Steph Simon

[00:00:02] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:00:49] What You Want, When You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:01:19] What You Want, When You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:01:49] What You Want, When You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:02:19] What You Want, When You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:02:49] What You Want, When You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:03:01] and now I do the same shit.

[00:03:04] Exactly that.

[00:03:05] And I feel like as millennials,

[00:03:08] I think you're a millennial too, yeah?

[00:03:09] I'm about to be 40, am I in that range?

[00:03:12] I'll be 40 this year.

[00:03:13] Yeah, I think you're a millennial.

[00:03:15] I feel like we're sort of in that

[00:03:19] the first generation that we're,

[00:03:20] well not the first,

[00:03:21] but we're very cognizant of like

[00:03:25] being self aware and mental health and stuff.

[00:03:27] And so we have a piece of mind to like look at our parents

[00:03:31] and be like, ugh, like I don't wanna know.

[00:03:35] I would rather invest in therapy

[00:03:37] to not do the things they do than become that.

[00:03:41] So it's like okay to pick up on some of those things

[00:03:44] that our parents do,

[00:03:45] but like now I spend time with my parents

[00:03:48] and I'm like, God, so goddamn happy

[00:03:50] that I'm not like on that trajectory.

[00:03:53] Like I'll take the little things,

[00:03:55] like the little mannerisms.

[00:03:57] Long story short,

[00:03:58] I have not been going to too many comedy shows here and there,

[00:04:02] but not as much as I was.

[00:04:05] At the time, at the time?

[00:04:07] At the time I was going out,

[00:04:09] I've made it down to just for laughs at some point.

[00:04:12] That was dope.

[00:04:15] I was going out to clubs

[00:04:16] just being a single fun human being, getting drunk,

[00:04:19] having fun, you know?

[00:04:21] But now I'm getting older and I'm like,

[00:04:24] I can't sit down for an hour at a time and drink.

[00:04:27] It's like my favorite.

[00:04:28] Oh no, Duke, like concerts better have seats now

[00:04:32] and then like I've done the thing where I like

[00:04:35] see if the venue or the band post set times.

[00:04:39] Like oh, there's three openers.

[00:04:40] Well, missing the first two with those.

[00:04:42] And stuff like that.

[00:04:45] I wanna dive into you and your career.

[00:04:47] I love having creative people on the podcast

[00:04:49] and you are the first tattoo artist I've had on.

[00:04:52] So I would love for you to take me back

[00:04:53] to the very beginning with your interest in art

[00:04:56] whether drawing or whatever you tell me

[00:04:58] and how that has gotten you

[00:05:00] to the career you have right now.

[00:05:03] Well, I grew up always drawing

[00:05:06] and liking to draw and paint and do all the creative stuff

[00:05:09] but it was sort of kind of,

[00:05:12] I'm sure it's maybe we're being an actor

[00:05:15] where like your parents are like,

[00:05:17] ah, the chances of you making any money

[00:05:20] and matter like slim to none.

[00:05:22] So in my head I was always like,

[00:05:25] this is just gonna be like a hobby,

[00:05:30] a fun thing I like to do.

[00:05:31] But and even in high school,

[00:05:34] I had like my peers and stuff would tell me like,

[00:05:37] oh, you know, you should really be a tattoo artist.

[00:05:39] Like in my head, I'm like, oh, my social anxiety

[00:05:42] is so like my ultimate nightmare

[00:05:44] is sitting with someone for that long

[00:05:47] and then like permanently marking them.

[00:05:49] There's no fucking way.

[00:05:51] That's a pretty cool compliment though

[00:05:52] to get that young or that early.

[00:05:54] That's a very specific compliment as well.

[00:05:57] Yeah, well, you know,

[00:05:58] I think being like the goth kid that was always drawing

[00:06:01] it was just sort of like,

[00:06:03] they're like, yeah, that's what you're gonna do.

[00:06:05] You're gonna be like-

[00:06:05] The pieces fit together.

[00:06:07] Yeah, exactly.

[00:06:09] So I actually, I kept drawing.

[00:06:13] I also have like a clothing line.

[00:06:16] I was making like grave clothes.

[00:06:20] That's how I was really paying my bills

[00:06:21] was making like a little outfit for,

[00:06:24] it was before globalization and the internet

[00:06:28] and all these things.

[00:06:29] And there weren't too many companies yet that did that.

[00:06:31] So I was making like custom like leg warmers and stuff.

[00:06:34] So I was already doing something creative.

[00:06:36] And then someone mentioned like,

[00:06:40] oh, you should get a side job at a tattoo shop

[00:06:42] as like a front desk girl.

[00:06:44] And so I tried, I went to like every tattoo shop

[00:06:48] in Denver just walking in looking like a total jackass.

[00:06:52] Like, can I work here?

[00:06:54] Like I have one tattoo.

[00:06:55] Can I work here?

[00:06:57] I got last out of most places.

[00:07:00] One company here in Denver,

[00:07:02] I won't say the name because they're pretty,

[00:07:05] they're pretty well-known shop actually hired me.

[00:07:09] And then a week there was like,

[00:07:12] oh yeah, no.

[00:07:14] The owner just hired his nephew.

[00:07:15] So sorry.

[00:07:17] So that was cool.

[00:07:19] And then I did get scammed out of, what's that?

[00:07:23] I was gonna say that's really cool though to like work

[00:07:25] or put yourself into position in that environment early on.

[00:07:28] Like our big club here in Philly is Helium.

[00:07:31] And when I was brand new, barely a comic,

[00:07:34] just an open mic or I like worked there

[00:07:36] but I learned so much by just being in the environment.

[00:07:39] I learned about the art of standup.

[00:07:41] I watched all the comedians at night

[00:07:43] but I also learned about a lot of business

[00:07:45] and daytime shit working the box office in the afternoons.

