas, step back to Texas. Yay! Yes. That one's joined with Oklahoma City this time. Instead of another Texas town, but I just did Houston. I just did Austin. I just did San Antonio. September 27th, Foxwood's Casino 28th, New York City Town Hall.

[00:08:17] Who's coming? Who's coming to New York? Huh? Huh? Huh? Then Troy, New York, October 11th, October 12th, Burlington, Vermont, October 19th, Salt Lake City, October 25th, Spartanburg, South Carolina. Not sure I've ever been there. I think you've driven through it. I'll know when I get there.

[00:08:35] Yeah. I have a vague idea of where it's at. Where? Yeah. I don't know. October 26th, I like anything in the Carolitis. I'm already all in. October 26th, Wilmington, North Carolina. All right. Moving in. Texas was a... Well, let's just talk about the Olympics for a minute.

[00:08:57] I didn't get a chance to sit down and watch it all, but my sister said there was an inordinate amount of drag in the opening ceremonies. And then this last supper thing, everybody's all upset because they said... I just can't believe that the world is shocked

[00:09:13] that the French are into surrealism. I mean, they invented it. Go look at him a Greek painting and go, okay, weird. There's a guy with no head and he has a hat on, but he doesn't have a head. Like, I would expect nothing less of them.

[00:09:26] It doesn't mean I like it. It doesn't mean... Like in Montreal, they used to have the comedy festival. There's just for laughs or, as they would say, it's just for real. It's just for real. Anyway, the half two weeks would be the French stuff. And then we...

[00:09:44] The English-speaking part was all what you would think of as traditional comedy or stand-up or improv or whatever. The French side, I mean, I went over there. I'm like, what the fuck is that? Like every single thing that went by me, I'm like, I don't know.

[00:09:59] I don't know. It's a big plushy toy thing with one giant eyeball. There were like people in drag but Cirque du Soleil on giant Pogo sticks. Very intimidating, scary. A lot of it is like shit you'd see in a dream and go,

[00:10:13] no, not for me. It's not for me. It's for somebody. The Frenchies love it, you know? And it is France. It is their country. But you can appreciate it at least, you know? Well, I appreciate the effort, but other than that,

[00:10:26] I do not understand what you're trying to convey, except I am just frightened. I'm not going out and probably paying to get scared. It's not, I'm too old for that. That's teenage shit. You know, they're into, well, Cirque du Soleil's. I mean, they are obscure and surreal

[00:10:46] and to me very strange, but to them, whatever. And then the guy, the French guy, this is not about the less upper. Well, here's the problem dude. It did look like it. Okay? And the whole world's watching. And I do get why people are like,

[00:11:03] Candice Creme Brulee is very upset about it. She almost can't even talk about it. She's so upset about it. It's also though, like, this is what they put out there. They're mad at NBC. Well, you can't tell the host country, pick your host a little more carefully then

[00:11:17] if you're afraid of what they might do. If you're afraid it might be risque or whatever. I thought it was super artistic. But my sisters, one sister said that there was so much drag in it. The kids asked if the French invented it.

[00:11:31] Like, well, I don't know. The Greeks did it too. I mean, so I don't, it's just the poor, I don't, I didn't get to watch enough of it. So I can only comment on what I've seen on Instagram and TikTok and all that. I did watch Celine.

[00:11:48] Yeah, oh, you have to. It was everything Celine is about drama. She's high drama. She's pounding her fist in the air. And it was a beautiful night. And I don't know what song that song was. Celine likes Celine.

[00:12:04] I know as a Canadian, you and the rest of the Canadians, she has a tendency to rub you guys in a way that maybe isn't as exciting as I would feel it being. That's why I like Jan Arden's show because they constantly make fun of her.

[00:12:21] Michael Buble makes fun of her jamming. But it's in a friendly way. They do put her up on a pedestal and they're like, well, it can't be the great Celine Dion, can it? Like they, but Celine would laugh at that, I think. I don't know.

[00:12:32] She seems to have a sense of humor. And she took a bunch of videos with all kinds of people outside the hotel. But you know, she looked great. That was like the thing that was well done. She won't let you forget her.

[00:12:45] She will not let me forget her. Her heart will go on. I mean, we need showmen. There might be a little narcissistic. That's how you end up like little, little tiny bit. Well, you're probably not going to get that far without some narcissism wrapped up in your basic.

[00:13:02] And her voice is you can't deny it. You can't. No matter what you say, she does and she knows it. Good for her. Well, I have some reporting on her too where she may be signing a deal. We'll get to that in a minute. And then the rain.

[00:13:21] I feel sorry for the French and it takes a lot for me to feel sorry for the French, but you know, they plan this whole thing. It was supposed to be cool. They're coming down the Sen and they're just getting beaten with rain pellets.

[00:13:31] I mean, good for them. They tried let's go outside. Let's do something different. I like all that a lot of hoodspot. Let's you know, and the Sen is dirty again and they can't they got to cancel the poor triathlete people. Where's the backup? Well, they had no backup.

[00:13:47] That's what's amazing. You know, the mayor jumped in the river. She's probably still in a hot shower somewhere going, get this shit on me. I mean, I'm let I go. Well, you couldn't pay me to jump it, but I jump in any lake.

[00:13:59] This lake there's a dupe chemical factory four goes down just spitting shit out. God knows what is in this lake, but I do it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, like if you wear a sunscreen cover up thing that's white and you get out ain't white anymore.

[00:14:13] I mean, I don't know what's in there, but I also feel that's how I build up my wonderful immunities by jumping in random lakes. But the Sen, I don't know. I don't I don't think I'd do it, but now it's postponed and they go till tomorrow.

[00:14:29] What is the difference between tomorrow and today in this river where the sewage has come in because of the rain? They're having a tough time. The French. Nobody can flush their gas. You didn't have this many problems to Chinese when they hosted. Yep. They lied to us.

[00:14:43] There's no pollution. No, the Russians just said fuck you watch it or don't. We don't care. Where are the athletes staying? He's none of your business. Okay. Well, do they have beds? Well, it's something similar. Well, probably not them anyway.

[00:15:03] That just it shocks me that people are shocked whether you agree or disagree different subject. I don't really care. I didn't it was supposed to be Dionysus, the Greek goddess of something. His explanation made sense. But also how can't how come you can't take one step back

[00:15:23] and just look at it and go, well, it does look like the last supper. Yeah. And that might piss people off. But that's where the French come in and go, I do not care. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself over and over and over and over and over.

[00:15:38] I did it with you. In the meantime, I have a beautiful bottle of wine and we'd like to share with you. They are confusing. San Antonio. Oh my God. Well, Austin was a blast. I got to work at ACL live. That's where they tape Austin City Limits.

[00:15:54] It's a wonderful venue. The crew was just spectacular. It's nice to just have people working at the venues that even if they're not truly excited to see you, they act like it. But I think these guys are cool. Plus comedy is so easy. I think they get excited.

[00:16:08] Like we will all be out of here by 1030, don't you worry. And then they get early night off instead of having to wait for music, music people to unload everything. Yeah, yeah, giant pan. Let's put them in the Marshall.

[00:16:20] But San Antonio, I think has peaked as my new favorite Texas city. It's still a very reasonable size. Like easily, you can navigate it. They have nice hotels. They have nice restaurants. The Riverwalk is fun. I don't care what anybody says. Well, it's not touristy. So what?

