Andy Gold

[00:00:02] What You Want, When You Want It, Where You Want It, This Is The MESH

[00:00:23] Hello and welcome to another episode of I Guess I'll Do It with Pat House

[00:00:28] Today I have a good friend on we haven't seen each other in forever

[00:00:31] I cannot wait to catch up

[00:00:33] He has a dry bar special and I love what he does on Instagram

[00:00:37] It's one of my absolute favorite things

[00:00:40] Well that one of my buddies has going as a horrible intro for it

[00:00:43] But he roasts kids and we'll talk all about it. It's absolutely hysterical

[00:00:46] Today I have my buddy Andy Gould here

[00:00:49] Andy what's up?

[00:00:50] What's up Pat? I thought we had already started

[00:00:53] I was flexing about Google Chrome. Do I have to do that again?

[00:00:56] No, we are all square. See how it works is

[00:00:58] I say your name and then you start talking

[00:01:02] It's very similar to a live stand-up show

[00:01:06] Dude it's good to have you on man. What's going on?

[00:01:09] It's good to be here man. When was the last time I saw you in person?

[00:01:13] The last time it was in Philly we had the one nighter at the punchline

[00:01:17] Where you headlined and before that and I always talk about

[00:01:20] Off the top where I met my guest you and I met at wise guys

[00:01:24] In Salt Lake City on a Dan Cummins weekend and that weekend fucking rolled

[00:01:29] Yes, I only had the one weekend there been there one time

[00:01:34] But a lot of things from that weekend stand out to me

[00:01:38] And Dan Cummins has a huge following in Salt Lake City

[00:01:42] So all his shows were sold out and like I just remember that weekend being awesome

[00:01:46] And you were the emcee that weekend and even though that was

[00:01:49] Dude that was probably like six or seven years ago already

[00:01:52] We've kept in touch ever since and that's one thing I love about stand-up

[00:01:56] Is that even if you work with somebody one weekend

[00:02:00] You still just keep in touch and check in with each other years down the line

[00:02:05] Yeah, that is a great thing about stand-up I was thinking about that the other day

[00:02:09] In fact I don't do festivals as much as I used to but back when I was doing them

[00:02:14] It was great because I was like I'll bet you in most like major cities

[00:02:19] I have a couch to crash on

[00:02:21] Yeah, oh yeah I was a couch guy for years and years and years on the road

[00:02:26] And people would even be like oh you're going to be in Grand Rapids

[00:02:30] Oh hit up so and so or whatever

[00:02:34] Yeah, it's this whole kind of lifestyle

[00:02:39] You know even without being like a successful comedian

[00:02:44] This really cool lifestyle accompanies it

[00:02:47] Yeah, you get to you know kind of there's this camaraderie of

[00:02:52] People who do this kind of weird thing that nobody else does

[00:02:58] Yeah that nobody else understands

[00:03:00] Yes exactly

[00:03:02] Not even like your musician friends like we may travel we may tour we do live shows we perform

[00:03:07] But like comedians only understand other comedians

[00:03:12] Just the same way a songwriter has their own their own shit

[00:03:16] Their own specifics

[00:03:19] Music is something that can be enjoyed in the background

[00:03:23] Yeah, oh yeah

[00:03:25] And sometimes I live it when venues haven't really made that distinction yet

[00:03:31] And they think they can have comedians in the same way they have bands

[00:03:34] With a bunch of other shit happening

[00:03:36] Here the playoff game on 17 TVs

[00:03:39] The touch tune still on

[00:03:41] Yeah

[00:03:43] Pool tables

[00:03:45] Pool table poker machines

[00:03:47] Quizzo and Bart trivia at the exact same time on the other night of the room

[00:03:51] And that's the vision these bar owners have is like yeah man it's going to be a happening place

[00:03:55] With all kinds of shit going on

[00:03:57] And then you know over in the corner we have this comedian telling jokes

[00:04:00] Yeah he's next to the axe throwing

[00:04:03] Yes

[00:04:05] So you got me thinking about like hell gigs

[00:04:09] When you sent me the message to think about hell gigs

[00:04:11] Yeah let's open with it

[00:04:13] Well you know the worst gigs for sure are probably like early on when I first started going on the road a little bit

[00:04:22] But that also was like my peak excitement with comedy

[00:04:26] When I was just so excited to be doing comedy

[00:04:29] Yeah you're excited to go to Cincinnati

[00:04:32] Yes I was excited to go to Cedar City Utah

[00:04:37] The emphasis is in how you say it

[00:04:40] Like early in your career like oh my god this is so cool I'm going to Buffalo

[00:04:44] And then you're 17th time there you're like I gotta go to Buffalo

[00:04:49] It's all how you say it

[00:04:51] So at the time I didn't really think of them as hell gigs

[00:04:56] But they've grown in my mind to kind of see how truly bad they were

[00:05:01] And it was I think it was my very first time actually going on the road for a paid gig

[00:05:06] I was featuring and it was comedy night

[00:05:09] And the headliners closer was his whole closer was about how he looks like he has Down syndrome

[00:05:16] And he does to his credit he looks like he has Down syndrome

[00:05:21] Shane Gillis

[00:05:23] No no no he, no that would be sweet

[00:05:26] He looks way more Down syndromey than Shane Gillis

[00:05:29] And he takes his head off and he's just like look at me I have Down syndrome

[00:05:32] And all the drunk bar people are going bananas

[00:05:36] But then after the comedy show and I still have the poster I saved the poster was Extreme Midget Wrestling

[00:05:43] Mmmhmm

[00:05:44] Comedy night and Extreme Midget Wrestling

[00:05:47] In the same night

[00:05:48] In the same night yes and the wrestling got such a better turnout

[00:05:53] Than the comedy

[00:05:57] I totally believe it

[00:05:59] Ellen DeGeneres used to have a joke about doing stand up at her early days and it said Ellen DeGeneres

[00:06:04] And I'm gonna say broccoli cheddar it was soup

[00:06:07] It said Ellen DeGeneres in the soup of the day was broccoli cheddar

[00:06:10] And she's like in the soup did by far better that night

[00:06:12] And I heard her say that 20 years ago and that has always stood out to me

[00:06:17] Because it's so fucking true and believable

[00:06:20] Well and I know Midget is no longer the proper term but that's how it was advertised

[00:06:26] Oh I'm sure

[00:06:28] It didn't say extreme little person wrestling

[00:06:30] Yeah it's gotta be short and end of the point

[00:06:35] And the ring was outside and they were setting up the ring in the parking lot during the comedy show

[00:06:41] And all of the buzz in the room was about oh my god we're gonna watch these guys wrestle

[00:06:46] This is gonna be so funny

[00:06:48] It wouldn't even be fair to say the comedy was a warm-up to it

[00:06:53] It was just another thing but for sure the spotlight was on the extreme

[00:06:57] Or the people at least paying attention to the comedy show beforehand or were you just something in the way

[00:07:03] It was one of those where there's like a table of people paying attention

[00:07:07] Yeah a table, one group

[00:07:10] Yeah you do the comedy for that table

[00:07:13] Did you ever do gigs for Charter talent Pat?

[00:07:16] No I've heard the name but no I have not

[00:07:21] Well they're notorious, they're out of business now and it was a Charter talent gig

[00:07:26] So what does that mean like it's Charter a specific term or is that just the name of the company?

[00:07:30] That's just the name of the company

[00:07:32] And they ran a hustle that went for about seven years and that actually eventually made that

[00:07:38] National news because it was a big con

[00:07:41] What they would do is they would promise venues that they would have a semi-famous comedian there

[00:07:47] Not a famous comedian but somebody who

[00:07:49] Oh I was gonna point out semi-famous like what does that even mean?

[00:07:53] Like Dustin Diamond from Saved by the Bell Screech

[00:07:56] Washed up celebrities

[00:07:58] Washed up celebrities who are now

[00:07:59] Rest in peace actually

[00:08:01] Rest in peace dude he was hung too

[00:08:03] Yeah

[00:08:04] For Screech man

[00:08:05] I never saw his adult film it's on the bucket list

[00:08:08] I've never seen it either

[00:08:10] Hopefully he doesn't disappoint me the way Hulk Hogan did

[00:08:12] Saying the n-word

[00:08:13] That was a heart wrenching moment for me

[00:08:16] That was

[00:08:18] So Charter what did they do?

