Nicole Burch

[00:00:00] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:00:30] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:01:00] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:01:30] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:01:41] I am at a public golf course. It's nice. No, okay. Yeah. No, it's public. I said public.

[00:01:47] People, it's very awesome. Great regulars, great co-workers. It's working class. I mean, some people come in, yeah, very hard working, working class people, but some people come in thinking that like Tiger Woods is on the putting green.

[00:02:07] It's like chill, chill, relax. Yeah, I've had, I've heard horror stories of friends of mine that have worked at like the Beverly Hills Golf Court, like stuff like that. And I'm like, Oh, absolutely not.

[00:02:17] No, this is no most of my regulars are animals. So yeah, that's exactly what I love about it. But I absolutely loved all the stuff that you post. You do great funny videos from behind the bar and at your work.

[00:02:32] And that stuff I need to start doing more. Like, I used to post funny jokes on Facebook and Twitter, hey, this customer said this, this guy did that, this woman was a total bitch. And I would like type the joke out.

[00:02:44] But you do such a great job of like presenting it in video form. And when I was doing a, you know, looking at your account, I was like, God, I gotta start doing this more.

[00:02:52] Yeah, honestly, if you just went back and looked through all of your Twitter and just did the action version of it, you'd have, I'm sure you'd have a ton of content.

[00:03:01] I do. And I always say this, I always carry a notebook on me at all times and I am not exaggerating when I say this, I don't think a single day goes by where I do not write something down. And I have a list in my note section of maybe 800 bullet points at this point of just something, just everything.

[00:03:18] Well, I think you also have niche, right? Because it's a golf course. Like, you know, a lot of fun with that.

[00:03:23] Oh.

[00:03:24] Where like mine, mine, I think I probably need to fine tune it a little bit more because I think the last one I did was, you know, the garnish tray. See, that one still seems to be getting a lot of hits where I talk about how customers just reach over and grab the garnishes which is so.

[00:03:38] Get your fucking fingers out.

[00:03:40] Get out so fucking disgusting. And yeah, I cannot stand it and like I have seen people like lick their fingers before grabbing a cherry. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like they're like, oh, I'm just like really excited. I'm like, I'm going to throw up excited.

[00:03:56] It's fucking lemon limes and cherries. How excited could you be go to the grocery store? Like, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you.

[00:04:04] So like doing that video, which is now the people that defended that made me laugh so hard. They were like, well, then you better garnish my tray or garnish my drink right or I bet you have dirtier fingers than we do and it's like, no, we don't did.

[00:04:19] No, we don't. Our hands are in sanitizer half the shift. So sorry.

[00:04:22] Every seven minutes my hands are in a sink.

[00:04:24] I know. I know. And they don't understand that. I'm like, you guys go to the bathroom and don't wash your hands. I don't want to hear it. And also you guys are drunk. We're sober. I mean sometimes, you know, some of the barks are like, oh, I'm going to the bathroom.

[00:04:33] I know some of the bartender string. But yeah, so when I started doing that, that seemed to be doing pretty good. And then I did a nurse character that took off, which is so weird, so weird.

[00:04:46] But the the bar stuff and doing comedy. I think I'm kind of figuring it out. Like, a lot of those have good views, but it's like you watch some TikTok people that have like 10 million followers. And they're real bartenders just telling you how to make a drink.

[00:05:03] And I know little fun. And I'm like, did I miss the mark on this or something?

[00:05:08] It's crazy.

[00:05:10] They don't even have like big personalities. They're just like, which is great for them. But they're like, hey, so we're going to make this, we're going to pour this. And if you guys want to use a jigger, this is what jiggers do. And I'm like 10 million and then backed by all the liquor companies.

[00:05:24] It's like a legit tutorial. But I just want to see the funny content.

[00:05:28] Yeah. Yeah, I need to dive deeper into it for sure.

[00:05:32] Yeah. So we have never met. I've had a couple of podcasts, guests I've never met, which I think is kind of cool because we get to know each other here. So I want to hear about your comedy backstory.

[00:05:43] Where are you from originally?

[00:05:46] I'm originally from Kansas City.

[00:05:48] Okay, very good friend of mine is Chris Porter. I tour with him a lot.

[00:05:53] So I've known Chris since I was 15 years old.

[00:05:57] I saw that on your Instagram. Yeah. So yeah, I was crazy.

[00:06:02] I live in Philly. I just did the punchline with him last month. I'm with him in New York next month. And yeah, he's very good to me. We have done a lot together the past couple years.

[00:06:11] He's lovely. He let me open for him in Kansas City. The first show after the pandemic.

[00:06:19] Oh, I love Kansas City. I've done the improv a couple times and I did the uptown with Dan Cummins last year and that was fucking off the charts.

[00:06:27] That was oh man it was so awesome. Yeah.

[00:06:32] Yeah, I've been to Kansas City a couple times like four or five times for shows but I'm in St. Louis like twice a year, which I'm not bragging about that.

[00:06:40] But I'm well versed in my Missouri annual gigs.

[00:06:45] Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't mind St. Louis. But yeah, so I came out here. He'd already been out here for like I think eight years before I came out here because he's a few years older than me.

[00:06:56] But he actually did a small story. He did my graduation toast because my dad and his dad were best friends.

[00:07:04] Scott?

[00:07:05] Yeah, Scott Porter. Scott and Carol. And so he did my I think he had a little this week he knows about the well he was there but he had a little bit of a crush on me and so I had a high school sweetheart named Jimmy.

[00:07:20] And so I had asked Chris will you do some stand up for my high school graduate. He's like sure and he was so excited.

[00:07:28] And he came and he did it and didn't realize we were having a joint graduation party. So the whole thing was him going no it's cool I'm super glad to be here and Jimmy's here too that's exactly what I want but it was so self deprecating and funny.

[00:07:43] I've like always like such a career crush on him and he's such a good human.

[00:07:49] He's super funny too. He's one of the comics like we worked with him a lot the past couple years and he's one of the few guys I can actually watch maybe not all five shows but I'll watch three of them and watch the entire show.

[00:08:03] I will sit there and I just sit there and take notes. I'm just like, oh we change this oh we switch this order of the joke and like how did that work and it's like they all work.

[00:08:13] They just like some hit better or less but they still all work.