[00:16:40] It's fun. I love the boat ride. I would do it again and again and again. But I mostly love the Alamo. But I'm a history freak. So if you're not a history person, I know there were like these ladies behind me

[00:16:54] that were like, okay now, so who won? Stop it. I'm like, okay, ma'am, you need to go back to the beginning of the tour where it says, You need to go back to grade school? Well, grade school would work. How'd you not ever hear about David Crockett?

[00:17:07] I mean, I don't know. I was in the Holocaust Museum and some lady said, now was Hitler Jewish? And I just went, oh, well, here's the crazy thing. There was a rumor that he had had a Jewish grandparent somewhere, but that's not what that lady meant.

[00:17:23] She didn't mean was there any Jewish history in his family. She just thought he might have been Jewish and then just snapped on his own people, I guess. All right, there are things you will overhear. Anyway, here's the freakiest part. America.

[00:17:35] So the Alamo is the buildings from the 1800s. Some of them were destroyed. Some of them they've rehabbed the chapel, but it's all basically original A.E. I mean, it started in the 1700s as a mission, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's really pretty.

[00:17:51] Well, last time I was there, they were building this new building and they said they're going to have all these artifacts coming and I'm like, oh cool, right? They're going to get all this Alamo shit. Well, I got to say, I do not love the new building

[00:18:03] only because it's super modern and it doesn't fit the motif. I wish they had tried to make it look old. I know sometimes when you try to make something look old and it's new, it looks stupid, but call an artist, call Disney. Somebody can help with this.

[00:18:21] It's a very nice building. It's a little too staid, I guess. Like it just doesn't... There's a part of the Alamo called the long barracks where they have artifacts in there and they're in the walls, glass cases, but it's in the actual... That part is it.

[00:18:38] But here's the craziest part. You go in, there's a giant thing on the wall with a picture of Phil Collins, the drummer from Genesis and the drummer that went on to be himself for the children. He sang that song that's... Isn't it Monday Night Football?

[00:18:56] I can feel it coming in. Hold on. Anyway, as it turns out, Phil Collins, an Englishman, has been hoarding all of our Alamo artifacts. Yes, bazillions of things and he donated them all. We had talked about that on this pubcast a long, long time ago

[00:19:21] because I thought it was odd. Like, well, holy shit. I mean, millions of dollars worth of shit. He's donated it all. Super nice. He narrates half the thing, which is weird to have a British guy. I mean, it's totally fine. Well, I googled like what... How did...

[00:19:38] It's just odd. It would be like me as an American kid re-enacting the Battle of Shephistar or somewhere in England. Like a battle that... Okay, yeah, it's a famous battle, but is it... It's not the Civil War. Right. Well, here it is.

[00:19:54] Phil Collins has always remembered the Alamo. A British rock legend's unlikely fascination drove him to amass the world's largest private collection of Alamo relics in which he recently donated to the Texas Landmark. I mean, cannonballs, flags. I don't even know how they didn't deteriorate.

[00:20:13] He must have spent a lot of money on keeping this shit in good condition because it's amazing. As a five-year-old boy growing up in a London suburb, Phil Collins became enthralled by the Walt Disney series Davey Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier. Lewis remembered it.

[00:20:31] I go, do you know some show? Maybe I knew this song from the show. Davey, Davey Crockett. I thought it was born on the Wild Frontier. I don't know. Well, it was on his family's black and white TV set. The buddy musician put down his drumsticks

[00:20:48] and picked up his toy soldier to re-enact the battle of the Alamo in his garden. And his grandmother either cut up a fur coat to make a makeshift coon skin cap like that worn by Fess Parker on the Disney series.

[00:21:00] Can you imagine if you're some British grandma going, what the fuck with this kid in the Alamo? Like, he's out there re-enacting. It's got to be re-incarnation. If you believe in re-incarnation, why are you so drawn to this with your history or your country or your family?

[00:21:18] He first set eyes on the Alamo in 1973 during a rock trip's first tour of the United States. I was just spellbound when I first saw it in person, he recalled. He devoured the books of the Alamo in the mid-80s on a tour stop.

[00:21:32] He noticed a letter signed by Crockett in the Georgetown Antiquity Shop. Even on a rock star's income, he thought the autographed document too expensive, but it made him aware of the Alamo relics available for collectors. I can't imagine where I get to the point

[00:21:46] where a crate comes to my house and I'm super fired up that there's a cannonball in there. Totally. I guess, I don't know. When the musician's wife gave him a receipt for a saddle purchased by John Smith, one of the couriers dispatched by Lieutenant Colonel

[00:22:02] William Travis during the Siege of the Alamo as a Christmas gift, it became the seed. That's how it started. For what is sprouted into the world's largest collection? As he stepped away from recording, the hunting for Alamo memorabilia became his new gig. Pretty cool.

[00:22:19] How do you tell your husband, honey, this has gone too far? Like we can't, you can't buy any more cannonballs. You know, he's sitting in a sweatsuit in the basement clicking. He's on eBay. And I know how easy I got caught up

[00:22:34] in a sound and music dinner plates auction on eBay. You can get caught up and then you're fighting over it. I don't know where you buy this shit. I don't... He has one of David Krakat's four known rifles, his fringe leather pouch,

[00:22:48] a shot pouch where you keep a little bullet, a knife that belonged to Jim Bowie, the famous Bowie knife, Sam Houston's snuff box and a sword watch brandished by Mexican general Antonio Lopez D. Santa Ana. Wow. He broadened his collection after that to the entire Texas Revolution.

[00:23:07] Oh my God. He purchased letters written by Stephen F. Austin, who is Austin, the name never, in a Mexican prison and artifacts from San Juancito and Gonzales. He wrote a coffee table book, 416 pages. Phil, nobody's this into it. Just you.

[00:23:29] But it's good we got somebody documenting it for free. He's doing it for free. He had his entire basement of his home in Geneva, Switzerland was filled with this stuff. Oh my God. Then he announced he was going to donate it, even paid to shipping cost. Wow.

[00:23:47] That's amazeballs. I saw my head tax right out there somewhere. He wants everybody to see everything and there's a press conference. You can watch that on a video at the Elm off. You like to see that? I've had a love affair since I was about

[00:24:01] five years old with this place. Why I didn't get as fascinated by something in English history, I'll never know. I'm not going to say buy ferrari, some people would buy houses. I bought old bits of metal and old bits of paper.

[00:24:13] To me these aren't just about a battle, they're about the idea of men and women having a choice and staying to fight for what they believed in to be just and right. That's what makes this thing special. They spent $100 million on the museum that is now open

[00:24:27] and they're building a giant educational center for the children. Well it's what I said. I want to see the stuff inside. It had a little more alamo character. It seems like it looked like a presidential library to me.

[00:24:41] That's what it looked like and that's what it felt like. Just very polished and very it's beautiful. I just think it's a little out of place. Like I don't know, can somebody paint a mural on it? Of a battle? Something? How about a horse? Or Santa Ana?

[00:24:59] Or yeah, some Mexican flair. Let's do that. Little flair. No. He became an honorary Texan because of his gift in 2015. In spite of the donation his collecting days are not over. He can plan to continue to purchase relics and eventually send them to San Antonio.

[00:25:17] I can't resist the idea. I'm a magnet for all things Texas now. Wow. Just say it's one of the weirdest things on the road and I've been on the road 100 years that I've ever encountered. And then San Antonio and I went to well, Rosario's

[00:25:35] moved my favorite restaurant. I didn't really I just decided to go to Mithiero. The videos are It's wonderful. It's so fun. Rosario's food, I thought was a little better but Mithiero is fine but the ambiance you can't if you had $10 million you could not rebuild this place.