[00:07:50] Exactly, and I love the mentality like you put yourself

[00:07:53] around people you admire and that you wanna be like

[00:07:55] and you'll find your way.

[00:07:57] So in my mind, I was like,

[00:07:59] I'll start out as like a front desk girl

[00:08:03] and then they actually that shop

[00:08:07] that kind of snubbed me.

[00:08:08] They were like, but we do have an apprenticeship

[00:08:09] if you wanna do that.

[00:08:10] And I, you know, a lot of those self-esteem

[00:08:14] at the time I was like, there's no way.

[00:08:15] Like I'm not good enough.

[00:08:16] I'm not good enough.

[00:08:17] So I turned that down.

[00:08:18] Went to another shop actually very well known shop

[00:08:22] that used to have people in Denver might be able

[00:08:24] to figure this out.

[00:08:25] They had a string of shops.

[00:08:27] They had one of those like late night commercial

[00:08:29] super cheesy.

[00:08:30] Like the dude was like in his wife beater

[00:08:33] and just like peck and plant.

[00:08:34] Like we don't make tattoos.

[00:08:37] We give life or some stupid catchphrase like that.

[00:08:40] Anyway.

[00:08:42] Like the equivalent of like a car dealership

[00:08:44] like that kind of cheesy, like a used car lot or something.

[00:08:47] The same kind of level of like cheese ball stuff.

[00:08:49] Yeah.

[00:08:50] Same level, but even better.

[00:08:52] Like I still, it's still on YouTube.

[00:08:54] So I send it to people cause it's just magic, but yeah

[00:08:58] wasn't hot enough to get hired there.

[00:09:01] And so I, someone told me about an apprenticeship.

[00:09:06] This, these people full on scammed me.

[00:09:08] They like took the check for me

[00:09:10] and they were like, oh, your check's fake.

[00:09:12] You need to give it cash.

[00:09:13] And then I brought them a ton of cash

[00:09:16] and ended up, it was a whole thing.

[00:09:18] So I had a series of unfortunate events

[00:09:21] before I finally landed a solid apprenticeship.

[00:09:24] And by that point I was kind of disillusioned

[00:09:27] and was just like, I don't know if it works, it works.

[00:09:30] I was working at Costa Bonita at the time

[00:09:32] as like a performer.

[00:09:33] So I was just kind of like partying and living life

[00:09:38] and why not just give it a go.

[00:09:41] And it ended up being like my life now,

[00:09:44] it's my career, it's awesome.

[00:09:46] That's awesome.

[00:09:46] What exactly does the apprenticeship entail?

[00:09:49] Apprenticeship is sort of like being the shot bitch.

[00:09:53] I guess nowadays not so much anymore with the woke crowd.

[00:09:57] I think they're starting to sort of eliminate

[00:10:00] the hazing and stuff, which is good.

[00:10:02] I think there's like a level.

[00:10:04] Yeah, there's a level of suffering.

[00:10:07] I personally believe that you need to go through

[00:10:10] for anything good.

[00:10:12] Oh God, especially in art or creativity, absolutely.

[00:10:16] Yeah, exactly.

[00:10:17] So I fall somewhere in between the like old school guys

[00:10:22] that are like, yeah, like duct tape them

[00:10:25] to the pole outside and like make them drink

[00:10:27] the rinse cup water and then like, oh no,

[00:10:30] you don't have to clean the toilets.

[00:10:33] Like just sit back and have a self care day.

[00:10:35] Like I'm somewhere in between that.

[00:10:38] And those are extremes.

[00:10:40] Yeah, I mean, you know, far left, far right.

[00:10:42] I don't know, that's politically speaking,

[00:10:44] but I think mine was just enough suffering

[00:10:50] to make me like really appreciate what I have.

[00:10:52] So just a lot of cleaning, a lot of running out

[00:10:55] and doing like bringing lunch back for people.

[00:10:59] Obviously there's the art aspect to it

[00:11:01] where you're like doing artwork assignments.

[00:11:03] It was like, I wanna say it was like eight months

[00:11:05] before I even started tattooing into my apprenticeship.

[00:11:09] So a lot of it was...

[00:11:11] I was just gonna ask you how long you did that for.

[00:11:14] So...

[00:11:15] Oh well, the actual apprenticeship

[00:11:17] was about two and a half years.

[00:11:19] Okay.

[00:11:20] But that part of it wasn't even tattooing,

[00:11:22] it was just cleaning and doing art so.

[00:11:24] And just being around it and learning, taking it all in?

[00:11:27] Yeah, exactly.

[00:11:29] So on this podcast, I mostly have comedians on

[00:11:31] and I always ask them about their very first set.

[00:11:34] So what was your very first tattoo session?

[00:11:37] Like who was it, what did you draw?

[00:11:39] What were you feeling?

[00:11:42] So I feel like I might skip my actual first tattoo

[00:11:46] because it's pretty uncomfortable.

[00:11:47] I mean, technically speaking,

[00:11:49] my first tattoo was on myself

[00:11:51] and it took me forever and it wasn't.

[00:11:53] My first tattoo on another human being

[00:11:57] a girl I've known forever,

[00:11:58] a lovely human trusted me to do like a little cancer sign

[00:12:02] on her, not cancer cancer, like a zodiac.

[00:12:05] I knew what you meant.

[00:12:07] On a wrist.

[00:12:09] But I would say the first time that I felt

[00:12:14] kind of weird, like, oh, this is gonna be my life

[00:12:18] is my mentor had me stencil a guy

[00:12:22] and he was getting a tattoo on his butt.

[00:12:25] And so I had to shave his butt.

[00:12:28] Starting with the ass.

[00:12:30] Yeah, I mean, like, I don't know.

[00:12:31] Now I think about it, like, oh, that's nothing.

[00:12:34] Like you, I, you know, I see worse things all the time,

[00:12:37] but like shaved his butt.