[00:08:20] So they would promise the venues hey we'll have Dustin Diamond or the dynamite guy Jimmy Walker

[00:08:27] Somebody where it's kind of believable

[00:08:29] I've worked with him Jimmy Walker

[00:08:32] I have a great story to share after your story

[00:08:35] I want to hear about it

[00:08:37] Oh I got it

[00:08:39] But anyway these guys never actually agreed to the gig

[00:08:44] And literally the day before Charter talent would contact the venue saying hey listen

[00:08:50] We're really sorry Jimmy Walker canceled or Dustin Diamond canceled

[00:08:54] But thankfully we got somebody to fill in at the last minute

[00:08:58] And the venue's like okay

[00:09:00] But they were still under contract to pay you know the thousand dollars or whatever it was

[00:09:05] For the comedy show

[00:09:08] So the headliner who was this road dog would pick up a check for you know five hundred dollars

[00:09:15] Three hundred for him and two hundred for the feature or something

[00:09:18] And the other five hundred would go to Charter talent

[00:09:21] Oh wow

[00:09:22] And they did this several times a week for years

[00:09:26] Was it one person behind this or was it like a group of people do you know

[00:09:30] It was one person and he changed his name frequently and he lived in Michigan I think

[00:09:36] And I know he booked gigs out on the east coast back in the day so that's why I was wondering if Pat

[00:09:41] No I've never heard of this but that is a wild scam

[00:09:46] Yeah you should Google it and your listeners should Google it Charter talent scam

[00:09:52] Oh I wonder if any of my friends or some of the like older veteran Philly comics ever got roped into this

[00:09:59] Yeah

[00:10:00] They were notorious

[00:10:01] I have a handful of people all asked today

[00:10:03] Alright to go back to Jimmy Walker real quick the first time I worked the comedy club in the Borgata casino in Atlantic City

[00:10:10] I was with Jimmy Walker and he was super nice we had a great time you know talking in the green room and everything

[00:10:16] He sold merch he sold old t-shirts and headshots that said dynamite on them

[00:10:23] Or maybe he would write dynamite on them if you bought it

[00:10:27] And he had literally been doing comedy 50 years he has been a stand-up since the prior Karlin Lenny Bruce days

[00:10:38] He's been around just as long as them

[00:10:40] So he's yeah he's been doing it for decades decades so he's pretty over it and he said the coolest most badass thing I've ever heard to people

[00:10:52] People would try to talk to him or get him to say dynamite and he would look right in their eyes and say if you ain't buying I ain't talking

[00:11:01] And he would literally shoe them away and it was like that is a man that is over it

[00:11:08] He has seen it all he has done it all give him 20 bucks or get the fuck out

[00:11:14] I'm 100% on his side

[00:11:17] I told me too it was just I had seen a lot of people sell merch and I sold merch myself CDs back in the day and t-shirts

[00:11:24] But I've never seen anybody just blatantly be like buy my shit or get the fuck out of my face

[00:11:30] That was literally not verbatim but that was an attitude and if you ain't buying I ain't talking

[00:11:37] Like I'm gonna get that as a tramp snap that I think about that three times a week

[00:11:44] And this was probably 12 years ago

[00:11:46] Think of the Greek hell that must have been that man's life

[00:11:50] Oh yeah

[00:11:51] Every day several times a day

[00:11:54] For years for decades

[00:11:56] Decades

[00:11:57] For decades that would be enough to turn the sweetest person into a total curmudgeon

[00:12:03] Yeah I don't I enjoy selling merch because it's extra cash on the road but it's pretty brutal to greet people show after show and have people not buy stuff

[00:12:12] And ask you questions and then not buy anything and try to have all the price I get it it's exhausting but he was like nope

[00:12:21] If you didn't have cash in your hand

[00:12:24] Oh I think it had to be cash too he's not gonna be doing any Venmo or any Square Reader

[00:12:29] Yes

[00:12:30] It was phenomenal

[00:12:32] I love it

[00:12:33] What kind of merch are you selling these days?

[00:12:35] Actually I'm trying to get back into the game and actually very funny we have a mutual buddy Brad Upton

[00:12:42] I love that

[00:12:44] Yeah me too I've had t-shirts over the years based off of a joke about my stepdad's hearing aids where he says I heard enough yesterday

[00:12:53] And they sold pretty well probably the best selling shirt I've ever had

[00:12:57] I had a couple left and last weekend in Baltimore I was opening for Brad and I sold a handful of the ones I had left

[00:13:05] So we have more shows together this summer so I bought 36 more of those shirts just to sell on the Brad shows

[00:13:12] That's cool as hell you know there's some headliners they won't let their opener sell merch

[00:13:17] Very few I've come to discover but yes there have been some people to tell me no

[00:13:23] But I got the t-shirts I have bottle openers I actually have shot glasses and rocks glasses but I don't they're glass they're nice

[00:13:31] But they're difficult to travel with so they're more just giveaways to friends and family if anybody wants one

[00:13:37] And I have guitar picks and believe it or not this is gonna sound crazy in the year of our lord 2024

[00:13:46] But uh people every now and then will still buy CDs

[00:13:50] I have about 2000 sitting at my parents house but when I travel on the road I'll bring like 12 or 15

[00:14:00] And honestly I just sell them for five bucks or if you buy a shirt I'll give you one

[00:14:04] And you'd be surprised that in a weekend I could probably still sell five or seven

[00:14:09] Well a lot of new cars still come with CD players believe it or not

[00:14:13] I'm a bit of a car freak I'm a gearhead and the 2024 Lexus IS and Lexus is a nice brand

[00:14:21] Yes they are

[00:14:22] Right there front and center

[00:14:24] Nice

[00:14:25] Little slot for the CD because they haven't updated it since about 2010 they've given it small tech and styling updates

[00:14:33] But to redesign a whole center console is actually extremely expensive

[00:14:38] Yeah

[00:14:39] So right there the new Lexus CD player

[00:14:42] No kid did not know that

[00:14:44] I mean I haven't bought a CD in years and years easily since before the pandemic but like

[00:14:50] Growing up on with CDs

[00:14:53] I loved I got them for all three of my albums and I used to love just buying the new Foo Fighters or the new Green Day

[00:15:00] And taking the plastic off and reading the liner notes and seeing what picture was behind the disc itself

[00:15:06] So even though they're outdated I still thumb through them and I'm like pretty cool pretty cool

[00:15:13] No I really missed the experience I mean I wouldn't go back the convenience of Spotify and Apple music is just too good

[00:15:21] Which just royally screw over comedians in every possible way but still needed in my life every day because I need music and podcast in my car

[00:15:28] And on walks

[00:15:29] Yes

[00:15:30] And you know about my

[00:15:31] Very much part of the problem

[00:15:33] We are part of the problem they owe me so much more money than I pay them a month but here I am Alexa playing dude

[00:15:42] And she just lit up

[00:15:44] So does your stuff get a lot of hits on Spotify Pat and you're not getting

[00:15:49] Not so much on Spotify Pandora was where I was getting a good amount of streams

[00:15:56] And I mean I know there's so many semantics and so many things under the umbrella of Pandora but like I had close to Alexa stop

[00:16:07] I had close to a million streams on Pandora which sounds amazing on paper

[00:16:14] But it's like $13 a quarter like quarterly I mean my annual checks would be for like anywhere between like 60 and 90 bucks

[00:16:24] Jeez dude

[00:16:26] I don't know if it's exact but I think it's like 13 streams equals a penny

[00:16:31] It's so disheartening

[00:16:33] I know so it's like yes I've made money on streaming but it's like not even a thought in my mind like what's my check gonna be for gas money

[00:16:42] Like it's not even you know

[00:16:44] Here's how little money I'm making from meta

[00:16:47] I didn't know I was making money

[00:16:50] Okay

[00:16:51] Until I got a notification

[00:16:54] The only reason I've been able to monetize that is by doing the personalized roast through Venmo

[00:17:00] But apparently there's tips and bonuses

[00:17:03] And I think to make money like on one of those apps you must just be in the fuck you numbers

[00:17:13] Oh I'm sure I think of like I mean the first people who come to mind are like Bert and Tom

[00:17:18] Yeah

[00:17:19] I'm sure Kevin Hart Chelsea Handler we can name all the big big names but Bert and Tom come to mind the most because they have Tom has the whole podcast network

[00:17:29] They have their own podcast they have their vodka they are everywhere and their lives are also videoed every day of their life

[00:17:39] It's weird to me

[00:17:40] Yeah that's weird to me too I would snap

[00:17:43] But they probably also make a shit ton just by going into a 7-eleven and drinking from half a can of Pepsi you know what I mean like

[00:17:50] Yes I know

[00:17:52] Sometimes I always think about like how being super famous would kind of be a drag but then I stopped myself and that's like complaining about the possibility of like fucking Scarlett Johansson too much

[00:18:08] I'm like that's not something to be too worried about

[00:18:10] Yeah I mean I don't even think fame is on my mind I'm just happy to get paid to do stand up and get paid to travel

[00:18:17] Along those lines is there anybody you I spent a lot of time touring with Sebastian, Meneskukko and Segura before they blew up

[00:18:26] And it was cool to watch them from not even selling out clubs to coming back to town and adding a show or two then coming back town to a theater

[00:18:35] And then just watching that rise from like my front row seat is there anybody you've been alongside that for?