[00:25:51] No, not at all. Where do you eat in Austin? In Austin? Oh, Matzel Rancho. And then they let me buy the Margaritini shaker like that. I love their food. I had the tamales. Tamales are hard to find. People don't want to do it anymore. I don't know why.

[00:26:11] I love them. Yeah, well I love any Mexican food but tamales are so rare it's like finding caviar somewhere there he shouldn't be and you're like, yeah, I'll do then I'm definitely getting tamales. Queen news. Well, Snoop's tearing it up because he's doing a wonderful job

[00:26:29] because a lot of people aren't. I'm not going to go into more names about NBC and yeah, there's something about like I used to get so excited about it and now I'm like I don't know. I think it's the presentation. Well arm wrestling, I know there's a lot

[00:26:45] of shit in there. I'm fascinated by the badminton for like five seconds. I'm like how do you even know you're good at badminton? Pickleball takes over. Yeah, pickleball. I'm shocked they don't already have it. The skateboarding in his foot of children. I don't, I

[00:26:59] there's a kind of people I want to go you can't do that in this area. When I see him going down steps and railings I'm like god damn it. No, this is dangerous this is not what this area is about. Yeah, so I'm not gonna, I don't know

[00:27:11] I think I missed Bob Castis even though no, no. Bob can be a little over the top with his knowledge but he made me care about the stories. I think Mike Tariqo's fine. I don't know. Just the gymnastics I like. Simone's doing okay.

[00:27:29] What? No more twisties. Simone's doing fine no more twisties. I've watched some of her show. She's very cool, very normal. Yeah it's on I don't know maybe ESPN. The documentary. Prime it's called in the year, no. I'll find it. Maybe it's called twisties. I don't know.

[00:27:47] I don't know. There's somebody's force I just don't care about and then prime time well track and field maybe next week. And gymnastics tonight I think. Anyway, moving on it's called Simone Biles Rising Simone Biles Rising It's on Netflix. Okay Tanya same share. I do have

[00:28:09] something about share. Oh she's gonna release some a two part memoir that finally reveals her true story in an intimate detail. Nice. Fine. But here's the problem Google how old is she? 78, 79 or maybe 76 What do you think? I think 78 I think she's a little older than Stevie 78 78

[00:28:35] May 20th Taurus. They can be difficult they can be difficult The thing is if you wait this long like Barbara Streisand was all upset nobody cared about her book Well most of the people who are 80 most have probably already died a ton, right it's too late

[00:28:57] I mean I love share share does oh then Barbara well yeah well Barbara's older than her though like three more years or four more years older and it's a two part deal I don't know I mean at 480 pages it's gonna hit the stores November 19th Barbra's 82

[00:29:17] Barbra's 82, four years older Aries. Aries I don't know anything about him I don't even think I know a person that's an Aries When are their birthdays? She's gonna recall her childhood in part one and her marriage to Sonny March 21 to April 19th March 21 to April 19th

[00:29:39] So Streisand is a Taurus I could see Barbara being a Taurus yeah I don't I just think it's too late well I guess do it but don't expect giant sales I mean a lot of my gay guy friends will care a lot I mean I'll care but

[00:30:01] am I gonna buy it? No am I gonna read it? No I'll wait for excerpts on tiktok yeah it's too crazy Dolly Sad times Dollywood's gotten some flash flooding lately and they've had a close and I saw the videos and meanwhile just up the road

[00:30:19] in Gatlinburg can't be enough of tiktok videos of bears in town they're just everywhere in town at this point like holy shit it's right there and people don't know what to do there's one guy screaming don't move no one listens I'm like it's just

[00:30:35] a bear looking for trash he's not planning on eating you but if you keep up that behavior it's a good chance he might look at you and think fuck it I'll just eat her Jelly Belly I don't know he's out on the road somewhere

[00:30:49] doing good things and Snoops doing great at the Olympics and Tete this was a sight to see the fans in Munich swarmed the mountains that are above the stadium to watch her in the stadium for free on the mountains I mean there's millions of them

[00:31:07] I have a picture of it I'll put in the notes 25,000 kids well not just kids but I mean people gathered on the hill and then they did it again the next day I mean amazeballs amazing so that's our queen king moving on to

[00:31:27] since we were on the Olympics and Celine she's the queen of all these French sure is it's weird is a lot of the Parisian people do not like the French Canadians well they just say they're not real French I took French in college and I had

[00:31:45] the smoking hot guy and he was from Montreal and then the next year of French it was this little Parisian woman and his name was Mr. Noelle I don't know his first name but yeah I know E.L but he was so smoking hot you forgot

[00:32:01] about Christmas trust me he was cool and he was all year and went everything he taught you is wrong I'm like wow does the university know you're throwing him under the bus only because he grew up in Montreal and not in the Rio France

[00:32:17] I was like wow this is a little more deep-seated than any of us American kids need to know about or even give a shit about I thought he did a fine job and he had a nice personality and I remember how to order a beer in French

[00:32:29] so I think we completed our mission Celine Dion returns with a Resorts World residency Resorts World is a fairly fairly new casino all the way down at the end of this trip by stratosphere you can't really walk to it unless you're down at the win or maybe

[00:32:47] yeah it's a hike but I think the singer is reportedly negotiating for her upcoming comeback scheduled for late 2024 or early 2025 alright well maybe it's going to be early 2025 but I think they would um this is what TMZ is reporting and once you find out she's in negotiations

[00:33:13] that part's true now whether they will pan out I do not know um I would go I would meet at the bar after oh you wouldn't go wherever you are I believe I can't roll my eyes I love the drama I have a sucker for it

[00:33:35] like I do do I think it's like dripping with cheese and schmaltz yes but so what I would go see a delegate I would definitely go see a delegate and there's parts of that that are kind of schmaltzy but she is very funny off the cuff funny

[00:33:51] I went when that submersible thing exploded and those people died and she's like what you can't want you're at four million dollars what are you crazy you don't you can't even steer it what I'm just saying I wouldn't do it in between songs

[00:34:11] this is all in between songs that she was watching the news all day I'm fascinated she's very funny alright moving on update the children they stop oil children the activists these are the ones from 2022 well they've been found guilty of criminal damage after throwing soup

[00:34:35] over the Vincent van Gogh sunflower painting their Phoebe Plummer and Anna Holland both aged 22 threw a can of Heinz tomato soup oh you can't waste that's my favorite that's my favorite out of all the Heinz don't waste that they threw it over the master piece

[00:34:53] at the national gallery in London in October of 2022 at the time the gallery said there was minor damage to the frame of the famous artwork which has an estimated value of 72 million euros so it's probably 82 million dollars the video showed them wearing with their

[00:35:15] glued a hand to the wall and then blah blah blah Judge Christopher so-and-so who last week was killed just stop oil co-founder Roger Hallam for five years in the same court he got sentenced for five years told the pair they're going to be released on bail

[00:35:35] until they're sentenced on September 27 and they actually did a lot more damage to the frame than one thought after she threw the soup she was screaming what is worth more art or life worth more than food you know my feelings on this

[00:35:55] whatever your cause is I would love to listen to what you think is the problem but I'm not going to listen if you do this shit and then they're going to go I'm going to tell you be funny mobilize be funny or call out childless cat people

[00:36:09] that got a lot of attention why don't you start picking on babies as part of their bail conditions the two women cannot carry glue and he needs some substance into a public place or they can't visit any galleries or museums who's going to stop them

[00:36:27] you let them fucking in with soup and you think you're going to stop them at the next gig and go hey are you Phoebe you look like that girl do you have any tape let me see your purse you can never go to a home team oh my

