Episode 186: A Living Nostradamus, Don’t F*CK With Cat Ladies, & Scientists Weigh In On Nessie

[00:00:00] Hey everybody, it's me, Kathleen Madigan. Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, and let's talk about what's been going on. Termites! Welcome! Welcome to Episode 186. It's me, Stevie. Stevie's still in Europe doing

[00:00:31] her makeup shows for her. Somehow she fell down or something and hurt her leg. I don't know but she's over there keeping good on her promises. Episode 186, what are we drinking? This is a very hard name to say. Nois Helles, but it's a German lager from

[00:00:49] where? Baby Cat Brewery. That's right. Termites Marla and Beth found it. They got me a Baby Cat shirt. Adorable. Yep. It says Baby Cat on the front. It's in Kensington, Maryland. I have to go there one time. Yeah, they got me a little double what

[00:01:08] I'm drinking out of. This mug. So cheers to that. It's a wonderful beer. Babycatbrewery.com. Oh, they've got a QR code for you too if you want. Yep. It's a cool can. It's a cool logo. Very cool. Round of applause for the Baby Cat people.

[00:01:26] Yay, in Maryland. What are we tasting? Well first, moonshine barbecue sauce. This is from Termite Genine. I got a lot of self-vaccination in the latex city. A lot and a lot of really good beers, a lot of greenies. The cats were very happy.

[00:01:43] We're going to open the suitcase. Moonshine barbecue sauce. Wow. It's really good because it's kind of hot. Yeah, I wonder it's called Cinnamon Stick Gourmet, the Cinnamon Stick Gourmet gift shop moonshine barbecue. I wonder if it really has...

[00:02:05] Cinnamon and the Fits. Yeah, or moonshine. It has a shit ton of sodium, which is why I love it. Right. What's your favorite food? Sodium. So delicious. That's an A plus. Five stars. Potato sticks from Joan. We already know what these taste like. They're delicious. I don't

[00:02:29] call them on the road without them. Or am I... I try not to. I try to make my own snacks. The snacks on Delta and America can get a little weird. Yeah, yeah. Then Southwest, stop it.

[00:02:39] I mean that's just a stale bag of... Like when you're from a big family, my mom never bought the real one. Instead of Cheetos, it would be Beatles or something. It was just off by that

[00:02:51] much. And that's how I feel about Southwest's snack pack. It's kind of a cheese it, but it's fucking not. And it's not a... Yeah, they literally throw them around. We'll be talking about the airlines in just a minute. But let's taste the hot stromboli potato chips

[00:03:08] from Shannon because we're up on the East Coast. Everybody loves hers and nobody makes a better stromboli than my sister-in-law, Ellie. She's originally from Philly. Wow. Five stars. Really? Wow. Wow. I'm not sure it tastes like stromboli. I'm not sure what it tastes like,

[00:03:28] but it's very good. Uh-huh. Wow. Yeah, my sister-in-law, but you can only have like a tiny piece of it. It's so rich. She makes it at Christmas. I want to try to get her

[00:03:40] to make it more. Maybe she'll make one, send it out here. All right. Those were great. I also have hers. Perogi. Then Lewis explains to me what a perogi is, but I forgot. Some sort

[00:03:54] of Polish delight. Yeah. I feel like Chicago always had these. Say Lewis, we didn't have enough Polish people. Not really. Oh, if we did, they weren't making... They weren't cooking. They were hiding. Oh, wow. Five stars for these too. Potato, perogi. Artificially

[00:04:17] flavored. Well, of course there's not real potatoes in here. Maybe... Flavored, Philly. Oh, it's a contest finalist. Wow. Really good. All right. Okay. We got that out of the way. I'm going to tell you where I'm going and then we'll get on with the business, the

[00:04:39] business. The business. We have added a show, what we've added a ton for everywhere after I'm saying, but this one's already on sale. Fort Collins. Look at them doing their own thing. I wonder if they know I'm coming to the Fat Tire Brewery. Hello. I'm breaking

[00:04:55] news. I need a new Fat Tire Little Hoodie. Yeah, got worn out. July 20th. So that's Friday, March 21st, Fort Collins. Take it to the road sale now because these people have chosen to

[00:05:08] jump the gun and I can't stop them. There's going to be a big announcement of all the cities, but you want to get there first so go for you. You do that. July 26th, San Antonio. That's almost sold out. July 27th, Austin, Texas. I haven't checked. And it's

[00:05:25] not going to be extra seedingly hot. No, it's going to be in the 80s so I can go to the Alamo and not melt. Yay. August 2nd, Marietta, August, Ohio. Well, I associated with the

[00:05:39] club that was there. August 3rd, Cincinnati, Ohio, August 10th, Niagara Falls. I was on TV for Niagara Falls this morning live in Toronto. They did. It was very professional. I mean, not that I didn't think it would be. Well, sometimes they're goofy. Sometimes

[00:05:55] they're serious. So this lady, what morning TV? Yeah, not Canadian TV. No, no, but he was doing all the weather in your degrees is whatever that is. 22, 7th, Celsius, right? That's August 10th, Niagara Falls, August 24th, Hampton Beach, August, oh, then it's

[00:06:15] Labor Day weekend. Venetian Vegas. Hello, Friday and Saturday night. September 6th, Terry Town, September 7th, Wilmington, Delaware. 13th, Columbus, Ohio. Where my Columbus termites at? Where you at? 14th, Lexington, Kentucky. Not enough people visit Kentucky, I'm just

[00:06:34] saying. Absolutely beautiful. It is Mitch McConnell's fault because the roads aren't great. Every time I drive through Kentucky, all I do is scream, fuck Mitch McConnell. Because I think him and his wife ran off with all the money and they always have

[00:06:47] cones and stuff set up like they're going to do something. I'm like, look, Mitch, you can trick some people that only go through here one time and go, oh, I guess they're all

[00:06:55] on break. Oh, I guess they're at lunch. No, Mitch, we know you're not really doing anything. Those cones are a promissory note of nothing. Nothing's ever happened. Nothing. You could drive through over and over and over. Illinois, their roads are fine. Missouri, we got

[00:07:10] to fix Highway 70 for sure. Tennessee roads, pretty fine. Could be bigger. We need bigger ones here. But Kentucky, Jesus. Yeah, I hope your axle's on right because anyway, that's enough of that commentary. September 19th, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, September

[00:07:30] 21st, Dallas, Texas. September 27th, Foxwood's Casino, September 28th, New York City Town Hall. I'll be a phone weekend. I think my cousin Mary is coming. October 11th, Troy, New York, October 12th, Burlington, Vermont, October 19th, Salt Lake

[00:07:47] City, Utah. Utahians, you always say I don't come there while I'm coming. And yep, and I'm smuggling wine in my room. That's just an alert to the Marriott or wherever I'm staying, hopefully with my gay grandparents. Hopefully they have a nice Marriott. They did

[00:08:04] because I think that's the one where the guy wouldn't let me take my wine to my room, but we all know that story and I'm still very upset about it. This weekend was Atlantic City. All the pubcast hat. You guys want to fund summer

[00:08:16] hat? Well, it's on the website now live available and I will not probably be bringing these to venues because it's too hard. It's too hard to travel with hats. Yeah. It's a real patch. Yeah, it's not some cheap shit. No, I don't

[00:08:31] do cheap merch. I won't do cheap merch because I hate it when I go on a website and buy something that comes back and like the sleeves are cut wrong. You're like, God damn it. And even if you cut it all apart, it still

[00:08:40] looks like shit. Yeah. So we don't make a lot of merch, but it's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of which, I saw termites in Atlantic City in the casino that have my punch lines on their shirts. That's how lame I am at merch termites

[00:08:55] to make an old merch. They were the nicest two guys. I took a picture that posted it was cute. Atlantic City, my friend Drew goes, I haven't been there in a while. Is there any reason I should go? I'm like, well, not really.

[00:09:08] But but but but but but but no, poor God is great. There's three new. There's a hard rock live that's new ocean is a new casino and poor God has been there a while, but it's very up upscale and nice and every and not

[00:09:21] like some of the ones down on the boardwalk. I don't even know how they're open. I don't know anything that's really going on in there. I believe it seems to be mobby. So somehow like, I don't know how the lights are on, but anyway, Atlantic

[00:09:36] City's got great things. But I find this to be true of most cities. Everything's got really good stuff. Just some cities you got to work a little harder and find it. Like if you drove around downtown, well,

[00:09:45] downtown, whatever you want to call that area by the boardwalk, you think, uh oh, it's very strange. Like there's a bunch of houses that look like crack house and then there's a Bass Pro shop. I mean, boom, a giant one and then go down

[00:09:58] some few more houses right on the corner White House sub sandwiches. If you're ever in Atlantic City, trust me on that. It is just the greatest place. Lewis came down for the weekend and we had so much fun and I don't

[00:10:11] think he's had that kind of we stayed up till three o'clock in the morning. Yep. We played crafts and then we played video poker and then we got on a big roll on video poker. Not so much on craps.