[00:18:42] That I've worked with in the past that has experienced kind of a meteorite

[00:18:46] Yeah yeah yeah or anybody you worked with on the regular and you kind of just watched them

[00:18:50] No not on the regular I hosted 6 shows for Tom Segura at Wise Guys New Year's Eve 2015 into 2016

[00:19:00] And they were great shows he sold out three shows in one night

[00:19:08] And even though he was hilarious you would never guess you know this guy's gonna be doing arenas

[00:19:13] Oh yeah in seven years from now yeah

[00:19:16] But no that's a good question I don't think there's anybody I've worked with regularly who I kind of like was right there to sort of witness their crazy ascent

[00:19:30] I might think of somebody at the moment this podcast ends

[00:19:33] Oh well that's time in or anytime

[00:19:35] Yeah

[00:19:36] I love getting to talk to my buddies and getting their backstory and you know you and I worked together years ago

[00:19:42] But I would love to hear about how you got into it like tell me about when you were a kid or a teenager

[00:19:48] And you first discovered comedy and what your interests were like way back when

[00:19:52] Sure I mean I was always really funny

[00:19:56] You should be a comedian as a phrase I heard like on the weekly

[00:20:01] Where are you class clown or were you the quiet funny kid?

[00:20:06] Or neither

[00:20:08] Kind of neat I was

[00:20:11] I feel like the class clown is somebody who's doing it purely for like the attention

[00:20:16] Oh 100%

[00:20:18] I was mean to teachers which nobody else really was I was the kid who wasn't afraid to be mean to the teachers

[00:20:24] My drama teacher is the guy I was in drama class when 9-11 was happening

[00:20:29] And I told him we shouldn't be getting this kind of news from the drama teacher

[00:20:33] That's hilarious

[00:20:37] Like that day as it was happening

[00:20:39] As it was happening

[00:20:41] That was

[00:20:46] This isn't

[00:20:48] We should wait until we're in math

[00:20:50] I was just gonna say math teacher alright there's two towers

[00:20:54] One plane hits one

[00:20:57] It's math teacher news

[00:21:00] And I was really funny with my group of friends you know but I had never really

[00:21:06] Given any real thought to becoming a comedian because even as a kid I knew well that's a fucking really stupid idea

[00:21:13] Like that's I didn't take it seriously at all like that's a terrible terrible idea

[00:21:19] So when I was a kid like I wanted to be a gangster like a drug lord

[00:21:24] This is when I was a stupid young kid and I didn't really consider all of like the ethical dilemmas that came along with being a drug lord

[00:21:32] But I loved to do drugs and I love to get fucked up

[00:21:35] I loved to sell drugs to my buddies and I was like this is what I want to do

[00:21:38] I want to be like a guy who parties and makes a lot of money doing and selling drugs

[00:21:43] And that was my ambition

[00:21:45] How old are you around this time frame?

[00:21:47] 18 to early 20s

[00:21:50] Okay

[00:21:51] Yeah

[00:21:52] But then I mean prime partying time

[00:21:55] Yeah for sure for sure

[00:21:57] Then I just started partying way too hard and loved partying more than any of my other friends

[00:22:03] And got straight up hooked on on painkillers

[00:22:09] And eventually OxyContin

[00:22:11] And OxyContin 80s at the time were like $60 and I was doing several a day

[00:22:17] Mm-hmm

[00:22:18] And I was

[00:22:20] I was selling cocaine to support my OxyContin habit

[00:22:23] But I wasn't a baller because I had such an expensive OxyContin habit

[00:22:27] And started doing heroin and before I know it I was a fucking drug addict with a criminal record

[00:22:36] And I wasn't a cool gangster at all

[00:22:38] I was just like a scummy junkie who was still in catalytic converters and copper and committing check

[00:22:44] Every day was just you know

[00:22:46] Fraud and crime

[00:22:48] Every single day for years

[00:22:50] You do have funny stuff about it

[00:22:52] Like I remember

[00:22:54] I remember you

[00:22:56] You know our shows with Dan Cummins and you opening the show with this stuff

[00:22:59] And I remember laughing my balls off because I never really heard anybody take that angle

[00:23:03] Like I've had heard a million comics talk about drugs and stuff

[00:23:06] But I you went so deep and so personal with it

[00:23:09] And I just never heard anybody really go that far into it and I thought it was one absolutely hysterical

[00:23:15] But such also just awesome honest material

[00:23:19] Well, and that's what I started joking about when I first got into comedy before I was good enough at comedy to pull off that kind of material

[00:23:26] And my shit at the beginning was dark about like doing surgery on myself when my veins collapsed

[00:23:33] And having to put maxi pads over the wounds and the audience is like oh my god

[00:23:39] And this is what I was just like a few months removed from it

[00:23:42] But the final time I went to rehab was in 2009

[00:23:47] And I was 25

[00:23:51] And this is when I was finally starting to be like okay being a drug addict sucks

[00:23:55] I'd lost a bunch of friends

[00:23:57] My brother died who was a using buddy

[00:24:00] And I was like this life fucking blows

[00:24:04] And before rehab I was kind of like if I die that's whatever

[00:24:07] But now I was kind of like maybe I don't know what I want to be but I know I don't want to be a drug addict anymore

[00:24:14] And started to actually sort of explore sobriety and recovery and all of that

[00:24:18] And while I was in rehab there were two channels that worked

[00:24:21] One was A&E where I would watch Hoarders and feel so much better about being a drug addict

[00:24:28] Because I was like yo these people are nuts

[00:24:33] And the other channel that worked was Comedy Central

[00:24:37] And at the time they were playing all of their greatest hits from their half hour specials

[00:24:42] Jim Gaffigan, Dave Atele, Mitch Hedberg, Lewis Black, Mike Brabiglia

[00:24:50] And I just found myself really falling in love with stand up comedy

[00:24:57] I was like these guys are so funny

[00:24:59] Those Comedy Central presents this is come up on the podcast many times have such a special place in my heart

[00:25:05] All the presents, all the premium blends I have so many of those memorized

[00:25:10] I watched every comment whether I liked them or not

[00:25:13] I have probably seen every single episode so many times each

[00:25:18] Me too, me too

[00:25:21] That's what got me to fall in love with comedy

[00:25:23] I used to get star struck by people that had a presence

[00:25:25] Even if they're my friends or buddies now but when helium first came to Philly

[00:25:30] And these comics started coming through town

[00:25:33] I was like oh my god there's Tom Carter, there's Tommy Pascatelli

[00:25:35] Like I thought it was the apex of comedy to have that 22 minutes on Comedy Central

[00:25:41] And then I, yeah

[00:25:43] I mean it was such a cool credit at the time but now

[00:25:46] I don't know if it holds any weight in the industry at all anymore

[00:25:50] But like in my late teens early 20s that was like the end all be all

[00:25:56] Oh my god they have a half hour presence

[00:25:59] Yep, 100% and no it's not what it used to be but at the time

[00:26:03] And a lot of those specials were so fucking solid

[00:26:06] Man, so good

[00:26:09] My favorite was Mitch Headberg's

[00:26:12] Oh yeah I watched it two weeks ago

[00:26:14] I just watched it two weeks ago, yep

[00:26:16] When he was sitting down because as he was filming

[00:26:20] Out of defeat?

[00:26:21] Yes

[00:26:23] So I fell in love with comedy in rehab

[00:26:26] And then I get out of rehab

[00:26:28] And I'm going to meetings and everything like that

[00:26:30] But life is like such a drag

[00:26:33] Every day I just wake up trying not to use

[00:26:36] And then get through the day and my whole life is just spent

[00:26:39] Willing myself not to use heroin

[00:26:41] I was doing nothing in my life that was fun or interesting

[00:26:45] Or cool and really really boring

[00:26:48] Because the heroin addict life even though it's a nightmare

[00:26:51] It's not boring

[00:26:53] No, it doesn't sound like it would be

[00:26:55] It sounds like an adventure

[00:26:57] It is an adventure

[00:26:59] It's like a horrifying adventure but you're not bored

[00:27:02] But now I'm so bored

[00:27:04] And I start like watching more and more comedy at a rehab

[00:27:09] And we were talking about record stores

[00:27:11] I went to a record store I loved called Grey Will

[00:27:13] And bought two DVDs of the best of Comedy Central Presents

[00:27:17] And I just watched them over and over and over again

[00:27:20] You study them, you're like learning

[00:27:23] You're not even laughing at that point

[00:27:25] You're learning what they're doing

[00:27:27] How they're saying it

[00:27:28] Like you truly are immersing yourself

[00:27:30] And learning the tricks and seeing how it works

[00:27:35] And I just got, yes exactly

[00:27:36] I got really into comedy itself

[00:27:38] Stand-up comedy itself

[00:27:39] I bought that I Am Comic DVD

[00:27:42] If you remember that one

[00:27:44] Oh God, I Am Comic when stand-up stood out

[00:27:46] Oh I have all of them

[00:27:48] Yeah, okay

[00:27:50] And started doing a little bit of research about comedy

[00:27:53] Around Salt Lake City

[00:27:54] And found out about Wise Guy's Open Mic

[00:27:57] I go, you know what? Fuck it

[00:27:59] I'm gonna go do it

[00:28:00] And I went to the Wise Guy's Downtown

[00:28:02] The old club, that trolley square

[00:28:05] I didn't know shit, man

[00:28:07] I was like okay, I'll probably do about 20 minutes

[00:28:09] You know?