[00:36:43] I'm so stupid hahahaha oh well I forgot to as long as we were on the Olympics before I go to holy shit they found it that's all my updates so Flavor Flav by the way will you google he's way older than I thought for all of the children

[00:37:03] he's a rapper he has if he has a Wikipedia page will blow your brains apart I didn't even print it out because it's too much but a rapper he always had the giant clock on he has my birthday Flavor Flav give me a goat

[00:37:19] oh you want a goat for that 65 isn't that crazy and he still looks 25 so he's become the biggest hype man for the US water polo women's water because he found out they all had to work two and three jobs and they

[00:37:36] just to be able to continue so he said he'd sponsor everybody it's wonderful and he's had some bad things that he's done in the past so maybe this is he's doing one good deed at a time he signed a five year sponsorship deal

[00:37:50] as the official hype man for the US women and men's water polo teams as part of the sponsorship he made a financial contribution to the women's water polo team his duties as hype man include making multiple appearances at team events including the 2024 games on July 27

[00:38:06] they kicked off the thing blah blah blah and there he is he's got his giant clock on he's got his crazy glasses he also met Joe Biden there's pictures of that he's very excited the message resonated with flavorflave who commented on the post as a girl

[00:38:26] that has the support of all women's sports I'm gonna personally sponsor you my girls wherever you need and I'm gonna sponsor the whole team my manager is in touch with your agent and I'm gonna use all my resources to help for me

[00:38:40] it's even he said helping these girls out is bigger than winning a Grammy which he has so good for him he has eight kids they all like him well he seems like a lot of fun he's like a cat Williams to me

[00:38:54] he gets arrested sometimes and you're like well yeah if you meet cat you instantly fall in love with him one time I was sitting on a plane and he just snuck up I don't know where he came from and he sat down next to me he goes

[00:39:12] there's only two motherfucking funny cats on this plane and they both sitting right here I'm like where did you come from it's like he just appeared the person next to me had gone to the bathroom but like they are coming back cat and I'm like but whatever

[00:39:30] Flav of Flav he looks like so this is crazy I'm not sure how many of you found it a famous portrait of King Henry the 8th long considered lost has been found after an art historian spotted it in the background of a photo shared on social media

[00:39:46] can you the painting in question was once part of a famous set of 22 portraits commissioned in the 1590s by tapestry maker Ralph Sheldon the portrait hung originally in the western house Sheldon's warwick warwickshire I can become fascinated with and get all the things but barely a handful

[00:40:10] out of those 22 survived today as art historian Adam something who works as a consultant for famous auction house Sotheby's spotted the painting in the background of a picture posted by the warwickshire lieutenancy I don't even know what that means on the 4th of July

[00:40:28] the account shared a photo at the reception hall held at the Shire Hall in which the portrait is visible in the background the fact that I was able to piece it together in an hour is very exciting I spent a lot of time thinking about the paintings

[00:40:42] and the people looking at those walls in a blog post he explained that the portrait's distinctive arched top is specific to the other ones in the Sheldon set and is identical to the frame surviving it the other ones that survived are in the national portrait gallery

[00:40:54] London Eaton College and Nebwith House blah so these people are giving it back that's nice his original 22 set was sold at auction and they already remained missing to this day oh wow see, this is a rabbit hole that I couldn't get out of

[00:41:16] if I went down it I'd be like I have to find these things even though I don't have any idea how to do that I would make it like don't fuck with cats like that lady was like I'm gonna find this guy

[00:41:26] he's one of the most recognizable kings ever Henry VIII yeah so that was pretty cool and then back to our archaeologists finding Bible stuff to reinforce the story they discovered a long lost altar at the location where Jesus was said to have been buried and resurrected wow

[00:41:50] it's 8 feet long and 5 feet wide decorated with ribbon ornaments a Roman practice during medieval times and the ancient markings which researchers believe it was the altar consecrated in 1149 why did they wait why did they wait that long I don't know they thought that the altar had been destroyed

[00:42:10] in a fire in 1808 for historians this is to find his sensation in several respects firstly the slab that could have remained hidden for so long such an intensely researched building as a church of the Holy Scepter especially as it was viewed by thousands every day

[00:42:26] the site of the church of the Holy Scepter no I'm not saying that right I'll have to call my mom is identified as a place of both the crucifixion and the tomb of Jesus since he's 4 million visitors a year

[00:42:42] so 4 million people have been kinda looking at this thing and not even know it was the thing very cool moving on let's get some news going here we have a lot of cocaine stories this week a lot first of all they're finding cocaine sharks

[00:43:00] if you weren't scared enough of your regular old neighborhood run-of-the-mill shark cocaine has been detected this is sharks in Brazil testing positive for a surprising contaminant cocaine and then there's a baby shark it's actually kinda cute which is also a popular cartoon baby shark

[00:43:22] I do know that from Pat's kids sharp nose sharks off of Brazil these sharks are in the same category as the Atlantic no shark sharks swimming off the coast of Brazil have a little something startling coursing through their systems cocaine the drug had

[00:43:46] never previously been found in wild sharks but that doesn't mean these fish are unique just hadn't previously tested any shark for coke why would you? you're your drug test right why would I even think to do this it's because they're eating

[00:44:04] the cocaine that's falling off the shipping things and all that shit that's what's happening packages there are Florida Keys 2007 study said Florida in Florida bull sharks have been contaminated with prescription medications probably all the shit going to Florida for old people

[00:44:24] they probably jacked up on blood pressure pills and all kinds of stuff that my mom did yeah so just be careful wow 23 there's a lot in their tissue yeah a lot of coke so they're coked up and let me tell you what after seeing these cats

[00:44:42] when they have their catnip which I call their coca you don't want that shark jacked up no and then wow there's a cup well I'm going to say my soccer story for last but speaking of the coca the coca narcoscoca one of El Chapo's sons

[00:45:02] he has eight children and they're mostly boys well I think he has twin girls too but his son right their names start to all be the same after a while it's like George Foreman everybody's Joaquin Goosman somebody so this is like one of the biggest things ever

[00:45:20] I can't wait for narcos to do this so there was an old narcos guy he's 75 years old or 76 now named El Mayo so he was one of El Chapo's like leaders because El Chapo's I think probably let's see how old he is I bet he's 55 maybe

[00:45:38] El Chapo? I don't know let's see what his birthday is let's see what his sign is oh he's an Aries another one wins his birthday that's funny April 4th 1957 he's 67 so this guy is 10 years older than him he's probably his teacher El Chapo's son

[00:46:04] tells the old man El Mayo El Mayo 76 he's 76 New Year's Day what's that make you Capricorn I don't know he talked El Mayo into getting to a plane he said we're going to go look at some land in northern Mexico totally lied

[00:46:28] the old man got in the plane well you're right well this is part of being a narco guy you can't trust anybody and the plane flew straight to El Paso, Texas boom the feds were there boom both arrested and they think because he was on the run

[00:46:46] another one El Chapo's sons is already in waiting sentencing here that he thought that if he brings the big fish El Mayo they've been after him for 50 years and then turns himself in his sentence and his brothers will get reduced

[00:47:00] and I bet they will well they brought us I mean I think it's all ludicrous I don't even know why we keep running at there's just going to be is he cute? really? El Mayo's cute? oh you want to hug him oh okay his real name is Ismael

[00:47:18] Zambara and he I mean it was his son Chapo's son Joaquin Guzman Lopez he was Joaquin should watch his ass now but see here's the thing El Mayo's getting old and his little people are old yeah they still he's not 86 right so they've been arrested

[00:47:42] I mean that's just a great episode of Narcos that's a two-parter first you got to get to El Mayo the guys have looted capture maybe he's getting old and not on his game anymore why did you get in that plane? well you just say I'll meet you there

[00:47:58] you tell me pin drop me the property you claim we're looking at and bring a realtor from HGTV and I'll show up I'm not going on camera for the record I'm not going on camera yeah I don't know who wants to go on a naked cruise? what?

