Episode 154: KC vs Carolina BBQ, Buc-ee’s Dirty Bird, & Colorado Captures Bigfoot

[00:00:00] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan, welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on. Tarmites! Did you miss me? Yes, thanks for nobody bitching about taking the week off. Doing the work of the Lord.

[00:00:34] What are- what are- what a god- what an act of contrition if you're Catholic. Taking the elderly, let's put it that way. Visiting the seniors. Went and hung out with my mom and dad for a few days. Dinner we got in the cart for 30.

[00:00:50] We were there by 10 to 5. Boom! Home and in pajamas by 6.30. The Willows, my favorite Ozark bar restaurant hidden in the woods, good luck finding it. But if you're ever at the Lake of the Ozarks, you don't always have to be on the lake for good food.

[00:01:09] Go to the Willows. I could not believe my sister-in-law who weighs 80 pounds got the meatloaf dinner. It's like beyond Thanksgiving. And she ate it all. I'm like, how does it- how do you stay so skinny?

[00:01:24] But I recommend the pork steak sandwich because it's very hard to find a good grilled pork steak sandwich and theirs is the best. And they have mashed potatoes every night. And Tuesdays fried chicken night. Go see Angie. Yeah. Tell Angie the kid. Tell Angie Kathleen.

[00:01:39] So thanks for all that, Terrence. There's so many things. Some shout outs in the beginning. So if the shout outs bore you, just fast forward a little bit. But there's a few because there's four cities backed up. Richmond, Charlotte, Des Moines, Kansas City.

[00:01:53] First of all, huge shout out to Megan who got me the KIV beer. Now I'm going to taste it. I don't like sweet tea out of the gate. So it's a sour beer. So I'll probably- and then I saved the other three.

[00:02:07] And I'm going to save one for Ron because he likes sweet tea. So yeah, well, he kind of quit drinking. But oh, whoa. Shoo. KIV, wow. Look, it looks like it- I don't know how they got away with it. They kind of ripped off Kentucky Fried Chicken.

[00:02:23] KIV's the governor of Alabama. If you've seen my act, you know why I am obsessed with this lady. But I really just want to go drinking with her one night. I think a bottle of bourbon would open up a lot of secrets with K

[00:02:36] that would go- that would just be shocking, to say the least. All right, here we go. It's a sweet tea sour ale with honey and lemon. And it's so sour. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's so sour. Oh my god. It's a sour beer.

[00:03:00] I know, but that was like- that was like drinking a whole lemon. Oh my god. There's another one in the format. I'll try the another one next week. Wow. I have regular beers and back up, but Megan went out of her way to do that.

[00:03:17] It was at a birthday card and she sent me KIV stickers. They're so fucking funny. But I'm sure somebody on a plane's going to look at that and go, why does that lady have a female Colonel Sanders called KIV? They won't know it's KIV. It's Chandler's Ford Brewing.

[00:03:36] They were- they're the ones that made it. Good for them. And then there's pictures. It looks like baby cat if it's not baby cat. It looks exactly like baby cat. Cool. No, it's not baby cat. It just looks like baby cat.

[00:03:47] So Decatur Alabama coming through, way to go Megan. That's just awesome. That was from- I picked it up at the post office and the girls always up there. They're like, what you got some more snow globes coming your way? They know I'm lying when I send things out

[00:04:02] and that people are lying when they send. So Richmond was a blast. I love the- it's the tobacco company, if you ever go to Richmond. And these are not shout outs for any other reason that I love them. I don't get anything free.

[00:04:17] I don't- I just am saying that's why you know it's the truth because I'm not getting anything free for this stuff. It's just the coolest place. The food is great. And then the music starts about, I don't know, nine, I guess? Yeah. It's like three stories high.

[00:04:34] It's all brick. Richmond's a good little city that is a secret. I feel like so is Charlotte. Charlotte's on the upswing, though, with the children. They're children. They're young people everywhere. I like Max Speedway. It's a barbecue place, but there's sports on everywhere and Mizzou was playing.

[00:04:49] So me and I had the beer- I think I had the beer monster with me. Michael Somerville. Yeah, the beer monster. So we- it's just an upcoming city. I feel like Charlotte, nobody talks about it, but it's the home at NASCAR headquarters. There's a little geography.

[00:05:05] Things you will learn on this Publiscast that there's no really reason to know these things. But if you're looking for a place to move to, what I would recommend Richmond or Charlotte. Yeah, so a lot of the children, if you're young, it's affordable. Charlotte is super dog friendly.

[00:05:22] Everybody has a dog. And it's like they- it's very strange. It's like they all agreed only curly haired dogs. I know that sounds like I made that up, but every dog I saw was like a Labradoodle or a Schnoodle Doodle or whatever the hell. Some sort of Doodle.

[00:05:37] Some sort of Doodle. Curly haired ones. Like it was like they had a town meeting at the Chamber of Commerce and went, okay we're gonna be the city of dogs, but only ones with perms. Okay? Don't you bring your shaggy Irish setter bullshit in here.

[00:05:50] No, no, you take your wolf out and get it right on out of here. No, it was nice to see. And it was- the weather was beautiful. Shout outs to Enrichman, Lisa and Sue. They gave me some Bob Ross candy.

[00:06:05] It made me laugh, but then I think those- did those billionaires get that money too? Those people that stole his life? Dolly stickers, Petra and Bex got Tito's and Elwin the Bloody Mary makes from Richmond. Delicious, delicious. And the Flying Squirrel Clock, that's their minor league team.

[00:06:20] I'm obsessed with minor leagues. And the Flying Squirrel, their logo thing is top notch. Yeah, I would buy all of it if I lived there. That's all I would be is in Flying Squirrel outfits. That's the great thing, if you walk in with a Flying Squirrel t-shirt,

[00:06:35] what I don't care, let's say you go in and you're upset about, I don't know, the cable company, no one can take you that seriously if you have a Flying Squirrel. And then the Gummy Bear key chain from Courtney, Karen and Avery. And Richmond, the show was great.

[00:06:50] It's just a great girl, the whole thing. They have an old town where it's all cobblestone and all that stuff. Looks very historic, you know, southerny, creepy. Southerny, creepy. Charlotte was at that oven's auditorium. I know that's where everyone likes to go. And it's big.

[00:07:08] There's other places with a little more character, I would say, but the crowd was phenomenal. Even Michael said it. He's like, we should have taped specials this weekend. I'm like, I just taped one. You're lazy ass needs to tape the special. I'm tired. Yeah, I'm tired.

[00:07:23] I have a cold. Stop talking to me. No, he's wonderful to have on the road. So, I love that. I got a Budlett light. Oh my God, these guys, Scott and Matt, they're from LA. And I think there are a couple. They could be friends.

[00:07:39] I don't know, we're boyfriends or whatever. But they just went around town in Charlotte and asked for free things to give me. And if they are gays, they flew from LA to Charlotte. Who does that? Like that's a connecting flight. I'm sure that's gotta be a connector.

[00:07:57] But if they are gays from LA, I call you Lays. You're LA gays, you're Lays. That's my friend Bob. Susan and Jay flew from Florida. They got me a bunch of stickers and a mangy bottle opener. David, long time fan from the funny boat.

[00:08:12] He now lives in North Carolina. Courtney, the European, Araboo bears, a lot of bears came back, a lot of bears. And I do share because sometimes there's gonna be a maximum amount. And you can't believe how much the staff is like,

[00:08:24] so are you gonna eat all those gummy bears? I'm like, probably can't eat them all on the way home. Would you like a few bags? Sarah and Craig, we gotta taste this hot sauce. This is, which one is it?

[00:08:41] Oh no, I don't think that's the one we're tasting. They brought the Bigfoot thing. This is Kansas City hot sauce, which we'll be tasting. And anyway, moving on. Dottie, Bobby, Cindy and Karen. Sounds like Brady Munch. They brought the lighters, the super fun light. They were hilarious.

[00:08:58] They had joke names like this one says baby cat. These all had jokes or punch lines or whatever. Olivia, Oliva, Oliva, Oliva. Ding Dongs and Twinkies. Yes, I got the Ding Dongs. Yes, open those. And hoping to convert you to Ding Dongs paddles. That was a goal there.

[00:09:18] No, no, can't do it. Twinkies are too squishy. I have an issue with squish. I like a waggon. I like the hardness of it Ding Dongs. The waggon wheels are great. No, I don't ever did like the waggon wheels. Yeah. Rochelle and Mark, Cat Theme Friendship,

[00:09:34] Ray Sluts, Christina bought El Phoenix Hot Sauce and Christine from Asheville. Oh, the hard cider. Yeah, lots of treats there. And Linda brought Sasquatch beer from, not the Boonshine brewery. Nice. So Charlotte, thumbs up. I'm just saying, if you guys need somewhere to move, the weather's good.

