Birthday's, Grandpopsicles, and More Bad Parking Jobs!

[00:00:06] from Hickory. It's Tuesday night, March the 25th, and you're about to watch an all-new Carolina Reaper show. And this show is brought to you by Hendrick Honda of Hickory. Are you in the market for a new vehicle? How about a used vehicle? Check out my good friends at Hendrick Honda of Hickory, and they will hook you up with a Honda.

[00:00:29] Also, Goodwill. Shop at a Goodwill and feel good while getting great gifts for everyone. Goodwill is great for everyone. And South in Your Mouth barbecue sauce. So good, it'll make your head shake. Available at the Hickory Social House, one of my favorite places to eat and drink right here in Hickory. We got a big show tonight. Look at all these residual checks. Okay, I say we get her going.

[00:00:59] I want to say you boys. The Alan Jackson, please!

[00:01:36] Wow! Oh my God, thank you. Please, please. Thank you, thank you. What up, peeps? Welcome to the Carolina Reaper show. That's a PM magazine. From the Carolinas, addicted to the cracked corn. And in this episode, it's a birthday episode. We had a lot of birthdays this month. Mark Hunt's was March the 1st. Sebastian's was March the 15th, St. Patrick's Day. And he's still alive.

[00:02:06] Still alive and kicking. I'm always asking him if he feels healthy enough to come in. But he's had like... I think he's scheduled... He had four... I should just read you the dang text. Actually, I can do it with my computer. I'm always checking on Sebastian. Some of you might know he's had some health issues. He said, doctors all day today. And I have an MRI at 430. But next week, I'm doctor free.

[00:02:35] And I can be there next week. Try to make a comeback. So we're praying for Sebastian. Hope he'll be in here next week. I know some of you are worried about him. But my birthday is tomorrow. Actually, a few hours from now. A few hours from now. That's right. I will be 35. If you put your thing down, flip it and reverse it. Like a Missy Elliott song. I'll be 53. So... And what is my birthday wish? I don't want you to get me anything.

[00:03:05] I want you to give yourself something. And that is a ticket to one of my stand-up comedy shows. That's right. If you want to do something nice for me for my birthday, just buy a ticket to any of my comedy shows. Even if you can't make it, it would be a great gift to someone else. You're like, well, John, you were just here not long ago. I'm not going to go pay to see your show again. Buy the ticket for me. Give it to someone else.

[00:03:35] Pay it forward. Spread the love. Right? But a lot of birthdays. A lot of our peeps. A lot of reaps, peeps birthdays today and tomorrow as well. So I'm going to do some happy birthday shout outs. Happy birthday to Brad Lael. 50 years old today. Dean Kazai. Steven Krasik. Michelle Shade. Jordan McAnt. Alan Williams. Nate Bargazi.

[00:04:04] His birthday is today. Oh, look at this. That's your buddy in Nashville, right? Yeah. And you know who else's birthday is tomorrow? My birthday? Martin Short. Isn't that nuts? Gary Whitener. Carrie Edwards. Corey Nix. Kimberly Helms Stewart. Kelly Brian McNeil. C.L. Stegall. Barbara Bell. That's Randy Bell's wife. Randy Bell, my art teacher in high school. Krishna Reddy.

[00:04:35] And Dan Miller. All birthdays today. Now, tomorrow, Terry McNuer Taylor, Gregory Hardy, Alex Goodman, Shelley Wilson-Novacek, and then Kenny Joseph, Danny Engel, Melody Christopher, Emily Ryan, Brynn Waz, and Tyler Woodward. There you go. All happy birthdays.

[00:05:01] Those are all the people on my Facebook page that have a birthday today and or tomorrow. So there you go. Happy birthday. Also, we've got money to give away. Look at all these Screen Actors Guild residual checks. You know it's serious if I'm talking to my teeth like this. Look at this. I want to say there's 13 of them over here. So that's right. We're going to give money away. I've got more residual checks. How much is it? I don't know. But you could be calling in later for your chance to win it.

[00:05:31] But first, answer me this. What was your favorite birthday gift ever? If you had to scroll back through your history of all the birthdays you've had in your whole life, what was the best gift you ever got? Leave it in the comments section. And maybe we'll read it on the show next week. Let me ask my two interns. I've got two interns sitting right over here. I have a young 17-year-old man named Jack Attack.

[00:06:00] How are you, Jack Attack? I'm good. How are you? Yes. Can you think of one of your favorite birthday gifts ever? Think about it. I'm going to introduce the guy sitting next to you, Sergeant Mark, having eight balls deep. How are you doing? Doing good. What's up? I'm doing great. Birthdays? When's your birthdays, first of all? Mine's June 30th. June 30th? August 15th. August 15th. So you have some time. Let's start with Jack Attack. I gave him time to think about it. Favorite gift of all time, Jack, go. I mean...

[00:06:29] In the 17 years you've been alive, give me one thing. He probably only remembers 12 of them. Honestly, when I turned 16 and I got a car, I mean, it wasn't a new car. Well, that's a big one. It wasn't a new car, per se, but it was a car. What a jip, dude. Nah. What a rip-off. So good. Prepared to get you a new car? What was your first car, though? I still drive it. It's a 2003 4Runner. Oh, yeah. That's a nice car. I used to love 4Runners when they first came out.

[00:06:59] I used to love those things. I just wrecked it, so it's a little messed up. What did you do? It doesn't have traction control. It doesn't have what? Traction control. Traction. I thought you said trash. That's what it sounded like. Yeah. Like, at all. And it was, like, raining really bad, and I kind of, like... Did you hydroplane? Yeah. Like, I slid across the intersection, and then, like, when I, like, caught traction, I, like, hydroplaned into a guardrail, and it kind of, like... So you hit a guardrail. Yeah. How bad was it? It went sideways. Really? Yeah. So I just... Were you actually...

