Episode 132: Canada’s First Dire Wolf, The Lost Colony of Roanoke, & A Mystery Animal Invades South Texas

[00:00:00] Hey everybody, it's me Kathleen Madigan, welcome to Madigan's Pubcast. You grab yourself a drink, pull up a bar stool, let's talk about what's been going on. Tarmites! My God! Episode 132! The pub is open! Oh my God, so many things. First of all, what are we drinking?

[00:00:39] Right here in my shameless McDonald's. Where's that? St. Louis? Dogtown? It's a little Savannah River Brewing Company called No Jacket Require. I think it's in the honor of the masters, but they can't really rip off the logo, but the can is gorgeous. Well done Savannah.

[00:00:57] And it's a check style Pilsner. I like any check style Pilsner. It's a great color. In Ireland if you order a Budweiser, at least some of the places, they give you a bottle that looks like Budweiser, but it's green and it's called Checkweiser. It's even better than Budweiser.

[00:01:17] I don't even like regular Budweiser. I like Budlight. I don't like Budweiser. And then my uncles who worked at the brewery explained to me the difference. It's something about rice, wheat, hop, contents, because Budweiser would give me a hangover. Budlight? Never.

[00:01:31] Yeah, ones got higher hops or rice or I don't know. You can't have those conversations after you've been drinking. It's like math. No! Yeah, this content and anyway, that's what we're drinking. How was the masters? Masters was wonderful.

[00:01:45] And I just want to tell everybody, well it wasn't wonderful for those people who went on Saturdays. No! Saturday. If you're a golf fan and I won't spend a lot of time on this because I have a little article

[00:01:55] later about that, you can go on StubHub and get tickets to the practice round, especially if Tiger won't be there. I don't think he'll be there next year. No. For like Monday is cheap, Tuesday, Wednesday is a little more expensive but anywhere from

[00:02:11] 400 bucks to they can go crazy. But you can get them and people go $400, I know that's a lot. But you get to go in at eight o'clock and you can stay until six o'clock at night. What are their sporting event?

[00:02:24] And you're like, you can be five feet away from the golfer. Like if you go down and go to a tee box, the practice rounds are so much more fun. Even Ron who's six foot two went to a real round and was like, I couldn't see shit.

[00:02:38] And you can't see. So the practice rounds, you can see everything, you can run around, go to the pro shop, get your souvenirs. And if you love golf, you should go there once just to see it in person. The hooker course. Yeah.

[00:02:53] They say that they, the master says they don't paint the fairways green. Well, my tentative shoes will tell you a different story. These paintings something green because I now have green tentative shoes and I started out with beige. They're great. Yeah.

[00:03:08] And then one year because I'm allergic to every chemical on earth, I stepped in a bunch of they have little, little bubbles, little plastic thing, bubbles, balls. And when you step, they're tiny, tiny, tiny like BBs. And when you step on them, they shoot paint everywhere.

[00:03:20] So we're actually helping them paint. Well, I woke up my feet were so blistered because my tentative shoes weren't waterproof and I stepped in so much that I was like, what the fuck happened to my feet? I guarantee it was that. I don't have proof.

[00:03:35] No, they were green, but it wasn't a sparkle. It wasn't. Will you turn my mic up a little bit? Just a tiny bit. Thank you. Thank you. That's even better. A little more, a little more. Yeah, I thought it was good. OK, that's good.

[00:03:49] Am I loud enough termites? Before we go, I didn't go on the road. I was off last weekend. So but I did get this in the mail. It's a St. Louis Cardinal pendant. Yeah, she came to the taping and then saw the Amazon special and really liked it.

[00:04:02] By the way, termites, if you like the Amazon special, even if you didn't like it, just go rate it like you did like it. OK, thank you. Even if you've already rated it, even if you've already rated it just and then she made me my own pendant.

[00:04:13] I didn't know you could do this on Etsy. I don't really understand Etsy. I don't get it. And I'm never selling anything on eBay again. Because I found an old master's shirt that was brand new that wouldn't fit anybody in my family. Yeah.

[00:04:33] And then some guy said, can you measure from armpit to armpit? The lynch. I'm like, dude, this isn't a real fucking store. No, I'm not doing that. It's men's medium. Figure it out. Jesus, the amount of questions. Can you tell me the amount of polyester can be mentioned?

[00:04:51] My man, it is a golf shirt. Yes or no. It's very simple. It's a blue golf shirt. It has a yellow flag right here of the. Oh, my God. No, I took it down. Oh, wow. It's if they're pain in the ass. I'll give it to a friend.

[00:05:08] I'll find somebody who's got a teenage son that's a men's medium. Yeah, because my nephews are too little for all that yet. And then the older ones are too big for that. So nobody's a medium. But anyway, maybe I'll give it to a termite.

[00:05:22] Maybe I'll maybe I'll throw it out or to show to somebody that looks like a guy medium. It was 75 bucks. It wasn't cheap. I just bought the wrong size because the gift shop there is pandemonium.

[00:05:34] Then all right, can I tell you this is the dumbest thing I've ever done. And my dad doesn't know this, but my dad doesn't listen to this podcast. No, no, they're not listening to the podcast. My mom always ask what time it comes on whenever she still

[00:05:51] she won't modify it. But so if you go to the gift shop at the masters, I would recommend that's the first thing you do because it is pandemonium is K. I can't explain the amount of chaos.

[00:06:01] So I go in and I go up to the fancy men's part because I'm going to get my dad something for Father's Day because he always likes to look fancy in his master's day. Well, my dad's old school and he likes a v-neck sweater. OK, yeah, right.

[00:06:19] And there was a beautiful blue one that don't have prices up there. It has the number. So there's like 50 shirts or sweaters and hoodies in it. You'd say I could you have a large in number 18, whatever.

[00:06:31] So the lady did and she brought it over and I just threw it in my bag. It's a pandemonium. And so then I go to check out and I did think the lady I bought a lot of stuff for the kids and all that.

[00:06:44] I did think the amount was kind of high, but there's no arguing this at this point. There's hundreds of people in there. It's it's more of your bag. It's just ridiculous. And I thought, well, that seems kind of crazy,

[00:06:56] but maybe I threw an extra shirt in here or something. I get home and he doesn't know this because it's still for Father's Day. The sweater was a Peter Millar, which is fancy. And I figured it's pricey, but it's Father's Day.

[00:07:11] And I plan on burying him in it when he's dead or because I'm not going to give it to my brothers. No, nobody is ripping this shit off because it costs me too much money. I'll wear it.

[00:07:21] I will wear it before I give it away or he's going to be buried in it. I got it. They ship your stuff back if you want. So I went on Tuesday and they you can go to shipping

[00:07:35] and it works like I remember they should be in charge of everything. The masters really should. The organization, they scan your license, you go through here. They print out a thing, you hand it to the person, they check it all off. You say, yes, boom, it is gone.

[00:07:47] It arrives at your house the following day. It's a miracle. It's a miracle. Anyway, I go through the box and I get his sweater out. It was four hundred dollars. What? It's I did notice it said made in Italy, but I thought, well,

[00:08:05] is Peter Millar from Italy or Travis, whatever his name is, Matthews or whoever the hell. I can't return it. It's some sort of crazy Italian wolf. It's very light. I mean, he still can't wear it till fall. He better live till fall.

[00:08:21] He better not have another incident because or or I'm going to take it back to the masters myself. God. Anyway, it was so much fun. They saw all the golfers Tiger. I saw everybody. He was limping day one.

[00:08:33] That's why I'm sure by but I forgot to finish the pen and story. Shoot, I just because I said this is from Jen. Jen, I got it. I love my little Cardinals thing. The Cardinals aren't doing great just yet. Give them time to heat up.

[00:08:44] Yeah, they take time. We have a new player on the Cardinals who's just a phenom, Jordan Walker. And he's already cranking home runs out. So I'm very excited about that. He replacing Colton in your heart. No one will replace Colton.

[00:08:56] And I was going through my t-shirts, cleaning stuff out. I still my Cardinals shirt that I wear to every game is called long. It says long on the back. I'm now two teams behind Cardinals, Brewers and now he's a Mariner. He's going to be so sad. He's Hawaiian.