[00:10:21] Now, yeah, it's I don't know how everyone affords the $25 minimums everywhere. But they're packed. I mean, completely packed. We had a great time. The shows are great. There were termites all over the casino. I met a bunch of termites. It was super fun. Yeah, I didn't even go.

[00:10:39] Usually I go down to the boardwalk, but the golf was on and Lou wanted to watch the golf. So we went and got the subs that he ate. I haven't seen him eat that much in 10 years. I was like, Oh my God, I think something bad might happen.

[00:10:51] I don't know that he should be eating all that. And he just kept going. I was like, Holy shit, he's not going to stop. I mean, it's like huge. Then he took the other one home in a car back to New York City. But then the listeria breakout.

[00:11:03] Now he's all paranoid that he's going to die from that sub sandwich. I'm like, No, you're not going to die. And then he's like, Well, what about the one in the fridge? Is it safe to eat? I'm like, I'm not the person to ask.

[00:11:12] Go Google. I don't know how long Salami stays good. Anyway, cheers to the and the greatest staff at the Borgata. The people who run the showroom, they're like, Oh, we have all your stuff from last time music, you know, and all that.

[00:11:25] And they're like, just go out and see if it's loud enough. And they have the settings online. It's the easiest soundcheck. They're so nice. They're excited. It was a great. Now it was a fun weekend also because.

[00:11:39] Normally you guys know I say nothing but good things about Delta. But I took American on Thursday. That was the day before the insanity because it was direct. And I didn't really just didn't feel like stop. Well, thank God I did because Delta is having the meltdown.

[00:11:59] Now here's the greatest part. Southwest was not affected because Southwest runs on Microsoft 3.1 from 1992. That is not a joke. That is their system and they have not ever upgraded it. So they got rewarded for being a version of me. I hate upgrades.

[00:12:20] I hit how many times can I hit remind me later until the machine understands his lady doesn't do it? I do not do it. And then eventually if you don't do it, it will do it on its own

[00:12:29] in the middle of the night, like a sneaky little bandit. Then I wake up and all my fonts are different. I'm like, God damn it. But I know supposedly it won't work unless you do that. Well, I wait, wait, wait, procrastinate. Because I don't like it.

[00:12:42] I don't want the anyway. I don't understand why that has to happen to Southwest. Remind me later, remind me later since 1992. I mean, yeah, it's archaic, but they didn't get hacked. Well, there I don't know if they're calling it a hack or there seems to be mixed messages.

[00:13:01] I have Delta flight attendant friends that here's the problem. And it's common news now. I'm not speaking out of turn here from people that I know. But the crew scheduling is all involved where the on the system where crowds strike, the whole thing fucked up.

[00:13:17] So now they it's not funny, but they can't find flight attendants. They can't. They don't know where they're at. They're actually texting going, are you legal? Meaning are you awake and not drunk? And they're to find crews. Atlanta. I've never seen. Why is that?

[00:13:35] Alliance. I've never seen people, two of Doris little hockey kid people or they're supposed to leave on Sunday. They can't go till Wednesday or Thursday. And then I always think about old people like my mom and dad. If we would buy them tickets anywhere, us kids, quote, kids,

[00:13:54] we would I then track them their whole flying day in case something happened. They I'm their help desk. Right. But a lot of people don't have that or their work or whatever. And they can't be available. I mean, I don't know what old people would do.

[00:14:04] It's just such a I know how to work the system. I would have left, but I also know that people go, well, shit, if I leave and then the flight goes, am I just screwed? Like people don't know the rules enough.

[00:14:15] I unfortunately, or fortunately have to do this every week. So I do know most of the rules. Nightmare, Delta, I don't. And you know what, Ed, the CEO, you got to get a better word out. Then we're going to continue to take great care of our customers.

[00:14:29] You're not. You're don't say that. It makes people's heads want to explode. And I don't need Pete Buttigieg telling me to go to the fucking website. Oh, my God, you want to see my head explode? Go to the website. You go, Pete.

[00:14:40] It's like people will go if you go read politicians, or if you read my website, well, tell me what's on it. Why don't you wrote it? Tell me what's on it? Why do I got to go read it? Just tell me what your health care plan is.

[00:14:53] I don't know. I think Pete is smart. But when he when he talks about these things, it just seems removed like you're not in. You should call Atlanta. If I was Delta, I'd say anybody that got caught up in this mess.

[00:15:06] We're working it out, but you're also getting two free round trip tickets domestically to anywhere. Are you high? Why? Why not do it? You act like you own a casino. I do. I'd love to own a casino. That's why I would be like the Native American casino.

[00:15:23] Right. I'm giving away jet skis this weekend. You bet your ass I am. They Delta has the room. Just let two people get on the plane and go. Well, not now they don't. I'm saying it can't be now. It needs to be within the calendar year.

[00:15:37] And then you put some blackout dates in there. You got to reward people for this misery. A refund ain't enough. OK, well, let's ask the termites. Termites, what would you be happy with? What if I if you were caught up in this bullshit?

[00:15:51] I also saw videos of Salt Lake City Airport. Not good. All of the hubs Denver. I can't even conceptualize what went on out there. I mean that. That's United. Oh, my God. You're right. But they I've flown Delta in and out of there United.

[00:16:03] Their security is so bad that I can't even. I don't know what are the other hubs? Atlanta's a big one. Minneapolis. Yeah, but the Prince Store is in Minneapolis. And that's where most of my clothing comes from. Now, swear to God, you should make a special trip

[00:16:21] to Minneapolis to go to the airport to go to the Prince Store. And it is awesome. And it's not hacky crap like they make weird these very strange clothing and it's funky and fun. I don't know why I'm doing it after that right now, but it may well

[00:16:35] it made me think if I got stuck in Minneapolis, I could go to the Prince Store and go shopping. That that burns a half hour. A little walleye walleye walleye. It's not a bad place to get stuck. Minneapolis and there's a hotel that's kind of connected.

[00:16:49] It used to be fully connected and then covid and then people are so lazy. They're like, yeah, we just didn't open that back up. Well, do it. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a bridge. Nothing happened. There's been no flooding. God. Two free tickets. Two free tickets.

[00:17:06] You're not a business person. No, I'm not a business person. I remember one time I gave my publicist a raise up is like Christmas or something. And I'm like, no, you're it was like a two thousand bucks or something.

[00:17:17] And then somebody, my brother was like, are you fucking high? People get a 3% raise, Kathleen. I'm like, what? A year? That's terrible. If they did a good job, you should pay them for a week of work or a month of work. That was probably a month.

[00:17:32] I gave her another month back then. That's what it probably costs. I'm not running for office. We have enough people speaking of which well, I don't normally talk about politics. And this isn't political. This is I know it's I know when I did the Canadian TV,

[00:17:50] I'm like, I'm so this morning I'm so glad to get to Niagara Falls. So I don't have to watch our news. I just want to know there's another nation out there and things are going fine. And so Trump has picked J.D.

[00:18:03] Vance, who by the way wrote the book and then it was a movie, Hillbilly Elegy. Now here's the weird thing. I know that I watched it because I like Glenn Close and I love Amy Adams, but I have no recollection of it. It was a COVID movie.

[00:18:18] It's about being poor in Apple. I think at Appalachia, I was said, I don't know which one's correct, but anyway, he said, and they have the video of it, that the world, our country is being run by a childless cat ladies.

[00:18:38] Now, I think he's forgotten who the queen, a queen of all childless cat ladies is. And it is not me. And the queen of the children. And the queen of the children. Guess who's childless with cats? Tay Tay, queen Tay Tay.

[00:18:56] You do not want her to release on you because the children will listen. Yes they will and they'll get off their ass. Like she came out against Marshall Blackburn in Tennessee, the senator with the crazy hair, but it was too late. It was like, yeah, wasn't enough time.

[00:19:12] Now I don't know if Tay Tay is gonna get political or not but and then if childless cat ladies are running the world, how come I'm not running shit? I got ideas. Nobody's called me. You just heard your idea. I got a lot of ideas like that.

[00:19:24] Bonuses for a month, whatever you were made in a month, you should get that as your bonus. Free tickets because I fucked you over for four days. And then get with Marriott. Who are their partners? Get with Marriott, give them a free hotel room

[00:19:38] when they get to the city. I'm gonna add on to that trip. I'm gonna add on like the game show. Here's another thing you receive. A free rental car from Avis, boom. You wanna keep people's business. This is bad enough. Like Southwest had the big meltdown at Christmas

[00:19:52] but Southwest is always gonna get Southwest people because it's cheap. Well, it's not even cheaper anymore but unless you're like my parents retired or a college kid if you don't care if you leave at weird times and arrive but people have things to do can't be that flexible.

[00:20:07] Southwest is cheap for that. They wanna get a ways but the rest of them, geez all the money I spent on Southwest going up to St. Louis and back, up to St. Louis and back or Kansas City and back. I mean 300 sometimes one way? 350.

[00:20:19] Yeah, like come on Southwest for what some shitty offbeat peanuts you throw in my face? Like, although I will say, I always got there and the luggage was always there and that's really what we're going for but Delta has a ton of business travelers, blah, blah,

[00:20:37] this is a bad, bad impression. That's why they need to have the giveaway basket I'm creating. Giveaway basket. Mary, I just wanna, what the fuck? Yeah, I'm dragging Mary out into it. I don't know who their rental car partner is, Avis or Hertz probably bringing them in.