[00:48:16] well I can't wait to see what his son gets I want to see what his two sons get for their sentencing and how much got knocked off they I don't think they'll be killed in prison because they're gonna be put off

[00:48:32] in solitary like El Chapo still alive in Colorado nobody's killed him because he can't get to him he's not cute Pablo was cute no and if you watch all of the Narcos and other stuff Pablo was fun I mean I know he did terrible things

[00:48:50] I don't send emails about that I've seen all those shows but his general personality was fun El Chapo tried to take care of people but he was never a good time Charlie very serious intense little man and like always sweating and angry and then shooting hot tequila

[00:49:10] it's my favorite thing about getting sweaty I just shoot hot tequila I am El Chapo meanwhile Pablo's getting hippos he put a horn on a horse because his kid wanted a unicorn I'm ready for you you want the unicorn? I have stolen a horn for a rhino

[00:49:28] I don't know what it is MAMENOS moving on to first of all you can't get me to go I'll go on a Viking river cruise because I know I can swim to the side and just get off

[00:49:40] if I want to I'm never going on a cruise ship again you could go watch Madaget again that special mine and tell you why I won't do that I'm not into it I do get why people like it I get it, it's safe for me

[00:49:52] but anyway the fact that I won't go on a cruise and here's one I'm super not going on a naked cruise set to sail in 2025 from Miami and it's not a bullshit one it's called the bear necessities tour travel announced it's partnering with Norwegian are you kidding?

[00:50:08] right, it's a good one to an 11 day nude excursion 11 days the packing for the cruise will be so easy a few casual outfits and a lot of sunscreen it's being called the 2025 big nude boat on Norwegians pearl it will depart February 3rd stops include great stirrup K Bahamas

[00:50:36] or Kee, I don't know how you say that San Juan Puerto Rico and St. Lucia tickets will go on sale in August this is not a swinger cruise it's for naturess here's what's going to happen there's lots of open deck space multiple dining options

[00:50:56] come on, we're not eating naked even if you can why would you well the specialty restaurants they have that and a large buffet area for nude outdoor dining will easily accommodate a wide variety of culinary taste cruise goers will have the option to enjoy multi meals

[00:51:18] multi course meals, hot stone massages lively night spots, a whiskey bar casino, spa and more to go aboard the nude cruise guests will need a valid passport where do I keep it I don't have a pocket do you have a purse nudity

[00:51:36] nudity is only allowed while you're on the ship so when you get off the ship I can't believe they had to put that on there don't leave the ship naked don't leave the ship naked clothing is required while eating in the dining room

[00:51:50] and you're asked to sit on a tile or some sort of article of clothing when bare bottomed or in a thong why do you have to say this I don't know so one of the cruise, Lou and I did Louis's cruise they dropped us off somewhere

[00:52:06] and I made Lou go around there were like beaches around the corner he's not that great in the heat like that stuff I'm like just walk Lou and they saw us in shorts and t-shirts and we obviously didn't belong there so we did not linger

[00:52:24] but I saw enough to know that at least three fourths of the people at the nude beach should have had clothes on not smoking hot that is not smoking hot where you're like well if I look that good maybe I just parade around no no no no

[00:52:40] almost the opposite guests can't wear bath robes fetish wear or lingerie while in public the boat has a no photo zone um yeah you can go further and deeper into the Caribbean in seven days and you can they're br- I mean do you want to work

[00:53:06] I don't want to write oh that was an article I need for next week yeah I don't know why I did that together um let me put this down sorry that's a hard no I mean congratulations to the people that that's what you want to do

[00:53:26] um I just can't uh here's a little feel good story America's oldest person is turning 115 here's her advice for um having a happy long life I like her advice too by the way she's turning 150 the picture of her she looks um 80 she looks great

[00:53:56] she offered a single tip on how to live a long happy life speak your mind and don't hold your tongue born in Louisiana in 1909 Francis raised her now 95 year old daughter she's a single mother she ran a coffee shop in Houston and preferred walking over driving

[00:54:12] the spunky super centenarian centenarian centenarian was alive during the Great Depression the first airplane flight across the Atlantic and 20 presidents from what William Howard Taft to Joe Biden she now lives with her daughter who is pushed by a wheelchair into her bedroom every morning to watch classic sitcoms

[00:54:32] they enjoy to laugh good times and the Jeffersons and we're moving on up east side they also love the prices right and they feel blessed to be together this long Francis was crowned the oldest country's oldest person in February after the previous longevity record holder Edie Cicerelli

[00:54:52] died a few weeks after her on its 16th birthday in California she was awarded a plaque recognizing as the oldest person you know save the plaque get her a news bitchin ass wheelchair I'm not saying she has a shitty one but you can always use an upgrade

[00:55:12] a plaque nobody wants a plaque that's still traditionally boring how about a giant medal she can wear around her neck I asked her the other night how she feels turning 115 she smiles and she said I just thank the good lord that I'm here she told the Washington Post

[00:55:30] and the rest of our family feels the same way she hopes Francis makes it to her daughter to 117 the age of the current living oldest person in the world we all know Maria Brainis of Spain every year I have to order another birthday cake

[00:55:44] for my grandmother is an occasion we're celebrating that she's still with us she's the fourth oldest person in the world oh wow right but she's the oldest one in USA USA USA uh southwest termites oh my god my dad would really be upset about this

[00:56:06] if he knew about it my mom probably wouldn't carry the way I'm happy about it it's a big deal though it's a very big deal southwest plans to start a sign seeding breaking with a 50 year tradition that one Aaron Weber

[00:56:28] my comedian friend what are we going to do with your old southwest joke ah it's the first person I thought of well there goes Aaron's joke he's going to have to adjust it update it or something else uh this is they're realizing they're not making the money on

[00:56:48] the upgrades into if you want like you know the economy plus and all that stuff southwest said Thursday um it plans to drop the open boarding system you used for the last 50 years it will start assigning passengers to seats just like all the other big airlines

[00:57:04] they have been studying seat options running test and surveying customers now here's the thing their boarding process does work well a group b group c group and people are always very very I'm always amazed because I had to take it a thousand times for my dad

[00:57:20] to go up to Kansas City or St. Louis then go to the lake from national direct flight great if you walk up and you ask the people what number are you guys and if wherever you fit in everyone's a thousand percent polite about it

[00:57:34] like nobody there's no fighting there's no bitching there's no so it works on that level they say it's faster boarding I don't know about that I don't sit there with a stopwatch but I also know the flight attendants are sometimes bullshit and say

[00:57:48] we're a completely full flight no you're not just say but they want everybody to go fast and scoot over and they want it to go fast I get it it's part of the deal but I'd rather see a seat map online so I can know

[00:58:00] is this plane packed packed or semi-packed and nobody's gonna want the middle seat so if I buy the window and blah blah blah their unusual boarding process started as a fast way to load passengers and limit the time the planes and crews

[00:58:14] spend sitting idly on the ground not making money to help the airline operate more efficiently well I'm not going to explain how it works I assume you guys have flown it once somewhere just know that they were not part of the outage because they're running on Microsoft 3.1 circa 1992