[00:08:17] Where did that come from like we'll do Thursday through the Saturday early show for shows and then Saturday late show he'll just whip out two things off the top I'm like where the fuck were they yeah all weekend.

[00:08:28] Yeah, yeah.

[00:08:29] So did you start in Kansas City.

[00:08:31] No so I came out to Kansas or came out to Los Angeles to be a serious dramatic actress that lasted.

[00:08:38] I'm not kidding 48 hours the last okay because somebody told me about actually I was trying to decide in Kansas City I was doing acting and my acting coach was like you need to pick either you're going to live here forever or and do like small theater or you're going to move to New York or Los Angeles.

[00:08:56] And I was like well I like warm weather so I watched a show on HBO was like a sketch pad it's called I think it was called sketch yes called sketch pad.

[00:09:06] And there was this guy named Jeremy Raleigh on it and his character was phenomenal and I was like well where does he study and they're like oh he studies at the groundlings in Los Angeles I had no idea what that was I didn't know if it was a school

[00:09:17] conservatory theater whatever.

[00:09:19] So I came to visit saw show fell in love said well, I'll be a serious dramatic actress but in the meantime I'll also like try some comedy and I knew like you kind of know like you got a sense of humor like I knew I was funny but that's not what I wanted to do.

[00:09:35] I auditioned my second day out here, got in which by the way is not that it's not like oh I got in it's a business they want your money they just want to make sure you're not crazy okay so

[00:09:45] So I get into the groundlings theater and then I worked my way up. It took like six takes forever now to get I think it's like 10 years now but for me it took six years to get to the Sunday company.

[00:09:56] So I was performing a different show every Sunday night. Great training ground for Saturday Night Live.

[00:10:02] SNL would come and recruit from our shows. Nobody from my group got picked. A few of us auditioned but nobody got picked and then the next year Heidi Gardner got picked which is she's also a Kansas City native so she's killing it.

[00:10:21] I did that then my time at Groundlings was done.

[00:10:25] I wrote a one woman not it wasn't a one woman show is a show called the Seven Guys You Date Before You Get Married.

[00:10:30] I thought I was going to do that for one weekend ended up running 15 months at the Groundlings Theater.

[00:10:35] That kind of changed the trajectory of everything and so I got a lot of great representation I sold some scripts.

[00:10:44] I did some national commercials all that stuff and I was like oh it's happening it's so big and then and then somebody came to me in 2018 and was like no it was 2017.

[00:10:56] And they're like hey go with me to my friend show he's doing stand up it's kind of like an open mic but not really an open mic like the headliner is going to be great but the open mics leading up to it or hit and miss and I was like okay.

[00:11:08] What a selling point.

[00:11:10] This sounds great.

[00:11:11] How much $25 okay.

[00:11:14] And so we go and the show is great the show is great they're like two people that had never done it that still had their like paper in their hands but everybody else was great.

[00:11:24] Headliner was really funny.

[00:11:26] And I just went up to him afterwards because I was like what am I going to do now that I'm not doing sketching improv and it's not like you know I think at the time I was like early 30s mid 30s.

[00:11:38] I was like eventually you're going to run out of steam right like I'm not going to be a 50 year old getting paid for improv so.

[00:11:44] I mean some people do it I guess but I said let me try stand up and so I talked to the host and he hit tk and tk was like hey I'll put you on.

[00:11:54] Why don't you headline next week if you can bring in 20 people and I was like oh is this what they is this what they call a bringer show and he goes yeah this is what they call I was like cool.

[00:12:03] So what he didn't know was I had a big following from the ground links so 85 people came to see me that follow.

[00:12:11] Wow.

[00:12:13] So, and it was a great show but I use all the material I had in the seven guys you date because it was like a stand up.

[00:12:21] It was like a monologue mounted with sketch comedy.

[00:12:24] So I just use the stand up portion of that.

[00:12:27] And it did really well.

[00:12:29] He just kept booking me and booking me and so I think he gave me.

[00:12:35] So he started giving me like 25 minutes and a nice chunk of time that's a great chunk of time it's a great chunk of time especially when you're just starting out doing stand up comedy where you know you're lucky if you get three so.

[00:12:49] If you're just starting out 25 is also an eternity because I remember like my first hosting weekends at comedy clubs and doing like 10 to 12 but doing I only have 10 to 12.

[00:13:02] Yeah, so so when the headliner was like hey do five in the middle I'm like fuck.

[00:13:07] Oh, I did it all.

[00:13:09] I've used everything.

[00:13:11] Hey, what are you drinking what do you guys have an over here anybody celebrating anything like in the fucking middle.

[00:13:18] It's exactly it.

[00:13:19] You're just a filler you're just a filler.

[00:13:22] So I use all the seven guy stuff but I think the amount of material because it was a 45 minute show like the play was a 45 minute play.

[00:13:32] And I think I was like oh only like 15 minutes of it is me doing stand up the rest of sketch.

[00:13:37] So I'm like oh I don't have as much as I thought so I had to start adding in some stuff and talking about dating in Los Angeles that that kind of stuff did really well.

[00:13:45] And that was kind of my whole shdick was like how hard was dating in LA and you know that's, you know, every female comedians stick for a while tell a few blowjob jokes and wear a fedora and quirky glasses and a plaid shirt like that's I fit the criteria to it.

[00:14:01] Like, I had the uniform I had the blowjob content like I was ready to play.

[00:14:08] And then you kind of realize oh you can't fall back on that for everything so you got to be just funny.

[00:14:13] So I did that for a while and then I had one story about a guy that I want on a date with who was a celebrity.

[00:14:22] Who is my celebrity crush growing up like when I was 17 I watched a movie called never been kissed with Drew Barrymore he was the lead and his name is Michael Vartan.

[00:14:30] I meet him at a party.

[00:14:32] Yeah look him up Michael Vartan.

[00:14:34] I can see his face I think if you if you watched alias with Jennifer Gardner.

[00:14:39] He was also the lead in that he was her love interest and then he was opposite Jennifer Lopez in mother-in-law with Jane Fonda so he's always kind of the rom-com lead and yeah so I'm going to party like 20 years later and he walks in and I'm going through a terrible break up and I'm just sad and I'm like got that skinny weight going on which has worked for me.