[00:09:59] Kathleen's Relocation. Kathleen's Relocation program, you call me. I'll give you free advice and it'll all be accurate and I'm not a realtor so it won't be skewed. I'm having a little shot of that stone breaker because I have a cold and my grandma would endorse this shot.

[00:10:16] Looks good. Irish whiskey when you have a cold. There's no other way around it. Or when you don't have a cold. So Des Moines, well this is the shot of this lady who came to Kansas City. Benay, B-E-N-A-Y. Yeah. Cause I've drank this during story time.

[00:10:34] And I know you guys want story time back and I would love to do it but it's just too busy when touring like this that I can't. You gotta choose. The pubcast or story time? The pubcast or story time. Well in the summer I could probably do both

[00:10:45] assuming my parents can keep their shit together and not him. Full on meltdown. She said, she likes a pubcast. She said if someone, as someone famous said if we couldn't laugh we would all go insane. And then she wrote Robert Frost or Jimmy Buffett. That's adorable.

[00:11:09] And that's, it's got the little Irish flag and the US flag. Delicious. I know she owns it. Yeah, that's amazing. So Des Moines, another secret city. You should think about moving too. But as Louie Anderson would say, bring your good gloves. Now North Carolina and Richmond, Virginia

[00:11:30] the weather's pretty easy peasy. Des Moines can get screeching cold. It's the coldest I've ever been in my life. One time way back in the day they had comedy condos when you worked at comedy club and all three comedians stayed in a condo together

[00:11:42] which was, I can't even explain how those weeks went but one time I decided to take the trash out. I was working at the funny moment when and the big dumpster was way across the parking lot. It was like midnight, but no guy is gonna do it.

[00:11:56] They'll just let the trash keep. I'm sorry to say it, but all in all, not all men but there are more pig men than pig women. There's some guys that were super anal about it all but a lot were not.

[00:12:11] And so I'm like fine, I'll take out the trash because these two lazy pigs won't do it. And I went walking across the parking lot from the condo to the dumpster was the coldest I've ever been in my life. No, and I prepared for it.

[00:12:25] I put on the right clothing but the wind there's just nothing to black it in Iowa. There's nothing, it just comes out anyway. But it's getting, Des Moines getting pretty cool. They're building cool stuff. The people are all super smart.

[00:12:42] And I mean I do the joke when I'm on stage there but if you were at least in Missouri, I don't know about other states. We had to take these tests in grade school that were terrifying called the Iowa basics test.

[00:12:51] And I knew I would do like, I knew, I'm like are people making decisions based on the outcome because I am fucked if that's true because I'm gonna flunk the science and I'm gonna flunk the math and I'm gonna really do good in the history of English

[00:13:02] and hope for a balance. But I always thought the people from Iowa were way smarter than us because they designed the test but that's also cheating. Why don't we give those Iowans a Missouri test? See how you do there, huh? What is the difference between a channel cat

[00:13:16] and a blue catfish? Anyway, and I went to my favorite store in the whole world there which is Ray Gunn. There's one in Omaha, there's one in Kansas City, there's one in Des Moines and I don't know if there's any more. Chicago? Yeah. Oh my God.

[00:13:33] The owner there is so cool. His name's Mike. But I've been going before I ever met Mike just because everything in there. He said something about cars. Yeah, well I might try to write Christmas cards for him but they would be like Midwest jokes of, yeah.

[00:13:48] My favorite, there's a postcard in there. Whoever the children are writing this stuff in the store are so smart because it's so, I think people would get it outside of the Midwest but it's especially gettable if you're from the Midwest. There's one that says Cedar Rapids

[00:14:03] and there's a picture of like a mom on the phone and it says your mom says all your friends are moving back. No, they're not. But that's what your mom's gonna say. Des Moines, the show too, even Aaron was with me, Aaron Weber,

[00:14:19] the guy who gives away a sticker at the end of his show, he stays out at the lobby and he forgot to put his identification. It's just a sticker of a picture of his face and I'm like why doesn't it say, AaronWeber, AaronWeber.com.

[00:14:31] He's like, I forgot and he ordered 5,000 of them. Oh my God. Yeah, he'll trade you that for an email. Yeah, and he's a marketing major. I'm like Aaron, Aaron, he's very funny though, super funny. He goes with me a lot too.

[00:14:46] If the beer monster and other people are busy. I don't know who brought these snacks, we'll get to that but Tricia gave me Reagan's sticker. Oh and I met it to remind it, Reagan. Leah, yeah she was too, I don't know sometimes I think people want a picture

[00:15:05] but they're too afraid to ask, they don't want to bother you but then I also think maybe they don't want my picture and I seem like an arrogant asshole going, would you like a picture with me? I just, I'm like if you wanna grab a selfie no problem

[00:15:17] otherwise have fun. Then I try to make it sound like, and then they're like oh yeah they do. But she was adorable, she came to the show. Tricia, Hot Sauce, I gave the Reagan children some tickets too because I went to the store. Fun.

[00:15:29] Iowa's cream liqueur came from Andrea Carlyce, Shelley, Gary, Mara, Scott, Tim, Kent and Sarah and they brought a bunch of local beer too. Yeah, which I share with Aaron is also, he's a mini monster. He's a tiny beer monster.

[00:15:45] I would say Aaron has more discerning taste than Michael. Oh okay, yeah. Aaron's like he wants a good beer, he wants it to count, Michael will drink anything that's presented. Good ones, bad ones, he doesn't care. It's amazing to watch. Alice and Ashley brought me my,

[00:16:04] the homemade termite. Oh shit I forgot to bring it up. It is? It's in front of a little Anita. It's in front of a little Anita? Let's move a little Anita. Little Anita's out on the road too by the way.

[00:16:14] How adorable, I don't know where you would find this or they made it. They made it, how do you do that? I don't know because I wouldn't know what a termite really looked like. Do you know they can fly if we talked about that? They can.

[00:16:27] I didn't know that till LA one time I had a shitty one bedroom in Hermosa Beach and these things were flying around and the upstairs neighbor Ben came down for a beer and he was like, he was sweet and she's like,

[00:16:39] what are you going to do about your termites? I'm like, what termites? He's like these things flying around your house, what do you think they are? I'm like it's not my house, I paid $600 rent. I don't know what the fuck they are. I'm spraying shit in the air,

[00:16:52] trying to kill them in the air, they can fly. Oh Cindy brought me the fake German heiress notebook, it's blank, it's perfect. It's gonna be my chore notebook, pretzels and a mothman sticker, what? My finger hurts, there's something I got to hang nail you.

[00:17:07] Ask me why I'm biting my finger because of that reason. Well, sorry, there's other people who aren't even watching. Are these the potato chips that Mary and Joan brought in Des Moines? Stursings. Let's see where it's actually made. Visit our thing.

[00:17:26] God, I got some milk in Des Moines too that was A plus. I forgot to post my review. I don't know where they're from, I guess. It says local. Say Iowa. It doesn't say, oh yeah, Burlington, Iowa. Burlington. Like the Coke factory. Mm-hmm.

[00:17:45] I wonder if it's Burlington, Iowa. It's the Burlington Coke factory. Vermont. Oh Vermont. They're good. Good. Yeah, I give them a B plus. They're not lays but they're close. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Moving on to Kansas City and then we're gonna get right into Queen News.

[00:18:07] Well, Des Moines too, there was something else that I went to a bar there. Oh, I went to Fong's Pizza. Nice. Yeah, if you're ever in Des Moines downtown, it's so weird because it's an Asian motif but it's pizza, like it just doesn't match up.

[00:18:22] But they have the greatest t-shirts that are so funny. Crab ring good pizza. Crab ring good pizza. I'm not gonna eat that but I did take a bite of it and it was actually good. It's not something I would think about ordering. Yeah.

[00:18:36] And then I said, Aaron over there and God knows what he ate. Sometimes I love to watch the guys just eat lunch where I'm like, wow, that's like eight of my dinners. You thought nothing of that, nothing. Wow. You're gonna do a show now.

[00:18:50] Right, you're gonna go have a big old fat bear nap and come do a show. Wow, that's amazing. So Kansas City was in Midland and I broke now my allegiance goes to, there's always fighting in Kansas City about what barbecue is the best.

[00:19:06] My allegiance goes to Arthur Bryant's downtown just cause I'm old. Yeah, and we tweet each other but I broke ranks a little bit and also went to Joe's, the original gas station. Now technically that's in Kansas. If you don't understand Kansas City, Missouri,

[00:19:22] half is in Kansas and half is in Missouri. I as a Missouri person would say the good stuff's on our side. Okay. But Joe's is on the Kansas side and that counts as a good one. Even Travis, Donna Kelsey.