[00:58:32] right how is that okay? I don't know how that is not monitored by the FAA no and my computer it makes me do updates and it sneaks in it does away the bill the night why isn't that happening to these people let's see oh wow

[00:58:50] this Lindsay who works in college athletics said no hearing this announcement today I was like no this is my favorite part of Southwest some reacted with sadness and disappointment why don't you want to pick your own seat before it starts this weird bartering I mean

[00:59:08] it's uncomfortable and like a few times because it was so last minute with my dad I got stuck in the seat and then you have to it's just uncomfortable when you have to go

[00:59:18] can I just get in the middle seat there and then somebody's got to get up and move their shit it's just all you know um this other lady is more on my page saying it's better because then you can

[00:59:30] pick your own seat in advance instead of having to bug people that are already situated or um or the thing where people are going oh I have someone sitting here and you know they're lying but what are you going to do about it

[00:59:40] right you can't do nothing about it um well these people say the convenience of being able to pick your own seat well you can do that online the day before and then there was a lot for a hot minute I was still living in LA then were you

[00:59:56] when the 24 hour window opened then you tried to get into A it was like a race to get into the A group right you didn't pay more for it it was just whoever whoever checked in first yeah and then I would buy it for my parents

[01:00:08] and they'd call with like an hour to go before the flight um are we overseas for sure yeah there's an hour left dad you should have done this 23 hours ago I fucking told you how to do it I told mom huh God um

[01:00:26] you can still check two bags for free that's nice it's their CEO is named Jordan somebody Jordan I don't know they have no plans to end that there are drawbacks to the stuff when we talk about all that so just know it doesn't say when it's starting

[01:00:44] um but it's game on coming up I'm in favor of it everybody just get on board we're not doing this boarding crazy shit plan ahead nobody wants to go to the back because you're the last one off takes forever unless you're in Burbank unless you're in Burbank

[01:01:08] number two this is really sad for San Francisco moving on so San Francisco I have noticed over the years the downtown is suffering they're big time there's so much homelessness it's just crazy it's completely out of control and areas where I used to feel fine

[01:01:28] Union Square had all the shopping you could go down there well San Francisco's dying downtown suffers another hammer blow as sex fifth avenue that kroppers from coming inside it's a move against the very aggressive homeless people well that's the other thing they're not passive homeless people

[01:01:44] sweet were aggressive where you feel like I was just giving my getting it in my pocket call this and walk around the block it's most luxurious department stories abandoning from coming they decided to change your customer experience by moving to appointment as how weird behind

[01:02:04] to pre-book appointments at the store on Post Street starting August 28th. You can no longer walk in and browse the luxury items. It comes in as areas in San Francisco known for their squalor and misery, so much that

[01:02:17] local businesses are unable to recruit staff and residents have been forced to flee. Yeah, the high-end luxury is that it's looking for innovative ways to optimize their store experience to match luxury customers' evolving expectations. This is, it's already been done in Palo Alto and Napa.

[01:02:36] They've already become appointment only. That's crazy. Well the weird thing is I wouldn't make an appointment because I don't even know what's in there. Right. Why would I? Can I come look at your pants? Yeah. What?

[01:02:46] Do you have any six and a half shoes I could look at? Could you pre-put out maybe 20 pair? Right. Thank you. They're expected to, it's going to impact the employees. Well yeah, they're going to have to fire a shit ton of people.

[01:02:59] The number of workers will be affected is unknown. They offer in-store personal styling, alterations and complimentary beauty services. Who's getting their hair done at SACS? Old ladies. Old people? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[01:03:18] You're encouraged to book appointments on its website. Nobody wants anything to do with people anymore. Do you just go over there and do all that? Let me know if you want some pants. Text you. Text me the pants you want. Text me your address.

[01:03:28] I'll get them out tomorrow. Don't ever call me. No. The number, rising the number of homeless people now about 8,300. 8,300 has brought a mirror of associated problems with filling the sidewalk with illegal drug dealers, fentanyl users and all around violent and intimidating behavior close to the tent encampments.

[01:03:48] Prime real estate was once home to outlets such as Uniclo, Uniclo, Uniclo. H&M, Rasputin Records. They've all disappeared in a city-centered plague by crime drugs and homelessness. The retail mirrored it.

[01:04:03] There is one of the largest homeless tent things I've ever seen when you return a rental car to the San Francisco airport underneath the viaducts. It's amazing. I don't know. It's been a year and a half since I've seen it. It could be gone.

[01:04:14] Sometimes they move them and stuff, but I've never seen anything like it. It's like a living structure. The retail exodus is mirrored in nearby streets with 22 out of 33 stores now vacant in a three-block section of Paul Street from Market Street to Union Square. Yeah, I don't know.

[01:04:33] Somebody better think of what to do about it or you're just giving up your cities. Nashville has built a center. They're going to take all the homeless people. This is what I've always said.

[01:04:43] How come when we take them to the police and then decide who's an addict and who has mental problems because those are different, very different. Let's work with that and then people go, I don't want to give them another nickel. They should be put on a train.

[01:04:56] I'm not doing politics here. The solution to helping them, it's do that. You may not want to, but if you don't, you're going to give up your downtown and all of your commercial real estate.

[01:05:10] Are you going to convince me to buy as a single childless cat lady a $1.5 million condo in downtown San Francisco when I walk out the door and there's people jacked up on fentanyl? No, I'm not doing it.

[01:05:22] So pick your poison, but meanwhile, oh, I have to really read this one carefully. I'm going to tell you the 10 most shark infested beaches. This is a little summer fun. A little summer fun. Two weeks before the children go back to their schools.

[01:05:42] I can't wait for the airports to go back to not summer, not summer. Yes. I don't want to look at anybody's fucking feet anymore either. They flip flops. Well, every time I see somebody in flip flops, I'm like, you don't understand what could possibly happen, especially lately.

[01:06:01] There's doors flying off airplanes. There's tires. Planes are landing. You may have to run. How good do you think you can run your flip flops? No. I always have on a very sensible, fast shoe. Just in case shit goes down. Drop it that backpack and I'm running.

[01:06:17] I'm getting the wallet out. Somebody can have my computer. There's nothing on it. AOL. Good luck. Yeah, pictures. What about my pictures of baby cat? So here's the 10 most dangerous. Number one, New Smyrna Beach, Florida. Google that. I think it's over by Fort Lauderdale.

[01:06:47] I do, but I want to make sure I'm right before I say that. Yeah, it's south of Daytona. South of Daytona. Yeah, okay. That's the number one most dangerous. And apparently it's a surfers paradise and a shark's playground. Number two, McKenna Beach Maui, Hawaii.

[01:07:09] It's very small, but it's a sharky neighborhood that's for sure. It has fewer attacks than some of the others, but more sightings and there's less people. It's a popular spot for snorkeling. See this is why I'm scared to snorkel. Why wouldn't they eat me? Right.

[01:07:29] And do I really need to see a fish that close? I could just go to the aquarium. Oh, come on. Well, there's too much dangerous shit down there. It's just not necessary. No. Number three, Bolinas, California.

[01:07:45] It's in the red triangle where 38% of the great white shark attacks occur. That's a scary statistic, but there's a reason. Yeah, heaps of seals. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a four hour drive from San Francisco, so it's super... Oh, it's an hour drive from San Francisco.