[00:09:14] He's closer to Hawaii. He is closer to Hawaii, but he's going to be in the rain a lot and his flights are going to be long. We've already discussed it. I feel terrible for him. I don't think you should have accepted that.

[00:09:24] I would have discussed it with him as his agent said, we're going to find something a little sunnier for you. Yeah. How about San Diego? They're good. Yeah. Mm hmm. What are we trying here?

[00:09:36] Well, I've got to tell you, I already tried it and I love them Doritos, Flamin, hot, cool ranch. Now all those things challenge each other. Flaming, hot, cool ranch. Which is that? It's both. Yep. They taste like cool ranch, but then at the end they're hot.

[00:09:54] They've been around for a long time. Well, this bag is two dollars and twenty nine cents. I think that's a lot. I also got a soda at Burger King on the way to the Masters and it was three dollars. No, it was Wendy's. Yeah.

[00:10:11] I think that's a lot for fast food soda. Yeah. No, it's way all of them problems. You need to make that soda. These are great. Shout out to Doritos and that I brought some masters potato chips. Here's the thing about the Masters.

[00:10:28] You might spend three, four or five hundred dollars to get in a practice round, but you get to walk around, get to see everybody. You've always wanted to see. Um, it was weird to see Phil Mickelson come out too because he

[00:10:39] lost a ton of weight and you can sit at the driving range all day. It's fascinating what she's got. And if you like, and then he walked down by himself and he kind of, nobody was really excited to see him. It's the downfall. Blood money. Yeah.

[00:10:55] Phil turned out to be a dick. Really? The end of the day. He was the people man, the man of the people. Turns out psycho, psycho gambler, psycho everything else. Hmm. Here's the thing, the snacks down there. Very cheap. Best egg salad sandwich. It's two bucks or something.

[00:11:12] These are like 75 cents as they should be not 250. But really they're Carol chips. I brought them home for the kids. Yeah. Pimento cheese and egg salad. Yeah. And last but not least, we're going to be trying this old bay potato chips.

[00:11:33] I just had old bay last night on some shrimp. Delicious. Anything with old bay. Oh, that's great. Uh, I might as well just lick the jar old bay. Just go in the kitchen once every hour. They're okay. But now see this whole thing is 450.

[00:12:03] Well, it's three of those. That's the price you pay for having to get some of the gas station. They stick it to you. Speaking of gas stations, not just a gas station. It's a lifestyle. Buckeys has just opened an Auburn Alabama today. Yes.

[00:12:19] Tell my friend Terry Henley to get down there. Um, that's my backup seltzer after I finished his beer. Queen news. Queen news. All right. I'm going to start rumor here. Stevie has canceled three shows of her own and she has canceled one show with Billy Joel.

[00:12:41] Did we talk about this last week? Well, they postponed it. She is 70, gonna be 75 this month. They postponed it till March of 2024. Hey, old turtles, what's going on here? Well, how about let's do one six month block at a time? We're 75 years old. How about we do that?

[00:13:03] But whatever, you know, good for her. I want them to live forever. Um, I don't know how old Billy Joel is, um, but he ain't, he's brain chicken either. They keep saying there's COVID in the band for Stevie's band. Here's the thing.

[00:13:16] I really think if it was just the bass player or the guitar player, not to demean that position, but like my friend, Dax, a drummer would say, if somebody fell out, you can get another drummer.

[00:13:26] It may not be your first choice, but the band, it might be Dax. Um, I'm sure Dax knows somebody who could fill the part of that band that could go and learn the songs in a short amount of time. I think it's Stevie. I do.

[00:13:42] And I don't blame her for not saying it. If it is her, you do not need all that press. You do not need all those questions and all that bullshit, but COVID has become the new, like kind of the, like fuck off excuse. Cause nobody questions it anymore.

[00:13:56] You're like, especially with the old bands, they just go, yeah, somebody's got COVID everybody goes, well three shows and you and the show, um, an arena show with Billy Joel. Yeah. I don't want it to be, he'll be 74 on May night.

[00:14:18] Oh, they're both May babies in that cute. They can have a birthday party out on the road. They can celebrate their 75th birthdays together. Yay. Billy and Stevie, um, Dolly has her master's sing on. You need to show your credentials the whole time you're there, which I

[00:14:35] find to be a bit of a pain in the ass, but I did it. And, um, Stevie, who I hope is not six, but somebody else explained to me why you canceled three plus one more show for a bass player or whatever. Can we? Sounds fishy.

[00:14:53] And I don't have a queen Tay-Tay here, but broke up with that guy. Six years. Now she's going on tour better than sitting at home and crying as my dad would say, you're allowed to cry for two hours and then it's going to start to be a problem.

[00:15:12] You're anytime any of us that would happen, he'd go, give it two hours in the basement no longer than your, than you're wallowing, you're wallowing, and that leads to depression. So two hours cry your eyes out, get back to them. Yeah. It's good.

[00:15:25] She's going to work now share. Yeah, maybe she'll meet somebody on the road. I think it's hard if you're Tay-Tay because people, you think, do they want my money? You need to find somebody else rich.

[00:15:40] And then you don't think about the money like he doesn't want me for the money. She needs to do what Dolly did. He's an asphalt guy. Dolly's husband does asphalt. Do the asphalt. Yeah. How about your spring bug killer? My guy, Steve, he's wonderful. He might be married.

[00:16:02] I don't know. But there's a guy that's perfectly content with the job they have. Yeah. That's what she needs to find. You're welcome, Tay-Tay. That's some advice from Ant Cat. Find somebody who likes what they do and they're not impressed by your bullshit. You're...

[00:16:21] But I didn't like the Dolly's husband never came to anything. I thought that was kind of extreme. Like you cannot want to be involved, but at least show up when I get, like she got a big award here, a big award there. And Carl's like a ghost.

[00:16:34] You never get to see Carl. Carl Dane. Yeah. I don't know. Whatever. Here's my share update. Now, this is an extremist lead sentence to an article. Is share going broke? No. Share's never gonna go broke.

[00:16:51] And that is not as long as I'm alive because I'll still pay to go seer and I'm still downloading share songs. Back in October 22, the Believer's singer Manchin and Malibu went up for sale for 85 million. I can't believe she's getting rid of Malibu.

[00:17:07] I thought that was her thing. I thought that's her favorite spot. Well, you see the one of my one of them. I made very few friends in LA. There weren't already comedians that I knew I had my friends,

[00:17:22] but it's hard to meet fun, normal people in Los Angeles. There's a lot of crazy people out there a lot. But one guy, I met him because I needed a realtor and his name is Ron

[00:17:33] and he is just so fun that I at one point I said, OK, I'm ready to buy a little tiny house, a tiny, tiny house, not a real tiny house. I meant a small one.

[00:17:44] And I said, but I don't want to rush into it and it needs to be turnkey because I'm never home. I don't have time to. But like small, like 1200 square feet. And he said he would call me on a Monday and say, I don't have anything

[00:17:55] that is what you want, but do you want to just go look at some? Do you want to go look at share's place? It's for sale. Yeah, like like the penthouse apartment. It's something we went and looked at. So we will look to crack houses.

[00:18:08] He's like, do you want to see a redo in West Hollywood? They're calling it a redo and it was just a crack house. There were no walls. I mean, that price. But anyway, share eight. I thought Maril Malibu is a place she liked. Eighty five million bucks.

[00:18:21] That was in 2002. It's 13,000 square feet, seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, sits on 1.73 acres of land complete with the tennis court and a swimming pool. The massive metaturial style property overlooks the Pacific Ocean is located on Pacific Coast Highway. Pain in the ass Pacific Coast Highway.

[00:18:39] Unless you're a night owl and you're going to leave in at midnight. Yeah, less than six months later. However, the original price of the masses in impressive in state dropped 10 million. It's not being sold for a whopping 75 million because it's going to fall into the ocean.

[00:18:57] OK, Jack Madigan. Kansas is going to be ocean side. Dad, that's not going to happen ever. But OK. Why wonder where she's going to live? Where's she going to live? Every room has two views of the ocean, each of which is so beautiful.