[00:12:38] And then if you've ever gotten a tattoo,

[00:12:41] you'll know there's this stuff we put on

[00:12:43] before putting on the stencil called stencil stuff.

[00:12:46] And it looks like straight, like,

[00:12:50] like you haven't come for years,

[00:12:52] just very like in solid.

[00:12:56] It just looks like just.

[00:12:57] So I had to put the jizz on his butt,

[00:13:01] put the stencil on.

[00:13:03] And that was my first stencil experience.

[00:13:06] And to this day, I'm like, yeah,

[00:13:08] that was a good call in my mentor's part, you know?

[00:13:10] Just like get me straight into it.

[00:13:13] Let me know what it's gonna be like.

[00:13:15] Dive right in.

[00:13:17] I mean, I've been doing this podcast

[00:13:19] for many, many years now.

[00:13:21] I've had a lot of comics on

[00:13:22] and a lot of weird conversations,

[00:13:24] but that may be the first time I've heard like,

[00:13:25] rubbed the jizz on the butt ever on this podcast.

[00:13:28] So I'm really glad that that was bought to the forefront.

[00:13:32] That one's gotta do it!

[00:13:33] What do you want?

[00:13:34] Hey, and also that sounds like total bitch work.

[00:13:37] Like this guy's getting an ass tattoo.

[00:13:39] It's your first time, get in there.

[00:13:41] What did the guy get on his ass?

[00:13:44] Oh my God, that's a good question.

[00:13:46] I wanna say it was like

[00:13:49] an H.O. in Mexico, like made in Mexico thing,

[00:13:52] but I can't, dude, my mind was so,

[00:13:56] having such bad social anxiety

[00:13:58] and like fear of touching and being touched,

[00:14:00] my brain didn't even like think about

[00:14:02] what I was putting on him.

[00:14:04] It was just like, oh my God,

[00:14:05] I'm touching this guy's butt.

[00:14:07] It's like substance.

[00:14:11] Yeah.

[00:14:11] Now I would say the worst thing,

[00:14:14] like, because I feel like people always ask me

[00:14:16] like do you have your tattoo genitals?

[00:14:18] Do you have your tattoo?

[00:14:19] You know, what's the weirdest place to tattoo?

[00:14:21] There's no real weird place,

[00:14:22] but like there's something to be said about

[00:14:26] like male body hair when you're doing

[00:14:29] like an inner thigh tattooed on a dude

[00:14:32] and you don't know where the pubes end

[00:14:34] and the upper thigh hair begins, you know?

[00:14:37] It's a lost land.

[00:14:39] Who even cares at this point I guess, but you know.

[00:14:43] A buddy of mine has a tattoo on his taint.

[00:14:47] Like right up, right up,

[00:14:50] right up in between the devil's driveway.

[00:14:53] Yep.

[00:14:54] What may I ask, what is it?

[00:14:56] I believe it's a monkey

[00:14:57] or as close to a monkey as it possibly can be.

[00:15:00] He's- I mean, yeah.

[00:15:01] He's on radio in Philadelphia and it was a,

[00:15:06] they did the whole bit on air

[00:15:09] and dude his screams in it are phenomenal.

[00:15:14] I mean, I can't imagine how,

[00:15:16] I mean, I can't even imagine,

[00:15:17] but that's quite the sensitive area

[00:15:20] let alone, you know, just throwing some needles in there

[00:15:23] just getting a monkey on your taint.

[00:15:26] Yeah, and it begs the question of like

[00:15:29] what, how detailed was this monkey?

[00:15:32] Was it just line work?

[00:15:33] Cause that's-

[00:15:34] I kinda wanna say it's just line work.

[00:15:36] I haven't seen a picture in forever.

[00:15:38] I don't think he has anything on social media

[00:15:40] or he hasn't posted in a while.

[00:15:41] But I mean they play the audio from the gag

[00:15:44] pretty frequently because it is hilarious

[00:15:46] and he's legitimately screaming in pain.

[00:15:48] But I don't, I have to really,

[00:15:51] I could text him and ask him if like a definitive photo exists

[00:15:56] and then if it does he would probably send it to me

[00:15:59] and then there would be, you know,

[00:16:00] that's a weird thing in itself.

[00:16:01] But at this point we're all desensitized to it

[00:16:03] so whatever.

[00:16:04] Oh yeah, the things I see on Instagram at this point

[00:16:07] which is interesting because Instagram will like

[00:16:11] ban me from posting like nipples in drawings

[00:16:15] but at the same time there's like

[00:16:17] and I'm not punching down or whatever.

[00:16:19] Like do whatever you wanna do with your body

[00:16:21] but like it needs to be consistent, god damn it.

[00:16:24] How are you allowed to post like borderline porn

[00:16:27] but you're not allowed to post like just like drawings

[00:16:31] of nipples?

[00:16:32] A cartoon image of something

[00:16:33] or like a drawing of something.

[00:16:35] Yeah, like again do what you want.

[00:16:38] I don't, I'm all for it.

[00:16:39] Like sell your sex but why am I not allowed

[00:16:42] to sell my art god damn it.

[00:16:43] Not fair.

[00:16:44] No, I totally agree.

[00:16:47] Do a lot of people male and female

[00:16:50] get their genitals tattooed?

[00:16:53] No, that's a big heart, you know.

[00:16:55] I honestly, can I tell you something?

[00:16:58] I have wanted to tattoo a dick for so,

[00:17:01] I shouldn't say this.

[00:17:02] No, you can absolutely say this.

[00:17:05] Okay, well I mean now I'm gonna get like a crazy

[00:17:08] whatever.

[00:17:09] I just feel like what an opportunity,

[00:17:12] what an experience right?

[00:17:13] And I've had some men like reach out to me

[00:17:15] like I wanna get this tattooed on my dick,

[00:17:19] can you do it?

[00:17:19] And unfortunately it's like ideas

[00:17:21] that aren't really practical.