[00:15:02] And then he walks in and we go on a date the next day and everything that could go wrong went wrong like all on my part by the way had like he was a total gentleman he was everything you think about when you see rom-coms like he was so sweet so nice so charismatic so like humble and like all the things and everything that could go wrong went wrong.

[00:15:27] Yeah so what went wrong on your end that's this that's.

[00:15:31] Well yeah so this is my first comedy special.

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[00:16:28] I'm screwed. He comes in, he's holding his nose and I'm like, oh my god, could he smell it from the

[00:16:33] fucking hallway and go. Turns out he'd been traveling and from all the flying and stuff,

[00:16:38] he'd been super congested so he couldn't smell a thing. He could not smell a thing. And so my

[00:16:43] sister's like, I think you're fine. We go to a restaurant. It's clear I smelled it. We go to

[00:16:48] Boa and Beverly Hills. It is clear that I stink that matri-D can smell me. Everybody

[00:16:54] can smell me, but this guy who needs a Benadryl. Okay? We get back to his place. We have a glass of

[00:17:00] wine. I meet his dog. He's showing me around. Unbeknownst to me he had taken an anihistamine

[00:17:08] in the bathroom. And so like an hour later it's that time where he's so sweet, he's so romantic,

[00:17:14] the buildup is much better in the comedy special. And then he goes in to kiss me

[00:17:20] and I'm like, oh my god, I'm about to get never been kissed. This is how I mean I'm

[00:17:23] kissing the lips that have kissed Drew Barrymore and Jennifer Garner and he's like J.Lo. And I'm like,

[00:17:30] and also he's like an amazing guy more than that. But and then he's like, what's that smell?

[00:17:37] And then it all spiraled from there and I ran and we'd had a lot like I had a lot to drink

[00:17:43] and I ran out of his house and like grabbed my heels and was running barefoot to an Uber.

[00:17:54] And I never saw him again.

[00:17:56] And that was gonna be my next question. Yes, never saw me again. We have we talked about it

[00:18:01] because I was performing this bit live and he plays hockey and there were a bunch of hockey

[00:18:06] guys in the, except the store is the store. And there are a bunch of hockey guys and they

[00:18:12] were rowdy. And then I'm done with my set and I leave and two of them come up. They're like,

[00:18:16] Oh yeah, we're buddies with Michael. Like we play hockey with them all the time every Sunday.

[00:18:21] And they're like, we're gonna tell him that you're talking trash about him. I was like,

[00:18:25] I didn't talk trash. I talked trash about me. Like I even said, I was like, I said he's a Prince

[00:18:30] Charming. And so I texted him and I was like, Hey, so I want you to know I'm doing this bit.

[00:18:36] I hope you don't mind. And he goes, well, why don't you make it a Netflix special and

[00:18:40] make us both some money? LOL. He goes, nothing but love you say whatever you want to say. I'm,

[00:18:45] I don't care. Like nothing but love and light. And I was like, great. So then I recorded a version

[00:18:50] because he said he wanted to see it and I sent it to him and he goes, this is hilarious. And I

[00:18:55] had no idea that that's how the night went down. I really thought you shit yourself.

[00:19:02] That may have smelled better. And I was like, that would have been if I would have

[00:19:06] to shit myself, that would have been graceful compared to what actually like it was just and

[00:19:11] then by the time I ran to the Uber, the Uber made me like, he made me like ride with my

[00:19:16] head out the window like a wet dog. Like it was just it was awful. So someone saw it from Warner

[00:19:24] Brothers and said, I'm actually trying to get into the business of making standup comedy

[00:19:31] specials. I've made a couple. One was like with Sam Comro and another one was with Delaney.

[00:19:38] What's her last name? Oh my God, why am I freezing? I can't remember. And he goes, but if here's

[00:19:45] the things I filmed, would you be interested? And I was like, well, I don't have anything to

[00:19:49] talk about. So he saw a few of my standup shows and he goes, you're funny. But like,

[00:19:54] you know, I don't need another woman talking about dating in LA. And I was like, okay,

[00:19:58] I go, well then let's just forget the idea. And then he came to a terrible show I was doing in

[00:20:03] Glendale like this hole in the wall, I can't but I was doing it for a friend. And I'm there.

[00:20:10] I'm starting to tell the Michael Vartan thing. And he's like, I can see him in the audience,

[00:20:15] Pat. I can see him in the audience on his phone texting a mile a minute just texting,

[00:20:19] texting, texting. I'm like, this guy is bored as hell, which makes you go psycho because

[00:20:24] crazy, crazy. I lose it. And I'm like, okay, but then the audience is into it and the women,

[00:20:31] because they all know who Michael Vartan is, they're going like this, they're on the edge of

[00:20:34] their seats. I get the light. And I look at my friend Doug who booked me. And I was like,

[00:20:41] okay, so let me wrap this up. And Doug just yells, run the light, forget it, just keep going.

[00:20:45] And so I was like, can I do another 10 minutes? Which you never hear in comedy,

[00:20:49] by the way. Ever, ever. And so he goes, just keep going. So I keep going. Then I get off stage.

[00:20:54] So I was very confused because this guy seemed bored. His name is Corey Craig. He seemed bored.

[00:20:58] And I was like, so I go and I go, Hey man, again, you did not have to stop by for this.

[00:21:03] And he's like, well, I was, I was head of business meeting next door. So it was fine.

[00:21:08] I go, sorry about that if it's not your cup of tea. And he goes, no, no,

[00:21:11] I just sent you a text and I take out my phone. I open it. He'd been texting me

[00:21:15] everything that I'm going to be talking about in the comedy special. And he's like, this is it.

[00:21:20] This is the story. You're just going to tell this one story. And he goes, and that's it. He goes,

[00:21:25] save all the other fodder and like, save your blow job jokes. And I was like, okay, cool.

[00:21:29] They're not working anyway. And then yeah, so we ended up filming that self producing all that

[00:21:37] stuff met with comedy dynamics. And then they distributed it. And I met them through Chris

[00:21:43] Porter because he was like, look, it's you know, not a great contract because they take a lot of it.