[00:20:54] Probably some sort of alcohol when you get into your hotel room there should be a bottle of something and I'll let the people decide. Who wants to give me how many people you believe were affected? 20,000? Oh more than that. More? Yeah, you're gonna bankrupt Delta in a weekend.

[00:21:10] Well they're gonna bankrupt themselves with this kind of bullshit behavior. So I'm just saying if Childless, here's the other thing I don't think JD Vance has ever probably watched the show, don't fuck with cats. Because guess what? That lady was a cat lady in Las Vegas

[00:21:27] and whoa, Katie bar the door. You don't want the middle-aged women getting, why is it always cats too? My friend Cathy has four dogs. Why isn't she not having kids? Why isn't it Childless dog women? It's always cats. Like why is that so bad?

[00:21:45] Why is a cat so bad? I don't get it. Does that imply I don't leave the house because my cats are lazy? Yes. Okay, well it is a good pet for an old person. Yeah, Louis wants to get a dog upon retirement and I'm like, cool.

[00:22:04] He'd have to leave the house three times a day. I recommended a cat and he can have catto. Oh, oh. Well she's just mean enough to keep him on his toes. Now I could go visit all the time. She'll rip his face. She will rip his face.

[00:22:20] She almost ripped mine off and I'm her favorite person. Anyway, so JD Vance, I think you should take that back. I don't think you're gonna win any votes. Just canceling out a whole group of women that will vote. Cause we're old enough to take the day off

[00:22:38] and go all right, I'm gonna go down there and deal with it. Anywho, Queen and King News, Stevie is making up her shows, good job. Tanya, quiet out on the festival, Cher very quiet, although she, I don't know, she tweeted something about Biden.

[00:22:54] I don't remember what it was. Snoop's already in Paris and he's doing his little videos and stuff for NBC. Snoop's already, oh and he's Lebron's carrying a torch and then Snoop is the last one. No. Yeah. That would be great. Tay-Tay out on the road, where's Tay-Tay?

[00:23:14] Behind you right now. No, I know she's right here. Where is she in real life? She's in Germany for like three weeks. Oh, she's in Germany for three weeks and Dolly probably creating another pot or a pan or some sort of perfume. But Jelly Roll this week,

[00:23:27] speaking of Canada, US singer Jelly Roll raising funds for Indigenous youth at Canadian debut in St. Catherine's, Ontario. Cool. He did a concert Monday night and he will do so by supporting these programs. The whole thing was a fundraiser for the Heather Winterstein Foundation. Nice.

[00:23:51] It was set up in 2020, so it's for the Indigenous youth. I mean, how nice is that? And then he goes and visits with them and he does all the nice things. Good guy. Just a wonderful update on King News. Good for Jelly Belly. He's great. Yeah.

[00:24:09] He's like, I worse his ass off. I mean, even when he's off, he's somewhere in Nashville doing something either nice or creative or helpful. Way more than I'm doing. But I think he's home more. He probably has a private jet in things. Yeah, I don't know.

[00:24:26] At least a bus. Something's, he's on the road doing shows. You should go see a show if you've never seen Jelly Belly in person. He's great. It's really wonderful. And I got to see Post Malone. I didn't even talk about that.

[00:24:38] I went, led to Tuesday before I left for a little bit of a seat. Oh my God. This is what's great about Nashville. It was just in a warehouse and it's an album release party. And I thought, well, to him,

[00:24:48] that's gonna be kind of like a corporate gig. So he'll probably do like 45 and call it a day because you, that's probably all you're contracted to do. Would be my guess. Oh my God. No, he did all the songs. He brought Blake Shelton out. He brought Hardy.

[00:25:03] I don't really understand that person. I have to look him up some more. He's a songwriter. Now he's a performer. All right, well fine. Then my little friend Dorf, because he went with Dorf, he's like, do you wanna go into the pen?

[00:25:14] And I'm like, I'm fine where I'm at. I could see perfectly. Cause it's just a giant warehouse. So if you're short, this is not gonna be an enjoyable experience most likely because you're never gonna be able to see. But I found a spot by the bar

[00:25:25] where I had a perfect angle I could see between two pillars. And then in, I went over there and there was Sam Morel, Ecomenian, Joe DeRosa. Cool. And I was like, I'm gonna go to Sam Morel. I'm gonna go to Sam Morel. And then I went over there

[00:25:40] and I saw all my little Comedian pals and then I couldn't stop staring George Kittle. He's a football player for you termites who don't know. And he's in my fan, I wanted to go up and say, you killed it last year for my fantasy team.

[00:25:56] I'm gonna try and get you again. First out, I take you over a quarterback unless it's for Andrew Brown. Yeah, if he's available. Sorry, George, you're putting pie. I go to the back bar and I looked at Dwarf, I go, is that little big town part of him?

[00:26:10] And he goes, I think so, but Dwarf doesn't know enough. And I'm like, no, no, I know it is. I know it is. And then L. King walked by. No way! Yeah, I'm like, it's just, well, everybody's just in a warehouse with beers

[00:26:21] and there's probably 1,000 people in it. That's probably all it can hold without being some sort of crazy fire hazard. Thank you for my t-shirt. But your t-shirt, you're welcome. Yeah, there was a special t-shirt, you got it for free. They only serve Bud Light

[00:26:35] because it was a Bud Light deal. It was fine by me. I like it just as much as Miller Light or anything else. I mean, you could get real drinks but I think you had to pay for those.

[00:26:43] The Bud Light was free, so I'm taking the free one. Yeah. Anyway, go see Buzz Mellon somewhere if you can. All right, update! Now, we've talked about this before, Jermides, but this is a gentle reminder and I just don't know who would wanna do this.

[00:27:02] NBC will bring Paris Olympic coverage to AMC Theatres nationwide, July 27th to August 11th. Why would when most of us have a pretty good TV these days, a good size TV, why would I go to a theater? I don't know. And what if I don't wanna watch wrestling?

[00:27:24] Well, they'll tell you what's gonna be, what if I don't wanna watch wrestling? Paddles, they tell you what is on that night. You can look it up. Well, fuck, I just got here and it's swimming. God damn it! Where's the gymnastics? Well, grandma, that's not till next Friday.

[00:27:42] Oh my God. It's not just random. Oh, you don't know. Boxing! What is this? Where's Mike Tyson? It's 160 AMC locations nationwide, allowing fans to gather and experience the competitions, moments and stories. Tickets will be available through AMC Fandango this summer.

[00:28:06] I just don't, I'm not leaving the comfort of my couch and sweatpants to go see the same thing in a theater just bigger. It's not, I don't understand that, but if any of you, maybe if you have kids and you wanna take a bunch of,

[00:28:24] you know, the kids to go see the gymnastics, a bunch of girls, maybe? I don't know. I don't see it. I just don't see it. Well, all the snacks are at home, alcohol's at home. You know, is it a BYOB? How's that work?

[00:28:44] So I'm gonna sit here and watch all this without a glass of wine or something. Right, you have to sneak it in your purse. I have to act like I'm an Olympian. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not drinking. I have an event later today. I'm watching the Olympics.

[00:29:01] No, no, I'll be watching the Olympics. Oh, God. So here's another one. This is another bad news for Delta. People aren't going to Paris. Why is Delta's airline CEO blaming the Olympics for losing 100 million? That's before the quote incident. It's also before you gave away all their tickets.

[00:29:21] Well, I've given away a lot of their stuff, but it doesn't start till tomorrow. I have to organize. I gotta get on the phone after this podcast and call some representatives at Marriott. Call them my gay grandparents. Representatives. Yeah, I think they're stupid

[00:29:41] if they don't take my idea around with it. Two million visitors are expected for the Olympics, but traditional leisure demand legs. You know, I wouldn't go to Paris during the Olympics if I'm not going for the Olympics. Like if you really wanna just go to regular Paris,

[00:29:58] this is messed it all up. There's like beach volleyball under the Eiffel Tower. I mean, it is cool. They put the Olympic rings on the tower. I'm excited about it. They're gonna go down in the Sen in the boats. That's where LeBron's the first boat

[00:30:10] and Snoop's the last boat. They're gonna, it's the first opening of the Olympics ever outside, not in a stadium. They're gonna have all these boats going down the Sen. I bet it's gonna be super awesome. I just wouldn't get involved. It's too many people. It's not my thing.

[00:30:26] But so they're saying people like me that might have said, hey, like Louis was gonna go to Amsterdam. And then I said, well, if I met you there, then would you go to Paris? I was gonna tag it on, but I realized it was the Olympics.

[00:30:39] And I'm like, I'm not, there's no way. I'm getting involved in that. They've actually told the Parisians too to act like it's COVID. Either get the hell out of Dodge or stay home. Cause the traffic's gonna be a nightmare. It's just, I don't know.

[00:30:55] It's gonna be a good luck for some weeks. And Delta added a shit ton of flights thinking people were gonna. Well, they co-chair with their friends. They do co-chair with their friends. And Air France probably put the pedal to the metal and said, you gotta do this. Right.

