Episode 171: Cartel Timeshares, & Monster Pets Next Door

[00:00:00] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan.

[00:00:10] Welcome to Madigan's Pubcast.

[00:00:12] You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on.

[00:00:24] Termites fire! And then I went in, because I put her in the other room when I was cleaning the desk, and she was dancing by herself. Ooh, if you don't know it's solar power, you're like, whoa. But it's not too scary, because she's nice. It'd be a little more scary if Bucky was doing it. Yeah, it'd be fine. Yeah, I stopped at two Bucky's this weekend,

[00:01:42] and I think they should have a reality show

[00:01:44] called Bucky's After Midnight.

[00:01:46] And you don't have I bought a shirt. Yeah, all kinds of stuff. What am I drinking? Chattanooga. Chattanooga is such a great town. It's a good little lager too. I would totally live there. If you're young, go to Chattanooga. That's why, because it's more affordable than Nashville.

[00:03:00] It's prettier, sorry Nashville.

[00:03:02] We all can't, come on.

[00:03:04] The mountains, the mountains.

[00:03:07] It doesn't work out. Heaven is not in Asheville. Heaven is get down. Now, I mean, Asheville is beautiful and all that, but you know, the children, I'm just saying the children, the 20 and 30 somethings are just killing it in Chattanooga. Problem is, not enough flights out of the airports for this working lady. That's-

[00:04:20] And a lot canceled.

[00:04:21] Oh, they cancel a lot,

[00:04:22] cause it's in the mountains.

[00:04:24] It gets foggy and then it gets hard to get out.

[00:04:26] Yep.

[00:04:27] Or go if you're retired. I forget where the others are, but it was, they're a rib house and they serve them, you get the dry rib, dry rub ribs, and then they have any kind of sauce you want to go over. It was delicious. This is a monster sauce, a habanero. Is this from, I forgot. Somebody brought that in Huntsville. This was brought, oh, okay, in Huntsville.

[00:05:42] All right.

[00:05:43] I don't know, whenever it says monster,

[00:05:44] I get scared that it's a very good idea. Go off the beaten path. I don't understand all these celebrities that everybody has a fucking vodka. Just can't anybody, I don't know, make a... Cheese dip. Yeah, like, even... I don't know, the whiskey, what's-his-face, the little UFC guy.

[00:07:02] Conor McGregor.

[00:07:04] Appropriate.

[00:07:05] He's a little Irish angry leprechaun, and he wants proper, proper 12.

[00:08:04] And he said, Kathleen, what guy who weighs over 250 in this country doesn't have food on his shirt?

[00:08:06] And I said, well, that's a really good point, Dan.

[00:08:10] And then I told Ron, I go, your shirt looks like shit.

[00:08:14] And it's gonna make you look fat on TV.

[00:08:16] Cause it was like white and gray.

[00:08:17] And he goes, is this even real TV?

[00:08:20] I go, yes.

[00:08:21] He goes, what channel?

[00:08:23] I go, the biography channel.

[00:08:24] He goes, well, I don't think I have that at my house.

[00:08:26] I go, that doesn't make it not real.

[00:08:28] Change your shirt. Every a bazillion times driving through for work or fun or whatever. I've passed a place called Sea Rock City There's bird houses all over the place in Tennessee and Kentucky that say Sea Rock City It's a red bird house with a black roof and says Sea Rock City So I thought well, we'll leave in from Chattanooga to go to Huntsville

[00:09:42] easy drive

[00:09:45] Definitely I should go up there and I gotta say Fuck they are, I don't know. Stalagmites. I've seen a bazillion caves, but there's a waterfall in there. But I also feel kind of claustrophobic in caves because I think what if this whole thing collapses right now? I don't love the, yeah. I liked the idea of the one in Branson, Missouri because you get a golf cart and there's a bar and you get your drink and then you get to go through the cave in your golf cart.

[00:11:00] And then I think if I heard the rocks crumbling,

[00:11:02] you step on it, boom, I'm out of the,

[00:11:05] with my little Red Bull and vodka, I'm out of there.

[00:11:08] Yeah. You've got a lot of NASA people just hanging around. And then, but I thought about it, Von Braun Center, because they took this Nazi scientist and put them all in Huntsville years ago.

[00:12:20] And the German thing is still there.

[00:12:21] It's very weird when you Google best restaurants in Huntsville.