[00:21:49] But they are going to get it distributed. And he goes, you just started doing stand up like 18

[00:21:53] months ago. So like take the win. And I was like, yeah, I'm not gonna, yeah, let's do it. So I filmed

[00:21:57] that end of 2018 didn't come out until end of 2020, because the pandemic so much shit got

[00:22:06] put on hold. I had friends with dry bar specials that came out like three years after they were

[00:22:11] filmed awful stuff with comedy dynamics and dry bar and even like some regular albums were

[00:22:17] totally shelved for two or three years when people weren't even doing that act anymore.

[00:22:22] Yeah. Oh, I will I was literally promoting that special. I had had a kid. I had had a kid like

[00:22:30] I had had a six month old baby when I was promoting this me talking about how hard

[00:22:34] dating is in LA. And then I'm so everybody was interviewing me going, so what are the

[00:22:38] chances of you and Michael getting together or hey, we looked on your Instagram and saw that

[00:22:42] you had a baby is it Michaels and I'm like, no, that's not. No, I had a whole lifetime between

[00:22:48] that story and now you know what I mean? So that happened and then comedy dynamics reached out again

[00:22:54] about a year ago and said, do you have an hour will pay you and I was like, oh,

[00:22:58] you'll pay me up front. I'll take money. I like money. And I was like, I have a whole

[00:23:03] upfront money. And so I said, I have about an hour on me becoming a mom. And they're like,

[00:23:10] that's I think that's what they were reaching out to me for was because the mom content seems to be

[00:23:15] doing really good and there's only a certain amount of female comedians that are moms.

[00:23:20] You know, it's more of a niche group of us. Yeah. Allie Wong shot her special pregnant.

[00:23:25] Two of them two specials pregnant. I didn't know about the second one, but I just had

[00:23:30] Tammy Pascatelli on last month. Yeah. And she was the last of that era that like hid her pregnancy

[00:23:37] the entire time. Yeah, from the from the industry. We talked about that a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:23:42] Allie helped us out and then I think Amy Schumer did one when she was pregnant too.

[00:23:46] But that was after like always the one that I think broke that. Yeah. And she killed it. But

[00:23:52] so this was so I told the story about how I got pregnant from a one night sand with my friend

[00:23:57] Craig, which is absolutely insane. Like, you know, I'm old enough. I've had sex a few times,

[00:24:06] not even slightly worried, not even a moment of maybe there's a chance nothing. So that happened

[00:24:14] and now we have a four and a half year old. So kind of telling that story. They liked it.

[00:24:21] We filmed it in again, I don't know why it takes so long granted look like Tom Segura because he

[00:24:28] did that documentary on his special. I think it showed from the time he shot it to the time it

[00:24:33] aired nine months have passed. So I was like, Oh, okay, so maybe it's not that bad. Mine was

[00:24:37] 11 months, which felt like forever. So we shot at last April 8th, and it just came out March

[00:24:47] 5th. Oh, so yeah. Okay. Yeah, a year. Nice. Tom, you know, Tom was the first person to bring me to

[00:24:55] Kansas City. Was he? Yep. I long story short, we met in Portland snow canceled half of our shows.

[00:25:02] It sucked. He's like, Hey, I'm headlining Philly later this year come feature for me there. So

[00:25:06] I feature for me in Philly here where I live. And then we hit it off and he's looking at his

[00:25:11] phone in the green room. And he goes, How about Kansas City in Phoenix? And then

[00:25:15] yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah. It's he was yeah. So he's and then they improv brought me back and

[00:25:23] then Dan Cummins brought me back twice. So yeah. Yeah. So you mentioned Segura. He's the reason

[00:25:29] why did Casey in the first place? Yeah, I'm trying. I really want to I love Christina and

[00:25:34] her because she did some mom specials. She did some you know, and so I'm like, Oh, I really

[00:25:39] want to get on where my mom's house. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Her version of it. Yeah. But I think she's

[00:25:45] taking a break from it. And I was like, No, the one week I reached out to her and asked if I could

[00:25:49] book then she's taking a break or something. But they have so many offshoots from their podcast

[00:25:54] company. I like I feel like every time I open Instagram, I see a new it's a new one. Yeah.

[00:25:58] Yeah, they got a great thing going there. Dude, they're doing it. They're killing

[00:26:02] the podcast game. Oh my God, dude, it's incredible what they're doing. It's awesome.

[00:26:08] And it's insane to me that Tom and Bert have their own vodka now.

[00:26:13] Insane. Was it called Los Osos? Dosos two bears. Yeah. That's what it was. Oh my God.

[00:26:20] It's so great. Oh yeah. It's crazy to see that success because I was opening for

[00:26:24] Tom and comedy clubs when he wasn't even selling out. So it's crazy to just like

[00:26:29] as an outsider. And I spent a couple years back in the mid 2010s opening for Sebastian

[00:26:35] when he was still in clubs and it's crazy to like see these guys sell 60 tickets,

[00:26:41] then 100, then come back and sell the weekend out, then do like theater. It's weird to watch it

[00:26:46] from the front row seat. So since you have that because I do not have that experience.

[00:26:52] Do you have like did you know would you say that you knew that they had something?

[00:26:58] Yes. Yes, because they were so good. They were selling out, adding shows here and there.

[00:27:04] And then you just, they were just murdering. And like when you add that second show on a Sunday

[00:27:12] or a Thursday late show, like you just know like a year from now, they're not going to be at

[00:27:17] this club. They're going to be at the 2000 cedar and bang it out in one night instead of four

[00:27:22] nights and six shows or whatever. Yeah. I think there's an interview on one of their podcasts where

[00:27:28] or somebody was interviewing Christina and she was like, was the other person asked like was he

[00:27:34] always that good? And she goes, he's consistently. She goes, I've never seen him bomb. She goes,

[00:27:40] there might be some times like it doesn't hit as hard. And she goes, but he's always been

[00:27:45] that good. And he's always been 45 years old. Like even when he was 21 years old,

[00:27:49] he looked 45 years old. So true. It's so true. Like when I see like pictures of Tom from

[00:27:56] 15 years ago, I'm like, that's the Tom I know. Yeah. That's the Tom I know and always picture up here.

[00:28:02] Now he's like fit and like. Dude, I am. I'm just amazed in general how many comics are able

[00:28:12] to do arenas now. I think there's 12 or 15 comics that can go anywhere in this country

[00:28:18] and literally do a 25,000 seat venue. Yeah. It's wild. Yeah. It's wild.