[00:28:10] You were that oblivious?

[00:28:12] I was that oblivious, it was my first time in a comedy club

[00:28:14] Did you have anything written down?

[00:28:16] Were you jotting ideas down

[00:28:17] Or were you just gonna free-ball this?

[00:28:19] No, no, no, I had written it all down

[00:28:21] I had a couple of pages

[00:28:23] And it was so pathetic

[00:28:24] Like in parentheses

[00:28:25] It would be like pause for clap

[00:28:28] Oh that's amazing

[00:28:30] Mike Brabiglia had a great story

[00:28:32] The very first gig to some ballerina

[00:28:34] Was like, can you do 30 or 40?

[00:28:36] He's like yeah

[00:28:37] And he's like at four minutes

[00:28:39] I could feel I was gonna throw up

[00:28:41] Yeah

[00:28:42] I was so oblivious

[00:28:45] And just the complete opposite of how I approach comedy now

[00:28:48] Now I write down a few keywords

[00:28:50] And I have an idea of what I'm gonna say

[00:28:52] But I'm really focusing on this like being in the moment

[00:28:54] And being present

[00:28:56] But at the time I wrote it down

[00:28:57] I was like, you know

[00:28:58] Then kind of looked to the left

[00:29:00] And smirk

[00:29:02] It was so embarrassing

[00:29:04] Giving yourself too many instructions here

[00:29:06] It's hard to get your own jokes down

[00:29:08] Let alone writing down act outs

[00:29:10] And how you think you should move

[00:29:12] It was so ridiculous

[00:29:14] And the manager is like

[00:29:17] Okay, you've got three minutes

[00:29:19] And at the time I was like

[00:29:20] Three minutes, who the fuck can do anything

[00:29:22] With three minutes

[00:29:23] Before learning three minutes

[00:29:25] Is more than enough time

[00:29:26] To eat a dick

[00:29:28] And you can do that in 12 seconds

[00:29:30] Yes

[00:29:32] And I distinctly remember my first time

[00:29:35] I rift on the guy who went before me

[00:29:37] Who was like this old guy

[00:29:39] Because I had a joke about working at my dad's produce stand

[00:29:42] And all of the old people who were there

[00:29:45] And I say not as old as the guy

[00:29:48] I don't remember exactly what I just said

[00:29:50] But it was like one of those tricks

[00:29:52] Where you had an open mic

[00:29:53] You riff on the person who goes in front of you

[00:29:55] And the chances of it killing you're so much higher

[00:29:57] Yeah, because it's in the moment

[00:29:59] And it's fresh in your mind

[00:30:00] And you're just keeping the energy going

[00:30:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:30:03] But at the time I had no idea

[00:30:04] That was basically a cheat code

[00:30:06] And I thought oh

[00:30:08] And I got that first huge laugh

[00:30:11] I was like well that ruled

[00:30:13] And then I got off stage

[00:30:15] And said goodbye to a few people I had met

[00:30:18] And then the rest of the night

[00:30:20] I was just thinking about my set

[00:30:22] And then I woke up the next day

[00:30:24] Thinking about my set and my jokes

[00:30:26] I was like oh my god, I'm not thinking about heroin

[00:30:29] Now I'm actually really thinking about

[00:30:32] Me doing comedy

[00:30:34] It took over that space in your brain

[00:30:36] Just like that, yeah

[00:30:38] And then I went back and bombed my dick off

[00:30:42] For the next few months

[00:30:43] But that first big laugh is what

[00:30:46] You know carried me through

[00:30:48] I was like I can do it

[00:30:49] I got to laugh my first time

[00:30:50] I absolutely love that because

[00:30:53] Long story short

[00:30:55] The first two sets went well

[00:30:57] And then sets three through like 12 or 15

[00:30:59] I just ate it

[00:31:01] Like I started doing stand up weekly

[00:31:04] Laugh house open mic on Wednesdays

[00:31:06] Did well first Wednesday

[00:31:07] Second Wednesday

[00:31:08] I don't have a good Wednesday again

[00:31:09] Till like March

[00:31:11] Yeah

[00:31:12] And that's no exaggeration

[00:31:14] But then I started to meet people

[00:31:16] Figure stuff out

[00:31:17] Find other open mics

[00:31:19] Meet more people

[00:31:20] And then just take it all in

[00:31:22] And I was like okay

[00:31:23] This one has never gotten a laugh

[00:31:24] Stop saying that

[00:31:26] Yes

[00:31:27] This I think is funny

[00:31:28] Why isn't it working

[00:31:30] Took me probably a good four or five months

[00:31:32] To look at what I had and be like

[00:31:34] Alright, let's break this down even more

[00:31:37] It took me a few months to learn

[00:31:39] Oh I should actually write jokes

[00:31:41] Oh okay

[00:31:43] I was trying to just be a storyteller

[00:31:45] But

[00:31:46] Oh a storyteller out the gate

[00:31:48] Is a whole different animal

[00:31:49] When you're not at all comfortable

[00:31:51] With the silence

[00:31:52] Oh yeah you need to be

[00:31:54] It was such a massive mistake

[00:31:56] And I was like oh I should write jokes

[00:31:58] That's one thing I loved about

[00:32:00] Tording with Segura

[00:32:01] I watched his favorite special

[00:32:02] Mind to this day is mostly stories

[00:32:04] And I was Tording with him as he did that

[00:32:06] And I watched him build Mike Tyson

[00:32:08] From like five minutes to twelve

[00:32:10] And I just loved watching the crowd

[00:32:13] Hang on every word for a full story

[00:32:16] Like it's so awesome

[00:32:18] To take them on that ride

[00:32:20] That would be really cool

[00:32:22] To be able to watch it grow

[00:32:24] And see what it would be

[00:32:26] Yeah yeah yeah

[00:32:27] What was the scene like when you started in Salt Lake City

[00:32:29] Was there a big scene?

[00:32:30] I mean obviously you guys had a club there

[00:32:31] It's a major city

[00:32:32] Do you guys have a strong local scene?

[00:32:34] It was pretty good

[00:32:36] So at the time when I started

[00:32:38] There was kind of a rift between

[00:32:40] Wise guys and the supposed

[00:32:42] Alt scene

[00:32:43] But wise guys didn't seem

[00:32:45] To care or be aware

[00:32:47] Of it

[00:32:49] So it was like this one-sided rivalry

[00:32:51] That was confusing

[00:32:53] But I think it had kind of had its heyday

[00:32:55] By the time I started

[00:32:57] And just the remnants of that feud

[00:32:59] Were sort of still around when I started

[00:33:01] But wise guys was the main

[00:33:04] The main open Mike and it was

[00:33:06] A great open Mike

[00:33:08] We would get a hundred and fifty civilians

[00:33:10] Oh that's so cool

[00:33:12] Yeah even still today

[00:33:13] It's a great Mike

[00:33:14] And

[00:33:15] I did it I flew in a day early

[00:33:17] For that Dan Cummins week just to do the Mike

[00:33:19] I mean I flew in a day early anyways

[00:33:20] Cause I like that if I travel across the country

[00:33:22] But I knew you guys had an open Mike that night

[00:33:24] And I went and it was awesome

[00:33:27] You can actually get work done

[00:33:29] Yeah for sure

[00:33:30] I remember everybody was doing three

[00:33:32] And I think I met Keith that night

[00:33:33] And he let me do like five or six

[00:33:35] And I really appreciated that

[00:33:37] Like I just flew two thousand miles that day

[00:33:40] And I'm there all weekend

[00:33:42] But the extra two or three minutes

[00:33:44] Gave me enough to like

[00:33:46] It's cool better than just being up and on real quick

[00:33:48] Up and done

[00:33:49] How did your set go?

[00:33:51] Oh dude the open Mike was great

[00:33:53] And I remember thinking now helium here

[00:33:55] And really we had a great open Mike

[00:33:57] But sometimes you know it's still an open Mike

[00:33:59] Sometimes there'd be eight people

[00:34:00] And I was like man this it was

[00:34:02] It stood out to me big time

[00:34:04] Yep and at the time I just thought

[00:34:06] That's how open mikes were

[00:34:08] I was very very spoiled

[00:34:10] And in the trolley square days

[00:34:12] This wasn't Keith's I did

[00:34:13] The guy who was running it

[00:34:14] His name was Jack

[00:34:16] He couldn't fit all of the comedians

[00:34:18] There were fifty comedians signing up

[00:34:20] So he said you know if you bring a friend

[00:34:23] You'll get preferential treatment

[00:34:25] It wasn't a bringer show

[00:34:27] It was a Mike that just like

[00:34:29] If you bring a friend you'll get preferential treatment

[00:34:31] I don't think Keith was aware of it

[00:34:33] Because I don't think he would be down with that

[00:34:35] And I at the time

[00:34:38] Like had left all of my friends

[00:34:42] Like part of getting clean is you can't

[00:34:44] Hang out with your drug addict buddies

[00:34:46] So I didn't have a friend in the world

[00:34:48] So what I did was

[00:34:50] I was taking two trains to get to the club at the time

[00:34:52] Because my license was suspended

[00:34:54] And I was like I ain't taking two trains

[00:34:56] To get to the club to not go on

[00:34:58] So I would get a homeless guy

[00:35:02] And buy him a ticket

[00:35:04] And buy him a meal and say

[00:35:06] Just tell him you're my buddy

[00:35:08] No hit in

[00:35:10] I've been to the club several times

[00:35:12] The same homeless guy?