[01:08:02] So it's super busy on weekends. It's in line with San Rafael. Okay. Salona Beach, California. That's only 35 minutes from San Diego. Yeah, just north. Yeah, north of San Diego. Six, Cocoa Beach, Florida. Oh, a home of ranch on a surf shop.

[01:08:22] It's an hour drive from Orlando, one of the prettiest beaches in USA. It's got many dolphin watching tours are off there, but if you don't plan on joining the other few sharks along the beach, but also it's a dangerous beach because of rip currents.

[01:08:38] So Myrtle Beach, I would never expect this. Myrtle Beach just doesn't seem... This sounds really stupid. It doesn't seem deep enough. It's like South Carolina beaches where they're flat and then you could just walk, walk, walk.

[01:08:51] We could walk forever and still not be under four foot of water. It has the highest number of shark attacks after New Smyrna, a whopping 96 kilometers of stunning coastline. It's no surprise that this beach ranks up there in shark sightings. Number eight, Top Sail Island, North Carolina.

[01:09:12] Don't know it. Never heard of it. Number nine, Melbourne Beach, Florida. I would assume that. I would think that. 10, Frip Island. I've heard of it. South Carolina. Top Sail Island is halfway between... Williamson and Jacksonville. Well, those are the most dangerous beaches. Swim at your own risk.

[01:09:34] It's summer. People are still out there. My brother's going up because his wife's from Philly. They go to Jersey Shore and all I keep doing is sending giant Great White videos from the Jersey Shore. Yeah, they're out there. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. Here's some crazy...

[01:09:52] This is crazy auction news. Always fascinated by this. Babe Ruth Jersey breaks world record for sports item at auction. A Jersey belonging to baseball legend Babe Ruth broke the world record Thursday for the most expensive sports object sold at auction and the sale hasn't even ended yet.

[01:10:10] The highest bid for the Jersey currently stands at 13 million. That includes commissions and fees. What about shipping? Don't make me come up there and sign up. Sign forward at UPS. The sale will not end until August 24th. They expect it could go up to 30 million. Wow.

[01:10:33] They said the owner could still set a minimum price higher than the current auction bid, though it would run the risk of not selling the items at all. Oh, it's going to sell. The previous record was for a baseball card featuring Mickey Mantle which sold for 12

[01:10:45] million, 12.6 in August of 2022. In terms of sports apparel, the highest auction record was set in September 22 when a Jersey worn by Michael Jordan during Game 1 of the NBA Finals of 1998 sold for 10 million at Sotheby's. Previous to 2022, no sports item had ever passed the 10 million threshold. Wow. That's crazy.

[01:11:09] Well, what are you going to do with it? Give it to Cooperstown. No, somebody's going to put it in a frame in their house for their cocktail party or then you end up being like Phil Collins. 20 years later, your whole basement's filled with cannonballs.

[01:11:22] You're like what the fuck am I doing? Why do I have a Mexican flag in my basement? I'm in Switzerland. Why do I have the original flag of Texas with the star? It can get, and I get it because I have an addictive personality.

[01:11:36] Once I went to the Sound of Music dinner plates, well, a whole thing appeared. It's all shakers. I know. It could be a lot. I'm basically collecting nothing now. Not really, not that I can think of. Stickers for my notebook.

[01:11:57] I'm a little obsessed with my computer stickers and all that stuff. Stupid stuff on the road that cost less than $10. That's great. Yeah, and you can use it. Every time I see my cat sticker or the Alamo sticker, I like it. More... I'm going to skip this one.

[01:12:17] But there's more protesting in Spain on an island called Mallorca because they're so mad... Mallorca. Okay. Mallorca. They're so mad about the number of tourists. They had 50,000 people out there protesting. 10 years ago in Spain anyway. Well it's the tourism pushback and I get it.

[01:12:36] These people are trying to lead lives. So I don't know what you're going to do about it. Good story. Well, because I already kind of covered it. I'm going to save the streaming services. This is one of my favorite... This is another...

[01:12:52] It's this whole episode should be called cocaine kingpins. Cocaine kingpins and sharks. This story and I'm going to read it... Do we have time? Yeah. Okay. All right. This is crazy and this man has still not been caught. This is so...

[01:13:12] It's written like a story so bear with me. Usually I just sum it up for you guys but this is worth it. The story is written from Paraguay. The midfielder, that's a soccer person who plays in the middle which by the way is one

[01:13:26] of the hardest positions because you do the most running. You have to go back and forth more versus... That would not be the position I would opt for because it's way too much. The midfielder stepped up to take the penalty kick.

[01:13:37] It was a steamy bright morning at Eroco Galino Stadium. In the stands, fans wearing yellow and blue stood up squinting in the sun focusing on the man with number 10 on his back. On the sidelines, coaches crossed themselves as he ran towards...

[01:13:51] They're making the sign of the cross as he runs towards the ball. His name was Sebastian Marcette. He arrived at Deportiva Capita, a hard scrabble professional soccer team out of nowhere. So dude just shows up. He drove a Lamborghini and he would careen across the gravel parking lot.

[01:14:13] He was square jawed and handsome, covered in gold jewelry, Rolexes, and ornate tattoos that ran down his right arm. He was a mediocre soccer player with the skills of someone whose career had peaked in high school.

[01:14:24] When Capita's coach Jorge Nunez kept him on the bench, the players encircled Nunez and told him that Marcette needed to play. I kept wondering, who is this guy Nunez said in an interview? This is so weird. Some dude just shows up and nobody has an explanation.

[01:14:42] Hey, there's Bob. Where the fuck Bob come from? None of your business. And now here it was. Marcette was taking a critical spot kick. The score is one to one. It was May 29, 2021, halfway through a tough season. A win could be the beginning of a turnaround.

[01:14:59] Silence fell on the stadium quickly followed by groans, coaches, and staff recalled in interviews. The ball blazed five feet over the crossbar. Even the team's security guard couldn't hide his frustration, kicking the dirt, wondering a lot why Capita's fate had been put in his hands.

[01:15:17] Over the next few years, the reason would become clear. Sebastian Marcette, as it turned out, was among the most important drug traffickers in South America. And he was one of the key pictures behind a surge of cocaine arriving in Western Europe,

[01:15:31] according to Latin American, US, and European investigators. Instead of hiding from authorities, he had used his fortune to purchase and sponsor soccer teams across Latin America and in Europe. US and South American investigators learned that he was using those teams to help launder millions in drug proceeds.

[01:15:48] Along the way, he powered with his wealth to fulfill his childhood dream. He inserted himself into starting lineups. I mean, the fucking balls it would take. These are professional teams. You just can't... And he did it on a couple of them. Right.

[01:16:07] He should have come to the US and got on one of ours. He'd probably still be fine there. The story about his narco empire and search for soccer glories based on thousands of pages of internal documents provided by Paraguayan, Uruguayan, and Bolivian police,

[01:16:23] wired transcripts and set up by the... So I mean, talk about in your face. What do you mean you can't find me? I'm a midfielder for the national soccer team. I'm there every week, right out in the middle.

[01:16:37] His odyssey reads like a transnational caper bordering on the absurd, but it's startling window into the level of impunity at the nexus of Latin American public life and lower rungs of professional soccer, enabling drug traffickers to wield enormous influence in both worlds.

[01:16:54] Years after a global manhunt, he remains at large. And then it goes into how he became... Wait a second. Okay. So he was running a ton of these narcos. By age 31, he was worth a billion dollars. He's running... Yes, he's moving cocaine everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

[01:17:17] He killed his enemies with no remorse soliciting advice, how to disappear... their bodies. According to his text messages, he wanted to know after he killed them, this is why you're not as smart as Pablo. You have to have hippos. What do hippos do? Eat the body.