[00:31:11] Bad, bad month if you're CEO Ed from Delta. Bastion! What are we watching? Cause I sometimes forget this one. There's so not a lot of updates. I can't make things happen. They happen when they happen. I am watching the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader,

[00:31:36] I don't know what you call it, documentary reality series. I watched the first one years ago on CMT. Docu-series. Because I'm amazed. Will you Google what they're paid right now? Cause I know it's like 50 bucks or something. I am amazed that people will put this much effort

[00:31:54] into something that's a side gig. And like one lady is a pediatric orthodontist, one lady is a nurse. Like they have real jobs in the day. And then what do they get paid? The Dallas news says 500 a game. 500 a game. But the league's average is 150 a game.

[00:32:14] The league's average is 150 a game. Okay. Jerry Jones, you square headed bastard. The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders make them so much money, calendars. They have to do all these meet and greets, to charity stuff and they're happy to do it. But just because you can get away

[00:32:30] with paying somebody dog shit money doesn't mean you should Jerry. Yeah. If I was those girls, I'd get agents. We all got an agent up. We're gonna act like a union. And we're gonna tell that square headed Russian doll. And I know when he's dead,

[00:32:43] there's another one and another one and another one and they all look alike. Even the daughter looks like, and his daughter is part of all this. She's in there judging and the shit they do. Kelly's the lady that. Well, the two ladies, yeah.

[00:32:58] Their nicknames were the Botox Queens. The ladies in charge and they're very serious. And these women are very, very good at what they do. Some of them their dance skills are amazing. Like I just, it's not that I'm all about the money.

[00:33:11] It's that this is so grotesquely unfair. And then you want us to bebop all around town and cheer people up. Well, I'm not that happy. I only got 500 bucks this week. And I put in a hundred hours at the Dallas.

[00:33:23] People are fucking ballin' if they lose and don't get picked. It's terrible. I mean, it's just heartbreaking. This girl moved to become one. Then I'm rooting for this girl from Columbia, Missouri. I'm like, come on Kelly Ann or whatever. Ann a cake, Ann a cake, Ann a cake.

[00:33:38] Let's go. I'm like, oh shit, she's kind of short. She ain't gonna make it. And then they discriminated against Shorties and they've thrown out the idea. We're gonna have to add a height requirement. I'm like, I knew that was coming. I bet under five, four we're out. Boom.

[00:33:52] And especially if you're childless with cats, you're super out. Just you're nothing but a problem. Destroying, ruining this country, ruining it. What are we doing? Just sitting here playing with a cat. God damn. Anyway, I don't ever, never aspire to be a cheerleader.

[00:34:09] I wouldn't want to be a cheerleader. But oh my God, my cheering would be so bad because I can't dance. I can't follow instructions. My high kicks. How high are they gonna go at five foot one? They're not. All that's gonna, and then they have injuries.

[00:34:23] I mean, it's a fascinating show for something that I would think are, and I gotta say, some of them have, way, way, way smarter. I just thought this is what they do. No, no, no, one has a master's degree in accounting. It's crazy.

[00:34:39] I guess they just like to dance. And maybe there's not that many places where you can dance. They call it a documentary. Okay, well. They are America's sweethearts. And then they even do the clip when you get to the end

[00:34:55] when Dolly did it, which was just a maze balls. It was unbelievable. And she fits into the outfit. I mean, yeah, and they have to diet. They can't eat. I mean, I just do not understand. They all have the bravado energy. Right. Then they're like, Kathleen,

[00:35:12] you look a little empty today. Yeah, I haven't eaten in 28 days, lady. I'm supposed to be 102 pounds when really, I'm way better about 118. And I haven't had beers and they're like, you know, are you sick? They're all, yeah. Tired. I have a job.

[00:35:29] I'm a nurse in the day. Jesus, I get here at seven at night and bust my ass for $500. There's 10 games. So you make five grand. Yeah. Yeah. And then they own the whole, I don't think you can go rogue and go out on your own

[00:35:43] and say, hey, I'm Anna Kate and make your own calendars. No, I don't think you can do that. No, no. So you don't even have the opportunity. I don't know. I think they should be paid more if they're gonna be really part of the organization.

[00:35:58] How much is the Botox Queen's making for judging all this? Let's see what Kelly makes. And then I feel really bad for the ones where they're called legacy cheerleaders. Their mom was one. They're all stuck. I'm so glad my parents didn't have hopes and dreams for us.

[00:36:12] I'm so glad they forgot about what was. About what we might want. They, my parents couldn't give in a rat's ass. But then, cause now you have the pressure, my mom did it. Now I gotta do it. Oh, that's such a Reddit thread you made.

[00:36:26] How much, oh, it's a Reddit thread. How much Kelly and Judy? Yeah. Yeah. I'll put it in those notes. A lot, a lot. They're not doing this for 500 bucks. I know that. I guarantee it. That's right. It's not. How much do I make for making the team?

[00:36:42] It's a Charlotte. The donor. Somebody lives next to one of them. Sharp Jerry's daughter. Oh, to Jerry's daughter. Yeah, she was at 10,000 square foot house. At 10,000 square foot house? Well, of course. Yeah, it's text value. It's 20 million. 20 million dollar house? Charlotte. Come on.

[00:37:04] God, our call, well, Delta be a bad example now. Call an airline is get them a free ticket to somewhere to go on vacation when they're done. How about something that's a giveaway? Like, charity, like, you know. Yeah. All right. Holy shit, they found it.

[00:37:23] I would highly recommend it though. It's fantastic. I'm not finished. And I can't stop. It's not something I can do other things. I'm watching it. It's not like I just have it on in the background. There's also one called Receiver.

[00:37:35] My sister told me to watch Receiver and it's really good. But you kind of got to like football. Football's cranking up. Football's cranking up. And Receiver, it's George Kittle. Devonte Adams. Some, something on the chiefs. I forget. I got caught up in the Dallas thing

[00:37:54] and I abandoned Receiver. I got to get back. I feel bad. But I've been gone. So I have it. Holy shit, they found it. You gotta figure out if you're gonna draft. I haven't figured out my draft yet. I mean, I know my first two.

[00:38:05] First two hope to get them. And then if I don't, the whole thing collapses. All right. Remains of an ancient papal palace. That means Pope palace for those non-Catholic. An ancient papal palace believed to have been found in Rome. This is super cool.

[00:38:23] The remains of what appears to be a Middleteville palace where popes lived before they made the Vatican their home have been excavated in Rome prior to renovations for the 2025 Catholic Holy Year. Or, whoa, I didn't know we were having it. Am I not on the email list?

[00:38:37] I didn't know we were having a holy year. A holy year. A holy week, yes. Archaeologists in the square outside Arch Basilica of St. John Lantern in the city center have unearthed a complex architectural structure, including walls believed to have protected the Patriarchio, a monumental basilica

[00:38:58] envisioned by Emperor Constantine in the fourth century, they said in a statement. They've found their old house. God, wait till they start digging in that. I don't even know how they can have tourists in Rome with all this digging going on. I tell everybody get the hell out.

[00:39:11] We're doing shit. We're closed. No, we're closed. The area around St. John Lantern is being spruced up ahead of the Jubilee, a year-long event starting in December that's expected to attract more than 30 million pilgrims and tourists to the Italian capital. I can't imagine. I can't imagine.

[00:39:30] Rome's long history stretching back almost 2,800 years means that roadworks often lead to archeological discoveries. It's always the road worker, guys. Yeah, they start with the jack cameras and go, oh shit, there's a palace. Wow. I have one more, holy shit. This is my obsession with Pompeii.

[00:39:49] I have Pompeii Google alerts. Yeah, archeologists working in the ruins of Pompeii have made an unprecedented discovery to cast light on the new final moments of the doomed city. A study published in the Frontiers in Earth Science found that earthquakes may have played a significant role

[00:40:04] in the destruction of the Roman settlement and the death of its inhabitants during the famous eruption of Mount Vesuvius in AD 79. The conclusion stems from identification of peculiar building collapses and an intriguing pair of skeletons. Ah! So if you weren't scared shit,

[00:40:26] if the shit wasn't scared out of you enough from the earthquakes, then boom, a volcano. Hot lava. I mean, you just go, it's the end. This is, yeah. I'm trying to get to the skeletons. Give me a second. But I already knew that there were earthquakes.

[00:40:44] I don't know why. I guess they're finding proof. I mean, they theorized there were. And I thought, what a bad night. What if you were drunk or hungover? And you're just trying to get a little peace and quiet. First it starts with the earthquake here.

[00:40:56] Like, God damn that was weird. And now you're kind of on edge. Cause what if another one comes and then you start here, the volcano, boom, boom, boom. And then the lava, oh my God. Then you run to the ocean and it's on fire.

[00:41:07] I mean, I don't know. Should have just gone into quote a different town for groceries that day. That's how dumb. Sure, some people that were very lucky. Let me see if I can find that. I may not be able to find it.