[00:12:25] It's real German places. And they, that's another thing about living in, I call it small, medium town. Like Chattanooga or Huntsville. Everything's just fun and not expensive. You can go to the hockey game, they're good. They're, you know, the havoc. And I liked it because they have a wolf called Chaos and they come out through the wolf. Ah, cool. So.

[00:13:40] And Michael Palaczuk was the opening act,

[00:13:42] in case you're wondering who that comedian guy was with me.

[00:13:45] Very funny.

[00:13:46] A lot of people asked.

[00:13:47] A lot of people asked. Queen news. Oh, I forgot. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome everyone. I'm so sorry I was a little late to the show. Yeah. Bang, bang, bang the tambourine. Bang, bang. Queen Stevie was in Greenville, South Carolina, apparently this weekend, I guess. And Scott, a termite.

[00:15:06] He's a heat monster. So I don't know, Stevie, I think in July and August, she'd be like, Oh my God, this place

[00:16:20] has turned to an evil eye of heat and humidity that I can escape. is still trying to dig out of it. In celebration of its annual Lobster Fest, Red Lobster is giving 150 winners an endless lobster experience, a two hour complimentary feast of unlimited lobster, two sides of cheddar bay biscuits. I love those biscuits. You can make them at home now, and I have, and they taste pretty good. They're not as good, but they're close. The Florida-based chain

[00:17:41] is hardly the first real error to use. How do we know they did that? Sometimes I think they do it to get the headline and look I'm repeating it. So it's working Does anybody really check? It's not a contest So the government doesn't need to get involved If you run a contest and you promise prizes and you have to do it and the government can investigate that this is just a promotion

[00:19:02] Yeah, I don't know

[00:19:04] Starting February 20th while supplies last 150 winners will have a chance to enjoy Red Loby. So this is kind of crazy. So Beyonce has a country song and that's apparently why she was dressed up like a country person at that award show. I didn't understand that. I'm like, what's this country Western, she had on a cowboy hat and hold it. Well, now we know why, because she released a country song. And then a lot of people got mad and said,

[00:20:21] they don't like the jumping into genres

[00:20:25] just to fuck around.

[00:20:26] Like I get it to sing with it. First of all, I had to learn years ago in a green room about Hammy the hamster. My friend, Lars, the Canadian comedians, sometimes you touch on something and they all go, yeah. And like, none of us know what the fuck they're talking about. Well, they had a cartoon.

[00:21:40] It wasn't a cartoon.

[00:21:41] It was a live hamster and they put him in a submarine and then they literally put him

[00:21:47] in a million years think Beyonce does not know this. See if she wrote that song, the cowboy song, whatever she's singing now.

[00:23:02] I liked the song, but I'll put the link up. There was a YouTube link where they, I was going to go try and find them both my own,

[00:24:22] but I found a link where somebody already did that.

[00:24:24] Thank you.

[00:24:25] Whoever did that, oh man. Yeah. Oh, oh. But then it would be funny to be at the trial.

[00:25:41] This is Franklin the Turtle.

[00:25:43] This is our song, God damn it.

[00:25:45] And we wrote it and likes it. It's just got different words. Bring out Hamlet and Amster. You're going to hate this story, Paddles.

[00:27:02] If you're not a fan of snakes, look away now. However, the northern green anaconda has been confirmed as a distinct species in a new study published in this diversity. Ugh. Together with 14 other scientists from nine countries, we discovered that the largest snake species in the world, the green anaconda,

[00:28:20] they're two different species. So it's a new one.

[00:28:23] Oh my God.

[00:28:25] Now see, my friend Andrew would jump right in this river and try to catch it.

[00:28:28] I know. lose their minds. God damn it. You're not supposed to be paint, you know, finger paints on the wall. But what if it's your kid is Cezanne? But the problem is you don't know your kid is Cezanne until he becomes Cezanne. You just think he's fucking up your walls. And he probably got hit for this. Probably got sent to his room for this. A new work

[00:29:40] believed to be by the French painter Paul Cezanne has been found on the walls of his

[00:29:43] childhood home during renovations. The work measures a maritime scene of pennons or banners atop a ship with ship mass pointing into the sky. Wow, that's pretty complicated for a kid. Oh, yeah, there it is. Lobby, damn. Well, you would think if it, but who would think they'd draw

[00:31:01] on the walls?

[00:31:02] They're going to try to open it to the public,

[00:31:06] but it's have looked like. It looks like a dragon lizard, I would say.

[00:32:23] Yeah, the fossils the monsters next door. This map reveals where dangerous pets, including white rhinos, somebody has a rhino? Venomous Gila monsters. This comes out because a kid in Colorado was bitten by his own Gila monster and died.