[00:07:28] Like this? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. I just opened the sunroof and hopped out. Oh, no. I was on the phone with my dad before I even got out of the car. When did this happen? Like, right outside of my... Like, getting on 321. Oh. A week ago? Thanksgiving. Oh. Like, weekend, like... Right. A year ago? Not this year. Yeah. I was on the way to school. I'll find that. Didn't tell you that far. Oh, yeah. Did you see blood on? Yeah.

[00:07:58] Okay. I put it on right before that. How much damage was... Have we... Didn't even go to insurance. My dad and me just fixed it. Four runners, good cars. Oh, yeah. You can hit guardrails and live to tell the tale. Oh, yeah. I'd say that's a great gift. Oh, yeah. You said it like you were disappointed, though. What did you... You must have asked for something different. No, no, no. I just... I'm mad that I wrecked it, to be honest. Oh, okay. It was pretty nice before I did. Right. I like four runners.

[00:08:27] Anyway, ball. Best gift. I know you've had many, I'm sure. At least one or two. To be honest with you, the best gift was probably one of the smaller gifts. And that was somebody in my past made me, handmade, a sweatshirt. Oh, nice. So they made it from scratch. Was it many colors? No. No. It wasn't a sweatshirt of many colors. So there was no... It wasn't a coat of many colors. Yeah.

[00:08:52] But no, it was the aspect that they took the time to get my measurements and next thing I know, present me with it. And I wore it until I wore the hell out of it. I mean, it just... How long ago was this? That was... I was like... It was before I went into the military. So 35 years ago, 36 years ago. You still had the sweater? No. Like I said, I wore it until it wore itself out. What did it look like? It was just a basic gray sweater. A sweatshirt. A gray sweater or sweatshirt? Sweatshirt. But it was just...

[00:09:21] Is it button-up or just like a hoodie? It was just a pullover. A pullover. But the aspect... The fact that they made it. Yeah, exactly. That's good. Otherwise, most of it is just go to a shelf, buy this, buy that. What was that person's name? You met her. Her name's Stephanie. Shout out, Stephanie. Mark still thinks about your sweater. And Jack, shout out to your mom and dad. Oh, yeah. For giving you the forerunner that saved your life. Shout out, mom. There you go. Shout out, mom.

[00:09:51] Like how he just pulls that. Yeah. All right. Well, this weekend I had no gigs. So normally this is where I would say, if you were at my show, thanks for coming. Zero gigs. It was fantastic. I got to stay at home and just hang out with my friends and my family. So was it a sold-out crowd at home? Sold out. Nice. Yeah. I mean, I took some good naps. That's for sure. I did go to, with my stepdaughter.

[00:10:20] As some of you may or may not know, I am going to be a granddad. If all things keep going the way they're supposed to go. September 24th. That's the due date. My stepdaughter, Lainey, is pregnant. So this weekend we went to, what do you call it when they do the sonogram? What's that person's name? Ultrasound. Ultrasound. Yep.

[00:10:45] We did an ultrasound and we got to see, we got to discover the sex of the baby. I'm not allowed to say, but I know. And I was right. Look, I was trained in waterboarding. I can get it out of you. I'll tell you when we're not rolling. Actually, I probably can't. I'm not going to keep it a secret. I'm not going to put you in that situation. Thank you. I'm not good at keeping a secret. If I'm sitting on good news, I cannot wait to deliver. Now, I'll take it back.

[00:11:14] I can keep a secret if it's bad news. I don't like delivering bad news. So I can keep that a secret. I have noticed in the past, though, when it's good news, it's almost like it's trying to bubble out of you. Yeah. Like I'm that guy, like when Christmas time comes around, I want to start giving out gifts two days before. Like as soon as I buy it. I'm like, I can't wait to tell you when I got you. I want you to reward me right now for my good deeds.

[00:11:41] But no, I'm sworn to secrecy about Lainey's child, my grandbaby. And people have been asking me, are you going to be called Grandpa? I don't know what I should be called. Do you guys have thoughts on what? Alan, I mean, what would you want to be called as a grandpa, grandfather? Have you thought about this? A little bit.

[00:12:10] See, unfortunately, my wife has already chosen a grandfather name for me that I don't like. You haven't approved of it. I haven't approved of it. So she's already referring to me by that name. Oh, am I allowed to hear it? I mean, it's a gimpy. What? Gimpy. Gimpy? That's the exact reaction I have to. What? Oh, no. I mean.

[00:12:39] What? I have so many questions. Take it up. Take it up with her. I'm all, like I'm saying, that's the name I'm being told about. Now, she's seen the movie Pulp Fiction. Yeah. So that's why she wants me to wear the ball gag in my mouth. Yeah. I didn't understand. I didn't understand what that was for. Yeah. Go get the gimpy. Gimpy's asleep. Well, I guess you have to go wake him up now, won't you?

[00:13:09] So there's got to be a reason why she chose gimpy. There is. And I don't. You don't remember. Know it or understand it. Yeah. Or wasn't paying attention when it was told to me. Right. Now, here's the key to it, Rhodes. It's really about what the child ends up calling you. Exactly. You can wish to be called something all day long. Yeah. But if that kid goes, no, you're this, then that's what you are.

[00:13:37] My biggest fear is that the kid is going to call me like Doody or something. Right. You know, just like a horrible name. Instead of Da Da Doody. That's what I'm stuck with. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be Doody. I don't want to be gimpy either. No. No. There's a lot of negative connotations come to mind with gimpy. Number one, wimpy. It rhymes with wimpy. Right. Gimp, the gimp, gimpy. Yeah. Limp, like you can't. Like I can't walk. Right. That's the first name that came to my mind.