[00:17:24] Like the Empire State Building or like?

[00:17:26] Yeah, I mean just like detailed Mondolas and stuff

[00:17:31] and like what happens is like the ink expands

[00:17:34] under the skin over time.

[00:17:36] So if you have a lot of detail in there

[00:17:38] after like five years it's just gonna be a big blur.

[00:17:41] And I guarantee anybody listening to this

[00:17:44] who has like small tattoos is like,

[00:17:45] yeah it's totally happened to mine.

[00:17:47] No wonder it wasn't the tattoo artist fault.

[00:17:50] I mean it's partially the tattoo artist fault

[00:17:51] because they should tell you.

[00:17:52] But point being you can't get like anything crazy

[00:17:56] on your dick.

[00:17:57] It has to be like something simple,

[00:18:00] the simpler the better.

[00:18:03] But I feel like I would charge a like a handling fee.

[00:18:09] No pun intended, I see what you mean.

[00:18:11] Yeah, no pun intended.

[00:18:12] Definitely intended there.

[00:18:17] But yeah I've been waiting for that.

[00:18:19] And the way you do it is you take,

[00:18:21] because everyone always asks like does it need to be hard?

[00:18:24] Does it need to be flaccid?

[00:18:26] You take the flaccid dick

[00:18:28] and you stretch it over a cylindrical surface

[00:18:31] like a pop can and that's how you stretch it

[00:18:34] and then you just go to town.

[00:18:37] I think that's awesome.

[00:18:38] Oh okay, man I am learning more than I expected to

[00:18:42] on this podcast.

[00:18:44] You know when I think of dick tattoos

[00:18:45] which isn't very often.

[00:18:46] But when I do think of,

[00:18:48] you were seeing Down Periscope with Kelsey Grammer

[00:18:51] and what's his face?

[00:18:53] What was Jim Carrey's ex-wife?

[00:18:55] She's in Dumb and Dumber.

[00:18:57] Oh, Mary Swanson?

[00:18:58] Yes, Mary Swanson.

[00:19:00] Samsonite.

[00:19:02] Yeah way off, whatever.

[00:19:03] Her name, the Down Periscope,

[00:19:05] terrible 90s comedy but also kind of awesome.

[00:19:10] I think about, I believe it's Kelsey Grammer's character

[00:19:11] has all the board tattooed on his dick

[00:19:13] because they work on a submarine.

[00:19:15] Oh that's great.

[00:19:17] See I love, I'm all for creativity.

[00:19:19] Mm-hmm.

[00:19:19] I'm all for creativity.

[00:19:20] I think Harlan Williams is in that too.

[00:19:22] You know that's something I should go back and rewatch.

[00:19:23] I remember being like 12 or 13 years old

[00:19:26] laughing but knowing it's dumb but now at 39

[00:19:29] I'd probably really appreciate it more

[00:19:31] because it's actually probably really good comedy.

[00:19:33] And it was like right after that like Dumb and Dumber,

[00:19:37] that like awesome Jim Carrey run of movies.

[00:19:40] Yeah that moves.

[00:19:41] He did like three in a year right?

[00:19:43] Yeah the man's Dumb and Dumber

[00:19:44] and Ace Ventura were all in the same year

[00:19:46] and then the cable guy was right after

[00:19:50] and that is such a great movie.

[00:19:53] Oh my God, just legend.

[00:19:55] It's insane that one human being got that much

[00:19:59] like cult classic done in one.

[00:20:02] Oh dude, I mean all of those movies that came out in 94

[00:20:06] they've been sure of Dumb and Dumber and Liar Liar.

[00:20:11] Not Liar, the mask.

[00:20:12] Yeah. Every single one is so good

[00:20:14] and there we go Liar Liar and cable guy

[00:20:16] came right after too so he just dominated that.

[00:20:19] Were you into comedy much as a kid?

[00:20:22] I don't know that I was necessarily like,

[00:20:25] I wasn't like voluntarily into it

[00:20:27] but you know how when you're a kid,

[00:20:29] well I mean I assume there's like a certain audience

[00:20:33] that can relate to this but like

[00:20:36] there was no streaming right?

[00:20:37] And like not every parent

[00:20:40] when you're a child of divorce has cable.

[00:20:43] So what we did have was a VCR and like five VHSs

[00:20:48] and my family had like, I wanna say like

[00:20:54] who framed Roger Rabbit, Liar Liar,

[00:20:56] Mrs. Doubtfire.

[00:20:59] There was like a couple.

[00:21:00] Mrs. Doubtfire is a solid classic too.

[00:21:03] You'd have these movies that you would just watch

[00:21:05] over and over and over again

[00:21:07] and then in a few of those,

[00:21:10] well a lot of them were like Jim Carrey

[00:21:13] but like they kind of,

[00:21:15] and like what am I thinking?

[00:21:17] Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison stuff like that.

[00:21:20] Like early 90s it's like ingrained into your personality.

[00:21:23] Oh my God yes.

[00:21:25] As ashamed as I am to be the guy

[00:21:27] that's just like quoting early 90s movies at a party

[00:21:31] it helps you make friends.

[00:21:32] Like it's really,

[00:21:33] It's in my blood to quote all that stuff.

[00:21:36] Even like both Wayne's world Tommy boy, Black Sheep.

[00:21:39] Oh Tommy, that guy in a little coat.

[00:21:44] Yeah, I can't help myself.

[00:21:46] And you know what?

[00:21:47] I think like the best part of getting older

[00:21:50] like being in my mid 30s

[00:21:51] I'm like do I even wanna be around you?

[00:21:54] If that annoys you?

[00:21:55] Like it's okay if people don't like me.

[00:21:57] I just wanna find the people that do.

[00:21:59] Yeah and you have to find the people

[00:22:00] that like have the bond over the same exact kind of,

[00:22:04] like exact same comedy and movies that you're also into.