[00:19:38] So it used to, well it still is a gas station but then they built like a restaurant in it but I mean not, you stand in line and get your own food, you get your own beer, or soda, whatever and then there's a guy

[00:19:49] that seats people but you don't have a waiter or nothing so whatever you wanna call that. Dine in, I guess but the line starts when they open and by 1130, they open at 11, I think, it's around the gas station. Donna Kelsey last Thursday was there, Travis' mom

[00:20:10] and she stands in the line just like everybody else and she says part of the experience, I don't wanna be treated special. Nice. Yeah, very nice. I love her. And people get very excited to see her. Yeah, she seems like a very normal Midwest mom.

[00:20:21] I think it's his favorite place. Like her clothes and stuff. You're like, okay, that's straight from Chico's. I know where that came from because my mom has the same one except in Brown with little tiny rivet things on it. Like, yeah. So I suck over to Joe's too

[00:20:39] and then downtown, okay this is really funny. Kansas City people get offended that sometimes St. Louis people refer to Kansas City as a cow town farm town, okay? Now I'm not saying I've ever said that, I'm just saying it's out there

[00:20:55] and then the Kansas City people get mad and they call us like, they think we're just criminals and gangs and people are shooting each other all night long every night which is partially true. But I got up downtown to go get Starbucks

[00:21:11] and I walked out of the hotel, went half a block, turned right, there's an enormous farm in the middle of the street. There's cows and baby donkey, all babies, baby zebras, baby everything and by the way, some lady wrote,

[00:21:24] I don't think petting zoo is, it's not a petting zoo. These are farm animals. They bring down on Saturday for a couple hours and they get fed all this food and they seem very happy. I'm not gonna get into those arguments about what's right or wrong

[00:21:35] but it's not a petting zoo. They live on a farm. Their truck was over there but I thought wow, Kansas City, you're not doing anything to dispel the St. Louis perception. Oh hey, I went out to get coffee and I pet a baby zebra. What?

[00:21:50] Oh yeah, there's baby cows, there was baby kangaroos, I didn't know if they were wallabies or what and then you have free food for the kids to feed them. It was nice. They had a whole street fair down there anyway.

[00:22:03] Yeah so that's Bene, she gave me this stone break, gave me this whole bottle of cinnamon Irish whiskey, Sarenrick, the big foot bottle opener which I'm actually attaching to my suitcase and hope the one that I take on the plane because then no one can steal it.

[00:22:17] Felicia, the scarf and there was so much stuff that came back in Kansas City. Barb, retired from the airport gave five bottles of gentlemen Jack whiskey. Yeah I gave two to the staff guys. No three, I kept two because they were so excited. One more go to paddles.

[00:22:38] In paddles you can have one. Tanya brought a big foot t-shirt and local Missouri beer. Katie, Kayla, Derek, mini Haribu travel packets those are super great because then I don't have to put them in bags and then I don't have to do it.

[00:22:51] So Ed, this is and then we're almost done. It's just a lot this week because there was a lot. So Ed and Penny, they get now my 2007 Mercury Mariner and I could take a picture if nobody believes that's my car, it is my car

[00:23:05] and it has duct tape all over the inside because the stuff is falling off the things. And um. Classy. Very classy. Guess who doesn't want to steal it, Valet. Guess who doesn't want to take it for a joy ride? Valet. Guess who doesn't care if it's parked outside

[00:23:20] in a tornado and hail comes and hits Nashville or Lake of the Ozarks? Kathleen. Oh, is there hail damage? That'll give it more character. Just bring it on over. I don't care. He gave me Stevie Nicks crazy CDs that are rogue

[00:23:37] and then one is from St. Louis in 2008. Yeah, and then if it's Fleetwood Mac, 1979 to eight this is so cool and I can play them in my Mercury. Yeah, and I have nothing. I have two CDs in my, I have Florence and the Machine

[00:23:51] and Jan Arden and I love them both but eventually you do tire of whomever because I've listened to it a thousand times and then for no reason at all they throw in David Bowie. Love it. Yeah, it was in St. Louis in 1990.

[00:24:07] I've really never heard a whole concert of his. Let's dance, put on your red shoes and dance with me. So that was awesome. Melissa brought me a little toy beagle and some Kansas State golf ball markers, which I will if I were to get paired up

[00:24:27] with some Kansas people, I'll use those when I play. Otherwise, I don't know about all that. Carl. This made me laugh. This lady sent me a birthday card. I got so many cards I couldn't possibly go through and I'm gonna bore you guys in tears

[00:24:39] but this one is from Jan and there's Keith Morrison stickers. Make sure to tell Keith Morrison how my smile lit up a room. From daylight, I know, I know, I know. Yeah and then it's one of Keith

[00:24:54] and it just says it was going to be a great day or was it? And then there's another where he looks all serious and goes, oh that pesky DNA. I listened to a Keith, that's a good podcast too because all the driving over the weekend,

[00:25:14] damn what was it called? Nona, who killed Nona? Murder. Murder and apartment 12. If you're looking for a podcast. Put it in the schnotes. We'll put it in the schnotes and then I would like to thank and I need this lady to give me Spanish lessons.

[00:25:29] Somebody has to teach me Spanish. Somebody and I can't do babble because you have to type all this shit out on the computer. They don't tell you that. No, it's very dumb. No. She said, this is Isabella. She said, thank you for doing God's work

[00:25:41] and hope to see you live. She could be an unpaid intern is your Spanish word pronunciation. She's from El Paso. And she sent me lottery tickets and I scratched them off Isabella and two were winners and she even sent me an envelope

[00:25:56] to send them to the Texas Lottery Commission. But great news is I'm going to Texas. So I will collect, I won $6 total. Yeah, that's a good bearer. Yeah, it's a great thing. All right, so we're moving on now to the show.

[00:26:10] Thank you everybody for everything that got sent back. Happy birthday. Happy birthday to me. Yep, that was all fun and Danny and you know, at this age, I, so a while back I went fishing with my dad before this summer and I was casting

[00:26:33] and he goes, why are you casting like that? It's just me and him in a boat and I go like what? He goes, well you're doing a two-handed deal there and you don't have to. And I don't, I go, well because I'm left-handed dad

[00:26:46] and this reel is on the right side and I didn't have time to flip it over. You can just flip it if you want and I didn't have time to flip it over. So I'm just, you know, working around that. He goes, you're left-handed.

[00:27:02] I have known you since the day I was born. Yeah, that's when there's too many kids in your family. You don't know which ones are left-handed, which ones, oh and this is the Nightly Living Dead sauce from Kansas City. Whoa, same way!

[00:27:14] I'm gonna, well I forgot to taste it. It's from Joe's. It's from Joe's. It's so good but it is very hot. Only a little, goes a very, very long way. I'll taste that one next week. These are Reese's Animal Crackers by the way. Just as a taste test.

[00:27:34] I don't know, I think this is when you do Kentucky Fried Chicken and Taco Bell in the same building, something suffers. Animal crackers are fine the way they are. No. They're okay. But have a Reese's or have an Animal Cracker. I don't, no. Well, I don't know.

[00:28:01] I don't know. I'm getting it off the desk. They're out there though if that's what you're into. I saw them, I bought them. There you go. Doing the work of the Lord. What's it say, way how's your cold medicine? My cold medicine is great.

[00:28:16] Everything is working out great. I have a beer, that KIV thing, that is the craziest shit I've ever tasted. Wow. Anyway, Queen News. Dolly Parton will perform at the half time show for the Dallas Cowboys Thanksgiving game. Boom. Paddles, will you see who they're playing? Thanksgiving, Dolly.

[00:28:37] She's gonna to promote her new CD and her book came out of her fashion things. Yeah, this is gonna be great because usually now this year the Cowboys are okay, they're not great, they're not horrible. She's doing a halftime show. That's awesome. I know, it's very exciting.

[00:28:57] Oh, the commander. They're playing the commander's Lewis Blacks team. Oh, oh. Okay, well if you're not a football fan and you're a Dolly fan, be sure to tune in to that. More Queen News. Yep. Make sure I didn't forget anybody this week. No.

[00:29:18] Sharers got a stonebreaker hat on. Sharer has the stonebreaker whiskey hat on. I don't see Sharers a whiskey person. I had to put that on Tanya Paddles, that's your feeling. Is Tanya still here? Yeah. Well, what does that tell you? Well, Tanya does stuff but she's older.

[00:29:32] She does her own thing, good for her. I would say my career would mimic that as far as, look, when I'm 65, I'm just gonna do fun shit and you won't really hear from me. No. Taylor Swift's movie, initially they said 100 million and they've quote lowered it to 92 million

[00:29:53] but it's still belting out record numbers. My friend Bob, Bob and Clark went. And Bob said he was surrounded by eight year olds that were just bouncing up and down. My friend Avi took his son who wanted to go

[00:30:08] and he said he was like one of five dads that were just standing around going, this is three hours and they went, Southern will be a theater where you can get alcohol. So that would be the key if you wanna go. You gotta get drunk.

[00:30:22] I'll go with you but I need one. It needs to be a theater with alcohol. And Tay Tay, the Kelsey, if the football thing it's out of control. Well I think they like each other. Maybe they like each other, maybe they don't. I, I- She's wearing his jersey.