[00:41:26] The people who did not flee their shelters were possibly overwhelmed by earthquake, induced collapses of an already overburdened buildings. This was the fate of two individuals we recovered. So they got hit by a building. Oh my God. Yeah, it has to be ours. It's gonna be the lava.

[00:41:42] The positioning that two skeletons suggest that the first individual was suddenly crushed by the collapse of a large wall fragment resulting in severe injuries that likely caused immediate death. The second individual on the other hand was also crushed by collapsing walls, but appears to have realized the danger

[00:41:58] and tried to protect himself with a wooden object. The researchers detect faint traces of this object in volcanic deposits. These individuals did not die from inhaling ash or extreme something. They survived the first phase of the eruption only to be overwhelmed.

[00:42:18] So it was an eruption, earthquakes, more eruption. Wow. It's a horrible day for those people. Here's another horrible day for a lot of road comics I know and a lot of the children. Starbucks, Howard, he's kicking us all out. I've been noticing it a lot on the road.

[00:42:43] It used to be, well, there's still one here by my house that has the furniture. All the, there's a bunch of old Russian guys that hang out there. They're very funny at the Starbucks. I know it's weird. It seems like they're like 70 something.

[00:42:57] And yeah, it's their morning coffee routine. I don't know, but they're doing away with all that. I'm gonna tell you what's going on here because I used to make fun of the comics that would go, yeah, I'm just gonna go down to Starbucks.

[00:43:11] I go for like four hours. And I used to think of Howard, the owner. I'm like, why would you let somebody sit there? My friends, I have friends doing this for four hours and they bought maybe two cups of coffee.

[00:43:24] You're just giving them a home office for free. I would say no, no hobos. Go find your own bullshit. Do you wanna buy coffee or not? I never thought it was a, I just thought it was a very Kevechi idea that wouldn't last because-

[00:43:38] That's the reason why we work. Yeah, well then we work came and then the children start playing their own music in there and it gets a little out of hand if your earbuds aren't working right. Well, and God forbid you ask them, could you turn it down? No.

[00:43:50] Right, no. No. No. No, we all voted. I'm like, wow, there's just no boss here anymore at all. No. There's no boss. Years ago, some people would spend hours at Starbucks. Kathleen's comedian friends. Today, it's a takeout counter. At many Starbucks locations,

[00:44:09] you're lucky to find anyone sitting down. The ones in New York City, there is nowhere to sit. They want you in and out. They'd prefer you do the app, which I do love. If you do the mobile app, just walk in, get your coffee or gone.

[00:44:21] But I've always, I've never been a hangar outer sitter around Starbucks person. Like, I don't, I can do that at home. Why do I have to go? Under Howard Schultz, Starbucks long time leader, cafes used to be positioned as the third place, a place between work and home

[00:44:37] where people could linger for hours on plush purple armchairs, socialize and connect. I never met anybody in a Starbucks. No. I mean, I'd go meet my friends, but I didn't make new friends. Hey, what kind of coffee did you get? I mean, what kind of weird... Right.

[00:44:53] If you look at the landscape of retail and restaurants, there is such a fracturing of places for people to meet. This is what he said in 1995. There's nowhere for people to go. So he created a place where people can feel comfortable. Oh, I'm sorry, Howard.

[00:45:07] Guess what you forgot? You forgot a little thing called a bar. There's feet, there's places. I've met all kinds of people at bars. I bought a boat at a bar. I've gotten so many things done at a bar. I did. I bought a 21 foot stingray.

[00:45:22] I wanted, I just wanted to run around, beat her up boat when I first moved to this lake and there was a drunk guy at the bar. He said, well, I'm selling mine because I'm getting a better boat. I said, how does it run good?

[00:45:32] He goes, let's go. So we went for a ride. Stop it. You went with a man you don't know. Yeah. In a boat? Sure did. Yeah. He didn't look dangerous. You think you should get two free tickets too? Yeah. Anywhere Delta-wise?

[00:45:43] Yeah, I should get free tickets for Delta for promoting them all my life. And I will give credit to American Airlines, by the way. I had the nicest flight attendant going up and the nicest one coming back that I've had in 10 years on American.

[00:45:55] So I don't know if they said, turn your frowns upside down or you can get happy in the same shoes you got set in but y'all need to be nicer. And there was, it was, I asked for a screwdriver and she, I don't want to,

[00:46:07] I won't say her name to get her in trouble. And I didn't ask for this, but she brought me four tiny bottles of Tito's. And I'm like, wow. Is there a look on my face that says I really need this right now?

[00:46:17] Well, the British open was on the golf. So sure, why not? I'm like, you know, this is super cool but kind of get a little more orange juice too. Cause, whew. Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm drifting a lot today. The idea of Starbucks as a third place

[00:46:31] became part of its corporate mythology. Starbucks aimed to create a welcoming environment for coffee drinkers and employees with a comfortable seating, jazz music. Their playlists were bizarre. They're crazy. And an aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Employees who brewed and served Starbucks whose Starbucks called baristas

[00:46:48] a term I had never used. No. And I'll use it to their face out of respect. For the children. For the children, right. Fuck up your coffee. But, yeah, they will. Yeah. All of a sudden you'll be standing there in mobile order

[00:47:01] or go one, two, three and yours won't cause you refuse to use the language, the made up language. And they hand wrote customers names on their drinks. It's a made up language. It's not Latin. It's made up. That's how I, I'm not speaking the made up.

[00:47:16] I'm small, medium or large. I'm not going into Venti Vidi, Vichy, Vilo, Vido, whatever. By the time Michelle Eisen joined Starbucks in 2010 as a Buffalo employee, her store was always packed during the holidays with people meeting friends at valence. She witnessed first dates and helped a customer

[00:47:33] propose to a spouse by writing, will you marry me on a cup? Oh boy. It was a cheerful, amazing thing to be part of. It's why there's so many people employees stay for so long. Now, now Michelle has flipped and she has led the Starbucks Union Workers United,

[00:47:49] a group unionizing company stores. I say go for it children. You keep going. Especially if he's not doing it right, then make him do it right. But Starbucks business has transformed and has struggled to maintain an identity as that third place along the way.

[00:48:04] Mobile app and drive-thru orders make up more than 70%. I think the drive, I won't go through the drive-thrues. It's too slow and then if the coffee is too hot inevitably it's going on my pants and I'm gonna get burnt and I'm not gonna file the lawsuit

[00:48:20] because I'm too lazy. I'll just sit there with a burnt leg going, God damn it. There's 9,500 stores in the United States. In some stores customers complain online that Starbucks pulled the comfortable chairs and replaced them with hard wooden stools. They absolutely did. New York there's zeros to seating.

[00:48:40] There's not even a wooden, no. Starbucks has built pickup only stores. I saw one of those in Raleigh, the pickup only. It was great. If you're in a hurry like before the show I wanna go get a giant iced coffee. Boom, I don't have to wait.

[00:48:52] Nothing, it's great. Third place is a broader definition they're saying now. There's a new CEO, Laxman Nara Simhan said last year. It's not relevant anymore. The third, oh no, no it's sure not. Starbucks sales have dropped 3% in the last quarter. Schultz, Howard who stepped down as a CEO

[00:49:15] for a third time and retired to the board of directors wrote a lengthy message on LinkedIn in May about the company's issues. Howard, nobody's reading LinkedIn unless you're already in the corporate world. I don't have a LinkedIn. There's no comedians on LinkedIn that I know of

[00:49:30] unless they have other real jobs. The US operations are the primary reason for the company's fall from grace. The store require a maniacal focus on the customer spirit. The company needs to focus on being experimental, not transactional. The COVID-19 pandemic forced the indoor seating to be closed.

[00:49:51] Yeah but guess what everybody else got over that. Right. I mean I thought it was a stupid idea to begin with. We're gonna create a fake living room for all my comedian friends who are just got nowhere else to go all goddamn day. So that's what's ruining it.

[00:50:10] When you go to your Starbucks termites, report back. So this is what they're gonna do. This is their, this is the plan. They say, Starbucks says it's evolving its third place model from being a physical store to a feeling. Oh! You can't steal my coffee.

[00:50:30] A feeling of what? Get in and get out. That's what the feeling is. To me, the feeling is speed. And I like it. Let's go, let's go, let's go. I don't wanna sit here all day and listen to the music the children have chosen

[00:50:43] and it's too loud and it's like, it depends on what children are in there. You get some old school ones in there and then old souls and they play a little James Taylor. That's nice. Whatever. Starbucks is also, oh my God. In 2022, Starbucks said it was reimagining

[00:50:59] the third place by investing 450 million in new stores with new coffee making equipment to improve efficiency for employees and improving Starbucks mobile ordering system. That's what they're dumping it on too. Yeah. One of these improvements is called the Siren System which is designed to cut down

[00:51:14] the amount of time it takes to make cold drinks. It's opening 2,000 new stores including traditional Starbucks locations, pick up stores, delivery only and drive through only. I don't know how many more wanna sit down. I think a lot of people would just be fine

[00:51:31] and I shouldn't even buy their coffee. It's too expensive and they have a list of people they support that I don't usually pay any attention to that, I can't control that and really at the end of the day I'm a whore because I like their coffee

[00:51:46] but I also am fine with 7-Elevens. It's fine. Wah-wah, fine. The buy-was good. Yeah, fine. The best way Starbucks can preserve the third place is in the digital age is to improve ordering on the mobile app, no. Do you're not gonna have this thing,

[00:52:04] this concept of we all go hang out is gone. Which I don't think it should have been there in the first place. I thought my God, it's like feeding cats. If you, yeah, I've got, not only am I a child as Kettley

[00:52:17] but I have four that showed up and now I have two nightly beggars. They come every night and one is super nice, all black one and then there's an orange and white one that everybody hates. There's fighting, it's an asshole. I don't know who started it.