[00:19:17] The water is always glistening, the sunset, the sunset always happening. My house is so special. It's my sanctuary. My fortress is really the only place I have any privacy. There's no place I'd rather be. I'm comfortable here. This house raves its arms around me. It's weird.

[00:19:31] Yeah, I don't know. I'll have to maybe I can get my run on it. My secret guy, Ron, he always used to know a lot of the gossip. You don't text him. Where is she going to live? I'm worried. I'm worried about her.

[00:19:45] Maybe she's moving to the national. I don't see Sharon that film. I could see her in Europe. Yeah, Italy, Paris, Rome. Yeah, it's got to be where shit's happening. Yeah. She's not. Not yet. No, she's not that there's things aren't happening at Chattanooga.

[00:20:06] Things that I enjoy, but I don't think Cher wants to go bass fishing. Come on, we're going to Nick and Jack Lake. I'm going to launch the boat right down at the old hen house. Come on. I don't think she cares. Update, update, update, update.

[00:20:27] Oh, my God, update. This is crazy. OK, first sighting in six months. Who have we found? Scientology leader, David Miscavige spotted at an LRH. L Ron Hubbard. I love it when Tom Cruise used to go off on those speeches.

[00:20:48] You don't understand LRH and he'd say it like we were all supposed to know what that meant. I did know what it meant, but a lot of people, I'm sure, like, what's Ralph Lauren backwards? No, it's L. They had a birthday party for LRH.

[00:21:03] I mean, we have a birthday party for Jesus every year, so I guess this is their Jesus. Sure. You haven't got the cat. I I decided the cat's birthday is on Master Sunday. Master Sunday doesn't always fall on Easter.

[00:21:17] Sometimes it's not on that Sunday, but this year it was and I don't know when they were born. I just found them and I went all through my phone because it one, yeah, whatever. I found them like in March or no, May and April.

[00:21:39] No, I want them to be born on Master Sunday, but it changes. Yeah, that's the problem. Right? That's the math problem. This is why. Yeah. I'm going to post a picture. Chappos leg was hurt. And so I took them to the vet and emergency vet situation.

[00:22:01] And he's fine, whatever. It's not broken. And then they're like, you know, would you like she goes, I don't think it's broken. I just think it's nice. All these vets are so young. I know I'm getting old, but they're like 28.

[00:22:14] And I'm like, wow, you already finished school and shit. This is amazing. Good, good. Don't get her. Yeah, there's plenty of the children out there doing great things. She said, I don't think it's broken at all.

[00:22:24] I think it's just sprained and she gave me like, you know, cat medicine or whatever. At Tylenol for cats. And she goes, we can do an X-ray though if you want, because I think that I know my parents have become those crazy animal people.

[00:22:36] I know there's crazy animal people that even if the vet said, I don't think it's broken, they would still want the X-ray. And I she's like, they started $275. I'm like, the cat was free. Four of them four is their squatters. They're bullshit feral.

[00:22:53] But anyway, when I checked out, it said client discharge. Choppo Madigan has been released for June. I don't say El Choppo because they don't understand the L part and I don't want to get into it. It's just, yeah, they just put an ale.

[00:23:08] Well, it's like that, like the ale. Like Leanda. Oh my God. It was funny to see it in type though. I got my receipt. Choppo Madigan has been released for discharge. Anyway, LRH. They had a birthday party.

[00:23:26] Church of Scientology has been found as the church, his leader has been found after going missing in action from the public public guy roughly six months ago, avoiding subpoenas. That's what he's doing. It is kind of illegal, but he can just keep saying, well, I don't know.

[00:23:44] I wasn't at that house. That was at a different house. I don't know. The religious had a Hong-chou actually wrote that David Miscovige reemerged on the anniversary of founder Elron Hubbard's birth in 1911. God, that guy was born in 1911 in Clearwater, Florida, marking his

[00:24:01] first known appearance since September of 2022. Yeah. The LRH birthday event took place on March 13th. It was jam packed with Scientologists who eagerly listened to Miscovige speech, which we've heard lasted three hours. Oh my God. Now you're Carlos Mencia. And the waitstaff hates you. Come on, three hours.

[00:24:30] Yeah. It was their first official return to the LRH birthday event after pressing pause during the 2020 lockdowns. His speech was filmed and the footage was allegedly floating around to Scientology orgs all over the world for two weeks after the event. His appearance is important for several reasons.

[00:24:50] He was accused of dodging process servers for months to avoid being handed paperwork for a labor trafficking lawsuit. Three ex Scientologists are suing Miscovige and informed a judge that they were unable to locate the church's leader.

[00:25:04] The process servers had tried to serve him in LA and in Clearwater. The judge said the alleged victims had demonstrated due diligence and attempting to locate him. And Miscovige is actively concealing his whereabouts or evading evading service. Yes, I'm sure he was.

[00:25:21] She she ruled, good lady, that he was served by substitution and named an official defendant in the case, but his attorney hit back. Yeah, but they didn't win. He's still got to show up, but he showed up for this. The birthday party in Clearwater. 1911 he was born.

[00:25:42] I don't know how when a person tells you as as LRH did. The real way to make a buck is to make up a religion. And then he did it. And then you believe that he was for reals.

[00:25:58] I mean, all the people, Buddha, Jesus, Moses, none of them said, Hey, I got an idea of you make up a religion. I wouldn't even let it be tax deductible. I don't think there should have been any more religions after 1920. There were all the big ones were established.

[00:26:17] Just pick one. You care. You want to be Jewish? You want to be Catholic? You want to be Lutheran? So I am saying it is not a religion. And I think they paid off those people, those senators to vote so that their tax exempt.

[00:26:29] Now there's probably going to be people following me around in my best road now that I've I do. I am scared to say stuff though. I may have to edit that out. We will not put Scientology of the schnotes. No, I'm terrified of those people.

[00:26:47] And you know what else you should be terrified people? Update. Crazy turkeys, super aggressive in Massachusetts again. What are you guys doing with your turkeys? I had to stop yesterday on the way to the gas station to avoid a turkey. They're all over Tennessee, Missouri.

[00:27:09] There and the wild ones are black. Like, I don't know that city folk would know what it was because it doesn't look like the turkey you would think. But anyway, no doubt at the farm and the Missouri in the farm, there's packs of them.

[00:27:25] And even when they work together as a pack, they don't do anything. Last May, a turkey charged at a woman who was nine months pregnant and her husband and dog in their lawn in Didham, an attack that was caught on camera. Turkeys have been following and intimidating people.

[00:27:42] In Didham, Massachusetts, including a postal letter carrier. The notice comes on the heels of the news that the US mail carrier had to have his hip replaced after being attacked by turkeys in Cambridge last month. Turkeys breed between March and May, a season when male turkeys try

[00:27:57] to establish dominance to aggressive behavior. The best thing we can do to curb this behavior is stop feeding them. Is that what you're doing, Massachusetts? Because guess what Missouri and Tennessee aren't doing? Feed in the wild turkeys. And guess what? They do not need to be fed.

[00:28:11] They are fat. They're huge. I mean, I know there's a lot of feathers there, but they're fatties. Waddling across the road at their own goddamn pace. This will keep them farther from our front door. It's funny to me, though, that it's just this suburban Massachusetts.

[00:28:28] Somebody, you know what? I'll bet you there's one person feeding the crap out of these things. At night. Yes, sneaky. Yep. Linda McMahon told NBC Boston, NBC 10 Boston at the time she figured the turkey was just trying to protect the baby turkeys, something I can relate to.

[00:28:53] So I respect the move, but it was very, very scary for us in Cambridge. Mail carrier Eddie Mitchell said the turkeys that attacked him flew in his face, leaving him horrified and a long blow to recover. They started a gobble, gobble, he told NBC Boston.

[00:29:08] I was like, give me back to my truck. I turned my bag to defend myself. I walked back to my truck and that's when they started making noises. They flew right in my face and knocked me over. The postal representative confirmed an attack in Cambridge as well.

[00:29:22] Another one. It's hazard you don't expect, like the hose or the rake under the leaves or the animal you've walked past a hundred times without incidents that can take you by surprise. Turkeys will sometimes docile have known to be very territorial

[00:29:33] and can get aggressive if they feel threatened. He didn't provide statistics on how many turkey attacks have been reported, but said that turkey encounters are common, but usually a nuisance blocking a vehicle or chasing a carrier en route, which doesn't require a report.