[00:30:41] She's wearing his jersey. You are one of the cult. I am. She's fine. He's fine, I like Travis. He's a wonderful fantasy player but I'd like him to focus. I don't need this distraction. His brother Jason's cool. They're all cool.

[00:30:56] But he's on my fantasy team in the children's league and I'm trying to destroy the children. I need focus here. I don't need him looking up in a box, going is she here? She like my mom. Like no, no, no, no, no, no. You're a tight end today.

[00:31:09] That's what you're doing here. You're a tight end player for Kathleen's fantasy team. I'm telling all my fantasy players they have to take steroids in the one league. They're so bad. They're so bad. Update! This is adorable. Mattress Max donates $50,000 towards Mary Lou Retton's medical cost.

[00:31:31] You know, I don't know because then the haters immediately go, why doesn't she have insurance? I don't know but I don't care. And the Bible doesn't say you're supposed to ask those questions. You're supposed to help if you can. She got divorced in 2018.

[00:31:44] She's got like four daughters or some shit. They just were trying to raise. They had an amount that was normal. She's been in ICU forever with some rare pneumonia and she's only 55. I'm like, I didn't even know that could happen. I didn't hear it. No? Who knew?

[00:32:00] But also people forget, okay, so you're an Olympic star. You don't, you only get paid for that in endorsements and ads and eventually those run out. And then what are you doing? I think she went on Dancing with the Stars. I'm not sure about that. I think so.

[00:32:15] He gave her 50 grand and he didn't even say it. It was on the pay, the GoFundMe under his wife's name. Um, That's nice. Yeah, and it's gonna be way more than they, they're gonna need way more than they even asked for.

[00:32:30] I mean, ICU, I know from my parents and all that. She was in there for a week. They didn't go into specifics, but they said it's a day-to-day process. It's an infection of both lungs causing the air. So we all know what pneumonia is.

[00:32:49] They matched the goal with their donation. That was the goal so they matched it. And then, yeah, they've been fans of Mary Lou Retton since early in her career. She's always been a shining point of light, as George Bush would say, and we pray for Mary Lou's recovery.

[00:33:01] 50,000 is the least we could do to help an American icon get better. We followed her since her career in Houston. My wife, she's a Texan, I guess, or at least she moved down there for it. My wife had always been a huge supporter of Bella

[00:33:11] and Marta Corolla's gymnastic team. My son worked out with them on the team for years as my daughter did as well. So good for him. He also has a bet on the Houston Astros. A big one. I hope they can play against the Phillies.

[00:33:26] Aren't they down already in their series to Texas? Only by one. Only by one? It's only been one game. Mary Lou Retton was born in Fairmont, West Virginia. She was born in West Virginia? Mary Lou Retton? Yeah. Uh-uh. Matt Schmack is eight wins away

[00:33:42] from another multi-million dollar winner. After they made work of the twins, so now they're playing the Texans. They're down two. Two, I thought so. Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna win 43 million on $6.9 million in bets. Well, he's got a ways to go. They better chip chipper up here.

[00:34:06] And if you follow this podcast, you know how his things work and then you get free mattresses and stuff. For that reason, I have no dog in this fight. I mean, I don't even know anybody who's a Texas Ranger fan. I don't, not even Ron.

[00:34:23] Like, I don't, he's Texas, but I don't hear him. I don't ever see him with a George Bush, I know. He's always there. But I don't really know personally any Astro fans either. This all Texas thing is gonna screw up the networks too.

[00:34:40] Cause they're gonna be bitching and hollering that there's no other. Matthew, my god, I'll take it. I always loved Altuve, but then I didn't like the cheating. We don't need to get into all that. Update! I like Altuve because he's so short. I'm always rooting for the shorty.

[00:34:55] Okay, once again we freed Brittany and it's not going well. She put another video out today with a knife to her neck. She also fled to a private island in French Polynesia following criticism from Dancing with Knives. And that should be a show.

[00:35:11] Instead of Dancing with the Stars, how about Dancing with the Stars? After her dad is hospitalized and her sister got cut from Dancing with the Stars. Then she put out the book. Then she says she's had an abortion from Justin Timberlake and this memoir.

[00:35:26] And I don't think any of this is going to be good for her mental health. I'm gonna read it. You're gonna read it? It should be a pop-up book. Just wait two weeks, it'll be a dollar. Don't pay. It should be a pop-up book.

[00:35:42] I can understand why the people in charge of the conservat... She's saying that the conservatorship caused her to go crazy. I'm not sure about all that. You did some crazy things before you were conservative, whatever that is. Whatever you wanna call that. But captured, imprisoned.

[00:36:00] But like I always say, I have friends that are way crazier. Yeah. Yeah. I.e Rick. You know who you are. You know who you are. I don't... I do think there's something mentally wrong with her. But, you know, I'll take you to my lake bar

[00:36:18] and show you four people who are just as nuts, nutbags. They just don't have any followers. That me and the bartender. Okay, so remember that now we're moving on. This is an update. Update, update, update! The infinite blue diamond, which I said was gonna go up for auction.

[00:36:39] Oh, it fell short of its goal. It's gorgeous too. They got sold at a relative bargain. It was estimated to sell between 26 and 37 million at South Abuse, Hong Kong on Thursday and it only sold for 25. What a steal! What a steal! Who doesn't want that?

[00:37:02] That's all the updates. Yeah. I had a share update too. It might be about the Christmas album. I think she's gonna make a mini tour. A mini tour? Well, I'll have to look into that. I don't know anything about all that. I'm still in line for Stevie Barby.

[00:37:24] You're in line? Well, I tried to get in a line. I don't know, may not have done it right. Did you click on a link that you weren't supposed to? I did. I clicked on a link that... Some of the shit I bought off Instagram,

[00:37:35] I'm like, oh, that's not at all what I saw in the picture. I don't know when I'm gonna learn. Don't ever buy a Instagram. I don't know why that makes me think of my friend Bob, but they also went to the Sphere in Las Vegas

[00:37:52] and you should go if you're in Vegas. Yeah, I told my other brother he's gonna go with his son. I'm like, go! Even if you don't care about you two. Like, I'm on the fence about you two. It's fine.

[00:38:06] Would I pay to go if they weren't in the Sphere? No. Will I pay to go to see him in the Sphere and still like it? Yeah. But I wanna see the inside of the Sphere. Okay. Great. This is crazy. Holy shit, not they. He found it. Oh!

[00:38:23] This is why I believe in Bigfoot and Latinas Monster and all these things that they... It will one day happen. Okay. Farmer protecting chickens captures creature considered locally extinct for 130 years. What would you just say? Farmer protecting chickens? A farmer he was trying to protect his chickens.

[00:38:44] Something was attacking his chickens. No, the chickens were not protecting the farmer. Although I do think they have it within them. Chickens actually have personalities and people don't really... Yeah. A farmer in Southern Australia captured an animal considered locally extinct for over a century

[00:39:03] who are trying to protect his chickens. Photos show the spotted creature and it's not tiny. Like when people go, well, every new species they find is tiny. And that's exactly how they see it. Every new species they find is tiny. Not true.

[00:39:15] This thing's like way bigger than a cat. It's like the size of a big raccoon, a very big raccoon. Frank Pau Ling Sai, a trout farmer from Beechport, South Australia, heard a panic from his chickens and rushed out in the early morning. Inside the coop,

[00:39:34] he found a spotted creature and a dead chicken. I had no idea what it was at first. I expected to find a cat but I found this animal instead. It's like reddish brown. It's got white spots on it. It has a furry brown body, long tail

[00:39:49] and a smattering of white spot. It appears angry and it barred its teeth at the camera. And it has big teeth. Yeah. He captured the creature in a plastic chicken cage. He took photos and shared with the hopes of identifying the animals. The animal.

[00:40:07] It's a spotted tail quoll, Q-U-O-L-L. The National Parks and Wildlife Service of South Australia said, they're about the size of a large cat, cat-like shape but a lot stronger jaws and a longer canine teeth. It's also known as the tiger quoll and endangered quoll species

[00:40:26] that the largest native carnivore left on the Australian mainland. The last official documented sighting was in the 1880s. Oh my God. Yeah. It was considered extinct for 130 years. If there's one, there's more. Yeah. I mean he can't be alone. He's just gotta find him. Right.

[00:40:47] Well are they're hiding really good? Put a tracker on him. It's a once in a lifetime event. It's amazing we have, we thought something was extinct and it turns up at our back door. That's great. Mm-hmm. The quoll originally captured,

[00:41:02] managed to escape out of a damaged corner of the cage. Wow. Cool. Yeah, that's, it's awesome. This is when people say, oh it doesn't exist. You don't know. Right. You don't know. One of these trail camps. Oh, we're gonna talk about that right now. Okay.