[00:28:29] I wanted to go back to the some of the bartending stuff because this is where my life is every

[00:28:34] single day. Do you advertise the stand up at your or the comedy at your day job?

[00:28:42] I only do it with okay. So the venue that I first got the opportunity at when I said I had

[00:28:48] a big ground links following, I probably should specify that the ground links following were also

[00:28:52] my bar regulars. Okay. So they would come to all my shows. They loved all my shows. So they are

[00:28:58] still to this day a really big support system. So I would tell them, but I get so weird and it

[00:29:04] just happened the other day, like three days ago, this girl comes in and she's gorgeous and young

[00:29:11] and 20 and cute and somebody goes, Oh, when are you going to Chicago? And I was like, Oh,

[00:29:16] I'm going the first week of June, I'll be at Zany's. And she goes, Oh, wait, where are you

[00:29:21] performing? And I go Zany's and she goes, Oh, I'm a comedian too. And I literally almost shut down

[00:29:26] and I go, Oh, okay. Like I don't like because I don't know what it is. I don't know if you have

[00:29:33] this, but and it's not like a big fear, but there's one thing to be like, Oh, let's open up this

[00:29:39] door and tell you that I'm a really good comedian. I'm so talented. And also, would you like fries

[00:29:46] with that burger? Like there's something that rips my soul in half. And I don't know what that is.

[00:29:54] I feel it in my bones. Okay. Because this is something I literally have talked about this

[00:30:00] in therapy. Just like the dichotomy of like getting compliments, getting praises, getting

[00:30:08] asked questions, getting asked fucking stupid questions. Do you know Seinfeld? You ever meet

[00:30:12] Larry the Cable Guy? I'm like, No. And then being like, Oh, so that was two Miller lights and two

[00:30:17] Corona lights. Am I right? Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it was twice last week. It was

[00:30:23] I got how's your hobby going? Oh yeah, some people don't know. And you can't fault them for

[00:30:31] that. But like, I still get angry. But and like, okay, one of my biggest things that really

[00:30:38] sets me off that makes me angry and really makes me upset is when people bring it up that like,

[00:30:44] I know and like, and trust, but they'll bring it up in front of people that don't know. And now

[00:30:49] I just feel awkward. Like I'll do stand up in front of 5000 people. I don't fucking care.

[00:30:54] But when someone's like, Oh, this is Pat, he does stand up. I want to fucking dry heath.

[00:30:59] Dude, because now like, yes, that's okay. We need to come up with a video because this is

[00:31:04] this is the video we need to come up with. We need to start our own podcast.

[00:31:07] There's only have other comics that bartend or serve on it. That's it. Because there is something

[00:31:12] about I don't and I think they mean well and sometimes I think they don't where they're

[00:31:19] like, Hey, this is Nicole. She is the funniest woman. I've not you know when it's genuine

[00:31:24] like I have a friend of mine. He's on general hospital and when he says it,

[00:31:28] there is something genuine about it and he's like, she's the funniest woman I know.

[00:31:32] And like even as I'm slinging drinks and I don't mind it. But when it's like,

[00:31:37] do you know she's a comedian too? It's like, Oh God, it's like this. I don't want to be here.

[00:31:44] You're making it personal. And also like we have shit on social media. I have a one hour

[00:31:49] special also like my career is publicly out there. But then I'm also like,

[00:31:54] why are you telling people about what I do in my private life? I know what I do outside of here.

[00:31:59] Yeah, I know I'm gonna stand up. I feel like such an asshole. So like, okay,

[00:32:04] I told you that happened with that girl three days ago. And so somebody knew her and I go,

[00:32:10] I feel bad because I was kind of cold to her. And that's a great word. Sorry to cut you off.

[00:32:15] You get cold. Like when people bring it up or I feel uncomfortable, I like

[00:32:20] nix it and I am, I should not say I become a master at it, but like I'm becoming a master

[00:32:25] of changing the subject. Right? Since it's a golf course, people will be like, Oh comedy,

[00:32:28] stand up like, Hey, how'd you play today? Yeah, would you, would you shoot beautiful weather?

[00:32:33] I'll shove it up. Great day to golf. Yeah, I mean, there are so many times like

[00:32:37] somebody I can even picture where somebody is like, Oh, do you know she's a standup

[00:32:40] comedian? And I'll be like, Yeah, I know it's so much fun. What would you like to drink?

[00:32:43] A thousand times a day. What is that about us? I don't know. I feel like other people are going

[00:32:49] to think we're assholes because it's like, well, why wouldn't you want to talk about it? I'm like,

[00:32:52] because you're talking about the thing I love doing the most while I'm doing the thing I don't

[00:32:57] like doing them. I've had it flipped before where people will bring up stand up and I get angry

[00:33:05] or I just get irritated and then the person is either a huge standup fan and knows their

[00:33:11] shit. I'm like, Okay, this is cool. I can talk to you now. And then one time I got dined out

[00:33:16] and the guys like, Oh, my cousin does stand up and he was on Leno and stuff. I'm like, Oh,

[00:33:20] this is cool. I can have a real conversation with you then as opposed to just like getting

[00:33:23] dined out and people ask you 74 stupid questions questions that tell me a joke. I'm

[00:33:31] like, yeah, somebody told me that yesterday. I got that yesterday. You don't look funny.

[00:33:36] Say something funny.

[00:33:38] And look, I have a very different personality behind the bar. I'm kind of first of all,

[00:33:42] I work at a dive bar. So I have to kind of be a bitch a little bit. And and by the way,

[00:33:47] middle-aged men love it. Like they are my bread and butter. They love when I'm sassy

[00:33:51] and I talk back and I'm a little snappy or I'm like, Oh, Barbara let you out of the house today.

[00:33:56] What are you having? Like I little snarky. Love it. Most of my regulars are middle-aged

[00:34:01] men as well. And like I get offered Viagra. I'm like, Nope, it still works. We're fine. We're fine.

[00:34:08] Like old men love to talk about their dicks at the bar. And like I get it. And I'm also,

[00:34:15] I can't even get mad. I'm like, No, that's me in 20 years. Like I can't even be mad.

[00:34:19] I can't even mad because I know it's my future.