[00:52:30] I think that cat because my cats don't do that. They've been outside so long, everything walks on the porch, raccoons, possums. They don't even fucking move. The black one and they let that one eat all day long but that orange one must have did something to somebody.

[00:52:46] It's a problem out there. It's a problem. Okay, this is crazy. Well, speaking of fast food and stuff, Chick-fil-A has lost its number one ranking. What? Yep. It's fallen off its perch. Chick-fil-A no longer rules the roost. The Eat More Chicken restaurant change specializing in chicken sandwiches

[00:53:09] is no longer America's number one. Yeah. They improved their speed too. Guess who's number one? Taco Bell. No, not Taco Bell. Del Taco. Wow. I never even heard of the Del Taco till I went to California. I don't know if they're even, see if they're in all 50 states.

[00:53:29] Del Taco? Del Taco. I think it's a West Coast thing. I think it's a West Coast thing too. They also got best fast food fries with its crinkle fries. Del Taco. I've gone to Del Taco. I had the bean, brine and onion burrito. It was good. Ready?

[00:53:48] Majority year in California. The majority year in California. Alabama, Arizona. Alabama, Arizona. Colorado, Florida, Georgia. Colorado, Florida, Georgia. Idaho. Idaho! Michigan, Nevada. Michigan, Nevada. New Mexico. New Mexico. Ohio. Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Oregon. How about Tennessee? No, Utah. How about Missouri? Washington. No.

[00:54:08] No, you're gonna have to drive to Alabama or a spoiler. Wow. Well, I don't even know how that could win then. Chick-fil-A finished number seven this year. Seven? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, they're still kinda slow. It's still slow because there's so many people in line

[00:54:25] and they do everything they can to make it fast. But there you go, Del Taco. I would recommend the bean burrito. It's all I've ever had. It's really good though. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't had it in forever because I don't spend any time in California anymore.

[00:54:40] 15 most dangerous cities in the United States. What? Guess who's ringing it at number one again? My hometown, St. Louis, Missouri. True. St. Louis is only really dangerous if you don't know where you're at. If you know where you're at, well right. I know.

[00:54:56] I'm not gonna say what hotel, but there's a hotel downtown that when you open up the thing, it says there's a jogging path. I'm like, are you kidding? They should be, whoever wrote this, you go jogging and you come back and tell me how that jog went

[00:55:12] because the odds are it's not gonna be good. Second most dangerous city, shocking where my brother went to college, Mobile, Alabama. You're kidding. Nope, the third, Birmingham, Alabama. What's going on? I don't picture either one of those. Mobile, I can see parts from Pretty Sketchy,

[00:55:28] but Birmingham, I don't know. They love the governor. Four, Lewis Black, Baltimore, Maryland. You're kidding. Nope. Lewis and Joan Jett, two most famous people that are Orioles fans. Who the fuck is an Oriole fan? Lot of people last year. Oh, they're really good this year

[00:55:47] and I'm excited for Lewis. But you just, here's how you know if a team has a lot of fans. If you go through an airport, have you ever seen somebody wearing an Oriole hat? No, you see Cubs hats all the time, Yankee hats on, Cardinals.

[00:56:03] Lot of representing for my St. Louis Cardinals. Yeah. Number five, Memphis. I can see that. Yeah. Yeah. There's a feeling in Memphis, but I like it because it is sketchy. And all my Detroit friends, you have fallen to the sixth spot, but I think that's because,

[00:56:21] well, it's like Flint, Michigan, eventually if you just keep shooting people, you'll be out of people to shoot. Yep. I don't know. Detroit's clean and it's act up though. So good for them. Number seven, Cleveland. Yeah, I don't ever feel in, eight, New Orleans.

[00:56:38] Yeah, I feel it the whole time I'm there, but I like it. You can all see it. Yeah, I got, it's just this feeling of, are you a vampire or a murderer? Are you gonna rob me or are you gonna cast a weird spell? Number eight, Shreveport, Louisiana.

[00:56:55] My aunt lived there for a long time. Number 10, Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Louisiana is really clocking in with quite a few here. 11, Little Rock, Arkansas. That's weird. I used to do a club there back in the day and I never felt it was dangerous.

[00:57:10] No, I don't know, maybe something happened. 12, Oakland, California. Well, you hear that on the news. 13, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I walk around downtown. Maybe I'm an idiot. Maybe I should Google shit. I walk around everywhere in Milwaukee and I never thought twice about it. 14 Kansas City, Missouri.

[00:57:28] Another thing, if you know where you're at, you're fine. You just gotta know where, and then my mom would go, I'm never going to a cardinal game again. People are getting shot in Bush Stadium by random bullets flying through. Really, mom? Really? When did that happen?

[00:57:41] And how many people, so you think somebody outside the stadium shot a gun and that bullet traveled then through the perimeter of Bush Stadium, through like the hot dog concession to stands and then boom, it's in the stadium, flying still by itself and then boom, hits a person.

[00:57:59] It's crazy. Maybe it happened once and she read an article, I don't know. Maybe. 15, Philadelphia. Those are 15 most dangerous cities in the United States. North Philly is pretty rough. North Philly, is that the problem? I don't know, I stay downtown, it seems fine.

[00:58:14] I go to that market, what's that market? Reading terminal market. Reading terminal market, it's a blast. Yeah, it's no weirdy or nor Philly. That's Philly. It's not North Philly. No, it's not North Philly. It's Center Philly. This isn't funny, but, but America stopped doing stupid shit

[00:58:38] in national parks when you're on vacation. Don't get a selfie with the Grizzly. Don't do it, just don't do it. You can go to the zoo and get one where he's behind stuff if you want one. Man boiled alive and then completely dissolved

[00:58:53] in water at Yellowstone while sister filmed it. A geyser? No, I'm not gonna say his name. I don't want the people to feel worse about this. I'm just saying, this is a kind of shit. This is why. Did he try to get a geyser or what? Yeah.

[00:59:10] Oh my God. If you're at Yellowstone, we need to have a park ranger. He's our idiot preventer. And he needs to stand there and go, please don't do him in this, you'll dissolve. Don't do that, don't do that. Cause sometimes when I see the picture of it,

[00:59:24] I probably wouldn't know what it was either. And I didn't see any signs. So. It's boiling water. Well, I understand it's boiling water, but in some pictures it doesn't look boiling. It just looks flat and blue and inviting. This man slipped and fell into a hot spring

[00:59:40] at Yellowstone National Park where his body was cooked alive and then dissolved by the acidic waters, all why his sister watched in horror and filmed it. The man tragically met his end by being boiled alive and subsequently dissolved in a hot spring

[00:59:52] while his sister captured it on film. So-and-so he's 23 years old, slipped and fell into the blistering waters, always slipped and fell. Now, see I read a different article that said he got in near the pork chop geyser in Yellowstone. That's a famous one. Is it famous? Yeah.

[01:00:09] I never heard it. Where he was cooked alive, police say, but also why are you this close? Where if you trip and fall, you're in? Come on. It's a selfie, I'm sure it's in. Oh, well, official police documents released after I guess this was a while back.

[01:00:28] He and his sister had ventured into a restricted area in search of a spot for an illicit swim. Ignoring numerous prominent warning signs, okay I didn't see any in the picture but that doesn't mean they're not there, instructing visitors to stay on the barred boardwalk.

[01:00:41] The siblings were filmed stepping off the Norris Geyser Basin's boardwalk in their quest for the perfect pool. Before they could find the spot, So-and-so lost his footing and pledged into the strikingly blue water. It does look inviting. I didn't see any boiling but maybe it didn't get captured

[01:00:57] in the picture. You can smell the sulfur. Oh, like a sulfur, like those springs? God, those smell horrible. All right, we have an update. This is an update, I should have put it in updates. I apologize for my lack of organization.

[01:01:13] I've been distracted by the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. They kept me up all night. What about Alacate? God damn, we need a Missouri person. I think a St. Louis girl made it. I can't remember if she made it or not. So we've had this Delta Global Outage incident.

[01:01:30] Before that it was Southwest last Christmas time where that all went bananas. And before that, not everybody paid attention to this because it wouldn't matter if you're kind of not there but the MGM in Vegas got hacked big time and they paid the ransom.

[01:01:46] Cause my friend goes, well, why would these kids work for these hacking groups? I'm like, cause they get paid because the hackers demand a ransom. They get the ransom and then the people, I'm sure the MGM says fine, fucking pay it. We're losing money, nothing works.