[00:22:07] It's, it goes across all genres.

[00:22:12] So okay I know nothing about the tattoo worlds

[00:22:14] but I would love to know who your inspirations are.

[00:22:17] Is there any artists in mind?

[00:22:18] Whether they're a tattoo artist

[00:22:19] or just an artist in general?

[00:22:21] Who are some of the people you really admire their work?

[00:22:26] So from an earlier age,

[00:22:29] I was always really into Alfred Cuban.

[00:22:31] He's an Austrian,

[00:22:34] an Austrian artist who did a lot of like black and gray

[00:22:38] pencil work, charcoal.

[00:22:40] He did some paintings but just like a tormented soul

[00:22:44] and did macabre work.

[00:22:45] So that kind of, that heavily influenced me.

[00:22:49] I was really into manga and anime when I was a kid.

[00:22:53] So I know he's like gotten a lot more popular now

[00:22:56] but like Junji Ito.

[00:22:58] And then now as a tattoo artist, there's a few

[00:23:02] and I'm lucky enough to be able to like go get tattooed

[00:23:07] by these people and sort of pick their brains.

[00:23:09] And I imagine it's similar to like, you know,

[00:23:12] headlining or I'm sorry opening for like a headliner.

[00:23:15] You kind of like, hey by the way,

[00:23:17] let me ask you a few things.

[00:23:18] No, it's the absolute best.

[00:23:20] And it's like my favorite conversation is to have

[00:23:22] because like we're talking about inspirations here.

[00:23:25] There are so many comedians that I've grown up watching

[00:23:28] on Comedy Central and Last Comic Standing

[00:23:30] when I was in grade school and high school

[00:23:32] and like I have their numbers in my phone now

[00:23:34] and like I know them and it's,

[00:23:36] I still ask them questions

[00:23:38] and some of my heroes have asked me questions.

[00:23:40] It's pretty awesome when you're in it.

[00:23:46] Oh yeah.

[00:23:47] And like honestly, that's the best feeling is like

[00:23:50] when you meet someone that you admire so much,

[00:23:55] not an artist, but I met the frontman

[00:24:00] from one of my favorite bands after the burial

[00:24:03] and he was asking me questions.

[00:24:06] Like he cared about what I had to say.

[00:24:08] No.

[00:24:09] Which like, you know as a fan A,

[00:24:12] but like also as a woman B,

[00:24:14] like having a successful man ask you

[00:24:17] and genuinely be interested in what you have to say

[00:24:19] is like it's the world to you.

[00:24:24] You know, just like, oh, you care?

[00:24:25] That's awesome.

[00:24:26] Let me tell you all this, let me ramble, you know?

[00:24:29] Yeah, no one thing that happened to me one time

[00:24:31] and I think about this often

[00:24:32] is I met Alan White at a show in Seattle.

[00:24:36] He was the drummer for Yes.

[00:24:37] He's a prolific drummer known for generations.

[00:24:41] Yes.

[00:24:42] Generations of like our dads and moms and stuff.

[00:24:45] And I was opening for Ben Bailey from Cash Cab

[00:24:48] and Alan White's a huge fan of Cash Cab.

[00:24:51] So he came to the show and I'm a Beatles fanatic.

[00:24:54] I love the Beatles, I love most of their solo work

[00:24:57] and Alan White played drums for John Lennon

[00:24:59] and George Harris and he plays drums on Imagine.

[00:25:02] And Alan White was asking me about my comedy career.

[00:25:05] I'm a nobody.

[00:25:06] I am just the middle act.

[00:25:07] I didn't even have my first album yet.

[00:25:09] I am nobody.

[00:25:11] And he's asking me about my career and I'm like,

[00:25:14] can I ask you about working with the Beatles?

[00:25:20] It was really cool.

[00:25:21] He treated me like a total peer

[00:25:24] and we had a normal conversation

[00:25:25] but in my head I'm like this guy played drums

[00:25:27] for George Harrison.

[00:25:30] Yeah.

[00:25:31] So it's really cool because you're totally

[00:25:33] just leveling in the moment.

[00:25:35] Yeah, it's the best honestly for anyone out there

[00:25:38] that's famous and has fans.

[00:25:41] That's the way to treat your,

[00:25:42] well I mean depending on a fan but there's no better feeling

[00:25:47] than when someone genuinely wants to hear

[00:25:50] what you have to say like they're curious.

[00:25:54] It makes you feel like equal which you are.

[00:25:57] We're all human beings but you know,

[00:26:00] you look up to certain people,

[00:26:01] you've followed them, you've like taken notes

[00:26:03] on their whole career.

[00:26:04] You're like, oh my God,

[00:26:06] you actually are interested on what I'm doing?

[00:26:09] Like, you know.

[00:26:10] And it's cool to have that time like one on one

[00:26:12] and not in like a meet and greet

[00:26:14] or like a fake 90 seconds.

[00:26:17] Like when you get to like meet your heroes

[00:26:18] or inspirations and like legitimately have a conversation

[00:26:21] it's like very surreal.

[00:26:22] You're like how am I sitting here?

[00:26:25] I'm sitting here with you

[00:26:27] and you're asking me stuff.

[00:26:29] Yeah, when it happens organically like that

[00:26:32] that's insane.

[00:26:33] Yeah, I mean, VIP meet and greets

[00:26:35] with anyone, comedians, you know, actors, whatever.

[00:26:38] It is all like this sort of like manufacture.

[00:26:41] It's an assembly line, it's just keep it moving.

[00:26:44] Yeah, and they have a certain reputation to uphold

[00:26:47] and I totally understand that

[00:26:48] but when you see one of your heroes out in the wild

[00:26:53] and they're like a good person or seemingly so

[00:26:58] it's like magic.

[00:26:59] You're like, oh my God,

[00:27:01] I forgot that we're all human.