[00:35:14] No, it's a different homeless guy

[00:35:16] Okay, please tell me how

[00:35:18] Where they came from

[00:35:20] Right outside the club there was a little island

[00:35:22] In the middle of the road

[00:35:24] All the time there was a homeless guy there

[00:35:26] I guess every city has those

[00:35:28] So I can think of Phillies, yeah

[00:35:30] Yeah

[00:35:32] And luckily there was a little homeless area

[00:35:34] Right by the club

[00:35:36] And I said hey man

[00:35:38] I want you to let me buy you a ticket

[00:35:40] It won't cost you anything

[00:35:42] And I'll give you a few dollars

[00:35:44] And I'll even like give you a few more dollars

[00:35:46] To get some wings or something like that

[00:35:48] Just be like I'm here to see Andy Gold

[00:35:50] And he said okay

[00:35:52] And he would dip right away

[00:35:54] So he could go buy his dope

[00:35:56] He wouldn't stay for the show

[00:35:58] But that's okay, he didn't need to

[00:36:00] He just needed to tell him he was there to see Andy

[00:36:02] So yeah

[00:36:04] Amazing

[00:36:08] So they're not doing it

[00:36:10] So that's what I did

[00:36:12] How many times did you pull this off with a homeless person?

[00:36:14] Oh a dozen times

[00:36:16] Were you scared to approach them?

[00:36:18] I went to college in North Philly

[00:36:20] And it was a

[00:36:22] Campus was safe but the surrounding areas

[00:36:24] Was pretty scary

[00:36:26] And I just

[00:36:28] To this day I just

[00:36:30] Get terrified that they're gonna

[00:36:32] Be aggressive or pull a knife out

[00:36:34] Or just something

[00:36:36] And you were scared

[00:36:38] Here you are approaching them

[00:36:40] Well in my heroin days

[00:36:42] There was a park

[00:36:44] Downtown called Pioneer Park

[00:36:46] That was full of homeless junkies

[00:36:48] And when my plug was an answer on the phone

[00:36:50] I went down there all the time

[00:36:52] So I guess I had gotten a little bit desensitized

[00:36:54] Okay that makes a lot more

[00:36:56] So you were probably a little more comfortable

[00:36:58] In that environment

[00:37:00] So that didn't scare me at all

[00:37:02] Back in the junkie days what was scary

[00:37:04] Was the middle of the park

[00:37:06] And then all of the other homeless junkies saw me

[00:37:08] And I'm walking back to my car

[00:37:10] And they would actually converge on me

[00:37:12] Like

[00:37:14] That was a little

[00:37:16] Intimidating?

[00:37:18] Well yeah there's this one dude

[00:37:20] Who saw me there all the time

[00:37:22] And he just kept asking me

[00:37:24] For me to share my shit with him

[00:37:26] Because he was dope so he was like a Dave Chappelle character almost

[00:37:30] Like

[00:37:32] That was never fun

[00:37:34] Walking back to my car

[00:37:36] And seeing him like hyenas

[00:37:38] Just slowly walk up to the line

[00:37:40] Is this kind of material

[00:37:42] Still a big part of your act or was that just something you did in the beginning?