[01:17:32] There you go. But he would take breaks from being this international kingpin to play professional soccer. He adopted the same assertive tone as he did when he coordinated drug shipments, imagining himself the midfield conductor, even as he struggled to keep up with his teammates.

[01:17:48] He paid 10 grand in cash to wear the number 10 jersey worn by Pele, Maradona and Messi. Those are all famous soccer players if you don't know. When he shoved opposing players to the ground, referees failed to blow their whistles. He could just go out. It just started to jump.

[01:18:03] Boom! Elbow to the sturdum. And then he would flash his thousand watt smile. His rhizis got coincided with the explosion of cocaine trafficking from South America. He helped perfect the routes. I like the soccer part, though. And then they just go into how he...

[01:18:22] Money spent on sport is untraceable in much of Latin America. Players' contracts, transfer fees, ticket proceeds, merchandise sales. All of it can be fudged. Fudged. Now we're going to use that word with kingpins. Were you fudging some stuff? Did you fudge some documents? Fudge. Oh, God.

[01:18:41] Talk about sports washing. Oh, my God. In the 80s, Pablo Escobar, the Colombian drug kingpin, bankrolled his home soccer club Athletico Nacional, turning it into one of Latin America's best teams. But when he was detained in 1991, he flew in famous players to play on the prison soccer team.

[01:19:02] Pablo did. Oh, my God! It's just amazing. Just let them go and watch what they do. I mean, oh, my God. You want to be a baby? No problem. Get in the yard.

[01:19:22] Yeah, Marcez is the first one however to use his status and wealth not only to bankroll it, but to play on the team. Even Pablo knew. Okay, you know, I can't. They say his athletic career was either a sophisticated strategy to conceal his identity

[01:19:38] or an attempt to fulfill an unrealized dream. He always wanted to play soccer, they said. These are old people who knew him. So funny. They knew that he was playing, but they would be behind in when he would surprise you.

[01:19:55] He wouldn't be on a lineup or they wouldn't say it. He would just show up, yeah, like a pickup game. Hey, you guys, guy number 10? I'm number 10. Is that cool? Can I play? Just want to play for a half. Then I got to get out of here.

[01:20:08] Where's a million dollars? He had been to prison, but he got out and he's still on the run. Yeah, and he's still doing it all. I don't know if he's still playing soccer.

[01:20:20] I tried to Google it, so I gave you termites and do the work of the Lord, but there were no more articles about is he, I guess probably not now. Probably not now, but there's articles being written. Yeah, you can't. All right, termites.

[01:20:36] Oh, I got to do my thank yous. Let me find my thing and then we'll do a take-take quote and then we'll move on. I got to go pack for Ohio. Marietta. Marietta. Ohio. Yeah. Maybe he gets already not happy about it.

[01:20:50] Some likes to see in my soups. San Antonio. Thank you to Marilyn and daughter Caprice for my Bigfoot armadilla t-shirt and the fickle pickles in the Bucky's Jerky, Jan, Donna and Ronnie. Austin, a lot of stuff. Well, a lot of stuff came in both places.

[01:21:07] Sheila, cool socks and a Bigfoot sign. Patrons say the gambler's prayer card. Thank you, Denise. Yeah, that's going to every video poker machine I said it. The homemade macrame cat hammock which Cato has fallen in love with. Is she?

[01:21:24] Yeah, I put it on the porch, the porch swing thing and she loves it. That was from Heidi and baby cat, not so interested, but Cato all in and fits perfectly. A wedding invitation from Audra and Marissa. I probably can't make it, but one never knows.

[01:21:42] You never know the quote special shit seasoning. Oh, in the little, the Lewis Black anger ID reel is very cute. And then some kid in Chopclas made a coaster for me. Yeah, I'm like how cool is that? And then local beer and New Mexico coffee from Termite Susan.

[01:22:00] Cool. I'm going to go ahead and do the other two guys. And now it's time for a quote of our two Queens. If I could find a quote book from the other people, I would do it.

[01:22:08] But I so far these are the only two that I found that exists. Snoop will do it. Snoop should do it. Yeah, jelly's got some great ones. I don't, yeah, we're going to start with Dolly.

[01:22:22] Okay, this is reflecting on songwriting as therapy in an interview with The Times. I don't need therapist because I write it out. If I've got something bothering me, I just get it out. If I'm mad, I write that. If I'm hurt, I write that.

[01:22:39] If I'm happy, I write that. I write what I feel. That's my doctor. There you go. Try it, Termites. I've never been one for writing things down like that. No, you don't do that if you grew up with brothers.

[01:22:53] That first Holly Hobbie diary they busted right in that fucker. You had a Holly Hobbie diary? Yeah, it had a key. The key didn't work. It was a pink, it was stupid. Okay, this is in Vogue in 2012.

[01:23:13] If someone doesn't seem to want to get to know me as a person but instead seems to have kind of a bot to have kind of bought into the whole idea of me and he approves of my Wikipedia page

[01:23:26] and falls in love based on zero hours spent with me, that's maybe to be something aware of. Yeah, that's called a stalker. That will fade fast. You can't be in love with a Google search. No. Well, I fell in love with the Batman cat on Google search.

[01:23:44] I did. It can happen. It may be an animal though that you just want and covet. Yeah. You're really into that childless cat search. Oh my God, somebody, oh wait, you know what?

[01:23:58] We're going to do this and then I'm going to turn my phone on because my friend Kathy sent me the top childless cat ladies in the world. Okay. And this is the list of people he insulted, Mr. JD Vance. And he may pay for that.

[01:24:13] Oh, he's going to pay for it. There's videos of cats dressed up going to vote. It's so funny on TikTok. They have little suits on, some have dresses. It's not even political anymore. It's just... It's not political.

[01:24:23] I'm just looking at you as a performer and you fucked up and insulted half the crowd for no reason, no reason at all. Dear God, what is the matter? It's not going away. It's not going away either. The 24 hour news cycle, once you do the cat people...

[01:24:39] Fuck with cats. Yeah. And then somebody pointed out, well, I won't do that one. That one's probably too offensive. But I won't repeat that one. Where did it go? Where? Steven. Yeah. Well, I won't... My phone's not awake yet. Oh, it's frozen. It doesn't... You're not awake yet.

[01:25:01] I'm awake. What is it? Top what? Hold on. Top most... Okay. A notable list of childless cat ladies. What a great way to sign off. Dolly Parton. Whoa! Half of your court is... Oprah Winfrey. Helen Mirren. Oh, my God. Renee Zellweger. Betty White. Let's not forget about Betty.

[01:25:30] No. I mean, she's not alive anymore, but she's... All of her money went to animal rescues. Elvigine, dogs, goats, cat, whatever. Jennifer Aniston. Goats. Kim Cattrell. Lily Tomlin. Ashley Judd. You don't want to get on... She'll go crazy on your ass. Catherine Hepburn. Dead. She can't do much.

[01:25:49] Stevie Nicks. Oh, welcome. Welcome. I didn't know Stevie had cats. I thought she only had that weird little dog she travels with. Fluffy dog. Mm-mm. No, it's kind of half-hairless. I don't know what it is. Winona Ryder. Sandra Oh. Ann Margaret. Well, she's dead. You guys... Taylor Tatey.

[01:26:11] Marissa Tomei. That's just the start of a list. Yeah. So, that's it. Okay. We'll see you in Ohio this weekend, termites. Ready? I'm not termites.