[00:29:47] Other people have also been complaining about the turkeys. I'm going to have to. I guess I've seen so many. And like termites are turkeys attacking you guys. Or is it? Is there some lunatic in a Massachusetts suburb feeding them

[00:30:05] in the ordinate amounts of food and now they're cocky and aggressive and they're even more hungry because you're feeding them more and then they're like, OK, it's snack time, bitches. I would or would not know that from feeding the quote, feral cats greenies, the puree.

[00:30:21] But you know what the puree was great for? They love it. Number one, it's like crack. It's it looked my sister goes, well, what's that? She has cats. I'm like, it's like a mayonnaise in a to go thing, but not as thick as mayonnaise, more like mustard.

[00:30:33] And you just squeeze it out. It was perfect to hide. God, those pain pills. Oh, yeah. I just smashed it all up in there. It's the new peanut butter. It is. It's the new peanut butter for them. They love it. Update. Theranos update, Theranos update, Theranos.

[00:30:52] Yeah, don't worry. It's not her. It's her partner, work partner, former Theranos executive Ramesh Sonny Balwani. That was the guy will be heading to prison later this month after an appeals court rejected his bid to remain free while he contests his conviction

[00:31:09] for carrying out the blood testing hoax with his former boss and lover, Elizabeth Holmes. The night's circuit of appeals issued a decision refusing his request and ordered him to start his 13 year prison sentence on April 20th. Tick tock tick tock. What's the date today?

[00:31:36] He's got nine days of freedom. And then that's it. Even if you serve half. That's a long time to be in a pokey. And in a pokey. Update, update Pablo Escobar's cocaine hippos. We have come up with a plan to get rid of the cost.

[00:32:01] Three point five million dollars. Yep. No. I think of how big a hippo is. Come on, paddles and they're violent. They'll eat you. Talk about a pain in the ass. People are worried in Massachusetts. He's freaked out of a turkey. Try a hippo.

[00:32:17] They're the number one killers in the world of anything alive except man. They're going to relocate the cell. I've told you they were coming up with a plan, but now they have it. They've worked it out. They're going to relocate 70 cocaine hippos. Descendants from drug trafficker,

[00:32:34] Apollo Escobar's private menagerie will cost about three point five million. It will form part of a deal that the local government signed with various instructions, including the Colombian car architecture Institute. A sanctuary in India will provide a home for the other 60 hippos since it's impossible

[00:32:54] to transport them back to their native Africa. Well, how did he get them here? Right. I'm going to have to go research that. Baby hippos smuggled them in. From Africa? Yep. There's between 130 and 160 of the hippos. They've spread out far behind his ranch. And that's just bullshit.

[00:33:16] If you're just a regular Colombian with a pond and now I got to deal with a 7000 pound hippo that's ready to eat my ass every day, I would be mad too. Totally. I bet even if you shot it, it wouldn't kill it. No.

[00:33:28] I mean, the original hippos were part of a collection of exotic animals. He had amassed in the 80s at his ranch about 255 miles from metal and after his death in 1993, the authorities were relocating most of the animals but not the hippos because they're too difficult to transport. Oh.

[00:33:47] Mm-hmm. Yeah. There you go, 3.5 million. And you know what? If you're listening to this podcast and you're helping me do the work of the Lord, I will let you know when they've been successfully removed. Everyone in Colombia can relax. Update! This is so half ass backwards.

[00:34:08] Bed Bath and Beyond. Wait till I tell Bob and Clark. They can now go back because there's going to be inventory. They were there looking for something, they didn't have any, whatever I forgot. They were looking for a pillow. They get $120 million lifeline

[00:34:26] to help stock near empty shelves. No, you don't need to stock the shelves. That was the problem in the first place. Somebody tell the 92-year-old in charge of this thing, Papa, it's not because they're shitting out on the shelves. Oh my God, who would give the

[00:34:42] Cash Starve Bath and Beyond which is scrambling to avoid bankruptcy and has a $120 million lifeline to help it stock near empty shelves. One reason the chain sales have fallen and losses have mounted is because the company doesn't have the funds

[00:34:54] needed to buy inventory in order to stock shelves. Like I said, first, get a liquor license. Second, open a round bar in the middle, a giant round bar. And then sell everything you have in there. First, don't ignore those 75 coffee makers you got over there No.

[00:35:10] Buy one, get one, drink three. There you go. You can make an espresso martini right there at the bar. Right. You get a dollar off if you make it yourself. It's a quick idea. Although we move quickly and effectively to change the assortment

[00:35:26] and other merchandising and marketing strategies, inventory was constrained. We did not achieve our goal, said CEO Sue Gove in a statement. $120 million is financial help to the company. We really designed to address the need to stock those shelves and attract shoppers back to something other than

[00:35:44] store closing sales at the location stated for closure. You're going to put more inventory in the stores that are closing? This is like the backwards business person. Everything you shouldn't do. The money comes from restore capital, whatever that is, which will purchase up to $100 million of merch

[00:36:04] in order to supplement stock. The agreement enables us to increase our inventory. This is delaying the inevitable guys. Who would do this? Do these people need a write-off? These people? Maybe it's dead. Restore capital? Wow. Even with Wednesday's cash infusion, it has not announced plans to scale back.

[00:36:36] It's stock sales plans and said it is no longer facing the risk of bankruptcy. The proceeds of the stock sale would give the company the cash it needs to pay down debt that it cannot afford while the assistance it's getting from restore capital that would instead

[00:36:50] just give it much needed additional inventory. The company is also in the process of closing its remaining stores with 400 of revenue, 760 in the process of shutting down. They don't... When your CEO is 400 years old, you can't let him go, we missed that internet deal.

[00:37:15] And then just keep putting shit in this giant store without doing something to get me to come back in there. Because my feelings on Beth and beyond probably... Well like I said, I went to mine because that man had a squirrel

[00:37:29] dressed like a pioneer lady in a stroller and that's why I went. Really to see if he would be there every Tuesday the lady toy. And it was right next to PetSmart or Pet Carnival or whatever the hell I go into. Maybe we go to Pet Carnival. What?

[00:37:50] If there's not one in Pet Carnival, there should be one. Yeah. Yeah. Holy shit! They found it. Holy shit they found it. Archaeologists find new clues to the Lost Colony mystery. Okay. The Lost Colony of Roanoke. Roanoke? Yeah. I've been there a couple times. You know that?

[00:38:16] You can go and they have a visitor's center with the history of it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm going to tell you what I'm talking about. If you do know, it'll be short and sweet. For centuries, the fate of the Lost Colony

[00:38:28] of Roanoke has puzzled historians and archaeologists alike. The settlement established by English explorers in 1587 on the coast of what is now the North Carolina. It appeared without a trace. It's fucking weird. Now, new discoveries are shedding light on what may have happened to the settlers. In 1854,

[00:38:48] Queen Elizabeth I granted Sir Walter Raleigh which is what Raleigh, North Carolina is named after. Yeah. A charter to establish a new colony in the New World. In 1587, he sent 117 people to the New World. The group included men, women, children including Virginia Dare,

[00:39:10] the first English child born in the New World. However, I bet that's a real blue-bud family. Why was the first baby born? Uh-uh. However, by the time a resupply mission arrived in 1590, the settlers were nowhere to be found. The only word, the only clue was the word Croaton.

[00:39:32] Yeah. Croaton. Carved into a tree. Right. Now, how desperate are you? I don't know. They may not have had ink wells or something to write on. But to carve into a tree, what is...theories of bound as to what happened to the settlers.

[00:39:54] Some believe they were killed by Native Americans while others think they were assimilated into a Native American tribe. Wow. I don't think that's very likely. Yeah. I think the Indians would have helped them. The Indians back then probably would have helped them.

[00:40:08] But I don't think they would have gone along with that. No. Still, others speculated that they tried to sail back to England with what boat? Did they keep their boat and were lost at sea? However, no concrete evidence has ever been found to support any of these theories.