[00:37:46] No it still is

[00:37:48] Because I do a lot of like

[00:37:50] Rehabs and stuff

[00:37:52] So and they expect

[00:37:54] A good percentage of the material

[00:37:56] To be recovery related

[00:37:58] Yeah and that's awesome

[00:38:00] I'm sure a lot of people come up to you afterwards

[00:38:02] And tell you how it's relatable

[00:38:04] And how much they enjoyed it

[00:38:06] Because it's so deep and personal to them

[00:38:08] I'll tell you something man

[00:38:10] That's crazy is

[00:38:12] When I started in 2010

[00:38:14] Every once in a while

[00:38:16] Somebody would come up and talk about

[00:38:18] You know my brother is an addict

[00:38:20] My sister is an addict

[00:38:22] But now it happens all of the time

[00:38:24] Because the opioid epidemic has gotten so fucking

[00:38:26] At a control

[00:38:28] Any city eats suburbs does not matter

[00:38:30] Yeah and

[00:38:32] It's like damn everybody has

[00:38:34] A family member multiple family members

[00:38:36] Now that have gone through it

[00:38:38] Yeah it's wild

[00:38:40] Less of my material now

[00:38:42] I don't try to write about it

[00:38:44] I just try to write about

[00:38:46] What comes naturally

[00:38:48] And it seems like the last year or so

[00:38:50] Most of my new jokes have not been about it

[00:38:52] But they're always in your back

[00:38:54] Lock it for whatever given reason

[00:38:56] Yeah it's a mighty deep well

[00:38:58] What was the

[00:39:00] Open mic scene like in Philly

[00:39:02] I imagine there were way more mics but were they good

[00:39:04] There were good ones and bad ones

[00:39:06] It seems like there is a ton

[00:39:08] In Philly right now

[00:39:10] I live out in the suburbs and I don't get to the city

[00:39:12] As often as I used to

[00:39:14] But from what I see on social media

[00:39:16] There is a ton of new and newer

[00:39:18] Comics in Philly that run their own

[00:39:20] Open mics and bar shows

[00:39:22] And it seems like there is just a ton

[00:39:24] Of new and newer

[00:39:26] But the main one I cut my teeth

[00:39:28] At

[00:39:30] Helium

[00:39:32] Which is still my home club, Helium and Philly

[00:39:34] The open mic was great

[00:39:36] But there could be 100 people

[00:39:38] One Tuesday and then 14 the next Tuesday

[00:39:40] But a lot of times we would get

[00:39:42] Really cool drop ins

[00:39:44] Todd Glass is from here

[00:39:46] He would come in and do it before his headlining weekend

[00:39:48] Same with like Dom Marrera

[00:39:50] Maria Bamford would do it

[00:39:52] It would be really cool to see these

[00:39:54] Drop ins or sometimes like

[00:39:56] The comic coming in from out of town

[00:39:58] Who was featuring that weekend

[00:40:00] Would come in a day early like

[00:40:02] Funny guys like Kevin Shea and Ryan Stout

[00:40:04] And people from Austin and San Francisco

[00:40:06] Would come in so

[00:40:08] It was really cool man

[00:40:10] Tuesdays was our hangout

[00:40:12] So all the comics would do the open mic

[00:40:14] And then like 20 of us would go to this one bar

[00:40:16] Around the corner have drinks

[00:40:18] Do bar trivia and just like

[00:40:20] Over each other's sets and like to this day

[00:40:22] Still some of the coolest

[00:40:24] Most fun memories of stand up were being

[00:40:26] That new to the game

[00:40:28] But the hang after the open mic

[00:40:30] Was so much more fun

[00:40:32] And meaningful than like

[00:40:34] Being on stage and doing the set itself

[00:40:36] The happiest memories I have in comedy

[00:40:38] Were in those early years

[00:40:40] Yeah

[00:40:42] After a mic or after we all did

[00:40:44] Guest sets at Wise Guys

[00:40:46] Because Keith does not do a

[00:40:48] Diner feature MC format

[00:40:50] He does a MC

[00:40:52] Two or three guest spots

[00:40:54] And yeah me and my buddies

[00:40:56] We would all go to a diner after the shows

[00:40:58] And just shoot the shit for hours

[00:41:00] Until the early morning hours

[00:41:02] Was the best dude

[00:41:04] It was just such a simple

[00:41:06] Simple joy

[00:41:08] Just talking about comedy

[00:41:10] The comedians we love

[00:41:12] The comedians we didn't like

[00:41:14] Bust balls ruthless

[00:41:16] Dude to this day

[00:41:18] Talking shop is like my absolute favorite

[00:41:20] Thing in the world

[00:41:22] Yeah

[00:41:24] I kind of miss it

[00:41:28] Like since I moved back

[00:41:30] From LA and Utah there's funny comedians

[00:41:32] Here for sure but I don't

[00:41:34] Hang out after shows as much as I

[00:41:36] Used to have kind of become like the old guy

[00:41:38] A little bit

[00:41:40] I feel that in my bones absolutely

[00:41:42] And I know that I'm like well liked

[00:41:44] In everything but I guess I just

[00:41:46] Don't have it in me to go

[00:41:48] Hang out at the diner until 2am

[00:41:50] No I don't either

[00:41:52] I'm also getting old and I like being in bed

[00:41:54] By 11 or 11 30 and I like being up at

[00:41:56] 7 30 I'm a morning person

[00:41:58] I really am

[00:42:00] I got so much shit done before this podcast today

[00:42:02] It was amazing

[00:42:04] It's not even noon here and I feel so accomplished

[00:42:06] Yeah

[00:42:08] That's uh how old are you now

[00:42:10] I'll be 40 in November

[00:42:12] I'll be 40 in August

[00:42:14] Oh that's oh you're just

[00:42:16] You're three months ahead of me

[00:42:18] Look at us dude we're 40 year old dudes

[00:42:22] Do you remember being 25

[00:42:24] And thinking about being 40

[00:42:26] No

[00:42:28] Well yeah I probably thought I'd be more successful

[00:42:30] I mean I'm happy to travel and make money

[00:42:32] And stuff but I probably thought I'd be a little more

[00:42:38] Not famous but

[00:42:40] Little more successful

[00:42:42] Happy dude I love my career and I have shows next week

[00:42:44] And my podcast has a sponsor

[00:42:46] That's amazing right

[00:42:48] That is dope as hell actually that's huge

[00:42:50] Yes today's podcast is brought to you by

[00:42:52] Magic Mind

[00:42:54] They are fantastic and it's little

[00:42:56] Performance energy shots

[00:42:58] That I use all the time for my mental performance

[00:43:00] I am sometimes sluggish

[00:43:02] I am not productive

[00:43:04] Even though I am a morning person

[00:43:06] I am getting so much better

[00:43:08] At getting stuff done

[00:43:10] In the morning but the good folks over at Magic Mind

[00:43:12] Have just the thing that helped me

[00:43:14] I use it in the morning after my coffee wears off

[00:43:16] And it helps me get through the rest of my day

[00:43:18] To get stuff done

[00:43:20] If you go to

[00:43:22] magicmind.com

[00:43:24] Slash do it

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[00:43:40] These are great mental performance shots

[00:43:42] Go to the magicmind.com

[00:43:44] And make it happen

[00:43:46] I saw Pete Holmes pumping

[00:43:48] Yeah

[00:43:50] You're good

[00:43:52] I saw Pete Holmes pumping

[00:43:54] A little bit ago

[00:43:56] Neutropics

[00:43:58] They are great

[00:44:00] Got a little bundle of it right here

[00:44:02] You can see right here

[00:44:04] The listeners cannot but you can

[00:44:06] Get it properly

[00:44:08] Through magicmind.com

[00:44:10] You know what I was just thinking

[00:44:12] When you were pumping that stuff

[00:44:14] About how I'm becoming the old guy

[00:44:16] In the scene now

[00:44:18] Something that should be so obvious

[00:44:20] That I should have been doing all along

[00:44:22] Is

[00:44:24] The new comics they always want your approval

[00:44:26] Mm-hmm

[00:44:28] And

[00:44:30] I would never go up to somebody

[00:44:32] Who's not funny and be like you suck

[00:44:34] That's funny you say that

[00:44:36] Continue and then I gotta throw my angle on

[00:44:38] I also

[00:44:43] I've just never

[00:44:45] Given compliments

[00:44:47] Like fake compliments

[00:44:49] I've never, I've just never done that

[00:44:51] And I was thinking you know what

[00:44:53] I don't think I've given fake ones either

[00:44:55] Because if I didn't enjoy your side I'm not gonna say anything

[00:44:57] I'm not gonna say hello and whatever

[00:44:59] But I'm not gonna blow smoke because you were up there

[00:45:01] Exactly

[00:45:03] But now I'm starting to think

[00:45:05] It's gonna be easier just to give fake compliments

[00:45:07] Cause

[00:45:09] Too old and tired

[00:45:11] Yeah

[00:45:13] See funny you said

[00:45:15] Newer comics want your approval

[00:45:17] I don't think a lot of newer comics in the Philly

[00:45:19] Even know who I am

[00:45:21] Because I'm not really around as much

[00:45:23] I mean there is some local stuff I do

[00:45:25] I headline helium every year and whatever

[00:45:27] But like

[00:45:29] There's a ton of new comics

[00:45:31] I've DM'd local Philly comics

[00:45:33] Some people

[00:45:35] Have just not even replied

[00:45:37] So I just feel like since I'm not really around too much

[00:45:41] And I'm lucky enough to be on the road a good amount

[00:45:43] I just the newer wave or two

[00:45:45] Don't even know who I am

[00:45:47] Oh that sounds nice

[00:45:49] It's not bad I just want to perform in Philly more

[00:45:51] Yeah

[00:45:53] Like there seems to be a lot of great comedy in Philly

[00:45:55] A lot of newer comics seem to have

[00:45:57] Great open mics and bar shows

[00:45:59] And I want to jump in more

[00:46:01] Like going to the city

[00:46:03] Or going to go into the city for like three minutes

[00:46:05] How far

[00:46:07] Yeah I know shit

[00:46:09] How far are you from the city?

[00:46:11] 35 minutes by train and it's so easy

[00:46:13] But

[00:46:15] You know I just have to like

[00:46:17] Do my research

[00:46:19] You know what I mean I have to find out

[00:46:21] Yeah

[00:46:23] Do you ever go into New York?

[00:46:25] Because that's not terribly far

[00:46:27] Absolutely not

[00:46:29] I was there for a year in 2011

[00:46:31] I tried it for a year

[00:46:33] And it was fun I was a lot of hanging out

[00:46:35] My two very good friends there were Adrienne

[00:46:37] She took me under her wing

[00:46:39] And she's a very very good friend to this day

[00:46:41] And Lance Weas

[00:46:43] Another very funny New York comic

[00:46:45] Those two really held my hand

[00:46:47] Through the New York year

[00:46:49] But like I was hanging out and hanging out

[00:46:51] And not performing

[00:46:53] So I would come back down to Philly

[00:46:55] Every two or three or four days

[00:46:57] And then to pick up a bartending shift

[00:46:59] Oh I get to do a real open mic

[00:47:01] And bartend a wedding going back to Philly

[00:47:03] You know what I mean?