[00:33:41] He's dead.

[00:33:43] And kangaroos are being kept as pets in the US.

[00:33:45] Oh my God.

[00:33:46] I know. cat, a kitten, fuck, a squirrel. It could live for years in Texas. It likes the heat. I mean, state laws vary wildly as to what exotic, endangered creatures that are either outright prohibited as pets or acceptable with a permit are totally unregulated across the US. The problem is the internet again. People are just ordering shit. Like my friend

[00:35:02] Andrew sometimes goes to exotic animal auctions, like he bought a giant turkey. Its name is Tim. Tim, tell me the truth, do you have a black mamba? I mean, I'm not gonna rat you out, but I need to know that for my own safety. I'm gonna have to get a gun. Go over to, yeah. Tigers, grizzly bears. So here's some of the shit that's legal. Pennsylvania, there's no laws. What? Yep. At all?

[00:36:20] Nope.

[00:36:21] Oh my God.

[00:36:21] Do you have a zebra in Philadelphia?

[00:36:23] This is, in North Carolina, you can own a tiger.

[00:36:26] In Florida, you can own a white rhino.

[00:36:29] Wow. in Kansas and Nebraska in the middle where there's nothing going on, I'd be like, let them have a chimp. What else? It's really flat and kind of not very, very active. I don't think I knew Gila monsters. I knew they were poisonous, but I didn't know that it would kill you, I don't think. It killed a 34 year old man this month in the Lakewood

[00:37:42] suburbs outside of Denver. It's legal without as the dog. Some zoos have reportedly exhibited wolf dogs and just call them wolves. That's how much they look like a wolf, I guess. Lots of states you can have one though. New Hampshire, Jersey, Vermont.

[00:39:04] It's only illegal in 11 states. New York. She, she pleaded with 911. The victim who survived sued the state for $150 million for keeping the practice of the

[00:40:22] chimp pet ownership so unregulated.

[00:40:24] Yeah. So I was holding the turtle and Kevin put his shell back together with this vet glue. But then we all learned why the shell is so important. And the poor little guy had to have his shell. But one time he brought a wallaby backstage. That's because I would always fighting. They've got strong legs and sharp claws and they can do real damage. Then it goes on with the rest of them, the rock python, the rhino.

[00:43:01] As long as you have 2.5 acres of land,

[00:43:03] the state of Florida will let you keep

[00:43:05] a whole menagerie of animals, It's a poorly regulated industry. Yeah, I wouldn't see that in Pennsylvania. More of a Southern thing where we're not doing those kind of laws. You do you. If you get eaten by your own pet, that's on you. Right, but what if it gets out and it ends up on my front porch and I go out there and there's a black mamba? What's somebody gonna say about that?

[00:44:23] This makes me laugh.

[00:44:24] Because I think this is gonna happen to me fear is happening a bunch at Hertz. A lot of people getting arrested for cars that they did return. Hertz developed a reputation for sending customers to prison for stealing cars they'd actually returned, right? Prison. One elite member, and I'm elite, I'm an Avis wizard, and I'm Hertz gold, and then national.

[00:45:44] I rent-

[00:45:45] You rent an emerald.

[00:45:46] Wizard, dial person.

[00:45:48] Yeah. Why don't you have a, put a low jack on it. Track me. I don't care. So it was pretty jarring to me that a reader recently received the scariest letter that anyone who frequents this blog can get. They rented a car from Hertz and Hertz wrote to them to say the car was missing. Oh my God. Oh my God.

[00:47:00] Dear so and so.

[00:47:01] They blacked that part out.

[00:47:02] This is from the Hertz Corporation, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

[00:47:06] Thank you for being a valued Hertz customer. You said saying I didn't do it. Well, I need one that says I did. What if there's a warrant out for my arrest? Then I have to be careful. I'm speeding. Yes. This is, just be careful people when you return your cars. But I don't know what to say when there's no one there. It's four in the morning.

[00:48:20] Guess who's getting up at Wichita at four in the morning?

[00:48:23] Just this lady.

[00:48:24] You're gonna do a video of you putting the keys in.

[00:48:26] That's a good idea.

[00:48:27] Do a video.

[00:48:28] Yes, everybody's got fun. about this bullshit with these airlines. This does not include Delta who just shared $1.4 billion with their employees. Wonderful. You don't want us to check the bags. You're mad about that. You're gonna charge us a shit ton of money, but you also don't want us bringing the stuff on the plate.