[00:27:02] We're all here just existing together.

[00:27:04] You know, like this is awesome

[00:27:07] but on the same note, like have you ever met anybody

[00:27:10] that has just kind of ruined your life?

[00:27:15] Yeah, it would certainly one person comes to mind

[00:27:20] and it was so crushing.

[00:27:21] It was genuinely legitimately so crushing

[00:27:24] because I met John Cleese

[00:27:28] and I hate to name drop

[00:27:30] but I won't even speak mean of him on the podcast.

[00:27:32] I'm still a huge fan, I'm a huge Monty Python fan

[00:27:36] but this all happened so quickly

[00:27:38] in a span of less than 10 seconds

[00:27:40] where I come out of my hotel and I'm getting an Uber

[00:27:42] so I look at my phone and I see where it is.

[00:27:45] I lift my head up, I see John Cleese standing there

[00:27:49] and I do a triple take.

[00:27:51] I literally do a triple take and it registers

[00:27:53] oh my God, that's John Cleese

[00:27:55] and then I run up to him and I was like,

[00:27:57] I am a huge fan, I am a massive fan.

[00:28:00] It's an honor to meet you.

[00:28:02] I can't believe this is happening.

[00:28:03] Can I please get a picture with you?

[00:28:06] And then he said no.

[00:28:09] And then I thought he didn't hear me.

[00:28:12] I genuinely thought he did not hear me

[00:28:14] so I was like oh my God, I'm a huge fan.

[00:28:15] Can I get a picture with you?

[00:28:16] And then he said no again even meaner.

[00:28:22] And I got into my Uber and I'm like

[00:28:24] what the fuck just happened?

[00:28:25] I was mad, I was upset, I was oddly excited

[00:28:29] because I had just met John Cleese.

[00:28:31] I had this weird adrenaline rush

[00:28:34] and then I was like but he was mean to me.

[00:28:38] And yeah.

[00:28:39] You're mean to me.

[00:28:40] But it was mean to me.

[00:28:41] I mean you're in the equation, at least for that.

[00:28:45] Yeah so it was really a bizarre situation.

[00:28:52] And then I did post about it on social media

[00:28:54] a picture of him walking away

[00:28:55] and then a little picture of the ministry of silly walks

[00:28:57] because he really does have the very unique natural

[00:29:00] just walk I guess.

[00:29:03] And then how do I say this?

[00:29:06] I don't wanna use the phrase a lot

[00:29:08] but I wanna say a good amount of people commented

[00:29:11] and said yeah, he's known for that.

[00:29:14] So a handful of other people chimed in

[00:29:18] and were like yep, met him, he's a dick.

[00:29:20] Met him, he's a dick.

[00:29:21] This woman that works at the comedy club here

[00:29:23] in Philadelphia said my son met him,

[00:29:25] you was so mean to him.

[00:29:26] I'm like oh man.

[00:29:28] So whatever it happens but that's so rare.

[00:29:32] That is so, so, so infrequent.

[00:29:34] Today's podcast is brought to you by Magic Mind.

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[00:30:27] I use it all the time, you should too.

[00:30:31] I think it's really cool that you travel for work too.

[00:30:34] As a comic I mostly, for the past 10 years

[00:30:36] I've most of my work has been out of town

[00:30:40] and you seem to travel a good amount a year.

[00:30:42] What's that like for you and your industry?

[00:30:46] I love it.

[00:30:47] I don't know what it is.

[00:30:49] It's just like me being like harnessing my inner white girl

[00:30:54] and being like, I'm manifesting positive appetite

[00:30:56] but like I get the best clients in every city I go to.

[00:31:01] I really don't have like crazy stories like I used to

[00:31:04] but it's just nice to be able to like,

[00:31:07] my goal for myself is like, I wanna go to every 56.

[00:31:11] That's a goal of mine.

[00:31:13] That is absolutely that's 100% like my number one.

[00:31:16] Okay, well I could break this down.

[00:31:19] I think I've been to 44 states

[00:31:22] but I have done stand up in either 38 or 39.

[00:31:25] I wanna do stand up and off paid stand up

[00:31:27] and off at these states

[00:31:28] but I've a couple of states I've been to on vacation

[00:31:30] but did not perform.

[00:31:32] But I know for a fact I first performing stand up

[00:31:36] I'm either at 38 or 39.

[00:31:38] That's pretty impressive.

[00:31:40] Yeah.

[00:31:41] See mine isn't like tattooing in every state

[00:31:43] it's just like-

[00:31:44] Just go.

[00:31:45] Basically being there.

[00:31:48] I will say like there's some in there that are like

[00:31:51] expensive and like hard to get to

[00:31:53] that eventually I'll do like Hawaii, Alaska

[00:31:55] but like there's also really weird ones like North Dakota.

[00:32:00] I've never had a reason to go to North Dakota.

[00:32:05] I mean that makes two of us

[00:32:06] and there's no comedy club there.

[00:32:07] So if I do a show there

[00:32:08] it's gonna be probably some shit kicker bar

[00:32:11] but I have to cross it off my list.

[00:32:12] So I mean I'm going to do whatever

[00:32:16] I don't know cheap 50 or $100 gig

[00:32:20] I can get my hands on.

[00:32:21] And then in the perfect world

[00:32:23] I could tag that onto something in South Dakota

[00:32:26] and just bang it all out in one week.

[00:32:28] But I mean there's really not a lot of comedy out that way.

[00:32:31] So what I mean it's, I have to put my work in

[00:32:34] but it's also pretty exciting work

[00:32:35] to actually figure this out and piece it together.

[00:32:37] It's also kind of fun to do that.

[00:32:39] Exactly.

[00:32:40] I think the same thing.

[00:32:43] I feel like North Dakota would be like a Minneapolis

[00:32:47] kind of it's pretty close now

[00:32:48] or like Minnesota in general.