[00:47:05] Totally I had a very similar experience

[00:47:07] I lived in New York for about a year

[00:47:09] In 2013

[00:47:11] Oh okay I had no idea you were there

[00:47:13] And do you remember when I told you

[00:47:15] That why is guys Mike is unbelievable

[00:47:17] 150 civilians

[00:47:19] So after a few months of eating

[00:47:21] Shit when it clicked for me

[00:47:23] It clicked pretty good

[00:47:25] And

[00:47:27] I was kind of fortunate enough to sort of

[00:47:29] Not yet awesome at comedy or anything

[00:47:31] But kind of figure out how to do it

[00:47:33] How to do five, seven minutes after a few months

[00:47:35] And started getting tons of guest spots

[00:47:37] At wise guys and tons of them seeing spots

[00:47:39] And

[00:47:43] You know kind of became a staple

[00:47:45] Of the scene a little bit

[00:47:47] Pretty fast

[00:47:49] And I go well it's time to go to New York

[00:47:51] Because I hear in New York

[00:47:53] There's hundreds of open mics

[00:47:55] But I just didn't know

[00:47:57] The open mics are three stone comics

[00:47:59] Playing on their phones

[00:48:01] At 4pm

[00:48:03] On a Monday

[00:48:05] Yeah

[00:48:07] I was like oh fuck

[00:48:09] This is

[00:48:11] A kick in the balls

[00:48:13] It was a huge wake up call

[00:48:15] It's a learning experience

[00:48:17] That's for sure

[00:48:19] But after about a year of doing that

[00:48:21] And I was like you know what man

[00:48:23] I'm still so new in comedy

[00:48:25] Where my number one priority is just getting better

[00:48:27] At comedy. I mean I think that should always

[00:48:29] Be the top priority

[00:48:31] But especially at that time

[00:48:33] I was like

[00:48:35] I was getting better at comedy in Utah

[00:48:37] Where

[00:48:39] Maybe I wasn't doing 20 sets a week

[00:48:41] I was doing seven sets a week

[00:48:43] But they were 10 minutes sets

[00:48:45] In front of 200 people

[00:48:47] Quality over quantity

[00:48:49] Better doing that than two minutes

[00:48:51] In front of five in a tent of people

[00:48:53] In fact in New York I felt myself

[00:48:55] Digressing a little bit

[00:48:57] I agree 100% and also

[00:48:59] Like I had like

[00:49:01] I think I had $14,000 saved

[00:49:03] Which was I was pretty

[00:49:05] Responsible with it but I still needed

[00:49:07] Money and would like more

[00:49:09] And I had a day job, a bartending job

[00:49:11] I was loosely hanging on to

[00:49:13] So if they needed me, if someone needed me to cover a shift

[00:49:15] Let's say hey can you bartend Tuesday afternoon

[00:49:17] Yes of course I can because the helium open mic is Tuesday night

[00:49:19] That's two birds with one stone

[00:49:21] Then I would go to New York

[00:49:23] You know Wednesday Thursday and Friday

[00:49:25] Oh can you bartend this wedding on Saturday

[00:49:27] Yup back down to Philly because that's 500 bucks

[00:49:29] Like it was just

[00:49:31] I didn't utilize New York

[00:49:33] I mean I know I did it just

[00:49:35] So much easier to come down

[00:49:37] To Philly for comedy work

[00:49:39] And real work

[00:49:41] But I will say my favorite thing

[00:49:43] Other than you know having Adrian

[00:49:45] Become a very good friend she's very successful now

[00:49:47] We still keep in touch a lot

[00:49:49] I would hang at the cellar

[00:49:51] Almost every single night

[00:49:53] And man like to this day

[00:49:55] I love David tell

[00:49:57] I would just watch David tell

[00:49:59] Night after night just do

[00:50:01] 20 minutes and then the next night

[00:50:03] A different 20 minutes then two days later

[00:50:05] It would be some from that

[00:50:07] First set and from the second he would just

[00:50:09] Throw shit to the breeze

[00:50:11] And I'm sitting there thinking I'm watching

[00:50:13] My favorite comic four nights a week

[00:50:15] Yeah that would be pretty cool

[00:50:17] That would be really cool

[00:50:19] I uh

[00:50:21] Like David tell is every comic's favorite

[00:50:23] Comic and especially for guys

[00:50:25] Are age who watched insomnia

[00:50:27] When they were 18

[00:50:29] Yes yep

[00:50:31] And thanks for the memories

[00:50:33] Is my number one favorite comedy album

[00:50:35] Same here it is

[00:50:37] Rapid fire machine guns

[00:50:39] He could have

[00:50:41] It's just

[00:50:43] Oh it ends on the callback

[00:50:45] And also like

[00:50:47] Okay I always

[00:50:49] When we talk nuts and bolts and jokes I always bring this one up

[00:50:51] Some people are against drunk driving

[00:50:53] I call these people the cops

[00:50:55] But sometimes you got no choice

[00:50:57] Those kids gotta get to school

[00:50:59] That's two sentences and three punchlines

[00:51:01] Like yes some people are

[00:51:03] Against drunk driving not all

[00:51:05] Some is a punchline

[00:51:07] I call these people the cops

[00:51:09] The punchline and then these kids gotta get to school

[00:51:11] Number three

[00:51:13] Two sentences three jokes

[00:51:15] Like and the whole album is full of that

[00:51:17] Yes

[00:51:19] Um yeah he's so

[00:51:21] He's so great I remember the first time

[00:51:23] I saw him live

[00:51:25] So I was at Wise Guys

[00:51:27] At the old West Valley Club

[00:51:29] And as good as the

[00:51:31] New downtown club is

[00:51:33] That West Valley club pat house

[00:51:35] Was

[00:51:37] Talking pure electricity

[00:51:39] Comedy heaven

[00:51:41] Yeah

[00:51:43] Some rooms just have that air about them

[00:51:45] Yeah and I mean it was a legendary

[00:51:47] Room amongst touring comedians

[00:51:49] Like it was mentioned kind of like

[00:51:51] Up there with comedy works in Denver

[00:51:53] As being this legendary room

[00:51:55] And I you know

[00:51:57] I knew who David Till was

[00:51:59] I saw his half hour special and I was a fan

[00:52:01] But I went to go check out a show at West Valley

[00:52:03] And it was sold out

[00:52:05] And I was in this

[00:52:07] And the room

[00:52:09] Was vibrating

[00:52:11] Like it was a vibe

[00:52:13] It felt like you could fill it in the air

[00:52:15] And it was these waves of laughter

[00:52:17] Because he's so rapid fire

[00:52:19] That when one portion of the room

[00:52:21] Is still laughing at

[00:52:23] Two seconds ago

[00:52:25] The other half of the room is laughing

[00:52:27] At the stuff he's saying now

[00:52:29] He's already moved on

[00:52:31] It had this wave-like energy going through the room

[00:52:33] With laughter

[00:52:35] And it was vibrating in there

[00:52:37] And to this day I've never seen anybody

[00:52:39] Just fuck up a room like that

[00:52:41] I was watching it and I was like

[00:52:43] That's

[00:52:45] That's what I want to do more than anything

[00:52:47] I mean I'll never get there

[00:52:49] None of us will ever get there

[00:52:51] But

[00:52:53] It was still we were talking about

[00:52:55] Not even thinking about fame earlier

[00:52:57] The thing that I want in comedy more than anything

[00:52:59] Is just to be able to fucking

[00:53:01] Crush

[00:53:03] Even when you are in the

[00:53:05] Featuring

[00:53:07] And you crush like that

[00:53:09] There's nothing like it

[00:53:11] I mean it's cool to do that when you

[00:53:13] Headline your weekend spots

[00:53:15] But if you're in the middle of that weekend

[00:53:17] And you have 20 or 25 minutes

[00:53:19] And you just murder the entire time

[00:53:21] There's still nothing like it

[00:53:23] Like killing on a feature set

[00:53:25] Is better than a mediocre headlining set

[00:53:27] Do you ever

[00:53:29] Giddy and almost like a petty way

[00:53:31] When

[00:53:33] People after the show tell you

[00:53:35] You were funnier than the headliner

[00:53:37] Yeah

[00:53:39] Can I name drop

[00:53:41] This is the perfect opportunity

[00:53:43] To say this story

[00:53:45] I don't want to name drop here

[00:53:47] Or say something cocky

[00:53:49] But you brought this up

[00:53:51] I was at Tom Segura

[00:53:53] At Good Nights in Raleigh

[00:53:55] The old club

[00:53:57] I was on the other side

[00:53:59] Cause the two crowds couldn't meet

[00:54:01] It was a small blobby or whatever

[00:54:03] And some guy

[00:54:05] Was buying my CD

[00:54:07] And he goes I thought you were funnier

[00:54:09] Than Tom and Tom was right next to me

[00:54:11] And he goes I'm right fucking here

[00:54:13] Tom goes I'm right

[00:54:15] Tom called him on it

[00:54:17] And after we joked about it

[00:54:19] He's like that's awesome

[00:54:21] That's so cool that that happened

[00:54:23] But I loved it Tom just said

[00:54:25] But yeah Tom was

[00:54:27] Now Tom was talking to somebody else

[00:54:29] As that was happening I had my transaction

[00:54:31] With this guy and someone else was talking to Tom

[00:54:33] But Tom was still within

[00:54:35] Earshot and arms reach away

[00:54:37] That's so good

[00:54:39] Dude I love it

[00:54:41] Oh no go ahead go ahead sorry

[00:54:43] I didn't mean to cut you off

[00:54:45] This was years ago and I was at the west valley club

[00:54:47] And I'm not gonna say her name

[00:54:49] Cause this would not be a story she would like

[00:54:51] But I really fucking

[00:54:53] Had a great set

[00:54:55] Did about 20 minutes in front of her

[00:54:57] And she really really struggled

[00:54:59] And for whatever reason

[00:55:01] She was so nice I had no problems with her

[00:55:03] I made a point of standing next to her

[00:55:05] After the show

[00:55:07] So everybody would talk to me

[00:55:09] Which you may not realize at the time

[00:55:11] Like in that situation

[00:55:13] Now as a veteran you know to maybe give them

[00:55:15] Space stand on the other side of the boat

[00:55:17] Or something 100%

[00:55:19] 100% yeah