[00:41:18] Holy shit they found it. Let's talk about that big foot video shall we? Colorado. So there's a train deal like they have in Canada when you go through the Rockies. This is in Durango. I've done a show in Durango. I drove from somewhere to Durango with another comic

[00:41:38] and it was the most terrifying drive of my life and I don't even think that road should ever be open. And then yeah, and then he started crying. He's driving. I'm like, oh no. You are the opening act. You don't get to cry. I cry. No.

[00:41:53] The headliner gets to cry. You don't get to cry. But then I was terrified because he's really a good driver and then he was, it was terrifying. But I did love Durango once I got there. There's a hotel there called the Strater,

[00:42:03] Stratter, I don't know how to pronounce it. Strater. Strater Hotel. And it's like the old Western like you could just see Billy the Kid coming in and it's preserved perfectly. It's the rooms are, you know, yeah. But you're there for, you're there for the, yeah, it's like 1880.

[00:42:19] You're there for the atmosphere. So if you haven't seen the video, which would be very hard not to do because even if you don't care about Bigfoot, this thing went viral. A Sunday train ride through the San Juan mountains on the way to Durango from Silverton

[00:42:33] when Stetson saw what he thought could be a Bigfoot. We were looking for elk in the mountains and my husband sees something moving. He can't explain it. So he's like Bigfoot. It was at least six, seven feet or taller. It matched the sage in the mountains

[00:42:44] so much that it's like he's camouflaged when crouching down. He was like a brown, a sage, brown color. They scrambled to take a photo of the beast while a man sitting next to Stetson took a video of the creature that has now gone viral on social media.

[00:43:01] Y'all hundreds of people on the train, three or four of us actually saw the ever elusive creature, Bigfoot. I don't know about y'all but we believe. Theories about who or what was behind Sunday's sighting of gain traction online including Reddit where users speculated

[00:43:16] that someone from Silverton based RV company, Sasquatch Expedition Campers could be involved. When reached by phone, they denied that. We at the Sasquatch Field feel compelled to address recent allegations and rumors that have been circulated suggesting our involvement in the train study.

[00:43:35] We wanted to make it unequivocally clear it wasn't us. Now, here's my thing. There have been, between Durango and Silverton, there have been four Sasquatch reports since 1989. Most recent sighting in the area was 2008 when a hiker outside Durango spotted a large hairy figure while on Crater Lake Trail.

[00:44:03] Here's the thing. Most of the Bigfoot videos, it's a bunch of like a few friends out in the woods and then you always think, oh they had another friend dressed up like Bigfoot and then you filmed it. Why would someone, unless the people on the train

[00:44:19] were in partnership with this fake person that's gonna do the Bigfoot thing and say right at this time, you gotta pop out and run down the thing and then we hope for our video to go viral and then we hope to make money on the video.

[00:44:31] Seems like a lot of work to make on YouTube. You need like a bazillion views to make a hundred bucks. It's just not a profitable thing. So what would be the motivation other than a couple hundred bucks? And the Sasquatch outfit, if it is in a costume,

[00:44:50] would have cost a thousand. Will you even make your money back? Probably not. I tend to think it was real. But I don't know. I look at the comments and most people are like, oh yeah dude, what a great costume. You know, everybody's like in nice air.

[00:45:08] Why couldn't it be? Because everybody knows he's in Canada. Everybody does know that the larger Sasquatch tribes are in Canada. The larger families, but maybe this is a Bigfoot who left that family and said you know what? Bullshit, he's a rogue Bigfoot and said I'm outta here.

[00:45:30] You bastards are mean to me at Thanksgiving. You're mean to me at Christmas. You don't make me feel good. I'm leaving. Maybe he just left. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. What do you termites think? Do you believe it? Do you not believe it?

[00:45:46] Do you think I'm crazy? Why couldn't he be in Colorado? Holy shit, they found. This is amazing. A 1981 DeLorean made famous and back to the future has been found in a Wisconsin barn with fewer than a thousand miles on it. The one from the movie. Are you kidding?

[00:46:07] No. In Wisconsin? Yeah. Yeah. The owner said he rarely drove it, but he would just come outside and just quote, look at it. That's a very Wisconsin statement. Very. No, I just go out and look at it every now and then. Okay.

[00:46:27] An original 1981 DeLorean has made its way back to the future after an Illinois car restoration company heard about the car that was stowed away in a barn in Wisconsin. The iconic 80s vehicle made famous after the same model. It's not the exact one from the movie,

[00:46:40] but it's still a 1981 perfectly intact DeLorean. And if you watch that movie about him and how they screwed him. Yep. Yeah. You do wonder about what's really going on. It'd been sitting in a barn in Waukesha County for 40 years going untouched and undriven.

[00:46:57] The car only had 977 miles on it. The nephew of the car's original owner living in New Mexico reached out to Michael, so-and-so owner of the restoration company, DeLorean Midwest, and told him they were looking to sell the car. It happened pretty quick because once I found the car

[00:47:12] was close and it had low mileage, so I was excited to take a look. When they opened the barn door and saw a mouse run across the car's center council, he said that the car had the same charm it did in the 80s.

[00:47:23] Condition of the leather, the condition of the instruments, cluster in the dash in places where you see sun damage. That's one of the big killers on this. This car had no sun damage. He said he would go out to the barn just to look at it

[00:47:34] because he thought it was a really cool car. Yeah, it's probably a youngster who doesn't even know what you're looking at. Like, holy shit, dude. The 90-year-old car owner said the car had but not been moved for five years. But Mike, the guy from the car restoration,

[00:47:52] said it didn't look like it had been moved for 20 years. DeLorean is thought to be the lowest mileage version of the car discovered in recent years. Cool. That's awesome. The engine no longer runs, a thick layer of dust covered the exterior,

[00:48:04] and a rat infestation has led to the interior smell. Oh. The engine doesn't work probably because if it's... People don't know this, but there's a real thing such as pack rats. I thought that was a term. And then my dad was finding out at the farm

[00:48:21] these piles of silver, whether it was wires or anything silver would be in a pile. And he went up to the feed store and said, I don't, they were taking apart the four-wheelers from the inside and gathering, they like silver things and they make piles,

[00:48:37] like nest of silver nails, they like anything silver. So if those are pack rats, they probably ruin the whole engine. Probably. There's a video of the vehicle, I'm gonna go see it, it's on YouTube. It has 50,000 views. We'll put it in the schnotes.

[00:48:53] I'll put it in the schnotes, termite. Zuh, termite zuh. Moving on to news. This, I don't know why this makes me laugh. Cartel murders his own boss by mistake. Hitman then turns his gun on himself. Yeah, that's exactly what you should do.

[00:49:12] The elusive L-22 a drug boss from the Sinaloa, Sinaloa, I always say that wrong, Sinaloa, not Sinaloa. Sinaloa, Cartel was reportedly shot dead by his own foot soldiers after they mistook him for a hitman from a rival gang. Gunman loyalist, gunman loyal to Los Chapitos,

[00:49:34] the son of infamous drug lord, Joaquin L. Chapagusman, are thought to have been at the hospital guarding another man who was receiving treatment. A gunfight broke out when another armed man showed up, and according to Elblog de Narco, the man was the elusive L-22,

[00:49:48] had thought to have been the gangster responsible for running the cartels operation in Sinaloa. Can you imagine? That's the thing about knowing, not knowing the boss. Well, that's a good excuse if you're the guy who shot him. How am I supposed to know I never met the guy?

[00:50:04] You won't let us talk to him, we don't FaceTime? You don't text? You don't send me a headshot? Four people died in the gunfight, and then the guy killed himself. Oh my God! One of the hitmen who killed his own boss

[00:50:17] required medical attention when the fighting came to an end. He reported he used the gun on himself after realizing his fatal mistake, choosing to take his own life rather than face whatever gruesome punishment the cartel would have had and stored. I would have too.

[00:50:29] I don't need hippos eating me apart. Like, whatever you all have planned, I'm sure is horrific, and this will take one second. Yep, I'm out. Yeah. God. Here's another crazy art museum thing. Yeah, I don't understand what is happening in our... An American citizen was detained

[00:50:51] by security forces in the museum after being observed shattering statues that he claimed were in violation of the Torah. What? Yep, he just knocked them over and ruined them. Why are they not behind glass? Right. A tourist in his mid-40s was... What about the security?

[00:51:10] I don't know what the security is doing. I don't know. Wow. Ancient Roman statues displayed at the Israeli Museum in Jerusalem. It was a tourist in his mid-40s. God. He intentionally joined them for being blasphemous. It's an American. He was detained. The minimum, according to the museum,

[00:51:32] the suspect caused damage to two ancient Roman... Two of them that were placed on display in the archaeological department's permanent exhibition. Yeah, they're shattered. I mean, shattered. Like there's not enough gorilla glue to fix this shit. It's sad. Yeah, he was taking it to the south side.