[00:40:24] Recently, archaeologists working on Hatteras Island located... There's my second page. Located 50 miles southeast of the Roanoke Island have uncovered new clues that may help solve the mystery of the team, led by so-and-so, so-and-so discovered several artifacts that suggest the settlers may have tried to establish a new settlement

[00:40:44] on Hatteras Island. But why? Yeah. Yeah, like Cape Hatteras. Why move from one island to the other and how they get there? What boat? That's the point of moving from one island to the other. It's going to be the same shit. Among the artifacts

[00:41:02] were found pieces of pottery tools and coins that date back to the late 16th century. The pottery style is similar to that used by the settlers at Roanoke, and the coins are British which indicates they were likely brought over by the colonists.

[00:41:18] What good are your coins in America? Right. That's like my mom packing the stocks in the summer. You can't use those when you get there? What are you doing? You want to trade coins to other British people? Just in case. One particularly intriguing find

[00:41:38] was a silver ring with a small engraving of a Maltese cross. The cross is similar to one found on a map drawn by John White, the governor of the Roanoke colony that was discovered in the British Museum in the 1990s.

[00:41:52] The map is believed to have been created in 1855 before the colony was established. Wow. Another interesting discovery was a small stone with a cross carved into it. The cross is similar to the one on the ring and the stone itself is a type of limestone

[00:42:06] that's not found in the area. This suggests it was brought over from England and may have been used as a marker or a gravestone. The archaeologists also found evidence of a small fork or enclosure that was likely used for protection against Native American attacks.

[00:42:20] The structure was made up with series of wooden posts in the central area. The posts were sharpened at the top which indicates they were meant to deter attackers. All of these discoveries point to the possibility that the Roanoke colonists may have tried

[00:42:32] to establish a new settlement on Hatteras Island after leaving Roanoke. However, evidence also suggests their temple was short-lived. The fordure enclosure that was discovered was small and rudimentary which indicates it was not meant to be a permanent settlement. The pottery and other artifacts were also from the Roanoke.

[00:42:52] So what happened to the settlers after they left Hatteras Island? It's still unclear. One theory is they may have tried to sail back to England and were lost at sea. Everybody keeps talking about sailing back to England on what boat! And bullshit, I ain't goin' back.

[00:43:08] Right, do you have... I don't... I think it might've been disease. But why is no one bringing that up? This is more a... lost colony is far from unsolved. However, the discoveries on Hatteras Island provide

[00:43:24] a valuable insight into what may have happened as archaeologists continue to explore there and may uncover more evidence in Shed's light. Yeah. I don't know. Termites? What are we voting? I say disease because that could wipe out everybody. And if you get too sick, you

[00:43:39] can't do anything to prove you were there. I just don't think the Indians would have killed them. Not that I think there weren't some mean Indians, Native Americans, but

[00:43:50] in the beginning they were kind of well they were kind of like what do you guys want? We'll help you out, you know. And then we take them to Thanksgiving and trick them. It's militant turkeys. Yeah. Holy shit! A rediscovered painting of Flemish 17th century painter Peter Bruegel,

[00:44:12] the younger, that is real name, for years hidden in a family, for years hidden in a family house will be presented at auction in Paris on Tuesday and is expected to fetch $650,000. The painting, Lavocas, it's French, L apostrophe, A-V-O-C-A-T, Lavocas de village, which means the village

[00:44:39] lawyer, is one of Bruegel's largest known works measuring blah, blah, blah. It was unknown in the art world until it was unknown in the art world as the most recent generation of the family who

[00:44:51] possessed it since the 1900s thought it was fake. This family had it and they thought it was a fake. Well you know what? That's not my family would do. Just sit around and go, I don't

[00:45:01] think it's fake, but we would never like call somebody and go, hey why don't we get an expert? Why don't you get me another beer and find an expert instead of going, what does Matt think?

[00:45:10] I don't know what's Pat think? I don't know. The family who wishes to remain unknown, yeah I'd be embarrassed too, had asked Molo de Lucas of auctioneers something something to estimate the value of their house but instead he thought he discovered a masterpiece. I found this painting

[00:45:28] in the house behind a door in the television room calling it one of the biggest surprises of his career. I started estimating this room and then I turned back and saw this painting.

[00:45:38] It was a very good surprise for me. He believes the artwork work was bought as an authentic one, but over several generations had lost its authenticity within the family. What's incredible is we're giving back them this authenticity by saying your artwork is real. Bruegel the

[00:45:54] younger whose father Bruegel the elder died when he was five didn't use one of his father's compositions for this painting as he usually did but re-vitted the popular theme of the village

[00:46:05] lawyer. It was painted between 1615 and 1617. Yeah just yeah. That's crazy. Oh well I'm gonna save that one. I'm stiffing it. This is the craziest this this really happened. Snake on a plane, cobra in airline, cockpit prompts emergency landing. A cobra.

[00:46:38] It's not a commercial plane. I saw a picture of it. Yeah it does because then it can slither back to my seat. South African authorities are applauding a pilot's courage for safety landing an aircraft after feeling a venomous stowaway cobra slithering on his body mid-flight.

[00:47:00] The pilot, Rudolph Eremus, told CNN he was piloting a small aircraft on Monday with four colleagues aboard. There's five people shoved in this tiny little plane. Oh when he felt a cold sensation underneath my shirt at my hip area. At first I thought it was

[00:47:17] my water bottle leaking. As I turned to my left and looked down I saw the head of a snake receding back underneath my seat. I had a moment of stunned silence he said. It was more as if my brain

[00:47:31] did not register what was truly going on at the moment. It was a moment of disbelief I think before departing on the first day of his multi-legged trip he had heard from people that the airport

[00:47:40] that they saw this caped cobra that was seeking refuge underneath our wing of the aircraft and had a suspicion that it crawled into the engine calling. A search of the plane turned up nothing

[00:47:54] so we assumed the snake had gotten away and went on his merry way. You know what it was that was when you assumed me as the nuns would say you make an ass a you and me.

[00:48:05] That's a big assumption when we're talking about a cobra. The snake was apparently hiding an emerged mid-flight. Oh the passengers, the pilot told the passengers informed air control air traffic control and controllers that he had a bit of a situation and landed the plane

[00:48:20] nearby all five people aboard emerged unscathed this and the snake was found under the pilot seats in a nice pretty little bundle. The snake was a large caped cobra never heard of that and according to South African Civil Aviation Authority which congratulated Aramis for displaying

[00:48:39] impeccable bravery after landing his aircraft incident-free albeit under extreme pressure. He remit this thing can kill like 19 people in a minute. It's like one of the most poisonous I googled it yeah can you any snake but then I wonder if he knew it was a cobra he probably

[00:48:55] if he's South African he probably looked at it thought oh shit I doubt it had its hood up under his shirt. Speaking of crazy animals this is this is for all the termites to go look at and decide

[00:49:10] this animal was captured on camera at the Benson Rio Grande Valley State Park mystery animal caught on camera in Texas Park ignites debate on social media Facebook users can't stop speculating over what the creature is seen inside of Texas State Park could be well have you guys

[00:49:28] ever I never heard of a nutria a tole Ron White when he lived on a lake in Texas they're big kind of water rats that's what it looks like to me it does not it could be a bear

[00:49:41] but it has the shortest bare legs ever if it's a bear all right then people are saying it's this thing too um they posted this snapshot of the animal on Facebook asking that public to

[00:49:53] help identify it well they probably had no idea what was going to happen on Facebook if you throw shit like that out there for the funny ones are always all my favorite it didn't take Facebook

[00:50:03] users along to put out their best guesses uh they could be a opossum crossed with a raccoon a chupacabra if it's a chupacabra it's the fattest one ever to walk earth that's the

[00:50:17] thing about chupacabras they're very thin like they move quickly this thing is a fatty but so far no one's nailed down its true identity uh i'm gonna put a picture of it in the schnoz you guys could

[00:50:28] go look pregnant badger that would be the largest badger another guest jagarundi rare in texas but i've seen one what's a jagarundi it's oh wait it's an endangered cat species that eats birds

[00:50:44] rabbits and small rodents typically hunts during the winter no that's not a cat of any kind of cat family it's like a baby jaguar like a baby jaguar that's a tiny little thing let's see a bit cross