[00:14:06] And this little hunchback grandpa. Yeah. So I would talk to the wife about that one. No, we're going to have a conversation about this. I'm going to lose, but we're still going to have a conversation about it. Jack Attack, do you have any grandparents still alive? Yeah. And what do you call them? I call. You never call them? No, I call them KK. Oh, no. Paw Paw. Just the two. You can't go three Ks in a row like that.

[00:14:35] You just KK. Yeah, yeah. All right. Just the two. All right. Yeah. KK. And which one is that? That's my grandma. Grandma is KK. Now I need to know why. I have no idea. Oh, actually, her name's Karen. That's why. Karen. So Karen turned into KK. Yeah. Wow. I didn't come up with that. Do you know Karen's middle name? I have a necklace. Do you know Karen's last name? I mean, yeah, Gabriel. Okay.

[00:15:03] I was going to make sure it didn't start with a K because that would be interesting. All right. So KK is grandma and granddad is what? Paw Paw. Paw Paw. I like Paw Paw. And my other grandma's nanny. Nanny? Nanny. And what about the other grandpa? Oh, well, he's not alive. What did you call him if you ever did? Paw Paw. Paw Paw. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty generic. Paw Paw's are pretty standard. Paw Paw. Easy for a kid to say. Paw Paw. Yeah. Paw Pop. Uh-huh. Yeah. Ball?

[00:15:34] I'm still waiting for my official name. So that's still up in the air. But the, I mean, technically, I do have a granddaughter and a grandson. But we never did transpire. It transpires so. Now with my kids, they called their, on the mom's side, Nana and granddaddy. And then on my side, it was grandpa and grandma. So in other words, more of a. Granny.

[00:16:03] I called my mom's mom granny. And it was just grandpa. Grandma and grandpa mostly. And then granny. There was only one granny. That was my mom's mom. Yeah. Everyone else was grandma and grandpa. And we. I never did the meemaw, pee paw. And you probably did the same thing where you had the different names, even though they had the same meaning, just so you had that identification, which was on the mom's side versus. Yeah. Granny was mom's. Yep. And grandma was the other one. But yeah, I'm trying to think of what I want to be called. I guess it doesn't matter.

[00:16:32] I thought it'd be funny if I was G Diddy. You know, like P Diddy, but with a G for grand. G Diddy. But then there's a lot of negative connotations. That's what I was getting ready to say. A couple of years ago, I could see you getting away with that. But since everything come out with P Diddy, I think you might want to run to the hills on that one. It's funny, though. Like, I can say it as a joke. But look at it this way. Because I'm a comedian. G Diddy. You would actually have a valid reason for that palette load of lotion.

[00:17:02] Hang on. Which is worse, Gimpy or G Diddy? Gimpy. Gimpy. Gimpy's worse than G Diddy? That's horrible. That'd totally sound like... I would kill for G Diddy right now. I think Gimpy and G Diddy sound like two friends that hang out. At the barbershop. Yeah. That sounds like a sitcom or a cartoon I might want to watch. The Tales of Gimpy and G Diddy.

[00:17:33] I'm also thinking G-Pop. Or G-Popsicle. I wouldn't mind being the new Popsicle. You know, take my dad's old... How would you feel about taking on that name? I think I would like it. I think I'm going to slowly put that in everybody's head. I think it's good. Just call me G-Pop. Popsicle. G Diddy if you're nasty. So what do the grandkids call your Popsicle? Grandpa. Just Grandpa? Yeah.

[00:18:02] Grandpa, Paul, Paul, Paul. Grandpa, yeah. Yeah. All right. We got other shows to do. We got things to do. Anyway, so that happened for me this weekend. I know the sex, but I shall not tell you. But what I don't know is how much is in these checks. I have no idea how much is in here. Someone's going to win money tonight. But real quick, do you want to talk about March Madness, White Lotus? Or do you want to talk about the Fire Lane situation at Food Lions? Or do we want to take phone calls? There's people on hold already.

[00:18:33] Don't everybody answer me at once. What's going on with March Madness? You tell me. I know that Carolina is no longer in it. Neither is High Point. They almost came back. Yeah. That was a good game at the end. Did Duke win? Duke won. So the only real North Carolina team left is Duke. That's it? Yeah. That is the only, not only in North Carolina, but the only ACC team. Wow. Okay. Oh, that was cool.

[00:19:02] Wait, is Auburn not ACC? Auburn, no. What? Oh, they are SEC. They're SEC. SEC is like dominating. Oh, for sure. I don't like it. They can't have basketball and football. Well, they got Auburn. They got Florida. They got a whole bunch of them. Georgia. Arkansas. Georgia. What? Alan, as a Carolina guy, do you just stop watching March Madness? Yes. That's done. It's dead. Got it. Dead to me. Got it. I mean, my brackets are busted. Yep.

[00:19:32] Because I chose a bunch of upsets, and there were no upsets, hardly, at all. And I have no team to pull for. Wow. So I don't care. I get it. I get it. Well, I will stop watching it with you, which is easy for me because I never really started. I'm excited to, I do like big events. So when it comes down to the last game, I might watch the final four. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:19:57] So a lot has been happening at the food lines in Catawba County. I'm talking, we got one in Viewmont, Long View, and Mountain View. All the views. All the views. Long, short, middle, mountain, all of it. And me and Sergeant Mark having eight balls deep. We're on patrol, and we have a report for you.