[00:51:53] You know, lucky for this guy, there's a lot of other shit going on in Israel right now. They might just let him go. Yeah. I know we're kind of busy, but what about that guy wrecked anybody with a statue deal? Anybody? Okay. I'll handle it.

[00:52:09] Don't worry about it. I got it. Yeah, I got it. Oh, news that is crazy. Everyone knows how much I like Bucky's. It's a lifestyle. My friend Tom Papa, by the way, fellow comedian, very funny. He's got a special on something right now. Netflix. Is it on Netflix?

[00:52:29] I ain't never get confused. By the way, also on Amazon, I know I'm jumping around a lot. Cole Messon's really kicking in with my whiskey and a beer. I watched on Amazon, it's a treadmill show, I would say. I call them treadmill shows when, you know, it's fine.

[00:52:45] Well, it's called I Don't Like Mondays, and I had to inform Paddles about this because Paddles is Canadian. But in 1979, it was the first school shooting ever, and it was a girl. And she was only 16. Her name was Becky, and she had fire red, orange hair,

[00:52:59] and crazy glasses, but they weren't crazy for the time. She had a .22 rifle, and she shot, she killed two people, and injured a lot. She shot from across the street. The school was across the street. She went out in her front yard, just started shooting up the school.

[00:53:13] And when the cops, she laid down the gun, eventually, and the cops got her, and they asked why did you do this? And she said, I don't like Mondays. Oh my God. But anyway, she's up for parole. She was sentenced to 25 years of life.

[00:53:28] So I don't know how old she is now, but I watched the whole thing. I'm not gonna tell you if she got paroled or not. But if you're bored, put it in the schnotes. Well, we'll put the show in the schnotes,

[00:53:37] and you can go watch it on Amazon Prime. Anyway, so Tom Poppup. What else can you watch on Amazon Prime? What else on Amazon Prime? You go watch My Special, Hunting Bigfoot. I was like, I don't know. I don't think there's anything good released lately.

[00:53:50] Mine hangs around in the top 10 though. I check it every now and then just to see how far it's dropped. Over time, everything drops, but so a few termites could go on there and give it a five star, or give it a star, or rating.

[00:54:01] The children pay attention to that stuff. I'm like, who does that? Like I've never rated anything, but now that I know if I like it and I want more of it, like they canceled, it was something I really liked and they never did any more seasons of it.

[00:54:16] And I'm like, damn it, I should have rated it, I guess. I don't know. I can't think of what it was. It was a really good series. But the Gilded Age is coming back on. I'm very excited about that. Very excited. Christina Bransky is awesome in it.

[00:54:28] So is Cynthia Nixon. She's great too. It's amazing. So is the lady who plays the wannabe rich person. Anyway, as you know, I find Bucky's to be a lifestyle. My friend Tom called me. He was somewhere on the East Coast like Durham,

[00:54:44] I think going to Durham, he was on the highway, to tell me that he was going to his first Bucky's ever. Yeah, but then his cousin, who's super fun and her friend came to the show and came backstage

[00:54:59] and they told me that he freaked out and ran away. It was too crowded. But I told him, do not let the crowd off foot you. You will be checked out in five minutes no matter what. Greatest bathrooms in the world, get a brisket. Nothing takes long.

[00:55:15] Even though there's billions of people in there. It runs like clockwork. Well, speaking of Bucky's. Well, yeah, I don't like to report these things but it doesn't have anything to do with the store. Let's say that. Bucky's co-founder, Donald Wasick's son, Mitchell

[00:55:37] is forced to move out of Posh Dallas rental after being charged with secretly recording guests on dressing and having sex. What? He had a lake house and he put cameras everywhere. This is like Chuck Berry weird. Oh wow. Yeah, why do you? I never understand why someone,

[00:55:56] Chuck Berry got busted out in St. Louis out in the burfs. He had, he was a little bit of a dirty bird. Yeah, but why do you want to watch, especially in women's bathroom? If you have a camera, you're not going to see anything that's exciting.

[00:56:09] The most you're going to see is my totally white Irish ass and you're going to watch me sit down. What? I don't get it. We don't have to go past that. No. He's going to be arrested. He may have already been. I don't know. Oh, he was arrested.

[00:56:29] Yeah. And on 28 charges of invasive visual recordings after witness discovery, he used his spy camera to record them and using toilets, showering, changing clothes and or having sex. Wow. You want to see me change clothes? Do you know how many times I fall while I'm changing my clothes?

[00:56:46] There's probably so much laughing because I'm always in a hurry and I'm like, I'll get my tennis shoe through that hole. No, you won't, Kathleen. And then I fall over on my ass and then baby cat just goes, meh, meh, meh, meh, like terrified

[00:56:56] that the feeder might be down. He's already been, he was released on $280,000 bond. I don't know how much trouble you get in for this. Some guy found one of the camera holes and then kept digging and was like, holy crap. Wow. Yeah, a lake house.

[00:57:16] This is so crazy. Like what are people doing? Here's a little something. I don't know how this is going to, speaking of Netflix and Amazon, because I have a special on Netflix too. Look at me being all over the map. Netflix plans to open brick and mortar locations.

[00:57:36] You're hard on me. Brick and mortar. They got rid of the boxes. They just quit sending out DVDs. I mean, come on, who was still doing that? Not everybody's as lucky as me to have a CD player in their car. I don't know who's- Okay.

[00:57:53] And the public cannot ordinarily visit Netflix headquarters in Los Gatos, California. Here's what's crazy about Netflix. I did a special with them. I've never met anyone that worked there. I've never spoken to anyone, never emailed. Now Amazon much different. Amazon highly involved.

[00:58:15] And I had to deal with all the children. And most of the- You got to deal with all the children. What? You got to deal. I got to deal with all the children. 90% of the children on it. Super fun, there was one. I will never forget his name.

[00:58:27] His name was Nate. I won't say his last name. But if I ever meet Nate in a bar, something bad's gonna happen. Let's put it that way. Now Netflix, it was just very different how they operate. Netflix basically says send us your special and then they post it.

[00:58:44] Like on a- They just post it. Like yeah, I'll throw it up there and they do it. Which is on some ways good. Some ways it'd be better if they were a little more involved in helping out. And then Amazon's the opposite. They wanna go over the jokes

[00:58:59] and sometimes that can get a little weird. Sometimes infuriating. Let's just throw that out there. Oh really? So-and-so doesn't like that joke. Guess how much I give a shit. Don't even get me started. Okay. Little bit of Irishness. But I appreciated their involvement

[00:59:20] cause they really cared and they posted stuff. You just gotta get through the complaints in the beginning and then it's fine. But I always used to joke, I don't know where Netflix is and I have a special on their network.

[00:59:31] Two way thing, I don't know where the other one is. The others are, wherever they just keep getting results. I don't know where they live. Anyway, I didn't know their headquarters was in Los Gatos. Well, I guess they don't even care

[00:59:46] that the people that are on their streaming service know where they're at. They're hiding. Los Gatos is hiding. Let's just admit that Netflix, you're hiding. Cause it ain't cheap up there either. That's up by Santa Barbara I believe. Netflix recently shuttered the long standing mail order DVD services

[01:00:03] led to the closure of video stores around the world and ushered in the air of streaming. But now the company appears to be embracing brick and mortar. According to Bloomberg report quoting Josh Stein and the company's vice president of consumer products,

[01:00:13] Netflix aims to open a network of stores offering retail, dining and live entertainment that leverages its TV shows and movies. That could work. You get it at home. No, you're gonna say let's go eat at Netflix and we're gonna go eat

[01:00:34] and then they're gonna have like a retail store I'm sure movies you can buy or whatever but then like the Discovery Channel one time in New York or no history channel when Vikings was on my favorite show probably of all time.

[01:00:50] They had a Viking exhibit in New York at the Discovery Channel Museum which sadly is closed by the way. When I went to New York, I know I wanted to see what was there and it's close. Yeah, I think it's close permanently.

[01:01:06] So maybe if Netflix has a show they could put all the stuff in there when they're gonna have live entertainment so maybe like I have a special on Netflix maybe I come in and do 15 minutes every night that week. Yeah or whatever. I think it could work

[01:01:26] and I'm not usually positive about these ideas out of the gate. No, no. I'm usually like, wow. Very naysayer. Not naysayer, I just think people have these crazy ideas that cost a lot of money and then they don't pay it out. They Netflix has not announced

[01:01:41] what it will be selling at the location. It's unclear if it's DVDs or any physical media that will be part of the inventory. Maybe they're using it as a giant like yard sale to get rid of all the DVDs. Yeah.

[01:01:51] I have a lot I could take with me. Not a bothering Jesus, not of the one on their thing they didn't make that a DVD but my old DVDs I have a shit ton. Anybody wants one? Hit me up. Hit me up.