[00:34:22] It's just this fine line you and I walk every day between a lot of people know,

[00:34:27] a lot of people don't know. I hide it and then people find out it's just this constant thin line

[00:34:34] we are. We're threading the thin needle. Yeah. So that girl that I was, I thought I was cold too,

[00:34:40] she actually came. So she, that was Monday that that happened. So then she came in yesterday

[00:34:44] and I saw her and I was like, Hey, and I was like really nice to her. And because I was like, Oh,

[00:34:49] you could play a younger me in any of my schedules. Like what am I doing? Your blonde

[00:34:52] hair blue, I blow all that stuff. And so we start talking and she goes,

[00:34:58] she got a little cocky, which was interesting. And I was like, Oh, okay. And then she was,

[00:35:02] what's your name? So I gave her my thing. She looks me up on Instagram and she's like,

[00:35:05] she goes, I have a few followers. And I was like, Oh, that means you have a lot of followers

[00:35:09] when they say that. And so she has about like 28 30,000 or something. And I have like 90.

[00:35:14] And so the look on her face when she saw that I had 90, she was so confused.

[00:35:20] And then like, she looked at the bar and I was like, No, don't look at the bar and be confused.

[00:35:25] I was like so mad. And then she got humbled and she's like, Yeah, we should really work

[00:35:30] together. And I was like, Okay, now I'm trying to make a man for what I did Monday. And now it's

[00:35:35] backfiring because it like, do you know what I mean? It was just such a shit show that I

[00:35:39] was like, I'll just cast you in something so I can like get out of this weird. I'm your

[00:35:44] bartender now. It's just so weird. So weird. How much material do you get from work? Like,

[00:35:50] do you bring a lot of that to the stage because I well, okay, one, I filmed my special at my day

[00:35:56] job. And I put a lot of bartending material in it. But I just personally, I love to do bartending

[00:36:04] stuff every single show because it's relatable to men and women of all ages. And it's my

[00:36:10] favorite chunk to do every night. But pretty much every single show I make sure I at least do like

[00:36:16] five minutes of service industry related stuff. Yeah, the stuff that works really, I mean, it's

[00:36:23] kind of like time and place. I did have I do have a strong like three minutes on our bar regulars,

[00:36:31] like I call it there's one where I talk about the 180 bar regular who comes in totally normal.

[00:36:35] But after a certain amount of drinks, they flip a 180. And so we have this guy, his name's old

[00:36:40] man Jimmy. He's in some of my older videos. He's about I think next week he turns 84.

[00:36:47] And he's a degenerate the man was doing cocaine well into his 70s. I mean, we would kick him out.

[00:36:53] He would bring in the little bottles and like in the trash can in the men's room like, you

[00:36:58] know what I mean? Like just the degenerate. I know, but like, I fucking love that kind of

[00:37:02] shit. He's amazing. It's not for me, but it's the it's the character. It's the personality. It's

[00:37:07] just a Jimmy is what he does. He does come in the bathroom every time he is in a show. I'm like,

[00:37:13] Jimmy stand up. I'm like, he's this he gets an applause. He becomes part of my show. He becomes

[00:37:17] part of the act. Sometimes he's too drunk to stand to get the applause. So like we okay,

[00:37:28] so we had an engagement party that my boss threw me at the dive bar just to get all

[00:37:31] the bar regulars together. And we made it a stand up show and Jimmy was there and at one point he was

[00:37:38] like, I was like, Hey, Jimmy, you've had a lot of drink. Maybe you should go home. And he was

[00:37:40] like, Oh, shut up your whore. And I was like, Okay, well, there's always a Jimmy, you know what

[00:37:46] I mean? Great guy. But there was one time and this one does really well. I said, you know,

[00:37:52] Jimmy always slips to 180 after three vodka on the rocks. So I'm wearing a kettle one

[00:37:57] t-shirt. And this is 40 pounds ago before a baby and I have big boobs. And so they made us wear these

[00:38:03] low cut tank tops that say kettle one across the boobs. And he'd had his three vodkas and he starts

[00:38:08] slurring and I go, Jimmy, what's up? And he's drooling. And he was like, Nicole, I got to be

[00:38:12] honest if those things don't have vodka and that's false advertisement. And I was like,

[00:38:17] dude, like clutch your clutch, your clutch, like I can you can't even be mad at that.

[00:38:23] I can't. It's so funny that I'm like, so you say you have a notebook, I have a piece of paper,

[00:38:28] I have computer paper in the back that I always reach it down because I'm like,

[00:38:32] but I don't I don't do a lot of

[00:38:36] like talking about specific regulars very often. It's just not my, I think I like to

[00:38:41] keep a little bit of separate. Oh yeah, there's a little bit, but it needs to be a separation.

[00:38:47] Even when I talk about people, I just say this guy or this woman, that way you can never

[00:38:53] pin it on somebody. Oh yeah. But even some of the old, my old regulars that I do have jokes

[00:38:58] about, they don't have Instagram. They're never going to fucking hear about it. We're gonna see it. Yeah.

[00:39:04] Yeah. I mean, there's literally there's this one. My shows are past their bedtime anyway. So

[00:39:08] even if they were to come see me live, oh, it's too late. I can't be up at eight o'clock.

[00:39:12] Oh yeah. There's, well, yeah, because golf's an early game. I think there's people that

[00:39:20] there's one guy, his name is John. And he's as misogynistic as they come and like, look,

[00:39:26] I work in a dive bar in the valley during the day shift. Like I, I'm around misogyny all the time.

[00:39:32] I think it's funny. It doesn't really bother me. I'm not like this diehard like how dare you.

[00:39:38] But the stuff that comes out of this man's mouth is so egregious. So I've literally decided to

[00:39:45] do a character based on him where I bought a suit that looks like him. I bought a mustache

[00:39:50] that looks like his, I'm putting my hair in a tight little ponytail that like it looks

[00:39:53] like a rat tail that looks like him. And I'm all I'm going to do is quote verbatim the things that

[00:39:59] he has said to me. That's it. And that's gonna be the video. That's gonna be the bit where

[00:40:05] it's like things that men have actually said to me behind the bar. Like I and I don't mean

[00:40:09] like, oh, somebody's called me sweet tits before shit like that stuff happens who cares.

[00:40:13] But with John, it was like, hey, I like the frame on you come over here. Come over here.