[00:49:40] Please don't, every flight I get on,

[00:49:42] we don't have enough bin space if you'd like,

[00:49:44] but here's how you do it.

[00:49:45] Check your bag for free.

[00:49:46] Just take it with you.

[00:50:45] the baggage charges? Nay nay. They did not as John Panett would say. Nay nay. Right. The fees and all this bullshit. Executives say travel who purchase check bags ahead of

[00:50:51] time can free up congestion at the airport. Listen, what is it? Do you want us to check

[00:50:57] the bags? Or do you want all the bullshit to bring on the plane? I mean, there are at

[00:51:01] least, I would say four people that board anymore. I'm like, yes, you are. Yet you and the goddamn dog, the three of you yahoos are getting on that plane first. I don't want to hear a word about it. I buy the A-list thing. I don't like the sneaking. It's a Catholic school. I would feel guilty. And then I would think the plane would crash and it's all because I cheated and I'm not going to do that. It's

[00:52:20] bad karma.

[00:52:22] Earlier this week, American raised its check bag in, US airlines brought in more than 5.1 billion from baggage fees, up more than 25% in the same period of 2019. Is that pre-COVID or after COVID still very, very cheap. Very cheap. But you have to be willing to do all that. And sometimes the middle seat, my friend Aaron, he's lost a bunch of weight, but when he was chubby, he said him and another chubby guy would take the window in the aisle and then no one would want to sit between them. And I thought that's where I would have wanted to sit. It'd be so cozy. You guys should have two giant bears.

[00:55:01] Oh, that'd be great.

[00:55:04] Southwest, they contacted them.

[00:55:05] They said, no, no feud. Just saying. The last episode of Feud though, I felt like was a filler. Yeah. But then when I stopped watching it, I can't stop talking like that for like a whole day. His laugh. El Chapo's granddaughter.

[00:56:22] Where's El Chapo termites? We know this.

[00:56:23] Colorado.

[00:56:24] He's in Colorado in a prison.

[00:57:30] the most feared people in the Americas as the head of the Sinaloa drug cartel in Mexico. He once boasted of 3000 murders. He was jailed in 2015, but managed to tell it. We know the

[00:57:34] story if you've ever watched Narcos. If you haven't, I would highly recommend it. But

[00:57:41] the 67-year-old was re-arrested. We all know that. So her name is Frida. She was picked up in DC. I remember that. The former beauty queen who married the Ruthless. So that's what the grandkids are probably reaping all the rewards. Absolutely. Yeah. The money's still, the money, there's money everywhere. Literally. In couches and cars. I mean cash. This makes me laugh too. This can't really make it a home. So it's really like a condo that you're sharing with strangers. I don't get Yeah. Well, I don't know any tomatoes like your time shares. I mean, if you watch the news in the day, CNN or Fox, any of them, whether it's just old people

[01:00:20] watching the news, every other ad stuck in a timeshare, let us

[01:00:23] help you. I'm like, what? a year so that his children could spend time near the

[01:01:41] ocean as they grew older.

[01:01:43] Two weeks a year cost that much.

[01:01:45] That's crazy.

[01:01:46] That's crazy.

[01:01:47] What? of those. Looking back, this was the first time he was getting duped by a telemarketing scam, one that would end up costing him nearly $1.8 million as he tried time and time again to sell his timeshare. It's almost like an addiction. I kept thinking the next person was going to help me get out of it. According to the US government over the last decade, thousands of Americans, many of them elderly, falling prey to a complex scheme involving

[01:03:03] one of Mexico's most violent cartels. In times I mean, it's still not legal, but you know, you're on a better, it's better than fentanyl. Yeah, you're not actively killing people. Steven, you should have known not to give a stranger $3,900. Do I feel sorry for you? Kinda, yeah.

[01:04:22] This shocked me.

[01:04:24] We got about, we got enough time to do this.

[01:04:26] All right, well, I'm just of this. I know people will argue, Oh, well, those tests don't really show you how smart the person is. And then other people go, nah, at some point, we got to judge this person. You know, fair enough. I mean, but I would have just gracefully admitted

[01:05:40] it. There's no reason for me to sit in a room torturing myself

[01:05:43] with a pencil for eight hours termites about this. I'm just saying it's not Ivy league. No, I know USC isn't, but well, I didn't even, I, in the Midwest, I seriously thought like Harvard and Yale were closed. I thought they closed after the movie love story. I thought that was a thing of way, way, way back in the past. I didn't even know they were open. I'm like, what people still go there. Yeah. I didn't. And he's like, Kathleen, it's not that big of a deal. I'll go, it is to a Midwest person. If I went to Yale, all of my clothing would say, I went to Yale. All of it, sweatshirts, sweatpants, that, yeah. That's amazing. And then I heard that Jodie Foster went to Yale because that stalker guy was calling her dorm room. I read a story about that.