[01:02:07] I know I don't know what to do with them. The streamer plans to open the first of these two Netflix house locations in unannounced cities in 2025. Wow. Mm-hmm. It's coming. Mm-hmm. Though Disney, a major Netflix competitor has been in retail dining and live experience, entertainment spaces for decades,

[01:02:27] such offerings have not been part of Netflix core brand. I don't know. Earlier this year the streamer opened a pop up restaurant in Los Angeles featuring menu items created by chefs associated with Netflix ink shows. All right. That's a good idea.

[01:02:43] They've also often offered up pop up stores offering merchandise from hit shows like Stranger Things in cities as parish Vegas and Chicago. Uh-uh. That's cool. Yeah. I don't know. I think it could work. Okay. And then Amazon will have to do it. You know they won't.

[01:03:03] They have a lot more shit going on here. You think they have a lot more shit going on? Don't have to do that? Yeah. They don't have to, but they can make money probably. Maybe. For my new special, I will come down.

[01:03:13] You can have a meet and greet with the live people you see on Netflix. Huh? Huh? Get your picture made? Get your picture made? One dollar. One dollar. That's why people go, do you do meet and greets, paid meet and greets?

[01:03:26] No, I feel would feel terrible taking money from people to meet me. If you want to meet me and you know my habits, you'll find me. Two termites. Two termites found me in the bar in Kansas City after the show

[01:03:37] and came up and they had pub cat shirts on and I'm like, you guys want a picture? And they were like, and then they had two red beers and they were like, do you want one? I'm like, I just sadly got a glass of wine,

[01:03:46] but that looks better. But I didn't want to take her beer. So I didn't. I'm like, no, I'm good. I won't do it. All right. This is crazy because I'm obsessed with art sales and shit. A painting valued at $15,000 turned out to be a Rembrandt. What? What? What?

[01:04:04] It could now sell for 18 million. Oh my God. Yeah. It was found just to, it was valued just two years ago. It's now expected to fetch up to $18 million at auction. The adoration of Kings has been virtually unseen

[01:04:19] on the scene since the 50s when it came to light. It was acquired by collector so-and-so in 1955. His widow sold it to a German family in 1985 where it remained until it was sold by Christie's in Amsterdam two years ago. At the time of the sale,

[01:04:33] Christie's attributed the biblical scene to the circle of Rembrandt suggesting it had been carried out by a student or an artist close to the famous painter and estimated between 10 and 15 grand. Wow. The monochromatic painting, which measures blah blah it doesn't matter. Although that was 50 times more than paintings.

[01:04:52] It was, sorry, it was purchased by an anonymous buyer back then for 908,000. Oh wow. Well maybe that person knew. Maybe that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of money for a non-name. The vast majority of Rembrandt's work hanging museums around the world

[01:05:07] and almost all of those have come to auction over the past three decades. The adoration of Kings, which it depicts the encounter between the three wise men and the baby Jesus is a fantastic opportunity. They examined it all. An anonymous buyer consigned it to Sotheby

[01:05:24] as the auction house within an 18 month research project to arrive at the painting's true attribution and value. He, Rembrandt did it around the year 1628, which would have been 22 years and living in the Dutch city of Leiden. So do you wanna go buy a Rembrandt? He can.

[01:05:48] It's currently on show at the Sotheby's in Hong Kong, which it will travel, after which it will travel to New York, Los Angeles and London will be auctioned on December 6th. See I think those things should go straight to museum.

[01:06:02] I don't think private people should get to do that. Museum's can bid. Who's ever got the most cashola? Who's doing the best fundraising? Do you wanna buy three Scottish islands? No, I don't find the Scots to be fun. Oh, you can't say all Scots aren't fun. Many are.

[01:06:27] The Irish are more fun. Way better. So my dad'll go, what do you expect, they're just frozen British people. I'm like, Dad, when was the last time you were in Scotland? I had a super fun time. Three Scottish islands that come with an additional

[01:06:43] 19th century three bedroom home could be yours from 1.5 million. The first time the island has been on sale in 85 years, a stone farmhouse on the Torsa Island inner Hebrides Scotland is surrounded by land used for sheep and cattle. It's regularly visited by a vast variety of wildlife.

[01:07:04] With the closest town 18 miles to the Northwest, the Slate Roof Farmhouse occupies a shared shelter spot looking Southeast over the mouth of Loch Melfort. The house includes a boot room, boot room, yeah. A shot room, kitchen and dining room and a sitting room.

[01:07:24] The farmhouse accompanies islands that could be perfect for those who want a digital detox. There's no wifi. You can only access to 4G broadband. That wouldn't mean anything to me so I wouldn't care. Situated 180 miles away from Glasgow, the two-story property or it's complete tranquility

[01:07:43] and privacy to the buyer. Imagine how quiet it would be in the winter. I think it'd be awesome. Well, I went to the Aaron Islands once. It was creepy, awesome, creepy. There are people there, yeah, not many. There's no cars, you don't hear any noises.

[01:07:59] It's creepy, it's like time traveling backwards. It has private water, mains electricity, I don't know what I guess it means. Private drainage to a septic tank and electric heating. What? Electric heat. Excellent. It's permanent grazing. Just be me. It has a sheep flock of 100 managed by contracted shepherds.

[01:08:25] Or I go get sheep dogs. It's regularly visited by sea eagles, other raptors in the resident. Blue hare, oh there's hares out there. Roe deer, otters, diverse wildlife typical of the West Coast. Stunning views. You can also go wild bird hunting duck and goose if that's your thing.

[01:08:48] No, not interested? Not really. I would be interested. I'd rather have a pub. A pub, yeah. I always think I like the quiet and then I miss people as much as sometimes people could get on your nerves. You like the quiet for an hour.

[01:09:01] It was, the whole island was inhabited by resident farmers till the 1960s. I don't know. Yeah, I don't think I'm a loner enough. But it'd be fun to have to visit. If you were super rich, like if I was Jeff Bezos,

[01:09:16] that's the kind of shit I would buy. Yeah. You can actually time travel and know what it's like at night to not have cars and noises. And it's like a whole different, it's the way the world used to be. Way back then, that's what I would buy.

[01:09:30] Instead of the shit these people buy, these 20 billion dollar yachts. That's a lot. Yeah, I don't get it. This is good news. A penguin colony eaten to extinction by foxes returned after 30 years. Yay little penguins, yay little penguins, yay little penguins. It's been reestablished after 30 years

[01:09:53] as a brand new chick hatch for the first time since 1993. Wow. Yep. They're in the Australian state of New South Wales. After breeding term returned to the area, after decades of the species being decimated by predators such as foxes and dogs. They're so cute. They're very cute. Yeah.

[01:10:14] The chick was the first to hatch in New South Wales outside of Sydney for 30 years. Little penguins, they're little ones. The smallest of all penguin species are a common breeding seabird along the southern coast of Australia and also the South Island of New Zealand. They're back.

[01:10:28] Is a little penguin like a little person? Like a tiny version? Is a little penguin like a little one? Well, in the picture, yeah. Just a tiny person. Cool. Like a tiny penguin. Yeah. Yeah, well they're back. Good news. This is something I totally would have done.

[01:10:45] A UK university will offer, will confer a new title. You can get a master's degree in the occult. Now see, I would love it but then I'd also wonder as a Catholic, am I opening the portal? Yeah. By studying. Well, not if I'm not participating,

[01:11:03] I'm just studying it. In the ancient city of Exeter, three women were hanged for practicing witchcraft in the late 17th century. The last of such educations in England. Now, a merely short walk from where the hangings occurred, the University of Exeter will offer

[01:11:20] postgraduate degree in magic and occult science which the school says is the first of its kind at a British university. Wow. Cool. It was born out of the recent surge in history and interest in the history of witchcraft and hello, Harry Potter, who are we kidding? Hello.

[01:11:40] I was just gonna say. Yeah. And a desire to create a space where research on magic could be studied from across academic fields. Coursework will include, here you go, paddles. The study of Western dragons in lore, literature and art. Wonderful. You love dragons? Yeah, I love dragons.

[01:11:58] The depiction of women in the Middle Ages, the practice of deception and illusion, the philosophy of psychedelics, through lenses of Jewish Christian and Islamic traditions, lectures will explore how magic has influenced society. Very cool. I'm sure Rasputin will come up. Yeah, I would love it. Rasputin.

[01:12:20] Yeah, do you want to major in that? You can. I think this is all Harry Potter born, they could say otherwise, but who are we kidding here? Yeah, the witchcraft, I don't know. I don't think studying it will open the portal. No, I don't.

[01:12:38] But I've seen the exorcist, so I won't even have an Ouija board. No, you can't. No. All right, termites. We're wrapping it up here. I'm gonna tell you a sweet story. That's my Gatorland sweatshirt. This is my Gatorland sweatshirt. I know, it's great.