[00:20:24] Check out this next episode of the Fire Lane at the Food Lion. John Reap here. I'm at the Food Lion. As you can see, we got one right there parked illegally in the Fire Lane. Let's go find out what the deal is. Shame. Shame. Shame. Hey there. Is it an emergency? No. Well, can I help you? No, I'm waiting on my fire show. I'm waiting on my fire show.

[00:20:55] I just dropped him off. You're in the Fire Lane. This is illegal. You can't park here. I'm with the Fire Lane Department. If there's an emergency, that would be bad. No, you can't park here. Hey there. Can I help you? Is there an emergency? No? Hello? No. I'm just standing here. I'm just standing here.

[00:21:27] I don't know who's parked illegally in the Fire Lane, so I was just here to help if there's an emergency. My daughter's car. She's in there paying. She'll be right back out. Okay. Well, you're not supposed to park here. That's just for emergencies. All right. Is she in there now? Yeah, she's in there now. Let me just put it back up. No, no, no. Can't park here. Hey there. Is there an emergency I can help you with? Okay.

[00:21:56] We'll wait for tomorrow. This is an emergency lane. It's for emergency vehicles only. I'm recording this for the Fire Lane Department, just to make sure everything's okay. Are you okay? There's not an emergency. You can't park there. That's a Fire Lane. Shame on you. So let that be a lesson. We're watching you.

[00:22:23] You never know where we're going to be there, when we're going to be there. Shame, shame, shame on you. All right. Shout out to the Hickory Social House. Went there this weekend. Saw my buddy Marty Coulter and Jerry Moody play on Friday night. Had a good time. What did I eat this time? I got something. Oh, what did I get? Oh, I got the fish tacos. Yeah, baked, fried fish tacos. Really good.

[00:22:53] And Jody got, I think she got a salad. Now, did you pair that? Because I was thinking you got something with your hot sauce. Did you pair it with it? Not this time. Not this time. No. Because I just don't think that'd mesh with the fish that much. What did I drink with it? Vodka of some sort. Yeah. Oh, a margarita. I've been on a margarita cake lately. Yeah. So there you go. Also, south in your mouth. So good. Make your head shake. Also, don't forget we have a cruise coming up 11 months from now.

[00:23:22] If you want to go cruising with me and my friends, you can do that. Royal Caribbean. It's a four-night cruise. We leave on February 26th. It's four nights. If you go to johnreap.com, click on the cruise tab. All the info is right there. February 26th, 2026. Comedy, country music with me and Justin Clyde Williams. And we're doing live band karaoke. That's right.

[00:23:51] So what that is, we'll have a list of songs that you can choose from. And you'll have a band behind you. You'll be the lead singer of your own band. Four nights to the Bahamas, Coco K. Rates start from $553.15 per person. Call Johnny Poovey, 828-217-0343. And book your cabin AS to the A to the P. And we're going to have a good time.

[00:24:21] All right. Do we have people on hold? I think it's time to give some money away. We got some people on hold. Yes, we do. All right. We can play. So let's do this. Let me do this before. Because once I get into the game, I get excited. Yeah. And I can't. I cannot. I have to mention Reap's Peep of the Week. Yeah. So I said I'd do this. Every week, I'm going to highlight somebody.

[00:24:51] And this week's Peep, Reap's Peep of the Week, is a guy named BonesXXX. There he is, everybody. This guy always leaving comments during the live chat on YouTube. And we love that. Super nice guy. Always saying nice things. Why don't we all do this? Because this show is live on YouTube. We're on YouTube right now.

[00:25:17] Why don't we all make a conscious effort to subscribe to BonesXX page. I did it. So if you're on YouTube and you're watching this, number one, subscribe to me. Hello. But also subscribe to my man, BonesXXX. Bones, if you're watching this, I got to know why are we calling you Bones? And why is there XXX? I need to know the story, my friend.

[00:25:44] Either way, thank you and congratulations for being Reap's Peep of the Week. All right. So here's some comments from last week. See, Bones, he left this comment. He goes, I touched one at SeaWorld back in 1977. That could be the XXX meaning behind it. Right. Well, we're talking about dolphins last week. Bones fed him a fish. Okay. Diana Dollar, cannot do ships, boats, makes me nauseous.

[00:26:14] Well, they have patches for that, Diana. Hopefully you can get over that because we'd love to have you on the ship. Royal Caribbean, I mean, I guess no matter what kind of ship it is, if the waves are doing their thing, you're going to feel it. I will say for as big as the ship was, you didn't feel it as much. I'm wondering if that's a thing. The bigger the ship, the less you feel the turbulence, so to speak. At least it has been in my experience. I've gone through the Mediterranean. I've come through the Atlantic Ocean. Yeah.

[00:26:40] And the smaller boat or ship that I've been on, I've gotten rocked, whereas that bigger one, I mean, we can find it. You can already feel it. Yeah. John Boy, 1997, he said, I fed a dolphin a fish when I was a teen but never swam with any. I did see some swimming in the ocean while I was on a deep-sea fishing charter. Yeah, dolphins are awesome. Last week we were talking about, someone needs to learn how to miniaturize a dolphin

[00:27:08] so that we can all own our own tiny dolphin. If you have a saltwater pool, like you have a dog or a cat that stays in your house, why can't you have a dolphin that stays in your saltwater pool? I want one. Someone work on that. Elon Musk. Thank you. Daryl, bind the dolphins like them Chinese women feet. Oh, that's... Y'all know about this?

[00:27:32] In China, certain Asian cultures, they will wrap their feet so they won't grow. And there are certain... I don't know. He said... This person says... Daryl said Chinese women feet. I don't know if it's China, but I know that this is a thing. Certain Asian cultures, they love petite little tiny things like, hello, kitty. They like things small. They don't like big feet.