[00:40:21] If you want that tip, you're gonna have to feel the tip like just like this. And I'm like,

[00:40:25] you're 80, you're like 75 years old. Like what is happening? And then

[00:40:31] like the whole women should shut their mouth and stuff is pretty.

[00:40:34] Dude, that sounds hilarious though. Yeah. I mean just so for me, like when I pull

[00:40:40] material from work or just from everyday life in general, like nothing is funny to me without

[00:40:44] being angry or annoyed first. Like I get really heated and then like I shouldn't say really heated.

[00:40:50] I actually have like anger issues. I don't but I'll be like fuck that person that this woman

[00:40:54] is being such a bitch. And then five minutes later, I'm like, oh, that's really funny actually.

[00:40:59] So it like that it goes from like it's a really and that happens at work hourly.

[00:41:05] Yeah. Yeah. Hourly. I think I'm similar to you when you're like I actually don't get

[00:41:09] that angry. Like even when I said that I was cold, it's more annoyance. I shouldn't say angry.

[00:41:13] But even when I said that I got cold to that girl, she goes, oh, I go sorry,

[00:41:17] I was a little off on Monday and she goes, oh no, I didn't even notice. And I'm like,

[00:41:21] but me, I'm like, yeah, well, I know how I felt though. I felt like I wanted to shut it

[00:41:25] down fast. So are you just the day shift? Yeah. So I have a kid now. So it used to be,

[00:41:34] I mean, I'm very lucky where I work. I have very generous regulars. Me too. Yeah. So I'm lucky.

[00:41:41] I only have to work Monday Wednesday days nights with a kid. It's just not possible. I mean,

[00:41:47] she wakes up at six o'clock. So I tried one of those shifts and I was not a good mom the next day.

[00:41:53] So but even before that, because I was you know, like you like you're touring,

[00:41:59] you're doing all the other stuff. So you're still making money other ways.

[00:42:02] But for me, I just I used to work Monday nights and Tuesday days. So a clope in, right? And

[00:42:10] and that's all I needed to do. And now I have a kid. And so I had to go back to doing it because

[00:42:15] her preschool thanks me. But yeah, just trying to navigate all of that. But I'm very lucky at the

[00:42:22] bar like the regulars are amazing. That's really cool that you said that because I feel the

[00:42:26] exact same way. I've been at my same spot for 20 years. I would say 80% of my business

[00:42:31] are regulars. There are amazing men, amazing women. We have a golf league of ladies on Tuesday. I love

[00:42:37] my Tuesday ladies. Oh, I bet they eat you up. I love it. Oh, it's so fun. And with a lot of them,

[00:42:42] every Tuesday we say see you next Tuesday and it never gets old. It just it's their decades older

[00:42:50] than me. They're all like, See you next Tuesday. And we just fucking laugh. But I love that.

[00:42:54] But I have amazing regulars, amazing co workers. I do annual shows at my country club and all

[00:43:01] my regulars come out, I bring the show to them. I booked two of my friends they open for me. It's

[00:43:05] like, I used to hate the fact like it would bother me that I wasn't, you know, quote unquote doing

[00:43:11] stand up full time. But I was like, I have two jobs I really like a lot. Yeah, like,

[00:43:17] it really took me into my 30s to like, really appreciate the bartending more and like,

[00:43:23] granted there are bad days and annoying people but like, I really do love it.

[00:43:28] Yeah, I think I bartend until I was like nine months pregnant. And then when I left,

[00:43:32] I thought I was never going to come back because I had a big European tour set for 2020.

[00:43:38] Hilarious. Where there'd be no traveling. So everybody had the biggest plans for 2020.

[00:43:44] Dude, 2020 was like, everybody's calendar was packed. Everybody had shit to do and shit to film.

[00:43:52] It was in a lot of people in LA, a lot of other comedians you we did one show

[00:43:57] where everybody got to tell where their career was at before the pandemic and after.

[00:44:03] Pat it was so brutal because there were people that were like three days before we shut down.

[00:44:10] I was in a tuxedo on my way to a premiere of a movie that I was in or the an animated

[00:44:17] cartoon that I was voice over in like a big one, like a Disney Pixar.

[00:44:23] He goes 18 days later, I'm an Uber driver and you're going that's how like,

[00:44:30] when I told everybody I wasn't coming back to the bar after bartending till like,

[00:44:34] me bartending till I was nine months pregnant allowed me to stay home with her for six months.

[00:44:38] And then I was supposed to start a European tour in May of 2020

[00:44:45] where she would be with me where I would have full child care.

[00:44:49] I mean, these people in Europe were gonna take like it was going to be amazing.

[00:44:53] And then that fell through and I find myself in Kansas City writing out this two week pandemic

[00:44:58] that turned into you know years. And I was like, what, how am I going to provide for this kid

[00:45:05] now because I had everything set up like I did the work I set everything up for our future

[00:45:09] and now it's just gone. And now I'm back to bartending. I will say me going back,

[00:45:16] I came from a place of much more gratitude than I was when I left. I mean, I was still grateful

[00:45:21] when I left. I didn't like burn the place down and like screw you guys. But this time I was like,

[00:45:27] I enjoy my shifts now like it's easy. I go in, I do it. I know the people I can kind of click

[00:45:32] off your brain. It's not like you're doing stand up. Yeah, it's not a corporate job where

[00:45:36] you're bringing shit home with you looking at charts and graphs on a work tablet and

[00:45:40] computer screens. Yeah, no shorter hour. I don't know what your hours are, but I'm like,

[00:45:43] I think my hours are like six hour shifts maybe seven on a long day. I do doubles Tuesday and

[00:45:49] Wednesday. So it's in the 12 to 14 range, but it's only two days a week. Oh yeah. That's great.

[00:45:55] Leaves Thursday through Sunday. Again, there's something about that two days a week. That's

[00:46:00] like liberating. It's optimal for, it's perfect for stand up because it leaves all my weekends free

[00:46:06] to travel and do weekend shows and it doesn't interfere at all. Like I rarely, rarely have

[00:46:11] to take off a Tuesday or Wednesday. Yeah. If I fly, I fly in on Mondays and my shift starts at 1030.

[00:46:18] So I take, I'm usually landing at 730 or 830 and then just go straight to work and like,

[00:46:24] that's kind of a rough night, Monday night. I have taken so many red eyes home and gotten the

[00:46:30] Philly airport at 6am. I have my work clothes in my car. Yeah, I know. But you get it done,

[00:46:36] you're like, ah, but I still got to do the best. You know, I still got to go do the same thing.