[01:08:20] I'm like, well, look at her.

[01:08:21] Oh, and then I found out

[01:08:23] this was the craziest thing ever said to me in a sentence.

[01:08:27] Well, not the craziest, but it's a memorable one. I got it now. I don't have any exceptional talents that I knew of at the time. And she said, I mean, we have a long list of intellectuals and she said, Albert Einstein attended classes here and taught classes here. And she goes, and so did Brooke Shields. I go, you want to retake it? No. Why would I want to go do that again? If I did that hung over, I imagine I'd have got a 28 if I was completely sober. Who cares? They're letting you in at an 18. I surpassed my own expectations. Yep. And I certainly wouldn't take it now.

[01:11:02] I did not know they did that. Well, they're coming back. So you little creature? Do you want a Snickers? Here, I'll give you 20 bucks if you explain to me what's happening. I'll give you money. But they always start their explanation with a video game. And I've never heard of that. Unless you're doing something from Donkey Kong or Ms. Pac-Man, I'm not gonna know what it is. And then I just, but I don't want them to have to explain

[01:12:20] the video games.

[01:12:21] So I just go, oh, and I smile a lot.

[01:12:22] Anyway, there are Lego adult people.

[01:12:25] You're gonna love to hear,

[01:12:26] a Pennsylvania Goodwill received a really new, unique, Lego and they do have the whole hole so it clicks into something else. There were 25 that were given away and five remain for people who actually worked at Lego, Chad Smith and executive so 23 years later one of these resurfaces and it's really unique. The then you guys can see if you're living your best life. And then I'm gonna say a couple of thank yous and do my quotes.

[01:15:00] And then I'm gonna go play with baby cat.

[01:15:05] I've lived in the Netherlands for 14 years.

[01:15:07] This is why we're always ranked I just can't, I can't make it happen. I could drink all the coffee you want. And all I'm gonna do is run to the bathroom because I drank too much coffee. If you would let me work 10 to seven instead of eight to five or whatever, I would be fire. I'd be so much more productive. And then traffic would be better because not everybody's leaving and going at the same time.

[01:16:20] Let people work on their time thing.

[01:16:24] I also need a nap and I'd have to build that

[01:16:26] into my contract. generally not accepted to complain or brag about working all the time. Good. Let's shut these type A people up. Yeah, stop bragging about how much you work because then I'm supposed to feel bad about bragging about how much I didn't work this week. The attitude stems from a famous Dutch saying that says Du normal dat is al geck genag, which means just be normal.

[01:17:41] That's enough crazy already. Your Spanish is better than my got the trash pen is I love minor league baseball because it's more dramatic professional baseball. I know those guys made it minor league. I could sit there and look at all of them and go, if you don't do good, you could be selling mattresses tomorrow. This is high drama and it's always cheap and fun. And there's always cheap beer and there's always tons of stuff

[01:19:00] for kids to do.

[01:19:01] They have the pitching machines. Well, Huntsville in great shape. I'm like, how did you do that? Cat treats, good stuff. Mothman socks. And then Pat and Mandy brought some Bucky's corn chips and a Bucky's bar bottle opener, which very nice. Now, where will I be on the road before I do the quotes? Here we go. Detroit two shows. Those are both sold out.

[01:20:20] That's Royal Oak.

[01:20:21] Dayton, Indianapolis, little chicken, I got some work to do. This is on heartache.

[01:21:43] This is from Vogue in 2020.

[01:21:47] All of a sudden, this person that you trusted So we ordered more of that and then ordered more. I don't think I ordered more of the same pate because it won't be there in time. But I ordered more of the do not recall. And I'll just keep ordering them until you're all tired of buying them. But I never know what to buy. And then I know, I don't get sizes, right? Merch is hard. I don't know. We're gonna do another joke one. I'll do another one with one of my punchlines on the back that people like. I don't know if somebody saw one once.

[01:23:00] It's pretty popular.

[01:23:01] Seems like, you got fired.

[01:23:02] Let's do that one.

[01:23:04] I don't know if somebody saw one once.