[01:12:52] Yeah, I'll be going to the villages and don't think I won't be going to Gatorland. Boom! Boom! Yes, I will. This is sad, but it just shows ya. Monkeys have a soul. What? Yeah, they're like dogs. A grieving monkey traveled 25 miles

[01:13:12] to the funeral of a man who fed him and cries beside his body. Oh, we can't end on this? No, I'm gonna tell you about it. That's too sad. A heartbreaking video has filmed the monkey mourning at the funeral of a man who fed him for months

[01:13:26] following the, after following the body, 25 miles to be here. The tear jerking footage reportedly shows the monkey grieving at the loss of the man he had formed a bond with over the last few months. Local media said in the city of something India.

[01:13:40] They've reported that the deceased man, so I can't say it, something sing, has been feeding the monkey for the last few months of his life. The monkey apparently traveled 25 miles with the man's body and his family to attend his funeral services. Yeah, he was clinging to the tight,

[01:13:56] yellow mortuary sheet covering his body as they traveled down a windy motorway on top of the vehicle. And there's a little picture of him sitting right there, balling his eyes out. But now see, Lewis made me watch that movie about the monkey that went bad.

[01:14:11] Monkey shines, and then I don't know, are monkeys, can you trust them? Are they manipulated? They're manipulated. That's the problem. I don't need another manipulative force in when you're dealing with all the, no. Yeah, there's enough work people and shit, doing shit.

[01:14:31] The monkey cried and he stayed next to the body during all the rituals and procedures. Wow. Well, it just shows you. Can I still monkey? He'll be nice to you. You mean to the monkey? And he'll tear your eyes out. Wow. Yeah, monkey shines, go watch it.

[01:14:48] Let me see if I have anything fun. Yeah, actually, got me something fun. That's terrible. Wow, you're cold-nice. Well, this, if you've seen my act lately, you know I have jokes about spirit airlines. A seemingly half-naked woman strolls through the Florida airport. That ain't right.

[01:15:11] People don't know, this lady had no pants on. What? At all. Now it could have been those flesh-toned deals. Passengers waiting in line for Florida were stunned when the woman appeared to be naked from the waist down. And now viral video posted to Reddit Thursday

[01:15:26] shows the seemingly oblivious woman standing in line at spirit. Come on. Very good orange halter neck dress that appeared to have been hiked up exposing her lower butt cheeks. She had one hand placed on her suitcase and one stared straight ahead. Only in the fucking airport spirit airlines

[01:15:47] a fellow passenger filming the woman could be heard saying, and then somebody said, motherfucker what is going on in 2023? The camera woman decided to pray, Lord give me strength. I say no drawers, no fucking drawers. Y'all, what is that? No drawers! No pants. She said, hold on.

[01:16:11] Then she goes, I wonder if spirit is gonna let this happen today. Spirit you're gonna let this happen? This ain't right. The woman continues to film. As the passenger moves up in line and out of her drive view obscured by the man,

[01:16:23] obscured by the man behind his looking down his phone. The video was captioned when you pack extra light. It's unclear when the incident took place. It was at Fort Lauderdale, Hollywood International Airport. Yeah. It's one of those situations where you're on the way to the airport

[01:16:39] and you just got that feeling, you forgot something before you left, one user read it, joked, did I lock the door? Did I turn off the lights? Pants! I forgot my pants! Laugh all you want, but I bet she won't be subjected to a TSA Pat down

[01:16:53] a third woman suggested that the woman may have mental health issues. A person who thinks it's okay to do this is mentally unstable. Yeah, if she didn't have pants on you can't let her on the plane. No, you just can't do that.

[01:17:05] Some people said she was wearing leggings close to her own skin color. It has to be skin colored leggings. It's a tiny bit darker halfway up the thigh. I think it probably was, but it probably looked like a Kanye West's wife has shown up in things

[01:17:17] where you think she's naked and it's not. No. Yeah, I don't know that this person flying spirit would have the money that Kanye would have to get that kind of thing going, but all right. So we're not doing lyrics anymore? We're not doing lyrics anymore

[01:17:31] because I kind of ran out of stuff, crazy stuff. It ran its course. So somebody sent me and I feel terrible these two little books, Taylor and Dolly. And they were in a plastic bag and it all got confused backstage. So whoever sent these,

[01:17:44] shout me out, your name and I'll shout you out if you can't just Instagram or whatever. So we're gonna close on a Dolly quote and a Tay-Tay quote. Yep, and there's a lot of them. I'm gonna randomly open Tay-Tays. Let's just go right here. Oh.

[01:18:04] It says, this is a Tay-Tay. This is from Twitter. These are unauthorized by the way, but they do say where they were. This was on Twitter. Sudo authorize. In 20, in 2020, 12. We should love, not fall in love because everything that falls gets broken. Oh, sad.

[01:18:26] Sad timing for that quote. What was happening in 2012? These are words to shake it off. Dolly's is it's a hard to be a diamond in a round stone world. All right, Dolly. My nails are my rhythm section. When I'm writing a song all alone,

[01:18:48] someday I may cut an album, just me and my fingernails. Yep. This was discussing her songwriting in an interview with Roger Ebert. Wow. So there you go, termites. But I'm also gonna say we released all the dates and then I didn't do a pubcast that week

[01:19:07] because I was at dinner at 4.30 with my parents. Right. Yeah. Fried chicken night at the Willows. They have white gravy too. It's hard to come by anymore. They have brown gravy too, but white gravy is elusive. Very good. Upcoming shows, where am I going?

[01:19:26] This week, Virginia Beach, Virginia, Washington D.C. With who? I'm bringing my friend Kelly McFarlane. Super duper funny. Fort Worth, Houston. I love Fort Worth. Well, I love Houston too, but I haven't been to Fort Worth in Eons. I'm very excited to go to the stockyards.

[01:19:44] I like to see that they have a cattle drive every day at 11.30, the Texas Longhorn cattle come too. You gotta send us a video. It's so great. Then St. Louis, then Denver, then the villages. We added second show. There's now a show on Saturday. Eugene Portland, Seattle.

[01:19:59] Some of the newer dates for the winter. Well, they had 20, 25 fourths. The agency calls it the spring tours. I'm like, it's still winter, guys. I don't know why we can't call it a winter one. Wichita, January 12th, January 13th, Tulsa, January 19th,

[01:20:17] Santa Rosa, those are makeup shows when my dad got sick. I had to go home. Santa Rosa and Wheatland are makeup shows. So if you had tickets, they are valid again, but call them and go on their website. Make sure, triple sure,

[01:20:32] because I'm not really totally in charge for that. And then January 26th and 27th, San Luis Abismo, Guahua, and Monterey, California, where I will go walk on the beach, which is a dog-friendly beach and it's the happiest beach on Earth. Carmel Beach.

[01:20:48] I think it's called the Carmel Beach. All right, termites. UB Fall termites. Get your fantasy teams in line if you need to. My teams, I'm dominating the children's league. I don't wanna brag. Completely eating it in the adult expensive league and then in the medium league.

[01:21:09] The expensive league is with my older nephews. They have jobs. They have jobs and they, they shit talk constantly, it's very funny. And then the medium league is comedians and my friend Kathy and Louis and Louis is eating just eating it. And paddles. Paddles is in that one.

[01:21:30] Paddles is in first, I'm in second. Yeah. So, but I don't know how anyone's managing anything cause everyone's getting hurt. And I don't know if it's the turf. I don't know if it's that there's 350 pound men that can now run the speed of light because of whatever.

[01:21:48] But I remember like when I was a kid, if you see the pictures of who were quarterbacks then they look like what fans look like now. Kinda chubby, kind of in shape. Maybe they're smoking in the locker room at halftime. I mean, those, but those guys never,

[01:22:05] Joe Naveth wasn't hurt permanently. Jim Hart like the Cardinal quarterback, they just didn't, they didn't get injured like they get injured now. I feel like every week we're watching people get in an ambulance. The ambulance is coming out. Not just like, oh he hobbled over to the side.

[01:22:23] These things are people are out for the seasons. I mean, I don't know is it the turf? Is it the grass that's not right? I don't have any idea, but it's not going well. And then I wake up and I'm all mad about my fantasy team

[01:22:37] and I think what is a real coach doing? They're probably like, God damn it. You know, now I'm gonna lose my job. Like, and there's gonna be heads that are gonna roll for it. So I don't know, termites, what is the cause of all these severe injuries?

[01:22:52] Not just like tiny things. I'll take another shot of my whiskey and let you guys answer that question. Cause I don't know, but I mean everybody, Christian McCafferty's out. McCaffery, I always call him McCafferty. I make everybody Irish if possible. I don't know. Anyway, that's how it's going.

[01:23:15] I guess I'll root for the Astros on behalf of Mattress Mack. He's a wonderful person. And if he wins, the whole city wins. Everybody gets Mattresses. Yeah. I mean, give me a reason to root for somebody else and I will. All right, that's it.

[01:23:32] Colby fall termites, enjoy fall. It's very nice. It got cold there for a little bit. A little too cold, too quickly. But back, yeah, fall golf, fall fishing. Yep, good time. All right, you ready? Bye-bye.