[00:28:01] Interns, why are you looking at me? Get to Googling. Where do they make their feet shrink? How do you even look that up? Type in the word. Where? Bind feet Asian culture. This is the real thing. When you say binding their feet, like they just wrap their feet and that makes them not grow? They do something. They wrap them up real tight. Moose is saying yes. Moose does this. Yeah. They, you know, they've got the...

[00:28:28] Also, you know, when they put the things on people's necks... Yeah, to make your necks longer. They put them on people's head and they make them... In African culture, certain tribes do that. They put the plates in the tongue and they put the rings around the neck. What did you find, Jack? It says foot binding a historical Chinese practice of breaking and tightly binding the feet of young girls. That's horrible. I didn't know the breaking. I mean, breaking. Yeah. That's what it says, breaking. I don't know what that means by that.

[00:28:58] Well, she can't leave you if she can't walk. Yeah. Maybe there's something to... I'm sorry, guys. Diana Dollar, season four. I'm just hearing about it for the first time. Talking about righteous gemstones. Yeah. Where you been, Diana? It's one of the best shows ever. Unless you're touchy about things being sacrilegious, which I don't think it is. I really think it's more about making fun of the blasphemers, the Jerry Baker or whatever name. Falwell and all that. Yeah.

[00:29:28] All right. Let's give some money away. I've got some checks right here. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve unopened Screen Actors Guild residual checks. How much is in here? I don't know. Might be a mortgage payment. Could be a mortgage payment.

[00:29:54] We're going to find out because we've got people on hold right now. So I say we get right to it. Yeah. Should I just do the opening or should I take some phone calls? Let's just get right to it, right? I got a bunch of... I'm not just a podcaster. I'm not just a hilarious comedian. I'm also an actor. I have been in movies. Sitcoms. TV commercials. I've done some adult films I'm not proud of.

[00:30:23] But anytime they air something I've already been in, they have to pay me. They're called residual checks. I get them in the mail all the time. Like I said, I got 12 of them right here. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to open one of these checks. I'm going to tell you what it's for. What movie? What TV show? I'm going to take three phone calls at random. And you guys try to guess the amount of the check. Whoever's guess is closest to the actual amount wins the very check.

[00:30:53] Unless they don't want it. If they forfeit the check, they can go for an item in the mystery bag of goodwill merchandise. But this has a name. This is a game that I like to call... How much is that green actor's yield? Residual...

[00:31:23] Nailed it, boys. Okay. Well, we've got 12 numbers here. Why don't you spin the random ball of balls, Ball? No, I don't know. Because there's too many... Correct. But... Yes. I was going to say, you had me pick last time, you can probably grab Jack. Jack attack. Number between 1 and 12. Go. 9. 9. What number did you think of before 9? I could tell you forfeited one. No, not that one. I don't know. I thought a 3 probably.

[00:31:53] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. That's the check we're going to play with for now. All right. I'm going to open it down here so nobody can see the check. And I'm going to tell you what it's for. And then we're going to do some in-house guessing. That's right. I'm going to get these guys to guess.

[00:32:19] And then I'll tell you which one would have won if they're playing the game. But they're not playing the game. They're not going to win the check. You're going to win the check. But this will help you gauge how you should be guessing. You know what I mean? All right. So let's get right to it. This check right here in my hands is for one episode of East Bound and Down on HBO. That's the Home Box Office Network.

[00:32:48] Did you know HBO stood for that? No. That's right. Home Box Office. A little trivia for you, Jack. One episode, East Bound and Down, Chapter 25. Video and DVD rental. Mark Ball, how much is this check? It's been a while since I've heard that. So I'm going to say $12.82. $12.82. I'm going to go ahead and lock you in. Jack Attack. How much is this check?

[00:33:17] I was thinking a lot lower, to be honest. I'll get like $3. $3.23, actually. $3.23. Going to lock you up. If I had to give this check to one of these two guys sitting over here. And by the way, it's not about... Don't look at this as price is right rules. I couldn't say that. Price is right rules.

[00:33:46] You got stuck on a number, you're getting stuck on a name. It doesn't matter if you go over. What matters is proximity to the amount. Whoever is the closest wins. I like to call it horseshoes and hand grenades. So if I had to give this check to someone in this room between these two, closest person is Jack Attack. Your guess was how much? $3.23. The actual... Well, I can't tell you. Oh. Came that close. He's the closest. I almost said it, dude.

[00:34:16] He's the closest. So if you're on hold and you're listening to this, just know that Jack is the closest. I'm not saying he's that close, but he's closer than Mark Ball. All right. Now, let's get some phone callers up in here. We got a lot of people on hold. Sergeant Mark having eight balls deep. Will you please spin the spinning ball of balls and pick a number? And this is the number of caller we're going to take. 33. That's how you know it's random. 33.

[00:34:46] Caller number 33. The Alan Jackson. Whenever you're ready, let caller number 33 into the show and we'll get their guess. They're in the room. If you can hear my voice, tell me your name. Phillip. Yes. What's your name? Phillip. Phillip? Yes. All right, buddy. Thanks for calling in. Where are you calling in from? Vancouver, Washington. Vancouver, Washington. I didn't want to Washington last week.

[00:35:15] I know we had another guy from Washington last week. Wow. How did you know to call in? Did you just see this on Facebook? I saw your push notification on YouTube. On YouTube. All right. So does that mean you follow me on YouTube? Yes, I do. Yes. Awesome, Phillip. Right out the gate, I'm loving me some Phillip. What do you do for a living, Phillip? I'm a student right now. You're a student?

[00:35:45] I'm an old man student. I'm an old man student. You're an old man student. How old are you? 42. 42 years old and you're in school. What are you studying there? I'm just trying to at least get my AA for now. Your Alcoholics Anonymous badge? Yeah, why not? You said AA, right? Associates. Associates. Oh, your associates. All right.