[00:55:21] Yeah that's always been one of my favorite things

[00:55:23] Were people complimentary towards you

[00:55:25] And not to her as you are right next to each other

[00:55:27] Okay so this so it became vocal

[00:55:29] Yeah

[00:55:31] And I was mindful of what was happening

[00:55:33] And I was giddy

[00:55:35] I have a bit of an

[00:55:37] I don't know I have an evil side

[00:55:39] Okay

[00:55:41] I mean that's a

[00:55:43] I mean if you

[00:55:45] Were you ever in a situation where like

[00:55:48] You

[00:55:50] Okay let's say you go with the opposite approach

[00:55:52] Whether maybe you're opening for a

[00:55:54] Headliner you don't care for

[00:55:56] Or maybe it's like a local

[00:55:58] Show and you're opening

[00:56:00] For somebody that you don't think is

[00:56:02] Great and you go up there

[00:56:04] Before somebody and you're like

[00:56:06] I'm gonna fucking murder

[00:56:08] And make this very difficult for them

[00:56:10] Always

[00:56:12] If it's somebody I don't like

[00:56:14] I've had that in my head with celebrities

[00:56:16] Oh yeah

[00:56:18] Sometimes it has worked

[00:56:20] Not gonna say any names

[00:56:22] But sometimes it doesn't always pan out

[00:56:24] But man I wish

[00:56:26] I had bigger set of balls to name names

[00:56:28] Here but like yeah okay

[00:56:30] But you've been in that you've done that too

[00:56:32] Oh yeah I'm gonna bury this motherfucker

[00:56:34] Yeah

[00:56:36] I'm gonna go up

[00:56:38] I'm not gonna work on anything

[00:56:40] I'm gonna do all my best shit

[00:56:42] I'm gonna do all my closers

[00:56:44] And I'm just gonna bury this motherfucker

[00:56:46] It is a sick mentality that we all had

[00:56:48] Oh it's twisted

[00:56:50] Because we're all nuts and okay

[00:56:52] Take it like this too

[00:56:54] We are all nuts comics

[00:56:56] We are all very insecure

[00:56:58] We are all sensitive

[00:57:00] Every single comic is insecure

[00:57:02] Sensitive full of self doubt

[00:57:04] We second guess everything

[00:57:06] But the night I decided to do stand up

[00:57:08] I saw David Tell, Lewis Black

[00:57:10] Mitch Hedberg and Mike Berbiglia

[00:57:12] On the same show

[00:57:14] And he said I could do this

[00:57:16] We're maniacal

[00:57:18] I fucking doubt

[00:57:20] Every move I make

[00:57:22] But I'm watching four kings

[00:57:24] Destroy and I'm like yeah I could do this

[00:57:26] Yeah well that's what I did

[00:57:28] That's why I thought I was gonna do

[00:57:30] 20 minutes my first open mic

[00:57:32] I love it

[00:57:34] We're all out of our minds

[00:57:36] And that's what I love about it

[00:57:38] The only thing I ask with

[00:57:40] Comedians insecurity

[00:57:42] Is that just try to keep a lid on it

[00:57:44] A little bit

[00:57:46] Oh absolutely you learn to reel it in

[00:57:48] Like we all know we're nuts

[00:57:50] You keep it in private

[00:57:52] You keep it amongst your friends

[00:57:54] And you just don't air it to the whole world

[00:57:56] Because we all know we're nuts

[00:57:58] You don't blatantly say

[00:58:00] I'm gonna murder in front of this guy

[00:58:02] In the green room to the host

[00:58:04] Yes

[00:58:06] All I ask is you keep

[00:58:08] You keep a lid on it

[00:58:10] Don't be a comic who like

[00:58:12] When you're bombing an open mic

[00:58:14] Make a point to tell the audience

[00:58:16] I normally get weekend spot

[00:58:18] So this shit doesn't even matter

[00:58:20] That sentence has never come out of my mouth

[00:58:24] You don't seem like the type

[00:58:26] Neither do you

[00:58:30] Before we wind down here

[00:58:32] I wanna end with you roasting kids man

[00:58:34] It's such a hilarious

[00:58:36] Thing

[00:58:38] That you do on

[00:58:40] So I mean I see it on Instagram

[00:58:42] Do you do it on TikTok as well

[00:58:44] TikTok keeps taking the videos down

[00:58:46] That's sounds about right

[00:58:48] I tried but they don't tolerate it

[00:58:50] Anyway long story short

[00:58:52] On Instagram

[00:58:54] On your plug your Instagram account here now

[00:58:56] Just at Andy Gold

[00:58:58] Andy Gold comedy

[00:59:00] People from all over submit

[00:59:02] Their childhood photos and you

[00:59:04] Roast them and it is absolutely

[00:59:06] Hysterical

[00:59:08] So when did you start this and how did this catch on

[00:59:10] I started it fairly recently

[00:59:12] I guess

[00:59:14] I was kind of thinking that

[00:59:16] Oh I didn't realize it was that recent but I knew it

[00:59:18] Just within this year of

[00:59:20] You know first half of

[00:59:22] 24

[00:59:24] Not even a year I started it in October of

[00:59:26] 23

[00:59:28] And I mean I never thought

[00:59:30] It would go viral like that

[00:59:32] I'm such a huge believer Pat

[00:59:34] Doing what you think is funny

[00:59:36] Instead of doing what you think will be popular

[00:59:38] Because who the fuck

[00:59:40] Find your audience

[00:59:42] Who knows what's gonna hit

[00:59:44] None of us know

[00:59:46] So just do what you think is funny

[00:59:48] And I just thought

[00:59:50] Those were so funny and at the time

[00:59:52] People weren't sending me photos yet

[00:59:54] I was finding pictures from

[00:59:56] The 70s and the 80s

[00:59:58] And these people were

[01:00:00] I definitely have seen some of those clips

[01:00:02] And I started doing it then that sounds familiar

[01:00:04] Yeah from like awkward family photos

[01:00:06] And I didn't have any

[01:00:08] Hangups with it because I was like

[01:00:10] These kids are adults now and

[01:00:12] They're putting their pictures out there publicly so

[01:00:14] Fair game

[01:00:16] And people have actually emailed me

[01:00:18] And said oh my god that's me I love it

[01:00:20] I've had zero people complain but

[01:00:22] I just thought there was something so

[01:00:24] Unforgivable about being a grown man

[01:00:26] Making fun of kids

[01:00:28] Yeah you're punching down on an innocent

[01:00:30] On innocent

[01:00:32] On a child

[01:00:34] It's just totally reprehensible

[01:00:36] And I hate this word

[01:00:38] Like naughty

[01:00:40] But it just felt so fucked up

[01:00:42] And

[01:00:44] I just did it for a couple weeks

[01:00:46] And was having to bawl

[01:00:48] This is so much fun

[01:00:50] And then yeah a few of the videos

[01:00:52] Popped off and none of them

[01:00:54] Have gotten like tens of millions of views

[01:00:56] But the crazy thing is

[01:00:58] Just the engagement on them

[01:01:00] Yeah

[01:01:02] Tons of comments, tons of shares, tons of follow

[01:01:04] And then it just grew into this whole thing

[01:01:06] And does that lead to more submissions

[01:01:08] Oh my god this guy is so funny

[01:01:10] And then the person so and so

[01:01:12] Sends their childhood photos

[01:01:14] They tell their husband or wife they send you a photo

[01:01:16] Yep and it just

[01:01:18] Happened totally

[01:01:20] Organically? Oh that's so cool

[01:01:22] People were sending me

[01:01:24] Hey roast me, roast me

[01:01:26] Guilty, I sent you one

[01:01:28] And I'm gonna do it when

[01:01:30] When this podcast comes out and I'm gonna pump this podcast

[01:01:32] When I roast the picture of you

[01:01:34] In your karate

[01:01:36] Spoiler it's the karate photo

[01:01:38] I did send you two though

[01:01:40] So don't tell me which one

[01:01:42] It's dealer's choice

[01:01:44] Oh fuck I ruined it for ya

[01:01:46] Well no I sent you two karate ones though

[01:01:48] Yes you did

[01:01:50] Yeah no no no I can't wait to find out

[01:01:52] But now I probably got like

[01:01:54] 100 pics a day

[01:01:56] Jesus

[01:01:58] And I do personalize roasts now

[01:02:00] Where it's like you really really want

[01:02:02] 50 dollars for 60 seconds

[01:02:04] And 75 dollars for 90 seconds

[01:02:06] And I just make those videos

[01:02:08] On the green screen and

[01:02:10] Email them to people and they can do

[01:02:12] Whatever they want with them

[01:02:14] And I've been doing that now

[01:02:16] For the last couple months

[01:02:18] And it's become like my number one

[01:02:20] Source of income it's absurd

[01:02:22] Crazy man that's so cool

[01:02:24] That is so cool I love it man

[01:02:26] And I hope anybody who's listening

[01:02:28] Follows Andy Gold comedy and checks out

[01:02:30] These kid roasting videos

[01:02:32] Because they are absolutely hysterical

[01:02:34] Oh and as of yesterday

[01:02:36] I'm doing grandmas now too

[01:02:38] Oh whole new market

[01:02:40] Yeah

[01:02:42] All new market. Alright dude thank you so much

[01:02:44] For being here it was great to catch up

[01:02:46] I love talking shop and I hope we cross

[01:02:48] Pad some time this year man

[01:02:50] Get out your way again any plans for you to head east?

[01:02:52] You know what

[01:02:54] I'm doing the live version

[01:02:56] Of the roast to show it wise guys

[01:02:58] And I already did one

[01:03:00] About a month ago and got about

[01:03:02] 110 people on a Sunday

[01:03:04] In Salt Lake which isn't bad

[01:03:06] No that's fantastic 100 people on a Sunday

[01:03:08] Is good

[01:03:10] But I'm gonna record it and

[01:03:12] Make a little promo reel out of it

[01:03:14] And I'm thinking about trying to

[01:03:16] Book some one-nighters with it

[01:03:18] And I'm gonna do my recovery show

[01:03:20] And if I do that I would love to come

[01:03:22] To Helium or Punchline again

[01:03:24] And have Pat House on the show

[01:03:26] Let me know man I would love to blow you out of the water

[01:03:28] That was a great call back

[01:03:30] I was proud of that

[01:03:32] Alright thank you man

[01:03:34] Andy Gold thank you thank you

[01:03:36] Yeah thanks for having me man

[01:03:38] You got it

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