[00:50:55] between a jaguar and a monkey jaguar and a monkey can you own them i'm gonna go get one it's a wild cat the agency said it's most likely an american badger but it'll keep the uh public up to date

[00:51:08] as park employees continue to investigate the mystery um i don't really know what a badger looks like for real you know what else i didn't know what one looked like a mole oh man my the guy who helps me

[00:51:26] de-winterize and winterize the boat justin was telling me his cat brought in a mole and it was under like just a free floating little rug and all of a sudden he saw his rug move

[00:51:36] and he whipped up whipped over the rug and the cat like went psycho like that's my toy and i put it there hands off mofo and i googled it they have webbed hands for digging yeah he's like picture a mini

[00:51:51] ard bark i'm like okay um okay uh bad news for vicki madigan and it thank god easter's over popular easter candy peeps contains additive link to cancer this is what i want to say though

[00:52:09] how many peeps do you need to eat to get cancer because let me tell you what i know for sure it could be over a thousand and my mom has not gotten peeps caused cancer and she has eaten over a thousand

[00:52:22] in her lifetime i guarantee you she's the only one in the family that likes them the only one yeah you're a lot oh the original yellow colored chick is still the peeps is still the best selling

[00:52:34] best selling product under their brand um considering reports called out several peeps candies as containing the dye that is a known carcinogen well i mean but how much of it's in there it's red dye number three is particularly concerning since it's found in many products

[00:52:56] marketed to children who are at rest for developing health problems i can't test to this because i took one bite and i hated them and i read it again um it's red dye number three they're

[00:53:07] really mad about it's it's approved for use in food and oral forms and drugs it's been banned in cosmetics since 1990 stop it yeah you can eat it in food i guess the yellow peeps are

[00:53:20] okay they don't contain that really yeah so you know if you're particular stay away from the red ones stay away from the pinkies go for the yellow peeps i don't like any of them but god love you

[00:53:36] for everybody who does um this i waited till this story was over because i didn't want to get caught up in the the insanity of it but uh me my friend kelly mcfarlane comedian uh she's big

[00:53:51] we like all the crime podcasts and all that stuff um there was this girl so madeline mccan was the girl who went missing on the the port they are in portugal i think right the vacation

[00:54:05] the brits people and two of their kids were still there but the one girl was gone horrible horrible horrible sorry it's been years now and there was a girl in poland who said she was madeline

[00:54:15] mccan apparently this lady who's on dr phil i didn't see it but i've seen pictures of the lady and i'm like you don't even look like an adult version of the girl that went missing

[00:54:25] like i don't it'd be one thing if you really looked like her and then you told this crazy story i'd be like well maybe she got trafficked you know but you don't look like her all grown up we all still

[00:54:39] kind of look like the picture when you're five well this story is over and it is definitely not she is definitely not madeline mccan on extraordinary story behind a young polish woman who

[00:54:52] became an internet sensation by claiming she was madeline mccan can be revealed for the first time today social media posts by julie wendell 21 suggesting she was the missing british girl who disappeared in 2007 went viral and where did it go viral on the tiki talk this is why the

[00:55:10] tiki talk sometimes ain't so great it's the new facebook but it's shorter and faster right the old facebook here's 18 pages of the easter egg hunt here's all the children here's mickey he only

[00:55:26] found a quarter um yeah scratch off yeah for our easter egg hunt we put big bucks in those eggs and lots of scratch off tickets you can get you can get yourself a 25 dollar scratch off in there

[00:55:39] oh yeah and then we ferret out the gambling addicts and we see who's gonna have a problem later in life anyway she even appeared on us pran us talk show to discuss her claims before the dna test

[00:55:54] conclusively demolish her claims and revealed her as a fantasist i've never heard i've never heard it said like that a fantasist yeah i've never i like it i can think of a lot of people

[00:56:08] that applies to her different reasons her mother dorta when dealt cholinsky cholinsky and her stepfather so-and-so are particularly upset by the actions of the u.s media personality dr fia jo hannison a stealth-styled psychic and mystic who jumped on julius claims and claimed to be helping her

[00:56:28] uncover the truth while pushing her into a number of high profile appearances a family friend told um the press julia is a very disturbed woman her mother dora dorada is beside herself and can't

[00:56:41] believe how this is snowballed she's very julia is very sick and she wants her to get help she needs well apparently this girl's done this like three times the madeline mccan one in the first time

[00:56:53] she's done it the problem is itikitaki she needs to be home with her family so she can get the treatment she needs which will make the family happy home for julia is the and her family is

[00:57:09] the city of war claw and southwestern poland 190 miles away from wasa which is steeped in more than a thousand years of history it's rated as one of the top 100 cities in the world to live

[00:57:21] in its fame for its picturesque gothic squares and churches it is here that the family moved from northern poland in 2009 our mother's a very successful business woman who runs a chain of

[00:57:31] clothing shops she had a private school education this girl it was so sad because you could tell that dora loved her and she just wanted her best for her she rebelled and left home and started

[00:57:41] seeing a guy who was a drug addict and that didn't help her um oh she has different names online too yeah she's um she claimed to be a girl who went missing in germany in 2015

[00:57:58] then she said she was another girl who went missing as a 19 month old child in 2003 in utah yeah see normally without the tiktok there's no audience for all this they'd be like hey some crazy

[00:58:14] chicks that you she could go to the cops and say hey i think i'm that chick and the cops would be like yada yada blah blah they're not yeah it's they're not playing no footlocker this is business

[00:58:28] affects you on a daily basis business that affects you i gotta think of an acronym acronym for my business section articles there's uh there's been some recommendations are there i haven't had time to go on the youtubers and look at the comments

[00:58:44] footlockers uh one of the leading retailers of athletic football and apparel has announced that it will close more than 400 stores in north america by 2026 as part of a new strategy are you listening to batbathing beyond to refresh its brand and appeal to younger customers

[00:58:59] good on your footlocker because i do think tennis shoes are something people like to actually try on yeah we need brick and mortar stores for shoes we don't i guess need them but people like it they're gonna focus on opening new concept stores that offer more personalized and

[00:59:17] experiential shopping experiences for different segments of customers such as sneaker enthusiasts athletes kids and bargain hunters it will also reduce its presence in low performing mall locations which account for 10 percent of its sales malls just gotta stop yep i don't understand there's a mall

[00:59:36] by my house and it's a fancy mall it's got the fancy stores it's new fancy new ish fan you know anthropology lululemon yeah but there's that's where my old lens crafters was and i would go in

[00:59:49] the day not a goddamn person in there just me and an old guy who works at lens crafters who used to do one day i said oh i see you're an alabama fan roll tide you know just trying to he's like oh do

[01:00:03] you like college football i said well enough i was asking from missouri not a lot to cheer for there uh i'm not really got my heels dug in but i do i am aware of it and he goes well look at

[01:00:17] this and he pulls out a letter from bare bryant and if you're not familiar whoa he was the coach of alabama football for years and years and years he's dead

[01:00:28] and it was just a letter um from bare bryant to that guy i'm in lens crafters what is going on and i'm reading that i mean it was kind of interesting no no but i told him you better

[01:00:41] not just keep this folded in your pocket anymore it's gonna get anyway there's nobody in that mall just me and him the guy with the bare bryant letter and he's about ready to retire there's

[01:00:51] it's always empty um so they're gonna have a new store concept it's part of its lace-up plan it'll introduce four new store concepts community these will be about 15 000 square feet and will target sneaker enthusiasts performance these will stores will be about 10 000 square feet and they will

[01:01:09] target athletes whose performance enhance seek performance enhancements in their shoes why aren't we all seeking that just because i'm not running a marathon doesn't mean i don't want the top performance out of my shoes say that listen just because i don't look like i'm ready for a marathon

[01:01:32] doesn't mean i don't want my feet to think we might be doing it you'll get personalized fittings well we should all get that gate analysis gait analysis i remember one time my mom goes you walk like you had polio what so she said

[01:01:49] you have a polio walk she's talking to me like i'm a person on the street she never met i go what the fuck does that mean sometimes you drag your left leg oh okay all right and now i'm

[01:02:02] always so and now i'm always very conscious of my left leg moving right and i never had polio oh my god yeah you walk you walk like you have polio thanks mom yeah yeah happy Easter