[00:36:13] And so what do you do? How do you make money to pay for this school? Fortunately, I have a GI Bill. What? GI Bill. He's a veteran. Oh, you're a veteran. Okay. What branch? Well, thank you for your... Just an old cell phone. Sorry. What? He said it was an old cell phone. Oh, you're fine. Thank you for your service. What branch of the military? Army. National Guard. Who? Oh, say it again. Who? Who? Right?

[00:36:42] Who, yeah. All right. What did you do in the... What did you do? Did you see any action? Fortunately, not a lot. We were over there for like two years, but never saw much. Over where? Iraq. Iraq. Oh, wow. Man, I've never been, but I heard it's pretty hot over there. It can be. Yeah. Okay, Phillip, 42 years old, going to school. Are you going... What school are you going to?

[00:37:12] PCC, Portland Community College. Okay. PCP. PCP sounds like a hell of a drug. Uh-oh. All right. Phillip, I appreciate you calling in. I appreciate your service to our country. Appreciate you going back to school, trying to make something out of yourself. I like it. All right. All right. Now, Phillip, have you ever seen the show Eastbound and Down on the Homebox Office Network?

[00:37:42] I've seen it, but not very many episodes. Okay. I wonder if you can tell me how much this check is for. One episode of Eastbound and Down. How much is this check, Phillip? I'm going to say $7.20. $7.20. $0.20. You're locked in. All right, Phillip. Don't hang up because we're going to take two more phone calls, but right now, you are winning. Okay. All right.

[00:38:12] Now, Sergeant Mark Ball, I need you to spin the ball of balls. Get me another number, and let's get another phone call up in here. Whenever you're ready. 41. Caller number 41, D. Allen Jackson. Whenever you're ready, let caller number 41 into the showroom. All right. They're in the room. Hi there. This is John Reap. If you can hear my voice, tell me your name. Hi, John. This is Matthew Duffer. Matthew Duffer? Yes, sir.

[00:38:41] I love that name. Where are you calling in from, buddy? Decatur, Illinois. Decatur I-L. Wait a second. Am I going to Decatur? I'm going to... I think you had a show here in January as well. That's what it was. I had just done a show there. Well, thanks for calling in, buddy. How did you know to call in? Follow you on YouTube. YouTube! This is paying off, guys. All right.

[00:39:07] Because I put the call to action on Facebook normally and Instagram and Twitter. But that's two calls from YouTube. From YouTube, so... Remember this. Okay. Matt from Decatur, Illinois. What do you do for a living, buddy? I'm a factory worker at a sugar mill, like a corn processing plant, and I'm in the Air Force Reserves. Sweet. Yes, sir. Another veteran. Corn, sugar. I said sweet.

[00:39:38] What do you do exactly in the factory? I just... We tear the corn apart and make sugar and fibers, all the good stuff, all the bad stuff. Like corn syrup to put in Coca-Cola bottles and stuff. That's exactly right. Wow. And anhyzer bush. Not too bad. I tripped it up. What... Finish this lyric.

[00:40:06] Rain makes corn. Corn makes... Corn makes the... Go ahead. Corn makes the whiskey. Whiskey makes my baby... Feel a little frisky. Okay. Oh, man. I tell you what, Matt. Matt, just because you got that right. If you get this check exactly right, I will triple the amount. How do you think of April? Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

[00:40:35] Matt from Decatur, Illinois. Works at a sugar place. Corn slash sugar syrupy place. How old are you, Matt? I'm 32. 32. 32 years young. How much is this Screen Actors Guild residual check? I'm going to say $75. $75. You're locked in. All right.

[00:41:05] Don't hang up. Don't hang up, Matt. We're going to take one more phone call. No one has got it exactly right yet. So, let's get one more call. Sergeant Mark having eight balls deep. Okay, so we're going lower this time. This time it is 16. Caller number 16, the Ellen Jackson. Whenever you're ready, let's let caller number 16 into the show and see if they can get it better. All right. If you can hear my voice, tell me your name.

[00:41:36] Hello there. John Reap. Caller number 16. If you can hear my voice, tell me your name. They dropped out. Oh, they're lost. Okay, Ellen. Pick another one. I guess just go with another ball. You want to spin it or just, yeah, spin it, ball. All right. Never mind. Caller, if you can hear my voice, tell me your name. Great. Tracy Underwood.

[00:42:06] Tracy Underwood. All right, buddy. Where you calling in from, Tracy? Sweetwater, Tennessee. Sweetwater, Tennessee. Interesting. We've got a guy who basically makes sweet water against a guy from Sweetwater. What are the odds? Tracy, what do you do for a living? I work at Sebring. Sebring? Nope.

[00:42:36] Sebring? Sebring. A boat builder. A boat dealer. Sebring. Sebring. Sebring. Like a stingray or a Sebring? No. I work at Sebring. Spell it. Spell it. Sebring. Sebring. Sebring. Okay. The letter C and then R-A-W. S-E-A-R-A-Y. Well, that's what I said. Okay. Sebring. I'm not a boat guy, Tracy.

[00:43:05] Not everybody knows about Sebring. I'm landlocked. I'm a lubberd. What do you call them? Landlubber. Landlubber. Yeah. All right, Tracy. What do you do there at Sebring? You make boats? I build the cabins inside of them. Wow. So tell me about Sebring. Do they make... What kind of boats do they specialize in?

[00:43:31] We make anywhere from fishing boats to big cabin cruisers. Really? Oh, wow. Could you get me a deal on a pontoon boat? Probably. Oh. He's like, well, if I win this check, we could talk. I hear you, Tracy. You're... Yeah.