[01:01:59] The elevators don't work, the slot machines don't work, nothing, and it wasn't just the MGM. It's all their properties. So half of Vegas is just kaput. Well, they found one person involved, arrested him last Thursday. He's a 17 year old. He's one of the children. He's a child.

[01:02:20] He's a child. And he's a hacker. He's a Brit. 17 year old English teenager was arrested over an alleged connection to a hacking group responsible for a series of ransomware attacks on American companies, including one that kept MGM resorts international computer system down for 10 days last year.

[01:02:39] People couldn't check in. You couldn't check out. The elevator wouldn't work. I mean, it's, I think it's, we are society and my friend Mark who loves Dr. Carlson. It's one thing we want wholeheartedly agree on, but we're throwback people. I don't, I think we are one mistake away

[01:02:59] from complete chaos. And people say, oh, let's go to a cashless society. Okay, well, what about when it all breaks? And then we're just sitting here going, no, I swear I have money, can I ever ride? I mean, the most valuable things is gonna be

[01:03:11] my friend Andrew Dorfman's house because he has chickens and cows. We'll have food or hoard cash. Maybe I'll start doing that. Start hoarding cash. Yeah. Yeah, I got spots for it. I'm gonna start hoarding cash. Then you're gonna come over here when something bad happens and go

[01:03:27] and I borrow $100 and I'm gonna go, nope, cause you made fun of it on the podcast. Nope, I'll give you 25. He was initially placed into police custody on suspicion of blackmail and offenses related to the Computer Misuse Act. According to enforcement people in England,

[01:03:45] he was released on bail where the agency continues with other inquiries. He's believed to have been working with the largest scale cyber hacking community. They carried out an online attack in September 2023, which left the MGM chain vulnerable. Customers took to social media. They were pissed about the ATMs

[01:04:06] in war slot machines, restaurants, digital room keys, multiple days. This arrest is part of a global investigation. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how you track these guys. I watched that show with that actor guy that Lou knows the young guy. It was about hackers.

[01:04:20] It got too hard for me. I didn't understand. He's a great actor though. Shoot, a young guy. It was a great, Lou loved it cause Lou, yeah, Rami, somebody. He played some mercury. See if that show comes up. It was a great hacker show.

[01:04:41] And then it just got too hard for me. My brain couldn't get around it. Lou loved the whole thing. Rami Malik. Rami Malik, what was the hacker show? Mr. Robot. Right, I couldn't believe Lou knew him. Yeah, it's on Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime.

[01:04:59] The home of comedy for Kathleen. The home of comedy for a hunting bait for Kathleen Madigan. And I think I have other ones streaming on there. I'm not sure. Jesus. That's what the one UPS guy, he likes, one guy drops stuff off all the time.

[01:05:16] He's like, well, where can I watch all your specials? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. I know there's one on Amazon, maybe two. There's probably, that's the one is still on Netflix, but I don't, I don't know. I know where the most recent ones are. Right.

[01:05:33] The number of digital devices were collected from the team's home after the arrest. The devices are collected, are set to undergo forensic examination, but they let him go. God knows what he's doing out on bail. Right, right. They'll probably be hacked. He'll probably hack them.

[01:05:52] These cyber groups have targeted well-known organization ransom and successfully targeted multiple victims around the world, taking from them significant amounts of money. Yeah, when they, I believe, I believe MGM paid 60 million. Oh my God. Google, what did MGM pay? What was the ransom to undo the damage?

[01:06:18] It's easier to just pay it. 100 million. And then they haven't caught them. So they got away with it. Yeah. Poof. That kid's in trouble. Kids, yeah, yeah. All right, hold on. Did you put it all in Bitcoin? What? Did he put it all in Bitcoin?

[01:06:40] I don't know if he put it in Bitcoin, but my Bitcoin is doing just fine and Donald Trumposaurus is coming to Nashville for the Bitcoin conference. I saw, I saw, I saw a billboard. It's gonna make a major announcement. I think there's gonna be a Bitcoin,

[01:06:53] a national finance, something. Yeah, I don't really know anything about all that. Maybe Trump he likes cats. Trump doesn't have any animals. Donald Trump has none. Joe Biden has German shepherds that repeatedly bite everyone on the premises. If you want to see the greatest president of all time,

[01:07:14] it's the president of Ireland. Now that's a ceremonial role. They have a prime minister, but they still have a president, Michael Higgins. He looks like he jumped out of a leprechaun hut and he has Bernie's mountain dogs and he brings them to formal events.

[01:07:29] And if you're scared, tough shit get out. The dogs are staying. They mingle in these cocktail parties. If you Google the videos of, I think it's Michael D Higgins. He's a little old man and then the catty kids in Ireland, they were like, he's absolutely brilliant.

[01:07:44] Don't let his look fool you because he dresses like a grandpa. He's got his nice little wool suit on and a vest and all that stuff. The dogs are never not with him. Even he was given a serious ceremonial thing and the dog just like,

[01:07:56] blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like wanting his attention. I just love that he lets them walk around a cocktail party. Yep, that's who I would like to be the president, but he's a foreigner and he's probably not interested in the gig.

[01:08:08] So this is crazy. Okay, we have a new Nostradamus, also a new Baba Vanga if you will. And he's smoking hot. He's from South America. They're calling him the living Nostradamus. He predicted the Microsoft outage this happened. He predicted it three months ago. What? Yep.

[01:08:32] Nope, he said the world would suffer a three day tech blackout in 2024. And now he claims it may lead to an escalation of confrontation. I don't know that I would call the airline one. It wasn't just Delta, it was the other ones,

[01:08:47] but the other ones just got back on track faster. It was everybody but Southwest. So I guess that's global. His name is Athos Solome. He's 36 years old. Here's what he's predicted so far that's been right. He's from Brazil. He's often referred to as a psychic

[01:09:07] due to the accuracy of his insights and prediction. After previously foreseeing the coronavirus pandemic, Elon Musk buying Twitter and even the Queen's death. He warned that the world would see technology blackouts this year that would throw the world into chaos.

[01:09:21] I don't know, but did we call that world chaos? Not just yet. I don't think that's the one. I think you wanna say world chaos, it's gotta be bigger than- The banking system. The banking system or something like that. Or the grids. Yeah. But then they're separate.

[01:09:40] I mean, the Texas grid is different than the national grid in the Tennessee grid. So that wouldn't be global. No. Look at us giving all these ideas to hackers. Yeah. Hey hackers, do you listen to this podcast? This guy is really cute.

[01:09:56] He was trained as a parapsychologist from Brazil who's, Microsoft said it was investigating, blah, blah, but if you wanna follow him, I'll put it in the schnotes. And you can, I don't know if he's on Twitter. We'll put wherever he posts. He's playing on Instagram.

[01:10:18] He explained the blackout alluded to escalating tensions between Israel and Iran, potentially paving the way for large scale conflict akin to a third world war. This is gonna be a great year. You just gotta lean into it. Can't just tell some alcohol. Gummies if you will.

[01:10:37] And yeah, that's... It's all tech stuff though. Before tech, Nostradamus and those guys were more fun. I mean, they're not upbeat people, Baba Vanga, but they were more about weather and world leaders. Now we're slipping into tech and that's what they're seeing, that's what they're seeing.

[01:10:59] They gotta report it, but I suppose if you're him you should say it, but also it's kinda boring. Yeah. Yeah. Well until your bank account gets worse. More until you're stuck in the Atlanta airport and you can't get into Fridays or what's... Oh, P.F. Chaggs.

[01:11:15] It's hard enough to get into P.F. Chaggs in Atlanta airport on a good day. Yep. And... Any bar. Any bar. Yeah. I think you ordered an iPad. This is great news for my Loch Ness Monster fans. And so this has been my theory the whole time.

[01:11:35] It's not like just mine. I mean, there are a lot of people on board with this. Loch Ness Monster existence plausible following incredible new discovery. Whoa! Mm-hmm. Because a new discovery that has proved the existence of the Loch Ness Monster plausible according to scientists.

[01:11:56] A recent revolution made in the Sahara Desert News, whatever it is. Sahara was part of a freshwater system 100 million years ago. Pleasors, I'm sorry, Plesiosaurus is what the Loch Ness Monster is widely to believe that's what I think it is.

[01:12:13] It had been largely considered to be sea creatures. Loch Ness in Scotland is a freshwater body of water, but a saltwater creature that they thought can't survive in freshwater. As a result, scientists previously dismissed the possibility of a sea creature living in freshwater. Now according to these findings,

[01:12:33] there's potential that such a creature would have inhabited freshwater locks such as Loch Ness. Scientists can't rule out the fact that these creatures may have been permanent freshwater residents. Oh. Right. There you go. Right. They suspect these ancient creatures possibly lived in freshwater having found the same food,

[01:12:52] food chipping their teeth on the armored fish that lived in the region. It comes after Nessie attacks were listed as his most peculiar insurance policy ever issued. In 2005 a group of swimmers secured a $1 million policy against bites from the monster.