[01:02:17] there's value stores there's four concepts this is the third one value these stores will be about 8 000 square feet and will target bargain hunters who look for great deals on quality products

[01:02:25] they offer clearance items no i don't want to be in this one no kids great idea these stores would be about 7500 square feet and will target parents who shop for their children's footwear

[01:02:35] needs they will offer a wide range of sizes styles and brands for all kids in all ages it's kind of cool great i think they'll make it bad bath and beyond please call the people

[01:02:47] in charge of footlocker and say hey how are you moving into the 2000s uh it's a bit okay now i am old and grandma here was still looking for court tv

[01:03:10] and it's not on on direct tv anymore but guess where you can watch all trials because i was watching a goetheth paltrow's thing and then before that um the big one what was i watching the one right before that uh a murder or some shit um many many

[01:03:32] stuff um it's all on youtube now they have a channel on youtube that's devoted to like high profile trials in court if the if the judge allows the camera in the courtroom

[01:03:45] we'll put in the shots but now that the one of the children told me go on youtube moment or might and i was like bam there it was yeah well i don't know if this is going to be on

[01:03:57] i'm gonna check do the work of the lord and check but it's the opening statements begin in the trial of doomsday mom lori valo daybell that is a cray cray case uh kelly mcfarlane gave me a bunch

[01:04:10] of the podcast on that one which i listened to months and months ago in the car somewhere uh she thought the kids were zombies it's a cult like this she followed this chad guy

[01:04:21] she thought her children were zombie it i don't even know if you believe the i do believe that she went way too down this thing call with this guy but anyway her they're having separate

[01:04:32] trials chad and her lori's beginning statements so we will check the youtubes and we will see um okay i think i'm gonna save my fraudster one for next week no yeah i am i am i am because i want

[01:04:47] to read more i want to read more okay i'll do an intro okay former forbes 30 under 30 the press has so much to be shamed for because they did this with elizabeth holmes and it's not just women

[01:05:07] they did it with sam bankman freed or sam frido bankman whatever his fucking name is um anybody under 40 that's running around in a hoodie that tells you they live in the bahamas most of the time

[01:05:23] run away from them something ain't right and now elizabeth doesn't fit that one and this girl didn't this lady didn't fit it but the 30 under 30 you know i was in a 40 under 40 in some st

[01:05:35] louis magazine once and i thought yeah whatever they have entertainers yet to be mixed in with the people that are actually making money like hey look at this clown her tax thing said she made

[01:05:48] 62 000 dollars yeah but i got free food at the funny bone okay i got free wings and beers for a year what's that worth hmm the improvs had full meals um i was in a 40 under 40 thing or 30 under 30

[01:06:07] might have been 30 under 30 and i thought they don't really know me i remember thinking this but i went to journalism school they asked me these questions about comedy and i said oh here's my thing

[01:06:17] they just believed me now the good thing is i'm an honest person because i fear the lord because i went to a catholic school i'm not gonna do that shit because i think something bad will

[01:06:26] happen to me it's really selfish at the end of the day my behavior but it's presenting a lot of preventing misery for other people um but i remember thinking they don't know you couldn't go online and run criminal checks you couldn't do background checks you could be

[01:06:42] putting me in there and i could be a psycho they just don't check they don't care well forbs they had a 30 under 30 and they put this lady in uh she's a startup CEO accused of 175 million

[01:06:59] 75 million dollar fraud scheme against jp morgan chase wow yeah now i can do the story but that's going to be a last no i have to do the happiest country in the world can we do both well no i'm

[01:07:13] we're i gotta get going here yeah all right i'll do it yeah but i was gonna look for more but i'll look for more anyway when jp morgan chase announced two years ago that it would purchase

[01:07:24] frank like the name frank the man's name a startup college financial planning company for students the global banking giant said it that by acquiring the apparently popular keyword apparently popular platform for 175 million it hoped to strengthen its relationship with millions of young people

[01:07:43] well you know what you could do to strengthen those relationships give out student loans at a cheaper rate than everyone else yeah i'd be your bff so all kinds of friends and then give us something

[01:07:54] free for the dorm room beer yeah free beanbag every kid wants a beanbag so comfortable better than a backpack yeah i don't want an art oster no but jp morgan federal authorities now believe there was

[01:08:08] a big problem many of the millions of students said to be using frank never existed the department of justice filed criminal charges which were unsealed tuesday against charlie javis frank's founder and

[01:08:21] former ceo charlie being a woman alleging she engaged in a brazen scheme when she sold her company to jp morgan chase in 2001 do you can you imagine the guts you have to have to lie to a bank

[01:08:35] elizabeth holmes that's what's gonna bring you down the line to the bank you can get away with the rest of it but you can't it's um anna on adult day she could have gotten away with given rich

[01:08:46] if you solicit a rich person say give me money and they do it that's not a crime that if you've tricked them out of it but a bank securities exchange commission separately announced its own fraud complaint against javis on tuesday seeking a variety of punishments including civil penalties

[01:09:03] and a ban on her being a corporate officer that's it federal prosecutors prosecutors and ceo accused javis of defrauding jp morgan into believing that frank had 4.2 million users when really the number was less than three at 100 000 wow well who that's kind of on you jp morgan if anybody

[01:09:24] under the age of 40 comes up to me and goes i have a million and a half followers on tech talk i got night out there's comics now seven million people have watched my youtube special really

[01:09:38] really really no the numbers come on yeah go for you the only one that this is a hundred percent honest like my friend michael summerville and you can see it on his instagram first he he does

[01:09:52] sketch videos that are pretty funny with some other comedian actor lady i don't know her name but she's funny too and he's super popular in india but then his friends go we used to do a

[01:10:04] show in new york and invite all the indian people and michael goes no you don't get it my indian fans are in india they're not in new york or somewhere around but his thing chose i know who would believe

[01:10:19] this child and give her all this money according to the authorities 31 year old javis allegedly fabricated a mint bill in frank's data to make it appear as though her company had served as far more

[01:10:30] customers than it actually did as a result of her suspected deceit she stood to make more than 45 million she fages faces charges bank fraud security fraud wire fraud and attending affecting a financial institution and conspiracy to commit bank and wire fraud she is following her arrest

[01:10:47] on money night she was released on two billion dollars bond and subjected to travel restrictions good luck with that yeah the arrest should warn after brewers who lie to advance their business

[01:10:59] that their lives will catch up to them she's denied the allegations yeah that it was designed to the platform that she designed was to simplify the student loan application program process okay um that's why jp morgan wanted to acquire it the company helped rocket javis to national

[01:11:24] promises with a glowing feature in forbes and a spot on magazines coveted 30 under 30 listing young professionals in finance so why would you believe a 31 year old when they're like yeah that's not 450 million people they're doing it yeah no and then you need a computer

[01:11:43] forensic freak to say give me a list of your followers and go through them and find out how many are bots how many are fake how many are redone there are so many numbers on youtube's

[01:11:53] i see with these comics where i'm like oh my god this but now i think there's a lot of comics just doing it saying i i know how some of those numbers are manipulated people have showed me how

[01:12:07] to do that i have no interest in that because i want the people to be real or you're just misjudging shit but when you're i think there's a lot of the younger comics that are using that to be

[01:12:19] noticed even if it's not true or it's bots they don't care they want that number on the screen and then they circle it or they star it or they mark it and then people it's act as if and then it

[01:12:31] will be that kind of theory of trying to get somewhere and i guess it's works for enough of because they're all seem to be on board um well we will keep track of what happens to this person

[01:12:45] yes um yeah that's what she done did jp morgan that's a lot of that's on you though i mean this is a bad chick this lady's a bad person but you should have been more responsible

[01:13:00] than to believe a 31 year old with all this bullshit i mean i believe 31 year olds in general all right i'm gonna save the happiest countries you know what i'm gonna leave you with

[01:13:10] it's a feel-good story well this is even a better feel-good story okay thank you for talking about the front yeah i'll keep up on her they have proof now that the dire wolf did live in canada

[01:13:25] during the ice age no like the one in thrones the one in thrones go i'll put i'll try to find it for the show so i don't know if again it might have been in this article they had a chart