[00:32:50] Yeah they are close

[00:32:51] but they're also just big, big states

[00:32:54] like the Delotta driving through.

[00:32:56] Yeah true.

[00:32:57] I guess I'm thinking about the movie Fargo.

[00:33:00] That's what making me think that

[00:33:02] like they started in Minnesota

[00:33:04] and they ended in Fargo.

[00:33:05] So they have to be close right?

[00:33:07] But yeah there's a lot of weird faith

[00:33:09] like that for me that I'm just like,

[00:33:12] I'm gonna go but not gonna be happy about it.

[00:33:15] Sorry not to put that.

[00:33:16] But you know what though?

[00:33:17] Even, I love going somewhere new

[00:33:20] and every little,

[00:33:22] every place has something to offer.

[00:33:25] I mean I've done shows in like,

[00:33:27] I mean I'm just gonna like Cincinnati,

[00:33:29] Syracuse and Albany.

[00:33:30] Are they fucking amazing vacation spots?

[00:33:32] No, but I can find something to do

[00:33:34] for two days when I'm in town.

[00:33:36] Two restaurants, a park,

[00:33:39] a small museum.

[00:33:40] Like, so the Dakota's probably more outdoorsy

[00:33:43] kind of stuff but there's absolutely something everywhere.

[00:33:48] Except for Charleston, West Virginia

[00:33:49] where I sat in my hotel room

[00:33:51] and went to the same pizza place

[00:33:52] like three times in three days.

[00:33:54] Oh my God, I have definitely had those weeks

[00:33:58] with like guest spotting in different cities

[00:34:02] and like doing conventions and stuff.

[00:34:03] Like you're absolutely right though.

[00:34:05] Like some of the places

[00:34:06] my favorite trips have been to like Podunk towns

[00:34:09] and like the midwars and stuff.

[00:34:11] And you're like, it's the people.

[00:34:13] They're so fucking bored

[00:34:14] that they create these awesome personalities

[00:34:17] or something like that.

[00:34:18] I don't know.

[00:34:19] I was just listening to a podcast on my way here

[00:34:22] an hour ago in the car.

[00:34:24] It was Kathleen Madigan.

[00:34:25] Shout out Kathleen Madigan.

[00:34:27] She is also on this podcast network.

[00:34:30] Kathleen Madigan on Greg Fitzsimmons podcast

[00:34:32] and they were talking about when you perform standup

[00:34:35] in these Podunk towns or like really, really small places

[00:34:38] and the people are so appreciative.

[00:34:40] You will have a lot of people after the show

[00:34:43] that are like, thank you.

[00:34:44] Thank you for coming here

[00:34:46] and they're not bullshitting you.

[00:34:47] They're not jerking you off.

[00:34:48] They genuinely are so happy

[00:34:50] that you went way out of your way to go to them.

[00:34:55] What's your, do you have a favorite piece

[00:34:57] that you've ever done on somebody?

[00:34:59] No, honestly, I'm never happy with anything I do.

[00:35:03] I mean, to a point obviously

[00:35:05] I get it, totally.

[00:35:07] It's an artist life.

[00:35:09] You're just like, I could have done better.

[00:35:11] Like that's suitable.

[00:35:12] As long as the client's happy

[00:35:13] that's like ultimately what I used to do.

[00:35:15] 100% and it's like even as a comic,

[00:35:18] like I mean you have your own art

[00:35:20] and you may notice a little detail

[00:35:21] or maybe forgot something

[00:35:22] or did something just a tiny bit off it you didn't like

[00:35:24] but no one's ever going to fucking know

[00:35:26] but you will sit with that for days.

[00:35:28] Oh exactly.

[00:35:29] I could have a great set.

[00:35:30] I could have a great set in front of 500 people

[00:35:33] and I'll go back to my hotel thinking

[00:35:34] I forgot that one thing.

[00:35:35] I forgot that one thing.

[00:35:37] Oh, it keeps me up at night.

[00:35:38] It's awful.

[00:35:41] Okay.

[00:35:42] Then that's a great segue into my final question here.

[00:35:44] Normally I always ask a comedian

[00:35:45] to give me a horror story, bad show, nightmare gig,

[00:35:48] anything, what's a bad day for a tattoo artist?

[00:35:50] Have you had a nightmare day

[00:35:51] that still haunts your dreams?

[00:35:53] Oh my God.

[00:35:54] Okay.

[00:35:55] So I do a lot of work with myself

[00:35:59] to prevent the anxiety and depression.

[00:36:03] So it doesn't haunt me so much anymore

[00:36:05] but it definitely like made me question

[00:36:09] whether I belong in this industry

[00:36:12] whether I should continue this career.

[00:36:13] But one year I went down to

[00:36:19] I went down to Cuenca, Ecuador to do a convention

[00:36:22] and normally conventions like it's two artists

[00:36:26] to a booth.

[00:36:26] I couldn't find anyone to share with me

[00:36:28] so I just went down by myself.

[00:36:30] I had been going to tattoo in Ecuador

[00:36:32] for many years before.

[00:36:33] So I knew a bunch of artists down there already.

[00:36:36] But it was the first year

[00:36:39] that this convention had been put on

[00:36:40] and the foot traffic was very minimal.

[00:36:43] So the very first day I didn't tattoo

[00:36:45] but by the end of the night

[00:36:46] a couple of guys from Columbia had come up to me

[00:36:50] and kept pressuring me and pressuring me

[00:36:53] and pressuring me like,

[00:36:53] oh, do this tattoo on him.

[00:36:55] Like we don't make that much money in Columbia.

[00:36:58] So, you know, do it for a cheap price

[00:37:01] I kept resisting and eventually I got bullied

[00:37:03] into doing a tattoo essentially for free.