[01:13:07] Then in 2013 a cruise company took out a policy to safeguard their vessels for up to $1.5 million in damages possibly inflicted by the mythical beast. Boy, that'd be the great day to be working at that insurance company. Wouldn't it be great? And put it on hold and go,

[01:13:22] you're not believe what these people, these people on line one want me to ensure them against the Loch Ness monster. I'm so doing it. So there you go. If they lived in freshwater a long time ago, why can't they now? The only problem with my theories

[01:13:41] is there's not a lot of food in Loch Ness. I don't know what they're eating. We gotta get a scientist on that. What are they eating? Speaking of weird, speaking of weird and like kind of what the fuck. I don't know if you guys saw this,

[01:13:57] but a rare video shows isolated indigenous tribe emerging from the Amazon amid nearby logging. Yeah. And there's a lot of them. And they're on what looks to be like a dried out river bed. There's a little water in it, but it's like they came out of the forest.

[01:14:13] They're being moved out. If I would, somebody has to be an envoy to these people and say, look, tell them, meaning the world, if you keep doing this, we're gonna set the whole goddamn thing on fire. And I give them a five gallon gas thing

[01:14:31] that I have in my garage. I can have it for free. And a book of matches. Keep doing it. Keep logging, keep destroying the rainforest. I mean, I don't know how much we're supposed to keep, but I don't feel like the laws in South America are exactly.

[01:14:46] On the up and up. On the up and up. I don't really feel like there's a lot of people paying attention. This is members of the Mashko Piro tribe. They were filmed along a Peruvian river where companies have been demolishing land with government support.

[01:15:02] So why are we doing this? Cause we don't care about these people, but how about do you care about the rainforest? Yeah. Right, we should. Right. And I'm not even like a, yo, you know, yay. I don't really think about this stuff.

[01:15:16] Well, I leave that up to my friend Amy and then she tells me what I'm supposed to think. And then I just go, okay. And at least in a half of it. Hmm. More than 50 members of the Mashko Piro tribe were seen on June 26th

[01:15:29] near the Yain village of Montez Salvador close to the borders of Brazil. And Bolivia representative said, so did not several logging companies hold timber concessions inside the territory that belongs to the Mashko. So they're just taking their shit. This is the nearest,

[01:15:45] but to see them come out and they will kill you. They've killed people, which I don't blame them. You know, we're not here bothering anybody. We're doing nothing. We're in the forest, we live, we don't take anything from earth, the resources from earth only take what we need.

[01:16:02] We don't, you people are the problem. And then boom, they show up. If I have a spear that works, I'm using it. Perfect. They have had no contact with people from the outside area and are considered voluntarily isolated. They have angrily denounced the presence

[01:16:17] of the loggers on their land. Survivor International citing the Yain who speak a language similar to that of the Mashko Piro. Survival International director Caroline So-and-So called the loggers presence on the land. A humanitarian disaster in the making. It's absolutely vital that the loggers are thrown out

[01:16:39] and the Mashko Piro's territory is properly protected at last. Well, it doesn't look like it's gonna be happening. And I'll tell you, I don't know how these logger people, probably it's the company making the money, I'm sure. The actual loggers probably aren't making shit.

[01:16:55] And they're the one that's gonna take an arrow or a spear because you're going where you should be going. Nope. It's a protected area. Nobody cares. It's a crazy picture though. I'll put it in the show. At least put a shaman or something out there.

[01:17:10] That won't scare them. A shaman? That freaks me out. Maybe, maybe not. Totally freaked me out. I don't know. Yeah, like bones and makeup. So, Nick, I'm not gonna do it this week because it's too long. And everything in this story is so great

[01:17:27] that it's worth a while. So I'll save it for next week. The cocaine kingpin who hid as a professional soccer player. I'm waiting, I'm waiting. That's what I got. Yeah, I'm gonna do some thank yous and then some quotes. That's it. What do you mean? All right. Yeah.

[01:17:51] I'm working hard here. Doing the work of the Lord. Might gotta get some shout outs to Robert and his mom, Kathleen. They brought Kate May Beer. That's New Jersey. It's where my brother got married in Kate May. Dots, pretzels and Haribu, I call it boo, I know.

[01:18:10] Corey and Anna Marie got me a What Would Dollywood Do notebook. It's great. And tons of goldfish. So I need that. Turn my jump. Thank you for the Heffen-Visen beer. Always exciting. And I had the beer monster, Michael Summerville with me.

[01:18:23] So his eyes were just boing, boing, boing. Every time stuff would come back. He's like, say you're gonna take that back to Nashville. I'm like, or maybe put it in your car to New York. Yvonne and Andrea. Chocolate Cover Graham Crams. Graham Crackers. Stewart's Orange Soda.

[01:18:42] I love orange soda. It's so good. I don't even care if it's diet. Actually non-diet is great too. They told you it makes up with the Srirac. Oh yeah, the Srirac vodka, vanilla vodka. Finally. Yeah, somebody thought of that. And then BJ Colleen, Joan Laurie, Monica Rita,

[01:19:00] Jennifer and Tony all in one group. They brought a lot of greenies. And then there's these catnip ball things. I have to figure out what I'm supposed to do. I think I'm supposed to stick them on a wall. And then I'm not licking it. They will.

[01:19:16] They love their cocaine banana. Whoever sent the banana, they can't. Wow, they get so jacked up on that. They ate the one that had to go buy another one on Amazon. It exploded. There's catnip all over the family room. I'm like, Jesus Christ, they went insane.

[01:19:30] All right, Tay-Tay. OK, this is Taylor Swift. This is our song by Tyler Conroy, 2016. When you say control freak and OCD and organize, that suggests someone who's cold in nature. And I'm just not. But I just like my house to be neat.

[01:19:54] And I don't like to make a big mess that would hurt people. All right. I don't operate well if the house is a mess. I can't get shit done, because I just lay there looking for other things to do other than clean the house.

[01:20:11] Travis seems like a little bit of a pig child. But also, I don't know, he's just a big giant dude. You just assume they leave dishes in the sink. I just look at him and go, but that's not fair.

[01:20:22] I mean, there are some guys that care about that. But I never know. Dolly Parton discussing her career when accepting the music cares person of the year award. I never met a man whose rear I couldn't kick if he didn't treat me with the right respect.

[01:20:40] All right, Tay. Well done. Yeah. All right, Turvites. I will see you kids down the road. I am off to San Antonio. And Austin, San Antonio? Well, the termite told me that Rosario's I knew it was moving. But I guess it actually has now.

[01:20:57] And it doesn't have the same grit as the old location. But she said the food is just as good. So I'll trust that. And then because it's only going to be in the 80s, I thought it would be like in the hundos.

[01:21:07] I thought it'd be super duper, duper hot. It's actually going to be cooler than here or the Ozarks. The Alamo, I go every time. There's so much. You never see it all. The gift shops, fun. It's just a wonderful experience.

[01:21:23] It's never too crowded because there's so much space. And then this group of women saved it. It almost got wrecked. And then there's a haunted hotel right in the same square. It's an old-timey saloon type hotel. I don't stay there. But I go to the bar there.

[01:21:44] And I will have time to do that. So I'm excited about that. And then Austin, Texas. Very excited for Matzel Rancho Margatini. I love that place. Yeah, it's very happy. Oh, there's a couple little cards too. They just made me smile.

[01:22:03] This lady, Joan, I won't say her last name. She even turned her grandchildren on to me. The twins. Yeah. They went to a family vacation in Tennessee and stopped at Bucky's. The grandkids loved it. How can you not? I hope Bucky was there.

[01:22:18] You're going to go to Bucky's this weekend? I'm going to Bucky's in Texas, yes. She said I should write a travel tour book in my future. I'll do that in my 80s. And then every place I'll talk about would be closed.

[01:22:31] It's like when I would go to Denver somewhere where my dad would go, you got to go to the saloon. Dad, it's not open anymore. Ask for Mike the bartender. Oh my god, I don't think he's still working there unless he's a vampire and can live to 200.

[01:22:46] This is from Kathleen's. But with a say, she's the one who brought the Kate May beer, which was really great. The East Coast people bring it. I'll tell you they really bring it. And they're super fun. And shout out to all the termites

[01:22:59] I met in the casino and it was great to run. People get so excited. But then I got Lou in tow too. So then they're like, is that the guy? Yeah, that's the guy from Anger. But Lou's always very kind. He did time.

[01:23:13] People, yeah, he went on stage. He did time. He was very, very funny. He was talking about his parents living to 104 and 101. The chances of your parents doing that? You have a better chance of winning the Powerball. And then Lou's joke is, the longer I thought about it,

[01:23:29] I wish I'd have won the Powerball. He did great. He did a 10 minute set. They got so excited that he came out. It's very exciting to be backstage and introduce somebody where I know they're going to get excited too.

[01:23:45] And I mean, there was a group of women that just popped up. I'm like, a standing ovation was should I? I wouldn't have brought them out. I don't want to follow that. Michael, get back out here. Get back out here. Yeah, it was great to hang out.

[01:23:56] We got to watch golf all morning and eat our sub sandwiches. And the weather was perfect and all that. So I will see you termites in Texas. I'm very excited for a Bucky stop. I'm excited. All of it. The gig's great. We shall see. We shall see.

[01:24:12] All right. That's it. Are you ready?