[01:13:36] where they're like this is the height of a dog this is the height of a wolf and here's a six foot man the dire wolf way bigger than the wolf about half the size of the six foot man yeah um this is

[01:13:50] crazy cool yeah it wasn't in here i saw some more um there's an artist impression of the dire wolf canada now has its first dire wolf congratulations paddles yeah and it was found by where you're

[01:14:04] from for the first time a canadian fossil has been confirmed as having come from the ice age predator featured in a tv series game of thrones the specimen from near medicine had in southern alberta was tentatively tentatively identified decades ago but a team from the royal ontarian museum

[01:14:22] used new technology to finally lock it down it's never been fully described said evolutionary biologist ashley reynolds lead author of the paper published in the journal of quaternary science this has never done this has never been done for for the specimen it wasn't easy the entire

[01:14:37] specimen which is between 25 and 50 000 years old consists of uh one jaw badly crushed with some remaining teeth we could tell pretty clearly it was a member of the dog family about the size of

[01:14:47] a wolf so it's either a gray wolf or a dire wolf there are ways to tell them apart based on teeth but this animal was too old for that when the animal gets really old it starts to wear down

[01:14:56] his teeth aka my parents wow this can mean the features of the teeth get worn away although dire wolves tend to be significantly bigger than gray wolves this individual was in the size range of both species so researchers researchers tried something else the team took points along the

[01:15:14] outline of the fossil and used a computer program to estimate its shape they compared that with known values from gray and dire wolves based on the parts in the shape um which we

[01:15:23] do have it does look more like a dire wolf for sure awesome yeah how cool is that what the discovery means confirming the presence of dire wolves adds to our picture of what the ice age looked like in

[01:15:35] canada reynolds said we're starting to get a picture of what lived in canada in past ages we see a fauna that is very similar to what we would even see in california but this area would have had

[01:15:43] a unique mixing of southern and arctic species there's some exact there's evidence for example the cave lions could have lived in the area um this one was relatively small for the species

[01:16:01] it was very old so it must have been a successful wolf good job at some point in its life it lost one of its big teeth and had to make do that's just awesome to think that they were around

[01:16:12] i mean i don't know you better be needed to be your friend like it wasn't um yeah i'm gonna tell you that's so great now let's save the happiest countries for next week because it's worth a

[01:16:24] little chatter about that we're gonna leave you on that feel good story it's nice to know that thrones ain't making that shit up what do you well i already know because i read i read it i already

[01:16:36] know but there's the top 10 and i don't know all those i haven't read all that um and then there's the saddest countries in the world you some one i wouldn't have thought that's on

[01:16:47] there i wouldn't have thought it no i would have thought it was fine like not super happy but not super crabby um all right before we go to our minds please go rate this special on amazon

[01:16:59] much appreciated um the t-shirts yeah no here's a t-shirt madagas pubcast on the front it's a summer short sleeve a lot of women have said make a v-neck i will i just haven't gotten around

[01:17:13] and this says yeah no international yeah no union yeah yeah yeah it's really fun it's super soft as they all are they're on the website if you want them and there's stickers on the website too we

[01:17:25] have madigan pubcast stickers yeah um yeah go to durham uh friday is sold out april 21st april 22nd because we added saturday there's some tickets left for that durham let's make this happen

[01:17:42] yeah a little special for the moms from others and then niceville florida which is down the road from meanville you have to go to meanville first it's by destin i had to look it up i never heard

[01:17:54] of it but wouldn't that be great if your town is niceville no one ever asked how to spell it yeah when i like for a while one of my address was lake ozark or even osage beach

[01:18:07] osagi oh my god osage like the indian osage indians i didn't know there was an ocean in missouri it's private it's private it's a private ocean y'all got a beach there it's private i told you

[01:18:21] only people from the tri-state area i was allowed kansas is allowed and two from nebraska and two from illan white's a long drive niceville go there ponteverde a veredra two shows i think they're

[01:18:39] both sold out though may fifth um charleston that's the only the yeah there's nothing left there i think that's sold out santa rosa i love it the luther burbank luther luther lots of wine something

[01:18:55] giant that place is sneaky santa rosa because every time i go there i think well this show will be fine and it is explosively great it's insanely unsuspectingly great the crowds are great like every

[01:19:09] time i come offstage i'm like somebody should film a special here and then there's always that one lady that goes george carlin did film a special here and i go thank you right i forgot you've told me

[01:19:18] that 10 times and i'm a loser i forgot um and then wheatland california which is basically Sacramento the hard rock the hard rock live boom and then vegas and june something the mirage

[01:19:33] hampton beach this summer cape cod melody tent this summer then we roll on into boise to the egyptian the only theater in the world where the green room is outside you have to walk outside

[01:19:51] and then back down and then around because it's an old movie theater yeah yeah we need people to oh we need people to rate the podcast why do people care people i don't even look this shit up

[01:20:03] there's also one more thing you have one day to vote if you join taco bell rewards to vote now through uh one day from now you can vote which fan favorite should return for a limited time do

[01:20:14] want um team beachy beat beefy crunch fritos flaming hot burrito or team cool ranch doritos taco oh i would totally take the hard shell taco over this conglomeration thing and you're throwing you're trying to make it texas pie throwing fritos in there no taco bells

[01:20:38] don't add ingredients you have four and you're really good at them keep it tight that's what they're trying to do in this thing it's the beefy crunch frito flaming hot they don't describe it but i'd say it's a burrito versus i'm gonna join taco bell rewards i should

[01:20:57] join anyway on the app i think you're on it am i i don't know if i am that's why i get notifications i want to be on theirs and rb's why is taco bell supposed to be taco bell should always text me i never get angry about that

[01:21:19] text back like anybody's answering all right termites i will see you all out on the road springtime springtime termites it's springtime it's finally working it's like 65 degrees today it's perfect i'm gonna go golf with dorf till i have to go i'm going to

[01:21:36] my nephew's wedding this weekend in st louis um oh i'm very excited the the mcqueen part of the family knows how to do it the mcqueen's are never let down they're cooler alley yeah they're out

[01:21:54] their coolers are marked um ipas uh imports american standards yeah they've yeah they're actually the party in the backyard on friday is usually even better than what will happen on saturday but it's hard to recover from the party i'll fry at the backyard and yeah my cousin's

[01:22:13] backyard looks like uh it should be there's a place in st louis called the benes cafe my cousin mary's nailed it anyway um so that i won't be working this weekend but

[01:22:24] i'll see you out in durham in april 21 and 22 and then someone at so forth and then all the um the tickets are on sale i'll say one more thing i'll let you termites go because the

[01:22:35] st louis show it went on sale with all the fall dates and i knew it would happen i i gave it i gave it 24 hours or less till i got a call from one of my mom my mom or my dad going why are your tickets

[01:22:50] 400 they're not i don't know who's telling you this my mom called and she said because here's the thing and it is confusing and i'm not saying this because um you know of age or nothing if you

[01:23:04] type in cathleen madigan tickets let's you say you did all this shit comes up and their resales people are just trying to make money i don't get that money just go to my website every link on there

[01:23:16] takes you the tickets are 35 45 55 if you ever see tickets priced at over unless it's some very strange thing like the hamptons or someplace where there's all kinds of rich people they will never be over 60 bucks um that i can think of unless platinum seating that's different because the

[01:23:34] people set the price but the ticket chunks you just have to go to the website it's so easy to be tricked though if you type in my name all these seat things come up that are not mine they're

[01:23:45] either not the real one so they could they think well i'll just put them up for 100 bucks maybe somebody will buy it and people must do that for sure because they keep doing it where you're

[01:23:54] like huh i've been tricked twice except by no steve nix's i just go to the dicks fix that's why wouldn't you go to the next nix fix yeah everybody needs a nix fix

[01:24:06] yeah so let's shout out that steve is okay i don't trust all this i don't trust this outgoing information yeah we will keep an eye on it all right termites get outside plant some flowers

[01:24:21] it's about to be fishing season there's a lot of dudes in bass boats in the cove pushing it because yeah it's a little water still very cold if they're catching anything i don't know

[01:24:34] what it would be just yet you do not want it you don't want it in your boat you don't want to eat it no no all right ready