[00:46:40] Absolutely. And that's a weird thing too because in a bar, some, you have to do all sorts of

[00:46:44] stuff. So it's like eight hours ago, I got a standing ovation and now I'm literally

[00:46:48] mopping the men's room. Like it's very humbling very quickly.

[00:46:54] There's absolutely something to be said about that. Yeah. Because if like, and like how Instagrams

[00:46:59] are lie, like when people say that I'm like, if you had any idea that like I'm doing this video

[00:47:04] and I'm like, Hey, I'm on a plane. I'm going, I'm leaving Tucson. I'm going to and then you're

[00:47:09] like cut to the middle part that I left out, which is me cleaning up somebody's puke on the

[00:47:14] bars. You know what I mean? Like that's it's part of the game. It's part of it. All right.

[00:47:20] One last thing before I let you go again, thank you for being here. This was a great chat. I loved

[00:47:25] talking comedy and the food service side of it. Yes. Yeah. I love a horror story. So before

[00:47:32] you go, give me either a horrible show story or just a horrible day from bartending story.

[00:47:39] Oh, well, the worst show I ever did was when I opened for Chris Porter.

[00:47:46] He I tell the story all the time and he's like, stop telling that story. You weren't that bad.

[00:47:51] It was the first show we all did. That bad isn't a great sentence either.

[00:47:55] It's not a great sense. But I was also like, you could tell after like the third show,

[00:48:00] I was in my head and he was trying to help me and then him helping me made it worse because

[00:48:07] well, now I know why because the advice he gave me was it was counterintuitive to where I was at.

[00:48:14] So again, I'm doing all old material about dating, but I had had a baby. I was very sick.

[00:48:20] I was like chronically sick, which is not and I'm not now, but I almost died on the table

[00:48:29] giving birth. And so he it took him a couple of shows watching me because I was like, will you

[00:48:34] watch this one and just see why it's not hitting because I'm using my best of

[00:48:38] and it's getting crickets. And he goes, Nicole, this is everybody's first time back in a show.

[00:48:43] There's plexiglass around everybody. Nobody's going to have a great show. And I'm like,

[00:48:47] you just killed it three times. I'm not saying I'm Chris Porter good, but I'm saying something's

[00:48:53] wrong. And even like his opener, like great show would miss great show would miss like so

[00:49:00] it's not like we were all, you know, yeah, it was it was weird coming back. It was definitely

[00:49:05] great. People didn't know how to like conduct themselves in public again. Right. And so like

[00:49:10] on the third show, Chris goes, you know what it is, is you're still telling material that

[00:49:14] does not relate to you at all anymore. And he goes, like talk about what's really going on.

[00:49:19] And so I tried to talk about what was really going on without workshopping anything as an

[00:49:25] opener, which was stupid. So then that show tanked and then the next show my entire family came.

[00:49:32] And this is the first time my entire family has come to see me and like

[00:49:37] cousins and aunts and uncles that had never seen my life stand up. And it was about 20 people.

[00:49:43] And then like 15 people from my high school that had heard through the grapevine that I was in

[00:49:47] town, they came they were so drunk thought I was hilarious. So they they thought I put

[00:49:52] on a great you know what that's a small win. I hate when people when friends and family

[00:49:56] members get bombed at shows, but when they say you crushed and they don't even remember,

[00:50:00] I fucking it's a W. It's a W. I'm taking it. I'm taking it. But this one was and my mom's very

[00:50:06] supportive. But when I got done, I went back to my old material. I didn't, you know,

[00:50:12] and I was like, I'm just going to try to pretend I'm in that mind frame still that

[00:50:15] I'm still dating them. And I like even some of the jokes I was like, you know,

[00:50:20] when you're like skinny and you're just like that. And I'm like, you're not skinny anymore.

[00:50:23] You're like 200. Like what are we doing? You can't tell certain jokes. It was just off.

[00:50:28] And when I got done, my mom came up to me and I and everybody was hugging me. They're like,

[00:50:34] hey, hey, and nobody said good job. Like nobody was like, Hey, and I was like,

[00:50:39] and then my mom goes, What the fuck was that? And I was like, Mom. And she was like,

[00:50:46] that was rough, Sissy. That was really rough. And I was like, I know I've been telling you it's

[00:50:51] been rough. So that is my horror story. I will say, Oh, I would think about that hourly if it's

[00:51:00] and I still had two more shows to do that like shoot me. And then my last show actually did

[00:51:06] okay. What's the bet? But you mentioned a good point there. The not saying good show or

[00:51:13] some sort of compliment is such a weird thing like, Hey, I saw your show. And then they let it hang

[00:51:19] nothing and then nothing you're like, so it was absolutely the biggest bomb I've ever had. And

[00:51:25] I haven't even come close to that. I mean, there's some shows where it's like, Oh, that one hit that

[00:51:28] one didn't but I don't I've been doing comedy so long. And in front of very especially with

[00:51:35] the groundlings, you do it in front of very different audiences. One day your audience is

[00:51:38] all from Omaha, the next day they're from New York, the next day they're from LA, like

[00:51:42] you have to pivot. And so this was really, really hard. And then I took three weeks to

[00:51:48] like lick my wounds. And then I went back out and rewrote a lot of mom material and then started

[00:51:54] doing great again. But that was that was brutal. You need those weekends though, because you

[00:51:59] always you do rebound after a weekend like that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Some put it down for a

[00:52:05] minute, think about what got fucked up here and then come back. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[00:52:11] Thank you so much for being here. It was great meeting you. Thank you.

[00:52:13] It was great talking to you plug all your socials here real quick before we go.

[00:52:16] Yes. So, uh, and Nicole Birch comedy on pretty much all socials and then at the Funny Thing

[00:52:20] is podcast as well. Perfect. It was great meeting you and I hope we, uh, we cross paths soon.

[00:52:27] I hope so too. Thank you, Pat. I'm due for an LA visit. So I'll swing by your bar.

[00:52:31] Please. Oh my God. I would love to. Yeah.

[00:52:34] All right. You got it. Nicole Birch. Thank you so much for being here.

[00:52:38] Bye.

[00:52:40] Yeah.

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