[00:44:00] All right. So my brother and I, we want a pontoon boat, but we haven't pulled the trigger yet. What would you suggest for me and my brother? I like them, too. What kind of pontoon boat should we get? Preferably one that floats. All right, Tracy. You've been a lot of help, buddy. I appreciate you. He's a matter-of-fact kind of dude, right?

[00:44:30] All right, Tracy. How old are you, buddy? 61. 61 years young from... Yeah. No, he's from Tracy. No, he's Sweetwater. He's from Sweetwater. His name is Tracy. Yeah. And he works at C-Ray. All right. Tell me, Tracy, how much is this Screen Actors Guild residual check? 39.95.

[00:44:59] 39.95. You're locked in. All righty. We now have all the phone calls in. We have all the guesses. And it is time to give money away. All right. Now, what I want to do is tell you who came in last. I like to build suspense like Ryan Seacrest from that one show.

[00:45:28] Coming in third with a very optimistic guess. And I like this. I like this kind of thinker, you know? When it's about me. I like them thinking this is what comes in all the time. But you can tell they're new to watching this show. Because if you had watched this show three times before, two times before,

[00:45:57] you would know that number's pretty rare. Coming in third place with a guess of $75 is Matt from Decatur, Illinois. Matt, I'm so sorry you came in last. And I want you to call in another time. But your day is not today. Okay.

[00:46:25] Now, that means this check is either going to go to Philip from Vancouver, Washington, or Tracy from Sweetwater, Tennessee. Philip guessed $7.20. Tracy's guess was $39.95. Well, after doing some hard math,

[00:46:54] I've come up with who the winner is. And the person who was closest to this check is not Tracy from Sweetwater. Sorry, Tracy. Your guess was a little too high as well. You and Matt, I like how you think. But if you had been watching this show on a regular basis,

[00:47:22] you would know those numbers are pretty rare, sadly. Sometimes they're big ones, yes, but not today. The closest, the actual winner of this check, from Vancouver, Washington, Philip, everybody. All right. Congratulations, Philip. You were the closest one. Your guess of $7.20 was the closest.

[00:47:51] Now, this is where it gets interesting. You can keep the check. You won the check fair and square. I can sign this check. I can endorse it. And I can have Sergeant Mark have an eight balls deep, get it in the mail to you. A-S-A-P. Or you can forfeit this check. And you can go for an item in the mystery bag of merchandise. What will it be, Philip? Tough choice.

[00:48:21] Very tough. Tough. Here's the thing. I can't tell you what's in the mystery bag because then it wouldn't be a mystery. And I haven't even told you the exact amount of this check yet. That's the fun of the game because it would be probably an easier decision. I like tough decisions. You... Use that college brain. I have a brother. My brother's a good will hunter, so I get a lot of mystery gifts from him already. So I'll take the check. All right.

[00:48:50] He's going to take the check, everybody. Let's see what you would have won had you went for an item in the mystery bag of merchandise. Because what I do is I just make my arm a claw hand, see? And I shut my eyes and I go... And I just reach in there and I pull something out. Bam! You would have got a koozie, buddy. That's it. All you would have won is a koozie that says

[00:49:17] Employer Support of the Guard and Reserve. E-S-G-R. What is that, Ball? That's a military thing. It would have been accurate. Right? At least. Yep. What are the odds of that happening? I literally pulled something that's kind of accurate to this man's life. Yeah, it's one of those groups that support veterans, especially when they're in that transition going from active duty to civilian life. Well, that goes back in the mystery bag of merchandise. So someone else will win this in the future. Not today.

[00:49:47] Instead, today, Philip is going to win this check. Is everyone ready for the amount? Yes, sir. The actual amount of this check is right here. $2.80, Philip. Are you excited? Oh, yeah. All right, buddy. Now I have to ask you, what are you going to do with all that cash? Go to Disneyland, I guess.

[00:50:17] Googling? Go to Disneyland. Why can't I hear this shit? He's going to Disneyland. My phone, probably. All right, Philip. Well, thanks for calling in. I'm happy all of you called in. Thanks for playing. But that is the end of this game. I would like to call. How much is this credit? It's going to be a check. All right. Thank you all for playing. You're all good sports. Okay. What have I forgotten to do? We've got some time left here.

[00:50:46] I think I read all of the... Actually, I've got a couple more comments I can read. Hey, can you tell Philip real quick? Oh, thank you. What he needs to do. Philip, in order to get your check, if you can hear me, Philip, in order to win your check, to claim your check, I need you to go to carolinareaper.com. That's the website of this podcast show, carolinareaper.com.

[00:51:11] Click on contact and then send me your address along with the amount of the check. And I will have Mr. Ball get this out to you along with some other goodies. A little swag bag. You know what I mean, Philip? Sounds good. All right, buddy. Thanks for calling in, guys. Okay, let's move on. I did forget to read a couple of comments from earlier. Your mom, Jack. Your mom left a comment.

[00:51:41] Catherine Geithner. She said, Danny McBride and Walter Goggins hysterical. So she watches Righteous Gemstones. Last week, you're like, I don't know. I don't know. But your mom watches it. Yeah. So that means she's got good taste in comedy. Bob Haynes. I have like two social speeds. Quiet as a mouse.

[00:52:07] And as Stamos once put it, most commenting man in the world. What do you reckon that means? Did Stamos say that? Yeah. I think Mark said that Bob Haynes commented a lot. Gotcha. Bob Haynes is the most commenting man. Bob, we love it, buddy. Yeah. Thank you for all your comments. Thanks for watching. Thanks for liking. Thanks for sharing. Don't forget, that's how we grow.