[00:37:06] But I was like, okay,

[00:37:08] if you let me do whatever I want,

[00:37:10] then I'll do this

[00:37:12] and I'll do it for this big, great best place

[00:37:14] extremely low

[00:37:15] and does not do even pay for my supplies

[00:37:18] but whatever.

[00:37:20] So the next day I come in

[00:37:23] I show him the design and he's all good to go.

[00:37:26] Apparently he was a tattooer himself

[00:37:28] so he gave me a machine at the beginning of it

[00:37:30] and I was like, all right, cool, like whatever.

[00:37:33] So a couple hours goes by

[00:37:35] and it was on a lower leg

[00:37:38] he gets up and he's like,

[00:37:41] you hurt my skin.

[00:37:43] Sorry, my translation still isn't great

[00:37:45] but in Spanish he was basically like,

[00:37:47] you hurt my skin and I was like what?

[00:37:49] And then he just sort of laid back down

[00:37:51] and didn't say anything about it.

[00:37:54] So by hour, I'd say like three and a half

[00:37:56] it was almost finished

[00:37:58] and my buddy, another tattooer

[00:38:01] was over there talking on here

[00:38:03] just chatting it up while I'm tattooing

[00:38:04] I'm about to finish it.

[00:38:06] And the client steps up again

[00:38:07] and he goes, what are you doing?

[00:38:09] You need to add a hard line here

[00:38:11] and you need to do this here.

[00:38:13] All these things that were just not

[00:38:15] what you do with a tattoo

[00:38:17] that's black and gray realism.

[00:38:19] So I'm just kind of like, what?

[00:38:21] No, this isn't how it goes.

[00:38:24] I'm not doing that.

[00:38:25] And my buddy who was talking to me was also like,

[00:38:28] you don't know what you're talking about

[00:38:29] like just chill and let her, let her do her thing.

[00:38:33] But he kept pressing it.

[00:38:35] Normally it was, everyone knows her words.

[00:38:39] And I'm starting to get flustered.

[00:38:41] You know when I'm sure when you're on stage

[00:38:43] the same feeling is like,

[00:38:44] when people aren't laughing

[00:38:45] and you're just like, oh my God.

[00:38:48] The whole third puckering, you know?

[00:38:51] Back sweat immediately.

[00:38:53] Yeah, the flu symptoms.

[00:38:55] And so finally I was just like,

[00:38:58] I was like, dude, you're a tattooer,

[00:39:00] you know better than me, I'll let you finish it.

[00:39:03] So I wrapped him up and he just sat there

[00:39:05] and disbelieved like, what the fuck are you doing?

[00:39:08] I wrapped him up and I was ready for my next client

[00:39:10] and he was just sitting on the table

[00:39:14] not like was using to leave.

[00:39:16] And finally my buddy was like, dude,

[00:39:19] you gotta go, she's got another client.

[00:39:20] And he was just in total disbelief over this.

[00:39:23] I sent him away.

[00:39:25] And the crazies, and I had obviously,

[00:39:27] I had a mental breakdown after that

[00:39:28] but the crazy thing is like,

[00:39:30] I'm usually like, I'm really late.

[00:39:33] He called me on Instagram,

[00:39:35] taking a picture of me tattooing

[00:39:37] and was like, you know my homie,

[00:39:38] like she just is all from tattoo on me.

[00:39:41] So my general idea was that

[00:39:45] he was trying to hustle me for free tattoo.

[00:39:48] I don't know.

[00:39:49] But either way it was a pivotal moment

[00:39:52] in my career where I was like,

[00:39:53] I didn't either let this kind of stuff.

[00:39:55] Like if you are trying the best at anything you do,

[00:39:58] at least you have that, right?

[00:40:01] But then I was trying my best.

[00:40:04] And if he didn't like it, I mean, I'm sorry,

[00:40:06] but I also, I've done,

[00:40:08] I don't even know how many tattoos at this point

[00:40:10] after 12 years without doing like,

[00:40:13] I can only do what I can do, I guess.

[00:40:17] You horrible though.

[00:40:19] To wrap it up by saying like,

[00:40:21] you hear his homie and then make like a nice put.

[00:40:23] It's weird, weird.

[00:40:25] Yeah, it was bizarre.

[00:40:26] He's just a bizarre.

[00:40:28] Well, I'm a fan of all your artwork.

[00:40:30] So thank you for, I have two tattoos

[00:40:33] and thank you for being 50% of them.

[00:40:35] Plug all your socials here.

[00:40:37] I love your Instagram.

[00:40:38] And I even loved, I love the funny videos you make.

[00:40:40] You post a lot of great drawings and everything,

[00:40:42] but I also really love the funny videos

[00:40:44] and reels you make too.

[00:40:45] You put a lot of good stuff out there

[00:40:46] and that's stuff that as a comedian, I should be doing.

[00:40:49] So I find your pain motivating

[00:40:51] because I really need to get my ass in gear

[00:40:53] and make, well, first of all, funny videos.

[00:40:56] You can honestly find people not plug all of it.

[00:40:58] So I don't know.

[00:40:59] Yeah, I totally ask.

[00:41:00] Me and Plug plug all your socials now.

[00:41:03] So my Instagram is night stuff like NIN,

[00:41:08] NIN8, the kind.

[00:41:09] Yep, night stuff.

[00:41:11] And then my website is nightlifeco.io,

[00:41:16] nightlifeco.com.

[00:41:18] Awesome.

[00:41:19] Well, thank you so much for being here.

[00:41:21] It was great to talk to you.

[00:41:22] It was great to catch up

[00:41:23] and it was great to learn about your world of creativity.

[00:41:27] So thank you.

[00:41:28] Thank you for informing me.

[00:41:30] All right, thanks Steph.

[00:41:30] Thank you for being here.

[00:41:31] Hopefully we cross paths soon.

[00:41:34] I would love to anywhere.

[00:41:35] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:41:37] All right, cool.

[00:41:38] All right, Steph Simon everybody.

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