[00:52:37] You know, you sharing the word, letting people know we out here trying to give money away, trying to spread the joy. We have one final segment. What I like to do here is there's always a dumb, random holiday, you know? We call them irrational national holidays. Like, did you know today was actually national equal payday?

[00:53:07] Why is that still a thing? I thought we should... Why wouldn't you pay everybody the same, Paul? Well, I'm still negotiating you for my pay raise. That's right. Equal pay. Well, you got to do the same job as me. We do two different jobs, see? They usually laugh at me for different reasons, though. This day brings awareness to pay discrepancies between women and men for the same work. I've been hearing this argument my whole life.

[00:53:36] I don't know what the difference is, but I think a lot of the argument is that they factor in women haven't given birth and taken off a lot of days for female reasons. I've heard this argument before. I can't... I don't employ women, so I don't know. In fact, I work for my woman. Anyway, happy national equal payday.

[00:54:04] Now, I think the candy bar payday should weigh in here. I think this would be a great time for the candy bar payday. I got it. The candy bar payday needs to have a sugar-free version made with equal, the sweetener. And they call themselves Equal Payday. They're leaving money on the table, guys. Definitely. Do you even know what a payday is?

[00:54:34] Yeah, of course I know what a payday is. The candy bar? Yeah. Okay. I didn't know if that was the thing that made it... It's an old one. I didn't know if kids still eat paydays. Do you like paydays? The chocolate ones are really good. Yeah. So there you go, payday. I just gave you a brilliant idea. It's also National Medal of Honor Day. That's right. March 25th recognizes all Medal of Honor recipients.

[00:54:59] The Medal of Honor is the highest military award for valor in America. It was created in 1861 on March 25th. In 1863, Secretary of War Edwin Stanton presented the very first Medal of Honor to an army, six members of the army, the Andrews Raiders, for their volunteering and participation during an American Civil War raid in April of 1862. And did you bring one?

[00:55:29] I brought something close to it. So what it is, you can't just go out there and get a Congressional Medal of Honor. Now, if it gets passed down through the family and stuff like that, you just can't go on an open market and get a Medal of Honor. But the statement is this... So someone has to either give it to you as a gift. You can't just go buy one. Correct. Right. So the background on this is during World War II, there was four chaplains that was on the way over into theater. U-boats sunk it.

[00:55:59] And so during that time frame, the four chaplains were seen helping out the additional sailors, passing out life jackets. And at the tail end, when they ran out of life jackets, they gave up their own. And, of course, they went down with the ship. Wow. So they did attempt to get them in the regular Congressional Medal of Honor. And the reason behind it is they weren't quite... Even though it was a combative action, it wasn't considered a combat theater.

[00:56:24] So what they did is they developed what they refer to as the chaplain's medal, which is considered... In some ways, they considered the chaplain's version of the Medal of Honor. Gotcha. Where did you get that? I actually deal with a lot of different state sales, my military background, different things. So I got stuff going all the way back to the 1800s. Oh, so you can't buy it. This one I was able to, but a regular Congressional Medal of Honor for the Army, Navy. You can't. No. So if someone has one and they're trying to sell it, that would be frowned upon.

[00:56:54] It would be frowned upon. Yeah. And if it falls up, I believe it's under the same statute as the Stolen Valor Act. Right. So... Yeah. But like I said, if, say, your dad got it and it was passed down, obviously it can go down within the family, so to speak. Yeah. But again, it's one of those things where, again, it's the highest honor. And so there's a lot of pedigree and prestigious aspect. Obviously, a lot of them get it posthumously, which means they died for their actions.

[00:57:23] But there are a handful that got it presented to them. If you think back to Forrest Gump, he was famously awarded one for Vietnam. That's right. So... And that's just putting a little bit of comedy to it. But the aspect of it is, is it's not... There's many awards written up and they end up getting the Silver Star because they just can't... They just don't get it approved for the Congressional. Hmm. Well, thank you all.

[00:57:52] If you have one, thank you for your service. Again, this is a very... This is an award-winning show. It's also National Lobster Newburgh Day. What is that? Do you like lobster, Jack? Yeah. I like about everything. Do you think you would like Lobster Newburgh? What is it? It's an American seafood dish. Lobster Newburgh includes lobster, butter, check.

[00:58:21] So far, I'm in. Cream, check. Oh, here we go. Cognac, check. Sherry, eggs, and cayenne pepper. Delmonico's of New York debuted Lobster Newburgh in 1876. A sea captain by the name of Ben Winberg developed an elegant and rich dish. Well, it sounds like something I wouldn't mind trying. Is that like a bread bowl or something? Yeah, it looks like it's a lobster...

[00:58:52] It's like a clam chowder type bowl, bread bowl, yeah. I mean, I would totally eat that. It looks like it's a lot of work for a little bit of food. Yeah, I would definitely try it. But I would definitely try it. All right. Well, I've had a great time in here today. I hope you guys did. Absolutely, all the time. Yes, sir. Yeah. This is where we start our show, Dismount. I'm urging you to get your tickets for any of my tour dates ASAP, because these things are selling pretty quick. It's the Popsicle Tour.

[00:59:22] I'm touring the special I just shot not long ago. My next tour date will be in Atlanta at the Punchline. I'll be there March 28th through 30th. Then in April, I'm a busy boy. I'm going to be in Spartanburg, South Carolina, Walhalla, South Carolina, Clayton, North Carolina, Cherokee, North Carolina, Cornelius, North Carolina, Huntsville, Texas, Killeen, Texas, and Ridgefield, Washington.

[00:59:52] All that in April. And there's a lot of more tour dates at carolinareaper.com. And for Jack Attack, for Ball, for the Allen Jackson, for Moose, my name is John Reap saying, Bicycle!